The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - 353: Josh Wolf - Taking My Son to Rehab

Episode Date: September 29, 2025

SPONSORS: Function Health – My first 1000 listeners get a $100 credit toward their membership when they visit www.functionhealth.com/HONEYDEW or use gift code HONEYDEW100 at sign-up My HoneyDew this week is comedian Josh Wolf! Check out Josh’s podcast with his son Jacob, Generation Wolf, and his newest special, The Campfire Special, both on his YouTube today. Josh joins me this week to Highlight the Lowlights of fatherhood and addiction. From touring with his son to confronting the realities of drug use, Josh shares the hard, and sometimes hilarious, lessons he continues to learn as a parent. Get tickets to see me in San Diego October, 3rd! https://www.ryansickler.com/tour SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE and watch full episodes of The Dew every toozdee! https://youtube.com/@rsickler SUBSCRIBE TO MY PATREON - The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I Highlight the Lowlights with Y’all! Get audio and video of The HoneyDew a day early, ad-free at no additional cost! It’s only $5/month! AND we just added a second tier. For a total of $8/month, you get everything from the first tier, PLUS The Wayback a day early, ad-free AND censor free AND extra bonus content you won't see anywhere else! http://patreon.com/RyanSickler What’s your story?? Submit at [e-mail] Get Your HoneyDew Gear Today! https://shop.ryansickler.com/ Ringtones Are Available Now! https://www.apple.com/itunes/ http://ryansickler.com/ https://thehoneydewpodcast.com/ SUBSCRIBE TO THE CRABFEAST PODCAST https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-crabfeast-with-ryan-sickler-and-jay-larson/id1452403187

All right, y'all, big news. My new stand-up special Live and Alive drops Friday, October 24th, right here on my YouTube at 9 p.m. Eastern, 6 p.m. Pacific. We shot it at Comedy on State, Madison, Wisconsin. There were two sold-out shows. The crowds were unbelievable, and I'm telling you, honestly, it's my best work. This special is special. I'm really proud of it. It's self-produced. It's self-funded.

It's self-released and straight from me to you the way it should be. And here's the best part. During the premiere, I'll be live in the YouTube comments with you guys hanging out the whole time. I'll answer questions. I want to watch it all unfold in real time with you guys like we're there together that night. All right. So make sure you subscribe to my channel. Hit that reminder and join me on release night. This one means a lot to me. And I would love to experience that first watch with you guys. Friday, October 24th, 9 p.m. Eastern, 6 p.m. Pacific. a live right here on my YouTube subscribe now and don't miss it the honeydew with ryan sickler i am ryan sickler welcome back to the honeydue y'all we're over here doing it in the nightpanst studios i am ryan sickler on all your social media ryan sickler dot com thanking you guys for watching this show supporting this show all these years we've been going now i'm trying to think about it we started in january of 2019 uh so thank you thank you very much i love my life i love doing this with you guys uh and if you've got to have more then you've got to have the patreon

listen to me it's the honeydew with you all and it's the wildest show on the internet and our guest today can testify to that uh so if you or someone you know has a story that has to be heard. Please submit it to Honeydew Podcast at gmail.com. If you've already sent it, sent it again. Bump it to the top. We would love to do your story. All right.

That's the biz. You know what we do here. We highlight the low lights and always say that these are the stories behind the storytellers. I am very excited to have this guest back on the Honeydewood. Ladies and gentlemen, Josh Wolf. Let's go. Back with the Honeydood, by the way, just as somebody who's heard those Patreon stories and has been in here, those are wild.

it's without a doubt more consistent than Netflix thank you without a doubt for five bucks crazy the entertainment you get and I'm not guys I don't get any money from Ryan sickler saying this shit this it is the best five dollars you're ever going to spend some of those stories dude I will go home and I'll tell my wife and you know what she says to me why do you do that show because where else you're hearing I was like, are you kidding me? Where else you're here? These are real.

Because if some of the stories, dude, if they were in a movie, I'd be like, come on, man. A hundred percent. You'd be like, there's no way that really happened. No, yeah, yeah, it did, it did. Yeah, a couple of them. And also the fact that, like, you know, we're going to have Segora do one, which this is not a best-of episode with Josh this time. We had planned one for Tom Seagora also. But to shock you guys, you're the two.

people that send me the most fucked up shit on the internet nonstop to the point now when you guys will send me a video like you did yesterday i'm like saw it today because you have affected my algorithm where you don't need to send them to me anymore they're showing up now heavy too they're just showing up heavy in my feet here's what's crazy and how normalized they've become the i send the video here's what the conversation was afterwards you right saw it today the next the question i had was are those diapers and you said nope underroos yeah just the fact that we were having that conversation matter of fact what it's in my day now because of all this so go watch it subscribe uh but before we get into

your story today please uh plug everything anything you'd like well um i do a podcast with my son called Hey Man, that we are changing, we're rebranding, and next month, I don't know when this comes out, but next month. And we're going to call it Generation Wolf. We're going to get back into interviewing people about their childhood like we did with you. About that two-hour podcast you did with me where I cried three times and you're like, hey, guy, we don't have the audio for that. I'm like, wait, you don't have the video. We can still release the audio. You're like, No, no, no, no. We got the video. We don't have the audio. And you know what? It happened here. It happened here, too. It did. She did not know what she was doing. But we're, so we're getting back into that. We're going to rebrand the Generation Wolf. I have another special coming out. It'll be out August 12th. It's called the Campfire special. Where are they going to find that? On my YouTube channel. You know, the special I released eight months ago passed over a million. all my specials over a million um but this special because i've gotten really back into

playing guitar like i've i've been alternating one some straight story specials and then music and stories and then just stories and this one is like you're sitting around a campfire it dude this is maybe my funniest special and i'm doing things that i love and it's zanies and natural. Hell yeah. We love Zanis in Nashville. But I did things like, I did things like, and Brian Dorfman, dude, great dude. I did things like, I'd been writing songs for a hype, like a spinal tap country band called Hard Country. Okay. And we, me and the two guys from a band called Little Big Town, they came and joined me. And we like, dude, we wrote song. We have a song called, um, why is your titty on your back? It's,

why's your titty on your back it's so fucking funny dude uh we it's all right listen i am good to be in my head all day today i'm just gonna be watch your titty on your back it's such a good song dude um make my own lyrics up after that it's amazing uh we and so when we did it we had chelsea lynn on i wrote a song for she and i um and then i did a much i did some songs with jacob but and then stories are in between there but this is it's like an hour 15 i had uh you know jeremiah walkins and every pearson started a production company and so they did it it looks great i'm so fucking happy so if you guys get a chance go check that out on my youtube page and just touring man

comedian josh wolf dot com jacob and i tour around together he's you know somebody he does 15 minutes jay more asked me he goes how much time does he do i go 15 and he was how much time does he have i go two and a half but i've just been so much fun man and i and i told you earlier before i've never been happier and more peace personally and I've never been such a clean slate creatively. I really don't know what I want to do moving forward. I know I want to perform, but I don't know what I want to talk about. So I'm pretty excited to see I tour so much. I write so much. I also like hearing that too. Like a lot of times, you know, comedians, I'm sure authors, whatever, you get to a point where

like, I don't know what I want to talk about. And instead of being excited about any opportunity out there, you freak out about, I don't know what it's going to be and you shut down or, you know, you clam up. So I like hearing that because I'm in the same spot. I feel the same way. I write so much. So I have this special. I have other material. I'm just going to release over. I don't know. I'm going to put out another story special. I have all the stories lined up for it. I could shoot it. I think I was going to release. It's going to force me to do something different. Because as long, if I release it, I'm not telling that story. Get out of your comfort zone. Yeah. What, what do I want to do? So I'm, uh, I can't wait, man. And we'll see. I might be like,

this was the biggest fucking mistake in my life, but I don't think so. I don't think so. But as we know, highlights don't come without the low lights. So talk to me about taking Jacob out on the road. And like, What was the decision to say yes to that? Because as a parent and a businessman, I know you wage your pros and your cons. What made you say yes to that? And actually, how old was he when he first, when you first did this? Not just dabbled, but where you're like, okay, we're going to do this. He was coming on the road with me just in selling merch.

And we would do Q&As every now and then. And because so much of my material had been about him, my fans knew him or felt like they knew him. Right. And so the Q&As were amazing. And they, and they, and he was so natural. And we have such a cool shorthand. And truthfully, dude, I wrote out pros and cons. And I could have written, I could have listed a hundred cons and only had one pro.

And as long as that pro was, I get to spend time with Jacob. It didn't matter what the cons were. It really didn't. Whatever it was going to do with my business, you know, how it might affect it, anything. you don't get to spend you still have a young kid people have grown adult children you know I don't want to fucking hang out with you and so to be able to I'm in that window now

yeah like it's I'm in the window where I got a wait out to whatever next 20 years but maybe maybe 30 she'll come back around like hey yeah because they think you're dumb as fuck I don't know shit right now nah and so which also is a nice honestly I like it because it's a bit of a, you know, grounding.

It's a humble check where, like, you don't know shit. I'm like, you know how much I know. And then I'm like, I don't know. So it has to be a question. I'm like, let's look it up. Yeah, he'll say things to me and I'll agree with and I'll have to Google it. I'm like, what do you mean by? It's funny, though, he gets our pop culture references.

You know why? Family guy. Okay. He's like, I know that song. I'm like, how do you know that? song he's like fucking family guy yeah crazy but so just to be able to tour with him and i think i don't know if i told you this but i he's been touring with me for like three years and i like to fuck with him i i have yet to let him get his own hotel room i make him sleep with me every night

and i keep telling him i'm gonna i think i'm gonna name this tour one room two beds he was like don't i don't like that i'm like maybe you know the one bed one room one bed one room two beds Two beds is a better tour. Two beds a better tour. For sure. But, but, um, so we started touring together. And you know, I'm, I'm, you know, I've had to walk a delicate line with him especially. Um, because I've been pretty open about, you know, my drug use and when I say drug use,

it's weed, shrooms, acid. I'll do a little ketamine every now and then But besides that So You know Other than that Besides that I'm Clean as a whistle

Bodies a whistle Yeah So I can drive right now Maybe not on acid Maybe not on acid No I think I might be able to drive on No

You can fly a spaceship on asses fuck yeah dude but we but these are all things that i've been really open and he's a weed smoker and uh how old is he 28 so 25 is when he goes starts going on the road with you yeah three years okay and i was i i wasn't a dude who was you know big into smoking weed with him when he was younger but my my i always thought well i i would have my dad had a beer with me what's the difference and this is you and uh it was you it was uh beth jane for myself we all went to you guys invited me to here was when it first opened it was lull's uh cannabis cafe and i watched your son who was 20 whatever two at the time smoke a joint i thought man i always thought i would never do that

with my kid, you know, until they were like maybe a parent. Mm-hmm. And then I'm like, well, wait a minute. If it's going to be federally legal, I don't have any fucking say over this 21-year-old who can legally drink who I would have a beer with my daughter at 23 or whatever. Why wouldn't I smoke a joint if it's a legal thing? So it did change my mind on like, well, once it's a law, like you also have no control over that shit anymore, bro.

If I'm smoking a joint, there was a. while I would smoke, I'd be like, I'm not going to smoke with you. But we were across the table smoking. And the truth is, I started to think, if I say, if I said yes to alcohol and no to the weed, what am I saying about the weed? I don't, because I'm not a dude who thinks weed is worse than booze. So, right? No, I think booze is worse than weed.

Yeah, yeah. Right. So what would I, what would I be saying? So we would smoke some weed together. You know, I do mushrooms every Friday night late show. And he did that a couple times with me. By the way, thank you for the mushrooms. How good are those?

Phenomenal, bro. So it inspired me. So it was, the clip I saw was something's burning, Bert's clip with Lunell. Yeah. And she said, she's just smiling ear to ear. And she said, Josh Wolf came in these mushrooms. And she said, I just took a little bit of the dust and had it before I came here. And when I heard that, I was like, you know what?

Damn, if I'm not doing that with my mother. fucking Sunday. I didn't want to go blitz. I fucking took all that dust. I rolled it in a little peanut butter ball. Boom. Bro. What a wonderful. Amazing. What a wonderful Sunday I had. Man, I know, I didn't know the trees were that green. I didn't even know they talked. Crisp. Yeah. Everything's crisp as fuck. 40K. Yeah. What filter. Can I get my cameras to look like? Dude, they should do a filter that's just a mushroom camera. They should have a shroom camera. They should have a shroom lens. You know, I take like three, three and a half grams before you want to say. That's not what I'm doing.

That's not what I'm doing. Just so you know. I'm not sprinkling any fucking dust. That was not my mom Sunday, bro. I'm taking three, three and a half grams and I'm going on stage, dude. So it's, but, but there were, there was like one night. This was the last time he did him with me. So he.

Oh, so he would do that with you. Every for like four weeks he did. You know, when you're a kid, he just assumed, well, my dad's taking this. I can take what he takes. He considered, I was like, dude, I get 30 years of buildup. This is not. Tolerance. Mistakes.

Yeah. And my brain is like, don't freak out. We know what this is. Yeah. Yes, yeah. We were in the hotel room in our one room, two beds. And I was watching impractical jokers. And I was laughing like I had never.

seen the show in my life. Like it was the single, who thought of this? Like, tears rolling down my face, laughing. And I look at him, he's under the covers. He was under the covers, weeping. It was amazing. Absolutely amazing. But so I was a grown man under there. Weep and crying. And the next morning he was like i think i'm out of the mushroom's like good i that's probably a good call but so uh not long after that you know he would okay one thing he would always say to me was like because we would talk about whatever drugs and i'd say to him dude i have zero tolerance for cocaine i have zero tolerance for meth i told them all these things i have zero tolerance for you ever entertaining that especially now when that line of coke could kill you kill you right just you're

like i think i think i want to try this and i know it sounds hypocritical but when i was trying it you weren't dying from a bump now to overdose back then you had to take so much of that drug that it fucking killed you had to earn not a little yeah you had to go for it not a little and you're gone No. I feel bad all the time for these people that are ruled an overdose when really they were poisoned. They were murdered. They were killed. They did not take enough of said substance, whatever it is to kill them. It was a poison substance that got them. Not that thing. If I'm going to OD, I want to earn it. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? It's like, dude, honestly, I got a little older. I've gotten heartburn, right? You know how healthy I eat? I got so mad. I'm like, at least. Let me eat the fucking pizza. I'm getting harperin from kale. Fuck this. Fuck you.

Look, I'm 52. I've never done cocaine. Let's just say when I hit 70, I'm like, I would like to fucking try it. A tiny little could fucking kill me. I don't even get to enjoy it. I don't get to have fun. Can we make it back? Mm-hmm.

80 years old? Bro, if I make it to 80. Heroin. I will 100. I want opium. Mm-hmm. I want heroin. I want cocaine.

Not all on the same. Yeah, I was going to say. that's the last day. Yeah, you might as well have one foot over the grave. You might have a pop up one last day. Like, I told you how about it. Up out of the car, out of the coffin. Fuck you.

Just up. But I'm on record. 80 years old, I want to try it. You know why? Because they make it look so fun in the movies, especially, well, the first half, the second half of the movie, not as fun. You know, when you're sucking dick for. Yeah, I don't want to get that far.

You know what I mean? I don't want to do that for anything, you know. So, but I want to ask you, too, because as we both know the road, like, you've got a very young man. And there's so many temptations on the road with the alcohol, the hard drugs, the fucking, the girls, all that shit. And, I mean, look, I think, honestly, again, being from Baltimore really helped me out. Because when I'm on the road, I have never in all the years. I've never left with a girl. I've never gone back to a lady's place, nothing.

Because in my mind, you don't want to fuck me. I'm going to your place or you're coming to my room. And next thing I know two dudes are showing up and I'm getting robbed and fucked up. And I just don't want any fucking part of it. Can I tell you all honesty, no jokes? It's why it's one room two beds. It's why it's one room too bad. Okay.

because it's he's okay he's not going out and doing an open mic where nobody knows him people aren't there's nobody throwing pussy at him you know because of that but he's in front of now room full of people who already love him young handsome too many temptations and i just was like this is going to keep him eye on the prize so out of nowhere, Beth and I got a text from him one night when he was overseas where he basically was like, I'm an addict. I won't go into the specific text because it's pretty personal and I'm not sure he wants me to say exactly what it said. But it was like I'm an, it was no, because it did say in the text, I'm an addict. I'm a drug addict. What made him get to that?

that he you could see in the text he would felt helpless and he was felt like he was drowning and i was like what what here's another thing i go what drug and he said coke and you hadn't seen him do it or anything nothing and here's his saving grace he's always been a congested dude always runny nose always sniffle always so it wasn't something that i picked up on looking back i think i didn't want to see some of it because here's the thing you know as a parent and you know as somebody who's who's lied as a child your parents want to believe you that's what they want they want they but you're their kid they want to believe you so and they don't want to believe any of the bad shit so we he was in london at the time he flew back in and right when he landed we drove him we

brought him here to a house and uh he went in for he left early uh which wasn't something that like a sober living yeah we wanted him to i didn't want him to be up at where they make you mango juice and you know whereas you're like this is nice i wanted him to be in a room with eight other dudes on a bunk bed you you know and learning how to live without drugs um he was how long had he been doing it two years and so obviously the whole time they're on the road a gram a day is he testing it and shit he said yes he's fucking lucky grandma day in veas that's fucking that's fucking fucking Russian roulette, bro. You know, borrowing, stealing money.

And how's he getting it? Fans and shit are showing up. No, he was, he, he, had his own thing. He would find it in Vegas. He had his own connect in Vegas. He didn't do it much on the road because he was like, I didn't think I could fool you. On the road, he was like, if I'm up until six in the morning in the one room, you're probably going to catch on.

But he was doing a gram a day. And, you know, he told me later, he was like, you know, I was stealing money from you every weekend. all selling the merch from the merch he was like I was just stealing money and he was like you ask mom I was borrowing money for her for things that I didn't need

you know I would say something like my rent or my car I need a new tire and he was like I stole a lot from you guys but we had to put them in sober living and it was like you get caught also as a human you don't want to make it about you but I felt such enormous guilt about being so open about

drugs and how I was okay with it and what was my responsibility in his addiction which was really brutal for me and I'm just thinking about this now dude I think one of the reasons it was so brutal for me is because one of the things we all have our Who Am I, right? If you wrote down who's Ryan Sickler, you would write down Father. That would be somewhere near the top of the list.

That's top. Right? Not only was at the top of my list, I've always considered myself to be a good parent. And it shook the core of who I thought I was. It was, and at the same time, I remember when my oldest son was in Afghanistan and we would call him on the phone. I remember the first time we called him

and he could hear that I was nervous. This was the first time when he was at his base and he was like, hey, I must stop you right now. I can't, I'm nervous enough. I can't be comforting you. So whatever you got going on, put that shit together. Put that shit to the side. Yeah. Because when we're talking. Good for him. That's mature. He was like, when we're talking, I have to forget where I am. That's what this is for. That's what that's this. That's great. Right. That's fucking Welsh, man, that's a, that's a fucking, but also, right. That's a point of you, isn't it? But fucking A. It's not about me. He's waking up every day, not knowing. Shit's blown up around me. I'm just trying to call you guys and check out for a few minutes.

Don't be interviewing me about this shit. Can I, on a separate side note. So when he comes home we threw him a party and he goes hey i made like a little video of my time in afghanistan can i show it and i was like yeah yeah yeah and we there's a party with like children and like eight from six to 80 all in between just people there to see Trevor come home like 10 minutes for the party i go let me see the video just to make sure and it's like a picture collage of him and his friends and you know landing in Afghanistan on the way to the base and then it cuts to a video and you just see some Afghanis walking by a dry riverbed and then just carpet bomb no afghanis that's in the video he wants to show that I go hey dude we can't show that and he goes

why not I go people died right he goes yeah but no blood I go we're not showing actual death at your welcome... This is in Twitter. That's your welcome home part. Yeah. But his perspective had changed so much. Mm-hmm. Like how that all of a sudden becomes tame.

Yeah. No blood. There's no blood there. It's not boring. It's fine. It's just no people. But souls are gone, right? Yeah.

Yeah. You see them. You see it. But not really. Is that a boot over there? It's like a match. trick they're there they're not there i say that because you know i the other thing i really struggled with is this isn't about me whatever my responsibility may or may not be your son is in a

life crisis and so it was a real struggle with my ego and i think beth would say the same thing about where our responsibility was in where he ended up. And it was brutal to question the part of you you're so proud of, what you're most proud of, who my kids are, how I was as a parent, both Beth and I. And so for that to rock you was, and I'm, dude, I'm not the only person that's had kids have to go to rehab, and I'm sure they've all struggled with the same fucking thing. So it was really rough. And he was angry at Beth and I for putting in there.

Oh, was he? Still. Still, still, still, still. He left early. He was like, I don't. You can leave on your own. That's sober living you could. Yeah.

And my deal with him was you leave, dude, but you're not coming home to a job. You're not coming home to me and you're on the road. Okay. okay that's not what you're coming home that's a healthy boundary i couldn't be like well great let's go back out yeah there are a addict's gonna find whatever their addiction is wherever the fuck they go gambling prostitution whatever it's gonna morph into something uh you know stephen randolph actually really helped me because i called them and you know he's struggled with his own addiction and but he helps people and um maybe that's not something we put on there i don't know

if he wants oh he's are you kidding me he's randoff has told the fucking oh yeah he's told the wildest stories ever on the craft feast and everything oh yeah so but i called him he said hey this helped me a lot he said take whatever guilt you're feeling and whatever responsibility and flush it because an addict is an addict he said did your do you do drugs and i said yeah he said he did your parents do drugs? I go, not a one. He was like, it doesn't, it doesn't, it's not, you didn't force feed him. It's his choice. And have you done Coke? And I said, yeah, I go, are you an addict? I said, no. And he said, it's in him already, you know, me paraphrasing or whatever, but he was like, this is not your responsibility. They're going to, an addict is going to find what

they want to find. And that did help a lot that perspective, you know, but it was like, it changed me. I went, I was sober for 90 days. It changed my brain. It changed how I used drugs. I don't, I barely smoke weed anymore. I stopped for 90 days and I was like, it's weird for me to say that, dude. Because for a while, dude, I had a show on Monday nights where I would smoke three joints, take 200 milligrams of edibles and pop three grams of mushrooms and turn on the fucking camera. And so that kind of stuff, I really checked how I was.

I didn't I don't glorify it as much and I don't not out front with it as much and he and I don't my line is I still don't think you should smoke weed yeah smoke weed and as far as I know he's not doing coke but my line is like we just can't do that anymore so when he leaves early what happens does he get clean and sober does he have to go back does he learn that it's not as easy as he thought or is he doing well he is with the coke or anything I he's not no coke no booze for So he left early and he stayed clean. Look, man. I know. Yeah, yeah. I've got a cousin. But yeah, yeah. But I think so.

I think so. Now, he's still smoking weed and more than I'm comfortable with. But way better than doing Coke. Because a gram a day, it's not like your habit goes down. No. And I told him he was so mad. You know, he was like, I think I could kick this without going in. them.

Richard Pryor's got, I'm going to mess it up, but it's always, I forget the year it is, but it's one of those old heads in the neighborhood, and they're like, man,

you're addicted this shit. He's like, I ain't addicted this shit. Man, I've been doing this shit for 20 years. That logic. You know what I mean? What you all told him?

I've been doing this shit for 20 years. But the idea, he was like, I could have just kicked it at the house. I'm like, oh, yeah. Copy. Yeah.

Like everyone who's tried to kick it. Matt. And he's still mad. It's not about. kicking cocaine as much as it is about fighting that fucking addiction down you know what i mean like yeah coke's your thing but you're going to sit in the house and just try to talk yourself out of it good luck and coke leads just to terrible anybody who's done a bunch of coke and you're an addict when you're an addict and doing coke you're not a good person you're stealing from people you're lying

you know what he told me which was so interesting he said you know what the hardest part of being an addict was I said what he goes all the lies I had to keep up with living that different life I had to keep up I was telling so many lies to live this secret life it was fucking killing me he said that has lifted me more than not doing the coke all the time but a gram a day is not a little and it he was doing it you know we would do it by himself and he said he did it a couple there was one time on the road I just here's one of the ways like I didn't want to believe it we were in a city and somebody came into the room who worked there because if he needed coke you can always go into the kitchen some we could find everything you need is under that

comedy club roof or someone can get yeah it's you want pills weed coke it's it's a it's a little tap yeah some guy came in and was like hey that guy with a long hair wanted some coke And I was like, I knew you get the wrong room. He was like, I don't think so. He's one of the comics. I'm like, well, it's just me and my son. So, you know, and he was like, oh. And I was, I told Jacob, I'm like, this dude came in.

And he was like, I don't know what that fucking guy is. That was the one time he said to me. He goes, I thought you were going to bust me then. I mean, it was, he's like, I don't know what you're talking about. He's like, no, this guy right here. Now, that's my son. He sent me out. is Jacob right

yeah the guy with the long hair the guy standing right there you know the guy that goes up there with you you're like nah not lost not yeah but I was so blinded by it man yeah it was so crazy because it was right in my face

he was like that fucking guy yeah and I was like Jacob he was like not me I'm like not him yeah but but I I had never it made me start to question things that I had done with my other kids.

And it made me question my entire life as a father. And did I really do good by these kids? It's a tough thing to question yourself. The thing that you, like I said, that you're like, if everything else went away, I could hang my head on this as a human. and to have someone go, maybe not, dude, your kid's a coke addict and you do drugs in front of them. I chose function because it's the only health platform that gives me data most people never get and the insights to start doing something about it. Inside function, you get access to test over 100 biomarkers from hormones to toxins to markers of heart health, inflammation, and stress.

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step toward finding out what you're made of, helping you understand what it takes to live a healthier, longer life. I just went and have my blood work done. I just went and got all my labs. I just went and I'm still waiting for my results. I did my CT scan 0%, but I'm looking at the inside of the heart too. So I'm waiting on all that. I'm doing all. I'm doing all. all this right now. Listen, I'm 52. If you're getting up there, if you have health issues in your family, genetics, all of it, I'm telling you try function now. Learn more and join using my link. Function is a near 360 view to see what's happening in your body and my first thousand listeners get $100 credit toward their membership. Visit www.functionhealth.com

or use gift code honeydew 100 at sign up to own your health. Now, let's get back to the dude. Well, so do you think then, or did you think that parenting was like you're just supposed to buy out a thousand? You know what I mean? Like, is that where you were in your mind? Like, oh, if I fuck up here or whatever, then. No, I don't think you ever bat a thousand.

But when you think your behavior has damaged your child in such a drastic way, that's the thing. We all make, going into parenting, you don't realize until you're, are a parent, that your parents didn't know what the fuck they were doing. Especially with your first kid, you're like, I have to make a decision that I've never made before. So I'm going to roll the dice and you just do the best you can. And so I've always been, I mean, outside of your mom, I've thought there's, you know, no bad parents.

No, I've always been. I'm glad we could shatter. out for you, brother. I'm glad we can bring you back down the earth. I've always thought that people, it's not bad parents. They're doing the best they can. And some people aren't good at it, but they're still doing the best that they can. So I've always been okay with what. But there's also some people, let's be honest, that aren't doing the best they can. Yeah. That's an excuse I think a lot of people use to be like, I'm doing the best I can. Then rational people say, hey, I know this person's a piece of shit, but they are doing the best they can.

And then there are sometimes where, like, no, they're fucking not. Yeah, no, they're not. They're not doing the best. If you're doing the best you can, you wouldn't be sleeping on that couch. Well, the heroin fucking needle in your arm. That ain't the best you can do right now. Unless you're 80. Get the fuck up.

Yeah, bro. Get up and do the best you can. Be the best wherever you are. And the best of you is not that. It's not for some people. Yeah. Some people genuinely are like, look, man, I'm. I had you when I was 18, bro.

I'm doing the best I fucking can here. And I really am showing up and I am doing the best I can. That's different than just some loser, parent, mom, or dad being like, I'm doing whatever I can. But some people are drug addicts and they have kids. And I'm not excusing it or I'm not, I'm just like, I mean maliciously, intentionally fucking this kid up. Yes. And so I didn't, I never thought I was going to bat a thousand. I made a ton of fucking mistakes.

I think the, as a parent, oh, dude, as a parent, the thing I regret the most. But this was, and I remember, this is crazy that I kind of, not kind of, this is maybe the thing that I regret the most is not maybe. Without a doubt, the thing I regret the most as a parent. I was single. I was raising the three kids, young. I made $1,000 a month.

I lived in Hollywood. times tight dude yeah you were stealing fucking stealing food from rouse making your peanut butter and jelly sandwiches at rouse but i was i was eating a meal a day and whatever scraps the kids left right and i was still trying to do stand-up and it was at one of those points where everything was going wrong and i had a five thousand dollar gig what's the Warren Miller is the guy who makes all the ski movies. And I had a $5,000 gig to do a live intro. I was going to be the host for this, Warren Miller.

Okay. But $5,000 is five months worth of money for me. Yeah. That is an enormous amount. That's one of those things you're like, oh, okay. So if I'm not even as tight as I need to be for three months, I can pay rent and eat. That is an enormous check. And because the pressures of raising the kids and then still trying to do what we do was enormous.

And I was on the phone and I was losing this gig. And Caitlin, my daughter, was so good with Jacob. And there were times where I just needed two seconds. But she was too small to pick him up. And I'd see him pick him up. And I was like, Kate, I'm on the phone. Kate, you can't pick him up. Don't pick him up, please.

You're not strong enough. Kate, as I'm losing this gig, Kate, don't pick him up. And then I lose the gig. I hear a huge crack. I hear a whale out of Jacob that I'd never heard before. She had dropped him going out to the patio on the tracks. Ooh, the sliding glass door track. Yeah, dude.

Oh, fuck. Right across here. And you could see it. And, obviously not proud of this and something I've had to work through still I work through. This is the only time I've ever been physical

with any of my kids, but I open-handed her in the back of the head. Do you know what rocked me again more than anything? Is that she trusted me. That trust got taken for a while.

that was so you know they trust you to keep them safe yeah and when you're the person that's making them unsafe that has to rock their entire that realization came to me in that instant she wasn't hurt it's not like that but she was hurt i could see in her eyes that the person that she because the mom wasn't there so now she's got me and i've always been mr reliable mr trustworthy you know i'm going to take care of you and to have that yanked I could see if it immediately fucked her up it it changed like I I learned so much in that moment right so I had already that was for me bottom bottom bottom I know I know parents make mistakes I'm not a perfect person and I've apologized to her about it because

million times. So I wasn't like Aaron's don't make mistakes, but to maybe have a hand in something that could kill him was like rattled my world. Do you know what I mean? It wasn't me losing my temper and calling him a piece of shit or whatever. Although I've never done that. But maybe. we get a lot out on stage dude he said to me a couple weeks ago oh i'd love to punch you in

the fucking face right now we get a lot out man and it's so healthy we're so very honest with each other and we say shit and then it goes but to possibly have a hand a hand in something that could kill him because of him watching me or trying to emulate me was a different level than making a mistake. You know what I mean? So I think I did, I went to therapy and talking to people like Stephen was amazing. It really helped and talking to him, honestly. He was like, dude, I want you to know, he told both Beth and I, this has nothing to do with either one of you.

I you you could not have been more vocal about how bad cocaine is and I tried it and that was it for me yo I've tried it that wasn't it for me so he was like you have nothing so him letting me off the hook helped but like it was a real rough five or six months for sure you know and you said he's still a little angry that you guys put him in there now because Did you visit them while you're in there? Yeah, I came down. You did? I came down.

That's allowed, like visits all out. He was mad because in our relationship, we've always, me and him and Beth, have always talked. And it's always been a conversation. And he was like, it wasn't a conversation. You said to me, and we brought him over to the house under false pretense. And I said, dude, I got a plane ticket. Let's go to the airport. We'll go right now.

I've seen intervention. I know how that shit goes. You don't be, you know, like, and he was like, I just wish I could have gone back to the house for a day. I'm like, to do what? More Coke? Like, why am I letting you go back to the fucking house? But he was mad that I felt like, he felt like that Beth and I didn't give him a say in it. But I don't think he deserved a say.

And we will disagree about this until the day he dies, I'm sure. Maybe not. Maybe when he's 45, he fucking or a dad himself and might go through something, it might hit him. where like, oh, I understand now, you know. I did tell him, though, I said, look, dude, and this is just almost exactly what we're talking about. I said, when you're a parent, you'll understand you're making decisions by the, at the seat of your, you're flying at the seat of your pants, and you're just making decisions for what

you think is best for your kid and fuck everything else. If you're a good parent, you're doing the best you can. Right. But your mom would have been like, where are you getting the coat? I'm all of it like I got I got some I got some for you're paying too much for your drugs so now how soon do you allow him to go back on the road with you then after he gets out he had to so I told him we have gigs let's talk after the 90 days because you said if he doesn't stay he doesn't get to go back so so I told him I go let's talk after the 90 days and see if you're ready But minimum 90 days. He was supposed to be in the facility for 90 days, three months, okay. Minimum 90 days.

And then if they're like, yeah, he's okay. If that guy even said, he was like, it might be a good idea for him to start doing some gigs and start getting regular, you know? And so, but I told him, I go, well, you have to, no gigs, you have to at least ride out how long you were supposed to be in rehab. And so he had to drive. He did Uber Eats and did all, you know, 12 hours a day in the car and all that shit. He's always, dude, all my kids have always worked. I've never handed on it on. He's doing 20-hour days.

I don't know how to fuck he's doing it, man. He's going Uber. He's got six jobs right now. Kids working 20. He's busted as a guy. Well, at least he's not doing COVID. I can't figure out where he's getting all this energy, man. Wow.

To be young again. and those allergies are bad yeah I mean I didn't know Vegas had a pollen problem man

it's desert you know what I'm yeah dude he's running to the house and back to the car they say he's the fastest

delivery driver they ever he's lost 25 I can't figure it out for going oh

suit yeah yeah yeah oh my god but he listen man to his credit sober and to his credit like in the circles in Vegas with some of the comics that he was doing coke with he doesn't go he doesn't go do those mics with those people anymore do you know those people yes i mean can you step in and be the fucking old dad it says guys don't fucking get my kid coke or is that no it was a very clear message it was a very clear message afterwards but like still a drug not a drug dealer is not going to be like well you're dead told me not to sell this to you so that's not how they operate I don't think they're like yeah fuck your dad let's do some coke and dude it's very I'm sure if he goes out with them and why he's not doing it, probably very tempting to think I can do

a bump. One bump. A bump, a sip, a puff, yeah. But one thing he would say is, and the reason he can't drink is because one tequila leads to Coke. I never had that problem. I've never much of a drinker anyways. But I tried Coke.

Trust me, I hung out with Joey. And I tried it, a bunch. I can remember two times I had a good time. And everything else, I'm like, it would make me sit in the corner and shut up. And I was like, these people all look like they're having fun. That's the opposite of what Coke does. Not me. I shut up.

I didn't talk. All it made me do was made me want to tell people to stop talking and put more drugs on the table. And that wasn't fun, man. That's why the mushrooms and the weed and the acid and the ecstasy. I added one. Hey, please add. And the ketamine, Cajal ketamine.

And le ketamine, all that shit, dude. I like that stuff. But I really made, like, I don't, I've scaled so far back. The mushrooms is the one thing on Friday nights. And I was talking to him about it. I'm like, I don't know if I can do these shows anymore with you. And he was like, why not?

And I said, because, dude, I can't be out here doing drugs. publicly with my son who just got out of and he was like I'm not doing the drugs I said yeah but it looks so irresponsible and he he was like hey fuck those people I it's up to me whether you do mushrooms or not if I want to do coke I'm I did it for two years without you know I could go get it right now you doing mushrooms has nothing to do with me doing coke and he said and you like it dude he was like i don't want to take that from you you like doing it don't let this he's like you got to push this guilt aside but outside of tequila that none of these things are a gateway for him to want to do coke alcohol alcohol makes him want to do coke as far as i know and we and uber

driving no all of it yeah no as far as i know no dude and all you know beth and i have you done a show together yet since or is that not happened yet you have oh yeah yeah what was the first one you did together when he after um sober little well we went to australia new zealand all to do he went with you for those shows okay because i also easy to just again one room and you know and he's pretty fresh out of the house then so it was a good place for me to be able to extend kind of a washful eye for a couple weeks and i have to say man he was so i i could notice a difference not coke jacob and he refers to cocaine jacob as a like a different human what's what was different now looking back his focus um his his um honestly dude like compassion and empathy all that shit had kind of gone off

also his hands were so sweaty and cold he would he stopped shaking my hand he was just fist and it's splash i was like what's what the fucking yeah i was like what's with the cold clammy hands bro you shadow boxing over there in the corner for an hour before we touch up here what's i was like why is this so cold and clammy but but yeah it was like back to him and the mood wasn't as up and down um but sober him and he did say he was like you know i i would on my monday nights i do a residency in Vegas right he was like every monday i was high on coke on stage oh he would do he'd be performing with you on those as well yeah and you couldn't tell no and that's the thing dude i think i was blind to it a little bit i think i because he's my son so i last i the last thing i

think, because I would say to him, I remember saying to him, you're not doing coke, right? He's like, nah. Don't believe what that dude just said, the long hair. He's talking about some other performer. Another Jacob. Yeah, some other dude who just want to say. It's just the two of us. Yeah.

But, but, but he, yeah. So I think he's honestly, dude, he's refocused in a, in a good way. Like he's so good on our podcast. He's so fucking funny now. Yeah, he was great. The producer was a problem, but he was great. He was fucking great. Dude, she.

Wait, I want to stay on track here. I want to stay on track because we go all the rails. I want to know, um, how about with Beth? Like, how did she take all of this? And, and did she get upset with you that you take them out on the road or did it cause any problems? Like, what, what happened on her? side of things she felt the same thing i felt um not that she did she didn't notice it either though no no she didn't she never once came to you like i think or never well to be fair she didn't she

wasn't spending the face time with him that i was you know and um she felt equally responsible just for different reasons the one thing that she and i had multiple serious conversations about was just that. She was like, you cannot do drugs anymore. You cannot do drugs around him. You can't do drugs on camera. You can't do that mushroom show. That's done for you. And for 90 days, I was like, I agree. And then I was just like, but why? This, the more I talk to people, they were like, it doesn't matter. You could be sober for the rest of your life. If he wants to go get Coke, he's going to get, go get Coke, go get Coke. You being smoking weed is going to have nothing to do that i had to hear that from so many different people in the sober world that they were like

it's a nice gesture it's it's very nice but it has nothing to do with whether he's going to be sober or not so that was some she was she and i did not see i and i on that for and i think she had to hear it from more people um and she had to hear from me when i was on mushrooms i was like hey she's like Listen, fuck face. But it was like a life-changing. I'm a better, I'm better. I'm a better person. I'm more clear-headed.

I'm not doing drugs the way I was. Going sober for 90 days made me realize the amount of weed I was smoking and the amount of edibles I was taking. So let me ask you it this way. You're smoking weed, you're taking edibles. What's a day for you? You're smoking weed and taking edibles at the same time, same day, or are these I always fooled myself and was like, well, I'm not taking edibles to after 7 or smoking

wait till after 7 p.m. dude, I was, now I'm not Joey Diaz, but, you know, 250 milligrams and two joints isn't like a little, but that's nightly. Yeah. Who, 250 milligrams plus the joints. Yeah. Holy shit, dude. And then on Friday, you throw shrooms on top of that. that's right oh my god that's right that's right that's right holy shit but i but performing on that

much weed you can yeah that was not even like a i didn't so friday night show josh wolf when i get there and i sit in a seat and i'm looking up at josh wolf he's already had at least two joints 250 milligrams of edibles and how many shrooms the friday night show i'm probably smoking three and a half grams three and a half grams for the late show the friday show i'm probably just smoking one joint Oh, that's responsible. Yeah. I'm cutting it in hands. I'm cutting it in hands.

I'm down 50%. Get on, my back. Yeah. I wanted to be responsible for the first show. Yeah, it was just to take the edge of it. But man, I can't. I don't, I know me. I could not, I could not stay focused enough to have that show and perform.

I know. I found out, dude, that I had a strong, for many years, a strong dislike of myself. And all that weed was covering up. It just made me not feel. And I stopped. Really? It's interesting because weed makes me feel so much. It made me not feel, dude.

Can I tell you a week? after like when bad shit goes down i can't smoke it like i normally smoke it because all it does is make me feel really a week after it had come out of my system this is no joke for seven nights in a row in my dreams i woke up weeping weeping just like got just weeping 20 years of emotions was just pouring out of me in my dreams and um i had a real I had a real struggle with who I thought, if I thought I had been authentically me and who I was, who I had portrayed myself to be through my comedy or just out, dude who's always happy all the time. That person doesn't exist. And so if you see that person who's always happy all the time, he's miserable.

Agreed. He's miserable. I mean, comedians, you see us laughing clowns all the time. This is an hour. There's 23 at ease, motherfucker. There's more ease in the day. But so I had, I'd do some real work, man. You know, I'd never, maybe it'd always poo-poo therapy. I spoke to this woman who was like, you know, she kept talking about little Josh. You got to do some work on little Josh. you got to get in there in your brain and tell him whatever he needs to hear because he's hurting this is all your strong dislike for yourself is not just from right now it started way back and so I had to do some real work man and um at the end of the work I didn't have the desire to be high all the time I just didn't when I look at a joint now it used to just be a

I'm smoking that whole fucking thing right now and I now I didn't it doesn't happen and I do like I feel things in a way that I had forgotten how to do

it has made me way better as a person I honestly don't know if it's made me better as an artist because of my mind It's not the top priority anyway No but but for a long time I thought it was

Mm-hmm No I totally understand that I mean, it's your job, it's your career, it's all that. But dude, the thing about our job, which is different than other people's jobs, is our job is us. Your job is Ryan Sickler, which is inherently selfish. So you get that wrapped up into what's important. I mean, I say it all the time. Anyone that sets out to go chase a dream is doing a selfish thing.

Just by definition, it's yourself, you're leaving everything. behind and you're going out to do this thing and then once you start doing that thing and then hopefully you get a little bit of success you want more so that's selfish but now you've got a family so you got to help everybody else with it while you're doing this selfish thing so now it's time to be unselfish and it's a wild thing to fucking learn beth would say all the time especially if i was on the road for extended period when you when you come home i don't work for you I know out there you make every decision on your own without anybody else's input. That is not how shit goes here.

There's a house full of people. You don't get to just get up and go or make decisions or tell me I'm not work in the green room. Do you know what I mean? And so that was like in our job also, what makes it more selfish is that in personal, because your job is Ryan Zickler the work you do is personal so when it's rejected it's not just rejected

professionally it's rejected it's you feel it personally because you're like oh that's wait a second I'm authentically made and they didn't like that that is a fucking difficult pill to swallow so that's one of the reasons I you know I think artists put up masks for a long time the fear is to be authentic

and to fail means that is so fucking personal but because I had lied I think to myself for so many years about being authentic I hated myself for it

and you're better now you feel good now yeah dude you feel good with Jacob or you guys are and you and Beth let me tell you something I know a little thing

but for so long dude I I colored my beard I was so worried about what other people thought. This is as gray. It's so funny that the mustache hasn't gone gray. I know.

Look at mine, too. Like, it's weird. It's like, it looks like almost like a, like a dye, a food man. Yeah, yeah. Underneath. I'm just letting it go. Yeah. But I dyed my hair over a long time, too.

Now, it wasn't because I hated myself. It was that I hated the way I looked because the way I started to go gray was just the sides. Reed Richards? Like, like, Pauly Walnuts for Diso Prado. Then I was like, oh, we can't be rocking, did it? And this was dark. Like, still my eyebrows was still dark. Yeah.

And I was like, no, so I just for men, that shit. And then I would always get a buzz. So I'm like, as soon as it starts to even out. And as soon as it did, I was like, now we're just letting it go. Dude, this was a big, I just got back from Greece. This was a big vacation for me, no hat the entire vacation. Yeah. That stuff good.

It's surprising to me, too, because you're how old now? 55. You got a full head. of hair. You got good hair, but you cover it to fuck up. And you're lucky you have it because you cover it up. Yeah, dude, I, but it's been something whenever I would look in the mirror and see this. Like you take it off, you see like Dwight Yoakum. First time I saw that motherfucker without his hat. I was like, oh, hell, no, it's all. Yeah. What? It's his hair right here. No, for me, I can't stop. You know, we all have our things. I couldn't stop looking at my

forehead. And I was like, fuck this. And I, would just be so self-conscious but i'm out of i told beth i was like i'm gonna ease into the no hat uh professionally um tonight if i hadn't just hop off a plane this would have been a it's kind of fucked up right now but it's it's been under a fucking hat yeah and it's greasy as fuck right now but it's a lot of it yeah dude but look at that forehead you know my mom used to tell me what that means you got a lot of brains and i was like oh that means i got a big forehead But all of that stuff, dude, is how I can tell that I, when Beth used to post pictures, I'd be like, color in my beard, color in my beard.

And now I'm like, I don't give a fuck. I just want to be with you and I want to be having fun. And so these are little things that don't seem like the beard to other people doesn't seem like a big deal. It's part of the mask that I always wore. And so to slowly be able to take off the mask and just has felt amazing, amazing, amazing. I'm happy for you, brother. Thank you for doing this.

I know that wasn't easy to come on and talk about. No, man, it's, it's, but like I said, I was one of the most challenging things that I've ever, especially as a parent, but it really has led to, it led to me. waking up emotionally and in life in a way that I didn't I don't think I would have so brother thank you as always thank you dude um right there promote everything you'd like again please watch my special on my youtube channel um it's called the campfire special it is honestly and the song i know when people hear songs i'm not sandler i'm not weird al those guys are actually good musicians I don't people ask me all the time why don't you plug your guitar in because when you plug it in I find you can really hear what it sounds like so I just play it next to the microphone yeah

but some of my songs are only 17 seconds long I use them for punchlines one thing it's been a different type of writing for me some of my songs if I hit a punchline that I can't beat the song is over I'm not I'm not a folk singer a jingle yeah I'm just writing I'm writing jokes and I'll tell you something else it's done it's like you know like cartoons animated they can get away with saying whatever they want i find the jokes that i write in the songs are so so much edgier my songs push the envelope so much more than my stories that i fucking love it like some of them are really there's a couple like i wrote a couple michael j fox jokes in a song that i wouldn't to put in a story but in the song dude so i i the campfire special it's got two of my favorite

stories also that i've ever told one about going waiting out overnight for concert for the first time when i was 16 yeah and one about my older brother who used to fart in my mouth dude that story one of my favorites one of my favorites but the songs are amazing uh comedian josh wolf dot com for tour dates um and the hey man podcast which is turning into generation wolf that i do with jacob we'll have you back on i love to come back again i love to go through my whole entire childhood trauma again for two fucking straight hours no problem man that would be great that'd be great but it was amazing doing it i i thank you so much for always having me on man of course i love coming in here and talking you for doing it yeah dude uh the campfire special

go watching on josh wolf's youtube as always ryan sickler on all your social media will talk to y'all next week.