The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - 324: Jim Florentine's Journey to Fatherhood—Inspired by a Legless Veteran

Episode Date: March 10, 2025

My HoneyDew this week is comedian Jim Florentine! Check out Jim’s newest special, You Can’t Please Them All, on Amazon Prime, or his podcast, Everybody Is Awful. Jim joins me this week to Highlight the Lowlights of his journey through fatherhood. He shares what it was like becoming a father at 46 and the challenges he faced as a single dad later in life. We discuss the emotional difficulties of preparing children for independence and dive into the complexities of co-parenting while balancing life on the road. CATCH ME ON TOUR https://www.ryansickler.com/tour Nashville, TN - March 28-29 Madison, WI - April 12th (Special Taping) SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE and watch full episodes of The Dew every toozdee! https://youtube.com/@rsickler SUBSCRIBE TO MY PATREON - The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I Highlight the Lowlights with Y’all! Get audio and video of The HoneyDew a day early, ad-free at no additional cost! It’s only $5/month! AND we just added a second tier. For a total of $8/month, you get everything from the first tier, PLUS The Wayback a day early, ad-free AND censor free AND extra bonus content you won't see anywhere else! https://www.patreon.com/TheHoneyDew What’s your story?? Submit at [e-mail] Get Your HoneyDew Gear Today! https://shop.ryansickler.com/ Ringtones Are Available Now! https://www.apple.com/itunes/ http://ryansickler.com/ https://thehoneydewpodcast.com/ SUBSCRIBE TO THE CRABFEAST PODCAST https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-crabfeast-with-ryan-sickler-and-jay-larson/id1452403187

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I was there not too long ago, had such a great time, such a great club that I'm excited to work with them and bring you my next special. Two shows, Saturday, April 12th. Get your tickets now at RyanSickler.com. The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler. Welcome back to The Honeydew, y'all. We're over here doing it in the Nightpant Studios.

I am Ryan Sickler thanking you for watching this show and supporting this show for all these years. And you know what? Whatever you do that supports anything I do, thank you very much. I don't care what it is. Thank you. All right, this is one of my favorite things

to do in life right here. And if you gotta have more than you gotta have the Patreon, it's called the honey do with y'all. I tell you about it every week. It is this show with y'all. And it is the wildest show on Patreon. It's five bucks a month. If you or anyone you know has a story that has to be heard, submit it to honeydewpodcast at gmail.com. If you sent it before, send it again, bump it to the top. We get a lot of them. We'd love to do an episode with you. We also have a three dollar additional three dollar tier. It's eight bucks. All right. And on that tier, you get the way back a day early.

Ad free, nothing censored and bonus content on that tier. Not just extra stuff a day early. All right. You get bonus content there that you're not getting anywhere else. All right. That's the biz. You guys know what we do here. We highlight the low lights. I always say these are the stories behind the storytellers. And I'm very excited to have this guest back on the honeydew. Ladies and gentlemen, Jim Florentine. Welcome back to the honeydew, buddy.

So it's good to see you, man. You too. Good. You got good energy. You look good. Thank you. How old are you now? 60. Are you really? Yeah. Get the fuck out of here. You're 60, dude. It's a rough age, man. Oh, well it doesn't look like it. Yeah. It's just, you know, I gotta get that. I gotta get past that. You know, 40 was rough. Like man 40. Yeah. Because 40, hold on, let's pause this for a second. Promote, promote everything you want to promote.

Checkflorentine.com. I got a podcast called Everybody's Awful comes out every Monday. I got a book called Everybody's Awful. It's out there and yeah, that's it. Your special. My comedy special, You Can't Please Them All, it's on Amazon Prime. I got three or four specials up there. You can catch up there. And just dates. Where can they go to see dates?

Jim Florentine dot com for my tour dates. And yeah, that's it. I'm out there. You can find me. I think going back to what you were saying, like, you know, when you were a kid, 40 sounded like 200, you know what I mean? And then you get to be 40. You're like, I mean, I'm 50, about to be 52 in March. And I still feel like, I don't know, my 20s.

You know what I mean? My knees and my back don't fucking agree. Yeah. You know, but my mind is still like, no, we're still right there where we were. Like, we. Seinfeld made a good point. He said that comedians are like 25. If you're 42 minus a 25 years, and that's basically what you are. That's interesting. Yeah. Pretty much like when I was 45, I'm like, OK, yeah, I'm I'm. I'm what is it? I don't even I'm can't even do that. 17. Yeah, something like that. Yeah, pretty much like when I was 45, I'm like, OK, yeah, I'm I'm. I'm what is it? I don't even I can't even do that. 17. Yeah, something like that. Yeah.

So I'm really 60. Forty five minus 25. I'm not 35. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I don't I don't feel it or anything like that. But it's just 50 was rough, too. Like, man. But when you get 60, I because this is a weird one, because I think by the time you hit 70, it's over. So it's like, all right, I'm, you know, I got maybe a few years left.

This is it. But 60 is like, damn, I'm close. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 50 for me was just rough because I'm just getting out of the hospital and I'm still just all banged up and that's how it turned 50. Wow.

So then I became like, after that, I was like, you know what? 50 wasn't shit anymore. I'm just all banged up and that's how I turned 50. Wow. So then I became like, after that, I was like, you know what, 50 wasn't shit anymore. I'm just glad, you know what I mean? Give me 51. Yeah. Give me the one no one gives a fuck about. I'll take 51. You know what, I'm 53.

Yeah. Give me that one. The 50s is fine. Like once you hit 50, the whole 50s, that decade is easy until you're creeping up on 60. And then you're like, God damn. So you're 60 and how old is your, you have a son? My son's 14. 14. Okay. So you, you had them older. Yeah. Like myself. All right.

So let's talk about that. Cause you're, you were a single. How, how old were you when you had your son? I was 46. 46. Okay. And it's weird because I never wanted a kid for some reason. I come from a big family, seven kids. Most of my brothers and sisters were all married, you know, kids and all that stuff. And I don't know for me as a comic, I always thought it would get in the way. I was just so focused on my career. I go, I can't have a kid and live in the suburbs.

Then my career is going to be over. You know, I need to be out there every night doing this. I got to I got to compete with everybody else, stay up with everybody else. How many sets they're doing. And I really, I really considered like, you know, my late thirties are getting a vasectomy. I go, I just don't even want it. The idea of having a kid and thank God I didn't do that. And then it came around like I hit 40, 42, 43. And I'm like, you know, okay,

yeah, I'm still good. And I'm like, you know, OK, I'm still good. And then I went. It's weird because I went to Walter Reed Hospital to visit the guys there. The veterans. Yeah, the veterans. I got a pass to go do it. And every guy that I went and first of all, half of them, they had no idea who I was, which is hilarious.

Like, who's this guy? Crank anchors. I think so. What was that? Yeah, I think I remember that Howard Stern. Oh, I never realized. OK, yes. And the man, which is weird, but whatever. But all of them just said, hey, man, the living two limbs missing. It's all about my family. It's my kid. He's got a picture of his wife and his kids there.

He goes, is that right? That's the that's the through line you're getting from every one of these guys. Everyone of them saying, hey, man, I don't care that I got no legs. I got my beautiful kids right here. My wife. That's all that matters. And that's when it hit me. It took me the go there to hit me. And I was like, man, that's what I need that. It's legless veterans for my guys.

I think I want to be a dad. Yeah. I'm like, man, I'm like, these guys, they're not miserable. Like I'd be miserable. Like, what am I going to do? I'm like, I'm going to be out in the suburbs. They're like, I wish I had my legs. Like, all right, you know, I'm seeing, these guys, they're not miserable. Like I'd be miserable. I'm like, what am I going to do? I can't. You're like, I'm going to be out in the suburbs. They're like, I wish I had my legs. Like, all right, you know, I'm seeing things differently. All I'd be thinking is like, how am I going to get to the stage with no legs?

You know what I mean? You're 88 compliant here? I know it's like, some of these gigs I do are shitty. Then that's not going to make an exception for me. You know, I'm like, what am I going to do? That's what I'd be thinking. That's interesting. Yeah. So that really was like a shift for you where you were like, huh?

That's really what it was. Yeah. So then do you actively start to go find someone to have a child with or were you already with someone where you were like, hey, you know what? I you may have been wanting to have one and I wasn't, but now I do? Like what was the situation? I was with somebody that was and didn't want to have kids, was older and I was like- So you both were on originally

the don't want to have kids page. Yeah, and then I realized I need to get out of this relationship and find somebody. Cause I'm running out of time. You know, and then- It's interesting, you're the man running out of time because it's usually the lady. Yeah. Talking about how I'm getting older and yeah. And then I found somebody and it happened quick and you know, we had a baby. He was born on my birthday. Nah, you share a month early on my birthday.

You share a birthday with your son. Yep. That's crazy. A month early too. He's premature too. No way. Amazing. Is that, I mean, I guess for us as dads, that's pretty awesome. How does he feel about it? He loves it. OK, he does. It has nothing to do with me. I'm good. I'm like, because I don't even like the birthday.

I'm like, I never celebrate it. So I'm like, good, it's your birthday, not mine. That's cool. Yeah, don't worry about it. You got a reason to celebrate, though, too. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So on that day. Yeah. On that day. You know, and yeah, I mean, I'm like, this is kind of. And then meanwhile, you know, come to it.

He's 14 now. He likes the same sport, seems as me, same same music, same movies, same TV shows. He's like having a best friend. It's perfect. You know what I mean? Everything, you know, so it's, it's having a little buddy there constantly. So were you married when you had a kid or? No, we weren't married yet.

So, you know, I, you know, we got, she got pregnant. I say, well, you know, let's get married a couple of years later. Look, we don't want to get married while you're pregnant. We'll have the baby and we'll do it. So he was about two and a half years old when we got married. OK, somewhere around there. So we'll do the wedding later. It's no big deal.

And then how long were you together before you split a total between about five years? OK, over two and a half years in a marriage, it ended. And what happened? It was infidelity. Who? I mean, who do you think? I got to ask. No, I know. No, it actually wasn't me. It was the other side. Is that right?

Yeah. Oh, okay. I just look, I just knew when I got married and committed to having a baby, I said that part of my life is over on the road. When I was younger, yeah, of course you're wild. I didn't really go to college. It was in a dorm or anything, a frat or anything. So I never had that whole. So I was pretty wild on the road. And I was like, that part of my life is completely over and I'm good with it. And I was. I said, look, I'm not going to do that to the kid. I always thought, and it was always this weird thing. I'm sure when your daughter was younger, we're like, we'd be sleeping in a bedroom

and he'd wake up early and he'd run down the hallway into our bedroom and jump in the bed with us. I remember hearing those little feet. And I was like, I love hearing that, even though I didn't want to get up. I hear those feet running in the room. He jumps in the bed with us. I was like, I can't I don't want to ever miss that. I want that every day.

I don't want that two days a week, a Sunday and every other Tuesday. So that kept me from even thinking about doing anything on the road. I just want to put myself in those situations anymore. You know, I said I had a pretty good career, maybe not a Hall of Famer, but you know what I mean? Damn good. Yeah. Yeah. You know, I might get a few a few votes after five years. You know what I mean?

Oh, yeah, he's not. But yeah, you know, I'll take that. Yeah, I'll take some all pro season. Exactly. Yeah, yeah. So, yeah. And then ultimately. But then when that happened, I was like, I don't I can't. I have to get out of this marriage. Did you try to make it work after that or right away? You were like, no, right away. I knew because I just I have to have out of this marriage. Did you try to make it work after that or right away you were like. No, right away I knew,

cause I just, I have to have trust in relationship and I can't worry about that later on. If something like that's going on. There's enough pressure on us as comics, late show on a Friday someplace, you know, you got to kill and I can't worry about what someone's doing at home. I can't have that on my mind. I have a clear mind going up.

So, you know, you're on the road. I so I say it all the time. Like this is work. I'm working. Yeah. You know what I mean? I'm working. I wouldn't drop a bomb like this on you at your rate, your job. It just this happens to be my fucking job. Yeah. And yes, it's going to be fun if I do a good job tonight. It's going to be fun. But it doesn't mean I'm not fucking working.

I know. Well, yeah, I know. No one ever considers it work. No one ever could. It's like when you put somebody on the guest list, friends and family, you know, you're going to your backstage, you're going to work, you're focusing, you're looking at your set and then you're getting text. I just pulled up in the park a lot. What should I do? I don't know. Get the fuck out of the car. where do I go yeah do I need an ID like yeah just be a

human fucking being like you're going anywhere else I'm like by the way all you can drink is a suggestion what would you do if you didn't know me yeah you know what I mean like if you're going to see metallic would you try to text James Hedges I just got a parking lot I'm not sure what Metallica, would you try to text James Hetfield? Hey, man, I just got to the parking lot. I'm not sure what to do. Yeah. Would you just drive home? Right. So people don't consider it work. But anyway, yes.

So I just said, you know, I I got to move on. But was it an amicable split? You know, like on good terms, at least? No, it was ugly. No. Yeah. Yeah, it wasn't good. So how did you work it out? Like we just, you know, we, you know, went to a mediator. Then we got a couple of lawyers. It was pretty over pretty quick. But it was just, you know, and then we had to figure out the time.

How many, you know, how many days I'm going to see him. And then I realized at that point, I said, listen, I got to be around for this, for this kid, I can't just be an absent dad and just go on the road and do whatever. I said, I need to make sure this kid is raised right. If we're going to go through a divorce, it's tough on a kid. I mean, my parents were married the whole time, but I just knew it would. So I had to cut back my my schedule, you know, because I had to make sure. I said, this is more important.

It probably affected my career. In some, you know, at some point, make sure I said this is more important. It probably affected my career. In some, you know, at some point, maybe not being out there as much, but I just knew this was more important as kid. A hundred percent, you know, later on in life needs to be raised right. Not that it wasn't sure he wasn't going to be raised right by his mom, but just that both parents were fully engaged with him. You know, so I had to cut back and I was like, this is what I got to do. This is more important as human being than going to do comedy gigs.

So do you mind me asking like, what is your split? How do you- Like 50-50. So it's perfect. I got them early in the week. My ex-wife's got them later in the week and then I go work later in the week. I see. So it works out perfect.

We're good with it. We switch days here and all that. So we're on the same page with that stuff. That's how we do it too, yeah. Yeah. So it works out good. 50% of the time, you know, and so it's a good schedule. Let me talk to you about that, because I know myself as a single dad. I mean, it happened when my daughter was one. So I always say, I'm a new dad still and a new single dad. Like, I don't know anything. Yeah. I've got this little tiny girl that's one that I'm responsible for now. Then I start just future tripping about like, well, you only get 18 years. Of that 18, they probably don't remember the first two to three maybe. So now you got 15 years. Of those later years, they're wanting to go do their own shit. So what do you got about

maybe 10 good years? Now that just got cut in half to five. I'd start freaking out about that. Right. And just wanting to be there and not wanting to miss any of it. So how did you deal with just, you just said, I heard those feet coming down. I didn't want to miss that. Now you're missing half of that. How do you deal with that at first? It was rough, but- How old was down. I didn't want to miss that. Now you're missing half of that. How do you deal with that at first? It was rough, but you know, I'm sorry. He was five, four and a half, five years old.

So he was a lot easier to manage at that age. If he was one, I'd be out of my mind. I'm like, what do I do? So he's a lot more manageable at that time. He's just going to kindergarten at the time. So, you know, I got a lot of family. My mom was still around at the time, all in the area. So they helped out, you know, and it's I think it's easier for a boy

for me, for a boy would have been, you know, if I had a one year old daughter, I would have been like, bro, I'm the dad taking her into men's room and just like, sorry, everybody. Yeah. Sorry, guys. I need to I need to stall, guys. Yeah, that guy. Yeah. But I just I figured it out. I said, this is what I got. I got to figure this stuff out. I got to be able to now make it. I'm lunches. I'm, you know, fixing his breakfast.

Let's talk about that. When how long before you like hit that stride where you're like, all right, I got this routine and we got this now. It took a while, probably six months or so. But then I realized this is the routine I got to do. I got, you know, got to make sure he's got his little package lunch in the morning, get him on the school bus, get help him with his homework afterwards, after school, all of that stuff.

So get him in bed at the right times. He gets enough sleep. Get him up in the morning. You know, so all of a sudden I'm getting up at like 615 in the morning because when I was married, my wife would get up and, you know, take care of him. And I'd get up like nine as a comic, you know, and then all of a sudden I'm up at six fifteen as a six fifteen. Bro. It's brutal. I said it's real.

I don't even like to do that to catch a flight for. No, I know. Yeah, I know. It's really a it's still a day. Now he's going to go into high school next year. They start later. So we'll be up like seven thirty. But six fifty. It's it's fact still it now he's going to go into high school next year. They start later, so it'll be up like seven thirty. But six, it's it's killing my soul. Six fifteen. Anything with a six on it is now.

Now I got them. We're seven, seven fifteen. I couldn't do. Well, I have no choice. It all starts earlier. And I was like, it better not. You know, I'm already getting mad about it. Like, it better fucking not.

I know because it's six, seven and eight. It was middle school. And he's, you know, an eighth right now. So I got like till June. And then I get another. It's almost like the time change. Yeah. And an extra hour next year. And I could deal with that at 715.

So and are you like, do you live in close proximity? Yeah, we're 30 minutes away. Perfect. Yeah. So even if on your day, it isn't your day, you could go see him or whatever. Not really. We kind of just that's separate. You know, when it's her time, it's her time, when it's mine, it's mine. If we have to, we'll do that. But pretty much we don't, we don't do it like that. And if necessary, you're both good with switching and being cordial with

one another. Are you able to be in the same like you go to sporting events together? You able to be there together without being ugly and all that stuff? Yeah. And in the beginning, it was a little awkward. There was some tension. You're laughing. Why? What happened? No, because, you know, it's like, you know, oh, my God. But you never didn't show up just because mom was there. I would I would show up even more.

She was there just to get under her skin at the beginning. But no, no, she would always show up and I would show up and we'd be cordial. Maybe sometimes we wouldn't talk. We wouldn't sit together usually, you know, because it was just, you know, a little too tense and stuff. But and then it was fine. Now we'll sit together if we have to, you know, at some points. So it's all good.

You know, it took a while to come around. Oh, this is 10 years now divorced. I had one of my daughter's coaches tell me, she said, I see you come to everything and I see her mom at everything too. And she goes, I can just tell you as a kid that didn't get that, she's like, my parents hated each other so much that my dad wouldn't come to something or my mom wouldn't come to something. And I resented it.

I'm telling you, as a child that grew up like that, the fact that you two can just even be here and even if she's way over there and you're over here and you're not talking, which is basically what happens, I just mind my business. She minds hers, but we're there supporting. She's like, it's huge and it's everything. And I was like, that's good to hear. That's good to know. Yeah. No, I think I know it's everything. And I was like, that's good to hear. That's good to know. Yeah.

No, I think I know he needs that. Not making it about you guys. Absolutely. And she's good with that and I'm good with that. We never not show up just because now we're at a point where when he graduated from elementary school, we threw a party for him together. The birthday parties we throw for him together and all that stuff. We worked together on that.

So it's come a long way. Yeah. But it took a little while, but we always did, you know, set that set that hatred aside for his sporting events. You can show up. You know, that's all we've always done that as well. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to be there no matter what. My my biz and I'll shut my mouth. Yeah. Right. And we know there was never a scene.

There was never always never a scene where we're yelling at each other at any of that stuff, you know. So. And then I go and I sit there and I do see other couples doing that. And I'm like, look at us over here not doing that. Yeah. Yeah. Look at us over here not doing that. But it's weird, like where I live, like nobody's divorced. I think like, is that right? Yeah. Every all the marriage together, like I'm the only pretty much the only one.

You're is that right? Yeah, I think in a world where everyone's divorced. No, they're all neighborhoods. All good to go. They're all Brooklyn and Staten Island people moved in and they married the high school sweethearts and they just stayed out and they just stayed together and they're all I'm like man nothing this man. There's no.

There's nothing. Yeah, so I'm like, pretty much the only one. What at the time when you first split and you're a single dad, what was the hardest thing for you at first? Well, not seeing him. Yeah. You know, not, you know, on Thursday morning or whatever, he's with his mom till, you know, Sunday or Monday when I get him back. You know, just missing him.

You're getting used to that. Even today, it's still it still sucks, you know, just missing them. And getting used to that even today, it's still it's still socks, you know, that I don't. But I had to make that decision at that point where. You know, I had to go, OK, I can't be in a relationship like this. So I have to do this, even though it's going to affect how much I'm going to see him. And like I always worry about the 18 years to like you were talking about before. He's 14. I got four years left. So I'm trying to spend every moment with him. And like I always worry about the 18 years too, like you were talking about before. He's 14, I got four years left. So I'm trying to spend every moment with him. You know, we have the routine

every night after I cook dinner, we watch a movie or a TV series together, sports on the weekends and stuff like that. Cause I know it's coming. I know. I think about it too, like selfishly, I'm like, ah, you know, stay close, go to college close by or whatever close by. And then I think, what are you talking about, dude? You left Maryland and went all the way to California. You can't tell her she can't do that if she wants to. Yeah, I know. And then you're like, fuck, you could move to Germany.

I know. You know what I mean? You know, I never think about that. Like, oh my God, you married somebody and moved to Germany. What? You know, then I never see you or my grandkids or anything like what? Yeah, I worry about that, too. I'm like, man, if he goes to Phoenix, I go off, fly out there to have lunch with them.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Like so it's yeah, I'm worried about that. And also what I got to worry about in a couple of years is him driving. And then all the other kids and getting in a car with a kid. I know I say to my my stepson, I went out and drove with him for a while and I was like, look, you say I'm an old man all you want to, but I'm telling you, this texting bullshit didn't exist. Right.

I go look around, look, pull up at the light. I see people, nothing drives me crazier more than watching. It's always a lady too, holding her phone talking like this in a 2024 car that has carplay where you can go hands free and talk in the fucking car. And you're on speaker driving and looking at it and stuff like, why are you doing that? Yeah. It automatically connects for you. Yeah. No, I know. There's so much more out there now than there ever was. That's another reason.

Like today, a motorcycle, forget it. No way. Forget it today. Yeah. But then also, you know, they got Uber, which is good, we didn't have. I mean, it's true. I probably was in a thousand cars where the guy was drunk. And it might have been 200 I was driving. You know, I have a friend and we figured out how many times he's drove drunk. He's 60. How? We went through.

How'd you do the math on that? Because we started when he started driving at 17. So from like 17 to 27, how many times? And then when he got married at 27, so 27 to 47 while he was married, not as much. And then and then the last 10 years. So he's been driving 43 years, three thousand two hundred and sixteen times now. I just had to change it to three thousand two hundred seventeen

because two weeks ago he left my house after football. So I marked that took crossed out the six and put a seven. So his wife found out about so now she's got a thousand two hundred and seventeen. Yeah. And his wife just got him finally got him the Uber app. He's like, I don't know what this thing is, but I got my I got to take this. I go, I've been telling you about that for 10 years. Yeah. Yeah. Now he's good about taking Ubers and shit. He's not, but he does.

But from 17 to 20, 70 figured out four days a week. Jesus. Yeah, because that's what we do. We just get a case of beer and just hang out and drink and listen to music and do whatever, you know, so we always were doing that. So that's one thing I don't have to worry about. My son is he's going to have an Uber app. He's going to have an account and he's never going to get in the car with somebody that's drunk, which is easier said than done.

I said, look, there's always going to be a hot girl that's going to offer you a pill at a party, going to tell you to get in the car and call you a pussy if you don't. And if you do listen to where you might get in their pants, you have to somehow resist that. It's going to be tough. It's going to be really tough. Really a kid with a boy with testosterone, the boner just leading them everywhere.

Yeah. Yeah. Mm hmm. You know, I told him I had to be honest with testosterone. The boner just leading them everywhere. Yeah. Yeah. Mm hmm. You know, I told him I had to be honest with Michael. Look, I was in a room with two strippers. They had cocaine and they were both going to I was going to be with them at the same time. I did. You're telling him this? I don't. I told him I had to because he's getting in at age. Yeah. Listen, you know, and I go and I didn't do it.

They will call me a pussy. Come on, come on. We're going to all three of us. I go. No, I won't. I'm not doing it. And it calling me a pussy. Come on, come on. We're going to all three of us. I go, no, I won't. I'm not doing it. And it didn't go down because of that. I said, I don't care. I go into me, that's winning, you know, that's winning the Superbowl. Yeah.

But I didn't do it. I said, you, so you got, you're going to be in those situations. You got to just say no. It's going to be tough. You're going to be at a party. Take this pill. It's going to make you feel, come on. We're all doing it. And four of them are dead over there and I told them, I said,

this is your excuse. I can't do what I went. My dad's medicine chest one time and I took one of those pills and I had to go to a hospital and get my stomach pumped. I was in there for three days. I can't do I'll never go through it again. And I said, that's how you get out of it. So I go, so no one's gonna go,

no one's not gonna happen this time. Oh, sorry. You might just save somebody actually. Right, and that's what I do with drunks when they wanna offer me a shot after a comedy show. I go, nah, man, come on, man, just do one. I go, listen, I got three DWIs, and if I get a fourth one, I go to jail for 10 years.

Like, whoa, all right, so sorry. Again, no problem, believe me, I would do it, but I can't risk going to jail. Me, I have no deal wise. Just a way to get out of it. No one's ever go, oh, come on. Yeah, just do one in the record. Yeah, yeah.

Or they're not going to go. Oh, you just can't do one. Yeah, they understand when you put it to that. So I said, this is your excuse. And we go over in the car like once every two weeks. So I'm a girl at a party or for you. You do our line. What do you know, or a line. What do you say? I can't.

I got a stomach pump. I tell all the parents, I go tell them what you're going to say. That's great. I go. Yeah, you have to have that. We've been in those situations too many times. So that's what I but the car thing I got to worry about in a couple of years because I'm going to be up all night. If he's out with his friends, I'm going to home at one o'clock. I'm not going to bed. night. If he's out with his friends, I'm going to home at one o'clock.

I'm not going to bed. Never. There's no way. That's what they say. A real parent, you really never sleep. You go to sleep, but you don't really sleep. But meanwhile, it's very to manage from, you know, six to now is so easy to manage, but it's once they're in that car and they're out and the parties and all that stuff, that's when you're really going to have to worry.

What, what was the hardest part about, I know you say missing them, but like just actually being a single dad for you, was it more like adjusting your comedy schedule and work schedule to that? I'm home these nights, I'm not out now. And, and what are you doing those nights? Yeah. And those are, you know, there's a lot of things going on where I have to miss because I got him. I got to get up. You've also had this regulated schedule for what? 20 some years on your own,

where you're doing it this way and now all of a sudden it's switching. Yup. And you know, you miss so many things. I'm like, I can't take him into New York for this thing because he has to get up to school in the morning. I can't have him out till 11 o'clock at night. So I got to miss this. You know, so it's tough. But, you know, to me, it's more important. See, that got easier for me, too.

I would be like, I'm missing this. I'm not there. I'm missing. And then I would be like, I'm right here at my kid, though, where I'm supposed to be. Right. No, that's true. But, you know, when it's something for your career, not that I need to. Oh, my God, I got to be there. But something like, man, I really should be there, but I can't, you know, but I have no choice.

Like, you know, just recently, Bill Burr and Shane Gillis were playing in LA and I was going to come out a day earlier, but I couldn't because I had my kid and I couldn't, so I'm like, I'm going to miss that, which I would have liked to be at, but you know, you got to do it. That's way more important for me to, you know, be there present for my kid,

be around them and know that because I need to. We need to set an example for him for when he gets married. I always go, I always tell him, I said, when he's over like a friend's house, I go watch that couple, you know, a great marriage and never putting each other down. They'll pass aggressive stuff. I go, that's what a marriage is. So just remember that. That's normal. You know, I always and he knows those parents. So that's the relationship you want to be in.

That's good. That's really good advice. It's also good that you do have that, because I'm trying to sit here and think like a lot. Most of people I know are probably not together What you're hearing is Hardy fiber cement siding living up to its reputation as the siding that handles hail impact with ease James Hardy knows how important the reputation is especially when you're a contractor That's why Hardy siding withstands severe weather better than vinyl siding with styles to match its strength. So you can be sure you're providing your clients with the best. Protect your reputation with exterior products by James Hardy. Right. You've got good couples in your neighborhood.

Oh yeah, everybody. And there's no tension. Stable families. There's never any tension in those marriages either where you could tell, you know, man, this is, they don't like each other. This one's gonna end sooner or later. So he knows that. So it's good. He's got that, but you know.

And are you both, you and your ex, good about not shitting on each other around? Probably not. I'm a lot better at it now. Of course, the gang came out early and stuff, so I was a better now. I know, you know, as he's older, he doesn't want to hear it. Yeah, I don't do it anymore. I always just say, I go, look, you got one mom and you got one dad.

So just remember that. Yeah, I a therapist told me one time that, you know, like, if you're shitting on the other person, your child's half that person. And they could literally be like, oh, well, you don't like half of me. I was like, I had never even thought about that. That either. Yeah, I know you're that person, but I'm half of that.

And you must, I was like, yeah, I don't like that. So I've, I made sure even early on, like just when she wasn't with me or when she was asleep, I'd go back and shut that door. I'm like, you know, it'd go off about a day, but never in front. Yeah, it was, it was rough in the beginning. I was probably a little childish about it, but no, I've gotten way better over the years. I don't say anything anymore. And what changed?

I just think he just accepted it. Maybe it was, you know, it was angry. You know, so this time, yeah, the sizing, yeah, instead of holding. Yeah. But that's what I'm saying. What changed instead of holding it and still, you know, you know, those people still 14, 15 years later, like, fuck this guy or this bitch or whatever. And you're still holding on to that thing. What what was it for you that you just for like, I got to let this go?

I think just over time, it just did. I don't hold grudges. You know, I might for a little while, but I get along with everybody. I don't care what anybody else is doing as long as you don't fuck me over. There's nobody I'm that I hate right now. Like I just never like if something happens, whatever you move on from it, you might be mad for a little while. So I just learned not to hold the grudge. It took a few years, you know, and then, you know, but then we worked it out.

I'm like, look, I got to do this for the kids. So, you know, and now my whole thing is I got to make sure that he's set up for the rest of his life. Like I got to make sure like especially like a college fund. I make sure that I put money in that all the time. I don't want him to start his life in debt. That's the thing. I don't want him to take a shitty job at 23 or 24

because he has to pay all these bills and then he doesn't really want to do pursue what he really wants. I want to make sure that he doesn't, you know, have student loans for the next till he's 45 years old paying that shit off. Yeah. When I could. So I don't I don't live an extravagant lifestyle. I never did. But I drive used to Honda Accords. I don't buy. I don't live beyond my means. I don't really buy anything, you know, and just make sure that money's for him

to make sure that's that's covered so he can figure out what he wants to do. You know, that's what my parents did for me. I only went to community college, but you know, I had no debt coming out and I just figured it out. And even when I was making, when I first started doing comedy, it was like perfect. I wasn't, I didn't have all this debt there. Yeah, like $80,000 worth of debt you got to pay off for the next 50 fucking years. Yeah. So I'm making sure that he's set up for that, whatever he wants to do. To me, that's really important, you know, to do that for him. Do you have a living will and trust? Yep. Good man.

We have life insurance. Yep. You do. You did it all right then. Yeah. That's it. I get all that. Yeah. Yeah. Get a living will and trust, get your life insurance and then hope you don't catch. He doesn't catch that fucking policy. Yeah. Get a living will and trust, get your life insurance and then hope you don't catch, he doesn't catch that fucking policy. Yeah. I think there's some clauses in the, in the will at certain ages, you know, where you do all that stuff. But you know,

Yeah. God forbid you can't let an 18 year old kid have life insurance money. They're going to piss that away. Oh yeah. Yeah. No, there's no way. But I always tell them, you know, you to explain about the money, you know, you don't. I go, you're going to have more any more friends

if you buy the new Jordans or whatever, the Kanye sneakers. I go, people can I go, I can have five Teslas in the driveway if I wanted to. Is anyone going to like me anymore? You got to realize none of that shit means anything. No, it really doesn't. You know, so just know that you don't have to try to impress people with expensive stuff. And he's pretty just was he's like a T-shirt sweats. Same thing with me.

So he's not high maintenance at all. Get him a Miami Dolphin jersey, whoever a new good player is. And he's happy with that. He's good to go. Yeah, yeah. And I like him raised like that, where he doesn't. I go to no one's going to care until you got the new Nikes. You know what I mean? No, no, no. Or that you don't. Right.

The other way, you know what I mean? Or that you don't. Nobody's going to. I don't remember anybody's shoes from fucking. I don't either. But see, we would get fucked up. We had Kmart back in the day and they had McGregor. That was like their line. And if you had McGregor's on, man, you were probably going to get stomped. But now stores like Target, Carey, Tony Hawk, and, you know, all these popular lines where you can go there and get clothes and kids don't get

clowned or beat up and shit over dumb stuff. Right. I mean, they figured it out. Who cares if you have the new Jordans? Who cares if you have that? Well, sometime, you know, when you're insecure like that and you feel like you have to have it because some of his kids do it, but yeah, he's, he's getting raised like low maintenance and that's where you need to be.

You pick your spots when, when you want to spend your money. That's all my daughter's into makeup and that shit's wildly expensive. And then she'll get an allowance and I'm like, you go in, you take your allowance, spend whatever you want. I don't care. You're not getting any more and I'm not covering tax. I teach about tax. She's like, wait, that's $10 more.

I'm like, yeah, well, that's 10% on that right now, basically out here. She's like, what? I'm like, mm-hmm. She's like, that's not fair. I'm like, yeah, get in line with all these other people. Welcome to the show lady. You think you got $75. You don't. And now I got him. He's 14. So now I got him. I'm starting up. He's cutting the lawn. You know, I started working full time when I was 14. I had a job when I was 14. So, and then, you know, like for ninth grade going in there, there's an elective course. He could take his

video editing. I said, take that. Man, that had the ball, bro. And I go take that because I go what? I go, do you want to work as a busboy in a restaurant or you want to do video editing? You could do my stuff or I have other comics you could do if you're good at it. And so you don't have to go to be a busboy.

But it's a digital age now just to have that skill and be able to, like, I say all the time, I wish I could go back in time. Well, no, I don't. It worked out for me. But either way, if I did, I wouldn't go back to college with the focus on this four year plan and this piece of paper. And the curriculum that they set for said whatever you want to go. I would go back and diversify myself and I would take a video editing. I would take a finance class.

I would take a business class. I would just try to learn a little more about business, money, editing and just be a little more well-rounded instead of this funneled into this one program with this thing and very focused on these and not whatever the fuck else is going on out there. Well, I found the community college that I went to one. My dad wanted me to go to finance and he was in and out. And I was like, after one semester, I can't. This is not for me. So I found a community college where communications had radio and TV.

I think, you know, film and all this stuff. And I was like, this is part of it. I excelled in that. I loved it. I was on the radio station at the school there. Then I got an internship at another radio station. After two years, I was already like a morning DJ at like 19 years old. Is that right? Yeah. So I didn't even go. I didn't do four years.

A little small station, but I was already on a station at that point. Yeah. But I loved that once I found out what I really liked in those courses. That's what I'm saying. I had an AM radio show at my college in Towson. I had all those classes and courses too. And I'm saying like, and then everything evolved so fast. I, we were cutting with a razor blade, splicing tape to tape, and then two years later, it's like CDs and digital. It's like, we don't even need to do that. I showed up on a Saturday to do that project in college. You know what I mean?

And now it's just boom, boom, boom. So I was just telling a friend, like we learned MS DOS and Lotus on floppy disks and shit, and now it's every kid knows Photoshop. Yeah. I wish, I wish I grew up, we were typing literally typing 101, ASDF, JKL, semi-colon, I still know the home row, but, but I wish we had, cause we're a generation that, that didn't have it.

And then it did exist. Yeah. You know what I mean? We're that hybrid. I wish we had, cause we're a generation that didn't have it and then it did exist. You know what I mean? We're that hybrid, like, I still forget sometimes I could just easily take a picture of something and have it in my phone and I don't need to take a business card or whatever, you know, shit like that. These kids today, so I agree, like, video editing,

any of that stuff, just even to know that's a great skill. That pays well. I know it pays well. I go, you could do it from home. You could do it from any of your mom's house. These days you can probably do it from your fucking phone. Right. You really can't. And the more that evolves, he's going to be able to do it wherever you want. Yeah. And I go, and there's always a market for that. Always.

And I, you know, me being a comic and then my friends, I got my son will do it. Twenty five bucks a clip or whatever. I know you don't have to do that. I was a busboy. I the worst jobs ever, you know, and all that stuff, you know, unload and track the trailers. Where are you a busboy? A couple of different restaurants. This good country grill was I was right.

And then I lived down in Florida. I was a busboy there. Make it three thirty five an hour was the minimum wage at that point. Three thirty three thirty five an hour. And then I was like all in the music, like heavy metal. So like an import album was like twelve bucks. It was four hours of pay to buy like Ozzy Osbourne. Blizzard of Oz was worth it.

Four hours of doing dishes just about an import record. But it just taught me a work ethic. And, you know, the only time I ever stopped working was during a pandemic since I was 14 years old. Yeah. You know. And, you know, I'm I've been I've had a job since seventh grade. And during the pandemic, I really did almost lose my mind. I realized that, like, I'm not a big social person, but I'm a solo source like I like to go out and be around it. Yeah. And, or have dinner by

myself or a lunch by myself and sit and watch and observe and, you know, see how people are and things like that. And then you can't even do that in a time like that. Like forget stand-up. Stand-up is great, but that's gone. But just anything. And I was like, man, I great, but that's gone. But just anything. And I was like, man, I'm, I wouldn't say I'm like a social person, but I do like to go out and even if it's just take a ride by myself, go somewhere, grab something. You know what I mean?

I'm not, I'm not better than going to a Home Depot and just strolling to look at shit. I like stuff like that. Yeah, well, that one, that's when I really realized, like, wow, if I didn't have a kid during a pandemic, I'd be out of my mind, in my house by myself, isolated, not seeing anybody. So it was just this time we spent together was amazing. Yeah. And those, especially the first like four or five months,

we're on the driveway playing basketball, which people would drive by and be yelling at us, Well, because you're outside. It's my driveway. I'll be screaming at him because I live on a busy road. I go, what are you talking about? Go inside. Yeah, we were outside across the old studio and there will be people across the street on the other sidewalk outside with masks on,

yelling at us that we're outside without a mask. I'm like, you're 40 fucking feet away. And we're outside. Yeah, we play horse, but we call it bitch instead of and so yeah, and then we could be cranking music. We put music on and stuff. So but just the time we spent, I was like, man, if I didn't have my son, I'd be, you know, I had friends that have no kids. They were like, man, I'm doing really bad. Is that right? During that time. Yeah. But I just that time that we spent together,

that bonding was just amazing. You know, we did all these little projects, we decorated a whole room with all my stuff, posters and all that stuff he helped me with, so it was great. You know, so it's just, no, thank God, believe me, if I didn't have a kid, I didn't know what I'd be doing right now.

I'd probably be living somewhere else. You know, I stayed on the East Coast. I made sure I'm in a good neighborhood with good schools. I knew I have to stay here till at least he's 18. It's important. I can't be moving around, you know, in different schools. I keep to certain friends. You know, I my parents moved after sophomore year. I had all these friends.

We moved down to Florida. We didn't know anybody. So junior and senior year, I was in a private Catholic school. I didn't know anybody. I had one friend for two years. It was really tough, especially in high school. The day I graduated from high school from Florida, I moved back. I hated it that much. But I made sure I go, I need my son have a stable. Same friends, same school, same school.

You know, you guys, most of your kids, you're going to have friends for life. I agree with these kids. I still have five guys that were over last Sunday, are guys that I know since first grade. Yeah, I go to eat at at least 10, probably six are going to be your friends in life. I agree. I go and that's really important. It is really important. It's good that you're giving them that. Yeah.

Are your parents still alive? No. Neither of them? No. Oh, so he doesn't have, does he have grandparents on his mom's side? He does. They're both alive. And are they in the area around? Yeah, so he's close with them. They were just at his basketball game the other day. My mom was there for, till he was about eight. I think she passed away when he was eight.

So he got to see, you know, and they had a really good close bond and stuff. How did he deal with that? It was tough for him, but kids deal with it, you know. They're on to something else right after, but he was he was really bummed. He was really devastated over it. He was, you know, and he definitely misses her and stuff, but it's still, you know, and then our dog at the same time, like a month before passed away at the same time, too.

So it was a lot for him at that. That is a lot. I know. And now he's really close to his grandfather and his grandmother and they're getting up there in age. So it's, you know, I know that's coming. My stuff didn't happen until I was like in my early twenties, all my aunts and uncles went in like two or three years. It was crazy. Yeah. Same for me. One after another, after another, after another.

Ripped through them. And then my dad passed away when he was 58. So I was like 28 at the time. Okay. And that's another thing. Like I want to be around for my son. Like when I have my kid, I go, I got to be healthy. I got to make sure I want to be there for him. I told him, I said, listen, I'm probably going to be 80. I'm hoping, I think I'll last till 80. So you got me for 34 years. Is that enough? It's that enough. I don't know if I can go 85, 87. I'm hoping I think I'll last till 80. So you got me for 34 years. Is that enough? It's that I don't know if I can go 85, 87. I think about all the time. Like if I check out at 75. Right. How old? That's like 25 more years. My daughter will be about 39. Like you go with that. You're almost 40. You could handle that. Right. That's I think about that constantly. You can handle that. I'm like 34. Is that good?

And then are you going to have kids? Am I going to be a grandfather? And am I going to get to know them at all or see them or hold them at all? I think that's not going to happen with me. I'm sure. I don't know if you make, if he could have kids at 30. Yeah, maybe. He could. He might not wait as long as you. It's funny, man, because I was just, after I got divorced, I got a vasectomy. Oh, you did go do it? Yeah, I was like, I was 50. And I just said, I can't I'm done. And, you know, I met somebody recently, you know, we were together for a couple of years. We just recently broke up and she because she wanted to have a baby.

And I had the vasectomy, she can get it reversed, you know, we can start a family. And I was like, I want to be around for this kid. And my brother pretty much broke it down. He goes, listen, he's got logic. He goes, listen, by the time you have that baby, you're going to be 61. You'll be you're going to be paying child support when you're 79. Because you know, it's not going to work out. You know, me don't want me, not her.

Yeah, because you want to be paying child support when you're 79. I need to think about that. That's a great point. That's what he said. I never thought of that either. You're damn near 80 and still kicking out child support. Imagine that because he'd be 18. He'd be 18 at that time.

And if he doesn't go to college, I still got to pay. Oh, yeah. Yeah, so he's like, oh, you're right, I can. I'm not my social security is not going. But I do really want to be around. I go, I don't want to. Yeah. Yeah. So he's like, oh, you're right. I can't. I'm not my social security is not going there. But I do really want to be around. I go, I don't want to be 72 years old. My kid, my daughter, six. Yeah. And you can't do anything.

And I'm driving them around that I got no energy and all that stuff. It's not fair to the kid. I agree. It really isn't. And I realized that and we woke up and I'm you know, it sucks. And I said, you got to go find what you want. But, you know, that would have won. I would have got remarried. But I just couldn't do it.

I said, if I would have met you in my early 40s, absolutely. Oh, I would do it. You know, but I had to let her go. Yeah, we broke up. I mean, mutual. But yeah, I just couldn't do it. I couldn't. I want to be around. Well, here's the other thing, too.

Like you're older and you you say maybe it could take two years to have a kid. Right. Well, you know what I mean? Sometimes it just it's funny. Like, you know, if you don't want one, you're pregnant. And if you do, it's not the easiest thing. If you would think it sounds so dumb because there's a gazillion people. Right. But it really isn't the easiest thing to do, especially at our age. Now, if you're trying to have one or it could take you a year before.

Right. And she's never had a baby before. She's never been pregnant. She might not. She might have complications. You might need to take medications. All this. Yeah. It could take two years to figure that out. Then you are paying child support in your. I know. And it was funny because I go, all right, let's just say.

That's a great thought. I know. And it was funny because I go, all right, let's just say. Imagine like what Joe Biden's 82. He's like, yeah, I got my child support. I got one more year of life for child support. You imagine dying and you didn't pay all your child support. You still I want to act like I didn't even make it to 18. God damn. But I remember my ex said, I go, all right, what if I do get the best act of me reversed and I go through all of that because it's a really tough

operation. That's the other thing. It could take a while from that. I forget about the reverse. Right. So I go, what if I do, and I can't get you pregnant and you don't get pregnant. She goes, um, I'll take that in consideration. I go, oh, really? And consideration. I go get there. Right. So I go through all of that.

I can't get you pregnant. You go, sorry, I gotta go. I go have a baby with that guy. Oh, that's not fair. So it just didn't, but I, like I said, like I look at Alec Baldwin, you know, the guy's got seven kids on the age of 10 years old. He's 68 years old. Is that right? Yeah, he's got seven. Seven under 10? With a new wife and he's got one with Kim Basinger.

He's got seven kids under 10 years old. Jeez. And he's 68 years old. It's like, what are you doing, dude? I know you married a younger, hotter chick, you know, but you got to give her a baby. You don't have to give her seven. And what are those kids going to do? They're not going to have a dad.

No, I mean, the rage that guy has in him, he's having a heart attack in three, four years. I'm surprised he's this old. I know. Yeah. And like guys like Mick Jagger, they're doing it in their 70s or whatever. Like, you might not even get five years with that kid. That kid might not even get to really even know who the fuck you are. I know. And it's just I remember one of the moms I was talking to, you have to be a given life if you have the other baby. I can, yeah, but.

What kind of quality? I know exactly. You're giving that kid a miserable life. Yeah. Yeah. I'm with you on that. Yeah. I'm like, so I, you know, I had to make that, I made, I made the right decision

getting that vast active. I already feel like I'm the old enough is, you know, I already feel like I'm the old dad sometimes, right? You know, a lot of guys having kids in their 20s, 30s, whatever. I'm 41 when I have my kids already feel like when she's 18, I'll be 15. I've been damn near 60 at the graduation. Yeah. That's old. No, I know. And, uh, but, um, I just knew that I wanted to be around for him. And you know, I wouldn't have been a good dad. If I had a kid at 25, 30, 35, I would have been an awful dad.

Yeah. I would have been all in my career. I'm sorry. You know, I got this over here, but I got to go. And I had it at the right time where I was pretty financially set, you know, my career and all that stuff so I can take some time off and just, you know, make sure. And I got to where the point where I needed to be in comedy, you know, things happen and stuff. So I was happy with my career at that point.

Do you think if you don't go to Walter Reed, you have a kid? Um, probably not. And then today, like I said, I don't even know what I'd be doing if I did. And but probably not. That really affected me when I saw those guys and I talked to all of them and they had the same story. That's powerful to hear that every single one of them is like family. They had the picture right there, the two kids with the wife. I'm going to be out of here soon.

Doesn't matter. I don't care. I'm missing a leg or whatever. I got my family. That's all it's about. Yeah. He goes, that's all that. That's what I live for. This stuff is no problem. That's all it's about. Yeah. He goes, that's all that. That's what I live for. This stuff is no problem. We'll figure it out. Was your dad the same type of man? Like, is that where you get this from? You said he wasn't they weren't divorced, but was no way we're married. 33 years. Yeah. You know, he passed away at 58 with seven, the seven of us.

For 70. Yeah. Wow. OK. Yeah. And my dad, you know, was, you know, involved as much as he could. You know, he worked, my mom stayed home, but then he would coach our sports teams. So I coached my kids' basketball team, you know, cause I, my dad did it. I wanted to do that.

So it's great, you know, coaching your own team, but yeah. So I think I got it from him, but he was all about being a family man. It was all about family with him. Big Christmases, you know, everything, the gifts and all that. So, you know, but, uh, you know, I was 28, so I had him for 28 years of my life. So I want my key. If I can make the 34, like I said, then, you know,

that's about what I can do. His mom's a lot younger. Okay. Obviously. So she'll be around longer than me. Maybe. Yeah. Maybe. Yeah. Yeah. So let me ask you this then, when he's out of the house, then what? I don't know. I really, I'm worried about that. Like for me, like what am I going to do? Like if he goes to college, let's say in Arizona or something, you go out and do gigs and see him and, but what do you do? I'll be the house emcee at the Tempe improv. The house emcee, yeah.

I just need $25. That's a great club by the way. I know, it's awesome. The house emcee. I think about that too. Like, oh, I'll just, if you're going to go to college, maybe I'll just move there for a while. And then I'm like, who wants their dad fucking following them around everywhere they go? You know, that's the other thing. You don't think about that, but that's our sentimental bullshit. Not there. They're like, get the fuck away. Can I have my own life? Yeah, I know. That's a thing. But you know,

maybe he goes to a college near me and maybe he still stays at home. You never know. There's Rutgers. I live near Rutgers university. So maybe he go there. Yeah. You know, it's possible.gers. I live near Rutgers University. So maybe he goes there. Yeah. You know, it's possible. Does he want to go to school? Do you know yet? Yeah, he will.

He's not sure where. What's he want to do? He's not sure. He's taking a sports marketing elective course in high school too. In high school? That's in high school? Freshmen, they have an elective for sports marketing.

So you have video editing and sports marketing? Maybe I want to be a sports agent. I go, you got to be a dick. You got to be a real. He doesn't. He's not a dick. Yeah, you got to be. He's a nice kid. I go, you got to be a fucking animal. You know what? I don't know.

But you know, but that's good. He's so he's got to do it. He'll figure it out. You know, he's doing stand up for a while. Really? He's doing music. He was doing great at both. But right before the pandemic, he just stopped. He's I don't want to do it anymore. He was killing stand up for a while. Really? He was doing music. He was doing great at both. But right before the pandemic, he just stopped. He said, yeah, I don't want to do it anymore.

He was killing on stage. Was he really? Killing. Fearless. And how old? He started at like six. No. I was opening for Dice at the Stress Factory

and he went on at six years old. And Dice goes, first of all, you did better than your dad. And I'm not just saying that. I'm not just saying that. I'm not just saying that. 400 people killed. No. Oh, wow. He had his little leather jacket on.

Did he? Yeah. That is hilarious. And he had a great joke. It was his closing joke. He goes, my dad hasn't had a girlfriend in like three years. I keep telling him, dad, get a girlfriend. He's like, yeah, I will.

I will. At some point, he goes, I think my dad's gay. And the place would go berserk. And he got in trouble one time, I took him an open mic and he was making fun of me on stage and some old guy complained to the owner. He goes, how come? First of all, that dad taking his kid and hearing his other comedians curse and he's just trashing his dad on stage. What kind of dad is that? I didn't come here for this.

I just came for wholesome comedy and the club owner called me the next day and I told my son, Luke, I go, Luke, that you're, you're officially a comic. You got to complain. You got to complain. That means you're pushing buttons. He goes, who? I go, remember that old guy goes that old fuck. I go, yeah, that guy. I remember him. I go, you're a comic. You're pushing, but he goes, that old fuck. I go, yeah, I remember him. I'll go, you're a comic. You push your. He goes, that old fuck. I go, yeah, remember that guy? Dude, this was great, man.

But I don't want to push that lifestyle on him. No, I tell my daughter to stay out of comedy. I tell her. Because, you know, his friends are going to be all having fun parties. He's going to be at a holiday inn in Kansas City from Thursday through Sunday with nothing to do. He walks to the subway to get a sandwich and waits for the show at night. It's a lonely existence. It is a very lonely existence. It is. And he's going to miss out. I missed out on a lot of stuff and you know, just that he's, I don't want him to have that lifestyle. Yeah. I just tell my daughter too, with entertainment, there's no it's not like if you want to be a doctor, it's a very set course.

And then you become a doctor and the entertainment is so fickle to. And it's there's people that could look at you and go, you remind me of a boy I dated in high school. I don't like. So never mind. You know, that kind of dumb. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Nonsense. And then, you know, also, look, and I understand the whole infidelity part be, you know, just a separation as a comic every weekend.

You're away. She's in an empty house. I'm in an empty hotel room. I get it. And, you know, that's why it's really tough on people. So I understand why it went down. You know, so I don't want that for my son. I don't, you know, marry a good girl, raise a family, work a local job, have your friends do all of that stuff, you know, so we'll see. Do thank you for doing this. Absolutely. Always a pleasure to have you here. Right. Yeah.

Promote whatever you want to one more time. My new comedy special, You Can't Please Them All. I don't know. Amazon Prime, my podcast. Everybody is awful every Monday. Thank you, buddy. Thank you. As always, Ryan Sickler on all social media. We'll talk to you all next week. You