The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - 340: Ester Steinberg: Bagels, Ballots, and The Tampa Toss

Episode Date: June 23, 2025

My HoneyDew this week is comedian Ester Steinberg! Check out Ester’s latest special, Schmear Campaign, out now on Apple and Amazon. Ester joins me this week to Highlight the Lowlights of her wild upbringing with her part-lawyer, part-comedian father. From a bagel boudoir, to helping little people get tossed in Tampa, we explore all the unbelievable parts of her father’s journey to get elected to office while also pursuing comedy. BALTIMORE! I’m coming home! Catch me at the Horseshoe Casino on Saturday, June 28—one night only with special guest Justin Schlegel! Grab your tickets now! http://tixr.com/pr/ryan-sickler/142608 SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE and watch full episodes of The Dew every toozdee! https://youtube.com/@rsickler SUBSCRIBE TO MY PATREON - The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I Highlight the Lowlights with Y’all! Get audio and video of The HoneyDew a day early, ad-free at no additional cost! It’s only $5/month! AND we just added a second tier. For a total of $8/month, you get everything from the first tier, PLUS The Wayback a day early, ad-free AND censor free AND extra bonus content you won't see anywhere else! http://patreon.com/RyanSickler What’s your story?? Submit at [e-mail] Get Your HoneyDew Gear Today! https://shop.ryansickler.com/ Ringtones Are Available Now! https://www.apple.com/itunes/ http://ryansickler.com/ https://thehoneydewpodcast.com/ SUBSCRIBE TO THE CRABFEAST PODCAST https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-crabfeast-with-ryan-sickler-and-jay-larson/id1452403187 SPONSORS: BetterHelp -The HoneyDew is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit https://www.Betterhelp.com/HONEYDEW  to get 10% off your first month

Baltimore, I'm coming home. We're going to wrap the Live in a Live Tour up Saturday, June 28th at the Horseshoe Casino. It's going to be a great night. I got Justin Schlegel from 98 Rock going to be out there with me. We're going to have some surprises. It's going to be a really big deal. Get your tickets now at RyanSickler.com. The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler.

Welcome back to the Honeydew, y'all. We're over here doing it in the Night Pass Studios. I'm Ryan Sickler. Thank you for supporting this show. Thank you for supporting anything I do. I genuinely appreciate it. Look, if you got to have more than you got to check out our Patreon, the honeydew with you all, I'll tell you about it every week. It is this show with you all. And it is the wildest show on Patreon. It's five bucks a month.

That's it. I'm telling you, it's worth a cup of coffee for hundreds of insane stories. All right Look, that's the biz man. You know what we're doing here. We're highlighting the lowlights and I always say that these are the stories behind the storytellers I'm very excited to have this guest on here today first time on the honeydew ladies and gentlemen, Esther Steinberg Thank you for being here. Before we get into your story right there, promote everything you'd like, please. All right, this is the big one. New special is out.

It's Amazon or Apple. You can get it. It's called Shmear Campaign. Esther Steinberg, Shmear Campaign. It's available and some merch. I'm selling merch. I'm finally selling t-shirts. Trying to raise money for my boob job.

And then I am on Bagelmania every single month and that's in Las Vegas. So if you're in Las Vegas, come see me and follow me on Instagram, esther.steinberg. I'm posting clips and I've got a YouTube, Esther Steinberg, YouTube slash Esther Steinberg. I'm posting clips and I've got a YouTube, Ester Steinberg, YouTube slash Ester Steinberg. There you go. All right.

We always ask people to send their topics and I've known you for a while, but I don't know you well enough to know the stuff that you and your husband sent me about your life growing up. You're like, what? And I love to learn, cause there's nobody for me, this show has really made me appreciate comedians again when I started, cause I'm like,, because there's nobody for me. Like, this show has really made me appreciate comedians again when I started,

because I'm like, man, there's nobody that can really come on and take the ugliest, darkest stuff and legit turn it into funny and then turn it into specials and books or whatever. It's it's really interesting to sit in this seat and watch the other side. So like you find that everyone has a story. Uh-oh, they're just funny and they're just famous. Look, every one of you guys that come on the Patreon could do it. You just didn't set off to do that thing.

You know, you didn't set off to be a comedian. Tell us about you. You're from Tampa originally, right? I'm from Tampa, Florida. and I grew up wanting out. All right. Now, are you do you have a big family? Where do you grow up? Are you an only child? No, I have two older sisters from the same mom and dad. Mm-hmm One of them is my very best friend and the other one we are not on speaking terms Oh, wow are the other two on speaking terms sort of of. Okay. But there's like an understanding, untreated mental illness. You know, it's tough. There's

like, that prepped me for life because that sister was the walking on eggshells, always. That's a ticking time bomb. What's the age gap? 15 months apart. Oh, wow. And she was my like basically twin, but anything you said could set her off in like a really devastating lash out.

And so I became peacemaker, walking on eggshells, really people-pleasy, really difficult mom, really difficult sister, semi-difficult sister. And then I was like, easy going, whatever, you know? And like funny, funny, needed to like break the crazy tension of all the women. And what did your mom do for a living? She was an engineer.

Wow, okay. Which is interesting. And she was like a big boob to Middle Eastern woman who's an engineer. And it was like, it's kind of like being a female comedian. You're just like, well, maybe not. There was like no women doing engineering. So she had her own story, but she was like an example of like, you know, becoming,

she wanted me to become an engineer. I'm like, I'm all good. But your mom's like, she's an anomaly in this industry at that time, are you saying? Oh yeah, oh yeah. She's the only one in engineering school. Did she only one? I was going to say, did she have any female friends at work?

None. No. There was one or two female friends at work, but they weren't engineers. They were the management. There was some man, and she worked for Honeywell. She worked on a rocket engine, and this was when I was really young. And then she got laid off and then stayed home. Then went back to work, then stayed home

and did that like mom roller coaster where you're like couple years in career, couple years of mom, it's weird. You said Middle Eastern, is she from the Middle East? She is born in Israel. Okay. Moving on. And then came here, all right. And what about dad?

He is from Tampa, and his dad ended up in Tampa because he was a New Jersey guy who got a baseball scholarship to Tampa. Okay. So it was baseball that brought us. And then he was, I don't know, he was like, my grandpa was a judge in Tampa and he had a fake gavel and he would do magic tricks Very weird guy. A real judge with a fake gavel. Yeah. Like why he sentenced you to fucking prison and shit He's like, I'm gonna go flying AHHHHHH

Can you imagine? It was like a I'm gonna do 20 and like BOOM PADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADAD He was a strawberry's judge. How many times? Yeah, he went really easy on him because he was a ball player. All right, yeah, we gotta, hey look, the mats were good, yeah. But then he was like Mr. Jokester. He passed away and recently my mom was like,

well, he was really awkward, like socially awkward. I was like, socially awkward? No, he was magic tricks. She goes, no, that's socially awkward as you are doing magic tricks. As a judge. To not be a person or to be like, here's material instead of myself.

And I'm like, oh. I thought he was the most extroverted man. All right, all the cocaine charges for Daryl Strawberry. Let me just pull that here. Yes, yes. The gavel made a- We'll give you five years, Daryl. It made like a crashing sound.

So it sounded like I never played that. A gavel anyone could have. And things squirted, squirted water. And they would be like, oh, funny, funny guy, Ralph Steinberg. Nobody ever complained about that. Like, can this guy? Never. It was Tampa. I mean, no one cares about anything there. And he was doing that before content was a thing.

You know what I mean? These days, if there's a camera in that court, everybody's loving him probably. Like, this one guy. He's doing like, he's related like so many criminal court cases. He didn't care about content. He just really wanted the, that's who he was.

Why do you need to do magic tricks? Just do your judge job. In court. That's, I mean, that's a man who wanted to be on stage and found his way on a stage. So that's your dad's dad? Yeah. Okay. And then dad, what did you-

Then my dad grew up and was like, okay, I'll go, like, you gotta go to law school. And he was the youngest to ever graduate University of Florida for law school. Okay. And everyone was like- Damn, of university, I thought you were gonna say your family of the school? At the time, he was the youngest law school school. Okay. And everyone was like- I thought you were going to say your family of the school? At the time, he was the youngest law school graduate. Wow. Okay. And he just was very young into kindergarten because he was hyperactive. So my grandmother just put him in

to kindergarten early. That won't mess up a kid. And then he was funny and jokey and then forced kind of, kind of like, of course you're going to go to law school. Had to go to law school, just kind of banged it out as fast as he could so he could do standup. And then he started to do standup, came to California did standup, started, I guess he, it was like a two double thing. He was like, there was a comedy club that had contracts. He's like, I'll do some law work if I can be a part owner and perform. And he would like, do you know any other clubs? It was called Comedy Corner.

And here's the crew. And he filmed it once to sell. You've seen it? No, I haven't seen it, but he filmed, he paid for cameras. He filmed it and tried to sell it. This was the lineup. It was Dan Whitney, which is Larry the Cable Guy, Jeff Foxworthy and tried to sell it. This was the lineup. It was Dan Whitney, which

is Larry the Cable Guy, Jeff Foxworthy, there was Sinbad, and they were like, these guys are half-baked, they're not that great. They were on their way, but this was their open mic days or their development days. My dad's like, oh, they're funny. So that was when he was working back when those guys were coming up. Very new. I see. Yeah. Did he do any, was SideSplitters around back then? Did your dad ever go to SideSplitters?

No, but I worked there for two years. You did? In high school. I was a door girl. And I did guest spots and I was like, watch comedians. I was like, this is obviously what I'll do for the rest of my life because it's glamorous. So, judge who wants to be a performer's son becomes a failed comedian. And he's pushing comedy but has a law degree because it's that the fallback I ask you two things too much

What the fuck are you doing third generation out here trying to be a performer number one and two? Do you ever think I'm sitting here listening to you say my dad was a stand-up blah blah blah And it hit me that one day our kids are gonna be like my dad was a stand up, blah, blah, blah. And it hit me that one day our kids are going to be like, my mom was a stand up and I was like, oh no. And hearing it come out of your mouth about us. Oh shit. And I was just like, well, was he good? Was he rich?

Was he famous? Oh, well. Yeah. He is. Yeah. Oh, yeah. The open mic circuit was real good at the time. Real generous.

This is fun. Yeah, exactly. So you can tell there are children. Our kids are going to say that out loud. They're going to have their own podcast. The open mic circuit was real good at the time, real generous. This is fun. Yeah, exactly. So you can tell there are children. Our kids are gonna say that out loud. They're gonna have their own podcast. Yeah, fuck. Their own special about it.

Okay, I'm sorry, go ahead. My tactic, by the way, you can have this, is I'm gonna force my kids to do comedy, force them, force them, perform. Force them so they hate it. And then finally one day they're gonna be, Mom, I don't wanna do stand up comedy, I wanna be a doctor.

And then I'll be like, fine, be a doctor. And so I'm gonna force it until they hate me. And then they're like, I'll never do comedy. You're third generation performer over here. Third generation, hopefully first generation successful. Second stand up. I don't want to be third generation failed. And then my kids failed.

Your grandfather was successful. He was just applying the shit. If you became was just applying the entertainer to the wrong job. If I quit comedy and became a judge, would I be a successful comedian? No, you would not. You'd be a successful judge. You're still a failed comedian. Yes, you're a judge.

You're a failed comic. Yes, he's a lawyer. No matter what, you are. A failed comedian. Did he ever try proper standup? Your grandfather, do you know? No, grandfather, are. A failed comedian. Did he ever try proper standup? Your grandfather, do you know? No. Grandfather, no.

No. But father owned as part owner of a comedy club. So he's doing all these little cases here and there, but he... A little money here and there. And then somehow, I don't know, meets my mom at a bar. Six weeks later, they get engaged. Whoa. Psychos.

Seems like that's going to work out. She's loud and crazy and emotional and just yells at baseline. And then he's like numb to all emotion. I've never seen him cry. Your whole life. Never. Anything. Nothing. That's wild. It is wild to me.

And is it because he's one of those old school dudes that's like, you don't fuck, you eat your feelings. It's just because he doesn't have him. He doesn't have. He's not a tough guy. He's like, he's what is he just numb? Like, I don't know. A zombie. Like what? So he has two things he does. it's sports analogies and inappropriate jokes. Very inappropriate.

Like a misogynistic joke. He's got three daughters and he's like, oh, I wrote this joke. And I'm just like, that is wild. Oh, every phone call is an open mic. He's a comedian, of course. He's pitching them. Hey, dad, how are you? I got a good one for you.

Do you? Do you have a good one for me? It's not how are dad, how are you? I got a good one for you. Do you? Do you have a good one for me? It's not how are you, how are you feeling. It's I've got a bit, did you get my text? I bet that bit was funny, right? And I have to be like, you're not. This man is, established himself through law school

in an unprecedented way. Yeah, yeah, no, that was just, that was waiting tables. That was waiting tables. He was just like, ugh, whatever. No, that was just, that was waiting tables. That was waiting tables. He was just like, ugh, what? Holy shit, the dude, not only did he get through it, he crushed the whole way through, obviously to get through that fast.

And he's like, whatever with that bullshit, this is where my heart, so what is it like growing up with a dad like that? I know you have stories. Well, I have a different, he morphed into just a lawyer who was running for office a lot. Another way to just get stage time.

What point did he finally hang the mic up? Like, okay, this is... Still open mics. To this day, it goes to side splitters. No, he doesn't. I put him up at the Kibitz room. I've, I, when I... At the canters you did? If I have a theater tour, he wants in. Does he have five? Does he have five? Yeah, it's like it's bad. They're like a couple prostate jokes, something about like women's product. Like, I don't know, I'll have to write for him at a certain point. But anyhow, he is like,

brainwashing me in a good way with the funniest movies. It was like, I was seven, we're watching Animal House, we're watching just every single comedy. And I really was just grew up on like raunchy comedies that my dad thought were correct for my brain. Like everything Steve Martin. All day, every day, Steve Martin. And that was like Mel Brooks and Steve Martin was all I was.

I was like, you know, Snow White? No, not Snow White. The jerk. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I know every word to the jerk. Thank you. Okay. Thanks, dad. But like I really didn't I mean, I didn't watch the other stuff. I watched Clueless. That was good. But like it was my education at home was like we're watching this and we would watch Comedy Central together. And that was the cool thing about growing up with him was it was a dad that like, we were watching Comedy Central together as bonding.

And like, cause he, we and him couldn't have, you know, any other deep conversations. So it was Jokeys. But he, in 1990, the year I was born, so I'm the third of three daughters, he decides to open up a restaurant that like haunts him for the rest of was born. So I'm the third of three daughters. He decides to open up a restaurant that like haunts him for the rest of his life. And it's a, it was called the Bagel Boudoir.

And this was a breakfast Hooters. So Hooters started in Clearwater. So to him, it wasn't crazy. Just breakfast titties, that's it. Not brunch, not dinner. It was really gross though, cause they were strippers from Mons Venus, and they were like-

Who's doing the six to 10 a.m. shift? The ladies have been up all night on coke, they're just rolling in. And they're toothless and tatted up, cause they're Tampa, this is not even LA, it's Tampa. What's it called again? Bagel Boudoir.

or is Tampa in the 80s, bagel boudoir. And they were like, so okay. The news came and the news clip was following a woman in a teabag, as my mom calls it a teabag. I'm a millennial, I call it a thong. She's like, it was teabags. I was thinking that's the top. She's calling a teabag the thong. My mom loves to tell the story where She's like, it was tea bags. I'm thinking that's the top. She's calling it tea bag. My mom loves to tell the story where they're like, they had

women and serving food in tea bags. Their asses are all out bringing you bagels and lox. And eggs that were in. The food was apparently the food was really gross and that's why it didn't work. Gross, gross. People already take care of their own selves, yeah. Like, yeah.

He lost money on this, like, somehow lost money. Here's the crazy part, it opened. He went all the way into opening it. No one in his life was able to say, man, I don't know about that. My mom was like, what are you doing, you asshole? She loves- Are they married at the time when he did this? Yes, they've been married. Wait, they're still married? Yes, they're still

with his ass. They're so unhappily married. They're just like, you asshole. Every day is like, my mom wants to tell me my dad's being an asshole. I was like, oh, that'd be great to talk to your therapist about. Of course, she doesn't have a therapist, but I love if someone's like, I go, oh, you should really talk about that with your therapist. And I have to like stay out of the triangulation because she'll be like, you know, your dad the other day. And I was like, that's not my problem.

How old are you when Bagel Butts opens up? Zero. Oh, you're not even born yet. I'm like one month old. Oh, you are, you're brand new. This is what he's doing with his third. I'm a month old. The third daughter is one day old and he's like,

great, let's name her Esther. Bagel booth was opening, be right back. And he'd be at this restaurant. And then I guess the luck of it was that one of the waitresses had a husband who was a trucker who got into a head on collision and like almost lost a leg. Trucking company had insurance. My dad made bank on that.

So it was like he was grabbing money. How does that work? Because she just comes in and is like, my boyfriend's in a trucking accident. My dad's like, does he need a lawyer? No, yeah, the whole lawyer thing. So then he can reap the benefits. That's not ambulance chasing at all.

That lady just threw chasing at all. That lady just threw it out there. She was working. She was in a teabag giving people schmear and lox. I think she's giving them a different kind of schmear. But yeah. And lox. That's a horrible choice.

Fish and thongs is a horrible choice. It's really? To eat and they're bringing it to the table. It's about this high. You know what I mean? Like, I don't know where it locks. You didn't get locks, sir. Those were scrambled eggs. Like you might want to take these.

Just like imagine if Kanner's deli was like tits out. Yeah, yeah. That's what I'm imagining. It's ridiculous. But like the tits are hanging low. At canters, their tits go to their belly. Esther, did your mom ever go in and check it out to make sure? I think she went in.

Like, I wanna see what's going on here. Oh, she went in and would yell. Oh, God. So he'd come home and she goes, you fucking asshole. Oh, he's making a scene in there. I'm gonna leave you. Oh, every day my mom threatens to divorce.

It's like a thing. She's just like, yeah, you asshole, I'm gonna divorce you, I'm gonna leave you. Oh, every day my mom threatens to divorce. It's like a thing. She's just like, yeah, you asshole, I'm gonna divorce you. I'm gonna leave you. She loves that. She loves that. And then I think my sister was five, my oldest sister,

and would like come in. And I remember she really liked some of the pillows there. And like when it closed, she like got the decorative pillow. And I was like that, that looking back is vile and was covered in Aids. This was like the late 80s Tampa strippers. Oh, so then you give your five-year-old daughter

the shop clothes down, here's a pillow, gross, covered in Aids. I don't care what, you got me just here mentally thinking, I don't care what restaurant I'm at. Have all your teeth. Yeah, sure. You know what I'm saying? I'll feel like those people, put them in the bag. You know what I mean?

Cook. We're not strippers. I mean, if you don't have teeth, then that's an acquired taste. Right. It's it's all. I got a problem with an old silver one right here. I ain't above an old silver tooth right here. But if you're missing some shit in, in the, you know, the money area here, go cook.

And it's Tampa, so everyone's just like probably sunburned. Like they had those leather tans. Think of the tans they must have had. White boobs, brown arms. Tracks. Leather arms. Because I don't think sunscreen was a thing until the 2001. Hell no, in the 80s, no. So then 1990 is the year I was born and was the year it opened. Oh, and 90 had opened, okay.

And then it closed, unfortunately. 91. I think it was 91 or 92. And then he became, I think he became more like, okay, I'll be a lawyer more. He was still doing some mics, but that didn't ever stop. And then he goes, raises us, seems like a normal guy, never cries, but like pretty normal.

Doing the lawyer thing at that point. Yeah, social security law. So schizophrenic people, overweight people, if he saw someone that was 400 pounds, he would give them a business card. And what is the angle on that? You can't work, you can't sit for X amount of time, you have to pee every, he can argue that you could be,

to say, well, he can, you know, he's very, very good at this. He will, he just can figure out the math on whether someone can get disability benefits and how much. The one great thing is he was doing pro bono work for veterans for free because they basically made it illegal to make money off of Veterans Affairs for a while. And then they changed the law and said, you can make money off veterans. So then all this pro bono work, he was an expert and now he could finally make money off veterans. Oh, so he was helping vets?

He was helping vets. Hell yeah, all right, good for him. Yeah, he is a good guy and has a heart. He has like a... So then you're like... Tell you about it. But the only thing that comes out of his mouth is literally like, the other day

I was walking down the aisle of a... So the way your grandfather would judge with his little... Oh, magic with a side of judge. Did your dad drop jokes when he's a lawyer? I don't even know what happens. Could you imagine? That'd be the worst.

I'm sure he does. Well, also his clients are mentally ill. You've never sat in a courtroom to watch your dad work? No, because I think they're in small meetings. When I was growing up, one of his clients came to his office and the wooden door was closed and he took a paperclip and carved his name into, one client peed on the chair. These, the clients are mentally ill.

Oh yeah, yeah, good point. Disabled people, so it's like, there's nothing cute about this. Okay. But he got to be around midgets and schizophrenic people and I think he liked that as a comedian or something. He was like, he got like a kick out of Tourette's syndrome. Who done?

You know, who done? Except for people with Tourette's. Everybody with Tourette's. Like it's, he's like, oh, my client today. She was telling me, it's like, he wanted to tell stories about his clients who had Tourette's. Because he doesn't just have the standard regular clients. He's got the extreme clients.

Right. He's got the whack jobs. Yes. People with lobster hands. You know that that's like a disease. Like their hands look kind of lobster-y. It's like, I don't know. There's a scientific name.

You can get disability. Well, you should get disability for something like that. And the big thing is, when he didn't win a case, they go, he can be a toll worker. So toll worker is the- No, that's their low bar. They're like then, like, yeah, you come in with lobster arms- Well, that's ditch digger. That's what I used to hear all the time. Well, ditches, you still go dig ditches to be a ditch digger. That's what I used to hear all the time. Well, ditches, you still go dig ditches.

Yeah, yeah. Digging ditches is hard work. Toll collector became like, and I feel like it was the time when Tampa, you toss coins into like a- The basket. Yes! And then-

You had to have change to do it. What? Yeah, and it was everything. There's so many bridges. One time I was with a guy- People didn't realize you had to keep change in your car if you went through tolls or just throw it in a basket. Yeah, throwing it in a basket. And then there's some disabled guy with lobster arms being like, thank you. I mean, thank you. My dad's just

like, hey Rick, tell your friends about me. Yeah, everybody knows. By the way, the other day, there was a black guy at a bar. Dad, stop. And then, yeah. Well, actually, when I was growing up, because I think you've had bridges and tolls as a kid. Oh, yeah, I'm down, Marilyn. I was with a guy and we were going to the beach and his car was in front of my car and I was with my sister and he put his money in

and I pulled up and the toll booth worker goes, oh, he covered your costs. And I was like, that is chivalry. That's nice. It was nice to be a 16-year-old girl. It pays. But I was like toll booth chivalry. Toll booths.

I forgot about just throwing change in the damn thing. Tell me more about your dad running for office then, you said. So then I'm in middle school, sixth grade, and he's like, I'm going to run for state legislator. Tell me more about your dad running for office then, you said. So then I'm in middle school, sixth grade, and he's like, I'm going to run for state legislator. And we were all excited. And he asked me to stand outside the library and collect signatures. You need like 6,000 signatures or $50,000.

It's like, so then he's like, well, I can pay my daughter 10 cents a signature. Like he came up with something where I was like pestering people at the library to, are you a registered voter? Like I was put in that position as a sixth grader with my sisters. We were told to canvas door to door and then he had six billboards and T-shirts. What did they say? Do you remember his campaign slogan or anything? Yeah, it was. It was something like experience in helping people.

And I would be like, oh, help people, helping people, help people, help people. I was just like always making fun and like roasting. I was like, oh, you want help people who help people. And I was like, okay, all right. And he ran and we went to these political things and we were the political family. And then the smear ads came out

where my mom got a letter in the mail that was like, don't vote for Michael Steinberg. He's the naked bagel. They called him the naked bagel. That's what they named it. The people named it. He's a bagel pimp. He's a bagel pimp. He's a bag bagel. They called him the naked bagel. That's what they named it. The people named him the bagel pim. He's a bagel pim. He's a bagel pim.

He's a bagel pim. He's a bagel pim. He's a bagel pim. So then it became. Naked bagel. That's what they're all called it. And I, the whole family is humiliated and we are now being smeared

for our bagel pimp father and ads are coming in the mail about he's a bad guy and a skeezy guy. They tried to link him with Mons Venus in 2001 Odyssey cause it was like, there's these strip clubs, famous strip clubs in Tampa and they're grimy and it's 2001 Odyssey, which was supposed to be futuristic in the 80s. I see. 2001 is now for belly button rings and Fred Durst. So it's like, what? What? And then the Mons Venus. So they were like, he's grimy. He's with these guys.

And like at the time, I felt like he was a really just normal dad taking us to school in his I felt like he was a really just normal dad taking us to school in his gigantic van. Like it looked kind of a V van, but it was a whatever. And then he also picked up a midget client at the same time, who was a TV personality named Dave the Dwarf. And he goes, I want to be tossed. I wait. There was a law that you could not get tossed. I know that name. Dave the Dwarf.

Dave the Dwarf. He's half black, half Slapahoe Indian. That's his like tagline. I definitely do not know that name. But when you told me what you told me outside before the show, I keep going though. So he's getting these clients. Dave the Dwarf wants to fight legislature. To be tossed.

To be tossed because To be tossed. Because there's already a law in place to not throw these. Dwarf tossing is illegal. And my dad. So he wants to overthrow dwarf tossing so he can be thrown. So he's, yes.

And he's on the radio and he goes, I'm a dwarf and I wanna be tossed. And that was like his tagline. He'd come on the radio every morning and 93.3 FLZ. And they'd be like. Maybe that's where I heard of this from. He was like his tagline. He'd come on the radio every morning and 93.3 FLZ. And they'd be like, maybe that's where I heard of this from. He was like a radio guy for sure. And so he fought to overturn the law. Someone called my dad and was like, there's a midget you gotta meet.

And my dad's like, sign me up. This is an ad by BetterHelp. If you're a fan of this show, you know it's okay to struggle. Real strength comes from opening up about what you're carrying and doing something about it so you can be at your best for yourself and everyone in your life. You hear me talk about therapy on this show a lot, almost every week. You've heard guests on here share their experience about getting into therapy, me personally about getting into therapy, how it's helped all of us.

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at BetterHelp.com slash honeydew. That's BetterH-E-L-P.com slash honeydew. Now, let's get back to the do. And so he meets Dave and he becomes like a close family friend. My dad goes on like 2020 and Sally Jessie Raphael and they're doing like, again, my dad's on like 2020 and Sally Jesse Raphael and they're doing like, again, my dad's like loving the TV spots. He's like, I got to open my joke for you. And he's just

like loving all this attention. And that was also he's like, Oh, and I'm going to run for office. Okay. Then the office is like smearing him. He's a bad guy, whatever bagel pimp. And then he loses the election. He wins the primary and loses, but I had not had my soul crushed in the kind of way that I really wanted my dad to win. And I thought the billboards and the t-shirts and canvassing, he's a good guy too. He had way more experience helping people than the other person.

Like I was like, come on. So he lost and I remember a sadness, like just defeat and disappointment. I just get, I guess I thought he would win. Then why the fuck did we do all that? I really felt like the whole family pitched in. And my sister was a freshman in high school and she got all of her friends to go to the polls.

And I was like, we did all this stuff. How could we have lost? And then he decided to run again and he lost. And then he ran for, that was the legislator again, then Congress and he lost. So he kept promoting himself. Okay, yeah. And then he runs for president and gets on the ballot.

No, he did not. Your dad's been on the presidential ballot. It was, it was a whole year. He really was. What year? I think 2016. Who was he going to get? Was it Trump? It was, well, it would have been Trump,

but he's a Democrat. And he's, like I say, he's a Democrat. And which I love about him, but like you're a loser in Tampa if you put Democrat next to your name. You're a loser. No matter what. This is evangelical Christians

who don't believe in evolution. You're a loser. So Michael Steinberg, the Democrat who loves midgets, bagels and titties, he apparently, but- I mean, Mom, trust me, y'all, I'm right up your alley. Yeah, yeah, he's like, I'll give you what you want. I know what you want and I know how to give it. I can help you, helping people, people help.

Help people, help people. Experience in helping people, help people. And I, as a kid, I took one of the smear ads and I parodied it to like kind of make my family laugh. So we're all kind of hurt. We're getting like this piece of shit bagel pimp and I change it and I smear the other guy and I exaggerate the smears of my dad. And I'm like, he's never been

to college. I just was trying to make a laugh. That was my little smear campaign parody in sixth grade. So he runs. And I think I was probably a freshman or sophomore in college and Bernie Sanders, no, this was probably after college or something. Somehow I'm a young woman and I'm excited about the future. Bernie Sanders is running and being like, the 1% of the 1% and Hillary Clinton is like our first female candidate. And I just was like energized by that. And my dad took me to New Hampshire for this like caucus, whatever exciting moment where you could,

all the Democratic candidates were there and they were doing speeches or whatever. And my dad was running. And so I wasn't allowed to be in the Hillary group and I wasn't allowed to be in Bernie Sanders group. And he got me a vote for Michael Steinberg t-shirt. And it was only two people wearing that shirt. You and him?

And so you have- Oh, good man. You have all the Bernie bros and all the Hillary. Come on man, come on. Why am I here? And it was like it dawned on me that I've been punked. He's like, I want you to come with me to see Hillary. I'm like, I can meet Hillary Clinton.

Oh, cool. And he's like, yeah, wearing a vote for Michael Steinberg shirt. And I'm like, what the fuck? But I did get a selfie with Hillary. I was like, let's get a selfie. And it was the second time I met her, because my dad likes to take me to random political events. And meanwhile, my poor sister was duped into becoming a lawyer and working for his law firm.

Man, so we've kept it in the family with comedy and law then. I know. Can I ask you a question real quick that's bugging me and I'm sure the other people want to know because we've sort of- My eyeliner's off? No, we sort of got off the story. Did they change the midget toss law? Were they successful in overturning the law?

I don't know, but I think that they like, I think he was tossed and they were like, they were like, yeah, that's fine. That's fine. Yeah. Whoever's the last. We're not going to fucking really regulate. But the worst was in Sally, Jesse, Rafael, there were midgets on stage getting upset saying, no, these tossing laws are important.

And then Dave going, I want to be tossed. And then my dad being like, well, the thing is, and I'm like, the fact that he was going against like innocent midgets who didn't want to be abused in bars. Well, see, I'm 52. So I remember a show back in the day that was midget tossing and I want to say it was on ABC. And I think Mr. T was an, I feel like Mr. T was a sort of a, like early on, I don't know about Hulk Hogan, but early on, I think the way Mr. I'm wrong a ton, Esther, but I

feel like the genesis of Mr. T might've been that he was this bar guy that was, and they would throw the midget through a door and it would ring a bell or some shit like that. I was a kid when it came on. And you loved it. Loved it. I mean, who's not watching that? This fucking black guy with a fucking feathers and shit

throwing his little midget through a door. And you got to ring a bell. I would have took just through the door, you know what I mean? But also you got to think, think, think, think, think. And they make it. Wait, Kirsten's looking it up. Look. What's it say there?

Dwarf Tuffing is the place you can order a midget in Tossing and Tampa. They reversed it. They reversed it. Look, my dad's a good lawyer. There it is. Dwarftossing.com. 24 hours serving all the events. I know what your birthday party's going to be.

Way to go. Your dad did it, God damn it. And he was at my bar, my bot mitzvah, this midget, and everyone was like, whoa, Dave the dwarf. And I'm like, oh, close family friend, Dave the dwarf. I'm like, oh, I'm going to be a midget. I'm like, oh, I'm going to be a midget. I'm like, oh, I'm going to be a midget.

I'm like, oh, I'm going to be a midget. I'm like, oh, I'm going to be a midget. I'm like, oh, I'm going to be a midget. I'm like, oh, I'm going to be a midget. I'm like, oh, I'm going to be a midget. I'm like, oh, I'm going to be a midget. I'm like, oh, I'm going to be a midget. I'm like, oh, I'm going to be a midget. I'm like, my bar mitzvah, this midget, and everyone was like, whoa, Dave the dwarf. And I'm like, ugh, close family friend, Dave the dwarf, please don't throw him, he wants to be, please don't. Would he do that kind of shit if he was at your event?

Yeah. Would he be like, hey, it's cool if someone wanted him by the way? He put a top hat on that was a tray, and it was shot glasses, and he walks around with two, but it's like basically the height of the table. But when anybody gets sauced up enough to throw his ass.

I don't think anyone at my bat mitzvah was very strong. No. Maybe my lesbian sister, but other than that, if you said the wrong thing, she would have been like, shut the fuck up. But no, it was a pretty tame bot mitzvah. The theme was Hollywood. We had a casting couch. But I loved that part of like my dad forcing me

to be part of his like political thing. And I was like, you're losing so much. And I feel like the very last election, he may have been on the ballot and people are like, that's crazy. But like, why the fuck are you running? When you know you're not going to win. Like, what is the point of putting effort into something you know is going to end with what you don't want?

Attention. There it is. Yeah. I don't. Hey, my name's on the ballot. It's enough. So that's, that's. Oh, and I, and and I he'll be like, you know, you should run and I'm like I will not Look, I can't imagine even

Anyone that's being born anytime recently is born. Well since 96 so since 97 on How would someone be born in 97? 2007 2017 28 20. 20, oh, okay, okay. 28 years old, right? Born in 2007. Right, I went older than me, it's younger than me. So even at 28, you're about, you start to be in politics already.

No one now exists without a history on the internet. And you talk about the smear campaigns and shit like, how easy to go find an old tweet from something when you're 11 and you said some dumb shit or what? Like I can't imagine moving forward, anyone's gonna wanna get into politics because all they're gonna do anymore, it's no longer debate, smarter, better, fitter.

It's, let's scratch them down. It has to be a Neppo baby. That's the problem. It's probably gonna keep being's, it has to be a Neppo baby. Let's crash them down. It has to be a Neppo baby. That's the problem. It's probably going to keep being all that. But everything's a Neppo baby. Like the basketball players, who can afford all the travel teams, all of this, all the training? Yeah.

LaRon's son can afford that. Like who's the greatest actors are getting awards. Yeah. Their parents were actors and they're, they went to the best acting school and their parents helped them. I feel like the world is like a politician's son will be, I mean, our next president is Barron Trump. He's going to be one of them. If he runs, he's probably going to be one of them. I agree with you.

Yeah. Not the next one. He's too young to be the next one. I don't know. I don't know. He'll be one of them. But it feels like all the world is so difficult that you have to have a parent who does and then you just do that. Like, I hope not, I hope I'm wrong. But it just feels like the only person

who's gonna be suited for politics is a Kennedy and a Schwarzenegger and whoever's parents are like, you're in politics. Yeah. Are you in a way sort of, and I don't wanna mean say it this way, but hear me out, because you're a way sort of, and I don't want to mean, say it this way, but hear me out, because you're a mom with two,

are you sort of in a way your dad's favorite because you do the comedy thing? You know what I mean? Well, favorite would involve him being interested in me. Oh yeah, and having feelings. He never fucking says, I'm proud of you, Esther. Like you're doing comedy. Oh, when I force him.

So way fast forward, I have two kids and I'm postpartum with my second child in LA and my parents come to visit. And my dad's just like drinking coffee, doing crosswords, telling jokes in the middle of our house. Of course I'm like, you know, breastfeeding and I'm sad and figuring all the mom stuff out, especially with the two kids where I'm putting, you know, breastfeeding and I'm sad and figuring all the mom stuff out, especially with the two kids where I'm putting all my attention on the toddler because the infant doesn't know shit.

So I have to ignore the infant to not hurt my toddler's feelings. So I'm like playing this game of like, I love my toddler. Oh, this thing. Don't even worry about that. I love you. Don't be jealous. I love you. And I'm like trying to play this game while being like post-partum and all that.

And my dad was awkward in giving me, telling me about the book he's writing. He's writing this new book or the election he wants to run for. And I'm just like, I wrote down with a piece of paper, how are you? What friends do you have from high school that you're still in touch with?

How has balancing things been for you? And I handed it to him and I was like, just read it. And he literally, like a robot goes, how are you feeling? I'm like, so thank you for asking. And I answered it genuinely, but I was like, that moment I was like, he won't even ask me like, wait a minute. I see these are questions you wanted him to ask you. I thought you were just giving him, can you fucking?

Can you read a script that says, how are you? The words how are and you, just read, I'm gonna write it. That's a question you wouldn't get just on the regular. Never. How you doing? How you doing was like, kind of like, oh, how you doing? And when he- Oh, sorry, the how you doing was a comedian.

How's it going? And when he- Oh, sorry. The how you doing was a comedian. How's it going, guys? Are you- Like, is that a- Do you want to know how I'm doing? Yeah. No, we want you to just, we're about to launch into a joke. What about when you have your first child, the man doesn't cry or show- He comes, no, nothing. That's what I'm saying. No.

Are your children his first grandchildren? Physically, he's there. Yes, and the only. Physically, he's there. I hear you. Mentally, emotionally. Even mentally may be there a little bit, but zero emotion.

Oh, he's sharp as can be. He's doing crossword puzzle. The whole branch out for the first time and crying? No crying. Wow. He's holding and singing songs, like parody songs, like Weird Al Yankovitch song, like whatever. Like you're holding a kid

and you just launch into like peekaboos. Yeah. I lost on Jeopardy. Yeah. Babe. He was like Harvey and Sheila Hart, like a Havana-Gilla parody. And I'm like, all righty. And so I think some shit went down with my birth that That I finally was like, mom and dad,

this is like something happened. There was a doctor who I couldn't tell, I didn't know this doctor, but he was the second doctor. My doctor's great, the second one made me feel yucky. You're talking about for your first child? Second. Second, okay sorry. At Sears-Sinai. You don't say another word, I'm well aware of that hospital.

And I wrote a complaint and everything. I went into therapy and all that. And I was just like really rocked. A, I'm postpartum, that's basic blues. And then B, I'm trying to piece together what happened because I felt like he was more touchy feely than a gynecologist should be. Whoa.

And my doctor, who I went to every week week was amazing. This doctor I met that same day was like- Why are you now having to go to this man? No, they were partnered to do my C-section. I see. I also went back to my doctor and said, why are you working with this guy, his bedside manners? You did? Like I became extremely vocal because I said, I have a window. And when I talk to my dad about things, when it comes to men, he sides with men. No. He's innocent.

He can't possibly believe that anyone in the whole wide world would be inappropriate. He's a kind soul and sees women as women, but makes misogynistic jokes because they're funny. Also sounds very lawyer of him to be, to take a stance of that way. But sometimes I'll say like, he said this and da da da.

And then it's like, well, and then he'll make some kind of excuse. Or one time I said something about the wage gap, women's wage gap. Thank you for nodding. And he denied it. And I go, and I got irate. I was like, Google it and he Googled it

and then he became aware that there's a wage gap. And I was like, I shouldn't have to tell you. And when I do tell you, you shouldn't have to deny me. Gaslight me and deny me. Totally, but I think it comes from, I do believe it comes from an innocent place. He didn't know. The idea that women get paid less for the same work

would be, is not fair and therefore, how could it possibly be? Why would they do that? Yeah, but I'm also just like, really? Are you that? So at the same time he's brilliant, he's also so out of it. So let's go back to this other fucking doctor.

You've reported him to your main doctor who you love. What's his take on that? And also, isn't there someone in the room with you while this man's being extra touchy? Isn't that a law? They're supposed to be a female, right? So there was a woman nurse who was doing something with me and a pillow holding my hand, so supposed to hold my hand and gave me, or like there was a pillow, and they were doing, this was the moment that they put the epidural in my back.

So if you fuck it up, I could be like paralyzed. If you do a good job, we do a C-section, it was great. So this is a nerve wrecking situation, but I'm not that nervous, this is my second C-section. I'm like, yeah, go for it. And the nurse comes up to me and then this other doctor goes, you can leave, I got it. She goes, really?

She sounded surprised, really? What? And he goes, yeah, no, I'm fine. She goes, really? She sounded surprised. Really? What? And he goes, yeah, no, I'm fine. She goes, oh, thank you. Holds my hand and there's a pillow, but he has the pillow in front of his crotch and I'm getting epidural. So I'm still. And he was just like really excessively rubbing my hands and going like, relax, relax, it's okay, relax. And I was like, I want to kill myself right now. I'm going to disassociate and think about this later. I'm in the middle of my birth and I just was like having an out of body, like what the hell is happening? I was like, please don't. My birth happens.

He volunteers to do the catheter to put my peepee hole in the back. Oh, I shiver even hearing it, yeah. And I have a curtain up, so I don't know what's happening. So you can't see anything down there. No. Yeah. And finally, they bring my husband in. He's been outside and he comes in and we're just doing our C-section again and I'm all good, I'm numbed up, I can't feel anything, so like, we're good. And then the baby comes out and pees onto the doctor's face, or not face, probably arm, and he goes with a joke.

The millisecond. Not another one of these motherfuckers throwing jokes on you. Pees on doctors, this kid's gonna be a lawyer. The worst one ever. And now I'm like, did you have issues with lawyers? Sir, doctor, you've got a lot of lawyers up your ass. Yeah, that's a funny thing to say, isn't it? So real weird fucking-

Sure is. A lot of lawyers pissing on you. It's also like lawyers and doctors. It's like they're respected, but also they can be filth and they can be good guys. They can be bad guys. We don't know. So yeah, I'm shook.

Can I ask you, like, when you say a little more touchy feely, where? That rub. The hands and stuff? His pelvis was very close to my gurney. Oh, he was, oh, because you said the pillow was in there, so he's all up on. He's like holding my hands and kind of, kind of moving around in his hips.

To a pregnant lady who they're about to dice open and pull a kid. Hold on. Where the fuck was that female nurse? That's a hundred percent. She was coming to me. I love women. Honestly, women can rub their boobies on me and I feel like heaven. Like when a nurse grazes me with a boob or a dental hygienist has like a tit on my shoulder.

I like it. There's something, they're like giant pillows, like, yeah, push it. I'm like, yeah, how are my teeth? And like, I love a woman's touch. I've never in my whole entire existence felt uncomfortable with a woman's touch. And I usually feel pretty good about men

because I've had good men. My dad's a good guy. He's never cried or anything, but he's had good men. My dad's a good guy. He's never cried or anything, but he's a good guy. My husband's a good guy. I'm not a damaged like coming from. I hate man. I love men and I'm thrilled I have sons. But I just was confused. Was I touched inappropriately or was this a touchy feely doctor?

I go in for my six-week checkup or something and I am getting my vitals taken by this nurse who's done my vitals throughout my pregnancy. I know her. I love her nails. I'm like, hey, girl. She's like, hey, how's your baby? I go, yeah, my baby's great. The birth was weird and I said the name of the doctor and I was like, he's weird.

And she goes, he's over there. She gets quiet. She's like, he's over there. Don't say much. He's over there. And I'm like, okay. She walks into the room and shuts the door and she goes, he has very predatory vibes. Wow.

Co-sign on a coworker from a coworkworker who sees them often, not just this one exchange. But the worst part is I'm in love with my actual gyno. This guy was such a good guy and so sweet. So I approached him and was like, this is what happened. I'm sure it's not easy to do. What can we do about it? And he was like, that's like, there was a point, he basically launched into some story

about how there was a point in time where doctors were grabbing butts in the office. That was supposed to make me feel better? Yeah. And I was like, I was just like, you're an amazing doctor. This is the very last time I'm gonna set foot in this office, I'm done. Oh, good for you, you did.

And then I contacted Cedars to do a report just in case there was a woman before me or a woman after me. I gotta do it. I wanna ask if you knew. If I don't do a footprint, then the next woman or the woman before me doesn't get validated because they need like 82. You need 82 women to be believed.

Nuh-uh. Or not 82, I'm exaggerating, you need more than one. Your dad only needs one. No. Your dad only needs one. And my dad needs one, but 82. Preferably a midget one. Yeah. But I only need one.

So I put in the formal, formal complaint. Felt really good about it. Just like, I don't know what's going to happen, but I did the work I had to do. Can I ask you when you put the complaint in, is this a digital thing now or do you speak to us to speak to someone? I did a handwritten letter. Okay. Printed it out and mailed it to Cedar Sinai with a formal complaint, attention, whatever. What they said on the website was to send in a letter and attention, whatever. And then I have like a,

what feels like a private eye investigator. She came over to my house and she gave, she said that they will do a thorough investigation. Is she work for Cedars? I actually never talked to her since then. And therefore she was just a person to listen to me and then throw my claim in the trash can. So we did that.

But I have a paper trail of all of it. So basically I wanna make sure that the next- Go for you. It's for the next girl. I hear you. I don't expect anything whatsoever to come out of this other than if the next girl needs me, I'm here for you. But I also was like, I recovered, I'm me, I'm here for you.

But I also was like, I recovered, I'm good, I'm fine. Like nothing, I don't think I was like damaged a point of like no return. I was just like touched in ways that I was like, hey, if you're a gyno, have a little bit of bedside manner. And by the way, my gyno, perfect angel, perfect example of how to treat a woman. So it's like, I know what it is like to be in a very platonic relationship with my doctor.

And I also know what it's like to be with someone who's predatory vibes, who's a little too touchy feely on day of my C-section of all days. But luckily my son took care of it. Little pee pee on the face. No, I was like, moving on, but now I'm with my mom and my dad and my newborn, and this is all coming back and I'm mad.

So then it becomes like, I'm gonna talk to my dad about it. And the joke started flying. And I was like, I'm gonna murder him if I hear one more joke. Cause I was in a postpartum hormonal range. I'm laughing because I can only imagine you're about to kill him. And I'm just hulking out. And I was like, what?

Like I am hulking out. And he's not stopping. And he goes, I can tell that milk isn't hormone free. Oh my god. Also, it's a good job. And he goes, I can tell that milk isn't hormone free. Oh my god! Also, that's a good sign! That's a good sign! Fits me off twice because I'm like, that's fucking good.

It is a good one. He goes, two c-sections, they should put a zipper down there. And you're trying to be like, dad, I think this guy was in a brownie. And he's like, I don't think you have a good case. I'm like, you don't have a good case. There's not enough hard evidence. Shut up. If you want to sue him, you know, Cedars has way more.

And I'm like, I don't want to sue anyone because I'm lazy and I have you and you only want to represent midgets. I just want to do a formal complaint so that the next woman has evidence that this isn't the first moment. That's it. And he's like, well, you know, if this comes back to you, it's like he has a reason not to pursue. He's like, if you ever are like, should I or not, like call my dad, he'll give you like, drop the case. Like, I think something bad happened. Ah, moving on. Got any new jokes?

Okay. And I said, what's your fucking problem? And he said he has Asperger's. Ah! It took all this time for somebody to be like, what's your fucking problem? Oh, you guys, oh, I have asthma. Oh, whoa, whoa, 63 years old, first time ever I'm hearing this.

Wait, is he officially diagnosed? He went online and did a test. Like everybody does, you also have AIDS if you go into the test. But I'm sure, like, something's up. Does that add up now though, when you really look back at it? Never a tear in his eye.

But now when I'm in therapy, I go, well, my dad never emotionally, but he was there physically. I always say like my graduation, he was right there in my recitals, he was right there. Did he ask me how I was? No, he told me about his new client with lobster hands. And like, my therapist, and I might disagree with her, was like, emotional absence can be a form of child abuse. I mean, everything is abuse. Sure. But hearing her say that, I would never accuse him of child

abuse ever, ever, ever. He's the most incredible human. He shows up at the capacity. I think there needs to be a new word for abuse. I think abuse is thrown around heavily a lot too. Oh yeah, let's come up. It's definitely child neglect. Maybe it's neglect. Or just like a little naughty no-no moment.

So if dad freaked out a little, he's never freaked out. That's the other thing. He's exploded like three times and one, I got arrested for shoplifting. He lost it on that one, huh? Kind of. He's like, we don't love you. And I'm like, okay, fair enough, fair enough, fair enough. The lawyer judges. Yeah, my mom's like, we can no longer look at you in the eyeballs. I was like, In the eyeballs. I get it. I get it, I get it.

And they're like, if you make, they grounded me for a year. Wow, did they hold to that? And they said I could do school stuff. So I became a cheerleader. I was in the mathletes because I needed to get out of my house because my parents hated me. But I would only, so I was like football team and like guys would ask me out and I just said, no.

I rejected every single. I can't, for a full year I can't. I'd come up, I was like, I'm really busy and no, you know. And they were like, who's this rejecter over here? And I was just rejecting everybody. And I'm like, well, if you wanna go to the football game, I'll be there. I didn't wanna go to the football game.

But it was the only place I could go to leave my house that was school affiliated. Anyways, I ended up getting all straight A's, graduated ninth in the class, only because they told me they wouldn't love me if I didn't get... That was the way I could repair our relationship was straight A's. I see. And then I graduated the top of the class and I was like, obviously I want to go to NYU and be an actress and I want to go to New York to do standup. And I applied to like 10 schools only in New York city.

And everyone was like, it's too cold. And I went and my dad paid for it. So slow clap for my dad for paying for college. That will always be on my shoulders. Like my dad paid for college, for dress up and make believe college. NYU you dress up, play make believe and this poor man wasted so much money on this stupid school. It was amazing, but also so stupid. So stupid. You can so...

Theater school is so dumb. But you have a good relationship to him. Really good relationship. All right. That's what it's all about. Because I said, that's it. I'm going to talk about you on stage and I'm gonna roast you, because I had always really protected him and now I'm on stage saying my dad is autistic and here's what his, this is what was it like growing up with him and once I made money off of it, jokes, I was like, okay, we're good, this is material,

but forever and ever it was just like, like, okay, we're good, this is material. But forever and ever it was just like, the best is that my father-in-law weeps at everything. All right, so you got a balance here. So I married a man who's always wanted a dad who wasn't choking up at every Shabbat dinner. And he got his robot father-in-law. And I wanted a dad who was not a was not a tin man who had a soul

and could cry. And that's my father-in-law. And now I'm like upset and I write jokes about my father-in-law, but he is like, you could say like, how's your day? And he's like, he's over there. And he turns bright red and he's like, Bruchachet, things are good. Like things, like he's not even New York, I'm giving him a New York accent. He's just a Denver man who turns purple, red, like the colors trying to hold in the tears. And then those speeches are trope,

he cannot get through a sentence. And I'm like, I love this man. And Noah's like, oh God, not again. Worked out me in. And so I'm like very, I love that man. And then my husband is emotionally intelligent and is really tapped in, in the ways that I feel so disappointed.

Like someone did something inappropriate, like have my back, not theirs. Can you, I don't even care if I'm lying. Just have my back. Yeah, we'll talk about it later. I always believe that for partners. Like, look, even if you're fucking wrong, I'm siding with you.

When we get in the car, I'll be like, you know you're fucking wrong. Ride or die. But in the public, I got your motherfucking back. We're rolling together in public, in the car. I'll be like, you know, you're fucking right or die. But in the public, I got your motherfucking back. We're rolling together in public in the car. I'm like, you know, you fucked that up, right? You gotta be able to be real. What about our kids?

Like you wanna give them the character to be like, you did something wrong or there's two sides to this. But also I got your fucking back. I will go bury the body with you, of course, but you're grounded. But this is not okay. Esther, but you're grounded. But this is not okay. Esther, thank you for coming and doing this episode.

Thank you for having me. This was fun, man. Your dad seems wild. I'm glad he's a good dad, though. He might hit you up. We'll see. I might be looking for a lawsuit. Will you please one more time?

Oh, no, no, no, wait. I want to ask you before we wrap up, advice you should give to your 16-year-old self. I don't want to forget that. So after everything we've talked about now, what would you tell 16 year old Esther? Just like have more sex, more casual sex before marriage. You know, I really wanted to like be a good girl. And then I found my husband. I was like, you know, you have no, I don't, I don't, I, the advice I don't even, I'm like, you know, we're gonna fail a bunch. So, so that's it. Embrace those and enjoy life before fucking kids. Yeah.

That freedom before kids is like, can we bottle that up and sell it? You don't know you have it until it's gone. And I'm like, I should, there was some more freedom and I could have had some more freedom. You could have squeezed more out of it. Oh, like my husband tells you a story about having sex with a Brazilian hooker. I don't have a story about having sex

with a Brazilian hooker. And I would have really liked to. So he's up here and be like, oh yeah, when I was single, ba-bang, ba-bang. And I'm like, well, I'm missing a couple of those. All right. So ladies out there, get it in while you can

before your Prince Charming comes. Promote everything you'd like one more time. So the Shmear campaign, we got Shmear campaign. It's my baby. We got Burning Bush is free on Amazon and then Schmier campaign. There's a pay to play and it will be free soon. And so I'm posting clips on YouTube.

I'm posting on the Instagram and I'm located in Vegas doing shows every month and all the time. Las Vegas, follow me on Instagram, Esther.steinberg and vote for my dad when you see him on the ballot. Do you think he'll be back on the ballot? I'm sure he will.

Do you think? Should we bet on it? He's never going to stop probably. Thank you for doing this. Thank you. As always, Ryan Sickler on all your social media, RyanSickler.com. We'll talk to you all next week. Music