The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - 346: Jiaoying Summers - 1 Child Policy

Episode Date: August 11, 2025

My HoneyDew this week is comedian Jiaoying Summers! See Jiaoying on tour and check out her Tiger Mom Podcast. Jiaoying Highlights the Lowlights of growing up in China before coming to America on her own! We talk about the complexities of being born during China’s one child policy, and how Jiaoying's family was able to conceal her birth. Jiaoying talks about how working at her cousins video rental store inspired her passion for Hollywood, pushing her to move to America, and eventually find her way into comedy! Audio mondee, video toozdee! SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE and watch full episodes of The Dew every toozdee! https://youtube.com/@rsickler SUBSCRIBE TO MY PATREON - The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I Highlight the Lowlights with Y’all! Get audio and video of The HoneyDew a day early, ad-free at no additional cost! It’s only $5/month! AND we just added a second tier. For a total of $8/month, you get everything from the first tier, PLUS The Wayback a day early, ad-free AND censor free AND extra bonus content you won't see anywhere else! http://patreon.com/RyanSickler What’s your story?? Submit at [e-mail] Get Your HoneyDew Gear Today! https://shop.ryansickler.com/ Ringtones Are Available Now! https://www.apple.com/itunes/ http://ryansickler.com/ https://thehoneydewpodcast.com/ SUBSCRIBE TO THE CRABFEAST PODCAST https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-crabfeast-with-ryan-sickler-and-jay-larson/id1452403187

The Honeydue with Ryan Sickler. Welcome back to the honeydew, y'all. We're over here doing it in the Nightpans Studios. Ryan Sickler here, Ryan Sickler.com, and Ryan Sickler on all your social media. Thank you guys for supporting this show. Thank you for supporting anything I do. All right. I love doing this.

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We highlight the low lights and I always say that these are the stories behind the storytellers. I am very excited to have this guest here. First time on the honeydew, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Jiao Ying Summers. Welcome to the honeydew. Hey, thank you for having me, Ryan. Thank you for being here. I am on a honeydew. I'm going to be a cocky bitch after this.

I'll verbally abuse my maid. I'll send my lunch back and I want extra avocado. before we get into your story first of all i've been wanting to have you on here for a while i love your energy i'm a fan um before we get into your story though please promote everything you'd like yes i am on tour i'm on the road every weekend i don't take any day off no christmas no thanksgiving because you know they don't mean anything to me i don't see color i see cash so come to see me somerscom comedy dot com or jiao yin comedy dot com if you have yellow fever you can spell that shit. It's just somerscomedy.com. And I have a podcast that Tiger Mom

Pot would love to have writing on it. And I have two books in the work, my autobiography and a children's book, a bilingual children's book, about the 12th zodiac science. They are just a little kid who are dumb learning how to survive, which is important. What else? I have two specials. One is releasing this year, but I can't say anything because they made me sign things. But my second special is going to be, very exciting because I will be producing it myself and I want to make sure all the jokes that is too much for people or network cannot be cut so I'm keeping everything I have there will be my my origin story but other than that I am so happy to be here we're going to have fun time

you're going to know my dark secrets I want to hear them all yeah let's go let's do it let's start from the beginning you're born where and when you don't mind when yeah it's okay It's okay. It's okay. I'm an Asian woman yet. I don't really age until I age. You know what's so funny about you Asian ladies. Like I have been tricked before where I'm driving and I'll see this lady from behind jet black hair. And I'm like, that's attractive looking lady. And then I get in front of her, I'm like, that's an 86 year old Asian woman right there. And I'm like, how in the hell you're holding it together? That's Vera Wong. That's not Vera Wong. It's Vera wrong. We're like, and this is, I feel sick to my stomach for trying to, you know, have an erection looking at the back. That's, you know, sexy back, don't come. Don't look back.

Any woman we age weird. Either we're a schoolgirl or Yoda, you know, that you don't know. Yoda. You really don't know which day is. Yeah, like your schoolgirl until you're 70 and then all of a sudden you're just yo. Yeah, it just, it really go. When we go, we really go. But then we don't go for a long time.

We hold on to the look until one day's like. I don't give a fuck anymore. Yeah, it's interesting. Okay. So when were you born? I was born in the 1990s. And in a very small village in China, in the north part. And, you know, we had a one child policy, which means all the families can only have

one child. And they really want that child to be a boy. Because Chinese people are very conservative and traditional. They want to have a son to carry on the family oppression. So even as late as the family. When did that stop? It stopped in the late 90s. Now, actually, Chinese government would encourage a couple to have more children because

of the one child policy. It caused the severe gender imbalance. That's extremely more number of men than women. Is that right? And it makes it challenging for women, for men with lower income to find a wife. Because ugly bitches be like picking, like, I got a pussy. What do you have? You want marry me?

You buy my fat brother a house And you got my ugly sister car And that's how you can get my short ass You know Like they got so cocky Because like, you know I see It's like

It's like It's a number's game Yeah, it's an ugly bitch in prison You know In a male's prison She is Hollyberry You know

Yeah Yeah I just I mean It's sad But the you know People don't want to have kids anymore So you're only allow one kid And if you have a girl

Then you just have a girl You have a girl Or, you know, nobody knows that you have a girl. Why? You just send that girl away. Just sell the girl or give it to people who don't have kids at all. Look, I know I sound naive and stuff, but that's legit. That's black market selling babies in the 90s.

I feel like for family who has morals, that they normally would make arrangement for their daughter, for like a wealthier family. Not really adoption. They would send their daughter to their morals. relatives to live over there and financially supported the kid. And until the baby is like, I say, seven, eight years old, you know, the government is like, okay, they never had a daughter. They only have one son. And then you bring the daughter back, be like, I'm adopting someone, actually your own

child. That's for people who have a soul. And then for poor people who is, I'm not saying poor people who don't have a soul, you can't afford a soul when you're poor, you know, like when I was poor, when I was poor, I'm, yeah, I do whatever it takes to get a migraine car, you know, you do what you got to do. I support people who have to struggle and then they would get the kid for adoption and people would pay for the fee, obviously. Since you're setting it, or like you don't have time, you throw the baby in the trash, you know,

someone's going to pick it. Jeffrey Epstein is there, you know, he's going to grab the cute ones. He didn't take me. I wasn't pretty. I could have a better future, you know, I could have, you know, you one can dream but it's okay so you're born to are your parents married and together at the time and everything married and together i have a very handsome father he's an alcoholic my mother is very ambitious she's a beautiful lady she's very ambitious and hardworking and she's kind of

beyond her time so what do they do for living they were like because they start with the we have a lumber business i mean they are both farmers but my mother is just very entrepreneurial her brother's done well with construction but because she was a girl they didn't want to include her in the company

which was a mistake because she is the one with the brain I was going to say man what a mistake yeah it's a huge mistake they were doing very well but they didn't

never want her involved they don't want me involved but now they are bankrupt because the next generation of kids they're playing video games the boys are so spoiled

you know they don't really learn respect earn the respect and then we do everything nobody respect us but anyways So my mother started the lumber business.

She would import the lumber from the north, Montreal, like north-east China. What year? That was in the 90s. Damn, your mom's a boss, huh? Yeah, and my father would go before he was drunk. He wasn't drunk until she started a restaurant. So it's her fucking fault.

There's a bar. Oh, he would drink at the restaurant. Yeah, it's her fault. Like, why would you keep your men around the bar? You know, she's a lazy whore. I don't believe my father. My mother is, she should take better care of him, you know? Yeah.

You get him massage. Are they together? Yes, they are still together for, I don't know, because in China, you don't get a divorce. I interrupted. You said, you get him a massage. What were you about to say? You know, you get, send him a, you know, the, you know, Masu's lady and give him some happy ending, give him a book, and just don't let him work by the bar. It's not his fault. So, I mean, it's her fault. You know, my father was a handsome, beautiful man who is a math genius. And the next thing you know, he's an alcoholic. Because the, the lumber business, That's where they both go there.

My father, he's a math genius. He would calculate everything with his eye to measure the lumber size, how much money it costs. He's like that, huh? Yeah, but until he started to drink because of her fault, she saw a hotel that's out of business on the highway, and she hustled money, try to take over and try to make more money, which she did. She used the lumber money, and she got that place, and she revamped it, and there's a bar, a karaoke bar. my father started to, then she wanted open another restaurant in the city. My father was left there to watch it and he was surrounded by 17-year-old horse and alcohol, you know?

I mean, if it didn't drink, I would think he's stupid. Just, you know, that's what really ruined him is my mother. Is he still drinking? He has been drinking since I can remember and he's never been sober, not really sober. And obviously in China They'll slap you because you know You're being annoying Like he all hit me but like

I'm not going to be a victim about it That's how we grow up We grow up like American men Grow up in the 60s You know like if all the don't hate you Does he care about you? No he doesn't because you have no potential Like the dumb ones

You know they live alone Like they think you have potential That's why they hate you So be grateful But I think Around three years ago He became sober My father

Is that right? Okay Yes apparently he had this like High School reunion thing and I somehow got famous in China whatever and my people were like oh my god do you know this girl my father like oh that's my daughter they're like you know you're drunk there's no way she's your daughter like are you kidding me and he felt that he wasn't there when I was growing up and he just wanted to make sure he doesn't bring shame to me anymore so he stopped

drinking are you still close at all yes I was a week ago I went after I mean he doesn't I I I financially supported my father. He just never worked. When he was young, his parents did care of him. He was cute and he was smart. And then my mother is a full-blown workaholic. And whenever he does something wrong, she was scream at him. And he doesn't do anything.

So he's lazy. So now he's too old to work. He's not too old. He's only 55. But because he's such a moron, like if he worked for anyone, people just like, hey, you stupid bitch, I don't want him to hear that. I don't want him to really live. have to go through the, so I financially support him.

It doesn't take much. He's, he's a vegan. He likes, he makes his own food. We have a garden. He's not a spender. He doesn't gamble. He's like, it's not, take me at, like. He's low maintenance.

Low maintenance. He's like a rat, you know, just, he's fine. So talk to me about growing up as a girl who's not really even wanted by your own country or anything. You know, what's that like? Like how do you, does it make you be the type A you are? Is it basically you have two choices? You're either fucking go like you and your mom or you're just back there doing nothing. I think it definitely made me who I am other than all the girls were born in the 90s and were discarded or were not wanted and still lived.

But they, not everyone is like me because they kind of have self respect. They resent the bad thing happened to them. But I don't. I never felt like a victim. I felt that that's how life is. You know, it was my fault. I didn't have a penis. If I had one, you know.

You really believe that. They would want me. Yeah. They would want me. So I'm a girl. But I just need to make the most out of it. It's just to accept that men are going to have more opportunities. Once you accept it, you can change it.

If you don't accept it, you're always going to be a little bitch victim. Be like, well, I know. I would choose a man to be my security guy over a woman. if I don't know the woman well. If the woman is like a million times better than men, I'll hire the woman. I mean, I'm a woman and I still think that way. Maybe for me to change this, for me to make it so I can talk about it rather than being a little bitch about it.

That's what I wanted to say. You said, once you accept it, you can change it. Tell me how you did that for yourself. I think it's basically push myself to become the best I can in every way, every way, every shape of form to become the best I can. Like in school, you know, I want to make sure that I can be valuable. Like, I can be the best I can because I'm lucky to go to school. I want to be the best.

I always love the learning and I think that's the thing. And I knew I wasn't wanted and they kept telling me, you know, like when I don't get A plus, my mom with a sort of dictionary on my forehead be like, I didn't. Is that right? Yeah. That's your punishment for not getting an A? Yeah, it's hard. cover Oxford dictionary you know there's like you would bleed

yeah I'm bleeding she goes you're welcome I open your third eye and she'll be like you're welcome whatever like she hit me she'd be like you're welcome yeah she I mean I know she loves me I mean she wouldn't hit me if she didn't care you have to care to hit you know and then I would feel bad I did not get a plus

and I would get it next time rather than be like I hate you for being an evil bitch I would just be like because she told me her childhood that she's not allowed to eat. There's not enough food, you know, and her brothers are working, which means they have to eat, to take a bike, to go to the construction site. And she's a girl at home, you know, she can starve because she won't need to go to work. So she's been starving when she was growing up. So I got to go to school.

Why would I bitch about not being good enough? You know, I want to be as good as I can. And I always want to be a pretty girl. I mean, every girl won't be a pretty girl. It's just who we are, what we are. what we are, and I realized that in Chinese beauty standard, I wasn't attractive because of we like small lips, light skin color, and like, don't like a big chicken jaw, because that's like a manly looking. So they call me a cage fighter when I was growing up.

No. Yeah. That's like elementary school kids? Yeah, cage fighter. Like they asked me to go back to Africa. I'm like, I wish I can to go there. There's diamonds there. But like, how do I get there? But it's just, the people, our kids are very mean to me because I always, because in China,

like ugly girls should know they're ugly and behave accordingly. But I wasn't pretty in China, but I act like a hot girl. I'm like popular, like talk to boys and just like, people are like,

what's wrong with you? You're gross. Because in Asian culture, we like women, for a woman to be attractive, you have to be humble, you have to be sweet and kind and considerate and quieter.

You know, that's attractive. If you're loud and self-confident, being confident is considered cocky. And being arrogant is one of the most disgusting characters of a woman. It's like, when a woman is arrogant, it's like, eh, it's a big turnoff. And I somehow have this unhinged confidence about me that was very unattractive. Where does it come from? I think I'm born this way.

Like someone's born to suck dick, you know, like they didn't choose to suck dick. Every kid was sucking a lollipop, you know. But eventually, you know, this boy just only one dick. It's not his fault. He found his calling, yeah. Yeah. He's wired, though. I just, I was born.

What can I say, man? I just, I love the chug of, you know? Yeah, I was born. I just want attention. I want attention. I wanted to make people happy. I could, I just, I'm a people pleaser. But I wanted to, I also wanted to just make people happy.

Are the women in your family, aunts, you know, mom's sisters, anything? Are they all type A like you and your mom? Are they like that? My mother is AAA. I'm AA since I'm alcoholic, like my father. My daughter is definitely a AAA personality. She is, huh? She's tiny but mighty.

And my sister is type A as well. because she married her college I mean high school sweetheart who is, I mean, if you marriage your high school thing is like a cult you know, he's, her man listened to her

like he's listened to her whatever she does, he listened to her. Wait, you said sister, so how does that come to be? Oh, my mother, she is, she didn't give a fuck. The thing about the,

she doesn't care. She goes, oh, I don't want it. It's a funny thing, people like normal people who has self-respect and responsibilities who are normal humans. The thing is the punishment

is not just you. If you have a daughter and you still want to have a second baby, there is a fine. The fine is as much as the house you own and you and your husband both get fired.

And in some cases, they would fire your relatives. Like, imagine because you want to have two kids, your sister has to lose her job, her husband has to lose their job, your parents have to lose their job. You would start to think,

you know what, maybe I should not be in that self-suffer asshole. Maybe, maybe, you know, I don't be. I don't have to be so into little boys Like Michael Jackson You know I need Girls are okay too

Right Thank you for saying You know People would just like Okay I'll be okay I'll live I have a daughter It's fine

You know maybe she'll be a lesbian She'll be on top So she and your dad Had another child Oh yeah They wanted to They had me And they pay the fine

How much was the fine Do you know I would say In American dollars Would you say six figures Is it crazy? I mean in China Because for example

A house in China in a village is probably like 10 grand, right? Like, imagine, like, your whole house. Like, I don't know, in L.A., like, a million, two million. Yeah, right? But in the end of your job as well. In your job, the ability to afford that place goes away. So my mother's like, okay, take the house.

My daughter's ugly, but because because my father dropped me when he was taking me out, he dropped me, and I started to cry. And my head hit the concrete floor. She goes, she's the keeper. Like, she cried loud. She's like, you know, I'm not leaving. So my mom's like, I'm giving her. She's ugly, but she's a fighter.

You know, there's something about this girl. So she kept me and she paid for me. It sounds like, she, you know, she's like, okay, take the house, take my job. So she got fired. She had a good job. She got fired and her sister was also going to get fired. So my mom's like, don't worry, I'm going to, she took me to the cornfield. She carried me.

What do you mean? Because like once you're hiding a baby, you know. So wait. they have you then? At home. You're number two? Number one. You're number one first and then your sister comes after. Yes. But why do they have you? Because you're a girl. That's the, that's what they're hiding. The fact they're not a boy. No, they're hiding. They're hiding that I never existed. So they could have another one. Second one. So people would report you, right? Because people got to say, but how do you become a person though without documentation? How do you become a human on paper? Later,

later years, you know, after she paid a fine and everything, later years, they were able to have me registered it. But my mom don't really know my birthday. She lied to me about my birthday. I just found out when I was 25. I realized I've been having the wrong birthday for 20 years. I'm serious. What did you

think your birthday was? I saw my birthday is December 20, I mean, January, no, my lunar name is December 26. My birthday on my ID is January 18th. That's all that what my birthday is. What is it really? It's actually January 21st. Three days later.

Yeah, the whole time. That's the date. How she figured it out finally? I think I was Googling, you know, the lunar calendar calculated into the, you know, normal calendar. It says January 21st. That's the first time I saw it. I'm like, well, I know my lunar calendar is the right day. So I asked my mother, why is all my ID, the AT?

She goes, oh, who cares? I said, wait, do you know that's different? Oh, yeah, actually, I know. is not a right number. January 18th is what I wrote. Your birthday is January 21st. I said, why would you wrote 18th? She goes, you know, eight means a lot of money in Chinese.

Yeah, eight means money and six means lucky. One is going to. So January 18th means you're going to be lucky. And 21st is like nothing means nothing. And you're ugly. I want you to get lucky and have money. That's why I gave you the eight. You're welcome.

You're welcome. You're always your welcome. Yeah. Thank you, mom. She goes, it's okay. I do everything for you. Everything I do do it for you. She used to say everything I do, I do it for you.

I said, thank you, mom. So that's when I found out. So you're born at home in the house? Yeah. And how? How do they do that there? We had a midwife that she paid to brag her, brab her to, yeah. And then you mentioned carrying you to the cornfield.

That was in the summer, in the fall, because they would have, like, unexpected search. Like, oh. Oh, is that right? Yeah. Do you have a, do you have a, why do you have two kids? You know, who is this? They would do. searches as well for this.

Yeah. And she would carry me right into the cornfield and she realized that she has to figure something out. She just had to pay the fines and pay more money and grab more people in order to keep me fine. So she ended up trying to expand

her business into the hotels. Nice. And so she can make more money. And that's what I realized that because she was able to live the village and make more money, she was able to keep me and give me the best education

and send me to America. And I just realized, Because I was raised by her, I know by example, a woman can do whatever the fuck she wants. As long as you're willing to work hard. And that, you know, you just have to be like, okay, I'm a peasant. That's who I am. And I can have anything I want. If you want to be a princess, you have to suck that old dick.

You know, you got, you got to put out with it. You can't complain. Oh, dick. Right? Like, you have to eat that beef jerky, you know. You pick and choose, you know. Yeah. Are you a princess or peasant?

Yeah. Princesses, they, you know, they, they can't work. Their hands are for diamonds. Like, I, I clean dishes. I was, I mean, when we were, I was, like, very young, and I've been washing dishes in, in our restaurants and clean the bathroom. And I start. For your mom.

For my mom's restaurants. And it's the most invaluable experiences of my life is, be useful. You know, like, when you are useful, since life is easy for you, when you are useless, you're like, why I don't have this? Because you're a lazy bitch, you know, why people don't like me? Because you're a fat, lazy bitch. You know, spend the money on your face, you know, do something. People just like, but why?

There's no why, you know. Men are superficial. What can I say? You just have to know, know your enemies in order to conquer them, you know. That's Confucius, you know. You have to know your enemies. Keep them close. You can, because that's why I love your comedy is because you just, you are so real.

You're like, this is it. You know, I'm not going to make it cute and easy for you guys. That's how life is. That's how, that's why, you know, I just feel like, I really get your comedy and get your story. It's just because when it's real, people understand it. We are not lecturing anyone. It's just what it is rather than be like, I'm lazy, but, you know, I don't want to work.

But like, how do I get a royal treatment? No, you won't. You're not your patent like me. So you're going to, that's your life, you know. So you're good in school. You're excelling whatever. Do you play sports or anything like that? Yes, I put a volleyball, but then they fired me from being short because I didn't.

grow taller. I didn't become a giraffe pussy. They asked for, it's not my fault. Yeah, sometimes you need a short buses, you know, but anyway, they fired me. I was good. You were? Yeah, but they didn't, I think I wasn't tall enough, but it's fine. So when do you come to America? I came to America when I was 18 years old. Now, can I ask you this? I heard you say my mom wanted to send me to America. Was that always a goal? No, she never wanted me to go to America. She wanted to stay in China because she did because I was very good in school and I can get in picking university which is like the Harvard of China for Chinese literature and she wanted to become a professor okay which I'd always love the literature I loved writing my grandpa is a scholar well

you have a children's book yes I'm writing I but I want to be a performer the only reason I'm writing is because I was ugly to perform but you know I just feel like in America is so diverse and I watch harley Barry like like summer highak all those ladies visit dark skin, they are so beautiful, so stunning, they are, but what's wrong with me? Like, why can I be dark? You know, maybe it's not my problem. Maybe I just need to see the world on a bigger stage that's a beauty that's more diverse. That's also one mission I have is to help women who don't feel beautiful because they are not the norm to understand that you are your own universe, you know, like if you don't feel, you have to be the hardest bitch ever because

the world exists because of you. You know, if you don't, if you feel ugly, it's there's, why, why, you know, why would we do that? Fuck everyone. There's, in China, we say, Qing Ren, Yianichu, see. Like, from our lover's eye, like, whoever they love is the most beautiful person in the world. It's about who you are with, you know?

Surround yourself is people who actually love you. Then you feel beautiful. People who think you are ugly, you're fat, you're stupid. Maybe they are not your people, you know, in love, like, try to change you. You have to change your surroundings. I mean, also, you just go into porn. There's a category for it.

Yeah, that's perfect, you know. Every porn, amputee, whatever. That's nice. It's all there for you. And people have their own thing. And there's somebody for everybody. Exactly. Okay, so you're really good in school.

You're hustling them. When do you decide you want to go, why? Just because you want to get over there and see the world. You want to see what else is going on. It was definitely for Hollywood. When I was a little, my mom always, like, she always wants to help as a woman in the family to be entrepreneurs, to just, so I have a cute cousin.

She married a really poor guy that her father basically just like this owner. I'd be like, you are so pretty. Why would you marry that poor guy, you know? You have to marry someone who are rich. But she's for in love with him. He's like a chef. He's a nice guy. And she told my mother, well, I don't have support for my father anymore.

And my mom was like, well, start a business. You know, if you love him, you want to marry him. Marrying a poor guy means you got to be a peasant. That's the price to not marry. You know, if you marry for love, you have. you have to be a peasant. If you don't, you can be a princess. So she said, I love movies.

I want to open a movie rental business. My mother's, I can finance that for you. But I just got this restaurant in the city. And you can open that close to my restaurant. And when Zhao Yan got off school and I'm sending her to your video shop, she can help you setting things. And you can watch her when she does her homework, like a babysitting arrangement for free. And she said, sure.

So after school, I sit there. I watch Casablanca, I watch Vertigo, I watch Citizen King, like all of those classic American movies, The Godfather, and I realized that there are so many beautiful women in different skin. And obviously, I just, the factizing that being an actress, that I never got allowed to be on any school play to play the lead girl, the pretty girl. I always play the weird person. Or like I play a man, they say I play a handsome man because I look handsome. My father was handsome, you know, whatever. So I want to go to America and become a movie star. I want to be in movies.

I wanted to be an actress. Okay, so it was always movies over comedy first. I never knew. I'm a comedian. I was funny, but I want to be an actress. I was classically trained as a theater actress before comedy happened to me. Oh, you were? Yes.

So I did that before John Singleton saw me at an audition. He said, like, you have to try stand up. You have to do it. So that's the first time I heard a stand-up because we don't have to be in China. Because of John Singleton. Yeah. Rest in peace. I know he died after his on my open mic.

Is that right? I think I killed. Yeah. I think so. I killed John Singleton, girl. Yep. Yes. He said, you know, survived the Compton, but not me.

Not that he killed him. Oh, okay. Okay. So now you get to the States and where do you go first? My mother basically said that I am not going to help with your school application. You know, you've got to figure out how to get it. And also, she won't pay for my school. I have to raise money to convince her I can survive in America.

She just didn't, she just think it's not safe. Also, we have, we have a city of three million people, which is a small city in China, but it's half of an L.A. But no one has ever been to America in the history of my city. It's just something like she's afraid. But I just said, mom, I can take it. care of myself. And she's like, I can't help you. And then finally, I've been begging her for years. Finally, like the last year of high school, she said, if you can raise your first year tuition in two days, I'll pay for everything for your school. And where are you going to go?

What school? Do you know? I don't have a school yet. You don't have one yet. Because I was going to get to the best school in China. Instead, I'm going to go to a. I just wasn't sure if you'd applied or. Before I even applied because I don't, she's not paying for my tuition. There's no point for me to apply anything. I had to negotiate a deal with her. Two days. Yeah. To raise how much? It's not much like $20,000.

But it's a lot for someone who's 17. Yeah. Yeah. That's a hell of a lot for anybody. I said, okay, I'll do it. So I took my bike and I went to my friend, my best friend in middle school. We ended up in different high schools. I went to do better ones.

And she's a very rich girl. Her family is in real state. And she has two older brothers who don't do shit. And I said, listen, I am going to America. And my mother wanted to raise. 20 grand before I go, and here's the deal. I'm going to talk to your father. She goes, oh my God, what are you going to say?

Yes, don't worry. I just went to his office. It's like a lesson. Uncle She, you know, I've been thinking. I think it would be very wise for you to make me and your daughter got sisters. We are best friends, and she's weak, you know. And her boyfriend hit her, and I helped her. I just was thinking about it moving forward.

What happens 20 years later? Your sons are in their mid-30s. They're playing video games, you know. You're saying this as a 17-year-old to the dad. Yeah. My daughter talked like her, like me, too. Good for you. Yeah, I said, they're lazy.

They're going to lose all your money, which is not the point. The point is your sister, I mean, your daughter is a little slow, you know. The guy she has, she's probably married, and he's poor, and he's asking for your money, you know. I mean, if I'm going to America becoming an international talent, I'm going to be so great and strong. and I think that for me to be her sister can really help her moving forward when you don't know what's going to happen. He's like, that's very rude.

You know, you have no manner. But let me call a function master to see if your zodiac sign match mine. Man, you told his dad everything he knew, huh? Yeah, that's what he worried about every day. He's like, man. Fuck you for saying that, but let me get my check. Yeah.

Yep. And the Feng Shui Master said that I'm good for him. I'm good for him. And then he basically, like, I'm calling your mother. I was her bank account number. So she got her bank account. They have the same bank. She goes to our restaurant.

He goes to all restaurants. He knows I'm not like a scam artist. Like I'm just, my mother own a business. She's a normal person. She's a good person. And see, he called her. He's like, listen, your daughter's, year I'm going to wear you 20 grand

U.S. dollar, which is $140,000 in Chinese money, which is 140. Imagine 140K. I mean, just hearing that numbers. Yeah. So she said, no, you're not giving her any money because I'm just teasing her. She's not going to America. I just want her to give up the idea. He goes, no, no, no. The teasing backfired. She's at my house right now. And she's now, we just

finished a ceremony. She and my daughter just exchanged their blood. water their sisters now. Did they really? Yeah. Wait, what's the ceremony? We have our blood. Uh-huh. Like, we dip the blood in one cup of alcohol and we switch and we drink each other's blood mixed together.

Yes, because we always say, uh, shue, no you shui. Like, like, if your siblings are the most important friends because you share the same blood, but if you are not spittance, you want to become sisters and brothers, you know, you share each other the blood. So he's like, and I'm not going to be that person who take it back because my daughter is going to already got to beat up by her future husband in the future. Going to your daughter, she told me the whole thing. Because I know he hit her one time and I beat him up.

You beat him up. Yeah. And if she's going to marry him and if I die, I don't know what's going to happen. Her brothers are busy with video games and gambling. So I think I'm taking my daughter is my princess. You know, I'm kind of buying your daughter's bullshit. I was about to say, buy that. I needed it.

Yeah. Yeah, that'll give me a piece of calm. I have all the money. 20 grand. Was this a loan? I said it alone and he said that my mom is like no I'm turning the money back to you and this never happened she goes no no no I'm not a lie to my goddaughter she's getting that money if she's not going to go to America she can buy a car you already calling you

got yeah yeah they just finished sipping his daughter's boy and he's like all right let me call your mom oh my god so he's like she can keep the money if she's not going to America I don't She's keeping the money because she's going to take care of The day She's my goddaughter now My mom's like No no no

You're not doing this to me What happens if you give her the money And I won't give her the money She goes He goes that's on you I mean it's not my fault So I went home My mom

We are refining the money And you made a thing And you made me look stupid And I said mom What is the worst thing You worry about That's going to happen to me I'm right

Like while you're going to get killed You're going to be poor You're going to end up on the street Be homeless Because you have no friends What happens the phone don't work anymore. I can't reach you.

We have no relatives in America. I don't speak English. I worry about you. I said, Mom, if I can raise 20 grand in two days on my bike, which is technically in one day, I don't think I'll die in America. I think I'll live and live well. She was like, maybe you will.

And I'm like, Mom, you came to the city by yourself. You know, you are a girl from the village. You are a father. And if you can do it, why can't I do it? She's like, okay, you can try, but don't expect me to spend money and time to apply for school for you. You take the TOFO exam, you know, the English thing,

and you apply for the schools. You get that visa, and if you can get this done, I can probably believe that you can survive there. I said, I don't know how to do it. Well, you figure it out. You tell me you can do everything, right? Do it now. So I was able to figure it out and everything,

and I applied for law schools, and the first offer I got is from University of Kentucky. All right, the Wildcats. Yes, UK, the Big Blue. So I have other offer coming in later on, but because of my mother was not really supportive, and I just want to make sure I got a visa before she's in her mind. She'd be like, no, you're not going. So I just wanted to.

I took my visa for UK, and I got a visa, took my offer. You went from China to Kentucky. To Kentucky. I mean, what a culture. Very progressive. Yeah. Yes. Okay.

And where do you go when you get there, right to the university? Like, do you have a dorm room or are you looking for off-campus? So I got in a school, like, during the winter break. I actually, I turned 18 years old on the flight. It was my birthday. And on the 18th or the 21st? I mean, technically. Yeah, 18th, you were flying.

Yeah, yeah, that's true. Probably whatever it is, it was. I got into Chicago or Air Airport. and I don't know how to transfer to Lexington because I don't speak English at all and I have a note but people are busy in the airport and so I can't find anyone help me I saw this man and a woman

like a nice couple carrying a baby on your shoulder a cute baby smiling and then I have a panda bear in my purse I just started using the panda bear to seduce the baby to talk to me and baby keep giggling so the parents just had no choice like hi see hi I'm like I'm transferring to Lexington Kentucky please help it just they were like oh that's where we're going turn out that guy is a he's a preacher like or he's a he's a preacher for church and then they were the first friend I made

and and I they actually gave me a ride back to my dorm and that turns out that my luggage was delayed I had no luggage is in the winter January in Kentucky in the dorm I have no blanket again there's no sheets so I slept in my coat on a board like a are you by yourself or is there a roommate in there no one is there yet so it was pretty sad because I have nothing to wear and I have just the clothes I have but like I have no blanket did you cry and no I was so happy I got to America and I was hungry I don't know where to get food and I had I had probably like $20 in my bank account and a $5,000 cash in my pocket, obviously.

And so I just find out where the supermarket is to buy some juice and fruit and trying to find out how do I get my luggage delivered to the dorm. So that's like the task. Then I realized you can work with a student

visa on campus. So next day I went to the common market, whatever the food restaurant plays in campus. I got three jobs. I got a job as someone who makes pizza so I can eat I don't want to you know I I want to learn and study so I got a job in the library to watch the computers like and then I got a job at the cafeteria to make sandwiches and

make coffee so I had breakfast I had I definitely I don't have dinner but at lunch you know how the fuck are you doing all this without I mean you don't speak English you said I found a Chinese girl okay she she speak Chinese and I said that but you know you You know, like, what can I do for you? She goes, nothing. You don't, you're useless right now. I said that. I'll take you out for a really nice lunch in this only nice Chinese restaurant we have in Kentucky in Lexington.

I need to find three jobs. Here's why. I need to study. I need a computer. I need to learn English. That's why I need to work. That's the only way to learn English. People just, like, you slow bitch, you know, like, I want my, just tuna, not turkey, you dumb ho.

You remember. Hold on. Right? You're learning English in Kentucky, too. Yeah. That's great. Yeah. I feel like it's the best way to learn the language is to work.

Yeah. If you don't understand, they curse at you. You remember next time. And that's how, you know, I learn English. It's just through working. And I just, I wasn't even complaining. I felt it was, I have more to celebrate right now. But those are some of the happiest times I had.

Yeah. Before things got complicated, the insecurity and abuse of people coming into my life. But back then, I was pretty happy. I was working very hard and learning English, getting to know the culture, because I want to learn English. I'm no use to go to Hollywood at 18. I mean, listen, I give you so much credit. I know damn well, I could not go to China and immerse myself in the culture quickly or efficiently or any of that.

And then the people that come here and open a business, I think about that all the time, there's no way I'm going to China and opening a business. Oh, God. Yes. You know what I mean? And then learning their laws and rules and regular. I know. It's so, I mean, I had no idea, you know. We can't hit kids in America.

If I knew that, I've never won that green card. It's not worth it. It's sad, actually. Like, how, like, how can they reach their full potential? Like, you used to have your vagina for a mediocre baby. Anyways, it's confusing me. Tell me, you mentioned you were happy before. all the things started happening.

I always knew there's something wrong with me is that I push myself to the limit and I'm really happy about my I like to push for things but once I get it I just don't really enjoy celebrating it is the next thing I don't have, I need to achieve. I didn't know I was bipolar until high school.

I know my grandmother was bipolar. She definitely was. When she had a manic episode, she ran out naked to the village. She's running. Yeah, she ran away. And my grandpa quit his job to take care of her and she was able to get out of the manic episode.

But I never knew. Because in China, there's no mental illness. There's no depression. You're lazy, you're ugly. That's what you're sad. That's the only reason to explain it. And I also, like, my mom like, no, you're not crazy.

You didn't run out naked. So I said something is wrong. I remember one time I was always a happy girl But then something just snapped When I was around 15 I, one day I decided not go to school I can't get out of bed

I'm just sad I don't know why I'm sad I felt it's like Just like I have I have no future I don't think I'll be ever happy And I'm useless And I just feel like I'm useless

I don't make my mom proud And I just I feel really bad I can't even get out of bed And I stop eating for like weeks I mean, when I stop eating, because I'm a cow, I like to eat. My mom's like, okay, we have a problem. So the doctor's like, oh, she's fine. She probably have a crush on a boy and the boy don't talk to her.

I mean, that's true, but there's more deeper things because I just stop eating. Like, I'm a happy girl. Now, you know, I'm like, I lost 20 pounds and I'm very young to lose that much weight. So my mom is like, don't understand why. And I think one time I'm in bed, my dad came to my room and he just took me out of bed and dragged me out of the house to, like, you're late. you're going to school. I said, I'm not, and he hit me. So that also made me my depression more

because they don't believe me. They don't believe that I am sick and I'm literally very skinny. But they don't know there's a thing called that depression or bipolar until I think I went diagnosed when I was 17. There's this thing called bipolar. But my mom's like, oh, well, you know,

it would be fine. Yeah, whenever I got on medication. And I think what makes my bipolar worse is like when I was in college, I was introduced alcohol for the different reasons. Because I always raised alcohol because of my father. I hate it. But in college, and I got friends with those pretty girls, they are models, and they helped to reinvent myself. They helped me wearing contact lenses and do my hair and makeup. And I realize that I can be a pretty girl.

Somehow, you know, like it's kind of like, oh, I can be cute. I can be pretty. And then you're like, you know, the party, the drinking. But like bipolar can't really, if you have bipolar drinking, you're just going to make everything worse. Is that right? Yeah, it's like a, it's depressing by itself, alcohol. But it can really make your mania more paranoid and make depression stunk deeper.

My depression don't go long, but it's really severe. It really like the way you feel worthless and useless. is so strong that the pain, it just, it costs you so much pain. It's like someone who has no eyes and you are just stepping something. You think you're stepping their child. They would believe it. They would die from the heartbreak from it. Because I'm so delusional about the reality.

Like, I'm not a loser. I am not useless. But I really believe that. Anyways, alcohol can really trick your brain, your chemistry into the dark places. And I think that worsened my condition that I, became more obsessed of his work. I think I became a workaholic to feel the whole of being useless and worthless. When did you get to your lowest?

The lowest I would say is that when I married my husband, he's a very handsome guy, very wealthy from China. How were you when you were married? 27. That's when I met him and we fell in love. He looked like the perfect guy for me on the paper because he's very, very worldly and he's a Chinese man which is important

I can have a tie with the home my mother would see me and she's like I will never see you again and he's rich so she can finally understand that I can take care of my family take care of her and she didn't have to work anymore but it turns out that he likes the idea of me

I mean if he married a girl who's a go-digger who's a go-de-girl who is a girl who wants to just night never work again, and who's obedient, that girl would be very lucky. But I am not okay with not working. Like, I wanted to work. I wanted to create that is where the differences. At the beginning, he just like, oh, I support a career, and he did.

Financially, he invest in movies for me, and the directors and producers in China thinks my face is too big and too manly looking to be the lead lady for this Chinese show. Because the beauty standard is like the K-pop stars, you know, they have white, like, very skinny and so I start getting very insecure with my look if I had like the self-love I don't have bipolar

I'll be like fuck all of you guys I'm great because I want to be good and I've been growing up with the insecurities and I you have the many energy and I started to inject my face to reduce my jawline and my muscles to make me look

like don't eat and bleach my skin so I can be wider You were bleaching your skin I was, the, on set, the producers were sending me Ivy treatment and bleaching agents for my skin bleaching, because I'm too dark to look like the leading lady, two guys are going to fight for. I remember the breaking point was when I was on set, and I said, I don't remember my lines anymore. I can barely stand because I've been eating spinach for like a week. And they're like, oh, honey, don't worry, you look great. You don't have to remember the lines.

We have voiceover. You just open your mouth. Then I realized that I'm not acting. You're not even a person. Yeah, I'm just this bleached asshole skinny whore who betrayed my identity. It's a puppet. Yeah, to lie to my young girls who's struggling with how they look. Instead of empowering them, I'm basically doubling down.

You have no chance. You lose weight. It bleached your face, bitch. Like, I'm not empowering anyone. All the things I want to do as a little girl to empower the girls who look different. I'm a liar. I'm not, no, I said I can't do it. So that was kind of the breaking point of my marriage is that he thinks I'm too weak and lazy to commit to this project he paid for.

They found someone else and it's a good project. They made money. He didn't lose money on it. But I said, I'm going back to America. I'm going to just do what John Singleton said, you know, to try comedy, try stand-up. Stand-up is for the ugly people, you know. if I don't have to bleach my skin or like lose 20 pounds to get on stage so I'm going to do that and he was so embarrassed ashamed of me because which means he's like what should you do how

how do you how do I buy something to make it happen I said I have to I have to go to open mics I just have to do it that's the only way because you can't do it you're going to bring shame to me you're going to go to the open mic in front of a lot factory with the homeless people my friends me drive by and see you, you know, it's going to be disgusting. I said, that's what I want with my life. That's what I am. I am disgusting. That's who I am.

I started open mic, and every time I would spend hours driving around, try to get on stage, and people laugh at me, make, you know, racist jokes about me. And it's just very hard, and I would come home, and the biggest fight would be what he would pick up to make fun of me about doing this, which is like, you have no talent, you don't speak English, you'll fail in acting, you're never going to make it in comedy. It's harder. Then I just realized that after one week, I couldn't, the most I can get in is two open mics because you either pay for a drink or you sit around for like a lottery. It didn't work. So I said, I need to buy my own club. I just had to buy my own club. So I was driving around

Maros. I saw this closing store is four lease. I went in. I'm like, oh, yeah, I see why you're for lease. You got ugly clothes. I'll take over the lease. That's how my club happened. Two weeks later, I opened my club on my son's birthday. That was literally a few weeks after I started open mic. I bought that club so I can host open mics every hour because I don't have to wait. I know I suck.

I just need to be on stage. Nobody want me on stage. So I put myself on stage. I started my club as me being the 24-7 host. Like we open 10 a.m. to 11 p.m. What? Oh, yeah. It's still open.

It's very busy. At 10 a.m. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Damon Wine was just there, just running new stuff. We have great comedians going by to pop in just because they just can go to a little place without people walking them. And it's still going strong today.

It's five years old. More than five and a half years old. For you. Because I know I suck. Like I hate one, like, you know, you always are online. I always, you know, sometimes you have some communication. meeting, they're like, I hate the audience. They suck. They didn't laugh. I'm like, you

suck. They laugh before and after you. So stop believing in them. You know, I just, I, I know I suck. I'm not delusional. I don't believe in that you are enough bullshit. You will be enough one day, but not right now. You're a working process. So I just bought that club, putting my hours and

during, during COVID, after I brought COVID here, you know, everything shut down. Yeah. Yeah, you brought it over. Yeah. My marriage was falling apart. He was literally calling me ugly and stupid and I would never make it. Oh, yeah, you're ugly and you got so fat, you know, blah, blah.

And I just spent more time in the club. Even though during COVID, I was just putting in these people and working on my jokes. And, you know, nothing is happening. And I can't afford to keep the club anymore. I start selling my jewelry in my purse. I used to work in finance. Well, I support my acting career. But my husband's so rich and he wanted me to quit my job so I can move to China, which I did, which was a big mistake because I lost my financial income.

I have some savings, but I was just trying to keep that club, and he won't give me money for it because it was stupid. So I keep buying, setting my stuff so I can pay the rent. And it just got really ugly. And it just, I think losing my confidence, like feeling ugly, feeling not great. but somehow I have this thing in me that hasn't died yet that I know as long as I don't give up, I'm going to make it. But the divorce took a while until, like, I was, I mean, it's not a big deal for us now,

but back then it was a big deal for me when I passed a love factory. I mean, as an open maker, it was a big deal for me. Yeah. It was a huge deal for me. And I was going to do it. It's a huge deal for just an American kid to come over here and anywhere and do that, to come from another country to learn a new language, I could never perform in Chinese.

Oh my God. And learn timing and, you know, I never. All of it. Geopolitical. None of it. None of it. I could never. Thank you for saying that.

Yeah. Yeah. It was so bad that I remember that I'm so excited. I can do my hair and makeup. He's like, what I'm doing. I said I'm going to perform at a love factory. The first time I was a regular. We were already kind of separated back then,

but he said, do you remember when you were a little girl, you used to stutter? I said, yes, I told you that, but I don't stutter anymore. He goes, actually, I read an article, you know, if you are going to do something that's high pressure, you may stutter again.

I don't think you should do that show. You know, you're going to stutter. Then he starts stuttering, like mocking me. Oh, shit. And then I start stuttering, like if I should not do that. But I just, I couldn't help. I stopped him on the face. You did?

Yeah. And then he grabbed my neck and then you start choking me. And, uh, but he's, he's, you know, he's like not physical. I, I, I took a cutting board and hit him on the head. So he dropped my hand. My mother was. Wait, he was choking you. That's how you got him off.

And he was, he grabbed me to the sink to choke me. I don't know why he wanted to give me the sink because he's the OCD, don't eat the on the wooden floor. I don't know. Trying to keep it clean. Yeah. He's like, don't you try to, you know, drop on my wooden floor. And then I just, there's a, like, a little cheeseboard.

I just hit him on the head, and he dropped me. And he realized I was too far. And then my mother was watching afar. She threw a vase on him. She saw it. Yeah, a big vase. She's very aggressive. So she threw a vase on him, and he left, and the next day I fell for divorce.

Good. I mean, honest, like, he's not an abusive person. He never hit me. But I'm not saying that. make it okay for him to choke me. No, it's not okay. But it's okay for me to slat him? No, it's not. But it's just like when people are frustrated, you know, this thing happens. But I'm not going to swing him from the domestic violence because it's not that situation. But it's a situation for me to leave. And that's why I really wanted to, I always like I hate when girls with abusive

guys don't leave. And I actually finally understand. I thought that was a very strong girl, but it took me a while to leave. It just the mental abuse, is worse than, not worse, equally as bad as physical abuse because it trips your brain. Oh, fucks with you. Yeah, like, big time. Yeah, breaking your wings.

You can't fly and you don't think you can live without that person. And the threats, I mean, I never got threatened a bit. I was like, with the moment it turned violent, I'm done. Like, I walked out. And I know that he's rich and powerful. He's going to take the children. So I wanted to make sure. And also, like, I can't get any money from him in China because he knows

everyone, and I know no one. So you have two kids together, and how does it work in China? Is there child support? Not really. That doesn't have to pay, or a breadwinner doesn't have to pay. The rich person decides what happens. That's how it goes. Money is power.

Yeah, what is they'll pay some child support, but they definitely don't, they will live with the children. Like, it would be hard for me to see the children. It's rather for me to, I would rather diverse in California. So I basically made a deal with him. He's not American So I said All I want is the children

Like I need the children He's like how do you raise them? You have no money I'll figure it out But I want the children Like you're taking them to China Is I know It's not going to work

I need them I'll have my mom come over Stay here forever To keep the children To help me He goes if you want the children I won't give you any child support Or you guys

Some child support You see them half the time they'll be living in China with me you can come to see them I said no I don't want child support I don't want any money I want divorce to be finalized right now right here I want the children

and that's what I got and he said okay to that he said okay because he never wanted divorce and he saw that I would end up penniless and come back and beg him he's just like very spoiled by very very traditional obedient to Asian women

who would fight for him, would kill for him. Women would, like, who don't want to work ever. I mean, he can take care of a whole village if he wanted to spend his money on it. But he wanted to mentally abuse me to make sure, like, I am pennily, I can't have him and back. If I go back and beg him, I'll never leave again. Because, like, if, you know, you think you can do it and you can, you come back and beg him, that's, like, for him to really, like, have me, mentally control me.

You can't do it. You tried. You try to run away. You know, you're back, you know. You better, you know, show me that you are not going to. try to be stupid again. So I said, no. I just want this to be finalized, and I want the children.

You can see them wherever you want. Does he come see him? Live with them. Not really. Is he back in China now? He's very worldly. He's in Tokyo, whatever, but he's retired. He retired early.

He got lucky. He got a good deal of business, whatever it is. But he's not close to children. He sees them once a month and gradually, once two months, once three months. But I never see anything bad. about him to the children because it's stupid. I have the bigger

I'm a cunt, but I have a bigger wisdom. You know, the bigger wisdom. It's that they are smart. They are going to grow up and find out who is a good one, who is a bad one, who is there for them, who wasn't there for them. Is their choice? Is that my father an asshole

or my father just troubled? Whatever they won't decide is what they are going to decide. And I don't want to make my son feel like his half asshole, you know, like Yeah. That's the thing, man. I'm with you on that. Your kids look at it like, well, I'm half that person. And if mom says that guy is a horrible person, I'm half horrible. Yeah. And it fucks with them for sure. So good for you. I'm the same way. Like parenting, I say it all the time. It's a long game. You know what I mean? You don't get that return unless you live long enough for them to get old enough for them to go, how the fuck did you do all that? You were there. Dad wasn't here or you were in every game or you. You were, and that's when you get the reward of the long term, like, yeah. And also, I mean, I know you said you were born in the 90s.

I'm born in the 70s. So internet's not a thing back then. Now they can also look up and see exactly what's going on with that person too. Yeah, they can read out a divorce degree. You know, the divorce is like, I still allow him to see the children. I'm like, my lawyer is like, you know, you can use the children. If he didn't give you money, he didn't get to see them. I'm like, no.

I can work The children are not going to be the weapon I use I'm not going to do that He can see them He's nice to them He loves them in his own way He That's his children

He loves them In his own selfish and narcissist way But I'm not going to not let him see them I would never use them as a weapon And they are The kids are fine I mean at the beginning I really struggled

You know we have to sell my house And in the divorce, even the house we bought together, he won half it. So I put out a line of credit and paid him almost million dollars in cash, which I can't afford. And the house, I mean, my, oh my God, like, it's so high the line of credit. Like, I'm paying 10 grand per month just for interest, not mortgage. So I was literally dying. That was a hard time. I had to figure out, I have to.

pay the bills with comedy, which means how to be great at it. I have to be so good that people would overlook. I'm a woman with an accent. I'm a Chinese lady. I'm a immigrant. I've been only doing for less than five years, I mean, around five years, so far. Like, I have to be so good. I have to make people money.

How to be funny. Which means, you invest. You keep writing and you keep performing until you throw up. And that's what I did to just be as every day, just spend every week and moment to become better at what I do. chance I got. And that's what I did because I banked on myself. I, as a gamble.

Fuck, yeah. Gambled on myself. Because I, if I was single, I can marry a rich guy, he would just push me around. It's fine. You'd be miserable. Yeah, I'll just get the money and figure it out later. But I have kids. So for my children to live under people's roof and for someone to push me around,

they will be very insecure. It just is not a solution. I can't. I'm a single mother. I have to rely on myself. And dating should be off the topic. I can't even think about dating a guy because I don't have money to pay for my children. I don't have energy to date because either I find a man who give me money,

which it won't be a solution, then I don't need one until I am mentally at a place, financially stable, a good place as a mother for me to actually, yeah, it took me a long time to find my man. I mean, it took a long time. But I need, somehow I find a way to make it all work. I love you. I love you. Thank you.

You're so impressive. I love your hustle. I love your story. I mean, I'm blown away by you. Good for you. It's really impressive. Thank you for doing this. Of course.

It's my pleasure. Can I ask you before we wrap up advice you'd give to your 16-year-old self? Yeah. I'm interested to hear what you would say because that's pretty close to you splitting, huh? Mm-hmm. I think I'll tell her. you are crazy, you are chaotic, but that made you special. And you're not sick, you know, being, being your mind, you know, your mind being

difficult is, you're not safe, it's insane. You just need to harvest the good. At sight time and when you're sad, just take a break and be kind to your friends and family and just always know that how much they love you and the kind of blessings and know how beautiful you are you're always being very beautiful you're a beautiful girl inside and out you just need to know that and I think that's all I want to say to myself it's not even about a career I want to become successful that's all I wanted back then I had I feel like those are not important anymore that's great um thank you thank you so much right please promote

one more time. Thank you, Ryan. I am so happy to be on the Honeydew podcast and make sure you come to see me on the road. I'm coming all over America and internationally.

Yes, the tickets are at Zhaoyingcom or summerscomedy.com. Thank you. Can I ask you a quick question? Do you do stand-up in China? I did toward Asia, Australia and Asia

on April. We sort out to 28 shows. Wow. And do you do stand up in Chinese or English? Yeah, I did Taiwan and Hong Kong that I had mixed languages have Chinese Mandarin. Actually, I'm working. Is it harder to turn your comedy? Like to, I guess different words.

I know like not every language has the same word. Is it harder? It's a different humor. But my Chinese is very sophisticated. That is easier when it comes to how much I can command the language. but it's harder to understand the humor in Chinese culture because I've been far away from it for a long time but I'm working on my one-hour Mandarin Chinese special

to release it internationally so I can tour for the Mandarin Chinese speaking people that's awesome I think is interesting I'm working on that I'm doing a Mandarin mic in my club too so I can work on it Oh I'm sorry I don't know

Thank you very much Jiaoian Thank you for having As always Ryan Sickler on all your social media. We'll talk to you all next week.