The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - 323: Mick Betancourt Got Two Black Eyes from the Devil!

Episode Date: March 3, 2025

My HoneyDew this week is writer and producer Mick Betancourt! Check out Season 3 of Reacher on Amazon now, and visit http://mickbetancourt.substack.com  to hear over 85 of Mick’s incredible stories. Mick joins me this week to Highlight the Lowlights of a WILD childhood, growing up with teen parents in Chicago. We dive into just how chaotic his home life was—from wrecking his dad’s work van in kindergarten, to hitting up dance clubs with his mom in middle school, and even wrestling his grandfather to death! This is an episode you have to hear! SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE and watch full episodes of The Dew every toozdee! https://youtube.com/@rsickler SUBSCRIBE TO MY PATREON - The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I Highlight the Lowlights with Y’all! Get audio and video of The HoneyDew a day early, ad-free at no additional cost! It’s only $5/month! AND we just added a second tier. For a total of $8/month, you get everything from the first tier, PLUS The Wayback a day early, ad-free AND censor free AND extra bonus content you won't see anywhere else! https://www.patreon.com/TheHoneyDew What’s your story?? Submit at [e-mail] Get Your HoneyDew Gear Today! https://shop.ryansickler.com/ Ringtones Are Available Now! https://www.apple.com/itunes/ http://ryansickler.com/ https://thehoneydewpodcast.com/ SUBSCRIBE TO THE CRABFEAST PODCAST https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-crabfeast-with-ryan-sickler-and-jay-larson/id1452403187

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of the cost of buying anything. At Farber Debt Solutions we can help you see things the way you did before you were in debt. Farber Debt Solutions licensed insolvency trustees get the truth about that. that I'm excited to work with them and bring you my next special. Two shows Saturday, April 12th. Get your tickets now at RyanSickler.com. The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler. Welcome back to the honeydew, y'all. We're over here doing it in the night pan studios. I'm Ryan Sickler and I want to say thank you for watching this show. Thank you for supporting anything I do. I don't care what it is. I don't care if you're just telling somebody

about the show. Thank you for your support. Come see me. Do live comedy if I'm in your city when you're around. T tickets are on my website at Ryan sickler.com. And if you love the show and you've got to have more, then you've got to have the Patreon. It's called the honeydew with you all. It is this show with you all. And I'm telling you, I've been telling you for years. Nobody's got these stories. It is ridiculously the wildest podcast on Patreon, and it's your show. And it has remained and will remain five bucks a month.

All right. If you want bonus content, we now have that new tier with the way back a day early ad free. Everything for both shows is censor free and you're getting bonus content up there. You're not getting anywhere else. As the biz, you guys know, we do here, we highlight the low lights. I always say that these are the stories behind the storytellers. And I am very excited to have this guest on today. First time here on the honeydew.

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Mick Bettencourt. Come on now. Welcome to the honeydew. Mick Bettencourt. Honeydew, y'all. That's one extra five for each star on the Chicago flag. Is it five stars? Four.

I got that tattooed right there. I love it. I know. People go, what is that? I go tattoo of a bruise. Brother, it is very good to see you. You too, man. Finally have you here.

I know, man. Crazy. Five years in the making, right? Easy. Yeah. Easy. But before we get into what we're going to talk about today, right there, plug it all, please. Cool.

All right, so at McBetancourt on all social media, I brought my notebook here so I wouldn't forget shit. Reacher on Amazon, show it some love. That's on right now. I had no idea you were working on that. How long have you been working on the show? So I came on season three, which drops, I think, depending on when this drops, February 20th, but it's on right now. Watch it, show it some love. It's a great show.

Do the cast and crew that some, I want to show some love to the Toronto crew up there. Is that where they shoot? Yeah, they shoot it in Toronto, but the crew, man, is just top-notch humans and just a great family vibe. And Alan leading the show, the star of the show, Maria Sten, just like, dude, just, it's like one of those things that you get involved with and you're like, oh, this is the dream. Like it's a dream to work in Hollywood for sure,

but when the people are on point and they're kind and supportive and caring, man, you're just like, oh, this is amazing. So if you don't know about the show, it's on Amazon, give it a try. It's already on season three. Yeah, season three is dropping. It's on right now, yeah.

So check that out. And then St. Baldrick's Foundation, I want to show some love to the Franklin Park, Illinois fire department that's doing a fundraiser to fight pediatric cancer. So that's nice. Yeah, man. So that's March 14th at Joe's Live in Rosemont, Illinois.

Door is open at 530. It's free. Kids activities, open donations, silent auctions, and Irish dancers. I don't know if you're familiar with Irish people. Second on the left on the evolutionary chart. It's going to be fucking amazing. Someone's going to get punched in the face while helping raise money for pediatric cancer.

I love that. And your Substack. My Substack, dude, I almost forgot. So speaking of stories and wild stories, pediatric cancer. So, oh. I love that. And your Substack. My Substack, dude, I almost forgot. So, speaking of stories and wild stories, mcbettencourt.substack.com, over 85 stories, up right now, free for seven days if you sign up as my honeydew promotion. So, just go. There's over 85 stories.

Vibe with it. Read all of them, seven days. And it's five a month if you want to hang out and get access to the premium content after that or 30 for the year. But right now it's free for seven days. All right. Yeah, man. Well, like I said, it's good to see you and you had such an epic, I want to say couple episodes of the crowd, but let's talk about your life story because you're one of the few you have a very Joey Diaz myself sort of upbringing sure wild and parentless Yeah, so let's let's dive into it. You're originally from Chicago, Chicago. Yeah, I'm Irish and Puerto Rican and I look like and who's what though? fucking Map of Dairy on my face

You have to drive over a Puerto Rican flag. Oh, under, sorry. Like it's a huge sculpture to get in and out of the neighborhood that I grew up in before my dad died. In Chicago? Yeah, it's called Humboldt Park. Is that right? Yeah, yeah. And who is Puerto Rican, dad or mom?

Ryan, look at this. You look white, bro. White as a nun's ass. So your dad wasn't Puerto Rican either? No, my dad wasn't. My grandfather's from Puerto Rico. And he's so Puerto Rican that when my dad passed away, which we'll talk about, it says when he had to go fill out the death certificate

under country of origin, it said Puerto Rico as a standalone country, not to have been given to the United States from Spain. He's just like, this fuck you. This is an independent country. So yeah, so they were teenagers when I was born. My father was 16. My mom was 17. Is that right? See, I know I've heard this stuff so long ago, but you know, we do all these episodes. I don't remember. Is that right?

Your parents were kids. Now that we have kids and you look back, you're 16. My daughter's 17. I would have already been one. Hell no. I go into her room and I was like, what? Yeah. This is your, like. Can you imagine also looking at your daughter and being like, you'd have been my mom. Like, hell no.

What's going on? Yeah, man. But to look at that and imagine my daughter with a one-year-old is like, blows my mind. But you don't have any of that perspective when you're coming up. I mean, it was a quarter pump off from my dad. You know what I mean? Just like. There it was. He dropped out

of high school, got a job at factories, mechanic, whatever he could get. He just was like, I'm out. He got custody of me. Why? Well, you'll find out in a second about my mom, but no dad was getting custody of the kid back then. So I was born in 74. They tried to make it work for a couple of years. My grandmother, my mom's mom, Irish Catholic. And they were teenagers, my parents, so it's like, he's not getting baptized. And so my grandma was like, what? And then they were like, we're going to try to save the marriage, we're going to go spend a weekend together. Will you watch?

I was little Mickey. My dad was big Mickey. I was little Mickey. She's like, oh yeah, I'll watch him. Snuck me down the street. I knew you were gonna say it. Did she? She had you bath time?

Yeah, just snuck me down the street. Dunked me in the water. I was like, hurry up, just bless it. Throw some on this kid. I gotta get out of the way. Just hit him. No help for you. Is that right?

Yeah, man. Did she ever confess to them? Oh yeah, they were furious. Oh yeah. But, you know, yeah, so my dad got custody of me. I didn't really have any memories of my mom. So my dad is- Are you the only child between them?

Only child. So I'm living with my dad who lives with his mother and his two sisters. And how old are you at this time? Two. Yeah, I'm living with my dad who lives with his mother and his two sisters. And how old are you at this time? Two? Yeah, I'm at three. He's 18. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Of course he's living at home with his mom. Where Sharon and his mom went yard on the booze. She would just come out. This is grandma. Seven in the morning. Sit there, drink all day. And how old is she? Do you remember? Is she a young lady too?

Is this a young grandmom, like 40s? I think everybody was young, man. It was just straight poverty shit. You know what I mean? Just no roadmap, no nothing. And so my- You're sharing a room with your dad? No, my dad slept on a love seat, not even a full sofa, and I slept on the throw rug

under him in the living room. That was your bedroom. That was my bedroom. And I used to sleep in a drawer. It really is. Like a pull-out drawer because my mom's brother came to a park just to match, just this high school shit. He came to one of my dad's parties, heard a baby crying, knew that he had custody of me, went into a room and I was in a drawer. So now when I was too big to sleep in the drawer, I'm on the floor and I told this on the original craft feast, my, I'm sleeping.

My dad's above me. Here's somebody come in, I look up, I don't see anybody. I hear someone kind of walk past and then I hear a sound of like someone throwing a basketball up and hitting it with an aluminum bat. It's very descriptive. Yeah, just really like, yeah. I know exactly what that sounds like. That weird thunk sound.

Yeah, yeah. And I was like, I looked and I saw a little light under the bathroom, you know? So my dad gets up and he opens the door and his sister, who was a heroin addict, had got naked, tied off on the toilet and fell in. Into the tub? Into the tub and it was her head hitting the porcelain, you know what I mean? And her legs are sticking up and I'm like, what's that? You're going to kindergarten tomorrow. Not even.

No, I was around kindergarten time. So I'm like, what? And then my grandmother grabs me and yanks me out as he starts pouring cold water on her, slapping her. And my grandmother grabs me and she goes, the devil's in the house right now. And I was like, fucking five years old. What are you talking about? She's like, the devil's in the house right now. I'm like, we got to go. Why don't you got that? And she's like, the devil's in the house right now. I'm like, we gotta go. What are we doing here? Why don't we? You got that? Why don't we stay here? And she's like, and tomorrow we're all gonna wake up

with black eyes. And I'm like, black guys? Because I was like, what are you talking? Because the family upstairs, we shared an illegally converted A-frame house with a black family. So, because I looked like this, my grandfather said he never speaks Puerto Rican

because it was a racist town and you don't wanna give them an accent. So I just hung looked like this, my grandfather said, he never speaks Puerto Rican, cause it was a racist town and you don't want to give them an accent. So I just hung out with the three black kids. I thought I was Steve Martin and the jerk. I thought I was black till I was seven. So I'm like, what do we gotta do? She's like black eyes. So she's like, the devil's here, the devil's here,

the devil's here. And she goes, now go back to sleep. And I was like, when? This is my hands upside down on heroin in the bathtub. And you said, if I'm just a friendly reminder, the devil's here. And you're like, go back to sleep, go back to sleep. So I was like, on the floor, hearing those two yelling at because you know, she's a junkie that lost her high, you got her, go back to sleep. Go rest. Go back to sleep. So I was like, on the floor, hearing those two yelling at me.

Because she's a junkie that lost her high. You got her to come back. So she's furious at him, my father. So I'm like, I finally get back to sleep. I'm like, you OK? And he's just, ugh, lays back down. At that time, he was probably 21. Let's say I'm five.

Just got his sister who overdosed. You know, this guy's carrying the world on his back. So I wake up the next day and I'm in the bathroom making my little five-year-old tinkle. And I'm like, what grandma say. So I like lean in to the mirror to see on my kids, purple, lean in to the mirror to see on my kids, purple fucking black eye, yellow. I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm fucking down bro. You said all my shit.

Yank, this coat covers off my dad, black eye. No. On my kids, go into my grandmother's room, covers down, black eye. To this day I still don't know how that happened You don't think she went and did that where I was the devil came in throwing heaters man just straight, right? Why would you say that how would you know then we all woke up with black eyes I Mean look I would go to school and every day.

That is wild. So my dad had a, would drive me on a chopper. He got like a discount chopper. So I'd hug the tank going to kindergarten. Oh, you're up front? I'm hugging that tank for dear life, man, on Chicago potholes. Then he got a work van driving people with a spinal injuries around. And so they're like, don't use this van for personal reasons.

That's all they got it for. Cause the bike broke down. He had a trans am for a while that you would start with a screwdriver. Trans am. Of course he's 21. Yeah. The T-tops and like tarps duct tape to the car. You know what I mean?

This was not fancy shit, man. You know what I mean? This is real shit. So he goes, he finally gets this van he gets a job he's got over on trouble today so take that budget cord off over there man let's get these t-tops off you gotta take the t-tarks off real slow so you don't take the paint off. T-tarks, bro. It's a fucking car.

It's got a kid in it. It started with a screwdriver. T-tarks, bro. We're onto something here. My lady! Little canvas tops, your little jeep tops, little bikini tops, your teatops. You're like, oh you wanna? Oh god damn.

You want some wind in your hair? Hang on a second. Let me roll that back. You would have a screwdriver on here. I lost my keys. Oh, God damn, dude. Okay, so we had Trans Am. When you say you had a work van,

you got a job at a company they provided the van. Yeah, you know the van, and it had the lifts and shit on the side. Oh, it had the handicaps. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But every day he'd go pick me up at school in that he started picking me up and that he go, hey, I have to come out. I'd be scared to death.

And I go, hey, dad, the teacher wants to talk to you. And he's like, are you fucking around again? I go, I'm in there and I get these. Surgery finals in the back right now. You're fucking with my T-Tarq money. And I'd be like, she wants to talk to you. Because I would just be in. Because I just had disciplinary shit. The house was crazy.

So I'd be, I just need to release the pressure somehow. So they'd be like, we're going to do colors. And I'd literally just run out the room. Or I'd just grab a chair and just see if it goes through the window. I mean, just crazy shit. So I'm like, the lady wants to talk to you again. So he's like, all right.

Anyway, every time I come back in, I get a crack on the ass. He'd yell at me something. So one time I'm sitting there, Ryan, and he goes in and I look over and the van's on. And I'm like, I think I got to get out of here, man. This is, you know what I mean? I can't get another crack on the ass. So I jump in and you watch your parents drive. I'm like, all right, this works this.

Those two pedals, I got a 50-50 chance. So I just get under in the wheel well. And I push one and I hit one. It's like, uh-huh, uh-huh. So I'm like, all right. And I just yanked them. In the school parking I'm like, all right, and I just know I in the school parking lot No, he parked in front of the school. He's like on the street and he went in. I see Vans just sitting there

bro I'm under the well Like like a pinball down the street. Yeah I'm mowing fucking cars down. You're hitting cars for real Come I can't see shit. I'm mowing fucking cars down. You're hitting cars for real? Ka-kong, ka-kong, ka-kong. I can't see shit, because I'm like driving it, and then it just stops. And I'm like, I think I'm in more trouble now.

Yeah, you might be, dude. So this lady runs up, and she's like, where's the driver? Where's the driver? And I'm like, I don't know. Just. My dad's talking to the principal. It's going to make him look mad. It would any dad whose child gets into a car drive. They're coming to look for my aunt.

So he, you know, sirens people as a thing. And I just see him running up and like looking at me, like seeing everything. And he's like, did you, did you fucking, you know, was this you? And I was like, nope. Did you really? Yeah, I was just scared to tell him the truth, man.

And he just was so dejected. Then the cops came up and they're like,'s cuz you know what you don't know when You're a kid doing that But you're looking at a guy is he's now doing the math That's my work van the insurance how many cars that he just fucking hit we got to pay all those out No new t-tarps Better hold on those t-tarps. That's it. Yeah, so he loses the job Nah, yeah, we foster it. So he loses the job. Nah, he lost her dad the job.

They lose the job. He is fired. Wrecked the van. Dude, I totaled the van that they said, do not use for personal reasons, which is a block from his kid's school. And so I remember him just being angry. He was never like a dude.

He was just put on, man. He just dropped out of school to raise a kid that he didn't plan on having, and then was like, I'm in survival mode. And I remember just seeing him, like I checked, I'm sorry, like, damn, sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. And he always rocked kind of like a biker vibe.

Like he had long black hair, always had like turquoise and teal earrings. My dad, yeah. Yeah. Like a biker vibe in a neighborhood with no real bikers. His friends were bikers. Like he just loved motorcycles. So he's like, uh, he just left one night when I was apologizing, like right around when it happened and he just leaves and I'm following him. Like I got a t-shirt on like this.

How old would you say you are at this point? Six. So he's walking. We go to the corner store. He gets a case of beer. He's not talking to me. I'm just, hey, I'm trying to crack jokes, whatever. Bus comes. He gets on the bus. I just get on with him. We go in the back of the bus. He's just drinking the beers, right? And he's just getting more. And I'm starting to watch the people because they see him with a kid. I'm little and I'm looking at how people are looking at him. The more drunk he's getting because like, we'll ride it to the end of the line. It's total silence. Get on another bus,

ride it to the end of the line. And he's starting to stagger more. Get to another bus right at the end of the line and he's starting to stagger more. Get to another one, he can't even walk. Bus driver comes in and he goes, you guys got to get off. I'm like, well, where are we going to go? And my dad's just out, just like there. So the guy grabs him, the bus driver from the back door and just like kind of tosses him. He stumbles. My dad, we're like in an industrial outpost in Chicago. Hits like this warehouse and just drops. And so I just go with him and look on the bus driver's face at just disgust, you know, this bum wino and his kid and like it's cold man and I got a t-shirt.

I just followed him out of the house when he went to the corner store. So he's just kind of passed out, barely coherent and I'm like nuzzling into him to try to get the wind and I'm looking around like maybe he's wanted to bring me here, you know, because I don't know anything. And I'm like, you know, maybe this is there a cool thing you wanted to show me? And he finally comes to and he just looks at me, man. And he goes, I'm sorry. Did he? And then he went missing the next day. Uh-uh. Yeah.

Are you being for real? Yeah. For good? But what happened was he- Can I ask you a question real fast? Yeah. Because now I'm looking at it with hindsight. So I'm sorry, is that just for getting shit faced on this bus and what I did to you tonight? Or is I'm sorry. Is that just for getting shit faced on this bus and what I did to you tonight? Or is I'm sorry what I'm about to do? No, because I don't think so. Yeah, I think I'm sorry. Was that goodbye?

No, I don't think it was a goodbye. I think it was how I felt when my son was born and I had no tools to be a father to him. I had no tools. And man, I wanted them. I wanted those tools. And I felt like I would never have them. the idea that I could be take care of somebody and the rent's paid and the repo man's not coming and they're not coming to evict. I mean, I've lived in 29 different places in my life. No, maybe 30, 30, 30 now. And I think the I'm sorry was like, and maybe I'm being, you know, I'm looking back and I'm making it more flowery than it is. It could have just been, I'm sorry I took you out and it's cold, but I really feel like it was like a deeply felt, I don't have what it takes for you. And then he went out and he got, so he was missing for three days.

So I should say he went missing. So the next day he goes missing. He goes missing. Who, yeah, who tells you? Well, so he's dating a girl at the time who was addicted to heroin at the time and looked like the, you know, remember the girl with the long blonde hair, the muppet? Oh yeah, with the big red lips. Yeah, yeah, she looked like that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so she's like, anybody seen Big Mickey? And they're like, oh man, he's out partying. He lost his job, he's probably out partying. Day two, it was like, call the drunk tanks, call the hospitals, call the rounding mic out in an accent, he's probably laid up. He's just on a run, you know what I mean? He's out partying. Day three, man, the vibe in the apartment was not good. So my grandfather's over his father and he's like, we got to call the morgue. And then my grandmother's howling, like no one wanted to even entertain that idea, because I didn't even, I was like, what's a morgue?

And so he goes in the other room and he's on the phone, on the kitchen phone with the long ass cord. He comes back in and he goes, there's a John Doe matching Big Mickey's description that's been at the morgue for three days. No wallet, no money. So they go down, he identifies the body of his son, which I can't use as a parent now. I can't even fathom. I don't know how. Dude, I don't know. I'm still not equipped to process that. Like, you know,

you think about your own kids as like, dude, you got to kill everybody. Like how do you, you know what I mean? Like how do you, how do you process that? I'm thinking about the drive there, hoping like a motherfucker. It's not every fucking thing that goes into this. Yeah, man. And they go. And how old was your dad at the time? 23. Yeah, man, and they go and how was your dad at the time 20? What? Three he's a baby

Cuz he I was six, you know for yeah, 23 23 just turned 23 and his father's down there identifying his son's dead body Yeah, man. Do you know what happened? He was electrocuted on the third rail in Chicago on the train tracks on our train tracks Yeah, and they don't know if there's any foul play, if he, if he pulled the ball and, you know, now there's a miss cause there's no story. There's no cameras. There's no, you know, there's 80. Yeah, these days, nothing. Three, I think it happened.

So yeah, man. Then Maryann comes home cause she heard, Hey, come to the house. No one said anything over the phone. Is Maryann the girlfriend he's seeing? The girlfriend, I should be asking her, I should have said her name, but she's passed away since then. Oh, sorry. You want us to market?

No, no, it's all good, man. She's passed. And I'll say the good news of this story. She was excited because she had found out that day. She thought she was coming, Mickey was there. She found out she was pregnant that day. So now she shows up. I'm going to tell my guy we're going to have a kid. She's told the father of your kid has passed away. So yeah, man. So wait, you have a half brother? I got a half brother who I've never met.

Never? Yeah. Do you want to? I want to more for, I may have such limited memories of my father. You know what I mean? I was very young. I mean, dude, the house that we grew up in- He's got none.

He has zero. So I would want to offer that for him, but without slandering his name, when I finally think I found out who he was, the first thing that came up was mugshots.com. Was it? Yeah. I mean- Sometimes shit happens. But his mother eventually moved down to Florida and got clean.

And so she wound up leading a very beautiful, peaceful life. She turned it all around. But we would be at the house. My dad was throwing a party one time, I think it was five or six, and I just had the rambunction going. And he's like, you gotta calm down, man. I'm gonna get people over here acting like lunatics So I was like, all right. So he gives me a Harley Davidson belt buckle. So I strapped that bad boy on, gives me a Mickel-Obe, and then a Playboy. How old?

Five. Oh, God. God, Jesus Christ. What a starter kid. So now I'm over in the corner, like, you know, flipping the pages. It was just crazy. So then- Jesus.

So your dad goes, where do you go now? So here's what happens, man. My dad dies. I don't really understand what that is, right? The word death. That German shepherd that the 16-year-old kid upstairs had got killed. His little brother, whose name was Dude, Dude – Really?

Yeah, yeah. Dude goes, hey, you want to see a dead dog? This was like a week before my dad passed. I go, yeah. We go in the alley and there was the German shepherd, but he lifted the side and it was filled with maggots, which I had never seen before. It was just this white undulating mass. And then you looked closer, you could just see them little, right? So I was like, oh my God, what is that? He goes, that's a dead dog. That's dead. And I was like, oh, then a garbage truck came down the alley and two dudes hopped off, hit the dog with a shovel, threw it in the back. Then a week later, Ish, Big Mickey's dead. I was like, oh shit, he's caught up. He's got maggots all over. I don't know what's happening, man. The black family upstairs is wailing. They mourned in a way. That's nice. They liked your dad. They loved him. Oh, that's nice. And the mom up there was like so sad. And then baby, the daughter was like, her name was baby. It was baby dude in Tyrone.

That's Robin Harris. And I was embarrassed because I was like, why can't I feel that? Like it's my dad. Why don't I, there's like, why, where is that thing in me, you know? And so we go to the, it was a welfare storefront funeral, you know, like folding chairs, little casket, reeked of formaldehyde or whatever they, whatever chemicals they use. So I go up there and I see my dad, you know, and then a little kid, they, everyone there starts fucking breaking up, they're sobbing. I'm like, what is, what is that? He's right there. Why is everyone so sad? You know, so I go up and I could see the veins in his face and I move his eye.

I'm like, dad. And I just hear like, cause I pulled the stitches or the glue, whatever it is off his eye. And then my uncle comes, my mom's brother, obviously just grabs me and takes me outside. And he's like, look, your dad is dead. I'm like, I know.

He's like, I don't think you know. He's not coming back. He's up in heaven. He goes, you're not going to bed tonight. I'm like, what am I going to do? He goes, you're going to stay up in the living room. You are not going to go to sleep. You hear me?

When you hear me knock on the door, you come to the door. I'm like, fine. He's like, don't tell anybody. So I'm like, all right, whole night of stay up, whatever. I hear on the screen door, you know, the steel screen doors, like Baltimore. Open the door, he goes, come on, we're going. I go, where are we going? He goes, come with me right now. I'm like, all right. It's like 6 AM. The sun's just coming up. He had a brown Chiraco Volkswagen. Chiraco. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Volkswagen's rock. So a little Chiraco, right? So I, I'm walking towards the car and then, uh, my dad's other sister who was like the good kid trying to go to school and shit. She goes, what are you doing? And he goes, you don't, you don't have to worry about what I'm doing. She's like, you taking them? And he goes, yeah. She goes, are we ever going to see him again? And he goes, no.

And I go, what? I go, where are we going? He goes, get in a car. So I was like, what? He goes, get in a car. So I get in the car. We take off. I'm like crying.

I'm like, where are we going? I'm not going to go baby. I'm not going to hang with dude. He's like, you would be dead in two weeks if you stayed there. It's all junkies and drunks. There's no food in the fridge, nothing. You know what I mean? Like you can't, your dad is the only person that gave a shit about you at that house.

Like my other aunt was just trying to get the fuck out of there. You know what I mean? Like she was just staying there, tolerating it until she could leave. So he's like, we're going to your mother. And I'm like, who's my mom? I'm like, who's my mama? You know, like I'm talking like dude. And he's like, she's great. We're going to a mother." And I'm like, who's my mom? I'm like, who's my mom? I'm talking like, dude. And he's like, she's great.

We're going to a little place called Berwyn. It's a neighborhood. There's a Tasty Freeze, a block down from where you're going to live. There's a park three blocks away. You're going to go to schools. There are nice kids. Don't worry about it.

This is the Irish side. It's very nice and very calm. You ever been around Irish people, Ryan? Enough of them. Dude, that would be the last way that I would describe. Calm is not an adjective I would use for the Irish. Calm is not the fucking descriptor, bro. So we pull up to a two-story apartment building in this neighborhood called Burwin, and he's like, your mother's in there. We're going to walk in. Your whole life's going can change right now. Everything's gonna be fine

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for terms and conditions. 19 plus to wager, Ontario only. Please play responsibly. If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact Connex Ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. BedMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. I'm nervous. I have no memories of my mother. So we walk in, staircase going up to the right,

to the second floor part, little door opens. This like four foot nine, red haired, pale, freckled woman is standing. And she's like, hey. And I'm like, hey mom. That's your mom. That's my mom, right? So she opens the door, no hug, walks to the other side.

Like it. No hug. No hug. So when you walked in, you walked into a kitchen. There was like a little sunroom here, which is where her bedroom was. And then a living room, right? And there was like a dining room table in the kitchen.

Her other room had been walled off for like a two chair Polish beauty salon. So it just smelled like perm fluid when I walked in. So she's standing on the other side. She's kind of looking at me like, what's my life now? Cause she didn't plan on having me there. You know what I mean? So I walk in, I'm looking at her like, what is this?

I'm hungry, I just basically got kidnapped. I haven't had breakfast. I open her fridge, it's empty. Like you knew a kid was coming. Like I think about this now, right? There's a quart of milk. I just, that's it. That's all that's in the whole fridge.

I pop that open, I start guzzling it. It's sour. So I just instinctively just go, she closes the distance like Hagler Hearns one. Bro, cross the ring, straight right, bang, drops me and goes, get a towel and fucking pick it up. And I look up at my uncle who just gave me the pep talk and he's like, good luck. And dude, he just leaves. That's mom. And I was like, this is chill. You know what I mean? Like this is, dude, that was my mom, man. And how long are you with her? So I live with her. I lived on the sofa for a little bit in the floor.

And then sometimes she would sleep on the sofa because one time I'm like, they sent me to the Catholic school three blocks away called St. Odillo's, which is the patron saint of purgatory. Nah, I didn't even know there was one. There's a saint of stuck between heaven and hell. You're not good and you're not,

you're just like meh Also, what's it say about the saint that gets that gig? You know, I mean, you're also just a mass ain't you know? Hey Frank is anybody ever told you your average? Yeah, we got a whole sink for that That's the name of the school. That was the name of the school. So I get all that Yeah, man, so I'm there in my, uh, my mom let me sleep in the bed one night. I'm like, nah, I'm in first grade. So what is that? Seven, eight. Now you're five and six in first grade, seven, second grade, eight, third grade, nine. Okay. So I might've been a year later. So I let's say, let's say I'm, no, I'm, let's say I'm

first year. I was just at the school cause this is why she wakes me up at midnight and goes, where we're going out. And I'm like, where are we going? She got a lot of these late night runs of relatives. She goes, we're going out. I go, where are we going? She goes, we're going to dance and wear something sexy. And I'm like, sexy. So I got, I look at, I at, and she was in a hurry, man. She was like, if you want to go, there was some urgency to the request. So she was drunk, full on alcoholic. So I'm like, all right, I get my corduroy pants

from the Sears Husky section, throw those on mustard yellow shirt from, you know, my uniform from school. I'm like, come on. And we go to a place called Tooty Toots. Tooty Toots, yeah, I think it was on North Avenue or Grand Avenue. We walk in, my mom comes in, she's dancing,

the music's going, there's a wall of mirrors, smoke machines going. She gives me a 20, she goes, go get two Manhattans. I don't know, you know what I mean? So I had Mickalow, but I never had Manhattan. So I go to the bar and I go, two Manhattans. I don't know. You know what I mean? So I had Michelob, but I never had Manhattan. So I go to the bar and I go two Manhattans. I'm in my St. Purgatory school uniform. It's probably 1240 AM. I'm like come up to here on

the bar. I'm standing on the little rail under it. The guy sets two drinks down and goes, keep your mother in line tonight. Telling the kid to do it. So I take the drinks. I give her one. She's got her purse down dancing with herself in the mirror. It was a She didn't want both of them? It was debit. No, one was for me. She gave me one. I drank it tasted like gasoline.

For me, she gave me one cms of it. I drank it, tasted like gasoline. So now I'm kind of dancing. The women there thought it was the shit that this little kid was out there dancing. My mom's dancing. About two hours later, last call comes, I'm shit housed. And I'm dancing with this girl. And she goes, you're so cute when you get older.

And what did she say? She goes, she flashes me. and she goes, oh my God, if you were older, we would totally be going home together now, but I can't get in trouble. She showed you her tits. Yeah. You're a kid. On the dance floor. And then the next day again, I'm going to school and they're like, here's a problem sitting still. He's hungover. Yeah. Like I go in and people like, and then plus at the same time, I'd be sitting there. He can't stay awake during story time or shit.

Yeah. So now what happens to mom? So is she an addict still? Well, she was mostly alcohol and, um, abusive men. Mom. Is she an addict still at that time? It was mostly alcohol and abusive men. Dudes would just, yeah, dude, it was not good. And then she would forget to buy this shit called groceries. So I'm not eating.

I would eat at the purgatory school. And then finally I'm like, she had passed out. I'd only been eating lunch at school and I knew that there was a guy living upstairs. So I go up the stairs at night, maybe about eight at night. My mom's already passed out. Remember the generic sodas that would say like red, orange? Yeah. So there's generic pop and chips that just say chips on them on the little ledge. Like you open the door, there was the legend you go down the stairs. So I just take the top. I'm like, dude, those fucking three liters back in the day too. And it would take like five minutes to be like, oh, man.

Try to get a little bit. Yeah. Then you grab the corner of the chip thing. So the soda's. Yeah. And you can't do it to fridge either. Because the lights on the whole time. You're like, ah, yeah. So I'm guzzling as much as I can, right? Yeah. And then I'm just trying to open these chips, man. Two of the loudest things you try to eat.

And I'm just shoveling these chips in my mouth, and then the door swings open, and now it's just light on me. Because there was no light on in front of the thing. He's like, hey, this guy. Hey, what are you doing? I'm like, hmm? He's like, you eating my food? And I'm like, I don't know. And he's like, look down. And I'm covered in potato chip crumbs. Now, this is my mom's father who would become my grandfather. But when I first went there, I'd only seen him once. I figured that he lived up there, but he's like, how's the kid doing?

But I was standing next to my mom, because I was Puerto Rican and Irish. He was a teen mom, and his son had just gotten murdered. I left that out. But the house that I was moving back to, my mom's brother had just been killed. He was involved in a homicide and had some things go.

He got jailed or the Marines and he went to the Marines and then when he got out of the Marines, he got… They got him. Well, jury's still out on what happened, but it was nefarious. So it was a broken hearted family. So I was coming from that environment into this environment that had been shattered by the loss of this guy. But my grandfather was old school. He did seven years of a 15-year sentence for armed robbery.

So he, you know, he wasn't, he was street smart. Then he cleaned his shit up, got a job at Sears Roebuck, got this little two-flat building, you know, and it's so funny. That building sold in 1990 for $200,000. It just went on market last year for 210. That's everything you need to know about that neighborhood, dude. Nothing. Nothing, dude. You made a sweet 10 grand profit in 40 years.

You got about $2,500. That's my nest egg, bro. That's my nest egg. So everyone was upside down, man. So this guy sees me, he's probably 65 at the time. Stocky dude, you know, I kind of look just like him. And he goes, you eat today? And I go, no.

And he goes, how's your mother? And I just was like, I didn't want to say anything, because it's that neighborhood thing. I'm just like, it's easy for me to just say nothing or not. That's why I always, but how's your mother? And I just was like, I didn't want to say anything, because it's that neighborhood thing. I'm just like, it's easy for me to just say nothing or not. That's the way I always was. How are you? I'm good. I'm good.

I'm fine. So he goes, you know Mickey Rooney? And I'm like, no. He goes, there's a movie coming on called Black Stallion right now. It's got Mickey Rooney in it. You want to watch it? And I was like, yeah.

He goes, I can put some popcorn on the stove. Remember the Jiffy Pop? Yeah, he goes, I'll put some popcorn on the stove. We could watch a movie. Because he knew, right? You look back, he knew, he knew who his daughter was. His alcoholism destroyed his family. He saw what was happening. His son, you know what I mean? It was not good. And here was a little kid stealing food to eat. He took me in. He had two lazy boys in the kitchen because he had walled off his living room for his son who had disowned him because of his alcoholism to let him live for free after he had gotten MS.

He was a member of Mensa. I don't know if you know that. I do know it, yes. Yeah, yeah. That was that guy. His name was Tommy. He disowned his family, moved to New York, started making some money in his early 20s, got hit with MS, became an alcoholic, came back in, had nowhere to go. His father said, even though they hated each other, you could live in the living room for free. That was the guy that lived on the other side of that wall. His living room was his kitchen. We had two lazy boys. I just sat there and I ate popcorn man and uh, like I ate like I, that was not happening. Like I didn't, I there wasn't two days in a row that I.

And it's funny too that it's just popcorn, but you're so grateful to have something going in your mouth and stomach. Yeah. Also black style and I'm not going to lie to you within the last year I went on YouTube and I rewatched the scene where he rips that fucking mask off and they're hauling ass. And I was like, Oh, let's give me chills now. I mean, I remember seeing that as a kid and I was like, what a fucking great movie that was. He's playing with them on the beach. Oh yeah. But you know what's crazy? I'm going to go home and watch it today and get fired up for nothing. I'm just going to get ready to ride horses. I got the movie poster in my office.

My pal Billy gave me the figurine, the horse, the figurine that the kid gets. You know, I watched it again. I mean, dude, I'm crying at the end of the movie. He's crying at the end of the movie and he looks at me and he goes, uh, stay up here tonight. And I go, I gotta go downstairs. He goes, no, you don't worry about it. And I go, he goes, I'll talk to your mother. And then I moved upstairs with him. Is that right? Yeah. My mom just let me go live upstairs. She would come up. Let me talk about Black Stein for a second. That's about a kid who loses his parents and an old guy who's a little bit lost and they find each other. And that was what happened. You know what I mean? Like, that's just what

happened. And he was not the perfect guy, but he was the fucking perfect guy for me. You know, like he would give me oatmeal in the morning and he was doing the best he could as a guy who had fucked his family up through his drinking, had tried to get sober. I saw him relapse twice. Tough motherfucker. Dude, this guy carried a hatchet under the front seat of his car. A hatchet. A hatchet. You know, like a little handle, fucking hatchet. Some guy pulls up to us. We're going to Toys R Us. A guy pulls up, some bikers in a car, right? A guy in his

car. He goes, hey, old man, you fuck your old lady as slow as you drive. My grandfather goes, dude, when I say Irish temper, like stereotypical shit, I mean, there's no space between what that dude said and my grandfather going to murder him. No, for real murder him. He goes, like the clenched teeth grabs the hatchet gets out because like, what's this guy going to do? Like the clenched teeth grabs the hatchet gets out because like what's this guy gonna do walks around Goes to kill him with the hatchet And the guy just happens to gun it and veer away before the hatchet goes into his head instead It goes into the side of the car so that when he cuts over I see the hatchet

Sticking off the side of it's waged in the car Because the guy happened to move it before he got murdered. Hardcore dudes, man. And this guy just like loved me. He drove me to school. Like my mom would come flying and drunk, kick in my door, beat the shit out of me and leave.

And he didn't stop her. Cause that like, it was a weird thing. Like I'm her kid, he's the grandfather. But like ultraviolet, I had cigarettes put on, I mean, crazy shit, you know what I mean? But he was always the safe harbor. Then one day, you know, it's like June, it's hot. 13 at this point.

You know, I'm a teenager, not super rebellious. I say that I got pinched a couple of times for stealing, but my neighborhood was all, that was kind of the vibe. Like I got arrested one time for stealing baseball cards, like a whole box of them, right? But I was with a guy. There was a kid with me. So I get arrested.

The kid makes it away, my partner, and I'm there. I'm scared. He's like, who were you with? I'm like, I wasn't with anybody. And he goes, we know you were. We saw the other kid go away. I was like, I wasn't with anybody. So he slaps me, the cop does. He goes, who were you with?

I go, I wasn't with anybody. He goes, well, now we're going to call your house. I was fine. I called my grandfather. They call him. He comes in. But the door is open now. They got me cuffed to a table and everything, but the door is open so I can hear my grandfather

come in. Oh, he stole baseball cards. I hit him and my grandfather was like, that's all right. This is old school shit. I can't see him, but I can hear him. They're right outside the door. The guy goes, he had a partner and he didn't give them up. My grandfather goes, oh no, he's a good kid. Yeah, he's the best. Yeah, we're raising him right. Yeah. For real. He didn't give them up. No, no, he's a good kid. So primo. And so I start wrestling, you know, and I found this beautiful fucking sport, man, where I had all this energy my whole life from the trauma or whatever the fuck you want to call it.

And I remember the first practice and it was a club. So it wasn't a sport at the school, but we had kind of heard that there was something like that. And so me and another kid who I love, one of my best friends, we go, we just try to do, we went to this strange sport, strange place, strange smelling room. We knew nothing about it, right? So we're in there and we're experiencing what every wrestler experiences, which is abject terror of physical violence, but your body exerting at a level you didn't know was possible. So I just stopped, man.

I just stopped and coach Jerry Raffino comes up to me and he goes, we don't do that here. And I go, what? And he goes, quit. Bro, it was like, hit, I was like, what are you talking about? Like in my house, I was like, what? He's like, we don't do that here. He wasn't a dick about it.

He was a fireman that came from the firehouse to the wrestling room. He's like, we just don't do that here, man. And it was all a bunch of knucklehead neighborhood kids. We didn't have wrestling shoes. We wrestled in street shoes. You know what I mean? And he was just like, you just can't do that.

And I just never occurred. I was always like, I'll quit when shit gets hard. I gotta find, I gotta cut corners, man. I gotta be slick. It never occurred to me, you fucking take it all and you keep going. I have to say wrestling saved me quite a bit too. In high school, my dad just dies

and we're in the middle of a wrestling season and my mother's gone. And I'm just like, man, you talk about also in hindsight, being very grateful to have an outlet to take some fucking aggression out on somebody. You know, sorry about that illegal lateral drop right there. You know what I mean? Like my bad, I'm going through some shit right now. My friends do, you don't want to wrestle his ass right now. I'm like, I might put you,

I might DDT you. You know what I mean? I might put some WWF on this shit, but yeah, man, I remember it was no quit. And, uh, just the mantra is it was respect. It was fear, respect everyone, fear, no one. Yeah. Uh, we were never allowed to lay on our back. If you were on the mat on your back and the coach called you, it was like fucking 100 pushups and shit like that. It was discipline. A horrific amount of physical exercise that you didn't even think was an option.

You would hear in sports, I played team sports as well, but you know, you hear all your cheating yourself. And the truth is in a team sport, there is someone that can back you up. Yeah. So I can bail you out or whatever. Not in that sport. It's you and all your fears, your emotions, your anger, everything trying to, uh, also skillfully dismantle this motherfucker within the rules.

Oh yeah. Yeah. I mean, on its surface, you have to put somebody against their will, have both their shoulder blades touch the mat. You, you know, like Jay Moore said, you know, the same surface, you have to put somebody against their will, have both their shoulder blades touch the mat. You know, like Jay Moore said, you know the same moves, you train the same. What were you doing when nobody was looking? And it was, man, it just that and skateboarding changed my life forever.

Also individual, but part of kind of a team or a group where like you just fell, man. You had to fall. You had to fuck yourself up. Seinfeld has said some great things about, I say it a lot, like he said, you would think maybe an older dude like that, be like, whatever, but he said, no, those kids are gonna be just fine.

They're out there doing that same trick again and again and again until they perfect it. He's like, it's a lot like comedy, it's a lot like life. Just keep repeating it until you get it. And then it's not good enough Just to barely get it now. Let's do it. Well, yep, you know, and then it's now the next trick Let's get it do it. Well, you know, so that's it is all you know, the other thing too that I've learned in life, too Is that just and a lot of people ask about this shit, but honest to God, the majority of it is just

fucking hanging in there. Don't quit. Show up. Hard work, fucking... It's hustle. It is. There's no shortcuts. I tell my daughter that all the time.

I go, you don't ever want to go like this. You go like this, you're coming down like this. You want to go like this. You're going to have your peaks in your valleys, but you want to steady rise. You know, it's okay to drop here, but we're going to go up here. We're going to take one back, two forward. It's fine. You don't want to skyrocket up because then you skyrocket down. There's no, where are you going from there? This is a steady fucking climb.

Google Coca-Cola. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Steady on. Not only that failure is part of the fucking cover charge, man. Like embrace that shit. Embrace the failure. Yeah, I mean, that's all comedy is. People are like, how'd you get good at standup? Because 90% of what I did sucked.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And 10% is all right. That's how. Yeah. I mean, failure is- Wrestling really showed me everything. Oh, yeah. Also just getting beat, humble, getting humble. That's another thing too, because you're, you're angry and you've got a lot of

ego and you're fucking just full of testosterone and nobody who, I don't have any parents right now. You can't tell me shit. Yeah. Yeah. But this motherfucker from North Carolina can ride legs is twisted up like a pretzel. Oh yeah. Yeah.

How about this though? When you are in a funk and you get stuck and you get pinned. North Carol that can ride legs is twisted like a pretzel. Oh yeah. Yeah. How about this though? When you are in a funk and you get stuck and you get pinned, I, I'm not kidding you only till about maybe five or eight years ago that I stopped daily replaying grade school pins. Is that right? You would think about that pin. Oh dude. All the failures in my life haunt me daily.

They just come on me. Less of like that I'm afraid of it, but just that it happened and it really bothers me. It really bothers me. And the fact that I couldn't win and beat them and couldn't figure it out or worse, the time where I did give up and I knew it, like I could have bridged for a little longer or I could have fought for a little harder and the gas tank went, but I made a decision to quit was so shameful. I took it so personally that like just recently I'm free of that shit.

That's interesting. This one is a moment that really stuck out for me too. Wrestling again changed my life a little bit. So my dad dies in November. We've got the holiday tournaments in December. It's just weeks after my dad's dead. You know, you should probably, I was like, nope, I need this. I can't sit home.

I got to get my mind off of everything that's going on. This is literally, he's fresh in the ground. This is fresh on my mind. He was always at these events. Now he's not here. So I'm going to my first Christmas tournament and wrestling tournaments, you know, Christmas won't be like eight, 10 schools and you're wrestling all motherfucking day. Yeah. And I get to the end and my coach is like, we're going to need you to wrestle at one 65 or no one 75. And I was like, dude, that's like 10 pounds over. He's like, you just gotta step up and do it. Cause you know, you get your individual accolades, but team support. I was like, okay. And I said, but I'm weighing in and my singlet and I'm eating

a fucking cup of pudding. And he goes, go ahead. I, I stood on that thing in my clothes, my head gear hanging off. I'm eating a cup of pudding. Big back and core, that motherfucker didn't move. And they were like, all right. And I was like, oh Christ. And I'm wrestling this yoked motherfucker from Gilman. He's a big six plus motherfucker. And look, the thing was just do your best not to get pinned. You know what I mean? That's what he's telling me. Don't get the six, just do what you can. Try not to let them pin You know what I mean? That's what he's telling me. Don't don't get the six. Just do what you can. Yeah.

Try not to let him pin you. And I'm like, all right. And I'm just I'm also like I'm thinking about my dad, like my my dad's not here right now, I'm locking up with this dude. My dad's not here. I got so much emotion going on. I tell Stella about this all the time and I grabbed this guy by the back of the neck and I just give him a chuck just to see.

Yeah. And that fucking neck went by me and I saw it and I grabbed this guy by the back of the neck and I just give him a chuck just to see. Yeah. And that f*****g neck went by me and I saw it and I said, headlock this m*****g now it might be your only chance. And I f*****g now hip toss them, boom, drop on them. I put my arm over his f*****g throat, which you're not supposed to, you know what I mean? But I don't want him to say I'm dying. I know that if he gets up, I'm getting, he'll toy with me. He'll fucking hurt me. Not just pin me.

He's going to bat me around. It's where that just started. And I get up on my fucking, you know, like they teach you on your heels. And I'm rocking in his chest and I'm bending his fucking neck up and he's screaming. And I hear boom. And I'm like, Oh my God. And I get up, this dude's pit, he won't shake my hand. So he gets a another team deduction for unsupportive psychodot and I win and I can't believe it. And I go down in the locker room and I just fucking break.

Yeah, yeah. I just ball and ball and ball. I can't believe you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. I'm not supposed to win that. What the fuck we did. And not only was I can't believe, you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. I'm not supposed to win that. What the fuck we did. And not only was I not supposed to, if there's one I wish my dad could have seen, that would have been it. He would have been like, you took that big motherfucker down because he had no problem busting your balls. Like that little wiry motherfucker gave you a lesson. You know what I mean?

He told you that. I'm like, I did that. He did. He's like, he wrote all down your ass, man. Look at that. You twisted all of like, I did that. He did. He's like, he wrote off down your ass, man. Like I had you twisted all off. Like, I know that my brother got pinned one time in six seconds and he came off and my dad goes, Derek, I said, people ride bulls longer than that. So I know that he would have been like, I want to fuck with you. Man, you handled your fucking business out there. That dude was a Goliath. He really was. But I get it, man.

That sport really saved me at that moment. I needed it right then too. I needed it right then. I needed to get all that anger out, all that aggression and all that. And, and I didn't need it in the team sport, like football, just banging a guy in front of me. I wanted to fuck this guy up or I wanted him to fucking go ahead, give it to me. I need it too, you know.

Well, what was interesting was the, I liked the combat of it, but to me the mental side of the training I was fascinated with. Cause I was like, this is unreal. Like learning that stuff was awesome, but seeing what you're made of. So I was telling you like, it was like June, it was hot.

We couldn't run the air conditioners at the same time. So my grandfather had his on my, blew the fuse. So my ma's would be running. And I went into my grandfather's room and he would, he was just a stock, my grandfather had a foot race. I was the fastest kid, one of the fastest kids in grade school. And he goes, don't ever be cocky. He goes, I'll beat you in a foot race right now.

I'm like, you're 70 years old. He goes, you say, ready, set, go. We'll sprint to that car. Beat me. Did he? He's like, don't get cocky. Don't be a cocky guy. So we would, I would like grab his wrist and he tried to swap me away all the time,

you know, trying to show him my wrestling moves and stuff. So I go into his wrist and he'd try to swap me away all the time, you know, trying to show him my wrestling moves and stuff. So, I go into his room, he's sleeping. I grab his wrist to lock him up. He comes up, he kind of smiles at me, he turns purple, heart attack and dies. Nah, dude! Is that a true story, McBangor? No, I don't mean, I'm laughing though.

Please, is that real? You heartless motherfucker. Is that real? Yeah. No. No, dude. Is that real you heartless mother? Yeah Yeah, I grabbed his rest He smiled yeah, I grabbed his Cuz he had the acid shit so he would he would be propped up on pillows would already be, he was halfway there for the headlock.

Oh, bro, he was. So I just came out, I grabbed his wrist, he kinda looked at me, I mean, it was very similar to what my dad, when he said I'm sorry, but like he just, he turned purple and he just went, and the life went out of him. Right in front of you. Right, dude, he died in my arms.

I was like, cramp, you know, cause after a while you see him turn purple, I'm like, cramp, cramp, cramp, cramp. And then he just died. So I'm like, dude, I run out. I jump over the balcony, hit the stairs coming down, pound on my mom's door. Crap's dead, cramp's dead, cramp's dead.

She opens the door. She's naked. There's a naked dude on the table. Table? Nabel, and he's like, and he goes, ah! Kicks a half a naked dude on the table. Table? And he's like, he goes, ah! Kicks a half dog of vodka off the table. What? His ball bag's hanging out.

She's like, what? What? I'm like, I'm like, Graham's dead. She's like, ah, she's calling 411. I just look at her. 411. 411 information. Hey listen, she's fucked up as she was.

She might've been. She might've been calling information for who to call. 411, who is the number I'm calling in an emergency? That's 911. How do I live life? Thank you. She called information. Oh my God.

What time's Toys R Us open till? So what happens? So this dude just like, you just see him grab his shit, like start to get ready to get somewhere in the world. That guy is at a bar and someone's saying, remember the time you hooked up with that chicken or dad? He's like, I was naked on a table. Little boy come down banging on the door about his pap.

All's dead. My nuts are swinging. Did I get sober that I got worse? I started doubling. That's when the nightmare started. What a fucking terrible story. I'm so sorry. So then we go to the ambulance comes, they grab him.

You know, he's a big dude. They're struggling to take him down the thing. We go to the hospital. They're like, we can revive him, but he won't be the same like whole thing. Right. Thought we'd get home, man. I'm off. I but it's all fucked up. My mom gets to her door. She's like, all right. I'm like, yeah, you know, all right. We're getting ready to fall. She's like, where are you going? I'm like, I'm going in there with you. She's like, you got upstairs. I go, Grant died upstairs. I don't want to go up there. She's like, tough shit.

And went inside, just slammed the door. So I'm like, oh fuck. You gotta go sleep in the, yeah. In the death house, man. The death house, yes. I go up there, I thought I saw a ghost. Tommy, who lived in the next room, in the living room, while we were at the hospital, he walked with the cane.

He's, you know, he had MS. MS, yeah. Came out, climbed up the bookshelves, got the key. My grandpa had a little safe, took the cash that he had, robbed his dad's safe while his body wasn't even cold yet. Steals his money. It's gotta be a lot for this guy to do all that with that. Dude, dude, listen to this.

It probably took him like an hour to fucking. So he couldn't do it while he was home. He's like one day somebody's gonna die. And I'm gonna get them. I'll fucking say. He has practice bookshelves in his apartment. He's been ready. He's ready.

He's like, I know exactly how I'm going to do it. I got 20 minutes. I'm in and out. Years later, after the building got sold, Tommy dies. His brother, my uncle, the one who came and got me out of Humble Park, Tommy would only come out at night because he was so embarrassed. So he'd walk to the corner store and drink with Bernice, Bernie, the gay woman who ran the overnight counter you know,

counter lady at overnight stuff. So Bernie calls, my uncle says, hey, will you help me clean out Tommy's apartment? So they go over there. This is maybe 10 years ago, last maybe. He gets over there, paddles, whips. My uncle's like, what the fuck is this? She goes, don't you judge him? He's dead. He goes,

what is this? And she goes, well, he was an S and M Dom guy for all of the wealthy senior citizen women in river forest. They'd let him tie them up and spank them because they knew if he crossed the line, they could just nudge him and he'd fall over. Dude, you got me thinking of a retirement plan right now. I didn't know they'd still be into it. He's an S and M dominatrix here. So, my uncle's telling me the story. He goes, so Tommy's a spanker. I was like, what are you talking about?

He's getting paid to spank senior citizens? Old ladies, man. That's a rack. They still wanted to get their freak on, but they're rich, so they're around. How do I trust a guy? Who knew that was a revenue spree? So he's like, how does a car get there?

It screeches up on the lawn. He's got MS, he's coming. So I go upstairs. Now I'm living in my grandfather's apartment. They try to put the building for sale to chop it up amongst Tommy, my uncle, and my mom. No one's infested with mice. It's awful. So I go through the food that he has. I'm asking my mom, you got any food? She's like, what the fucking Taj Mahal? Who's got food? More like a parent. The social food? Well, the parent. The social security check? Yeah, parent.

So I run out of food, man. And so I start pain handling. So I'm out on the street like, hey, how you think it happens? You have extra money? And the way that people looked at me, I will never forget. I've had cigarettes put out of me. I've been beaten. The poverty is the single worst thing that's ever happened. And I don't mean like, I want to be a painter and I'm, but if you can go home,

you haven't experienced real abject poverty when When there's nothing of like there's no food and then the store closes and then there's no food. And then so I was like, fuck this, I'm going to start stealing shit, man. Like I can't. I just can't live like this. And then I started stealing some shit and I didn't like how that made me feel. And then I didn't eat for like three days and I started hallucinating. And my stomach started hurting

and I was in my grandfather's apartment and I went and I told my uncle, I said, can you take me? I go, I haven't eaten, I need to eat. And he took me to get a turkey sandwich at a place called the majorette. And I was shaking, you know, like, looked like I was having a seizure and I'm trying to eat the stuff.

And he goes, stop with the act. I was like, are you all right? You know, I'm trying to eat. And I'm like, this is, this is, this is really fucked up. Because I knew if I said anything, I'd become a ward of the state or I'd go to an orphanage. You know what I mean? Like I couldn't. I had to keep it a secret. So I went through my seventh grade summer, eighth grade, almost got expelled. The summer after eighth grade, enrolled myself in high school and then was in the middle of high school. It was around November. I'm trying to wrestle. I'm working at it. I saw that my solution was get a job at a fucking restaurant. So I was a busboy and I could eat, I'd bring food home.

But I was also- That was the same. Yeah, so I was also wrestling, so I had to cut weight. It was just too much and I started to smell. I didn't, I didn't have money for the lawn. You know, I'm walking around the school, it's like rich kids and stuff. And dude, I had to fuck it.

And I was like, I cannot do this anymore. And so I said, I I had to fuck it. I was like, I cannot do this anymore. And so I said, I got to talk to a counselor. And so it was this guy named Brother John, who was a Franciscan brother. So we had that kind of like brown potato sack robe on, you know, with the robe belt. And I go, listen, man, can I move into the old rectory? Then I can come from my job at the restaurant to here so I can hit wrestling practice at like 6 a.m. And he's like, well, why don't you, what are you talking about? Like you can't live here. Where are your parents? I go, I don't have any. So he's like, if you're lying, we're going to kick you out of the school. If you've just decided to come in here and make

the shit up. So I'm like, I'm not. So he's like, all right, we're gonna go right now. This is the middle of the day. He's, we're gonna go to your place right now. So we drive to my apartment. Dude, you could see there was a bare mattress with the outline of my body on it, like a fucking crime scene, mice everywhere, dirty clothes, it smelled.

He goes, this is the worst case of child abuse I've ever seen. Where's your mother? I go, here's the deal, man. I don't, I'm not saying shit. I don't know shit My mom's business is her business. I need to eat and I need clean clothes man Like that's what I need

And he goes is there anywhere that you can go like cuz you can't stay here I go if you bring me to a foster home or you try if I see you pull up to a fucking state home I'm out. You're never gonna see me again. I'm running from the car. I'm just telling you right now. So I call my uncle who was newly married and had one baby with one baby on the way. And I go, he's like, you can stay on my sofa. So I packed some stuff and I think I had a pillowcase with some clothes in it. And then he called my mom and he's like, Mickey's living with us. And she's like, all right.

And I moved in with my uncle. Then we got evicted from that place and moved back into my apartment. Nuh-uh. Your grandfather's old place? Nuh-uh. Yeah, dude. And then later, my mom caught a felony conviction for bank robbery.

She robbed a bank? She robbed a bank. How'd she do it? Yeah, she used a note saying that I was being held hostage. Her child was? Oh, so she went in. She went in with a note. I see.

She wasn't robbed. She's acting like the good person, like I'm the victim here. My son's being held hostage. My son's being held hostage. If you don't give me all the money, they're going to kill him. Now. Your mom did that? Yeah.

So let me tell you this. Now, this is 2001, right? So I'm jumping around a little. So my pal Dave, rest in peace, I was living in a subterranean apartment, like a garden apartment. So there was one door that went out to the front street and then one door that went to the alley.

But you could see people's feet walking by, right? So the back door knocks. I open it, it's Dave who looked like Fenster from Usual Suspects. He's got three, five DVD players stolen. He's like, homeboy, I'm a little hot right now. Can I lay these off here? I want 100 for each.

Take whatever you want off the top. I'm like, put them in a corner, I got you. He sets them down. He's like,boy that I'm a little hot right now. Can I lay these off here? I want a hundred for each take whatever you want off the top. I'm like put him in a corner. I got you He sets him down. He's like, I love you. I'm like, I love you, too. He Goes out the back door Ryan a second later knock on the front door. I'm like this Motherfucker set me up. You know what I mean? I was like never I never had him on that like he was a stand-up guy Because there's no organization on earth that knocked on my door like the fucking knock like you could knew and then it was like, never, I never had him on that. Like he was a standup guy. Cause there's no organization on earth that knocked on my door, like the fucking knock, like you could knew. And then it was like, FBI opened the door.

And I was like, motherfucker. So I put my foot on the door to just open it a little bit, you know? And they're like, FBI, where were you this morning? And I go, I was at work, swiped in and out. Now my brain's going, something's up. Cause they would have, this morning? And I go, I was at work, swiped in and out. Now my brain's going something's up because they would have, this morning, Dave just left. I'm like, I'm with the city, I'm swiped in, I'm swiped out,

I'm on camera all day, why? They go, well, your mother robbed Forest Park Federal Bank this morning. And I go, oh, fuck, thank God. Oh, dude. Oh, dude. Yeah. So this is your first time on the show here. I hadn't the first time anyone comes on with advice they would give to their

16 year old self. So I'm curious, cause it's a wild time for you. What, what advice are you giving the 16 year old Macbeth and court? Buckle up motherfucker. You have a wildlife Macbeth and court. Yeah, man. Um, so good to see you as well. And thank you for doing this. And I know you have a million stories. Can you hear more of this on your sub stack? Yeah. So if you like these stories that that actual whole story,

which is just a part of what I just told you is on there So right now right now if you go there free for seven days, just sign in it's a subscription thing you'll get new stories every Sunday email to you and Old episodes of the podcast are on there check reacher out and then March 14th if you're around Oh, so it's pinned to my Instagram so you can go there now watch it I'll keep it pinned is that fundraiser for St. Baldrick's to fight pediatric cancer. So check that out as well. That's awesome.

Thank you. Thank you for coming on, brother. Thanks for having me, man. Of course. Yeah. Of course, dude. As always, Ryan Sickler on all your social media, RyanSickler.com. We'll talk to you all next week.