The Hoely Hour - REPLAY: I Am The Captain Now

Episode Date: August 22, 2025

Amelia reminisces on her all time favorite episode which is, of course, the first time she talks about Frank. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hey y'all, it's me, Amelia, back again, hosting solo, because we're on a break. Just from the podcast, for a sec, not from each other, because Liz is stuck with me for life. If I sound a little gross, it's because I have a cold. Who gets a cold in August? Only me, I think. So apologies for that assaulting your ear holes. this week I have the absolute honor of introducing my personal favorite episode that we have ever

recorded I this was a daunting task because I have so many favorite episodes so I was trying to think of one that was like especially significant for me and it's the first episode that I talked about Frank episode 131 I am the captain now it is so bonkers to look back on I was recently reminded that this episode existed I mean of course it existed but when I was on a friend trip with him and a bunch of his friends a few of them brought up this episode and how wild it was to listen back on and so I was like you know we should really we should really just revisit this episode because so much has changed and also a lot hasn't changed since this episode came out it is just wild to look back on this and listen to how I was talking about Frank when I

first started dating him everything that I said about him then is still true it is so funny like I was still in the space of like not really being used to dating nice guys and so I was like I don't know where this is gonna go and I even said this in the episode like that the reason that I was feeling that way was because I wasn't used to like being treated like a human by the dudes that I was dating um so I'm really glad that I kept pulling at that thread with him uh because here we are now two and a bit years later which is crazy I'm so glad that Liz asked me so many questions this episode too because I was like yeah I broke my sex uh what was my sex drought and I feel like I was kind of just like not going to say anything other than that and Liz was like no tell us about

it tell us like tell the story about how he asked to kiss you for the first time tell me more about the sex da da da da da I'm so glad that I kind of have this like time capsule for posterity now of what it was like when we first started dating I think that's like a unique thing about this podcast I've said this in the past not very many people get to have a time capsule of their life like me and Liz have been able to with this podcast because we've gone through so many different phases in our lives in the past five years and it's been captured on recording for an hour a week and this is one of those times that I'm especially grateful that we were yapping as much as we were about our personal life. I also talked about it in this episode the first time

that I met Polly which is so fucking funny because she's my dog now. This was also oh my god we did our first ever ad read on this episode and I will say I think we killed it. I bet that you will have a hard time finding where the ad read lives. Actually, it's pretty obvious, but I do think we were really natural with it. So if any advertisers want to pay us, we will do a killer job on an ad read. To close this out, the end of this episode as well, we do the pussy rhymes. So I wrote one. Again, I don't feel good. So I only had enough brain space for one and it is um pussy so fancy suit and tie in it thank you thank you so much and with that i present to you episode 131 amelia's favorite episode i love you guys so much enjoy

pussy so addictive i'm supplying it bars bars welcome to the holy hour a podcast about sex relationships mental health and everything in between i'm amelia samson and i'm liz ball follow us on instagram and tiktok at the holy hour i'm on instagram and tiktok at amelia samson and i'm on instagram and tiktok at liz ball so hard you can also watch us on youtube or listen ad free on patreon at patreon.com slash the holy hour check out our merch at theholyhour.com and email us your spicy stories at holy hour podcast at gmail.com we have some topics today i feel like this is going to be another one of those all over the place so it's but i like those the best i think that it'll be i think it's going to come together

better than you think it is because i remember i have some leftover topics i haven't talked about oh should we start with one of those yeah okay i know you haven't really watched the office and this is probably somewhat relevant now because we did the andrew andrew tate dwight shrewd thing last week so people loved that by the way i loved doing it it was so fun and silly viral on tiktok i don't think i told you that oh it did yeah it has like 200 000 views oh shit yeah but um i'm gonna put the full game on youtube okay asking so if you're if you're listening here check out our youtube it'll probably be posted okay um well jim and pam obviously one of tv's greatest couples however fully cheating oh fully cheating i don't even watch

and i know that like um i didn't realize it until i was watching it with mr liz and he was like it was when it was one of the episodes where pam is still with roy and jim is like he's doing something like touching pam's hand and then he mr liz was like i don't care that's that's cheating yeah and i was like oh i hadn't even i hadn't even really considered that but it's like so obvious absolutely if i were roy like how pissed would you be i'd be big mad of course they want you to root for jim and pam because they are very sweet and like you love that romantic tension it's not even sexual tension it's romantic tension and how often do we get that in tv like really good romantic tension not a whole lot i feel like rarely

yeah there's a lot of sexual tension not a whole lot of romantic tension and um they make roy an asshole so of course you're gonna root for jim and pam okay that's what i was about to say all of these like i don't even know like an example but just movies from like the early 2000s where there's always like an asshole boyfriend and then like like the girl falls in love with like her guy her like nerdy guy friend and like they're like everyone's rooting for them but it's cheating that's cheating regardless i have to say also like watching the whole thing again of course jim and pam very cute but pam sucks for staying with roy when jim is right there and she fucking knows he likes her you know and then jim goes away because

he's just like fucking heartbroken in this whole thing too i'm like jim is actually like doing a pretty good job of being respectful like you know there is the the finale in season two spoilers but this show has been out for a long ass time so if you haven't seen it by now then sorry uh but the finale in season two he confesses his love for pam to her and then she's like we're just friends and she's like I'm sorry like you're a great friend and then he's like I'm sorry I misinterpreted our friendship wow what a great response but he didn't and he's crying when he says that oh my god sad and then it cuts to a scene at the end where Pam is back in the office um and she calls her mom to tell her what happened and then you don't hear what her mom's saying but she's like

i don't know mom i think so and you can assume like her mom's like are you do you love him are you in love with him too and she's like i don't know yeah uh and then jim comes in and just says nothing grabs her face and kisses her oh my god i just got chilies it's it's precious and i want that without the cheating yeah true well so yeah they they share a little kiss that was the least of their cheating and then he's like i wanted to do that for a long time and she's like me too and then she's like i think we're drunk and he's like i'm not drunk are you drunk and she's like no so then season three starts with jim he left the office and went to another branch oh yeah and that's where he meets karen who is played by rashida jones and karen perfectly lovable yeah

like she is beautiful she's funny she's smart like very likable woman and everyone's like boo karen because she's not pam but they can't they can't get together that quickly okay no that's just people it's not how it's gonna work keep the people waiting but yeah karen's like a perfectly lovely lady and uh jim is also like you know pam confesses like she misses jim and it's like a little awkward you know he's still like kind of in love with her but he's with Karen because Karen is also a great woman so it's just like Jim does a pretty good job separating himself from Pam and it makes you sad and I remember initially watching it being like annoyed with Jim but then watching it as like a 31 year old adult woman I'm like oh I totally get it interesting how your

perspective changes as you get older that's also why I like enjoyed re-watching it now because I think the last time I re-watched it was like my early 20s wow I can't believe how many times people re-watch this show I need to it is definitely a comfort show for me and so is Parks and Rec I need to I need to watch it so I just wanted to talk about my perspective from like my 30s versus like my early 20s when I was like especially obsessed with the show we should talk though about like because I feel like that whole thing with Pam like she should have left roy mm-hmm roy but she like didn't and like jim was there the whole time and like she was still with this guy that she shouldn't be with like i've been there that's true like i

feel like that's such a common thing and like why like i don't know why i did it you kind of had a little situation like that i did it was like like almost exactly like yeah you had a jim who was in love with you and i like had feelings for him and i was like you know in a really messy breakup so like most of the time we weren't together but it was still like that kind of situation where I was still stringing along this relationship that I knew that wasn't right for me even though I had this person that I was like you know around all the time and like had like a good relationship with it was so similar to that yeah and it was fucked because it's like you know that you shouldn't be in this relationship but it's so hard to leave a relationship that you're so

comfortable with for like something that's so unknown and that's so true and in season three like it starts with pam being like i called off our relationship whatever and then in the season finale um of season three it's they do a beach games thing and pam gets just like she she gets the the fire in her and she's just like jim like you're my best friend and now we're not even friends anymore and ultimately it does come down to that too like of course they had romantic feelings for each other but they were very good friends and like yeah they were best friends which i think is the backbone of their relationship yeah you know yeah so that's also why their relationship is like it just like moves so quickly after that because they have all like the base

knowledge down yeah exactly and i i do love that they really like the writers really pull at your heartstrings they're just like you want them to be together so badly i mean like there's a reason that every dude on their dating app profile has like i'm looking for the pam to my gym like that's such like a common thing sure but also like what about phyllis and bob vance like bob vance is fucking obsessed with phyllis and like adores her that and then dwight and angela when they finally get together they should have been together the whole time and their breakup is a little yeah their breakup is sad too damn it is a show of many roller coasters no kidding and you know after like i would say season season one through four amazing and then

um the rest of them are still good how many seasons were there i think there's eight holy shit yeah and when steve carell leaves it's kind of a bummer but that honestly the show finale they did a good job tying it all together oh good i love that they like scary you know they make jim and dwight best friends adorable love that i also i told amelia this earlier like if you go into it because if you think about it as like jim harassing this co-worker all day every day like of course dwight is weird and that's supposed to be the whole thing but like jim is kind of he's kind of an asshole yeah to this guy but if you think about it as like they're secretly like really good friends because they do look out for each other yeah and

they do they have those little moments throughout the whole show where they're looking out for each other yeah they care about each other underneath it all yeah and i think that's like the sweetest thing like they can be annoyed with each other but deep down like they really do care about each other i love that and that is probably one of the best things that the writers really nailed down is just like making people redeemable and lovable because we want to see that in ourselves damn no one is all good or all bad yeah and we want to watch other people make mistakes and be redeemable because we want to believe that we're redeemable too and you are that's how I feel about Ted Lasso like there's just like this really really in a sense like this really happy character

that's always like making everybody so happy around him is like dealing with like panic attacks and anxiety and going through this awful divorce and it's like it really makes you like watching shows like that that are written in a way to like make you like look at yourself differently or like look at the people around you differently is so it's like that's such good writing i stopped watching like after the christmas special and like season two or something why i was just like it can't be all good all the time there wasn't like enough like conflict yeah keep watching there wasn't enough conflict okay i'll have to watch again there's conflict the conflict is so it makes it like makes you so mad you have to watch it okay and it's like now continued in

season three i love i love roy dude he's a writer on the show i know he's so hot my parents are watching a show right now that he's a beautiful beautiful man incredible um speaking of staying in relationships for longer than you should be in a relationship that takes we've all been there we've all been there that brings me to my talking tits for the day talk those tits baby we're gonna talk those tits and break those boobs this is on newsweek this is where i get all my sex news i was looking at mirror for a while but i was like this is too tabloidy so now i only get our talking tits from newsweek who's the author to peek behind the curtain um jack beresford thank you jack for this article thanks jack we're about to rip off for our own self-interest fuck yeah we're educating

the masses we are yeah so you're welcome you're welcome yeah we did it for you jack you haven't thanked us yet but you would is it jack jack okay i forgot his name in this the middle so because we're so we're so emotional about his contribution it's easy to forget okay um the headline is a woman urged to divorce husband over what she heard on secret recording what do you think this is about what do you think she heard oh man see here's the thing they were married for 29 years married for 29 years secret recording here's the thing i think the internet is very quick to be like you need to break up and they don't leave any room for like conflict and overcoming conflict and challenges like sure sometimes something sucks but other times like

you should just talk yeah and if your relationship can't overcome or withstand conflict then you know you shouldn't be together you can't have a conflict-free relationship yeah totally so i don't know what to expect if it's him cheating yeah and end that relationship interesting takes liz so she's 50 she um found out her husband had been carrying on an affair and this wasn't even the first time he cheated oh okay yep first offense i'm out um she discovered that he was having an affair because she put a recording device in his car and it picked up the sound of him having sex with his mistress in the car are you 11 yeah like right um i thought this was interesting according to peer research center data um from 2017 so this

is way outdated but still it's the most recent imagine being the mistress and this guy being like we have to have sex in my car right i mean she probably gets off to that though you know like being some women like love being like the other woman it's fucked that would be embarrassing yeah like to me keep that to yourself being the other woman and like knowing that and sticking around that's really embarrassing yeah that's it's embarrassing like one if you like are romantically interested in this person because you are already getting a preview of how he's gonna treat you yeah and then two you're the second choice right and half the time they're like i promise i'm gonna leave her and then they don't how many times have you heard that story

a million times okay i mean like tom sandoval and uh raquel levis embarrassing sandoval kept saying he was going to break up with raquel whose real name is rachel yeah rachel levis anyway so according to pew research center data center data um gray divorce is on the rise gray divorce their divorce rate among u.s adults aged 50 plus has nearly doubled since the 90s wow as of 2015 roughly 10 and every a thousand persons aged 50 and older in the u.s got divorced i low-key also think though it's because divorce is more acceptable than it used to be absolutely i mean it's easier yeah like women can survive on their own yeah that's a huge part they like don't need to depend on a man for like literal survival yeah and uh i think

it's just like religiously like more acceptable because back in the day everybody was super religious yeah like you need to get your marriage annulled so god doesn't think you're still married right like god god made this happen so and god's like worried about other shows yeah you know i mean like he doesn't care about your divorce no there are like natural disasters and war going on you know what i mean like he doesn't give a fuck if like you and bill get a divorce i promise anyway um i think that people the fact that it's rising is probably also contributing to more divorces as well because it's like oh shit this is like a more acceptable thing like that's it's just like it should always be an option i agree to be honest i agree so this says yet while the

woman is likely to find a society more accepting of the idea of couples divorcing later in life it's the circumstances behind his betrayal that appear to be the source of some considerable pain this is her saying he doesn't know that i know about this yet as i'm not sure how to confront him i want to leave the house as i'm never ever taking him back she wrote i feel such a fool for believing him the first time and now i can see a lonely life ahead of me the woman appears disillusioned at the idea of starting again having been with her husband since she was 17 girl 17 yeah um she's never known anything else this whole article it's a very long article and it's really really interesting but um it's i think like getting married so young i don't want

to like say that that's also because like a lot of couples get married young and they're and they work but like then there's also like the being stuck together for that long making the decision to be together at such a young age you change so much over life i'm not like giving him excuse but like i just relationships fall apart for that reason often but like don't like have a fucking mistress like if you want to fuck someone else just have a conversation about that yeah one have a conversation first to get a divorce if you're not on the same page that's that's all you need to do that should be the standard yeah be like hey do you want to like you know fuck other people because we've been together since we're 17 yeah right because maybe she wants to fuck other people

too yeah hello rediscover herself and feel the feeling of being desired i think she should also cheat on him yeah i agree but i mean she's like leaving i guess you know she could psychologically torture him she absolutely could and i think that's what i would do yeah i think so i mean like have a little bit of fun with it i feel like it would be more insulting to tell a man that you're not sexually attracted to him then you're not in love with him anymore oh yeah i mean yeah yeah for i can think of a few men that that would definitely be the case mm-hmm like especially i don't know like this kind of if you're if you have a whole a whole mistress and you're fucking in the car i think that you probably have shallow views of yourself

as well yeah so anyway that's um that's what's happening on the internet in the internet sex world i know i have a life update oh i'm dating somebody well it's casual whenever i say i'm dating someone now that i'm like old i'm like that feels so official you know yeah i'm dating someone i've been going on dates with somebody and i had sex for the first time since january 1st baby we broke the dry spell he also had the same dry spell the exact we were like a week difference yeah after we had sex i was like did you guys high five we knocked dude the sex was really really good it was good i was i was concerned i told mr liz that you said it was good he was like hell yeah fuck yeah i mean he this dude he was just i think what was

so good about it is that so he cooked me dinner beforehand and he he spent like a full like 48 hours making this thing like it was a whole it was a whole thing and then it just like happened like very organically we were just like sitting on the couch just like making out and then it just kind of like happened say how he asked if he could kiss you oh my god y'all okay so the day after we recorded i went on my third date with him it was technically third because our first date was a was the double date um so this is the same guy and i was telling him about the podcast and how i had to write this penis limerick for the patreon which this is a good reminder the penis limericks on the patreon and so is the story i couldn't tell last week so if

you want to hear that it's on the patreon moving on i was getting up to go to the bathroom and he was like hurry back i'm gonna like i'm gonna have written a limerick by the time you get back and i was like okay don't let me down and i came back and he had written a limerick i could actually read it oh he sent it to you yeah did he did he read it to you first and then send it to you so you had it yeah he well he didn't read it to me he oh my god i haven't read this since he said so he he was like i wrote it but like i don't know i'm like a little nervous it's like a little bold and i'm surprised he was nervous because he seems like very like confident and outgoing he is very confident outgoing but he's also i don't know he's just

kind of like a little he's a little dingus i don't know he's he's he's he's yeah he's a goober okay here's his limerick there once was a girl who just took a piss her name is amelia what a miss like ms not yeah on the night of thursday i thought this is how i would say that now would be a great time for a kiss and then he put in parentheses maybe insert emoji here and he never did and i was like okay and he was like okay and i was like okay and then he kissed me and it was great i was like oh damn if we have sex honestly he does look like he was gonna be a good kisser and i don't know maybe it's just because he has a lot of hair that i think that he's so much hair but he has a big mustache he does he is a hairy individual and i don't know

i feel like the hairy ones are good kissers yeah why is that i don't i don't know okay so anyway so continue so i went over there he made me dinner and he's just so nice to me and like on a scale of one to ten how would you rate the dinner oh my god i mean like i would give it like a nine honestly yeah the only reason i wouldn't give it a 10 is because i hadn't i had i don't have anything to compare it to because it was like his i don't want to give too much information about him it was his like where his family's from they're like national dish and i had never tried it but it was like i thought it was good as like a basic white bitch you know what i mean yeah that knows nothing about anything um so i would give it a nine he is that's that's still amazing he's

so thoughtful like he just like i don't know he wait so you were at his place yeah describe the place like oh like was it well decorated or decorated tacky no it was well decorated it was a very um honestly a man with a well decorated place is hot yeah very i mean right when i walked in i was like oh okay well done it's tough to like decorate and like this the shape of his apartment but he's done a good job that is common in seattle he told me that he's been going to um the habitat for humanity store and was like if you like like um like old antique furniture i was like this does the girl yeah i was like i gotta tell her about this i'm gonna be there yeah decorated very well he has a dog he has a dog you didn't even tell me he had a dog he has a dog

he has a little dog a little was it yappy um he said that she normally is oh and she wasn't yappy she was like a little yappy she was like a little yap like she was excited to meet me i brought her a little toy like a little wiener dog toy that is so cute and she destroyed it within the first five minutes i was ripping out all of the dog a toy yeah you brought the dog again i was like i have to make it in with the child with the daughter make the daughter like me but i think it was like a sign of um dominance she like killed the toy immediately and was just like ripping off the stuffing she's like don't fuck with my dad do this to you this is you next but my gym friend has a dachshund yeah she's a long-haired dachshund oh i love long-haired

dachshund her dachshund her dachshund is a little yappy and she's like you're being so naughty and then but for the most part she's a pretty well-behaved dachshund she's also a baby she's only a year they have been this is him and the dachshund oh my god i love that they have they go together somehow they really do they belong together yeah the dachshund dachshunds in general have like behavioral issues you know um he was like flipping the dog off the whole time we were over there it was so funny she would just be like staring at him he would just be like what he was like she used to bark when i would do that she doesn't do it anymore um honestly that feels like something my brother would do actually it's so fucking funny it is funny so he's a really good

dude um incredible this dude's head game y'all and he likes giving head hell yeah we love to hear it that's some king shit king shit he had like lube on deck he he pulled out without even asking that is this is coming so far from the guy who was like freaked out that you had lube and used it for his dry hand job and this is a callback to the literal episode a sad dry hand job oh my god yeah wow it's like one of the only titles of an episode i remember that's usually when people listen to the podcast that's the the people that i know will start with that because of the title they're like i couldn't say no to a sad dry hand job really like this guy i i don't know where it's gonna go um i want to hear more about the the sex oh because you said it was

amazing it was i felt like a very i felt like a um like i was important in it you know and it's been a while since i've had sex with someone that like i feel like it's not just like to fuck there's a yeah i like i don't know how to explain it but it's like sometimes having sex with men they like go into it being like i am the star of the show i'm the main character right it's like oh that just wasn't it just wasn't the case like you're the main character in life yeah you know can i have this right could this be my one thing that i have oh like either be the main character or can we like share the lead role here right it must be like a two-person co-stars yeah can we co-star in this because leads um but yeah no i don't know

there was just something he was so sweaty like he has so much hair it was just like dripping off of his hair onto me and i was like jesus christ i'm gonna say something maybe controversial yet brave but i love that shit do you oh yeah one time he was like i was so sweaty and then i remembered that you like that hell yeah hell yeah i think that i didn't in the moment because i was also really hot in his room so it was just kind of like could you like i don't know i don't want your sweat and my sweat on me yeah that's yeah i don't know i just like a little i like when i can feel sweat dripping on me there's something primal about it for sure he was just like really gassing me up post-sex too he was just like he's like that body of yours is absurd yeah well i was

thinking about that earlier today i was like why have we stopped talking about adam levine's dms we just forgot about it i love like replying to a weird picture and being like that body so fucking funny the memes that were coming out of that were top tier but no he was like oh yeah he's like i'm gonna use i'm gonna like remember that i'm gonna like use that for the spank bank like he was saying shit like that and i was like me me love that you want me for your imagination oh my god it was good it was all very good i feel very respected by him and maybe that's why i'm like i don't know where it's going because like people don't respect me normally that i'm into um but yeah no he's he's good and then i i can't see him until sunday because i just like

have so much shit going on and I told him that and he was like well in the meantime I'm just gonna send you things that I see that remind me of you and he asked me for my address today he's like how do you feel about ironic mugs and I was like I live for an ironic you know he knows that yeah absolutely I have a follow-up sex question did he have any toys in the bedroom not that I saw but it would not surprise me if he had a few hide it he had a he had a drawer oh you know what oh you had a sex drawer and he was like being being careful about like the cards that he was showing me you know what first time so adam and eve sent us some toys and one of them is this like the handle is a vibrator and the end is a whip yeah i okay yes they sent me one as well they

sent both of us goodies i have never heard of a vibrating whip no me either and i was a little skeptical because i was like what yeah and then the handle it makes sense you know use that as a little right a little uh pre-game per se and then you hold it and then you can use the yes the whip side i fucking love that shit and um they we got to pick two different toys as well so we each got each other's toy and did you did you test yours out i did i tested mine out as well we both got a rabbit so now we have two rabbits it's the best if you haven't used a rabbit before phenomenal yeah it lives up to the hype yeah i had always wanted to try one um and if you don't know what a rabbit is it is a like dildo essentially like a regular vibrator that goes inside and then the

outside goes over and has like the two little ears that are supposed to like go over your clit and it looks like it's saying look at me i am the captain now when you texted me that i was crying that's what it looks like it's exactly what it looks like it's telling you it's exactly what it looks like so fucking funny no but yeah i gave mine a little test drive yeah fantastic i only had to use it for maybe a minute and a half me too it just went to work the one that i got does like a yeah yours has like the twisty thing yeah around it and it does like kind of a oh my god and there's like 50 fucking settings on it it's incredible i haven't used the one that you got to clarify we we have our own we're not sharing no we're not sharing vibrators no

when they sent i don't know about you but when they sent us the the our vibrators it came in such discreet shipping oh yeah i had no idea what it was and i almost opened it in front of people and i was like not that nothing will surprise them anymore my box was a little damaged on the side and i was like if someone tried to open this they for sure saw that it was like a three fucking vibrators like first of all two kind of large rabbits i opened it and i was like that's kind of bad yeah oh my god and like a vibrating whip yeah so good yeah that is mine um but yeah no they were nice enough to give us um a code for you listeners our angels our code is h-o-e-l-y holy for 50 off yep 50 off of one item you get free shipping in the u.s and canada

um on adamandeve.com and like if you've been listening we don't do these ad reads like this we're like we really believe in this so if you want to check out a rabbit or like really anything else they have so many things so many things when i was trying to pick what they were going to send me it took me like a while i know i almost picked um like a wedge i've always been i've always wanted a wedge and they have some they have some really interesting stuff i was like should i order the three thousand dollar cowboy they have yes they also have like a fucking machine did you see did you see that on the website no i didn't i've seen like like fucking machine porn and i was like do people just make that themselves i have seen fucking machine porn yeah and it does look you're

like is it handmade yeah it would be i feel like it would just be easier to buy one yeah totally and now you can if you want it yeah if you did want to yeah but they if you don't want like a vibrator like you know a like more what would you call it an involved sex toy yeah they have like other things like a swing or um like the wedges that was something i was interested in or like under the bed like restraints yeah always a good time treat yourself treat yourself treat yourself we have a long time till christmas 20 of the profit from um that adam and eve gets uh goes to fight the spread of hiv around the world i love that me too i didn't know that about them yeah me either and i really really liked that to be honest i'm not surprised i feel like they're

probably one of the biggest like distributors of sex toys they've been in business for over 50 years oh shit yeah so like even before the internet they've been like saying that good so you know they're good let us know what y'all order if like yeah if you order something please let us know we love a good recommendation i'm always looking for a recommendation my i need to get a new bin for my sex toys my bin's too small oh i know that's like damn it got too big you know like the the like you get a little bit of a like a rush from like like filling up your recycling all the way like oh hell yeah i fucking like i gotta take out my recycling i'm good to the fucking point i got that same kind of rise out of filling your filling my sex bin the vibrator bin

yeah you know and it's funny because i feel like i don't like you i go through cycles you know where you got to change up the toy oh absolutely yeah yeah it's kind of like when you're like you go through a phase where you're like craving mac and cheese all the time so you're eating it all the time yeah yeah yeah yeah and then like you know and you got your old faithful you know you do what's your old faithful it's um it's actually a new old faithful i've abandoned my old old faithful because it just stopped charging yeah that's fair otherwise i wouldn't wouldn't have but it's um actually there's one of adam and eve sells them um a satisfier have you heard of the satisfier plus it's just like uh it kind of looks like a fake like a facial cleanser it's

just like a wand like a little tiny wand with like a little like suction cup on it oh okay i've used some clitoral stimulation i fucking love that shit one of my honestly my favorite is the bullet yeah you can't go wrong with a classic bullet because clitoral stimulation is like my favorite yeah me too but then also like when you're having sex and you want to use it just whip it out it's right there teamwork makes the dream work it's easier to maneuver her around too absolutely so you don't have to be stuck in one position teamwork makes the cream squirt boo hiss boo i peaked in that moment it speaking of rhymes i think we have a few i'm so excited to hear liz's last week amelia did a little uh preface of some what do you want

to call it these like nikki minaj inspired yeah raps um i'm deleting the ones i've read to give an example from from the inspiration we used uh pussy pathological come lie in it it's so good it's so good i'm so excited to hear yours i'm i'm excited to read them to you mr liz liked them i have many you have many oh yeah i only have four more i couldn't stop i have 14 okay so give me two and i'll give you one because i have four okay well no give me three and i'll give you one pussy so humid like july in it remarkable remarkable humid pussy like sahara so dry in it nice pussy so addictive i'm supplying it bars bars okay give me one pussy so dank get high on it zing thank you and then i give you

another three yeah pussy so awakened third eye in it oh that's a good that might be my favorite one yet pussy so official certified in it i'm crying um pussy so biblical crucify in it liz that should be the tagline for our entire sacrilegious podcast it should be it should be we should put that in our theme song in the opening i'm just so excited to read all of these to you i'm so hyped for you um all right pussy make it rain feels like outside in it i like that a lot especially here yeah it's very seattle themed this one's just for you oh pussy astrological gemini in it oh my god pussy so sleepy lullaby in it this one's also for you pussy like prozac ssri in it i love that you could also say like pussy ssri you could cry in it oh shit

zing do a lot of crying mic drop oh actually i just gave away one of mine pussy so happy you could cry in it this is my last one i'm gonna just just i'll just say it pussy set the rules abide by it hell yeah thank you i like that um this one's by mr liz i have two by mr liz so the next two are mr liz pussy homemade diy in it shut up shut up that's so good and then this is this is very uh aquarius of him pussy so deep space sci-fi in it oh my god in a deep space wow and then the last three are me pussy so scary petrified in it your reactions make me enjoy reading that how did you do you did you look up like slant rhymes like or did you just come up with all of these i just like um i would think of a word that ended

in like the side or like an eye or whatever and then like i start with the second word and then i'll be like how can i apply that yeah that's how i was doing it too but i had to look up slant rhymes because i'm not as creative oh so go on um pussy so criminal fbi in it oh bar and this is the last one it's not my best one but pussy so bossy supervise in it pussy so bossy i fucking love that oh my god liz what was your good what was your favorite third eye still that yeah i also i really loved mr liz's what what the diy one he's a he's a it hit when he said it i was like oh fuck he's a little bit of a sleeper agent that one you wouldn't expect him to be good at something like that i had some unfinished ones well so i told him about this and then um that

we were gonna do this and then i was like yeah i wrote a few earlier and he's like will you read them to me and then he was he got really into it fuck yeah it's hard to not get into it it's like kind of like once you start you can't stop i was so excited to read you mine last week i was like i have one on the fly for you yeah uh pussy like a dm come reply in it oh my god pussy like a dm come slide in it oh shit i like that did you did you say that last week i like yours better that was good teamwork pussy like a dm come slide in it oh fucking bars bar i might tattoo that amazing i love it should we get should that be our matching tat mm-hmm mm-hmm we should get holy hour tattoos or what if we just get a tattoo that says bars

yeah just bars or rain dog it's been a while since we've done that i know but it's the rain dog bark it's kind of a staple of the pod i love your nails by the way thank you so much staring at them this whole time thank you i wanted them to do something entirely different um and these are a sleigh i i sent i sent the whole salon into a fucking tizzy like they couldn't because they posted a video of nails and i was like could you do this and they were like yeah and then nobody knew how to do it so i was in there for an hour and a half yeah they were like this is celebrity nails and we like you know it's gonna be like a trend this year and only one of our technicians can do it they're giving cinderella i kind of love them i love what they ended up doing i love

them they're so for our listeners i'm going to describe them for you they're a nice almond shape they're medium length so not too short not too long just right like goldilocks and um they're like a silvery blue and that not only do they have the glaze on top they've glitter yeah it's like a glitter glaze good eyelids let me tell you how many steps this fucking took so there's um shellac shellac no dip there's dip underneath and then they did they do the gel they so they know they did the thing where you like they paint it on and then they have a little magnet and it like brings things to the surface i was like what the fuck and then they put um chrome on top interesting like this shit is never coming off they used a magnet they used a fucking magnet wow did so did

you ask for like the velvet or like the cat eye I've seen it called several things it was yeah velvet that is what it's called I didn't I was just like do whatever you think would look good like you really don't need to stress yourself out that you can't do this one thing that I want I'm like I know the velvet's a trend and it might be a lot yeah yeah and they just did it don't break your back trying to make it happen I love that I really am hyped about it gorgeous thank you so much you make me want to do my nails it's been a long time since you've gotten your nails done i know i well because i can do them at home now this this episode has just become things that we feel like talking about yeah i love that i do suppose that has been our entire podcast

yeah that's true sometimes it has a little more structure but i have to say for the most part the things that we talk about we do have an audience in mind yeah we're like oh this will be like interesting for them to know yeah and now this episode is just like i'm gonna wrap the things that i wrote and talk about the tattoos that i want honestly at this point i mean for the past two and a half years honestly has felt like y'all are just our friends so it's like honestly conversations we'd be having if y'all were sitting in the room with us so i wish they were me too you kind of are but it would be nice if you actually were i'm like where can we go where we have enough listeners that we could have a little

a little shindig i yeah let us know oh that would be so fucking fun it would be fun should you let us know where you are we need to learn how to record on the road on the road again we could probably figure that out easily well you could probably figure it out we can both work remotely yeah we do it would be so fun it would be so fucking fun we thought it'd be so fun tell us where we should go i know i know so i know you said chicago and someone like i don't i don't know they what tweeted us okay that's where it was yeah i was like it's somewhere somewhere yeah it was i don't want to say his name but he's the fucking best you know who you are you tweet us all the fucking time what what is what other identifying information is there you're the

one that tweeted liz about almost moving to chicago that's what that's what the tweet was oh that's right that's right because we have all the listeners there but yeah yeah yes but those like those of you that message us more than once like even if we don't respond we like talk about y'all like we're you're like you're our friends because you are it just means so much I don't know he doesn't love you so much someone recently left a review Amelia sent us just like someone was like these girls both work full-time and like still do this podcast and I've I felt so seen yeah and like I don't know like um most podcasters probably do also have a full-time job on the side yeah and we've been doing this for almost three years i know dude june is gonna be three years

our three-year anniversary birthday that's wild birthiversary birthiversary amazing we're so it's that's wild to think about i feel like we just celebrated two years i think it's weird we should have a three-year blowout birthday party i love that idea we should start planning it now i love that idea yeah because it's the same birthday week as my 30th just combine them no a little tail end no and i know you hate your birthday i was like maybe just make it all all of that so you're like yeah we should do that but fine i want you to have a day separate from the podcast where you are loved and recognized for being you thank you that's so nice yeah i have a friend's birthday this weekend and he's been so good about like like telling people that it's important to

him you know and like i'm like you know i kind of like that yeah you know it's like the one time a year that you can be like i just need i just need to practice i don't know i just like this birthday is important to me yeah i would like if you were there i think yeah you should say it and you know what if you don't want to say it i will do it for you thank you and that is the same as you saying it that's true unfortunately i am that annoying person for everybody in my life who's like um excuse me i love that everyone needs that everyone needs a list everyone needs a personal lawyer friend absolutely um i think this is a good place to end especially because you have things to go i'm going to dinner with katie i'm really excited we never get one-on-one time anymore

this is a beautiful it's a beautiful day yeah it's a beautiful date all right well thanks for listening to this mess this is actually organized chaos again mess but less this mess i hate that it's like that's a kitchen sign that is a christian kitchen sign if i've ever heard one absolutely we love you our children oh that was that clashed the look of pride really hit that on your face