The Hoely Hour - E86 Assigned Chad At Birth

Episode Date: May 13, 2022

Is it important to impress the parents? Research says yes, but Liz's exes say no. Sit back, get your favorite phalic-shaped snack, and learn all about the Omegaverse with us, followed by Softboi Sparknotes: where we condense the ramblings of angry men in the comments. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

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oh my god taking a pregnancy test is the most stressful experience when you don't want a baby even when you do want a baby actually it's stressful no matter what yeah holy hell no one's using a pregnancy test and is calm no that's so true everyone has a specific answer they want when they take it that's so true nobody's like neutral about pregnancy tests welcome to the holy hour i'm amelia samson and i'm liz ball fuck yeah first try amelia has a guest over and he's listening so it's our first time recording with an audience keep looking over there this is very exciting he's throwing up two peace signs we're ready to show off yeah we we tried to get him on but we're here to impress it's not not

every white guy wants to be on a podcast it turns out we learned we learned that today we love that yeah we're gonna carry that energy into the following yeah i think that's like a good weekend vibe to like follow into yeah hell yeah since this comes out on friday hell yeah thursday if you're on the patreon i just realized we kick people's weekends off i like that i love that for us yeah get getting ready for the night out what better way sometimes we're downers though yeah like last week yeah hopefully hopefully this week's a little bit this week will be a bad bitch episode i'm feeling that it'll be good to get ready to hell yeah maybe if you go out or if you stay in getting ready for a dick appointment put this shit on blast i love that

what an honor to accompany you to your dick appointment i hope you are or what's what would be the opposite of a dick appointment i just call everything a dick appointment um i'm trying to think of like um a like an alliteration and not just like a pussy appointment a clit appointment no but like a different word for appointment oh oh a pussy reservation a pussy reservation yeah you got to make a reservation see yeah hell yeah schedule a few weeks out it's like making an appointment with your dentist and then they follow up with like the day before just to remind you that they'll charge you a late fee if you cancel that's what you need to start doing that's what we should start doing we should take men's credit card information when they set up an

appointment with us i sort of love we have a holding fee we'll return it to you or show up it'll credit towards your bill what would your holding fee be um i think thirty dollars to start oh wow i was about to go way higher i think it depends on the date you know there has to be incentive to not cancel if it's a prime time slot like on a saturday night uh fifty dollar appointment fee heard oh yeah absolutely it depends on the day that you it's like booking a hotel you know it's going to be more expensive on the weekends if you talk about them in therapy and it's bad you have to charge them because you still have their their credit card information so if it's like if it's a bad date and if they don't show up you end up making money i love that that

incentivizes people to be better people too you know we women still aren't paid equally so i think that is fair i think so too cool it's just reparations i was just about to say that i think i honestly it's nothing personal it's just reparation no i mean right we don't make the rules that's just how it is so i have a couple of things on my on my uh docket my um what's like a fancy with my folio repertoire yeah my your folio i don't a repertoire is like a list of a list of things so that feels that feels right well first things first uh i have a story that i don't think i've ever told from when i was dating shoe man oh my god i'm about to fucking start flipping tables but go ahead um so when we were and i just want to know what you would do if you were in my

situation okay i love this um so we went to my cousin's wedding and uh it was fun it was beautiful typical wedding stuff and then he got plastered he was so drunk at my cousin's wedding and then on the bus ride home he started vomiting oh no everywhere because it was in kind of like a rural area so there was a bus picking us up from the hotel and driving us back and he just was like puking all over all over his suit he puked all over himself and then I think I had something else like a bag or something I was trying to get him to throw up into but it was all over himself he had his head down he was like spitting up like a baby it was so much vomit and my parents were like oh my god and then my dad is trying to like carry him inside and i'm talking to the bus driver

because i was like so my boyfriend threw up all over your bus um how much should i was like i'll try and clean up as much as i can but how much do i need to pay you right now so i ended up Venmoing them $200. Good for you. Which he never paid me back for. Of course he didn't. That's the one brand. Despite him making like four times my salary, but it's fine.

That was when I qualified for food stamps. $200 was like $2,000. That's fucking ridiculous that he didn't pay you back for that. Yeah. Was he grateful? Did he thank you? No. Of course not.

Fuck that guy. Then my mom's with me and she's like kind of embarrassed, but my dad's trying to help him inside. so my dad takes him up to our hotel room and leaves him in there um and he like puts him in the shower and he turns the shower on so he has all he's fully in his suit and he and I couldn't get in because I didn't have a key he had the key so I'm like I'm talking to the front desk person and I was like um my boyfriend's in the shower and I'm locked out can you let me in and they could tell i'm like also drunk so they let me in and i go in and he's like slumped over like

asleep in the shower in his entire it's dangerous suit and i was like what the fuck is going on like well yeah it is kind of dangerous and he's like i don't know your dad told me to take a shower and i was like in your full outfit i got to wash it a little bit i guess and yeah and it smelled so bad it never got better like even like after he like got it cleaned anyways the next day he like is hungover he doesn't apologize he doesn't talk to anyone in my family and like i understand being embarrassed but like i don't know like just like yeah dignity just a little bit yeah and he didn't want to come with that he was i mean he was like i don't feel good so i'm like gonna hang out a bit and i get that yeah that's fine and then later we went and got him

and brought him with us but he was just why like very like in cold and impolite and like didn't say anything i don't know what would your your expectations be in a scenario like that if i brought someone that i'm dating with me to like something that is like a family event family friend event anything like that and they did something they got like so shit-faced out of their mind how old is he at this point uh 26 that's way too old to be making like you know your limits at that point I understand like wanting to get drunk to like or like get a little loose I also I'm thinking about this like from it being shoe man and I'm being like way less forgiving because like I just hate that guy but like I truly I I think that that would be

like a game over kind of scenario for me i think that when somebody gets shit faced out of their mind and doesn't and makes a very clear fool of themselves and doesn't do anything to try to make it better especially at like a family event that shows you a lot about them especially at the big age of 26 like i can understand like 21 you're like nude alcohol like to not say anything to me or my parents that's like i'm sorry or i'm so embarrassed or i will pay you back or like just even just saying anything at all yeah i know that's just my mom was like she hated him at that point she was like what why the fuck wouldn't he like say anything right that it just doesn't make it's like where are your fucking manners worse that was like um he had none he was always very

rude to my friends and family and that is such a huge fucking i know i'm kicking myself like damn they were all displayed what was i thinking but like you learn these things as you go along you know what i mean like i don't know i'm realizing as i'm dating like how much like little like um like common courtesy shit matters yeah yeah no i'm realizing as i get older like how much the common courtesy shit means to me like cleaning up after yourself you know or like if you like spill something like when i took squints to that movie premiere um and he like spilled popcorn all over the lobby and then like just left it there i was like this is for the peasants to clean right it's just shit like that that's like and that was one of those things he's always pretty courteous

and i saw that and i was like i don't know it's just like that kind of shit when you can't just like apologize like own your shit clean up after yourself all that it just it just gives me the ick i i feel like i remember asking him why he didn't like apologize or anything and he was like well i was so embarrassed but then my mom was also like i mean he didn't even thank us for like buying his flight and like paying for the room and everything what the fuck yeah and like now dating mr liz he is insistent on like the first time he met my parents and we took them to dinner he like paid for it oh yeah and my dad was like wow wow like after that my dad was like i'm gonna shake his hand like i love i mean that's the type of shit that like makes you feel like somebody is

actually like serious about you you know oh yeah and like i don't really care about like monetary shit but just like putting in the effort to like impress your parents is such a huge thing yeah i love when dudes are meeting my parents and they like like stiffen up because it's my parents i have literally never fucking experienced that like everyone i've dated who's met my parents they're like weenie hut jr doing absolutely nothing to be like interesting my parents are like why this guy like yeah that he doesn't even say anything nice like damn it's embarrassing i just love like just the the little bit of fear that comes along with like i have to do well with this person's parents you know and calling them mr and mrs samson is hysterical because they're

like they're my parents and they're just not like fancy i mean that they are but they're my parents i'm like don't call them mr and mrs samson yeah i don't know it's just i i think it's kind i think it's cute having seeing how boys are when they care yeah it is nice it made it made a huge difference to me totally so speaking of hypotheticals well that was a real thing that happen but uh mr liz and i were hanging out this weekend as we do must be nice but i have a question for you that he proposed to me um we were watching community and there's an episode where one of the characters is in like a full batman suit and we're just watching and he's contemplating and he's like what if i like when we first started dating i had like a full batman

suit on display in my bedroom and i was like oh i would tell so many people about 100 and then he was like well when was the first time you were even at my house and we were thinking about it and it was after we like took our like romantic portland trip yeah so he was like okay so at that point we had already had like some really good dates so the first time you come to my house and you see that then what and i was like oh my god i think i'd make you fuck me in the batman suit and then he was like yes he was like that version of me would be so stoked oh absolutely that's true yeah and then he's like scrolling through craigslist while we're watching this and then there's like this massive model train set and he's like what's weirder if i was like super

super into batman or really into model trains and i think like both both can be fine oh totally but they are very like strange things to like walk into of like yeah and he's really into model trains yeah or yeah he has like a full like five thousand dollar batman suit on display in his bedroom that's a really good when you sent me this text i was fully laughing out loud it was a really good question but i hadn't considered it for myself so now i have to think about it i honestly think there there are a few there's a few pieces to this because if somebody had like a five thousand dollar batman suit like on display i'd be like he is passionate about batman clearly enough to spend that much money on it or he just has like a bunch of fucky money and i'm not

i don't date based on how much money a guy has but that is kind of impressive you know what i I mean, it's like you have like all of this money to like spend on this like collector's item. And also like that feels like an irresponsible way to spend your money. So that's like the con with that. Well, I think someone that into Batman 2 would also be like, don't touch my Batman suit. Like it would be like the first thing I thought of was like, OK, you spend the night and you wake up and you see this fucking Batman suit in the corner in the dark.

It looks like a serial killer's in the house. That's so true. Yeah, I would hate that. with model trains there's something very endearing about like something that somebody was clearly into as a child that's like followed them throughout their life like that's that's cute to me it does give lego movie though in that like it's like no no kids can touch my yeah right i mean people are serious about their model trains sheldon on big bang theory don't come for me i love big bang oh no i know you want to know why though we got really into the big bang theory

when trump got elected because every every single channel was talking about trump and we just like needed to that was the only thing that it was the only thing anyone could talk about and it was the only channel that wasn't showing anything about trump was playing big bang theory all day every day and so me my mom and my dad got very very into big bang theory anyway sheldon one of the main characters um he's very into model trains and he's an insufferable character like he's i'm not gonna get into the i've seen a couple episodes just for the people listening i'm not gonna i'm not gonna make you listen to the whole plot line of big bang theory but um so in that sense i feel like there is like a stigma around everybody that's like portrayed as being like a model train

person like in i don't know anybody personally and they're just all insufferable people but i do think that like when somebody is passionate about something like so innocuous like that i think it's adorable that's true it is very innocuous yeah they would make you watch like all the batman movies with like director's commentary oh i love director's commentary how do you feel about it um i don't think i've ever watched a movie with director's commentary to be honest i was my entire life probably from age like 10 to like 12 was dedicated to a walk to remember i could literally that's like that's the perfect movie for that time yes and for that age i had a signed picture from shane west like i love i was obsessed with this movie and i used to watch the director's

commentary all the time i feel like if you're really familiar with a movie watching director's commentary is really fun wait but to answer the question which would you prefer batman suit batman suit over model train i think so i think there are more pros why what name some of them because i so i feel like there's like the superhero fans like comic book fans are always like i've dated a few squints was one of them squints is like a big comic book fan and like there's a lot of really cool shit that goes along with that like just like the culture behind it the story is like the i don't know i'm i'm into it i feel like i could see past a big if i i'm trying to think of this in terms of like if i were going on if i was meeting a guy for the first time and i went back

to his place if i saw a bunch of model trains sitting around i'd have questions but if i saw like a big batman suit that was like framed i'd be like that's fucking dope i think that the batman stuff would take up less space than model trains so if you're thinking big picture it's like i just think it would be less jarring to walk into a place that had a batman suit rather than a bunch of model trains do you give the same answer was this it was i think i think the batman thing would be less alarming i think so too you're like oh i guess i get it like people are really into like k-pop so yeah this is kind of in the same vein everyone has a thing i always think about if people walked into my apartment outside of it being like a mess what would they like what

would a red flag be do you ever think about that i mean what what would your in my house like apartment specific i don't know because my apartment's really great it really is so liz's apartment is goals you've you made me want to nest because you you set up your apartment and then i set up mine like months later and i was using your experience with your apartment as like my gold standard oh i was like she just like kind of like moved in and like built the place around her and i feel like that was going well until i had like way too much stuff and now it's just like i need to move into a bigger place going well until your parents were like hey your apartment's our storage unit right yeah except there's so much great shit that's the thing it's like i wanted to

say yes to everything that they wanted to give me i just don't have the room for it so i need to move to a bigger place because you do you everyone does that when their parents are like do you want this and you're like no but i love you yeah right i do that except i genuinely want it like i said no to a lot of stuff they started shaming me because i was giving i was saying yes to too much but it's like they have so much great stuff i don't want it to go away you know it's okay we'll make a plan for the next one oh hell yeah i'm moving into a townhouse next i saw a tiktok that was like hot girls have really messy apartments that they have like they have a day to clean all day sunday and then by wednesday it's already messy again and that is exactly how it goes that's just what people

tell themselves to make themselves feel better and it made me feel so much the only thing that is scientifically true is that hot people have ibs that's it's i don't know how but it's science i tweeted what i said to my guest it's really hard not calling you by your name and we still don't have a nickname that we've settled on we can keep we work we work okay his nickname is we work um last night i haven't shit for a week and a half fun fact about me i think i saw this tweet yeah this was this was a hit i tweeted this today we work this what i said to you last night i don't even know if you remember you were like half asleep but um i had to take a dull collect because i hadn't shit in a week and a half and i was like can you all right can you imagine how much shit

is in this room with us right now that's just sitting inside of me that is in you and all that all that you did was which made it so much worse have you ever taken a before and after picture oh fuck i should have when you're like you you can't eat anything because you're just like so backed up but you like look pregnant yes i was i've been so bloated for like the past five days i really should have i feel like a brand new person for those of you who haven't taken a laxative before it's actually not like aggressive like you see in movies no they're just like having like explosive diarrhea it just gets the muscles working and then you're good yeah yeah big fan of dulcolax pink you can quote me on that you should always always take that

stuff while you're traveling bring it with you oh for sure don't take it unless you need it i have a whole sheet coming with me to my brother's wedding my brother gets married this coming weekend yay i'm gonna be so drunk on saturday i'm so excited uh okay i have a hypothetical for you okay we work asked me this question earlier and i wanted to i would i wanted to pose it to you if you were to have if you were to be offered money to have sex with shaquille o'neal oh how much money would you have to be paid because and i'm thinking just from like his sheer size you know what i mean because it's gonna hurt it's a large guy he's a large man

and also like what do i have to do just sex i know but like what positions oh heard okay no that's that's important if it's doggy style my cervix is gonna pop out my mouth yeah i mean i feel like anything but missionary is gonna abm yeah it needs to be missionary yeah or fancy missionary yeah the manner of serpents yeah um how much money well if i'm thinking about how much money i would like uh like 80k okay we're gonna work down from that because this is how i got to my this is how i got to my okay would you do it for 70k yes 60k yeah 50k yes 45 no so 50k is your line yeah my line was 10 000 so you are you have more standards than i do my brain started at 10 000 and i was like no no i have to consider like all my life expenses and we gotta add 28

percent because we're in seattle so right i'm just i'm just thinking in terms i'm fiscally responsible yeah i mean and i need a little bit more i'm glad that you have those standards for yourself because i was not shooting for the moon you're like 10k you were you're in it for the experience i'm in it for the money right but money is nice yeah because i wouldn't do it for free well my poor vagina would you what if it became a sex tape would you make money off of that oh for sure you could wait hold on have you seen all this drama with kim k's sex tape no okay the only thing i've seen recently is i looked up skims because i bought some hell yeah you're gonna love the bodysuits it's phenomenal i'm excited um okay yeah tell me about this sex tape okay so

the new series on hulu which is phenomenal by the way it's like beautifully produced but i'm also a kardashian fan so take what i say with a grain of salt i just i love pete davidson so i might watch oh yeah he does make he he went to the premiere i don't care if he's in it but i want to hear them talk about it well she just did snl on the episode that i watched so it might be next episode a little meet cute i know kiss a rooney they met at the met gala that year oh my god everyone's meeting at the mac i know look at that taylor swift my her i know her boo thing at the mac gala um but on the the show on hulu like before kim did snl kanye flew to la to get the sex tape from ray j because like there was we could blackmail kim no so that like because they were like saying

that they were going to release more of the sex tape and kim's like i don't think that there's more but like what if there is this shit's gonna haunt me for the rest of my life and she like couldn't like focus on snl because like this whole thing was like looming um and her son found like you imagine her son can't read but like the they were talking about the sex tape on roblox and he was on roblox yeah and so she was like freaking the fuck out about it anyway so he like went and got the tape brought the whole like computer with him that it was on and then ray j came out and was like yeah none of this ever happened the whole thing the sex tape thing was orchestrated by chris jenner like oh that it got leaked that was all chris jenner apparently and

he's like i've had to stay quiet all of these years and i'm just like and people saying that i'm like this like shitty person for leaking this sex tape blah blah blah when in reality every time someone brings it up isn't he like i have kids like stop fucking bringing this up yeah but apparently it was it was you know the devil works hard but chris jenner works harder that's that's how the saying goes i don't know if there was anyone else who has ever been mentioned in that phrase besides chris jenner i don't think that no i know they created that phrase for chris jenner and it's i mean it's that was a beautiful that made all of them millionaires it sucks for ray j though yeah that fucking blows if that's actually true i mean maybe he's trying

to do like a cash grab now she's a really smart no matter what you say about the kardashians they are brilliant business people no one wants to fucking work anymore get off your ass and work i saw a tiktok that was like it seems like no one these days wants to sit around and do nothing anymore so get your ass up and sit back down and don't do shit i love that that's my that's my kind a mantra yeah it seems like no one wants to stay home and not black out drinking anymore i love that this is this is a great trend everyone making their own versions of this makes me feel less alone if you had one what would it be oh that's a good question what would yours be do you have one i'm trying to think of what mine would be it seems like no one these

days wants to stop texting and dming me put your phone down and stop fucking messaging me oh my god i have no idea what mine would be maybe that would be mine too but i really like hearing from people i just can't respond you that's i i can't speak for other people because i feel like we're pretty responsive to each other we are we text each other back really quickly they're like we're also telepathic five people yeah most people don't know that we just share brainwaves yeah no we got a brainwave bond are you ready to learn about the omegaverse am i i don't think so but i don't know if i'll ever be ready let's go i i can i am a novice i barely know anything about this so i'm sure we'll hear more about it um but if we didn't

know about the omegaverse until now i'm sure a lot of our listeners didn't um i'm surprised i was also a little embarrassed i was like how do i not know about this but it feels like bdsm for furry zoomers wow what a specific that's a very nice niche it's like gen z furries okay if that makes sense it and they don't have it doesn't have to be exclusive to furries but i feel like there is an element of that so uh uh let's let's go through this i'm gonna read you the wikipedia page this is just that that was the most the thing that made the most sense to me when i was trying to figure out what the fuck this was cool so a tiktok came across my page and i it was like some guy like snuggling up on someone's lap like a dog and then like it was stitched with a girl being like what

else could i say that hasn't already been said and i was like bitch i don't know because i don't even know what the fuck's going on here and you implying there's something going on means there's something going on confuses me even more and then i went to the comments and then that just caused more confusion because i was like someone explain what the fuck's happening there were a few comments that are like what's going on what's going on so then i just went to the ops page and like did a little bit of digging and then she said omega verse and i was like okay now we have something to work with so this is i knew it was like sexual in some way um so this is what the omega verse is Also known as ABO, an abbreviation for Alpha Beta Omega, is a subgenre of speculative erotic fanfiction and originally a subgenre of erotic slash fanfiction.

stories in the genre are premised on societies wherein humans are divided into a dominance hierarchy of dominant alphas neutral betas and submissive omegas determining how they interact with one another in romantic erotic and sexual contexts so why does it have if it's all three of them yeah so i know you don't i know you're not gonna know because we're both we're learning together but i'm wondering why it's called the omega verse if it's all three you know what i yeah there's not really like a nomenclature thing here right that specifies but um here are some of the genre characteristics omega verse fiction pairs traditional gender such as male or female with a secondary gender or a second dynamic that manifests during puberty it's usually chosen from

one of the following alpha beta or omega so your secondary gender or dynamic is an alpha beta or omega okay okay since since omega verse is a type of folksonomy some of its aspects are included or excluded at the discretion of the story author sometimes betas are absent or other intermediate genders such as deltas and gammas are added whoa what the fuck are deltas and gammas wow we're learning a lot oh omega verse fiction typically focuses on wolf or other canid like behavior in humans especially as it pertains to sexual intercourse and sexually sexuality which is described as instinctual responding to animalistic physiological stimuli okay clicking on the history okay oh god genre tropes associated with omega verse emerged in the late 1960s

in fan fiction based on the american television series star trek okay so that's where it started so i guess it makes sense why it like has kind of these elements of like other beings like other humanoids and not specifically like yeah yeah animals with animated like features i feel like this runs really deep i mean this is not the omega verse but there's like if you like are on porn hub there's like spongebob porn and like you know what i mean like people get off on like or like tentacle porn is a thing that's that's like an animal thing that's like part human part animal that's an intrusive thought i don't want have well there you go i'm so sorry tentacle porn that's a deep we should talk about tentacle porn

oh wait there are some other like omega verse role playing that is common so the supernatural fandom the like the show supernatural yeah makes sense sherlock okay x-men that makes sense wolverine hannibal what teen wolf that makes sense glee god damn it why glee wonder uh does that surprise you though glee is fucking theater kids but like what is the animalistic aspect of it though or i think it's like the role-playing like aspect not necessarily but i can also i feel like people are like and let's put some like let's put a tail on them let's put a tail on rachel berry throw a tail on it uh doctor who and um the avengers wow yeah there is a whole world out there

yeah there there it there sure is there sure is oh wait alpha females regarding alpha females they lack the penis that their counterparts have so in place of the penis there is a retractable member female female alphas however cannot become pregnant and so the womb doesn't exist alpha usually alphas usually have a strong musky scent that's very interesting is that a wolf fact or is that just in this that's in this omega verse so if you were an alpha woman you would have a retractable member i think that so omegas have the longest description and i think that like maybe it's called the omega verse because people like romanticize omegas like a submissive i don't know maybe it just sounded the coolest with verse after it

it's gamma verse alpha verse beta verse not about it no omega verse omega verse is definitely the most fun that's probably why they have all of these um little phrases too i'm learning a lot about wolves yeah this generally seems very accepting though yeah we love that yeah and you're not hurting anyone in the process so keep doing you but that this is new yeah this is new isn't it am i right it's like bdsm for like furries kind of i think boiled down that is what it sounds like yeah yeah we learned a lot wolf fact of the week we are now an omegaverse podcast yeah you're the chris hansen of twitter i love that for me i would i love chris hansen do you know how much time i spend watching people take down

child predators on youtube a lot of time i found this guy named skater gene he operates out what a name he goes by ski hansen because he's like chris hansen is like his like lord and savior yeah he always pours one out before he goes and catches a predator he does pour one out for our lord and savior chris hansen but he'll pose as a 14 year old on like whisper which i guess like predators are like looking for kids on the whisper app which is like really fucked up and then they use kick which we've talked about in the past kick is like such a fucked up sketchy app okay well i'm leaving that in as he yeah but he'll pose as these 14 year olds and then he'll be like i'll meet you at like the the meyer grocery store at this time being this aisle and then he'll come up to them

like in a full suit jacket and like with like a binder of like all of the conversations and it's fucking gold that he usually doesn't do anything with the cops because he's just like operating like independently but he scares them out of it it's really good it's really good watch listen wait you should you should collab with skater gene and help him track them down hell yeah you would be like the best cia he can never figure out their last names i know that's why they need he needs you he all he has to do is download the mr number app not sponsored should be okay go on sorry what were you gonna say it reminds me of like have you heard of like the vigilantes in seattle no um i can't remember his i can't believe i feel like i wonder if i say the name if you'll

remember or like i've heard it before they like act like cops no they like wear masks and capes and shit shut the fuck up i love that what do they and they like fight crime yes uh i love phoenix jones yes okay so what happened to phoenix jones um he was arrested for selling drugs to teenagers that fucking sucks he's like being a pain in the ass around town but then also like selling kids molly phoenix jones and then he does it all folks are there superheroes in seattle there's also there's also buster doe um catastrophe gemini green reaper no name penelope phoenix jones the guardian of seattle thorn and thunder 88 so i've never heard so we have several vigilantes in seattle and they all dress as superheroes yes hell yeah seattle's

real life superheroes an instant guide damn i uh mr liz and i recently saw a tiktok and someone commented like so you're like phoenix jones and they were like no fuck that guy oh i mean like yeah he really kind of tainted the image like if you're gonna be fighting crime don't be doing crime phoenix jones became the most popular because there was like a little documentary made about him on wikipedia or not on youtube it's very um cop-esque of him to be fighting crime and doing crime should we introduce our our final bit hell yeah what's our final bit um soft boy spark notes oh my god so we have a new bit it's called soft boy spark notes uh this week it'll replace the sex fact of the week and this was inspired by if you like challenge a guy online

how he like turns into fucking jane austen and starts writing these obnoxious words like straight out of a thesaurus uh-huh so to seem smarter but like he's saying something stupid but we all know someone like that who exists online like we've all encountered someone who just like writes a fucking novel in the comments because they're just their feelings are hurt right something yep always so i fucking love this idea uh we are going to read some of those and translate them into just like tldr i truly believe you were born for this i really was last week i asked someone someone was criticizing like abortion as as they do and then i was like okay so what's your solution and he's like i didn't mention one and then i was like fucking obviously

yeah that's why i'm asking and then he had no solution he just literally sent a two tweet rant about how foster care isn't run well and it would be better if we fixed it and i was like damn all those words to say nothing yeah yeah like it really can't always be summed up by like three you know what would fix homelessness if they just had houses based that's you sparks notes the fuck out of that soft boy yeah this is such a great this is truly i feel as though like you're just all of the skills that you have have led you to this moment i'm pretty excited um i did make a twitter account and instagram account that i haven't post in any i made them literally while i was in the bathroom earlier today um they're called

on instagram it's soft boy spark notes and then twitter it's soft boy spark notes but i had to condense spark notes so it's like s-p-r-k-n-t-s i guess it's too long yeah you have to have like under a certain amount of characters on twitter so we're gonna read a few things wait i'm gonna come up with a um this is this is a working theme song um what are we calling it soft boy spark notes give me a note me soft boy spark no thank you i made a song request and amelia didn't meet it i wanted it to be like the no i have to i have to i don't even know the reef is puff song but the rhesus puffs rhesus puffs eat them up eat them up beat them up oh oh heard heard heard okay hold on

there's no way that we can fit the title in that soft boy notes soft boy notes we're sparks in that sparking notes sparking notes but then the nestle the nestle song too that's why i love soft boy spark notes i like it i think that's what we're gonna go to me no i do i i do like it okay okay this one's just weird as fuck read it uh so i don't really know if this one needs spark notes because it's pretty fucking weird and you can just gather that from what's being said so one user writes men never allow your woman to call you baby or bay she either calls you by your name or daddy she is your firstborn daughter not your mother we talked about this on hashtag masculinity saturday in

2019 and 2020 shut the fuck up and then this comment under it it's in all caps so um the most accurate version should be sir or my lord that is what we find in the bible but i agree your wife is your firstborn daughter what wait what it doesn't need a spark notes version um other than there's just like some very weird electra complex happening what the fuck wait hold on so they're regard they're related to you regardless in either scenario they're either your mom or your daughter yeah so then we so then if you have a kid they will also want to fuck your kid probably this is really weird that is the sparks notes that's the sparks notes of your wife is your firstborn daughter they said it right for us damn just right there they wrote

their own weirdest thing ever okay i'm gonna read this one because it's really fucking i feel like it just nails it on the head so this is about abby shapiro ben shapiro's sister and if you don't know she either is pregnant or has recently given birth and um as happens to many women when they're pregnant her boobs got massive um and people had a lot to say about that of course unsurprisingly so um here are some interesting hot takes this man says she actually had enough androgens in her womb to birth a hero her legacy is one of strength and she milks her newborn son long live the asheric mother and it's like this picture from like an old painting of a woman i don't know oh i've been seeing i didn't realize i was abby shapiro i've

yeah and then it's like side by side with ashy abby shapiro and her giant tits oh my god so the spark notes version of that is this guy is saying um she's going to have a son of like greek epic uh status because she feeds him with her giant tits what the fuck and then the comment underneath is she is the cradle of a new existence one that will initiate a new era of masculinity the spartans and romans both knew how to pump iron so then he has another picture of abby shapiro and her giant tits and a really old sculpture oh my god and um the spark notes version of that is he's saying that because she has such massive boobies um that she will be breastfeeding this baby with he's going to become so masculine that uh spartans and romans

are gonna be shooketh is this abby shapiro fanfic yes or no no well then what is it sincerely what they believe but about abby shapiro specifically because it's so it feels a little this is a screenshot so i don't know but it's but i don't think it's fanfic it's just like they actually believe it yes i can't believe i can't imagine what it would be like to have a conversation with these people in person you know i mean it's one thing to read it can you imagine meeting someone having them say these things they're going to she's going to birth them from her like people don't talk like that you know that's true they wouldn't talk like that in person but like but i can i can believe that people like i believe that people are just like yes the bigger the

titties the more masculine your son will be that makes no fucking because biology pussies i just i want to say nothing surprises me anymore and then something she's giving birth to the alpha male i just assigned chat at birth it's just it's so scary it's so scary that these that people think like this it's that's scary yeah i really do believe we are so blessed up here in our little little bubble up in seattle that like these people have to be hiding around here somewhere but they don't feel safe to talk like this they're just on the outskirts they're they're in other areas of washington spokane mount vernon um yakima i told my mom i was like i'm thankful that i'm close to canada and she's like they're not just gonna let you in i'm like

listen in the event of emergency i am not legally gonna be entering this come this country i'm gonna be fleeing and we're not far from that this is a handmaid's tale we have a canadian in our presence who's yeah he's gonna help us i have a commonwealth i have commonwealth um status oh yeah so we can get into a domestic partnership and we'll be up in canada we work has spoken up finally he asked what our favorite food is that is phallic phallically shaped i would say well first let's name them all because there's a lot of options yeah bananas are the first one that come to mind eggplant eggplant rocket pops any popsicle that is in that kind of shape maple bars oh the donut that's a good one hot dogs obviously can you think of any more cucumbers cucumbers

pickles zucchinis zucchinis is zucchini is the plural of zucchini zucchini or is it just zucchini is the plural as well zucconini zucconana so zucchinis cucumbers pickles maple bars i think we hit all of them hot dogs at least the good ones popsicles think of something else pringles you don't eat the can summer sausage i feel like that falls into like the hot dog category right no well i've never had a summertime you also don't eat you don't eat red meat yeah no but my acupuncturist said i should start because you're iron yeah yeah i got the same got the same feedback um okay well my favorite out of that list maple bars i'm gonna go with

pickles hell yeah i fucking love pickles have you had the little snacking pickles in the little ziploc bags absolutely i just bought two packs today i'm so fucking hyped i recently made mr liz take home his giant jar of pickles that was in my fridge you made him take it home it was taking up too much room in my fridge what kind of pickles were they um the really fat like dill pickles like the full ones yes oh and then but the the jar was massive too i remember being in the grocery store and then he we were getting pickles for something else and i was gonna get a normal jar like a normal person and he pulls out this giant jar and he's so excited he's like can we get this and i'm like oh you're taking them home with you because i have like not a normal size

fridge it's slightly smaller because it's just me yeah and he has a giant fridge they should take his pickles home with them yeah so we did i mean he didn't i brought them to him um i'm gonna plug our socials because i'm yeah i know i'm gonna forget again follow us on tiktok instagram twitter at the holy hour email us your spicy stories at holy hour podcast at gmail.com subscribe to us on patreon i do want to i do want to interject here about the emails yes so if you're going to email us we would like it to be a little condensed we we get a lot of long emails and we can't do a lot with that caveating i agree but if you're just telling us just to tell us make it as long as you want if you're telling us because you like you think that it should be right on the

podcast condense because liz and i talk a while great thank you for interjecting subscribe to us on patreon for early access and ad free episodes and uh join the discord it makes my entire fucking week every time i see someone join the discord do you get notifications you know that's cute you guys listen we listen when we talk and that's cute it's really sweet on there people have been asking each other for advice a lot this past week i love when i have some time to catch up and see what everyone's been me too read what the tea is yeah it's the best it's such a cute little community um that's it did i hit all oh my my socials adamelia samson on everything uh i am liz boss so hard on tiktok and instagram i posted a tiktok last week and it did well yeah with my

cat eating it was such a cute fucking tiktok and then um i'm liz t ball on twitter you can follow me there and watch me bully people and that's that i am only people that deserve it yeah only if you deserve it only if you're a sex offender and with that thank you for listening we love you Oh, yeah.