The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - 330: Jeff Dye Quit Drinking After THIS Wild DUI Story

Episode Date: April 21, 2025

My HoneyDew this week is comedian Jeff Dye! Jeff joins me to Highlight the Lowlights of his journey through sobriety, a DUI gone sideways (like… really sideways), and the unexpected lessons that came along the way. Jeff opens up about the moment he knew he had to quit drinking, how jail gave him minor PTSD, and why his love life actually improved after putting down the bottle. SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE and watch full episodes of The Dew every toozdee! https://youtube.com/@rsickler SUBSCRIBE TO MY PATREON - The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I Highlight the Lowlights with Y’all! Get audio and video of The HoneyDew a day early, ad-free at no additional cost! It’s only $5/month! AND we just added a second tier. For a total of $8/month, you get everything from the first tier, PLUS The Wayback a day early, ad-free AND censor free AND extra bonus content you won't see anywhere else! https://www.patreon.com/TheHoneyDew What’s your story?? Submit at [e-mail] Get Your HoneyDew Gear Today! https://shop.ryansickler.com/ Ringtones Are Available Now! https://www.apple.com/itunes/ http://ryansickler.com/ https://thehoneydewpodcast.com/ SUBSCRIBE TO THE CRABFEAST PODCAST https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-crabfeast-with-ryan-sickler-and-jay-larson/id1452403187 SPONSORS: The Farmers Dog -Get 50% off your first box of fresh, healthy food at https://www.TheFarmersDog.com/HONEYDEW  PLUS, get FREE shipping! Hims -Start your free online visit today at https://www.Hims.com/HONEYDEW

The honeydew with Ryan sickler. Welcome back to the honeydew. Y'all were over here doing it in the night pan studios. I'm Ryan sickler. I want to say thank you for supporting not only this show, but anything I do. I don't care what it is, uh, telling someone about, but anything I do. I don't care what it is. Telling someone about the show, a shirt, I don't care. Come see me live.

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I am very excited to have this guest on today back on the honeydew. Jeff Dye everybody. Thanks for having me. Love what you've done with the joint. Thank you, man. It's your first time here. Green and black, baby. Yeah, you like it. I like the branding. Yeah, thank you. More of a black and orange type of fellow, but I like the green. Why black and orange? Orioles. I think of like it. I like the branding. Yeah, thank you. More of a black and orange type of fella, but I like the green. Why black and orange?

Orioles, I think of Orioles when I think of them. Okay, I was thinking you're a Seattle guy, so maybe you like that lime green. I do love it. No, it looks good, but I think of you as orange and black. Yeah, we're orange and black and purple and black. Oh yeah, and purple and black. Before we jump into what we're gonna talk about,

promote whatever you'd like, please. Yeah, go to JeffDot.com. I'm literally coming to every city in the world. All I care about is standup comedy and I'm doing a lot of it. So go to JeffDot.com to find tickets, figure out when I'm in your town, and that's it. Well I wanted to say, we've been talking a little bit before the show starts and I bumped into you at a Laker game last year. I want to say it was had to be last year, right?

Maybe a little over. I don't know when. They have times. But you had gotten into an accident drinking and driving. But when I saw you, you had been clean and sober. How long you've been clean and sober now? I've been sober for 15 months and 16 days. Hell yeah.

Congrats. I just checked that. That's how I know. And is that sober off of everything? Yeah. I mean, I, uh, weed smoker before. I never was, he never got into weed. The weed is, it's, it's always mind boggling that people are so into it to me.

I've tried every strand. You know, everyone's so optimistic. Oh, you got to just try this or try that. I tried them all and I don't like it. Yeah. So that was never tempting. But yeah, I don't do nothing no more. So where, let's go back to the beginning. When, I mean, would you say, because this is where I wonder about how people drink sometimes.

And I have a, I had a therapist years ago, she was a different lady that told me that she believed an alcoholic was, even if you just were a golfed on Saturday and drank beers on Saturday, but you do it every Saturday, you're an alcoholic. And I was like, I understand that you have a medical or professional definition of that,

but we do not agree on that at all. I don't agree with her either. So I also do. Who gives a shit? Were you an alcoholic? Or are you? I don't even know.

I think some people would consider me an alcoholic. I don't consider myself an alcoholic. I drank from morning to night. I drank from morning to night. That sounds like an alcohol. Yeah, but I felt fine. It wasn't affecting my work. It wasn't affecting, you know what I'm saying?

I felt like I was fucking fine. That's what they tell you, you're a functioning alcohol. I was a high functioning. But here's my argument. High functioning. That's right. There's a difference. Now, if you're high functioning, wouldn't that kind of mean you're not an alcoholic?

If you're high functioning, everything's functioning in your life. I would say if you can remove the alcohol and still high function, then I would say yeah. Yeah, that was fun. I would say yeah. If you can still get the same results by removing the alcohol, then I would say yes. Yeah. But I still-

Do you see a difference? I see a difference in other ways, yeah, for sure. Okay. We'll get to that in a minute. It's better. My life is better without alcohol, but I just don't ever want to make the alcohol some scapegoat. It was all alcohol's fault. It's like, nah, I was using alcohol to not get to the root of some things and to numb

some things and to have looser behavior with women and get attention in different ways. I was using the alcohol for all my bullshit. The truth is, I had a bunch of bullshit I needed to get to the bottom of. Let's get to the bottom of it now. So that's all that was, if that makes sense. What were you drinking yourself away from? Well, I lost a sister in a car accident in 2015. Oh man.

It was kind of like a mom thing. Yeah, she was the best. And so I think I never really dealt with that really. How did you at the time deal with it? You know what I mean? Drink and make jokes and like, I never really kind of got to the root of those thoughts or my feelings or my relationship with her.

What made you realize that that might be something that you were, was it just start popping up on your mind or what was it that made you be like, I think this is a big part of what I'm dealing with? I don't understand. Therapy. I'm saying when do you realize I'm not, I haven't dealt with my sister's death. Yeah, well when you get sober you start going, I was also mushrooms. I was doing a shit ton of mushrooms during... I hear it helps a lot.

I love mushrooms. Here's what I will say too. I also don't want to make the mushrooms the hero either. I don't ever want to glamorize or villainize substance abuse, but here's the thing. Mushrooms makes you go in. It's like eating therapy. You just kind of go, oh, here's some stuff I put way back there that I wasn't dealing with at all. And the mushrooms really helped to kind of like connect all those things. Now, you know, you can get to the mind state that mushrooms gets you in with like meditation and like working on yourself and like journaling. And the problem is, or not the problem is, mushrooms is a great leapfrog to that.

You can just get right to that state. You don't need to meditate. You just eat some shit and then now you're there. So that's why people like hallucinogenics and psilocybin and stuff, is because you can just kind of jump right to it. I believe that you could probably get to those places in a healthier way than poisoning yourself

with some some mushrooms. But mushrooms was healthy for me or really, really good for me mentally. And then the alcohol was like, I was just numb and everything. And having a good time. What else? Really liked alcohol. What else is everything? Your sister passing away?

My sister passing away was a big one that I just never really dealt with it. The way I treated women, the way I treated women like postmates. It's just like, I want to have sex and I'll bring one of these over and just have sex and hang out for a night and then ignore them when they want to actually escalate the relationship or get to know me better, push them away after I kind of got what I wanted out of the thing or use them for attention that way. Oh, I need some attention. them away after I kind of got what I wanted out of the thing or use them for attention that way. Oh, I need some attention this for I'm feeling like, you know, lonely this week. So I'll just make a makeshift kind of girlfriend for five days and then not do, you know, so I was doing a lot of

that bullshit and the alcohol was kind of like, I'm party guy. I'm just drink guy. And so, you know, I was, I was just behaving in ways that if I was honest with myself, I wasn't proud of, and now call helped me do that. And be like, who cares? We're just drinking, we're having fun. Oh my God, why do you need to talk about what we are? Who cares? Like, you know, like just things like that.

And so alcohol keeps you in this kind of fog, especially when you're drinking as much as I was. But the biggest revelation for me, I think, was I didn't really care about the drinking. The drinking wasn't the drinking. The drinking was like a connection to girls or a connection to like maybe me, I think, was I didn't really care about the drinking. The drinking wasn't the drinking. The drinking was like a connection to girls or a connection to like maybe me and you going, Hey, I want to get some beers. I liked the idea that I could go. Yeah. And then once I learned that I don't need alcohol to connect with people,

they'll still be my friend. Yeah. Or we can just hang out. We could go to a bar. We don't have to do the drinking. We can just be together. And once I learned that I could have that with people Without the booze then I was so happy to get rid of the booze Yeah, because it's aging me terribly and making me sleep in all day in my insides my liver You're not lying about that Or like just waking up at 3 p.m. You're like, and then people be like, you just woke up?

If I slept in that long, I'd feel like a piece of shit. You're like, I feel like a piece of shit. Yeah, I'm not happy about sleeping in this long. And most guys my age, they have a child that they go, hey, I gotta grow up now. I gotta get up at this time to take her to school or do whatever a dad does or a mom.

And I don't. Whatever. Yeah, whatever the hell you guys do, you know, I didn't have anything making me have to grow up. I was just in Peter Pan mode. So like why not drink and sleep until 3pm? Why, why grow up? So I had to grow up. But why, Why grow up? No, what happens to you where you're like,

I gotta get clean and soap? Well, I did crash my car and then- Were you having health issues before that? You said your insides, were you going to doctors and getting checked out if you're drinking that much? Yeah, they were terrible doctors. Why? Because they told you to stop drinking? They're like, you're good.

No, they're like, you're good. Yeah, I swear to God. They were telling you, you're good. I had a, I couldn't believe it. Terrible doctors why cuz they told you I'm not I'm believe it. I had like a I had like this pain in my leg back and I was like Oh, that's probably where a liver is. I don't know. I've never looked at where body parts are severely There might be a kidney or something. I don't know. Let's see it take it and then I go in and the guys like You're in fantastic health and I was like well it hurts you cuz it's probably a muscle They're like a nerve or something, but your actual organs are fine. You're in fantastic health." And I was like, well, it hurts because it's probably a muscle or like a nerve or something, but your actual organs are fine. You're not 20 anymore. And then I was like, huh. And I was like, so I'm all right. I wanted him to give me like, whoa, if you keep this up, you know, but he didn't, nobody gave me that speech. So I just like, all right. And just kept

drinking. I always say that I'm like the Cal Ripken of alcohol. It was just like, I kept that streak going, dude. Like every day I'd be like, I'm not drinking tonight. And then by like 7 PM, I'd be at a comedy club, someone bring me a whiskey and then as it's on, you know, yeah. Yeah drink. It's fun I really like drinking and I I never pushed my sobriety shit on anybody, but my life has been Significantly better without it. Well see the thing I have a friend of mine that likes to drink when we get together I smoke weed he drinks nice and I know that around 8 PM, 9 PM, that the old fashions are going to make him pass out on the fucking couch. For sure. And regardless if we have an earthquake or a fire or whatever, he can't get the fuck up.

He can't parent, he can't supervise, he can't get the fuck up. If I'm just smoking weed, adrenaline's like, we got a fire. It's like the high is gone. And I'm like, kids, come on. I'm not incapacitated dragging myself off the ground or being like, what's happening or not being able to remember blackout or anything. So I look at that. So you think weed is superior to alcohol? A hundred percent superior to alcohol and always, I mean, but I'm also saying, for me at least, I'm sure there are alcoholics out there.

I know, I've seen these guys on the street and I'm like, how are you doing that? How are you doing that? You compare it, you know? Wild. I do like a fucking late show, I don't remember a single thing about it. Everyone's like, that was great,

I don't remember anything. I remember all of mine, you know? But what I had seen watching just doing comedy to watching all of a sudden I was like, oh man, this is before Uber and stuff because we go back away. I'm seeing Joe Blow and Jane Doe are getting DUIs. I'm like, oh fuck, I'm sitting here drinking three, four beers and I know I'm fine. I know I am. I have my tolerance, but I also know if I go home and a kid runs out or a car and I smell, I'm done. And I watch people paying $10,000

and not having a license for a year and take public transportation and AA classes. Bro, I should have 500 DUIs. That's what they always say too. By the time you get caught. I've driven over the limit, thousand times. I can't even tell you how many times so that alone is a good reason to get clean because I go oh man I had like two whiskeys who gives a shit and then I

get in my car but there was nothing I'm saying prior to the accident where you were even thinking to yourself I gotta stop this I didn't want to drink for years before that but it's just part of our life it's part of our lifestyles part of my habits you know like I remember talking to this woman in Violet. We were in bed and I was like, man, I don't want to drink today. And she was like, then just don't drink. I was like, we're going golfing. I'm going with the guys. She couldn't get her mind right. She's like, then just don't. And I go, it's not how it works. I can't just tell them I'm not drinking today. then just don't. And I go, it's not how it works. I can't just tell them I'm not drinking today.

It's this love fest with alcohol and like, oh, come on, have one. I would tell guys... Guys look at you like you're Debbie Downer if you don't, because then they start questioning themselves. Yeah, it's not fun to drink alone. Also, do I need to fuck that? You start doubting everything. Or they'll bring me one, they'll be like, fuck it, I know you're not drinking, have one. And then I'm like, all right. Because it wasn't Like I had made the I'm not drinking anymore It was just me being like I'm not gonna drink today or something and then that wasn't taken seriously by everyone So yeah, there was so many times that I was just like I just wish I didn't have to do this And so now it's great all my friends like respect it and they're not pushing it on me

And if I can ask you when you go when you drink cuz I've had a lot of people on the show Tell me like look, I'm I drink and I can't stop at one or like, I can have half a beer and leave it on the table. And they're like, I can't do that. And a lot of them are, if I'm having one, I'm having 12 and there's no, no lie about like, not even an exaggeration. I'm like, oh, it's like that.

Yeah. I don't really know. I mean, I would drink a lot. Is that drinking blackout? Is that what you did every night? Every night. Almost every night. Yeah, yeah. Seven nights a week, you're doing that to your insides of your body? Well, my tolerance was high.

And then also, like, you're doing it seven nights a week. So it's like then that- And doctors are like, you look good in there. It was crazy. Yeah. I mean, it was not- You're like, I'm eating cigarettes. I have the worst doctors, for sure.

One time I had like a- I would definitely change doctors. In like 2010, I had like an STD and my actual doctor was like a bro about it. And I was like, it was chlamydia. And so he was like, all right, you take these pills, you don't have sex. It's very irresponsible if you have sex with someone when you have this. Like it's going to take a few weeks. Let the antibiotics run its course. He goes, also, you can just ignore it and it'll go away.

And I go, what? Like, what do you mean ignore it? He goes, if you don't want to take those and you just, just don't have sex because it's irresponsible, but like if you just wait it out, the body will cleanse it out. I was like, you shouldn't be telling me that as a physician. Like I could just ignore it. Yeah. It was just kind of strange. What's the timeframe while taking the pills to not taking the pills? I have no idea. I didn't take it serious. I just took the pills. Yeah. It's like, this like these guys an idiot but like what a weird thing for a physician to tell me Yeah, there's a lot of fun. I always say, you know what they call the guy finished last place in medical school

Doctor. Yeah, yeah for sure. That's doctor also What'd you get your license just ignore it There's nothing professional in here. Yeah. You're right though. Our life, Kirsten will tell you. Kirsten will come on the road and work with me and sell merch and stuff like that.

We get to the club a little early sometimes. It'd be 3 o'clock. Just go check in. Hello. Ask how we do everything. Just get it out of the way. And they'll be like, you want to drink? I'm like, no.

I mean, we got two shows tonight. You're like, you don't want to start to drink? I'm like, nah, I mean, I got, we got two shows tonight. Like, you don't want to start drinking now? I'm like, no. And then they would tell me, I'm like, is that common? They're like, oh yeah. Dude. We got guys that'll sit in here at three o'clock and just pound them before their show.

And at that place, yeah. Cause I'm like, it's free there. And it's kind of like a bar. And also I associate drinking with a hang. So I'm like with younger comics and then, you know, it's just kind of, it's a thing to do. It was the connection. Like that's all I was obsessed with, which is great.

Cause now you can still go there at three and hang with Younger Comics if you want and chill. You don't have to like do the drinking part of it. But I liked that part of it. Like I thought that that was like what was bringing us all together. But the truth is people will just hang with you anyways. So what happened with the accident?

Was this a night after a show, like you're saying? No, I went to bed at night at like 2 or 1.30. I can't remember, but it was late. I had a bunch of friends at my house. And we were all partying. And I was like, fuck, I got to get up early. So I went to bed. Well, when I woke up, it had been,

I don't know, eight hours, I'm going to guess, of sleep. But I'm speeding to get to where where I'm going and I'm flying But and I don't drive fast very often. Are you still fucked up? I feel fine I've driven like that a million times, especially the next morning. So in my mind I'm like whatever so and I didn't eat I genuinely didn't even consider that I might be fucked up. I'm just trying to get to where I'm going I lose control of my car skid across this thing hit a tree And then that's when I started thinking about it Once I was like I hit the tree But not out of the alcohol what I started thinking about was like fuck cops are gonna go

How'd you guys might call have and then I was like I was drinking last night You hear all those stories about people who are like oh the next morning I mean also I feel like point oh eight is one so easy. Yeah. Yeah, it's such a small percentage of yeah So I was like oh now oh now I'm gonna get the thing like I and all these thoughts everything I just said out loud that took well. I don't know 30 seconds I thought that in a tenth of a second like fuck fuck fuck fuck So then I was like ah and I just ran it just like fucking split all foot. Yeah. Yeah, I just ran There was a somewhere between a hundred and five hundred witnesses like just everyone saw Fucking terrible another part of it too. That's kind of funny is like

Like 9 a.m. That's early as shit or a weekday on a Sunday morning Main Street and The other thing too that like I've never told anybody it's like I drive I was I crashed a Tesla, so it's like good luck wiggling out of this Jeff Oh, yeah, literally like there's like a seven camera shoot of me going Oh fuck I'm drunk. Oh god. What if they catch me like the in court would just I gotta run you know like I'm meeting my ex. I'm in love with her I'm just like I couldn't, it couldn't have been more obvious

what that like, it was me and like, there was a, you know, there's just no, I'm like, yeah, I'm pretty sure it was me, you know? Like if the footage came out. And so you run on foot where? Where do you go? I know you're not- To the coffee shop. What?

It's about a mile away, maybe. You ran a mile, how fast you think you ran that mile? Well faster than any time in my life. Yeah, I'll bet. Just what are you wearing? What are you wearing? Oh, that was a terrible thing too. Now, whenever I still have the

shorts I was wearing when I got arrested and because I had to sit in jail with them. And so now when I see those shorts, I'm always like, these are the shorts and they're yellow, bright yellow San Diego Padres, like MLB shorts, a gray hoodie and thenres, like MLB shorts,

a gray hoodie, and then just like a baseball hat. Yeah. And what shoes? Did you have at least some sneakers on? Some sneaks, yeah, but I don't remember. And you run to a coffee shop. Run to a coffee shop. You have your wallet and shit with you?

No, I got nothing. Nothing. Like an idiot, but it's all adrenaline. Sure, yeah, and also you're not thinking clearly. Also wearing my Apple watch, right? That's buzzing. Oh yeah, with you also you're not thinking clearly also where my Apple watch right that's buzzing You know, oh, yeah with the accident But the thing is away from this at all dumb dumb left his phone in the car That's about the S because everything shook, you know

over these days Between the Tesla and the Apple to the cops were just like They found me so fast they also came in like I was fucking El Chapo or something. Like, take it easy LAPD. Wait, they knew right where you were? Yeah, they got it. Cause everyone's like, he's right there. And also like, they have my phone.

So they're literally like, do you drive here? And I'm the worst liar and I'm still all rattled and trying to make sure. What coffee place is it? I'm like a little boy. The coffee commissary in Bear Bank. Is it crowded? Oh yeah, and also all the baristas know me. Now the police are coming. All the baristas know me.

Oh shit, this is a common place you go? I go every morning. So like all the customers in there, if they don't know me personally, they at least go, we see that guy in here all the time. So they at least have that, like, oh, we see him. The baristas all know me by name and whatever. And, and then my ex, it's not my ex, a girl like I hung out with was who I was meeting.

So she was there and I- Oh, she's waiting for you. She was waiting. And that's why I was speeding because I was late. And so the thing is like, also I was like, I'm so, I was like so smitten over her, like that. I was like, I have to get to this date, you know, date or know date or like cuz I'm maybe that'll make us get back together something so now I'm embarrassed to tell her what just fucking happened also the coffee shop doesn't know what's happening all the people in the coffee shop Think this is just two people getting coffee, and then the cops come in

I'm gonna look well one initially and he was like do you drive here? I turn I go huh like it was like Tim Robinson sketch or something I'm just kind of like I didn't? Like it was like Tim Robinson's sketch or something. I'm like, huh? Just kind of like I didn't even know how to like, right up. And then he like, he's around. I've turned my shoulder and goes, did you two ride together? And then she's like, No. She's like, what is like she couldn't figure out what's happening. And then I just turned him I go, can we go outside? And he's like, yeah. And

so then we go outside and I'm just trying to get him to move it down the road. Because I everyone in shop is looking. Yeah, of course. She's looking. Of course. Everyone's trying to figure out what the fuck's happening. And I'm just trying to get them to fucking move it down the street. And he's like, whoa, man, don't. And I'm like, this isn't, I'm not going to fight you. I just want to not be in the view of everything. And then they put me in a cruiser, took me somewhere else. You admitted it finally there

I was I was not admitting anything did they read you your rights Well, what happened was we got into a little bit of a scrape down the road. What do you mean? So they I was already humiliated Right did you get your coffee? I didn't get my coffee Listen to this so they put me in the cruiser my dumb coffee. Listen to this. So they put me in the cruiser. My dumb, the girl that I dated for a second was like, what is going on out here? And I was like, just I'll tell you later. Like I'm like humiliated. I'm cuffed in the back of like a thing. And then she's like, you know, she thinks, you know, it's more interesting than it is, you know, like, and

I'm just like, I'll tell you later. So then she leaves and I'm telling these guys like, good work fuckers. You know, I was trying to avoid that and now you've ruined it and they're like they drove me to a different area to do All the tests but when they took me to the different area, I'm like, I'm fine Like I'm I just crashed my fucking car. I felt like I'm passing the test was also I think that's what everyone drunk thinks. I Don't know. I'd still love to know if I was passing those tests. Also want to ask you at this point Do you even consider possibly are you concussed? Are you fucked up? Also? No, I was fine. You were yeah easy airbags go off Oh, that shit. Oh, it's pretty big crash. So you let me just go back there for a second How did you hit it? You just lose control and slide off the road

I was speeding too fast up the on ramp up the ramp There's like a off ramp of the freeway, huh-huh. That when I tried to hit the brakes. And you're going up? Just off is what I should have said. But it slightly goes up. Yeah. And I flew across the four lanes of traffic where you're supposed to stop.

Oh, you went across to like the ramp back down onto the freeway? No, like over these four lanes and then into a tree. It was a blessing. How did the tree stop? It was a blessing. Or you would have gone back. And also, if the tree wasn't there, I'd have flown through a building. But also, there was four lanes of traffic, and to this day, never before and never since,

have I ever seen there be no cars on that road. Yeah, I mean, anywhere in LA, no sense that there was no cars. You sailed right through and hit a tree. The cops are actually impressed. Later, they showed me the footage. They were like, hey, whatever car that is and makes no entry. Yeah, the cops are impressed later They showed me the footage. They were like hey, whatever car that is get it again. That's the other thing I forget about that and you're in a public area. So there's fucking cameras Oh, they show the footage within no time and they were like whatever car that is is the safest What we you should you should be heard at least and you ran I was like, yeah, they're not a scratch not anything It was a Tesla. Shout out to Tesla very safe

but yeah, the crash was very Embarrassing and you know all that but then when they were now you were doing the day or field sobriety I get a little fucking unruly with these guys and we have a little rest on match Because I the reality was sinking in like fuck they're gonna arrest me You know I'm going just as bullshit like my whole life is in one morning everything I go from Jeff jackpot died and now I'm getting a DUI my bonehead fucking I already feel like an idiot because I love her and she thinks I'm a loser and like now this is really confirmed. I think you've all been in that position where you love someone and they just don't give a fuck about you back Yeah, and then to have my most humiliating moment in front of that person and be like this is a hundred percent

Why worst feeling in the world? So this is even more humiliating than it should have been and so so then you know It was very flustering and then are you passing the test? Do they tell you or you pass? I believe I'm passing it. You're walking the line, you're doing the nose, are you doing the breathalyzer? Yeah, and then they were like, let's do the breathalyzer. And I go, but I just did all those tests. If we're just going to do a breathalyzer, why don't you just start with the breathalyzer? Let's kick it off with that.

Yeah, and they were so thorough. You know how these lawyers look for like any kind of like thing? Dude, my guys were so textbook. They did everything. And that's why it was so rigorous, is because they wanted to make sure that they were hitting all their little beats And they crushed it as cops. I'll tell you that Yeah, there was nothing to find that they did wrong You hope for them to like not this guy's Have you ever had to eat the same meal day after day and start to get sick of it. Wonder if your dog might be feeling the same way. Well, it's time for a fresh approach to dog food.

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Now, let's get back to the do. So what did you blow, do you know? No, don't know. But is that when they said, all right, you're over and you gotta go? It is, but they wouldn't tell you what the number was. I think they did tell me and it means nothing to me and i don't remember i'm just curious eight hours after drinking yeah that's what i'm saying eight hours after drinking

well towards the end i was like popping pills your balls off i know i thought i sweat that out sprinting your balls off you really did though and i'm thinking it's still over a point oh eight well i think um towards the end i miss pills you said something about yeah I was popping pills like to keep being able to drink well that maybe for sure too where's the things like towards the end of my drinking career or whatever my friends would do cocaine and they're up all night I hear I'm laughing downstairs they're all having a good time and I'm like the drunk guy passed out like your buddy. So then I would like start to feel like FOMO. Like my friends are at my

house. They're all having fun. And then I'm drunk guy passed out upstairs after a certain hour. And then one of my friends was like, well, you know, if you just pop these like Adderalls or whatever the fuck they are, I don't even know if they're Adderall, but some sort of pill. They're like, you pop this, you'll keep, you'll stay up. And I was like, all right. So like I would get hammered and then just pop a pill, fucking drink, drink, drink. And it will keep you up. I'll keep me up. But the problem is I wasn't remembering being up. So like I'd black out from all that. So it actually is not a great plan anyways. But I, I would did that that night so that I can hang out all night. And so that probably

affected some things too. And yeah. get arrested get arrested you go where jail burbank jail hours in jail or 15 at 15 hours 16 hours in jail and do they let you out on your own also couldn't get a hold of my manager Justin I called it's the only person I called and it just keeps going to some Beverly Hills like answering machine I didn't even know there was an answer machine still around I'm just rattling listen my manager is the best I can call him at any time and this fucker answers I could be the miss a flight and it's 3 a.m. in LA I could call Justin he gets out of bed he helps me right but then I'm in the clink I'm scared for my life I'm fucking

there's homeless guys banging their heads against the glass and shit can't get a hold of Justin and so I just sat there for 15 hours in jail are you in by yourself in a cell or there so like is it a room like this with like five or six people that was the at first at first and that was detox so there's no negotiating there's no way he's fighting and dude it was so scary I'm gonna be a good boy for the rest of my life to just never was it a good scared straight program oh my god you see it in there scared of us but I almost got twin towers down is it yeah no it was it was clean I'm guessing clean compared to the shit I see on Netflix or something but like

it was a bunch of homeless dudes and then me and they're all like unruly and the jailer is different than a real cop like they just kind of are like people that work at the jail and so this guy's like smashing his head against the glass like make himself break open in blood he's like just going like this and the late I'm like thinking like okay for sure come in now and the lady's like smashing his head against the glass, like make himself break open in blood. He's like just going like this. And the lady, I'm like thinking like, okay, for sure come in now. And the lady's like, sir, if you keep doing that, I'm gonna constrain you. I'm like, don't threaten it. Like the guy's off, because I'm only detoxing from the night before of booze.

I'm sober up, you know, in my mind, like I feel fucking normal. But they're all coming off of like heavy drugs. So their detox is what much more stressful on their bodies than mine. It was terrible So then after like hours of that they finally sleep sleep at all couldn't and I was cold Why do they keep it cold? I was in shorts You know when you see like a gothic teenager, like in the corner of like school, she's got a sweatshirt over her knees. I was doing that. I was literally like, I look like a little bitch, dude. I'm not a bitch, but in jail, bitch, dude. Like

for sure I'm a bitch. I was such a pussy in there, dude. And so then once we got my, I got processed, I guess is the term. I got my photo and all this shit. She's like, I was like pleading with her. I was like, listen, please let me have my own cell. Like I'm not cut from the cloth of these people. And she was like, I've never been more serious or direct with anyone in my life. I can't do this.

Like I'm literally, I'm afraid, I'm like rattled, I'm buzzing. You're telling her off buzz listen Is this the most vulnerable you think you've ever been especially with a lady? I would have paid any amount I would have bribed I've done anything and then she was like I'll see what I can do And so then after like 45 more minutes she put me into like my own cell and then that was great But then once you're in your own cell lady Oh, man. Thank that lady, man. I was so happy. But then that cell was... Now that I'm safe, I got all the time to think.

Now I've got to wrestle with me. Now I'm going, oh... Good point, because now you're not thinking, I got to worry about this guy. Everything's just in your head on you and your bullshit, the wreck. Yeah, does everyone know? So like, I'm wondering now that I've been there for hours and hours and hours, like is everyone on the outside talking, oh, we heard Jeff did this, we heard he was drunk and we heard he crashed his car, blah, blah, blah. Or does no one know and they're all just wondering where I'm at, you know, because I'm not answering my phone or my text.

And I'm just sitting there stressed thinking about that and wondering, I can't get a hold of my manager Which is the only like numbered I have what time do you go in to jail? Would you say 10 a.m.? Probably you're there till midnight or after yeah after midnight But what was crazy was like he was like the guys the cops were saying you'll get out of here, dude Like once you're dumped detox, they'll get you out I was like, all right, and then the jail is like no he's gonna have to stay till Tuesday Because tomorrow it's Sunday the judge there's no, no, he's going to have to stay till Tuesday, because tomorrow,

it's Sunday, there's no judge today. But then Monday's a holiday. He's not always here. Don't get arrested on Sunday. Oh, and Monday's a government holiday. And so they're like, he's going to have to wait till Tuesday. And so the police were like, don't listen to her, dude. You'll get out.

And I was like, I hope. But then they left. So all I got is her. So now I'm mentally preparing for Tuesday. All right, I got to figure this shit out till Tuesday. And so she's been, so now I'm mentally preparing for Tuesday. Like, all right, how do I just, I gotta figure this shit out till Tuesday. And you don't have a phone, you can't tell anyone anything. I just got a-

Only have one number to call and it's not being answered. Focus, I just gotta fucking focus and like get through it. But now you're safe at least. Yeah, and so I'm like, all right, how's this shit gonna work? You know, I'm trying to figure this out. They brought me food, right? And the food sucked, obviously, but it was warm. So I like would just used it as like a heating

pad kind of, I just like put it like on my stomach. It was just some like one microwavable fucking thing. I'm like just using it for one. I just put it in like different spots on my body. Yeah, just just trying to survive, you know? I'm not eating this garbage, but I'll use it for warmth. So then I don't know what time it is. There's no clock and you can't, there's no windows, so you can't see if it's day or night. So I'm like wondering if I'm being a bitch

and it's only been a few hours, or if I've been here as long as it feels, I don't know. And then at a certain time, the woman, she goes, she goes, hey, you posted. And I was like, I didn't call anyone, you know, or I didn't get ahold of anyone. So like, how could I have posted bail? I'm also thinking that I'm going to be there till Tuesday. So I was like, you know, I didn't got to go in the showers. I didn't got to like, you know, get food with everybody in that big open area. So I was like, really? I go, I'm leaving. She goes, Yep. And I was like, what? So now I'm having I'm elated

with all these feelings. So then she long story short, she took she takes me out of there. What had happened was the police came to the end of their shift. And when they were looking over all their paperwork, or however, I assume that it works, they were like, that guy's still in. And they called and said, get get them out of there. Like that guy, like we told him he'd be done after detox, like, pull them out of there. Like that guy, like we told him he'd be done after detox, like pull him out.

So thank God to those cops too. Like they were super like checked on me and made sure. Yeah, good guys. Yeah. So yeah, and I don't like to misuse words. So like, I don't want to like, like dumb down PTSD, but I had some low level PTSD just from being in jail. Like the next two days, I was like, something in me was.

His head on a slip, he was scared. Oh yeah, I went to the bar for a comedy show and she's like, can I get you a drink sweetie? And I'm like, no ma'am. Like I was like a bitch for like two days. So yeah, it really shook me, like shook, shook, shook me. But yeah, and then I never drank again. And then were you required to go?

You had no charges? Oh, I had to do a bunch of shit. Okay, so what happens then? You go to court, do they, who press, in a situation like this, who presses charges against you? Is it the city? The city does, and then, the city and the state, I believe.

Yeah, and then also they can seek damages for that tree, which is hilarious because like they try to like, they try to get money for a tree. I go, how about this? I said this to, I was like, you show me you're going to replace the tree or patch the tree and I'll pay for every penny of it. But I'm going to guess that tree is not going to change. So I'm not paying any restitution on the tree. And they were like, well, I mean, it's really in principle. I go, no, I'm not paying any restitution on the tree and they were like well, I mean it's really in principle I go no, I'm not paying restitution on principle. I just paid $40,000 for this whole fucking mess. Is that what it was? Oh everything? I can't really bitch about the 40 grand because break it down so people know what it's like. My own attorney was really like the big part of that.

Is the DUI part of it still like $10,000 fine and all that. Yeah, you get a big fine And then they hit you with like a state fine and then like the police fine and all this different shit. But then also I have to do like a DUI program that costs money. Then you got to do a secondary kind of like- You do AA. All these like little class things. AA is free and so they can't force anyone to go to that because it's voluntarily. But they have like a state version of AA.

I had a friend that had to do the classes. Yeah. They had like a state version of AA because that they can make you do. But it's basically just AA except, you know, not called AA. And do you lose your license for a year? You gotta go to Mothers Against Drunk Driving. Oh, you do? Yep, I lost my, obviously I wasn't allowed to drive

for over a year. Over a year. Because they say it's a year, but like it doesn't kick in until you've been charged. And then once it's charged, the program is like a year and a half, so, or, you know, longer than 12 months. So you can't finish that program even if you,

even if it did, so it's just, it's really tough. But also, I deserve it. Sometimes when I tell these people a comment, oh, he's making excuses, no, I did my time. I did all the shit and I deserve to do all the shit. This is what they told you you needed to do for this. Yep, I did all the stuff. I made the bed.

But you continued though. It did make a positive impact on you. Oh, for sure. Stop, Dre, I haven't touched that. There's a lot of people go right back to drinking or they'll be like, I'm just gonna Uber and I'll still drink. Which you could do.

I was drinking the week of, like after I got out, I was drinking. You did. Yeah, and even my friends were a little worried because I was still stressed and like buzzed or rattled from fucking jail. And I was also like the gravity of the whole thing was stressing me out.

The only reason I really stopped was because I was like, I'm gonna have to deal with this with like a level head and I'm gonna say some shit I didn't mean, or I'm gonna try to start making excuses. So I was like, let's just try to stop drinking to like navigate this But then once I stopped drinking and navigating everything in a clear mind, I was like, oh man, this is a way better me I'm kind of operating on a different level. Okay, my relationships and friendships were better my comment How long into sobriety? Only a few days I felt different

You know, I was in a fog like drunk fog? Like I was in a fog, like drunk fog. Okay. Yeah. So to notice it right away, I was like, oh, this is pretty good. Like I'm, I'm, this is better, you know? So then it was easy to stay with it. Cause I'm like, oh, this is better.

And you had mentioned your life is better in a lot of ways. Give me some more. I'm trying to think. Do you feel like physically, let's talk about that. I sleep better. You sleep better. Skin's better. Energy, you have better energy. Energy you feel like physically, let's talk about that. I sleep better, skin's better. Energy, you have better energy.

Energy's better, yeah, everything. Aging, my hair is better. Like that's another thing, if you're a vain person, man, give up alcohol. Cause like I would look in the mirror and I'm like, dude, how am I, like I glow more than, I never glue, but I don't know how to explain it. Glue.

I never glue. Is that right? I wonder if that sounds like it should be by our rules. I don't know. But I'll say that to women sometimes. They'll be like, really, your skin's better? And then I watch them kind of go, maybe I should quit. Because they care about skin. That's what I'm saying when you start doing it.

Hell yeah. But yeah, just those kind of things are better. And then I'm a lot more direct. The negatives are I'm pretty irritable now. Yeah? I never used to be irritable. And how quickly are you irritable? I'm just quicker than I've ever been. It's probably a pretty chill guy still.

But like comparatively, like I would have never cared about anything back in the day. Now something I'll read something like this is what's wrong with the country. The country goes all the way. The young people, you know, like I just turned into like my grandfather. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But but all positive. It's been mostly positive. Do you I have to ask like my grandfather. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But all positive, it's been mostly positive. Do you, I have to ask everybody this question, do you miss it?

You sound like it was fun, but you had your time with it, you're good. I would drink tomorrow if I couldn't have all the same experiences. So like- What do you mean? So I will never quit drinking if I needed to do like comedy or hang out with my buddies or go to bars and watch sports. I had to learn, oh, I can still go to a bar and have fun and watch sports. Oh, I can still do comedy.

I will never compromise those fun parts of my life. Once I learned I don't need alcohol to do all those things, then I was like, all right, then I don't need the alcohol. Because that's all it was for me. So I don't know if I explained it that well. So it's like, I am happy to be rid of it because I can still do all the positive things that I was doing when I was drinking. Without the alcohol, yeah. And I occasionally will rear its head.

I'll be like a baseball game, someone will walk by with a cold beer and I'm like, ah, that looks pretty good. But that's like the extent of it rearing its head. And I just go, I'll just get a non-alcoholic beer, or I'll get like a, you know. I was gonna ask you, what has replaced it for you? I'll drink non-alcoholic beers at my house sometimes.

So you'll do that, but you don't find yourself working out more, writing more. Oh, I'm doing all that, for sure. Like is there something that took that void? I work out every single day. I do a lot of yoga. Did you, when you were drinking? I did, but not as as well if that makes sense like it's a much more

dedicated kind of thing. I've so much more time. I spent so much time drinking or like sitting at a bar like I would be up till all night. Give me an example when you're not doing stand-up, when you're not on the road. Yeah. Give me a Tuesday night no shows in LA if you're going out. Give me a day for Jeff die sober No, oh, yes Um, I would just find whatever shows on and I would just get my buddies to go to like a bar with me Well, it was all it never a lot of bars. Mostly bars not coming to your place or their place We drink at my place, but it was more like I liked the bars Cuz I had this illusion that like some supermodel would walk in and that's how we're gonna meet and like, but it's not true.

Bars aren't that great. Nobody's, even if a girl did walk in, we just stared her. Yeah, nobody goes up and talks to her. Also, people get pretty shitfaced. You're not getting everybody's best version of themself at the bar. It's embarrassing. Yeah. I mean, the most talking to you do is with the bartender and hopefully they're cool, you know? Yeah. So I had this illusion about the bar that seemed very captivating like oh, we're gonna go there and hang out meet people And it's like no, you know, you just sit and drink. It's just a room where people are drinking So and now what are you doing sober? You know now I just have like interests, you know, I do like a cigar lounge though. You big cigar guy I can't see I was gonna tell you haven't I do like a cigar lounge though, you big cigar guy. I can't see, I was gonna tell you,

I haven't drank alcohol in over two years now, because all the health shit. So when they put me on blood thinners and everything, they're like, look, and I was like, you know what? I've done my time drinking, I'm good. Interesting. I'm good, so I haven't drank in two years, but one of the things also they told me

is that I could smoke flour, cannabis, but I can't touch tobacco, vapes, any of that shit because of my lungs. So that shit's bad for you. Yeah. Cigar lounge is awesome. Yeah, I used to go. I used to go to one right next to the improv.

It's like a bunch of dudes just trying to get away from their family for a little while. If they would let me come in and smoke weed while I'm in there with everybody smoking cigars, I'd go. It doesn't bother me to be in one or around one. Yeah. Dude, I love it. It's such a good hang. And like so much networking is done there.

Like dudes just talking to each other, watching sports. So I'm a big, I do love a cigar lounge for sure. There's a great cigar lounge. I don't know if it's still there. Oh, I'm not going to say where you live, but you'll know it. It's on Ventura and it was across from the old Jerry's Deli. I think that's where I go. Okay.

Yeah. So I used to go there every- Cause it's on Ventura and it's across, yeah. Every blue moon I'd go. And back in the day, when Sopranos was on, we had DirecTV, and on DirecTV, you would get HBO East and West. So you could get Sopranos out here at 6 p.m.

instead of 9 p.m. Interesting. And I didn't know that this was a thing at this place. So I go in to get cigars for the 9 p.m. showing of Sopranos at like 6 15. And it's all Italian dudes smoking the shit out of cigars. And I go, hey, what's up? I shut up, shut the fuck up. And I'm like, shut the fuck up.

And I'm like, what the fuck's going on? They're like, they're watching the East Coast Feet of Sopranos. I was like, this is their every Sunday thing. They're like, this is their every Sunday. I go with comics every Sunday. Do you? And we just talk shit.

It's so therapeutic. You know, we just fucking vent about bullshit and sit around. It's like me, Justin Foster, Ryan, just said your name, cause I was reading off the wall. The Drew Lynch, just like a bunch of us just get together. We all just sit and smoke cigars and talk shit. It's awesome. Is this a thing in your family? Is addiction anything, your parents weren't alcoholics or drinkers or anything like that?

I just took it on. You just took it on? Yeah. Cause I, like I said, I like want to be so social. When did you first start? I was 21 when I first started. Really? Yeah.

I didn't get into it till I was legally of age. I'm blown away by, I would've thought you'd say 13, 14, middle school, high school. Well, we'll talk about that on your other podcast that I had an unusual childhood. Wow. So what's your, okay. Then what podcast that I had an unusual childhood. Wow. Yeah. What's your... Okay, then what's your first... My first drink.

Drink. I was an intern at the church and I was never like... You didn't even have wine at the church before that, even a little sip, the whole communion or anything. Or you're not Catholic. It wasn't that kind of church. I got it. So I'm this cool youth't that kind of church. I got it. So like, I'm like

this cool youth group leader kind of like guy. I'm an intern for the church and like we've got a little circle of other interns that are whatever. And we're pretty close in age to the kids that we're being youth group leaders for. So we're kind of like the hip young ones in a way for church by church standards. And then I've never been a birthday guy, even when I was young. Like I just, I don't really care about it. And then that by me not caring about it it lets me off the hook for your birthday or someone else's because they'll be like Jeff don't do shit for yeah it's like oh he doesn't care and so like I don't care like just forget mine I'm gonna forget yours I'm not a birthday guy

so I casually came up at like 11 p.m. that it was my birthday and they're like we've been with you all day You didn't tell us was your birthday and I was like, yeah, I don't really give a shit I like we've got to get you a drink. I was dude. I don't drink he was be able why I guess I guess it's not against the law now. I am to when I don't know I've just never really thought about it and they're like, yeah, you can drink now and I was like do Christians like I didn't even like I don't know how it works. Is God going to be mad at me or something? God, yeah, right. So then they were like, no, like we can all go get a drink. So I worked at Red Robin to

like pay my bills. So we went to my work. That's also a terrible decision. Why would we like, so we go to my work to have my first ever drink. Any chances the Red Robin on the water I've been to up there in Seattle? No, it's the Red Robin at Kent, Washington. Yeah, but that's a good one, though, on the water. So I go to that. We can't sit in the bar, because one of the other church interns isn't 21.

So now I can't even sit at the bar. And we're back at my work, which is this is not good. And I get the biggest bitch order that's ever been ordered. I'm like, I don't know. I don't know. I don't drink. So a Razzle Berry Cooler So a Razzle Berry Cooler. A Razzle Berry Cooler.

That's my first drink. So I'm sitting there going, it's my 21st. I just look like the gayest dude. He's like in this big stupid glass. Getting shit bathed. Yeah. So I had that. That was my first drink.

And then, uh. And that was it. Razzle Berry Cooler fucking set it off. Day one, uh, and that was it. It said it all day one, a raspberry cooler. It was the white club before white clothes. And then what was your, once you figured out, all right, this is what I like. What was your drink? Oh, we just drinking beers at the time. But I mean, once you got into later in life, it was always always whiskey.

Yeah. I always drank like a Jameson neat. And then like a Corona, was always beer or whiskey? Yeah, I always drank like a Jameson Neat and then like a Corona. When do you discover whiskey? A few years later, because we would always drink beer and we were very excited at the idea that beer started to taste good to us, because it was so gross. Yeah, when you always make that turn, you're like, oh, I like beer now. You didn't drink young, but when we did, it was you got whatever the the fuck, it was Olympia, and whatever it was, and we're like, this is shit,

so you think, I don't like beer, and then you get a good cold one, and you're like, oh my God. Oh yeah, yeah. What's this one? It's the best feeling. You're like, I'm being a grownup, or I'm being a man now, or like,

oh, I get why people drink now, and so that turn was big, and then just became shit ton of whiskey, all the time. Is that what you were drinking the night before you had your oh Yeah, it's just whiskey was just straight whiskey And then we would chase it with like white claw chase it with beer whatever coronas anything and you blacken out dude I was drinking my tolerance was so high which is not to sound cool Give me a give me a amount of like a big guy, and then I was drinking so much give me an amount

What are you drinking a so you know those big bottles of, not big like the fat ones, but the skinny big ones of Jameson? Uh-huh. At least one of those a night. Yeah. Not at all through the day. One time you start? 5 p.m. And then by like 3 a.m. You're fit eight hours. Yeah, and then White Claw and then also probably more than that whiskey because you know, we'd be at the comic club We'd be having whiskies from those too. Every night?

Yeah. For how long? Which isn't cool, like I'm not proud of it. I'm just blown away by your body handling that. But it was just that like, your tolerance can get really high. And then if you're like, I'm like six foot four, 230, so like that adds to it, you know? It's also different. It's not a bottle of wine.

It's whiskey. It's heavy. It's heavy. Yeah. When you mentioned this earlier, which might be sharing too much, but you're talking about blood thinners. I thought I had like a dick problem. Like I literally thought like, well, I'm getting up there in age.

My dick don't work like it used to. It was just too much whiskey. I literally like had whiskey dick for fucking 20 something years I thought my cock didn't work just laying down there. Yes, so then this girls like this guy I don't even think I'm hot and I'm like no I'm into this so then I would take like blue chew or like Viagras It's a miracle. I'm alive Drinking that much whiskey I was gonna say and then popping like four four This girl beautiful man, I'm trying to like I'm I want four... Four! You're supposed to take one at Seth! This girl is beautiful man, I'm trying to like...

I wanna please this lady, you know? Four of them! For Christ's sake! You probably woke up droving with a hard dick when you hit that trick. No! I'm lucky to be alive, bro. I feel like four of those blue shoes by itself could fucking kill you. But like blood thinners like that? Like to just willy nilly be taking them and then my dick's soft and going, I don't know.

And then that's another great part of a sobriety. My cock works great and feel like a new man. It's bad? Yeah, it's all whiskey dick for that long. Man. And when you, would you not get hard and not cum? No, I could cum, but it was like, it was very comparable to what people tell me about like cocaine.

Well, I guess like when you do cocaine, it's like just you have sex for like hours. Like I felt like that. It would just go in waves, you know, like an 80 year old man. And then it finally is good now. Yeah, it's great breaks. It was like my was poisoning my body, but you're saying there's no way you would have got your dick hard without these blue choose during that time. Um, no, I could occasionally if I was like super turned on or like, you know, you caught me at the right time or whatever.

But like I'm saying like it would generally be like 3 a.m. and now it's like that's the time where everybody's kind of winding down and going to bed. And that's all that's on my mind. I'm trying to have sex and so then we'd have, it was just super like embarrassing. Yeah, and then now I'm like, oh yeah, there's probably something to that, stupid. It's not that your dick didn't work, You're drinking a gallon of whiskey at night. Yeah. And then we're still not putting it together that that's probably what it is. It's how dumb can you be? Dude, I'm glad you're clean. I'm glad you're sober. I'm glad you came by here to share this with us. One more time, please promote whatever you like. Jeffdai.com. Go to see when I'm coming to your town. I got a thousand dates coming up. Also, I have a special One more time, please promote whatever you like. Oh yeah. Jeffdye.com.

Go to see when I'm coming to your town. I got a thousand dates coming up. Also, I have a special on YouTube called The Last Cowboy in LA, but just Google anything Jeffdye and you can find me. Awesome, dude. Thank you very much. Thanks for having me. As always, Ryan Sickler on all your social media.

We'll talk to you all next week.