The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - 349: Kym Whitley - Surprise Motherhood

Episode Date: September 1, 2025

SPONSORS: PrizePicks -Visit https://prizepicks.onelink.me/LME0/HONEYDEW and use code HONEYDEW and get $50 in lineups when you play your first $5 lineup! My HoneyDew this week is actress Kym Whitley! Check Kym out in the film Happy Gilmore 2 on Netflix, Killing Mary Sue on Prime, and her own podcast Two Funny Mamas cohosted with Sherri Shepherd. Kym joins me this week to Highlight the Lowlights of her unique jump into motherhood! In a story like I’ve never heard before, Kym describes what it was like to get a two hour notice that a baby was on its way, and it was coming to her! We dive into the chaos of becoming a mother when it wasn’t planned, the village that goes into making it possible, and the delicate balance of explaining adoption to a child as they grow older. SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE and watch full episodes of The Dew every toozdee! https://youtube.com/@rsickler SUBSCRIBE TO MY PATREON - The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I Highlight the Lowlights with Y’all! Get audio and video of The HoneyDew a day early, ad-free at no additional cost! It’s only $5/month! AND we just added a second tier. For a total of $8/month, you get everything from the first tier, PLUS The Wayback a day early, ad-free AND censor free AND extra bonus content you won't see anywhere else! http://patreon.com/RyanSickler What’s your story?? Submit at [e-mail] Get Your HoneyDew Gear Today! https://shop.ryansickler.com/ Ringtones Are Available Now! https://www.apple.com/itunes/ http://ryansickler.com/ https://thehoneydewpodcast.com/ SUBSCRIBE TO THE CRABFEAST PODCAST https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-crabfeast-with-ryan-sickler-and-jay-larson/id1452403187

San Diego, I'll be at the Grand Comedy Club Friday, October 3rd. Get your tickets now on my website at Ryan Sickler.com. The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler. Welcome back to the honeydew, y'all. We're over here doing it in the Nightpanst Studios. I'm Ryan Sickler. Ryan Sickler. Ryan Sickler on all your social media, starting this episode like we start them all by saying

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We would love to do an episode with you, all right? That's the biz. You guys know what we do here. We highlight the low lights and I always say that these are the stories behind the storytellers. And I am very excited to have this guest here. First time on the Honeydew, ladies and gentlemen, Kim Whitley. Welcome to the Honeydew. I am.

I was like this. I was hiding because I was like, wait, I didn't get to check my face. Wait, let me check my face. You're gorgeous. What? Thank you, Ryan. Look at that. I was cute by the camera.

You're super cute for the camera. Oh, thank you. Thank you for being here. It's an honor to have you here, honestly. And before we get into whatever we're going to talk about today, please promote right there. Anything you would like. I would like to promote that I am so glad I met Ryan, first of all. That is the highlight of my day.

Secondly, I have a movie out on Netflix. called Happy Gilmore, too. Make sure you check that out. And I have a movie out on Prime called Killing Mary Sue, which is action and crazy. It's very funny, too. And then I have a podcast with Sherry Shepard called Two Funny Mommas. Please go subscribe. Look, I want to keep going down a list.

And I have, let's see, what if. I have dates in Washington at the Washington Comedy Theater. And then I think I'm going to go down. I got Cleveland. I got I got Arlington. So just dates coming up and doing things. Where are you on socials? Oh, social media across the board.

That's what I should have said. You can catch me, K-Y-M, Kim, and then Whitley, W-H-I-T-L-E-Y. And that is Facebook, Instagram, tic-ty-tock, all those things. You still have a passion for going out live, huh? Well, held up, Ryan. You're talking two different things. Sherry Shepard has a passion. I know people, David Arnold had a passion.

Rest in peace, David Arnold, yes. I, I, Sherry's like, stop saying that, Kim. I said, I do stand up. She likes to do stand up. I said, you like stand up. You love them. Caroline Ray. loves stand-up.

I like stand-up. The thing is, everyone talks about me. I complain and complain. I complain in the dressing room until I hit the stage. Once I hit the stage, it is on and cracking. Like I did, a residency in Jimmy Kimmel in Vegas, which I'm going to do again, January and February. One of the best shows, so much fun, because there's people from all over the world, tourists come in. And you just get to have fun for 45 minutes of foolishness.

And so I enjoy the people. Am I tired of hearing myself on the same comedy? I've got to change my act. That's my biggest problem. But I like people. I love hosting. I absolutely love a host gig. If you got an organization, you want me to host it,

I love it. At first, I was like, oh, my God, these big audiences are afraid. But your audiences grow as you grow. And now I get in front of a big audience. I'm like, it's the same jokes. It's the same thing. It's people. And I really have a good time. And we've been doing it a minute too. Good for you. I was telling you when we met outside. Like, you're on my TV. My daughter's through found, are you, Parker's, the Parker's? The Parker's? That's the one I was I was thinking. Blurdy, gertie, tell your daughter's show laugh. She watches that. She watches all of these old shows and you're there.

But one of the craziest, and we'll get into this, I just do have to say this. Wait, first, I got it. Is your daughter black? No. Okay, I just felt you had a black daughter. You know what, her brother's mix, though. I always thought I'd have a mixed child. No.

I didn't think it would be somebody else's. I thought you was light skin. Be honest with you. I'm just lying out. I don't know. Are you white? I'm Italian. You're Italian.

Okay, same thing. You light skin. You're Italian. You're Italian. You're a nice thing. I'll take it It's the boys You got a little swag

You thank you Your role on curve your enthusiasm Bless you Thank you The prostitute who Larry David ends up picking up Just to take a person in the carpool lane To go to the game And if you don't know this story, it's crazy

We won't talk too long about it because I definitely want to dive in with you. But your episode saved this man's life. Yes. Like this man, there was a man who went, there's maybe a 40-minute, I can't remember the name of it, documentary on Netflix.

Long shot. Long shot. Watch Long shot. And this poor man bought his mother tickets on Mother's Day for the game, knowing she would say, I don't want to go so he could go. He bought her present knowing I'll go. Took his daughter, I think a couple buddies. And then after the game,

he's convicted of a murder. deep in the valley. His girlfriend. Yeah, that's right. He's a girlfriend. He's paying cash for every thing. So there's no credit card, trace. There's no nothing.

One weird ping off a cell phone tower to call and say he's going to be later or whatever. Because that night, I believe Gagne, the guy that was the closer, had this incredible record. And it got broken that night. So they went to extra inning. So the game goes long. All the weird things are happening. That man goes to prison for murder because witnesses also said, no, we saw him. do it. We saw

that man do it. He's like, I'm at the game. And his daughter testified and said he was at the game. And he had just taken her out to get a, I don't know, something from the snack stand. They're coming back in and they held the

because of the scene, they held people from walking in. ESPN, Fox, none of them have it. And then boom, they say, oh, look in the logs here. Well, they were shooting curb here that day. And then Damn, lo and behold, if your cameras don't have him and that you saved his life. But also, he got stopped at the top, the PA, stopped him and said, no, you can't go down there.

And he said, my daughter's down. I got to go down there. And that PA said, okay, go ahead. That's what really made the difference. All I see, because if he doesn't let him go, then no cameras have them. They wouldn't have seen him. Ooh, that's that Super Dave scene. He's going down and erupted.

Yeah, he's walking down. It's such a crazy It always comes back to comedy Kim Whittling It always comes back to the clown It always goes back to the clown So let's talk about you Where are you originally from

Wait first of all What sign are you? I'm a Pisces Of course you are Why what's at me Because I want to sleep with you It's a weird My God

I never turned red on this podcast In my life I should have known Let me talk to Elizabeth My public says I gotta cancel this I didn't know You were a Pisces

Oh my Man It's this warming here Holy shit Have I as red as some of the highlights In your hair right now Oh my God I never heard a laugh like that

It was pretty funny Yeah either love it or hated I get that all the time Oh, Pisces. This is going to be quick. I am a Paises. I am. Where are you from originally?

I am from Cleveland, Ohio. Oh, you're from Cleveland. A lot of good comedy comes out of Cleveland. Sure does. You got Drew Carey out of Cleveland. You got some really good. Arsidio Hall, Drew Carey. Where's a lot of people out of Cleveland that are?

And your mom, dad, are they together? Siblings, tell me about when you're born in Cleveland. Born in Cleveland, then moved to Suddenia. Dan Cartoon. Yeah, lived in Africa. Really? What age do you do that? With the family? You know, my father was building schools. Okay. Over there, he's an architect, a firm. A brother's architects now. And a great life. And we moved from Cleveland. We moved to Shaker. Another great life. How long are you in Africa? We're in Africa, probably about six years. Whoa. And are you being, what ages are you there? Is it elementary school? Yeah, elementary school. And what kind of

school do you go to there? English, English, had a British accent. Okay. It says, Mommy, mommy. You did. I did. Oh, you started? Because the, is it South Africa?

Is it that they? No, right there, Sudan cartoon over on the west side, way, east side, east side of Africa. And the British are teaching you? So you develop a British accent? How long do you get rid of that? My mother said, I came back to Cleveland, and she says within three days. Three days. Six years.

And Cleveland stopped that shit out in three days. She said she could. She said her head trembles. She said, her hand, she said, I'm in Africa. I was, Mommy, Scotty's such a nutty boy. She said three days in Cleveland. She was like, hey, Ma, Scott over here, tripping. She was like, who is that talking?

That's God, huh? She couldn't believe it. She said, I really wish you would have held that. But Cleveland will take it out of you. Cleveland will take a lot of stuff out of you. How many siblings do you have? I have two brothers. And then my father's a twin.

So his son is like a brother. So I say three boys. Okay. So I was definitely a tomboy. Still a tomboy. You are. Yeah. And then you go where from there?

From there, do I ever turn into a girl? Yeah. Working on it. I'm sitting there with my legs open now. I'm telling it it's been a long. Cousin. Hold on your legs, Gil. Okay.

Okay, let me focus. Okay. And what does mom do? She just, she just, she's a mom. My mother just shakes her head. She really, she has a career, or she just keeping a family. Oh, my mom. My mom is a housewife.

Okay. But she was a school teacher. What's up, Dexter? Are you serious? Oh, she was a school teacher. My mother was a school teacher. school teacher until I was born. Okay.

And once I was born, she said, I was shit, I was too fat. She said when she was picking me up, no, it's a baby. Because then she, me and my brother are 11 months apart. Okay. Obviously, my father was getting it in. I mean, I can't even. So I was like, what? But she couldn't pick me up out of the pin, the play pin, because I was a big old baby.

And, you know, she had to quit school. And I was stealing all my brother's food. My brother's skinny today. She said, you know, the double, you know, the double little kid. She's, she never understood why his baby was always crying. She said, I would pull the bottle out of his mouth, drink it all, and then give it back to him. Wherever he was, I drink every, all his, everything. Then they said at night they put six bottles in my crib.

They would hear, they said I would shake him and then throw him against the wall. What do you mean? They said, I would be getting the bag. When you were done? They said they were just here, boom, boom, boom. They were like, what? I was like, hey, it's time for another bottle. So that's why I was like, I was always a chubby kid.

I was like, it was your fault, ma. You're not supposed to give me all that. She's like, I just did the best I could do. So it was fine. And at what age, so we talked before you came in here, we were both single parents. What age do you become a mom? Oh, my God.

I became a mom like 40s in my 40s. Okay. I'm sorry, my dog is really bothering me. And I became a mom, you know, unconventionally because I wanted to become a mom, like have a baby. But I couldn't keep a man. So I was engaged a lot, but I didn't pay it too. What do you mean a lot? How many times is a lot?

Oh, seven rings, easily. You got more than Jordan. Got more than Jordan. You got one more than Jordan. Seven rings, baby. How many marriages? Zero. No, come on.

Seven engagement, zero wedding? I just, I couldn't commit. Couldn't think. I was afraid, fear, all the things. What were you scared of? Taking my money. I'm scared of that. Because I had too many male friends and friends and I'm a girl.

So I was like, what am I worried about? But then my other girlfriends, you know, taking the, I don't know. I was afraid of a lot of. things. I was afraid of not being a good wife. I was just afraid. I was living life as just being an actress, comedian. I really didn't know how to be a wife. I'll be honest, I didn't know how to stop. It's a workaholic. I didn't understand work-life balance. I was like, I don't even know how to do this. So, you know, that is, you know, one of my regrets, but, you know, God is good. What's the regret? That you never got married? That I never got married, because I could be on

fifth marriage by now. Easy. Easy. Get one held him for two, three months. Boom. Got another one. I could have been, if I was thinking, now I might have been broke or I might have been rich. Who knows? You could have been rich. I think it's the other way around. Somebody told me they were like, you can't make more money than you can marry. I was like, why did somebody tell me that in 20? I never heard that before. Isn't that a great one? I said, I'm going to be giving away for free. I didn't understand so so wait let me ask you this then without name and names obviously or anything of the seven is there one looking back you'd have been like that i could have married one of those guys and made it work now well see that's the thing we don't know about how much it worked but a couple

of them had a lot of money i didn't know i was such a tomboy and so all over the place if somebody i needed one of my girlfriends who was a gold digger that had been like let me you do you tripping. But I dated everyone just to date for love and like a basketball player, rapper, you know. You just have a fun. Right. I just want to be in love. I want to marry for love. So. But also is an independent hustler yourself out there grinding and making your own money, it seems and sounds like you didn't really give a fuck about their money. You cared about yours. I didn't. And I grew up. So you didn't marry for money, which ultimately is a better decision. in the end. And the end, it would have been a better decision. Why am I out here working right now?

No, I mean, what you did is right. Oh, oh. I'm supporting your ass over here. You're not. Oh, my bad. My bad. I hear you'd have had the money, but the mental that comes with it sometimes, I don't know, man. But I think this, see, my parents, when you talk about entitlement, not people, raise people. I had a good life growing up, you know, travel the world, lived well. So, it's a It's hard to, you know, I was one of those girls. I don't need your money. You know, to peel you off your 30 grand, go shopping. I didn't even hear anything. I was like, what?

I said, you're going to give me, and back in my mind, I was like, that's going to cost me some, my mother's, I was like, and none for you. Oh, yeah, I'd find money in my purse. They were like, go, go, go shopping, what you need. I didn't understand, but I understood. Nothing is free. That's the one thing my mother told me. Nothing's free.

And if you take that money and you go shopping, you could have been like, because it probably was nothing to them. I just didn't do it because I was like, I don't need it. And at that time, I was in a two-bedroom apartment. You did need it. You know, so, you know, in hindsight, oh, well, it is what it is. So then what makes you change your mind and say, okay, I'm going to, I want to be a mom now and I'm ready to do that. What happens? Was it the person you met? Was it a time in your life? Was it a combination of like sort of everything that lined up? Or were you just like, hey, I'm pregnant and I'm going to do this. I love this. Is that my camera? I want to make sure that's you right there. I have to talk to the people. Ain't nobody really in this life talking about, oh, it's my time. I'm going to be a mother. A lot of us get oopsed, ooh-uh, what happened, that's one. And so I could just tell Ryan right now, I didn't have no baby.

And nobody said, oh, my son was four days old. A girl who I was close to had him, left him at the hospital, and put my name and number on his toe. No. Can't make this up, Ryan. It's my life. What? Kim, somebody had a whole ass person and just put your name on and said I'm out. Get the fuck out that happens in life.

And they bring me to baby like it's a like a puppy. You got a call and they brought. What do you mean? Yes. I didn't even know you can even do that. I didn't either. Don't you have to show an idea like I'm the person that this baby's coming out of. Here's my name.

I thought you had to do something. No. You can just be like, you know what, give this to Kim. Who is Kim? They called me. I was like, y'all not going to go through no checks and balances. Wait, real quick, what is your day? What are you doing?

Do you remember what you're doing when that call hits? Oh, yeah. This is just a regular old day for you. It's a regular old day. I'm over at my house, like in Valley Village, nice small quaint. That little quaint little house. My mom and dad are in town. And I don't know, probably talking about, hey, y'all, let's go get something to eat.

Ring! Hey, hey, what's happening? Wait, who's this? From the hospital. No, I don't want no baby. They left me a baby. You're crazy. I don't know what comic this is, but you tripped.

That's funny this hell. Ha, ha. I got time to play with y'all on the phone. hung up. Because who gets a call saying someone left you a person? Who gets that call? Who does it? What?

They call back. They said this is, you know, one of them mean social workers. This is not a game. I said, wait, what are you talking about? She was like, such and such, left the hospital, left the baby, left your name. Now, either you can come get this baby. I'm telling that's how mean she was or we're going to put him in the system

I didn't know what that was I said the system I said like the Matrix I'm still cracking up right the lady said you got 20 minutes I said what are you talking about I go back in the house oh I think I was I go find my mom and dad I said I got to talk to you

I said my literally there's you know those goosebumps all of your body I said I don't know what's happening here I said somebody just called and said I got a baby And my mother and father are like, what are you talking about? I said, she had a baby. She left the hospital. I don't know where she is.

But she left my name. And you hadn't seen this woman. You say your friends were, but you didn't. Yeah, but I had seen it. I knew she was pregnant. Okay, that's what I want to ask. You knew she was pregnant. But you're not seeing her throughout the whole pregnancy, like a regular kid.

I said, wait, hold up, hold up, hold up. My mother, I'm saying, I love my mother, God rest of her soul. My mother. I'm from a funny family. They are hilarious. My mother said, well, she said, I'm looking around the house. She said, you ain't got no man. She said, you ain't got no kids.

She said, you got one dog. She said, now I don't see no men coming through here. I was like, she said, and you old. She said, go get that baby. I said, what? I was actually appalled because. I mean, she just took seven punches to your face And so go get that damn.

Oh, no, she didn't give a damn. Yeah. I was like, but see, that's what I'm talking about the time thing. Even about marriage, I needed that person to say, hey, how are you getting older? Because I have never had any concept of time since I'm bored. So I'm just in life floating around. I've never said my age. I don't care about my age.

I never thought about it. But I wish then somebody said, you know, you should have a baby during this age. You should, you know, get a house. You should do these things. I'm just living life. having a good time. My mother put some reality on my behind. She said, okay, tell what, you doing? You're going to the club tonight? What you're doing next week? Maybe go on a trip with your friends. What are you doing with your life? Trying to make this acting thing work.

I was like, oh, what? She said, you go get that baby and do something with your life. I was Like, when I tell you, the lady called back, I was like, uh, my mama said, we'll be right there. So, uh, and that day you become a mom just like that day, I've never heard a story of a woman becoming a mother like that. Have you? No, you absolutely. In the world of now that you're in, Because once we can introduce to things like this, you tend to hear some stories like, oh, yeah. In your whole life, and have you ever heard of another woman just leaving a baby to another late? Like, I know they drop them off at the hospital or the fire. I've never heard someone say, and give this to X.

I guess you're right. Did he think about it like that? It's crazy. That's how you became a mom. That day, getting ready to just hanging out mom and dad getting ready to go get something neat. And all of a sudden, boom, you're a mom. Do you understand the pressure in my mom? But how God has it, if my mom and daddy wasn't there first of all, I wouldn't have the baby.

I'd have been like, forget that. You know what? I would have been like, whatever. I'd have been like this, whatever. You put the baby in the system, whatever that is. My mom and dad were there, and I wouldn't have known what to do. I've babysat before. So wait, you all go get the baby right that your mom goes with?

The lady said, she said, we're going to bring the baby to you. I said, what? She said, you got two hours. She said, because you need a car seat and you need a bassinet for the baby to sleep in. I said, huh? She said, you got two hours. Go get them. And the social workers are bringing the baby.

They got to check the baby out the hospital. I said, come on, baby four days old. I was like, a real baby? She said, just go get the things. This is the funny thing. You know them old bassonets from 1960? Yeah, I know. Those white ones?

Yeah. My daddy is walking around the store looking for that. He was like, Dad don't have a bassinet. I can't find a bassinet. I was like, Daddy, they knew. They got this a play yard now. It's a whole thing. They got cribs.

He was like, well, those nice little bassinets. I said, Dad, that's from the 60. Yep. It was hilarious. We got a pack and play now, Dad. Right. We got a pack and play. Right. So then we got the, um, then we get the car seat.

Mm-hmm. We bought these things. We put them on and we. You're running out with a time limit to beat this child who's now coming into your day today for the rest of your fucking life. Do you understand? No, insane. They say, they just say, get nothing else.

They just totally get those two things. Those are your starter, kid. Yeah, no crib, no others. No, I was like, that's your starter. I guess that's what you got to have. And then my girlfriend, Maria, I call her, thank God, because she got her camera and she was documenting it. She was like, what?

And they literally come with a clear, you know those clear trash bags, the big ones. They come with a clear trash bag. in one hand, the baby in the car seat, like cradle thing over their arm in the other hand. I said, that's it. And they gave me this big clear bag. It has diapers, a little milk, a little milk thing, and stuff for his, for the umbilical court where it came out and a piece of paper with instructions. Oh, yeah, because you're not breastfeeding, duh.

But Sherry Shepherd told me to breastfeed. That's a whole other story. Dumbass. And I tried it. That's a whole other thing. Just don't listen to your friends. That's stupid as hell. This episode is brought to you by prize picks.

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Download the app today and use code Honeydue to get $50 in your lineups after you play your first $5 lineup. That's code Honeydew to get $50 in your lineups after you play your first $5 lineup. Prize picks. It's good to be right. Now, let's get back to the do. It was giving me all kind of bad advice. So your whole family's there then when you get this gift. Yeah, and that was it.

Okay, I want to pause here for a second because do we contact the mom? Do you not hit this lady on and be like, bitch, contact her what? The lady that gifted you. this child? What phone number? You don't know how to get a hold of her or anything? No, she eventually calls. How long is eventually?

Oh, well, there's a court situation. All right, I'll show. Once you do that. Let's tell your story. No, no. Once you do that, you have to, the court has to release the parents' rights, and you have to bring, it's a whole. Oh, so you can't just get a baby.

So she still has rights? Yes. All parents have rights. foster, beat the kids, do all kind of stuff. When you see all these kids in foster care, they all are attached to a parent if they found them somewhere out there. Somewhere. And until you could adopt that child,

the court system has to release their parental rights in order for you to. It's a lot of red tape, which is ridiculous. That was one of the things I really wanted to fight against and try to get, you know, let's get this foster care. because a lot of our homeless problem is because of foster care because the children get released onto the street at 18. I see because they never got a hold of a parent or even that parent never claimed. Where they go? Think about us.

Our kids, our kids are with us to 2530. You leave it. And so I know Mayor Bass talked about pushing the age up. We talked about let the kids stay in foster care until they're 25. Give them insurance to it. because this will cut down on this homeless problem. I digress. Okay, so we have a brand new baby now.

Does the baby come with a name? No. Well, well. Like did they? No, I had to. They told me to come. I got to sign the birth certificate. So I prayed on it and I heard Joshua and I'd be scared to go.

I had opened the Bible and I was like, how do you usually have nine months to think about a child's name? or longer if you're even considering doing this yeah and the mean lady was like you got a baby a name i said two hours you got a name some diapers and a goddamn car seat here you i was like are you serious we'll be there hot mess it's crazy that daddy i hadn't this is the first time my life i've ever heard of someone obviously the adoption i mean my this is this is crazy my mom's sister, died shortly after childbirth, and that baby did live. And my grandmom didn't raise that baby, which I always thought it was a little odd, but her niece and her husband were

trying to have a child, and they knew they couldn't. And they asked, could we adopt that baby? So she said, yes. So I, you know, things like that. I've never heard of anybody just going, this shit's yours. And you don't even. know. That lady didn't have a conversation with you. Say, look, I'm thinking about this. You might want to go get a car and see the ambassador. I mean, two days isn't enough time. You had two hours to prep for a human coming in your life. And he's still around. But now you've got to learn about formula. You know, are you going to any, we even went to the Santa Monica. What's that place? called the they don't have it anymore but it was a whole class for breastfeeding and pumping

and everything so you could learn how to and they were very realistic that all the ladies got in there everybody wants to be no smoking no drinking sushi no nothing and they said they said to me would you like a beer and so i thought they were joking so i said yeah i'd love a beer and they were like okay it's in the back and grab a hynick and i was like wait you're for real and they wanted me to have the beer i felt like an asshole because i'm like one of the couple guys in this whole meeting and I'm just sipping but the lady said listen you're not the first person to have a baby ever do women in Japan eat sushi yes do women in Europe drink a glass of wine every now and then yes like you're going to be fine your baby is going to be fine you're not the

first human to ever go through this it's gazillions of us you'll be good and I think they really help these ladies like just take a you know a little bit of anxiety and pressure off of having to be this perfect you know ecosystem and vessel for this child or else you're going to make it you know slow or blind or death or whatever you're going to fuck this kid up but now you got a baby coming to you you don't know any of the genetics you don't know any hell you don't know if this kid's prone to asthma cancer anything what the fuck is going through your head how do you like create even a formula and a routine when you've had no time to even think about this shit you you just do i think it's what is that flight or fight fight fight

fight or flight that was it it was you just do you did a lot of friends i was just talking about how vivica fox said meet me in the parking lot on mail rolls what she had gone to Macy's, cleared them out. Her whole car was filled with baby stuff. That's sweet. I never forget she over. She said, open up your car. I got to go, girl.

You know, I was like, what? And just put Vanessa Bell Calloway. I can go through the actresses that really just gave me so much stuff. Oh, my God. My guy from Family Guy, the director and producer, I want to say Henry. Oh, oh. I think so. He gave me, I never for it was $1,000 on like diapers.com or baby, whatever.

It was like the, it was like Amazon was coming out of. You know, you ripped through diapers. All for diapers. I could, but I was like, what? And I thought that was very generous for so many people. And then people told me this. Sherry told me. Sherry Sheppard said, when you have a baby or doctor baby, she said, Kim, watch.

She said, the blessings that are going to happen. in your life. I was like, whatever. I don't believe you. Never stopped working when that baby came. I had enough money. I was able to care for the baby. Everything. Everything worked out. And I said, wow, Sherry, you were right. Shows were coming. Offers were coming. I was going to be okay. And that's an open win for you gave me a whole show called Raisin Whitley about my kid and help people, you know, take the stigma of adoption. And so it was this is different than adoption, too. This is a different kind of adoption. I mean, it's adoption. But that's why she did a sign adoption. She was like, what? I had to get all my friends to help me. They still

help them. Because adopting's not even easy. Actually, I mean, not to downplay this and I don't mean to sound like an ignorant asshole or anything, but you actually got a child easy. I feel like than people who've gone... I wouldn't have made it. I wouldn't have made it. To really try to go through all that adoption process and everything, huh? Wow. Absolutely.

My girlfriend, Tracy, just got one. Through the process and everything. She was about to give up. How long? If I would do it, four years, if not more. Years. And so I even did a video for them, and she just sent me a picture of a little baby. I was like, oh, my God.

Because it's the thing. You can still get it. child and then the parents are like nah i'm not going to give up my rights i forgot about that part i forgot people get these kids go back so they all of a sudden come back and they say nah never mind even if you've been with them for years and they can fuck their whole life up again if they choose oh man so they're really not free until they're 18 yes unless their parental rights are given up yes and does that happen often or these people hold on to these kids because it's some kind of no the courts will take them sometimes they feel like oh the courts will release them

in a minute and so what women slash moms now do you surround yourself with all the bad ones that's okay my friend your circle changes though does it not yeah still but what i realized there's a lot of moms out there um i have but what was great is my friends who are not mothers stepped into be Godmoms and aunts. That was the difference in how it changed their life. They are responsible for my son Joshua as much as I am. I got one who has been doing all his birthdays and Halloween since he was born. He doesn't even talk to me about his birthday or Halloween.

He goes straight to Aunt Nikki. She lives in D.C. They have a whole thing. What do you want to be this year? She'll send it to him. Basketball play what kind of shoes when his birthday. Okay, what kind of birthday do you want, a party? Do you want to go to dinner? It handles that. I have a girlfriend who Cynthia Bouté is all about education.

She will make sure what kind of school is it going out. So every friend, Amy Weiner, is his Godmom and Rory. Roy Burton, these two, oh, and Mari, they're responsible. And when I tell you, they take it on full. These are the people who don't have children. And it made a difference in their life. I didn't say, can you babysit him? I said, can you be in his life for the rest of his life? It's a different kind of ask. That's a big ass. Yeah, and I said, I need you to.

You know, and he is a father. Rodney Van Johnson, he was maybe two weeks old. He asked me, he said, I never had a father. He said, I would love for him to have father. Can I be his father? Soap opera actor, but he was just over the other day, fixing it and making him read. But he's been his dad. That's his, he calls him his dad.

calls him when he gets in trouble or dad has he have any other kids he does he does he does did this Joshua you said your son's name is did did Joshua's presence in these friends lives also then any of them go on to have kids no no no no they have Joshua what you just said about his Joshua's dad now makes me think obviously this lady didn't have a baby on her own there's a father out there for this child yes do you know anything about this man No, good luck. If anyone thinks there's Joshua's dad, please contact me. It would be nice to know who you are.

How old's Joshua now? 14. You don't want me. We don't want his dad popping up now, do we? Because don't need to have these rights. No, no, no. No, okay. They took both parents' rights away.

So there's no. What about the mom? She's still alive? Are these people alive? Yes, they are. But they. What happens if when Joshua decides to go look for them? Yeah.

Because, listen, he didn't grow up in a world like we did where there's no internet and you run into the fucking person at the grocery or whatever because those losers stay local. That was the thing that always blew me away. You're going to give us up and you're going to live a mile away, bitch. I'm going to see you in the neighborhood. What are you doing? You should be going states over. We see you at the grocery store. Why am I running into my mom at Kmart?

You know what I mean? Like, get the fuck out of the state. if you're going to leave your kids. Yeah. This boy ends up hitting a jackpot in a sense because what he does have, more than anything, are people who unconditionally love him and want him to succeed and be loved in life. This isn't about who you are and what you do or your friends do or none of that.

I get that. But this boy goes from literally being just see you to boom. love has no idea what a gift what a gift we try to tell him that too we it'll be you know it's okay it's a long game once he has kids it should have been how'd you do all this that's what he's going to we have to live long enough for that reward though that's the thing that's the thing and i didn't get to my mother died when joshua was born she got to see him for a few months but i got to thank her she passed quickly after yeah i couldn't believe it uh i was like But I did tell, I was saying, man, you got a newborn, basically, and you're bearing your mom.

And you said, I'm sorry, your mom and dad passed in the same year quickly. No, my dad, my dad's still around. Oh, he is. Working my last nerves. I talked to him yesterday. His memory's slipping, but he shall know my name. Is he a good grandfather? Oh, yeah, Joshua.

But Joshua, and he said the other day, when we go into Cleveland, he said, I want to see, I want to see Papa before he dies. I said, what are you talking about? He said, well, my, he's old. He might not have my. I said, if you don't shut up. He was like, well, I want to spend some time with them. I said, okay, so he's supposed to be coming out here. They have a great relationship, which is always like, oh, I should have had kids earlier.

That's what I want to ask. Do you think that now? Oh, yeah, absolutely. You do, huh? Oh, absolutely. Like hindsight, you would go back. How many would you have? More than one, two, two?

Since those three of us, I really, because I was even go adopt a little girl because I felt like you should have a sibling because what I don't want is to be on my deathbed and I'm laying there and Joshua comes in with his new wife who I'm looking at's going to take all my money she sure is

or it's going to say we're going to put your mom in that home I needed another sibling so they can say no no we're going to let's do this with my mom I was going to live above my garage. Right. But when you by yourself, this little boy, you know, that was a thing. People would understand.

And some people are like, some of your kids don't even turn out right. But I know as a child and a sibling, when my mother was leaving here, I was glad I had my brothers. My younger brother, my older brother, because we had a whole conversation and her sisters. but having a sibling to say, hey, my brother's like, Mama don't want to get burnt up. I said she want to get burnt up. She says she want to get burnt up. Burked up.

I had to think about it for a second. Now I was like, wait, what? Then I got it. Cream made it. I was like, they're going to set this lady off. I'm sorry. There was a whole argument. My mama was like, hey, you got to burn me up.

Like, I had a good life. My mother, you know what I said, my mother was very funny. She called me when the burial plots was on sale. She was like, girl, these burial plots are on sale. You better get you one. Get you on. Oh, God. Okay.

Okay. So obviously, you sound like a very forthcoming and honest family of people surrounding this child. At what point do you decide to tell him, hey, this is the deal just so you know. And what age is, do you feel like that's appropriate to say to him, like, you know, because it's important, I guess. Yeah, our dogs, our dogs are out there fighting. They're out there. This is a very important question. I'm glad you asked where people make the mistake.

And I've talked to a couple people about this. Never hide adoption from a child. Because once they get older and then you say, we're not. your real parents in that sense, their whole life becomes a lie. Yeah, and the betrayal and all. It flashes, like, what else did you like? For whatever reason it is, I've heard too many stories. So my belief in what I did was I, because you have to understand, it's a human, you're molding.

I use the word adoption from day one because what has happened, and this is a scientific fact with my son. if you use a word, it never becomes foreign to them when they get older. I've heard, we live in America, we live in America. This is where we live, your whole life, you can't turn around and say, this ain't really America. You know, this is India or whatever the case is. So if you hear that, your whole life's so adoption, as he's two, three, I was like, oh, my son's adopted in front of him. He never, he never asked. Like, and I said, do you understand what adoption?

is he might have been eight and then I explained or a three maybe three or four I would say there was a tummy mommy and then I'm your mommy mommy and you were born in my heart but you do that at three four five if they bring it up eight they'll start asking questions but you never lie my son has never been like what's adoption not one time his friend was nine years old I told his mother I have girlfriends who have adopted kids you're right since I adopted I do have adopted I do have couple. And I said, you better, you better use the word adoption. Your whole, I said, so she tells him, and then she's going to bring him over my house. Now he didn't broke apart. I was like, what is wrong? Why are you bringing him over here? But what was good is she brought him, because Joshua's his best friend. I said, Joshua was adopted also. I said, I'm sorry your mommy held it so long, but she didn't know any better. But adoptions are great thing. I explained it to him. But what was it more important is my son, who's two years older than him, jumped in and was like, man, I'm adopted.

I got chosen. That's better. We were chosen. Chosen's a much better word. And that, so he talked his friend. Even if you're talking, not even talking about a person, you're just talking about adopting new habits and shit, but chosen is such a better word. That's what he said.

Way more intentional. Way more intentional. And that's what made his friend go. oh he was like man we're special our mothers chose us and i was like wow he took it over so that's why using the word is so important because it becomes a part of their they don't they don't love you less they don't anything my son has never asked any questions yet um yeah he hasn't asked anything well now you got shit out there like these 23 and me so 10 years from now your son could have a sibling that pops up from the dad or the mom or both, who knows?

Absolutely. And then are you, would you be welcoming and loving of that sibling to come and be a sibling with your child? Absolutely. Absolutely. What a world that's laying out in front of you. We don't know anything. We don't know, but older. Yeah, older, yes.

I mean, nobody while he's young. One thing there is what I find out with foster children. or adopted children is called the, is it the imposter syndrome or the regret? I forgot what is called, but what happens is if they have siblings and they see their siblings aren't living as well as you are, there becomes a guilt. So now they try to sabotage themselves, not wearing the clothes, drugs. do a lot, seen it. So because now they're like, well, what are they eating? Well, can we go take my mother or my sister and brother? Can we go give them some clothes? Can we go feed them? Can we? It's

constant. And one of the attorneys when I adopted, Joshua, when I was, you know, because you have to you down at the courthouse. Now she's having doing this for 30 years, a little attorney. And she said, Don't let him meet his mother until he's older. Is that right? I said, why? She said, we've been doing this. Another attorney standing there said, we've been doing this family court a long time. She said, they will always worry about their mother.

They will always worry, is she on the street? Is she warm enough? Especially if it's one of those kind of adoptions. She said, do not. I never forget that woman. She looked at me dead in my eye. I said, make sense because you think about it. And then I know friends who've done it, struggle.

So you just wait until they're older. Now, they're older and they want to go find their mama and all that. Go right ahead and go help do what you want to do. So those are my words of wisdom. So you've been with him literally since he's four days old and he's 14 now. Yes. What about dating men, bringing men into his life? Did that change for you?

Like, you start getting a little more picky or you're getting a little more, do you start looking at men like he could be a good father figure. I don't like your question. You know what the fuck I'm getting at. What's wrong with you? All right. Dating's hard. How old was Joshua when you introduced him to the first man you were dating?

Like, what age? I got in a whole conversation with Nia Long about this. And I got what she's saying now. But you used to just say I get what she. She's saying now. Yeah, I do now. I was like, it was like most black women, we always like, this is your uncle. Everybody was an uncle.

But because you don't know if it's going to work. I'm not going to introduce him as my man. I don't know if it's going to work. Now, I'm going to tell you, my son ain't worth a damn. This was this week. So I have a friend. My ex came in town, but Josh was been knowing him. But he came in town.

He says to his face, are you a police officer, too? I just, two, he said two. I just looked at him and said, you little asshole. I said, no, he's not. He's not a police officer, you know, because my other ex was a police officer. He was just over the house. But these, you know, people like to help me, you know, fix things. But I got ex-s.

I'm a great girl. But they, you know, they're just friends in my life, but Joshua will see them. So it's very, I don't have, that's maybe two, I have so many people in my life. and there's guys and there's girls and it's just part of the village. So he's not, he has not gone to, there has not been anyone serious yet. That's what I'm getting at. There was one or two, like one, we traveled to Africa together. We did.

We all, all of us went, but we went to high school together. Okay. So that was a different kind of thing. So he knew that because I also. didn't want my son to grow up and not see a relationship or see love. So it's a, it was a then I wanted him to see that. Yeah, your mommy is a girl sometimes. You know, I can be feminine. Well, also, it's very important what this lady or these social workers said to you about don't introduce him to his mom because he's always going to worry, worry, worry. But I also believe,

like, it's important for you to bring a, if a man is what you're wanting in the house and then your son, sees oh this man loves my mom this man's nice to my mom yes this is how you treat a lady and my mom is responding well to it so she must really like this guy she trust him around me and you know he's 14 now like he knows the fuck's up yeah absolutely he knows he knows even though I got him out the house for a couple days but he knows so he does see but it's important though that his mom is also taken care of yes you're his mom okay I'm like you understand what I'm saying like I I get that if you meet this lady, is she eating tonight? I hope she's not there.

But it's also important to this lady, the one that I live under her fucking roof here for the last 14 years, is also loved and taken care of. Okay. I'm going to make sure that's not something he needs to do. That's right. I'm going to make sure I get another man over to the house. Make sure my son sees. Then he does like just, ah, ah, ah, like if I hug a man?

That's the other thing I'm going to say. Is there been a guy where he's like, I don't like him? Oh, I had an ex. He couldn't stand because he was strict. None of exes ever, like, put their hands on my son or anything that I would. I would never allow that. But they would discipline him. He's also getting too old now to put hands on because he'll fight back.

Yeah. Yeah. What kind of discipline? What are you okay with letting someone just how, you know, what are your limits for discipline of your child? You can yell at him. you can put him on punishment you can give him like the one X

had him picking up all the leaves in the yard one of the time I was one of the time he's doing he couldn't rake him he had to go handpick him I'm taking that shit that motherfucker's gonna be out there for four hours okay oh he was on oh man I can watch a whole football game

you can bet you won't do that again he was one by one some shit right there Oh, yeah, he got him. So, see, I let him do that. But he remembers him. He talks about him all the time. I'll bet.

He remembered that shit. He's like, Mr. Carlton. I don't like him. Mr. Carlton. Mr. Carlton. Making a fucking new leaves. That is too much. Oh, man.

This has been a great episode. Wait, before we wrap up, I got a couple things. Let's talk about honeydew. There's something you wanted us to mention about honeydew, and we were talking before we were. I love the name of the podcast, The Honeydew, with, of course, Ryan Sikler. I love honeydew. Do you understand?

You're like, you said this to me. I'm like, you're the person. I'm like, who doesn't love honeydew? That is the sweetest fruit. Do you get the right one? That's it. I don't. Okay.

You got to get the right one. But it's like, Camelow. This is what the doctors always said. People say, oh, you know, if you're wrapping in bacon, I'm like, you wrap anything in fucking bacon, it's going to taste good. What are you talking? about prosciutto a melon and things like that like okay whatever but I had a doctor tell me one time he's like there's like one month out of the year that honey do is like this year

I'm like okay that's hilarious you like it though huh I love honey do even over cantalope and all that yeah cattle I pick I eat the honeydew before I eat the candle you're the person at the work party that eats the honeydew I'm telling you look I have all these people mail them to me like I'm at work function today sickler this is what's left that it's all honeydew that's the left and like two pieces of catalog. See, we will cut up the honeydew that's not right, the hard honeydew. Yeah, the hard, it's not good. Yeah, white.

But you ever ride down the street and see one of those little umbrella people selling the vendors. The vendors. You get some good honeydew from them. You tell them. Get some honeydew, some cantalope, some pineapple, some watermelon and they put it in that thing and they squeeze the lime juice over it. And they take some tahini and put it on there. baby let me tell you something that's a meal delicious ten dollars might be fine thank you so much

for doing this um before i wrap up here i would love to hear advice you would give to 16 year old kim wittley 16 year old kim witty keep your legs close here's the thing though it doesn't result in a pregnancy of a child. Is it wild? That's wild. The thing I would say, also, 16-year-old Kim, I would say, have no fear. Do not let fear stop you from anything. Try it all except for cocaine.

That's great. especially today, especially in today's cocaine market. Oh, God. Especially in today. It's trash. It's trash. I saw this video of them talking about. There was two guys talking about how crack was so much better than the cocaine.

The cocaine's killing you now. Like, it's not like it was. It's a poison now. But a crackhead, he'll climb a pole. He'll start your motor. You know what I mean? These guys are just doing cocaine. and dying, but crackheads live forever.

They're like cockroaches. They're always out there with a cigarette hanging out of their mouth, do whatever you need. They're just still there. That is hilarious. It's true. So if you're going to do something, do crack instead of coke. Leave the cocaine alone. Kim Whitley, thank you so much.

One more time right here. Promote everything you'd like. Hey, y'all. It's Kim Whitley. Please follow me on my social media. Kim K.Y.M. Whitley across the board of all social media. Also, my podcast with Sherry Shepherd, Too Funny. Mamas. Please subscribe. Check that out. My movie is out right now. Happy Gilmore 2, which is

broken all kind of box record, box office records. Happy Gilmore 2 with Adam Sandler on Netflix, killing Mary Sue, my other movie on Prime. Then I would say also go to walk in the light movie.com trying to get it to the Oscars. We're crowdfunding, but also once you see it out, please go and check it out. Thank you so much. I loved it. This is a great episode. Thank you.

I enjoyed it. As always, Ryan Sickler, on all social media, we'll talk to you all next week. Thank you.