The Hoely Hour - E95 Confident Fraud, Ready to F*ck

Episode Date: July 15, 2022

Netflix finally invents sex! What tattoos do you think are red flags? Hint: It's definitely realistic lions. Amelia learns what a "snow job" is, and a listener asks what to do with her hair during sex (shave it all off, obviously). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

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May slow when network is busy. See terms. Has anything ever scared you so much that you are, like, become nauseous? Like, all the time. That's anxiety. That's what that is! Existence, yes. Welcome to the Holy Hour. I'm Amelia Sampson. And I'm Liz Ball. And I'm so tired. It's hot as fuck today. It is. Which is also probably not helping how tired you are. Yeah, that's true. And I was traveling all weekend. I think that's the main reason I'm tired. Yeah. Is from the travel. Totally. But we're here today. Yes, we is. Yes, we is. And you know, sometimes we have a low energy episode and then it doesn't even come across as low energy. yeah it's just a vibe i guess yeah a chill vibe i'm i'm tired but i'm having a good day

that's great those things normally can't exist together for me um you know i thought i was out of coffee but i had just enough fuck yeah oh my god when mr liz and i were flying out of the vermont airport this weekend there is a an absolutely horrifying terrifying statue you tweeted it that was a very scary statue it is terrifying at the burlington airport he was like oh there's a slender man statue and then i like thought he was like joking or something and i turn and i was hung over too so i like look at it and i was like oh my god and then he like i was genuinely like upset and shocked by this statue it's called like the aviator and it's going like its arms are all the way back and it's like bent all the way over and

and it's just it is so scary to look at absolutely horrifying yeah i don't like shit like that and i don't anytime i looked at it i'd like the closer we got because you have to like go in the doors i was just it was upsetting it was deeply upsetting there's this thing called uncanny valley where it's like have you heard of this yeah i think you told me about it actually and then um squints oh my god squints um has like a an actual like phobia of claymation like he can't be in the same really funny um and so i started reading about uncanny valley does he hate like uh tim burton yeah stuff like he like he like can't it's not even like oh it's kind of creepy he can't be in the same room and so but the statue if you go on liz's twitter and look at it it's it's like very

like slightly off its face is like slightly off and i think that that's why it's so off-putting because it's like face was terrifying eyes were like that open it was it was massive because you saw mr liz next to it yeah mr liz is a tall dude so like just looking at the hands and the hands were covered in spider webs and I was just like this is so upsetting to me it made me even more nauseous than I already was and I was like I didn't like that yeah I don't I hate shit like that speaking of the uncanny valley I was telling Amelia last night to watch the Chippendale Rescue Rangers like reboot with um it's voiced by Andy Samberg and John Mulaney who I am no longer a fan of but it's really a shame i just i wanted to watch the movie and i was high i'm watching it

and it was a very good stoner movie oh fuck yeah it was so fucking funny what inspired you to watch it were you with mr liz he was watching it on the plane and he's like he was like have you ever watched like chippendales i was like yeah i would watch it as a kid the rescue rangers and then um he was like i think you'd really like this it's like it seems like it's made for adults and then he was telling me a little bit about it but there is a scene where they go to an area they're like why are things like kind of weird here they call it they were they were like it's called uncanny valley so there was like remember when there were animations in like the early 2000s that just like they looked human but there was something that was slightly off about them so they have all of

these characters that are from like uncanny valley and it's so fucking funny that's amazing one of them is um like a troll and it's voiced by seth rogan oh my god and uh the eyes like don't look directly at you in the because that's just how animations were like the eyes weren't right right and he's like i'm looking right at you it's really obvious that i'm looking at you that's so fucking funny there is something like those if you if you have a disney plus subscription i'm pretty sure you can watch all of these but like the early um pixar shorts have you ever seen those oh yeah i mean in i've seen some of them so like one of the first ones was um the old man playing chess no oh my god that's i fucking love that one it was like pre toy story

um of a baby and like they hadn't really figured out how humans moved yet but like it just like in terms of animation this wasn't like this fucking stone age but like they couldn't figure out how to make them move like humans and which is why fun fact they decided to do toys because they couldn't really they didn't have humans down yet but anyway so this baby that's why sid's so fucking scary yes okay hot take on sid like not a bad dude you know he didn't know that they were alive yeah he was making art yeah he was he was an artist i think that that's justice for sid um but yeah the baby was just moving kind of just like a little bit off and it's so uncomfortable but um uncanny valley the uh i'm sure you can find it on youtube um have you

seen that statue of like what humans would look like if each of their body parts were sized to how many um nerve endings were in that body part no oh my god it's the scariest fucking thing the clit would be huge yeah i think it's a giant clitoris i think that it is it has a penis and it's big or at least part of it's big and then the hands are huge it's really interesting but it's fucking terrifying and it was in like all of my art books and all of my psychology books i need and all of my biology books that is really fucking terrifying um anyway how do we get on that oh the statue yeah liz had a big weekend she was at a wedding she looked really hot go to her twitter just to see all of it no the uh on twitter it's in my circle i didn't know what that was

until i saw that you added me to your circle i just wanted a place to put all my stupid thoughts is that a new for the people who would appreciate it yeah nice it's like a close friend story exactly there's only 12 people on it hell yeah what an honor um okay uh should we oh i have a starter toppy oh fuck yeah do you see this mine always does that with the little side bang no one talks about annoying no one talks about how when you get curtain bangs when you put your hair in a pony your little hairs stick out mr liz likes them he's like i think they're really cute that's like so i never know what he is gonna say he thinks is attractive yesterday when we were like we took the light rail and then ubered like from the stop back to my place and i'm like

haggard at this point we have been traveling for like 12 hours and um and i was hung over so we're like walking in the hot sun that's for the uber and then he's just like you're such a hottie and i was just like thanks i feel disgusting i'll be hung over more often i'm pretty sure i forgot deodorant but thank you see that's i think that like the assholes that are like don't we're fuck don't wear a lot of makeup i feel like that's the crux of what they're trying to say they're just not like nice about it like just be natural i don't like when girls wear makeup well motherfucker half the time you can't even tell yeah so half the time you can't tell a b if i'm not wearing makeup you're gonna think you've never seen me without makeup so how do

you fucking know and c we don't do it for you yeah okay i i literally see mr liz also appreciates my makeup looks because i put i put thought and energy into the makeup and he's like that looks so cool how'd you do that and then one time i was like i want you to do my makeup and he did my makeup and it looked bad and he was like this is really hard and he's an artist guys so if it's king shit real recognize real he's like damn this is really hard and you're really good at doing your makeup so now i have a lot of respect for you fuck yeah so respect people who are good at doing makeup because that shit's hard you do do really cool makeup thank you yeah um okay so what we were gonna talk about netflix has this new show which funny enough someone dm'd us today

they were like you guys need to talk about this show and i was like i'm literally already that's so funny yeah i only watched the first episode uh but it's called how to build a sex room and it's on netflix so i feel like netflix has been getting more into like talking about sex but they also do it in a way that's kind of annoying where they're like yeah she did just say butt plug like my god and you just have to deal with it like sponsored by like 17 magazine it truly it's kind of like um i was explaining it to mr liz as like it's like someone who reads 50 shades for the first time and they're like and that's what kink is like you're like okay okie dokie calm down that's it's how i felt like i was when i first discovered bdsm i was like

and i'm the inventor of sex you weren't like that at all that's my that's how i see myself yeah like now versus then yeah it was only a couple years ago yeah you can you can listen back guys one of the first few episodes that's true you did you did meet mr liz like within the first like 10 episodes yeah yeah which is crazy left me out here just dating left me out to dry we all have a different path amelia mine is great i'm not crying i'm just gonna set the scene this is what the vibe is um it is like if hgtv met kink met uh mary poppins like the the main woman who designs these room these rooms is just like your kinky mary poppins fairy godmother does she have a bag that like she pulls like really large things out of that shouldn't fit in the bag she

fucking does their sex toys stop are you serious i was kidding the premise of the show too so she'll like she goes to these couples and they show her this space that they want to be like their sex room and the first couple has this uh bookcase and you open the bookcase yes and then there's just kind of this area and then you move a rug and then you open a hatch and you go down this ladder and it's like the sectioned off part of their basement and they're like this is what we want to be the sex room what the fuck yeah how do you pretty fucking cool build one of those into your existing house i think that it was already for me i think that the basement was already part of that and then they just like put a little hole yeah in the floor above i i'm i'm thinking that

their basement is bigger and like this was probably just like a walled off storage area because i think it was probably just like a junky area got it and then they're like let's do something cool with this yeah um that's fucking dope what else would you do with that honestly making it like a wine cellar a kink dungeon is pretty cool that's such a great idea and dungeon also has such like a weird connotation to it you know so um at first i was like assuming it was going to be lame like just that stereotypical sex dungeon stuff you see like where it's just very sterile and everything is black and red i we need we just you all know this about me we need some different we need some variety okay i don't feel the sexiest in a place like that i feel a little

scared yeah absolutely and like bored whatever that combination is so um then they started showing examples of rooms that she's designed and they were fucking rad and i was like oh okay miss girl this is so cool that's such a cool concept for a show i'm so happy they're doing that the thing is it is a little campy yeah i mean i mean i don't know they're probably trying to make sex palatable for people that don't that's true that's definitely what it is so it's a little campy and then um part of it part of me too is like i don't want to know what these couples like want to do when they fuck and also they like she she pulls out all of these things from her mary poppins bag um and she you know like butt plugs and dildos and whatever and she's like

how do you feel about something like this and like like floggers and writing craps or whatever so then they're they're explaining what they think if they're into it or not and then um the first couple is obviously like played with a lot of stuff they're like pretty kinky and then the second couple is like very vanilla but like the wife is kind of like lighting up a little bit looking at stuff she's like oh I'm interested in this so the reason she does this is so she can decide what to put in the room yeah because if they're not super kinky then she's not gonna put like a um sex swing yeah or something like that like you know a whole contraption to get tied up on versus something a little more soft and cozy and comfortable so i like that they have like a

bunch of people on like the um spectrum of like interest because that i think people are probably gonna i'm sure there's gonna be a group of people that watch it just being like this is gonna be fucking weird and then like it is fucking weird but then find something that they're interested and yeah threw it which I think is cool it's fucking weird but there's also a lot of educational stuff in there I love so like the first couple they so the host brings out a flogger and they're like we don't really know how we feel about this like the guy was not interested in any like impact play and then she was like the girl was like yeah I don't really know like I don't really like the idea of pain like we haven't really done much with that and they're like okay so then they

this is where it gets a little extravagant it was an hour this episode could have been 20 minutes and they take them to like these like kink experts or something and it's a couple and they tie up one person and the other partner is like showing them how to flog like on their partner so this partner is like basically nude and then the first at person because i honestly i don't know how they identify um starts like flogging on the the butt of the receiver and on the upper back so the educational portion is learning that uh the safest places to flog someone is their upper back interesting and their butt because i told you before floggers don't hurt yeah um and the longer it is the less painful it is so like the softer it will be oh that makes sense i actually think

floggers feel kind of nice oh yeah what do they look like um it's like a the handle with all the dangly strings okay okay yeah yeah like the tassels uh-huh so i mean if they're if they're wild then they got stuff tied at the ends or like knots at the end yeah because then that'll hurt a little bit more i think they kind of tickle interesting it's like um so impact play is not so much about pain but also about like sensation rather and the thing i like about all types of impact play is it puts you in the present in your body okay so that's the thing that is most enjoyable for me because as someone with anxiety you're constantly up here yeah yeah yeah like totally quiets everything all the time yeah so it's nice to have no thoughts yes you have no

thoughts only sensation I that's a good um lead into I got tied up oh because the rope was delivered I got tied up I have two updates about that but are we I can also wait until you're talking about the show because that's about window I only watched the one episode and I thought it was interesting and that's all about all i have i'll probably watch it i'm gonna i'm planning on like fast forwarding through them because i just want um to see how it looks yeah at the end totally and then i obviously made a pinterest board for your own sex room yeah fuck yeah except i'm gonna call it a playroom this is my playroom i love that it's like a spa but for sex like playrooms are usually like there's like an xbox in there

yeah not this one oh are you planning on having kids kids might be made in the playroom exactly perhaps we're gonna practice making kids in the playroom yeah right um yeah tell me about your your rope experience so i got tied up first of all the rope got delivered it's shibari rope so it's like it was like made for being 38 feet long so we had to cut it because it was just like too much um so we did we cut it and uh it came with a blindfold and we also used that and it was an insane experience I was like because I've been tied up like my ex used to tie me my hands with my with his tie like that would be like a thing that he would do but like this was like he was like fucking me from behind and my hands were tied behind my

back and I couldn't see what he was doing and I was realizing obviously we know when we talk about a lot that like that kind of thing requires a lot of trust but like I had actually zero control over like anything and it was phenomenal no notes we'll be doing again but the other update about my shipment because this if you listened to two weeks ago um I mentioned that I ordered a butt plug so i got the anal training kit it came and it's like wait did we remove that part okay okay it is disgusting like they came so i i did my research i looked on like cosmopolitan had a list of like best butt plugs for beginners that's how i decided to get this kit okay it came and it's like plastic kind of like it's like rubber and then there's this like coating on it that's like slippery

and i was showing it to the the guy that doesn't have a name and he was like i was like maybe it's like to help guide it in he's like no that's there's some there's something like this is like low low quality and the biggest one is like comically big like it looks like like a novelty gift you know it's like this it's like too big too big you know what i mean um and he was like he was telling me the smallest one is usually like what a medium would look like so i need to go back to the drawing board yeah i'll send you the one i ordered please do because that's the one i use and it is it's an extra small okay i guess you'll just have to be careful when you're using it because we all know what happened to me the titanic yeah what honestly it's so funny to me

still um i feel like there's like a pun there like with like a titanic and a butthole probably we'll think of we'll think of it if you have a good one let us know um the because the first butt plug i ordered is glass yeah that's recommended um a glass glass is a good place to start but it was too big yeah because i was like holy fuck this is giant i've never put anything in my butt i've had a thumb in there for like two seconds and i didn't like it so um then i ordered one that was way smaller or i assumed it was smaller and it was um and started with that but i haven't used the glass one okay this day i think i showed you the glass one yeah it was pretty yeah it's cute like a paperweight yeah we made a joke about it being like your

grandmother's uh yeah just like a little face roller or something yeah it's my grandmother's rose quartz but that's really good to know oh my god that's really good to know about glass though also like i think this is a cautionary tale too of like those articles in cosmo and like other places probably paid for that exactly what i was thinking like there's just no way that this is considered the best yeah um so anyway back to the drawing board there's not been anything in my butt yet that's my update your your butt date yeah that's that's like a bad high five i had the long hand free that was that was all right that was pretty good yeah yeah it was better than the first one more for good measure oh that was it that was that was the one that that felt right

changed the game my hand is still tingling um i this is just like a little side note story i guess um i like i went on a date on friday um with a doctor that it was the second date with that guy did i tell you this anyway just it was fine and then i went home and that one was also fine he's just fine he's like a really this this was like a perfect thing for me to see of and i was thinking this the first date too like somebody can be hot and have a great job literally a doctor he's nice and he has a lot of interests that we share and there's just no chemistry none and like that is so fucking important so that was an interesting i wanted to go on a second day to see if it would help and it did not um but i then what now you know now you know the more you

and then i went home to eat pop tarts love that and then pop tart s'mores oh that's a good good i used to eat s'mores pop tarts every single morning growing up uh i used to put those in the freezer do you remember that line of pop twart the pop twarts that line of pop twats they have a special filling sorry i had to uh pop tarts that were made to go in the freezer they were like ice cream pop tarts no i don't remember that at all i loved those they were like sunday pop tarts or something and you put them in the freezer that sounds so fucking good so i think yeah my i'm you've unlocked a memory i didn't know i had we my family would put pop tarts in the freezer but only like the chocolatey type of ones that oh my god the sunday

ones would be so fucking good in the freezer any any kind of like s'mores ice cream type pop tart put that shit in the freezer oh my god i'm gonna do that right when i get home this has gone off the rails but i spent all day today watching um simulation theory videos and so what's that like about how we're living in a simulation oh um so i'm feeling like elon fucking musk right now ready to make confident fraud ready to fuck damn i want to name my autobiography a confident fraud ready to fuck the amelia samson story that's so funny anyway okay so what was i saying oh so i went home ate pop tarts got a text from um i've mentioned him on the podcast before the so the dentist his roommate was our mutual friend and he texted me he's like are you doing anything do you

want to get a drink it was like okay so we got we got a drink and it was great i love him to death he's like so he's just great um but he was telling me that he we were talking about like him his dating in the past and like how like he didn't date in high school and blah blah but then he got to college and I think it was like the first Halloween in college he um dressed as he had like a fishing pole coming out the back of his pants and he like dangled mistletoe just like everywhere he walked around and people would have to kiss him under it and like he is the kind of guy that that's like he could get away with that because he's just like very he's not intimidating at all you know he's like he's a good he's like a good dude and he has a baby face but then like we were

talking about how it takes a very specific person to be able to get away with that kind of thing yeah because i'm thinking about like who's the worst person you know yeah if they did that you'd be like you're even more repulsive than i already thought you were right you have to have like a very benign personality to be able to like pull that off now imagine someone describing you as that's like being called boring yeah no it's just like you're not threatening you know um but during that conversation and he actually was like you have to put this down on the list of things to talk about on the podcast because i actually haven't before was my i lived in a suite in college and one of my suite mates was dating this guy who was just like fucking awful like he

was just like the worst dude and he had all lived with someone who was dating the worst dude yeah that's so true and sometimes it was you damn it turns out it kind of was it was me at one point you know yeah we've all been dating the worst we've all dated the worst guy in college that's so true um but he had this guy not my ex my suitemate's ex had a tattoo of a mistletoe above his dick no can you believe that no can you stand it i know he also had a finger tattoo that said bang on it and it was like a little flag and he thought it was so fucking funny he told everybody about it no he's a walking red flag he really was what tattoos are red flags to you uh travel tattoos if you're white uh-huh or just tribal tattoos if you're not if that's not your culture

yeah yeah um i think lion tattoos are a massive red flag lion tattoos oh yeah i don't think i've seen very many lions oh my god the worst guys always have lion tattoos now i'm gonna see so many lion tattoos uh tattoos in latin but like they have to be the like old english font i was just about to say really anything in big old english yeah what's the one that like every guy has like on his chest that's it's like fortune favors the brave or something oh my god that yeah but it's like it's a phrase in latin that i don't i don't know anyway i've seen this tattoo a million times and i never internalize it i like black out it's like to like you know keep me sane um chest tattoo in old english yeah and it like goes down so they can dip it underneath their shirt

and every guy that i oh my god okay so there was this suite again going back to the suites in college that was like in a building next to mine that called themselves the thunderdome it was dudes of course and they were actually very funny guys like they were they were like everything they did was like out of irony and they had this bucket list that they did freshman year and they all wanted to get what they said obviously now people aren't we don't use this phrase anymore but they wanted to get their spirit animals tattooed on their butt um just like tiny and they all went one day in class or during class when one of them was in class and he didn't get the memo that they were doing it so they all went and got their spirit animals tattooed on their ass

without him and then he was like well fuck i need to go and do it but instead of getting his spirit animal tattooed on his ass he got yolo tattooed like huge on his rib cage in like really fancy cursive no and it was like when that drake song came out so it was like a brand new phrase so it wasn't even like this will be hilarious it's like he got it because it was like hip then and now he's stuck with this enormous yolo tattoo no rag ruts yeah it was one of those yeah and meanwhile like all of them have like little tiny cute narwhals on their butt and stuff yikes i wonder does he think it's embarrassing i'm certain he does i mean tattoo removal is a thing

it's like it would be very expensive it's like it was his whole rib cage on his side enormous first tattoo on your rib kit i'm so glad i waited until i was like almost 30 to get my first tattoos because at least they've been thought about for for more than five minutes yeah i did i tell you that that i dated someone who had like for a while exclusively only had tattoos on his butt i think he had like six holy shit what were they his dog's name oh no was did he do it to be funny i i think so okay well then that is yeah funny yeah so he got his dog's name he got his best friend's initials they both got each other's initials okay in their own handwriting cute um on their butts what else did he have i don't know like a bunch of weird shit were they

like placed like like prison tats like how they what like miley cyrus's tattoos yeah just like wherever yeah yeah like no there was no particular order that is so fucking funny i was several times i have you ever i and i know the answer is gonna be no have you ever had a shot in your butt no i like your butt cheek so i had to have a shot in my butt cheek once and it was so fucking painful my ass was bruised for like two weeks so i can't even imagine getting a tattoo on your ass no that is so painful yeah anywhere that's tender like that is gonna hurt and they do it there because there's like so much muscle that it shouldn't hurt yeah that doesn't make any sense just think about i don't know just just just don't just don't i mean you can if you want but just know that it's

gonna hurt we have a few i went through the inbox speaking of discord i went through the inbox to see what we have a shit ton of unread messages both in like our primary and like requests so um this person wrote in on june 3rd so not too long ago uh and they said was listening to the last episode and i just gotta say i absolutely have tasted my own cum um was having this conversation with a woman friend recently and she was like ew what really i'm like yeah it's my own i at least gotta see what i'm putting out also have done a snow job multiple times and he sent a picture do you know what a snow job is no i neither did i um what i want you to guess what you think a snow job is at first okay a snow job um is it when you come in the air and then it

rains down on you like a snowstorm no okay i'm gonna guess again um is it when you uh come and then you make a little snowman out of it no that would be great i love that um so a snow job he sent a screenshot of the definition on urban dictionary uh when a gentleman finishes in a young ladies or another gentleman for that matter mouth and she kisses him and expels the gentleman's ejaculation into his mouth so if you've seen succession that happens in one of the scenes they don't show it happening just the character says it afterwards and he's like bragging about it he's like yeah it was so kinky man and then everyone's like um okay okay listen i feel like an early adopter because I I think I've told this story on the podcast well no but like when I was

so as you know if you've listened for a bit I was bullied growing up and when I moved away from Philadelphia I like started like trying to make all of the boys that bullied me and in sixth grade think that I was like super cool but like in seventh and eighth grade I was like yeah I'm like hooking up with like a lot of guys over here and they'd be like oh what are you doing I love that like for you like uh people who have sex are so cool oh my god whereas like for where i was it was so frowned upon but that's also because i grew up around a bunch of fucking mormons it was like i think it was i don't know if it was like cool or if i was just jealous of all the girls that were having sex like i just all of the girls that i thought were like so fucking cool were like

making out with a lot of dudes you know and i was like oh couldn't be me um look at me now got a sex podcast look at me now mom it's manifested itself I know yeah aren't you so proud parents um but anyway they are actually that was a bad joke because they are proud of me uh but I they were like oh well what are you doing these boys that used to bully me and I was like yeah well like I've been like you know giving boys blowjobs and then like you know the ones that are like not nice to me I'll keep the cum in my mouth and then I'll kiss them so it goes in their mouth and they're like oh that's so fucked up blah blah blah but i did not know that it was a thing there's a name for it yeah snow job snow job who would have thunk i was

using it as um uh payback in my fake world of sex i mean it could be some people are really into it some people are into it the more you hoe i did ask so when i had seen it on succession because mr liz put me on to succession he's like please watch it it's actually really fucking good i love it um but when it happened i was like what would you do if i did that and he was like if you didn't if we didn't talk about it beforehand i think it would like um kind of bother me but like he didn't really care i was like huh i because because homophobia is so deeply rooted into like yeah cisgender men most of the time so um i was like huh it's also like i guess it's not that weird honestly when you think about it you're like because because i'll like like after a guy

goes down on me i'll still kiss him right so i've put someone's dick in my mouth after we've already been having sex yeah same so i'm like it's not it's actually not weird i think maybe it's like for me it's weird I don't know we just said it's not weird I think maybe for me the thing that is raises an eyebrow is just like you and I both don't like the texture I hate it yeah so I think that's what it is it's just like the texture because I feel the same way about scallops the texture of scallops you know so oh my god I don't like that you used like common scallops like in the same kind of like they they don't have the same texture but they upset me in the same way got it okay okay I'll have it in my mouth but I won't like it right I might spit it out yeah so

I guess if you don't have like a weird texture thing like I do it's I also think I bought special seamless socks that's how I really like those socks thank you your calves are looking I know I said this before we started recording your calves I was noticing in the pictures from the wedding i was like okay muscles i think maybe they just are they're just showing up more with the fake tan no i think that you just have great calves oh well thank you you're welcome um i think outside of like the deeply rooted in homophobia thing with cum i think also just like people have a really hard time just like accepting that like this thing has come out of their own body like that's that's so true like it was already in there so like you might as well just give it a little

look just a little yeah just a little taste it's a little taste test you might as well you might as well know what you're making people swallow you know what what what you're putting in their mouth you know yeah like i don't know oh um i was uh i took someone's uh facial virginity oh thank you so much thank you thank you she did it thank you so much he was like she's beauty she is grace i'm just she will take it in the face nice that was good i keep having to stop myself from saying gout dads every time we have five i know we don't have to keep doing it yeah no you know i'm it's it's the bit and i will commit to the bit um commit uh but yeah i was like i asked him if he wanted to he's like i've never done that before i'm like what what an

exciting moment for little me and so it was it was exciting for both of us so that's another fun update congratulations thank you thank you to both of you i'll let him know that you said the other message i have quick little quick little chat quick little topic um so someone wrote into us and she said y'all i gotta know what you do with your hair during sex i just grew mine out for the first time and it's fucking everywhere my face his face my eyes his mouth send help um I just do a tight top pony and somehow it always starts to fall out everywhere but oh yeah that's been the my best solution type top tight top hair pony see that's really interesting I mean I've always had long hair so I'm trying because I haven't yeah right I've only

had long hair for a few years and i never had this problem even just sleeping i have to like do a whole hair oh yeah take it off scratching your back yeah well no if mr liz is like leave your hair oh yeah yeah like always suffocating in it like that's fair so i have to move my hair um and then i wake up and i look wild yeah it's um it's a it's a different you know i feel like I learned I learned how to have sex with long hair so I've never really had to like think about it um which is interesting it's like learning how to drive in like an SUV you know you're used to the SUV you don't have to adjust when you get a bigger car you started with a big car that's a good analogy thank you um yeah I I think like obviously when I'm like giving someone head my

hair is back unless they like like holding my hair then I'm like you go you go right ahead yeah as long as it's not in my mouth I'm happy um but yeah usually if I'm like if it's in a ponytail and I'm giving them head and then we start having sex I usually just end up taking it down during sex and then I don't really notice it but I would say I think that the best case or the best way to like deal with it is just putting it in a bun I think the more I think the more that you explore kinky sex the more you're gonna have to put your hair up probably especially if you're getting into like shibari and stuff that's true it's gonna get tied up it needs to be out of the way that's a good point i my hair has been in braids a lot recently so maybe that's also why

i haven't really noticed it i'm trying to think of the last few times i've had sex and it's usually on like day three of not washing my hair so it's usually in braids okay yeah i feel like it's easy to put it in a top pony for sure that's a good go-to you should get those little um like coiled hair bands that like they don't give you they're not supposed to give you a hair headache they don't give you a line they're they're supposed to help with like the weight distribution of the ponytail so it doesn't give you a hair oh i didn't know that i don't know if that's also a placebo effect thing or what but that's what they say um i mean and it holds it in better we don't give enough credit to placebo effects if it works it works like it's true if just you knowing

that makes your hair headache go away yeah and i get bad hair headaches because my hair is like fucking half my body weight you have a lot of hair i have so much hair well now i'm like realizing like oh i don't get a headache as often when i use those little coiled hair ties versus like a grunchy yeah huh sponsor us coiled hair ties um you know anyone anyone any any sponsor here i'll do i'll do a free ranch water oh i'm drinking the spicy ranch water this week y'all i talked i think i talked about this last week i don't know if we kept it in the episode but i've switched over to this new seltzer ranch water um are you doing a summer of ranch water i just have a lot of them now so okay I'm almost out so we'll see if I buy another pack I was just intrigued by the flavors

this one's spicy it just tastes like spicy not not like spicy mango just spicy it's made with 100% agave natural lime juice and jalapeno flavors hmm flavors yeah so no jalapeno just jalapeno flavors it's really it really hits you it hits you in the back of the throat in a way that is not great is it what would you rank it what's your favorite my favorite of seltzers ranch water your favorite ranch water there's a prickly there's like a prickly pear one that is so fucking good um they also have one that's just called original have no fucking clue what that means it tastes like something okay i don't know what um it tastes like the original this is my least favorite one for sure okay it's it's in terms of intriguing it's numero uno in terms of

fave it's um absolute dead last for me it's the summer of hard kombucha hell yeah here he is got it right in the mic so cute oh my god i'm obsessed with you oh i love this boy so much um i had well damn should we do a sex fact of the week we haven't done one in so long fine since we've done a sex fact of the week sex fact of the week sex fact of the week that was a good one wow just like going back this is like season two sex facts of the week we gotta find one okay i found a sex fact and liz has not read it i just want your thoughts on it okay this is from she knows.com and it says the first thing people do after sex is dot dot dot is the title and now i have this fucking there's an ad that's a fucking ad popped up okay forget

post-coital cuddling according to a poll by consumer electronics site retrievo.com 36 percent of people under the age of 35 check their facebook and twitter accounts after a roll in the hay interesting that what are your thoughts on that like the first thing you do after sex is like well all right open up the phone like that blows so to speak oh man that makes me depressed i know um i think it is the feeling of emptiness and wanting to fulfill that because you don't know how to make a genuine connection after sex i see so many conversations on am i making you sad such a sad thought um i see so many conversations happening on like twitter or tiktok where people are like no it's like different for men when they're talking about post-net clarity they're

like it's like depressing i like can't look at my girl the same way and i'm like that is a problem not normal that is very very sad and if that's how you view sex that's a you thing that is not about your partner so something like this i think it is just kind of like that that um need for connection and not knowing how to get it because aftercare is a fucking important thing yeah and like you're not gonna get that aftercare from twitter i love aftercare yeah me too it's so much fun it's so nice to just be held and like connect with someone and feel like completely perfectly safe and content and happy oh god that's why having sex with someone you're in love with hits different it does it's so much but i mean it's not sometimes you cry after

i only cried once but it was because the sex was so good it was really good and i was just so happy and i was just like i love this person so much wow must be nice um i this reminds me of that i feel like i ask you this every time i bring up black mirror but did you watch black mirror yeah the episode with the contacts where like you can like while they were having sex they could recall like past sex with like other people okay i haven't seen this oh my god this episode was so fucking sad fucking sad zing nice um but there it was like the concept of it was that like you could pop in um contacts and like replay memories back in your eyes and they this couple would do it while they were having sex and like they would just like pop in their contacts and

just start like thrusting and they would make like no noise it would just be like they would be like dead faced just like watching past sex experience like watching porn of their own sex experiences while they're having sex and this feels very kind of black mirror-ish like all right cool thanks open it up a phone and just like start checking out posting that's awful that is really sad oh i have an interesting one okay so this is from time and i honestly would like to see what they're citing, but this one says, wearing high heels can negatively affect a woman's orgasm. Certain high-end shoe brands developed the arch in their high-heeled shoes to approximate the arch in a woman's pelvis when she is having an orgasm. The heels create a

contraction in the pelvic floor, which is problematic because the pelvic floor then cannot contract further during orgasm an orgasm is usually like going from zero to 60 explains fromberg if you're already at 55 from wearing heels you're not going to have a full experience so wear heels to orgasm is the one i'm getting from no don't wear heels well if you don't want to have if you're already at 55 wearing heels then why have sex that's true the more you hoe the more but that's interesting i don't i mean i can't really walk in heels so i guess i can't really be like a you know oh this is really interesting too orgasms can make women more creative studies have shown that orgasms can make women more confident productive and creative

and it's a feedback loop women achieve fuller orgasms when they are being creative very interesting maybe that's how like remember when i brought up sex magic yeah maybe that's how like that whole thing works like if you're thinking about the thing that like you want and then you come thinking about it yeah you're manifesting you're more creative in those moments before and after that's so interesting i have a theory oh this is do tell this is early podcast amelia talking where i was like everything is biologically based which it is but i digress that must be because i was actually talking to somebody about this recently where like he was he's always so tired after sex and i'm always like i could run a fucking marathon

and i think it's because i probably said this before too that like in the wild like the female has to keep going about their business whereas the male's job is done you know like biologically they've done it and so they can just go to sleep but like the female has to like go out and like be a mom you know and like take care of the young so i wonder if like orgasming is like all right let's fucking go you know like let's like keep up on this productivity there must be some sort of like biological basis i've read that there isn't any um there isn't any like reason like people with uteruses have orgasms like um that's interesting it doesn't serve a purpose thank god it's purely from pleasure or it's like pure pleasure it doesn't serve but also if you do want

to get biological about it when we're in the when we're first becoming a person we're all the same yeah so what you what gender you develop into doesn't really like we have all the same parts just organized differently every fetus starts out as female and that's why males have nipples yeah so there's a few things that we all have that don't make sense and men having nipples is one of them us having orgasms is another one and nobody's complaining about either no um well you know instagram's complaining about girls having nipples so fuck you instagram i mean let's talk anything that facebook owns yeah fuck you zuckerberg the sexualization of nipples is real weird to me yeah anyways anyway that could be like a whole other yeah we'll talk about we'll

do a nipple episode a nipple sode i would like that me too let's do it okay we'll talk about nipples send us your nipple facts yeah or just nipple stories yeah nipple stories nipple facts just nipple thoughts nipple thoughts i love this i like i i never realized how much i like saying the word nipple nipple it's a good word it is a good word and it's not really losing its meaning as you say it like every other word you say it a million times it loses meaning nipple not not so much that is a nipple that's you know what you're talking that's a nipple whoever made the word nipple for nipples they did it right yeah they really did that was like an apt naming of of such a thing you don't well you couldn't call it anything else perfect perfect perfect naming

damn if you're listening whoever named nipples thanks nipple person simulation okay all right okay on that note say nipple one more time nipple all right now we can end the show we love you our children one day i'm gonna go for the high note do you want to try it right now no we'll save it for the nipple sound oh fuck yeah You're welcome.