The Hoely Hour - E97 Jesus Had A Mullet

Episode Date: July 29, 2022

Amelia gets confrontational with creeps and Liz shares how a tiny dishwasher cured her depression. A bridezilla doesn't know what time brunch should be and the girls read some listener tea. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

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After the weekend we had that we can have one whole brain cell together. Fuck yeah. Welcome to The Holy Hour, a podcast about sex, relationships, mental health, and everything in between. I'm Amelia Sampson. And I'm Liz Ball. Follow us on Instagram and TikTok at The Holy Hour. I'm on Instagram and TikTok at Amelia Sampson. And I'm on Instagram and TikTok at Liz Ball So Hard. You can also watch us on YouTube or listen ad-free on Patreon at patreon.com slash the holy hour check out our merch at the holy hour.com and email us your spicy stories at holy hour podcast at gmail.com

so liz and i are very tired today yeah so we're gonna be doing a pretty easy episode with some listener emails and some reddit am i the asshole post because who doesn't fucking love those everybody loves them yeah i found one where the the author is an asshole oh because i never happens yeah i love when they're the asshole and we can do something about it or judge them yeah and they can get yeah they can get like torn down on reddit which is a scary place to get torn down i have really hot neighbors and it feels like i'm being punked because they are all always outside with their shirts off and their bodies are insane they're always with their shirts off working on their cars when i go out to my car and i'm like what is this it feels like a

like a bit yeah i'm like what's happening here what's and they have a dog i'm like what is what in this fucking like do they all live in one building or they're all they're three roommates three dudes and they're always like one of them is always um jump roping outside of their house their house is like the up house like it's like this really old house in between like these new townhouses that are going up um and so like i my kitchen window looks like right down into their backyard and they're always just like jump roping outside and just like i don't i don't know they're always listening to music really loudly but they are all so hot and today i made eye contact with one and waved and i wish that i said something but i don't know like hi i live right here nobody

gives a fuck in seattle you signed a lease so you'll see him again that's true i mean probably but it's straight anyway i wanted to bring this up because i'm certain that this story is going to evolve I will know these people you're manifesting it I will I'm one of those speaking it into existence I'm like the worst in my old building I was one of those neighbors that people would like hate running into because like I was always like hi how are you like I wanted to talk because I love knowing my neighbors and like nobody in Seattle likes knowing their neighbors yeah get normal girl I know that's ignoring her name no I'm just kidding because if there's an emergency it would be nice to know your neighbor I just gave my neighbors my number um and now

we're getting beers oh so that's great well if one of my friends her neighbor when she moved in he um left a bottle of wine at her door and she gave one back and then she like became they have like a little group of friends in their building and they like go get drinks together and stuff i love that so much you see this is what i mean like you're sharing walls with someone like you might as well that's what i didn't understand my last thing more substance i like kind of like got like assaulted light at capitol hall block party from someone that i know um future liz take this out i'm gonna tell you who it is okay fucking piece of shit he's like fucking sucks you can leave this part in anyone who goes by their initials and is an adult man is probably

a piece of shit yeah he sucks he's like he'll like me on like every dating app and then i'll match with him and i always say like a bad penny because he just like shows up everywhere and he's like oh nice to see you again and then that's our only interaction um but he's just like a major major douchebag he's like he looks like how cartoonists draw like frat boys awful anyway um our friend knows him and went up and said hi and like he hates him too but he was just like yeah i just saw him and i was like oh and then when i was looking over there we made eye contact and he saw me and I was like fucking shit so I went over there and like he's never really done anything to me to like I just don't like him you know I just don't like his vibe and I walked up

to him and he didn't even say hi to me he like pulled my pants out and like looked in what the fuck yeah and he was like what do you got under there and I was like are you gonna assault me in the first 30 seconds that I walk up and his friends were like haha like kind of uncomfortable they were like haha i'm not gonna call it our boy because like toxic masculinity and um he was like oh i'm just kidding haha you look really fucking good though and i was like okay yes i know and then he like hugged me and like squeezed my ass and i was like i'm not i'm not staying here for this conversation you're gonna disrespect me and his friends like introduced themselves they were like we're no no no like trying to like i guess like try to mediate it yeah i love that also at

our age it's like no no issue to be a little confrontational about shit like that well he's also a piece of shit yeah like so it's like i for sure would have been like people like that i wish you had been like how do you justify being friends with someone who treats a like a stranger i know i wish that i would have said something to them because as i was like saying to him where i was like are you just gonna assault me i was like looking at them to be like are you seeing what i'm seeing right now yeah um and then i don't remember what he said but he said something like fucking egregious and i was like okay that's enough and i walked away he's like no come back come back and it's just like i would want to be like does this work for you don't put your hands on me and

it does it fucking sucks how does it work for his relationships never last but like the women that he ends up with are like beautiful and successful and like they like move like really fast they like move in together pretty quickly and they like get engaged he's been engaged like three times are you fucking serious yeah wow this man might as well just like tattoo a red flag on his face he has stupid fucking tattoos too so i'm sure he has a red flag somewhere this man anyway is he the same one who has that like really awful tattoo the mistletoe tattoo no no sounds like something he would have you'll have to show me his instagram when we're when oh absolutely i can i don't even follow him so i but i can show you him i'll actually i'll show

you our i'm gonna make on him i'll make a burner account and harass him from it good he sucks um but yeah that was like the first time in a really long time that like like don't put your hands on me like that and it wasn't even like i was like hi you know i didn't even say anything when i walked up and he was just like what are you wearing like don't don't look in my pants don't touch me don't touch me again after that that's weird as hell it's just disgusting and it felt so predatory to do it in front of two of his friends yeah because he knows they're not gonna fucking do anything like my boys will watch me assault you and they'll let it happen yeah they're not gonna save you right exactly exactly and like they looked very uncomfortable but that's the thing

they're like a fucking gang these guys like well and like what a little bitch ass thing to just be like we're uncomfortable so we're not gonna do anything that's the thing and then also for him to treat me like that and like make it look like that's just like how we interact with each other you know it's like no that's not how that's we don't do that normalized spitting on people who behave like this damn true i should have i could have i've never spit on anyone but i was talking to someone this weekend and she was like she she uh drives a vespa and she was like going across one of the bridges and there was a um a middle-aged woman who is also on a vespa and hers stalled so she saw that this woman was like trying to get her vespa to move and she

stops and she's like do you need help and she's like yes i do so they she's like trying to help this woman at least like maybe move it or try and kickstart it and like luckily she has a vespa so she knows how to help someone who's struggling and she's like this car of u-dub frat fucks were behind them there was no one on the other side and they were just like leaning on the horn and then she was like she was like are you fucking kidding me she looked at them and then she was like either help or go around yeah and then they were like fuck you fat bitch and then she spit on their car and hell yeah and then they like went around and i was just like hell yeah my queen fucking normalized spitting on assholes yeah i well and i just like i think that's so atrocious

yeah yeah like fucked to to be a complete cunt when someone is clearly like if someone stopped like that you know that they're probably having an issue like car troubles or like a medical issue something yeah let's fucking go around it's different if it's just like a little like beep beep like yeah right like honk just a little light honk go instead of just being a complete turd goblin about it they're with their boys too it's always when they're with their boys because that's when they feel mighty they all gas each other up and they don't even stop to help like even when i was in college there was a time where my car got stuck in the snow and a group of guys helped pull it out didn't even know them and like never saw him again but

it was just yeah there have been like a few occasions where people a stranger will stop and help me and this woman that i was talking to she was just like making such a good point she's like i don't understand why people aren't like let's all help yeah and i was like sometimes when i see people having car trouble i don't get out because i'm scared that's fair though that's i'm scared for my safety she could beat the shit out of anyone so yeah that helps you know what fucking sucks though is like these predators like especially like like sex trafficking they'll like hire like uh Ghislaine Maxwell or whatever her name is Ghislaine I don't fucking who gets who gives a fuck Glizzy Maxwell Glizzy she I recently learned Glizzy means hot dog you would

never know did I tell you that well I knew that I didn't know that you recently learned that I just discovered it yeah it doesn't sound like it would be no well mr liz told me and he was like how did you not what did you think it meant and i was like i don't know it sounds like weed yeah it does sound like it does i always thought that yeah anyways continue anyway but like these sex traffickers were like like enlist the help of women because they know like a woman will stop for another woman on the road but they won't stop for a man that's broken down because that's dangerous and we've been told that that's dangerous but it's like oh a woman isn't needs help and like maybe she's stuck here and it's like what if somebody actually does need help but all of these

women are passing by because they're afraid that like that's bait for like human trafficking but that's how it is like we have to be hyper vigilant all the time in these situations i also think it's just like so how how do people get to a point where they're like they have no morals or standards and just hurt other people yeah like raised wrong or like assaulted a lot and they're growing up not having any sort of self-respect um I don't want to go down that tunnel because I'm too hungover from a long weekend that's and that's a heavy topic yeah we're not and we're not doing that today we're not doing heavy topics today I if it gets too heavy I probably would throw up I think I don't like that at all you know when you're just like I have just kind of

like a hangover it's anxiety because i'm not hung over from like alcohol it's just a general sense of unwellness from treating my body like a trash can i know and then last for three days straight i had a retaliation bedtime last night for no reason i had a really fun weekend i did nothing but i was like i'm going to bed at 2 30 what i wanted to talk about i've already talked to you about throughout this week so I saw my therapist on Friday and I was just kind of like I I don't cry often anymore so this time I actually did cry and I had told Amelia this I just had like two of the longest weeks in a row in terms of like work and just trying to do all of my normal things like this podcast and spending time with my partner and going to the gym and cooking at home

and it takes up so much time that I don't have any like time for myself yeah and I was like crying to her and I just wished my mom was here like I wished my mom was here to help me because even when I still lived in the same city as them if I was having like an insane week she would come over and like help me clean or she I would go over there with all my groceries and we would meal prep for the whole week together but we also were like you know we're hanging out doing it together right we're not like only doing this chore right we're like we're bonding and spending time together and she's doing like little things that are helpful for me and I just like was desperate to have that kind of support especially last week I was like like the dishes in my sink were

piling up I bought a little dishwasher highly recommend well that like leads into like what you learned and she she was like I had mentioned the dishwasher like washing the dishes twice type poem thing a few weeks ago on the podcast and I was like fuck it I'm gonna just like buy myself one because I keep thinking about it and I had wanted to do it for a long time anyways so finally fucking bought a little baby dishwasher i named her dot dot the dishwasher she's so cute she looks like a dot yeah um and it just is one of those things that like is gonna make my life easier and my therapist was like well have you considered maybe like spending money on different kinds of services like you can do like the meal services where they're already pre-made and then

I was like yeah that would be nice like for these times where like to just be prepared for like a depressive episode or be prepared for really busy weeks because I was like putting off eating and then if it's really bad I like I'm not showering like I'm not washing my hair I'm not showering and I just like forget forget to eat forget to bathe and like looking I was explaining looking back at it now like how i was a month ago i didn't realize how bad it was it's like i knew but not consciously yeah anyways um she was like yeah so if you order if you do that meal prep stuff like or like order the pre-made meals you don't even have to eat them then you can put them in the freezer so then you don't have to try and figure out what you're going to eat for dinner

you don't have to make something it's already there and then I was like bitch you're so smart you're making so much sense and she's like or if you have someone come over and like help like hire someone to clean once a month or something because because it all starts to pile up and that's where I get really stressed out I'm like I feel like I just can't like catch my breath totally my therapist calls that like um trying to hold back the door like the closet is getting so full and it's just like a bunch of little shit and you're just holding back the door and then one thing just like like makes the door just fly open and it's too much and she was like that if you like you know find other other ways to take care of things then that means i will have

more time to invest in the things that i do want to invest in like i don't have a choice with my job it's like i either do it or i'll like i'm gonna get fired yeah i think that's how i mean that's how most of us are like we you have to do your job um i mean some people don't do their job but that's neither here nor there it's not it's not in me to do a bad job um at least not on purpose so and then the podcast too i'm like i don't she's like well what if you hire someone to like edit the podcast i was like no it's mine this is my baby um and i was like i just like i don't want to do that and then um she's like that's when she was giving me the other ideas of like okay well if you have if you have this meal delivery service in place for like a little

while or just like being prepared and or hiring someone to help clean and then i was like these are such obvious answers but growing up with my parents like things like that are considered a privilege to them to have someone come over and help clean it I mean it is a privilege yeah or like a luxury oh yeah yeah yeah and like even something like having a drink on the airplane is like a luxury to them even though a drink on the airplane is like cheaper than a drink at the airport yeah so um yeah I get that I I was like I guess I hadn't considered that like I can do that like I don't have kids I don't have a husband uh micromanaging my bank account so I can do the things you never having one I'm sure my mom wishes that she could she felt comfortable spending money

on because I have a one-bedroom apartment it would not be hard for someone to just come over and help me clean it yeah just like have someone like once every three months or once yeah I don't even need it often so anyways i i just wanted to talk about that in case other people needed to hear it too because they're so obvious but it's not obvious to you when you're the one struggling yeah and i was like i guess that's how anxiety works and she just started laughing like the obvious the answers are obvious like of how you can give yourself time back and i was like i just didn't feel like i needed this before and she's like well what's the biggest difference between you know like a couple years ago and now and I was like well I had way more time to myself I

wasn't in a relationship like yeah I didn't have a podcast like you weren't managing yeah exactly like my life circumstances were different so then as I was saying all these changes out loud I was like I guess in some ways I'm doing even more than I was before it's just different now and she did make an interesting point she was like well i think if you and your partner live together it would be very different like you wouldn't be because when he comes over i'm not gonna do chores right i want to be spending time with him yeah and i want to be having quality time together yeah so that's also like hard for me too so yeah now i'm like oh she's like well either that part will change in your relationship or something else will change right which is her nice way of

saying you'll either live together at some point or break up that's how it goes what is that one of your contacts i just found it between my toes oh sorry i just took them out no you're fine i was like i guess it's between my toes yeah i guess i didn't throw them in the trash i mean the things that i find attached to my socks around my place is absurd oh my god same so much cat fur oh my god don't even get me started um but yes it's like i feel like sometimes my therapist feels like more of like a life coach than a therapist for like stuff like that but then i realized how connected this shit is to mental health where you just can't some things sometimes things just feel so overwhelming that like you can't reason with them like it feels obvious when someone else says it

but then it's like you couldn't think about it because you're so bogged down and it's it helps to hear it so it's like people that aren't going to therapy like hearing it from other people makes such a big difference so I'm glad that you said that because like it's it is really one of those things that are like oh like I can do I do have these options at my disposal and it is okay to lean on them yeah sometimes yeah and that's the that's the whole thing it's not something I'm going to lean on all the time it's only sometimes I need help yeah and um the thing I was thinking about like I think the wash the dishes twice thing has been making me think more and more about like being prepared for like when I'm too busy or when I'm in like a slump yeah like by just having

frozen meals in the freezer ready to go yeah exactly so because I do love cooking for myself but like when it's when I'm so busy I don't have time to go to the grocery store and like prep all of this stuff right right and it also just like when you're busy you just it even if you do have time it's the last thing you want to fucking do yeah because you get so hungry that you're like i just need to fucking eat something and i just don't want to add another thing sometimes i have like pre-made salads in my fridge and i'm just like i don't even want to put this shit in a bowl and mix it like that's how tired i get sometimes so it's like just giving yourself the grace just to be like fuck it like I'm just gonna lean on these options that I have and something that you

said earlier about like what's different now than before that your therapist asked I've been talking a lot about this with my therapist where like I have a hard time giving myself the grace to accept that things can change like if like I feel like when I tell someone like just an example of like when I was going through my breakup like I would be okay some days and not okay other days and on the days that I was okay I was I would still tell people that I wasn't okay because I didn't want to like know that I was going to backslide yeah you're just preparing for knowing that it goes like this right because I think that there's this idea in our minds at least in mine and I don't know if it's in anyone else's that like like we when we say that we're okay and we're over something or

like we're handling something well that we're not allowed to not be handling it well tomorrow and like that's not how it works like emotions have ups and downs and the same thing is with like stress and depression and like you know just like giving ourselves the grace to like I'm okay right now and like really like framing it that way like yeah oh I'm actually doing okay today you know or like oh my I'm actually really stressed today because then if somebody in the future is like are you still stressed it's like no it was a passing thing you don't feel like kept to that expectation they are always going to be in this like negative space and just reframing it and like adding that like extra word of like yeah i'm like feeling good

today has completely changed my life because like i've stopped saying because truly when i was in a slump but having a good day i wouldn't like celebrate that i was having a good day but it's like emotions fluctuate like you're going to feel more stressed out some days than other days and just like looking out for future you and also giving present you like the grace to handle when like shit goes bad is like the kindest thing that you can do for yourself you know so like having pre-prepared meals like that's one of those things that like i would have never have thought of i mean i have my like trader joe's indian food in the fridge or the freezer i fucking love it so much but like for days like that but i've never thought about it that way yeah exactly like oh

those are that's there for the days that i just like don't feel like doing things because we don't it's hard to like conflate those two things yeah you know totally easy meal hard day it feels like an easy a to b but it's not no because you i yeah yeah so anyway every day is different the bottom line take care of yourself understand that asking for help is not a weakness it's a strength there's a pic of brad pitt and a skirt oh my god who's wearing a kill it on the red carpet yeah yeah helpful reminder for people who are having a hand-wringing mind explosion that brad pitt wore a linen skirt uh it's fucking hot wear a skirt and also it's hot outside and it was a kilt so it's like even if you do give a fuck about what men wear which like get a fucking hobby go

touch grass as liz says like it's a kilt that is a that is a men's garment my shut up my only beef with it is i just i'm not into the outfit as a whole it's too brown that is literally not what anybody is talking about and i love that i love that that's what you're bringing up about it yeah i'm like okay yeah sure wear a skirt i don't give a shit but but i want to see people absolutely serving when they're on the red carpet and it can't always be a serve i i get that so i also feel like maybe he wore something like so so ugly so that the that the kilt had a moment you know what i mean so nobody was talking about like his balenciaga jacket with like the red and he's like i'm gonna wear just brown and then y'all are gonna talk about the fucking skirt yeah not even the

look as a whole yeah i liked the shoes though i like the shoes with the skirt that man could wear anything truly he's a beautiful man he really is and people are gonna be if i don't cut this out they're gonna be like what the fuck are they talking about but no we should talk about it no you should keep this in we're talking about kilts today about brad pitt wearing a kilt kilt slash skirt i just i was i saw something that i can't remember if i read it or if it was a tiktok but someone was saying that like we don't we don't dress for our like how we should be dressing like for our comfort like the things that we wear are tight that's why we're like we're hot all the fucking time we're uncomfortable we're not wearing what our bodies would be the most comfortable in

i would love to wear a muumuu yeah there was um uh i want no boobs and to only wear um blankets that are with sleeves a slanket all day i know that they're called snuggies but brookstone had slankets and they were superior to snuggies suck it snuggies suck it my mom could never say snuggie right she always called it a snuggly that's adorable uh oh what was i about to say oh during that um so that there was we're recording this i don't know if it's still happening but last week was the huge heat wave in in england and people from the philippines were um like giving advice of how to like survive in the heat and there were all these men that were like wear a dress and they were showing like dresses that they i don't remember the name and even if i did i would butcher

it i'm sure but in the philippines they call it something of like you're wearing this to like cool off but it's like it's a dress and like they just the men just wear them in the philippines and it's not a thing and it's like why is it fucking me yeah adding a gender stigma to clothes is weird it's super weird it's a it's weird and b it's a it's a like it's a um social kind of like structure um yeah that's what i'm looking for social construct and then three or c i don't remember if i was counting or doing the alphabet three or c mind your own fucking business yeah that's the main thing i think that as people we're just not minding our own fucking business enough myself included and you know what self-awareness is the first step i'm doing more and more every

day to mind my own fucking business it's beautiful i saw something on twitter that was like um a neighborhood what's that little neighborhood app neighborhood maybe is that what it's called that's the one i use there's name there's a so many now or something yeah yeah yeah citizen is one of them uh so it's like a little neighbor neighborhood app or like their neighborhood facebook group and it's like we should have a dress code if you're walking around the neighborhood and i think it'll be it'll add value to our neighborhood and then i commented on it like minding your own goddamn business adds the most value so fucking true how nice it's so nice to just like live in your home and uh know that everyone's minding their own goddamn business

how bored do you have to be it's quiet and we're all minding our business we're just sitting in the window watching people walk by looking for shit to bitch about not today not today satan fucking get a hobby get it like in the knitting circle i definitely feel like a retired person wrote that like get it yeah go go get into a tv show just start binge watching tv or like listening to podcasts like ours yeah this is yeah this is just us plugging this whole episode be doing something else it's an ad for the podcast yeah do anything right in the journal fucking pick start watching curtis connor yeah this is now my new goal get everyone to watch curtis connor get curtis connor to be our friend and he already is in my in my heart

curtis connor is always with you the same way that jesus is always with you curtis connor is our jesus we're gonna start just like photoshopping him into all of our photos as a praying jesus in the back he has the hair he does jesus had a mullet yeah and a mustache um who's to say he didn't i mean he probably didn't but he might have he was the first mullet jesus was a fashion influencer yeah hell yeah let's start with an am i the asshole just just to make things fun so this is am i the asshole for having high expectations for my bachelorette party throwaway and mobile account i 25 female i'm getting married to my wonderful fiance 31 male this fall a week ago i had a bachelorette party while most girls dream of their weddings i dreamt

of my bachelorette weekend i put a lot of planning into this weekend made a lot of phone calls reservations everything basically for thursday night to sunday morning me and 25 of my closest girlfriends rented a house too many girlfriends that's way too many fucking too many that's too many close that is a sorority yeah that's bound to be dramatic i hate to say it but with dudes too it's not even a female thing that's a lot of people absolutely 25 people there's no way you're going to be able to hurt all everyone to go do exactly what you want no three people at least are going to be crying okay from the start it was a disaster i had told my girls to get to the house early on thursday so they could decorate and set up before i got there well i got to the house and

i got to the house at three and they weren't done decorating so that bummed me out because i wanted that wow moment when i came in and saw the setup i felt robbed but we still had a decent first night it feels kind of like an unreasonable expectation because everyone's traveling from out of town like getting there at different times like and you have to get all the fucking you have to just rally so many things at one time it's a really stressful thing to plant i'm i know that there's more but also like the amount of money that goes into it exactly like you have to like everyone has to buy the same fucking bathing suit everyone has to throw down for the decorations like i i i do hate that it has become such a process and not really like a let's just like have fun

and celebrate i don't know that's the thing that's okay i'm sorry i know that there's more and I'm gonna I'm gonna do like a full final thoughts moment on this but like all of my very close friends that I know I'm going to be going to their bachelor party and I'm going to plan bachelor party hello bachelorette party whatever fuck gender stereotypes I'm gonna say bachelor party um like and I'm gonna be planning Katie's I know this like don't care about shit like that you know they like care about like that everyone that they love is together and like that there's like a sentimental aspect of it and that's it but like i know people that like are like this like they want everything to go perfectly and if one thing is wrong the whole weekend is ruined

friday i woke everyone up at 7 a.m to make breakfast and get ready because we had a packed day vineyards boat lunch happy hour drinks then dinner in the clubs i was getting shaded on i don't know i was getting shaded on all afternoon because people said they were being rushed from place to place and had to carry changes of clothes all day but we only had a limited time in the city and i wanted to make the most of it saturday was worse we had a bunch uh we have brunch at 9 a.m bitch that's breakfast that is not brunch that is breakfast brunch is short for and no one was awake on time so it only ended up being me and a few loyal bridesmaids we went shopping after for a few hours and when we got back to the house no one was even

apologetic even though i was close to tears all day the last straw for me was later that night when we were going to dinner and nobody was wearing the matching shirts we got for the weekend people wanted to wear their own stuff but that's not what we agreed on even though my maid of honor notified everyone at that point i said fuck it uh this weekend was ruined and locked myself in my room to cry it was even worse when i came out a few hours later and half the girls had gone out anyways without me aka the actual bride to be honest I mean the only thing I might be kind of on her side about is like you got all these matching shirts and like drop money yeah there's a whole and they knew in advance everyone already bought them and like that's part of like the plan

so I think like her I bet her shitty attitude just made them be like no I'm not wearing that that's what I was about to say it's like whenever anybody's being shitty I don't want to do nice things yeah yeah especially if she's like not acknowledging how much money that all of this stuff costs and how much time they're taking out to do this yeah i ended up driving home early on sunday and left the house a mess for the girls to pick up because i was so upset now it's been almost a week and no one has really texted me except some bride bridesmaids and the maid of honor i know i sound bridezilla-ish but these are supposed to be my friends and we were supposed to celebrate me all weekend and i felt neglected and i'm just really upset i understand these

expectations may seem like a lot but I made my expectations clear to that group and they just let me down so bad tell me am I the asshole and then she added a few edits one yes I have 25 people who I genuinely wanted to celebrate with six of them are in my wedding party and the other 19 were college friends childhood friends and work friends etc I mean obviously like she must be well loved by them because that's a lot of people to like say yes and show up you know if i were inviting that many people i would not expect all of them to be able to come yeah but there are also some friend groups that are like really fucking petty with each other so that's that is a good point i forget about that um maid of honor sent out the itinerary months ago it was

very clear the activities i planned and their prices per person if someone had wanted to skip out it wouldn't be a problem but all the girls paid accordingly so they knew what they were getting themselves into i think that the whole group is a bunch of assholes i think that this was probably because she doesn't see anything wrong with this behavior it's probably pretty normal for her yeah for all of them well and the fact that she locked herself in her room instead of like talking to them yeah like you're just going to be like hey i'm just really bummed like can we change the vibe tonight or something i don't know i feel like i know or just have some mental flexibility yeah like not everyone's gonna fucking wake up at 9 a.m for brunch it's breakfast

it's fucking breakfast and brunch what time 11 to 12 30 i think 11 is the earliest i would brunch yeah oh 11 absolutely i'm not getting out the door before 11 on a weekend especially a sunday well and after being out all night of course they're exhausted yeah and you have three days of this shit i have so many fucking thoughts like my number one i know for a fact that she's marrying somebody that enables this because i think that if she wasn't then he would have been like a little bit of an age gap six year age difference yeah well yeah but also like i feel like there wouldn't be this post if he was like you are wrong he was probably enabling it like you should be pissed off i'm gonna turn in strangers on the internet or like he didn't

talk to her about it because if he was like you're being like you're you're out of line here i bet he was just like wow that sucks yeah wow that's crazy it's like damn babe i'm sorry damn that's nuts but she did have an update on the edit like the second edit she said well i'm very clearly the asshole i've decided to apologize for wanting one weekend to be about me bitch they're already coming to your wedding and that's also about you yeah um i need to rethink my friend group and make some changes to the wedding invite list thanks wow i mean like she's mad she didn't have a come to jesus moment she's just upset um she yeah the fact that like this the post is overwhelmingly like yeah you're the asshole it's just ridiculous and she's like fine i guess i'll invite some

people i do want to say like hopefully you only have one bachelorette party ideally you only have one bachelorette party and like little girls I know we don't know where she's from either like a lot of people in the south like weddings are so fucking important like every aspect of it is important so like this is coming from someone who like has me this is coming from me as someone who like has learned how awful it is to like have expectations for how something's gonna go and then have it be knocked down so now I just go into shit with literally zero expectations and it's the best way to live because you can only be happy from there when you have no expectations yeah you can't be upset about how things turn out yeah because you weren't expecting them to like be

like anyway a fucking great gatsby party right so every night i like you know on one hand i understand wanting everything to be perfect and then on the other hand like cutting some slack just like a little bit and like that's just like a good um like life lesson that's a good habit to get into these comments said also a 9 a.m brunch that's practically breakfast yep the whole itinerary sounds way too packed for a bachelorette party that typically involves drinking and having fun it just feels so militant it's like wake up exactly i just don't this one just says you're the asshole you sound exhausting yeah that's just it's too it's too

much and like again like when somebody is being a dick like you don't want to celebrate them you turn into like the pariah for the weekend because everyone is bonding over you being a dick that's so funny that's really true i do have to say i'm very glad that i like all my friends who have gotten married and like their bachelorette parties there are super fun and like silly and exactly like a kid's sleepover you know yeah so it's like that and then like their weddings have also been fun i've never been a part of a wedding or a bachelorette party where the bride was a bride villa okay thank god me neither i mean the only thing that says good things about me and my friends absolutely you're the friends you keep especially at this age i think it's different

when you're younger but like when you get to a certain age you're you have no there's no excuse for being friends with assholes so a couple of listener uh emails there's one that i want to read that is going to have she had emailed us a super long story i had to copy and paste it because she also included pictures and it made the it made it too wide for me to like read oh yeah yeah so i copied and pasted it no lie it was 10 pages i read the whole thing but i'm not gonna read it on the podcast because it's way too long so i'm gonna do the the um shortened version of it i'm gonna do a little summary yeah yeah the spark notes version of it um so this listener is 24 and uh she was homeschooled she was a virgin and um she started like seeing this guy who lived like a mile from

her um and he used to go to asu and they live in illinois now and um she like matched with him on bumble and they went on a few dates and like since she was homeschooled she didn't ever really experienced having just like a male friend so she he had already he had also ghosted her previously so they kind of reconnected and she was a little traumatized from him ghosting her because she like didn't have a lot of dating experience and didn't realize like that's kind of normal even though it's fucking stupid and shouldn't be normal and is traumatizing anyway yeah like if anyone just like drops you it sucks so um she was like yeah let's kind of just like hang out and see what happens and then they ended up kind of having this like whirlwind romance

fling he wasn't sure if his company was going to move him to arizona the whole time like because that's where he went to school so um he thought like he might have to move for it and it was like kind of always something that was part of the their discussion he ended up having to move for his job so basically the crux of the story is um he lied to her entirely about having to move for his job i was going to say i bet he's fucking lying he and what a fucking dumb ass he lived down the street like he lives a mile away and um he he hadn't planned any of this because she she was like yeah he wasn't texting me back so i went to his instagram and looked at his tagged photos and even that he's at his friend's birthday party in chicago and like it wasn't like a late photo

because she like looked at other people's pictures too to be like wait what the fuck and what the fuck did he think was gonna happen i don't know so then she tells her parents and oh also this fucking guy took her virginity what a piece of shit yeah and she was like since i like she wasn't having sex or anything she like doesn't really shave just keeps a nice little trim high and tight right yeah military cut uh-huh um but even so like that doesn't really make a difference you know no but he like he told her her vagina was gross of course he did yeah of course he did a dude's like that would yeah well and i'm not gonna i already just don't like this guy um but uh she included a picture of them together and he is such a fucking

nerd he yeah not even in like a cute like fun way and i i know she's listening so if you are listening and i'm i'm sure you're like might be a little hung up on him but she's so beautiful and i don't think she realizes it and i was like this fucking guy this one you're a lot he he thought he could get away with treating you like this anyways so yeah he he like isn't texting her back or anything and then but she comes to the conclusion he never moved and then she was like i know i knew he didn't live far away but i like her mom ended up like driving past and saw him in the garage so she pulls over her car and confronts him and she was like oh so did you moved back so soon and then he like didn't know what the fuck to say and then she's like do you

think it would have been easier if you had just told the truth and he was like yeah i i just didn't want something serious or like i didn't want a relationship then say that no he said the opposite he like he was like handwriting her like notes and letters and like garbage can of yeah he was he was like you changed my life if i wasn't moving we would be together like you're the best thing that's ever happened to me shit like that like uncalled for you he didn't have to do that he didn't have to say stuff like that i hate this guy yeah he i so i have this theory about some men that like start getting they'd never get attention until college i honestly don't think he probably even got attention in college but sometimes like those like nerdy looking dudes

like they don't ever nobody talks to them and then when they get to college like they start getting like a semblance of attention and they're like oh i'm gonna start being a fucking dick because that's what women like and then like when they actually feel something real they panic because they're like in this mindset of like well i can't settle down because now i'm like hot shit you know i went to college and now i'm like and i know dudes like this like yeah we all do like that like got no attention then got like a little bit and now they think that they're like fucking hot shit chosen one those are like the kinds of guys that start a podcast about dating women and being successful and saying things like men have to resist the earth

when they work i was about to say this is like so good bro bad bro but like i i don't it's so strange when like such um like beautiful people get so hung up this is any gender gets so hung up on someone that doesn't deserve them like beautiful inside and out and it's like it's so easy to happen because when you like don't have a lot of dating experience like i mean i look back on some of the fucking clowns that i like wasted my energy on and i'm just like the fuck and like as time goes on you start to like respect yourself a little bit more that oh and he stole money from her what the fuck for how her family they had like um a 10 and a 20 on the kitchen counter for something and um the the 10 disappeared after he came over for the first time or something

this dude first of all you dodged i think he's just kind of like he's just a dumbass like kind of like i i i'm not gonna just throw out the word sociopath but like this behavior is a fucking ridiculous well she sent an update so i was just shut up i was gonna read an update oh my god okay let me finish my thought and then i need to hear that like it's so easy to think that this is like you're the only person that's gone through this because it is a very isolating feeling being like this is my like first experience with dating and then like somebody hurt me is this how it's always gonna be no don't let this cloud how you feel about shit because you deserve better than that go on so the email kind of ended also with her saying that um after they hooked up

uh she got bb bacterial vaginosis which is like you don't even have to like do anything sexual to get that it can just kind of appear kind of like a yeast infection i have it all the time yeah she got a she got bb and then she got a yeast infection after that so she's was like stuck taking medication which makes sense um so then she got she sent this update um hi Amelia and Liz wanted to give you an update on my story since April and I feel that isn't an over it is an overall health update that I feel the world needs more awareness on so I told you the story about the roller coaster boy that said he was moving away to Arizona but never did my very first sexual experience with him and the chain of events that followed I think I may have

mentioned in the last email that i had been to the doctor probably five times because because of some pain and discomfort after my sexual experience with him so maybe she didn't have sex with him maybe it was like just fingering like everything up to sex yeah but still i mean like that's still penetration of some kind totally um and emotional yeah well now try 12 times it has been such an emotional whirlwind i'm mentally and physically exhausted it wasn't until appointment 11 with a vulva dermatologist that I finally accepted my diagnosis of vulvodynia it's v-u-l-v-o-d-y-n-i-a it had been mentioned before but I hadn't been tested for it and felt that the other doctors were just throwing pills my way and telling me to shut up anyone else feel that

way with women gynecologists are kind of mean standard yeah it depends on I fully think it depends like i've had awful female gynecologists and oh my god like one really horrible male doctor anyways yeah surprisingly not many people have heard of this condition vulvodynia is when you experience chronic pain in the vulva there are two types generalized and localized provoked and unprovoked i have localized unprovoked which is the most common type doctors believe it is damaged nerves in that area and that there is no cause but it can be stemmed from ptsd from sexual trauma when i got the official diagnosis which they do by doing a q-tip test i don't think i've ever cried so much my mother finally has gotten on board to try and help me with everything and accompanying

me to appointments because it has been so overwhelming my pain symptoms started right after i had my sexual experience with him it was so overwhelming in general that i had been sexual sexual with someone that i spiraled into a health frenzy thinking that he had given me an std since he was a total liar the anxiety of it all made sense i had a case of bb then he used infection and even after taking medicine for that i still didn't feel the same the pain was mild at first with some dryness but then got so bad that i couldn't walk or sit a certain way i felt dry and raw all the time and the weirdest part was that my pubic hair hurt if i pressed down in a certain way or had clothes that rubbed against it the pain had gotten so bad that i could no longer

wear tight pants like exercise shorts i couldn't sleep with my legs closed i couldn't cross my legs i'm so thankful it's summer so i can wear baggy shorts and skirts but i'm terrified for the winter time with vulvodynia there is no cure just medications to help with the pain they say it can disappear as strangely as it appeared today i had a flare-up and managed an appointment with the nicest male gynecologist ever i told him my story and this is the first time that a doctor or anybody finally acknowledged that my experience can be placed in the date rape category honestly that is something i had been wondering about for quite a while while the experience was consensual in the end i was drunk i said no twice and he kept pushing and when i

finally said yes i was crying because i was sad that he was leaving and then he told me to stop crying and then the rest happened well also she wrote in our email to us like the first one that there wasn't any like she didn't have any aftercare like of course this is going to be a traumatizing first experience because he already was like kind of shitty to her anyways surprisingly none of my friends or regular therapists have heard of this but actually 16 of women experience it at some point in their lives but they all agree that a lot of women have hold a lot of tension in their pelvic floor i spoke with a woman that battled this and is strongly linked to mental health and at this point i have to teach myself to trust my body again and that she is safe

this has only been around and researched since 2000 so naturally i want to create awareness in my book i talk about vulvodynia and my experience with it while i do believe my case is mild i want to help other women that have been battling it for years all the profits of the book will go to national lovodynia association hell yeah but that's the update holy shit i think that it's more common than like the stats show that like yeah these are just people who are like i'm gonna go get this checked out or like yeah thing right right um because i also think that like women are taught to like think that they're being irrational when they like feel a type of way i know that i do women's pain is constantly minimized even though like uh we have a higher

pain tolerance than men yeah you're right that's a good point that is like especially people of color oh my god oh my god yes i mean that's a whole this this is this goes so fucking deep i think once we get out of our heads that like dudes are the foremost authority on like our worth especially on a vagina no especially on a vagina but like feeling like it doesn't it doesn't say anything about you for them to lie to you and i think that we like get into this spiral of like you know like i wasn't good enough for him to tell me the truth it's not that it's a betrayal yeah 100 but it says nothing about who you are at all i was when i was reading all of it and thinking about it earlier before you got here i was kind of thinking to myself like in a few years

she's going to be on the other side of this and see him like not as this like big threatening awful person but just someone who's kind of pathetic and yeah and you'll get to a point where you actually feel bad for them because he how awful would it feel to know you treated someone like this he is going to reflect on this and the decision he made and feel embarrassed forever like can you imagine like now consciously being like i'm just gonna fake moving and make up this whole elaborate lie you have to somewhere deep down inside of him he knows that that is crazy bananas just like the weirdest fucking thing you could do yeah it feels pathological to lie that much yeah that's pathological and just like and not think he was gonna get caught

or or know that at some point he was gonna get caught and not and just be like well i'll deal with the consequences if that happens well that's why i feel like there's like a screw loose you know because it's like there's no way that you wouldn't know that that was you're going to get found out there's no way that you wouldn't know so i wanted to end with a shorty shorty uh so this is from our favorite author the uh brazilian hell yeah uh she said hey again amelia and liz thank you for responding to me hope you're okay given the handmaid's tale we've been living i've been listening to every podcast i can to prevent the thoughts or to prevent thoughts so i found a local one which is about funny slash unlikely real stories

people send to the amazing host a woman obs and this story was from a girl telling about telling about a date she went to she went to the guy's home everything was so hot and fun that when she gave him a blow job she ended up swallowing this is relevant then they fell asleep in the morning she woke up with one of the worst belly aches she ever had oh no the one that comes before explosive diarrhea oh no she rushed home and unfortunately ended up shitting herself in her car which was chaotic and funny uh so here's me telling you another poop story she wrote us a poop story which was funny which is why we love her so much amongst other reasons but this time there's maybe a sex fact of the week the girl in this story has a cum intolerance every time she

swallows it she has explosive diarrhea the next day but she forgot about that because they were so carried away in the moment it's like being lactose intolerant but you know from a different kind of milk apparently this is a thing and quite common this was a sex fact for me and i hope it adds new and interesting information for you too maybe give a warning for first swallowers proceed with caution contains sperm ha ha ha love you bye what the fuck i'm gonna i don't have this but i'm gonna start telling men i do sorry i can't come in tolerance yeah sorry i'm coming tolerant uh semen intolerance i fucking can't that's unreal this condition is not common semen allergy isn't a direct cause of infertility symptoms of semen allergy include a change in skin color burning

or swelling and swelling where semen contacts the skin or vaginal tissue some people may have a whole body response including hives itching and difficulty breathing so it's not i mean i think people commonly ask if it's a sign or a cause of infertility and it's not how do you get rid of a semen allergy the easiest way to cope with sperm allergy is to make sure there is no contact with semen say less i'm sort of wondering if like if you're super allergic to something like what if you were super allergic to gluten but the person you're hooking up with like eats bread damn or like if you have a peanut allergy and they like eat a fucking peanut butter sandwich every day i don't know i am not doctor okay so don't ever cite this i'm just wondering

aloud so you might be on to something though because if you eat a lot of they say you eat a lot of pineapple your gum tastes like pineapple so there has to be remnants it's not and i've tested it myself well sperm reproduce like where it's not like eggs where like you're born with all the eggs you'll ever have because sperm can be like recreated it can be it's made consistently versus like like man's not born with all the sperm he'll ever have right i mean they can make your body can produce more yeah bananas anyway wow why i know what an episode no kidding we've been all over the board today so shall we close out yeah we hold on i gotta do my sex fact of the week you're allergic to cum

all right we love you we love you our children that was good a little flat but i liked it