The Hoely Hour - MAILBAG: Are You There God? It's Me, The Sacred Feminine

Episode Date: May 9, 2025

E226: The Socrates of our listeners explores why men are taught to betray their feminine traits in a beautifully written email, and another listener asks how to deal with a friend's addiction. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

I saw this video today of, speaking of deepfakes, this video of Elon Musk's face on Sabrina Carpenter's body when she was on Tiny Desk, and I have not been able to get the image out of my head all day. how is it how's it slanging pretty great um i took a long weekend so i had five days off in a row so much needed um mr liz coined it lizcation oh yeah so i had a lizcation i love that um i got botox i went to banya i love banya oh you've been oh that's right on your five yeah yeah i love that place had a nice mushroom trip and then today i just did some chores and mentally resetting to go back to work what a phenomenal weekend and you had such a good

beautiful weather too to do yeah yeah well and it was nice because the the banya day that we went was rainy and cloudy so the day we were inside with the weather was bad anyway truly perfect and that's like the best place to do like have like a cozy day exactly yeah i love that in a spa yeah i love that amazing sauna i'm glad that you had such a good weekend thank you i i recommend everybody take um a lizcation i don't know if i told you this but frank named your fan club lesbians oh i didn't do i have a fan club yeah it's you and frank yeah it is no there's more than that also somebody commented on frank and the two cats and mr liz and mr and like a lot of people that listen to this podcast i posted a video of um from the podcast on my personal tiktok

just like about my like dating endeavors and somebody commented like i don't they're like i've been listening to the podcast for forever and i don't think that i've ever seen liz and i was like you don't follow us because i there's videos everywhere i'm like what do you mean i mean i'm glad that like you you see her now but like follow us on tiktok and instagram y'all this is like this is a plea i'm begging i'm on my knees right now you can't see me but i'm on my knees begging she is i can confirm um i'll corroborate that it's me and frank's two-year anniversary tomorrow congratulations thank you we're going away for the weekend which is or just a night because we just my therapist

was like you guys have got to take time away from the dog and we were like that's so real so we are for a night um we have a few things to talk about today yeah we do i uh i have a couple of breaking boobs to read you before we dive into the the uh exciting not i guess it's all we got some some mailbag discussions i love a mailbag discussions also i have not taken i mean i just took my night adderall so everyone bear with me for like the next 30 minutes um until it hits yeah yeah i mean i'll be here longer than 30 minutes as soon as we hit as soon as i hit the record button i was like oh i'm a little sleepy yeah i that's okay though there's something about maybe it's like comforting in like a way yeah you know yeah you're like comfortable and then you're

like um what if i took a little nap yeah what if i the sun is out i'm doing i'm hanging out with my friend doing things i like the cats are sunbathing oh they love it it's a beautiful day it's patio it's patio season don't let it get away okay the headlines are as such okay um so this is titled too broke to break up unquote a recent survey revealed that nearly one in four americans remain in relationships due to financial constraints rising living costs especially in cities like new york have made cohabitation a necessity for many transforming romantic partnerships into financial arrangements damn that's how you know the economy is a not a cute oof it is very expensive to live alone it is but i mean like if you're unhappy in a relationship

like find you can find a roommate yeah and that might even be better yeah because it's like both a friendship and like a business partnership yeah but I mean it's like oh we gotta work together to take care of this household in a way that we are both satisfied I would imagine though like a one-bedroom is just would be cheaper to split rent on I guess than like a two-bedroom with like a roommate that's true but you know i'd rather be broke than unhappy i don't know about that actually i take that back um moving along so do you know who larsa pippen is no okay so she is uh friends or was friends with kim kardashian which is how i was exposed to larsa pippen but she was married to scotty pippen basketball player who was this is important

background scotty pippen was like michael jordan's like right hand you know like they were like the duo um scotty pippen got paid exponentially less money than michael jordan but they were like a duo larza ended up marrying scotty pippen they got a divorce whatever she then started dating not like immediately after but like kind of soon after started dating michael jordan's son that's weird um and wait let me see what the timeline of this was hold on yeah because i'm like what's the age difference here yeah so larza previously dated marcus jordan son of michael jordan that ended in july in 2024 but she's like always kind of dating younger guys because now she's dating Jeff Kobe who is another basketball player so she's got a type um and so she's 50 and he's 31

oh my god yeah I mean luckily I mean 31 is like it's like slightly better but still that's also like old for an NBA player which is sad you know he's like on the older end of basketball players so i mean at least she went for a one for an older gent um but yeah it's like kind of like kick-starting this age gap relationship conversation again like in that in that sphere especially because so often we see like older men dating younger women and it's not it was like the milf manor thing you know like it was it was so taboo because like we never see older women dating younger guys when in reality it's like like there's a word for that but there's not a word for older men dating younger women we call older women dating younger men cougars and then we call

older men dating younger women predators yeah yeah or like pedophiles or or like groomers yeah i'm trying to think of like oh well and i think like the the glorification of like older women dating younger men is kind of weird i don't know yeah like to turn it into a show is especially creepy totally to me they're like i feel like it was almost like feminism yeah i mean that was the and and they're doing it totally wrong they're going about it the wrong way i was fucking obsessed with milf manor when it was on and like what i haven't watched the new season i don't even know if there's a new season out i know they're filming another season but they should stop it was fascinating like what the whole concept of the show was so fucked up but like it was so because

like well i mean there's a reason that it like 30 rock made that a bit yeah yeah yeah before this was even a milf island yeah yeah yeah before it was even a show well so the whole thing with milf manor to just to revisit if people aren't unclear was that it was like a bunch of moms on this island and they were like okay i'm going to be dating men but then it turns out it was all of their sons which that were the contestants more weird it was really really weird like do the sons know did they know that that's what they were signing up none of them knew they thought that they were just going on like they were both going on like a separate dating retreat but it was like then it was like the moms dating all of the other moms sons moms date each other's sons that is

that feels very exploitative well yeah and then they would share a room with their moms so then if the moms wanted to like hook up with one of the other sons they had to like kick their son out of the room so that they could fuck it was just like crazy and then it got revealed one of the moms slept with um her son's best friend and that was like a big falling out on the show so there was just like layers of this that were just like fucked sounds deeply problematic yeah it does feel like they were trying to like normalize like older women dating younger men in the same way but it was done poorly yeah in a way like it's still done not shocking lens of patriarchy yeah so it's never going to be progressive or so true thoughtful yeah or

nuanced it's hot mess yes okay well i mean the other breaking boobs that i had were kind of um not shocking like how people are like being more upfront about like what they're looking for and they're calling it like loud looking in relationships there's always a new term yeah well one one good thing that we had talked about over text uh this happened last week um you out u.s house of representatives passed the take it down act so oh yeah uh this is from oh national law review on april 28th 2025 the u.s house of representatives voted 409 to 2 to pass um s 146 the take it down act who are those two and why fucking people who want to allow revenge porn to exist um the bill aims to stop the misuse of artificial intelligence created illicit imagery

and deep fake abuse the bill will be enforced by the federal trade commission the bill requires online platforms to remove non-consensual imitate imagery ncii within 48 hours of a request the bill also makes it illegal for a person to knowingly publish authentic or synthetic ncii and outline separate penalties for when the image depicts an adult or a minor free speech advocates and digital rights groups say the bill is too broad and could lead to censorship of legitimate images other critics such as cyber civil rights initiative an organization dedicated to protecting victims of online sexual abuse are concerned that the bill is an alarming expansion of the ftc's enforcement authority as the regulatory framework around ai and digital privacy evolves companies developing

or deploying ai or engaging in content moderation will need to be alert to shifting expectations around accountability and enforcement priorities i mean personally i think that it i mean this is good like absolutely even if it might start out as a bit of an overreach like you have to start somewhere absolutely you have to start somewhere and um this was like a really big um bipartisan bill like largely supported across the board i think that this is just kind of a win for everybody yes and it's like i mean it truly i don't know why it was ever contentious that's why i'm like who the fuck are those two people like for what reason i mean there always means to be a contrarian yeah and i guess like i do think it is important to be like well we also need to consider if this

will be harmful like how it could be used um for evil but like there are a lot of things that are being used for evil that we should think about first yeah but for the time being um making deep fakes and like ai generated non-consensual pornography is making it illegal is like a great place to start absolutely and um it was i think it became widely supported because melania trump was very vocal about being supportive of this of this bill yeah it was part of her be best campaign which i'm still having a hard time with the like like be best is just not good at be best not good english and i know that it's like not her first language right but she didn't come up with it so why be best i know this is not the point but like i have such

a hard time getting past it but anyway i am you know if if there's anything that ted cruz has done that is good it's helping push this along too because he was like a big proponent of this so it's good start i'm so glad that things are it is possible for things to be bipartisan well i also think like the legal implications of not creating regulation would be far more expensive and disruptive than doing something about it now yeah because it's like okay if people are doing this they're making this stuff like in celebrities likeness if they weren't doing it to celebrities or rich people or famous people it wouldn't i i highly doubt they would do it for like the good of the public interest i think they were just like oh we don't want to deal with celebrities

like suing private companies constantly yeah because people are making deep fake porn of them yeah but totally it is it is violating yeah hello kind of disgusting it's super disgusting it's really really strange to do that for your own personal desires it's extra strange to spread it around like i don't know that just whoever thought giving the internet to everyone was a good idea like if your idea threatens the free marketplace of ideas that idea should not be allowed on the free marketplace of ideas anymore yeah sorry i think that that should honestly us for president no thank you actually no just amelia no i can't do it alone i'll i'll just uh you'll be my advisor okay vote amelia i'll be your elon hell yeah dark dark maga yeah

everyone will be like no we didn't elect her i am become meme i saw this video today of speaking of deep fakes this video of elon musk's face on sabrina carpenter's body when she was on tiny desk and i have not been able to get the image out of my head all day send it to me it is and it's his voice too it's so fucking funny just everyone's trying to get their deep fakes in under before the bill passes all the way um we have a couple of emails to read one of them we wanted to read the other week but we didn't have time and now we do baby do you want to read this one we got an email from a listener a listener i'm trying to think if it's i'm trying to see if their pronouns are in here but they're not okay got an email from a listener uh and the subject

line is why men are taught to kill the feminine and they say i believe we humans exist in two states unity or separation both within ourselves and in the world in unity there is harmony love resonance between the self masculine masculine and feminine light and dark balance wow hell yeah fuck yeah i agree with that i just transcended reading that in separation there's fear anxiety hate this is where men feel they must overpower or control women due to insecurity which comes at its core from the separation and suppression of their own internal feminine energy the feminine energy is the power inside us that tells us we are worthy of love worthy to receive worthy to exist without having to prove ourselves or hustle damn fuck go off as harmony only exists in balance

the term toxic masculinity describes the state of being when the masculine is overpowering the feminine inside one's own heart the state does not allow for flow and tempered emotions reactions or peace it seeks domination elevation or self elevation of self by suppressing of others while simultaneously living a false and flawed paradigm where there is no solid foundation damn what the fuck i feel like we need to credit this person this is all like really good writing but there's i don't think there's the permission for that in here men are taught that to embrace these feminine aspects of self is to be weak they're taught to suppress or even kill any essence of the feminine inside them making them forever imbalanced and unable to receive love even from themselves

this lack of stability and solid footing leads to them seeking acceptance from external sources and without knowing it, it makes them susceptible to being controlled in order to belong. This is how young boys are manipulated to do harm. It's how young terrorists are made. On a more general level, it's how the powers that be control us to work for them, vote for them, even when doing so does us harm. Control, I believe, is why society has been structured the way it has by those in power. But ask yourself, how can it be weak to show emotion and treat yourself with love as a man publicly and without shame in a society that tells you that doing this makes you frail and leads to exile does it not take strength to move against the

grain when all others are marching in one direction and you are alone in your truth i have been judged not only by men but also women for showing emotion this is because they are too engrossed in the same society and learn as men do that this is a show of weakness even if they do not wish or want to believe that the women who judged me loved me but their subconscious beliefs run on automatic programs beneath awareness the same as men as we have all grown up in the same society we do talk about that a lot the internalized misogyny of it all yeah this is a purposeful design of patriarchy i believe that men by nature's design are meant to be protectors just as we are meant to protect the sacred feminine inside of our own being it may not sound condescending to

say women need protection but that's not how i mean it i'm talking about harmony and coherence between the masculine and feminine if men saw their roles this way there would be no dissonance no need to control especially if they themselves were balanced within and in communion with their own feminine spirit which exists in all of us if we saw through the lens we may even realize that transgender individuals may exist as a bridge between non-form for more gender non-form formality gender gender non-form that's a word i've not heard i think um that might be a typo like gender non-conformity that's oh you're right that's probably what that is as i see it is the living embodiment of both masculine and feminine a literal human symbol of unity beyond duality

the idea of the masculine energy as protector of the energy of the feminine energy is not about control or one being greater than the other it's about honor respect and and equity i oh we get a we get a gender now so this wasn't written by a man i as a straight man lean more toward the feminine side inside i fully believe when i marry it will be a woman who leans masculine and who seeks to protect me and the things i create men are here to uphold life not dominate it as we've seen through history domination does not work not even for the dominators women on the other hand create life and are our only means to continue as a species it would make sense that they would be assigned protectors by nature balanced nurturing and fierce both strong and caring but women too

are out of balance and harmony within themselves in a patriarchal society they are taught to believe that their beauty is all that matters they are made to subconsciously believe that their body is all that they have to offer leading them to choose and allow their feminine aspect to be dominant over their masculine or in rebellion choosing their masculine side at the expense of the feminine but balance within our own hearts is the point is is the zero point where we move from striving to thriving from separation to unity both internally and out in the world if we could remember that the state of harmony which has been taken from us is our inherent truth not ideology maybe we would find that the dissonance and separation between genders dissolves and here

in the unity of self first we can move on to reclaim the outer unity that has always meant that was always meant to be ours by nature's own law i'll have what he's having yeah no kidding i like that this email explores a lot of different ideas i've been thinking so much about how like identity politics in in its effort to create order like its desire for order creates chaos and disorder and dysfunction there there are like people who want very rigid order because it helps them understand life and the purpose of life and if you have these rigid rules that you're supposed to follow then that's just the path that you have to take to live your life but that's not realistic like we are all so deeply individual like there's you're never gonna have

the same life experience to the t as someone else yes and that's the whole point like you you need to be able to provide a space for every type of person to experience life in a way that is like meaningful to them without harming others yeah that's essentially like where i think the the balance of control is creates problems i suppose um i i just i also like the the whole balancing of the masculine and the feminine but i also was thinking a lot about how under patriarchy women have developed a lot more freedom of expression than men have and um that's also why like patriarchy is so harmful to everybody because you do have so much more internalized misogyny but like i think it's we're watching like patriarchy just really rear its head as

it kind of starts to crumble alongside capitalism because men have not historically had the same kind of space to explore what it means to be a man what it means to be more masculine what it means to embrace emotion and feeling and creativity maybe the opposite of order is not disorder as much as it is creativity so maybe the balance is order and creativity and finding a way to allow both of those things to exist yeah same time and everyone's idea of that is going to be different so how are we going to make it all work you know yeah i mean like yeah everyone's kind of forgotten that we're part of a collective yeah it's it's our responsibility to create a world for each other where like people are able to receive the support that they need to

simply live their life you know and for everything to be like profitable and privatized has set us up for so much failure yeah but hopefully we figure it out and the the domination over like when i say man i don't mean men specifically but like i do mean under patriarchy like i think man's greatest weakness is thinking that humans are the dominant life force when in reality all life is important totally like like i i can i guess the thing i'm thinking about the most too is like the we have this kind of like agreement with plants like plants provide oxygen for us we need to also be respectful and care for the plants like yeah we can't exist without them and with animals like even if you eat animals like you still don't need to torture them or give them

a terrible life like yeah there there just needs to be more mutual respect for other life and the arrogance of humankind to think that we're like the ultimate uh life form is yeah is kind of just ironic like how can a living being an apex predator be so smart and so stupid at the same time yeah i mean i think that that's just like a case for us of man were the aliens yeah yeah exactly i thought about that too like people are like oh my god like octopuses like they're they're from another planet it's like no i think we're not supposed to be here and i think that that's evidenced in how the planet has become since we've gotten more like intelligent it's also like people are trying but the efforts of like people who are maybe too involved in ego

it pokes holes in the efforts of the overall collective yes you know it's like we're all not going to be big important decision makers but that's why we have people in places of power that we're supposed to be able to trust to make decisions that are in our best interest as a as a group yeah and i think we've really lost the plot on that oh yeah i've thought a lot about like biotech like they're everyone's like invested in like new forms of technology but i'm like when are we going to also start considering like biotechnology like like the ability of mushrooms to hold a lot of information like they work as a network system amongst trees and there are some scientists who have explored like creating a microchip with mushrooms um i don't know like

why aren't we doing more with that why aren't why don't we care more about like renewable energy sources like there are ways to progress while still keeping like technological technological advancements at the forefront i don't know there are ways to be more like thoughtfully conscious of how we consume things yeah there's also like i don't i saw this video a long time ago and i don't really know like much about it or what happened but someone a scientist had created like a type of plastic that's dissolvable in water um and i was thinking like what this is where like the government should be doing stuff and in terms of like forcing companies to adopt more environmentally friendly options yeah and maybe that's where our taxpayer dollars

can go is subsidizing things that overall benefit everybody rather than just like helping like it going to the the military we already have like the biggest most expensive military in the fucking world yeah yeah can we do something else now well i mean like there's no gun right there's no incentive for the government to make any sort of meaningful change when they're like so many of these like big corporations are in their pockets like really like pulling the strings it's the people that are running the country aren't really running the country they're just kind of like the people that we vote for to hope that they do something yeah but well and it and i mean in that sense i am i don't want to say like oh i'm i'm grateful for the trump

administration because i'm not they fucked up a lot of stuff but i think that they've also like brought a lot of things to that we weren't thinking about or could see before that need to be revisited and like making us like forcing us all to really think about what our values are we are very divided right now but there does need to be chaos before we can go back to a place of of order yeah unfortunately it's just like it's i think that i've been especially sad recently about what's going on with the trump administration for like it's horrible the like the exhausting like the immigrant crisis right now absolutely so fucking terrifying and like it does feel like it's mobilizing people in a way that i at least in our lifetime i haven't

seen before like i think black lives matter was was like probably the closest that this has been but it's like it's a good start for the future in terms of like getting more people to the polls and like getting more people to like run for office that are like in our generation because it does i mean they're all so fucking old you know i think we have like the youngest senate we've ever had yeah right so i don't know it is like you're saying i do think that there's some things like with the trump administration that are like it's good not what anything that they're doing but what they're highlighting yeah especially like the immigration crisis with so many people not receiving due process i think that's brought a really important conversation to the forefront

that maybe initially trump supporters or trump voters had not taken seriously or like thought would happen and um like the topic of like due process like everyone deserves due process that's it's like a fundamental human right yeah at this point if you are not supportive of everybody receiving due process you're lying to yourself yeah i'm sorry there's just like you you cannot explain it away you can't come up with other excuses it's either like you don't want to admit you're wrong or you're just a fucking racist piece of shit like that's really the only two things you're doubling down because you don't want to admit you're wrong but hopefully you've learned enough from that mistake that you'll make a better choice the next time around yeah

but doubling down and not reflecting and changing your mind is way worse than than reflecting and admitting to yourself maybe you were you weren't right yeah or maybe you didn't make the best decision this time yeah so i don't know kind of went off on a random tangent yes we did also the whole time we were ranting there's been this crow that is sunbathing in the same spot for the past like 20 minutes behind you on top of that building yeah the crows in this area it's like nesting season um when we're done recording i'll show you where a crow a little crow couple has been building their their crow nest you can see it perfectly from the uh the balcony we are gonna get to see babies yay okay we have one more email we can read yeah now you have to pay attention

not that you weren't no this is a fun little keyboard this is nice isn't that cute i know someone sent it to me as a gift one of my this is a great gift one of my followers it is a really great gift um will you put this in like a amazon storefront yeah i want one yes um but my my ipad's very old so i don't know if it worked okay so we did receive another email um similar to the best friend convert like a friend dating someone awful someone who sucks a loser no so it's titled best friend blues hello ladies first of all i love the show and you both so often the things you cover gripes you have and advice or viewpoints you share really resonate with me so i thought i'd reach out and see if you have anything for my current situation a couple weeks ago when you were

talking about a friend dating someone who's bad for them it reminded me of my longtime best friend we'll call suzy but not quite because she's in a bad or dangerous relationship i don't know okay i guess we'll find out yeah suzy has been one of my closest friends to the to the extent that she's like a sister to me we've had falling falling outs before and come back together better and stronger over the course of a 25 year friendship we've both grown and changed a lot but the love stays strong because because of that love it's killing me to watch her do what she's doing coke oh shit and not like sometimes maybe once or twice a year at a party i mean daily it started somewhat casually it quickly progressed to every weekend to now daily and then some oh god one day

middle of the day middle of the week on the phone with her we live a few hours apart because she moved for work and const and consequently we will sit on the phone together for hours suzy goes i want drugs she has a medical card so i'm like okay go hit your pen nope she didn't mean weed and my suspicion that the coke use had gotten out of hand was confirmed i'm not one to shit other people i'm not one to shit on other people's party of choice because i've never really seen much difference in occasional light drug use or weed compared to the people who drink it's not for me but you do you you know but it spiraled out for her she hangs out with a group of bikers who make fun of her constantly dates one who's 20 years her senior and married because he pays for the coke

oh jesus she had worked as a temp employee for a company that loved her so much that they created they created a full-time hired on position specifically for her a job she desperately wanted and yet suzy failed the drug test for it despite knowing it was coming oh no and about a year before that she'd been laid off from her last job and they gave her the rest of her salary for the year close to 50k after taxes she doesn't have a dime of it left she was only out of work for three weeks so not like it went to bills sorry this has gone on for so long all of this to say she's hanging out with shitty people running her bank account dry has several past due bills and has had a horrible cough nasal drip for almost a year also while i don't have any issue with her

sleeping around because she doesn't want to sleep with the old guy i'm worried because she never uses protection watching someone i love so much treat themselves so poorly is absolutely breaking my heart i've tried talking to her and i've tried to be delicate about it if suzy feels like she's being attacked she'll end up lying to me about what she's doing and i feel like maybe it's better she's honest with me about it so that someone knows the truth about what's going on i've made it known i don't support what she's doing and that it hurts me so much at one point i was so frustrated i point blank asked her why she can't love herself and what can i do to help her get there she asked why i think she doesn't love herself and i explained the way she treats herself

poorly and is so risky with her health in life suzy only once ever admitted she has a problem and i think she was drunk when she said it the rest of the time she acts like i'm blowing it out of proportion consequently i've started distancing myself from her i don't know what else to do i've had experiences with addicts exes and family before and promised myself i'd never have one in my life again i don't want to completely cut suzy out but i also don't want to watch her destroy herself i don't know if either of you have ever been in this situation or if any other listeners have but i'll take any advice anyone has i appreciate all you do and any help you can offer thank you and love you both like a vault okay so sad it's so sad and it's

so unfortunately common like i my initial thought was good i was going to say you should start distancing yourself which you have because unfortunately it's like yeah like you're saying you want somebody to know the truth but like that's at the expense of your own well-being and at the end of the day you knowing isn't helping her and isn't going to help her clearly and like it does I watch a lot of intervention yeah you're way more well equipped to address this than I am I mean and I I'm have luckily not been in this situation personally but like what I have seen through my intervention on A&E education is that like having a bottom line and like keep like holding that bottom line firm with people that you love like if you do not stop

doing this then like I won't I know this isn't the situation for you but like you can't live in my house anymore like you I won't be giving you money for food like and holding those strong because at the end of the day like if you're when you're there for somebody to a certain amount you're enabling them yeah even if you're not and that's not like a responsibility that we should ever put on ourselves like oh my god me being nice to this person is like enabling them it's like that's not but it really is it's like it's such a challenging position for like the loved ones of an addict to be in and it's awful because you love them and like you want to do what you can to be there with them but like really like you can't help somebody that doesn't want help and if she's

already identified that she has a problem even just once when she was drunk like that means that somewhere deep in her subconscious she knows that she needs to do something about this but clearly talking to her about it doesn't do anything so then the next step there is to keep your side of the road clean and make sure that you're not like putting yourself in a position that's like compromising your well-being I think that's really all that you can do because like it seems like you've already done everything that you can like you know outside of like going in her house and like pushing her to rehab yeah and if she like doesn't want to go to rehab she won't you know there's not a lot you can do and even if she does go to rehab because other

people want her to it's not going to work like it's she's going to have to get there herself and if it's not the scary thing is it's like right now it's coke next year what's it going to be you know and like it's it's i think it's different with uppers but like it's still scary like there's still the potential of it turning into something more um and that's i know you've probably thought of this before so that's not to scare you but it does make it even more important to take care of yourself through all of this um and not have guilt if like you know god forbid something awful happens to her like because that's not your responsibility because what you're doing right now isn't helping her at all so like what can you do really and I do want to like turn this to the audience too

because like you said like if any of the listeners have dealt with this like if they have any advice because me and Liz neither of us have yeah because I'm like I'm sure that there are people that are way smarter than me that know what to do but just from like a an outsider like you know being on the outsides in 2020 perspective like it doesn't feel like you're in a position to help at this at the point that she's in now yeah especially being long distance yeah I'm like does she need to hit her personal rock bottom before she makes a change yeah because it's true like at what point is it someone else's responsibility if someone doesn't want help yeah and they don't see a problem with what what's going on or yeah they keep prioritizing their addiction over changing themselves i don't

know i i know it's a lot more complicated than that i know addiction is really complicated it's a disease yeah which i think people forget and especially when it's something like cocaine where it's like oh she's just like having a fucking party like she's just having a good time it's not like meth you know where people are like doing it in a basement and like slumping over you know it's like it feels like i'm sure to the addict that it's like a fun thing and it makes me more fun and i'm more enjoyable to be around i was thinking that right when you started reading i was like get this girl on like at least it's like monitored yeah it's a controlled substance you do still have to have some self-control absolutely so if you're addicted to blow

i don't think i the scariest thing to me is like um how rampant um fentanyl is yeah and the the risk you take consuming coke and not knowing if there's fentanyl in it i like i'm also starting to think about like safe safe use of drugs like if you can't change her addiction at least encouraging her to use a drug safety kit or something yeah like like if you're if you're going to continue this addiction and the repercussions of it don't matter to you can you please at least use a drug safety kit yeah it's like safe injection sites people are like oh that's encouraging drug use no people are going to do it regardless so it's like well how can we make this safer for people yeah I agree I also think I'm trying to put myself in

the position of if this was me as somebody that who's never gone through this and I feel like what I would do is like write this person like a long letter just kind of like laying out like your stance on this and being like like I would just be like I don't want to I don't want to see you dead but I can't I can't like stand aside and like watch this happen anymore and this is like a lifelong friend this is like yeah an awful line to draw is yeah like i care i care about you and i love you yeah and the most loving thing that you can do is sometimes is giving someone an ultimatum like that unfortunately especially because again it's not your responsibility but and you can't live thinking that it is because it's not it's hers you know i think that that's

my that's my bottom line i'm like i bet chat gbt like wouldn't know how to help yeah they'd have good she knows everything way to write a letter yeah actually that's actually a very good idea you should like if you do need help writing that's such a good idea i always have chat gbt help me write like difficult emails just like here's all of the facts can you make it sound good pieces of an idea into yeah chat gpt can you make this like readable um yeah that's a good place to start i think anyway that's rough so sorry you're going through that um if anybody has any listeners have insight into how to help that talk to someone with addiction or manage addiction holy hour podcast at gmail.com since we don't have an intro anymore yeah with all of our info yeah if y'all

you're right we do need to uh we need to record a new intro a new outro a new outro oh my god Because the intro is just going to be the music and the outro will be. Girlies, things are changing. We're giving our podcast a little bit of a facelift. She needs a facelift. But the process and the healing time, it's going to take some time. Yes. But it's almost like the healing starts first.

Yes. She's in pre-facelift self-care right now. In a good way. Yeah. In a very good way. We're not going anywhere. We're preparing. Liz is literally stuck with me for forever.

That makes me so happy. That makes me happy that it makes you happy. Please, can we be stuck together forever? Yeah, I would love that. I mean, I don't think you have a choice, honestly. It's good that you want to be. Because, you know, even if you didn't want to be, here I am, bitch. I'll be at your door.

Knock, knock, knock. Well, Grandpa's giving himself a bath. He's having the time of his life. It is still... Both of the cats. so bright out the sun has been up for so much longer but it happened so quickly that my brain hasn't fully like adjusted and processed yeah like oh we're getting close to summer where the sun is up for hours yeah you're like oh wow it's it's 6 p.m and the sun is up it's so good for my

soul it makes me so happy i spend so much time on the balcony just you have the best in a little sunbeam we have um we have great balconies and we never sit on them so we need to figure out absolutely we go on lots of walks we see that's good it is good I've been getting my son but the balconies are there like why aren't I sitting on them it's just you know balcony is my happy spot I think the reason that I'm so into the balcony is because when I smoke weed I sit out there oh and then now I'm just in the habit of sitting out there whenever I want to take a break from doing life yeah i love that i need to like i want to give it a little makeover too i was gonna say i need to give my a makeover i need to make mine more the one i bought some lights that's what's

on the table i know i was looking at those i like them i need to i need to get the staple gun out oh oh she's handy and have mr liz help me oh my god hold me steady while i do some if i did something if i started stapling it while i was my on my own and he saw that or came home and saw me out there doing that he'd be like what are you doing you need help no no there's it's too too risky oh my god i just see so many like like just total disasters you like flipping over backward over the balcony up and nobody's here hate it hate it blocking that out of my brain intrusive thoughts intrusive thoughts no but uh yeah never do those things alone call me if mr liz is out of town well i was thinking i'll get a chair and that'll be i'm not gonna do anything

dangerous okay i'm pretty risk averse yeah i know you are i know i know i feel like i'm like starting to become i'm i feel like my brain is prepping me for being a mom i'm like my brain is going to every worst case scenario recently for everybody that i love in my life i think that is also like a symptom of like your frontal lobe being done developing yeah like thinking of all worst case scenarios so you can prepare to like help yeah fuck damn that sucks it's so like shitty being a person it really is it's a lot of work like i don't think grandpa's ever thought of like the consequences of his actions and that seems so peaceful no he's never once he just thinks of how he can get whatever he wants and it works yeah we should all be more like grandpa just only be

thinking about yourself and what you want and how you can get it period i'm just kidding don't do that don't take that advice all right would you like to sing us out yeah that felt a little sound of music for some reason it was a little bit of a better one yeah like i did that i i consciously tried to harmonize with you it was beautiful thank you yeah 10 out of 10 thank you all right we love you bye bye