The Hoely Hour - E71 Tunnel Sisters

Episode Date: January 28, 2022

The energy is chaotic today, but we're here for it! Liz and Amelia explain who West Elm Caleb is, because it turns out a Man of the Pod and one of Amelia's former lovers is the "West Elm Caleb" of Seattle... cue soap opera music A listener asks for advice on how to tell her pushy mom to stop pressuring her to get married. Stick around for a groovy Sex Fact of the Week. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hi, Ryan Reynolds here for Mint Mobile. Are you looking for a beach read this summer? May I suggest your big wireless bill. It's got suspense, mystery, a slightly flat emotional arc, and a shocking twist where you realize you've been overpaying the entire time. Fortunately, though, Mint's story is better. Every plan, $15 a month, even unlimited. That's it.

Happy ending. Zero tears. Give it a try at mintmobile.com slash switch. Upfront payment of $45 for three months, $90 for six months, or $180 for a 12-month plan required. $15 per month equivalent. Taxes and fees extra. Initial plan term only greater than 50 gigabytes.

May slow when network is busy. See terms. Let's get weird. Let's get weird. Let's get weird Welcome to the holy hour i'm amelia samson and i'm liz ball i forgot we were gonna say our names because amelia and i are in a just like a really weird we were chanting a lot of things before it is a there's a different energy in here today yeah i'll probably include the chant as the intro oh hell yeah the people have to know there are a few chants so yeah

maybe we're in a good mood because we got like two really exciting emails today that's true And we have to tell you what it is soon. Sorry, I did a little shimmy with the squeal. It's exciting stuff for the podcast too, y'all. Super exciting stuff. That's pretty cool. Any guesses? I feel like they probably know.

Yeah, I'm sure they do. There's only like a few different. There's only like three things that could be. Three exciting things. We're going to be on the Fit and Fresh podcast. Oh my God. It's a fresh and fit. Is it fit and fresh or fresh and fit?

Fuck those guys. They are insufferable. They really are. like we can help you get women us two ugly insufferable dudes women they fucking suck and we hate them why won't they have sex with us and then they invite women onto the show that are and then they're like you're ugly and you ain't shit yeah you're not special why did you invite me here yeah what am i doing here they just gaslight them into thinking that they're wrong about shit are you negging me into wanting to like be nice to you

yeah that's not gonna work and that's how did you see that uh woman what is her name i just had a brain about it me too oh my god hold on i could pull it up because so many people sent me the video um squints being one of them which is how i know he's happy oh britney renner nice i was like good man i i i i'm britney renner and then um what is it china doll oh i didn't see that one china doll walked out on them she was just like you're whack and she just walked out yeah they were like being rude to her yeah of course they were and then she was like um she's like you're rude to me first and then when i like say something back you're like you're being mean i just like she was like i'm out of here that's that's how they are with everybody that they have

on the show they're so inseparable they had a segment about i did a um youtube video reacting to it you should watch it it's fucked up the um they had like a whole segment on like women go on girls trips to cheat on men that and they talked for like 20 minutes about that subject that's so boring and it doesn't make any fucking sense well they just like controlling women it's boring yeah um if i wanted like why would i pretend to be interested in anything these ugly men are saying when i could pretend to be interested in sports for hot men yeah you know right so yeah fuck yeah you know what i started doing when i want to like look cool to hot men um looking at the top tweets during a football game and being like that is a game shit that fucking turnover during the

second quarter man totally game changer how come men aren't looking up the top tweets from joe millionaire yeah and texting them to to us they should be well i mean to you yeah i bet if you did text them to me mr liz would be very excited too because we have been watching joe millionaire so much better than the bachelor really yes clayton is so boring listen clayton i'm sorry this season is like eating a bunch of dry saltine crackers it's so fucking boring it's just it's not interesting it's also like a lot of really bad takes i think the world is done with mean girls yeah i think the world is done giving a shit about mean girls we are here for the women and men who unionize against the toxic person that is the shit i live for and that's real i'm

not seeing enough of that that's what happened during katie's season i love that the men union the simp union yeah the simp union i love it oh god the amount of times i've slid into that man's dms i love him he's younger than me mr liz and i whenever that would start to happen we'd start chanting simp union such that is so funny simp union that's exactly how we chanted though god bless them anyway watch joe millionaire it's a lot of fun okay it's it's so they have they're having more fun it's more interesting the guys are like nicer everyone's more like realistic are they rich men or do we not know if they're rich men one man is rich one man is not rich but honestly he seems like he has like a pretty good job like i feel like most people don't give a

shit if you're rich it's like do you have a good job yeah are you working hard that's so real a reliable job so he full-time works in construction okay and then on the side he's the ceo of his own business and he's not the millionaire no but he's there is nothing sexier than drive nothing sexier it's about drive it's about um and then the other guy is a millionaire from farming it's like a family farm oh that'll do it you want to hear the red flag yeah he is the biggest mama's boy uh-oh he in this last episode that came out he said that his so i mean by the time this episode comes out for everyone else there will have been one more episode but in this last one that we watched he this girl is like so there's a rumor going around that you were spoon fed until you were

um 11 and then he she was like is that true and he was like yeah how did that rumor get out i don't know like he was spoon fed until he was like he let and the fact he admitted it and he was like he was like yeah i'd just be like lazy and like my mom would like feed me after school yeah does he seem like the type that would expect his wife to be a second mom like does he have that energy yes they have to know that he's the rich one right right come on um and that like and the amount he talked about his mom he's like my mom would dress me and blah blah blah and then mr liz was like fuck no like so many red flags like i don't know mama's boys are mama's boys are some of the most misogynistic people out there i'm not to say he's a misogynist but he is very there's

this level of immaturity like not like the immaturity of like yeah let's like fuck some bitches it's just like childlike immature emotional like he's emotionally immature heard i am sweet there's there's a fine line between like being close to your mom and being a mama's boy i love dudes that are close to their moms like men that like respect their moms and like just like think the world of their moms i love that and then there's like a very small shift that it gets toxic yeah i don't know where that line is but it exists and i think everybody knows it i want to see relationships with people's parents that are similar to mine where they're like i respect my parents um but also sometimes i don't fair enough i love them and i respect them

and sometimes they're wrong that's a healthy and i'm not gonna tell them any secrets and they can't listen to my podcast anyways back to uh fit and fresh fresh and fit it's a stupid fucking name for a podcast first of all like it's not about working out uh-uh what's it about they're not fresh at all none of the takes are fresh they're in fact from the 40s some of the comments we get on tiktok from people are like does every woman with a microphone think that they should start a podcast also most of the time we're like the things that they're commenting on we're just like laughing at we're like oh my god destroyed dick december what yes that's wild that's a wild concept how funny just they have to and then they're like they get so mad they're like no destroyed

dictature is my thing like okay calm chill out it's gonna be okay let's take a deep breath together and then now we're gonna read a listener email like whereas like the entire fit in front i keep calling it the wrong thing who gives a fuck it sounds stupid no matter what direction you put it in i keep thinking it sounds like a grocery store oh my god you're so right it's like fresh and stop fresh and shop yeah anyways it's like a gnc their entire thing is just like being off absolutely awful and generalizing women i honestly i think it would be different if the fresh and fit fuckers would just like if they were self-aware it would make it into a comedy podcast because that would be fucking hilarious then it would be a bit but it's scary

because they're not joking not doing a bit no they're not they're surely not doing a bit i haven't the only things i have seen from that have been against my will uh real they got taken off of tiktok they got removed from tiktok it's the first good thing that tiktok's done anyway they're insufferable anywho that felt good that was like it did it did i lost my voice from pretending to be a roid rager i wish they would lose theirs yeah girl they're not on t they'd be way fresher and fitter oh they were at least taking testosterone supplements for sure no i mean i wish they would lose their voice oh yeah okay i see what you're saying yeah um all right we have uh we have some tea today it's we have a stacked schedule we have a spicy schedule i think

it's it's gonna be a little emotional today oh yeah you're right i just looked i just looked to the first thing on your list i was like oh yeah no you right and i'm ready to to roid out i'm gonna roid out this entire episode i'm gonna need because i'm an alpha it's about drive it's about power that should be our new theme song so we i'm gonna take a big drink for this one all right i'm gonna i'm gonna tee up this convo we're having if you're not on west elm caleb tiktok yet here's the girl um in the most basic of terms uh a bunch of women that live in new york figured out that they're all dating the same white man with a mustache that works at west elm named caleb and he's got his beanie just rolled all the way up yep he's one

of those yeah but they all figured out through tiktok that they are all dating this man and they all thought that they were the only person dating this man there's no issue because he told them that right there's no issue if he was like oh i'm dating a lot of people that but that's not the case like they all thought that they were like he was like i deleted the apps when we met and he was he was love bombing hardcore a bunch of people are like some people are like this is going too far and i'm like it's not someone took out a billboard someone what took out a billboard did you see that really that's a bit much um like don't dox the man i saw yeah no don't dox the man but like the point being is like this isn't uncommon i saw someone like i saw you know i

was looking up the hashtag or like just uh what it was trending on twitter so on friday so i was looking at it just because i was like oh thank god people are finally on west elm tiktok because i've been there for a couple days and i was like okay i need to talk to someone about this so i wanted to see what the internet was saying and people are like you don't have to like you don't have to like that this is how dating is but like um you know people are like so mad at this guy and i'm like it's not just because it's a reality of dating doesn't mean like people aren't allowed to be mad because that's fucking insane that like this is like women are just like oh yep and then he love bombed me and then he like blah he just did all this shit yeah big shock and then we just

like are quietly like whispering about it like no if if you don't want to get caught with your bad behavior don't do it you should always expect that you're going to get exposed on social in some capacity well because this is literally identical to uh what the charles manson guy did yep he love bombed a bunch of people and was like i don't talk to anybody the one i talked to yeah yeah he like baby's about to be born and like we said then and we'll say now there's nothing wrong with like dating a bunch of people no not at all i was dating like 10 guys at once but all of them knew why lie about it right that's the weird part yeah that's so weird it's a power thing i think like to try and like make sure they're not talking to anybody else yeah

yeah yeah the i think women are too smart to be in a cult these days you know the the power of white male charisma does not hold up anymore you would not against the terms gaslighting and misogyny and manipulation we just know all of these buzzwords now yes and we'll throw them in your face whenever we feel like it amen which i can't say that i agree with that but it's also how we won't end up in a cult whatever it takes honestly whatever it takes anyways west elm tiktok he works at what or west elm caleb he works at west elm as like a furniture designer apparently but he had to shut down all of his social and like his linkedin he apparently has a personal website he has a burner account now that's um like like uh caleb sucks or like i hate caleb

or something stupid like that yeah so he can like whatever yeah so he just ended up being kind of exposed through multiple women in their early and mid-20s in brooklyn yeah um because they're like wait no wait and he was like making the same exact playlist for girls and like naming them something but the dumbass didn't make them private yeah like if you're gonna like cheat well yeah if you're gonna be suspicious yeah be more you're not even good at it i think maybe part of him wanted to get caught like it's just like this is so basic but i guess it makes sense like his dumb ass can't keep up with all of it because like no matter what if you're being shitty you're gonna get caught how the fuck do you find the time going to look if they like you

yeah they're gonna find you on every bit of social media before you've even met yeah and look at your spotify and just just to have knowledge and like enter a situation with it you feel in control you feel prepared it's not malicious it's just like a safety precaution almost it's like okay we we have some common ground here that's the thing men are like oh my god that's so crazy and it's like no it's i mean like it's all public it's all there you just yeah if you don't want people to see it then you don't have it right and like past experiences like made us this way and like west elm caleb is a perfect example because like if people didn't start talking about this nobody would know and he would just be dating probably 75 of new york at

this point instead of 50 wild um so liz texted me what was it two three mornings ago friday morning i woke up to this and because i like i said i was on west elm tiktok or west elm caleb tiktok a few days prior and then i made sure i went through the hashtag and liked all of the like thing all the videos because i wanted more i wanted more west elm caleb content and thank god and because i got i got served a tiktok that was like women of seattle we like is there a west I'm Caleb here we need to like communicate with each other and then I was like huh and then I like opened the comments started scrolling pretty close to the top is a man we have talked about and this is where I'm gonna let Amelia take it away yeah so it was like 8 30 in the morning I

woke up my alarm hadn't even gone off yet but when I see a text from Liz that early if I see a text from Liz that early I'm like something's popping off so um she texts me and she's like amelia you have to open tiktok right now and look at the video i just tagged you in and so i opened it and much to my surprise music man was comment numero uno the most liked comment he moved up to number one oh shit oh when i looked it had like 110 likes on it damn yeah and all of apparently he like um this girl was like yeah like i dated like stay away from him he like made me a playlist just like West Elm Caleb so that was like a parallel but not really the issue he made me a playlist and like I looked on his Spotify and he had made like a bunch for

different girls within the hour yeah and all of these comments were like oh my god my friend just dated him oh my god I dated him back in 2016 and I'm going through these fully fucking spiraling I haven't seen him in like six months so I can't even begin to imagine how I must have felt if I was still actively dating him but as so him and I had been having this text conversation that was like over like two weeks where we would take like 72 hours between texts to like respond to each other so it was like the same really kind of boring conversation going on for a really long time as I'm reading these comments I get a text from him like when you told me that I was just like of course uh-huh I was like he had to know his music senses were tingling I'm sure he got

a screenshot and so I tagged you oh he absolutely did because so because his friend commented was like oh my god this is a friend of mine I was like there's no way that he doesn't know if I saw my friend get tagged like get mentioned in something I would message them immediately like uh-oh something's happening so he messages me he's like how's the hinge life haha and I was like interesting timing and so I was I just kind of gave some like generic answer and because I didn't i had things to figure out and so i was like how's it going for you and he was like oh actually i just started dating somebody from college um we just reconnected and like we've been seeing each other for a little bit now and i was like the only way it worked is because she's not on tiktok

i was like exclusively because it's been a while since i talked about music man might i just remind you the last conversation that we had was me being like i am in love with you and him being like i don't think i could ever see myself in a relationship ever again i'd never want to be monogamous ever again like if i get married i want to live in a different apartment than my wife all this shit he is in an exclusive relationship now so i was for those of you wondering red he is a sagittarius and you know i know there's people listening who are like oh girl yes i can see it i can tell like he's a fucking sagittarius to his core i have i am a victim of a sagittarius god i but i'm a libra so i ghosted him

anyways continue i love that my gemini princess what does how does a gemini react with it with a sagittarius exactly how i have uh a sagittarius is your exact opposite so that's your sister sign um and sagittarius is so independent like your sister sign is supposed to kind of like balance you a little bit so like Libra and Aries Aries men are obsessed with me if I'm being honest and um I have a little like phase two where I'm like oh they're so fun and I love them and then like I spend too much time with them and I'm like god I fucking hate you you're like a child please leave me alone so it doesn't work for me but um there are like a lot of Libra Aries combinations where it works out great oh okay it's supposed to kind of like balance you out you're you're two sides

of the same coin you know what's interesting is like the gemini is the twin there's just like too many well so like there's just like this theory that sagittarius are so independent that like gemini had to become their own partner so hence the fuck sagittarius are insufferable it's fine look at us now music man unless they're women Sagittarius women are so fun Oh my god So I texted Liz

Seeing red at this point I really went through like The stages of grief In like a very short amount of time Because I went from being like Angry To like very very sad To like bargaining

To acceptance Like Rapid fire But I texted Liz And I was like I'm really sad Why am I so sad I haven't seen this fan in so long

But like There was something That like really I Haven't And up until him, I hadn't met anybody that I felt like that about. And I was pissed at myself for allowing myself to feel that way. So it was like that was where the anger came from.

Because he gave me no reason to feel like that. He really didn't. I mean, does anyone give you a reason to feel like that? I feel like it's just like a chemical thing. An instinct. There was something that like on our first date that I was like, this just works. You know what I mean? And I hadn't felt like first dates always fucking suck.

But like going on a first date with him, I was like, this feels good. And I texted you. I was like, uh-oh. I like him this is not good and it stayed that way and I just I liked him more and more and more I respect him and I don't know I don't want to I don't think he's earned it but I do and so I texted Liz and I was like I want to say something that makes me the bigger person but like I want to be snarky what do I say and she was like bring up West Elm Caleb TikTok and I was like girl okay and it was the best because I was too emotional to think of what to say

and so i texted him back and i was like um i said something that was like saccharine i was like well you set the bar for how i feel like i should feel about someone and like i'm really happy for you she must be really great to be able to lock you down also good good to hear that you swerved being the west elm caleb of seattle i assume somebody's told you about that and they had and so he was like asking me for clarification and he was like focusing on the wrong parts of it he's like i didn't make playlists for everyone i was like bitch that's not the fucking problem i have a question do we think he's lying about a girlfriend yes i was thinking that and let me tell you to try and save face it came at a very convenient time that's a b he has been texting me a lot since then

and since saying he has a girlfriend he's been like replying a lot faster and like that's fine we had like a moment that was like i asked him i'm like can we just can we stay friends he's listening to this right now and he is sweating bullets guaranteed this is the thing about music man because i was in the comments like some girl commented and she's like gorgeous gorgeous girls don't tag his friends and i'm like fuck you i'm not doing that i don't like him yeah and i was like he's like a perfectly like likable person but i said it on the podcast then and i'm gonna repeat it now i don't get it uh i know i feel like yeah like like he's nice yeah but you're hot thank you and he's politely in the middle i just like i he would just there is something

at the set i was stigmatized completely stigmatized because that was when i like been there yeah i know sex was unreasonably good like he would like throw me against his he would like put me on his kitchen table and just start like a lot of people can be good at sex i know there was like a chemistry thing i just want to like i just want to fuck him all the time it's like insatiable i would leave and i'd be like i want to turn around and do that again you know what i mean but here's the thing that fizzles out that's true but like it was the novelty of it i think i just loved being around him but here's the thing about music man that makes this a little bit complicated he never made me he never led me on to feel like i was the only one you know what i

mean like he was always very respectful and very open and very clear about like i'm not just dating you and like we had a lot of conversations about that so in that way he's different from West Elm Caleb but he clearly hurt multiple people yeah and we did see a comment that said that he uh had a girlfriend he was living with and was cheating on her that was interesting oh I never told you he messaged me and he was like I don't know any of I don't recognize any of those names of the people that are commenting I'm like convenient which I and he was like yeah I mean like i made a playlist for like a couple of people but like a lot of them were like friends of mine and like i'm like you're focusing on like the wrong piece i wonder if there's more

than one there might be because somebody commented like i don't think he works there anymore whoa this is like a conglomerate of music man uh-huh music men music men wow wow anyway um so that's the death of music man uh emotionally um I the death of music and the man I texted Liz when she when she we first like figured this out and I was like I can't wait to rant about this on Monday but um I feel I'm glad that I didn't we didn't record that day because I was like very very sad and I feel like I would have said shit that I didn't agree with today that's I mean it's good that you recognize that but I still feel the same way in that I I would like to say I don't fucking understand why like multiple right so now two two guys have come to you that you have like dated who

have been like hey how are you um i have a girlfriend like yeah i'm like okay why and that hurts why and then like to continue like talking to you it's fucking weird to me like never once have I like started dating someone and then been like oh you know who I'm gonna tell that I'm dating someone someone I used to date like for what like fucking why it doesn't make any sense to me it's weird um it's disrespectful and if you don't recognize that it's disrespectful what the fuck is wrong with you that's why also I think these men are lying because it's like what's your goal here right like what is your goal like what is the point of telling you yeah like sincerely yeah i would like to know like because if we weren't like actively seeing each other like

me and music man hadn't seen each other in in actually six months it's like i didn't need that information he asked you about hinge purposefully because he knew you were gonna like politely ask the same thing back yeah and then he could insert like oh i'm dating someone now so you know he's not the bad guy by telling you right like mr like if i knew mr liz was like hitting up people he used to sleep with or a date and was like oh how are you like having a conversation and being like you're so amazing anyways um i have a girlfriend now i'd be like like why what are you why are you what are you gaining from this conversation yeah but no for no actually i would be really uncomfortable even like with the the point in me and squint's relationship right now not even being

like anything like official whatever that means like if i knew that he was like texting girls being like oh my god like i had so much fun with you like how are you doing like oh my god i miss you it's been so long anyway are you dating anyone right now because i am that's so why are you trying to make them jealous and like that's because i can't think of any other reason unless it's somebody that you're like actively still dating and you need to be like i'm seeing someone exclusively i wish we could like call my therapist and like put her on speaker and be like listen why why do people do this what are the what's the thought what's the thought process but really it is different between like somebody that you're actively dating that's that's common courtesy

to be like yes yeah i'm dating someone now but then somebody that you aren't seeing anymore and you're just like having a conversation with you just like you haven't seen music man in six months and then the other guy moscow like he was he like was like gung-ho flirting with you hardcore and then started being weird and then didn't like tell you when he should have like hey i uh agreed to see someone exclusively i don't know yeah not neither if either of you are listening neither of you are slick or handled this well and it's just like where's the where's the diplomacy it's just nowhere to be found so sloppy yeah i don't get it like if you're lying be better at lying word anyway so that's um i had the story of when i dated the west on caleb of

seattle and fell in love with him what an award yeah west on caleb of seattle oh and then i also i sold out a fake dom on there as well oh yeah oh yeah i was there was another somebody one of my sisters was on there when one of my uh somebody else that had slept with him tunnel sisters tunnel sisters yeah i've never heard that in fact the same guy tunnel sisters yeah i've i i don't or what's like what's like the similar what's like the equivalent of eskimo brothers i kind of like tunnel sisters train sisters train sister you like i kind of like tunnel sisters tunnel sisters that's it that's it tunnel sisters it is all right our sisters in tunnel hood wow that's beautiful wow what a

sisterhood to be a part of women unite let's unionize against manipulators and liars grandpa's part of the union for sure he's looking in the mirror but like at me come here gramps you fucking weirdo he looks like a weird like victorian child like like mourning come here i love him so much gramps come here baby he like he'll stand outside of my bedroom door and like whine like that and i'm like are you a vampire do you mean to be invited in your door open yes i keep it open because he scratches at it if it's closed gramps gramps he lost interest because we stopped talking to him so we got an email the subject line is looking for advice about pushy moms and marriage um hold up i was thinking the other day we should have a theme

song for listener emails we can workshop okay should we start now uh like milk should we call like uh time for a listener email it's just gonna be the same tone for all of our theme songs it's called a brand anyway looking for advice about pushy moms and marriage uh i think this person is from the uk given mom hi amelia and liz first of all big fan of the podcast thank you so much for sharing your experiences conversations friendship and banter with the world it's truly a joy to listen to it's a joy to do i started listening to the holy hour while doing house chores to make them more interesting and now i actually look forward to doing chores because that means it's amelia and

liz time and listener time yeah wow we're like uh time together we're like not to compare us to god but we're always with you not to compare us to god but we're always with you we're always watching over you and protecting you protecting you we cause natural disasters yeah we do uh yeah i would say my period is honestly very similar to the parting of the red sea so damn anyways continue my panic attacks are like tornadoes okay i was hoping to get your advice oh my god hello i was hoping to get your advice about something if you ever get some time i know you both must be super busy never too busy for you boo boo my boyfriend i'll call him sam and i have been together for three years and last year we bought a house together we've talked about marriage and

confirmed that it's something we both want but we are not engaged yet my mom is overall a lovely woman and we are very close but sometimes she can be pushy as all heck ever since Sam and I moved out together she's been nagging me incessantly about getting married I'd mentioned to Sam before that my mom has been pushing about marriage but Sam and I agreed that we wanted to get married on our own terms when we both felt ready he even said he has plans proposal wise and I told him to keep the details a secret because I want it to be a surprise when the time comes so I don't know whether he intends to do it this year or the next or whatever in any case it isn't soon enough for my mom today on the phone she was the pushiest she's ever been she basically said you should

have gotten married last year tell sam that i said you need to get married by the end of this year at the latest if he knows it's what i want then he'll hurry up and propose you're going to be 29 years old even 30 is too late according to her she also berated me for not instructing sam to propose to me straight after buying our house i know i had to take a cleansing breath there for a second i know that some of my more conservative christian relatives are probably putting pressure on my mom which is why she's acting like this they frown upon living together before marriage but honestly i don't care what my relatives think good for you every single conversation with my mom ends up like this no matter how many times i tell her that we do want

to get married just on our own terms it is getting extremely stressful interacting with her usually i would talk about my stresses to sam but i haven't told him about what my mom said today out of fear of stressing him out too. If he ended up proposing out of sheer pressure to meet my mom's arbitrary timeline, it would make me very unhappy. How would you handle the situation if you were in my position? What else could I say to convince my mom to back off? Do you think I should tell Sam what's been happening or would that make things worse? And then she said, whoops, this email turned out longer than I expected. Thanks for taking the time to read. And again, totally understand if you don't get the time to respond. Well, here we are, girl. Love you guys in the

podcast and wishing you both the very best for 2022 oh well you too first of all um i have a lot to say about this um because i can relate to that um i have some i love my family we all we all like preface that like yeah i love my family and we're very close we we know but that doesn't like absolve them from having the deep roots of being judgy Catholics of like oh they're living together and they're not engaged at least what um but these things that these ideas are carried over to our parents through generations of like okay these are the steps you have to take like first you have a partner and then um they propose and then you live together and then you get married and then you have kids and then blah blah blah like those are just the step like after

you have kids no one gives a shit like about helping you or where you're at or your mental health or anything like that there's just like a whole slew of problems that are never addressed to us when we have like when we're children and like when we're growing up like I remember when my mom started telling me about her postpartum depression and I was like oh what that's a thing it's just like the things that you learn growing up you're like how come this isn't like talked about but yeah um anyways these are just like markers that you know our parents generation and like their parents have put in place to like define success and my I talked to my mom or not my mom there's a Freudian slip I talked to my therapist about similar conversations I've had

with my mom so um my mom used to put a lot of pressure on me to get married uh when i was dating my ex and um that was it it made me feel like i couldn't go to her about issues i had in our relationship until it was crumbling oh shit um so and also his parents put a lot of pressure on us to get married and like when you're rushing something it just doesn't it's not right so I think like you're in a really good place with your partner um you both have already agreed that you're going to take your time you have a house together like that says plenty that says enough on its own that is a serious commitment yeah that's almost that's like more of a commitment like legally and financially than getting married so um all that considered like

you're you're what what is marriage going to mean like what does that even mean to your mom you're already essentially married more or less yeah like right you already have a huge commitment together by owning a house together that's a big deal and living together is a huge step like and it doesn't seem like you're not treating it with the importance it deserves like it seems like you acknowledge it's important you've already discussed marriage with your partner and you're gonna wait until that's the right time for you and also like if your mom wants you to have a big wedding that's expensive yeah like do you want to buy one there's just like a lot of like logistics that are going into those things but um after like my mom saw my relationship crumble and how hard it

was for me she ultimately wants me to be happy so she stopped putting pressure on me about you know finding a partner and getting married and like having kids she stopped doing that because she just wants me to be happy um and sometimes your parents need to check themselves um and after that though like the second i moved out here she was like now you need to start saving for a house and i was like why first of all i cannot even afford to save for a house second of all i don't even know if i'm gonna stay here why would i buy a house and then she it was like incessant i recently talked to my therapist about something similar where i like brought up to her i was like yeah my mom like she she will find something to pick at you know so first it was like oh you have

to get married and then and then it was like you know you need to save for a house and buy a house and then i was it's because your parents think that this is like a marker of success and like that's going to define your happiness because that's what they were taught to believe and you need to ask your mom why do you want this so badly like I'm I'm in a very very happy relationship and I'm I'm at like I like the pace things are going at and I'm happy with my partner so what is it going like if anything speeding this up is only doing something for you yeah so what is it doing for you like her her interest is the main interest yeah it it serves her it's not serving you it's not serving your partner it's not serving your marriage it's not serving anything

and i think like going off of your point of like your like your mom always finds things to nitpick it's like the goal post is always going to move it's like what if say you do get married like on her timeline like it's going to be kids next and then it's going to be like well have you looked at elementary schools you have to move somewhere with good elementary schools it's like i think that there's a piece of some parents a lot of parents that always want to be a parent and like it gives them a sense of control when they can help you make decisions I'm saying help like really like control like they want to like control what you're doing like they always have like when you were a kid they like were guiding you through life I think that there's a sense of loss of

control when they don't have that anymore there's a few layers to that too like your parents are always going to want you to live a better version of their life like they're going to want you to have the life they wish they had so they're chiming in with they're like well now you need to get married like right now and but why like also there's a pandemic like what yeah sure you can be engaged but then like Amelia said the goal post is going to move and the reason like the way I was able to get my mom to stop doing that is like I she started reflecting on what her parents did like when she had kids like uh my papa was like so when are you gonna have another one and she's like i am like i'm still wearing a diaper basically like and she i think it just kind of

set in it's just like you're you're all there's always going to be a critic who's gonna tell you what you should be doing and they're also not gonna do anything to fucking support you my mom was like um are you gonna like come babysit for me like right just things like that so it's just once I had her reflecting on like how she felt when she was in the same situation I think she it was easier for her to understand but just at like asking your mom and giving her the space to explain herself like like she has her opinions of what it's gonna do for you but you already have like your life figured out when it comes to this relationship you already have decided with your partner which is how it should be yeah it shouldn't be you pressuring your partner to propose no it

shouldn't be anyone's mom pressuring your partner to propose like it should be a mutual decision that you two have made yeah and that's that's like gonna create it sounds like you already have a strong foundation with your partner and that's going to be like the most important thing to your relationship not a wedding not a ring like your mom's probably thinking wedding she's not thinking marriage because in those terms you already have that partnership right and really at the end of the day it's on your mom to get over it yeah it's like it's your life and like you're not going to I mean unless you do go on her terms which like it doesn't sound like you want to do it's then her responsibility to just get over it you know like yeah is she gonna buy the ring like

yeah what is she getting out of this yeah i mean like it's she oh your judgmental family cares okay it sounds like this is coming from a place of love and like she wants what's best for you and um it's not clearly because it's not what you want to do and you know best so again it's on her to get over it for her to have these standards as well that means like she is taking this as a reflection of her like parenthood like if she was a good enough parent yeah and all you have to do is be like I you are I'm thankful for you every day here are all the things you've done for me and I appreciate them but times are a change in mom uh-huh um and I also think that like just coming at your mom honestly like and empathetically and I'm saying this as someone

who has a hard time doing that like our parents it's just it's so easy for them to trigger us that it's easy to like default to like a defense mechanism like it being defensive in these conf these moments of conflict because that's just what you've had to do your entire life like in your parents eyes you're always a child in your eyes you're always gonna have to defend yourself to your parents like it's just so easy and the most triggering relationships we can have but that being said like remind yourself to be empathetic and like listen and remind her that you are an adult and you're responsible for your own yourself like I remind my mom like what she was doing at my age and it kind of levels the playing field a little bit because she's like

yeah when I was 30 I was doing this and that like yeah I don't need to tell you what to do but as a parent they're always going to want to um and as for your partner I think you should absolutely open up to your partner about how you're feeling and how much this is stressing you out because like this is your relationship this is yeah they should be your safe person you know and this directly like it impacts them as well you know absolutely and I think like the way you explained it to us is the perfect way to explain it to him if you haven't already I was just about to say that yeah just like we already agreed on what we wanted and like I like please do not ever speed anything up for the sake of my mom so as long like you're already on the same

page you're on the same team and you should feel safe confiding in him and letting him know this is stressing you out and this is also this should be an exciting time for you and like I feel like you're being I'm sure that it's still exciting I'm not saying you're not like she's trying to protect too many people right now yeah it's just it's kind of being robbed from you a little bit like because you're trying to just like manage so many expectations and like you know like not let your partner know that like you're going through this because you don't want there to be any sort of pressure on him to like propose on a timeline blah blah blah like i understand like that's a lot for you to be going through alone yeah you don't need to juggle it all by yourself no and like you

guys are going to go through a lot harder conflicts in the future and like this is super super common too like i've heard this in so few words i've heard this from so many people of like my mom wants me to have a baby yesterday and it's like what the fuck am I supposed to do with that like as your mom volunteering to wake up at night like it's your body it's your decision when you're gonna have kids and it's the same thing here it's your relationship you're gonna decide when things happen in it yeah and you're making that decision together like I like as a parent like I'm not a parent but if I were like I would be like oh my god you couldn't be making a smarter decision in the way that you're approaching this yeah so well and you know what we're proud of you we're your

moms now yeah yeah your mom can still be your mom but we're your um uh surrogate we're your honorary mom yeah we're your honorary mom yes and we say you can do whatever feels best for you babe take your time sweetie take your time honey bun uh but seriously thank you for opening up about this because like this is a i'm sure something that a lot of people that listen are up against because this is like especially with this there i feel like there's such a generational shift that's happening right now anyway um it's time for a i'm not been hitting it tiny little update um i uh was having sex with squints last night and he it was actually very funny he uh we were like he was we were in missionary and he started

pushing down here and we had kind of a connection of being like ah because like i realized he listened and he was like i've been listening we forgot to try that it didn't do anything and i and then we discussed it after we debriefed uh-huh and he was like i think it has to do with like angle i think it would work better with fingering because like if you're like going against the g spot than pushing okay but but it was really he was like i was like ah like mid sex i was like pushing down like right here yeah huh yeah anyway i don't think i don't think the angle is right but the boy listens and i love that for me okay um i'm the sex factor of the week i don't that was beautiful thank you i love that i want that to be my ringtone okay i'll record

i mean i'm recording it right now oh true yeah you can just take this little snippet you're welcome oh my god it's for free for you um i don't love how this is uh phrased so i'm going to try to rephrase it as i'm reading it okay heavier men last longer heavier guys last on average over three times as long in the bedroom damn a 2010 turkish study looked into the average performance times of men over the course of a year the researchers found that overweight men could keep going for an average of 7 minutes and 18 seconds while skinny guys partners had to put up with a mere 108 seconds i don't know how big this study was but i think that that's interesting i'm just imagining like a a dude whose ribs you

can see just like jack hammering yeah i you know i don't know if that's true i wonder what uh factors play into that oh yeah i don't know like like also is this like uh writing this as like a brag or i i i'm just like a larger man saying this like well we larger men last longer i don't know it's just written like yeah you'll see i just don't like the phrasing of it that's why i was yeah i agree with that yeah um this is from so 10 live yeah it's where i've been getting most of our sex facts the past few we have burned through every sex fact website um if y'all have sex facts and references we can check please send them to us like tiktoks even tag us in tiktoks that you come across that have like interesting sex facts ideally it would be a tiktok where they

like cite their source yeah like the tiktoks i was citing they had some sources and some doctors and stuff i love a i love a bibliography i have a non-sex fact it's just you know like a uh like physical fact oh i love that so um a friend of mine knew that i wanted to experiment with um microdosing while on ssris i don't always have luck with psychedelics and ssris and i was like oh maybe there's some information about this because the um host uh is interviewing a doctor about like interactions between um like uh drugs that help with our mental illnesses like managing our mental illnesses and a variety of like psychoactive drugs drugs and psychedelics So it covers everything from like acid to psilocybin to MDMA, ketamine, and ayahuasca.

Those are like the main ones that they talk about. And it was just so interesting. So there's like a variety of like SSRIs, SNRIs, and there's other ones too that I don't really know. Yeah, YMCA. Yeah, YMCA. NFTs. PIMP. I'm just like naming.

um so i start i finally like got around to listening to it last night and basically what he says is like most of us are on ssris um and psilocybin and um like has no uh like drug interaction like love that like a lot of if you just search it online there's not a lot of things that you can like research essentially because we live in kind of just like a police state of like very against drugs and experimental drugs um uh what were they calling it um we live in a prohibition world uh so you know they're not like there aren't a lot of like accessible studies for us but he was saying yeah there's not a lot of um there's no like you can't you can't have serotonin syndrome that's like the biggest thing you'll see online which is like be

careful of getting serotonin syndrome um but you there's uh essentially no like risk of that yeah there's no risk of serotonin syndrome or overdosing on serotonin um with ssris and uh mushrooms amazing and then it also basically said like mdma molly like does not work with ssris i guess that makes sense yeah um but yeah mushrooms acid and ayahuasca are all like you're gonna be fine nice uh and then like there's also like not enough like some people can't feel anything when they do like mushrooms or acid with if they're on ssris and some people like feel great like microdosing and or like doing mushrooms while on ssris so it really just depends like i had to find the right kind of mushrooms yeah to feel anything with my SSRIs and I also had to switch from Prozac

to Lexapro so he was basically like yeah everyone is different so there's not really but I thought that was really interesting that is really interesting and the podcast I listened to was Benjamin Malcolm aka the spirit pharmacist so I love that name they get very like complex with it but um the episode is antidepressants and psychedelics comparisons contrasts and combinations i also want to take this moment to say that um amphetamines were like like fentanyl was the number one killer of young people uh in 2021 so it's such a huge problem right now yeah um so like drugs are just being laced with fentanyl and um just if you like participate in doing any drugs please be very very careful don't don't take molly please or cocaine cocaine

is especially bad right now yeah and it's like lethally like i think like like three times of like the lethal dose of like fentanyl is found in like cocaine or has been so it's just like really scary demi lovato i'm pretty sure that's exactly how mac miller died was cocaine that was laced with fentanyl it's it's scary it's really it's cheap for these drug dealers to cut these drugs with fentanyl and so they do and it's really scary and you and you don't know until you know and then you and then it's too late yeah and it's it's like isn't it pretty immediate just i don't know yeah please don't please don't i'm already a cocaine hater and like i don't i also don't like molly i have too much anxiety for cocaine please just do mushrooms

please we're begging you if you're gonna do something do mushrooms have like an awakening and just do shrooms and like lexapro that's your that is your mother's speaking you know you don't have to do ssris if your doctor doesn't want you to and you don't want to um do some shrooms yeah do shrooms look into holistic healing i don't know just just be safe please i forgot to plug our socials and then we're gonna say bye okay at the holy hour tiktok twitter instagram we're still not posting on tiktok because i tried again we're still shadow band holy hour podcast at gmail.com for your stories we love reading them i cry multiple times a week we do um we do be crying over here we do be crying in a good way um that's it did i say everything i did yeah and you know

what i'm gonna take this moment to allude to a future episode we are gonna do truth or drink i'm so fucking excited i'm so excited we should do it pretty soon um we're gonna do this on a weekend because i'm assuming we're gonna get fucked up because there's like a lot of shit that i won't answer yeah we're gonna get weird i'm really excited that'll be fun yeah um and we'll film it so uh subscribe to us on patreon join the discord that's free if you just want to like chit chat yeah we have the best people on our discord oh my god the movie nights that y'all have like i it's so fucking cute it's just like what an amazing environment we're always we see everything that y'all say i feel like i want to join but i feel like a cop like i know

hello fellow children oh dad's here yeah i don't want to rain on hide the beer um but anyway join our discord everyone's really really nice and uh that about covers it wow we have a lot of we have a lot of shit to plug a bunch of socials an email a discord and a patreon we've made it kids we have Okay. Love you. We love you. Arch children. The cats both reacted.

Hate that. Hate that. Of course. The attacks right off. And I love those. Right it off. Write it up! Write it up!