The Hoely Hour - Going Out Fedora

Episode Date: January 23, 2026

A listener writes in to tell us about a date so bad, she saged her bed after. It is indeed sage-worthy. We read a few more emails and talk about de-centering age and mating habits with a scarcity mindset. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

it feels like the kind of guy that not only has a going out shirt but like a going out fedora anyway hey it's mailbag episode is the main never fit liz is editing this week so i don't think that's as as not gonna make it i i might i might keep it in i'm so tired today wow yeah i'm sorry i know i already told you that usually i can relate but i'm actually like you're like well-breasted we've switched spots my sleep score was 59 last night which is nine points higher than it was all weekend so i'm feeling really really good today i was telling amelia this before we started recording i slept for so freaking long i woke up at 11 a.m but i

was exhausted from the night before because i had to take gatsby to the emergency vet and then he had another vet appointment that we ended up having to keep and go to because the first vet didn't have the medication he needed but it's an ear infection he's okay he's okay yeah he's gonna make it pretty shitty ear infection and somehow spread to his eye and his other ear a little bit it's so hard with cats because like they're like yeah they mask all of their yeah they mask their pain yeah and you don't know until you're like oh you're acting kind of crazy i think about that all the time with me i was like how long did it look like he had an ear infection and then they were like a little while and i was like what and they were like um like like a few days and i was

thank god yeah a little while could mean anything yeah because i was like i noticed him his behavior kind of strange like the other night so i was glad that it hadn't gone on like too long yeah you know absolutely long enough that i was like oh his ear infection must be pretty bad poor baby boys yeah now he's high as fuck sleeping on my lap speaking of um what a little while means from person to person yeah what do when you say um like if you're like oh i'm gonna go to the bank in a bit what do you mean by that do you mean like in like three minutes or do you mean like two hours in a bit i would mean to me that would mean like between 30 minutes and an hour okay i agree and it could be even less than that maybe 20 minutes but i wouldn't say like three minutes

i'd be like i'm going to the bank frank uses it in like for like i'm gonna do that in like three minutes that's crazy it is crazy and he thinks i'm crazy in a bit means like in a little bit in a little while yeah i would say like 20 yeah 20 minutes to maybe two hours max yeah because i would expect someone with adhd to maybe take a couple hours to complete a task but he he uses in a bit to explain a shorter amount of time than in a sec i've noticed when does he say does he ever say in a second yeah if he's like yeah i'm gonna go do that in a sec it's it means like maybe 10 minutes if it's like three minutes it's like i'm going now yeah i'm about to do that in a second yeah i'm gonna do that in a second that's hilarious oh

mr liz has demanded i add um a like follow-up note from last week's episode i call him i called him a malamute it's actually malinois no that's a that's a the dog malinois no malinois malinois malinois there's an n in there i thought i thought you were calling him like a malamute because that's like a that's like a belgian malamute yeah but then there's a malinois which looks like a german shepherd yeah the cop dog that's like the cop dog okay yeah he was like that's not what that is so he demanded i um correct my mistake and inform the listeners that's a malinois was that what you meant yeah like but like i feel like when i see them they're always black oh really yeah i think he'd be a black malinois this is what i thought you meant i was

like yeah they're also kind of like one of those yeah they're busy and dramatic yeah he's not as dramatic yeah one of those holy shit look how big this one is yeah that's a huge dog anyway um he is kind of like that because he's big yeah not as fluffy sorry i meant the cop dog a cab includes malinois the cop dogs a cab includes german shepherds um right gatsby so it's a mailbag episode y'all yeah we have a few listener emails to read that i think will be fun feel free to write into us we do like to read your stories the subject line of this one is i had sex so bad i had to sage my bed great headline truly i'm locked in i need to know what happened that would be a great clickbait title for like a youtube video yeah um okay

hello you beautiful angels and happy new year happy new year happy new year i've been trying to figure out what to do with this story and i felt like you guys would get a kick out of it and perhaps there's a moral in there somewhere for the pod i'm 31 and generally consider myself to be pretty strong in granting and revoking consent but boy howdy was this one a doozy i'm gonna start using boy howdy one of the best dates i've ever been on turned into the worst sex i've ever had in my life no that is terrible that's the worst combo he was incredibly sweet thoughtful and attentive throughout the date i never touched a door handle or even thought about my wallet and he chose every place and activity based on things i mentioned in my profile i found

him on tinder by the end of the night we were having so much fun that i decided to invite him back to my place i showed uh i should have known from all the other times this has gone terribly for me to quit while i was ahead but alas mama wanted her biscuit listen sometimes the the punani talks for us you know yeah yeah making the decision yeah the punani's in the driver's seat he shows up at my place and to my surprise has a duffel bag with him pardon i thought this was an impulsive decision what do you mean you packed a toothbrush i briefly justified it in my head and decided to let it go yeah i like i guess i would understand like if you have like if you just have a go bag in your car like prepared with that kind of stuff but or if you like i don't know like mr

liz rides his bike this is a bad example like he brings all of his like shower stuff to work because he bikes to and from work so i don't know maybe they have if he had something in his car because he like goes to the gym in the morning before work i don't know i'm i'm i'm giving a an alternative as to why but it honestly sounds like he was prepared to spend the night he was like oh i hope things go my way yeah it does feel like it feels presumptuous well i planned this whole date and we did everything so surely i'm i'm gonna fuck yeah here i put in my nice guy coins in exchange for sex please yeah like a little nice guy vending machine yeah yeah okay then it was game time y'all this man pulls a metal tube out of his duffel bag unscrews a cap and produces a

cordless magic wand looking thing along with some strawberry flavored lube are you serious i cannot adequately express how much i was not planning on having a man over nor had i given him any prior indication that this would be happening does he just carry this thing everywhere who knows yeah going on a date and assuming you're gonna have sex and like whipping all this stuff out is a bit much having strawberry flavored lube is so like i mean you're going to suck my dick and i'm going to like go down on you like during sex like that's the only reason i would expect like flavored lube would be a thing yeah why the fuck do you need strawberry flavored lube like are you going to wear a condom and put the lube on top yeah then i'm gonna suck it off i

don't want that the only thing that i can think of is like that also sounds like a yeast infection waiting to happen i do not want scented lube in my vagina are you kidding me there's no way yeah that's gonna attract maggots i was totally that's amelia come on this is a family podcast oh my god okay okay i'm gonna carry on because this is uh i am on the edge of my seat we're both pretty drunk haven't ever gotten oh sorry i'm backing up we're both pretty drunk haven't even gotten all of our clothes off yet and he's already deploying hardware i'm generally not opposed to electric electronic assistance but i was really counting on some drunken fooling

around and then going to bed yeah yeah right that's fair i politely said we didn't need that and hoped he'd put it away and then in quotes i really want you to experience this he whispers that would give me the ick sir i have experienced i don't really have the ick yeah oh no me too at this point i would be like i'm grossed out i'm already starting to back out this guy looks like he has like and then him being like i really want you to experience this it feels like the kind of guy that not only has a going out shirt but like a going out fedora i gotta put on my lady schmoozing fedora uh my you're scaring the hose in your fedora um i i feel like like this is the type of shit that

you read in like a romantic novel that the like bad boy is saying and it's hot and it seems like he read that and was like this will work for me that's so true and like on paper these things are fun to read but in real life when you're if you're experiencing them or if you think about it actually happening to you you're like no that's this is fucking weird you seem like a serial killer yeah like the the love interest in romanticist books literally do have serial killer behavior well i mean like joe goldberg from you did you watch all of you i did not watch the last season the last season was very like self-aware and kind of turns it back on the audience you know a little bit for like being attracted to a guy like that yeah you can't be on his side

he's a fucking sociopath women thirst over him and he's a literal serial killer i think it's because the actor is very hot he is really hot and also like it it kind of tickles a part of our brains that's like like oh like a guy that would like kill for me like no fucking way i haven't even had a guy open a door for me in like three years you know what i mean yeah so i don't know anyway experiences this would only be hot if it wasn't so fucking weird out the gate you know yeah like if you guys had if this was like a third date you had planned on having a sleepover you can't just you can't just like not announce or talk about or discuss like kinks yeah or like what type of sex you're into right so i think if it's like unplanned first date sex

yeah just you know have some fun yeah we don't need to break out the cordless magic wand yeah figure out the vibes first and then and then figure out the vibes exactly like vibration yeah magic wand on a second date but having a duffel bag full of hardware and flavored yeast infection juice ew that's worse than the maggot comment you are right as soon as i said it i was like i wish i didn't say that that's so gross it's it's a yeast infection waiting to happen it absolutely is i'm sorry i'm sorry listeners i'm sorry for that description she's not i regret it i'm very tired so i'm not on my a game when it comes to thinking of um adjectives i don't think you're sorry i am sorry because it's it was gross okay i'm gonna

keep reading um so he said i really want you to experience this sir i have experienced a magic wand before this is simply not that kind of party tonight he insists i want you to experience an orgasm yeah appreciate it you know well-intentioned he's being persistent he insists i try to put him off by going down on him hoping that one thing would naturally lead to another and he'd forget about it he did not forget please i want to try this on you he whines he just bought this for sure like it just he just like overnighted it from china he paid a lot of money to be able to use this on you tonight clearly i give up fine knock yourself out i guess he turns it on and when i tell you this thing was loud heavy equipment loud horsepower loud osha would like a word loud

i stop him and say thank you so much but i really don't need power tools on my clit right now can we just yeah do it is this like one of those muscle massagers oh my god a theragun ow yeah can you imagine just something punching your clit yeah at 300 miles per hour please let me drill your clit okay continue so he reaches into the bag of tricks and pulls out of condom thank god and then he goes to drizzle his beepus with the strawberry lube like it's a funnel cake at the county fair i stop him mid-pour oh what's that i ask taking a look at a sniff this shit had yeast infection written all over it wow i really foresaw that it smelled like dollar store body spray and melted gummy candy i told him we absolutely did not need that and i

was firm enough that he didn't push it please do not put that bath and body work shit inside of me at this point you may be wondering why i didn't just send him home i am also wondering that okay sometimes when you're drunk and you're you're already in too deep you're like whatever i guess like at some point you're like resigned to having bad sex yeah you know what i mean absolutely and you're like it's like also to the point where it's like this is the first day with a guy you're alone with him in your house and you don't want to piss him off yeah unfortunately yeah you know like so i think there's like a confluence of things that like even subconsciously like goes on in your head as a woman that's like well all right well i guess we're just gonna have like drill sex yeah

without strawberry lube though uh um i think i felt like i was in too deep i should have listened to my gut because somehow it got worse he says it's too quiet he has a playlist cool we can work with some tunes he puts on oingo boingo and looks at me like it's finally fucking go time what's oingo boingo it is like an 80s band i think oh no i know they have a hit song let me see what what it is i'm sorry if that if that drop happened during sex i would dry up instantly he's like i gotta turn on my 80s music that is absolutely fucking insane i'm gonna take you to town baby take you to orgasm town oingo boingo town should have put on strawberry fields forever he's high as hell and he's like what is going on oh he's gonna stumble away sorry buddy

oh are you eating oh good that's good okay um she continues where am i what is happening dead man's party is playing from his phone while this man attempts to give me from his phone the phone speaker stop oh my god while this man attempts to give me the wienering of a lifetime i am deeply confused the sex itself was absolutely horrific i'm sure you can imagine rhythmless jackhammering followed by nothing yeah he's trying to emulate the magic wand that just oh my god jackhammered into you turns out he'd been sneaking bumps all night and had coke dick i give enough of a performance that he feels like he's done his job and we finally go to sleep when he left the next morning i stripped the sheets and

saged the bed oh my you know he went home and he's like yeah he's like i'm a fucking badass i fucking did that even with coke dick the going out fedora did the trick again wow thank you so much for that was through and through entertaining i'm glad that your uh horrible horrible evening was shared with us today yeah thank you for sharing that with us fucking crazy i from top to bottom it sucks that the date went well and then and then you're like i'm having such a good time he's coked out let's try this out let's take it home that's just a fucking and then bringing a duffel bag with you full of like vibrator strawberry lube having having a good like a and then playing oingo boingo from your fucking phone speaker

of all of all things i'm gonna tell mr liz's story when he comes home oh i'll be telling frank as well this is crazy i cannot like there are sex playlists that exist if you need to play something on your phone maybe not oingo boingo and you know what uh i did actually put together i remembered today i was like oh shit i didn't actually put together my uh little sex playlist for the listeners and i did it's called the holy hour colon subspace fuck yeah yeah and i put i i was very thoughtful about what i put on there because i was like i was like you know what someone did ask for this someone asked for it but i'm not gonna like i didn't want to put on music that was like maybe too weird because sometimes i like some pretty

aggressive music yeah like when i'm at work i play a work crack playlist um it just really vibes with my adhd and it is insane music it's like 100 a lot of hyper pop a lot of hyper pop a lot of charlie xcx but there's no charlie xcx or hyper pop on the subspace playlist is it in a specific order or can they listen to it on shuffle um i would say listen to it on shuffle i i think it's a good shuffling playlist um but yeah it's more like kind of dark and moody music but yeah i would i would describe it as like dark and sexual and intense which maybe this guy should try that playlist this guy should i think let's let's go over let's give him a review okay well we're gonna leave a google review for this man and his date on where he can improve so for for

starters you don't need to be doing lines of coke no um that's a big red flag yeah it feels like an addiction yeah well yeah you need to do bumps of coke during a date um and you can't perform you can't have good sex on coke no or well this man can't um and then being prepared with a duffel bag yeah like i i guess i'm wondering does this man have a lot of first dates probably not any second dates i mean the fact that he like put so much work into planning the first date yeah feels like like oh i'm gonna have this this on me yeah in case i have sex on me yeah yeah i i think that's creepy it absolutely is creepy like i don't think that there are any like i would give this man maybe two stars i'd give him one and a half maybe well and then the

oinko boinko no on the phone speaker also no like if you wanted to like set the mood you should have done that before getting started right it's like if that much planning goes in where you bring like a cordless magic wand and strawberry lube like yeah bring like a portable speaker and you know invest in a bullet vibrator also how would you feel if a man pulled out a vibrator that had been used on other people i've had dudes do that before how did how did you it make you feel i was actually kind of impressed that he had one it was under his pillow so i was like i think he also uses it on him it was like a hitachi like it was like a do we think he's cleaning it i just don't trust a man to be clean that was fake dom remember him yeah yeah i was thinking about him

the other day this this guy kind of sounds like him he absolutely does but but i mean fake dom would have never put in that much work into it it's just so disappointing like how bad at sex so many men are yeah like but just just be invested in the other person's pleasure i used this analogy on a past episode but it feels like how like tourist trap restaurants are where they like know that they aren't going to have any repeat customers so they don't have to like put any effort in yeah they're just like well like you're here yeah give me your money give me your money and then we're never going to talk we know you're not going to come back yeah and like they all have like two stars on your money and you know we're never going to talk again that's exactly

what it's like but i don't know i i think that men should feel really bad about themselves anytime that they don't make um their partner have an orgasm yeah especially if it's like a casual dating situation agreed like you should feel like a failure unless they're like oh no i'm good we can be done i don't know there's been like a few occasions where i'm like yeah i don't i don't need to come oh yeah for sure i had i had a good time yeah i'm just kind of tired you know yeah it's not about the destination it's about the journey yeah exactly sometimes but in this situation if you're gonna like if you think you're a big baller and you're showing up with your fucking duffel bag full of toys you need to actually perform you need to be good at this

yes absolutely like the only way this would have worked for him is if he was really fucking hot and good at sex yeah and it doesn't sound like at least one of those isn't true yeah it's just coked out of his mind bringing a loud vibrator that's crazy like that the fact that it was noisy and he was so proud of it yeah at least i need you to experience this yeah i actually wish that i didn't experience this at all all right i need you to experience this i like my vibrators like i like my men quiet quiet and only used on me yeah yeah that too mine only yeah oh my god shall we move on yeah that was a good story thank you so much that was really fun um and wait did it end with her saying i saged my bed yeah oh thank god it's a good idea keep it saged keep it saged

after any bad hookup i think that's a really good idea um so this one is a follow-up from the help my boyfriend voted for trump um i'm just gonna skip to the part where she recommend she wants us to talk about something um about a topic and first of all i want to say how fucking good it must feel right now to not have a trump supporting boyfriend oh my god i really cannot imagine with everything happening with ice and like everything this dipshit administration is doing because we had two different listeners write in about like oh my my partner voted for trump what do i do and we were like it ain't gonna work yeah um and then both of them have are no longer with their trump supporting partners but i mean like yeah i would feel so validated and smug i'd be like you voted

for this fuckwad yeah look what's happening right is your gas cheaper are your eggs cheaper is your life better he's also threatening to raise tariffs now for countries that are against the whole greenland acquisition we need a slur for maga that's how we do maggots well i mean i think it's why people are using the r word again i i think you're right about that like i i can't think of any other more insulting word that is so offensive you need something offensive yeah i still i still won't say it yeah it doesn't feel right i'm not gonna say it no no it's not gonna be here in uh it's something that you say in your head and then you're like i shouldn't have thought that that's how i can't help for so long i haven't i've been feeling a type of way about the word bitch i hate

using the word bitch unless somebody's being a bitch i only like i feel like bitch is a fun word when you're like yeah like a loving yeah like she's that bitch she is that bitch like as a compliment yeah but i i can't remember what i was watching oh i was watching a clip of this comedian being heckled on stage and like she she had said what's what's good about being married and she's like asking the audience and then one guy is like um seeing single women like you on stage not and not being married or something like that and it was really rude and he called her a bitch and she was like she was like i think that your wife is more offended than i am right now like more embarrassed than i am right uh and i was just like the audacity they're for sure gonna be divorced

but anyways wait speaking of like being embarrassed for your husband have you this is not the mailbag and we'll absolutely be reading this we went off on a tangent but the dax shepherd kristen bell like podcast episode drama that is happening with share wait i don't know it's oh i did see the clip that i did see somewhat like the quote that share was like your wife must see something in you that i don't yeah which is such a fucking read because i feel the same way about dax shepherd well no the whole interaction was so uncomfortable he was like um to share who do you think that kristin should be with because i know that you think that she deserves better than me and kristin was like oh he's he's self-deprecating this is his humor like doing like a lot of like

the like um comforting of the situation yeah i mean like the fun yeah yeah like making sure that everybody feels comfortable and uh share was like yeah she said like i mean clearly you she sees something in you that i don't but like i never said that but it's like the self-deprecation and like going on the attack like that is so strange making it so awkward sorry one more thing nick vial's podcast have you been reading about this no oh my god i'm getting all the tea he um him and his very young wife he's like 40 something she's like early 20s i did know that it's like you know whatever whatever um but they had somebody on from one of the bravo shows whose sister he witnessed dying falling off of a cliff when he was seven years old and it's like a big

thing that he talks about on the show and it's like he cries about it all the time on the show and nick vial's wife was like like five minutes in the podcast was like so let's talk about your sister dying like what was up with that cliff like what yeah and people are like why are we still giving these people a platform like yeah learn how to interview people that's zero zero tact your sister fell off a clip what's up with that and she was like smiling she had like a huge smile on her face that's insane fucking bizarre well i'm like i'm thinking comparatively like um good hang amy puller's podcast such a fun show oh yeah she had um aubrey plaza on and it was a few months after her husband had died and clearly they had talked to her ahead of time

about like do you want to talk about that's exactly right instead of just like springing it on her and being like so your husband died right let's talk about your depression around that like right clearly they had a conversation ahead of time like and nick like while she was how fucking stupid do you need to be while she was asking this question you see his hand like kind of do this like while she was like like he was kind of telling her like stop you know like don't but edit it out of the podcast then it's not live you know what i mean just edit out the whole chunk it's bizarre and he was so the guy that they were interviewing was so uncomfortable his leg was shaking it yeah it's live still now as we're recording because i just watched it

anyway okay let's just continue on i just needed to give you that those hot topics that was fun okay i love that once again congratulations on not having a trump supporting boyfriend because like what an embarrassing time to be a trump supporter seriously i also think like if you're still supporting him at this point you're a fucking idiot yeah i think i think fell for it again award like i there's gonna be a time i remember i keep seeing this quote where people are like one day everyone will have always been against this yeah um and that's very accurate accurate you're seeing more and more people like become incredibly unhappy this is a very unpopular administration yeah they're they are a very small percentage of the population and they're trying to

make it seem like they are bigger than they are by like astroturfing on twitter and posting all these fucking videos and tweets and like the amount of bots that are on twitter is an absurd amount they've also apparently have like the number of those tweets has gone down significantly since everything that's been happening with venezuela and iran yeah because they turned russia and china have been turning off their bots so now there's less support for trump on twitter because i think that was the majority of the sport to show how much of it is an illusion um anyways okay what's an embarrassing time oh i was gonna say i keep thinking like in the future i hope the people that voted for trump and supported this administration

look back on this time when everybody's like that was fucking horrible i can't believe that happened to america and like um everyone's held accountable for what they did and how they participated and what's happening what's happened over this last year and probably the next year um i hope they remember that they supported and defended these things and i hope they feel ashamed until they die yeah i hope their shame haunts them to their grave there was that insurrectionist that declined being pardoned because she was like i did something bad yeah and she was like oh i was part of a cult she was deprogrammed so like it's possible you can people are waking up yeah thank god it's about time anyways um back to the email from the listener

at the end of her email she suggested we cover a topic so I'm just going to read that part I just turned 31 and being freshly single put a lot of stress on my birthday because having to start over and having the feeling of being on a time clock if I want to have kids my sister and I were talking about how it's becoming more and more common for women to be single mothers by choice through sperm donation IVF etc I think so many women are tired of putting up with dating the bullshit some men put us through unequal emotional labor and relationships to the point that they're just deciding to do it alone it got me thinking about about it as an option that maybe if in five years i'm still single and i'm in a solid enough place financially i could adopt or

have a child on my own it was really it was a really freeing thought and took so much stress off the idea of needing to date again so i thought it might be an interesting topic for you ladies to cover um I've thought about like obviously I've had thoughts around like having children in pregnancy before like I wanted to have my eggs frozen yeah in case I changed my mind and I think once you like allow yourself to think of to to think of life in an alternative way like it it does take a lot of weight off your shoulders yeah and there are I mean yeah more and more women are just choosing to have a family by themselves yeah and if you can afford it i mean what what's to stop you that's the other thing too yeah and a lot of companies like a lot of corporate companies

will pay for women to freeze their eggs now too which is like so progressive yeah but like there are pay for ivf they'll help pay for uh or like put money towards getting your eggs frozen just reproductive health care support in that way is like unheard of but i think it should be more popular i mean it's not unheard of in europe yeah um yeah i think it is a big decision to make but it's something that like yeah like you don't need to follow a traditional path to still have the life that you want totally you know what i mean yeah and also i do want to validate the feeling of being like uh-oh it oh god constantly even if you don't want kids yeah it does feel like oh i'm on some kind of clock yeah that's a fucking what that's like that's something that like men don't

have to ever think about a 30 year old man is young and a 30 year old woman's washed up or at least that's society yeah i think people are believing that less and less yeah and i think maybe it's because the people who grew up with the internet are in their 30s now and they're like i don't feel old so yeah yeah i mean it's i i feel like like right when i turned 30 i mean i had started dating frank toward the end of my 30s but like right when i turned 30 i was like oh my oh my god oh no i'm running out and like i was having i talked about it a lot on this podcast but i was having a lot of conversations with my therapist and with myself that was like like why why am i feeling so like stressed out about turning 30 and a big piece of it is that like things that you

accomplish as a woman in your 30s to society is less impressive than accomplishing things in your 20s really and like but it's so impossible now to accomplish so many of those things yeah buying a house yes and like yeah being a mother and buy a house if i don't have kids right and i'm not going to have kids if i'm not like able to financially provide for them uh-huh and we're not in a place so hard right and like i don't know like it's just all so fucking made up it's just all made up one of my um like i think i can't remember if i said this on our new year's podcast episode but what I had told our friends like what are some things you know we want to welcome into the new year or whatever and one of the things that I wanted to do is continue de-centering age

and I think that's like an important thing like men have already been de-centered yep I've been doing that for a while but um de-centering age I think is something that is the next step of like being present and enjoying your life like you're never going to not to stop aging you know yeah and i also i don't know i i like myself more the older i get totally so and it's also such this is so like i don't know like cliche i guess but it really is such like it's such a blessing to age because not everybody gets to do it you know yeah like i don't know like i think all the time about um not i don't think about them all the time but in regards to this conversation the kids that got murdered in idaho the idaho four case where like they were about to like

start their lives yeah they were like all gradual few of them were graduating one of them had graduated and was like just visiting and then like they don't get to grow up now you know and it's like i think about shit like that and i'm just like fuck like what if what if i didn't have the chance to be 32 right now like that's i feel so lucky and it sucks that society makes you feel like a failure even though you're like decrepit at this age and it's like no we still hopefully have our entire lives ahead of us at this age yeah we're not old and i don't think that people in their 40s feel like they're old or no unaccomplished we had an uber driver we had an uber driver this weekend that was 60 and he was like talking about how young he felt and i'm like

yeah it is young yeah that is young yes you still have so much time left yeah you're not old until you're in your 80s yeah all right what's next okay so we got a long email from one of our listeners that um is a lot of information but i'm going to just read the bottom part because i think that it's an interesting conversation this person's asking um about the ratios of male to female in colleges now females outnumber males two to one in college serve with that i mean that doesn't surprise me no with an abundance of females and few males that gives rise to hookup culture that doesn't make any sense with an abundance of females and few males that gives rise to hookup culture i don't know whatever since well i think that would mean like men feel like they

have a lot of options so they're not gonna like settle with a partner because there are too few options it's there's oh see i was thinking like wouldn't more men mean that there would be more hookup culture but that's not how that works fewer that makes sense okay um yeah that makes yeah that does make sense to me something i think is interesting is okay if you have more and more women pursuing higher education those women are more likely to get higher paying jobs out of school so i just it makes me wonder if the long run is women will be in charge i don't hate that thought we'll see i think things would be better if they were okay then they continue on to say since you two are in the seattle area this book that they were

talking about earlier in the email identifies seattle as a city where men outnumber women which would according to this book make men more likely to stay loyal to their women have you noticed anything like this is hookup culture prevalent interested to know your thoughts on this we looked up the numbers and i think it's like 103 men to 100 women so like it's negligible yeah or like a smaller i mean like maybe a small percentage percentage difference maybe when this book came out like i don't know if like the tech boom here like brought the numbers to be different i don't know but like well and i don't know if this is because of our age i don't know what it's like to date in your 20s in seattle right now yeah i haven't been single since i was 28 and yeah um

um but what i can speak to observing just like my own social circles it seems like um hello howdy our sheets ripped so i had to get some new ones i hate when that happens i know uh only on my side so it's a big hole interesting no i'm trying to take the blankets back from you um but i was gonna say what i've noticed just in my own social circles is like i don't know very many single men and like when i did i don't know if they were necessarily people i wanted to set up with my friends and then now that they're in like long-term now they're in like long-term relationships yeah with like really great people so i just i i see fewer and fewer people like breaking up in my

own circle yeah i mean yeah but also we're like in our 30s yeah i think it is different i mean like hookup culture was like a big thing when i was dating and i also think that it was also straight out of the pandemic though yeah i was gonna say i think like the pandemic made people like eager to fuck get the hell out of their houses and like get into someone else yeah yeah exactly yeah and i obliged or just do yeah just be doing anything yeah it's like you know what i wonder how many relationships ended during covid i wonder how many yeah probably a lot and i want to know why yeah i mean being stuck i need to see some statistics yeah well because like and what's the like if kovat didn't happen what would be the likelihood that they would still be

together the world will look so fucking different if kovat never happened i know it's so weird to think about there's an alternate universe where this never happened yeah and i hope when i die i get to watch it like a movie i i don't know maybe this was maybe it was a good thing maybe it's a bad thing i just i feel like the it really shattered a lot of like capitalist ideology i absolutely i think that the answer to this email specifically about hookup culture in seattle and like the men outnumbering women piece is so hard to answer because it's dependent on so many different factors like i don't know if you can really like have any sort of like scientific finding on this one like there's really no control groups i guess you either have more men

more women or like an equal number of both but like even then you can't keep all the factors the same in all of the populations when there are so many different things i think that come into play with things like this and maybe i don't know maybe earlier like talk there's like some information in this email about like pond chick sick sick schlitz it's a specific type of fish that is monogamous um that uh increasing the male the ratio of male to female from six to six to then seven to five cut the male desertion rate in half from 22 to 11 but i think humans are more complex yeah and like there's not as much of a uh yeah humans are more complex yeah there's not like necessarily this like biological drive

to like reproduce yeah for the most part yeah like it is a lot more nuanced than that now i think maybe back in the day because it was expected it's like oh you're expected to get married and have kids right and people also only got married because like land became like valuable so they're like oh i can't give my land to my kids if i don't know who my kids are right so that's how like monogamy and marriage became a thing and then not to say i don't know if people are always not monogamous i know chad podcasters would like to argue that men aren't supposed to be monogamous right like no you're just making excuses for being a bad partner anyways we also found out speaking of landlord that um our landlords are selling our place in

november oh which is it's fine yeah it's sad because like i feel like or i'm already feeling nostalgic about moving out of the first place i mean frank lived in together you know yeah and i love our house but there's like so many issues with it wait is is this the first place you guys have lived in together yeah okay is that crazy yeah is there anything else that we i feel like before you came over i was like oh i want to talk to amelia about that but now i can't remember what it was it's been such a long weekend for you especially yeah the cat being sick and then i feel like i have a million things to do i got a work email over the weekend on sunday we're recording on monday mlk day rip um and yeah i got a work email i got two work emails and they

very long on sunday what are y'all doing i'm not replying to this i'm sorry my lll is on i'll pre-write it tonight and then i'll send it to you early in the morning and then you will know that i won't reply to you on the weekend yeah so yeah you don't want to set a standard again yeah yeah i very much i debated i was like should i email back they're kind of important but this what they're emailing me about is not important if you're not expected to be online then no yeah you know what i mean i debated it and then i was like no i'm i'm not going to set the expectation that i'm going to be available on the weekend yeah i one of my very first bosses told me that they're like never respond to emails on the weekend or people are just going to think that

you always will especially if you have clients yeah like these are people like that i work with they're not clients but especially a client if you're like yeah i'll get back to you at any hour of the day fuck that hell no we had apparently there was a call at four o'clock in the morning this morning that was a global call for my client that's crazy for you i didn't go yeah like can you uh give me the spark notes version yeah um there's surely surely this can be recorded yeah give me the zoom notes or whatever have co-pilot tell me what y'all talked about yeah since you're forcing everyone to use it yeah seriously why don't you use it did you see his little tongue when he meowed no i that was crazy what did he do he like was stretching he was like

just like it came straight out he's like i need to make noise no matter what oh my god he's so pretty okay should we wrap yeah let's wrap take us out i'm too tired we love you our children thank you bye bye Yeah, oh, oh, oh, oh, yeah.