The Hoely Hour - E61 Goldilocks and the Three Dicks

Episode Date: November 5, 2021

Hold onto your hats, people! Liz and Amelia waste no time diving in deep, maybe a little TOO deep, into a traumatic butt plug story, reminding us all why safe words are important. Amelia asks a hard hitting question: what would this chapter of your sex life be called? The girls practice their free styling (give us a record deal pls), and share a rather relevant Sex Fact of the Week. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

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motherfucking professional fuck we're so fucking jesus christ nobody's ever been this fucking professional no not a single fucking person not a single fucking soul fuck all right let's do it Welcome to the Holy Hour. I'm Amelia Sampson. And I'm Liz Ball. And we're sitting differently today we're cheating out yeah us theater kids yeah look at us cheating out i'm spacing stage oh fuck which one is it uh right yep i'm facing stage right you're facing stage left my right or stage right wait which one is it is it the side when you're looking out to the audience when you're

on stage and you're looking left you're stage right i'm i'm on stage you're stage right i'm stage right yeah because you it's from the audience from the audience perspective yeah yeah needlessly confusing for what like for what yeah like what are they trying to prove theater yeah like leave it to theater people to try to be the smartest people in the room um my high school theater teacher one of them i had several he's like four um she had a purple pt cruiser with the license plate drama queen oh shut up yeah which is what you want from a theater teacher well damn that sounds like the ultimate does she used to put like crazy colors in her hair because somebody with a purple pt cruiser and that license plate would would like put like a

blue streak in their hair no but i feel like for her she would make questionable casting decisions oh she'd take a leap of faith on a few people oh yeah to like give people opportunity yeah at the end of the day it's a fucking high school play and it's not good okay i don't care what high school play you were in it wasn't good oh my god i took high school theater so fucking seriously oh me too oh well like if you think about it like if you didn't take it seriously like what would you be doing you'd be taking something else too seriously that's so true teenagers are dramatic that's so real i quit tennis for theater and look now i quit dance for theater damn well you still kind of get to dance in theater no true yeah see I don't get to play tennis in theater when I was

in musical theater in the musicals even if I wasn't supposed to be in that dance scene they would let me be in it oh hell yeah because I liked dancing and I was good at it they would they would take me out of numbers that I was in because I have two left feet turn your mic on but uh get off stage yeah right we're just gonna put you in the corner they can see you but they'll see you shoe man they would turn off his mic when he would sing and i told him that years later and he didn't know that no and then uh he got really mad because his parents paid for singing lessons for him well apparently not enough i mean i'm not surprised if you heard his voice you wouldn't be surprised just a speaking voice oh i mean i can tell by

looking at him that he has the most obnoxious voice it sounds like a trumpet shut up of course it does i'm just i'm being mean no well you should be that man yeah special kind of i don't i was gonna say trumped up trumpet yeah he's a special kind of trumpet yeah that's what i'm gonna call it that's what i'm gonna say about guys that i don't like he's a special kind of trumpet let me make a trumpet sound hold on hold on oh my god that man anyways uh special kind of trumpet we have all kinds of fun shit to talk about today we're recording is this like a movie magic like secret we should keep to ourselves i'm going to new york next week or actually this week so i'm going to be on the east coast all week so we're recording today and tomorrow yeah so that we're

it's gonna be a jam-packed couple of days we have some hot topics for you some hot tops some hot tops we ain't talking about did you ever speak of hot topic did you ever wear those um t-shirts from hot topic that had like the the bad bunny on them no i i know exactly what you're talking about i would wear a memory i did not i would wear like the knockoff version from like kmart okay or whatever fucking coals coals had them what was that bunny called and then like the miss chatterbox shirts that had like the little yeah what a weird time to be alive yeah i'm having some flashbacks now i know you unlocked some very deep memories i didn't know i had me too i just unlocked my own deep memories i didn't know that i had strange day i'm trying to yeah

i did have some shirts that said some fun phrases on them oh yeah some fun stupid did you ever go a delia's um i did they didn't have it in vegas okay but uh sometimes i would go to it in minnesota when i was visiting my family delia's was my place it was cute yeah lots of cute lots of fun graphic tees there i've made a full circle back to graphic tees now i have shirts that have barney on them that say commit tax fraud don't know why i bought that uh the bingo one if there's no bingo in heaven i'm not going and then you and hell motherfuckers and then i got this shirt the same day that i got the commit tax fraud shirt that in really tiny tiny font it says uh nosy little fucker aren't you because people are like gonna like squint to read it and then it says nosy

little fucker aren't you and i thought it was funny when i was drunk and i have not worn it because it's not funny what you need to do is get drunk and then wear it out it'll be funny again it'd be a good conversation starter my graphic tees are usually a good conversation starter i have the one that says don't be an asshole on it and i have talked to multiple people listen to be fair i don't think you are the kind of person who needs a shirt to be a conversation starter that's i think you'll just start a conversation if you want to thank you so much you're right yeah you know what you're great at starting conversations without shirts just don't even wear one i'm just gonna just titties out that's the empowerment i needed yeah you're welcome

watch out new york this girl has tits and she's bringing them to new york oh man okay we have to get in on our topics because we have many uh and they're all exciting i am very i'm excited to tell this story oh i'm so excited for you we're just we're starting out hardcore this episode um i only told this story to amelia over text i've been thinking about it non-stop since it happened um it was a very hilarious and traumatizing sexcapade for me um i wish you could have saved my face when i was reading this story i was okay i think i texted you right after it happened you were like i can't tell i can't decide if i want to wait to tell you in person or if i can't wait to tell you i couldn't wait i couldn't wait um

all right so i'm going to i'm not even going to give away what happened i'm going to set the scene and just tell the story in order so mr liz and i uh plant we we like to plan when we have sex um and i know i've mentioned that before it's also been nicer now that i'm on lexapro because i just don't have as high of a sex drive right now and it's very like i don't know i have to it takes some time for me to get things going so we plan it in advance and as i've mentioned before as well we do have a dom sub dynamic occasionally and um i like having like kinky sex when i am on ssris because i don't want to have sex as often and it like is very like intense and fulfilling so it just kind of like it feels like it has a longer life cycle or a lifespan

you know yes um so yeah we were like planning our sex date and i was like what if you give me some subtasks in the like before you come over like throughout the work day so he gave me a few subtasks and they were like really fun and um i think other people would probably enjoy this too like uh especially based on reading the book come as you are i'm sure everyone's sick of hearing me talk about that book but um the mental stimulation is just as important most people are not like not spontaneously stimulated and ready for sex so this like the mental foreplay is really hot for me and i know that mr liz likes it too because he like it both it gets us both in like the head space that we are need to be in for our like dom and sub dynamic so like him bossing me around

like and giving me like a sexy task is really fun and you can use your imagination i don't want to reveal all our secrets yeah no keep some things to yourself um so like by the time he comes over I like I'm wearing like cute lingerie that I've only worn once before under like a robe and then um I had like a drink waiting for him when he came in the door I was just like ready to fucking go and like just I I don't know uh was the energy good from him when he came in yes both of us were like really excited we both were like excited and flirty and it was just like so much fun and I love it um I had also like cleaned everything and like my I set up all the candles and like lighting in my room for some mood lighting and then I turned on our sex playlist the

holy hours sex playlist having sex to that too yeah it's good honestly it's a it has like some variety too it's not just like the stereotypical like Miguel yeah exactly there's there's a mixture of things um so I had that like lightly playing in the background and we still like sat down and like talked about our day and like caught up and just kind of like we both were like very obviously like excited it was like cute that we were so excited um so then uh we were like making out make our way to the the bedroom and I had like I because I like wanted it this has been building up for like the whole week because I had sent him like I was watching some porn that I liked and I was like this was fucking hot and I think you'd like it so I sent it to him and so we like kind

of talked about that and it's like we both were kind of like amped up like taking some inspiration from porn amazing and um I had laid out like all my vibrators and uh I only have like three so i laid them out and um brought the got the lube out just in case you know it it's it i was assuming this was going to be more of a longer session um just because i alluded to wanting it to be like longer just in a more like playful sense yeah uh i really like foreplay so i had like the lube out uh and for my birthday he got me like the i put this on um an article and that i posted on patreon of uh like kinky gifts you could buy um and the first one is this green matching like set and this is important to tell later so that was one of my birthday presents

was like this collar and like a binding set so it has a collar wrist bindings ankle bindings and thigh bindings yeah it's and it is hot like the color is perfect it's I love having it on my thighs too I don't know just add something different uh-huh so um and then it has these little clips it comes with these clips like so you can kind of clip whatever you want you could clip your wrist together you could clip your wrist to your ankles or your thighs your ankles to your thighs so oh my god there's just like a huge variety of stuff you can do um so he like gets that out and we're like putting that on and then um he gets out a blindfold and i think i mentioned i got i have a noise canceling headphones so i was like thinking maybe we could do some kind of

like sensory play so I put um the he puts the blindfold on me um but before we do all that I like put my butt plug in um so after yeah then he puts a blindfold on me and then he puts the headphones on and then he turns them on and the music that was playing goes to my headphones and he was like do you do you want the music playing and I was like actually yes like I love listening to music while i'm like having sex because it just makes you feel like you're in a movie yeah and then also like when you're an anxious person like i'm not in my head because the music is like getting me in the like it's distracting me from like my own internal monologue so um he's like i i know i've explained subspace before and i need to explain it again subspace is

like euphoric like and you're not high on anything you're not intoxicated but like you have your head is empty it's meditative almost you're just in like a flow state where you just are there and like turned on and like connected to your partner without having to like really communicate and dom space is the same thing like um it's just like kind of entering a flow state so he's like going to town like just like spanking me and like I don't know what's gonna happen because I can't see or hear anything and it's I highly recommend trying something like that yeah and I'm like tied up too so I can't move and um we like start having sex and I at this point I'm like a rag doll like I and that's like essentially what subspace is is like you're almost like silly putty you

could just be like moved wherever so so I'm like this is the deepest into subspace I have ever been really I didn't know that yeah and I think it's because I couldn't see or hear anything I could I'd like I couldn't watch him and be like what's he gonna do yeah because that's what I would do too like if I and then I can't hear anything so like everything leading up to it too exactly yeah perfect storm since I can't see or hear anything I'm also not being inhibited about like how I sound so I definitely felt more empowered to be vocal because I just and then like when you're like that deep in subspace like nothing matters you're like whatever people hear me fucking fine um so we're like he like moves me to a point where I'm like kind of and this is

where it's important where we have like this kit so my like ass is in the air and i have my wrists clipped to my ankles if that makes sense so okay yeah yeah yeah i'm like do i need to do it no no yeah and then he um so he's like fucking me from behind and um like he's in dom space i'm in sub space and then like it he was like teasing me a little bit and then he just like shoves it in oh my god and um I liked it but then it like started to hurt a little bit and then things were like getting kind of painful and then I like felt him like put like he started doing something with my asshole and I was like what the fuck is going on so like I and I was in I like I'm in subspace and I'm in pain but so I'm not able to like communicate like this hurts yeah basically

yeah so um I feel like his fingers like in my asshole and I have a butt plug in and I was just like I I started to become in so much pain and then I'm like I'm like stop that hurts like I'm like ow ow ow that hurts and then he's like pulls my headphones off and he's like we need to stop and I was like what why and he's like um your butt plug went all the way in and I was like are you fucking kidding me I'm like you're serious and he's like yes so we're both like I was like I'm on another planet right now he's like I know and so he rips off my headphones he tells me this and I'm like are you serious and then I'm I'm like you need to take this he's like scrambling to try and take the blindfold off and like unclip me and I'm like I'm like take these clips off like

I can't do anything and then we're both trying to process like I'm gonna be that person in the fucking ER explaining that there's something in my asshole at least it's made to be in there but still and this is why it's important to have like a flange at the end of like whatever you're putting in your ass but yours did yeah it does so um he was like i tried to stop it i tried to get it out and that's what i was feeling with his fingers in my fucking asshole i like that he was just like oh no like so he unclips me and then like i have no time to go to the bathroom or something so I like kind of like squat a little bit and then I was like okay I have to relax and then I just like kind of pushed like I was gonna like push out of poop

and I was able to get it out it only took like a couple seconds because I felt it was like right there and then I like pull it out and then I was like I'm just gonna take this out all together so i take it out and we're sitting there for a couple minutes just like laughing our fucking asses off and i was like oh my god i was trying to process what i was gonna say to like a nurse or a doctor when we go to the er and i'm like someone with their with something in their fucking asshole that's stuck and then um and then he was like that's why i was trying to get it out and he was like it was like the titanic like half of it went in and that's when he was like oh no oh no and he's like trying to get that hat like the other half out and then i like pulled away

because it hurt so much and then it like went all the way in so oh my god so that was my traumatic like a butt plug story did y'all finish we did shortly after i i was like should we like keep going like because i was still in subspace and uh he was like if you are like he was very gentle with me after that he was like if you're ready to go like if you want to continue like uh just like um i was like explaining how i wanted to be fucked and then um he was like okay just lay down however you want to be fucked yes i was like okay and then um he put the headphones back on me and the blindfold back on and like we finished pretty shortly after that and then we just like continued to laugh about this insane thing that must have been so scary in the moment it was i was

i was like trying i don't know all i could think about was like what the fuck am i gonna say yeah they've probably seen it so many times yeah well and then um it and then i realized like we don't have safe words i was just about to say so then i realized like oh we need to have some safe words in place because i can't like communicate when i'm in subspace yeah that's why which is yeah it's insane that like when you're just in this flow state like and if someone if something interrupts it you can't like fully process it um so like and i'm bad at verbalizing like i'm in pain yeah so um this is to reiterate like we haven't needed um safe words so i was like I think we need some now in case like something like this happens again um and then I decided

yellow means like um we need to like readjust because I'm like feeling discomfort yeah and then red is hard stop nice yeah those are good safe words yeah just keep it with the colors and also I've heard like one syllable safe words for like stop is the way to go yeah yeah yeah damn I'm surprised I mean I know that you guys haven't needed one but I've just always like thought that you did like i just always thought that was something that's always discussed at the top normally it is but i think since like you know we're not we're not just in like a dom sub dynamic we're like in a full committed relationship and like we're monogamous and you can like we also aren't all fine yeah exactly we're not always like participating in bdsm either

so safe words just make so much there's so many reasons that people need them like i was thinking about safe words the other day and i made some joke about a safe not like joke but like i oh i was um like fake sexting with moscow about like getting to know each other and we were like oh my god i'm gonna fucking like learn about your trauma so hard um and i said it's really funny my safe words dr phil but i was that i was actually thinking about safe words and like because like a big part of some bdsm dynamics are like saying like stop ow and it doesn't mean stop out like you're being playful you're like yeah oh stop right that hurt or like the torture kink you know like yeah it's supposed to be painful right and then like the being in subspace not

being able to communicate um the awkwardness of being like ah stop is like difficult for some people i'm sure what are other reasons that people have safe words that covers a lot of it yeah it's just it's a good thing to have yeah and it just like you have like these ground rules before you're getting into anything but you know we've been dating for a little while now so like we just haven't needed them because we do have really good communication and um after after a legit emergency I was like we should probably have them just in case Liz texted me like what was it like one in the morning and she was like everything's fine now but I almost just had to go to the ER I was like I could not stop like thinking about it and like laughing so fucking hard I needed to

tell someone I without context and I knew that you guys had a sex night planned and I my brain just started i was like what the fuck could have happened yeah were you expecting that no also i have a butt plug question how's it gotten because when we first talked about you attempting um i looked at the camera like that not because of what i said i thought i heard it turn off um when we first talked about butt plugs you were just like dipping your plug in so to speak just barely dipping my plug but is it like enjoyable now um it's always been enjoyable it like you just it's getting past that like okay here's my tips for putting in a butt plug you need lube for sure start with a very small one mine is pretty small um i bought two because

the first one i bought was very intimidating um it looked cute someone was like this is my first bug plug and i love it so i like was like oh a beginner no it's fucking big i still have not used it um for at this point it's just gonna become like a crystal roller that i put on my face or something like a white elephant yeah it's too big um very cute too large so i bought a smaller one and it's significantly smaller uh but you know it slipped into my asshole so my gaping asshole no so you you need lube and i always take a few moments to myself but like you need to like have some foreplay like you need to be like whether you know you're using it when you're by yourself or like with your partner because i've definitely like used it by myself

i like i would recommend like putting it in and masturbating with it first so you can like feel comfortable with it um instead of like you know you put this thing in and like immediately you have to go fuck someone that's intimidating yeah so um i take some time to myself if like um mr liz and i are about to like have sex and use it um i'll like excuse myself and like go to the bathroom and then i put a towel down and i but it's just because i want to lay down yeah so I'll lay down on my back and like do some deep breathing and at that point I'm also already like turned on so it's a little easier um but like if you're tense because I'm excited so if you're tense it's hard it's so much more painful to put it in so I have to like mentally like relax my

entire body and then I like lube it up and like kind of like warm it up a little bit and then I like am able to slip it in okay uh and then it helps if you like push a little bit out i learned that in porn yeah i learned that because a friend told me they're like push like you're gonna they were talking about anal and then she was like push like you're trying to like poop and it'll slip in easier i guess that makes sense yeah and i was like i don't really want to have anal sex i like haven't had anything in my asshole yet yeah so i remembered that yeah and like that helps and it like slips in and then um you're still like kind of nervous so it like hurts for like a couple seconds and then i like take a few more deep breaths and then almost immediately it feels

really good okay okay uh as long as you know like um this this isn't supposed to be painful like i just need to relax then it's fine yeah and then uh i'm like ready to go and then i did asked mr liz if he feels it and he's like i don't feel it as much when we're having sex but i can really feel it when i'm fingering you so interesting okay you'll feel it too because it gets tighter so that's also why it slipped in because like when you're with like the friction there's only two things that can happen because it's like you know this little hole there's something on the other side and it's going like in and out so it's like moving you know yeah it's like tightening and loosening in this space because it's like sharing this area you know with a penis so

there's one and two things that can happen it can pop out or it can slip in and I've had it pop out before right I was on my back and so oh yeah gravity was kind of working against you yeah And it was like, and I was like, well, I guess it's not in anymore. Yep. And I wasn't, I didn't know it could go in. So that's what happened. Well, you know, you got, you, you learn through living. Yep.

And I'm thankful that ended up being a very funny story. And instead of, I mean, no matter what, it would have been funny, but I'm glad that we could laugh about it immediately instead of like me having to like fucking go to the ER and like pay a bunch of money and like. and then laugh about it in like a year once you pay off all the bills yeah and like what if I had to have surgery to have it removed so that's why you should not put anything in your asshole that doesn't have a flange and if something slips in try and take care of it immediately because I was relieved that I was able to get it out very quickly um it was I did my butthole was a little

bloody i believe it there's a very sensitive membrane yeah and after all this like moving around and like trauma like of course it's gonna be a little bloody uh-huh but you know damn what a fucking tail yeah yeah it was that was kind of a double entendre a fucking tail a fucking a fucking tail yeah and a fucking tail wow sorry you never know what's gonna happen i peeked in this moment wow okay that's see i only got like the the um actual event of it happening in the story so getting the full picture painted really changes the dynamic of the evening holy shit but we were able to jump back in and uh you know if you participate in bdsm or you would like to have a safe word even if you're in a relationship with them it's a good idea because

we do have such great communication that we haven't had to need one but it's good to know that you have one now yeah exactly better need it no better have it and not need it than need it not have it and he's just he like how like sweet and gentle he was with me too was like oh and i'm sure like when i am in subspace i'm probably like i don't know like talking to a child they're like what's going on yeah yeah yeah it sounds like you're like hypnotized in those moment yes that's exactly how it feels yeah yeah huh huh after we talked today about how i need to i got a message from a guy maybe he's gonna listen i'm not gonna give too many details so he doesn't know that it's him but i got a message from a guy and i sent it to liz and she was like

he's he's a bottom for sure he just was giving me bottom vibes and they're like like we've said there's nothing wrong with but i'm a bottom i'm i'm searching for but a bottom and a bottom it's not gonna work no it's it's pretty it's pretty vanilla which vanilla sex is fine but not when you're like looking for like other when you want something else i'm exploring right now and someone's rubbing their fucking they've been doing that for like 15 minutes now they're leaving finally decided to drive away their car just made that sound when they turned it on they need to go get it checked um but so after we had that conversation um i got on tinder and every guy that i was matching with has dom in their bio but it's tinder so i'm like a little scared but

they're all so hot so maybe we're inching closer i was on i follow we're not really strangers on instagram oh me and moscow played that the other night for the first time anyway if you haven't if you are trying to like get to know someone better we're not really strangers liz is the one that put me onto this it's like the it's the best and it's good for different groups of people too he said that he had played with some of his friends i like we're not really strangers because um it is like they have some really fun questions it's fun to answer them and to ask that like i there wasn't a single one i came across that i didn't like and i can't remember if i've mentioned this on the podcast or to you but like the night that mr list said i love you to me we were playing

that game um so we're gonna play it again I really liked it but the reason that I brought this up was because I'm following we're not really strangers on Instagram and they post like questions and answers on their Instagram story and one of the questions that they asked was what would this chapter of your sex life be called and I thought that was a really interesting question and I almost put it on our story but then I was like no I kind of want to talk about it and then I want to hear like what other people would we have we'll put it on our story the same day that we post the episode great idea so on friday but um do you have an answer no i mean i've been like this has been on my list to talk about for a while and i still don't know what an answer would

be what would yours be oh man what would my this chapter of my sex life be called um i know i gotta because i feel like i'm just starting to get my stride in my sex life you know yeah and we we also know we've learned so much about sex just because of this podcast seriously so like now we know so much and we're also still so young we're kind of in a great position what what is um what are the jelly beans in harry potter called fuck i i know someone is listening to this podcast right now screaming at us oh birdie bots be birdie bots my my this chapter of my sex life would be called birdie bots beans because you never know what you're gonna get i'm gonna get there's a bunch of different ones that's a really one of them might be vomit flavored

it's fucking perfect i always think of the earwax flavored one and i don't know because i'm like i wonder what it tastes like but i also don't want to know yeah do you know what earwax tastes like i do what does it taste like is it salty like a booger no it's like um boogers are salty right yeah it doesn't taste like but it doesn't have that i haven't put a booger in my mouth since i was i don't know seven good way to describe what earwax tastes like I also don't know why I know because that's I've always been such a germaphobe maybe I just know what it smells like and you can kind of taste things when you smell it you know the third floor of our office smelled like earwax every time I was on there I would be like it

smells like earwax and somebody would be like how do you know what every time somebody would be like how do you know what that smells like you know what I was thinking about this earlier and as humans we're gonna put something in a hole like on our body you know you're gonna put your finger in your nose in your ear yep in your butthole like i don't care how you identify you have fingers and you have holes and you're gonna put them in your own hole in your belly button oh my god that feels so strange putting your finger in your belly button i like putting my finger in my belly button one of my friends hates it it's just such a strange it's just like she gets nauseous when i touch mine belly buttons are a strange thing that we have it's like the one

thing that hasn't healed throughout our entire lives you would think that they would heal it has healed right but like closed you know like like a scar yeah like more so there's not like a hole you know well now you can pierce it so you can adorn your belly button like i feel like so let's like define a vibe like what what vibe is your sex life right now you're like comfortable in your relationship but not you're not like stagnant so like you're like exploring so you're like confident and you're exploring the confident explorer i've been through i've been through so much yeah in the last like so much sexual change and growth yeah in the last few years specifically the last year yeah because of this podcast um my job made me do it

um my i'm gonna think of a song name my sex life feels a little like streets okay by doja cat oh fuck yeah that's such a sexy song uh-huh but also it's like it's sexy but it's also like you the type i want to marry put the ring on when you're ready i fucking love doja me too i love her i a lot of her comments on tiktok are people being like i forget they are famous and it's so true because she's just so fucking real and she's so funny she's so funny she has such a good sense of humor i think that but that's not funny and i feel like it should be funny i think just streets by doja cat is a good name for a chapter of a book this chat streets by doja cat yeah and mine's birdie bots beans you're just significantly sexier

yours is like goldilocks goldilocks and the three dicks i think we found our title that'll be the name of our this one's too big this one's too small we're waiting for the end of the chapter where she finds the the one that's just right oh my god that's so funny uh all right cool we landed on it anyway let us know what the chapter of your sex life would be called this chapter of your sex life would be called this chapter we'll put it on our instagram which is a great time to plug our socials at the holy hour on tiktok instagram and twitter holy hour podcast at gmail.com to send us all of your love notes subscribe to our patreon subscribe to our patreon um we both have our

our tits out right now um i have i have one boob out but if you subscribe i'll get the other one out um and then join our discord oh yeah our discord i need to join poppin liz it is lit right now it's like people are having such good conversations there's a really good conversation on there right now going on about see will i get to see past like okay yeah there's a good conversation going on about um the depression conversation we had last week um somebody's asking for the tea on music man now that his he's re-entered the the scene oh and i'm talking shit about him he's fine squints said that one of his friends sent him that video from my and was like this you yeah he was like are you fucking up and squints was like oh no i know who music

fan is it's not me i'm sure he was like i heard from him today music man oh did he listen do we think no he sent me um it's not even it's this so kenny beats who is i kenny beats is probably my number one celebrity crush right now i'm obsessed with him he's a producer he works with a lot of hip-hop artists he has a youtube show called the cave and music man put me on to it where um rappers will come in and they'll say like what vibe they want and then kenny will make a beat and he'll take 10 minutes to make the beat and then the rapper will freestyle over it oh it's really really great and there's a new season so he sent me it and when i saw his name pop up i was like oh no because i put that on our instagram because he's not on instagram anymore music

man isn't so i was i felt safe yeah he like took a month break and then just like never wanted to go back so bold i know so anyway um heard from him we're gonna get married um speaking of freestyling would you like to freestyle no it's easy okay uh let me show you this tiktok and then i want us to try it okay oh my god i'm so scared okay let's try this yeah okay okay i got one okay coochie sunday coochie scary coochie potter coochie harry you can do it you can do it um okay all right you have two already yeah okay you go again and then maybe i'll get inspiration okay

coochie plant coochie lady coochie palm tree coochie shady you're really good at this do you have another one yeah keep going coochie spooky coochie scary coochie hallie coochie berry this is my new favorite thing oh my god okay i just need like five minutes this is serious i really can't follow yours i think you can you're you're king but that's true i used up all of my all of my rhymes on king but okay fuck okay go coochie mushroom coochie fungus coochie big coochie chungus oh my god oh my god oh god okay coochie grandpa coochie gatsby coochie freak coochie nasty

wow the boy's got a mesh hell yeah okay i'm really close to one just do it girl i'm dying just do it just do it i have such a hard time with the so the one that i wrote it's not funny but i'm working on a second one so i'm gonna follow up it's funny because just because you're saying coochie coochie potato coochie latke coochie hakuna that's really good thank you thank you oh i like that one i like that one a lot will you do um Hanukkah themed ones yeah oh yeah because we're coming up to that time okay um what if next episode you give me all of yours okay I'm gonna write so many of them oh tomorrow yeah so come back tomorrow stay tuned we spent we just burnt a good 10 minutes

of me trying to I have I have the last line of one of them hold on I'm gonna finish this one okay okay because now i'm coochie irresponsible coochie spending coochie happy coochie ending i like that one a lot all right i feel good now we can move on we can move on now that i feel you know what that was that i needed that like right brain um igniting creativity yeah yeah i feel good good i just did yoga oh my god brain yoga this is brain yoga thinking of coochie rhymes that was how did they come up with that um i don't know i need to give them a shout out because we so fucking yeah i'm sure everyone on tiktok is uh this is at bitter critter on tiktok so fucking and honestly i live for that content it's like i was laughing so hard watching those like i couldn't

not i just want to know the story of how they got there like how that happened how that came about um it does it feels like um it feels like a rhyming pattern for like nikki minaj you know oh you're so right it does yeah it does i'd have to do some digging though i haven't spent enough time looking at coochie is just such a funny fucking word it really is the comedian thought that um gorilla grip coochie was the funniest phrase ever and he would say it all of the time and it ruined gorilla grip coochie for me but now gorilla grip gooch gorilla grip gooch but coochie is just a very funny funny word it is it feels good to say coochie coochie i haven't said it in so long i can't remember the last time i said coochie and i

meant vagina i was thinking about this bring it let's bring it back we're bringing back cooch yeah bring back the cooch coochie for the girls bring back the coochie for the girls i was thinking about this the phrase how like there's not very many sexy ways to say vagina in bed besides pussy you know like there's cock i'm gonna say clap that coochie now oh yeah daddy my coochie feel good got that coochie daddy wait can i add on to my butt plug story this is after the fact you know we've we both have climaxed we're done snuggling we're getting ready for bed i get up put my robe on and i like

hobble to the bathroom and I'm like oh it feels weird like and then I look at my vagina and it's so swollen oh yeah from all of the spanking oh yeah and I was like oh my god my vagina looks like a balloon animal and then he was like yeah it's swollen and I was like I was like why does it look like this and he's like well i was spanking it a lot and i was like that's right that's right i was like it looks like a little roast beef darby's roast beef he thought that was really funny he's like are you okay though and i was like i'm fine if the swelling went down like in a couple hours i've never had anybody spank my vagina it's underrated he did spank it very hard at one point and i started laughing

well because there gets a point in subspace where you it doesn't hurt when you're being spanked anymore because like at some point it like it always hurts and then at some point your brain's just like it just feels like impact it doesn't hurt at all but that slap on the vagina really hurt and i just was laughing because i thought it was so funny that it hurt but also i just remembered this so i'm pretty sure we forgot mr liz's crop at an airbnb oh no oh i thought they loved finding that because he was like well it was at the victorian home the creepy victorian home so if you stay in the master bedroom one of the ghosts took it maybe they were like this is mine we almost lost a couple things there but i was like looking around for it and i couldn't find

it because i originally brought it but then he's like you have my crop right and i was like no and then i was like i thought you had it and he was like no i don't think i have it and then i was like i was looking for it but i didn't see it when we were packing up to leave so either it's still in there or when they were cleaning up they found our crop and pocketed it the guy who lives there with his wife i would not be surprised if they were like nice freak freaks oh yeah good for them i hope they did find it i hope i hope we actually have it somewhere because it's my favorite oh then i hope they don't have it i hope we have it i hope you have it but if we don't then i hope i'm okay with they have yeah with them having it that's a good way to look or like some weird old victorian

ghost they're freaks they have to be they must be they didn't have really anything else to amuse themselves at the time um a listener a listener they they only had riding craps and they're like what if instead of riding a horse rode my husband ezekiel what's a creepy men's victorian name i feel like all of the victorian names that men have like had still exist today like they're still used daniel yeah and like john yeah john yeah the creepy ghost john getting haunted by a ghost named john frank philip i'm a ghost philip can i call you can i call you phil

i found your writing crop oh my god i was talking about this with um moscow has a name that's been shortened from a longer name and i was talking about how obnoxious i think it is when people have very long names that they don't shorten like maximilian but they go by maximilian i've had people introduce themselves to me as maximilian and i forgot that tiktok is tiktok kid maximilian somebody with a good sense of humor um but i was i made a tiktok about this about how this is like my like baseless pet peeve is what people use full versions of their names and i feel like that would have gone over better on twitter i got buried like would you be mad if i went by elizabeth no because i have friends named elizabeth like elizabeth is

a name that works well by itself you know what i mean like maximilian is a lot for people to say you know and like can i call you max yeah i've met max millions that go by max millions i'm like can i call you m dog just bark at him when you want his attention because you just don't want to say maximilian listen i have dignity so i won't be saying your name imagine naming moaning the name Maximilian in bed Maximilian I would like if I was not into BDSM I would specifically pick it up so I didn't have to say his name like so can I call you daddy instead anything master oh my god I really hope if we have any listeners named Maximilian you have a good sense of humor call yourself whatever you want honestly yeah I'm just I have these pet peeves that are

that are based in nothing like Zachary is another one I can't stand when people go by Zachary I've never met a zachary who goes by zachary i've met one and he was such a zachary ew yeah i what about how do you feel about thackery thackery banks did you know that's his name who uh in the hocus pocus banks thackery banks that's his name the th is that a real name thackery yeah it sounds like zachary with a lisp yeah i don't know oh my god liz when i texted you the other day about derrick peff the last name peff peff sounds like piss with a lisp stop laughing amelia

the last name is pef i have to take a pef his name's derrick pith oh my god i just think it's so funny oh man oh okay also why are i how do you feel about lisps i had one growing up oh why i don't know i think they're cute stop making fun of my routine that's how i used to i used to have a retainer and my brother would always talk to me like that stop making fun of my retainer i didn't think it was funny at all i had a cousin who would do that don't talk to me like that listen amelia listen to my podcast welcome to the holy hour this is your host amelia sampson yeah i have a really bad last name to have a lisp i am i think i'm adopting a new personality right now what's its name um her

name is beatrice she would be named beatrice but she's goth and she has like blue braces like dark blue braces yes yeah my braces i would get neon green and like me too orange why why would we do that so then we could look back at them and be like wow that looks disgusting i used to get green rubber bands and my dentist would say you're gonna look like you have my orthodontist he would say you would you're gonna look like you have broccoli stuck in your teeth like i don't know i like green and i did would you ever do the interchanged colors oh yeah like one after yeah on halloween i had black and orange nice jesus christ i don't remember this for so fucking long four and a half years i i'm i need to go back and relive my trauma of having braces yeah me too my space

deleted all my photos though so they do be doing that they do be doing that um speak so i was gonna it's now it's way far gone but um you had our sex fact of the week this week i do and sex fact of the week and liz is reading it this week i pulled it up oh sorry you're right you're right i'm not on it today i cannot i'll try to harmonize with you sex fact of the oh that was beautiful i should have i should have held it you did everybody a favor i'm sorry no go right ahead no you did everyone a favor okay well um i looked up a sex fact since we talked about uh some butt stuff i felt like it would be beneficial to add some butt information okay i i got this on cosmo um and it does or like cosmopolitan whatever same thing

yeah um and it's an article that breaks down like myths of like anal things and this one i thought was really interesting the myth there is poop in your rectum and anus which is where your partner's penis would enter the truth dr goldstein explains that stool actually hangs out higher in your body above the anus and rectum in a section known as the sigmoid colon in reality if you eat healthy and get enough fiber for regular bulky stools this should be enough to keep the anal canal clean for play people tend not to believe it when we share this information so take a toy and test the landing strip prove it to yourself he says nice and um i when i take my my plug out it doesn't have any poop on it so okay that's good to know you see i except this last time it had

some blood on it that makes sense that i would be concerned if it didn't i would wonder if you have blood pumping through your body but i am worried about my um future anal sexcapades because i have ibs and i never really know what's happening down there you know who's to say we you take a risk and you know what i mean if you're worried i would say then wait until you're with like a partner that you're super comfortable with this is what i've been because yeah and also uh when you have kids you're gonna shit in front of anyone in every way you're gonna shit in front of everyone anyways yeah right in the in the delivery room yeah yeah you're just see i was thinking about that i was like there hasn't been anybody except for my ex

that i would feel comfortable like shitting in front of you know but squints is getting there he's he's he's up to speed on my ibs now so i'm also at a point in my life where i'm like you know what this is just gonna happen yeah that's good i mean when you're with someone for long enough like you and mr liz have been together for long enough that like it makes sense that you're like comfortable with the reality of that maybe happening well and even when i was trying to process what the fuck i was gonna say at the er about my butt plug being stuck in my ass i was like you know oh well like fuck it so to speak that's how i feel about like getting waxed i'm like whatever yeah you know right strangers are gonna see my vagina and i pay

them to do it now like yeah like if i'm getting waxed if i'm going to the gynecologist if i'm going to the dermatologist people have to see your privates yes they do in a professional setting well i'm like it's their job to look at your vagina i was thinking about this last night how all of my neighbors have seen me naked for sure because i didn't realize how well lit my apartment is and i am the naked neighbor yeah i did not realize so i have like the patterns like lemon curtains in my room i knew that you could see through them when it's dark uh-huh however um i was having i had my shades down and like the shades were turned to the other way so they were like downward oh so i was like i walked past with mr liz and when i had my lights on we were like

coming back from the store and i was like okay so everyone has seen me naked that was me yeah okay yeah my my big my big windows in my living room face the street and uh that they're always the blinds are always open you know a girl across the street always has like the loudest like most interesting sounding sex so i think of interesting neighbors you know she's taking the reins and i don't mind i i honestly don't really care that i'm the naked neighbor no you know what fuck it you're welcome but if you are selling pictures of me i would like a cut right and i think that's fair i think that's fair too and i think if you find people selling pictures of you that's stalking and you would get like a pretty that would that would be a big cut from lawyers

so i'm pretty sure every time i walk out of my apartment one of my neighbors kind of gives me a face like you know like i've seen you naked so um i don't know maybe we'll start fucking you should be like hell yeah brother you're welcome high five happy happy thanksgiving anyway well this is going off the rails i should go home and go to sleep wow all right well thanks for listening wait coochie turkey coochie stuffing uh coochie smoking coochie puffing nice nice you got there you didn't need me anyways that was that i tomorrow i expect you to come locked and loaded god i'm so fucking excited to write some more of

these when i'm like in peak adderall i'm like i know you're gonna come up with one million oh my god king bud is coming out to play see i'm at the tail end of my adderall now so i'm useless all right thank you for listening we love you we love you so goddamn much if you subscribe to us on patreon you know the intense eye contact we're making with you right now because we fucking love you um oh we'll talk tomorrow but for you it'll be next week for us yeah tomorrow yeah so we love you goodbye we're not on it today that was beautiful okay thank you you're welcome Thank you.