The Hoely Hour - E83 Lung-popping Masturbation

Episode Date: April 22, 2022

What would you do for free rent? Because we have an offer for you, but it involves the worst roommate ever. Let's discuss the sex doll mommy/man child baby dichotomy. A listener writes in about their struggles with intimacy. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

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tap tap tap tap tap on my phone anyways i'm just gonna tap this stupid comment send welcome to the holy hour i'm amelia samson and i'm liz ball and here we are i just don't know why i panic every single time we do this yeah you just start talking and i'm like she's gonna say because like quiet makes me so uncomfy it always has even as a kid it's just like i have to feel i have to feel the silence and then like if i'm watching a recording of me talking to someone the silence is so much shorter than i remember it being like silence scares me a lot that's how i like an eternity i can i can relate to that um so i figured we could just dive right in we have a lot to talk about yeah let me plug our socials first you don't have to drop it into

the beginning of the episode love that i love that for us tiktok instagram and twitter at the holy hour email us your spices stories holy hour podcast at gmail.com uh join our discord join our patreon for early access and ad free episodes and eventually some more fun shit does that does that about cover it yeah do you want to plug your personal oh yeah we do that now i'm at amelia samson on literally every platform love i'm jealous i want that one day i want it all to be the same thing you can buy it off of people i'm i'm not there yet i am liz t ball on twitter and liz ball so hard on instagram and tiktok i love that and that's that do you want to have liz t ball and everything or liz ball so hard i think liz ball so hard i don't know why i just

i don't want to let that go heard which is so annoying of me but i can't let it go we're gonna jump right in and i am going to read you something i saw on twitter this morning oh my god we have so much shit to read to each other i'm so excited i also need to get a new phone because it's been ghost scrolling non-stop i hate that so it's like six years old yeah it's timeless i just don't want to go to the store you don't have to they deliver it to your house now okay somebody that somebody from at&t came in and like set up my phone for me in my house he like hated his life he hated being there i'm pretty sure verizon does the same thing because they're all like competing with each other anyway continue um all right so when i

saw this someone tweeted it and she said it's 9 a.m so i there's no other context with this text message so i don't know if someone like a friend sent it to her or someone actually like sent it to her on instagram or something okay but it says looking for a female roommate to pay zero dollars rent i will not charge you money but i will be sharing my bed with you as the other room is being used by my parents they are aware of this arrangement as i have done this before but it has not worked out for reasons i rather not say on here i will expect hugs at least five times a day and cuddles at least two times a day for at least 10 minutes each you will not be dating any other men during this arrangement you will not have any you will have no male friends either you may have

female friends and they may visit if they like you will also be required to make me meals three times a day physical requirements are as stated must be shorter than five five weigh no more than 170 pounds caucasian or asian only republican no tattoos no vegans no smoking slash vaping marijuana he spelled it m-a-r-r-y-w-a-n-i-a what was he trying to say marijuana oh wow and you must shave legs and underarms i am 44 male 390 pounds last time i checked five six please contact me if you would like this arrangement there is no way that's real one comment was like the comments were just like that man is very short and very round yeah i mean that's what made me feel like it's not real i mean the whole thing was a mess but then like the last his um his his uh measurements

don't quite compute i've definitely seen things posted like um like a roommate wanted ad like that on like someone took a picture of it and it was like an ad on the street i that is fucking ridiculous from top to bottom that was ridiculous like the other room is occupied by my parents like he's also 44 yeah this person just wants a sex doll mommy that was that was art what you just read to me was art i'm sure some people are like you know what i might do this because i can't afford rent but that person was a specific requirement well in the amount of requirements you wouldn't be able to have a full-time job no no you got a full-time job and then you got this man child baby at home i have so many i want to see the original posting

because was that in the form of a text yeah i want to see the original posting so bad that i looked through the comments because i was like i need some context here and there's no context of course oh my god wow what an enigma what kind of offer would you take up if somebody if like that yeah like a no if you paid no rent what what would your contingencies be i would if i didn't pay rent i would cook for sure um i would clean but like not like uh all the time enough once a week i would clean once a week um i would have to be in a relationship with this person because i don't i don't see this working out any other way i'm not gonna take care of anyone unless there's something like romantically and emotionally fulfilling

in this scenario i'm like a stay-at-home dog mom trophy wife yeah i like that pta mom trophy wife you give me my mom okay sick i'll pay rent lit okay love that love that for us so this could work if we lived together i think would i be the mom yes 100 i'm like would i be the mom and then you would be the cat we're playing house we're playing house in this area no that's i mean whenever i would play house and when i was in preschool i'd be the dog i always wanted to be the dog doesn't that track it makes so much sense when i played house i always wanted to be i think the older sister that also tracks already what i was i don't want to be the mom I was already a dog I'm like I want to continue bossing everyone around so that seems like

speaking of bossing around I told Amelia this earlier but um Mr. Liz took me skiing this weekend and um bullied me into going off a few jumps y'all you should see the fucking video of her going off these jumps though there's a girl I was I'm so impressed it like it felt a lot cooler when I was doing it no it looks very very cool oh thank you no it like really does I can't keep my balance on solid land uh but I told my mom about it and she was like your relationship is so interesting to me because you don't ever let anyone tell you what to do but like you listen to him so I think she's like oh this is a good relationship because Elizabeth doesn't talk like listen to anyone do you think that a part of that I don't think that a part of it is actually

this but it's like the subdom dynamic probably a little bit but i wish you had seen me in other relationships would you i was not i wouldn't say i was like i i definitely am a better person now i was not like a very good girlfriend in the past i don't think but we all learn i sincerely i just did not like want to do anything anyone told me to do that i just don't want to do they're also not very good to you that's usually why here's a story that i want your um your reaction to i'm so excited a 20 year old man was left in intensive care after a freak accident happened while he was masturbating the swiss patient who remains unnamed presumably out of embarrassment suffered a rare lung injury usually caused by rigorous exercise or violent coughing geez the guy really

went at it he was hospitalized for three days and spent a night in the icu as the air had escaped from his lung and became lodged in his rib cage according to the case his lung was lodged in his rib cage air had escaped from his lung there was like a tear yeah oh what um according to the case report in the journal radiology case reports the patient took himself to a and e after experiencing breathlessness and chest pain while he was performing the act in his bed when he arrived at the hospital it was clear he had really done a number on himself his face was swollen and crunching noises were coming from his neck down to his arms the doctors diagnosed him with spontaneous pneumo met something spm for short which is the leakage of air from the lung to his ribs the case

is the first to be caused by masturbation however it has been noted before during sex that that makes the lad feel even better that's horrible that sounds painful as fuck i'm like there was there any like auto asphyxiation involved you would like that would make sense how do you how are you breathing that hard when you're masturbating just like rigorous exercise like i need to know like if this guy had like pre-existing conditions or if this is something that like everybody needs to be i have a lot of questions how hard are you masturbating to pop a lung and like was he like how many times had he already masturbated that day yeah that's a good question you know destroy dick december yeah is this destroyed dick december business where it was

he was trying to do a challenge and we have to like go on snopes to disprove that people die from doing that oh my god like i cannot imagine how embarrassing that must have been i feel like it was like an auto asphyxiation thing that would make more sense it would and but it would also make more sense if he didn't want to tell say that you think so even though they're like i feel like if i was in the hospital because i masturbated too hard i would be like but i was but i was suffocating myself like that was kind of like you would need to blow a little bit i think that would make it it's like well at least it was some kinky shit yeah right it wasn't just like just like go into town too hard on myself yeah fucking bananas i guess like i've never really have you watched a

guy masturbate because i haven't yeah i've actually watched a lot of like um like masturbation porn like someone on one business yeah because i like i'm like big into like the dirty talk is that okay so they're not like panting when they're when they're masturbating there's parts yeah they are but like so hard that they would pop along no like i'm thinking about the workout i did before i came over and like that was really fucking hard and you didn't pop along no so i feel like maybe i would because i haven't worked out maybe this guy had asthma maybe i don't know hi like there's some there's some stuff i feel like we need to know but like the crunching sound from his neck to his like that's confusing what crunching well if he had crunching sounds maybe

there's some anasphyxiation involved i don't know there might have been maybe he was like that's too crazy and i can't tell people about that maybe i don't know honestly i'm glad he's okay so we can laugh about it i bet he this is one of those things he's gonna look back on and laugh and also the fact that he gets to stay anonymous too is probably like i mean it's a medical thing can they just like yeah shit like people can just report on that on the news yeah if it's anonymous because there's no HIPAA like compliance issues when there's no like age or anything like that and identifying that's crazy well I mean he's 20 but there's no like identifying criteria yeah dude so that's that I read I saved that in my notes I was like I have I have to read this that's the

I've never heard of anything where did you find that lad bible it popped up on lad bible oh it's on instagram it's like a uk like entertainment like lad source for the lads so someone sent me this story of um his friend went on a very bad date and this is actually probably the worst thing i've read i'm excited so this is the text that this is the text that she sent him bro this guy i went with first of all catfished me because he looked cute in his pics but he was ugly and fucking weird kind of mean um but anyway that was me saying that going back to the text so we got one drink and i told him i was leaving and he was like no you should stay and like giving me all these reasons and i was like no i'm leaving and he wouldn't let me go without making plans

with me and then he walked me in my car and forced me to hug him and when he went in for a kiss i swerved him and then this is what i got when i got home because i ignored his phone call and text so this is the text that he sent oh god it looks long oh he's also in school to be a dentist he has bad teeth that was the last part of that text okay this guy said i want to be he wants to conquer his fears he's afraid of the dentist so he wants to become one and that's respectable it's like why i want to work for amazon i hate them and i'm scared of them i'm terrified i will take Jeff Bezos down from the inside out okay this is the text hey I tried calling you hope you made it back safe also was wondering why you didn't kiss me before you left that's new for me

lol next text I don't know how much time was in between these two texts but it was it was within the hour dude no like this can't possibly be for real laughing my fucking ass off with a bunch of O's I'm not even attracted to you but I made a mistake spending that four dollars on you tonight and it all felt so weird and all because i was desperate enough and doing something like this because of my breakup honestly this is surreal i'm way out of your league and you're literally a used up rave hoe with an anorexic short body and oversized head insane you can forget about tomorrow after four laughing my ass off this is him he looks like he would say some insecure shit like that he looks like tom cruise if anyone's he doesn't like he looks like a guy

that has been told too many times that he looks like tom cruise he looks like he's on some scientology bullshit a 100 also totally would hat jump it i bet he's half fishing too it looks like a bird sort of ew or just i don't i don't know he's a tool he's like posing posing in this photo like he thinks he's i just like men need to find a new bit when they get rejected and they're just like just kidding fuck you you're not even attractive i saw something almost very similar this morning on twitter because i i have to check twitter for my job to see what's trending because if it's something bad then we have to pause but anyways that makes sense other than that um i saw yeah something almost just like that and it's just like it it reminds me of the meme where

it's like someone's crying underneath and they put on a mask and it's like a smile i send that and that is absolutely what this guy is doing and like like like what do you you're not hurting anyone's feelings when you're doing that you're just being so fucking embarrassing yeah yeah it is so embarrassing when guys do shit like that yeah i'm sure women do it too but like not nearly to the extent that we see them like guys do this to to women i'm just like you don't want to kiss me well you're not even fucking pretty yet like yeah i did this as a joke right okay desperate that's why i went out with you it's like okay sure dude you were like trying so fucking hard i just like i'm not over my ex well and like him behaving like that just proves that

she her gut instinct was right like this guy's a lunatic 100 yeah it's um can you imagine if like they had gotten further along and then this all came out like even like another date and the guy that sent me this said that this girl is like one of the nicest people ever like super sweet to everybody like really like mild-mannered I this the one that I saw that the the woman posted she posted like the text he sent her and then a selfie of herself yeah okay so it was this woman saying like Amelia pulled it up immediately I had just seen it um but she said I did have fun last night just felt differently after today and felt bad staying and he said got it if we're being honest with each other you're way too thick for me anyway in case you couldn't tell that i really

did not want to have sex with you that's why my dick was so hard i was just like did not want to have sex and then she posted a selfie and like this she is a bad bitch i'm like yeah she's really fucking hot like like goal body like she just she's super hot curvy in all the the best places and she has like abs and she's like had the little under boob poking out from her bikini like casually it's just like damn girl he wishes and then one of the top comments underneath was like he's just saying his dick's too small for you something like that i mean uh small dick jokes are just so easy to make they are especially if somebody's being body shamed already i feel like they're so easy to make because they just like they really they get like little bitch guys so

upset you know because and like i think they're a low blow and they're not funny low blow easy a scout ads um i don't know they're they're just it's it's low-hanging fruit it's just easy speaking of low-hanging fruit this is a perfect transition into something else that was trending for only a very short amount of time um testicle tanning did you see this this morning no okay so this health fitness expert was featured on tucker carlson saying like recommending that men sun their balls because supposedly it heightens your testosterone so i looked this up because he's like there's tons of data and it gives you more testosterone and then i feel like fox news is like begging for people to not take them seriously a urologist was like there's no data

and um i looked it up and i i didn't do a ton of research you know this my you know this podcast is not just about me doing research on ball sacks sorry but it's almost that's almost all it is i did a quick little search to see what i could find and the only thing that came up was this um study from 1939 and they tested it on a few guys and their testosterone levels went up by 200 percent and that's just what like all of these bros are doubling down their information on doesn't testosterone fluctuate during the day anyway yeah so so if you like sun your balls your testosterone will double but i just that's a bad idea i feel like i'm shorting out right now but also like who did they do this research on like probably only white men uh-huh there's

probably like no men of color and is this even an extended study or was it just for a day were there controls in this study yeah like there i have so many questions there's probably like no controls and also like for the most part so i've been listening to this podcast called maintenance phase um can't recommend it enough like it's so interesting but when i listen to them like they really drive home this point that like science and data is flawed because people are flawed yeah because people don't go out to they they go out to prove something that they already believe and is preconceived they don't go out to find the truth rarely yeah so right it's frustrating like the smartest fucking person you know has work drama yeah isn't that so depressing

yeah i'm like oh god damn it i thought scientists were robots yeah but like why not like my friends that are studying psychology are they'll be the first to say like we know literally nothing about like most things that we study in science because like there's so many there's so many factors so many things we've been taught are a lie based on like flawed data in a lot of yeah i know that's the thing is like when they're coding their data like it's so easy for one thing to be off to throw the entire data set off yeah so now we have this 1939 research saying that uh putting uv lights on your balls is good for raising testosterone and i just i what is men's obsession with having more testosterone because in my experience men with more testosterone are insufferable yeah or at

least men taking like testosterone supplements have you ever like met a guy like that like cis men that take testosterone supplements i didn't know that they did that yeah it's steroids basically oh yes um so it i dated a guy who did that in high school was taking steroids in high school it makes your peepee smaller first of all um and i he was taking it with his friend and after i met his friend his friend continued to take it and his friend's a cop and he is the worst police officer i've ever fucking met like i was like i can't believe they let this guy just walk around with a gun he drives drunk constantly holy shit anyways holy shit what the fuck i know see we've said this before testosterone levels in women are higher when they're on their periods

yeah so then when people are like are you on your period i'm so emotional you mean i'm acting like a man drives me fucking insane um you know no no shade to men there's plenty of men that we love but you all know that don't sun your balls i just y'all are perfect just the way you are you don't need more testosterone show everyone needs vitamin unless you have an imbalance go to the if you feel like you are lacking in some sort of something a hormone a vitamin anything go to the doctor before you fucking go into a tanning bed yeah and just sun your balls i and i feel a little jaded like saying like definitely don't sun your balls or like put uv lights on your balls because i had that skin cancer scare last summer and like i'm i'm someone who wears sunscreen and i don't go

outside a ton and it's like cloudy here and just the most unsuspecting spot cloudy days it's easier to get burnt fun fact i kept thinking about that episode of south park when they microwave their balls you know what i'm talking about i just like i really think that like maybe republican men are gonna start doing that he's gonna be like i can't afford this fancy light for my ball sack i just like why was this why was why was tucker carlson talking about this he has a new segment i don't know if it's a segment or a show but oh god essentially about how like men aren't manly anymore and i'm like i think that i think it's the idea of like masculine and feminine to me i'm like we made that up it doesn't it doesn't it's completely made up i know i'm like how about

i just think like whatever men want to be that's masculine yeah right totally whatever women want to be that's feminine or yeah and whatever whatever you want to be and whatever you want to call it it's like it's what you are fuck the rules fuck the binary fuck everything it's just people like people want there to be a moral right and wrong and there just isn't that just doesn't exist it's just like as humans we want us we want to be able to follow a set of rules to make sense of our world but like what if we just like changed and like what if there weren't rules and we were like okay with that yeah what if we just like adapted better to our environment the rules can just be you know like don't hurt other people mind your business mind your fucking business

and uh do your best you know and mind your business and mind your business we have to say that one twice mind your business it's so important it's so fucking annoying it's just like people people care way too much about what other people are doing oh yeah for what you're doing a thing i have a hot take about it like you know it's like you don't have to have an opinion about everything we're saying that we have a fucking podcast yeah but our whole thing no here's the thing i love i you can have targeted opinion you can have an opinion as long as you aren't hurting people in the process like yeah we you it's like the candace owens thing with like um harry styles wearing a dress on the cover of a magazine and like she was on this she probably

still is on this tirade about like bring back manly men like tucker carlson's doing yeah but candace owens husband and like caitlin bennett's husband and fucking ben shapiro are like feminine men yeah right i i'm just saying it's like they're they're not projecting you know they could be like good husbands and that's great but they're not out there fucking chopping wood ben shapiro's going to colleges to argue with kids like that's not manly to me that's like i have an inferiority complex so i'm gonna go argue with college students smarmy fuck fucking hate that man anyway i could go on about these people for forever okay so i did write some notes though another note they this guy is calling it um bromeotherapy instead of homeotherapy

so it's just like making i like i'm sick of like this like biohacking bullshit like these are just people who are making shit up this is a bromeo therapy oh my god like just try regular therapy first and we'll go from there men will do anything but just go get men will do men will sun their balls before getting therapy i just oh my god it's just really crazy okay um did you write more notes about that no that was it okay i just wanted to add that cherry on top that they were calling it bromeotherapy instead of homeotherapy that is so funny or maybe it was bromeopathy because homeopathy and to be honest like i do everyone needs vitamin d you know yeah you could also just like increase your vitamin d levels or like go for

a walk when it's sunny out yeah or even take like supplements i upgraded my vitamin d supplement to liquid form i drop it on my tongue and it's minty and it makes a huge difference hell yeah or maybe the sun's just coming up more i'm like yeah it is like you could put i was reading some other stuff and like you could put like vitamin d oil on your balls and have the same effect allegedly these are also just like dingbats on reddit talking about shit like this they just want to tan their balls just say you want to tan your balls you don't need a reason go tan your balls but don't because it's dangerous but you don't need to make up some bullshit reason if you want to caution if you're gonna tan your balls as with all things and just like get a blood get a blood

panel done yeah get a blood panel done and see like do i need more testosterone because the chances are you probably don't you probably need something else therapy and maybe calcium a lobotomy a lobotomy i you know i would like a lobotomy sometimes same um i just changed uh i was taking for a week b12 really bad idea with a caffeine addiction and adderall prescriptions yeah i thought my heart was going to fall out of my body if anything you should take a b complex what did i say b12 oh it was b complex but it was for it was it had like 12 in it it was a b complex um like multivitamin so it just gave me so much fucking energy and i didn't know that that's what it did i was also taking 15 milligrams of melatonin turns out you should only take three

max you need to consult me i need to go to the doctor yeah i need to get a blood panel done and i need to stop guessing um they also tell you on the bottles with the recommended dosage you know what's fucked about melatonin though is it's not regulated so there's no same with vitamins but at least vitamins i could have read the b complex bottle i could have done that that is something i could have done melatonin really fucked it's like banned in a lot of countries because they actually don't know what it does to you oh i didn't know that yeah they like don't know if it like gets you into like the right like part of your rem cycle um it like it could possibly contribute to like a lot of like cognitive issues down the line nobody knows

because they've never done studies on it and here i am taking 15 fucking milligrams yeah i'm like damn i've taken like a lot of melatonin in the past i take it every night yeah it's not regulated here in other countries it's prescribed um that's how it is with a lot of a lot of stuff here like uh i take sam e which is prescribed for depression in um europe oh shit so but you can just buy it over the counter here hell yeah damn but i only take i take a little bit of that with your lexapro nice and a bunch of other little b complex and vitamin d anyways hell yeah i went on probably the worst date i've ever been on ever this weekend and amelia was live tweeting and live texting me the entire time i have never been me and mr

liz were both on edge i've never felt more disrespected on a first date i was disrespected on your behalf as well and i wasn't even there so this man is a musician boo he's been to the grammys does he wear shoes yes he's he's very he's very handsome in person i was like this is a shame because um amelia sent me or she didn't tell me which one which guy in the band it was so i looked them up and all of the men in this band look old they are i mean so he told me his age and i don't could he be your dad no okay he's 34 but here's the thing i didn't tell you this spend all day in the sun like sorry i'm being mean no no no i honestly think that have you seen a star is born the bradley cooper one no okay um i know the premise but right he i'm the only person who

hasn't seen a star i feel as though he drinks a lot and it shows on his face okay but he is graying but he's 34 he did say he's turning 40 and so but like he was drunk I need to I'm going to start at the beginning so this man and I matched on hinge back in August and I didn't know who I didn't put piece together who he was at first um but like he had a picture on stage in front of like a stadium so I was like hoops so I sent him a rose because he was hot and interesting also you like a little bit of uh notoriety see i was thinking about this after we had the conversation about people that try to fuck celebrities i was like and and i said maybe what it is is that it's like attractive for somebody to like chase a passion and make a

job out of it i think that that's what's so attractive to me about it is like people that like dedicate their whole lives at something like that totally and it's just so hot to me i don't know um i think me like in 2020 for sure i was just like chasing famous dudes around but i don't know there's just like something there's something that's really sexy to me about it so we matched he was like i'm only here for a few days he lives in la but he's from here originally okay well he's from la originally but he he lived here for like years and years and years and that's where the band started and so last Wednesday or Thursday he texted me he's like hey I'm in town um are you free this weekend and I was like oh fuck yeah so he sent me his number and then I texted him and I

was like can you follow me on Instagram so I know you're not a catfish and then he did and I was like oh okay so this is like he's like actually him and we made a plan to hang out and it was gonna be 8 p.m on Saturday the fact that I gave this man a Saturday slot I don't give dudes that i've been dating for months weekend slots amelia's saturday slot is hard to it's that's to get into prime real estate yeah for this exact reason because i'm constantly disappointed by men so and then i feel pissed that i i've wasted my saturday and friday too um but in this case saturday so we made a plan to meet up at a bar and um he texted me at six in the morning on saturday and was like hey like let's figure out like timing plan like where do you want to meet

and I was like oh he's like serious serious so we figured everything out 7 30 rolls around and he tells me that he's at a different bar but it's just like right down the street from the original bar and he was like I'll meet you where we talked about but this is where I am right now and I was like well if you want to stay where you are you can just go I'll just meet you there and he was like he never answered okay um so I just like roll up to the bar and he is standing outside the one that he was already at yeah okay standing outside smoking a cigarette talking to two people and i saw him and kind of like got into like his field of vision to be honest if someone was smoking a cigarette in front of me i'd be like repulsed yeah it's it's fucking disgusting i

and i i say that but when mr liz was smoking a cigarette or like when we were on summer vacation i was like he looks so hot there's something there's a caveat to it i think it just depends on if if i know them personally like if it's a first date this is like i'm trying to gauge what's going on what your deal is and if i pull up and you're outside smoking a cigarette and you haven't texted me back like yeah talking to two people that were pretty rude by the way i like oh but i left out an important part of the fucking story he texted when he said that he was at this place he also told me that he was tipsy and i was like okay well slow down so i can catch up tipsy in my mind is just like a little loose yeah like a nice little buzz yeah i'm like okay that's

totally fine thank you for warning me i roll up to this place and i say hey to him and he doesn't know who i am just like oh my god he was like you know when like somebody says hi to you and you're like hey you like yeah oh god this person like clearly knows who i am like i don't know who they are um that was kind of like the vibe and then i was like should i pay the cover and the two people were like there's no cover like really rude and i knew that there was because i had looked and i was like okay so i go inside and the door guy is like hey you buying a ticket i'm like i guess so and like so those two doormen were like there's no cover wait who can you explain who these two people like were still don't know what they look like they looked like they were in like the music

scene were they two guys a girl and a guy the girl had like straight straight across bangs and like blonde hair and she was wearing like circle sunglasses and she was just like she looked like um she she looked like she could have been in a band like that was kind of her vibe and then the guy she was with was just kind of like greasy i don't know also kind of in a band um and he was just like a bunch of people who could be in a band that's so true that's so true um like you've never heard of my band yeah you don't know who i am don't make eye contact with me we play at barboza i'm really big in the house party scene um so i went inside got paid the 15 cover got a drink dollars what the fuck are people doing i'm sorry i don't know and i sat at a table right

by the door i'm like oh my god well so it was it was a it was a show at this place yeah like a an acoustic show which ended up being really great but like hello but he didn't have to pay because he's who he is and like i guess this band like met at this bar and they like started they came up on the scene at this bar so he got in for free which is why he didn't think that there was a cover i don't fucking know so i'm sitting at this i open up a tab the two guys at the door and the bartender are both like watching me because i or they're all watching me because i look confused and lost and so 15 minute past 15 minutes past i'm sitting at this table texting liz telling her like what the fuck is going on 15 minutes after i sit down he blows past he comes

from outside blows past me and walks toward the bathrooms but like to puke maybe but also the bathrooms are like by the stage you have to pass the stage to go to the bathrooms so i didn't know if he was like talking to people up there or if he went to the bathroom but he was gone for another 15 and i said to liz if he's not back by 8 30 i'm just up and leaving and then 8 29 rolls around and he i seem stumbling up to the table i'm like fuck god damn it he walks up to the table and and he's just like fucked up like looking through me fucked up did you have to remind him so when you first saw him did you have to like remind him like who i was yeah no i was just like you're like i'm amelia yeah you invited me here we're supposed to be on a date we're on a date right now yeah

and you're ghosting me while on the date i've never been left sitting at a table like that ever in my life not even on like a fifth sixth seventh date first date so he walks up stumbles trips on the stool when he walks up and I was like how much did you drink and he was like not a lot and I'm lying to me I'm like you're either lying or a lightweight either way you're fucked up yeah and he was like I'm really sorry and he said okay so he said I'm sorry I'm not even kidding probably 30 times in an hour and i didn't say it's okay any of the times because it wasn't and i felt really powerful every time he would say i'm sorry i would just do this like smile and like disappointed nod like you i that that makes sense that you're sorry you fucked up

so the entire time he was just like he had this like sad look in his eyes and just kept like being like i've had a really really bad last few days he was like opening up about like how like just the band was falling apart and like they were like fighting and shit and i was like oh this is a lot this is a lot he opened up like falling apart he opened up about his um his mom's drug abuse just randomly just like opened up i'm like i don't even know your last name truly i'm so fucking annoyed it was a lot he he's he's treating a complete stranger like a therapy dumping ground after being so rude and disrespectful to you yeah yeah and like i was actively i was like do you let shit get to you like this often and he was like yeah i'm like oh okay like i was like shaming him

to his face and he was just not he wasn't so every time i would not say anything there would just be silence and then nobody would say anything so i was like interviewing him this entire date so after an hour passes i'm like well that's my time so you're like a therapist you really are like your therapist well i think this is a good place to end yeah um just uh i'll send you the copay and i'll see you in a week the copay should have been the cover for the fucking show that i went to yeah drunk ass that's about a therapy copay i think so i think it makes sense so i tell him that i'm leaving i get up to leave and he's like sitting next to me like in this booth so he has to get up and he won't and so i'm kind of like does he think this is like going well he tried

to kiss me when i left and then he kissed my ear because i turned my head i'm like in what fucking universe did this go well at all anywhere i think this is just another example of like i know we've talked about this before um like when people share a lot about themselves with you they feel very connected and not just you specifically it could be anyone who is like friendly and easy to talk to totally where people just are like oh i'm gonna i feel safe being able to share these things with this person and now we have a bond but this motherfucker doesn't know anything about you because he was talking about his trauma the whole time on a first date while blacked out probably literally i was saying the most basic shit about me that he should have

already known and he was acting like he had heard it for the first time you know um and then i left i got a text from him like 20 minutes later and he was like again i'm really sorry i'm like yeah wish the night could have gone on longer under different circumstances and he texts me back well it's not too late like i was gonna go back no like i think he is used to being able to get away with that's what i was saying too especially in la and especially like being in a like a band with like pretty he's the only single one in the band and he that has the group has like a good amount of notoriety i wonder how much of the band falling apart is because of him being an alcoholic and being a dick maybe god who fucking knows but you know what's kind of poetic about this and i

why i really wanted it to go well was i went they played on my campus in college um and i went with my ex and we were there with a girl that like i knew he had feelings for that makes a lot of sense though why there's kind of like why you didn't just leave because when you were when you were waiting for him when he like maybe wandered off into the bathroom or something i mr liz was he was constantly checking in he was like what's amelia saying now i'm like she hasn't texted back yet and then um but when you were like i'm gonna wait until 8 30 he was like that is entirely too generous tell her to just come hang out with us that's yeah it was too generous but i really wanted to make this work uh you really did which sucks i was like but also sometimes you just gotta

like do things for the story that's exactly right i know that sounds like that sounds stupid obviously trust your gut in this if you're gonna do something for the story but like come on it's interesting i think that's i agree i like i don't do things for this like even before the podcast i wasn't i was just doing things for the experience yeah i'm like okay well if this goes bad it's gonna be funny to talk about right and i mean like now i have a new worst date story um he was a really bad date he was supposed to be leaving tonight like around right now um because he had a radio interview which is why he was here and they ended up cutting his part of the interview which i think was i don't think he ever had a radio interview i need to look online

to see if they even got interviewed by the station um because he ended up changing his flight to last night and left so he was only here for 24 hours literally i'm like you and then he almost missed his flight he texted me he's like i almost slept through my flight i'm like you are such a hot mess of a man like but how do you tie your own shoes that would be the ultimate turn off to me yeah for this band guy to even be where he's at i think he's only there because he was just in the right place at the right time he doesn't seem like he has any responsibility I mean they also have like tour managers to get them everywhere so I feel like when he like is trapped because he was here alone he's traveling alone he doesn't know his ass from his elbow and that's just like the very

it's very one of the most attractive things about my ex to me and what made me feel so safe around him was his like travel acumen like I feel like I could go anywhere with him and I knew that we would be taken care of and there's something really comforting and attractive about that honestly if you can travel with someone and enjoy it yeah that is i think that's a really huge indicator of like how a relationship is totally except not in my case yeah but it was good for for a little while it was it was no you're right i won't and you know as much as i hate your ex we can't say that all of it was bad stuff was not good it was a very good relationship when it was good but you know it's still it doesn't make him uncheat on you

wouldn't that be nice if it did like you can be a great guy but you still have done some really shitty things that can't be erased so yeah that was my date this weekend um that is i set a rule last week that i wouldn't talk about a guy unless i've gone on three dates with him but i'm not going on bad enough that like i'm going on a date with the bartender that came up to me on my date on tuesday tomorrow oh wait you should talk about that real quick okay that is a really quick story just because that's like such a fun like hot girl moment yeah so i was on a date the one that i was um talking about last week that um the roommate of two of my friends and he went to the bathroom and i had already told the bartender that he looked familiar and we were like trying to figure

out where we know each other from and he was like do you go to my climbing gym I'm like bitch this body doesn't climb I just think it's so funny whenever anyone thinks I do anything active um anyway that was like the saddest thing I've ever said um but so I went when the guy I was on the date with went to the bathroom I went up to the bartender to get another drink and he was like did you figure out where you know me from and he was cute he's like a he's a cute he is he is a cutie and he like also really intense eye contact so and I love that shit um and i was like no but i'm guessing like the dating apps and when i said that he said have we matched on hinge like at the same time so we're like that's probably how we know each other um and he

was like are you on a first date right now and i was like yeah and he was like well he seems boring do you want my card like what a fucking power play i was like okay this is hot sure i have his card right here actually um so i texted him later that night and i was like was that the first time you've ever ruin a date he's like yeah was that the first time you've ever had the bartender come up to you on a date oh yeah we were looking at his uh he's pretty talented stuff he's an artist so anyway that's tomorrow when you said that he was an oil painter mr liz and i looked at each other we were like i'll let you know how it goes we're going out at eight tomorrow that sounds fun yeah it'll be an experience well it sounds fun because he seems like interesting like yeah

totally i mean he seems confident and he has a dog man oh yeah and you know how i feel about dog dads yeah a lot of guys have dogs so i don't want to i know as long as on his profile none of them talk to me he didn't say i'll never love you as much as i love my dog well he said um like i'll know i've met the one when my dog likes you or something like that he did lead with dog knowledge it's a really cute dog though it's a rescue uh-huh anyway um i love a dog dad and no dog dads talk to me so i don't know what that's about but now i'm going on a date with one maybe his nickname will be dog dad that's a good nickname yeah okay cool well he got a nickname already dog papa dog papa puppy papa dog dad is better but you can call whatever you want papa

i that's that's the date that i'm going on my roster is getting packed out i'm a little tired and i'm still seeing the poet who i fucking adore let's move on thank you that was that's my update that was really fun that was thrilling it was riveting even this is fun now that i'm a free agent again i have stories i want to watch that scene in like a tv show or a movie which one uh your bad date dog dad oh oh oh and the dog dad moment i felt like i was in a sitcom i was sitting at the table i'm like i can't believe this is happening to me i couldn't believe it was happening just in general so annoying i mean like i don't know people go on awful dates all the time and it's shocking to me yes because i'm just like wow wow yeah wow if people actually

behave like that yeah not today well because for the most part we all have a level of self-awareness where we're like yeah this is acceptable behavior and it's polite and respectful and then some people just don't have that threshold and it's always shocking yeah just goes right out the window yeah because majority majority of us do have that oh my god liz it was so disappointing i was so excited i i shaved everything that is always the worst when you shave something and i remember the first time i neared my vagina i thought something fun was gonna happen that's right it did not that was the what was his name um the guy that epoxied your sink sink bay sink bay i forgot what a throwback that was for sink bay yeah then he flopped on

toppy like a dead fish i don't i like i just remember he was a little stinky and maybe it's because he was living in a car yeah and using me for my amenities uh-huh and then he like slept until noon on your in your apartment and you're like i need this man out of my apartment right now so annoyed yeah and then meanwhile like i go on a date with mr liz for the first time like a week later and i'm like you could stay here for a week if you want yeah that's how you know when you like when you don't want to stop getting out with someone yeah all right um so for this next thing this next bit we are going to read a listener email and it'll we're also treating it as a sex fact of the week because the week um because it did require some mild research

so this listener wrote into us um asking for some advice so i'll just let me get to the part where she is actually asking for advice okay hi Amelia and Liz I love the show and appreciate the work you're doing I just wanted to share something in case anyone else can relate don't really know where to start so I just will lol I've always struggled with physical touch I have a sexual mind I fantasize about things but when it comes to actually being touched or viewed sexually I tend to freeze up and get uncomfortable fast no matter who I'm with for years in and soon after high school I would just bear through it with whoever I was dating because I thought surely that was normal for women I've just always been extremely self-conscious and have someone

so in my and having someone so in my space in such an intimate way sets off my anxiety alarms like crazy I have a hard time relaxing during sex and the only way I can I can come is through masturbating my fiance and I have been together for seven and a half years now and this was a struggle in our relationship at one point but we've talked about it a lot and he is very understanding of my needs we only have sex a handful of times a year i appreciate his patience always but i still fight feelings of feeling like i'm letting him down in way in ways like i should be more sexual for him and now i started a new antidepressant cymbalta and i've been struggling to come even when masturbating i feel like i can't catch a break with my sexuality i can't be the

person I want to be sexually because of some mental block that I have and now medication to help me function in other aspects of my life is only adding another hurdle to the issue all this to say I know I felt alone in these struggles before but listening to your podcast always helps me remember that I'm not so thank you for building this amazing community and opening these conversations for everyone before you read the facts I just want to say how helpful it is for people to share these stories because like she said she felt so she feels alone in this and she's not there's no way that she is and i'm sure that there are people that are listening they're like oh my god thank god me too yeah someone explained this and i feel this way and i mean

that also is why i share like like when i was sharing like the health stuff i was going through i'm like i know for a fact that i am not the only person so let's just fucking talk about it because knowledge is power yeah and when you also know that you're not alone and you can talk to other people it just creates literally a community that we're trying to create where we do feel empowered to have these conversations and know that we're not alone okay so just off the dome um i would say you should consider looking into learning more about asexuality or gray sexuality because it like all things it's a spectrum you know sexuality is a spectrum you may not be fully asexual because like you said you do fantasize about being touched and intimacy

um and you also enjoy masturbating so to me those things don't say asexual but i'm also not asexual so i can't say for sure but it could be within the gray sexual spectrum so like gray g-r-e-y yeah yeah i think that's really clever i never heard that i i think sorry just um piggybacking off of that like there is a lot in this story and i know that you're on cymbalta now but like that points to like anxiety being a huge factor in this i remember when i was a kid reading cosmo um cosmo girls specifically a lot of women that were writing in the cosmo like couldn't enjoy when their boyfriends would go down on them because like they would be so self-conscious that they wouldn't be enjoying themselves and like there was like a lot of things in here that

you said that like you feel self-conscious and like like distracted and like there's all this stuff that could be contributing to it so it's frustrating obviously that like the drug that you're taking to help with your anxiety is contributing to the problem yeah but that like that and that is such a common thing for SSRIs totally and also just the anxiety piece of it alone is so common I know when I'm like nervous and feeling self-conscious around someone like i can't come yeah that's so common yeah um so this also just very much points to um sexual performance anxiety which is a common thing um there's also like sexual avoidance disorder which is like recognized by the dsm-5 wow so um i think you know the dsm recognizing that is really

important um especially when it comes to if you're doing self-research but i'm assuming that if you have been prescribed Cymbalta um this points to anxiety and like sexual performance anxiety is I'm sure contributing to that just as much and I think that some good things to try and consider is obviously going to therapy if you're not already and maybe you are if you are prescribed an SSRI but I had to challenge myself personally to be super open and honest with my therapist because this is someone that you talk to all the time and it's important that they're the person you're the most honest with and also whoever your physician is that's you know writing this prescription for you because this is for you um and i mean that in that i was watching i was this

is kind of a little bit of a tangent but i was watching this woman on tiktok she had transitioned to male and then transitioned back when she felt like it wasn't right for her and then she was explaining like it has been you know difficult for like my friends and family to readjust back and forth to different pronouns and names but um then she was like but it's all for me and then the way she said it i like something clicked and i'm like yeah our lives are all for us your experience is just for you so of course you want to perform for your boyfriend or or sorry your fiance like you want to be able to sexually provide and like make it enjoyable because this is someone that you love and you know they want to have sex right and then it just feels so crushing

when you're putting this own pressure on yourself and i think another good support resource is come as you are which we have talked about extensively but she has some great advice of just like how to take some power back from this performance aspect that we all put on ourselves when it comes to having having sex with a partner because we've all been taught differently about what sex is and isn't and and no one knows what the truth is um or like we said moral right and wrong and that is especially convoluted when it comes to sex totally so having all this weighing on you of course that's going to impact how you feel yeah it's going to impact like when you're by yourself you're safe like you're just it's just you and your imagination there's no risk involved and it's very different

when you are actually with a partner and at this point if you you know you mentioned that you've been with your partner for seven and a half years and talked about it a lot so it's not like this is new right but or that your partner doesn't understand but um I think a good place to start for both of you maybe uh someone actually tagged us in a video I didn't save the video down um but it was a woman being interviewed by a podcast and she is the creator of the want will won't list so it is this extent it's free too you can just download it you could just google want will won't list it's this very long list of like an area on your body and like if you would be okay with someone kissing it so will or want is like you you imagine that and you really want that will

is you'll do it because your partner will want like if they want you to do that you'll do that for them you're okay with that and won't is just off the table okay so wow yeah so it starts off really basic with like kissing and then it gets more and more intense um or descriptive or sexual and both you and your partner fill it out and it just facilitates like a really thorough ground for having this conversation and connection with your partner because at the end of the day sex and intimacy should be fun in my opinion at least it should be fun it should be safe no one should feel anxious and that's coming from two anxious people you know yeah so that's saying a lot yeah yeah so i think like those are some really easy places to start

especially with like come as you are it is hard to find time to read a book but it is available an audiobook um treat it like a podcast and that book as well also has like some paperwork you can fill out i'm sure too there are some people on youtube that like break down different parts absolutely because it's like a it's a big it's a big book now yeah yeah so also just like being able to put a word to how you feel is so helpful so even just reading a little bit more about asexuality or the gray sexual spectrum and seeing what you do and don't identify with or um looking on like conversation boards where people are talking about it and seeing what the community has to say that can also be really helpful yeah and like there also isn't anything wrong with

being asexual or gray sexual because that also doesn't mean that you won't have sex or ever enjoy it right it's just there's not the desire to have it yeah absolutely and like i mean there are so many things in this that point to like i was saying before like that not being the case and still if it is the case that's fine yeah but like the good news is is that there's you're not the only person that has dealt with this specifically like from the ssri and snri standpoint i think snris are are better for sex drives yeah but the good news about that is that it is like the number one side effect of ssris and so there are ways that your doctor can help you figure out like a balance or introducing like another pill like some people will take like

lexapro and wellbutrin together yeah to like help with their sex drive i've heard tons of people say amazing things about wellbutrin and like they take wellbutrin with whatever ssr other ssri they have because i've seen commonly people saying like you know prozac lexapro whatever they don't have a sex drive on that but um on wellbutrin it's the polar opposite it's like the floodgates are open yeah so there's probably a combination out there that works for you and like finding the right medication for yourself is so frustrating it really is once you once you figure it out it's better to just like take the time to figure it out now because then once you do you're like oh i'm finally done yeah i don't i like don't recognize myself pre-prozac i just i upped my prozac dose

by five milligrams a couple of weeks ago and i feel entirely brand new like the the how our brains react to these things is scary and amazing like it's the smallest little bit helps a ton so there are ways for you to even this out um at least like you know the second part of your email i know this has been a problem like pre-ssris but like if it really is truly an anxiety problem and all that it's going to take is some medication to help then like that medication should be serving you in a way that you're hoping that it does like it shouldn't be contributing to the problem and there are ways to get around that so like my advice would be be patient with yourself give yourself grace and talk to your doctor because that's why they're there yeah and there is no right or wrong way

to exist as a person everyone is so different yeah so there's nothing wrong with you you're not broken there's just like different learning curves that we all have to work with and i'm so happy that you have such a loving partner that like is like patient with like you know what you're going through and your frustrations and like understands and supports like that's incredible so like you're in a good position there um not like you know that you're doing this for yourself yeah and maybe trying to change your mindset in the long term might be helpful as well as like remembering like sex isn't just for your partner it's for you amen yeah sex is for us yes it's amen that is the good word you're closing the orgasm gap

it's fucking closed fucking closed hey i just needed i needed another pun before we closed out well shall we we shall thank you so much for listening and we love you our children that was pretty good Oh, yeah.