The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - 327: Harland Williams' Grandma was the King of KFC

Episode Date: March 31, 2025

My HoneyDew this week is comedian Harland Williams! Check out Harland’s podcast, The Harland Highway, and keep an eye out for his newest film, Wingman, coming out later this year. Harland joins me this week to highlight the lowlights of losing both his grandmothers. We dive into the iconic life of Grandma Flo VanGundersplatt—a roller derby queen turned KFC king—who went out on a wild ride. Then, Harland shares how Grandma Velma gave all the neighborhood kids a white Christmas they would never forget. CATCH ME ON TOUR https://www.ryansickler.com/tour Los Angeles, CA - April 8th Madison, WI - April 12th (Special Taping) SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE and watch full episodes of The Dew every toozdee! https://youtube.com/@rsickler SUBSCRIBE TO MY PATREON - The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I Highlight the Lowlights with Y’all! Get audio and video of The HoneyDew a day early, ad-free at no additional cost! It’s only $5/month! AND we just added a second tier. For a total of $8/month, you get everything from the first tier, PLUS The Wayback a day early, ad-free AND censor free AND extra bonus content you won't see anywhere else! https://www.patreon.com/TheHoneyDew What’s your story?? Submit at [e-mail] Get Your HoneyDew Gear Today! https://shop.ryansickler.com/ Ringtones Are Available Now! https://www.apple.com/itunes/ http://ryansickler.com/ https://thehoneydewpodcast.com/ SUBSCRIBE TO THE CRABFEAST PODCAST https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-crabfeast-with-ryan-sickler-and-jay-larson/id1452403187 SPONSORS: The Farmers Dog -Get 50% off your first box of fresh, healthy food at https://www.TheFarmersDog.com/HONEYDEW PLUS, get FREE shipping! Booking.com -The HoneyDew is sponsored by booking.com, Head to the Booking.com Instagram page and check out their sweepstakes post for more details! WARFARE - Out April 1th Trailer : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JER0Fkyy3tw First Look : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-3DWuqiAUKg&t=3s

Tuesday, April 8th at 8 p.m. Come see me run my hour at the world famous comedy store before I head to shoot my special. Madison, Wisconsin, Comedy on State. I'm excited to work with them and bring you my next special. Two shows Saturday, April 12th. Get your tickets now at RyanSickler.com. The Honeydew with Ryan sickler Welcome back to the honeydew y'all we're over here doing it in the night pan studios I'm Ryan sickler want to say thank you for supporting this show. Thank you for supporting anything. I do I genuinely appreciate it

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All right. That's the biz. You guys know what we're doing here. We're highlighting the low lights. I always say these are the stories behind the storytellers. I'm very excited to have this guest back on the honeydew. Ladies and gentlemen, Harlan Williams. Welcome back. Am I allowed to clap for myself? You. Ladies and gentlemen, Harlan Williams.

Welcome back. You better clap for yourself. Well, you stopped before I did. I started before you did though. Evens out. Yep. Life's like that. Life's like it. It's a long game. If you're in it long enough, you're in it long enough. It's a long game. If you don't die, that's what I'm saying. Yeah. Yeah. So dying, maybe not do that. Um, If you're in it long enough, it's a long game if you don't die. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. So dying, maybe not do that. Before we get into, I'm excited to actually have an episode with you today because we're

going to do a grandmom episode today. Oh yeah. Before we get into our grandmoms, before we get into talking about our grandmoms, plug whatever you'd like, please. Oh my gosh. Well, just check out the Harland Highway podcast on YouTube where Ryan's been a guest and many other wonderful people. And keep your eyes peeled for my new movie

coming out that I wrote and directed called Wingman with Russell Peters and Jamie Kennedy and Kayla Wallace. And it'll be coming out probably this year, so keep your eyes peeled. Do you know where? Are you allowed to say where? We don't know yet. We're just finishing up the post-production and then we're going out to sell it, but it's called Wingman and it's getting back to non-woke comedy, just edgy kind of Fairly Brothers type of like wild comedy and the movie's about a crazy over the top wingman

who helps losers find women. Okay. Yeah. A lot of fun. So I always ask people, you know, what they want to talk about. And you had mentioned outside about your grandmom. So. Yeah, both of them. And I was very, very close with one of my grand,

both of my grandmoms, but my one grandmom, Carmella, is the one that, you know, is my business name. Like there's- Did she have diabetes? She did not have diabetes, but she did die. What's that name? That name, Carmella. Probably should have, I mean, not to be-

You think it's a little sugary? Yeah. Sweet. I never looked at her like that. Last name, Cream Puff by any chance? Carmela Cream Puff? Carmela Cream Puff? No. What was her last name?

Sickler. Oh, so you were related? Wow. Awesome. Let's hear about your grandmothers before I let you derail this whole thing and I just laugh at you for it. Well, it's tough to talk about grandmothers because they're like our second mothers, right?

That's like such a- If you have good ones, I mean, it sounds like you were lucky to, and you knew you had relationships with both. Wonderful, yeah. So close and they're so, I mean, because they're older, they're not your mothers, but they're your grandmothers. So they don't come at you with the motherly, you know,

rules and enforcement. They're kind of like the, hey, everything's usually always good. Both of them, God bless them, have passed on. Even though it's a bit of tragedy to the stories I'm going to tell, the endings the endings are sort of uplifting. And the first one was my grandmother, Flo, her last name is, cause it's German, right? Flo Van Gundersplat, is there, is there, it's like a German. This is the part of hanging out with you

where I'm like, what is this? Dude. What's her name? You stumbled, say it. This is the part of hanging out with you where I'm like, what is this? What's her name? You stumbled saying it. That's why I questioned it. You stumbled on it. What is it? I don't speak German. I don't speak German.

What is it? What is it? I don't speak German. Van Gundersplat. Oh, sweet girl. Van Gundersplat. Is it real? Is it really? It is. Say it one more time.

Van Gundersplat. All right, I believe in that. Yeah. It's the worst name. That's why I was laughing. It's like the worst name. Is it one long? One word, Van Gundersplat. It's just, yeah, a ridiculous name.

And whose mom is this mom for dad? This is my dad's mom. Okay. And Flovan Gundersplat and she lived an interesting life, but in the end it was sort of tragic because, you know, like all of us, we start off trim and slim and flow by the end of her days was one of these morbidly obese people. I mean, she was what we call in our neighborhood a bigan. Okay.

Like she was a bigan. We see these shows now on TV and stuff. We're talking about home ridden and stuff. Yup. Really. Bed sores, stuck inside the house. Do you know a weight? She maxed out at, I think it was close to eight. No way. Eight hundy.

God damn, bro. Yeah. Yeah. I know. Like jumbelina. Like it was tough. 800 pounds. Yeah. Way to hear how we got her out of the house.

No, from Ireland. Yeah, I know dude. And this is in Canada? This is in Canada. And- Wait, can I ask you, yes, we all do start slim trim, whatever. Most of us don't get to 800 pounds. What happened for her to, to get there?

Well, I think it was a mixture of when she was younger, she was very athletic. She was very, she loved her thing was roller skating. She loved roller skating. Me too. And she was in even one of those stupid, you remember in the, I don't know if you remember in the seventies, they had like that show Roller Mania. Oh yeah. So she actually did a little stint in this thing.

Her rolling name was actually Skinny Mini Miller, if you can believe it or not. And she did that for, she was on that. Listen, here's the funny thing. I believe that more than Gunn Vandersplat. No, that's, I know. I've known you too long. By the way, it's a Van Gundersplat. You got it backwards.

I'm going gun first. Yeah, Van, Van Gundersplat. And so she was, she just loved, loved doing that. And you know, that was a very physical league. Like if you ever go back and look at it on YouTube, I mean, it was sort of like a performance thing. Yeah. Roller derby. So they would take them from the back and swing them up front. They dive and take out a hammer. It was like probably more violent than hockey.

They would hip check them and knock them over the railing. And so she sustained a bad leg injury. Like she really like banged up one of her legs and it took her out. And it really affected her and her way to her coping mechanism was to eat. And so she just started going and going. And what age would you say when she started the, the, you know, trek into obesity? I would say it was like her early thirties because she was, she was doing this thing in her mid to late twenties.

And then, you know, ask one more question. Sure. Anything. What, do you remember her as the skinny version? Did you meet her and know her then, or as a kid, did you only meet the bigger lady? We, we remember her a little cause we would watch her sometimes, you know, when we were little kids and we were like, holy smoke. So we, whenever A, someone's on TV and B, someone's sort of, you know, in a sports league, even though it was sort of kooky back then, back then people loved it.

I remember seeing it on like, I want to say ABC, sports. It was a legit thing for a while. And then, you know, the way they marketed and, and so people, you know, so to not only show our grandmother, but she was sort of like, wow, she was like this celebrity sort of, you know, and. It's wrestling on wheels. Yeah, that's sort of what it was. And she was good.

You got, you know, that's one thing to roller skate, but be able to move and turn backwards. And you know, it was quite, quite the athletic ability she had. I love that your grandma was a rolly derby. Isn't that wild? Roller derby. Roller derby. Yeah.

And, uh, Skinny Mini Miller was her stage name, I guess is what you want to call it. And, uh, so you can imagine, so when she got knocked out of that, she had like a year or two where she was like, oh, I'll find something else. But when you're an athlete, when you do something like that, it's hard to move on, especially when you're taken out of it in your prime, right? And so here she goes and she's out, so then she slowly, she didn't really find something that replaced that passion. And so here she goes and she's out. So then she slowly, she, she didn't really find something that replaced that passion. And she couldn't be athletic anymore.

And so here we go, eating, starting to eat and just started getting bigger and bigger and bigger and just like out of control to the point we couldn't, my poor parents, they couldn't deal with it and you know, you can't tell someone to stop eating. And just, you know, and I don't want to be cruel, but us kids, we had the, you know, the fat jokes and you know, it's just, it's a natural thing. And, and she loved it.

Like she was obsessed with food. Like to the point I remember she'd, she'd get buckets of Kentucky fried chicken. And I'd go into, you know, we'd go into see her now and then, and we'd walk in to the point I remember she'd get buckets of Kentucky fried chicken. We'd go in to see her now and then and we'd walk in the room and she'd have the bucket on her head. No, man. Shut up. She wanted to sniff it. No, dude. Shut up, Arlen. She'd go in.

There ain't no way Grandma Vandersplatt. Vandersplatt had the d- Vandersplat had a KFC bucket on her face, dude. Come on. Dude, that's gotta be a memory no one has of their grandma. Dude, she loved the smell because it was like putting a cone of 11 herbs and spices. Yeah, all the grease. I know, she loved it.

Sometimes you can see her tongue coming up from the book. Shut up. She loved it. Shut your face. She loved it. Shut up. Dude, that stripe, red and white stripe. I don't know if any of this is real.

I'm telling you, dude. Van Gundersplat, she loved it. We'd go in there. And this is a time, too, before door dashes and stuff. So somebody's got to bring that food to her. She's not. Who's doing that? Well, every now and then. So somebody's gotta bring that food to her. She's not, who's doing that? Well, every now and then we would,

the kids would bring it in, but sometimes we wouldn't wanna go into the room. And when you're talking about- Cause it would sort of, it would, I hate to be mean, it would stink. Yeah, of course it does. And when you close the door, it sort of almost creates a vacuum seal.

And as kids, we'd open that door, and it's like a wave of like meatloaf or seven layer lasagna. It would just hit you like a nuclear wind. And yeah, it was, it's like you were in a Dutch oven, but you weren't even in bed with her. It was just like rough. It was rough.

And I mean, 800 pounds. So she's just stuck in this room. Who's cleaning her? Who's helping her? They had to hire like people to help. People did come over and like change their. Cause the bed sores, if you don't wash the bed sores, I mean, those things look like a jellyfish stung you,

you know? Yeah. They're like big welts. And just to spread the legs, it was like moving. Oh, God. The noise was like eating jello, it was just like. You know, it's like, it's just awful. It's never good. Yeah.

Who has the money to afford, I always think about that, like to eat like that. Yeah. You're not just eating modestly if you're getting to a hundred pounds a year or whatever it is. Yeah. And I mean, as you, so who's paying for that? She doesn't have a job, she's on disabilities, she has to be on some kind of disability. Yeah, but also don't forget in Canada we have that

medical system where she was able to get assistance. And believe me, they're not looking to pay her grocery bills, but they're trying to kind of deal with the health issue that's there. to kind of deal with the health issue that's there. So it's like money to heal, but they sort of knew that the budget was half gone to the groceries. So it's fortunate that it happened there and here, I don't know what would have happened, but in Canada they have the medical system where everything's free and so. So as you're going back over the years, you're seeing her just like considerably bigger. Oh yeah.

Just like, you know, getting bigger and bigger. Obviously. Where is she in the house? In a bedroom? She's in her bedroom. Upstairs. Upstairs. She's upstairs.

Jesus Christ. And it's, it's literally, it's one of those things where, you know, she's so obese that she can't get out of bed. And so eventually got to the point where it's like, if we don't get you out of here, you're going to die, obviously. And you know, we'd come in, there'd be rappers on the floor, you'd walk in and step, your foot would go into a lasagna or something. You know, it was just, it was like crazy. The KFC fucking on the head is wild. I'm not kidding. And one time she bit the eyes.

She had eyes. Dude, I'm not kidding. She had a great sense of humor and she'd have the KFC bucket on her head. You could see her eyes moving around like this. It was weird. I was stuck there all day I guess. You're bored. You can't move so you get creative. Is she watching, is there a TV on with some kind of show? There's a TV, but you can only watch so much. And I told you the kids would joke and she'd have this thing on.

It wasn't all the time, it was now and then. And I'm not kidding, you could hear her sniffing the bucket because the herbs and spice, you could see her tongue come out like a germ. They just licking from underneath. I know it's up, but the kids would joke. And because sometimes she'd bite holes and make the eyes.

She's not slummin' it. No, she'd bite them. And we called her captain KFC. Cause she'd have the helmet on and the stripe red and white. It was, I mean, kids can be cruel, I'll admit. But I mean- This is also an extreme case of testing a child's ability to not shit on this person. Oh yeah. I don't care what age you are. If you see somebody with a KFC bucket on their head fucking around or whatever, you're like, this is, yeah.

And sometimes it got turned into anger. Like my mother went in there to wash her bed sores one day with a, I think she had a bucket of Windex or something and she go. I wouldn't wash bed sores. I just remember spraying Windex on her legs. It wasn't me, it was my mother, but one day my mother went in and she slipped on, I guess a piece of good KFC skin was on the floor.

Shut the fuck up, Arlen, though. My mother went right up, smashed her head on the... That's not true. Dude, dude. Ask my mother. What the... true. Dude, ask my mother. Ask my mother. She hit her head on the edge of the table. Because of some KFC chicken skin.

It was like breast. It was breast skin, not the big piece. And she slipped. Boom. What are you saying? And you know, Flo Van Gunder blunt. Why isn't Van Gunders flat eating the skin? Because she's eating so fast it's flying. It's just flying.

Like it's like, you ever seen a weed whacker go through? Yeah. It's just like meat. It's just like. Oh, is it really like that? She's just devouring. She's just chewing and it was just a mess. And so here we go.

And then finally we arrive at the day where we got to get her out. How old is she at this point? Now she's, she's getting up there. She's, I think she's 79, which is, which is living late for a chub. I mean, that seems to be really late for an 800 pound person. Yeah. So she, but she didn't survive the move. No, what?

They had to cut the hole in the roof. You've seen it on these shows where they had to bring the crane in. I was wondering if they didn't go, like, cut a hole in the floor to go down. No, they cut a hole, they cut a hole, because I would have done too much damage to the rest of the house.

So they had to cut a hole in the roof. No. Yeah. Second story house. Second story, but that's easy. They got these cranes that can go up 80 floors. Yeah, I've seen them. Two floors is nothing.

But you're saying they cut a hole in the roof. They cut a hole in the roof. Who is they? Who does this job? Is this the buyer? No, they had to hire like a contractor. Come on! I think it was Rasika. Who in the family is doing it?

I remember it was Rasika Construction. They're actually the sponsors. And they had to cut a hole in the roof. Yeah. Now here's the kicker. It was supposed to go smoothly, but there was a nest of owls in the room. Four baby owls fell on her lap and she ate them. She ate an owl.

No they did. That didn't happen, but the rest. Which makes me think. No, that didn't happen, but the rest did. Which makes me think none of this money. No, no, they pulled her out. No way, dude. Your grandmom was lifted by a crane out of her house because she's 800 pounds.

And they had to get her to the hospital. And that's true. Yeah, you can look it up. You can look at that. How? She went to Our Lady of Guadalupe and they put her in there. There ain't no goddamn record of fucking Van Gunders splat that's ever been in Our

Lady of Guadalupe. Dude, I had to live through this trauma. I don't know about any of this. So they get her into the hospital. And Gangrenerene set in in her legs. That's why we had to get her out. The bed sores transitioned into no circulation, right? So guess what? They had to amputate her lower legs from the thigh down, lost her legs. Okay? She survived in the hospital after that for two months and on her way out, her dying request, she had the steel, the replacement legs, they put on the steel, what are they called? The steel...

The blades, The new blades? No, no, they were like fake appendages, like from the thigh down. Yeah, I know, with the like cup and it's got the steel leg thingy on it. So they put those on and the poor gal, she was dying. Like the doctor said she's got like a week.

And her dying request was, and I don't blame her. She said, if you could, if you could put roller skates on my feet. Oh, sorry. Somebody's grandma was a roller derby. Their dying request was to be buried with their roller skates on. And so I'll never forget. Just put them into Coven. What are they bearing?

She wanted because she was Skinny Mini Miller. Yeah. I know. And so as I said, there's sort of a, an enlightening story at the end of this, despite all the tragedy. We had to carry her coffin. How? Down the stairs. Well, we had, normally I have six pallbearers. We had 22 and it was unbelievable. So there she is in her coffin, roller

skates on with her fake legs. We're coming down the church steps, we're on a hill. We dropped the coffin. Flow van Gundersplat. She falls out. She gives a van Gundersplat. She does event, her legs come off, the roller skates, her legs are rolling down the hill towards the city.

And dude, this is where, this is where fate comes in. Fate. As fate would have it, that afternoon, the girls' Armenian soccer team was having their final, their final game. Championship game. Championship game. Her legs rolled right out onto the field and scored the winning goal.

Unbelievable. Just no one could believe it. But here's the real kicker. Ah, don't fucking give me kicker after the roller skates. She scored the one and they rolled right down. Oh my God. But her body was so big, it was like an elephant seal. And her body rolled down the hill and kept going. And this is, I don't know how God times things,

but at the bottom of the hill there was a Burger King. He rolled right through the drive-thru just as the lady was handing out a bag with a whopper with cheese. And when you're that fat, your, your body's rolling and her arms were flapping around. So when she, when she went through the drive-through, her hand grabbed the bag, she died with a whopper with cheese in her hand, and here's the final kicker. Her body rolled to a stop.

There was a little boy, uh, Timmons, Timmons McCuffin, a neighborhood boy. His hobby was to press butterflies. Have you ever seen that hobby? You put them in a book and you press them. This kid was down at the end of the road and he was pressing a Monarch butterfly. And her body rolled to a stop right on his arm. And when they rolled her off, finally with a crane, the butterfly was perfectly flat. And Timmons was just smiling from ear to ear.

Yeah. So God bless her. What a, but it didn't have funny how something nice came out of it at the end. That is a fantastic fucking 25. God damn it. It's story. Not wild. I love the old gal.

RIP. Greta? Was her first name? Flo. Flo, my bad. Flo Van Gundersplat. Yeah. Rest in peace, Grandma Van Gundersplat.

God. I'm so sorry for your loss. Thank you, buddy. And I'll be honest. A lot of twists and turns there. I didn't see coming, but the one I really didn't see coming, I really would've thought she'd been lucky enough to check out with a KFC, but you hit it, whopper with cheese.

Well, she rolled right through. She rolled right over a Ford Mustang convertible and her flapping arms just as fate would have grabbed the bags that went right through them. And then little Timmons finally got his flattened monarch Beautiful story whenever there's a butterfly in a story. It's beautiful Do you think of her when you see butterflies now? I think of her more when I go to the Burger King drive Let's hear about your other grandma.

Oh, Velma? Yeah, Velma. Oh, so this is more of a localized story. So Velma, this involves some wonderful kids. So Velma, we live up in Glendale. We live up in Glendale. We live with Velma. Well, she passed away recently, but we lived there with her.

Is there a Glendale everywhere? Huh? Is there a Glendale everywhere? Glendale, Arizona, Glendale? This is Glendale, California. Oh, you're talking about here? Yeah. Oh, gotcha, gotcha. Yeah, she lives up in Glendale, California. And right in the shadow of the Armenian Community Center.

Have you seen this place? I don't know if any of your viewers are architect nuts or anything, but this, this thing is sort of like an architectural wonder. I mean, it's a rectangle and it's unbelievable. And so the old gal is eight, was 86 and we would always go up and spend Christmas with her in Glendale. And she loved winter.

You're from back East, right? So you know what it's like when snow comes down on Christmas Eve. So pretty. Right? Like to me, that's what Christmas is all about. Yeah, it's magic. That's the magic. It's magic. You don't get a white Christmas every year, maybe in Canada you do, but not down here.

So she loved that, that white Christmas snow thing. And she was originally, you know, lived up, uh, and near the Buffalo region and Lackawanna. And I love the old gal, but she was getting on in years. She had like the crippling arthritis, you know, I mean, just curled up her fingers, curled up. I was like, you ever seen that? It's like.

Yeah, rheumatoid arthritis. Yeah, it was almost like watching Helen Keller eat a bag of chips. It was just like, like a velociraptor. And she had psoriasis, she had the patchy, like the, you know, the dry skin psoriasis all around. And she loved Christmas so much, but in Glendale in Southern California, you don't get the snow. And so sort of a final thing, this year she invited all the kids on her street into the house for Christmas Eve. Because they don't ever get to see snow these kids.

And she invited them in and we were all up there. It was Christmas Eve and all the kids, I guess there's about 22 kids on our street. And little Kimmy Long Wow, the Vietnamese boy. I'm sorry. Who is it, Lou? Little Kimmy Long Wow, the Vietnamese boy. It's a little freckles all over his face. They call him the Morgan Freeman of the Vietnamese boys.

The Morgan Freeman of the Vietnamese boys. Yeah. Little Kimmy Long Wow. And we had some wonderful African American children. What were their names? Oh, there was Dwayne, there was Pill, one guy's name was Pill. And what's the other kid? There was a whole bunch of them and Marco was one of them.

And we had some honkies, there were honkies in the house. Oh yeah, you gotta have honkies in the house. Wonderful honkies. Especially on a white Christmas. Oh dude. You gotta have honkies. Just wonderful honkies.

And then of course, little Nundunder, the Indian boy. Who? Nundunder, the Indian child in the wheelchair. Why is he in a wheelchair? Why? He lost his legs in a farming accident, but little nun Dunder so excited with his little nubs, his little and it

for the holidays, his father had sprayed that fake snow on the end of his nose. A little nun Dunder, the Indian child. Why is he frosted? For the holidays. And his, he was so excited. You just, his nubs were flapping back and forth, like almost like Cypress strumps growing out of a swamp. Oh God damn. Just slapping back and forth, like a sea turtle

laying eggs, little, little nundunder the Indian child. And just as meat wagons, as stubblings, as meat nublins slapping back and forth. And, and everyone's so excited. And so they'd never seen snowfall these kids. And so Valma, what she did, she had a special chair, she had a Christmas and she kept it in the closet and all the kids were sitting on the

floor and she bought a chair at Ikea. Have you ever been to Ikea? I have, yeah. She went to Ikea, she bought a Nurg de Glardin and she brought it out and she put it in the middle of the floor and Velma, God bless her, she got up on the chair and started singing in the middle of the room,

singing Christmas carols to all these wonderful children. Oh, come all ye faithful. And they're just sitting there. Christmas Eve. Dude, they'd never seen snowfall and their eyes are glazing over like they've been huffing spray paint at the back of a Home Depot. Just all that your little Kimmy Long Wow, the Vietnamese boy. Are they huffing what's his name? Ninduars? Oh, they're all there. Little Nandunder is his meat goblins slapping back and forth, like deli meat swinging in

a window at a Parkinson's festival. I mean, just, just as little meat goblins, as pink and brown, like elephant ears, whacking in the jungle. Just unbelievable. Little Nandunder, the Indian child. And the Jive honkies were there. Everyone was there. I forgot to ask you who the honkies names were.

Oh, just Carl, Jim, Paul. Yeah. Just regular honky, Jive honky names. And so here they are. And you know, she's silent night. And these kids have never seen snow and she's up on the chair. Are you there for this?

I'm there. You are. I'm there. I saw it all. And the kids, their eyes just glazed over like sugar plum hams and she's up on the chair singing and they're just like transfixed little Kimi Long wow as you can

almost see his freckles trembling and, and she starts disrobing. She gets nude. Thelma? Thelma starts taking off her clothes for the children. She's singing Christmas. For the children she's taking off. They've never seen snowfall on Christmas Eve. She gets her crab claws. She gets these crazy, arthritic crab pickers, and she starts scraping her psoriasis scabs and the snow just starts. The snow starts drift and the children are just, they're like, ah, like they

were catching it on their tongue. Dude, it's just a magical, magical Christmas. Yeah. Like just. What a gift. Dude, it's just a magical, magical Christmas. Yeah. Like just. What a gift. What a gift. Oh, dude.

I wasn't there and I promise you, I'm going to remember that Christmas forever. Little Nundunder was so excited. He almost went backwards through the drywall. Unbelievable. Just as his Cypress stump meat goblins whacking back and forth like giant pink clits. What a great gift for Alma. How did she pass? Oh God, she just died of old, she just expired.

She just, one of those sad things where they just kind of dwindle away and then she went in her sleep, God bless her. She did. Yeah. How old was she? I think I said at the beginning, was it 80, 86, 87? Yeah.

But it's weird when you have, it's odd when you die with extreme arthritis, you draw, you die with your hands curled like this, right? So when your body dies, they don't relax? They don't relax. In fact, they tighten. Oh, is that right? And so here you are trying to, it's almost like trying to wrestle a velociraptor out of the sheets.

And you know, these things are flying around and my sister got clawed right across the forehead. Wow. How bad was that? 18 stitches. It's like a god damn bear swipe. I mean these things and the yellow fingernails. Oh, I forgot about the long yellow nasty nails.

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I don't know how you guys do it seeing stuff like this is just I don't know It's it changes your mind about everything you think and then you're seeing this from lived experiences from these guys memories Stuff they actually went through together It's just it looks like a great film and if you're into this stuff man, definitely go check it out It's in IMAX and theaters everywhere April 11th. Now, let's get back to the dude. So as I said, yeah, it's sad when they die, but if there's sort of a happy ending where something happens right at the end

where it's giving back or it changes a kid's trajectory, like little Timmons with his butterfly or Kimmy Long Wow and Nundunder and all the kids just getting their first taste of, uh, you know, snow on Christmas. Yeah. Literally their first taste. So anyways, those are my grandmother's stories.

Are there any conversations you can remember having with Grandma Van Gundersplat? Right. Obviously she's not able to take you anywhere to make memories. She's bedridden. So do you go sit ever with her and just have a conversation about life with her? Yeah, we talked a lot about life because her life was such a dichotomy, you know, it went from being young and athletic and spry and being in the limelight to literally shuttered, shuttered in a room where she was isolated from the rest of the world.

And the only interaction she had was through TV and through the loved ones that came to visit her. And that in itself was sort of told you a lot about life, told you a lot about how life can go off the rails and life can change in an instant to go from sort of being in the limelight to being this kind of tucked away pariah that nobody even knew about anymore. And I think that was in a way a good life lesson for me because it taught me to understand that anything can change quickly, the dynamic can change. And it was a tough lesson to learn to watch her sort of dwindle away. But yeah.

Were you there when they lifted her out of that? Oh yeah. Were you there when they lifted her out of that? Yeah. You were. I had to do something to see. Dude, it was like just, it was just, you know, what are they putting her in to get her out? Well, they have to, what they put are the,

like kind of the gurney straps underneath. So they had to kind of lift her, slide it under, then lift the other slide liner. And then like hook her up? Three or four, and then it's sort of like, it's like if you've ever seen on a construction site, when they lower like a big load of cinder blocks or lumber, it's all strapped in and they just lift it.

It's amazing the weight those things can lift. And, uh, we were sort of like the celebrities of the street for a day, you know? Like, you know, it's like all the neighbors are out on the sidewalk. What's that? It was almost like an eclipse. There's a person coming out of the fucking house.

Yeah, it was sort of like a mini eclipse. Like when she passed in front of the sun, the street actually went a little dark. But well... What about with Velma? Any deep conversations with Velma? Velma, God, I guess one of the deep conversations with her, I stole from her once. What'd you steal?

Like she wasn't, she was taking care of us when my mom was having our little sister. So Velma came and. To your house in Canada. She stayed at her house. She stayed there for like, I don't know, I think it was two weeks or something while my mom was at the hospital and dealing.

And I remember I stole money out of her purse and I thought it was done for, I thought she'd tell my dad, I thought she'd tell my mom, like she caught me. She, she literally goes, there was $10 in my purse. Where is it? I'm like, Oh God. And I thought right away she'd go right to my parents and she didn't. I was just waiting for my parents to say, give me a spanking or ground me. I was like, well, they didn't say anything yet. Maybe it'll be after dinner and still nothing.

I thought, okay, they're probably planning what to say so it'll be tomorrow. Then all these days she never told them. And so I sort of learned from her about compassion. I learned from her that I think sometimes people create their own punishment. Like she, I think she knew that I was feeling guilt and remorse for stealing from her. And the lesson that she taught me is she didn't have to share it. It was between me and her and she sort of knew

how I felt. And so I carry that in life where you don't have to broadcast every, everything about everyone. If somebody does you wrong, like sometimes humans are very intuitive and sensitive. And I think sometimes lessons can be learned without everyone having to know. So that was, that was a big life lesson I learned from Velma. That is actually a really good life lesson.

That's a great life lesson. Yeah. It is. Yeah. You don't need to always drag everybody publicly or whatever. It's an interaction between two people, lesson learned. We move on, hopefully both better. And I think sometimes with us humans, I think part of that all stems from, we love

gossip, we love to go, oh, that guy did that or that girl did that and gotcha, gotcha, gotcha, but in her wisdom, she knew to, I think she, she either sensed it or she saw it in my face or she could feel it, and she knew how sort of grief stricken I was, that A, I disappointed her, B, that I was a thief, C, that I had done it to her, my beloved grandmother. And I think, you know, grandmothers and mothers are very intuitive that way. And I think she, she could see it and sense it because I was devastated that I did it and that I did it to her and that I got caught.

And I think she just went, you know what this boy I can tell he's, he's absorbing. I can tell he's, he's learned a lesson here. I don't need to go running to mom and dad and make it worse for him. So I always appreciated that she did that, but I still feel guilty that I, you know, this is a grandmother that at every birthday gave me a card with money in it, but it was just like an opportunity.

She was in our house, there was a purse, and I was a guy, I wanted to, you know, go get a whopper. Where'd I learn that from? I mean, come on, who'd you learn that from? Yeah. I was about guy, I wanted to go get a whopper. Where'd I learn that from? I mean, come on, who'd you learn that from? I was about to ask you if they were friends, your grandmoms, did they know each other?

No, because- Chubb- Van Gundersplat. Yeah, Flo could never get out of the house. What's my name, Flo Campbell? I know, isn't that ironic? Oh God. Yeah.

Yeah. Harlan. Yeah. Have you dealt with any other significant death in your life? I mean, that's pretty big. Those are pretty big. Yeah, those are, I mean, yes, other people have died

in my life. I think my first experience with death was my grandfather, my grandfather Neil. Neil Van Gundersplat? Yeah, well Van Gundersplat was her family name. O'Donnell was, that was her maiden name. O'Donnell was the family name, Irish. And when my grandfather died, he was a hard worker. He owned his own advertising company.

But this is Flo's husband. Yeah. Okay. And he died at his desk. This is a guy who died at his desk and he just passed out, had a heart attack, right? But a hard worker owned his own company. And I was a kid, I think I was 14 when he passed.

And it was my when he passed. And it was my first time going to a funeral. I'd never had to be at a funeral. And so I, my parents didn't prep us for the funeral. You know, you think, oh, you're going to say a few prayers, you know, there'll, there'll be a priest. You're going to talk about it. Nobody tells you there's a body laying up there and all that. Nobody, you're right.

Nobody says listen to me. There's a stiffy. And I'm like, wait, isn't that granddad? And like, yeah. I'm like, what the? Like I'm a kid and they prepped the body better than Madame Tussaud could have done it herself. I mean, that was my granddad laying there.

So my parents are, go say your final goodbyes to your grandfather. I'm like, wait, what? And I look over and there isn't an open casket. And it was my first A, exposure to a dead body, which blew my mind. It freaked me out. And then B, he's so immaculately preserved as a kid. You think dead body, you think skeletons and zombies. And here's this guy, it looks like my granddad was laying there sleeping. skeletons and zombies and here's this guy.

It looks like my granddad was laying there sleeping. And so my mind was just like, so confused. I'm like, talk to me, get up. And, and I literally, I didn't know any better. I started like patting his forehead. Like I was touching him. Like I was literally running my hand off

the front of his hair. And like, I couldn't stop touching his face cause I wanted him to talk to me so bad. And it was so freaking bizarre that my parents, they didn't even tell me there was going to be a corpse there or a cadaver or whatever you want to call it, a stiffy, but so that was, that was pretty

jarring and it's sort of, it sort of really whacked me in the face about mortality at an early age, like 14, I just went, okay, so this ride doesn't go forever. And the, the idea of that stillness to see that body laying there from this man I'd only known, hey, come on, sit on granddad's lap, let's go for a walk. Like all I ever knew was movement and life and blinking eyes and to see

the same thing just so morbidly still, it was a real mind bender, you know. And there was a beauty to the stillness, like the silence, but it, but it was also very haunting and morbid. And if I ever have kids, I would definitely prep my kids for, you know, saying, hey, kids are going to see a dead body. I had an incident where I didn't see it coming, and I could have prepped my daughter better, but I didn't see it coming,

because the timing was a little shitty. So her mom's mom, her grandmom on her mom's side passed away just right before Christmas, I want to say. And a friend of ours sent a card and I thought it's a Christmas card. It's like a few days before Christmas, a week before Christmas. Right. It's got my daughter's name on it and I don't open her mail. I'm like, hey, it's someone sent you a Christmas card. It's like a few days before Christmas, a week before Christmas. And it's got my daughter's name on it. And I don't open her mail. I'm like, hey, someone sent you a Christmas card. This is for you.

Oh no. And she opens it up and she's just silent. I go, what's it say? And she's like, blah, blah, blah. I go, it doesn't say blah, blah, blah. And she's like sending prayers to you and your family. And I was like, and then I think to myself like, that's a weird sign off for a Christmas card.

And then I don't think anything of it. She goes to a room later, whatever. And I just walked by and I grabbed the card and I started reading. I'm like, oh, fuck, this is a sympathy card. And the blah, blah, blah is her being uncomfortable, not reading out loud, sorry about the loss of your grandma and all that. And I was like, and she was mad. She was mad that someone had sent one. So I had to explain to her that this was a sort of a tradition some people have where they'll send you a card because they mean well and they're just letting you know that

they're thinking of you and sending it off. It's a kind gesture. And then a few days later, my fucking mom sends a card. It's in a red goddamn envelope. It's a few days before Christmas. It's got her name on it. I say, hey Stella, your other grandma sent you a card. Oh, here we go. She opens the fucking card, Arlo. she goes, it's another sympathy card. I go, God damn it. Like I didn't see that coming.

You know what I mean? I'm starting looking through your mouth. I'm like, I'm sorry. I was like, yeah, this is a thing. They're called sympathy cards. People do it. She's like, I don't want another one. She was mad about it.

She was like mad to get that reminder. Yeah, I wonder if the anger too is that, sometimes when people die, you get a little bit mad at the world. Especially when it's people you love and have a great connection to. Like I'm sure as a little boy, I remember being angry too, that this beautiful man, this my beautiful, gentle, wonderful grand, was now exterminated basically. He's gone. And you of like, well, you have no right to take him. What did he ever do? He's, he's just a loving, wonderful guy.

Like there, there's anger at the finale. Right. Do you remember the first time you saw a dead body? I do. Um, unfortunately my first three were great grandmom, dad, grandmom in that order. Oh, wow. I'm in, at the time, I'm in elementary school, and our great-grandmom lived in Tyrone, Pennsylvania. That's where they took all their, like they moved from Italy, they fucking come here,

they end up staying there. Everybody's from there. And my dad tells us, and my two brothers, hey, we're going up to see, it's his grandma. We're going up to my grandmother's viewing and funeral in Tyrone, Pennsylvania. And we all roll up and it's my dad, my Aunt Marguerite, which is my great aunt, my grandmom's sister, it's their mom, and my brothers and everybody.. So we had a great grandmom for a handful of years, but we didn't know her. She didn't speak English. She was only Italian.

Yeah, yeah. And when we get there, Harlan Williams, this is what tripped me out. Like they had an old school house with a parlor. Remember when houses had a parlor? Oh yeah. And she's laid out. It was just not to interject, but my grandmother Flo van Gundersplat, she actually had an ice cream parlor. Oh yeah. And she's laid out in the- Just to not interject, but my grandmother, Flo Van Gundersplat, she actually had an ice cream parlor.

Did she ever get to it? Well, she ate her way through it. People would bring it over for her. No, her parlor was an ice cream parlor. I see, I see, in the house. Not the separate one outside. So go on. But in the parlor, she's fucking laid out in the house.

It's got to be 79. You know what? I probably do have a relative I could ask. It's got to be late 70s, early 80s. We're little. And I'm like, what the fuck? And it's in a house. Wait, you found her body?

No, they were doing the whole viewing at the home. Oh, this was the viewing in the home. Right, okay, got it. In the parlor. In the parlor, yeah. Like this is, I'm like, what? They're all Italian immigrants. It's like how the Irish used to, or probably in

Ireland, have the wakes and keep the body propped up in the living room and have a party. This is, she's laid out like you wouldn't be anywhere else, but in the parlor of the house and people were eating and talking over here. The Japanese actually eat sushi off the body. That's unbelievable. That is unbelievable. Yeah. It's like good luck.

Good luck if you don't puke. But I remember being little and touching her skin. I went up to her. Right, same thing I did, yeah. Because I didn't, this person's- How'd you do it? Like that. How'd you do it?

How'd you do it? I told you I patted his head. Yeah, you rubbed his head. I patted his forehead. But see, you knew him. I didn't really know her. I had no connection. So to me, this could be-

She was just trying to cop a feel. A sample dead body, bro. Okay. And I touched it and it was cold. Right, it's cold. Clammy, it was a little weird. But they look, like they do full makeup on these people. This is also my first time meeting this lady,

so she did look nice. She looked asleep, like you said, she looked like she was sleeping peacefully in the house. And then you touch him and it doesn't match. And I remember too, I just remember being weirded out by it and somebody gave me a cookie monster stuffed animal and I went to bed with that. It's the only things I remember about that.

Wow. And then the next time I saw a dead body was my dad. We found him in his bed in the house. And then a few years later, my grandmom dropped dead in front of me. I had to give her CPR, mouth to mouth, and then saw that dead body. My first three were doozies. Why did she drop dead in front of you? Was she gorgeous? Yeah, she was gorgeous.

Drop dead gorgeous. Hurses out there are peeing her pants today, dude. She had a blood disease as well, so she either plotted or had a heart attack, but she came out of her room and just boom on her face. How old were you? At that time, I'm 20. So probably a strapping, bit of a strapping young boy, able to catch someone. Well, I was downstairs.

I was downstairs. Well, people roll downstairs. Yeah, they do. But she wasn't rolling anywhere, bro. So you were downstairs and you hear a thump. I'm downstairs and her, so. What are you doing downstairs? Long story short, after all the shit goes down, we have no parents.

My mom kicks us out. We go to, my grandmom takes my brother and I, my twin brother and I. Right. So we're going to community college, living in her place. She lives a mile from the community college. Right. And our dad's gone, which is her son. So she loves having us in the house with her.

We're also, like you say, we're 20 years old. We're going to handle business around the house. We're fucking around, making sure doors are locked. We're taking care of grandma, getting her groceries. Except for when she falls. Being good grades. Yeah. And then one day she was laying down on her bed and she got up and we're downstairs in the living room. What were you doing? Watching TV. What were you watching? Maybe Saved by the Bell. Maybe. Didn't save anybody up there by the bell, bro. Yeah. But I really don't remember or Sports Center. But anyway, it's

middle of the day and we have, you know, I don't know if you've been to community college, but you know, we had a break. We'd have a break. Like, I don't need to go back for two hours. We lived a mile away. So we're just going home to grandma's, grab a sandwich, grab a sandwich, whatever, and then go back. In between that, she walks out of her room and her last words were, somebody help me, and then boom, face down. My brother, I said, I grabbed the phone already and was dialing 911. I told him, go up there, go get her now and just make sure she's okay. And she wasn't. So I'm on the phone 911 and I had just finished, literally just finished like two weeks of lifeguard training. I'm an official lifeguard now. So I tell the lady on the phone,

she's like, you have to stay on until the paramedics get there. And I said, well, I know I'm certified in CPR, mouth to mouth. So my brother and I switch. I go up and I start doing the chest compressions, the mouth to mouth. What kind of sandwich did you eat? When I went home that day, ham and cheese. No, before she dropped. Ham and cheese, bro. Onions? No, you know what's funny about me? We grew up with not a lot of money. I'll have no problem with a dry sandwich. No problem. Just saying, onions have a bit of a kick. Had you had onions, it might've brought her back around.

Oh, you mean with my breath, the kicking it in? Yeah. Oh, I'm seeing where you're going with that. Yeah. Just saying, little inconsiderate. I don't know if that would've worked. A little inconsiderate. Good Spanish onion can do wonders.

It can make you cry. Is that the one? It can make you live. Wow. Have you ever had to give can make you live. Wow. Have you ever had to give a CPR to anybody? I did, I was on a Tinder date. Ah!

You know. It starts with a Tinder date and it ends in a CPR. I mean, she wasn't, she didn't pass out, but I was just trying to show her my method. Oh, you were just showing off. What happened? I said, you're probably going to be choking later. So no, uh, but, uh, no, I haven't had to do, but I did do the Heimlich maneuver once. Have you saved someone's life?

Well, it was a mix. It was saving a life, but also dying, someone died. I was at a restaurant and it was one of these beautiful like kind of on the coast up in Big Sur. So it's right towering. You've been, right? Towering over, people don't realize, Northern California, it's like these blocks, these cliffs, it's 200 feet down. Big surfs. Crashing waves. Ocean here and beautiful mountains right here. Right, so.

A state at the fancy, whatever that spa is up there. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Really nice. So we're on one of these ones where it's the outdoor, beautiful dining room, looking out over the ocean, like 200 foot drop. We're sitting there having a nice steak tartare and some scallops and over at the other, it's a bit of a chubby woman and people all around and she starts choking and she does the classic

and like nobody's doing it. I took an a emergency, like I have my St. John ambulance and Red Cross like emergency training. So I run over, I do the, I'm like, boom, boom. I'm like, and everyone's up out of their chairs watching, people are on the railing, like looking down and I'm like, this girl's face is like puffing up like a gopher that just swallowed a pastrami sandwich. And I'm just like boom. And I save her life, that's the shrimp. But when you do that,

the shrimp fly out like a bullet. And there was this woman standing by the railing and it hit her right in the forehead and right over the railing. yeah, right, and 200 foot drop and she died. So I saved one, but I lost the other. And how we start this podcast? Just the balance. The balance. That's how we're going to end it. Yeah.

What a balance. Harlan Williams, thank you for doing this podcast, brother. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Please promote everything you'd like one more time. And RIP to all our grand moms. RIP to my grandmothers. Folks, check my podcast out, the Harland Highway Podcast on YouTube, my tour schedule's at harlandwilliams.com and my Instagram, harlandwilliams, and keep your

eyes peeled for my new movie, Wingman, coming this year at some point. So for my new movie Wingman coming this year at some point. So, live life, enjoy while we're here. Every day is a gift, right buddy? It sure is buddy. Good to see you. You as well brother. And as always, Ryan Sickler on all your social media will talk to you all next week.