The Hoely Hour - E7 The Tony Hawk of Jumping Onto Sh*t

Episode Date: July 29, 2020

The D.A.R.E. program worked really well on these girls. What's a DABs of the Week and is it you? You NEED to add cursing your exes to your skincare routine. Taking a BDSM assessment is like an enneagram for sexual deviance. The girls talk about dating someone who is respectful of your hobbies and time, being transparent, and more. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hey guys, this is Liz. I wanted to include a trigger warning for this episode for sexual assault from about minute 7 to about minute 13. So if you're sensitive to this topic, then I would recommend skipping it. But I hope you enjoy the rest of this episode. Love you! Hey! Knock it off! That's my dad voice. It's a very scary dad voice. It scared me. Hey! welcome to the holy hour i'm amelia samson and i'm liz ball amelius whispered i tried to be fancy with it to switch it up it didn't go well i'm amelius

anyway um sorry for making you feel weird thanks for coming to mass and the rest of it will be speaking in uh english accents i was gonna say just kidding we just have a full episode of us speaking in tongues what does that sound like i hated it i had a skit idea in my head earlier today of like a girl being like okay so a lot of you have been asking about my skincare routine and i'm gonna show you and then it's just her casting spells like on her ex-boyfriends and she's like this is what keeps me youthful like drawing a satanic star and like putting their picture in the middle i love that so actually i steal their soul i only do it once a week

and that's why every day you don't that's why i'm aging in reverse yeah if you steal too many souls you will become a baby so be careful anytime anybody asks me to do anything other than what i'm already doing like my eye starts twitching i need to sleep eventually i'm so tired you're like say yes amelia up your five hands but i told my psychiatrist that it's making my eyes feel tired and he was like oh that's weird he's like that's definitely an unusual side effect and then he moved on i'm like then he gave you a fist bump and you said get the fuck out of my office one size fits all

i emailed another psychiatrist today like to see if she has availability and i'm like i hate my psychiatrist i hate her sorry that was my vivance speaking help me yeah help help i'm trapped in here but i emailed her and i was like sis i need you to help me with my medication because um my psychiatrist keeps making broad stroke assumptions about me because i like to drink on the weekends every time i tell him anything's weird with my medication he's like must be the alcohol any new psychiatrist anyway i'm up 10 milligrams now so well you could be like me and self-medicating with weed and just being more anxious i'm just kidding i've i tried that i'm familiar with that round actually no i actually haven't uh been high on marijuana in a

while nice only shrooms how many more shrooms you have left and only on dates i'm just kidding how many did you buy from her uh two bars how much you have left uh like half of a bar wow you've really made that stretch well i'm not gonna go on trip out on shrooms like every day for a while you were like just kind of like going on walks and like eating a little bit but i didn't know how much you were eating so i assumed you're out of it well so i also realized i mean all you need is one little square um but i also realized that you need to like give your brain a break because otherwise then then maybe you'll do the same amount like the next day or like a few days later but you're you haven't like replenished yet so you're not gonna like trip

wow yeah so i like to i now they're now it's for special occasions also i'm running out so it's like only for the specialist occasion yeah you know like a first date yeah that was special and you yielded fantastic results yeah well I wouldn't have offered if like uh the vibes were right you know so I was just like the vibes are immaculate do you want to do drugs the vibes are astronomical yeah the vibes in my studio apartment are astronomical would you like to do drugs and then he said what drugs and i said i have weed and i have shrooms and he was like he's like i'll have uh awesome shrooms well weed is weed's a tricky one you know you never know what you're

gonna get no and shrooms it's like okay if i can sense like i enjoy his company right now and i'm this comfortable it's gonna be fun right on shrooms totally yeah no with weed it's different it's like you don't know oh I get so anxious I get I can't spoke with people anymore no period okay but have you masturbated while you've been high on weed it's mind-blowing I'm like different I'm so sad that I get so anxious when I'm high like anxious around other people yeah because it would be really nice to just be like high as fuck having like awesome sex yes but absolutely have you had sex on molly no i've wanted to but i hate molly like it makes me like i have i have a really bad come down from molly me too the next day is really bad for me yeah

it's not the low is not worth it to me that's fair yeah i've done molly twice and like i'm just like that was not worth it yeah that's fair that's why i just i do shrooms that's good you figured out what works for you yep i had sex on molly one time was it good mind-blowing everybody told me not to do it because it's like nothing will ever amount to and that's fucking that's that's the molly that's the molly that's the molly speaking but it was it was fun because it's just like you just want to like touch everything and be touched so like for that to like it was it was a life changing experience um but yeah no I can't have sex I've I've only masturbated when I'm high from weed like I've never had sex when I'm high because I am usually so anxious like I just need to be by

myself like I have to fully leave a group one time I was super high with shoe man and he we started having sex and I like closed my eyes and I was somewhere else entirely like I know we were having sex but i was not there anymore and then like i remember him being like are you okay do you want me to stop and it was like thinking about it now i'm like clearly i wasn't and you should have just stopped and he was like annoyed he had to stop it was on my fucking birthday too yeah i'm the highest fuck on my birthday okay why are people like i don't like because he is a terrible person yeah i like and this just like goes back to consent it's like okay if you can tell this person is not there anymore you need to stop yes yeah and i was just like how can you be okay with

continuing to exactly why are you still my body is limp and i'm clearly like not mentally there so fucked up i was literally like in outer space i for i forgot we were having sex yo hey guys this is Liz um I'm currently editing this episode and I wanted to talk a little bit more about this story um I realize I'm in a unique situation where I can hear myself uh telling a story back that um I don't know when I was listening to it I was like holy fuck like I'm I'm kind of dismissive of this. I mean, it's assault. Let's call it what it is. It's assault. Um, and I wanted to talk a little bit more about this because I, I did talk to my therapist about this. Um, I'm mostly having some cognitive dissonance about this. Um, and I know Amelia

had said something similar when she talked about her experience as well. Um, but I'm, I'm mostly just sad that instead of calling him out in the moment I just felt guilty for like being too high but the reality of this is like I should I mean everyone should feel safe with their partner and um I felt ashamed he made me feel ashamed that I was like not lucid enough to have sex with him um and I think it's also important to touch on consent like consent is pretty black and white I remember watching this video comparing consent to drinking tea or like making tea for someone so if someone consents at the beginning like yes I would love a cup of tea but then they fall asleep they're not awake to drink that cup of tea and you you should not pour

them any more tea and he he knew he didn't have to ask me if he should stop um and the fact that he got mad uh I don't know just really fucking sucks like his uh having sex was more important to him than my safety um but it's strange to experience that I'm such a loud advocate for people to stop minimizing their experiences with assault and then I heard myself tell this story in kind of like a dismissive way when it was clearly not okay um I minimized my own assault and I think that's a result of internalized misogyny and I think a lot of women experience that um it just made me think about how often we make excuses for people that we love and we're socialized to normal gray area experiences like this um like I was like yeah he I've always

felt icky about this and I also realize I've never told this story until I was telling Amelia in the moment. And, um, yeah, I was like, he's my boyfriend. Um, he would never hurt me. He loves me. And, um, I think a lot of us have experienced something like that where we make an excuse for someone that we know and love because we don't want to believe that they would ever do something to hurt us. Um, and like I said, consent is black and white and the things that make it gray area are when manipulation tactics come into play, like using threats or guilt or shame to make someone do what you want them to do. So for him to be annoyed and make me feel bad after the fact that, you know, I accidentally got too high, I had too many edibles and like didn't know they

were going to hit me that hard um it's just him conditioning me to always be submissive for him when he wants to have sex um I I don't feel triggered about this circumstance anymore but I think it's incredibly important to to talk about how I view this experience now and was able to hear myself talking about this in a way that I minimized my own experience because I I highly doubt i'm the only person who has done something like this i mean even amelia telling her story a few episodes ago like this is so commonplace and i just want to emphasize like we should not be normalizing this and the way i talked about it like obviously i unintentionally was like normalizing it a little bit because i i think i was just conditioned to like be dismissive of

like oh a man who loves me would never do that to me um but yeah I'm sad that my safety was not a priority to this person and um I hope that this was valuable for the listeners to hear and um you know to not like be ashamed to tell your story and um not normalize these circumstances and it is kind of hard to um admit to yourself when like you know something was problematic but like you didn't really like give it much attention you know and um yeah you don't have to be traumatized to be like yeah this wasn't okay at fucking all and like now I would totally be the kind of person to be like uh like I would for sure have called him out and been like are you fucking kidding me um but you know that's what we call growth baby so keep on growing and I hope

that you guys enjoy the rest of this episode back to your regularly scheduled uh i don't know being a slut that's the whenever i realize that i'm in that headspace like once i like click back in and i'm like whoa i'm like not that's when i start to get anxious and it's game over from there and i'm it's my night my night is over i just can't i cannot smoke around people anymore no and don't even get me started on edibles I just want to be high as fuck on my couch with my cats eating an entire pizza yes and watching cartoons is that too much to ask and covered in a blanket oh I know I really love like I can only smoke indica it's because sativas are way too stimulating for me and then like I have to be fully alone and then like there cannot

be the potential of somebody infiltrating my environment like I have to have a whole night plan because the second somebody gets entered into like my environment it's I like freak out it's not good you feel like they're judging you or no I'm just like I just like get so aware of there being another presence and like I feel like not that they're judging me but that I have to kind of be like on and like maybe that's playing up on something that I need to talk about in therapy I don't know I always have to be like a character for people but like it's really really uncomfortable for me and this and the moment that I start to feel uncomfortable when I'm high I can't be like Amelia you're high like calm down everything's okay like it's just done from

there it's a it's a slippery slope I like I have to be very very comfortable with another person to be high around them because I feel like they're judging me or like maybe something they're doing is like kind of bothering me yeah and it's making me uncomfortable yeah so yeah like I don't know there's also been times where it's like I've gotten high with a friend who I love deeply and sincerely but they'll like talk through a movie and i'm just like so high that i'm like can you fucking stop yeah like yeah like i i can't handle your energy while i'm trying to be high as shit watching this movie yeah you should get irritated and like the annoyed high is the most annoying kind of annoyed yeah yeah because you're like i can't even enjoy this

yeah hi because i'm trying to process what's happening and you being annoying yes absolutely oh god yeah i think i've had too many experiences where i've been anxious high that i just can't i just can't do it anymore do you tell your therapist that you like have done drugs or whatever um no i mean she suggests cbd to me frequently um because i'm such a basket case but she doesn't know i haven't had a reason to tell her about any of my other experiences so no i i withhold information from my therapist because you feel like she might judge you no maybe deep down somewhere i think it's because like i totally treat my therapist as like my the boss of my personal life yeah and i'm like oh god i don't know she's almost like uh

part i don't want to say like a parental role but sometimes yeah like i i noticed this recently like i take what she says as gospel yeah and i probably shouldn't but i do i'm like she said it so it's right yeah but i mean that's that's like you found somebody that you can trust and that's you yeah she's a professional i i finally told her this last weekend like over the weekend um that my first date with uh what i call brick house i finally told her that like we also did shrooms what'd she say nothing she just skipped past that she yeah she doesn't ever there's been times where i've been like yeah and i was like i was so high and i thought about this or something and she doesn't say anything i think that they're i don't know this as a fact but just from like talking to

my therapist I think they're probably trained to be like if they just skim past shit wait until they bring it up and they actually want to talk about it because there's some stuff that I say that's like clearly problematic but I like zoom past it and then we don't talk about it until I circle back on it like a month later yeah so I don't know if that's like well she clearly doesn't want to talk about it it was just like to kind of I mean through the story I also think maybe my therapist is probably like okay if this is like a common thing then maybe it's something we need to talk about yeah but like also like the drugs i do recreationally are like i i do them recreationally and i'm i have i don't have any dependence on them yeah it's not a problem yeah

yeah and to yeah i haven't been high from weed in a while because you don't need to be because i have shrooms now and here we are like drinking every single episode like we're like yeah tipsy every time we record maybe we have a it makes it more fun we're just two ladies just chatting over some white claws that scared me too it was doing so well my you're cursed amelia okay so i have this hanging lamp and it's fallen down i have it hung up on command hooks and it's fallen down exclusively when Amelia's here it's fully terrifying too it's so scary when it happens um fun fact for the listeners I'm haunted I don't know if you believe in that but wait I almost want to save this for Halloween we'll talk about our Halloween

episode when I'm haunted I'll tell you my spooky stories I have a couple let's have a spooky episode yeah you have to wait until October spooky Liz and spooky Amelia we'll have to like record these on video too yeah so Amelia and I have decided to do whatever the fuck we want independently right now when I so when I was in college um me and my closest girlfriends started a facebook group called boss ass bitches yeah and uh we would nominate a dab of the week like drunk ass bitch of the week i love that or sometimes it's ratchet of the week uh who's to say which one it was okay i feel like we would go back and forth and then we'd also have um i think we had a chode of the week one week

so so we would go out on the weekends and um whatever happened over the weekend we would like nominate someone to be dab of the week and we'd submit why we'd be like this weekend My cat just did the weirdest jump on the table. What happened? He's proud of himself. He's like, yeah, I did that. Call me Tony Hawk of jumping

onto shit. He's licking his shoulder like he wasn't just so embarrassing. love you so much baby oh come here cuddle me oh oh he's like no we're done for today he's like you made fun of me goodbye i'm gonna lick my leg like nothing happened oh it's grandpa they're all coming oh god okay so anyways yeah so we'd nominate a

dab of the week and we'd explain why and we'd be like this weekend so and so did this thing and that's why we're nominating them as dab of the week i'm gonna read one to you okay and then so if you won dab slash ratchet of the week you had to carry around this ugly purse me and my roommate picked out from goodwill i love that what inspires you to make the first move oh um so what would you define like first move as like give them my number or that's another question like what do you consider a first move so i feel like like on hinge and i know i mentioned this um in the mini sode like on hinge i have the best success when i make the first move because i want to be able to like say something really weird and see if they can keep up with it interesting

and so that's how i would make the first move but when i i'm trying to think about um like kissing or holding hands or something yeah his holding hands a move i guess it could be because i feel like giving someone your number is a move that's true um i guess when it comes to i'm trying to think well let's okay so i'll narrow it down because that's so true there's so many different ways that you can make a move on someone what's your like if you're on a date with somebody and there's like nothing happening physically like how like what inspires you to make the first move i do have a little bit of an expectation for someone to try and kiss me on the first date um so i like allow for enough time like to pass where

we can feel comfortable enough and then usually they'll take the initiative and say like can i kiss you and then i'm like fuck yeah kiss me uh let's fucking kiss i want you to kiss the shit out of me no tongue just just solid hard lips yeah i was just breaking past that carrier baby um no i hate everything i hate everything i just brought to the table there's only been one time where a guy was like can i kiss you and i said no that was because i was too high yeah that's fair anyways um yeah uh i always allow for enough time for like them us to like somewhat comfortably kiss and usually they ask like majority of the time they ask now as an adult i've never been

asked really i'm always asked wow yeah what we have such different experiences we really do we really really do it's interesting because i've never ever been asked and the idea of being asked is really cute are you asking we'll come here then and lay one on me kiss you no yeah they always they're always like can i kiss you i'm like yes i love that no i am 100 guys will just but i also love the whole like not asking part too it's just like just if the vibe is there fucking grab me you know and i don't know what i want i love all of it i just want to be kissed i mean yeah that's true well sexual attention is a lot of fun and it really is i think we don't talk about that enough is like sexual attention is so exciting for it yes like before like before

anything happens yeah and you're just like looking at them and you're like pay attention to what they're saying but it's so hard because all you can think about is just like that you want to kiss them have you done this like little push and pull with men where it's like you've already like kissed before and you've already like made out but you do the whole thing where you like kind of hover by each other a little bit and then you like pull back yes i do that all the time like micro like sexual tension is so sexy so that in like a long term of like this guy that i'm seeing now who like has not tried a single fucking thing even though i know that he is big into hookup culture and he hasn't tried pissing me yet the sexual tension is building and building and i'm

going to explode one of these days what if you just like go in like you're gonna kiss him and then you don't i'm just so that would be so fun that's the type of shit i used to do in college there's something about him that really intimidates me and men do not intimidate me often and so like I'm are you serious Amelia yeah okay I'm gonna speak from an outsider's perspective of like the things Amelia has told me about this guy and he's a child I think that it's just no the the vine is playing in my head where he's like a child Liz I don't know what it is about him but I'm like I think that it's I think that it's because he I've never been more perplexed in my life with dating a guy I'm so confused and it's up in the stakes I get that

it's up in the fucking stakes and there's nothing in particular about him that is like really like doing it for me I mean he's super hot and he's really really smart but I've like dated a lot of really hot really smart guys so it's not like that's like a novelty for me but like there's the novelty is that he hasn't tried anything and he and he's he hooks up with a lot of women but he keeps asking me to hang out and i'm like why won't you try anything with me hello i'm in your apartment do it i'm here i'm waiting but it's now you should just sit in his lap should i just do it i'm just sitting in his lap he's like we're just friends what are you doing honestly if i were you i would have kissed him by now oh but it's like i've waited so long

now that I'm like he has he has to do it I that's so interesting and well yeah so it's interesting that guys will ask me if they can kiss me first and guys don't ever ask you yeah um but also guys ask me if they can kiss me like literally always on the first date wow and then uh if not like if the i don't know or i'll like say something about it so like one guy went on a date with he like made a joke about our first kiss and then he like when the night was ending and my uber started to show up i was like are we gonna kiss fuck yeah liz well he alluded to it i was confused i was like i was like are we gonna kiss yeah you just all talk or what and then he was like do you want to and i'm like well yeah like no i just thought i'd bring it up what the

fuck no bye i just wanted to dangle the carrot in front of you yeah no i don't i honestly i don't know how to not be candid like okay typically same and there's something about this guy that's really making me not feel i don't oh i fucking hate it because there's so many things about him that i just don't like built it up to something in your head which is what i'm always talking about the more that I think about it the worse that it gets and I'm not feeling deep about it it's really just this like circle circle surface level challenge for me now which is yeah which is kind of fucked up but it's like no I get it it's kind of a game for me now I'm just like I'm gonna keep hanging out with you until you make a move dude but it's interesting I never

kiss on the first date oh except for with um sad dry hand job and that was because he like went in for it because he was so so drunk on our first date that's crazy to me I never kiss on the first date it's not even a cardinal rule I have I'm just kind of like it's just never really like the inspiration really strikes I almost always kiss on the first date I kind of want to start kissing on the first date because just I love kissing so it's like why not so you've never like boned on the first date oh I'm trying to think I mean the first the time the one time that I've had sex on the first date was with a guy that I had known for a while so it was like the sexual tension had kind of built you know but like no but actually both times i've had sex on the first

was with guys that i had known for a while okay um oh my god this morning this girl on the machine next to me i feel like she was competing with me and i was like bitch it ain't no competition because i've been coming here way longer than you have but if it was a competition i'd be winning yeah she's like and like i don't know like her form was bad and i was like you're gonna hurt yourself she's probably watching you to know what to do maybe but also maybe she just needed that little boost i i know how some people make it like make it like a secret competition yeah yeah like on a treadmill like you have to run faster than that yeah oh god maybe you should hook up with your um workout guy that would be problematic for me like i don't want to i don't want to ruin

that that's fair you're so much smarter than me i'll just make it awkward for forever never be able to go back time yeah oh god oh speaking of which i'm seeing a music man tomorrow music man did you bring up the bdsm conversation i didn't know but i probably will tomorrow i think that he's like me where he he's into the stuff surrounding it but like doesn't know if he's actually into it like that's kind of how i felt and then once it happened i was like yep i feel like it'd be kind of cute to like learn together but i also don't want like i want somebody like what you have that just like shows me what the fuck is up i think no matter what it's going to be like that though like i think it doesn't matter if one person is more

experienced or not just based on like because we both still feel a little like awkward yeah because we it's still a matter of figuring out what the other person wants totally it's just in a different space totally but it's still nice to kind of have somebody that like knows the ropes literally the quiz that's on ropes that's what i'm getting tied up yeah um no restraint the quiz i took uh the top two things i think they both were 100 but the first one was brat and then the second one was rope bunny and i was like what the fuck's that bunny yeah it's called a rope bunny and it just means you

like to be tied up oh so why a bunny like when why why do bunnies get to be sexy yeah what did they do to earn that bunnies and cats yeah why those are the two i can kind of understand cats because they're like there's like yeah yeah there's like they got that the shoulder the shoulder walk but bunnies are just like they're scared they hop away kind of there we've all seen a bunny run away yeah maybe that's part of it like i don't know they also like fuck like rabbits you know oh maybe that's maybe that's it but i don't think so you don't tie around no you don't no you don't i don't know i don't know either because then there's also i don't know playboy bunnies jessica rabbit playboy bunny lola bunny what what other sexy bunnies

there's a lot i just funny now rope bunny very interesting no i've never thought about that yeah there's just all of these it's not it's beyond just like dom and sub it's like you have names now i was like what is that yeah i want to take that quiz i took it kind of like a while ago like it might not be the same one but i took a similar quiz a while ago that was like a hundred fucking questions and i was kind of like by the end of it i was like just kind of like selecting just actually take one because i'm curious like if i were to partake who would i yeah what you would like yeah i took a short a shorter quiz and then you'd rate it like um least likely to most likely so there's some variation interesting yeah well it's like a person it's like an actual

personality test it's like an enneagram for like sexual deviance did you take the enneagram what are you four interesting what's your wing three uh what are you i'm a nine wing one you're a nine nine everyone that i've said that to is like yeah that's what i thought you would be oh i thought you would be a three but i don't know enough about nines that's interesting i know i am out of shape because every single time i have sex my ass hurts the next day like i've just it's not because it's getting smacked no it's just the muscles are like oh great are they are they telling you to squat on their dick no it's not even like intense sex i just like i just wake up the next day like feeling like i did a hike no sis you didn't let's road dick for 10 seconds

i'm a little nervous about um like hearing you talk about how like the second time like the first time that you had sex with oh we might put this up the second time you had sex with Brickhouse was like a little bit like they were kind of expectations set I'm feeling the same way about seeing Music Man tomorrow because it's like the first time was so intense and like passionate and like it just happened and now we've been sexting and oh you've been sexting kind of it hasn't been anything like sexting like a whole scene it's just like some things here and there you know like oh I just pulled he's like I just pulled into a rest stop to like nap for a little bit and like I was thinking about like going on a road trip with you and just like pulling over

to a rest into a rest stop and like fucking you and then just like driving off like nothing happened like stuff like that like he just like sent me little scenarios you were thinking about that with me or are you sending this to other women either way I didn't do it but now tomorrow are you sexting other bitches or not yes or no but I'm seeing him tomorrow and like he was saying he was like um I don't even want to talk when you get here like I just want to rip your clothes off like right away I'm like fuck yeah I'm into that but like what if you know the vibe is off I like walk in and like I'm sweaty and then I'm like in my head you know what I mean there's so many things that could how many times have you guys just had sex just once yeah well I think the

weirdest thing that i've had to come to a conclusion about is like we're in such a strange and incredibly like unique situation where we're like broadcasting our dating lives yeah and no matter what we do we have to be entirely honest we have to be completely honest with whoever we're dating and we have to be completely honest on the podcast because whoever we're dating is also listening yes yes like it's just it's yeah I know it's been interesting I know I said this to you the other day but like it's been interesting to hear what you've been experiencing with people being like oh I'm concerned about the podcast because it's not the first time that's happened to you no I haven't experienced that yet like the only guys that have brought up the

podcast is um the comedian who has chosen not to listen anymore because he i totally understand that yeah and then that's interesting it's like making the choice to not listen yeah which is i have so much respect because he's such a supportive guy and like he wanted to listen to support me but he got to the point where he was just like i just don't want to hear you dating other guys yeah totally fair that's absolutely fair and that's and for him to make that decision and not try to stifle me and not try to like i listen to the podcast i'd like it if you would not date other people he was just like listen to the podcast and I'm not gonna listen anymore I'm like good for you that is a that is sounds like the right choice for you um and I totally respect that so it's been him

and then music man listened and he texted me he was like I heard my section he's like looking forward to ripping your clothes I couldn't wait to rip his clothes off so those have been my two experiences whereas you've had the experience of guys being concerned about you talking about them and I'm wondering if the guys that I'm dating are also concerned but they don't feel like I've created a safe enough space for them to let me know that because you are so like tell me like you you have this air about you that makes people want to open up to you huh you do my heart and I'm like is it that are we just dating different types of guys that they feel like I kind of think so or like is it it's a me thing am I scaring them away from you no I think that

I do think that we are dating different kinds of guys and I don't know what it is like I feel like I end up dating guys who are like um very sensitive um because I'm also very sensitive I enjoy and want to be in a monogamous relationship but the the kind of freedom that I need like I I need to not be asked to put the things I care about aside for them yeah so there I've always had this ex there's always been this expectation for me to just like do whatever they want to do and I've done that in the past and I just like don't want that anymore yeah it's like I need you to respect my hobbies and like my friendships and know that like I will still love you and care about you as much if not more right like if i'm if you respect the space i need that is something

that's not and this doesn't even feel like a blanket statement to say that that's just something that everybody should do yeah you should be okay with your partner having like interests and a life outside of you and the second you need to trust them if you try to stifle that like what does what why like are you insecure that I like to like knit like what is it like you know like let me you insecure about my pilates I don't know why I always say knit I've never knit a day in my life but that's always well you I mean okay so an example for you is like you have literally so much going on in your life like with with acting and this podcast and like you are so committed to doing great at work like there's all of this other stuff and you and you have so many friends and

like so many different friend groups whoever you date is going to need to be okay with all of that and then not be jealous or insecure when you're like off like filming or here recording or with your friends like they're gonna have to be able to go with the flow with that and i mean not to turn this conversation back on myself um but the thing that i do like that i do like about brick house is like I feel completely respected and at like no matter what either of us says to each other like I don't feel like he's judging me I am absolutely not judging him and um it's like just even though having some of these conversations have been like hard to say your feelings because you're like I'm ashamed that I have this feeling because I don't know how me saying it is

gonna make you feel yeah and that's the hard part but um I mean I also don't have like I don't have any other option to be anything other than completely transparent so yeah um I don't know it's just like that's something that I appreciate is I don't feel like I'm being like trapped into this idea of a girl it's like I can just be myself that's I think the the thing that has stood out the most to me yeah when i compare my experiences my most recent experiences in dating is like i'm being put in this like idea of a person instead of just being accepted for who i am in the past it's like i do reserve part of my personality as probably a way to protect myself so that might be part of it that makes sense and where it's like i'm being put in this box of like

oh sweet Lynn they might also just be trying to fill in the blanks when they're projecting what they're feeling exactly that makes sense because I really do and then I feel that yeah I feel what they're projecting and I'm like I'm not this person I'm not gonna be your mom and I'm also not gonna be like your sweet little girlfriend yeah like who will do anything for you yeah and I had I was thinking about this earlier today like like uh the guy there's this guy I had gone on a few dates with um like I don't know I don't even remember when um fuck like that November that was like no it wasn't November it was January was it that it was after Christmas oh um I know that it was in 2020 which is

has been 11 years so um but I I was thinking about this earlier today he didn't respect any of my hobbies like he didn't respect my time um very insecure man yeah he he didn't respect my time because like I um that's when I had started like really getting into going to my gym so consistently and that's my thing like I love going there and like ever since I've gone there like yeah I've gotten in really great shape and I like how I look but um it's just really rewarding for me to go and like uh notice my strength improve and just like keep working towards like um I don't know improving my physical strength I don't know what it is that about it that's so satisfying but anyways like I didn't feel like he respected that I would go to the gym at like

six in the morning and he like no matter how late it was he'd be like can't I just want to see you like can I can you please come over can I come over and I'm like no you know I wake up at 5 a.m like just deal with it like or try and make some other plans with me or like make it seem like you actually enjoy the time you do get to spend with me i don't know he had a lot of shit to work out yeah independently he vibrated at such a high frequency like he was stressful for me to just meet it's like i teach you to i remember i was dial it back i went to the bathroom and the bar that we were in was like the women's room and the men's room were super close to each other and i was coming out when he was going in and he was just like like all over the place he's like hey

and i'm like this guy is really fucking stressful it's just so fucking stressful so it doesn't surprise me that he would be like so intense with you well and time and exactly attention like oh god i he just he he struck me as an insecure person which is like sounds mean to say but like you can people have insecurities and you can tell and like for him to like get jealous about you like you know i don't feel like he was jealous i feel like yeah it was just an insecurity of like he wanted me to drop everything to see him because he would drop everything to see me and i don't feel like we even talked that long it's like three weeks i don't like it yeah not about it i was thinking about this earlier though like how many times have you

like given a guy a perfect opportunity to sext you and he blows it like oh i wish i could talk about this without being too identifying last night it happens all the time most disappointing no but it was like last name that was really bad that was really bad it was like he started to like maybe like almost sexed me and then just made the most obnoxious hard shift when i took the bait into something entirely different i feel like you need to be super straightforward i i don't i don't know i i think that men um like the men that we talk to maybe they're just like to it's such a gamble you know it's such a risk for them to take that's to to try and make something sexual if you're not making it sexual first i'm just like oh it was so be forward right there it was

right i know i know i'm just like dude what the fuck i'm just so confused i'm just so confused and here's the thing like I don't care about this shit normally and so the fact that I care is really driving me crazy just send him a picture with you and your bra just like that's what I know my I'm so because it's like I want my normal like mo is to just like not give a fuck and like just kind of like operate on that but like we have so many mutual friends and all of our mutual friends we have are like all like very cool I know I shouldn't care about that but they're just like so cool that I'm concerned that like if I like make a bad move or like do something dumb like they're all gonna know about it oh which is not fun it's like and I'm concerned about that from

like a sex standpoint too I'm like what if the sex sucks and then I have to hear it from all of these people that'd be like you know on our podcast i guess that's true this is really true this is triggering like a bullying thing for me from middle school though i'm like you know what i mean but it's like and it really is kind of the same thing it's like he's airing it out with his friends i'm gonna air it out publicly and he knows that this exists too i should probably have a conversation with him about like if he's cool with me talking about him on here because such a weird we're trying to do that now we're trying to like be I always had in my mind that like men can come easily like that was always like that you could get there but now I'm realizing

as I'm having more experiences that that's 100% not the case like there's so many factors that can contribute to if a guy comes the first time I was having sex with a guy and he was like I don't think I'm gonna be able to come I was like what what do you need me to do and it's not anything that we're doing it's just sometimes I know I hate that too because you're like I want you to and it's like well I can't and like anxiety and depression and there's so many different things like different medications that they're taking um like if they had a hard day or if they're just like too focused on like performing then like that's also there's so much shit yeah we're it's just the same stuff that we deal with oh absolutely it's just there's so much shit out

there that's like like making it feel like men are just like two pump chumps if they want to be they can get off no matter what and that's not that's not no and well and then i think it's um the same as us is like you don't have to come for it to be really great sex yeah i don't need to come i mean you can know it's mind-blowing sex and and still not come yes so i would say i i don't want to like talk about brick house too much um but like the first time we had sex i didn't come but like he offered to like help me get there and that's really all that matters yeah yeah exactly he was like what can i do and then i was like i'm actually good and it was because like there's so much going on in my head um and i think i had like i hadn't had sex in so

long i was almost overstimulated i was like i can't get there i'm like there's too much going on with my entire body right now i i can't i have too many things firing off in my brain um but i still knew it was like great sex so like i yeah i will stand by saying that is the best sex i've ever had oh yeah so and the fact that you didn't come then is like testament to like yeah need to be every time you don't need to come to have great sex no and it's not anything about the sex like would i like to sure everyone would like to but also you still enjoyed yourself even if you don't come yeah you can't control like everything in that experience and yeah i think me being overstimulated is not the worst thing obviously that just means i was really in it

and then i had a lot to process after that yeah so yeah like for a first time experience like that there's a lot that i had to think about yeah yeah so it doesn't need to be a home run every single time exactly i still enjoy it but the fact that men will still ask how they can help or like are you sure rather than just like like what can i do yeah to make sure you're having a good time yeah and so just like okay it's totally the thought that counts in that aspect it's like okay you know i came like how can i make you come yeah i would love i would love to make you come and then and then it's the balls in your cart you can be like do i like do i need that um is that what i want right now like you can kind of assess yourself like what what you want yes um like i was

when i at that point i would have been totally comfortable just being like yeah like please go down on me or something um but I had I did a quick self-assessment and I was like there's no way I can get there right now because there's too much happening yeah I'm way too stimulated like ever like I don't know physically and emotionally and mentally that I can't do that right now there's a lot of clear indicators yeah you have to like I feel like to have like a really great orgasm you have to turn your brain off and that wasn't gonna happen for me so that's what it was yeah yeah and that's like perfectly fine and i think i've probably said this every episode but like men not like like finishing and then being like all right is yeah they're like thanks bye yeah

i'm like was i like if you don't care about the other person in the scenario get a sex doll yeah period yep because it's just so disrespectful it's so disrespectful it's so disrespectful but like still even like just even if we don't want to come just like like ask or like offer I don't know and this is universal but still I mean like we talked about last episode some women can't have an orgasm yeah but it's like still treat them like a fucking human and like care about how they're feeling put in that effort put in the effort well by the time this episode comes out we'll have talked about aftercare and i think that that is i still stand by that being super important completely agree like as long as you have the emotional fulfillment as well um yeah

sex can and is amazing there can be and is amazing yes um someone dm'd us and was like after we talked about like clit stuff they had they were listening to the podcast with their boyfriend and we were talking about clit stuff as we do and she was like kind of our thing we love the clit the amazing jewel of the stuff yeah the tacoma of the vagina yikes no i'm just kidding that makes seattle the belly button oh my god or or seattle could be uh the jewel of the sat nevermind the jewel of the south sound the jewel of the center i don't know i don't know uh anyway it's not tacoma yeah i'm gonna remove that because it doesn't make any sense

well at work they call they call uh Tacoma Jewel of the South Sound really yeah it's not jots anyways uh vaginas um oh your friend's boyfriend oh yeah she's like ever since then he's been spending a lot more time on on my clit I can't thank you enough we're happy to provide no but that's so it's like it's so important you know and it's I don't think it's very obvious for everybody which blows my mind but it's because we own vaginas so that makes sense we own vaginas watch some porn on how to like there's there's all these tutorials on vagina porn I'm just kidding watch some vagina porn no but there's like there are some people that like their whole shtick like on like their porn

brand is like teaching men or or it's a man teaching it but it's teaching anybody that's having sex with a vagina how to get a woman to cum and it's like really sexy and like the person that he's like doing it with is like really really into it so it's porny in that aspect but it's also educational and I think that you should seek it out if you have never made a woman cum because it's like it's not very obvious for us i feel like it's a little bit more obvious because it's like the the penis is just like there it's there it's pretty obvious what we need to be doing yeah it gets hard yep that's an indicator that's an indicator we gotta use a lot of spit when the yep and then when they come it's just it's just right out there for women that's obvious yeah

or people with vaginas it's not so obvious like like what is what what's the what so yeah look it up online we're not educators here no we do know that feels good but it's a personal thing so it's like for a from a from a biological standpoint oh yeah i totally i totally have friends who are like yeah i don't need any clit stuff i don't i don't want any clit stuff wow yeah well i'm so jealous i know but she can come from sex so stupid bitch i would love to come from sex me too it saved me so much time yeah same and just like there's I what is the shame with like needing to like have extra like clit stimulation to come I don't think there's any shame in it no but I feel that way you do you feel like there's I feel like there's pressure on me

I don't know like what like from like from like uh like excuse me while I take care of myself kind of standpoint like you're not doing a good enough job and so i need my clit stimulated what is it like i put the i put the pressure on myself i don't like men have never put pressure on me that's good they're always like yeah like let's let's go for it fuck yeah yeah that's good but i'm the one putting the pressure on myself and like there is a level of shame of like I have to have extra yeah versus like just being able to come from sex I guess that I guess that makes sense because like I feel like maybe I've experienced that too with like excuse me while I it's and it's when we're new to having sex so like once I'm comfortable with them I I don't

feel that way yeah that's good um yeah but when it's new it's like there's a level of shame for me hmm that's interesting yeah this is probably a good place to wrap yeah we're gonna wrap it here and eventually we'll be better at like finding a way to end the podcast i don't think we're ever gonna find yeah it's just gonna because you and i just both love talking so much it's like it's gonna be so hard for us to actually find a non-point we have to just like cut ourselves off at some point it ends when we're tired and we're tired now yeah we did work for eight hours before this so thanks for listening yeah yeah thanks for listening um if you have stories you want to share or you like would like to hear us cover a topic or discuss an idea you have

um you can dm us um on instagram or twitter at the holy hour i'm sure that's super daunting too but like we are it will always be anonymous and it's anonymous we're like the least judgmental people we're just like airing our shit out yeah we're literally telling the entire world about our sex lives yeah so we're not going to judge you ever and we're not going to tell anyone that you said this stuff to us yeah exactly and or you can email us at holy hour at oh shit holy hour podcast at gmail.com know the and also remember the e in holy yeah every time i tell anyone about this podcast they're like i can't find you is this you and it's like a gospel podcast i'm like fuck that that's not us that is not us at all not us at all it's h-o-e-l-y

um the holy hour yeah holy hour holy hour podcast at gmail.com there's no the in the front but yeah send us your stuff um but thank you so much for listening we love you so much yeah we're fans of yours we talk about you literally all the time yeah we have posters of you on our wall i'm looking at a picture of you right now yeah okay love you bye wait do we sing we have to sing Oh, yeah.