The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - 322: Rosebud Baker and The Virginia Graeme Baker Pool and Spa Safety Act

Episode Date: February 24, 2025

My HoneyDew this week is comedian Rosebud Baker! Check out Rosebud’s newest special, The Mother Lode, out on Netflix today! Rosebud joins me to highlight the lowlights of her younger sister’s sudden and tragic passing during their childhood. She opens up about the personal impact of her sister's death and how her perspective has evolved since becoming a mother herself. We dive into the complexities of navigating emotions and family dynamics after loss, the ways we keep lost loved ones’ memories alive, and how Rosebud’s mother went on to pass the Virginia Graeme Baker Pool and Spa Safety Act in honor of her late daughter. CATCH ME ON TOUR https://www.ryansickler.com/tour San Jose, CA - Feb. 28 - March 1st Madison, WI - April 12th (Special Taping) SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE and watch full episodes of The Dew every toozdee! https://youtube.com/@rsickler SUBSCRIBE TO MY PATREON - The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I Highlight the Lowlights with Y’all! Get audio and video of The HoneyDew a day early, ad-free at no additional cost! It’s only $5/month! AND we just added a second tier. For a total of $8/month, you get everything from the first tier, PLUS The Wayback a day early, ad-free AND censor free AND extra bonus content you won't see anywhere else! https://www.patreon.com/TheHoneyDew What’s your story?? Submit at [e-mail] Get Your HoneyDew Gear Today! https://shop.ryansickler.com/ Ringtones Are Available Now! https://www.apple.com/itunes/ http://ryansickler.com/ https://thehoneydewpodcast.com/ SUBSCRIBE TO THE CRABFEAST PODCAST https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-crabfeast-with-ryan-sickler-and-jay-larson/id1452403187 BetterHelp -The HoneyDew is sponsored by BetterHelp, get 10% off your first month at https://www.Betterhelp.com/HONEYDEW

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BidMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. San Jose! I'm bringing the Live in a Live Tour your way. I'll be at the San Jose Improv Friday, February 28th and Saturday, March 1st. Madison, Wisconsin. I'm excited to announce I'm shooting my next special at your club, Comedy on State. I was there not too long ago, had such a great time, such a great club that I'm excited to work with them and bring you my next special. Two shows, Saturday, April 12th.

Get your tickets now at RyanSickler.com. The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler. Welcome back to The Honeydew, y'all. We're over here doing it in the Nightpan Studios. I'm Ryan Sickler and I'm thanking you for supporting this show anything I do. Thank you Thank you for telling people about this. I don't care what you do. You buy a t-shirt whatever it is Thank you for supporting anything I do and if you got to have more then you got to have the patreon It's the honeydew with you all it's this show with y'all and I promise you every week We hear something we've never heard before. It is the wildest show on Patreon. It's five bucks a month.

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We're not just charging you to get a show a day early. All right. That's the biz. You guys know what we do here. We highlight the low lights and I always say that these are the stories behind the storytellers. And I am very excited to have this guest here. First time on the Honeydew. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Rosebud Baker. time on the Honeydew, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Rosebud Baker.

Welcome to the Honeydew, Rosebud Baker. Thank you for the applause. God damn, I'm so fucking happy to be here. I am happy that you're here too. Yeah, we had a little, we had a powwow in the parking lot. We did, you did, I hit you with a tsunami of shit you didn't even know was coming. Yeah, I was like, are we crying before we start?

You never even met me. Yes. You've been such an integral part of my parenting and life and you have no idea. But look, we're gonna get into that in a minute here, but before we do, plug everything and anything that you would like, please. Okay, so I have a special out on Netflix

called The Mother Load. It was shot in two parts. It was shot one year when I was eight months pregnant and then I shot a new hour a year after having the baby and I combined the two into one special. Well done. Yeah, thank you. Love the name.

Thank you. And that is out, go check it out. I am going on the road. I'm gonna be in Vegas on the February 21st through 22nd, March 14th through 16th, Pittsburgh. I'm going to be in SLC. I've got a bunch of road dates coming up so people can check that out at rosebudbaker.com. And you can follow me on Instagram, Twitter, tic tac. Actually, I'm not on Twitter anymore, but Rosebudbaker. Podcasts?

Podcasts, I don't have a podcast anymore. No? No. You did stop. I did stop, yeah. I used to have a podcast. Well, go watch your special on Netflix right now, Motherload, it was a great name.

Thank you. Where are you from originally, Rosebudbaker? Originally, I am from right outside of DC. Oh. Maryland? Alexandria, Virginia. I was going to say, if you're a Maryland girl, I'm going to lose it. That's where I'm from.

I bleed it. Oh, shit. Are you? Yeah, that's what makes sense. You're right in that DMV pocket there. Yeah. Yep. I am, yeah.

Oh, wow. Well, I ambushed you outside because, first of all, I've been a fan of yours for a while and I was introduced to you in a weird way through a friend of ours or someone you had pitched to, but a friend of mine. And I heard your story or this particular story and it affected me because I was a single parent from the time my daughter was one. So her mom and I split when she was one. So I'm literally a new dad and a new single dad.

And I don't know anything. And everything scares me. And when you're in that mental space, it feels like everyone that's got the worst case scenario story loves to come find you and tell your ass about it. You know, kick and fly out on a sunroof. I'm like, we can't have a sunroof. You know what I mean? All that shit. And I hear this story about your sister and it has haunted me and terrified me. And again, I am not going to make this about me, but I'm just

saying this was, you don't even know this is, yeah. Would you say you pitched that show 2016, 17? It would have been 2016 or 2017. I mean, my daughter at that time is two or three years old. Yeah. And I hear the story that we're going to talk about and it fucked me up. It fucked me up because my friend has a hot tub and I'm like, you don't go underwater, don't do it. And so I appreciate you being comfortable enough to talk about this because it's also important. This is something that, you know, but again, you're a mom and how old you're-

Recent, yeah. She just turned 16 months. Oh, she's not even two yet. Yeah, no. So, you know, when you're a new parent, like everything is yet. Yeah, no. So, you know, when you're a new parent, like everything is terrifying. Yeah. I remember, my daughter's born, you know,

you're like, okay, all the fingers, all the toes, breathing. Yeah. All the good things. Right. I was terrified to drive home from the hospital to home. Oh my God, yeah. Terrified. Yeah.

I don't know why. That ride was like, No, every- Stopping at yellow lights. Going outside. You know what I mean? Going outside. Yeah. I don't know why. That ride was like, No, every- Stopping at yellow lights. Going outside. You know what I mean? Going outside. Yeah, anything. I remember like cars being louder.

We just leave now, we're in charge of this. Yeah. Dogs barking louder. Like shit just felt louder. Yeah, more aggressive. And scary. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was, I've never walked outside with that feeling of like,

So, yeah. Let's talk about your family first. That sucks that you heard this story while you were feeling like that. At my low, I've journaled about this. I'm sure you have. You don't even know how much you've impacted me. I'm so sorry. I've been in fear for you, Jerm.

I'm like, I gotta tell you this part. My husband was the same. My husband was like losing his mind the whole year. I mean, he was really anxious and I have more of a, it's more internalized. So I sort of just push it all down and then freak the fuck out, you know? But like to hear it secondhand,

you can almost like absorb it better. So I'm sorry. Don't be derby. Let's talk about your family first. Mom, dad, how many siblings total? So, I have four younger siblings. Oh, you're the oldest, okay. Yeah, I have four younger siblings.

That is counting my sister that I lost. I am the oldest. The biggest gap between us is 10 years. Is it all girls? All girls. It is, okay. Is it all girls? All girls. It is, okay. Yeah, all girls. All right.

Every dinner was like a fucking episode of Real Housewives. It was like, for real, everyone's screaming, crying. Knives coming out, you just breaded through your throat and shit your face. Drinks being spilled, my dad going, God damn it, and then leaving the table, you know, it was that. But mom and dad are together? No. No. being spilled, my dad going, God damn it, and then leaving the table. You know, it was that. But mom and dad are together?

No. No. My dad and my mom divorced. They separated when I was in my senior year high school. Okay. Which I kind of knew was going to happen. I felt that, you know, I was old enough to like feel that happening. And then-

So it's something you felt, not something that was outright like mom's cheating on dad and this big blow up happens. No, no. You just feel that happening. And then- So it's something you felt, not something that was outright, like mom's cheating on dad and this big blow up happens, you just feel that energy? No, no. It was just this kind of, my dad is a lawyer, he's working at his law firm constantly. And then they have five kids. And I remember the time, I remember them telling us they were pregnant with twins. And my sister who was eight at the time was like, how are we gonna afford this?

And then eight, yeah, for real though. And it was a legit question, you know what I mean? So there was already three and the last one actually ends up being two, is that right? Wow. Yeah, they tried to have a boy and they got twin girls. Oh, shame, that's what you get. Yeah, they tried to have a boy and they got twin girls. Oh, shame. That's what you get.

Yeah, they got greedy. Yeah, it got greedy. So it was, you know, but I was fucking thrilled that we were all girls. You know, I never really wanted for a brother. I was like, I loved having sisters, still love having sisters. And my family literally has not had a boy until this year. My sister just had a little boy, but it was the first. Wow. Yeah.

That's the first boy that breaks the cycle. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Okay. So, and my sister- Was your dad trying for the boy for like the old school, like to keep the name things? He wanted to name it, yeah. He wanted to keep the name.

Yeah. Yeah. Guess what? Yeah. Things don name. Yeah, guess what? Yeah. That thing is gone. Yeah. Yeah, God said, fuck your name. So, so yeah, so they got separated when I was a senior in high school,

about, you know, I kind of knew they were gonna get a divorce. It just felt like this isn't gonna get better. You know, my dad of knew they were going to get a divorce. It just felt like this isn't going to get better. You know, my dad was in an apartment. It was a shitty apartment. You know, he, I didn't fill his fridge up, you know, it was, it felt really sad. You know, it's, it's, it's a strange feeling to see your dad who's like, you know, when you're a kid, your dad is like the most powerful dude alive. You're like, that's, he's terrifying. And it was weird to go to his house and see like catch up

and like, that's it. You know what I mean? And you just start to see the frailty of like men for the first time. Cause they don't know how to navigate. He didn't know how to navigate his feelings. So anyway, I go through my senior year of high school. My graduation was coming up and my friend, a good friend of mine, invited my family to his family's house to do like a graduation ceremony.

So a combo party. You know, like a party, yeah. Backyard party. He had a pool, he had a hot tub. It was like, there was a fucking slide. So me, my sisters, my mom, we were all getting in the car. We go to this party. Everybody's having a great time.

We're having a great time. We're having a great time. We're having a great time. We're having a great time. We're having a great time. We're having a great time. We're having a great time. We're having a great time. We're having a great time. We're having a great time. We're having a great time. So me, my sisters, my mom, we are all getting in the car. We go to this party.

Everybody's having a great time. I remember my, the twins, Jackie and Graham, they were taking forever to get in the car. We finally got in, everybody gets in, every time we got in the car, it was a fucking nightmare. It was literally like packing. It was like fleeing a war torn country. So we finally get everybody,, it was a fucking nightmare. It was literally like packing. It was like fleeing a war torn country. So we finally get everybody, and it was a suburban.

It was a big fucking suburban with like six chicks on the license plate. My mom made it like a, you know, she'd like loved her six chicks license plate. We all get in, go to this party, and I changed my sister into her bathing suit. Her name is Graham. She was seven at the time.

My other sister, Mary Stewart, was there. My sister Hallie was there. Hallie is two years younger than me. Mary Stewart is like six years younger than me. So we're all out there. I change her into her bathing suit. They get in the pool, they're having a great time. Now I have another party that I'm invited to at a different classmates house

and I wanted to make it to both of them. And my sister Hallie, who's like close in my age and hung out with a lot of my friends, she came with me. So Hallie and I leave a little bit early from this party to go to my other friend's house. When I get to her house, like I get this call and I'm trying to like remember all of this. Can I ask you what year this is? Like are you getting a cell phone call or are they calling the house where you're at and saying, hey, can you get Rose?

I can't remember. It was a cell phone. Yeah, it was a cell phone. Yeah, so they called, but they called the house. It was one of the, you know what I mean? Like people were still calling houses and they were using cell phones. So they called the house and somebody came in,

don't remember who it was. Somebody came in and they were like, something happened to Jackie, who's my sister, my youngest sister, one of the twins, who kind of always was getting into trouble. Like Jackie was, when she was two years old, she got into the front of my mom's Suburban and she drove it down the driveway.

No. Yes. At two? Out of her car seat, got into the front, had watched my mother turn the thing, you know, and she drove it down the driveway. No. Yes. At two? Out of her car seat, got into the front, had watched my mother turn the thing, you know, and you had to, and pulled, put it in neutral or was just fucking with it. And literally the car, we were, our driveway

was like a big hill, just the car rolled down the driveway through the fence into the neighbor's yard. Holy, and she was okay? And she was okay. Holy shit. Her twin, Graham, is in the back going, Jackie, no drive. Wait, she's in the car with her, oh my God. Yes, in the car seat.

So Jackie got out of her car seat, left her twin in the car seat, and was like, we're going for a ride. I got this. So when I heard Jackie, something happened with Jackie, I was like, well yeah, something always happens with Jackie. Jackie's a lunatic. It's like, why, I love her.

Because I was the scapegoat until she came along. So I just assumed, okay, everything's fine. Then somebody said, one of my, it was like somebody in my class, or I remember it was like a girl that I didn't respect, came in and said something happened. She had come from the other party and she was like something happened with Graham. Graham's going to the hospital and when I heard it was Graham I got this feeling in my

stomach that was like something really bad happened. So I got in the car, I got in the car with my sister. I'm driving like a maniac, which I'm a bad driver already, but I'm driving crazy on the way home. And my sister, I remember my sister going like, you're gonna kill us. And I was like, I think something's really wrong. Something was really, really wrong. And nobody would tell me what happened. That was wrong. And nobody would tell me what happened.

That was the thing. Nobody would tell me what happened. So that alone was like, oh, this is fucked up. So I got in the car, I went home. By the time I got home, I walked in the kitchen. My mom was sitting in the kitchen with her face towards the sink, and her friends were all around her, and I walked in, and she turned around, and she just said she didn't make it. And I had no idea what the fuck had gone on. I mean, I...

I can't remember if I... if it had been put together, even at that point, what had happened. And I feel like when you go through something like this, like the amount of shock that, okay, what had happened was that she was playing in the hot tub and her hair had gotten stuck in the drain in the bottom of the hot tub, and the power of the suction of these drains can literally disembowel people. Is that right?

Yeah. So this is way stronger than we think. So I didn't know that. Three grown men had gone in. My mother was in there trying to pull her up, could not pull her up out of the water. And by the time they got her, it was like they had to cut her hair off, you know what I mean? And they got her in a helicopter and she died in the helicopter. Oh.

And… Can I… Like, this is the part I thought about. Or had died before she even got in the helicopter. You know, everyone will hear this story and think whatever, you know? part I thought about. Or had died before she even got in the helicopter. You know, everyone will hear this story and think whatever, you know? And I thought the same thing. Couldn't they have got scissors fast enough? But then I think back to my own childhood,

I'm like, oh, our best friend, Shannon Patterson had a pool and it was a big yard and it was down here. And even if you needed something from the house, you had to run up to the fuck of you. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, I don't, you don't know what the scenario is

or the fact that anything's convenient. It's the fact that this suction is so fucking powerful. I think it was too that- So you're literally saying if we sat on that, it could just kill you. Yeah. Wow. I think that if, I think back about this a lot because my sister, Graham, was on the swimming team.

She was on the diving team. She was on the diving team. She was playing with my sisters who were all on the swimming team. My mom had no reason to, well, she was right there. I think it was my sisters who realized, because they were playing and kids play in hot tubs. I played in hot tubs. And we also used to act like we were drowning all the time.

All the time, just to see if anybody cared. I'd be down there just like anybody. Shark, right? Yeah. Yeah, seeing you like, hey, you're down there an awful long time. Let one little bubble up. Yeah. And I guess, I mean, I wasn't there, so I don't really know like what had happened. I wasn't there, so I don't really know what had happened. But all I know is that by the time that they realized what was wrong, they didn't have enough time to pull her up. Or maybe they did, but I don't even know.

I'm like, I don't even really, I don't even really get that. How many people were there? This has gotta be terrifying. This is everyone's worst nightmare happening in front of everyone at a fucking graduation party. Yeah.

I can't really remember. I don't remember. I mean, 20, 30? I don't know. Yeah, a lot of people. Yeah. I have no idea who was there. Like I...

And so by the time you get back, she's already been sent to the hospital and everything and everyone's already got the horrible news. By the time I got to my mom's house, my mom was already home. So I'm like, how long was I at this other house where people weren't telling me what had happened? Do you know what I mean? With my sister and then rushing home

and I see my mother who's devastated and she turns around and says she didn't make it and I just felt like, it's just one of those things that changes your whole life forever from that moment forward, you know what I mean? The way that you think, the way that you perceive the world and your experience of it.

I didn't even experience it. It fucked me up. To this day, I still am terrified about hot tubs now. I'm not even kidding you. Anytime my kids go near one, I look in, make sure there's something covering it and shit. I still tell them, don't swim down there. It's not a port. It's a law that my mom got passed. I still tell them, don't swim down there. It's not a pool.

It's a law that my mom got passed. I wanted to talk about that. I just recently read that. I was able to fucking go online and look and I was like, wait, this is a law. Yeah. We'll come to that. So you walk in, your mom says this,

and where's your dad? I don't know. It's so weird. What do you do after your mom says that? I think my dad was on a business trip. Oh, he wasn't even there? Yeah. Oh. I think he would, or he was, they were separated, so he may have been at his apartment.

But I do remember, because she died on Father's Day or the day before Father's Day. No. And she had written him a Father's Day card. Oh, fuck. That's from the grave. Right. It was one of those, you know. So, and I mean, it's so crazy.

I haven't even told this story since I became a mom, you know? Yeah. Like. And this is since I became a mom, you know? And this is what I was saying to you outside. Before you have the hindsight of a sister who lost a sister, and now you're a mom, and you've got unfortunate insight into what, my God, your mom and dad must have felt and gone through and everything. And then to have to be, not to interrupt you, I'm sorry, to be, keep a brave face and be strong for the other fucking kids.

And you know, like, good God. I can't. How? I truly, I'm, it's almost more incomprehensible to me now than it was before. That makes sense to me. That totally makes sense. Like this is an insight you don't wanna have. Yeah, cause I'm like, I have,

like I have trouble sleeping, you know? And I was in bed the other night and I had, I had this like dream nightmare where like I was, it was a dream. I was like out with my daughter and we were walking along the Hudson River, you know? And there's like just these sort of bars. And in the dream, my daughter sort of like toddled over

and just fell in the Hudson River. And I fucking woke up like immediately just like, ah! And I couldn't sleep for the rest of the night. It was like, I fell asleep at one, woke up at two, this was like as I'm drifting off, you know? I get this fucking scary and I just didn't sleep for the rest of the night, you know? It's one of those things where I will always be terrified

of losing either something so precious to me in a really sudden, scary way. Like, it's always gonna be there. And I just, I've like, I've done therapy, I've done fucking psychics, I've put in so much time with these fucking people. I'm with you. You know what I mean? Yeah, oh yeah.

I have put in- And clairvoyance, I've been all of- I'm fucking- people. I'm with you. You know what I mean? Yeah, oh yeah. I have put in- Claire Voyant, I've been all of- I'm fucking- Tarot. 12 Steps. All of it. All of it.

Me too, I've done it all. I'm just like, goddamn, how much work does it take to be just a person? Just a normal person, for God's sake. Yeah, and I kind of have reached this point now where I'm like, this is gonna be with me forever. I'm always gonna be scared to hope for the best because I would rather be pleasantly surprised

that things worked out. Yes, I do. God, I have so many questions for you. Are you glad you weren't there Yes, I do. Yeah. God, I have so many questions for you. Yeah. Are you glad you weren't there? Or would you rather have been there? Now that I'm a parent, I am glad that I wasn't. Before, I felt horrendous guilt that I wasn't there. Yeah, felt really, really guilty.

And now, almost out of like a protective instinct for my daughter, you know, not to be able to parent her in a way that is like encouraging her to try things and make the wild choice and make her own mistakes. And you have to have a certain level of, like love and detachment to parent someone. And so I'm grateful that I wasn't there because of that. I know people may think that's a silly question, but I'll say this, my grandmother, she dropped dead of a heart attack right in

front of us. I was there and gave her CPR, mouth to mouth, all of it, 911, my brother. It's the ugliest thing I've ever fucking seen. Teeth came up. I'm glad I was fucking there. I don't know why, but I'm glad I was fucking there. I know it's a weird question to ask. And it's interesting that your perspective shifted too.

Yeah. Yeah. It's funny, like, when I was like, this is kind of a side thing, but when I was kind of deciding if I wanted to be a parent or not. I thought about that, about how, you know, my sister died and years later, somebody asked me like, would, when people ask, would you change anything about your life? Even though losing her, I would,

I would rather have her back than anything. I still wouldn't change anything about my life. Like if I was given the choice, I wouldn't have changed anything about my life. Like if I was given the choice, I wouldn't have changed anything about my life. So, and that helped me, cause I was like, no matter what, you're gonna have, you're never gonna really be able to say, like, I'm positive I did the right thing, I did the right,

there's always gonna be the question of, what would things be like if I'd gone a different way or if things had gone a different way. So I didn't have to torture myself as much with that, you know? The honeydew is sponsored by BetterHelp. We often hear about the red flags we should avoid, but what if we started looking more for green flags in our friends and partners? If you're not sure what green flags look like, therapy can help you identify green flags, actively practice them in your relationships, and embody the green flag energy yourself. It doesn't matter if

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to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E, let's get back to the do. Because I think losing somebody is really kind of close to the experience of giving birth. It's traumatic and it's paradigm shifting in the same way. You know what? That's very well said. And waiting to give birth is a lot like waiting for somebody to die. So how does this female dynamic in the house now shift and change and, you know, what becomes

of the ladies? Are you, do you all bond closer? Is there a minute where everybody sort of has to, you know, really think about this? Because how old was she at the time? Seven? She was seven. Seven. So, she has her twin sister who's seven, but the next oldest sister

is what, like 10? It's like 18, 16, 10, and seven is what I was doing in my head, roughly. I think she was 11. I mean, she's, you're all little. Even 18 is fucking wild to have to deal with some shit like that. Yeah, I was 17. My sister was 15. Yeah, so, well, it was really strange because geographically we all sort of spread out after that. Like I went to college, my sister went to boarding school, my other sister went to boarding school. Where'd you go to college?

Oh no, my other sister went to middle school. I went to Emerson. Okay. In Boston. And then- Home of the comedians. Right? Yeah. Yeah, it wasn't then, but it was, I mean-

A lot of you come out of there. That is why I, when I think about like who went there, I wanted to go there because of the comics that had gone there. But yeah, I... My others, basically my mom and my dad divorced, you know? My dad got... engaged again.

And it was just like everyone spread out. So... it really felt like, for me anyway, I felt really far away from everyone in my family and I didn't want to go back. Like I didn't wanna go back there, I didn't wanna see what it was anymore because I liked the way it was, you know? And then my dad got remarried and my mom moved

and I was really, really angry for a long, long time. I was really mad. And I still get like, it's still really hard for me to like go be with my family. Is it? Yeah. I mean, I have this unnameable resentment that I feel whenever I have to go home. And I know that it's connected to that. Like I know it's connected to that.

Yeah, how could it not? Yeah. It's such a fucking, ugh. Yeah. It's just hard to like- I think it's like the poor family also that it was their house that that happened in. Oh my God, I know. I would hate to be the house that hosted something like that.

I know. Yeah. You know that? I feel for them too. And just all of it. It's why like when I've told this story, like I've never mentioned them. I don't want them to... You know what I mean? Like... Like I've never mentioned them. I don't want them to you know what I mean? Like and I hope that they if they hear it that they know that everything has

that I Even as horrible as it was wouldn't change my life, you know Did they stay friends with your mom like or to just sort of drift? Yeah, I stayed friends I've seen friends with them. Yeah. Yeah Have you ever talked to your mom about this as a mom? Mom to mom about this? Yes, it was. Are you close with your mom? I am close with her.

At least close enough to have that conversation. I am close with her. My mom is a lot more emotionally available than I am. Okay. So it's hard for me, because I don't... Somebody's got to be emotionally available for all these ladies because dads ain't it. Yeah.

You know, if you give birth five times, you're a fucking open wound. Okay? Literally, yeah. Just for real. I make fun of her for this because we've been in fights about it where I've said to her, I'm like, there's not enough hours in the day for the amount of crying that you want to do, you know, and she's like, well, what would you

have me do? Yeah, right, all right. You know? So I, like, if I call my mom with like, and I'm, and I want to say something emotionally, I know that I'll start crying and there's a part of me that just doesn't want to. There's like, I don't want to and she loves it too. It's like her fucking Cinderella

story, you know, like Cinderella man's story where she's like, I thought I was out, but she's fucking calling me crying, you know, like, so I just, I did send her a text. I sent her a text this summer, because I was just sitting in the car one day and I like thought about it and I just thought, God, I literally have no idea how she did it. And I have no idea. Oh, so that's a lot of motherfucking kids.

It's a lot of motherfucking kids. And then to lose one and still have to be strong enough for four, is it five total to go? Yeah. And yeah, to walk around and carry that. With like that need in you to not be able to hold your bit, that's a need. But also, you're right. And also now how helicopter parent you become.

I feel like I'd be, oh my god, everything my kids did I'd be hypersensitive about now. Everything. Don't eat your hot dog like that. You're gonna choke. Like I'd be worried that I'd go everything. I'd lose my mind. I'd lose my mind. Yeah. I think it's funny because when she was born, my husband had like paternal postpartum anxiety. We can have that? Yeah. I should have used that. I You can, we can have that? Yeah. I should have used that. I didn't know you could have that.

You definitely sound like you had it. You sound like you had it. I feel like, can I use it now? Yeah. Yeah, I would. Can I just use that excuse for a few months? I for sure would. You know what I forgot I had?

Yeah. I'm gonna put it in now. It's a real fucking thing. I never even heard of it. Well, he didn't hurt you of it. Cause no one gives a fuck about it. And rightfully so, fine, but nobody gives a fuck fucking thing. I never even heard of it. Well, he didn't hurt you. No one, cause no one gives a fuck about it. And rightfully so, fine, but nobody gives a fuck about it. No, and I, but like, I noticed it immediately.

He was like going into the nursery. We were in the hospital. He was going in the nursery to tell them to bring her out so he could check her breathing. Like I'm like, she's with doctors. And you're like, let me check, let me check. You know what I mean? So it was a lot of that and a lot of like medical anxiety,

like afraid of like the air quality or something in the apartment getting into her lungs. And like, so it became very apparent that like, his anxiety was gonna be the thing that we needed to worry about, you know? Or at least the thing that we needed to worry about, you know? Or at least the thing that we needed to like get under control before I could even go there. And oddly enough, you know, when my daughter was born, I just didn't feel it. I didn't feel like I was like, she's a fucking tank. She's gonna be good.

Good. She was eight pounds. She's like six, two right now. And I'm like, she's good. She's a real solid kid. And I remembered going to the doctor and being like, what about RSV? And he was like, RSV is not gonna make a dent in this kid.

Okay. And that was, she was brand new. So I, yeah, I just, I haven't felt like a helicopter parent, but that's gonna change for sure when she, I'm gonna have a much harder time when she is walking around, doing shit by herself. That's when I, I know I'm gonna go a little nuts cause it's like, you can't control anything.

You know what I mean? You can turn the wheel right and hope the car goes to the right. You know what I mean? But so there, as long as she was with me there was nothing for me to worry about. But now, now that she's walking and running and I'm like, oh fuck, oh fuck.

Now I'm starting to feel it. It's what it's like to be a good parent, you know what I mean, a good one. Imagine if you were an 80s parent, you'd just be like, go outside. And then they come home and you're like, all right, y'all made it, all right, you're good. I know.

You don't even know what the fuck happened out there. I know, I look at car seats from that time and I'm just like. What car seats? That's like a shitty roller coaster, you know what I mean? Yeah, no car seats, no seat and I'm just like... What car seats? That's like a shitty roller coaster. You know what I mean? Yeah, no car seats, no seat belts, no nothing. Yeah, yeah.

How do you, let me ask this two ways. How did you keep your sister's life alive in the home and stuff like that? And do you now and will you with your daughter and if so, how do you do that today? I know it's a two-part question. So after your sister passes, how does your family remember her on a daily basis?

Are there pictures everywhere? Yeah. What are you doing? So celebrate the, oh my God, I'm sorry. And then I'm just realizing that your twin's gonna have this birthday. Yeah. Oh, I'm a twin so I God, I'm sorry. And then I'm just realizing that your twin's gonna have this birthday. Yeah. Oh, I'm a twin, so I get it.

Oh yeah. Man, oh man, that just hit me too. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'll shut up. No, I feel, you know, I always, I always feel bad for Jackie because, you know, she'll get a text. It's like, and I don't know, like sometimes I'm like, maybe she enjoys the fact that she shares her birthday every year with her twin and that's

how she keeps her memory alive. But there's other years where it's like, you just, you don't want to share your birthday with someone you lost. You don't want your birthday to be a reminder that you lost your twin. A yearly reminder. Yeah. And, and so I'm always really conscious of that. And I'm always making sure to, you know, send

her a birthday message that is just hers. And, um, uh, I don't know, like we did, we kept her memory alive. Like there's photos everywhere. Everyone talks about her. Um, you know, everyone shares memories and I do feel in a lot of ways, like I, I sort of lost out on that because the shock, um, I just forgot every, I forgot every memory.

I have like one memory of her and I genuinely do not remember anything else. And I, I remember, uh, driving with her to seven 11, she loves slurpees. And so I would drive her to seven 11 and we would play, um, every little thing she does is magic, you know? And, uh, and I would, I was not a safe driver, but I would dance like the Muppets, you know, how they like put their arms out like this. And so I would dance like this and drive with my knees.

She's lucky she fucking lived through that. But, I'd be sitting here feeling a lot more guilty. Yeah, this would be a whole different story. But, so, you know, I would do, that's my memory of her. And she was, she thought it was fucking hilarious. It was like a bit that I did that she just loved. And the rest of the stories, I, I, I like them, I enjoy them, I listen to them, but I feel, it makes me so sad because I fucking can't reach that part of my memory.

It's like gone, you know? And I've never done whatever kind of therapy can like dig that up. EMDR? I think so. Is that the one? That's the one I did, yeah. Yeah. It worked. Dr. Drew recommended it to me That's the one I did. Yeah. Yeah. It worked. Dr. Drew recommended it to me. I tell everybody about it.

Yeah. It really, it's not talk therapy and it has an end game. Yeah. And each person gets to their situations end game differently, but I'll gladly give you the number. Please do. I will. I have been thinking- I passed on the last guest. It was on here. Everybody comes around.

I have been thinking, I like I gotta get back into Ready to go there cuz it's gonna take you there I have to because I got a kid that's growing up and she's gonna be out there in the world And you have to free yourself of that mental fucking and her anxiety Yes, and her you do not want to be the parent, because then they're going to go buck wild. Coming home with heroin needles in their arms. Right. I'm like, that shit scares the fuck out of me. Yeah, it's a different world.

You know, I'm like... I want to ask you this, and these are questions I'm thinking of just from my past experience. When it came to your sister's funeral, was this a big event? This is a graduation thing. Did school recognize it? Did they do anything for that? I feel like this would be massively attended. I had a bunch of my friends staying with me at my house. That's nice. The morning of our graduation, I remember we all got ready. It was like three days later, you know? We

went to graduation. Wait, I'm sorry. The graduation was three days after the funeral? The funeral three days? No, three days after my sister died. This graduation. Oh, God. It's that close. Yeah. So, we went, I got on stage, I remember like getting my diploma or whatever. And I just remember everybody like clapping really, really loud and fucking hating that.

You know what I mean? It's like that comic thing where it's like, you tell a joke and somebody in the audience goes, oh, you know, like you're like, oh, fuck you. Cause you'd rather be. I would, I didn't't wanna be a victim. And I didn't want it to be true, you know? That was the thing. I just didn't want it to be fucking true.

Like I didn't want her to be dead. Three days later is two seconds later. Yeah. It's nothing. Yeah. You's nothing. Yeah. You probably hadn't even slept. Dude, I didn't know what the fuck was going on.

Why did you go? I'm curious, did you do that for yourself to cross the stage? Because I'm sure they could have said, hey, we'll just mail you this motherfucker. I think my mom wanted to make sure that we acknowledged my graduation. I respect that too.

And I get that. God, all these decisions as a mom. You just lost your kid three days ago, and it's like, no, you're gonna graduate, damn it. Yeah. You did that, that's yours. Right, and I, wow, damn, that just occurred to me. Good God.

So yeah, I think it was just like putting one foot in front of the other kind of a thing. And so then, I don't remember how much longer it was just like putting one foot in front of the other kind of a thing. And so then I don't remember how much longer it was till the funeral. I'm sure it was like later that week. Um, God, you're having a graduation and a funeral in the same week. I think I can't remember. Yeah, but it was like, yeah. And then, um, and the funeral was,

I don't remember that at all. Like, that was like, I remember seeing her body. I remember seeing, I remember the wake. That I'll never forget. Seeing a dead body, like seeing someone you love, seeing their corpse is like, you just start to go, oh shit, it's all, that's like a skin suit. You know what I mean?

It kind of helped me. I never understood the point of being like, look at death! But now I'm like, I get it, you know? I get it. You kind of have to. You gotta go in there and be like, look, Duthaneak. Yeah, right there. Touch it, touch it.

It's cold and feels weird. That's not her, you know? And you do feel a little bit better because you go, oh, it's not, it's not that. Whatever we are, it's not like this, you know? So that made me feel better. And I spoke at the funeral.

You did? Yeah. And I have, my mom has a recording. You're a child, this is also every, she has it recorded? Yeah, she's recording of it. I've never listened to it, but. No?

At least not in a long time. Do you have what you wrote still? My mom has it because I put it in her casket. And as she was getting lowered, my mom was like, do you have that thing that you wrote? And I was like, it's in there. She was like, she told them to stop and roll it back. No, hold on.

Yeah, she goes, Your mom had him stop it. Yes, she goes, roll it back. And she grabbed it. Hold on, roll it back. She grabbed grabbed it. Hold up, roll it back. She grabbed it. She took it out of the casket. She took it.

She was like, I want it. And she's got it. I was like, you really are a mom. Yeah, that's mom shit right there. Yeah. Yeah. Hold up, don't put my casket in the ground. Yeah.

Wow. She also, my dad, my mom wanted to put a slurpee in the casket, and my dad was like, you're not gonna put a slurpee in the casket. My mom snuck in and put a slurpee under the fucking blankets so that she got a slurpee, you know what I mean? It's like, it's really cute. But.

It's whatever helps you to, have you ever had to talk with your dad about it? No, not really. Just mom. Yeah. My dad, you know, he tries to talk about it, but it- He does? Ish. Ish. You know, like he'll send- Yeah, like what's that for him?

He'll like send pictures from her grave, you know? Oh, he'll go visit her? Yeah, he'll visit her. He visits her grave. I think more than anyone else. Really? I think he visits her grave, yeah. I don't, I really don't. And I, it's just like, I can't do it. And I think about her all the time.

I talk about her to my daughter. I think about her all the time! Yeah, it's crazy, but I don't, I can't like, I don't know, seeing a grave is like scary to me. Do you go? Do you go see it when you're back home or anything? No. No. Have you ever, since the funeral, have you ever gone to visit?

I don't think, I mean, I might have once. I really don't like being there. It hurts too much to go back there. I don't like to look at it. I don't like to think of her like that. I don't know why. I can't fully... Damn, I've never cried on a podcast. You got me going over here. But you know what I mean? I think I really still have a lot of leftover anger about it. And I've seen it a lot in the last like two years, but you know, like I should have seen it before because it was there. But when I had the baby and I was pregnant

and I was like, all this shit was coming up. And it's like, you just start to really have to face your shit. Yeah. And I'm starting to see it. Just laying down there dormant in a fucking hammock, chilling. Oh my God. Waiting to turn to fucking pop up

and ruin your fucking shit for awhile. Yeah, yeah. And it's like, I've been in therapy for 10 fucking years. How did I barely make a dent in this? How the fuck? It's all new shit too, yeah. You know? But no, I haven't really been back.

Maybe I will. Maybe I'll go back. Maybe it's something you could do with your daughter one day. Yeah. I mean, just the world's worst field trip, but I do think like- Also, does it fuck with you that your sister- What are the twins' names again? Graham and Jackie. Jackie.

Jackie passed. No, Graham passed. Graham passed, Jackie. So, were they identical or fraternal? Graham and Jackie. Jackie. Jackie passed. No, Graham passed. Graham passed, Jackie. So were they identical or fraternal? Fraternal. Do they look alike at all? Like when you see Jack, so it's not a weird thing where you're always seeing this person

that was identical to this person that passed. No. Graham looked like me. Yeah? Yeah. We looked almost identical to each other. I knew I was going to cry. Yeah.

Okay, talk to me about the, and I'm an idiot, please, talk to me like I'm a moron, but is it a law? What is it your mom had created? Is it an act? What is it that is, and how did she do it? She had legislation passed. I don't know if it was an act or a law. I think it's a law.

But she went up against the big pool. I don't know what you call it. The BPI, the big pool industry. Yeah, big pool. Big pool. And she made sure. Your mom's out there bottling big pool. She's out there bottling big border.

She's out there bottling, just right up against big jacuzzi and you know, those fucking pigs. And so she got this law passed that every jacuzzi has to have a drain cover on it so that this kid... They all have a cap now. That's because of your sister and your mom. That's wild. Does that fuck with you when you go somewhere and you see a goddamn jacuzzi and that's

on there? Sometimes I'll look down to see if it's there. I never trust that it's there. Even if it's there, I don't trust that it's there. I'll go in a jacuzzi, but I don't fucking like jacuzzi. They're not a fucking party place for me anymore. I like, I remember we had one outside of our hotel room on my honeymoon and I was like, sweet, you know?

Like I just, I'm like, I'm not going in that fucking thing. So yeah, I just, it's kind of weird that it's down there that, and it makes me really grateful that she was able to save so many lives. Well, that's all I wanna talk about. Your mom must be a strong woman. To lose her child, to still sit there in the brave face. She was sober the whole time.

Could you attend graduate? I mean, what the fuck? I don't think I could go to my kid's graduation three days later. I know I'd have to, but man, to go and show up and break, and then to sit with it, deal with it, and then say, I'm gonna do something about this. What a also great way to fucking remember your child too.

What a legacy, that's pretty fucking awesome actually. I think she- Is it called something? I'm so stupid. It's called the Virginia Graham Baker Pool and Spa Safety Act. It is an stupid. It's called the Virginia Graham Baker Pool and Spa Safety Act. It is an act. It's an act. Yeah. Okay.

Is Virginia the state or is Virginia her name? No, Virginia was her first name and Graham was what we called her. Because you were in Virginia, so that's a fair question. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So this is her full name act. Yeah. And it's what, nationwide, everywhere you go now.

I mean, if you're doing them now, what year was that? What did it start? Do you know? Damn, I don't know. 90s? No, it would have been in the 2000s. Yeah. Would have been like 2010, 2011.

Yeah. Maybe 2009, but, uh, did you, did she, did you know she was doing this? Yeah. You did. Yeah, I did. Did she call you the day it happened and be like, we finally, we went down. We went to this? Yeah. You did? Yeah, I did. Did she call you the day it happened and be like, we finally did it? Yeah, we went down. We went to the White House.

You did? What do you mean? We went down to the White House. George Bush was in the White House. Okay. And W. Senior? No, W, yeah. So we went down and we saw him sign it and we were there.

And he literally signed your sister's names act. Wow. Yeah. That's awesome. Yeah. I mean, my mom was in a unique position to be able to get that done because of my granddad and because of who he was. Who was he?

He was secretary of state under George Bush senior. Is that right? Oh, no shit. Okay. James Baker. Um, that's her grandfather. Secretary of State under George Bush Senior. Is that right? Mm-hmm. Oh, no shit, okay. Yeah, James Baker. That's her grandfather. That's my granddad. Your grandmom, your mom's dad, gotcha.

My dad's dad. Dad's dad. But my mom's father-in-law. Father-in-law, got it, all right. So she was able to do, she was able to use that, I think, for something good. Yeah. And I am grateful for that because she was like,

she was not gonna rest until something got done about it. You know, and she knew that she was in a unique position to be able to do that because of who my granddad was or is. And he's still alive. But yeah, he was able to help her get that done too. I'm really grateful to him for that. Yeah, that's, I mean, that is awesome.

Yeah. Yeah. Man, Rosebud Baker. All right, so my last question before we get to my very last question is, as your daughter does get older, is Graham someone you're going to tell her about and, you know? Absolutely. Do you have pictures of her around your house now or anything like that you do? Yeah.

Yeah. Good. Yeah. I have pictures of her around the house. I considered for a long time whether or not I was gonna use her name with my daughter. I ended up not because I already knew I was gonna be dealing with a lot of post-traumatic, whatever, and I was like, let's not do that. But I always tell her, I'm like, you have an Auntie Graham,

and I don't, she doesn't talk yet, but I'm excited to tell her about her. It's pretty awesome. She's got all these aunts. She's got a It's pretty awesome. She's got all these aunts. She's got a bunch of aunts. Yeah. She's got so many aunts. So many aunts.

A lot of cousins. Well, no, you're the oldest, so maybe not yet. Well, she has, my sister had a baby before me. Okay. And she has another cousin who's like six months apart from her. So my sister had two, my sister left my labor, went home and found out she was pregnant. No.

Again. Yeah. Again. Yeah. So, you know, I hope she has a lot of cousins. I think that would be really special, you know? I want, like, I wish that I could give her sisters, but I don't know if I want to have more than one kid. I think it's one and done for me. It's going to take a lot of undoing old shit to be able to raise her the way I want to raise her. You have to have time to do that. You have to have time to give yourself. I mentioned before we did this podcast

that I was gonna ask you at the end of whatever we talked about advice you would give to your 16 year old self. God damn. I'm curious because. That's like the year before. The next year is the worst fucking horrible thing. What do you say?

Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. I didn't even put that together when we were in the parking lot before. I think if there was anything that I would say to myself, it's that nothing is gonna stay the same forever. And you have to, rather than focusing on protecting what you have in this moment, just focus on enjoying it.

And when it changes and when you have to let it go, don't be afraid to be sad. And don't be afraid to let it change you. That's great advice. Yeah. Good for you. I think that's what I would say. May I have Rosebud Baker?

Thank you for real for coming on and doing this. Thank you. I know that wasn't easy to talk about. No, thank you. I'm sorry I made you cry. I'm glad you made me cry. I have to watch fucking Dumbo getting cradled between prison bars to cry normally. So this is good.

Please promote everything and anything you'd like one more time. Yeah, just check out my road dates on rosebudbaker.com. Definitely check out my special, the Mother Load. It's out on Netflix right now. And I got an old special too out there on YouTube called Whiskey Fist. And that's it. I'm on YouTube, Instagram, Tic Tac, Rosebud Baker. All right, thank you very much. Thank you. You got it. As always, Ryan Sickler on all your social media

will talk to y'all next week. You