The Hoely Hour - E85 Who Let The Dogs Out?

Episode Date: May 6, 2022

LIVE from the Handmaid's Tale, IT'S CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS! First of all, we'd like to publicly apologize to The Baja Men. In another dimension, Amelia had a foursome with a Seahawks player, and Liz channels Kali Uches because don't come for her unless she sent for you. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

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$15 per month equivalent. Taxes and fees extra. New customer offer for initial plan term only greater than 50 gigabytes. me slow when network is busy. See terms. All right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right. Now, ladies. Yeah. welcome to the holy hour i'm amelia samson and i'm liz ball and we're reporting live from the handmaid's tale yeah on a lighter note i don't have covid anymore that is a lighter note i thought you were gonna say something dark oh um and we have a new background look at us if you're watching on youtube and i dyed my hair last week and i'm a couple weeks ago or something i look

so good dark i really like it dark thank you and i need a shower we're all we all have big uh big updates but yeah you actually have big updates you're not really i'm coronavirus free and i dyed my hair i'm like i haven't showered in like three weeks i'm just kidding it's just been a day but i feel disgusting um we were texting earlier about how we were going to discuss what happened in the news literally yesterday we're recording on tuesday right now and um last night like pretty late last night especially if you're on the east coast um the news about roe versus wade came out during the met gala's gilded age theme which is fucking poetic it's atrocious yeah and um very apocalyptic and um yeah then that was that was the talk this morning so i'm sure when this comes

out on friday we'll all have a little bit more information i'm sure some other things will have happened between today and when this episode's released on friday but it's a shitty fucking day it's a shitty day to be a woman it's a shitty day to live in america um there has never once been a constitutional right revoked until now uh and of course it's like um i think the thing that is so scary to me like when i was reading it and i was with mr liz i i told you this i had taken an edible so i'm like also learning this as i'm like starting to get a little high and i was like what the fuck is going on right now but um and i was like i started crying a little bit and he was trying to comfort me and he was like this is i was like i feel a little silly for

crying like no i wasn't sure if my reaction was like normal and then he was like this is really fucking scary yeah um so it was also really validating to have someone who will never know what it's like but to still like want to be an ally and be supportive and i don't know anyways it's it's a really scary feeling having no bodily autonomy and having it not and it being so obviously not about anything other than controlling women yeah and when i was thinking about it i was like this isn't the thing that made it so scary to me is i was like this isn't even just abortion because it's not going to stop at this no this is this is the first or i mean it's not even the first this is like a step going toward something bigger and uglier than what we're looking at right

now and the scariest part of all of this is it's not going to stop abortions it's going to stop safe abortions and people that can afford to get abortions are always going to be able to yeah and it's not this is there are so many layers here that like i feel like aren't about the thing you know and i read a tweet that was like girls that are born today are going to have less rights than girls that were born 50 years ago yeah and that's that makes me not want to ever have kids no to be honest no uh i i have a couple other things so not a single state in america has over 30 percent like more than 30 percent of people who want this that is such a small percentage of people who live here like not a single state think of all the people who live here like yeah

it's insane and i was reading an article that was like what happens when you really ban abortion like um and it was an article about when romania banned abortion in i believe it was the 60s um they banned abortion and birth control and what ended up happening is obviously tens of thousands of women died from back alley abortions and then um women had to like smuggle in iuds from germany so you had to like keep it a secret that you're getting an iud it's fucking or like leave the country to go get an iud that's the thing is like it's like the the contraceptives piece of it is like it that doesn't make any fucking sense even before pregnancy you want to control whether or not somebody can get pregnant like yeah it doesn't it it just it doesn't make any it makes no sense

to me and like the religious component of it too where like it's like uh well you know it's like in the bible not everyone fucking practices christianity what the fuck i mean there's a separation of church and state is like a thing that has always been said just because you're Pro-choice doesn't mean that you would get an abortion. It just means that you are pro-allowing people to make decisions for themselves. Like, if you don't support, if you don't believe, support, agree with abortions, don't get an abortion. Exactly. It makes no difference in your life what other people do.

People are going to die over this. And it's so transparent, like, what the hidden agenda is behind all of this. and that's what's so scary is it's just like it it feels so everything feels so backward today because regardless of what you believe in or like how you voted like having a constitutional right taken away from you is terrifying yes and controlling someone's body a whole a whole group of people not nine people are deciding what you and i do with our bodies nine people nine people are just are making a decision that literally a majority of the country does not want oh so to continue what i had been saying about the article i was reading about what happened

in romania is there were tons of children give like just given to orphanages um and they became overrun and they were dirty these children weren't taken care of at all they were like chained to beds and people are like that wouldn't happen it's literally fucking happening at our border so yeah don't tell me it's not gonna happen here because it's already fucking happening it's so hard to talk about something that's so emotionally charged and also like it's so new like we just it's been 24 hours that we've known about this by the time we're recording um and as Liz said when we first started this rant like thing by the time that this comes out the end of this week like things might have come out that we didn't know at this point that's also very scary

it's like yeah what else is gonna happen oh my god what else is going on literally the day before I was having the best fucking day I had a great day shit can change so fast and then it all came crashing in um but we didn't want to go on like go on too much of a tangent about this just because there are so many different things to talk about when you talk about abortion and women's rights yeah it doesn't just stop it's not black and white it doesn't just stop at like abortion is bad or good there's there's so much it's so much more complex than that but we did want to end this with like at least some resources that are available and i i was looking them up for my own safety potentially stockpiling plan b pills like at least having a few on hand and ordering them

online instead of getting them at the pharmacy so they are still available for people who need them in case of emergencies um and then you can also order the the uh plan c or the abortion pill online uh there is a way to get it without a doctor's prescription um or a doctor's appointment uh but it's a lot of it is contingent on like what state you're in but it is dramatically cheaper than if you like went to Planned Parenthood um in Washington it's about $800 cheaper if you order it online it's still pretty expensive but just to have on hand is like you know keep your bases covered you know i i'm like not planning on ever having an abortion but i would like to have it as an option and that's the point is to at least have an option yeah to get the plan c pill you can go

to plan c dot plan c pills dot org or aid access dot org and like there are also i mean even if you're you know not in a state where this is you're at risk of losing your rights at least immediately like some of the trigger states like texas there are funds that you can donate to as well um like abortion funds for a bunch of different reasons like having people come out to states where they can have abortions um so those are all available online i know that like i've seen a million links floating around so just do your research um companies like planned parenthood have enough money so look for other resources that are local that you can donate to help too okay should we talk about more fun stuff i'm like so exhausted for talking about this yeah

and thinking about it yeah um i'm actually drinking for i know usually when liz comes over i'm like you want to drink her answer is usually like no yeah because usually i will have to like do something yeah i do something when i get home or in the morning today she was like i need alcohol i'll probably smoke when i get home too yeah that sounds good i was talking to my therapist today about um i was so jealous you were seeing your therapist today i was like god what a good day to go to therapy it was the best i got i got there and she was just like you could just tell she was like waiting for me to bring it up um and i didn't until the end i was like oh a lot i opened my phone to like put our next appointment in there and i was like i had a bunch

of texts and I was like oh a lot of my guy friends are texting me today about about Roe versus Wade and she was like why I was like I don't know just like offering their support and she was like honestly that's the last that's the last people that I want to hear from today she's like I love that they want to talk about it just text me next week just I don't want to talk about it right now I'm like okay girl I see you with your emotions you're usually so even keeled I was talking to my therapist about trying CBD again um because the last time I tried anything with CBD in it it had a little bit of THC in it and I hallucinated for six hours um I mean that sounds kind of fun to me um but I know you probably had a rough time it was the fucking worst what were you

hallucinating if you don't mind me asking Liz oh my god this is actually one of my favorite stories now that I'm out of it um in the moment I was like I if I died right now I would not be surprised like I was like my so I my parents bought these edibles for themselves and that's pretty fucking cool I would like my parents to try some edibles they can hang but they took them and then they were like we don't feel anything do you want them I was like hell yeah brother I got this my parents are and they were taking it like during the day you know so it's not like they would take it and go to sleep like they couldn't feel anything so it wasn't even like this was a placebo effect for me i truly thought i had this and it was a two to one cbd thc so i was like

we're fine so i ate the whole thing two to one is pretty it's a lot of cbd but it's also like it's also kind of a lot of thc yeah i mean it was like not it had too little thc fruit to have affected me as it did i so i was in the shower and i used to put my before i had like a little like shower speaker i used to put my phone in a cup so it would like amplify uh-huh and i was in the shower and it got really fucking loud like it felt like i was like at a concert and i was like what the fuck so i like took it out of the cup and i turned down the volume and i put it back into the cup but it wouldn't fit in the cup anymore but it was just because i was like high and like trying to like and i was like what's going on yeah and then i was like oh oh i'm like

hi and then like right when it hit me it was like fucking downhill from there i like got out of the shower and i felt like my body was just kind of like like floating oh my arms were like floating away from me and i was like all right now you're fine you're fine it was only a little bit of thc mom and dad took this they felt nothing and so I got into bed and it was like I felt like when I was moving I was like it was like a strobe light it was like I was like blinking really hard yeah it was bad I was like I would somehow like I was my mom was out of town and I was convinced that my dad knew that I was too high and was like standing on the other side of his door just like listening to me freaking out so I was like trying really hard to be quiet my dad was like fast I

told him the next day he's like oh I was asleep in like two minutes um but like I kept somehow ending up all the way down two stories in my house and outside I would just like come to when I would be outside and then I would freak out because I'm like how the fuck did I get outside like I don't I don't remember getting out of bed and so like that was really scary I was like googling how to get on high for like hours and like all of these articles they're always like it's gonna be okay yeah all these articles are like you probably feel like you're gonna die nobody's ever died from this before and i'm like i do feel like i'm gonna die i was seriously until seven in the morning i was like freaking the fuck out oh that's a nightmare and so that was the last time i partook

were you on any other medications at the time nope because i was gonna say i like i've had some weird times when i've been high but it's like i know i'm too high i'm like i'm like oh God, I'm having all these weird intrusive thoughts. Yeah. And it's, like, I know this isn't normal. And it's very hard to kind of reground yourself or, like, distract yourself from, like, thinking about how high you are. Yeah.

But it got so much better when I was on SSRIs. Interesting. So once I started SSRIs, anytime I would get high after that, I was like, this is so nice. This is so enjoyable. Like, I don't feel anxious. I'm like, this is why people like weed. That is really good to know. i wonder if it might be worth trying but i also i'm not gonna be like yeah you should do it it

just i mean it i it's gotten to the point now where it's like nothing is helping me get to sleep and so i need to try cbd like i just need to get over it because it's like it wasn't the cbd that made me hallucinate it's fucking cbd i feel like i can either handle a body high or a head high and thc no matter what strain it is i have both and it's too much and it's just like oh really it's really overwhelming especially with edibles fuck edibles they're so unpredictable you never know it really depends on like the type you're getting like the brand right even or like if you just bite into it weird you're like i'm only gonna have half so i wanted to tell a story that i've not told before i gave you the reader's digest version of this right before we started recording

but the the reason that it's coming up now is because i matched with a guy from the seahawks on hinge ayo and he's someone i'd never heard of uh that doesn't i've never heard of any of them so well so this guy i was like i liked him and like i sent him a like and it was because he like one of the prompts was how to pronounce my name for the voice note and he has like just the most basic name um and so he like said how to pronounce it i thought that was funny so i just liked him and i also saw he was on the seahawks and like i'm like that's kind of cool let's see what happens so i sent him a like and then we matched and then i noticed that his uh his hinge said that um he was a flat earther and so you're like is that a bit yeah i was like he might as well have said

like i don't believe jet fuel can melt steel beams yeah right i'm just like this is what we're choosing to i mean i guess lead with crazy if you're going to but uh i said is that a joke and then he unmatched with me so it was not um uh but anyway it reminded me that um during the draft like four years ago i was still with my ex so it must have been like four years ago um it was when dk metcalf just got drafted and like everybody was like so fucking hyped i need to look up this guy while you're talking he's like two percent body fat this man is a fucking rock i'm gonna wait for you to look at what he looks like he looks like a rendering of i know a buff man yeah yeah he is an incredible athlete and when he got drafted

he got i'm pretty sure he got drafted right out of college because he's young um he was 21 when he got drafted and i followed him on instagram and then um a few months later i like went to unfollow him and then i was like oh no like he's new on the seahawks i'll like continue to follow so i followed him again it was like two in the morning and right when i followed him again he sent me he messaged me the two eyes emoji oh like the side eye side eye looking and i was like haha hi with like the waving emoji he sent the eyes the side eyes i said haha with the waving hand he said you in bellevue and i said no because i lived in kirkland at the time which is like 10 minutes from bellevue and he said i got you i said next city over you liking it here so far he said

yeah lol weather is pretty good so you can uber here this was two in the morning i was with my ex at the time and i was just like so i screenshotted and went to bed because i was like it's a good story to tell um i woke up in the morning and he had unsent the eyes and he had unsent the so you can uber here part yeah so it looked like screenshot i know i was like nobody would have believed so it looked like you dm'd him first yeah yeah what a fucking goblin i know but he was like a nobody in i mean for like a lay person at the time he was it was a big deal when he got drafted but like i was like i don't know who the fuck this is he's just like a kid that got drafted on the seahawks and then he was like the star child like the next like three seasons

and i had to keep watching him just like kill it and like do so well and be like it meant nothing for him to be sliding into my dms i wish that i had done it for the story like just to be like yes but then he would have given you an std for sure he would split me in half like that man is enormous like that would have been an experience for sure and like probably not in a super comfy way i don't think it would have been a good experience just based on the interaction you've explained so far he doesn't seem like someone who gives a fuck about women coming no no no definitely not but like it'd be such a good story just like seeing him on tv be like yeah i fucked i fucked that guy slid in my dms at two in the morning and i went over to his

house but there was this story the reason that i'm okay with saying his name now because i didn't want to like exploit this conversation when it's just like whatever somebody's like hitting someone up for sex like i do that shit all the time um there was a a sex worker who he had like connected with on social media um and they like had hooked up like a couple of times and then she was on her way over to his house once and he was like oh no sorry turn around like I actually can't hang out and she was like okay so she turned around and left and then she got a text from him like an hour later and was like wait come back do you want to have a foursome and fuck which is like objectively funny like it's just kind of like this dude's just like really trying his luck

like wherever he can he like has all this fame he's a good looking dude he has all this fame and all this money now and like if these people want to have a foursome then like good for them which is fine whatever and like she said no and that's fine he didn't like push it but then she went on this like campaign to like fucking destroy him over this for like a couple of weeks and everyone's like what's the big deal like it's just yeah sex you know but then i was thinking what if i went over to dk metcalf's house and ended up having a foursome would you do that no but it would have been so fucking funny to find myself in that situation just like me rolling up that was before i started like hooking up with people

just like in my like little puffy coat just like they're being like all of these women there with dk metcalf i wait so would it have been a foursome with three other women i wonder how many times he's done this well he doesn't seem very strategic no not at all he has no tact he gave like zero fucks when he brought this up to her so come back i know i told you not to come over but foursome probably had a threesome he probably had a great time i mean maybe but in another life um i had a foursome with dk metcalf that's true in another life that was you that was me in another reality um but i'm really happy i took those screenshots because

you got the receipt he fucking tried to get away with it yeah to unsend some shit that's so obnoxious and then you know what's fucked up like a month after that somebody messaged me on instagram like pretending to be dk's um like agent like real estate agent like it was something not related to like work business at all he was like a real estate agent being like hey i know dk I can I can introduce you to him like fill out this survey and I sent a screenshot to DK and I was like what is this oh no I was like I think somebody's like using your name to like get money out of people and then he read it and didn't respond I was like I'm trying to do you like him on a burner yeah he's like no I'm trying to get news yeah so he doesn't need to do all that

the dude posts bible verses like every day and I'm just like yeah you better be praying because you need jesus oh man but anyway um i'm now i think my rule is no more musicians and no athletes i think the thing so what i've been noticing and think when you seem interested in people who are like somewhat in the spotlight i think it's just also because you're trying to find someone who is keeping up with like where you're at i was talking to my therapist about that today yeah and can like relate to that because you have all of these things i know we talked about this recently you have all of these things like creative endeavors that you're so passionate about and you make time for them while also working your ass off at work amelia just

won an award i will brag for her she just won an award at uh my old company her company and it's hard to get it's hard to get noticed there because it's huge so thank you i think it's a really big deal um and then you also like you make time for the people that you care about like that is so fucking hard to balance all of that thank you so you're attracted to these creative types because they have you know it's hot when someone's passionate about something that is hard to do like music or art or playing sports or like yeah literally anything that is not just a stereotypical like marketing job or tech job like it's interesting and unique and different and like exciting and so you're looking for someone who can keep up with that and then there's just like

not a lot of no offense to to the boys but like there's not a lot of good options for for someone who's like amelia looking for someone who's like passionate about something creative yeah because they'll either be a fucking dick they're just like an asshole who's like yes i am the first poet in the world and then they they just like they think they're the only one who's ever written slam poetry before or something or or they like are just really half fast like they aren't actually good at what they like say they're gonna do or they just don't do what they like want to do that's the thing you know it's like it's not only thank you for saying that because it's like it's tough because no i i like have dated guys like that where you're like

okay then fucking do it yeah that's the thing is don't talk about it be about it i was talking to my therapist today i'm like i feel like am i too hard on these men because they're not like no you're doing it yeah I and you you already have less privilege available to you yeah that's true but she was like no you just want people that are where you're at which is true like I don't want to have to hold someone's hand to do well I want somebody that's passionate enough about what they do to just like do it but that's also something that you something so important to you that you need to relate to someone yeah in that way I don't want to hold someone's hand to get them to be great and I think I keep falling for people's potential which is where I fall into

these potholes with dating where I'm like this person is so talented and good at what they do um that's enough for me and it's like no it there are so many people that are so so good at what they do and like they don't have that extra push to just like go and do it and like there are things like depression and anxiety and la la la but like that when laziness is the thing that is the most unattractive thing ever and then I get stuck in this headspace of like am I just being too picky or like expecting too much when in reality like my only expectation is somebody that is passionate about something and does it that's like not I'm sick of being gaslit into thinking my expectations are too high you just want them to be trying yeah so it's not even like

you are asking for someone to be like the most fucking successful like actor or singer in the world it's like as long as you are trying that's that's it they don't even have to be trying their hardest because maybe you don't have time or energy to try your hardest at something that's fine right but just try making the effort just do something i was talking to the poet about um i just took my friend's i feel bad that i just said like something about this person it's not about the poet yeah this person's not actually a poet that's just what we call him but I was talking to the poet on the way to we went and took my friend's photos because he's releasing his first song this week so I was like taking photos for him um and I was showing the poet like what the

inspiration photos were and he was like I love that for you yeah and he was like you know how to do this and I'm like no but I'm gonna figure it out and that's just like so I didn't even think anything of it I was just like I'll just fucking figure it out and he was like that's amazing like not everybody has that and I'm like I think that they do but people just don't like it's well it's so much easier to not yeah right just to be like I don't know how to do I don't want to do it yeah it's like there's something that is so like appealing and something I think it's because I love it about myself that like I can just like if I want to do something I'll just fucking figure out how to do it that when I don't find that in the person that I'm dating I'm just kind of like

like there's no excuse to not just like fucking try like if you don't want to try doing this are you not going to try to like put a lot into a relationship like i think if you can pursue something you're passionate about you can like work really hard at like doing well in a relationship and like making sure that you're like creating this life with someone that you can be proud of i'm not trying to hold someone's hand to get there i'm sick of doing that shit yeah good for you that's well i also like thinking of um i know we've quoted this in the past but maddie again on euphoria when she's like confidence is no one knows if confidence is real or not it's fucking made up everything everything we have is made up yeah yes it's all a construct yeah

fake it till you make it is such a thing fake it till you make it but then you could also be on the other end like me once you realize everything is made up and just have like continuous existential crisis crises every day i wake up and i'm having an existential crisis it hasn't left what's your current existential crisis um i think my current existential crisis is when you are born you just are a person like and there's all these rules that are made up about how to live your life and that's fucking insane to me like damn it does that i don't know if i'm even explaining that makes sense i think you're you're born into this yeah you you have no control well and then like you don't decide where like what you are born as or where or into what

kind of family or circumstance and then you just like have to like learn all these fucking made up things and you're like why did we make this shit so hard this is worse yeah this is not good no and it was and we're all like well this is how it is yeah right and i think it was created to make things easier and it's not no like even just like doing your fucking taxes you're like wait you know how much money you owe me or i owe you and like you won't just tell me like i have to solve a fucking riddle to get to get to the answer you have and then i get in trouble if i don't get it right and i'm doing my best that how does that make any sense just i don't know it's just fucking bananas mail you what you owe yeah like other countries have it figured out somewhat

better but like even in general there's just all these like weird fucking rules that we like just made up like or i didn't even get to participate in this decision it's so fucked it's weird i there are so many instances today was perfect i don't want me to go back to the conversation we were having before but somebody from canada texted me like what's going on with abortion and i was like that's so fucking peaceful that you don't know and it's the same thing with taxes it's like oh you guys have to fucking what what do you have to do during taxi tax season have you seen um like americans will ask europeans how much they think something costs in america like ambulance rides yeah and i just like when i think about how marketing has controlled so much of what we

believe i it blows my mind i'm like no you weren't you didn't even need no you needed this or thought you didn't think about it until someone like made something completely made up about it yeah they're like oh like right now i keep thinking about like skincare shit i'm like we don't need all this skincare shit no i know we're just sold this idea that we are born with shit inherently wrong with us that we need to fix for the rest of our life until we die yep and it's exhausting and strange and they're always making new things to worry about I talked about this last week on our little solo so I missed you oh I missed you too that at all I I was having a fucking melt you were there for me though you knew what I was going through I could not believe you

were dealing with what you were dealing with last week yeah just to recap I mentioned it briefly but my computer completely stopped working I it kept locking me out um we have somewhat of a band-aid right now but i would have fully spiraled i was crying yeah are you kidding oh my god i would have been a man i would still be crying having like shock waves after that i was like i can't afford a new computer i can't so hopefully we figure this out i wanted to ask you do you believe once a cheater always a cheater that's tough i want to say i like i say no but i also think it depends on like the circumstances in which someone cheated like just what else was going on in that relationship because some people are just cruel or like they're just pretty like

narcissistic and they don't care about the consequences of their actions or the people that they're hurting they're just gonna do what they want and then there's other circumstances where it's like i'm afraid to leave this relationship and or like i still love my partner but things are terrible yeah and i don't know if it's a bad relationship and they break up anyways i think that's kind of more of a variable situation of like you were already unhappy but you were afraid to leave because change is fucking scary so i think in that circumstance it's like okay something inside you always knew this wasn't gonna work out i'm not saying i agree with it or that it's a good way to like go about things right yeah but i agree it just it it really

depends on the person and the circumstance yeah you can tell pretty quickly like if you have like a good bullshit detector you can tell pretty quickly if someone has cheated before if they're going to continue to be a cheater forever totally because i think some people will cheat and continue to cheat because they got away with it once so why would they stop yeah and some people just like are not cut out for monogamy and nobody is making you be monogamous so don't be in a fucking relationship stop hurting people in the process exactly no one's making you be monogamous and you could like if you don't want to be monogamous you can enter a relationship with that as a contingency as long as everyone's aware yeah communication is key but why why'd you ask

that i was just thinking about it because like it really is such a thing that like i see it all the time where people are like no he cheated i found out that he cheated on his ex-girlfriend like in high school and like now you know it's like stuff like that that it's like okay i understand the idea of once a cheater always a cheater because if somebody's capable of doing that then like what's stopping them from doing it again but like you're saying there are so many circumstances that feed into why people cheat like personal life stuff the relationship isn't good the like the point in your life that you're in um drugs and alcohol like there are so many things that like i know some people that have cheated that feel fucking awful about it and are like never going

to forgive themselves for it and like in those circumstances i'm like i don't think i don't think making blanket statements like that is like yeah you know fair i i do think that if someone cheated on their partner with you and you think they're going to be different with you they're not i think that's yeah tristan thompson you should know yeah you should stay away yeah i have only seen one circumstance where they like got married how much would that fucking kill you i would it would act it would actually destroy me yeah if someone married the person that they cheated on you i know a few people very close to me that that happened to them yeah oh that's nauseating I know I know and it's like I don't know it's I feel like people are

always really afraid to tell their partner that they've cheated in the past it's like always a thing that's like they don't like they don't say anything to each other like about it early on in the relationship because they're afraid of how the person's gonna react and I think a big part of that is like yeah I think a big part of that is like a once a cheater always a cheater kind like you know what I mean like I don't want them to like get stuck thinking that this is like you know a character trait of mine so I don't know I think like just how I how I feel about it is like trust your best judgment you know I think it's like if you believe that this person can do this again then I think that you're probably never going to trust them or there's always going to

be this thing in the back of your mind that they might do it again and that is up to you to decide if like you want to push past that but I think saying once a cheater always a cheater like as a blanket term is not fair no I see it all the time well because like most things it's not black and white. You know what I keep thinking about? I keep thinking about you and I had texted about this separately. A good indicator that a relationship is not going to work out is if in the beginning it's hard. Yeah. At the beginning of a relationship, that's when there aren't any stakes. That's when it should be the most fun. So if it's hard, even at the beginning when things should be the most fun and easy it's not gonna get better yeah yep my therapist said something

similar to that today actually oh yeah she was saying um i was explaining like a situation to her i don't remember what it was but she was like if things are this difficult if things are that difficult early on in the relationship and you already can't work past them that's your answer was in so few words what she said wasn't verbatim but i was like i mean that's so true i think it's good advice i wish i had known that when i was you know younger right because when you're younger it's like you want this like fiery passionate like fighting through things working through things and like the movies have not like set us up for like successful relationships well my mindset was just like i wanted to get married i wasn't thinking about anything else like in it i was

also thinking this earlier this week because i was thinking about that advice and then i was thinking about who i was when i was younger you know like early 20s and stuff and how i was dating and treating dating um because i was just looking to get married i was thinking like oh i'll get married and have kids because that's just like the only thing i've been taught i should do or want and i had it in my mind that like okay well once i get engaged i'll be happy and not really like facing like this relationship isn't right yeah you're not happy it's not gonna get better just because you're engaged or married yeah it's like couples that think that having kids is gonna solve problems yeah they're like we hate each other let's have a kid it's like that's the worst thing

that you can do when you're not happy i just i wasn't thinking like big picture of about those things because i didn't really have i grew up i realized how sheltered i grew up and what a privileged life i led like i had the privilege of not knowing that hardships existed for people and like i know that you know some people are gonna maybe be critical of that but you don't know what you don't know right like it's not like i was intentionally like being ignorant to these things that existed it's because i was protected from knowing it existed right and um you know obviously the more i learn the more i care so just thinking about those things like i i wish i had known that advice when i was younger of like it's hard now and it shouldn't be hard it should be

really fucking fun yeah the beginning is the fun part it's scary i feel scary and chaotic but it shouldn't be hard yeah yeah it's like thrilling yeah it's like a little roller coaster ride you're like so excited and it's fun yeah and you get to do fun stuff together so if it's hard from the for out the gates it's the honeymoon phase it's it's because i can't think of a single relationship where you're like yeah it is fun at first where we when we meet but then like very shortly after it sucks yeah but i can't think of a single relationship i've had where it's been like easy right away until now yeah yeah i mean like the beginning of the relationship with squints was really easy and fun but like we also both knew that that was never gonna turn into anything so

maybe that's why we allowed it to be fun i'm thinking i don't think i've really ever had i mean i've really only had one real relationship and that was good from a very immature standpoint like neither of us really understood what we were doing and i'm wondering like if am i capable at this point in my life to have to just like let it be i don't know that's that's another thing that i was talking let it be like just like have fun with someone and not like to put too like put too much pressure on it well it's because there's a lot of pressure on you yeah just societally that's so fucking real it's not like you're putting pressure on yourself or other people it's like they're just all the of these looming expectations especially as a woman in your late

20s oh my god you might as it might as well be a fucking death sentence yeah i get so annoyed when people are like you don't look 30 i'm like bitch i'm two years older than you what do you think happens in just two years like when i'm 30 it's obnoxious i was thinking about when i was at um emo night with mr liz this girl in line at the bathroom was like you're 30 no fucking way i'm 26 i feel so old and i was like i am only four years older than you like think of just the difference between like what a like i don't know like a 22 year old and a 26 year old looks like it's not that big of a difference like so true what do you think's gonna happen that's so true it's really just like the difference in like decades yeah it's like like it's not 30 is so

young yes your 30s are luxurious as fuck i'm telling y'all being in your 30 i'm barely and i'm just a tiny inch into my 30s and i love it i love that for you me too the 20s are a plight i think also i just like love the number three it's a good number yeah it's a good number my lucky number is 30 i i have like a really good feeling about 31 i don't know why it just i i feel like it's it's just like gonna be so good oh my god i love that yeah i don't know i don't know why well hopefully i have a good 29 we can have like a good 29 and 31 together yeah yeah we will i loved 29 there's a lot of people do people really love but then like i feel like 30 is everyone's favorite year that's what i've been hearing we're gonna top this off with circling

back to a topic from last week so amelia and i were talking about how people will break their femurs to be taller and i mentioned that the only reason people care about like a man's height is a result of patriarchal standards that have infantilized women so then this isn't i'm not just making this up these things exist like um foot binding and making your feet tiny um like waist cinchers and corsets and like neck lengtheners yeah that's some cultural in some senses but like for like beauty standards yeah it's a thing that people expecting women to be hairless it's just like things like the expectation that women should be small and young looking forever and um this is just that coming out the other end that's what i was explaining um

so you know women are like i want to feel tiny and feminine and petite so i want a tall man like protected yeah and i got this fucking ridiculous dm and we very rarely get like obnoxious dms or comments and when we do we ignore them because like i don't fucking care um and this one i just was like i was like you know what i'm fucking sick of it i'm done and so i'm gonna read the dm um and then we'll discuss and this person is gonna be fucking stoked that i'm reading this dm but this is gonna be the last time i even acknowledge this so this man this white cisgender heterosexual man who looks like he's in his late 30s dm'd me you should get a gold medal for the logical acrobatics you perform to justify body shaming

guys isn't as big a deal as for women because the patriarchy i'm a fan of the show and still am and i always considered you the more grounded one but that's the first thing i've ever heard you say that cost you some respect points so let's let's uh break this down um i mean first of all i did not fucking said that you never said that no i also to like equate me explaining why something why a like societal standard exists is not me agreeing with it or defending it because i like i don't care about hyatt of the people i date i just i never have i don't i care you know i just want to be attracted to my partner and that's it and then you had also said like it's really sad and i was like yeah it is sad and like we also need to consider why this

exists we never we there was no point in that episode i listened again too and i knew that you hadn't said it but i was like what maybe gave this person the impression that you might have so that was my thing my thought process too so i read this and i was like what the fuck and then i was with mr liz and then we put it on my speaker and i fast forwarded to like the part where we were talking about that and then we listened to the entire conversation like the exchange between you and me how i explained that and then he was like this guy is like completely making up something that neither of you ever said like yeah there is no body shaming involved yes this man is begging to be offended about something like because that's just like that's how things

are now like people want to be offended because it makes you seem interesting yeah you want to be the person with the hot take because it makes you seem interesting and i'm not saying like just this guy or like men explicitly i think it's everyone every kind of person you know myself included you know i'll say i've done that before where you're like i want to be interesting so here is my opinion it because it makes me seem smart it's just there's there's a difference between doing that though and anchoring it to some to reality and then this which is like yeah didn't say anything no this isn't anchored in reality at all the shorts and i wasn't i wasn't just like making this up and grasping at straws right you didn't just pull this out of thin air

no and you know what really bugged me i mean right when liz sent me this message and i read the part that was like you were always the more grounded of the two okay yeah i keep breaking this down i was like i texted her back i'm like welcome to the dark side this but then i was thinking about how fucked up it is to be pitting me and liz against each other absolutely in the sense of one of us being more grounded than the other we have different opinions about things but we're not out trying to like you know like adhere to somebody's standards of like what is grounded and what isn't especially a man a straight cis man which is like we we love the men that listen to this podcast 100 but we're speaking from the female perspective and what you consider

grounded is not the reality of the situation and i'm also going to be blatantly honest here we don't make this podcast for men i'm sorry like if you're here great that is so cool and uh we hope you're learning and like i we hope everyone's learning to be honest yeah and when i was talking to mr liz about it because i was like you know we don't make this podcast for men and then he was like i think that the men who listen listen because they think it's interesting to hear your perspective as as women they want to hear a different perspective and i was like i totally agree with that like that's definitely the feedback that we get and very rarely like are men gonna like dm us and say something fucking stupid and I think like this to like you said trying to pit us

against each other like oh you're the more grounded one I was like you fucking think that I will fight you yeah that's the thing it's like I don't ever want to feel and there's never been a sense of competition between the two of us so it's like the fact that a man has said that when it's like such a trope for like women to be competing against each other in every scenario like when we posted that video on tiktok when I was talking about music man and you were like i don't like him and we had all those comments like well you would be competition if you did like him and it's like we're not competing in any sense here no but men just are they so bad not all men but they so badly want to believe that women are always competing for the like um appreciation

their for their approval and approval from men literally never and it's because they that's just how we have all grown up to be like we've all grown up in the same environment in terms of like a man's approval is what is come to be expected because like even if you if we're if we pull i'm trying to think of like how i can phrase this so if a good example is just like academia like and professionalism those standards were set by white men yeah so that's just what people expect like that everyone's gonna want their approval and whatever um and also for this person like i was like talking to mr liz and i was like i wish he could understand the irony of him saying like dangling his respect points in front of my face yes like i fucking care

like i didn't ask i don't care about if i have this one man specific respect or not like yeah i also think what was so what was especially hurtful about it too at least from the perspective of like not getting the message was that this is somebody that listens to us and like it's not like some rando on tiktok or like somebody that listened to an episode one off it's somebody that's like gotten to know us well and still like yeah is grasping at straws to be upset about something that first of all we never said right and like this is not to say like we love getting feedback and like your opinions and you know and like hopefully it's not coming off as we're talking about this like we're like we feel like we're holier than thou it's just like

coming from somebody who the podcast isn't for who claims that they listen and know us to then like say so many hurtful things back to back to back it's like you haven't been listening this entire time yeah like so just like think before you speak to not understand what our friendship is and the type of environment that we're creating and like obviously i struck a nerve somehow like i don't know if he's short yeah and even if he is short that doesn't fucking matter like to and so this was my response at no point were either of us body shaming or saying it was okay and providing an explanation is not agreeing or defending anything I didn't just make this up these are things women have been aware of and have experienced and I'm sorry you

didn't like hearing it I can speak to the patriarchy because I'm directly oppressed by it you need to take a step back and look at how you are reacting to something so benign and I want to make you fully aware that I do not make this podcast for you or for men or for your approval my partner told me to not even bother responding to you because you've already made up your mind but to be plainly honest i'm tired of babysitting men's fragile egos and it's true like i i think so many women can relate to this i'm just sick of like politely having to explain something to a man yeah like i don't i i don't want to like babysit your ego anymore i'm just fucking sick of it i don't have the energy to do that anymore i don't i shouldn't be expected to politely explain myself

because you're irrationally mad about something that you took out of context because you just didn't understand yeah you wanted to be upset about something that was never said and missed the point entirely that is not my fault and it's it's not my responsibility to hold someone's hand and explain that to them it's also not your responsibility to to police how people feel no that's not your however someone if you if your intentions are not like ill then you it is not your responsibility to make sure somebody doesn't get upset about it well and like women are always put in that position of having to politely like calm down a man's feelings so they don't get hurt in general like not in this exchange specifically because it was online right i just am done

feeling the need to have to like be polite when i should just be able to say what i need to say directly yes amen i'm glad that you said that you said what you said yeah and then i blocked him because i while he was typing because i was like no the conversation's over i am not inviting like a discussion now and if you're listening still great i hope that you understand this viewpoint now but like i don't give a fuck if i'm being honest i don't fucking care and i never did right if you're gonna choose not to understand either of us then like we can't help you you can listen to a different podcast it was just like so bizarre to me to like double down on like a dumb take yeah it to just make something up to just be like i'm gonna make up something you never said

and be super mad about it right like i really can't help you there that is a you issue bud like that has nothing to do with me i mean like we'll be the first to say when we for instance the baja men apparently it's not about ugly women who did you know someone sent us like a there's like a documentary about i know so that was after you had texted me you're like where did you hear this because like after the episode came out i was like oh i'll find the article and i went to look it up and now there's all these articles that are like yeah that theory is actually untrue it's actually a feminist fucking anthem so justice for the baja men so the dogs are the men the dogs are the men the men that cat call who let the dogs out let the dogs out

and and like misogynist tried to like change the narrative on what it's about because like they have to have everything including who let the dogs out our feminist anthem we're gonna change our theme song to who let the dogs out who let the dogs out who who who who so anyway apologies to the baja men but i say that to say we will always say when we feel like we've said something wrong made a mistake like spoke out a turn like we've done that before this is one of those instances where it's just like chill out and like consider the source before you attack people also like consider what i'm the words i'm actually fucking saying right like yeah yeah at no point was i like it's so much worse for women yeah exactly than short men yeah exactly

but we got an email that is like kind of on this yeah theme so we'll wrap it up with this email because i thought i was reading it and i thought it was really funny so it's titled short men a good story i'm five one and always used to joke that of course i'd never date a man shorter than me because no one is shorter than me then i met a man who was exactly my height jokes on me i guess because we've been married for 13 years now he doesn't care if i wear heels and look taller than him because really who cares and i'd never be with a man who thinks they can tell me what to wear or do anyways word as he puts it feminism helps everyone since and since i'm happy to help him do man stuff like demo our bathroom while in lockdown and take out the garbage and he cleans toilets

swoon anyway give non-toxic shorter men a chance and don't encourage purposely breaking femurs a i heard that queen fucking man i've dated um men my height have you yeah i didn't know that yeah same yeah but i'm also kind of like you're taller than me yeah how tall are you um i'm like almost five three like five two and a half but yeah i've dated guys like my height or barely taller than me and you lived to tell the tale i did they're very hot and i stand by that some of the greatest guys i know are shorter guys oh womp womp well that feels like a good time to wrap yeah our camera just died so r.i.p to the camera uh follow us on tiktok twitter instagram at the holy hour email us holy hour podcast at gmail.com at amelia samson on everything for moi um i'm

liz t ball on twitter and liz ball so hard on tiktok and instagram i don't really post on tiktok but maybe i'll start i'm working on her y'all yeah she's so funny and she doesn't ever post on tiktok and it really it it kills my soul it's because i get stuck doom scrolling that's fair at all of the things that make me sad and i'm like why isn't this making me feel better wow true okay well um encourage liz to create on tiktok i'm gonna throw you under the bus everyone tell tiktok everyone tell tiktok to liz everyone tell liz to make tiktoks um that's your homework assignment for the week anyway uh thanks for listening and we love you our children thank you

Thank you.