The Hoely Hour - E93 Hoe Union

Episode Date: July 1, 2022

The first half of this episode is dedicated to sharing information about abortion resources. And! An iconic AITA post explains how a college girlie accidentally unionized the hoes and caused the Chads to throw a fit. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hey, it's Ryan Reynolds here for Mint Mobile. Now, I was looking for fun ways to tell you that Mint's offer of unlimited premium wireless for $15 a month is back. So I thought it would be fun if we made $15 bills. But it turns out that's very illegal. So there goes my big idea for the commercial. Give it a try at mintmobile.com slash switch.

Upfront payment of $45 for three months, $90 for six months, or $180 for 12-month plan required. $15 per month equivalent. Taxes and fees extra. Initial plan term only greater than 50 gigabytes. May slow when network is busy. see terms welcome to the holly hour i'm amelia samson and i'm liz ball and here's me talking because i get nervous every time liz stops saying her name that'll be our whole intro

welcome to the holy hour i'm amelia samson and i'm liz ball thanks for joining us this evening we wanted to do a news intro i was trying to think of what our news channel would be called h-o-e evening news h-o-e 24 7 yeah h-o-e 420 69 oh how do we even start this conversation obviously the news of roe versus wade came out on friday when our last episode came out um and we can't not talk about this so that's what we're going to be talking about the first half of this episode is um less about how angry and sad we are and more about resources that we can provide all of you with um so just i'm just going to give some citations at the top of this so people can also look into these sources and then we can just dive

into it cool uh but the citations we're using today are amanda howell health um on instagram i i got a lot of info from aoc's instagram too um at f org on instagram um that's eff org washington post if when how on instagram and i cannot recommend this enough it's called new handbook for a post row america by robin marty i downloaded that through seven stories online um it was free when i got it they might have made it free again um but it has so much useful information i i highly recommend getting it especially if you live in like um one of the trigger band states if you live in a red state just equip yourself with this um but yeah let's let's get started cool yeah I know that um a lot of people that listen are not in the U.S. but um

I think that it's important to know what's going on anyway I've had a lot of texts from people that live in other countries like what is going on down there like girl girl I don't know nobody really nobody really knows um y'all Liz was just like we're not going to be talking about how angry this makes us but y'all know how we feel about this um we're pretty clear on it there there's not a whole lot to be said i'm really angry liz is really angry the people who listen to this podcast are probably also very angry so i didn't want to make too much of an echo chamber because it just would have been like preaching to the choir obviously we could go on forever i i do want to talk about some of the things i'm kind of i'm concerned about yeah um me too i'm worried

about the amount of people pregnant people who will end up um dying by suicide and also partners who kill i was just their pregnant partner because they don't want a child yeah we're like that isn't part of the conversation enough yeah how violent some people will like people will go to any lengths to not have a kid and if they're in an abusive household that is like a very like that's a risk that could actually happen um the whole idea of like not there was a nurse on tiktok that was talking about um somebody that was in one of the trigger states she didn't say which state because she didn't want to put this person in uncomfortable or like she didn't want to out this person this nurse was saying that um someone came into the abortion clinic

uh like that night on friday after roe versus wade was overturned and she had an ectopic pregnancy and her stomach filled up her she was filled with like something like 300 cc's of blood by the time they were actually able to help her with anything she could have died oh my god but like they had a lawyer there trying to figure out like what was possible and like the fact that there aren't any sort of the fact that it's a thing in general is fucked then the added layer is that there isn't any like except for ectopic except for like miscarriages that yeah if you don't get the the baby out of you you could die so yeah you could get you could die from like sepsis there are so many things that could go wrong and like a reasonable person like even if you are

um anti-choice reasonable people still understand that there are circumstances that are like going to be life-threatening to the person carrying the child so i think a you know a normal like right-wing person sure maybe they're anti-choice and they don't believe in abortion with the contingency that they also believe that something like an ectopic pregnancy or like a serious medical risk should be grounds for allowing that because it's not black and white no but um we're not the gop is not led by reasonable people no and they're led by evangelicals and i mean like the people that are on the supreme court that like lied under oath that they wouldn't overturn roe versus wade when they were being you know sworn in to being a supreme court justice should

lose their seat for lying under oath a b if you're pro-life you need to wake up because like this isn't about a mom's health this isn't about a baby's health it's none of that if they cared about any of that there would be like universal health care universal child care there would be a bunch of things in place to like actually protect lives once they were happening sarah huckabee sanders said something like we're gonna make sure that kids are as safe in the womb as they are in the classroom which is the most fucking death yeah shit i've ever heard in my fucking life girl you mean where they get shot yeah or do you mean where they're kept in cages yeah which one is it sarah yeah it's just like there's there are so many things this government

doesn't do anything to protect children are you fucking kidding me they don't just fund the military and police it's all a part of we're all just pawns in their game and for people to be like which is so fucking annoying because they just don't do what majority of the people even want yeah right um not i i'm i'm gonna put on my tinfoil hat here i think that they're trying to incite a civil war because we're like very obviously in a recession and the fastest way out of recession is with war so that's what I believe damn that that is I mean you everything is always part of a bigger thing so you never know it's everything that's happening right now is really scary I saw something online I don't know if it was I didn't confirm it myself but

that HIPAA was a part of Roe versus Wade how Roe versus Wade was written HIPAA like the protection of your privacy like your medical privacy as part of Roe versus Wade and it might have been like codified in different ways but that was something that was written in Roe versus Wade so it's like I don't think that people realize how much is going to start tumbling down after all this my fear is extends beyond just like the right to choose it if this happens so many worse things are going to come as a result of allowing this to happen yeah let's talk about the development of a fetus so the first stage is a zygote the second stage is a blastocyst the third stage is embryo and fourth stage is when it's finally a fetus and that's

10 or more weeks um the words baby child or infant are not words that are used to describe egg development um and those are just inflammatory inflammatory words used to elicit an angry or upset response um but that is not like scientifically accurate saying baby child infant yeah it's literally not a fetus until 10 or more weeks yeah that's important yeah there was um little insert here there was like a how people are describing fetuses rights are the same way that people define cancer like it being alive it being like a clump of cells if you know it being xyz whatever you're growing it in your body and it's like i and not saying that kids are cancer but it's like that's they're cherry picking yeah what they choose to call what which goes along

with the inflammatory words that they're using to like weaponize yeah well and yeah i mean like regardless of your moral beliefs like there is a point where it's not it's just not scientifically accurate and like you can't even claim a an unborn fetus as a dependent on your taxes because the government doesn't recognize that as a actual child so it doesn't serve them at that point yeah it's just a lot of conflicting stuff at that point but um yeah 10 10 or more weeks is when you can consider the i don't know the egg becomes a fetus data from 2019 says that 43 percent of abortions happen in the first six weeks of pregnancy 36 percent of abortions happen um between weeks six and nine and 13 percent of abortions happen um between weeks nine and 13

which is the end of the first trimester and only eight percent of abortions happen after the first trimester and almost always are due to an extreme risk which is you know like the fetus dying or the person who's pregnant with the fetus dying so it's for health reasons yeah like an ectopic pregnancy sepsis one of so many things that could go wrong yeah i mean for one of the wealthiest countries in the world we have um one of the highest uh mortality mortality rates among people who give birth so that's pretty horrendous but let's talk about what abortion actually is so it is the removal of pregnancy tissue products of conception or the fetus and placenta from the uterus um so that's like a pretty broad description um a naturally occurring miscarriage is considered

a spontaneous abortion which is a legitimate medical term um so some things that can go there are some other definitions uh complete abortion um is all of the products like the tissue of conception leave the body an incomplete abortion only some of the products of conception leave the body. An inevitable abortion means symptoms cannot be stopped and a miscarriage will happen. Infected or septic abortion, the lining of the womb aka uterus and any remaining products of conception become infected. A missed abortion is the pregnancy is lost and the products of conception do not leave the body. And miscarriage and miscarriage management has always been abortion and abortion care so it's time we use the right and correct terminology

now we're gonna get into um how do you even like describe this part like methods like resources um some resources for ordering abortion pills online yeah and then uh after this we have a shit ton of privacy and safety precautions to take um because i know that we do have listeners in red states where they are going to need to be prepared so i just put everything in one place for us yep because there's so much information flying around everywhere i'm going to mispronounce some of these um but you'll know what i'm trying to say just bear with me here um you can order abortion pills online plan c pills are um mifepristone and misoprostol oh my gosh there's someone in the medical community listening like this bitch has butchered both of them um ordering plan c

pills is a safe way to end a pregnancy under 11 weeks uh you can order from plan c pills.org and aid access.org aid access.org aid access has discrete shipping we're not sure about plan c pills.org but we do know that they probably are yeah i'm assuming but they must be i saw something verbatim that said like aid access has discrete shipping and then after pill.org has um emergency contraception contraception oh hello amelia am i okay emergency contraception aka plan b all right and then this is the the big important part uh so privacy and surveillance are obviously major concerns because there are going to be states that encourage people to like hunt each other down and get each other in trouble and yeah there's just a lot of things to be concerned about

so states who criminalize abortions may begin to take advantage of digital surveillance and track people and here's how you can protect your digital security this is called OPSEC o-p-s-e-c so you can use a vpn and you can pay for a vpn or use one for free um i would recommend probably paying for one i think it's pretty hard to find a free vpn um but i'm not totally sure if you follow like any youtubers like if you watch any youtube series they're all sponsored yeah by um like nordic vpn is one that i see a lot and a lot of youtubers that i like trust are sponsored by them yeah um scam or payback yeah so look that up see if that's with the new yeah because you can definitely get a discount yeah um and then uh use a throwaway

email address if you want to email if you want to email privately you can use a free secure email service called proton mail um and there's no space between proton and mail uh and it's m-a-i-l p-r-o-t-o-n-m-a-i-l use a private use a private browser like duck.go or tor tor and always use incognito mode on your browser clear your search history in your browser and lock your device when you are not using it if you want to hide your activity from third-party trackers install a free browser add-on called privacy badger at privacy badger.org and when you search the internet websites you visit and companies that provide your wi-fi or um or data they'll keep track of what you're looking at so examples are at&t verizon comcast all of that annoying shit

and then you'll want to turn off location sharing or leave your phone behind um so if you're going to go get an abortion or however you are receiving one um you'll want to turn off location sharing, leave your phone at home. Some apps collect your location through the day and night and share it with third parties, including data brokers. And data brokers will sell your data to anyone who wants to pay for it. The best way to obscure your location is to just leave your phone at home or turn it off completely. And then you want to make sure your phone and social media apps are collecting as little data as possible so lock down your privacy settings look look up how you can lock down your privacy settings but just opt out of as many things as

possible and then you'll want to get a prepaid debit card as well I think that'll limit tracking significantly and then delete your period tracking apps we've been seeing this a lot so delete your period tracking apps if you're in an impacted state use a password protected spreadsheet or paper calendar and then also consider getting a basal thermometer um so basal thermometer it measures your basal temperature which is the temperature inside your vagina it's the temperature of your mucus and um when it is a specific temperature that is when you are ovulating and that's when you're the most fertile two days before and two days after you ovulate so five days total obviously um it's not like perfect like there are still you can still

get pregnant before you ovulate um as far as after you ovulate i think it is about 48 hours where like that you're able to get pregnant and that's because the egg will die so if the egg dies and is released like um you can't obviously get pregnant um and then i've also heard that clue is is safe to use because it's uk-based and they have a lot more privacy laws in place i'm not totally confident i would recommend still like researching if clue is safe to use if you do need an app um i use an app mostly to just track my period and sometimes ovulation it's more so just to see like if there was consistency between my periods because sometimes they're irregular so it was more for health purposes and less for like pregnancy purposes yeah the pregnancy purposes do

help as well because i'm not on hormonal birth control but we use protection so yeah and he has he has the um app as well on his phone so he can help me track because in case anything happened like he would see like oh liz was ovulating this day chat on secure uh encrypted messaging apps so i message it whatsapp and signal all are all end-to-end encrypted by default but signal comes the most highly recommended because um your provider or like apple or google so your providers like verizon or at&t or the creator the maker of your phone so apple google whatever they might have visibility into your messages and data so um signal is going to be the safest um and then protect your devices so someone with access to your physical device could view your messages

whether or not they're encrypted so that's another thing to keep in mind um and then don't turn your phone over your phone or laptop over to law enforcement without a warrant and um turn off biometric and then limit who you tell uh most cases against folks who have had an abortion start with the people that they've told so you're just gonna be you're gonna need to be like very very cautious about your close circle and who you tell i would even say like if you're dating someone you need to make sure you're in agreement about what is going to happen if you get pregnant yeah that and this is a good time to mention this tweet that I saw where it was a little over the top like this person was like like everyone that was responding was like you're this is a lot but

I think it was a good point in some senses that people that are like tweeting and posting whatever about like you know if you're in a trigger state and you need an abortion like i'm opening up my home those kind of things which is like i would say 99 of those people mean well but like those are also strangers a lot of the time yeah there are some evil people out there there are also like even if they mean well if like the law comes knocking at their door they will like throw you under the bus so so quick you know because like they don't really have any allegiance toward you so just be careful um and like you just don't know you just don't know what people's intentions are yeah the things that we see terrible people are seeing as well so everything that we have

visibility on they are also are also able to see yep um so just limit who you're telling which is fucking awful to have to go through this experience by yourself um and it's really scary but that is going to be the way that you can remain the safest um and then limit where you share your health info so your dentist and even your workout instructor may hand out forms asking whether you're pregnant and if you're not comfortable sharing that just say so and then save that information for your trusted doctor so even though like even if i'm not pregnant i think i still might start opting out of answering that yeah because i just i don't know it'll make it safer for other women if all of us are obstructing that information um and then be careful about what

information you share in an emergency room or a doctor's office so this is very important a miscarriage and a self-managed abortion using pills will look identical to most health care providers and require the same treatment so that means if you are having a self-managed abortion using abortion pills and you need care afterwards you can just say you had a miscarriage because it will look the exact same to majority of health care providers so if something were to happen that i don't know required an emergency and you needed to go to the er you could say you were having a miscarriage like that is going to be the way to say stay the safest i i mean you'll also have to put on your acting skills and be like i think i'm having a miscarriage yeah um and then start a

personal abortion emergency fund for yourself just in case and like approximately two thousand dollars is needed considering like the procedure amount if you need like a medical abortion um travel expenses things like that yep there's also i want to go back to one one point there are some states that are criminalizing people that have miscarriages and and um they're like investing investigating those as abortions so just like i think that the the baseline piece of advice on all of this is just to like read up on the laws in your state all of them are so different yeah figure out if you're in a trigger state figure out i surprisingly like states like florida are like a gray area right now so just like look look up what what the laws are in your state and like

what's considered illegal and what isn't um also planned parenthood and abortion clinics are not the only places that you can receive abortion care um i'm sure within your state there will be more information available um if you want to get like super super safe um you can get a prepaid cell phone so if you get a prepaid debit card maybe get a few of those um get a prepaid cell phone and like an old piece of shit laptop and use that prepaid cell phone as a hot spot for the laptop and then um do all of the things that we said in terms of using a vpn a throwaway email address um what else um like incognito mode things like that um encrypted messaging yeah encrypted messaging you can do all that from like a few throwaway devices and this should not

be necessary but if if things were to become extreme that is um an untraceable option for you yeah having to basically use the dark web just to access health care that's where we're at which is fucking i i'm like this is the darkest timeline yeah it really is i mean we have less rights today than we had last week when we were recording and that's like a wild fucking thing to think about i was doing so well i know um so do you want to take over the next sure um so there's been a lot of conversations about like what it would take to codify roe into law um so that it can't be overturned there's um been a lot of misinformation flying around there's a lot of people getting emails from like joe biden's campaign about like rush 15 and we can it's

like fucking ridiculous so here are um the steps that uh would need to happen to codify roe in the white house if um in the white house they have already passed the women's health protection act which is whpa if you see it written it's usually shortened um to codify roe they need the senate to pass it but the filibuster is presenting it from passing this is one of the many reasons that people are pushing for filibuster abolishment or reform so there i think that there's a lot of like i mean there have been a lot of instances that the democrats could have stopped this from happening in the past um yeah i would have given a limb for rbg to live longer but like even her not stepping down when obama asked her to is contributing to where we are now because he

could have filled her seat um with the democrat there are so many steps that could have happened along the way that didn't um and so it's frustrating and it's frustrating to see them be like so i'm not 15 bucks it's like yeah we have all these moderate democrats who are old as fuck not doing anything yeah here are some other things to keep in mind that i just thought were really important i pulled most of these um facts from the book that i mentioned um not every state that criminalizes abortion criminalizes the pregnant person and uh there are many states are more likely to criminalize um the physician providing the abortion yep i'm pretty sure in alabama it's a life sentence for the physicians which is fucking horrible but also they know that

when they're taking that risk um so you know if you can remain safe they're taking that risk knowing that those might be the consequences um emergency contraception only has a shelf life of three to four years so emergency when i say emergency contraception or ec that means plan b pill um not the plan c slash abortion pill um it doesn't work during ovulation and has a lower effectiveness uh for people more than 165 pounds or and a complete like a lack of effectiveness in people over 175 pounds i know that this is a little disputed yeah there is Planned Parenthood says 195 it's kind of all over the board so just like use caution yeah and again this is something that you might need to do a little additional research like maybe you take two there's also

there are additional options or there are other options of pills to take if you are over that weight limit um i wish i wrote down the name but i've been seeing it float around so just do your research um and uh if you're at like a religious college or um in an area where uh there is not already an ec provider uh it might make sense for you to buy it in bulk and become the ec provider of your area but um obviously this is something that you'll have to be comfortable being the face of emergency contraception for your area whether that's college or your town where a pharmacy doesn't have it whatever you're just gonna have to know that those are the risks when you if you make that decision um otherwise it's probably not smart to stockpile emergency

contraception just so it's accessible and available for people who really need it um And this is super important. There is a way that you can use birth control pills as emergency contraception, but your birth control pills have to have the ingredient levanogestrel, so L-E-V-O-N-R-G-S-T-R-E-L. and in order to use a levonorgestrel birth control pill as emergency contraception you'll want to first compute how many pills you will need to take first look at how many milligrams of levonorgestrel are in each pill for most birth control pill form formulations containing that ingredient this will be 0.5 0.5 to 0.6 milligrams this means that in order to bring the total amount of that ingredient to 1.5 milligrams, you will typically need three pills taken in a single dose as soon as possible after having unprotected sex. 1.5 divided by the number of milligrams per pill

or 15,000 divided by the number of micrograms per pill. I know that's confusing. You can also look these numbers up online. Exactly. This will give you the number of pills required round up, not down so slightly too much medication is better than slightly too little however it's unnecessary to use extra pills significantly beyond the 1.5 milligram dose so you're not going to want to take like seven pills like you'll want to take three maybe four depending on how much is in your birth control pill yeah my so pro my so pro stall we're just going to pretend that's how you say it my so pro stall is available in pharmacies with a prescription my so pro stall is used to prevent ulcers in people with conditions like arthritis that require them to take

non-steroidal anti-inflammatory and said you'll probably hear that on a lot of commercials and said medication long term. Misoprostol is available from some internet veterinary supply stores and veterinarians as it is used to treat ulcers and arthritis in dogs. Misoprostol is available over the counter in many Latin American countries. Online pharmacies in Canada sell misoprostol inexpensively and it has been reported that some may not require a prescription at all combination packs of myth of pristone and mysoprostol together are also available on the internet so just keep keep looking up all of your your resources for your area um with keeping in mind the privacy things that we listed because this is all available online the reason that

we're putting it all here is a because it's all over the internet and b because if you try to search this yourself and you're in a trigger state there's like a good chance that they're going to be using your data to criminalize you and that's fucked so be sure especially if you're seeking out an abortion if you're seeking out information i don't really know if there are any it i mean better safe than sorry right exactly it's best to be prepared now and that's also why i recommend at least like downloading that book because it has literally every single thing you can think of every circumstance you can imagine that is available in the book um new handbook for a post row america by robin marty um it's not a long book at all it's more of just kind of like

yeah it's a handbook it's it's a just it's designed to be precise and as informational and quick as possible um and it has a lot of useful tips along with the things that we provided in terms of how you can protect your data and say stay safe shall we talk about fun stuff yeah let's we're gonna lighten the load wait hold on can i say a fun thing i've been seeing a new guy and i was telling liz before we recorded like i'm i'm feeling a little protective about this one because i really like him and i'm also really worried he's gonna hurt me because i like really i really like him so i'm nervous we're not gonna give him a nickname because i'm scared but i really like him um but he is

a dom he's not like super experienced but he's like educating himself on the scene and we love a man who educates himself oh about having all day sex all day especially safe bdsm sex but um last night liz oh yeah okay hold on let me preface this i know everyone's like why the fuck would you interrupt i when amelia showed up i was getting ready and i was like asking for more information and she was like i'm gonna tell you on the podcast like i was slowly getting ready so i could try and get as much information from her as possible and she just wouldn't fucking tell me so i'm also dying to hear this it's really i feel like i've like am i gonna do a spit take no no no it's really not that big of a deal but i just like wanted to

i just want to talk about it on the podcast yeah it's you have been looking for your dom charming for so long oh y'all this is exciting this is thrilling this dude called me good girl when i was coming the first time we had sex that i i would masturbate to something like that oh yeah oh my god he's this man but um i bought a butt plug hooray did you learn from my mistakes i bought an anal training set okay and then i also bought um on the same order i bought uh ropes okay because he is a he's a he's a rigger which i've been like wanting to try this for forever like i mean ever since we had our first butt plug conversation i've been talking about like i should buy a butt plug so i finally pulled the

trigger last night because like him and i were having a conversation about it and then i also bought um japanese silk rope which is um like the soft bdsm rope okay which he recommended because he was like it's not it doesn't hurt like rope hurts it's soft he was saying like that i should buy this rope so that he can he was like describing what he would what he's going to do to me when i buy the rope and like right when he fell asleep i ordered this shit because he you're like waiting for him to fall asleep so you could order it he turned over at one point and i like put my phone down it's like i wasn't ordering nothing anal an anal training kit i was not ordering a butt plug we were talking about our porn categories last night and like how when

you like you like watch like bdsm porn and then like you kind of have to keep leveling up to like keep filling that like and then it just gets to a point where it's like i don't know what am i looking at you like hit a wall with it um this is why you need to take porn breaks and just tap into that imagination absolutely sometimes you're imagining well i think honestly my imagination just does it for me most of the time and then i keep those things those ideas in the bank yeah and then i cash them out i mean like coming to a fantasy rather than coming to like two strangers having sex on camera it hits different well and also when i do watch porn i it's more of like um an inspiration board for me you know at some point the thing that gets me

off is not watching those two people it is imagining me and my partner totally that's why i like audio porn because it's like there's no you're not putting a face to it you're like hearing a little it's like an audio book that you get to like put your own face on highly recommend try quinn.com there you go that's there's actually i know i know a voice actor that you that is on quinn that offered to be interviewed we might i might take advantage of that well now i'm like could i be a voice actor absolutely a sexy voice actor i want to know how much money they make on that um anyway so that's my fun update me and this guy that will not have a nickname um for the time being decided not to have sex the first night that we like could

have because we were like trying to be like it was it was feeling very delicate um which was the first time that had ever happened to me really since i've been single um you're also like i have noticed you are very different with this person because you do really really like him yeah like the guys that you have dated before like you'll like them but it's it's different um like this is coming from a very deep place of i wish i i had the right words to explain the feelings because i know exactly how you're feeling he is not without getting too far into detail because i am feeling like i really don't want to talk about this guy on the podcast but I've never seen you so like happy and excited to

hang out with someone it's dangerous like I want to be around him 100% of the time I'm not seeing him for a week and I'm like but it's it's scary because it's so unclear what like area we're in right now because he is so we had a moment last week where I was like after we had a really intense night of like talking about how much we like each other we had this whole conversation the next day where he was like I'm freaking out because like it's really easy with you and like I don't want to like get into a position where it's going too fast because like I'm trying to figure myself out right now and like that was a really important conversation to have but like it like I needed to hear that and I thought that I would be able to temper my emotions a little bit better than I

have been after that conversation because like I was like oh okay well I have all the information that I need which is true like I respect that you told me that and I respect that I have all that information now but you can't stop how you feel like yeah you can't there's no like we've said a million times like emotion has zero logic oh of course oh my god this is a conversation my therapist and I have often um that even when we all have this idea like we're gonna work on ourselves and we're and then we'll be ready for a relationship yeah but that's just not how our brain works that's not how we logically function as humans and um when you're in a real if you're trying to like heal how you are in relationships you can't just like work on

yourself and be like i'm ready like it's not like baking a cake like yeah and then it's just ready to go right um you can you have to heal how you are in relationships in a relationship yeah a lot of the work gets done in a relationship the work that happens beforehand on yourself is what's going to help you choose a better partner and then once you choose that better partner that doesn't mean that you're not going to be in circumstances where you don't have to learn and grow together and you you're going to have to face these challenges where you have to be a better communicator or you have to handle something differently than how you did in the past but that's how you're going to get your ideal relationship is by not being afraid to

have those experiences and tackle those conversations and try new things like it's gonna be uncomfortable that's just that's just part of it yeah and taking the risk is what's gonna get you where you want to go in a relationship i completely agree yeah which it's scary it is but you're so right and it takes practice you can't just go work on yourself by yourself and expect to carry that into a new relationship where and like everything's gonna run smoothly and be perfect and exactly how you want it that's not that's not how dating another person works that's not how relationships work you need to do it together and the only way you can do that is to just take take the risk you're you're also not in a rush to be in a relationship

you're like hanging out and if it's right then it's right totally it just it's such a vulnerable feeling to like to to really like someone and to like if they're like a little distant one day it's like what's happening i mean you remember that feeling it's like what what the fuck is going on because there's zero security in a situation like this i can't believe you tolerated how manic i felt i would i would tolerate you at much worse i'm like getting excited for you because i'm remembering how i felt and i'm like it's like the hit of a drug it's a little excited it really is it's so exciting it really is so it's such a fun place to be even though it also feels horrible it's it feels horrible and amazing at the same time i'm trying to allow myself to be

excited about people that i like i i was feeling i've been talking to my therapist a lot about this because i made i made a connection with someone that i'm really really close with like a few months ago um like we kind of like shifted our relation we looked at our relationship through a different lens than we ever had and I found myself spiraling and I was talking to my therapist about it and she was like well how do why do you feel like you're like why do you feel crazy and everything that I realized that I was doing he had no idea that I was doing it you know it's like all internal so it's like I think that I look like a fucking nut job but like he doesn't none of that's so true yeah it's like i hadn't really i hadn't ever considered that i hadn't

either i was like oh well i mean like i don't know i text him like hey sometimes she's like okie doke and it's like yeah no you're right like i'm not doing anything that no idea that my little internal lizzie mcguire character is pacing back and forth doing a whole ass monologue yeah i'm also just like i'm so past the point of wanting to guess how someone's feeling i'm just so fucking past the point it and it's so easy to ask it really is and then what's the worst that can happen you your fears are confirmed at least then you can stop wondering yeah and also if they react in a way that you're like what the fuck was that then you can be like oh they're not the person that i thought they were yeah i'm gonna peace out right exactly so it's like you

get information regardless i was creeping on the discord as we do every day it was like a couple weeks ago the people on our discord were discussing how frustrating it is when someone just ghosts or is like very apparent about how they're lying i have a friend that this happened to recently too where someone that they stopped seeing or like kind of started to ghost them just like gave an excuse that was so obviously not true of just like oh well I like don't want anything serious after they had already like been on a bunch of dates and you're on a dating app and whatever like if you just don't feel that connection just say that we're all in consensus and agreement that like it feels so much worse to be ghosted and you ghost someone because you don't want to hurt

their feelings so you you don't have to feel bad you're like so true i'm just not gonna talk to them because that'll be easier yeah but it's not it feels fucking worse and we all know that yes so if we're all in agreement on how this feels just be honest just be like i'm sorry i just the the connection isn't there for me it just like i just don't feel how i want to feel when i'm dating it's and that's fine and then how they react is also going to be indicative of your gut instinct like if they're like trying to change your mind then you know that's not that's not someone you want to be with totally and like if you're being kind and you're giving them all the information that you have and like you're doing your best it's up to them how they react exactly

you can't control how people feel no the second thing i'm constantly telling you that yeah it's true and my therapist does too it's like the second that you recognize that you don't have control over people's emotions it's it's so freeing yeah it's true well and then if they blow up at you and they get angry like there you go yeah you got the answer you needed yeah we're gonna end with this because we're running out of time um i saw this on twitter but it's from reddit uh and it says am i the asshole for organizing a whole union of girls at my college okay i know this sounds silly as hell but it seriously got some people angry with me i'm in college or i i'm in a college organization that is also big on partying

i've read greek life i feel like it's greek life oh yeah whatever it could be fun but sadly it can also be risky most of my friends and i have had bad experiences and kind of as a joke i said to my friends that we should unionize but they were 100 in on the idea and we started a whole union we drew up a list saying we'd collectively skip or leave any party that let in or was hosted by a person who had sexually harassed any of us or anyone else didn't let girls mix our own drinks or pick pick up or pick and open their own beers was racist slash homophobic slash fat phobic slash otherwise bigoted about who they let in or were respectful of at the party um tried to enforce a ratio of girls to guys if the host had a reputation or pushing fresh of pushing freshmen

or inexperienced drinkers too heavily that's a great one um and the six of us stuck to it we when we go to parties uh and shit was off we'd send a group chat message and i'll just leave for another party or go to someone's apartment fuck yeah and we also told other girls at the party about why we were leaving and where and often had lots more girls leave with us the group chat grew from us seven to 36 pretty much every girl in our social sphere was in it or knew of it with all of us sharing info we all ended up going to parties that were much more chill it wasn't strict or anything like if someone in the group said we were leaving it didn't mean anyone was forced to go but most everyone would anyways because when practically every other girl

leaves dot dot dot but as quickly as the chat grew word that i'd organized it grew too first it was a couple of guys from frats pissed that their houses were no-goes for us i told them i don't make that decision it's not a centralized thing but then the school administration got involved i was called to talk to a guidance counselor and she said that someone had reported that i was leading a group that ostracized people she said that there was a list of people who if they came to an event i'd organize it so every woman left so fucking stupid i said there's not any list just a group chat where people have occasionally said that someone harassed them or a party didn't seem safe and then people in the group chat personally decided not to go but i'm not like coordinating things it's

just the same as when one girl in a friend group is like that guy or that frat isn't cool to drink around and the rest of the group naturally isn't gonna want to party with them anymore she said um she said it wasn't a friend group she was aware we'd call it a ho union and it had rules i said that it is literally made up of friends and there aren't any enforced rules it's all voluntary i then got frustrated and asked why she thought it was appropriate to involve herself in a private conversation that happened outside of the school campus and left fuck yeah am i the asshole for making the group chat obviously not the asshole but no i wanted to read that because i think that idea is fucking amazing yeah i agree that's iconic yeah just like

especially in college something like that is so beneficial oh my god i'm just like yeah don't hang out with this guy because our camera just died uh don't hang out with this guy or this frat or whatever because like this guy is fat fat phobic like this guy said something racist like you unionize yes yes absolutely well and i don't know if this got deleted like if i just skipped this part they called it a hoe union because they they like the men always like joke about like the hoes like they call women the hoes so they're like let's unionize the hoes yeah hell yeah let's see how fun your party is when all the women leave bitch but i love that idea and i think the hoes should continue to fucking unionize i i think that everybody should have everyone should

be in a ho union me too unionize the hoes need to unionize i like wouldn't you want to know if a guy you were going out with was like really icky absolutely and like also the the idea of like leaving the party in mass if like you know they're not letting women pick their drinks you're you're just like protecting other women at that point so i just love the idea that these women are just like if you treat one woman like shit we're all leaving it's because if you want that that also holds men accountable to one not act like that and two stop fucking associating with these guys yeah we all know too many people who remain friends with men who treat women like shit you know right and it it enables these dudes to keep being assholes yeah because they're not experiencing

any repercussions of associating with men like that and behaving like that so it's really weird to me that the guidance counselor got involved i know and well and then i wonder like how like whatever fraternity or guy who reported this phrased it like you're ostracizing people it's like no to ostracize someone they'd have to be trying to join a group and that's not and they don't let them right yeah it's like well this no this guy sexually harassed my friend so we all decided to leave and it is all voluntary and it also just goes to show like the level of ignorance among a certain age group online that they just kind of like don't understand when something is a joke or um is rooted in a joke like yeah a whole union that's really fucking funny yeah that's

great and like doing it by your own free will that is very different it's kind of like a cult like you can't like cult leaders are so like willing to be on camera and be interviewed because these are grown adults in charge of their own decisions and behavior not doing anything illegal yep yeah and like it's it's to protect people that's the bottom line like if you have a problem with people like unionizing to make sure that everyone's safe and respected women unionizing to keep themselves safe because the school isn't doing it yeah what the fuck it's like um excuse me you're um impeding on our uh effort to keep y'all as at risk as possible all right all right wrap this shit okay um here are our socials because i forgot follow us on instagram tiktok

twitter at the holy hour emails your spicy stories and compliments and whatever to holy hour podcast at gmail.com subscribe to us on patreon for early access and ad free episodes also if you just want to subscribe because we don't um it's just a nice way to support us if you're able to um and uh we're on youtube the past two weeks we have not been because i just got internet in my new place i've been off the grid until literally yesterday um but we are on youtube this episode will be on youtube and uh follow me at amelia sampson on everything uh i am liz boss so hard on tiktok and instagram and liz t ball on twitter where you can catch me bullying um super all right folks who leave us negative reviews oh my god oh that's another

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