The Hoely Hour - E68 You Are The Main Character

Episode Date: December 31, 2021

Happy New Year, Angels! 2022 is bringing you that main character energy, and we're starting it off by talking about how you can catch your haters secretly creeping on your Instagram story... 👀 Amelia puts a former love interest on blast! We love to see it! Nothing is more annoying than when a bunch of strangers fangirl over someone YOU know sucks (looking at you Selena Gomez). Also, The Sex Fact of the Week will ruin your day. :) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hey, it's Ryan Reynolds here for Mint Mobile. Now, I was looking for fun ways to tell you that Mint's offer of unlimited premium wireless for $15 a month is back. So I thought it would be fun if we made $15 bills. But it turns out that's very illegal. So there goes my big idea for the commercial. Give it a try at mintmobile.com slash switch.

Upfront payment of $45 for three months, $90 for six months, or $180 for 12-month plan required. $15 per month equivalent. Taxes and fees extra. Initial plan term only greater than 50 gigabytes. May slow when network is busy. c terms every time i stand up i'm in pain yeah me too i'm like oh oh my bad welcome to the holy hour i'm amelia stamson and i'm liz ball i started laughing because i for a

moment forgot what we were about to do i was like why are we counting what are we what are we doing we're counting something um before we like get into everything i think that we should um ask people to subscribe and rate our podcast and comment because spotify added ratings to podcasts finally yeah we got a little email about it and it was like uh everyone kept asking for this they're like it's not the like biggest thing that we did this year but you like kept asking for it yeah i'm amazed that it didn't exist until now honestly yeah so yeah i mean i've been reading all of the we have like 150 reviews on apple podcast now which is amazing the fact that y'all take the time and send them to my mom oh i love that yeah they make me happy but um for

everyone who has rated our podcast we really appreciate it yeah it means a lot and we're trying to build that out on spotify too because we have some exciting things happening on the back end over here um and then follow us on social uh uh the holy hour at instagram or on instagram twitter it's okay it's scary uh i know i'm really overwhelmed amelia's like nodding and shaking her head somehow encouraging okay I was like am I saying it wrong yeah so the holy hour on Instagram and Twitter um and TikTok and TikTok we're currently shadow banned on TikTok we yeah we made the um the incels mad and you know if I'm making a group of people mad I hope it's them yeah if I get shadow banned for any reason on TikTok I'm glad it's that also we just like we

don't care no we don't care I kept thinking of the TikTok sound where it's like the woman like laughing really hard and then it's like oh yeah I was like that's how I feel when it's like us and our listeners just like having a good time and then like someone who doesn't listen to the podcast like has something rude to say and then we're all just like who are you because I would say for like we have a really healthy space like we have like some really kind people we get the nicest messages and like everyone's so involved in the community we're creating it's just a really good place to be i agree and like when we just have these silly little clips on tiktok like they're really they're honestly harmless they're just like us kind of like joking around and having

a good time and people get so mad right no one hates women having fun more than than boring guys on tiktok so fucking true like are you okay like i it's really pathetic yeah well anyway so you can send us your stories we saw people talk we have a discord first of all we saw people talking in the discord about um email like where to email us so you can email us at um holy hour podcast at gmail.com i i think i need to say it twice an episode i always make such a big deal about it holy our podcast at gmail.com there's no the in there because we've got the email before we named the podcast yeah we we we secured the the email first because we had to sign up for all of our accounts yeah exactly anyway it's just holy our podcast at gmail.com yeah and um that's where you

can send us all your stories and anything you anything you want to tell us but we've been getting some really nice messages like not even stories just people telling us like what the podcast means to them and like holy tears actual tears oh yeah i was bawling i showed them i showed some of them to mr liz and i was just like crying and i was like oh i don't understand this i know it's we're really really lucky like yeah i know that it feels like we're just like talking at y'all because that's what a podcast is listen listen to us talk but really it's like it's such a two-way relationship for me and Liz too like we feel like we know y'all so well but yeah anyway all that to say like y'all are like friends to us I was we say that all of the time and it sounds

like a little saccharine because I feel like everybody that creates anything it's like the community is so important but like actually Liz and I talk about y'all all the time I feel like the type of people who listen and like communicate with us are like the type of people we would be friends with anyways yeah yeah you know you guys crack us up but i did want to talk about something from tiktok hell yeah um a few things are coming to mind something that i thought that was so interesting that i saw right before you came over um this woman was explaining how like so these are the type of men who like say like rude shit on our videos and i've actually been seeing more of that lately like i'll go to the comments and it'll be like some like nice comments that are normal

just like normal engagement and then other comments that are so mean for no reason and they're always from the same type of guy like they're always from a man and he always looks like a hard-boiled egg and has no videos or they're videos of like a car or something like an anime character as a picture yeah and it's just like what what is that i don't know they're just being unnecessarily rude but it doesn't make sense to me because i'm just like why why are you taking the time to be like so mad yeah right i i don't know anyways well because like i was saying last week is just like i want to like enjoy stuff i'm not gonna engage with stuff i don't like right i want to like see things i do like right i just scroll past shit that i don't like and

that's how the algorithm learns i already do stuff all day that i don't like doing yeah this is me time tiktok time is liz time yeah i mean it's like our one like safe haven exactly like just being able to just check out and go on tiktok why are you engaging with shit that pisses you off that's just gonna give you more of it just in general and i mean whatever anyways um this woman was explaining how like we obviously we say toxic masculinity a lot just as like a culture and and um i feel like the meaning of it has gotten lost a little bit but she was explaining how like men aren't raised to be a man they're raised to not be a woman i saw the same thing yeah and it was it was just like don't don't cry like don't be a pussy that's so funny i just watched

just things like that so like they're taught that like being a woman is like repulsive so then they do all these things they're like taught to do all these things to impress men so like being like sexual with a woman impresses other men so they don't like women as people because they were raised to think they were like women are like yeah repulsive or it's like it's bad to be a woman so they don't like respect women obviously so i just thought that was so interesting yeah yeah and but it is really interesting and it makes so much sense and it's like in the video too she was like not all men because it's like we everyone fucking knows don't don't message us about it we know but it's as a society that's so real and like well because

we all know men that are like that other like normal men know men that are like it's even like i'm thinking i was watching the video and thinking about like in gym class and shit people would say like you run like a girl and it's like what what does that even mean do we what and it's like that's like a bad thing to like run like a girl and it's that's been do you remember that I think it was like a dove commercial or something it's like uh what do you what do you think when someone says run like a girl like run and then they like do like a weird stupid run and then they're like do you run like that and then they're like no I don't yeah and you just see it like click in these like little girls eyes and so after I saw that I was thinking how um Mr. Liz was telling me

like when he was in high school um there was they like he was in orchestra and he had to like go play at one of the games I don't know if you ever were like in band or in orchestra they make you play at a game yeah I never had to do that yeah I didn't get like credit for it so they had to wear like certain colors or something and then he was wearing like a purple shirt and it was like national women's day or something and then someone was trying to make fun of him they're like uh oh I are you wearing a purple shirt for like national women's day and then he was like no and then he was like is that a problem and then I was just thinking like where he grew up and the way he grew up he had just like knowing his family I like where I grew up was I there is not a single

man from where I grew up who is like Mr. Liz and it's definitely the place he was raised and like who he's raised by but I was just thinking about like the huge difference between like if someone at my high school said that to a boy they would be like oh fuck you and then they'd never wear purple again like yeah it would be like the most embarrassing thing ever yeah but for him he's like yeah i like women yeah uh so i'm it's i'm not doing this on purpose but is it a problem if i am like wow and i was just like damn you were like that since you were a kid yeah yeah before it was like cool cool to be that way yeah before it was cool to like be nice to women to treat women like humans before it was in style to treat women like humans before it was straight to like

women i'm so straight i fucking hate women it's honest i hadn't even thought about it that way until i saw that video and it makes so much sense we're pumped that kind of rhetoric for everything crying is girly yep um having any sort of emotion is girly like punching weak is girly it is so hot when a man cries oh my god i fucking love it you're like wow yeah i still to this day i've never seen my dad cry really yeah my mom has right suppose allegedly just kidding not buying it that what i'm like i don't believe surprising picture didn't happen i'm trying to think like that i every man in my life that i'm like close to i think i've seen cry at least once which is interesting i hadn't thought about it until now i don't know because i know that it's

not very common i know a lot of people that have a lot of men in their lives are like kind of like macho you know mr liz is the only man i know who will cry just because he like has a feeling he needs to express whereas like the times men have cried before it was to I don't know necessarily if it was to like manipulate me but like they knew I would stop whatever I was doing yeah because they were crying because I just you know it's like yeah seeing like a rare diamond or something you're like what whoa are those tears i know and maybe that's just like um a side effect of like where i grew up i just maybe never really saw that yeah yeah my ex used to cry as like a weapon kind of like not really a weapon but more of like a what's the thing when like you like distract

someone over here so they don't look at what's going on over here what is that called it's like he would do that shit whenever i would like accuse him of anything that i would find out later that he had done mine would do that too that makes a lot of sense okay yeah so i i don't know if that's necessarily like weaponizing your tears but it is like and it's not to say they don't have feelings but right some of them might not like some some psychopaths my ex had a lot of feelings but i know some men that have weaponized their tears in a way that's just like just for pity scorpio would cry just so i would stop like i would stop like calling him out on like weird shit give me a fucking break yeah it's so annoying and then um shoe face i like how it's

marked um he would cry he i remember like him crying when um i accepted a job in seattle he was like hysterically crying oh so sad i was like oh i'm leaving yeah oh don't cry i'm still leaving yeah right i'll grab you a tissue on my way out i thought he was coming with me i was just like i'm so fucking happy he didn't me too oh my god i honestly i think i'm at a point it might be just because i'm drinking red wine but uh i hope he is fine that's good yeah and hoping he's fine is better than how i felt before that's a huge jump i don't hope he's fine but i get it getting to that point of like i got to a point where i was like i genuinely hope that my ex is doing okay like that's kind of that there's a like a that's a powerful place to end

up like after somebody hurts you so much i i'm at the point where i just like i'm like i don't think i care anymore wow i don't think i'll ever get there and i might but right now i feel like i probably won't he peaked in like 2019 and i am just continuing to go up so i don't know beautiful okay this is like a fun topic uh i sent this to you yeah but i wanted to talk about this because it blew my fucking mind so everyone listening knows we're creeps uh on sorry that sounds bad everyone listening knows that we are accurate internet sleuth experts but we are actually like there the longer i'm online the more i realize like there are women who are far more experienced and like better at sleuthing and just kind of like figuring out stuff yeah yeah and

catching people doing weird shit than than we are they just like know things and how things work that i haven't messed around with it's not our fault that we feel like we have to do these things it's just it just like we i think everyone does this like level of sleuthing stuff i think for the most part most people are not malicious when they're doing it it's like it's curiosity and sometimes it's just like fear-based of like wanting to protect yourself you want to know what you're getting yourself into you want to know what other people are doing you want to like know if like where you're at with someone is normal and you're not getting like screwed over or there's just a list of reasons and i think most of them are normal

some people are malicious about it um but a tiktok showed up on my for you page right before amelia came over where this girl is saying like um like you say you're over me but you're you're always 20 number 25 on my instagram story or something like in the viewed in the viewers and then this girl stitched it and she said okay but let me explain something to you so when you have those views on your story that say like get more followers or like they look like um maybe they like are an online bot like sex worker like you know those fake profiles that are like come to my website or whatever yeah that is through like a website like a viewer so that's someone who knows you looking at your shit and I was like oh fuck I always block those accounts

because I just like I always thought maybe like someone was making a fake account or it was like a spam but no it's through an app it's an app that like disguises who they are so they can look at your public Instagram story yeah so I figured this out by accident when I was like in like the real like crazy phase of my breakup because i was using this website called like stories down to look at and i was like i was thinking that i was like i wonder like does it show up as like stories down's instagram account as a viewer what's it showing up as because it has to trigger something in the back end to to view it and so i did it with myself i tried it on myself and i just like was the first person to look at my story um through stories down and i noticed it was like

a bunch of random letters and numbers and it was like a get more followers kind of page oh my god okay that makes sense but i had forgotten about it until you sent me that so now i want to go through who's looking at my story because i i mean you'll never know who they are yeah but then also like i can never tell if they're just like accounts that people have made to sleuth exactly that's what i was wondering too versus that's originally what i thought but now that i know that it's probably through this app there's like an endless amount of things like accounts that could be yeah to look at your shit right it's it's so blocking them does no good no and at this point i've just accepted that like people are going to be looking at my stuff but i

wanted to ask you who do you think is doing that to you if anyone's doing that to you who do you think it would be behind the behind the phone see i don't have a lot of people in my life really because i have one ex like and he's really the only person that i have blocked like maybe like his family members that i used to know you know what i bet it's your ex and i bet it's his uh new girl oh because i did block her too maybe oh my god i feel like girls are more likely to do that like to like be like I'm gonna go look at like what his ex is doing do you ever hate stalk anyone oh yeah yeah see not really anymore for a while I did I was hate stalking like crazy now I like use those like stories down and all those like anonymous Instagram viewer websites

to like look at people's stories that I should not be looking at like my property manager I'm always I'm fascinated by him I want to know what he's doing he's like really like granola outdoorsy like he's just like a cool fucking dude we're from the same area in Pennsylvania and he's just like dope but like he can't see that I'm looking like I found him through sleuthing it's not an easy Instagram account to find so so I use the stories down so I started sleuthing on someone on your behalf who um is this gonna scare me no okay who uh Charles Manson oh my god wait same i do use i use one of those okay accounts well i followed him from my burner in case he makes it private again you should follow his wife too i wonder if it'll let me did it oh because he was

public when you followed him okay okay yeah yeah that makes sense okay good i'm glad you're thank you for doing that yeah he's loving the attention he's gone viral on tiktok again so he's like living his best life i'm just like okay well it it's all gonna fall apart again right so whatever he's getting a whole new group of followers um who do you think's looking at yours um i would say scorpio yep um shoe face you think she faces probably yeah go fuck yourself i hope you listen or his wife um i don't think scorpio's wife ever looks i don't think she cares and that's fine yeah that's good uh but i definitely think scorpio does um i'm sure some of mr liz's exes um because he's just the kind of guy that people are obsessed with forever

so if i were one of those girls i'd be like who the fuck is this girl yeah yeah totally i'm gonna look at her stuff and hate her and meanwhile i don't know who you are yeah yeah but that's fine you know um so those are good i mean like if that makes a lot i kind of love that energy totally i love the idea of someone hating me so much they want to see what i'm doing yeah that's a powerful place to be i think i'm not main character stuff if someone is stalking you you are the main character so just just absorb that i really like i don't think that i'm far away enough from my breakup that i feel like i'm in a place of power if i think somebody's looking at my shit i'm still in this place where i'm like oh no you know but i'm excited to get to that

point because i was i was actually thinking about this right before i came over because it was squint's sister's birthday this past weekend and she has a lot of friends that are friends with my ex's new girlfriend because they all went to school together small world and a lot of those girls were it really is small world giant city it's just it's impossible to avoid and this and the school that they went to is far is not like in seattle so it's just annoying and like she doesn't live in seattle either it's just annoying um but like a lot of the girls that i know don't like me because of that whole situation with my ex were at the the weekend for her birthday he listed who was gonna be there and i was like please don't bring me up at any point and he's

like well you know that like we'll we'll have your back and i was like but just like don't because i just don't i want to get to the point where i'm like whatever talk about me i don't care but like part of me still cares a lot but also no one wants to be in like an uncomfortable situation like that yeah like something like that reminds me of I know I've talked about this on the podcast like maybe once or twice a long time ago but like when I went to that wedding with like there happened to be people from high school there and like the group of girls decided to like gang up on me and pretend they didn't know me like I didn't necessarily care that they were doing that but like the person i was with was like not standing up for me and being in that circumstance

of like no one's on your side even the person who is supposed to be on your side just even risking being in that circumstance it's like why would i put myself in a situation where i could end up feeling really awful yeah right and especially like at the age we're at now it's like i don't even want to take the time to do to have to deal with something like that no i don't have the energy that you have to be so mean to me yeah right and it's it's tough because I don't want to get into this headspace of like where I'm like they care they still care or like this is still like a point of conversation because it's probably not but like he was listing the names and I was just like oh my god like I hate how I hate how small the world is like there have been like I

I go through such great length to not like be involved in that orbit and like of course this guy that I'm dating sister is like in that group and like him and his sister are best friends I love his sister so it's like I it's not like it's I can't avoid it yeah so now I'm like starting to really have to comb through like how I'm feeling about still being like kind of this like shadow creature that people still talk about I have to say the nice thing about being an adult though is like I think for the most part people just kind of like decide for themselves yeah like that's true um I've been at jobs where people have had like beef with each other that you know maybe they don't necessarily get along and even if I know about it I'm like okay well I'm still gonna

decide for myself yeah I trust my judgment totally especially you know I made enough mistakes that I trust my judgment now yeah yeah absolutely and like I'm I'm the same way I just know how my ex is and like yeah he was really like landed on thick and i'm not like he was he had every right to be upset but like he was also when we like were starting to hook up again and like hang out again he was really really concerned about how his friends would feel about it you mean when he was cheating on his girlfriend with you he was concerned that his friends wouldn't think nice things about him for being a cheater yeah that's true oh no no yeah well go figure wow when he they would be like oh you're cheating on someone again yeah true fucking hell but really like

when he said that my first thought was like oh well duh because like he always lays on the emotion so thick to get everybody on his side that's what he did all through college i didn't know at the time that he was cheating on his girlfriend obviously but yeah like i was just like of course also nothing hurts more than when a guy cares more about what his friends think or like not even a guy when your significant other cares more about what their friends think than like just being genuine about their feelings with you yeah that hurts yeah it blows a deep deep level of pain absolutely and i like i'm not like you know dismissing the fact that i hurt like he hurt a lot in that breakup but like whenever i would talk about like oh should i come

see you like should we did it he was always like no he would freak out at me he'd be like what the fuck are my friends gonna think about that and it's like because he hadn't considered all over me he's like they saw how sad i've been amelia i'm like oh i don't know what to fucking tell you now you're fucking with me again so fix it also if your friends i don't know get better friends right i mean like he he cheated he hurt me a lot in college and my friends all like did the work to like forgive him and i kept saying that to him but i mean now knowing what i know now about what was actually going on it makes a lot more sense but like i don't know anyway all that to say like i don't like i don't like the idea of me still kind of having like like i don't know tentacles

kind of just like still dipping in like all of these different like hymn pools but it's unavoidable my therapist was like well yeah you live in different cities but like you don't live in like different states you know like it's the state colleges here are all like a little a little orbit you know maybe like tap into being petty a little bit i think it helps i mean we're different people though because sometimes i'll still see my ex on people's stories and then i'm like uh he looks terrible oh i can't wait to get to that point i've i've done so much work to scrub even i've done so much like perimeter scrubbing like people that i know that he knows that he might hang out with have muted their stories i just don't want to know so whenever anybody i tweeted this today i'm like

there's a special layer of hell for people that tell you things about your ex unprompted because like yeah i have done so much work to not hear anything and like and whenever anybody's like oh yeah did you hear him it's like i don't fucking i don't want to know i'm so much happier not knowing i don't want to see anything i've gotten to the point now where i can see pictures of him and not be upset about it I think that's that's big yeah that's a big deal anyway it's weird because I feel moved on from it it's this weird kind of this is something that I think people don't talk about enough is like you can be moved on from a breakup and still be feeling it like there it's not I think it's like an aftershock thing um I think it's just grief yeah it takes a while like you

just learn to like grow from grief and cope with it it doesn't just go away yeah so you know sure years and years can go by where like this breakup isn't as big to you because your life has grown around it yeah um and that's that's perfectly normal but that doesn't mean when you like when you think about it that the feelings that you experienced are any less real yeah just because it happened a long time ago at that point doesn't mean it didn't happen totally and it's weird it's like it's stuff that I would never expect it to be popping up during I mean obviously like you're gonna feel stuff in like new relationships but I was telling you when I first got here about this conversation I had with squints where I was realizing like and I talked about this a little

bit last week when we were talking about toxic relationships like I'm realizing old behaviors are popping up like me not hearing enough of like affirmation from him is so much a result of like the end of my last relationship of him just kind of like not giving me anything to work with and I realized then how important words are like I need to hear that like you're that you're into me like I have to hear it um Venus is in retrograde in Capricorn right now oh tell me what that means um i mean there's just like a lot of anytime a planet is in retrograde it means like things from the past are going to resurface um and venus is the planet of relationships so it doesn't necessarily always mean a romantic relationship it could be a friendship right or like just an

interpersonal relationship and it also plays into like where venus is in your chart and where capricorn is in your chart and blah blah blah so it could mean a lot of different things for a lot of different people but it would make a lot of sense that things from the ending of your past relationship are going to you're going to recognize them yeah the light is going to be shown on them especially right now because it's like with but it's also this is the first time i've dated somebody where i'm like oh like i could this could this could be like a thing thing so now i'm like really working through shit that i didn't have to work through until now yeah really it's so much easier to not um there I've been thinking a lot about how this is like somewhat of a gear shift

but not it's in the same vein of things I've been thinking a lot about how there are so many ways to deal with like moving on or like a breakup um with like specifically and I think a lot of it's been interesting to just notice that like some people go down the path of self-improvement um like intentional self-improvement of like you know what i'm exhausted i am only going to focus on myself because i haven't done that yet so like i think that's a large portion of people and then another large portion of people rush into a new relationship and like like they give that new person what they never gave you yeah it's like they like speed into it because like they just want to keep that the spark of that initial like attraction they just want to keep

it going so they're just gonna like steamroll it into like okay and now we're gonna get engaged yeah and it's just like that's if you got engaged to me when you were still feeling those feelings things yeah we'd still be miserable yeah right at the end of the day you're still the same people so I just I just like have a hard time thinking that like if you're just steamrolling into a new relationship that you've done any of the changing you need to do yeah and it's ignorant to think like you're not the one who needs to change in a family relationship both of you need to change absolutely both of you need to grow yeah right I was talking to somebody today and she put it really well she was like she was she said something along the lines of because i was saying how hard

it is to be the the second one to move on from a relationship and she was like well he didn't move on he jumped into another relationship like you moved on because you're focusing on yourself like that's more powerful moving on than jumping into something else and that's not like diminishing anyone's experience if like you've needed to jump from relationship to relationship everyone has their own reasons but like when you're coming out of an eight-year relationship where there's been so much every everything is different like we built our world around each other to then just jump into another relationship like that doesn't feel like moving on that doesn't feel that doesn't feel like a healthy way to deal um I mean maybe it is for him but not for me I feel like I I am

the one that's moved on because like I've I'm focusing on myself well you you faced this like heartbreak face on yeah like you faced it head on i also i saw this reminds me of another tiktok i saw where this woman was like i hate when people say like oh i i found love when i wasn't looking for it i was i had like sworn off dating and then she was like i found my husband because i was intentional like i she like had set out to like i'm ready to get married i'm gonna find this person yeah and she was like if i went on a date and it wasn't right i cut it off and i was like thinking about it and i was like that worked for her because she knew who she was and what she wanted yeah but the thing that works for people who are like yeah i had like sworn off dating and i like

was ready to give up it's because at that point those people have decided like i'm not gonna please anyone else i'm only gonna please myself so you're in a secure place to be secure in a relationship yeah so i was just like i think both tactics work it just depends on where you are at you have to be aware of that there's there's it's both are both of those are like very very powerful yeah i think i was just thinking about like the i was like yeah this totally worked for her because she was already secure she already knew what she wanted and she could sense like this isn't right yeah i'm gonna go i'm gonna like i'm whereas like if you're not secure you're gonna be like oh well maybe i can change them or yeah maybe maybe i can change or like

we can work with this and then you're not happy or they're not happy and they don't change especially this late in life too where i mean we're so young but like people are already established and who they are it's impossible to change people right now so like trying to going into a relationship thinking that somebody's going to change is a losing game you should never do that no never do that no like inevitably both of you are going to change it's just a matter of if you're going to change together if you're going to continue changing on the same path absolutely it's just don't go into a relationship being like I want to change the person to be like this no because if someone was like yeah I dated you because I thought I could change you I'd be like

go fuck yourself yeah I'd be so upset about that that's so true I'd be like oh word okay change this yeah right bye no it's yeah yeah that's really really interesting I always it's been really interesting being a student of my healing because like before when I was dating a student of my healing i like that that sounds like a novel yeah it sounds like a self-help book student of my own feeling amelia samson dr amelia samson oh wait that has a good ring to it i might get my phd just so i can call myself doctor doctor just for no other reason i would call you doctor on the podcast nice i'll take it i'd be like amelia you're a doctor yeah wow that's good enough for me honestly i'm just gonna say it anyways okay say it again amelia you're a doctor

wow thank you so much uh but like i've been realizing like when i was dating unintentionally like i wasn't i was just kind of going out with whoever even if i didn't like him i would go out with them again and again and again and i would keep going out with them like fucking six foot seven and there was nothing redeeming about him that was a stressful time that i was dating too many people at that point i and he was so boring he's so boring and i see videos of him he seems if his personality is being tall that's exactly his personality that's cool you have the same personality as a building that's that was the most disappointing sex and not because it was bad sex but because i just expected so much more from him you know what i mean i don't know why

he never did anything i know but he's just he's just good looking and he did the least large he really there are so many hot men who are good people that's so real so that's so real I know you know a lot of them too I do I'm dating a few of them yeah well really just one of them now yeah yeah that's weird to say I don't know I'm just I'm not used to just dating one person but all that to say like since I've been dating more intentionally I'm starting to realize how much shit I still have to work through so it's like interesting to like because then it was all distraction really yeah and I knew that at the time but like I don't feel any less happy and moved on than I did before like I still feel fine and like like I'm still moving along I don't feel

like I've taken any steps back but I feel like I'm like I've gotten to this point in the road where it's like I have to like cut through some like heavy bushes you know we're always gonna like there's no like straight path or easy path to healing no it's it's always and it's always gonna come up when you like aren't necessarily expecting like to be like triggered yeah like oh fuck yeah that's why i feel bad about this i know it's awful i'm like really i've fucking gone through this that it was honestly when i realized that that i had to still do a lot of this healing i was like are you fucking joking the amount of money and time that i've given to therapy and i still have all this shit to work through but this brings up something i wanted to talk about

yeah i just looked took took a peek at the list okay i was curious what you're going to talk perfect i'm gonna i'm gonna uh foray into one of these so i was thinking when i was saying that like they're people you don't want to hear about your ex you go through all of this trouble to not hear about your ex and then somebody tells you something how impossible it must be to be a celebrity in a celebrity couple and then always having to see what your ex is up to or who they're dating or like i think about selena gomez and justin bieber a lot because like justin bieber and hitley bieber are all over everything that must be awful for selena gomez that must be horrible and the reason i was thinking about this especially because she probably knows like

some fucked up stuff about him oh for sure she's she went through it with him oh yeah but the reason that i was thinking about this actively we've talked about this before but we've cut it out of past episodes is that i talked about this guy in the past what was his nickname virgo virgo virgo the one that flew me or happened that didn't fly me that should have been fucking red flag number one he had me fly down to maybe use your own money yep he begged me to come see him in la and then by the time that i landed in la he had ghosted this was february 2020 and i still have not heard from him he apologized in march of 2020 but like it was that was time to apologize was to just never do it in the first place yep and it was like a stupid kind of like

excuses apology anyway he right now cheated on once when i was 12 right i mean like it was that level of dumb excuse he's an artist he's just like brooding all the time but like he is i could argue that you're an artist true and and i'm breeding but a little bit more positively more you're not making it anyone else's problem to fucking deal with real anyways yeah i'm not hurting anybody in the process i don't think shut the fuck up and let you continue your story so virgo this man's when tiktok was really like becoming like a moment in the beginning of the pandemic one of virgo's songs went viral on tiktok it wasn't like a trend it was just like everybody was putting it like behind sad videos of like their dogs dying and then and then dog

die guy yeah he's dog die guy but then like a month ago i started to see this new fucking tiktok trend with one of his songs it's a thirst trap trend i fucking it's so every time i'm scrolling it's like every other video it's his song and then it came up on my um the same song came up on my release radar today and i texted liz i'm like my release radar is being a cunt like i can't escape this guy's music it is that uh that venus retrograde i is coming to it's coming for you it is coming to harass you i'm so sorry i you know what maybe i think i need it but virgo and i i don't feel like i have anything to work through with this kid i just want to stop hearing his fucking music and he just gets keeps getting more famous i keep seeing a show i can't watch a show

on mtv without hearing his music i just want to stop hearing his music so there's a fun hack uh i haven't tried it myself but you can like not like ban an artist but like if you hate an artist and you're on like a there's a playlist that you're listening to it'll like remove that artist from being played i need it on spotify um and i think you can like maybe block the artist maybe that's what it is i haven't tried it myself but i know spotify has a feature where if you like don't want to hear an artist you can like i need to remove them from being played and then um i'm trying to i think could you block a sound on tiktok of like i'm i fucking hate the song i don't want to hear it you know i probably could but people keep like resharing their own video and then

people start using like that sound so it's like it's been it's being passed around everywhere and it's fine the song is a really old song of his like from like one of his first albums but it's like being remixed now so he's back on tiktok being like thanks for making my song viral so i'm like seeing all his shit i'm just like i don't want to see it it's so annoying i don't want to see him doing well he doesn't deserve it well because i know you said um he would always act like he like didn't want to be recognized but like god be like i don't want to be famous and then he'd be like intentionally like trying to act like he was afraid he was gonna be recognized oh my god yes when i went out in la with him the first time when i was already there and i didn't

fly down to see him that is the most unhumble thing for him to do he texted me and he was like where should we go and he was like being really annoying he like brought his producer with him which is a guy that i went to high school with i don't want to be famous this is my producer yeah right we're gonna like be really under the radar but he was like we went to this fucking random ass sushi restaurant called wakano that was like whatever it's like one of eight million sushi restaurants in la and he was like i don't know i'm really nervous because like people usually like recognize me at wakano and i'm like cool like that would be kind of cool i wish i could i'm gonna hint at something that you like were talking to like a like legitimately famous

person like this man for to be like oh i might get recognized i still do not know what this person looks like or what his music sounds like like you can't be that famous i'm very online and i've never heard any of your shit so dial it down oh my god because i'm thinking about just like an actual like a legitimately famous person was all up in your shit yeah like a couple a year and a half ago like when we started this podcast r.i.p you were talking to that guy a lot oh yeah i that's true he so this guy virgo like he's so it's a shame because he's so talented like he's so talented but he's such a dick like he's not going to get that far because he's not nice i've also and i told you this last like a couple weeks ago sorry to interrupt no you're fine i'm

just getting mad no please please get mad um i told you this before like i feel like he's just kind of a phase i don't feel like he's gonna have like a sustainable career yeah we'll see he's just like i the actual famous person that you were talking to like you would never know it because he like you just know it because you see him on stuff yeah like on movies and tv you wouldn't know because of like how kind and normal and humble he is yeah yeah so i don't know so i'm just like yeah and like he doesn't he doesn't like the fact that he's famous this guy that we're talking about i don't even have a nickname for him the the actual the actual celebrity yeah yeah well i called the actual celebrity i like that he is so nice and kind to his core and virgo i thought

was the same way like we because we've known each other for years like since high school and we reconnected and it was like a fireworks moment and i think i'm really good at reading people i'm starting to second guess that just like based on my dating history but like i really thought i was like okay he's still this like great guy that i knew and like we had this like big connection we like wasn't he like kind of in love with you yeah for a while he was when the whole walkano incident he like told my roommate at the time that he was like in love with me and so when we reconnected i was like this is great i just got out of a relationship and now and it felt like the stars were aligning and then he was like texting me like every day like come

down to la please come down to la and then just disappeared then his apology was like i'm sorry i've just been so depressed i'm like we're all depressed no apology that makes up for that that's like no there's no reason just even if you are depressed even if you are going through a hard time just be like sorry i'm going through a hard time no there is a real reason behind that and it's not depression no there's some other trauma under there yeah that he decided to make your problem it drives me fucking insane but all of this to say i could go on about him for forever because it just boils my fucking blood like i can't imagine being a celebrity in a celebrity couple and then just like having to deal with just seeing their shit everywhere and people just like

sucking their dick all the time about how great they are when you know that they're not yeah that must be horrible that shit is annoying isn't it it's so annoying and you're like you're on like a very small end of it but like i think anyone could relate to that just in general of like people thinking like someone you dated who is so unkind to you and like i don't want we don't have to throw around any like spicy words like abusive or anything like that even if they just sucked even if they were just mean to you yeah there's no excuse and people are like oh they're so great and you're like no they were so mean to me yeah i don't care if they've changed because they didn't apologize yes exactly i always think about this in terms of um uh what's his name fucking archie

hammer army hammer army hammer archie hammer i was like that doesn't feel right but it feels close army hammer arm and hammer arm and hammer it is like arm and hammer that's what i always think of but like everybody was going on and on about how incredible he is and all these women that he had hurt like can you imagine them just sitting back and watching it yeah i don't care if you think he's that well and that's that kind of aligns with just like people who are abusers they're like well i never was abused by them so yeah yeah yeah yeah just because they they aren't uh murdering everyone they meet doesn't mean they're not a bad guy like it's kind of like a serial killer where ted bunny had a family i'm just i'm just reaching at this point it's just

like a serial killer where they're like oh yeah he's a nice guy he's a quiet neighbor blah blah blah like yeah i never would have guessed he was a serial killer it's like yeah he's not gonna murder every single person right yeah they have they are looking for a specific kind of person to fuck with and it doesn't matter if they're a serial killer or just like a an asshole yeah there's a specific person that probably triggers their childhood attachment wounds that they're gonna fuck with amen because i hate to tell you this but me and my therapist talk about this all the time we are attracted to people who trigger our childhood trauma yep like our our attachment wounds from our childhood and you can have great parents but everyone has trauma

everyone's walking around trying to function with their trauma and that's how i that's how i like see people that's why i feel like that's why i feel like it's always easy for me to find something to like about someone because i'm like we're all just fucking doing our best yeah right yeah and totally and everyone just wants to be seen the way that they are like seen and accepted for who they really are and not have to be like fake about it i think that it's just like it's so important to remember like you don't really know someone unless you know them word and like that goes for everything somebody that you love that you think is like great and you've heard that they're great you don't really know or someone that like you hear is awful you don't know you

don't know them until you know them it's so easy for us to try to fill in like you know we color things in because it's easier to uh but like fuck there are just like so many people that i know personally that people don't like or they do like and i'm like y'all have it all wrong the second i know about someone's childhood i'm like oh well now i know yeah like now if someone reacts a certain way and I know what their childhood was like I'm like that makes a lot of sense and I'm not gonna like take it personally yeah it's just so just so everyone knows if I know you I'm uh analyzing your childhood on the side so there you go but it's why I love you yeah yeah so you can thank your childhood for your relationship with Liz and you can thank my therapist for

making me think that I'm as smart as she is well that's good therapist we just no we sit there I imagine myself as like a child like if she were like wearing if she had like a beard and a mustache I'm wearing a fake beard and mustache and I'm a child sitting right next to her like pretending to do what she's doing you know like when you're if you take your kid to work and they don't know how to write or anything and they're just like mimicking you that's me like the fake steering wheel in the back seat yeah yeah it's like I'll like I'll be talking to my therapist but then I'll be talking about someone else and then like i'll start analyzing them with her hell yeah and i don't know if she is like all right liz this isn't about them that they're not paying me to be their

therapist because she keeps she'll always try and shift it back she's like okay and like how does it feel when that happens like i don't know she'll try and make it about me and i'm like no no no no i'm gonna analyze what yeah this isn't about me right now this isn't about me at all alex okay this is not about me i this is their therapy session i'm just doing the communicating for them i realized i my therapist will always say whenever i'm talking about anyone else i'm like why do you think that like he did this she'll always say well i don't know him and i'm not his therapist but i'm like oh you're right you're paying i'm paying you to talk about me okay i i see but i think we all do that it's so it's it's fun to kind of like analyze people with your

therapist yeah you're like how much to talk about can we like talk about like why my ex is the way that he is my therapist kind of does the opposite she'll be like why do you think they do that and i'm like well here's all the things that i've noticed yeah interesting i don't know oh fuck i don't fucking ever know why people do shit go to therapy because it's fun to analyze everyone else game well one you have to you have to get through a bunch of other shit before it's like a it's like a different level like a video game level you just keep going yeah yep you yeah once you're at that a high enough level you can safely analyze other people i love that i wonder what the final boss is gonna be the reason i do it is not to be like and i'm still the hero it's it's so i

could like understand why they might do something so i don't personalize it totally it's so something it's helpful for my mental health i talked about this on an early episode it's been a really long time but like something that's really helped me with like understanding other people and why they do the things that they do and not take it too personally is thinking of three reasons but why what this person is doing has nothing to do with me and it's so easy it's like oh well maybe they had a bad day maybe like they like you know like their childhood stuff like if you can list anxiety is so loud and it's like it's about you you did something wrong yes it's kind of like a cbt thing actually it's like let's like reframe this and like make it not so black and white yeah it's

amazing it's nothing is ever black and white everything is mostly gray different shades of gray can you imagine if things were black and white i can't decide if it'd be peaceful or chaotic that is so insightful can't decide if it'd be peaceful or chaotic famous last words um should we do our um fun sex act of the week i'm really excited to hear it i think we should do it i'm so excited to hear the sex act of the week read by liz i'm singing you are oh sorry i thought you were like and then i looked at your face and i was like oh she's mad okay i'm interrupting the solo um let's get into it yeah so i found the sex fact of the week

last night when i was um a little high a little bit i i just have i don't know i made a part of my self-care routine at night to get a little high and do my dishes and do my skincare routine if you've never done your skincare routine high um it feels so nice i love doing my skincare routine high it just feels good i love brushing my teeth when i'm high any sensation is just so so nice get there um so i anyways i thought i had strep throat i gargle oh i didn't tell you this i thought yesterday i might have started developing strep throat wait me too yesterday and i i was like i had a little i had some white spots oh fuck but i gargled with i remember my mom telling me like oh gargle with any mouthwash you have because it's made to like kill um bacteria so i was like

whatever i'll just it's not too bad i feel like maybe i could get rid of it but at that by the time i was gargling mouthwash i was like i was wishful thinking i was like there's no way you feel better today oh my god i woke up and i felt like a million bucks oh my god i felt like i had strapped the last two days yeah i had no throat pain so try gargling i feel better now i mean except for like me i was just tail fur and my fucking nose maybe that's what it was it might have been honestly i always look at my tonsils to see if there's white spots i don't have tonsils anymore so i can't rely on that shit you're right r.i.p to my tonsils man i would like to r.i.p to my tonsils i'm sick of them anyways so to speak amazing another banger by amelia thank you um

anyways so i was just looking up like what it could possibly be because i was like fuck i hope it's not strep throat i hope i just want to be able to go home and not be sick and i knew i know it's not covid i also like i had just got my booster so i was like hoping maybe it was like a side effect for my booster my booster kicked my ass but stumbled upon some very shocking information uh-oh uh did you know that you can get chlamydia in your throat no yep you can get chlamydia in your throat so chlamydia in the throat causes symptoms and more um this is from everly wall's website everly wall actually has like different types of health tests you can buy um are you okay yeah okay my face was itchy and i was upset so it just kind of hovered

um okay so can you get chlamydia in the throat the answer to that question is yes although Staphyloclomidia, one of the most common sexually transmitted infections, STIs, in the United States, often affects parts of the body like genitals or rectum. It can also infect one's throat, known as pharyngeal chlamydia infection. Oh, dear God. What causes chlamydia in the throat? the chlamydia bacterium can be transmitted to the throat during oral sex with an infected sex partner resulting in a pharyngeal pharyngeal infection the infection can also be passed from the mouth of an infected partner to one's genitals so if you had like throat chlamydia

and you gave someone a head they could get chlamydia from your throat you're like a superhero yeah exactly transmitted it all around oh my god what the fuck um how common is chlamydia in the throat um it's not as common as like regular chlamydia they use all these scientific terms and i don't want to sound out these words like a first grader um one review of existing studies found that throat chlamydia was equally frequent in women compared to men who have sex with men occurring in up to 3.2 percent of women and 3.6 percent of men who have sex with men based on study populations at high-risk settings like sexually transmitted disease clinics um also you so somewhere in here it says you can also get it if you have chlamydia it's also

likely of gonorrhea because they kind of like go hand in hand um and if you have one sti or std it's like like you're more at risk for getting another one so chlamydia and gonorrhea just kind of go together so you could also get gonorrhea in your throat anyways uh what does chlamydia in the throat look like right it it basically has the same side effects as strep throat perfect chlamydia in the throat may cause white spots to appear in the back of the throat or tonsils if you have swollen tonsils and any other symptoms that resemble a strep throat infection it may be wise to still get tested for chlamydia. These white spots may resemble tonsillitis that are caused by a bacterial infection. Related health conditions are is gonorrhea. Gonorrhea is another

bacterial STI that can affect the genitals, rectum, and throat. Caused by the bacteria Neisseria gonorrhea or something like that. Gonorrhea often exists alongside chlamydia chlamydia infection according to some estimates 70 percent of people with gonorrhea also have chlamydia jeez louise i know big number we're all out here hoeing it up and i'm happy for us but this is why you need to get std tested regularly like chlamydia gonorrhea may not cause any symptoms but in some cases gonorrhea signs and symptoms may include abnormal genital discharge pain when urinating pain during intercourse fever or sore throat so that's your fun fact that's your fun sex fact of the week by liz so you ruined my week first of all second of all

what does i always wonder what like what does pain during sex mean like in terms of like yeah like if it's like a scabbing pain yeah right because it's like i have pain during sex because my uterus is tilted funny and i have an iud yeah me too but then there's like if it's like an sti related pain like is it stinging like is it you know that would be interesting to know yeah and how do you know if it's like just discomfort yeah because also like for people with a uterus like your cervix moves depending on where you are in your cycle so you're like okay is this just discomfort because like i i'm getting my period next week so my cervix is lower like yeah you just it's it's hard there's so many so many things are so similar yeah like it's like do i have

covid or do i just have the flu or i have covid or is this just what throats feel like yeah exactly do i have covid or is this allergies i there's a million and one things so many things have too many of the same symptoms and like pregnancy and your and pms it's also important it's rude that they are this they have the same side effects it is important to point out that the majority of stis do not show any symptoms yeah so get your yearly checks if you are sexually active with multiple partners especially because you never know yeah there are so many that just go completely undetected you can like i think this was also on everly's web everly wells website because you can order std testing kits nice so i think they're a little more expensive than like if you went

through your insurance somewhere but but a lot less just know that it's an option and maybe one day we'll have them as a sponsor and we can we really well yeah that would be nice let's fake it right now we're really good at this already everly well everly well we've already said about 50 times this episode everly well 51 i actually did order a test through them um somewhat recently which one um it was one of the std tests i haven't done it yet but it was like 30 bucks which was about what i would have paid for the same thing through my insurance right uh for like a copay so i haven't done it and um when i do i'll let you know how it goes but you like uh they give you all the stuff and they like give you a thing and i haven't done it so i can't go into all the

details of how to do it but it's they give you everything you need and for the most part most of them are really affordable they have everything on everly well i was looking at their allergy tests for a while um but then i was reading all about like you have to like fast and i was like i'm not gonna do that there's no way in hell like oh word no yeah you had to like cut out certain foods and i'm sure caffeine is in there and that's like just not happening so anyway i ended up not but everly well has like all of these different tests that you can do and i think i might be wrong about this but i think that their sti tests are newer because i just recently started getting ads for them yeah well i got the hpv one because i just want to make sure because for most places

they don't test you for hpv until you're over 30 because it's really likely that you'll clear it and i didn't get a car until this weekend yay she has a car um so i just haven't had time to like make an appointment and drive there or whatever so i was like i'll just get this part out of the way first and then if i have it then i can take the next steps so i got an hpv test i i don't i was like i don't want people to think that like i'm worried like mr liz is like cheating on me or no no yeah so it's just either way it's just smart to get one every so often like exactly regardless yeah so anyway this is your psa swab your throat while you're at it because you can fucking get chlamydia in your goddamn throat yeah if you have strep throat you might have

actually chlamydia in your throat even if you're not deep throating I wonder I also wondered I was like if I did have chlamydia in my throat but I have taken like antibiotic since then because I had strep throat like a couple months ago yeah yeah yeah z-pack gets rid of gunnery and chlamydia i'm pretty sure yeah i was just on z-pack for my gum graft baby so we're both chlamydia free come fuck us it's getting late now okay yeah we gotta go liz is liz is in a whole ass relationship i am open for the fucking i we have to cut this off yeah that was it's getting it's getting wild over here join our discord subscribe to us on patreon follow us on all the things um and we'll talk to you next week we love you we love you our children

oh that's like a half step it sounded like that the movie entrance thing oh Oh, yeah.