The Hoely Hour - E88 Say Psych Right Now

Episode Date: May 27, 2022

Some (weird) moms get jealous of their son's partner because she sees her as "the other woman." Have these moms considered being normal? Let's find out! We have a message for the newly single folks: hot girl summer is coming. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

i'm wearing guay i'm wearing gray sweatpants today and i was thinking about that guay sweatpants guay sweatpants i was thinking about that question that was like what's the gray sweatpants of what are women's gray sweatpants yeah what is it and i asked um we work and he put a lot of thought into it i think he i think his answer was gray sweatpants i feel like it's no bra oh that is what he said that is what he said oh okay because I wasn't wearing a bra

which I never am that bisexual brain look at that welcome to the holy hour i'm amelia samson and i'm liz ball i'm so excited that you're home i'm so excited to be recording i know thank you for jumping in right after we did our intro so that i wouldn't start talking about something that made no sense in my sheer panic my parents listened to that episode where i was saying like just silence makes me uncomfortable and they were like we've known that for a long time it's good that you recognize this yeah but no i'm really

happy that i'm home too the wedding was amazing it was perfect in every way amelia was slaying in her suit oh i feel so good in charge when i was texting my friend who was my date to the wedding about like he when he was on his way um i was like i look like a fucking waiter because i was like i didn't once i got used to it i did not look like a waiter but i had like a tie on like i don't even i think it was i think it was a men's tie it felt like like a power tie it was like kind of like a a donald trump tie on me because it was so long and then it was i'm like i don't know anything about ties but a woman's my dad tied my tie for me it was like a moment for both of us yeah um but my the collar on the shirt was like a woman's collar and they don't make them

big enough like structured ties so i just looked i looked like a like a messy like stressed out waiter until i got like used to and then i was fucking i felt so fucking large and in charge i was wearing heels and a suit i felt really good it it looked so good with like the hair and makeup too that was like the perfect combination thank you the hair and makeup team there what they were just the most amazing women also it just feels so nice to hear hair and makeup done oh my god it really does it really really does i felt so party but my brother and his now wife i've never seen them that happy ever like my brother was smiling the entire day i was expecting to be like a little stressed did he cry at all probably he probably wasn't obviously wasn't there for the first look

i would assume he cried during the first look um the best man dropped the ring in the flowers as he was handing them over because he didn't know that he was going to be responsible for handing over the rings i feel like the one holding the ring never knows that they're going to be responsible for it they told him right before he went in but everyone thought it was choreographed it was so funny how it happened so everybody everyone was like oh that was on purpose right he was like yep sure was but anyway so now i have a sister-in-law i've always wanted a sister and now i have one but the wedding was perfect um i'm very happy to be back because uh the east coast is an exhausting place to be i don't know how all of y'all that live there do it i mean i

did it for eight years and i feel like i'm still recovering i feel like i'm still like sleeping that off specifically new york new york is exhausting i haven't been to new york city since I was 16 I think you would be actually be okay there I think you would thrive I think I would thrive just because I'm kind of a bitch you're able to be you you are able to be I'd be allowed to be a bitch yes what is your opinion on like when someone becomes single and they like immediately go on like a social media tour of being single you mean like deleting like all their pictures of or like liking like that but then also just like suddenly they're posting on their story all the time and like very publicly like not with their ex-partner anymore i guess

it depends on like the side of the breakup that they were on like if they did the dumping and they did that that feels a little shitty unless the person they dumped like cheated or something you know um but if like you were like shitty throughout the relationship and then you dump the person and then you like go on this huge tour like that feels a little hurtful yeah but then like if you get dumped or you dump someone that cheated on you and then you go on this tour then that would that's different that's so true well I guess I hadn't considered like who is like potentially the dumper and the dumpy in this circumstance um but I was just one like I'm just thinking like I support the social media tour totally um in most circumstances but like

you were saying if someone cheated and then they like are going on a tour but my perception of that too is like also it's coming from a place of sadness like you're you're sad and you're insecure so you're like I want some approval and attention because the person that I got that from is no longer in my life yeah I guess it depends on the tone of it like it's so fun totally it is fun I fucking love a social media tour I mean obviously but like yeah I think it depends like if you're sad in your posting that's different from like you being like yeah fuck you you know if you're the one that cheated you could it's so like it's like a decision tree of like when i would think it's okay it's so true there's so many different circumstances that change if it's okay or not

um but i don't i'm always in i will always be in support of everyone doing whatever feels the best when they're hurting unless you're like intentionally hurting someone else like that's the one caveat do whatever you want to do i just love watching people go on like a hot girl tour oh yeah and you don't need to be a girl to be a hot girl hell no i know a lot of dudes have gone on hot girl tours yeah going on a hot girl tour when you're single all day i can't stop thinking about what the decision tree would look like like did they cheat no then it's fine did they cheat yes no that's fucked up yeah it's like did you like who broke up with who uh-huh did you break up with them yes did you cheat yes were you a dick about it yes you don't get to go on

the social media tour no we should make this i'm gonna make this on excel okay instead of doing actual work tomorrow i'm so behind on everything hit up canva oh hell yeah we're doing this on canva subscribe to us on patreon for our decision tree actually i'm not gonna say that i'm probably not ever gonna make this but still this is a great time to say it this is a great time to drop the socials you did a great job last week thank you i was surprised i could handle that you did i mean it's a it's a tough burden to bear i can't remember all of them you did a great job we got patreon where you have um ad free early episodes and then you get to talk on our discord which you should also join about the early episodes follow us on instagram tiktok twitter

at the holy hour uh email us here at holy hour podcast at gmail.com follow moi on everything at amelia samson i am liz ball so hard on instagram and tiktok and liz t ball on twitter where you can watch me harass ted cruz and greg abbott but anyway we're gonna try to have a little bit of fun today we're drinking to make today a little bit less heavy yeah i walked in and immediately was like yep we're drinking today i set up a little like vodka soda bar on my table we're like doing it big today um anyways back to the hot girl tour question so i have you know i don't want to put anyone on the spot but i have been noticing lots of people are going through breakups right now that's great news for me and i just want to say like i know people are sad that

they have this breakup that just happened or and you know what there might be a few more breakups coming mercury's in retrograde so who's to fucking say so i just want to say like i'm excited for the people going through a breakup right now because they're about to have just like the fucking like hottest girl summer ever hell yeah that's just i am not in charge that is just the vibe like i can sense it i feel it coming it's just gonna be just like this insane hot girl summer it's gonna be amazing it is gonna be the hottest girl summer because we're going on like year three of not really being able to kick covid and like but now things are kind of opening up you either have had covid or breakthrough covid or the vaccine like yeah it's very rare that like someone has had at

least one of those so you gotta fuck everyone before monkeypox takes over just i okay i'm being like a little bit of a skept a skepticist is that a word it is now I'm a little skeptical about it because like okay at first I was like COVID's not gonna be a thing that doesn't happen here because how many times has things not happened here you know like oh everyone's freaking out with bird flu and like that nothing really happens yeah that's a good point so like uh I don't want to like shoot myself in the foot by saying this but like I just don't really think monkeypox is going to be as big of a thing and i'm going to knock on the wood from your mouth to god's ear liz well because it's um related to smallpox and like the smallpox vaccine keeps you protected

against it pretty well um and most of us have had a smallpox vaccine i asked my mom today and i do yeah it's like you that was like one of the first vaccines they just give it to you like right out the womb they're like and here's your smallpox yeah they slap you on the butt and give you to your mom yeah just a slap on the button the smallpox vaccine yeah send you out the door and that's that and a huge bill welcome to america yep they're like you're now born so we don't care about you yeah true shit um yeah it's anyway i could have like a whole political conversation now but we all hit that reset button you and i just hit the reset button i'm like let's not do it yeah we're not gonna do it throw this bitch in reverse um but yeah no it's gonna

be a hot girl summer i'm excited to not be the only fucking single one i want to give some single girl advice like i think like i was about to have such a hot girl summer and then i met mr liz but the way that worked i did have like a pretty decent like phase where i was having a hot girl summer yeah and dating a lot of people and like i think the thing that set me up to like feel good about that was just like being in a place where i'm like no i'm i don't want to date anyone like i love myself so much i'm not trying to ruin this by with another person being involved word um not to say that like you know dating someone is gonna ruin who you are um but i think that just you had some like examples of like you not feeling your best because of so that like it's

yeah yeah well i would i definitely would default to like before i was like really like comfortable with myself i would just look for the best in whoever i was dating i'm like well you know maybe this will change or like i wouldn't i would just kind of make an excuse as to like why it didn't like oh maybe this will change about them or this will change about me even though deep down I like the feelings just weren't there yeah so then I got to a point where like I had spent so much time alone that I was just like yeah I got a good thing going with myself so then dating was just a fun thing like yeah I wasn't dating because I wanted a boyfriend or a partner or a husband I was just like you know what I just like I want to like make out

with people and like have sex like hell yeah and that's such a good headspace to be in because then sex is fun and it doesn't have any weight because before that it did have kind of a lot of weight for me of like I I don't know it just felt like I I didn't want to be used but then um once you're in like a good place with yourself like having sex actually is really fun it took me a long time to get to that point though totally yeah you have to get i feel like there's so much stuff that has to line up before you can get yeah yeah and i just want i want everyone who is like newly single to like be in that headspace and have a hot girl summer and just like you guys are all like young and beautiful just like flirt and have a fun summer and don't spread monkeypox yeah i did read

i did i looked up monkeypox and they're just like pushing this narrative so hard that it was like spread from having sex at a rave in the in europe yeah and i was like you're just like i think they're just trying to like scare people about sex like people having sex at raves so depraved like good lord i didn't read too much of and i didn't read any of the articles because i was like i just i i can't do this right now speaking of raves somebody that went to edc this is worth noting just in terms of like watching out for yourself this person was at a rave was at edc like the rave and um he was standing behind a couple and he like could just tell something was off about them like there was like an older man trafficking no that was my first thought too

um an older guy and then like a kind of like a younger woman and like they were just like kind of sketchy and toward the end of the set they turned around and looked at him and they like unfolded this piece of paper and it had like a mountain of like white powder on it and they blew it in his face what the fuck and he like covered up his mouth like right away luckily but he like got out of the out of the crowd he like started feeling like lightheaded and they i guess had like blown something in his face that like they people use in other countries to like make people paralyzed like temporarily so that they can rob them fuck that so that's something if you just like be hyper vigilant and like if somebody feels sketchy just protect yourself vegas fucking sucks

that's just so fucking scary that that's like a thing that people can get their hands on i think it's called like devil's breath i think is what they call it uh anyway just now you just gotta watch out for people paralyzing you so they can steal your shit it's really fucked up so stay hyper vigilant um back to hot girl summer and single girl advice this is the perfect time to segue into this email that you haven't read that i read that i wanted to read to you to see your advice oh god i'm excited i'm like a little nervous and i think it's just because you're usually the ones who read the emails yeah and i'm like i don't like being surprised it's not anything like that um like if someone proposes to me i might punch them in the face because i'm just

gonna be so shocked i'm sorry but yes yes this email that we are about to read um has mentioned some uh physical and emotional abuse um very brief mentions but they're still mentioned so if you're triggered by that please skip like the next like probably eight minutes i'm gonna guess is what that's gonna come out to if i get that right i'm gonna be so impressed but just skip the next little bit just smash that fast forward button hell yeah we got this email from a listener today um and the subject line is my ex is an awful human being liz has not read this yet and there's a question at the end that i want her take on okay i also haven't really thought much about it um all right hello ladies my name is blank and then she says that she is 33 female um she says

i discovered your podcast about two weeks ago and i listen every day while at work i feel like you're my friends and you make me laugh constantly at work so thank you we are your friends we don't just feel like your friends we are your friends i just listened to your cheating episode and thought I'd share my story with my ex. I dated him from 2013 to 2015. I met him while I was a bridesmaid at my friend's wedding while he was a groomsman. The first three months were great, as it usually is in a new relationship. Then his true colors started showing. If I did anything he didn't like, as in saying something sarcastic, rolling my eyes, disagreeing, he would lose it. He would scream and yell and call me awful names. One example of this was we were on our way to a

Giants game after having stopped for breakfast I was quietly eating my bagel when he missed the exit for the stadium mind you he has been to over 50 Giants games and he started screaming and flipping out on me because it was my fault I didn't tell him the exit was coming up which I have never done before I was crying so hard I started choking on my bagel he then yelled more saying I was choking on purpose to get him to stop yelling I eventually swallowed my bagel but couldn't stop crying he took the next exit and started driving home he then said he'll turn around and we can go to the game if i promise to not bring this up and forget it happened so we did whoa after about six months he also started not wanting to have sex with me anymore

we went the whole summer without sex including going on our first vacation together he always made excuses and it hurt me every day thinking something was wrong with me and he was no longer attracted to me i brought it up multiple times and he always said nothing was wrong he just wasn't in the mood almost two years in he broke up with me over text while i was on my way to work the night before fucking punch this man in the day i would love to find him the night before i had asked him again if anything was wrong and why he never wanted to have sex three days later he posted a picture of sushi and tagged a girl from work i was suspicious of i flat out asked if he had cheated on me and he said yes so he was having sex just not with me he proposed to her six months

later since he is still friends with my friend's husband i see occasionally what's going on in his life through social media after being married for to her for five years he then cheated on her and got a 20 year old pregnant he's now 35 i also learned he hit the girl he cheated with multiple times through the relationship jesus fucking so to say i dodged a bullet i dodged a fucking bullet i am now in a happy loving relationship but this ex caused major trauma and i don't think i ever recovered do you have any advice to not let old relationships affect new ones it's a pretty extreme example yeah i mean there's definitely like i don't want to assume there's ptsd there but like if you had ptsd from that relationship no one would blame you

yeah i mean i would expect jesus fucking christ first of all yeah um but i think that like there's no way that i mean this is just my opinion i don't think there's a way that like your old relationship isn't going to affect a new relationship because and i don't mean i think this is like you're going to be triggered and you're going to have to work through those triggers with a new person so you can like retrain your brain yeah to not process things that way to not feel like you have to protect yourself or be defensive um so like in some ways it has it'll help you build the relationship that you want to have because you have to kind of learn in a new experience from a similar situation if that makes sense yep and i think things like that they're

going to affect you for an unpredictable amount of time everyone's different like you you can still be traumatized years and years later but as long as you're aware of it you are like proactively like in present in your current relationship and like aware that you're being triggered we talked a lot about stuff like this last week with ariel um in terms of like conscious partnership and like knowing you're being triggered and having to kind of retrain yourself yeah so that's what i think like as long as you're patient with yourself and you're like explaining to your partner like this is why this situation is hard for me and I know it's different yeah but I need you to understand like where I'm coming from and how I'm feeling because then they know it's not something

specifically about them totally that's yeah that's what I was just about to say too it's like if you if you're able to communicate that with your current partner it also gives the past less power like in your mind just dealing with it alone like I feel like that's such a good way our psychiatrist always says like we're not meant to keep things inside like we're social beings so it's like whenever we like say things out loud to somebody it just gives it less power yeah um and that's such a nice feeling where you're like yes thank god i just said it yeah totally and also the fact that you recognize that you're being triggered and it's like seeping into your current relationship is already like a huge first step that not a lot of people get to like that's very profound that

you recognize that and like your new partner like in your words is loving so it's like they are going to want to support you however they can i'm sure so i mean i'm not saying that you haven't brought it up to them but it feels really hard at first too and you're like because it'll feel like such a minor thing that you're triggered by because you also don't know what's going to trigger you yeah oh my god yeah how do i even bring this up so it feels so hard at first but the more you do it the easier it gets and then like eventually you guys kind of have each other figured out a little bit so then communicating is so much easier just kind of how communicating is so easy with your friends yes you have those little like glances at each other you can just know what

the other person's thinking um and what they might need to hear so yeah it just it takes time and you have to be patient with yourself and your partner needs to be patient with you and you have to be patient with that there's just so much patience yeah involved totally and obviously like honest communication that's been the only thing that's really worked for me is just like being honest but then also being um like trying to find um an objective like standpoint of like okay if i were a third party how would I explain this to my partner that makes sense that's a really good way to think about it yeah like try and remove the emotion from it because I know like what I'm feeling isn't necessarily his fault and like how he responds is going to dictate what happens next yeah if that

makes sense yeah no that's a really really good way to think about it it's so hard to like look at it from like 10 000 feet when you're like so emotionally involved in it but like as an outsider like you're hearing how like we're talking about it like of course you feel this way yeah well it's impossible to not and it honestly it's like so much easier said than done of like and then you remove your emotions from it and then you tell your partner right but like it is that's it's a practice it is a practice and i think like a big first step in that too is like giving yourself grace because of course you feel this way yeah like of course anybody would and everybody does that comes out of like a traumatic relationship like it would be a little weird if like you could

just like turn it off like well and this guy is so like um casually abusive like yeah the same like the things she described is just like you hear about dudes like that all the time yeah just like wandering around traumatizing everyone they fucking talk to yeah and you really really did dodge multiple oh god like that imagine being trapped having kids with someone like that jesus i really can't like getting a 20 year old pregnant like when you're 35 and you already have a wife and kids like how like some people truly truly like some tigers really never change their stripes holy shit um sheesh but like i think that the the only way to really manage that is like giving yourself grace being honest with yourself and your partner and it sounds like

you at least already have half of that down and you might already be doing the full thing you might already be talking to your partner about it but like from this email you at least have the first half down like I think just like being patient like Liz said patience was the word that you used yeah being patient with yourself through this whole thing is like the only the really only way because like all that you have to go off of is your past experiences like I'll notice I haven't been with my ex for what two years now a year and a half and I'll still notice things that'll trigger me in ways that I didn't recognize were even things until they I'm like triggered by them and when I was first going through this breakup I was like I have to like figure everything out

by myself I can't like you know I can't get into a relationship until I figure this all out my therapist was like no some of the work has to be done when you're in a relationship yeah like that was the thing I wasn't expecting either like literally the same thing of like yeah I'm gonna work on myself and like fix all of this stuff and all my trauma and then I'll be ready to go and like be in a good relationship and then you're in one and then you're like yeah yeah why is this why is this triggering me yeah because it brings up new stuff yeah because you like sure you can work on stuff by yourself but there's some things like you need to have a partner to work through yep if that makes sense totally that's the only way i know how to describe it like true you don't

know how you're gonna respond with a partner until you have one it's like learning something in college and then like going out and doing it it's like oh fuck i actually didn't learn anything yeah oh shit learning versus doing how do i do taxes like wait i it's like reading about how to do surgery oh my god yes and actually going and doing the surgery that's so fucking true that's such a good that's such a good analogy yeah you gotta you gotta train and then you'll be an expert you'll be a surgeon gotta get out there in the field my therapist surgeon she calls it um she says like because i always talk about how like it feels like my ex is still taking up like a lot of like space in my life in different ways and she's like well of course he does because like

he's such a big part of your life but like as you keep getting all these new experiences and living your life like he's always going to be a part of smaller right he's always going to be a part of the painting but he's just going to be like not as significant of a part of the painting but he'll always be like a little dot on the painting but you're going to have this like big vibrant painting of a life like surrounding it in ways that makes the past still there but not like as big of a part of the painting not as big of a focus so yeah i mean like my tldr is just like be patient give yourself grace and keep being honest with yourself and your partner about it that's good advice i and that like painting comparison is really really helped me to think

about there was this npr story that i wanted to talk to you about that i didn't know about but like everybody was bringing it up at my brother's wedding they're like you're your podcast you should talk about which i fucking love by the way i love that there are so many people there that were like oh i watch i watch your videos i listen to your podcast people that i haven't even met like people on the white the bride's side of the family anyway um but they brought up uh this whole idea of like the stigma of being a mama's boy is now being thought of as a flex when like a while back it was thought of as an insult like people would be like mama's boy and now it's like men are like embracing that they're mama's boys and I thought that it was interesting

because I was thinking about it I was thinking about it and like so there's there's a few parts to this when I was growing up so my mom is Italian obviously I've mentioned that before I always wanted to marry an Italian boy because I think just Italian men are just like hot my mom was like promise me you will not marry an Italian boy they are all mama's boys and so when I was thinking about this story i was like there are there are tiers of mama's boys there's like mama's boys that like like are still like attached by the belly button to their mom you know and like that's a lot still got that um umbilical cord yeah like it's time to do a little snip snip giovanni this is the first italian name i could think of giovanni francisco paparabici

but then there's also the mama's boys that are like they just like love their mom and they like really respect their mom and they like think the world of their mom and they like having them around and like i've noticed like a lot of um a lot of men with who were raised by single mothers those are the men who are like yeah wow i love women yes that's so true so they're not like being coddled by their moms but they like love their mom so much and then like as they're talking about this before i get to like the punch line of like what they were talking to me about i was thinking like when i see like a picture of a guy with his mom on his dating profile i'm like hell yeah or like they mentioned how much they love their mom i'm like that is like a green flag

so and i have stats i feel like you today i have so many notes oh um what a compliment wow i know you're always so prepared he's like oh my god i feel like i'm flying by the seat of my pants in life in general you you know it doesn't seem like it from the outside thank you so there is this stat okay there have been so this is an npr article again love npr in this household there's been over three million mentions of terms like mama's boys on people's profiles over the past few years between december and april there was a 20 increase in these terms being mentioned men who include mom as boys on their profile have a seven percent higher probability of exchanging phone numbers with another user which i thought was really really interesting so they were like

yeah seven percent might not seem like much whatever but when you think about there being millions and millions of people on dating apps like okcupid it's actually a pretty high success rate um which i thought was really interesting because that's changed a lot over the years like that it really was an insult like I mean back as far as like 10 years ago that I can think of really um well before it meant like before mama's boy meant like you're kind of like a little wimp you know but that's true like now I wouldn't think of it as that like now I would think of well now I would think of mama's boy as someone who wants to date someone who to take care of them like who wants to date someone who's like their mom interesting that's an interesting take

you know i'm sure that that but it it also depends on like if there's other context context coloring that right yeah yeah because it's like there's like the like italian kind of stereotype mama's boy like i'm like greek mama's boys it's out then you need to eat more uh-huh and like you're like kind of always competing at college you're competing their mom is always competing with it this was like my fucking ex you're like always competing with their mom oh my god the most important woman in their life i'm gonna read something to you once we wrap this up that ties in perfectly amazing okay um this is the last part of that stat um it's only 1.4 percent of men who actually use the terms my mother my mom or my mama but those 1.4 percent of men had

a 26 percent increase in the likelihood to resign from the site because they had met someone which like when like as i'm hearing people telling me about this article before i had found it the fact that that was my first thought was like actually yeah i do kind of love seeing that on dating apps and then the whole thing was like men leave dating apps quicker i think it shows that they're like yeah and i respect women that's the thing is like i think that there is definitely and like you're saying it's like a context clue kind of thing that um separates out like whether or not it's like a problematic kind of mama boy but there's definitely problematic mama's boy oh yeah no right this isn't like a this isn't a end all be all it also depends on the mom

like do they admire their mom that's so fucking or is their mom just like that kind of helicopter mom who like i i have read about moms with sons who raise the son that they wish that their husband was damn so yikes i know so there's a lot of layers here there's a lot of like oedipus complex happening i hate that just um like yeah your husband like fucking sucks in certain areas of your relationship so you raise your son to not be like that so then you're jealous when your son starts dating someone because now you're watching someone reap the benefits of your work does that which is fucking weird but damn that's the theory and i'm gonna read you a tweet i saw from a real article oh god it was screenshots of the article okay i saw it this morning in my

in my usual morning scroll and i liked it so i know i'll be able to find it oh my god uh this tweet is from punished underscore kate c-a-i-t uh and then she says have mothers of sons considered being fucking normal here's the screenshot it's on a website called grown and flown hate it already i'm only gonna assume that's like some weird christian website uh and the title of the article is when your son's new love is the other woman ew i know um it's by lisa lashaw this was written in 2017 i knew this day was coming when you were would walk through the door with her. The girl you say is everything. I am queasy and nauseous and have my head bent between my knees to prevent another fainting episode. We should never have sent you away to college. This

was your father's ingenious idea. You could have lived at home and attended a local university and then we, or at least me, could have kept an eye on you and discouraged early love. Her name is Diane. Big whoop. She's an honor student. Okay, not bad, but so are you. That's not a reason to pick a life mate. She's welcome to have dinner with our family since that's the only way I'm going to have any quality time with you. I will pull this off with the finesse of centuries-old royalty. She wants to know my favorite flower? None of her business. I don't need her trying to impress me. Why did you tell her I'm a good cook? Is she expecting me to prepare your favorite meal? Great. So she doesn't cook? Does she? Did you mention to her that you'll be

going to grad school right after college i have an epiphany while scraping off the dessert plates my son is in love with a young woman who is an awful lot like me you know how they say that daughters look to marry men that remind them of their fathers does someone want to take credit for knowing that my son's trying to find women that remind them of their mothers she's really adorable he's really blessed and then there's a screenshot underneath of lisa's bio and it says lisa lashaw is a mental health professional specializing in adolescence blended families and women's issues she conducts parenting skills workshops and empowerment circles for women throughout new york in her

silly times she creates puppet shows with characters who say inappropriate things to get laughs from the audience like incest yeah like do you just do like a puppet recreation of Oedipus like but the tweet that is the screenshot underneath she said say psych right now like seriously this woman's a mental health professional say psych right now oh my god yeah and I think this is this is just way more common than we think it is and it's like I like part of me wants to be like I don't have a son so like I'll never understand but like there's there's a difference between being protective and wanting the best for your son and like that where it's like we shouldn't have sent you off to college i literally like i was thinking like my mom isn't

fucking like that with my brother like mr liz's mom isn't like that at all and then like your mom's probably not like that with your brother not at all yeah i think so i do think this is common but like and i think it's more common than we like really know but oh my god fucking bananas i mean like my ex's mom i really this is her i mean your ex's mom right she's like she saw you as the other woman oh that's exactly how i felt like and like the second that she had the opportunity to like give me the boot there was a um this kind of ties in with the social media tour at the beginning of our conversation too girl social media door there when i first when him and i first broke up i like posted a picture of me that he had taken of me and like it was like

kind of revealing i don't know it's me but like he had taken it and like the caption was about like sadness and like grief and when him and i first got back together when he was turning on his girlfriend he had cited that his mom had like texted him when i posted that like talking shit about me posting that yeah why would he tell you that i don't know why would he do anything that he did but like it honestly like i always felt like i was in competition with her and like that's a weird fucking thing and like hearing that what you just read about like that is so fucking why did she ask my favorite type of flower i would do that shit and i felt like i never ever got her approval ever even when i was like giving my entire world to him that's objectively weird

as fuck uh-huh yeah like his mom being so mean and spiteful towards you and to my mom she was always so rude to my mom I okay the listeners need to know this Amelia's mom is a gem she's an angel when I went to your house for Thanksgiving I was so happy to be around your parents oh good like because I'm so happy to have you there and then like especially at that time too like that's when Mr. Liz and I broke up for a day and I was just like really traumatized and my parents wanted me to come home to see them but like it was just too expensive and it was like peak covid so i was like i'm not i like it i can't risk it like i'm not gonna risk going to see you at the last minute and then it just wasn't worth it and then i stayed here but amelia invited me over and like

your parents are so lovely they really are they're just uh i'm so lucky they're parents to everyone you know like anyone you're friends with they're like okay come on in like yeah they really are they love people they still talk about seeing they're like tell us we say tell us we need to see her oh like what you guys have only met twice i think yeah only two or three times that's so funny yeah it doesn't feel like that they also listen to the podcast so they feel like they know you hi um like better than they do which they you know they know you really well yeah they know me better than my own parents some would say but that's the thing is like my parents are so great and they're so loving and they're so jesus welcoming to everyone i knew that was gonna

fucking happen i just spilled vodka on myself y'all it's one of those days but they're so welcoming and loving that like my i really really want to connect with my partner's parents and so like my ex's mom not liking me his dad liked him i fucking loved his dad but his his mom i bet she was so jealous and hated that oh for sure because they were divorced they had gotten divorced when he was young young yeah they didn't have a relationship but um he didn't like me at first either but it was because like my ex was spending money on me that's like a whole other story but um yeah i just like more than anything wanted to connect with her and i just couldn't and it's and then that was the honestly one of the hardest things about ending my relationship

with squints was i loved his parents i loved his whole family his sister um her partner like i just loved all of them so much and whenever i was like hanging out with them like i was over there for the super bowl and it was like we were just like i felt like part of the family and i was like this is what i was missing with my ex but everything is a lesson or a blessing as i've said one once or twice on this podcast and now i like can recognize how just how important that is to me let's read um another email and then um our sex fact of the week i want it might be a little redundant but i wanted to read some medical advice from a listener oh hell yeah okay that i've been meaning to read and i keep fucking forgetting i love it so this one is just titled

question for the pod and this listener writes hello parasocial besties love that i've been dating my boyfriend for a little over a year now we don't live together but we are neighbors he lives three houses down the street convenient i know i'm like jealous because this arrangement works so well for us i don't see us moving in together anytime soon my boyfriend also has two daughters ages eight and six and i love them dearly however i also love having my own space separate from them i saw a comment on instagram from liz saying she and mr liz do not live together i know they have been together longer than me and my boyfriend have so i was just curious what your thoughts are on cohabitating with a partner is it something you want eventually

not something you would you're considering right now my biggest fear is that i'll never be ready for it i love my boyfriend and i stay over at his place a few times a week but since i live so close it's not like i'm leaving any stuff at his place i don't even have a toothbrush there because i just brush my teeth before i come over and when i get back home i've lived alone for six years and i love it am i selfish for not really wanting this to change i will say if he didn't have kids and family members with poor boundaries coming in coming and going frequently i might feel different thanks for all you do that's a really good question i'll let you answer first i have thoughts that are less immediate um amelia and i were actually like talking about this somewhat earlier

today oh yeah that's true um so mr liz and i have like had conversations about living together because we were watching um like the the shipping container home show where like they make houses out of shipping containers um and we were watching that and we like kept talking about like what we would do and how we would like build it and decorate it what we like how many shipping containers we need and then we started making like pinterest boards for them you guys are so fun we're just nerds so then i was like this is so fun to like hypothetically talk about living together and like we are both so into interior decorating too like it would be so fun to decorate a place with him and then um then i brought it up like at the end of our trip like let's consider

talking about this a little more seriously because i'm not in a rush and like neither is he but there are some logistics that need to be planned because like we both pay rent right so it's like we have leases to figure out and then if you break your lease in seattle they show up and like beat you with a metal stick and take all your money or something so i'm dealing with it right now yeah so i just um that's kind of why i was like let's like think about talking about it um and we've we've like had a few conversations and like i would like to live together because i would like to reap the benefits of having half the rent and half the utilities yeah that's definitely a benefit I've also lived alone for almost 10 years so like my home is something it's a place I love being

I have intentionally made it a place I love being like everything I have is just it's it's there for a purpose and it brings me joy how the conversation ended up going after I was like let's think about this and revisit like in the summer maybe um he like a month later he was like yeah so one of my friends is moving here and um like i asked him if he would want to live with me and my roommate in a bigger place and i was like oh what the fuck excuse me yeah i was like um okay so then that prompted us having this conversation a little bit faster than we like than i wanted to because i was just like well let's think about it like i'm not ready right now but i want us to talk about it plan ahead a little because we have to right and then um i was like okay this fucking sucks to hear

because i literally just brought this conversation up to you and was like hey let's like talk about living together at some point because i would like that and then now you're like anyway so i'm gonna go live with two dudes like it's a frat house so yeah so he was like I totally understand like that this hurt your feelings and I was not being very considerate so that was a different conversation but he was like I'm I'm not ready to live like I don't want to live together soon like I'm not ready and then that planted a few questions because I was like okay why like are you not ready because you don't ever want to live with me and you just like that's not the future you want because then we have some other conversations we need to have right so then

um I finally just asked him because I was like it's okay like that I asked him why he doesn't want to live together soon like why he would rather live with his friend who moved here than with me and he was like because I'm I'm worried like we have such a good thing going I'm worried that like moving in together is gonna fuck it up because neither of us have ever lived with a partner and um there's just like a lot of like what if we piss each other off and that's kind of inevitable like you're gonna get on each other's nerves a little bit yeah like we don't live together and we still sometimes get on each other's nerves so it's just like inevitable that like you're gonna like get on each other's nerves a little bit yeah i think no matter who you live

with that's gonna happen absolutely i have my own set of concerns and so does he like we had such similar concerns of like okay if we live together like is that gonna fuck up this relationship that's like a best case scenario reason for not wanting to live together yeah like and so when he said that i i think i took like a day to think he i was so relieved when he explained why and i took like um a few days to think about that because i was like okay that makes sense and i let him know like i have similar worries yeah and then i was like i know i don't want to bring this up again because i wanted you to like kind of take control of this conversation moving forward but like i want you to know that you if you're not ready that means neither of us are ready because then what

like i pressure you into living with me and that's not fun for you no i don't want to have to pressure someone to like be with me yeah and then I also like neither of us will end up happy in that situation like he'll resent me for pressuring him and then I'm gonna feel the burden of that resentment and then like it's just not gonna be a good time right so like and then also after we had that conversation I'm like well I love living by myself and I love my apartment so I'm just gonna like soak up the time I do get to have by myself because if this continues down the path it's going down then like when am I gonna have alone time you know or I just I was just like okay I'm just gonna enjoy this for now because I know at some point in the future I'm gonna be like

oh I didn't appreciate when I was living by myself yeah so totally that's kind of how I'm seeing it now but like eventually I would like to live together but I'm also at the point where I'm like i'm not in a rush because if i'm thinking in terms of my entire life this is such a like your therapist said this is just such a small part of the painting and it can feel so big because it is a big step but in the scheme of your life so let's say like you marry your partner or i marry mr liz like there's gonna be like a time where it or anyone i marry there's gonna be a time in my life where like I will have lived with that person that person more than I've lived alone damn so I'm just like yeah oh I should just like take advantage of this and enjoy it absolutely

so that's my stance like if you're not ready to live together and it sounds like you both are happy if you're in your situation I've also worried like I've lived alone for 10 years like what is it going to be like for me to try and adjust to living with someone again yeah yeah so that's a good jumping off point for how i'm thinking about all of this first of all like it makes sense that you are not like in like a super rush because you're like neighbors with your boyfriend so it's like why if i were in that situation i would be like no we're gonna stay staying this way and also like with what liz is saying too of like communicating with your partner of like why too is like i think i give you so much credit for like getting to the like root of why he

wasn't ready because like that's where all the discomfort lies like it's not like like okay well like how can we make this work for both of us it's like no why are you feeling the way that you're feeling and then like let's attack it from there that's like yeah that's the way to handle it well and the honesty helps so much because i was worried like yeah i was worried he didn't want to live together because he just like didn't see a future with me right and then that's not the case at all he was like no i definitely want to live with you at some point it's just like i'm not ready right now right so yeah that calmed a lot of my fears because I was like well fuck if you don't see a future with me then we got to talk about that we are probably gonna break up right

but it's like what like the whole idea of like I've gotten so used to living alone like what is it gonna be like like everything is always scarier from the outside and this is coming from someone that it is not I am nowhere even close I have no prospects for who I'm gonna live with but like as an outsider everything is scarier from the outside oh totally and also like you have you were just saying earlier about like you're like being single and like hot girl summer and like doing whatever you want like you've already adjusted your life so much to fit this person into it like this is just another step of it like you've already had to compromise a lot of your alone time to be around mr liz and like be around your partner and it's like when you make that next

step of living together like there's going to be other compromises that just like some of it's going to be uncomfortable and some of it's just like just going to make sense and i feel like as an like somebody that's looking at it from the outside looking in it feels like you're going to be the only person that like needs alone time once in a while when in reality like everybody does at some point so it's like you're going to need alone time your partner is going to need alone time figuring out those like patterns of like when you're going to just like maybe having like a two bedroom instead of a one bedroom if like you know that's like something that you can do then like you can have some alone time once in a while i have some friends that live together they

used to live in a one bedroom they live in a two bedroom now and a big part of why they did that was because like if one of them needed to be like on a call in the living room the other one only could go into the bedroom like that was the only option yeah and it's like fuck like that's so you're on top of each other all the time they moved into a two bedroom and everything changed like everything is so much better now for them and like that's not the case for everyone not everybody needs to do that but it's like just figuring out how to exist together and adjusting for that is just like when you start dating someone after being single for a long time like you figure out ways around like the issues that you're running into my and my stance too is like

you don't need to figure it all out right now no it's it's gonna come with time and working together on it like of like okay well we have to figure out how to do this right and um yeah don't moving together until you both are ready for it like because one of you might be ready sooner than the other and that's also okay yeah like um i so i've noticed that mr liz needs a little more time than i do for certain things but that also doesn't bother me like i'm like okay and as soon as i let him know that it doesn't bother me then things are just they run smoother and i'm at it it's easier said than done because everyone just wants to know what the future is like what is the future gonna hold am i gonna be with this person forever am i like what's gonna happen

like you just want to know and that's just part of being a person and also a person with anxiety yes anxiety doesn't like having things unanswered yeah exactly and it takes a lot of like reminders and like conscious consciously reminding myself that um like it's okay to not have the answers right now because right now i have a relationship that's fucking great so i'm just gonna like enjoy it for what it is for now yeah and it i'm not gonna lie it took me a long time to get there mentally yeah i even told him recently um that i was i was just like regardless of whatever and it ends up happening in our relationship i'm just so thankful that i even got to feel this way about another person because it like yeah that's yeah it's it's so rare to really really feel like

that about someone so i'm thankful that i even got to experience that feeling that's beautiful yeah i love that for you thanks all right let's wrap this thing up with a sex fact of the week sex fact of the week sex fact of the week hey should we just keep going higher and higher yeah and i'm sounding like dolphins now okay so this is from our in-house er nurse hell yeah and this is like circling back to an episode from um april like late april there was article about this guy lad bible posted it if you didn't listen to the episode this guy um masturbated so hard that he um he popped along he popped along and when he got into the episodes called lung popping masturbation yes it should be easy to find yeah um but once he got in there

the doctors were saying that they were hearing crunching sounds so that's what this message is about and then it's also tied into another conversation we had about like guys sunning their balls so this is from in-house er nurse from the holy hour and she says so the crunching is called crepitus apparently spm affects males in an eight to one ratio but it doesn't happen via trauma so it can't be related to men just being stupid who knows why smoking is a risk factor and i guess it can happen with valisalva maneuvers so if he was holding his breath and building pressure that's what it could be you had suggested that during the episode too i have no memory asphyxiation that was the thing you brought up um it wouldn't be related to asthma and i would

kind of doubt auto asphyxiation because that is your airways not your lung tissue there we go um and she said also here's another reason you should not sun your balls you will get skin cancer that area is not supposed to get sun there was an influencer thing about that butthole tanning a while ago and dermatologists were like bro don't do that butthole tanning yeah there's there's another one it's like a picture of like a bunch of dudes sunning their buttholes so we went from bleaching to tanning our buttholes yikes um she says also vitamin d is a precursor to testosterone in the body but it but also other sex steroids the more you hoe that's just like a fun little follow-up i love that follow-up sex fact of the week but also if you're getting your like science

news from tucker carlson you're probably not listening to this podcast well i think the irony here too is that so when like there were like uh like liberal men apparently who were the ones who were like yes son your butthole and then and that was like a viral article and then the right was like left men are gay and sunning their assholes like i don't know god but then they are treating sunning their balls like it's so fucking like healthy and like woke but i don't you both are wrong and i'm here to say that you both are fucking wrong do not sun your balls do not sun your butthole those places aren't supposed to get sun you will get cancer this is probably die this is probably pretty fucked up to say but like i feel like darwin was like on to something

just let him fucking do it no it was like a natural selection have you ever read the darwin awards no oh my god it's the fucking best it's this book that's just like all of these ways that people were like so stupid that they died um and it's like really stupid stuff like it's tide pods yeah yeah it's like stuff like that that's like those are children you thinking knock it off yeah it's like but there are things that you do that it's just like maybe you know this is just nature doing its thing take a second and maybe don't yeah maybe think about the thing you're about to do and maybe check multiple sources before you do it yeah don't just ask some buff guy i you know it's appealing to want to believe a buff white man but believe me i do it all the

time i get where you just you're like this buff white man is telling me the truth um but they're not scientists usually so just because just because he has muscles doesn't mean he knows anything about health for everyone he only knows how to take care of himself and that's maybe maybe he knows and that might be steroids we don't know yeah it could be steroids and who knows how he's feeling in his noodle you know he he could be buff but he could be fucked up in the head or he could have an eating disorder so before you trust a buff white man check your sources and i'm taking this with me on my dating strategy as well yeah everyone should take this advice and apply it to everything if you're a buff white man that's nothing personal you just we live in a world

where like people just say things and we believe it and no one checks the facts so damn just just check the facts and then also check the facts that checked the facts because they might have been paid that's so fucking true no it does make sense there are doctors reading a study and then it's like this study was conducted by an entire group that we own yes that's like when the police investigate themselves for a crime they did that's so fucking true it's like i feel like there's like a little bit of ulterior motive we're gonna look into this ourselves this doesn't feel super honest there are like the holy um like vaccines cause autism movement was paused was paused what it's not paused unfortunately it's still going very strong it was caused by like this one doctor that

was paid off by this group and then he lost his license because he admitted that he fucking got paid off to say it all this to say that happens so much it does do your research don't send your balls don't sign your butthole um take your vitamins uh but only the ones that you make sure are legit and in multiple sources don't interact with any of your other medications talk to your doctor go to a fucking doctor go to go to a doctor we love you our children i like that you went higher and i went lower that and we also did that at the same exact time i tried to go lower but i might have just only changed my mouth i'll have to play my mouth shape i'll have to listen back if you went lower i can confirm okay good good job