The Hoely Hour - E89 Build-A-Brad

Episode Date: June 3, 2022

You've heard of Build-A-Bear but now you can build your man! The girls talk about swallowing like a Catholic (on Christmas and Easter), sex magick for the manifestation girlies, and struggling with a brain in retrograde (aka depression). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

pre and post net clarity is like when you're so hungry and you're looking at like an ad for pizza oh yeah this is yeah and then and then after you're full and you eat the pizza it's like greasy and disgusting and you're like oh i can't believe i just ate that oh well that's so true i still fucking love pizza welcome to the holy hour i'm amelia samson and i am liz ball i said that weird but that was it was great switching it up a little bit gotta keep it interesting follow us on instagram tiktok twitter at the holy hour email us your stories or just things you want to like ask us questions about at holy hour podcast at gmail.com join our patreon for early access and

ad free episodes join our discord to be adorable i edit the videos and put them on youtube i please watch them because nobody is and i realized it's because we never fucking talk about it of course they don't oh yeah we never we don't we don't post about it anywhere we post if you want to watch us um do speak um if they're on youtube they used to not be they used to just be a patreon thing until we joined the network um but we're on youtube yeah you can go back watch old episodes um i did my hair today yeah we're doing things we are we are we have a special background too we have a backdrop so if you found us on tiktok we have whole videos of this shit enjoy yeah you can look at my i mean my red lipstick looks good from far away but i'm afraid

i'm gonna be traumatized when i see it later and i'm gonna be like why it doesn't it doesn't look bad at all um i can't i look like i'm playing in my mom's lipstick when i wear lipstick i think you look so cute today thank you i know you're not wearing lipstick i am i told me i was that she was my she was my fashion inspo for these uh space buns they you pulled them off perfectly thank you so much just like with the length of your hair and the placement and the size of them thank you it's hard to do space buns i feel like please go go watch this on youtube and compliment my space buns i'm very fragile and follow me on instagram twitter tiktok everything at amelia samson i am liz ball so hard on instagram and tiktok and liz t ball on twitter and i'm having

a little bit of a crisis so i'm just not posting on any of them i changed your i have a special text tone for you now when you text me because i want to know when it's you that's texting me it's the twitter the tweet because because your twitter is like my favorite place on the internet so you have the you have the twitter you have the tweet bird um several people reached out to me this weekend and they're like are you okay i saw your tweets i'm like that's nice no i'm not but i don't want to talk about it because now i have to make you feel better about me feeling bad that's so real wow that's an anxiety depression combo yeah well because when you tell people you're depressed they're like how can i fix it i'm like you fucking can't it's my brain chemistry we don't

need to keep talking about it either because i don't want to talk about it brain chemistry and mercury is in retrograde i know i'll be fine on thursday my brain is in retrograde and it has been for a while oh man um i have a punchline to a joke but i don't have a joke okay um i thought it on the way here and i won't it's a concept maybe and not a joke but build a brad instead of build a bear yeah go to build a brad workshop how would you build your brad oh okay are you ready wait do we get to like we get do we get to have like personality features with it too or is it just aesthetic since you know it's just a bear um what i mean because do you come up with a personality for your bear i can't remember i only want once you

like speak into you when you put the heart in the stuffing you like speak a little something into it and then you put the heart in yeah uh yeah let's say three person you can pick three personality traits that you like and three that you don't because everyone's got to have something that they don't like have you first of all have you ever dated someone named brad have i dated someone named brad i had a crush on someone named brad for like a summer i dated one guy named brad very briefly my first kiss was with a guy named chad wait wait i'm so sorry his name was chaz yeah that's where it's one letter off and kind of worse the brad i dated looks like fabio he's since cut his hair but he looked like fabio

for a minute does he have like the fabio like bone structure too yeah actually hell yeah good for brad i think you met him did i brad wasn't his name fucking like alex's brad yeah his name was brad uh-huh i thought it was his name brad i don't think his name is brad i'm i'm pretty sure it's brad i'm gonna look it up because now i'm losing my fucking mind it doesn't feel right it doesn't but i'm pretty sure it's it's brad brad the name is just starting to sound weird yeah it's brad brad okay okay the name brad is weird anyways build your brad i'm gonna build my brad so what i would do i'm gonna start with aesthetic okay okay this should not be a shock to anybody um lorge like kind of bear-esque

um just a beefy bean burrito yeah i love a beefy bean burrito brad and then a beard a brad rito a brad rito if you will hell yeah okay brad rito with a i can stop it with me a beard a beard um i'm trying to think of like my my perfect aesthetic um do you have hair color preference i really like brunettes tan tan brunettes yeah we come by it honestly okay tan with tattoos that's my build a brad aesthetic tan tatted beard yep big large um uh i was gonna ask a follow-up question hair yes i'm thinking like like a solid like two inches of hair on the head okay like enough to kind of like do a little whoosh back you feel me so that's my brad okay personality wise my three no traits um no trump supporter oh i meant like they have these bad traits

oh not what we don't want yeah i have to pick bad traits okay or i i feel like i feel like it's more fun if it's what they can't be i guess yeah like what you don't want i've never had to think about well no i like like what like the things that you have to put up with okay yeah what will you talk what what like weird little flags they're not red flags maybe they're like yellow flags um workaholic okay um i've never had to think about this i try to i'm trying to think about the guys that i've dated and like what i've not liked about them but it's been like whatever so you've tolerated him being a workaholic yep i've tolerated i i don't think i'll ever tolerate a workaholic again like i'm fine with like if he likes to work hard and do

a good job but if there's no balance i'm like you're fucking out of here bye you know what i think it is i think that it's just like a rebound effect from like how many dudes i've dated that are unemployed that's so true yeah you've dated guys like unemployed guys and then i dated a workaholic yeah who fucking sucked i've i've i can't even remember the last person that i dated that is like sold and passionate about his job i actually don't i don't know so workaholic um somebody who doesn't do their dishes right away okay they're a sink soaker sink soaker for sure okay and that's fine and i i'm the same and like that sink is gonna be like real full you know um and then my third thing um

oh shit i'll have to come back to it the things that i do want good sense of humor um passion for what they do which goes along with the workaholic thing oh i like a little bit of a a double-edged sword here a little connector i love someone that's passionate about what they do and somebody that's like worked hard to get to do what they do yeah so they end up being kind like a little bit of a workaholic yeah it's like it's like kind of a rebound effect would you say you're a workaholic um that's an interesting question i think in some ways i am you do be working but you do be enjoying it yeah exactly that's the thing is like a lot of the shit i have to remind myself that i get a lot of shit done during the day because it doesn't feel like i do

because i'm having so much fun um and then the third thing is uh feminist love that i don't know what my last no would be but i'm sure it'll come to me when i'm like asleep and i'm gonna like wake up in a cold sweat yeah you're like oh no someone that doesn't call his mom maybe he has like tiny feet or like a weird laugh i feel like i would kind of love a weird laugh that would be that be one of those things that like becomes really endearing yeah yeah but then it's also like you're in like a group of people and it's like oh it's just how many laughs it's the old ball and chain let's talk about some fun shit okay uh we realized we haven't talked about swallowing yeah at least in a really really long time yeah and like not thoroughly so let's have a swallowing discussion

and we'll start at the top uh which is do you only on holidays only on birthdays only on birthdays and like anniversaries yeah you swallow as a gift yeah swallowing as a treat it's like if you do it every time it loses its novelty but then one time you're just like i'm gonna fucking swallow and they're like whoa and like that is beautiful to me i and it doesn't bother you or anything i swallowing yeah i fucking hate swallowing i have only swallowed twice and i absolutely hate it i thought you swallow no you deep throat yeah okay see i can't do that that's i was getting the two i still i still choke i still gag but with actual swallowing i the the texture is what i i can't do it i can't do the texture it yeah it's like it's warm and then like the speed the speed at which

it shoots into your mouth just it's like i just like you have to like gear up yeah you have to brace for it i just fucking hate it and like they love it and i'm like then you swallow your own cum and see what it feels like and i also want to know how many guys have just tasted their own cum out of curiosity because i would give it a go although i say that but i haven't like tasted yourself no i haven't like wiped my vagina and tasted it i've had dudes finger me and then put their fingers in my mouth oh you know what i've done that i'm like that's fine but like i don't know i'm not paying attention by the time we're doing that i am in the zone i'm not thinking it's hot to me yeah i my post-nut clarity is different when i'm having sex than what it is when i'm

masturbating that's that's fair but also my orgasms are different when i'm also please remind me to tell my parents not to listen to this episode like already from the jump oh dear god but um my the orgasm feels different and then the post-nut clarity feels different from sex and masturbating that's true and i wonder why that is after my post-nut clarity after sex i'm in such a good fucking mood oh i we talked about this not on the podcast the last time i had sex oh was oh absolutely mind-blowing yes i started crying afterwards what because i was just like so stimulated i was so happy and like also overwhelmed damn that i just started crying that's some good sex yeah sex so good i started crying but it's because i i had this realization

that sex for me is becoming different like it's not something that i just do because i'm horny and want to have sex like i i don't know i just feel so fulfilled in my relationship that having sex is just like something else something fun we get to do together and not really like just confetti we have sex because we like are horny does that make sense yeah so now we get like a little more interesting with it and add different elements and then like now it's more of a whole experience rather than just like a couple having sex i i i'm doing my best to explain what i mean and i'm doing a terrible job i think it makes sense i think that that's what's really tough for for couples to adjust to when they've been dating for a while and like their reasons

for having sex evolve it makes it feel like their sex life is like dead yeah and sometimes maybe it is but other times it's like no it's just like what sex means changes as you're with someone yeah well it's because i mean this is true like couples um have start to have sex less the more comfortable they get with each other because they don't need that other that like external um like i the word i'm thinking of is check mark that's not the right word but you know what i mean they don't need that that additional validation to know that someone is attracted to them and cares about them they don't need to have sex to get that validation because you're already in such like a committed relationship where you just understand each other that like

having sex doesn't have as much of a priority anymore and like that's kind of where i feel like i'm at like i don't i i don't know like if i'm horny i'll just masturbate but if i want to like play and like do something fun with my partner then that's different yeah it's not the same kind of desire i'd be interested to to know how it would feel from the perspective of somebody that who like where sex is like the most important part of a relationship because i'm sure that there's like a handful of people where that's the case and then if they're dating someone where that's not the case and then it like inevitably shifts how that must feel for the person who puts a lot of importance on like having a lot of sex often i don't i don't know because i like

i i i'm trying to think of what that kind of person would be like because i just i'm i can't picture it in a way where it's healthy in that they want to either have sex a lot because they like the physical sensation because then you're just basically using people for sex um or if you want to have sex a lot because you need validation if you need validation then what do you already like what are you lacking in yourself that you need sex as validation yeah so i'm just having a hard time imagining the type of person where sex is the most important thing and it's not something that is self-sabotaging there's a couple on did you watch um the ultimatum no don't watch it it's i've seen enough tweets that i understand that it's dumb so upsetting

but it sounds fun sounds like fun oh for sure but like like but it also sounds enraging um but there's a couple on there that had sex like every single day three times a day and like they were both seemingly like very into that dynamic they had been together for like two years and they just like had like in like incredible amount of sex and i'm just like what happens when one of them is just like this is becoming a lot of sex because that's that's a relationship dynamic at that point yeah that's like a piece of their relationship so like and then if you had less sex one of you would think something is wrong and then you're like maybe something is wrong i don't know well you can you can spoil it what happens with the couple do they break up

oh god i'm trying to think what happened to that couple i think that they they did break up they did break up and then that couple and that the girl in the relationship ended up with another guy from a different couple yeah what a fucking nightmare i know it's honestly that show gave me so it triggered me yeah god damn much i was like what the fuck vanessa lachey and nick lachey are some evil fucking masterminds they really really are what the fuck was that wait let's circle back to uh pump shots swallowing chem shots facials so you swallow as a treat i the only times i've swallowed what uh one was like an accident and the other time was just like i didn't really i wasn't in a situation where i could easily spit it out so i was just like i guess i'll just do

this because that's the only thing i can do right now oh my god it's like thick and viscous at the same time oh that is like a different and i don't want to say like oh god even i'm just thinking the word it's gonna be upsetting like chunky like what not like it's not chunky but like like like stringy you know yeah yeah it's honestly the i i and to be fair i also cannot take jello shots like the texture of jello like i love jello shots but it is very hard for me to to swallow a jello shot because of the texture and like also with um with poke i i can't eat poke just bite selfie it needs to be wrapped in a lot of stuff like it needs to be in a big spoonful otherwise i'm like are you an oyster girl uh no i don't like oysters is it a texture

thing or is it but i like clams and mussels oh so it's very oysters are i can't do them i had one and i was like no thank you god i fucking love oysters but yeah no you see i just like there's come like there's something about it and it's the same thing with like um cream pies for me there's like like i really like feeling like at so not like in everyday life not outside of the bedroom but like i like feeling like i'm at someone's disposal sometimes you know like i like that feeling of like being dominated and there's something about swallowing i was gonna say that's just like some submissive business yeah it just you're just it comes slut i like it i'm gonna get that tattooed on me cum slut cum slut no it's there's something

about it that is that really turns me on but like it just i can't i agree with that sentiment though like like it is hot and like exciting you're like yes they came but then when you have it comes down to like so i wish i liked swallowing me too i fucking hate it me too how how do you feel about facials though I love facials oh really how do you feel about facials I don't like them why um it feels like to me it feel I know disingenuous isn't a word but it feels disingenuous like it's too porny for me and um I also just don't want cum on my face like yeah I I wear contacts I just don't want to deal with that I a lot of people feel that way about about facials it's like i only i only had a facial once and i was wearing my glasses like a fucking science

experiment like windshield wipers preparing yeah i probably did not look attractive either because i was probably just like oh like scrunching my face up like is it over every dude i've met loves it because it's it really is it's like a holiday or birthday kind of thing i just i don't know it feels like also it feels a little demeaning okay so that's what i've heard a lot from dudes that i've hooked up with like music man would always he loved giving me facials but then he would always apologize like his post nut clarity was him like apologizing profusely and like running and getting like a paper towel just like i told you that you could do that but it's and he would say it's like it just feels so demeaning but it's so sexy like in the moment but then afterward it's like

what like that that was an awful thing to do and since then every dude that i've been like come on my face they're like what what like they're so like caught off guard by it will you say come on my fudge next time come on come on my fudge fudge i love saying fudge instant woodkill um but yeah all of them are like what really because it's yeah i know what i'm sure it's pretty rare should i consider it demeaning no if you don't feel that way then you don't need to i'm clearly the only person because every dude that i bring it up to is like oh i've never done that before like you haven't i think it's there are so many things that you have to consider amelia like for me it's not convenient because i usually have makeup on and then if you have

eyelash extensions you can't get in your eyelash extensions it's just and i would you were different you're special i like some people just don't want to deal with the mess yeah and if the mess isn't a concern to you then that's fine yeah see i'm not like a middle of the day sex kind of person like everyone like at least for the past few years everyone that i've had sex with it's been like uh i go over there late at night and then i leave so i'm like if i do have my face on it doesn't really matter yeah because you're just gonna go home and wash your face yeah or like wash your makeup off yeah and like that's fair i just they just fucking love it and like it's one of those things where i'm like there is a lot of shit that i will not do so i might as well just

like let them do that one thing oh speaking of things that i will not do we'll get back to the conversation this is just like a quick little anecdote um the poet was over on saturday sunday anyway sunday and um we were having sex and he was hitting it from behind and acts he accidentally like put it in my like my butthole not like far but i have never felt such pain it hurts right it hurts so fucking bad i like yelped yeah he was like what and i was like you just put your dick in my ass and he was like oh my god i'm so sorry i was like oh it's fine i just kind of like i just when that happened to me i uh like almost threw up yes it hurts it hurts so badly you need to train your asshole first of all and you need to like you you need to warm it up you can't just

shove it in no so if you haven't had anal and you're like someone's pressuring you don't do it that needs a little bit of prep i still have not had anal i the most is just been you did you say i'm saving it for my husband yeah that'll that'll just be his that'll be when you guys are like bored and it's a last resort that's how i feel about it too it's a one-way street for me yeah and it's barely that because of my ibs yeah it's it's an under construction road one way under constant construction just a drill that's how it feels for me oh my god anyways it's the worst i mean luckily mr liz also he's like i just have zero interest in that yeah i'll like basically all the dudes i've dated yeah yeah just no interest butt plug fine max that's where i'm

maxing out uh and it's because i think they're cute yeah you get to you can bedazzle your butthole how fun is that i can't think of anything more fun they can see a little treat when they hit it from behind i love that you can make like a little disco ball in your room uh-huh i love that sparkly but you do have to be careful to avoid a titanic situation where like i had oh my god i forgot about that i forgot about it until just now what a moment where it's just going in and then suddenly just gets swallowed up you feel so much pain in your butt oh my god anyways um holy shit so speak anyway come um yes big fan of facials you said uh you said you do like cream pies i hate calling it that i know me too but what else that also feels just like a

porny like description but yeah it is kind of a breeding kink yeah i like it in like the concept of it but then like the actual doing of it like make i will always think i'm pregnant 100 of the time oh see i don't feel like that like i like it i like the concept of it um the aftermath is like oh my god it's like falling out of you yes for so long i know it doesn't matter if you go to the bathroom and you do your little kegel exercises to get it out squeeze out that's so i think it's just a universal experience at this point if you have a vagina and you've had cum in your vagina you just go you know waddle to the bathroom and just try and get rid of it yeah you're like

just trying to push it out and then uh like two hours later it's still falling out of your hours you're just like long you'll be walking and you're like oh oh shit and that's something porn does not tell you no porn is not realistic in that it gives you no tools to deal with anything after right but conceptually very hot it's fun i'm also very aware of like the environment of my vagina like i've said on past episodes like i can't masturbate in the middle of the day because i'm like i have to shower because like oh yeah i get like swamp fashion so like the cream the cream pie-ing i also hate that phrase but that that like is like exponentially worse i'm just stuck with it for hours and same with lube i hate the feeling of lube and like water-based no oil

based lubes you could take two showers and it's still up there i think water-based lube is supposed to be better for you i might be making that up though i'm pretty sure it is and you can get it out quicker and easier but if you know let us know bother me too much god bless you yeah just the come but i haven't had to deal with that in a long time obviously because i'm not on birth control so you see i am and i'm still consistently afraid i could not if you got if you got pregnant on an iud it would be treacherous so i don't blame you but just know that they're very effective for a reason they really are but then you hear about people being like oh i was in the 0.02 percent now i have a child i'm like that's the shit that would happen to me i'm walking murphy's law

wait this also ties into another conversation who should get the towel the person who comes should get the towel 100 and and and good comrade etiquette wipe it off yourself okay wait i was that was gonna be my follow-up question who gets the towel and who wipes it up the person who made the mess cleans the mess so so if if he a guy came on your stomach or whatever yeah he gets the towel yeah and you want him to wipe it up 100 i feel like every time i've had a man wipe up come for me they do just like the worst fucking job they just like smear it around you and i'm like don't you have experience cleaning up your own come i know you know how to do this that's so true they're just like turning it into like

body paint like are you gonna draw a happy face or something like this is that's so fucking funny i'm also having a flashback to when i had a fresh spray tan and someone that i was dating at the time i can't i literally can't remember who because this was so long ago so it was one of my exes but uh when they came on me when i wiped it up it left a splotch from my spray that's amazing that is amazing so just so you know if you got a spray tan pro tip then don't let someone come on yeah don't don't make a mess let's say i just like there's there's something very demeaning about like somebody coming on your back and then like cleaning it up and when it like ends up in your butt crack a little bit you feel like a baby they're like cleaning wiping your ass yeah

and i'm always like oh oh no they're like well it was there was there's stuff there i just want them to do like a general as long as they do a generally good job cleaning up the first half because you're gonna have to go in there with like a wet paper towel or something after yeah as long as they do a good job with the first part instead of just fucking wax on wax offing that shit all over your stomach like that's so real or your back like just yeah squints was like the gonna do like a scoop yeah do a little squints would get a a like washcloth get it a little bit damp and then and that was the best way to do it yeah but then he would always pick like a clean towel like i would have like dirty towels that he could use like in my hamper and so he would like

he would like use my and i'm like to be fair that's not something i would consider like you want you want to get a clean towel a clean towel for your girl i'm just always like bro i don't know i have to fucking now i have to wash so many because we would have sex pretty often and then i would have no towels it's usually underwear that i run out of first but when i was dating squints I have to do towels all the time I'm also well now I'm thinking about I'm thinking about like couples saying a story telling a story

about like having like a cum rag or a cum blanket or something haven't you heard stories like that oh like what like a designated towel yeah but then they don't wash it so then it's like crunchy ew yeah I this is just like

I know I've heard this story but or read it or something but people do that they just have an unwashed designated that's like a cum towel or blanket yeah people are disgusting so many of their kids just existing on that towel i mean all you have to do is just kind of like peek into people's windows sometimes and you'll be surprised by how many people are absolutely repulsive my neighbor downstairs okay i like he lives on the very bottom floor i've only seen him a couple times he scares the shit out of me maybe he's a nice guy but he like is on the way to like throwing out the trash so i'll walk by his window and mr

liz was like i was like his his decor is so fucking weird but like he has his curtains down all the time and then he has things in the window like facing outward like to you if you're walking by right and i was like i feel like he just bought that shit and put it in the window so people yeah so people think like maybe his apartment's not fucking gross but i think it's gross inside because i've walked by and i've seen like literally spiders the size of my palm what the fuck living in the corner of the window for months ew yeah one time there was like a really big one and then like a slightly smaller one but it was still massive in the window in the corner and like inside yes i have videos and pictures because i was just like damn this shit is insane

and so gross and there's no way he wouldn't see that and know you just let it live there and then who knows where it is now anyways i i was explaining that to mr liz i was like i think he has this weird shit like just that he found at goodwill or in the garbage that is like a clock or like a weird sign and some candlesticks i think he has it in there so people don't think he is living in a disgusting way and then uh he looked at me like i was insane and he was like you think this man has a performative window display and I was like yes I really do yeah I mean it's not far-fetched well and then he has a cat this is the sad part he has a cat and he had like opened his window and let the cat out and like the cat like the times I've I'm surprised

cat even lives in there I've only seen it a couple times in the window and then um it hissed at me through the window and then when it came out the cat like came up to me and like i pet its head in like a really gentle way and it seemed like it had never been pet like that before but he was covered in sores and scabs you send me a picture of that gross no this is a different cat oh and then uh i mean i told my complex i was like i'm gonna file a police report but just so you know i'd like you to get involved damn what was this uh last week holy shit but anyways the cat was not in good condition so i was just like okay anyone not taking if your cat is gross like yeah and i think and it also hissed at me because i think it was just in pain when i like got near

its butt i was like oh yeah that's so sad i know there's this um just think if your cats clean themselves right and it's so easy to take care of cats that i also think if your cat is like not doing well covered in sores and like patches of fur missing like i mean the spiders are your place is probably disgusting um there's this this lawyer on tiktok who she's like um like chronicling what it's like to be somebody who like like has their shit together on the surface but like lives in chaos because she has depression anxiety have you seen her i love this i was like do you target audience reach yeah i mean same it's like there's so much i always talk about how my environment is like a direct reflection of what's happening inside my head

and like seeing somebody that like is like a a lawyer yeah high functioning depression high functioning depression has like you know like looks very like clean and put together but then you go into her space and it's like not that it's like that is so common and I think that not enough people like really talk about that how like I don't know it's I feel like I can always whenever I'm like watching anyone's Instagram story that I know and I can like see their background a little bit I feel like you learn so much about someone just based on what's going on behind them I was having a conversation uh at a dinner like a couple of weeks ago and it was like one of those long tables sort of like multiple conversations going on and like one of the groups of people that were

talking were talking about premature ejaculation and it was like a group of PhDs so they were talking about like is it adaptive hold on I'm gonna be a part of this conversation now and so I looked it up and there's like a very small group of people that think that it is and I'm gonna read it to you and get your thoughts on it because there's no like knowing if this is true or false but i could only find one source so is premature ejaculation adaptive um it said this is a neat example of evolutionary adaptation males who ejaculate very quickly increase their chances of conceiving offspring so genes that contribute to this kind of swift shooting will increase in the population sooner rather than later most males will possess this

ability if it has a genetic component so it's like as time goes on if more and more people that come quickly get more and more people pregnant if that's something that could be adaptive and like inherited then like eventually there will be a lot of people that have premature ejaculation that's the theory which i think is really interesting also like halfway through you explaining this i realized i was like oh she's talking about coming early not pre-cum yeah so i up until towards the end i thought you were talking about pre-cum and i was like that is interesting i think pre-cum is adaptive because it clears i don't know maybe it is maybe it's always existed whatever so then i yeah but yeah come in like before you're like ready to

it's like well you got the job done quickly and now more people are getting pregnant from people that have premature ejaculation i wonder if that would be if it would be adaptive as a result from like shame and sex being so intertwined like it's um it's like a reproductive act versus a pleasurable act because obviously anything you enjoy is sin so damn so true food isn't like gluttony gluttony is one of the one of the sins yeah fuck that there was one other thing i had on my list that i wanted to talk to you about okay sex magic okay i have no idea what that is i'm excited uh so i had seen a i had watched a show um like in october it's called like brand new cherry flavor but anyways in one of the scenes they're like okay we have to perform

some sex magic and i it's just one of those things that you're like huh okay voodoo fuckery like i this is just moving the plot along and then um last night i can't even remember why i was like i'm curious about sex magic so that i had some train of thought that was like or baloney yeah yeah that i was like sex magic is it real like so i just looked up sex magic to see what resulted and um basically it's a lot of people use sex sex magic i'm doing air quotes if you're watching us on video um as like a manifestation tool like your orgasms so you come to the idea of like whatever thing you want to manifest like getting promoted or getting a raise or something holy shit you have to try and stay focused while you masturbate well because you could have sex

with another person but i didn't get that far in terms of reading um but like a common practice is just like making yourself come and like thinking of like the thing that you want while orgasm to try and manifest it i can't think of a more powerful way to manifest anything honestly it sounds fun like except i like you just like mess you just jerk off and think about the things that you want a new pair of shoes i just like i don't i don't know if i would be able to to do that like because i have to i have to really focus well and like as i was thinking about it more too today i was like just thinking about sex magic and talking to you about it and i was like this concept is kind of like those fucking crazy guys who on reddit who think like

if you don't masturbate you'll get superpowers like this is the this is the other end of it which is just like white bitches with crystals like masturbating to manifesting the masturbation to manifestation pipeline like i don't know and it's just i think it's just like so interesting and funny and like who knows if it's true or not but it's just like i love that people have all these crazy ideas about sex and orgasms that are just like you can't masturbate and you'll be like that fucking movie where he eats the pill and his brain just does everything yeah what's that um what's that fucking called unstoppable wall street means unstoppable or whatever the fuck so there's

like that group of jabronis who think that like masturbation is cancer for your brain and then there's like these other people who think that like orgasming is the most powerful manifestation tool you can have like people are crazy and i love that it's just i just i fucking love that for us i feel like i could probably come to the thought of like money like that makes me horny it's just hard like when you're masturbating it's hard to not already be thinking about something like sexual yeah right right like because that's the function of it yeah i don't know i don't know well i feel like this is my homework now for the week yeah um speaking of masturbation i wanted to ask you about um if you've ever experienced

mutual masturbation um only from only because we were far away okay so it was like a virtual thing yeah oh like sexting oh yeah yeah that makes sense but like in the same room no uh maybe i was like foreplay ish but not really okay this came up actually no yeah i was on my period so i was just doing my own thing with my vibrator and then he was like jacking off next to you yeah and then it turned into a blowjob but oh well there you go see it's good it makes sense for it to be from like a foreplay standpoint i have i had in my mind for some reason in college that it would be like the sexiest thing ever to like mutually masturbate really i don't know why i think it was because like i had watched porn of

some like of a dude jacking off like just like a solo scene and i was like oh is something like there's something really hot about like masturbating to someone masturbating so i was like what if you were in the same room with them doing it and so like my ex was like down he was like that could be like okay i feel like someone somewhere is like it's not technically cheating probably honestly and it's it was it was very strange it was like and still to this day i'm like i feel like it could have been kind of hot but it's just it just wasn't like in practice it just was not well because at that point you're like well why aren't we just like doing this for each other or like why aren't we having sex yeah now right or something or like doing something

together it was um i would not recommend but you know if you want to try it do but it's very strange because it's like once the novelty wears off it's kind of like well but neither of you want to stop it because it's like what if the other person's enjoying it it's like we're just like masturbating next to each other i'm just trying to think in what circumstance would i be like would this be fun or like yeah i think it would be fun if it was a circumstance where like if you were doing some kind of um uh i'm trying to think of what the right word is but if it was like something kinky related of like um you can't touch me you have to watch me masturbate like something like that that's more fun like um yeah like some kind of like sexual orgasm denial yes

so if there's like a goal like that then that sounds more fun totally of like then you're doing something versus just like okay and now we're just both gonna come next to each other yeah we're just gonna watch each other masturbate yeah it's just really like strange and like at least from my experience it was strange speaking of like you're gonna have to watch me masturbate not touch me um when we work was here I haven't talked about we work um I don't really know how to because for multiple reasons but he is we we did hook up you worked we did we worked multiple times a day and um we were trying to figure out like how to like have a little bit of fun with it one night and I was looking up sex games online and I found one that I we never did

it but like I thought it was such a fun idea so I wanted to share with the class oh okay it might sound dumb when I say it out loud but it sounded cool when I read it so hear me out so like both y'all are naked one of you is on the bed and one of you's standing like in the doorway and then the person who's standing in the doorway asks the person on the bed like trivia questions about themselves and every answer that they get right the person that's standing takes one step closer so it's like there's like incentive to like answer the question correctly and there's like all of this like tension building while you're like because you're just standing there naked like trying to get it so that y'all are going to be like as close together as quick as possible

i think i would like that more if it was like strip trivia because because if they're already naked then this is just like homework at this point i would be like i guess that's true fuck this i don't know it's kind of like the i would get bored i'd be like which and also if someone forgot like important things about me i would be so dry like i just it's like when's my birthday yeah i what's my middle name i would be mad and be like okay i don't even want to fuck you anymore i just realized you suck like it would be fun for like trivial things that's why i think it would be fun if it if like they're not naked yet and you're not naked yet it's like there's something that's like very sexy to me about like the like immediate like potential of something

happening and there being something that's stopping you my ex and I used to do this thing where we would like when we first started dating where we would see how long we could go without kissing and like whoever would like kiss the other person first would lose and there was like no like you wouldn't lose anything there was no winner but it was like the tension of like pulling away and stuff was like would really turn me on you're also reminding me of like what a fucking little tease i used to be it was my whole like my whole shtick like before ever having sex with someone i like i'm gonna tell you guys my secrets hell yeah my hookup secrets love this um just my little seductive moves that i have forgotten since but i like to okay if he's sitting down

i'll straddle him and i like to like kiss them everywhere like especially like neck some some money spots are like the top of the ears yeah because that never gets any action so lightly like kissing and biting the top of their ears love that behind the behind is a big spot um but if you want the money spots top of the years okay i'll have to remember that um and then kissing them everywhere but their mouth and then when they try to kiss me like pulling away fuck yes and then um like if i went in and kissed them if they tried to pull me in i would like push them back i just would do like domi mommy kind of stuff even though i'm a bottom but i love that i think it's also why i attracted a lot of bottoms for a while because i just like that's

i was just playing and then i couldn't do any of my fun stuff i don't know damn yeah so i think that's just why i would attract bottoms because i came off as a top at first but there is something so fun about being in control of a situation yeah like it's and that's what i like i like want them to get so like turned on that they like just have to throw me totally and i mean like that's a big thing about being a bottom too though is like you're the the sub is the one in control i'm saying this not to you because you know this but like being like the being a bottom is actually the position of power yeah so it's interesting yes right it's interesting to attract so many bottoms by being so domi yeah you know like that's just but maybe that's my issue maybe i'm attracting

so many bottoms because i'm like a little bit too dominant maybe it might be the case i don't know but i'm also realizing i wonder what the formula is well and so also another thing that kind of liz oh my god this is coming out on our two-year birthday oh shit wait when is our two-year birthday june 1st oh so i guess it's coming out june 2nd so next week we're gonna have to have a birthday sewed oh my god it's our birthday how did we forget i'm so sorry podcast sorry my hands are really clammy happy birthday to you happy birthday we did it two years we have a toddler we're in our terrible twos you guys terribly hot um we'll do something fun next week yeah so next week's also my birthday yeah and i'm excited for that i am not so i'm happy

that you are i gotta get better at celebrating my birthday um should we do a sex fact of the week sure do you have one no i'll find one okay you look one up oh someone did i do have a corrections corner from someone oh um where did you like corrections corner uh i got that from my favorite burner um the the one who was i read like the sex fact last week from her about not sending your balls or your butthole she's a correction she's not an er nurse she said i work as a scribe in the ed and am a medical student so future girl boss doctor hell yeah okay okay i found a sex fact another animal sex fact animal sex fact of the week which i guess every sex fact of the week is kind of an animal sex fact of the week because we're animals do be having sex animals do be

having sex and we do be animals let's let's do um we can do like a plant sex fact of the week next week hell yeah animal sex fact of the week bing bing bing bing bing barnacles have enormous penises you might imagine that an animal that spends its entire life tethered to one spot has a relatively sedate sex life in fact though barnacles one shouldn't say male barnacles since these animals are hermaphrodites are equipped with the largest penises relative to their size of any creatures on earth as much as eight times longer than their bodies oh shit essentially frisky barnacles unfurl their organs and attempt to fertilize every other barnacle in their immediate vicinity at the same time presumably

being probed and prodded themselves be fucking barnacle orgy borgie that was from thought co animal sex factor of the week i guess i you know what i'm gonna sound fucking stupid and it is what it is i guess i just didn't realize that barnacles were an animal i thought they were like a plant an ocean plant damn actually you know what same i well i and i haven't really thought that much about barnacles if i'm being honest i thought it was like they're like i thought they were like um ocean mushrooms you know this is what their penises look like down here i'm still confused about what i'm looking at so look up barnacle penises if you want to but probably from a private browser this has been a sex fact of the week with amelia samson i do have to that i am

alone in this one you're like i'm not i won't be a part of this one you're the one who is the most interested in animal sex facts i just think they're hilarious like i just i realize i never think about them well i'm like oh i have to say me neither the only one i was really confused about was the kangaroo one i was like i have so many questions about pouches and vaginas yeah i mean like and like porcupines piss on each other before sex i did not know that's fucking hilarious to me peepee fetish peepee fetish the little golden shower boys and peepee fetishes it's the name of our rock band alright should we wrap up

yeah let's wrap it up thanks for listening we love you our children Thank you.