The Hoely Hour - Happy Hoelidays!

Episode Date: December 24, 2021

Amelia and Liz slow down this week to acknowledge what a tough couple of years it's been and read a touching email from a listener. They reflect on some of their favorite moments of 2021, and Amelia makes Liz rank pickup lines! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

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$15 per month equivalent. Taxes and fees extra. New customer offer for initial plan term only greater than 50 gigabytes. me slow when network is busy see terms ho ho ho welcome to the ho ho i'm amelia samson i'm liz ball it sounded so much worse when we did it in unison whatever we're committed we're committed so we are doing just a so we realize this is coming out on christmas um so we're just doing a little mini episode but we have a full episode recorded and ready to go for you next week but we wanted to just have like a little

a little baby christmas sewed for you well we're sitting a holiday so we're sitting by a fire right now yeah it's side eye in the camera yeah the fire is a ring light blaring in our eyes we're wearing flannel pajamas drinking hot cocoa that's that's christmas yep that's that's christmas i also didn't realize when because we recorded our last episode and then i was trying to tease this episode i didn't realize that this episode was going to be this week because i didn't realize christmas is this week yeah it's insane christmas is this week my brother comes home tomorrow i'm so fucking excited i know but i had no idea christmas was this week but i think when anything falls on a weekend i'm lost yeah it's just it's a wash i didn't i don't even know i never know

what day of the week it is no it's uh i think we can all agree that 2021 was a fever dream a weird yeah it was a weird year it was so long and short at the same yeah it's so strange in a way that was different than 2020 it it it really sucked there were some really great moments but a lot of it really sucked 2021 this was the best year of my life really yeah i mean a lot of really cool stuff happened i can't deny that but in general like in terms of how things are going with the world a lot of stuff sucks see this is the thing is like i've come to accept like the baseline for the world is so low that's like we're going up from 2020 it's bad compared to 2020 2021 was you know it's just things it was up things are bleak you know really they really are but we have

a lot to be grateful for yeah and i think that this is a good like thing to be addressing you know in the holiday episode and the end of the year of just like i i told amelia earlier today that I wanted us to like acknowledge that a lot of people a lot of us are celebrating the holidays without loved ones this year and I've just I've seen a lot of like and even experienced in myself a lot of like loss and tragedy this year and it's just hard it's not gonna be the same without some of these people in our lives every single day so if you're celebrating the holidays without someone or you're not able to see your family or friends because covid is going around like crazy if you didn't notice um yeah the omicron variant is most it's considered like a super spreader essentially

but the good news is is that it's less aggressive which and that's how the spanish flu ended fun fact okay that is a fun fact actually we're holding on to that yeah yeah so it's spreading like crazy and i think that are most people vaccinated i don't know a lot well a lot of people are anti-vaxxers are just louder and so it feels like there's not a lot of people that are a lot of people a ton of people are vaccinated so and liz and i just got boosted yeah just got boosted although some of a lot of the people i know who have gotten boosted have still gotten covid it just has not been nearly as bad yeah so it's just like the flu shot you know it's like it might catch it what is it like 40 to 70 it catches i think that those are the stats which

is that's a big range that is a very large but i would rather be 40 to 70 you can either have an f or a c right it's such a large range at least it's not definitely an f yeah and that's what we're holding on to i don't know that's it's just you know everyone's getting covid and if you get covid i hope that you know you're being safe and i'm sad if you're celebrating the holidays not how you intended so a lot of people are celebrating the holidays not how they intended which is like you know if people are sick if we're missing loved ones things like that so we're thinking of you yes we are we're always with you you make us feel less alone in a lot of ways so that's dope and we hope that we can do the same for you yeah hopefully if you are if you

are stuck not celebrating the holidays how you would have liked at least we could be here to keep you company for just a little bit of time so amen um and we wanted to read a an email that we received last week that literally made both of us cry I was sobbing so um the title of this I want to put a trigger warning in front of this email um you might want to skip the next few minutes um so it starts hi girls I love you guys so much and love listening to the podcast I had the vaginal air quotes story and wanted to share a little more about myself this is a long one so buckle up i was with my high school boyfriend three and a half years finally broke up with him my sophomore year of college did the typical exploring that comes with

being a college student of course a year and a half after breaking up with him i met this guy at a bar how all stories start right well he ended up changing everything in the year we dated he abused me mentally physically emotionally and raped me i was not allowed to hang out with friends unless he was there. I was not allowed to see my family. He was cheating on me. During the height of the trauma, he introduced me to cocaine. The only way to make him happy was to continue doing drugs, so I did. I did everything I could to make him happy. I was finishing nursing school as I suffered silently in an abusive relationship. Ultimately, I got away, graduated, and was okay. I started a nursing job. Low life was great. I was doing coke here and there when I drank,

than doing it maybe every other week when I went out no big deal then I became a COVID ICU nurse I was watching people die left and right I couldn't save anyone so the drinking got heavier and every other week turned into almost once a week I was lying to those I love hiding what I was doing I of course got caught by my loved ones I can proudly say that I'm just shy of 60 days sober managed to survive Vegas sober and have been dealing with the trauma of my past relationship for the first time and discussing the trauma of the ongoing pandemic as I continue taking care of COVID patients in their worst moments the biggest turning point for me listening to your podcast and hearing you guys go to counseling it made me realize it was okay counseling was

normal needing help does not make me weak I'm sorry this was so long and I hope it made sense but ultimately I'm wanting to say thank you for saving helping save my life I love you both more than you can understand and you have both helped me work towards being the woman I want to be I'm gonna start crying um thank you so much and keep being badass women um thank you so much and keep being a badass woman the first I read this email like maybe 10 times when I first saw it and could not stop crying like it's insane to think of like us even having that level of impact I think yeah um like because in I don't want to speak for both Amelia and I but I think both of us like think of this as like fun time on Liz's couch time it's so true nope I agree like we're not

thinking like oh people are gonna listen to this and it might impact them in areas of their lives that we don't even know about so yeah and it is like fun time on Liz's couch but we also both of us like it's so important to us and like it means so much to us and like it's not easy all the time for us to put ourselves out there but we do it because we because of this kind of thing like yeah absolutely it's so easy to feel so alone in things that people aren't normally talking about so like knowing that us opening up about these things is helping anybody even in like a corner of their life makes everything all of the work and all of like the transparency and everything so worth it yeah which sounds cliche but it's true like we there's so there are so many

moments that I'm like and not really anymore but in the beginning I was like what are we doing yeah we did we did have a lot of moments at the beginning where we were like oh god we're sharing like so many intimate details now i can't imagine doing anything yeah true i'm like fuck it like here's everything talk about sex yesterday let's talk about that no but really like it's i think that knowing i don't think i know knowing that it's had any sort of positive impact on anybody has made all of it i don't even think about i don't think twice about it now yeah so i don't know i'm just so happy to know we're so proud of you and your sobriety and how far you've come and sharing your story with us like knowing that we might share it too because um she did follow

up and say like please feel free to share this because she wants to encourage getting help and seeking sobriety and getting counseling and therapy so we are really thankful that like you all write into us and share this level of like intimacy with us in detail amen thank you so much for writing in like there aren't enough words to say how much reading that meant to us um so just thank you yeah i was i was curled up on this exact couch under a blanket just like crying it's like oh my god it really means a lot it's a heavy thing to process it really is and it's so meaningful so again thank you and we are so proud of you so yeah that that felt like a good way for us to celebrate with with everyone yeah i love that even though it's not necessarily like

bright and cheery and happy it still is it's happy in its own way it is i agree and we can't We can't just like pretend everything this year has been amazing. It's been a long year of growing, I think. I think that that's why it's been one of my favorite years. Yeah. Even though there's been like awful shit going on, there's been so much growth this year. Yeah. That's dope.

What's been, since this is going to be our last kind of episode, not of the year, I guess we have one more coming out, but just thinking, like reflecting on the year, what's been like a highlight for you? because literally so much has happened yeah it's been a really busy year i like i'm trying to think even back to last january i'm like i don't even know no i can't even remember that time in my life there's been so much stuff i think like it's kind of like a an abstract answer but like getting to a point where i feel like i could make a career of the things that i like like i think that's a huge that's really huge that's i've never felt like that before and that's

something that was accomplished over time it's not like you know you had one day where you're like this is the best day yeah yeah right exactly it's it's that's a long term nation of and 2020 was fucking ass and like i was putting in so much work to like get to a point where i could be happy with myself we started this podcast in 2020 yeah think of how much has changed from episode one we were talking about this recently because we had brought up uh reese uh enemy number one of the pod reese and so i was like i want to listen to reese's origin story so i listened back to episode one and i was just like i was mostly appalled at the audio because i was like this is so bad we wouldn't stop like banging the table we only had one microphone yeah we were

showing the one yeti mic yeah it was rough and just like um i think the way that we talk now is very different yeah we're just we've grown yeah i think but i also think that everyone could probably relate to something like that like totally everyone has grown dramatically in the last year and a half two years it's been a it's been a wild fucking two years everyone really really has if you haven't changed by the the end of 2021 i just i don't believe you no i mean you're about to say there's really no way there's no possible way you've just been forced to just like everyone's just grow uh yeah it was really it's interesting to look back and see how different things are and like we're also a lot closer now yeah so how we interact is different that's so

true so that was an interesting dynamic to hear yeah we are a lot closer yeah the first episode i remember now i can't imagine like i forget that i didn't go to college with you oh yeah like i feel like i've just known you for so long it's only been three years i don't like that yeah it's not weird it feels way longer we're in the same soul pod my hands are very clammy no they're actually not oh thank you yeah we are in the same soul pod yeah i was thinking about that last night i was thinking about so our psychiatrist says calls so things soul pods like um someone who you just feel like you've known for a long time who like it's apparent they belong in your life they're part of your soul pod yeah and then i was thinking like i wonder if people who are

like karmic soulmates like there to teach you a lesson yeah if they're part of your soul pod they must be so they must be because I think when like you know sometimes you're like oh my god I felt so drawn and connected to him but like it didn't work so I must have been wrong it's no I think that those are like those are some kind of like some kind of karmic connection there's a difference between like being like infatuated by somebody and then like feeling like an actual connection yeah you know um i don't know everything's a lesson i really should have an air horn for that um but what was your favorite part of the year i don't know like mr liz has been like a really amazing part of my year um yours is so much cooler but like i have to acknowledge that

mine is different you know yeah like i think that obviously like my career changed a lot of huge stuff has happened holy shit the more that i'm thinking about it like i got a new job um our podcast is doing really well i like i'm trying to be humble but our podcast is doing really well guys yeah there's exciting shit happening over here um and that's like insane but part of me was like i knew that was gonna happen yeah um and then i had that skin cancer scare that was a big deal um the way i am functioning in this relationship and like the way i love mr liz is different than anything i've ever experienced um i went down to therapy two times a month instead of every week it's a big one i finally found like medication that works for me

these are all really big celebrations i bought a car it's my first adult purchase of my life it's huge yeah i figured out like alone all by myself exciting things get like what is exciting is so different when we get older like there's so much shit that i'm excited about this year that like last like 10 years ago i would have been like i just feel so good yeah i feel so good in like who I have become and the people I've surrounded myself with yeah like I just like I have my people yeah you have your little like soul pod human human soul pod yeah like I'm just so happy with like having you and my cats and Mr. Liz just in my like everyday life yeah I don't know it's interesting as you get older you're more intentional about who you keep around I

remember learning that I've probably said this before but I remember learning that in one of my lifetime psych classes as you get older you're better at just removing people that you don't want in your life from your life and things that bother me don't bother me the same way anymore like the things that used to bother me like i feel like we used to get into a lot of twitter arguments and you and i have like stopped doing that as much yeah well it's moved to instagram comments for me and it's also before i was jumping on all your fights and now i feel like i'm like primed and fucking ready to go so i'm fighting my own fights now i've trained you well oh that was like my rocky balboa moment yeah i've gotten to the top of the stairs i it was training with

me yeah because i used to let you know i used to be like girl tap in i'm being bullied yeah now i know i get so much hate on my instagram i would i would be having so much fun and then i'd be like you know who will enjoy this amelia oh and i did whenever you would message me so much fun oh yeah so much fun so much fun i um my instagram is a really dark place right now and i always talk about i'm always whenever i'm with like if i'm with squints or i'm with my parents i'm out loud i'm like i need to tap liz in oh yeah it's exhausting but you're i don't want to you know like i'm like sometimes i don't want to give these people like that's what they want yeah but then sometimes they just say some really stupid fucking shit anyway the stuff as you're saying the stuff

that used to bother you and the stuff that used to bother me it doesn't bother us anymore and that's pretty cool that's part of growth I don't know it's been a big year of growing it has it has been I think and I think that's like probably like I said this I think everyone can relate to that it has been a really big year of growth a lot has changed whether or not it's like you can actually see how much has changed you can feel it yeah inside yeah it's pretty amazing I have more plants too so you do have more plants i've grown and so have they wow your plants are a metaphor um can i shift gears absolutely i um you're gonna hate this um i i love that i'm gonna hate it was looking at pickup lines okay and i want you uh-huh this has nothing to do with christmas but

I think it's fun. Okay. I want you to rate on a scale of, I'm going to rate you 10. Okay. And you have to assign numbers of from 1 to 10, 1 being the least effective, 10 being the most effective to each of these pickup lines. And you can only use the number once. Okay.

So you have to be really intentional about like what you're giving a 10 to. And you don't know what's about to come. Okay. I like this. I love this a lot. I really like this game. All right. i like it i think i like it because my opinion matters

it makes me feel important hell yeah you are you are the scale thank you yes i am a libra so i am the scale i'm gonna read you the first two so that you kind of like get warmed up okay and then you can assign number to the first two from there it's off to the races all right hey my name is Microsoft. Can I crash at your place tonight? Zing. That's one. Okay. The second one. There's something wrong with my cell phone. It doesn't have your number in it. Okay. So one's the worst and ten's the best. Okay. So I'm going to rank number two is number two. Okay. Number one is number three. All right. I'm writing these numbers down so you don't repeat numbers okay okay so number so number two was number two number one was number three okay

okay interesting you know i would have rated microsoft higher up oh but i hate it but if somebody walked up to me and said that i'd be like i'll suck your dick let's go to the bathroom um that's a dick sucking line for you it's a dick sucking line for me depends on if i'm drinking tequila that's a dick sucking line i also don't know what's about to come so that's true well yeah that's what she said you know who's not about to come me okay um aside from being sexy what do you do for a living i love being complimented uh-huh so i'll give that a four nice for some reason I knew you were gonna say four for that all right if you were a transformer you'd be optimist fine eight wow that one's corny I like it I'm gonna read you one that's not on

this list that's um just is it an Amelia original okay no but um I wish it was oh okay but don't let that sway your vote okay okay um hey girl do they call you the farmer because you're really good at raising cock hey do you want me to rank that one please i'd give it a seven no well because because is it on the list it's not on the list oh okay it's not on the list um i give it a 7.5 okay yeah okay um that means you have to give something a 6.5 but there's no six can i give you a pickup line please yeah damn girl you shit with that ass 10 easily easily that's 10 the first time i heard that i thought it was the funniest thing damn girl you shit with that ass

i am ass shaman so fucking but you are the ass with an ass so flat i do love butt stuff i love the brand of butt stuff i i still have never done anything other than use a butt plug that's you know that's more than the other half of this podcast so yeah that's that's fair you're okay um i'm no photographer but i can picture us together five okay all right i'm gonna remind you what numbers you haven't used because now we're six and one you haven't used one six you haven't used six seven no you've used seven on yours oh yeah you gave it 7.5 10 and 10 okay wait one two three four five six so one six nine seven ten okay okay cool all right baby if you were words on a page you'd be fine print i like that one

nine nice okay solid all right i'm learning about important dates in history want to be one of them i'm running out of numbers yeah you haven't used one six seven or ten um i will give that a six okay wow it's gonna be interesting to see what yeah wow you're really boxing in i know i'm numbering at one seven and ten yeah i was blinded by your beauty i'm going to need your name and phone number for insurance purposes i kind of like that one a lot you don't know what's coming you might as well give that a 10 i know that's what i'm thinking wait read it again i was blinded by your beauty i'm going to need your name and phone number for

insurance purposes uh i'll give that a seven so whatever i have two left you have two left should i read both of them so you can know which one you're giving a one and a ten okay that's good actually okay hold on let me i'm gonna make sure these are equally bad um okay are you looking at a huge list and just choosing randomly yes oh that's funny okay i like that all right i'm gonna give you three okay you can you can eliminate one okay give one one and one ten okay that's this equivalent of mary fuck kill yeah that's true okay something's wrong with my eyes because i can't take them off of you okay the next one is this the hogwarts express because it feels like you and i are headed

somewhere magical and are you a bank loan because you got my interest uh what was the first one again um something's wrong with my eyes because i can't take them off of you i'm gonna get rid of that one all right okay so you got hogwarts and bank interest loan interest um um i think i'm gonna go i'm gonna give that one a 10 just because i have had to go through all of this loan shit recently so i'll give that one a 10 because i really relate to the apr interest thing okay um and then the hogwarts one gets a one because people like harry potter adults no offense if you are one and you're listening i just oh no we're about to lose half of our listeners no no i do i do really enjoy harry potter movies but i hate jk rowling

oh real we all probably do she she gave us this major this magical thing and then ruined it by being such an insufferable human if she would have just not yeah if she just didn't just like don't have a twitter jk rowling you could have just just like find a better hill to die on or like read you write books fucking educate yourself do something close-minded fucking bigot anyways there's just and it might be because i just like have like dated people who were harry potter adults and i don't know should that is that it i think that's it should we sing like a like a carol a christmas carol yeah on the first day of christmas my true love can we talk about how that is 23 birds what 23 of it's 23 birds are those gifts that's so many birds that's too one bird

is too many birds to be gifted i i don't want any birds actually i want i want one bird and it's a crow i want a crow on the first day of christmas my true love gave to me a crow wow and that's the end of the song yeah a crow outside of my window oh it brings you shiny things you find from the park yeah i like that oh um i i think i might have mentioned this i keep almonds in my purse to give to crows have you made friends with crows yet no i'm trying it takes a lot of time and i don't have a lot of time i've been trying to feed crows rice um actually crows have started eating at my bird feeder which is very exciting um but they're so heavy and it's a really cheap bird feeder that it's kind of ruining it for everybody um so we need to have a little conversation about

that but um we're i'm working my way toward being friends with them i would be just so it would be so dope to just be like like a to have a crow to be like a crow a witch yeah yeah and be their friend they love eggs oh yeah so they like eggs and they like nuts it's a little morbid liz you're feeding them another chicken's eggs or another bird's eggs i don't give them eggs i just read that that they love like scrambled eggs people are fucked they're like here this is your ancestors scrambled embryo i don't know crows like eggs maybe they know it maybe they know that those are they're like oh yes the blood of our enemies i guess like the equivalent would be like if we ate a monkey i don't like that at all no i don't like that either but you and i also don't really

like to eat meat it's true i minimize my meat intake wow the idea of crows unless it's dick just kidding don't all right this is this is dissolving we just recorded a full episode before this yeah we recorded a full episode in advance because of the holidays and we went into it tired we're losing it i'm i'm i never drink red wine and i'm almost done with like a very large glass i drink two shots of whiskey and feel nothing my mouth is just very dry oh no all right well merry christmas yeah happy new year happy hanukkah if you celebrated hanukkah yeah have have great holidays whatever you do or don't celebrate i hope you get some time off of work and you are able to do whatever feels right for you you know whatever self-care means to you

if that means doom scrawling or laying under a blanket I'm just saying the things I like to do that's great laying under a blanket on your couch um giving your pet a lot of little kisses on their cute little face go for a walk around the neighborhood it's good for you even unfortunately going outside is good for you i fucking hate it my my therapist keeps reminding me that i'm like i'm not paying you to ruin my day i worked out for the first time yesterday in like a week or two wow i haven't worked out in so fucking long i need to start doing that you can come with me not gonna do it aaron wants you to come i know but i just you know i just can't um well you know what if anyone's listening and you live in seattle come to tribe fitness in capital liz sent you yeah

tom liz sent you um you got a friend in the in the gym business yeah i love it there and you can come work out with me because i want i need a workout friend okay no one wants to come with sure shouldn't gonna be me yeah it's not gonna be mr liz couldn't go through it no well mr liz likes to do his own thing he that he's an aquarius he doesn't want to be told what to do i'm an aquarius moon it's not the same thing no okay when don't do that no it's gonna come in the come up on the audio stop it what what is he he's cracked out he's just being obnoxious okay go on um what was i gonna say mr liz doing his own thing oh we were out at a bar with some of his friends

and he was telling everyone that i took him to one of my workout classes and he hated it and he almost died and then um his friend was like there comes a moment in every man's life liz where they have to go meet their their girlfriend's workout trainer and look him in the eye and show him who's boss or something like that and i was like i was laughing so hard and i was like is that true Mr. Liz and then he was like well kind of oh my god it was just like it was just like all right gym dad this is my my boyfriend yeah yeah right felt like I was shake hands like real men yeah yeah like are you proud of me this is my boyfriend he kind of is my gym dad oh wow he's young isn't he yeah he is he's like my age maybe he's like my i'm trying to think of what

he's the equivalent to he's not he's not a gym boyfriend i feel like maybe he's like a gym brother like an older brother you know yeah i feel like that's kind of the dynamic we have like he he picks on me and makes because i go i go to all his classes he's seen my strength improve so makes my life harder so like the other day i was like doing um split squats and then he was like will you hold this for me and gave me like a bell like a kettlebell weight and i was like he knows i could do it but i resent him is he single uh i think so nice would i like him yeah i'm in the fucking market well then i'm sure shit not gonna work out in front of him is what the fuck do you think this is i i think that's why you haven't met yet is because i think

that you would like him oh so let's get a drink he knows you by name calorie intake instead of calorie output you know yeah nice if you're listening one he says he said i said you wouldn't come with me and he said that i should bring you to the stretch class that he does he does a stretch class yeah but it's on tuesday mornings nope yeah i was like if it's in the morning i don't think she'll come and then he's like when will she be here and I was like maybe never so it's just gonna we're both gonna be surprised by it dude we're that's gonna if you I don't know yeah I don't know when when you're gonna come or if you will but but you know I like um hanging out Mr. Liz will probably come annually it'll be his birthday gift to me he's coming to my workout class sweet

baby Jesus I've just been going there for two years now I can't imagine going anywhere else yeah I mean let's when you find a good place to go you have to stay I just haven't found that i like to be in pain and that's why i go there because that's how i know it worked i that's true it is a good feeling being in pain after a workout like like the muscle pain like you're just sore yeah so i think that's a good we have to go because grandpa is like chasing a ghost or something he's losing his shit i've never seen him like this yeah so he's perked up he's like what the fuck are you doing over there what's wrong with my brother mom he's like can you tell him to shut up i'm trying to nap on my chair he's so cute look at his ears he's trying to

figure it out hi gatsby anyways bye we love you bye we love you our children that's what we call an encore oh sorry that was good thank you that felt a little barbershop quartet-y Oh, yeah.