The Hoely Hour - E64 Ghost Condoms

Episode Date: November 26, 2021

Do ghosts have STD's? Let us know. The girls take us back down memory lane and remind us of a time in our early 20s where putting a Jolly Rancher in a bottle of bottom-shelf vodka was considered artisanal. Liz and Amelia read some very important listener emails that discuss things ranging from asexuality to a letter from a youth pastor. Plus another dramatic reading between a drunk guy and someone's dad! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

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like i'm in a very like fart positive poop positive relationship because you should just be able to be honest of like yeah i need to like rush home yeah or like uh you need to wrap it up in the bathroom because i'm about to show myself yeah exactly or just well me and mr liz we call it taking a large you're gonna go take a large that's hilarious because we saw a tiktok of this kid you could just hear him and he's in the bathroom and he's like large large it was when the mom was sitting outside yeah she's like laughing so fucking funny so we just kept saying like i don't know now it's just like part of our daily language of just calling it a large like i need to have i need to take a large

welcome to the holy hour i'm amelia samson and i'm liz ball wow we have not gotten an intro down that perfectly that was smooth a year maybe yeah we have next month is our year and a half oh my god i know um what more importantly what are we gonna do for our 69th episode oh my god that's a great we have to do something i ordered neon six and a neon nine i saw that for my office i was a little confused because i didn't know what it was yeah i was like is this a neon sign the reason i wanted to do i went to a hardware store with my dad yesterday so he could help me hang my curtains and um i saw house numbers there at the at the hardware store and I was like oh I should get a six a six and a nine for my office and so I ordered some neon ones

online um and I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me I get these ideas in my head I also bought a um please don't do coke in the bathroom sign for my bathroom I like that you just really commit to the bit and honestly life is a bit life is a bit but I feel like 69 is like my angel number now I see it everywhere I see there are so many 69s in my life it's amazing somebody from the other side is communicating with me through um you you can have sex with a ghost that's what they're saying wow they're like it'd probably be better than a lot of sex i've had recently ghost sex yeah there's a woman who like said that she like has sex with ghosts and was engaged to one okay yeah do you believe that you could fuck a ghost no no i wonder if you could fuck a ghost

if that comes with any like uh std risks that's a great question do the ghosts have to be wearing condoms ghost condoms i feel like so many ghosts are from like victorian times and like they didn't have condoms back then perfect perfect excuse no condom condoms are old school condoms have been around for a long time did they use like sheepskin though you know what i mean it was like uh pig intestines speaking of worms um oh my god your pig intestines i remember like reading about it holy shit i just that's amazing to me because like like egyptian people were having a million babies at the time and like we probably they're like medicine has advanced so much like i were stds even like a known thing back then why were they using condoms i mean wasn't everyone dying

from syphilis yeah and they were going nuts that's true but did they know that it was syphilis from oh from my cities yeah probably i kind of want our sex fact of the week to be about we'll circle back on this i'm gonna do some research on well i remember a few episodes a few episodes ago probably like 20 now or something at least 20 episodes ago um god that's so long to think about we're so young um i like i was explaining how gynecology came to be and it just was an extension of men's health because um like uh male patients were getting um stds from sex workers and so they were like well we should treat the source so let's treat women i guess jesus christ yeah it's just so it's it just makes me sick um so i'm gonna do research on

the first sex fact i'm gonna i'm gonna look up the first known condom what it was made of okay so yeah that's your um listen to the end of the listen to the end of the episode listen to the whole episode because we got a lot of listener emails this week yeah we did actually and they're all really good so this is gonna be mostly we got some very solid spicy emails um what i was gonna say before we started recording it's not even worth bringing up now but um the I'm wearing uh Las Vegas Knights socks and I was thinking when I put them on how when you and I first became friends and we were all in Chelan and I just like really wanted to connect with you I was like she's so cool oh I packed the socks so I could be like Liz look take your shoe off in the

now look at my i was unpacking and i was like oh wait you're from las vegas right and you were like yeah and i was like i like that you were trying to like play it cool of like like what the look at us now i'm just like yeah i'm talking about shit well i like that you were trying to play it cool like we didn't have like a full-on conversation and like you had already met my parents i know we were already in a serious relationship by then as far as you were like way too cool to be my friend no way in my mind you were I was like no okay what I was wearing in Chelan was unacceptable what were you wearing the worst outfit ever I was wearing like jeans that don't fit me very well they just made my butt look even more flat than it actually is

and um a leopard print turtleneck crop top i've gotten rid of it since did coke in the bathroom with at senior frogs yeah it did coke in the bathroom at senior frogs i was like she's so cool it wasn't my proudest moment i made out with a guy who had a tattoo on his face and a girlfriend wasn't his girlfriend there no he didn't have a girlfriend oh who was the one oh you were you getting hit on by a guy with a girlfriend there was a guy with a girlfriend maybe anyway i didn't realize that you made out with a guy with a face tattoo uh-huh wow he forgot my name so i walked away after we had already made up but to be fair i kept forgetting his name but like he lived in chelan so everyone knew his name at the bar and they were all talking to him so i kept hearing

them say his name imagine living being from chelan and being still being in chelan like and if y'all haven't been to a seigneur frogs especially the one in chilan it's disgusting and it's really the only like fun bar in town too it was it it it was like it was in a portable yeah from what i remember yeah it's disgusting the floor was always wet it was the bathroom was like inches of water oh my god that place is so fucking disgusting yeah uh i think about that place all the time we went for my friend's bachelorette party like a few months after that trip and it was it was exactly the same i thought maybe the floor was black because it was snowy when we were there no yeah yeah it's not no it's just always swampy yeah it's always swampy that's so disgusting

fucking gross that place is just yeah that wasn't my proudest moment but i did have a lot of fun but i do i don't condone cocaine i don't like it i've only done even if i did like it twice i just i never have a good time i always throw up really oh because the next day you talked about this on a past episode the next day i was like shaking like yeah and i made um my ride pull over because i thought i was gonna throw up and you didn't no we had to switch seats though so i could sit in the front both times i've done cocaine i have been so fucking over the top anxious like it's not a good time no it's not great but all of my like all my friends that do coke love coke they're like if they're really tired they're like i just need some cocaine right now

like that sounds horrible no i drink a monster yeah exactly have a red bull or something or just or caffeine pill oh yeah uh pre-workout that shit is tell me that's not cocaine and gasoline pre-workout's wild prove it cocaine and gasoline it's like the two ingredients um one time anna was doing she was like chasing her shots with pre-workout yeah well that's so dangerous yep it's like make your heart rate high and then like reduce your heart rate be awake but blacked out that's awful lucid but completely like no memory they had to take like most of the caffeine out of um four locos because it was so bad to mix that much caffeine to this day my proudest moment is never having had a four loco i've just had

sips of other people's and that's plenty yeah they taste like if a jolly rancher threw up we used to drink these things in college called sidewalk slammers that were a 40 and you would drink half of the 40 and then you would fill up what you just drank with for loco and then drink that i think i've definitely heard of that it was uh not my proudest uh like few years we had our our fraternity boys were they had a phase where they would put jolly ranchers in hard alcohol like vodka and let it dissolve oh my god yes yeah oh my god we used to do that i'm having my mouth is watering from like yeah you know when you're gonna throw up i'm like remembering i'm like oh no oh my god it's the fucking oh it's the fucking worst it

was the worst like a vietnam war flashback we used to um soak gummy bears in vodka and then eat the gummy bears i never did that would infuse um watermelons in our dorm room because the ras couldn't tell that it was alcohol so we would put a whole bottle of vodka in a watermelon then get drunk off that so if they ever broke in so we're just having watermelon oh it's so fucking this watermelon is crazy they're like well what are you are you okay like no i just ate an airhead or a gusher and my head's about to turn to fruit oh my god i forgot about those commercials do you remember airheads when their head would turn into a balloon airheads are out of control those freaked me the fuck out commercials of the 90s i hated airheads i was like that's just so

um was it airheads the ones that were um sour or those warheads warheads wild candy there's no way that those no one either people loved them i don't know if they loved them because it was like cool to like them like i can handle it i was just like fighting for my life every time i ate one so fucking bad so at the end of last week's episode we um the sex fact was like three percent of people report not having any sexual fantasies and we had like a little minor tiny discussion not minor that sounds like it's like it was just of the discussions we had last week it was very small it was because we don't have a whole lot of them yeah um knowledge about ace people yeah ace is asexual so we got a message from somebody on instagram and they said hey asexual here heard

you wanted to hear from us the thing to remember is that sexuality is on a spectrum and definitely is fluid and changes often yes 100 that's super important which makes it confusing as hell especially for someone with limited dating experience like me my experience is not universal everyone is different i personally experience sexual desires but i don't really ever want to do that with someone sure i masturbate and vibrators are a gift from god but as soon as someone else enters the room i just get bored i don't get it but it's never been an activity activity I've particularly enjoyed maybe it's a trauma response I'm a victim of sexual assault or I haven't really found that person yet either way I know that this is the way that I am and I

want to be free to be myself like I said it's a spectrum so there are people who are sex positive meaning they can enjoy sex or they are sex repulsed and they don't have sexual desires at all for me it fluctuates the more I'm romantically involved with someone the more I want to make them happy and be as close to them as possible so I'm open to sex but I probably wouldn't initiate it which is what you were saying last week too. Half the world claims that we don't exist which makes me doubt the validity of my own identity. It's very frustrating and dating is an absolute nightmare because sex is typically central to dating and I get that. That's normal but maybe I want someone to cuddle and watch Netflix with and dissect the latest true crime doc or political

event. I recently found hashtag ace talk on TikTok and found out that there are others like me and that gives me hope. I was actually thinking about writing into the show and asking about the other part of my identity pansexual or panromantic i don't know if that describes me but how do i know if i don't get out there and date is it unfair to someone if i'm still figuring it out and i decide to try a relationship anyway i would feel incredibly guilty if i hurt someone along the way and just trying to figure myself out for reference i'm a 32 year old female yeah i know late to the game still deconstructing religious trauma i.e purity culture etc wow that was like very informative of and i also think like to answer their question as to if it's like unfair i don't think it's

unfair at all like yeah as long as you're communicative and like up front it's that person's decision after you give them the information what they want to do with it and how they're going to feel about it and um i also think that like it's up to each of us how we're going to respond to our feelings yes you know yeah everyone's gonna have feelings and like they might be just a response like from something deep inside of us you know from like our childhood trauma or something um but once you are aware of them you can be like okay let me think about this and how i'm feeling and then i'll then it's not your responsibility to manage someone else's feelings yep especially if it's like you're just being honest and sharing like i'm asexual um i

want to make my partner happy but the most important thing to me is i'm like also pan romantic and pansexual totally yeah i completely agree it's i went through this a lot with just like always worrying about making people mad or like upsetting someone and my therapist was like you like what you just said you can't be responsible for how other people are if you're or how other people react or feel about what you're doing if you're being completely honest you're not intentionally hurting anyone you're being as gentle as you can be with like all the information that you have and if you're just if you're communicating from start to finish like here's like here's how I identify I'm trying to figure this out right now and like if you want

to be along for that great and from there it's on them if they want to yeah go along with you on the ride like there you can only do so much to manage people's emotions and I think that it's more than fair to want to explore this and figure it out for yourself there's no way for you to know otherwise like you said in the and i think the most important thing is like um it is a spectrum and you don't fully like absorb that like i think that sexuality is on a spectrum identities on a spectrum and romantic feelings are also on a spectrum totally so once you're accepting of all of those things combined like it's a lot easier to like be empathetic or at least understanding towards some another person's circumstances because you don't know what it's like to feel

like that person yeah and you never will um but I like definitely having done like some research in the past I definitely feel like I am more on like the demisexual spectrum um because it that so demisexual means like i would have to be romantic with someone to like have like sexual desire and like for them specifically yeah so i just need to like a lot of the times if i'm in like if i feel safe is what it comes down to yeah um and like demi-romantic is having like a familiar relationship with someone and it builds over time before you're able to feel romantic feelings for them and um yeah i've had a partner who has identified as somewhere on the demi-romantic spectrum so it's so tough to know how to talk about these things and how to feel about them

with yourself because it is such a spectrum i was talking to somebody at a party this housewarming party this weekend um about uh polyamory specifically and i said i was like that we were having this conversation about um people that are asexual and like we people have been asking us over and over to talk about polyamory and it's one of those things that like you and i don't experience so we don't know how to talk about it we don't want to talk out of pocket and their response to me to that was like you're gonna piss someone off no matter how you talk about things because it's such a spectrum and there's not enough representation on really any front and um so having somebody write in about this with their experience is so huge and we

really really appreciate it because we just want to understand and everyone's experience with it is different everybody feels things differently everyone um like communicates how they're feeling differently and there's no way that we you and i could ever and we would never pretend to know yeah um the whole range of all of this except just like communicating to y'all like if you feel weird or like you like you're the only person feeling a type of way i think it's safe to say a good amount of people are also very confused about where they're at because there's not representation for so many of these i also think if you just if you've never heard about these things how are you gonna know to like look for them because it information is available but if

you've never heard of like demi-romantic or demisexual or asexual then how are you gonna know what to look for and when i was um seeing someone demi-romantic um they were still trying to figure it out too but um they had told me like i don't know if i'll ever like be able to like love you and you know that like sucks to hear too but I like took that information and I kind of just sat with it and I thought about it and I had talked to my therapist about it too and I was like I've decided that I don't think it makes a difference to me because they make me feel like safe and cared for and if they like don't ever like maybe love me that doesn't mean they don't care about me right and it doesn't change how i feel because they're still treating me the same

way so like i'm not gonna make this about myself because i'm happy yeah and when i told that partner that they were like really like surprised and thankful yeah that that's the conclusion i came to because my therapist also helped me like deconstruct it and I was like I just don't really think it makes a difference I can't control how they feel but also if they're like treating me well and I'm happy right you're getting that fulfillment yeah yeah like why am I gonna take it personally if they don't like identify as like being in love with me or something right you know yeah so yeah that's right and I was very happy good yeah I think that's the thing is like I it's so important for people when they're comfortable to and they feel like it's right

to to push up against these things that we're told our whole lives are supposed to be the way things are done like you know the most basic example is like dating someone moving in together getting married having kids like that process and it's like we have in our minds from like disney and everything else like you meet someone you fall in love it's this like big magical like fairy tale romance and like you tell each other you love each other every day and then like when somebody feels like they aren't able to do that there's some shame i'm certain that comes along with it like the person that you dated i'm sure was very scared to tell you that like oh yeah so it's i think people writing into us that feel comfortable to and allowing us to use like the

platform that we have to talk about it i think it's so important for other podcasts that talk about sex and dating to talk about these things that don't get enough representation really anywhere and maybe like we only consume so much media maybe it is represented elsewhere but yeah for a lot of the stuff that i consume i hadn't i didn't even know demi romance demi romantic demisexual existed until you told me about it i was like what i mean what and it's also surprising probably to hear like oh someone who is like possibly on the demi romantic spectrum or the demisexual spectrum is like co-hosting a podcast about sex but that doesn't mean i don't enjoy sex it just means that i need more to like be really comfortable having sex and like have like romantic

feelings for someone is what makes it makes me like mostly like feel sexual desire if that makes sense yeah it does yeah yeah and it's i don't know i think it's if i needed answers about this kind of thing like if i was hearing anybody talking about it i would feel so much comfort and like oh okay it's not just me the type of sexuality i think is the most interesting is auto-sexual what's that people who get off to themselves oh hell yeah yeah so like um i remember listening to a podcast and someone had written in and was like i like love watching myself masturbate is this is this weird or what and like the people who were hosting didn't know like what auto sexuality was and it's like you think that you're so hot while you're like getting off

like it gets you off and i love that energy honestly i want to try because like sometimes i've talked about this in the past sometimes i'll do like a thirst trap shoot and i like because you're like turn myself on yeah i'm like oh okay but like like masturbating and like oh damn yeah try it i'm gonna try get out a mirror everyone yeah everyone get out a mirror break out your hand mirror break out the hand mirror oh yeah all right i'll report back about that if you haven't looked at your vagina in a hand mirror you're lying that was like the first thing that i learned in sex ed was like examine yourself yes that was the first thing i learned when i was like maybe i should look down there nobody told you to do that um no i was like probably like seven or

eight and i was like looking at my vagina in a hand mirror and my mom walked in on me and i was so embarrassed but i was also a kid and she was like then she gave me another mirror and she was like that's normal wow hell yeah good for monoliths yeah she's pretty progressive love that all things considered yeah that's really great i mean it's so important it's like it's like here's a yeah it's a hand mirror there you go i'll be outside look at your genitals enjoy minus you need to know what they look like yeah that was like a really that was like a keystone of my sex ed program in when i was growing up was like looking and understanding like all the different parts of your vagina because you like other if you don't have a mirror there's really

no way to see yeah unless you're like super i don't remember having to like label any parts of my vagina i didn't really know what the parts were until i was an adult well i think that that was pretty and not very many people can say the same like where is that hidden gem yeah the jewel of the south yeah you're like this thing vibrates i feel like yeah that would feel nice down here uh-huh let's figure out exactly where i wasn't wrong no you know wasn't wrong no um that reminds me we like posted that um diagram of a vagina to have people like when we first started the podcast have people fill out the parts of the vagina like three people did it would be interesting to do it now that we have more people listening i feel like they would just

cheat and look it up probably but also our listeners are smart so i don't really feel like yeah true oh they're all more i'm from nevada we're like very low in education so wow everyone else is more educated than i am imagine being the governor and being like seeing the ratings and like your your state being the lowest or one of the lowest educated i always think about that like that blows if i was the governor of a state that like wasn't educating their people well i'd be like whoops guess what do you want me to do yeah i can only do so much i'm not god uh okay oopsie shall we move on yeah um to another listener email this is just a listener listener email we got so many good i mean we always get good emails but there are a few like

pressing ones yeah buckle up we were reading this before we started recording and yeah we were we were shook okay we're gonna do another performance for y'all too just to preface it um okay dear Amelia and Liz I wanted to write to you guys after listening to your recent episode talking about body slash facial hair and also share my most hilariously awful worst date story with you guys the date wasn't as bad as what happened after the date Amelia was talking about shaving her mustache so first just want to say you should absolutely not feel weird about shaving your mustache or whatever you want to shave it's actually a lot more common than people think for women to grow facial hair we just never talk about it because we're shamed for it feels super

weird to write this but i am a woman who can literally grow a beard i'm actually like kind of jealous you've talked about that in the past i want a beard i want to do fun things with it and like color it i want to look like jared leto that solid beard yeah but i don't want to act like him no because he seems obnoxious anyways word um i'm on medication for it and have tried everything from laser hair removal waxing shaving etc if you want something else to try besides just shaving not that there's anything wrong with shaving you could try a derma planer for facial hair if you haven't already it feels slightly less chaotic than using a razor thank you for that recommendation I actually saw something before you came over about, like, a razor that this person, like, someone with a vagina used, and it was for, it was a men's ball trimmer, and then she was like, this is the closest shave, like, it's, I don't get any ingrown hairs, like, and her thought process was like, well, if it's safe for someone's balls, it's going to be safe for men.

my vagina yeah brilliant yeah so buy things that are if you're like looking for like hair removers buy things that were made for men because the pink tax is designed to rob you oh wait i've used a derma play i was just google looking up pictures of derma planners i use a derma planner they're like um i bought these things called tinkle razors hold on this is the exact ones that i have oh okay okay i have used one of those it stopped me from getting ingrowns on my mustache so this is i've used um i've used those on my eyebrows oh yeah look at that um okay so all right so this is here's the story time story time i usually talk or i usually text slash talk to people for a bit before meeting up in person but i was feeling spontaneous one day and decided to meet up with

this tinder guy i felt pretty safe because i was meeting him at a bar right next to the restaurant i worked at at the time so if anything went wrong i had a bunch of people i knew right next door so i go to the bar to meet him where he's sitting and he's already drinking a long island iced tea red flag number one honestly yes those are disgusting it's just like a bunch of booze yeah if anybody's ordering a long island ice here an amf on a date turn on a heel also like are you 20 right who wants to get like i got a fake id i gotta get them in quick that's so true that's the only reason to drink a long yeah yeah uh for context i then discover he has a russian accent i'm immediately getting not great vibes from him not because of the russian accent but because

he's already drunk and it's just uncomfy he orders a second long island red flag number two and the bartender refuses him saying he won't serve two long islands in the span of 15 minutes i feel so awkward but i try to stick it out we go on out onto the back patio of this bar where we were the only ones sitting i found out he doesn't even live around here and he is a truck driver so after talking to him for a while i realized he is obviously trying to come home with me considering he is drunk doesn't live close by probably doesn't have anywhere else to go and definitely shouldn't drive he mentioned going to another bar which i was absolutely not going to let happen so i needed to get out of there i could have just said i wasn't feeling it

and left but again not getting great vibes from this drunk creep didn't really feel comfortable confronting him wait can i can i interject right there that's something that we need to talk about more i think like because i there's always so many instances where i'm like yeah i like didn't say that i was uncomfortable in this situation i know i should have but when you're in those situations it is so fucking scary to say that you're uncomfortable like it doesn't feel safe too a lot of the time well and the reason that it doesn't feel safe like we're pretty much conditioned to not upset men or hurt their feelings because it it can pose a safety risk there yeah women have literally been killed i've been seeing more and more tiktoks come up on my for you page of women

saying like i said no and here's what happened and they like recorded this interaction with someone who is giving them bad energy like just a bad and we all say like bad vibes bad energy but I was talking to my therapist about this and there's so many like small like things that happen in an interaction with someone that like even just the slightest thing being off like they're not making eye contact or just like the way that they're like looking at you like these small little micro things we notice them and that's the thing that sets off our gut instinct of like these are giving me this is giving me alarm bells yeah so um even though we can say like it's a vibe or whatever like your instinct you're trained your brain is trained to notice these things yeah so

that's like when you get a bad feeling it's probably right because your brain's noticing that something's not right survival it's like that uncanny valley feeling of like um have you heard of uncanny valley it's when something like when you see like something that is almost human um like a cartoon or something like something animated and you're like something is like not fully real about this so it gives you that uncanny valley feeling because your brain is trained you as a person like there's something in you that is like this isn't a person um i need to you get into that fight or flight damn so it's a similar thing of like interesting you're picking up on all these small nuances like body language and how they're talking to you and how things

change and their gestures and things like that and like their eye contact so you're just like picking up on all of these things and that's what's giving you that gut instinct of like i'm not safe yeah i need to get out of here so damn i mean it's like i was the um this is the and then we can finish reading it i feel like i could talk about this for forever but um there was a on that netflix explained the mind the anxiety episode um was talking a lot about how like our nervous system like kicks into high gear when shit isn't right and that is that's literally to keep us alive so it's like you'll do whatever you need to do to stay alive in that situation and a lot of ways like not saying that you're uncomfortable is a way to stay alive because

we're here we hear all the time about what happens when women say no well and she could probably sense like this super drunk guy who's like already being inappropriate 15 minutes after meeting like doesn't see he seems um like his behavior just off of this of like already being super drunk two long island iced teas in 15 minutes that's insane that's like not a lot of time no so to me that says like this person is doesn't have a lot of uh i'm trying to think of the right word to me that just says like this person is very impulsive yeah i guess that's what i'm looking for yeah yeah and that's not necessarily a safe thing no and so her gut instincts telling her she can't tell this guy gut feelings are guardian angels it's been a sex since i've said

it she's saying i she she felt like she couldn't tell him that she's uncomfortable okay um anyways uh when he went to the bathroom i texted my roommate in sos she then called me to see what was going on and and he came back from the bathroom while i was on the phone so he knew something was up i had to rush off the phone not five minutes later my amazing goddess of a roommate shows up on this patio where we are the only two people imagine the awkwardness and makes the most obvious bad date save ever to exist she just says dramatically i need your help with something at home i didn't even want want to see my date's face so i literally didn't even look at him or say goodbye i just said okay and ran out of there he tried calling me a couple hours later and i

ignored it the night goes on and i think it's all over with i'm i made it out and won't have to deal with him again i was sorely mistaken fast forward i wake up at 5 a.m to my father calling me which is definitely weird i barely talked to my dad i did not have my date um on any i did not have my date on any social media we only talked on tinder and texted for like a day i also don't interact with my dad on facebook but somehow he found me and then found my dad anyways please enjoy the screenshots of this conversation this creep had with my father after i ditched him i hope you enjoy them as much as i do i didn't block out his info because he doesn't deserve that courtesy and i know if you guys do share this on the pod which feel free to you'll change his name

anyways i also numbered the screenshots oh yeah that's for us um it's so we could keep track you guys are the greatest thank you for the podcast it has got me through a lot love you guys and then she also said shout out to friends who save each other from creepy men and bad dates don't go on spontaneous dates talk to people before meeting them it's rough out there important yes that is an important note i um i'm going to play the part of her dad so instead of just one person reading it because it's going to be hard to track who's saying what so we're we're going to put on a little performance yeah so i'm going to be the drunk russian and i'll be the dad i want to do a russian accent but i'm not really sure how to do one this would be russia mother russia

oh god we're gonna get we're gonna hear from putin i'll just do my drunk voice okay yeah that's good okay okay well i'm gonna take a long sip to get into character i feel like holding my drink will help yeah totally yeah that'll method acting all right you ready yes born ready okay man you seriously need to talk to your daughter about some manners i mean you pretty much did a shitty job as a father so if i were you i would try and address this issue asap how do you know my daughter so i'm on a date with her where everything goes semi-decent where were you on a day with her at her dorm right now why it's my business to know are you gonna go

after me with a shotgun or something not if you're a gentleman to my daughter she's not a gentle woman with me though i'm very upset i will call her now and find out what happened go ahead you don't know me know your daughter a little though judging by her actions too bad you did a shit job as a father so i do know you a little sir just spoke with my daughter she ditched you because she felt uncomfortable with you so perhaps you do need a lesson in manners scumbag never said anything just called her friend while i was away for a minute and told her to come and pretend she has an emergency to leave who the hell does that whatever you are to never to contact her again understand just be open say you are uncomfortable be polite and respectful is it so hard it's over

forget it i know it is but it's a fair point isn't it she lied to my face and left me there storming out with a made-up excuse this is bullshit i this is disrespect and mean-mannered shit actions whatever i will not question my daughter's judgment oh now it's whatever man try to teach her to be nice to people leave it alone russian it's he said his name there he didn't call him russian that shit really sucked move on maybe i will maybe i won't we'll see if you won't it'll go bad for you let it go went pretty bad already to be honest man honestly too bad that i'm just fucking with you i'm an adult it's just triggering as shit this conversation is over then good day to

you sir end scene thank you watch out bradgelina i just think that like i i don't know it's the i if anybody props to dad props to dad for being like my daughter was uncomfortable and i'm not gonna question her judgment yeah he handled that well what the fuck is wrong with that guy who reached if anybody reached out to my parents well and then they're not even like friends with you they're not a mutual connection on social media he sought out super fucking weird does tinder remove last names yeah damn so yeah i mean like maybe she gave him like enough information to piece it together like where she works you know um because that's just like date conversation yeah but like holy shit like what the fuck like if honestly it would be

on site if anybody reached out to my dad after a date it would be on site and like i don't want it just that's so uncomfortable for a parent if anyone reached out to my dad he barely knows how to use facebook so he'd probably never see it but i do have a similar story what not this crazy so i was out in college uh at the college bars 22 um and was talking to this guy not anything spectacular i remember like feeling like he was kind of annoying and um he had like followed me to another bar but it wasn't like too weird like he was with his friends and i don't think he went to school there but he was like oh hey remember me and i was like yeah from the last bar five minutes ago sure yeah and then uh i hate that yeah and then

he's like oh you don't want to talk to me like trying to be like oh poor me you know how like guys do that like oh girls just don't like the nice guy like no nice guys ever said that i'm clearly hanging out with my girlfriends there's not a man to be seen right um so he i was like well my friends and i are leaving to go to another bar and he's like can i get your number i did not want to give him my number so i gave him my mom's phone number oh my god liz so brilliant brilliant it's like midnight and sweet sue she doesn't know how to like she for a while she didn't know how to put her phone on mute and like only have it so like your emergency

contacts can like get through oh no so she has her phone like on and it's like midnight and she has to work in the morning my sweet mother because it was a thursday because when you really do college you don't have class on friday no and thursday thursday is a holiday exactly yeah start the weekend early that's just how it goes so he was like texting her and he's like hey is this liz and she was like no this is her mom oh my god that's even better that she's like who is this and he's like i can't even remember what he said like this is this guy whatever his name was and then she like she texted me and she's like what is like what's going on and i was like i'm so sorry mom i didn't want to give this guy my number so i gave him your number that is so

fucking funny and then she was like i don't know i just blocked it because she's like he tried calling me like a few times like in the middle of the night she's just like i don't have fucking time for this so after that i was like god after that i was like if i don't want to give someone my number i just won't good for you but when you're 22 you're just like i don't want to make anyone like feel uncomfortable i don't know no and it's also just and that was also like 10 years ago yeah and it's also just like it's so it's so uncomfortable for yourself to be like no no thank you you know it's just in that moment like i would love to just be able to say like yeah if i don't want to give my number someone i i don't i can't do that yeah i'm too nice i'm like i don't want

to talk to you i like accidentally gave my number to a guy on a on a bus um not accidentally that's a stupid way to say it but it was kind of an accident because i panicked um who was propositioning me for a threesome no like in 2017 it was on the bus on the bus and it was like he was very covert about it he was like i think you and my wife would get along really well and how he was saying things was like i think even my white you know it was like very like loaded like so how do you meet your third like on the bus yeah i was just kind of that's a bold move that's not like an open situation where you're like yes i want to be approached about a three seven right i want to be propositioned while i'm on the bus on the way to work given a whole and my brain hasn't even

really started working yet uh-huh yeah i hate the bus me too i do not miss i do not miss commuting the weirdest shit would happen to me on the bus yeah i don't i don't miss going into the i i have a cursed uber like ride and lift my ride share apps are cursed i had the weirdest fucking lift driver when i went to go get my tattoo i really need a car i was just thinking oh yeah okay i'll show it to you okay but as you as you're explaining um so he just spent the entire drive telling me these very obviously fake stories about how he stopped women from being assaulted by like assaulting men like he was like yeah and then this guy he just grabbed her and i'm like i don't know what he okay one time i'm like sure yeah but it was story after story it was like he was making

him up on the spot and then i mean like there could be worse things like for him to be like to to be this like vigilante of like i stop women from being assaulted and he's like we all come from a vagina well he said a woman but i'm i'm changing his words yes he's like so when you hurt a woman you're you're hurting the world and i was like i feel like he's laying groundwork to like hurt a woman in the future like yeah but all these my uber driver would never do that yeah yeah right it just and and like we kept hitting like weird like a road was blocked and then we had to go up and then there was like all this traffic backed up and then i was just like um how long is it saying this is gonna take and he was like why where are you going and i had already

told him three times at this point i'm like you want to save women but you can't even listen to one um and i was like i'm going to a tattoo appointment and if i miss the appointment like like if i'm too late like i'm gonna have to miss the whole appointment and then he was like oh and then he started ripping through through the city i got there just in time but i'll show you bye i'm so excited to see it it looked so good in the picture oh my god i love it oh my god it looks do love it i do it looks so good i do love it when i see it in the mirror when i'm working out i'm like it looks so good the artist you went to is so talented yeah he is really talented okay so we got a an email from um a pastor that listens to the podcast which i think is so

fucking dope when i saw that he listens to the podcast i texted i was like i know that's a that's like some high praise hell yeah just because i mean we do kind of show down religion a little bit but this email is so i'll read it and then we'll discuss yeah yeah hey amelia and liz i just wanted to reach out and say hey that i am a huge fan of what y'all do in spreading safe and consensual sex tips and stories i was listening to your most recent episode wronged and broken in which liz read the note sent in by another listener it really broke my heart that people that identify as Christian would see this issue of virginity, which isn't real, as something that God would ever care about. Your comments about this letter and Christianity as a whole

are spot on. The hate that is propagated by some that claim this title is the reason that I became a pastor in the first place. As a cishet white man, I'm trying to use the privilege that was given to me to speak out against this hate in institutional church in the southeast U.S. while this is in no way trying to push my religion on you too i did want to let you know that there are many amazing christian influencers that are doing incredible work to push back on the purity culture that ran rampant in the u.s during the 90s and 2000s by christian churches if you would like to see how some christians are taking back the religion founded on love and equity back from the bigots that use the name of jesus for power and oppression i would recommend looking

into these instagram accounts and then um he sent us a whole list of instagram accounts that when this episode comes out we'll put it on our instagram because i think this is a really great list um and then he continues again if this topic doesn't interest you no worries hell is not real thanks again so much for all that you do signed just a pastor that doesn't believe that god cares what two consenting adults do with their private parts i was alone in my apartment exclaiming when i was reading this i thought phenomenal when you had sent me like so amelia copied and pasted and texted it to me i can't remember what it's doing but i was like out and about yeah and when i was like scrolling through it i was like oh fuck right got some hate mail and um it was the opposite of

that i was like so it made me so happy that this this person reached out to us yeah because um i i love that i've heard like people on tiktok who are religious and christian say like like the reason that more and more young people are like turning away from like christianity or just you know christian churches is because they're not seeing those messages and lessons being reflected in the people that are teaching them damn they're not acting like if you think about it like jesus is supposed to be jesus isn't some just like magical figure who like is like do you believe in me i'm saving you that's not what's gonna happen like jesus exists to be a role model of how you should treat everyone not to be like do you believe in me you're saved yeah i forgive

you for murdering people no that's not what's happening yeah so it's just if you truly are religious and i like i if i were to be religious i would probably be baha'i because baha'i people believe that every religion is like the same kind of like it's an umbrella so everyone has like their own prophet essentially so like christians have jesus and buddhists have buddha like those are all people that were sent to people in different parts of the world to share the same message which is don't be a shitty fucking person right we're the umbrella church now baby so i think that everyone like has their own purpose of like yeah you know like maybe you and i aren't religious or maybe you are i don't know i'm spiritual i'm not yeah yeah yeah exactly but

our way of sharing how to be a good person applies to like us having the sex and dating podcast talking about dating respectfully and being a good person totally and like this is when we were talking about this before um and i was talking about like and you mentioned too last week like if you're christian and you listen to this podcast you're probably a cool christian and we were right we were right and like it's so i love see as as a like a general rule i don't i've never had anything against religion like my mom's side of the family is catholic my dad's side of the family was jewish and then became strictly atheist after the holocaust baptized him catholic in case the nazis came back like religion's been very fraught in my family but i've never

i i have always understood that people can find religion when they need comfort and it breaks my heart how much hate comes from religion how many wars have started because of have started because of religion how people use it to fuel their hate toward people so reading this email like to just be like my religion's right yeah and like you have to like do what i do because they're all made up they're all made up i'm sorry i'm sorry you had to find out this way maybe something's real but how it came to be was made up so and it's just like a game you play a game a telephone and this is the exact it's such a good representation of what happens like in a span of 10 people a message completely changes like thousands and thousands and thousands of

years i was seeing um i think i said this on a past episode you might have cut it out but i i've not stopped thinking about it um i saw jesus christ superstar at the paramount when i was in town and in that play this is such an obvious thought it sounds so stupid to say it out loud but like that was the first time that i was like oh jesus was just a dude like that play the it did such a good job just a good dude with cool parents well and then the idea that mary was a virgin that was mistranslated it was like it essentially meant maiden mary which was which just meant like a young woman so it jesus we're all children of god yeah essentially so it's just more like jesus carried out god's message i guess yeah is the idea like joseph still his dad yeah

right right but like there was like the last scene i mean spoiler alert jesus died on a cross at the end of the play um it was him dying on the cross and he was just like on the cross and he was like saying shit like I'm so thirsty like that was like one of his last lines and it's like I was watching that I was like of course you were and he was like crying on the cross I always thought of Jesus as this like yes take me like take me home dad you know yeah yeah let's fucking go yeah but he's just a dude like and he had he was under all of this pressure and he kind of got a little like power hungry because everybody was like you are you do miracles you know like he was just a dude but how like this message has been spread is like people use his message whatever it is as a

reason to hate a whole bunch of people yeah that's when i start to have an issue with it so i was reading some of these handles and you'll see but there's they're like um naked pastor is one of queer in faith deconstructing black i'll list the other ones on instagram when we post this episode like i said but like there are so many people that are like trying to do the work like nope there are gay people that are christian there are like there's every there are people that are getting hate spewed at them from the religion that they're a part of and they're putting so much effort into showing that it's not everyone and that's the only time the only time religion ever made any sort of sense to me was when I was in high school I think I was like a senior in high

school um and I would go to mass because my parents would make me um not all the time it's just occasionally my mom would be like oh will you come to the five o'clock one with me it's gonna be cool they're like young so it's supposed to be for young people and I was just like fine I will go and then they brought in a professor from he was from a different state and he was like a religious studies professor and um i he wasn't like catholic but like what he had said was so interesting that and then they were like he's also giving a talk this day and time and i was like hey mom i want to go to that and i think she was stoked because that's the most i've ever been interested in like in church um so the thing that he said that is the only thing i remember was

just he said god is not like a man in the sky god is love and that made so much sense to me and i was just like that feeling that you get of like being connected and loving another person like unconditionally that is god's presence yeah is being empathetic and caring and thinking about another person yeah so even though I don't necessarily know like what I believe but I like that's something that makes sense to me and it makes me like feel like there is like a higher power totally yeah I feel the same way it feels safe to think that there's a higher power totally and that's the thing I just think there's a lot we don't know there's a lot of comfort in thinking that there's more than what we are seeing here you know oh yeah I mean I feel like I've seen

god in a lot of different parts of my life and like i haven't called it god and i don't like i don't think about god in the sense that a lot of religious people do but i feel like i've seen god like yeah yeah you know whatever that is um i think she's a she but that's another was one of us just a slob like one of us just a stranger on a bus trying to make his way maybe that guy propositioning you for a threesome was god that was god on the bus damn god you freaking maybe maybe the guy who started taking off his pants next to me on the bus was god just a stranger on a bus who's to say who's to say what would jesus do jesus might jack off on the bus i don't know we don't know he was hanging out with prostitutes yeah sex workers

bible okay get with it thank you so much for writing in we could seriously honestly this is wild this is the most we've talked about religion ever so we appreciate you opening up this conversation neither of us are religious sorry neither of us are religious but um uh we have thoughts so it's interesting to have this as like a jumping off point this whole podcast is just i have an opinion yeah that's every podcast that's so fucking true fight me joe rogan no please don't oh my god i don't even get me started on joking okay i'm going to look up um our condom fact as we mentioned earlier in the oh hold on you thought you were gonna get away easy follow us on instagram tiktok twitter at the holy hour holy hour podcast at gmail.com spicy stories everything self

experiences it's amazing that i saw the message from the person that wrote it on instagram because we barely ever check our instagram dms also please help us on tiktok y'all oh my god we're back on the the bad side of tiktok i posted the part of our episode last week talking about um destroy dick december and a million boring men decided that was their invitation to be boring in the comments this is a dumbass fucking video i am okay you're a dumbass fucking dumbass then leave yeah bye bitch then leave right you didn't nobody's keeping you here no we also didn't want you to be here don't know how you got here would like you to leave yeah we um the exit is the same way you entered all right so um beginning of the episode we talked about uh what the first uh known

condom was and here's what the internet says it's a welcome collection.org condoms have been with us for thousands of years but the original condoms probably weren't all that good for safe sex though tortoise shell animal intestine and linen have all been used to make them it was charles goodyear's discovery of vulcanized rubber in 1839 that brought condoms to the masses goodyear like the tire dude i have a question about the tortoise the turtle shell yeah please i'll see what i can find yeah like why how that does not sound fun oh this is what the animal membrane one looks like it looks like a condom it looks like a paper condom well endowed men four penis sheaths four penis rings one finger sheath all made from tortoise shell with three

brass bells and one wooden dildo are inside this box from japan here's what the tortoise shell looks like dildo these are nice yeah they're pretty and these are old like yeah that's what they used to i don't know if those ones are actually old but that's what they used to look like these look really nice like you would buy them off of etsy right i would like put them on like floating shelves in my living room these are really nice i'm impressed actually if you want to look at the picture just type just look at um welcomecollection.org and type in first condoms you'll see the pictures yeah very very interesting stuff um a beautiful box wow amazing i was about to make a joke about my beautiful box but it just didn't feel i couldn't work it in um oh

female condom 1993 look at that it's now our taking birth control i don't think that they work i don't understand why they would work well because i remember when um the like birth control episode came out on big mouth i was like uh what is one of them was so old and it was like i used to be really good friends with your mother and then and then anna and i were like what the fuck is this and we looked it up and we're like huh it's like a cap that goes a dental it's called a dental dam i'm pretty sure hold on let me look that's not the one i'm thinking of um um female condom it wasn't a condom oh god i wish i could remember what it's called birth control cap yeah i don't know look that up the pull-out method

cap honestly the pull-out method is effective if done correctly what oh diaphragm a diaphragm ah i knew we would get there a diaphragm so a diaphragm the way it's supposed to work is like you have to anticipate that you're going to be having sex so because you have to put it in like two hours before you would have sex oh so you put it in well first i think you cover it in spermicidal lube yes and then you put it in this is all back to me it goes over your cervix it basically blocks and come from coming in and then it's not super effective i think it was kind of painful i don't know you just have to be super accurate to like be able to put it in like so even if you put it incorrectly it's maybe like only 80 effective wow i think something like that wild

which is actually it's pretty high but you've used a 20 chance you could get pregnant if you've used a diaphragm please let us know yeah i'm very curious all i've heard is traumatic horror stories about iuds and birth control never heard anything bad about condoms crazy i was talking to one of my guy friends and then we could wrap up this i feel like i could stay here for another hour and a half talking about the shit um let's do a full deconstructing of birth control methods love that and i want to say this before we wrap up because i want to hear from um some of our listeners with penis because my guy friend said i was telling him a story that i don't need to tell now because i don't want to but um the one with uh the guy that said that he couldn't have

sex with a condom on that i've recently hooked up with yeah um i was telling my friend this story and he was like oh nope stop right there that's a lie he's like it's like a thing like guys talk about with their friends that that's a lie it doesn't feel much different it's a lie i was like all right so i want to throw that out into the into the stratosphere do you consider that i want to know i want to hear from um our listeners with penises um also if you are looking for a condom that is very good purple get the purple durex yes you are you're a committed i am a durex girl i've never had a durex break maybe once i need to start buying durex i don't think trojan get get durex i don't like trojan uh they're very they're thin i haven't had a breakage that i

remember damn um and yeah i don't know amazing it feels great for everyone involved i've heard because i keep them on myself you buy a big pack you have some leftover you're like hey let's use these and i've heard from a handful of guys that are like these are great condoms and i agree i need to try directs i've only ever tried trojan i'll give you one thank you wow i'll give you one to go love that yeah little doggy bag leaving your apartment love this gotta let me know how it feels oh I will okay I'll report back gotta find someone to have sex with do you still have that guy on the bus's number see what him and his wife are up to yeah no could be fun it could be I won't roll about I have a condom I want to try out you guys free

all right well we love perfect timing our camera just turned off we love you guys we love you wow that's the lowest i can go We'll be right back.