The Hoely Hour - E77 Threesome Thots

Episode Date: March 11, 2022

Thots are like regular thoughts, only slutty. What's the most you've ever done for someone you weren't officially dating? We've talked about threesomes before, but this time we share some listener advice and opinions from polyamorous folks. And science officially proves that people unhappy in their relationship are more likely to post "couples content." Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hey, it's Ryan Reynolds here for Mint Mobile. Now, I was looking for fun ways to tell you that Mint's offer of unlimited premium wireless for $15 a month is back. So I thought it would be fun if we made $15 bills. But it turns out that's very illegal. So there goes my big idea for the commercial. Give it a try at mintmobile.com slash switch.

Upfront payment of $45 for three months, $90 for six months, or $180 for 12-month plan required. $15 per month equivalent. Taxes and fees extra. Initial plan term only greater than 50 gigabytes. May slow when network is busy. see terms let's get ready to rumble i don't know it started going a few places and it did that was a remix i was trying to do that remix and it just sounded like how does that song go let's get ready

to rumble uh no no it's that's close but now that's all i can hear let's get ready to no that's y'all ready for this yeah let's get ready to rumble is a different song was that what i was just singing i don't know all three of them sound the same to me Welcome to The Holy Hour. I'm Amelia Samson. And I'm Liz Ball. And this is Gatsby. If you can see him i gave him a little mic oh my god i have a little paw in my leg oh he just stretched his paws he he always needs to be ideally he's touching everyone all at once so it's good there's only two of us otherwise he'd be overwhelmed trying to be the socialite of the the circle my cat is very my cats are so social when people are like no my cat doesn't want to

sit in anyone's lap i'm like well come over to my place because they're dying to sit in your lap and bite you if you move this is honestly this is the best day of my life he just stretched out both paws onto amelia's lap i'm so happy right now like a little prince i've literally never been happier he does like a little yeah you are very fancy yeah look at this handsome gentleman yes look at the way he sits look at this distinguished gentleman before i forget follow us on tiktok instagram twitter at the holy hour send us your spicy stories but please send us your spicy stories we love them holy hour podcast at gmail.com no the we got the email before we secured the name yeah yeah subscribe to us on patreon we're

down to one tier um and also get on discord they're having a movie night tonight and it sounds cute as fuck they're watching the birdcage the robin williams movie i love that they have movie nights i fucking love them and i love that they have like they give each other such good advice even i'm learning shit i'm like oh damn okay i know you've been getting so much love on the discord every time i get like little notifications and people are like i'm like it's just my health stuff they're like we're thinking of you i love that thank you there's it's such a great community if you're looking for like a community of very very nice open-minded people join the discord the link is in our link tree totally i think that's it yeah anyways um

how have you been i haven't seen you in 24 hours you know i've been good uh-huh lots of lots has changed you got your nose ring yeah i'm giving big liz energy today i love that the beanie and the nose ring yeah oh totally totally having a bad hair day the olive and the black i'm doing the same thing i know when i walked in i was like we have the same color scheme going i didn't even realize it till just night green eyes and it's black for okay that's the last i'll talk about you yeah this is really cute this is the holy trinity right here yeah me too but um yeah everything's fucking great how how is how have the last 24 hours been for you uh i woke up feeling like i got hit for by bus for no reason i don't know i even went to bed early maybe you slept too

much no maybe you didn't have a good night of sleep i didn't have a good night of sleep the night before oh I like read before bed and I was like I'm tired I'm gonna turn the lights off and then you didn't sleep and then I went I fell asleep immediately oh this was last night yeah what was the night before why don't you have a good night of sleep before yeah I just didn't get enough sleep oh I've been waking up multiple times a night every single night I've been I'm going through a phase where I have to pee in the middle of the night every night my brother told me that that's what happens when you get older I go through cycles where like it doesn't happen and then sometimes it does it happens too much it's almost like he's like my alarm like he likes

to wake me up at some point and then i'm like oh i have to pee and then i get up and i go to the bathroom and then i go back and then what does he want when he wakes up uh attention oh i get it well so then i have to say he'll he'll sit outside my door and meow like a little vampire and then i say come in and he comes in and i have a little chair that he likes by my bed So now I have to turn it around so he can jump in there because I think he gets too hot if he's on my bed. Oh, it's because he has that big jacket on. So now he sits in a chair next to my bed and supervises me while I sleep.

Oh, that's really sweet. No, it's annoying as shit. I know. The middle of the night, every night, he's like, meow, like a Victorian ghost child. I was reading online. Apparently, you just have to ignore them and they learn to stop doing it. I have tried that. yeah i think grandpa's like i have tried that his entire life he just is relentless yeah he's

tenacious um so some topics today we're going to talk about threesomes i know we've talked about our threesome pseudo encounters um and just what we think of them but we've never we've never asked the audience so um i had someone reach out to me who asked if we could discuss this in more in more detail oh hell yeah so um the more i thought about it because i was like we have only like kind of briefly talked about it but we haven't like gotten our hands dirty so i was thinking we could talk about threesomes throuples and the like um i think it's a great idea and then i also saw something interesting that it's backed by studies that like a third of people or two-thirds of people who like often post about their relationship are the most unhappy in

their relationship and i know you've talked about that before and i thought it was just really interesting and i wanted to like discuss more yeah um and you know read a little art read a read from the professionals you know we're gonna have to do a bibliography and everything um i have a fun question for you though oh fuck yeah kick things off oh hell yeah let's do it what is the most you have ever done for a man who's not your man oh good question i planned an entire birthday party for a man that wasn't my man um that was uh embarrassing that's the first thing that came to my mind um how did it go how'd the party go great it was great it was his 30th okay it was a hit i switched my trip plans to make sure

that i could be there for his birthday oh damn i was in love with him he was never my man well he was kind of it's a long story that's one that came that comes to mind immediately what'd you do for the birthday um we started at one of our friends houses and like everybody met there and we had like a cake and decorations and then we went bar hopping and we had like closed off a section of one of the bars that he loved and a bunch of people came that he like hadn't talked to in super long time and it was like you reached out to those people damn yeah i was i was down bad how did he how did he thank you he was like our friendship was very very close at the time so um i felt appreciated okay i think that that was honestly kind of the turning point for when

we started exploring our relationship romantically was like after that because i was like i am great and then he ended up fucking me over so did he ever do anything like that for you mm-hmm he threw a birthday party for me um it wasn't as big but he did put a lot of like trouble into it and it wasn't 30 you know what i mean so it wasn't like that big of a deal but um he yeah he he wasn't um like the most thoughtful person ever but but like you know a little attempts go a long way with me i think that that might be i feel like once when i'm thinking about this later you do give out like a lot of participation awards I really do men I really my therapist goes do you applaud mediocre behavior I don't know you answer I'm sure I'll

have another one pop up oh man the most I've done for someone who's not my man um I think in college my senior year um the guy who didn't wear shoes and was a musician no shoe man he when he was starting to like disappear and ghost me I like got him like a little gift bag because he's like I'm so busy and blah blah blah so I got him like a gift bag of like his favorite snacks and like he was having a hard time sleeping so I got like this like fancy like sleep drink um and I don't have any money so I was just like I am thinking of you and here you go that's really sweet that's very thoughtful you're good at that you did that for twitter bay too we talked about that a while oh you know what i'm gonna say that that's the most i've done for like a man who was not my man

oh are you sending like a a box of my favorite snacks you know what i know he's not listening but if he is i sent him my i allegedly sent him my favorite kind of pre-rolled joint and it's not made anymore what yeah they don't make it anymore and it was my fucking favorite what was it um it's called wedding cake and it's by uh capitals bubble works or something it bubble works is in the name and i hate to see it they make other stuff that i'm sure is great but god nothing hits like wedding cake and if you know you know it really sucks when they discontinue shit like i know i'm like he didn't he didn't but that was very and then afterwards he was like bye i sent him my favorite trader joe snacks which during a pandemic shit was flying off the shelves

it was so hard for me to secure my favorite snacks you got him hair ties i did get him hair ties dispenser you know what i hope he uses those hair ties when he's going down on his girlfriend and making her have explosive orgasms because she deserves it okay i was saying this before we started recording i i'm pointing my finger like the word explosive has to be followed by diarrhea for me i don't i only associate explosive with orgasms wow explosive orgasms the true difference between you and i my ibs your bustling sex life currently no that's fine health things considered no there is not allowed to be any action down there oh yeah i see what you mean uh-huh

i'm trying to think what else i've done for a man's i love this conversation because like i think you and i are both very we're very thoughtful and we don't expect when we are all in we are all the fuck in oh my god i feel like i must have done something extravagant for music man oh yes the um i went over this is actually kind of embarrassing so i him and i after our first date went on no dates i would just go over there and we would fuck we just like we only ever went on one date and to be fair that was like peak covid right but like we could have gone on like a walk fair enough like anything out of his apartment yeah um but i mean his apartment was pretty right but one night i was like what like we should have like a fancy cocktail night like i can bring stuff

over like what's your favorite alcohol like find a fun drink with it and he said gin or something i don't fucking remember and so i like brought all of this stuff and like a shaker and like a strainer i like went all fucking out and he could not give less of a shit and i brought a lemon and i cut it in half and it fell face down on his floor but i was so flustered he was sitting in the kitchen watching me do this i was so flustered i still used the lemon and like just rinse it off he didn't say anything about it but it was like his his kitchen was like very gross like we should not have used that lemon his kitchen's gross it was gross at the moment he never did his dishes before i came over which like i've said in the past when with him i was like oh it's cute he's

so busy you know like he can't that's like a quirk i guess there's um there's something about being into someone that then they do something that normally grosses you out and it's just like it's fine that's fair you know what i mean yeah um does he like wash his ass at least yeah he does okay oh i miss that you know i don't like him i know i don't like you i don't know if you're listening but i don't like you i i'm done so i'm excited for this conversation going on the conversation about like doing a lot for somebody that um isn't your guy i got approached on twitter by this gentleman who asked if there was a way that he could send me money and i being a child of the internet don't trust anybody ever yeah and you in this case specifically too you typically

shouldn't like more than half of the time it's gonna be a scam so yeah or they like want something in return yeah so i asked him i was like in exchange for what when he went he was like nothing and he explained to me fin dom yeah financial dominatrix which is really it was so funny i told my dad about this it just like came up in conversation and he the things you tell your parents i'm like we are on two opposite ends of this back term right now i didn't want to tell my mom because she's like she the reason that i'm such a worrier is because of her you know like she was like i don't like the sound of this at all like it's okay i have it handled but my dad was like googling it when i was telling them about it and he was reading it out to me

and he's like this makes so much sense like i you i've never heard of this but it makes sense but what it is is like you basically in the simplest of terms you get off by sending somebody money for like really nothing in exchange a lot of the time and this guy that reached out to me is like so fucking normal and kind and like he checks if he's like pushing the boundaries too much every single time he like ups the ante a little bit like if it gets like too sexual or anything like that he like checks in and it makes me feel very respected the first day that we were doing this little setup he said he sent me 800 just for nothing i just had to like tell him not to do it that was like part of the appeal and i like i think it hasn't been that much since then don't

yeah exactly i was like should we have like a safe word so you know that like if when i actually mean stop so now we say pineapple I would never say stop sorry I just like I don't I've always had this issue with feeling like I don't deserve things like that you know what I mean like I don't want to like put anyone out of their way like they're hard-earned money like I don't want anybody like I'm fine I can afford to take care of myself like I don't need somebody to do this for me um have you ever seen a little princess all girls are princesses he agrees I've missed you so much I was talking to one of my guy friends about this and I was like I feel bad because I feel like I'm taking advantage of this person and he was like stop no he's like the amount of shit

that women have to put up with let this guy pay you yeah like true and he wants to do it he's getting something out of it as well and I don't feel uncomfortable yet I mean I don't know this guy but like it's been a fine setup he bought me and liz dinner one night when we were uh doing a bunch of pod stuff here yeah we got so much done and it's because we were well fed we ate mediterranean food and it was everything and more so thank you even just thinking about it's making me a little hungry i don't want greek food i was supposed to get greek food tonight but the place is closed oh i know anyway really really interesting thing that i'm going to continue to talk about as this progresses but I had never heard of it before yeah I want to give some tips because one time

I know I've mentioned this to you and maybe on the podcast again can't remember everything I've said in general and specifically this podcast but um someone had reached out to me to send them feet pics and they were like I'll send you a lot of money blah blah blah and then they asked for like trial pictures and it was when I was dating uh someone else at the time and he was like whoa whoa whoa this guy wants free pictures fuck that like yeah trial pictures my ass also I love that like dudes when you're when you tell them stuff like this they're like oh they like turn into your manager uh-huh they're like you're doing great sweetie so um but he did end up like trying to scam me like i did take the pictures but i was not going to send them to him um unless he like

paid me first so always ask he and he didn't so always ask for money up front yep um don't do anything over snapchat use paypal um i would recommend if they're asking for pictures um the best the best thing you can do is send them over in not instagram send them over twitter because it scrubs the um data oh yeah that's the meta really really good metadata from your photos oh shit so that's i i don't know about the security of twitter but i would say like it just scrubs the metadata so that's something that's beneficial to know that's really good to know yeah that's super good to know um i was talking to uh one of my friends who's a lawyer and i was like is this illegal what i'm doing he's like it's not the fucking 1700s amelia like

allow this man to pay you and so i also googled it because i was like i can't go to jail i am i can't and so i was like is this prostitution if somebody is paying me for something sexual in return like if this ever does get like hypersexual you know and everything online was like no i mean there are those hotlines that people like call to have like phone sex yeah they pay for that like oh shit this has been going on for a while at what point do you do you have to put this on your taxes my dad was like is he sending you tax documents for this but to be fair the money he earns was already taxed so that's true and it's a gift this is somebody buying me a computer yeah it's kind of going toward the same thing but this went

toward my rent somebody's like are you gonna buy something fun i was like i think that was me yeah you were like are you gonna do like a spa day yeah and i'm for yourself eventually i did i did take that advice but most of it went toward bills because i'm a boring old person i mean that's fair but yeah it was just this is an interesting fun thing that i've been exposed to and i wanted to intro it because it will come up in future episodes and now take it away liz let's talk about threesomes let's talk about menage a trois oh i love a menage a trois someone asked us to talk a little bit more about threesomes and i know we've talked about we haven't had them um and how would you no would would you could you if if in a i think i did that last time

yeah did you in a bed what a throwback would you could you with some bread i was about to say with some bread wow um no i wouldn't i think i'm too jealous of a person um for me to like allow a third to come in and i am too insecure of a person to be a third yeah i think if i was not in a relationship i would be down yeah i could see that yeah because that was your answer before i think we talked about this before you met mr liz and you said i'd want it to be so we had we had someone write in to us with some a couple of stories but also some additional really helpful advice um i do want to share that the thing that inspired me to want to have this conversation obviously the person who asked us to talk more in depth about it um and a tiktok i came across

um i'm gonna pull it up really quick so i can cite it this is decolonizing love is the handle and there someone asked can you please elaborate more on how triads can be toxic in a polyamorous relationship wow and they start off by saying like they're not all going to be toxic obviously but something that is a red flag to them is a straight man and two bisexual women because it upholds this kind of patriarchal idea of polyamory so it still is serving this like palatable idea of a straight man like it's making it palatable to men essentially okay two bisexual women having a couple with two with a straight man and two bisexual women makes it more palatable for the public because that's like how um like the media portrays polyamorous

couples is this like comfortable right and the third is just kind of an experiment is what they say explicitly because the couple um like a monogamous couple is experimenting with adding a third and so if either it's typically two codependent people in this relationship wanting to experiment with polyamory while still having control over the relationship with each other so if one of them feels uncomfortable they can pull out of this relationship with the third and it doesn't matter how the third person feels about it yeah so and i think that's like definitely how it is portrayed in the media like oh we're this couple and we're gonna like find a third and it's gonna be a woman and it's like a third person that they're seeking to date and not

so much just have a threesome with yeah um so that makes it slightly different it's you know you're trying to invite a third in a relationship aspect but regardless I think if you're inviting a third into your romantic or sex life it's going to come with some other not necessarily consequences but they're you know it's a cause and effect thing you there's a lot to think about yeah um and then they say if you are considering it here are some things you need to think about because both people need to do a lot of internal work before they can invite a third person in So I think it's like, why do the two of you need to date this third person? So if you're going to allow polyamory in your relationship with another person, like, so

if I'm dating Mr. Liz and I'm like, I really want to date a third person or whatever, would why would he also need to be dating them? Yeah. So what feels unsafe about letting your partner date someone else? Yeah, that's that's an important distinction. i think there might be there like some people get their wires crossed that polyamory means it's like a like a threesome couple triple triple wow i've never actually used that word and meant it um but yeah like it because it's not what it is for a lot of people that are in polyamorous

relationships i i honestly think polyamory is really hard to do well like to do safely and considerately and there's in my opinion there are too many people who are like I'm polyamorous and what they they're just using that as a guise to be like I'm gonna do whatever the fuck I want and I don't have to consider your feelings because I told you I'm polyamorous so yeah yeah you can be dating multiple people that but that doesn't mean you're a good partner to any of them so let's get into this this email because i felt like it was really helpful we actually know her and um i asked her to like expand on it a little bit more because she dm'd us but it was a little too long to like put in a dm so she shared her story with us um and she used names but i'm gonna

just use initials um so she says uh when my partner e and i first met we had actually met because we bumped into each other in the rec room at his apartment building where two of my good friends were living i was at a place in my life where i wasn't hooking up with men so i initially hit on his sister and he and i immediately started broing out ew i sound like a frat boy anyways we instantly became friends over the next few weeks we hung out and eventually one night we hooked up the sex was mind-blowing after we had sex we started casually seeing each other more formally and eventually had a conversation about various sexual encounters we experienced prior to meeting each other and at that time E had mentioned that he had never had a threesome or any sort of

group sex. Meanwhile at this point in my life I have had several threesomes some with male female and some with female female so I mentioned to him that we should try it sometime. Fast forward to the middle of the summer 2021. The first time my partner and I invited someone into the bedroom happened on a whim one of my best friends was in town from la for the week so we all met up for ramen at one of my favorite spots it was me e my friend from la and uh the friend she was staying with l and one of our other mutual friends as soon as l sat down we caught a vibe i like that description um throughout the night i made a few comments about how adorable she was and she matched my energy when E went to the bathroom she mentioned that she mentioned to me that he was

cute she thought she was she thought he was cute too that was when my friend from LA interjected and said y'all should hook up E L and I all looked at each other and so I suggested that we head to another bar and talk about it some more on the way to the next bar I checked in with E to see if he was interested and he said yes when we got to the next bar L mentioned to me that she had never had a threesome and that she would be down if we were if she would be down if we were so we said yes after a couple of drinks we headed back to e's place that was when i opened the bottle of wine and made some moves on l e asked if he could take pictures of us and we said yes so we had a spicy photo shoot from there e joined us in on the fun i spent most of my time on l while e spent most of

his time divided between the two of us after i made l come in record time wink hell yeah i watched the two of them fool around for a while then e and i fooled around for a bit and then the three of us had a sleepover in e's bed the next morning e made all of us coffee and we drove l home we are still friends to this day and we get along great we talked about this experience briefly the next day and we all agreed it was it was sexy and fun they both shared that it was a great first experience and that they were happy to have me there sort of leading the experience the highlight of this experience was how flowing and natural it felt we openly communicated all the way through and it was just a fun experience where all three parties felt engaged and desired

the second time so this one was not so good that's why i was like will you please explain this more the second time my partner and i invited someone into the room also happened to be on a whim but not but did not end on such a happy note we went on a booze cruise for a friend's birthday immediately after getting on the boat e and i were both getting hit on left and right and i can confirm they are a very hot couple both of them are beautiful yeah when you see them together you're like okay i have to leave yeah the world's gonna implode um and then we made friends with this small group of people that were visiting from out of town immediately this girl t asked if e was single and he said he was with me so she started talking to me she hung

around us all night and then at the end of the night asked if we all wanted to hang out after getting off the boat so we said sure um and agreed to host some people at e's place i was mostly hanging out with my girls but noticed that t was pretty glued to e but i just kept doing my thing t ended up asking me if i would come to the bathroom with her and she asked me if i was bothered by how much she was talking to e so i said of course not why and then she asked if i would be interested in hooking up and i said if e was into it then we could talk about going down that road e and i talked about it later briefly and t had mentioned that she had never been with a girl i should have noticed i should have noticed the two red flags right there never having been

with a woman and being glues to east side being glued to east side but i am pretty secure with myself so i dismissed my little internal alarm bells we ended up closing the night at in e's bed just the three of us the encounter started very similarly to the encounter with l with the exception of the photo shoot with me initiating and then i let t explore my body and then we watched her and e fool around and then watched her and e fool around after e made t come he tried to make me come but neither e or i could so we all went to sleep but the interaction left me not feeling great because i could sense that t was using me to get closer to e which was far from the case when we when we had hooked up with l this was further cemented the next morning when

we went to brunch and t kept making all of these comments up to e about how she really wants to get married to a vietnamese man and e is part vietnamese and have kids etc all while hanging off his arm and she kept making all these problematic comments about interracial relationships asking about his ex in front of me etc essentially she was making me feel like i didn't fit into e's life because we are culturally different and they have more in common she is Vietnamese and white and it was it was just overall messy after we dropped her off he and I had a conversation about the experience where I called out all of the problematic things that he seemed to be not noticing because he seemed to not be noticing and we decided to take a break from inviting other

people into the bedroom recall my biggest lesson from this specific encounter is to make sure that the person you invite into the bedroom is equally interested in both parties and not doing something to get closer to one person because this can create tension tips for someone wanting to try it first um one make sure you understand your motivation for wanting to have a threesome is it to please your partner to explore something new for yourself is it a kink is it to explore your sexuality to spice things up in the bedroom etc i think those are all really great questions two understand what your boundaries are ahead of time and communicate those to other people involved three if you want to try something new but you aren't sure if you will like it

be up front about that four have a safe word that is not stop or no and that's kind of the same that's the same idea with um like bdsm yeah with bdsm stuff so colors are good go-tos because we've learned them from a young age true yeah if you're colorblind i you get the general premise um do not go into a queer space as a heterosexual couple to court queer men or women for your threesome this is problematic and makes a lot of the lgbtqia plus feel unsafe in a space that is meant for them initiating is most is the most awkward part but i really like a direct approach and i start with myself and with my partner i take time to understand my desire and where it is coming from then i share that desire with my partner and then we can discuss how they feel

about it then we discuss things like what kind of person we want to introduce and what types of things we are comfortable slash not comfortable with and then we let it unfold semi-naturally in both scenarios we had light flirty conversations that turned into more than just a flirty conversation some people have success with dating apps if this is your approach especially if you are a male female couple looking for female only plus ones make sure you are up front about that in your bio and then that was that was it that's that was all so helpful helpful yeah she reflects a lot of what was in the tiktok we watched of um if of just like being considerate and careful when you're entering the if you're entering the queer community so if you're looking for like a you know

everyone calls it a unicorn if you're looking for a bisexual unicorn woman like you need to be really really considerate and knowledgeable yes because like queer people deal with a lot of erasure and prejudice and as a heterosexual couple you need to be considerate of that yes absolutely yeah no this is this is really helpful i think it's also important because a lot of um couples that are like quote-unquote looking for unicorns on dating apps get a lot of like they catch a lot of flack for like looking for a third but like as she's saying in this email like that's that's something that a lot of people do and they have a lot of luck with it if it's not your thing just keep on swiping it's not the end of the world you know um but then

there are also apps like field f-e-e-l-d is a like a threesome and polyamory and all of the above app specifically for that so it's becoming more normalized in like the more like liberal areas of the country and there are safe spaces for them now yeah so if you're like even if you're like curious about if you and your partner are starting to talk about it if you're going to be respectful in that space I think that it's fair for you to like test out field see like what's what it's like poke around if it's not for you you could just delete it you know um this was really really helpful thank you again for writing in and sharing your experience it's really interesting to have it's unique to have a really great experience and a really awful experience yeah that's also why I

asked her to send us more information because she was like the first time it's amazing and the second time was a nightmare and then I was like I need to know more and like if you have any advice so this is like the perfect shadiest fuck of tea to like enter in the back door that way that's that sucks like she is taking advantage of someone who is queer to get closer to her partner who she is ultimately the one trying to like hook up with and i think that fucking sucks hate it yeah couples posting about each other should we replace this with our sex fact of the week i was just about to say that because we'll call it like a relationship fact of the week relationship fact of the week we were in pocket for that one that felt really good i love when you say out of pocket

i i don't know yeah yeah when i i like sent you something and you're like that was out of pocket for them to say it i was like yeah it is an effective phrase i'm glad you like it um all right so i pulled up a couple articles about this specifically and i know we've briefly talked about it of like couples who post about their relationships there's actually some research to back this up now um of couples posting on their relationships are typically less happy so if they're getting more descriptive in their in their captions and constantly posting about their relationship they're likely not as happy and it's it's two-thirds of every couple that do this that participate in like posting about each other all the time um so not all couples

yeah obviously don't be in our dms so you know people are like what about the other one third the other third is happy yeah so there's your answer good for you what's it like yeah wow wow you're not lying you are um so this is uh an article from inside hook um and it says want to want a better relationship don't post about it on social media all right so a new study suggests all this posting and boasting about your relationship on social media may be a sign or even a cause of trouble in paradise 10 of those who post images of themselves and their partner on social media describe the state of their couplehood as very happy nearly half 46 of respondents who do not publish such

posts said that their relationship was in fact a very happy one that's so interesting and that's out of 20 what was the number 2,000 british citizens british citizens it's a pretty big sample size yeah that is really a thousand couples yeah yeah so um conducted by shock kit a virtual community of photographers the survey polled people between ages of 18 and 50 and asked them to rank their relationship in regards to intimacy communication and trust as well as how much couples content they share online almost three quarters of respondents who define their relationship as either very happy or happy said that they never post couples content of the people who regularly share such posts 42 said their relationship is very unhappy

that's a big percent yeah wow 42 are very unhappy and they post couples content um so i think that something that i liked in uh this article was that it said social media posts can create unrealistic expectations for partners or lead them to feel like their partner is only interested in sharing how great the relationship is if it's on public display so it kind of just reinforces this idea that like you're only going to appreciate the things your partner does when it's like being publicized so if you're trying to do something kind for your partner and they don't publicize it like then you feel bad and things like that like i don't know like mr liz doesn't post he hasn't posted in over a year but he never posts anything about our

relationship i know i do sometimes but it's because like that's a cute picture or like it's his birthday yeah yeah yeah so yeah it's i feel like there's shit holy shit what happened um i was trying to move this up and i didn't tighten the screw oh so just popped out shit well okay now i'm on edge about mine yours won't okay um i feel like this is a similar thing to people like posting only the highlights of their life on social media to like maybe convince themselves that it's better than it is or like if i can just like show people that it's better than like maybe it is better it's like probably the same kind of thing it's just getting external validation totally like see like if if you think my relationship looks happy and normal then it is

yes yeah it's also the same kind of thing with couples that spend a lot of money on their wedding there are studies and i don't know the numbers but there are studies that say like if they spend a lot more on their wedding like if they spend an unreasonable amount of money on their wedding it's overcompensating for like them not being super happy because they're trying to like put all like the bells and whistles into their into their wedding that makes sense to like appear like they're really happy my ex was always and I'm removed enough from this now that I can like understand why he felt the way that he did but I never posted my ex because like I never really felt the need to when we were really bad and I knew that he was like doing some like sneak shit

behind my back I was posting him a ton because I was like anybody that goes to see if he has a girlfriend is gonna know that he has a girlfriend and da da da da and then when I was like feeling secure and happy in the relationship for the most part obviously outside of like the like subconscious rumblings I didn't feel the need to post him and that really really bugged him like I was kind of like one of the final nails in the coffin with our relationship was he was like why don't you ever post about me and then when him and I first started talking again after we broke up he asked if I had dated anyone else and I was dating the comedian at the time yeah and I said yes and he was like oh why don't you ever post about him it was like still at the front of his

mind that that was like a sign yeah but it was like a big insecurity of his I agree but I now I'm removed from it and I'm like well yeah because he was insecure in the relationship of course he super cared that I like wasn't like peacocking our relationship around because he like didn't really have much else to feel secure about so if I wasn't like showing the relationship publicly then like he had nothing to anchor to yeah I wonder if he was like oh if she's not showing people that she's dating me then um she's trying to hide me yeah she doesn't want people to know exactly which was never the case i mean like we had done so much work to get back to a good place he had like talked to all my friends so much like i in that moment hoped that he would know that

that wasn't the case but he didn't like he was he was just mega insecure and i can understand that now but like in the moment i was like why the fuck do you want me to be posting you so badly like you know that I love you but then his mom started I mean his mom's a whole fucking other story but like yeah she sounds like a piece of work but like she was pissed about it too and like it was just I don't know anyway for a mom to get mad about something weird like that if I told my mom like Mr. Liz never posts me on Instagram she'd be like who fucking cares Elizabeth like she would I can hear her saying that to me yeah like that doesn't mean anything yeah it's interesting that there's like research to back it up totally because I know we've just

like topically talked about it yeah because like when i think about it i've never really posted much about really my relationships like yeah not any more than i would think is normal right you know like of course i'm gonna post the stuff i'm doing with mr liz right that's we either look cute like it's a good picture of both of us or we like are going to do something fun i think that there's and I don't post often right that too that too I think that there's a distinct difference between like oh me and my partner are like doing xyz today and then like a post that's like I love you so much you're my everything I think that that's there's a difference between those kind of posts what do you think about the posts that are like we've had like it hasn't always been great and

stuff like that I think about this a lot I so I have a follow-up thought to that as well so my first thought about that is like i think that those couples think that everybody is paying attention to the ups and downs of their relationship because everyone is number one in their own mind you know it's like everyone knows that we went through a rough time it's nobody gives a fuck just like live your life just live your life well and i think you get to an age too where you're like no relationship's perfect of course it's gonna have like you're gonna have to face challenges together yeah if there's a relationship with no ups and downs if someone's judging your relationship and it's essentially normal like that that person probably hasn't dated very many people true true

or hasn't been in a healthy relationship and their opinion probably just also doesn't matter and if it does then they probably just care about you so it's like you don't need to put it in you don't need to put it in a caption well it always reminds me of um our friend molly we were talking about this couple who had posted like a fucking long caption like that of like it hasn't always been easy and like they were really focusing on the stuff that sucked yeah and then she was like i'm happily unhappy with you yeah that's such a good way to put it essentially what it's like i always think of that yeah i'm like so unhappily i'm happily unhappy with you it's so fucking real it's that's the same kind of thing this was my follow-up thought the couples that are like it

hasn't always been easy the couples that are like we've decided to to separate like like a celebrity announcement a breakup announcement yes but every couple like goes through their publicist and they're like we would respect your privacy during this time when like joe schmoe fucking does it with like his like girlfriend of like six months i'm just like chill relax yeah nobody actually gives a fuck like truly decided to break up oh god that's embarrassing i'm embarrassed for you just delete all your pictures of them like a normal person and everyone will forget about the relationship and the people that care will follow up with you about it that's how fucking should be yeah should we wrap it up well i think we should all right well thanks for listening

we love you our children oh she's mariah mariah carrying that shit oh does your back hurt girl from carrying the tune yep hell yeah Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.