The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - 354: Beth Stelling - Dad Tried to Kidnap Me

Episode Date: October 6, 2025

SPONSORS: Function Health – My first 1000 listeners get a $100 credit toward their membership when they visit www.functionhealth.com/HONEYDEW or use gift code HONEYDEW100 at sign-up Mood – Get 20% off your first order when you go to https://www.Mood.com and use promo code HONEYDEW My HoneyDew this week is comedian Beth Stelling! Check out Beth’s latest special, The Landlord Special, out on her YouTube today! Beth joins me to Highlight the Lowlights of her complicated relationship with her father, growing up around his mental illness, and the trauma that came with it. She opens up about the time he tried to kill her mom, attempted to kidnap the kids, and was still later granted visitation rights. Beth shares the raw truth about her parents’ struggles, the long road toward forgiveness, and how humor helps her carry the heavy with grace and laughter. Get tickets to see me in San Diego October, 3rd! https://www.ryansickler.com/tour SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE and watch full episodes of The Dew every toozdee! https://youtube.com/@rsickler SUBSCRIBE TO MY PATREON - The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I Highlight the Lowlights with Y’all! Get audio and video of The HoneyDew a day early, ad-free at no additional cost! It’s only $5/month! AND we just added a second tier. For a total of $8/month, you get everything from the first tier, PLUS The Wayback a day early, ad-free AND censor free AND extra bonus content you won't see anywhere else! http://patreon.com/RyanSickler What’s your story?? Submit at [e-mail] Get Your HoneyDew Gear Today! https://shop.ryansickler.com/ Ringtones Are Available Now! https://www.apple.com/itunes/ http://ryansickler.com/ https://thehoneydewpodcast.com/ SUBSCRIBE TO THE CRABFEAST PODCAST https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-crabfeast-with-ryan-sickler-and-jay-larson/id1452403187

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My new stand-up special Live and Alive drops Friday, October 24th, right here on my YouTube at 9 p.m. Eastern, 6 p.m. Pacific. We shot at a comedy on state, Madison, Wisconsin. There were two sold-out shows. The crowds were unbelievable, and I'm telling you, honestly, it's my best work. This special is special. I'm really proud of it. It's self-produced. It's self-funded. It's self-released and straight from me to you the way it should be.

And here's the best part. During the premiere, I'll be live in the YouTube comments with you guys hanging out the whole time. I'll answer questions. I want to watch it all unfold in real time with you guys like we're there together that night. All right. So make sure you subscribe to my channel. Hit that reminder and join me on release night. This one means a lot to me. And I would love to experience that first watch with you guys Friday, October 24th, 9 p.m. Eastern, 6 p.m. Pacific. Live. a live right here on my YouTube. Subscribe now and don't miss it. I'm just trying to drift off and try not to die. My whole job is try not to die. And the person I miss the most is my daughter. I'm a single dad. My daughter's seven at the time. They won't let her visit. I've got one buddy sitting in there one night with me. He's got a couple girls. And he's like, what are you thinking about? And I was like, my daughter. And he's like, yeah. Just definitely don't be thinking about like graduation. for getting married or grand because I was like, oh, my, I fucking wasn't thinking about any of that at all.

I'd certainly thought about things that I would miss, but I thought about things that were more current. Like, for example, I love to go fishing, and I take my daughter fishing all the time. And at the time, she hadn't caught her first fish. I want to catch my daughter's first fish with her. I don't want her mom's boyfriend doing that shit. Fri-theeve.

Steve Steve The Honeydew with Brian Zickler Welcome back to the honeydew, y'all, we're over here doing it in the nightpanst studios. Ryan Cicler here, Ryan Cicler.com and Ryan Cicler on all your social media. Thank you for watching this show. If you're watching this far already, drop a comment, help the algorithm out, all that good stuff. And if you've got to have more, then listen to me, you've got to have our Patreon. It's the honeydue with y'all, and it is this show with y'all. And I promise

you, it is the best show on Patreon. It's five bucks a month. It's been that since day one. There's hundreds of episodes of the wildest stories you've ever heard in your life. I promise you. I'm a person that puts on like a date line or something like that. I almost drop the bomb there. We would have to add it. And I'd much rather put this on and watch these stories over and over. It's so good.

And if you or anyone you know has a story that has to be heard, submit it to Honeydew Podcast at gmail.com. We would love to do your story. All right. That's it. That's the biz. You guys know what we do here. We highlight the low light. I always say that these are the stories behind the storytellers.

I am very excited to have this guest back on the honeydew. Ladies and gentlemen, Beth Stelling, welcome back to the Honeydew, Bestelling. Thanks for having me back. It's so good to be here again. It's great to have you here, Beth Stelling. Thank you. You are genuinely one of my favorites. Ditto.

And I love sitting here talking to you off the mic. I know. But now we're going to be on it. So we're going to get into some stuff. But before we do, please plug everything you like, talking about your new special, all of it. New short little special called The Landlord Special, which is about my landlords, my ex-landlords. It's on Veeps, July 2nd for a month. You can get it there forever.

My website is bethstelling.com for all my tour dates. I have some dates in Toronto, Pittsburgh, then I'm in Vermont, Rhode Island, North Carolina. I'm going to a couple places for the first time. Anyway, Bethstelling.com. What do you on Instagram, Beth Stelling? Yep. And I have two specials on Netflix. I have an HBO Max special.

And then I don't know. There's YouTube crap, but some of it's my hell. Did you ever call a special or anything the white Tisha Campbell? Is that just in your social headings? Did you ever do that? I never called it that. You know she does comedy. Is there?

Have you two ever been at the same show? No. Dude, that would be hilarious. No, I love her. I mean, she's such a great town. Yeah, hell yeah. I actually haven't seen her at a show. She's seen her stand-up.

But, yeah, she's the best. It's an amazing actor. No, it was like in a bit for a while just because it really, as you know, it really happened. Because I was walking on Hollywood Boulevard and somebody was like, hey, you know who you look like? And then I said, Gina from Martin. And he goes, damn. But it all started with Brian Babelon, who was a Chicago comic who used to call me the white T. Oh, he's the one that I actually said it.

He started it. Okay. I don't think I ever would have done that myself. Well, I want to catch up with, no, you can't give yourself a nickname. If you did, I would, no, we'd be like, no, you're not. No. Somebody else says, you're like, I see it. Okay, I guess I see it.

Well, one of your last episodes was we got a little bit into growing up and your dad and the raccoons and all that. Right. But out there, you started to tell me a little more that we didn't get into. Well, to your. point of what you kind of said right at the intro, which is like there is the story behind the stand up. Like there's certainly things that are too dark to be talking about on stage. I mean, you could argue nothing's too dark. You can make anything funny, but it is very difficult to make dark things funny. And I've, I personally feel like it took me a long time to make certain things

that have happened to me funny. And it was like such trial and tribulation. And honestly, there were times where I was like, I don't even know if this is good for me to try to make this funny but with my dad i haven't really there's like in the special of course people people bring it up talk about it in my last netflix special called if you didn't want me then that's the hour special versus the half hour that's on there i talk about my dad my parents being divorced my dad moving down to orlando from where originally we were in Dayton ohio which is where my mom is and where we grew up um but we would go down to Orlando because it was court ordered and our for me and my sister is going to visit my dad and his new wife.

And one of the jokes in that special is he moved down there to be an actor, which is not where you go. Not at all. But yeah, he ended up doing all kinds of odd jobs. And we would go on car rides with him to do leads. I don't know if remember that. If you're checking at a register, you would fill out a little lead and put it in a box to try to win something or put your business card in there.

He was the one who picked up all the leads. And I think it got paid paid per lead is what it was called. So he never really had a career, it sounds like. It's more just job to job or hustling or did he? This is the part where you go. And can I also ask one other question? Yeah. Why is he in Orlando and why do you have to go?

Because I guess custody. It was a part of the custody battle. So he did want you to see you at least. Yes, very much. So I see. My dad was always very effusive with love, probably over a few. and took a lot of credit for things when we were little and it's very vocal about that.

Like, I used to do this for you and I used to do, you know. I don't even know where to start because in one way I want to say he struggled with mental illness. And at that time, it was in the 80s and not really well addressed. You know, there wasn't those commercials on TV. They were like, are you sad, a little bouncing head, you know. Was he in the military or anything at all? He was a teacher.

Okay. So he grew up in Romney, West Virginia and India. His dad, my grandpa, was a doctor and a missionary. So he, I think he grew up there until age nine and rented Chantula under Pradesh. And so I grew up eating for my grandmother, the most amazing Indian food. You did. Southern Indian food. Yeah.

So I'm like a first grader in Ohio that's like, what's my favorite food? Rice and curry. Gina over here eating Indian food, man. You're all kinds of diverse for a white girl. And so, yeah, I guess I'm just like where to even start. It was when I was three, I don't have a ton of memories. I remember some stuff going over to my grandmas at that time. And that's his mom?

That's his mom. She was in the Dayton area as well. And was she good to you? Was she a good grandma? Yeah, yeah. And I'm sorry, are you older or your sister? I'm the youngest of three girls. Oh, three girls?

Yeah. Is the third, is the, well, you said the oldest then, not dads? No, we're all from the same parents. So why only two you have to go down? No, all of us. Oh, I think I said me and my two older sisters. Got it. Yeah.

Okay, sorry. No, no, no. I'm doing a bad job of taking you through this. No, you're not. I'm just trying to figure out. Yeah. So, okay, essentially, the probably the darkest part of the story would be when we were young, my parents were having issues. My oldest sisters have their own memories of that because they're older than me.

A fighting of my dad struggling with mental illness as in, you know, manic episodes. A lot of purchases being made. A lot of crying. and at the time, you know, there was a story that he was telling himself, which was that my mom was cheating on him. Also, my mom was never really made to feel very valuable because his dad was very traditional and religious. So my grandmother on my dad's side was really sort of in service to my grandpa. And she was lovely and such a great grandmother and very caring. But yeah, I don't know if she really had a ton of independence or all.

autonomy. And so my mom often felt inadequate in that way. She was a music teacher. My dad was a gym teacher. They met in college in Ohio. And so they're married. They have their first two girls. My dad is struggling with mental illness. He's not really happy at his job as a teacher. My mom's doing her best with two girls, me on the way, also teaching. And eventually he made a plan to kill my mom and kidnap us because his parents during that time of him going through so much just left town and moved to Orlando. So they kind of bounced. Oh, so his parents bounced on him during his mental, mental episodes. Yes. I see. And his dad was very judged to much love my mom. But their grandparents already at this point because your sisters are born and

you're on the way. Yeah. And they still bounced. Yeah. I mean, it was pretty chaotic with my dad and he had troubles for many years. Even in college, I think his dad got him out of certain things. And my grandpa on that side, I do believe is evil. Like, I think he did a lot of things that were really bad in the name of all so. Like, like, I don't know. I would argue that probably being a missionary and going to India, I mean, I don't know how it worked, but I understand the intention would be good to bring people of the health care in small towns, but also under the terms of, you know, making Jesus to your Lord. I don't know how good that is. Y'all want health care?

This book right here. I just flip through that, fill it out. Believe it. Believe everything it says. Yeah. So, yeah, he's very judgmental of my mom. I just, you know, kids can pick up a sense. And I don't know.

I was never really close with him. No doubt. He was very supportive of getting my dad out of things that maybe he shouldn't have been getting out of. He would prescribe him pills to his own son. Oh, shit. Again, I don't think he was giving him the. proper medication for manic depression or bipolar at the time. So that created even more chaos at home.

And how would your dad at this time were you, is he in his 20s, 30s at this point, you think? If he was born in 50s, yeah, 30s. 30s. Yeah. And he. A young man, I mean. Yeah.

And my mom and him were about the same age. Also, when I was little, I found him because he tried to kill himself several times. So with some of those pills that my grandpa was prescribing him. How would you? I'm three. And I don't really remember that exactly, you know. But they told you. My mom did tell me that I did, yeah, at one point in time, did save his life.

I do remember going to the hospital because we would go to Kroger and get a fruit basket, like that cellophane. Like I have memories of certain things and take that to the hospital. So we visited him. But yeah, my mom said she just heard my little coming up the stairs. And I pulled on her and I said, Dad. And then she went down to the kitchen and found him and was able to get him to the hospital in time. But he had tried to kill himself. And there have been multiple times.

He's tried to do something like that. Yeah. So I think that was, yeah. And also there's some stuff that's like, it's just, there's so much, right? I'm just like, but I can only say really my side of it. I know more now about what my sister's experience, like that there was arguing or that he was crying a lot in their beds that was very uncomfortable, you know, like coming and just laying in there.

Your father figure, you're the person that makes you. Yeah. That doesn't make you feel safe. No. It doesn't make you feel. I would scare the fuck out of me. Right. Big purchases.

Here's the other thing. I want to say this because I hear your heart and I hear you making excuses for him. And I want to say this because I'll be the person that says this. I know we all worry about mental health for other people and everything. But what does go often overlooked is at some point it becomes like, listen, I'm a teacher. I've got three kids here. Like we can't, I can't do this. and it becomes this cold thing where it's like, we got to let you go.

It sounds like his parents maybe even, Matt, Matt's a little different story. You're also prescribing your son and you might feel some guilt. You fucked that up too. But for a mom with three kids, it's like, listen, I'm trying to love you here, bro, and we're trying to do everything we can. But I've got these three kids, this job, you just keep trying to kill yourself. Like, nobody really talks about the toll it takes on the people who are trying to help the people that need to fucking help. Yeah. So I hear what you're saying and everything, but there are, there's only so many excuses

you can make for somebody before they have to, you know, take accountability. Yeah. And she was also dealing with his own, like things, judgments from him and his family. Right. She's not a good wife. She doesn't cook enough. She's not, he was basically always telling her to lose weight. My mom actually never was a bigger person.

Not like that would be bad if she was. But my mom never was fat. But he was always trying to get her to work out and sort of making her feel insecure about those things. Was he doing those things? He, he, so during that. time as a gym teacher, he was like talking about how unhappy he was. And so she was actually supportive of him quitting the job. And he got a job at the local gym at Morris Nautilus and was being a trainer there. She's trying to be as supportive as she could have that. And to your point

of, you know, she had my aunts and uncles on my mom's side. We're trying to be helpful and supportive because she's like you're saying, dealing with a man who's crying. And then he's going off and buying a Jeep and taking the girls around it in the front seat. And like a lot of kind of, you know, wild things and behavior. And my mom had to pick up another job at the church. She was directing the primary choir, which is little kid's choir. I mean, I'm going to say this. This sounds like Florida behavior.

He was destined. He was destined for Florida. He was destined for Florida. So my mom's getting these extra jobs to work at the church. And there was a guy who was working at the church that I'm sure took a liking to my mom. I'm sure how to crush on her. He's married as well. But my mom was taking comfort in him being a friend.

She felt like he was somebody. She could talk. It's just a church. So he's the choir or musical director there. And they did become friends. And my mom explained to me that she did feel like it was somebody she could confide in, feel safe in as a sounding word. Well, that's the person my dad felt my mom was cheating on. And when my dad tried to kill himself one time, he even visited the hospital, so did their mutual friends. My mom reminded me that I guess I didn't know this. Of course, I was young. That I guess when that guy came, my dad's dad was very like, upset that he came to visit because he's believing my dad's story, which is not really based in reality. The kicker is my mom did six years later marry that guy. Oh. So that made it my, that sort of fortified my dad's belief. Yeah, all along I knew I was right. Yeah. But also I have to I trust my mom. I believe my mom. And it wouldn't matter if she's cheated or not. She doesn't deserved to be murdered, but she didn't, you know. And again, I'm sure that there were feelings there or something, but my mom actually

after, so I don't even know if I said that yet. You didn't. Okay. I'm like, hold on. You just dropped murdered in there. It was, yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel like, I feel like I'm doing a terrible job of explaining everything. No, you just mentioned that they split.

You go to Florida court order, but you don't say why. So the reason I think when I'm telling you all this stuff is because the night that that happened, And, you know, my sister's old enough to... What happened? We're still talking about the suicide attempt? No. No. This is the night my dad did, but basically his plan was to kill my mom because he basically,

he wanted to move to Florida and take us down there. And my mom said, our life is here. You know, like, I don't want to move there. And he said, well, then I guess we'll have to get a divorce. And she said, okay, you know. And then that's when he basically tried to kill her and her sleep. What did he do? What was the plan?

It was to kill her and then kidnap us and drive us down to Orlando. And my mom, my sister heard everything. Heard it. What do you mean? Well, I don't know if I really want to say the details. Is she over here a call? I mean, like, how'd she hear it?

No. He was, um, he basically broke her skull and tried to suffocate her. Your mom? Yeah. Oh. So my mom was in the hospital for a few months. Your sister witnessed. Yeah.

And then had my dad called 911. So 911 was. at our house. Oh my God. That's like a memory that for me as a first grader, like I drew, in class, I drew a stretcher with blood coming off of it. You did. Yeah, because the thing was, though, if the memory serves me right, and again, this is me

as a three-year-old. Also, the memory is the memory. Yeah. That's what you process. Well, my mom was, because we had such a small house, my mom was, they couldn't get a stretcher to turn, so they had her head wrapped and because her skull was broken and we're taking her in a wheelchair to. down our stairs. I remember that. And or at least I think I do. And so in those following days,

we are, my mom's sisters came and like cleaned up the house and we moved in with our grandparents, my mom's grandparents. Well, is your dad arrested at this point? Yeah. For obviously, is it attempted murder? Is that what they do give him? How in the fuck is any judge sending kids to this man? Well, that's kind of the point where I get to my grandpa and how I do feel like he is evil. And a lot of the men on that side of the family are not great people. Because with money and power, he was able to help my dad out, I think, get the best lawyers. Also, my mom didn't press charges and she didn't serve divorce papers. That's kind of like the whole point. My mom was always very supportive of him getting the help he needed. She was, yeah, I'm not saying she was like, yeah, I really want to be

with this guy, but she wasn't the one and wasn't really planning. She, she wanted to get him the help he needed and my dad served the divorce papers um his dad was very helpful you say he tore him up no oh he served him my dad served my mom yeah so it just his story is not based in reality and i think that some of his sisters were you know of course on his side in a lot of ways even after putting physical hands on your mom i think his sisters never really liked my mom but i mean good god who wants to see so he I mean, listen, he really did try to kill your mom. You're talking about a skull fracture.

Maybe one or two more hits. It could have been death. That's what I'm saying. Oh, yeah. I mean, we're very lucky that my mom is okay. Like, I don't know. My life would never be the same. Do you know?

I always thought it was three months. But again, you know, in your time as a kid. And I think my mom might have said it would have been as she was healing. I was away from my mom as a three-year-old. We had to live with our grandparents. Who I love, they've passed. Her parents for this? Yeah, but they were very like.

my mom's grandpa was like a World War II vet. And he never saw combat. He was in the Aleutian Islands, but very strict, lived through the depression. Like, so it wasn't exactly, like, it felt like that's sort of like, in fact, a bit of the genesis of my OCD is I felt like I couldn't really mess anything up or touch anything and I didn't really feel safe without my mom. But again, they're good people and we were safe and cared for. But my grandpa was very strict.

So that's just sort of like, it was like a traumatic time away from my mom at that age. And we had to be in such, like, rigid, a rigid system. Like, you know. It's also a scary time. She's not gone for work somewhere for a few months. We know she's in the hospital. And my sister's no more than me because they can process it. I think they were nine and seven.

I was going to say, okay, nine seven, nine seven and three. Yeah. So when do you eventually go back to mom? So, yeah, I don't know the exact time that my mom was in the hospital. I know she was able to recover eventually. Thank goodness. She struggled. The only thing I remember as a kid was.

migraines for her but thankfully she was had function all you know cognitively and uh motor skills and everything like that um but yeah there are some like you know those first christmas back together i think she's still like a little bruised and um those those are photos that like my grandma would explain to me later like why my mom had short hair because they had to you know yeah yeah and that's not stuff i would have understood and kind of so in that period of time my dad's dad is really came through legally, monetarily, got him out of the mental hospital he didn't want to be in. So, because my mom didn't press charges, he was released from jail. And he promised the system that they would be the overseers of our visits. And that, again, this is like my perspective,

what I've gathered over the years. 80s, 90s. It's crazy to think that even, because I know today the law is different. I know today that if a lady says, I'm not going to press charges, the city will. Okay. I know in Santa Monica that to be a fact. So if you were to say, no, I don't want to, the city who says, we'll do it. And the reason they do it is because so many women fear for their life. And they're like, if I do, this guy's going to fucking come back and kill me. Exactly.

And they believe that women say no, strictly in fear. So the city then prosecutes against the person. So you don't have to do it. It's like, hey, you hit me. I said no. They're doing it. So then you're not the fucking bad guy. They are.

yeah you know so whatever it was my like i don't i don't know all these details you could you could crush someone's skull and still be let out of jail i know and so then he goes to a mental hospital is that what you say yeah i guess that was brief i because i remember him complaining about that even to me as a child yeah how bad it was and all these things and i'm like there's so much nuts that happened there um but yeah we were my we had to go see him every other holiday and a whole month in the summer. And I was starting at age six for me. So there was time there if I'm from three to six.

I didn't really see him for about three years. So stuff was probably being litigated. My mom was healing. My mom had to try to get back to work. My mom was honored as like into the Hall of Fame of her school, like Kettering City Schools. And in her speech, it made me sob because I didn't know. Like her going back to school was a big deal.

Somebody believing in her to get her work again so she could provide for us after that incident. And she just credited it. her principal and how grateful she was for, you know, having them welcome her back into the school system. And she contributed so much as a music teacher there. And she still teaches now in her retirement. Does she? All good. But anyway, it's like us having to go down there and all my dad's little weird jobs. Like as a kid. And also he's remarried at this point to this lady to this person who's an alcoholic. And she's kind of like wild, right? She's like a radio DJ. And we're like in bars and her motto in life is next page and um she's drinking a lot and um my dad is standing on the street

he's doing his sign spinning thing i think we've talked about this but it's his own business he's doing the leads he was a uh i talk about this in another special he was a pirate at pirate's co of minipa golf course i do remember that yeah yeah yeah i feel like i'm not being funny on this podcast at all we're and i don't really this is kind of to the point of like i've made a lot of this funny and now you're sort of let them go watch the funny and we'll talk about it. Yeah, I feel like this needed me as I'm explaining, I'm like, this is boring.

It's not at all. I am riveted right now. I'm just like, I can't believe your dad tried to kill your mom and now he's in Orlando where his family ran from him. Now he's down there and the court's making you guys go be around this man with another man who bailed him out

of all of it. A lot. That's fucking crazy. Even back to college when my mom had told me one time I guess my dad plagiarized a paper and he got in trouble and his dad got him out of that. And I think it's like, that's, look, we don't, I don't need to go on a tangent about accountability. But our culture doesn't, we just don't live in a culture of accountability. And if we did, we would be really open to saying, you know what, I messed up. And then I'll pay the price. And if it was, I messed up and I'll pay the price. And then I was welcomed back because I did what I needed to do

to understand what was wrong. It would be in a different culture entirely. Also, when you constantly bail your kids out over and over again. It doesn't surprise me that they just tried to kill somebody. Yeah. You know what I mean? You've been bailing this motherfucker out forever.

He's never had to deal with consequences. He's never had to be accountable. And it feels like I've talked to, like I mentioned this to you before, I've done plenty of podcasts in my comedy career. I've tried to make things that have happened to me in my childhood funny. Those visits where we had to go down there and I'll get into that more. But there is that part of me that's like, it's not a family secret. people in our community absolutely knew about it church was like the church folks at this i'll get into

this more later because that's a whole other thing but at the same time of them providing like showing up meals and clothes for us as kids also very judgmental to the point where i remember this is another very sad line my middle sister said something like mom um do they like us here you know like not knowing because there was that sort of tumultuousness with my dad's storyline of my mother cheating and then them later, six years later, marrying. Anyway, I'll get to that later. In the meantime, we're going down there. My dad has all these jobs. Even, it took me a really long time to realize why my dad has all these jobs. Like, I was like, he's wild, you know? And it's like, well, he's a felon. So he can't get a job and he does, he's not allowed to teach anymore. But that's not something

you, like in the same way, like, there's just stuff that you don't understand as a kid that you later go, oh. That's why my dad's a pirate. That's why you're a pirate. Yeah. That's why we're putting for free. And, like, you know, again, I'm not saying people don't deserve second chances or something like that, but it was kind of wild. And my mom's fortitude is insane to take three little girls to the airport. I mean, she would spray her perfume on my little bunny so I can sleep with it. You know what I mean?

I can't imagine putting three little girls by themselves. Yeah. My sisters also, if there was two seats in one, they always made me sit in the one. Did they really? You had to be the one. Because I was annoying. But then I would make friends with that person or so I thought. But yeah, so we're going down there.

I've talked about this recently. This is all coming to light because it's like I have so many stories about my dad. So many wild stories and what I was able to make sense of and make fun of and all of those things. Because I do feel like ultimately things that have harmed me, confused me, I don't know, fascinated me. I do find power in making somebody like. laugh about it. Like I do get something out of that. It's probably, you know, to be cheesy, probably healing in some way, probably taking my power back in some way to be like, let me make you laugh. Like an old joke where I was like, my dad always chose my stepmother over me and my

sisters. And I get it. She gave him head and all we had were questions. You know what I mean? So it's just sort of like, I've always been able to try to make those things funny. And ultimately, our visits down there were sort of like, she would be like, let's take you in a shopping spree. And then we were like, whoa, like those early days, they would have to come up to Ohio before we were allowed to go. So there was some transition happening. It wasn't just like throwing us on a plane. But it wasn't really enough.

We had court-ordered therapy. So we've worked and who I, Dr. Pam, like, for sure, helps my mom in a huge way, helped me my sisters in a way. And years later when stuff. And dad's flipping fucking signs and pup, but pirate and shit. And he ain't going to any goddamn therapy. Exactly. Yeah.

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Now, let's get back to the do. So he's coming up and had to go to some sessions with us. And all he wants is time with us and to see us. And why can't we come visit and I'll take you to Disney and all this fun stuff. My mom's here in Ohio like working, you know, at the church still at school as a teacher and being like, yeah, I'll send you down to Orlando to go to Disney World. You know, like, but she never, that's a thing. She never really, she never said terrible things. She did her best to just stay on her side of the street and be our mom and be there for us and listen. But that's so complicated. you know and I think we're all going something especially after someone who tried to kill you yeah it's complicated to have a family split apart for whatever reasons yeah and still be mature right and and co-parent moving forward to fucking have to put the fact that this man put physical hands on you and tried tried to kill you oh yeah he just was unsuccessful and my sister probably yeah I know thank God I got your dad

wasn't good on his exactly for real and your mom has to be kind like that's the one time you'd be like I understand this lady right now

like this guy tried to kill her it's not he cheated or stole money or whatever like this man and he did do that he left my mom in tons of credit card debt your mom's a fucking sane

but that's the thing I'm always like my mom is an angel I remember like as a kid she would take naps after teaching because she was so tired and had to take me to daycare at like five before you know and I would lay there just watching her chest go up and down because I was so scared I was going to lose her I never wanted you know I'd scary that I was

ever going to lose my mom again so I had that fear and but she has heart-shaped nostrils and I would just like watching her chest go up and down I was like I think my mom's an angel because she has heart-shaped nostrils but um yeah I'm like she had to have so much strength to get through that and then I wonder sometimes too it's like should she have said something bad but like we We had to go. So it would have just scared us. Like it was all so many confusing feelings and we were all having different feelings at different ages for different reasons.

Your mom's having her own confusing feelings. They go, I'm my sticking these kids on a fucking plane to go see a man and try to kill them? My sister till this. So I've had plenty of time. And then, and not to mention as adults. It's giving me diarrhea. Yeah.

Not to mention as an adult's the choices we made because of what we went through. And we've all done that in different ways. My oldest sister very much over corrected for what happened. And it's like that won't happen in my house. You do this, this or this. You're gone. like she's very rigid and she's she's with her high school sweetheart same guy um pretty much her whole life my middle sister different pattern several different kids from different guys and sort of like there's a

that's a whole other story in itself and the reason we do the things we do i genuinely don't judge my sister whatsoever she's a great person but we are me as you probably are familiar i've chosen abusive people in my life so it's like just when you think well that i saw what happened so i won't do that sometimes you're just a magnet being hurled at a fridge being told not to stick, you know, and it's like, I'm headed for this, apparently. And I don't know why I chose what I, I've dated multiple alcoholics. You have, huh? Yeah, so I'm just sort of like.

Any other sign flippers? No, no sign flippers. But that's the confusing part to me because my dad doesn't do drugs or alcohol, never has. Isn't that's how you know that it is crazy. Yeah, but he's chosen this alcoholic. We're around him all the time. I've had. So he doesn't drink with.

It's not like he picked up drinking with her. No, no, no. So he just maintained who he was the entire time. Found an alcoholic. And she did have money. Like, I don't think she's a rich person, but she had money. And he was also doing his thing. But I think he gave her a lot of credit maybe for helping get us down there.

But I also think our grandparents contributed to that. Anyway. Are you seeing his parents when you're down there as well? Yeah. And one of his sisters, my aunt Reda, was also really a strong. hold for me down there because I would go to her art studio and paint she was like she was like a mother figure for me down there I've had times in my life where my dad has done or said things to me that are awful as an adult and I'm not talked to him for a while my two older sisters haven't

really done that they still until recently until this last time that he was really weird to me in January they've actually sort of in solidarity not spoken to him and I guess only recently did they because I've blocked his number so I wouldn't know if he was trying to call but they haven't so they see that he's trying to call and won't pick up because we were just not sure what to do and then I found relief in blocking it because I don't need to feel guilt because I don't see it.

And I'll tell you about that story in a second. But my sister has found, both of them have found relief and not picking up, and I guess over the last couple of weeks he stopped trying. We did get one email from my stepmother, which I can read you in a bit after I explained the other story. But my sister lately has been,

they're dealing with these feelings of like, man, we should have done this sooner. All at different points in our lives, we've all gone back to Dr. Pam, who was our court ordered therapist. When you were children. Yeah. We've all found her number in some separate way to go back to her. So that is interesting. Without telling each other we were doing this.

Yeah. Wow. And she never said, oh, I actually saw your sister spoke to you. I guess she can't. No. And my mom has too. So because she knows her whole story. She knows everything.

And at one point, I guess she said to my sister, like, I can't believe you have maintained a relationship with them this long. Like, you don't owe that person anything, you know? And I think my sister's feeling guilt for not reporting that we were being driven drunk as children by our stepmom. You know, I think she's feeling, and my mom is like, I can't believe I was sending you down to that. Because in the grand scheme of things, of course, I don't know, people can probably relate to this, where I go, well, I wasn't getting molested. I didn't have cigarettes burned on me. You know what I mean? Like I can always be worse.

Yeah. Right. But there were plenty of times where she could have killed. You know, she's drinking straight vodka and a red solo cup driving us. Oh shit. Literally drinking and driving. Yeah. Because my dad would take a sip and go, like my sister saw him do that once.

And so, and also we just, you know, she drank a lot. And those were my first stories in stand up was she took us. This is actually sort of thing I'm working into my newest hour, which is like they would take us to Margaritaville. Huge kid's box. And she would get drunk And one of my earliest stories in stand-up was She picked up salt and was flicking it at me and my sisters And saying just in case

I'm just trying to protect your father Just in case you girls are vampires And then as a 22 year old The punchline was like wrong seasoning It's garlic, you know But that was one of those stories I told And eventually they got back to her And she did call me drunk one time

And said she wasn't drinking drinking anymore. She's like, I'm not drinking anymore. So if you could stop talking about me on stage. And I did it. And because I'm me and I don't want to, like, I don't really want to upset anybody. I was like trying to make people laugh, sort through it. I did stop because there was a part of me too at 22 that was like, I want to be a comic. And I don't want her to be a part of any of my success. So I did. I stopped. And then in this new special that's coming out, I have one line about it a little bit and then the new one I'm going to in the the landlord special there's a mention of her drinking because I also felt warranted going down there in January I was on the road

opening for Sarah Silverman at the hard rock we're talking about this is January of 2025 and my dad's never seen me do stand up in 18 years that I've done it part of that is my doing okay because I didn't really want him there I had gone to Florida a couple times and told him the show was canceled but then I would visit him say hi I see so you're seeing him. Yeah, I just didn't want him in the crowd, really. And this time I was like, fine. I don't know, you know. So he came, one of his sisters who I like, his aunt, Rebecca, and my aunt Reda, who I mentioned to you before, that was pivotal. And my childhood down there, feeling safe and loved. So even though that's her brother and she knows what he did, she was still a strong one for you? Reda was yeah and Rebecca too I mean Rebecca was also stuck in a lot of it there's a lot of complicated stuff around there one of his he has a lot of siblings um another one of them really didn't like my mom and continued up until like not long ago to believe that my mom cheated on

him and it's like I don't know there's some weirdness around that for sure and there's so many complicated things because as an adult stuff has happened also to my sisters that are that it all Sort of links back. And so, yeah, I was like, Sarah knows a lot about my dad. And I was like, do you want him to come back? I don't really care. And she was like, I'm a little curious. So, and she, you know, we had him come back.

He gave Sarah his business card, kissed her hand. Wait. He kisses her hand. What's the business card, though? It says it's his business, his sign spinning business. He wanted to promote the show. But lately he's been promoting He wanted a sign, spin the Sarah Silverman

Coming to Florida ticket Yes And I just He's doing that for your special He's been doing that for my specials Which that's These are part of the complicated feelings Because it's like I have these stories

These are true stories He used to feed raccoons Like a bear came Like we witnessed it all It's funny Also like why does he do that Animals don't give notes You know animals don't like

Talk back It's a way for you Yeah Yeah. So, and he's done that with a lot of animals. And his own dog, he treats like a little human being. He's like almost, I'm pretty sure he's killed several winter dogs by feeding them lunch meat. They like get really sick. He thinks it's the treat anyway. But yeah, he brushes their teeth. He treats it like a little human being. Yeah. Anyway, he's there. In the times that he's not sign spending for my special, he's been out there with a Trump sign, which also is incongurate with some of his sister's beliefs. They don't, like that. And, but he is sort of that target demographic, you know, he, he watches Fox News, which, which, you know, has been proven to be a TV program. He kind of gets wrapped up in that. And those talking points. Me and my sisters are not someone who voted for Trump or

would believe in those things. And in fact, to us, it's like very anti-woman, you know, that is someone who's now, as of late, for sure, doubled on convicted of rape. And I'm like, it just that is a kind of like a line in the sand for my sister recently to be like you're out there with a Trump sign after everything you've done to women and you're supporting this man and our rights are being you know are at risk it just feels incongruent and upsetting to have three daughters that you constantly say you're so proud of and then you're voting against their well-being and rights I mean he tried to kill your mom is anybody surprised right and I think that's yeah so he's

out there with that sign. It upsets his sisters because they're like, that's weird. But I'm sorry. So he alternates between Trump. My special in a Trump sign. Some of these Trump people are going to be watching if you didn't want me then being like, who's this liberal feminist? Oh my God.

He's doing. Bit of a switcheroo, really. It's so boring. Shit, man. So I'm like- If he loves Trump that much and he's still flipping your side, all that says is I feel so guilty

about never being there for my dog. At least I can do is spend some carb. Right. Is he good at it? Is he even good at it? I mean, he gets up on a ladder. It's not, he does less sign spinning and more like yelling and saying things.

And there's less spinning, really. I don't know how, I don't know how old is he now? Got to be 74 or something. How many 74-year-old sign flippers are out there? I don't know. He sometimes gets up on a ladder, which I guess is illegal in some parts of Orlando. Okay. All right.

Sorry. No, you're fine. So I feel like I'm talking so much. The point is... You're supposed to. Okay. I go down there in January. Yes.

Sarah does this car. We have this moment with Sarah. It actually is fine. It's kind of like a non-event. His wife is there still... Oh, I was about to ask. Yeah. So we've been told by our dad that she doesn't drink anymore.

I agree to go to dinner with them and my aunts and there are significant others the next night. So the following evening. And she's in, my stepmother is in a back brace now. She's had a lot of health problems. They won't say cirrhosis, but it's like every symptom leading to cirrhosis. It would be like if I was sitting here with red dots all over my face and I was like, yeah, I don't know what it is. You know, it's like, well, you, and I'm itching. You're like, well, you very clearly have chicken box.

I was like, no, I don't. So it's like all the symptoms of cirrhosis. She has bands on her throat and. Oh, really? Are they going to a doctor where it's been told to that? Are they just ignoring it? I think they go to, I forget what they said. My middle sister is actually an MP nurse practitioner.

So this is no shade to NPs, but I think that's who they go to. And I don't know how much they share with, this is actually where it starts, is we're sitting at dinner. We go to Indian, of course, because it's everybody's favorite meal and our grandmother has now passed. And so we don't get it. So we go to Indian. Everyone's there. I walk in. My dad has already given the waiter my business card, which he's made of me.

Wait, it's not even you He gives out business cards of me That he's made Yeah It's that Who the fuck does that? I don't know He's still giving out business cards in 2020

And here's something he said to me too He's like, it gives me life's purpose Is it okay if I still keep doing it? Now I haven't talked to him in a really long time Because I blocked his number after you Not to hug you Not to talk to you No

Not to say hey I'm sorry Not to say would you like to tell me about What a piece of shit I was and just get it all out. Or to my mom's point, she was like, there's, I'll tell you what he said next. So this guy has my business card. He's like, it's a sweet Indian guy who, um, I don't know how to put it. Like, he's for sure able to speak English and stuff, but he's explaining like,

he is newer here and he's excited to be here. And, um, he's like showing me his phone like, I followed you on Instagram like he told me to. Like he's being this really nice. Like he told me to. Yeah. So I'm feeling terrible for this young man who's like trying to talk to somebody like, again, uh, this guy's just trying to be.

be nice and serve us. And I decide to, I order my food, we're sitting down. Instead of maybe like. Can I ask you? What do you get? What do you like? I do like chicken biryani a lot. Okay. I don't know what that one is. What is that? Well, it's like it's curried rice, posamati rice and chicken and it's more of like all sort of mixed in, I would say, as opposed to like sometimes like chicken teakamasa is very popular for example. That would be like the curry and the chicken and the chicken and you put. on top of like white basmati rice or maybe saffa rice or something. But the biryani is I think all cooked together. Okay. There's different types of it. But yeah, more of like if I had to relate

it to like chicken fried rice or something like that, like all baked in. There used to be this place. I'm not an expert. Plus, India is so huge sometimes when I go to an Indian restaurant. I don't even know what to order because I'm like the thing my grandma made. Like my grandma, my grandma's never saying like here's your sag can here. It's just like out for everybody to serve. This would be a place in L.A. called Nirvana. Did you ever go to that one? And it was like a, it was It's like a real sexy L.A. restaurant. And it was Indian food, but all the tables were like beds. Oh.

So you could take your, you're not getting freaky, but I'm saying you're laying on it. Everyone's laying and just eating and laying down and munching. But they had a fucking crab teakama salad I still think about it. I bet. I still think. Well, my evil grandpa used to eat it with his hand like you're supposed to. I don't like it. I think you're not supposed to go above the knuckle.

Is that right? You're supposed to eat with your hand? Oh. Your left hand? Yeah. Oh, no. right hand because you wipe with your left. He spoke from Telugu as well. But it's such a massive country. I'm sorry. I derailed you. I wanted to know. So you're all having dinner. To be honest with you,

to your question, that's the first time we've been to an Indian restaurant. I was like, I'm going to order this. We're all trying to, like, there are grown adults who had their entire lives. And they're trying to figure out. I'm like, I wonder what's closest to grandmas. And I'm talking to my aunt who's right here. And I actually chose the one that ended up being very similar to what my grandma made. So I was like, take note of this, you guys. So next time you can order, I mean, I'll never go back. But I was like, this is the one. So we did find something that was very similar. And I can't remember the name of it, of course.

But I had an Indian beer, per the nice waiter's recommendation. Guy following you? The guy who's so kindly following me. Yeah. And we're sitting there. And I haven't seen him in years or my stepmother who's across from me in a back race because I guess she broke her back driving a car for too long. She's got the osuses, scoliosis, cirrhosis, you know, a lot of osuses.

Also, like, I haven't figured out how to work this in. But like one summer we were there, she chose to get a bunch of plastic surgery. And it's like, again, speaking to the point where you, as an adult, you look back, you're like, interesting, right? Your husband's kids are never here, really. So while they're visiting, you choose to do something to yourself that requires him waiting on you hand in. Oh, she did it while you were. It's just like, that's not something I would have considered as a kid. As a kid, I'm going, oh, I'm scared because her head's all wrapped up.

And she was like, do you want to feel where the liposuction tubes went in? And I was like, and I'm like nine. and she just grabbed my hand and she put it in like the hole yeah it's like a little fruit loop that's like oh shit i mean honestly these are i think like there's so much that relates to like what happens to you as a kid as to why you choose to do what you do and it's like i'm aging naturally i don't want to do anything to my body or plastic surgery like i'm pretty stalwart about that and and i'm just it's just so interesting the choices i make because of what i've seen and again hers isn't aging well i mean when you're drinking so much that's already not going to age you well

And if you're sucking out fat instead of like doing maybe working out or things, you know, the more traditional way, it's just going to come back. And it did. And yeah, I mean, she's not looking well, you know, sort of like a scoop of mashed potatoes with googly eyes and a back brace. That was mean. And I'm sitting across from her and my dad's here. He like tiered up a little when I first sat down, which makes me uncomfortable a little. I know he loves me very much. It's like pretty effusive and over the top. And often he it's like in. It's like in. ventile love like it'll be very like kissy and I guess how else what's the other word I'm looking for like kind of treating me like a child which I know some people are like that it's not like I'm like mean or something but he's very much like that so then we're sitting there and he starts talking about his doctor's visit because my aunt's husband was talking about some skin cancer he had to have removed or something he was I don't know how this came up and he was he's a normal guy and he was like you should get that checked bert because my dad is always out in the sun and yada yada he also wears over the top oakley sunglasses the razors yeah that you like put right here he refuses

to take them off my sister my oldest sister makes him the one i told you who's very strict she's like you will not see my children in those but he's wearing them at the dinner table because not because i don't have bad he he he tells waitresses their x-ray he didn't tell this nice indian fellow that but that's his that's his low yeah so it comes up that my dad he's like oh no going to the doctor about that. I'm fine. He's like, we see a, I think he was talking about that MP. And then he's like, and she just, I just had my first anal exam, something like this, like a finger up my butt is what he says. This is a dinner table. How many people are we talking to dinner table public? Two aunts. They're significant. Can others and my dad and stepmother.

And you know, seven of you. Yeah. Okay. So she's sitting there like a scoop, you know, of mashed potatoes. Like, you know, he orders or a drink. I'm, shocked because my dad has told me that she doesn't drink anymore for the last however long I haven't seen him so I'm like interesting he says the anal thing I'm like okay she starts looking at me and goes he loves it he loves it he loves anal like whispering this to me okay but also first of all that is fucking disgusting this mashed potato love just whispering it at the table but does she mean he likes being pissed or he likes to give it to her?

I don't know. Because he liked the finger. So when she says he loves it, does that mean she's... I think he likes ass play. So she keeps doing this to me at the point where I'm like, ew, you know? Just keep saying it.

Yeah, maybe before this I should say they did talk about, of course, they're a wiener dog who I've mentioned. They have several... Like we love Cavalier-Cquitrails, they always have wiener dogs. Got it. I said, how is he or whatever, Joey?

She's like, he's fine. And she goes, do you know what he is? And I said a hostage. Do they laugh at you? She hated that. No, I mean, honestly, she may have done the anal thing in retaliation. Yeah. And he goes, and he goes, he didn't like it either.

And he was like, hey. And he goes, but you know what, why I love him? And I said, because he doesn't give notes. So I was being a little incendiary. That's okay. And then. You have a right to be. Yeah.

You're there. I was being a little. But also, there. They're just kind of like, maybe she asked where I was touring next or my aunt did. Beth, or my aunt said, like, where's the farthest you've been? And I may have said, like, oh, my gosh, you know, Dubai was this crazy gig. Then they bring it back to Dr. Anil. She's whispering that.

And I'm a grown adult now. And thank goodness I've been doing stand-up for 18 years so I can actually, for the most part, like, pop off when I need to if someone's, like, saying something shitty to me. So I go, why don't you tell everybody else what you're telling me right now? Oh, because she's still just keeping it to you. She's trying to just say it to me, which I find is so weird. and then she's like what

it doesn't make you uncomfortable that your dad and I are sexually active at this age Oh with a back brace on I just want to remember we got that visual She's a full back brace that's black

Like a from here to here I'm like is doggy style when you fall over and just lay there Anyway So I'm uncomfortable She might hurt her back Yeah

Giving it to your dad, yeah. So then she's like, I bet that you don't talk about this stuff with your mom, which, by the way, she should never mention my mother. It's not a competition either. No, I mean, if you shot off a gun, I'm going to sit at the starting line. You go ahead. No one's racing for this man. Like, she's always been so oddly competitive.

Part of me feels like she's so drunk when we were a kid. She just thought we were like random bacheloretts, my dad invited back. There's no competition. Do you know what I mean? What are you? We're here because we actually are made to be here. it's weird you know the minute we were all emancipated at 18 no one was coming back you never went again so you did have to go all the way to 18 yeah oh man there was later that's your whole fucking

childhood there was later when my sisters would get out of it and my dad didn't push like they were like I want to go to camp or field hockey camp we all played hockey and stuff like that and so they did kind of pull away there is a lot of guilt involved though for us like because I there were times where we would go back for his dad's funeral for example we went and in the morning of the funeral. We were just down there for that brief time. We were like, Dad, do you want to go get breakfast in the morning afterwards? And he was like, oh, I can't, you know, Kay wants eggs. His wife wants eggs. And so he, like, didn't spend it. So he always, like, sort of will cater to her. And it's odd, right? This anal thing's happening. She's saying stuff about my mom. And I go, no, my mom and I

don't talk about that because we have healthy boundaries. She's like, well, does it make you uncomfortable what we have? And I go, no, I just don't need to hear about it. And I said, because it's, can I cuss? Oh, okay. I said, we just don't need to hear about, I said, I looked at her because I go, it's fucking disgusting. And then I go, I need to go to the bathroom. And I'm like kind of shaking at this point because it's like so odd. He's laughing. Oh, and she's like, he'll try anything. She keeps going on and on. Like the whispering kept happening. She was like, any, any ED medication. He's always asking our nurse practitioner, like, how can I get Seattle as Viagra? He's always asking for all the ED stuff. Like, so I'm like, my, you know what I mean? You know when you're like, like buzzing? I get up, I start texting Megan, my oldest sister. She's like, you know, very, it almost started to make me emotional because I'm angry and

I kind of want to cry. And my sister's like, this is disgusting. You don't deserve this. We choose you. We'll always choose you. Because he's always said stuff to me. It'll be about my acne or if I've gained weight or he's always said stuff to me. And my sisters, I think, are finally maybe in this way standing up for me a little bit because it's like a slot machine.

I think this is like a behavioral psychologist reference. But as long as even though he couldn't hit me anymore, he could still hit them. So he was getting that fix. And when they stopped after this incident in January, he started sort of unraveling a bit. Spirling a little bit. He doesn't have the outlet anymore. Yeah. And then we got this email from my step.

Step mashed potatoes. Yeah. step tadies step tadies okay so it says first of all the funny to me one of the funniest parts was it was to me and my oldest sister and she said please copy hannah our middle sister that's the subject line yeah also the other other time she emailed us was when our dad fell off the roof and the subject line was bird hit the deck bird hit the deck is that it's sad anyway that was years ago your dad is very sad that he's not been able to reach you whatever rift between you needs to be put aside think about how you would feel if your dad died tomorrow it's like we've actually already been there and if you knew him you'd know that we've actually already experienced that many times we also had to think about what if our mom died tomorrow because she's in the hospital right now recovering from a fractured skull from the man you married i know how wait i'm sorry how the fuck did they meet um i forget it might have been like lying dancing or something and they've just been together ever since yeah he enables her do you think he's

faithful to her yeah think the ed medication isn't for her i don't know i think it's what i'm thinking when i heard that you do similar to your point though my aunt who i am his sister that i have a relationship with one both of them um did say like if she passes like he she's pretty sure as quick as he can he'll find someone else all right i'm sorry no no no go ahead um he's going through a lot with me and he hides of sadness with me trying to keep my spirits up. Since December, I've been going through multiple, and then it says like chyoblasties, with four different painful procedures. I learned this week I have a cement embolism on my right lung.

I'm going to multiple doctors with little assurance of survival rate. Love of your dad and wanted to let you know what's going on and hope that you will be there for him. So my sisters were like, we're not going to reply. And I replied immediately. And I said, it's crazy to think you're having all these health issues from decades of alcohol abuse. because dad told us many years ago that you stopped drinking. Plus, you were regaling me

just a few months ago with all of the sex and specifically ass play that you love to do together. You wrote, reply, oh. No response. Nothing for that. Oh, I thought you were getting nothing.

Oh, no, and I don't think she ever told or showed my dad. That's the thing. It's like that's part of it too where I'm like, and he doesn't know how to email or even barely text. He has on his Instagram it's like one shot of where he used to cater

and then one black tile square and I promise you it wasn't for Black Lives Matter it was an accident that was a pocket upload you know but so he doesn't know how to he watches my stories I see that but it's not meant to hurt him I'm not trying to hurt him no you're trying to protect yourself

yeah I'm done I love my dad that's what I'm saying about the people that need help like so do the people that want to help them yeah but also that's the point My sister, there's so many times, so many in between things from what I've obviously shared. We're talking for, you know, a short period of time. My sister, my oldest sister did offer, because he, there was a breaking point for him with her drinking, or he said, I do want to leave if she doesn't stop drinking. Bizarrely, my oldest sister was like, if you do that, I can give you a place to stay if you want to make that move, which I was like, wow.

But also, calling his bluff a bit, too. Yeah, and he didn't, of course. Yeah, no. And she was the one who was taking her kids down there to see him. They'd meet at Disney. They never go to his house or anything like that. But she was trying to give them a relationship with them, which I think she's re-evaluated now.

I think there's a lot of biology there involved. I'm the only one that has gone long stretches, not talking to him. And I don't mean it like, because I'm so strong. It's because he's done or said things to me that are deeply hurtful. And I have tried to repair things and tried to talk about things. And in some ways, he has openly said in a very, like, I remember I, I gave him one of those books, you know, that you could get, like, your daughter would give you, like, for you to fill out, and my favorite memory with, you know, and you would fill out

the thing so she could hold, have it forever. Like, I remember when you were born and I remember one of the things he wrote in there. I don't know if it was a regret or something, but he just straight wrote attempted murder. Do you know what I mean? Like, so it's not that he's ignoring that that happened, but he still holds on to his story that my mom was cheating and all these things, which, again, she wasn't. Even if she was, you don't deserve to be murdered. No. And of course, the fact that my mom married him for a couple of I of course have stories about him too that he's not my mom's second husband which she's now divorced from they lasted for like I don't know five or six years and that ended up being not good either not as bad but that caused a lot of problems in the church because he was married so he divorced his wife then my mom and him get together the church is looking down on them for multiple reasons but he was the music director and that was a whole other mess a little bit in the community which is why my sister was like do they like us here you know But, yeah, I mean, there's still, my mom wasn't with him for that long, but it wasn't really applicable to my dad's story like he thought it was. He was not in a place where he would remember things perfectly well or whatever you want to say.

So what are you moving forward? What do you think? Are we just blocking them until we hear he's gone? I don't know. I'm kind of like working with like, I don't know. Or do you think she's going to pass first with the health issues and then all of a sudden he's going to want to pop up now. He's got nothing else to do. Here I am.

Well, he's made excuses for, they've both used the dogs that they have to not be able to come to things for many years. Even when they would fly up for our graduations, for example, she would stay at the hotel room with the dog because he couldn't be alone. I'm sure that was to drink. And also, maybe she made, look, you know, we're all human beings. She might have also said, I don't want to make things weird or I don't want to be there. I don't know, okay? But she would probably drink in the hotel and be with a dog. But he has not come to things because he'll be like the dog and I have to take care of her.

So you're right. When she, well, my, his sister's worried because he doesn't pay the bills. He doesn't know how to do anything. And she's like, well, and she said, and I'm not in a place to do that because she took care of their mom for like 10 years. He just ended up being homeless and not even know how to do anything. It's very possible. Yeah. Well, someone's been taking care of his whole life from his dad to her, it sounds like.

Yeah. And he does a lot of things, like, you know, he's very capable of cleaning and laundry and dishes. He does a lot of those things. He has OCD and, you know, that's also a root of probably some of mine. But, yeah, so it's not that he can't, like, take care of himself or things. He's good at that. But, yeah, when it comes to anything electronic or bills or- Or children, families.

Yeah. He's not going to know how to do it. And his sister was like, I can't do it. And I said, no one expects you to. No, hell no. You got to learn how to pick up a phone and say, how do I pay them. this or whatever's going on. Even somebody was like, well, what about inheritance or something?

I was like, in what I was never expecting anything. Yeah. I don't even know what you're talking about. I don't, that's not a reason to keep in touch with something. No. But yeah, I don't know the end plan. My sister, I need to call my sisters because today is Monday and yesterday was Father's Day to date this. Didn't know communication.

They didn't reach out. When I said, what are you going to do? He didn't reach out. I said, he used to call us on Father's Day because we wouldn't really. Um, anyway, my oldest sister said, I'll pick up if he calls and explain why I haven't been speaking to him. She said, but I don't really plan to call. And he didn't call? I don't know.

I haven't talked to him yet today. Oh, I see, I see. But my male sister, I think, has had relief and not dealing with it because she's got a lot of her own crap going on right now as a result of things that she deals with and our genetics and choices that, you know, have fueled us for whatever reason of everything, you know, complex PTSD or whatever it is. depression. So it's like we've all been in places that for sure can be linked back. I'm a very aware person. I'm the last person who wants to be like, well, I hurt you because this happened to me as a child. You know, like that doesn't really fly with me. If you're dating somebody and they're like, well, I did this because my dad, X, Y, or Z. It's like, you're an adult now. So I'm very aware, probably too aware of my choices and who I choose and why I choose them. But I think there's

you know some people who come to that later and at this point it wasn't serving me to keep picking up the phone call it was awkward annoying a chore and he was just kind of a wind-up toy up same thing over and over again giving us updates on someone who's dying of alcoholism it's like does hospice give updates because i think i know the end of the story you know like i don't need a play-by-play of death I just don't. Also, I know it's, you know, alcoholism is a family disease, but it's also a result of this motion. So I'm like, this is something that we all saw coming.

I don't know how else to help you feel better about it. And I feel relief in not having to pick up the phone. Good. I think he's also not things, your chemicals changes you age. I don't know what's going on with him. But there's a lot to be said. about that as well like look you know just because they're your parents or vice versa if the kids being like this to their parents and you know your dad as a child like you know I don't blame

his dad and mom at some point for going fuck it yeah we're leaving um and same with kids man it doesn't matter that we're in our 40s or 50s if our parents are shit and it's you listen if you're better off without them then you're better off without them that's just the way it is and you've been fighting keep them in your life for so long and you're a good person I hear it in your heart I hear it in your words I can tell when it comes out I see it yeah it's weird to talk about it is it not that I'm against talking about it it's not like oh I have to keep these things in secret but it's my deep desire to make it funny and I feel like oh god I wasn't funny and it's like I am sharing other people's stories too I don't really my dad has always been like it's your life whatever

happened to you you can talk about it but it when it comes to like my sisters I try to make things funny for them and their choice like I'm always trying to like you're a caretaker yeah I I want, I don't really, yes, I don't want to hurt people. That all comes from that shit too, yes. I don't want to hurt people by talking about it. Because I remember what it fucking feels like when I got that. Yeah. So I don't want to be hurtful.

It's not like my, I don't get joy. I will say for sure if I'm a little mean about my stepmom. That's the other thing. I would argue that, yes, sometimes I'm probably being a little bit. Yeah, but you're not overly like rooting against them or vindict them. No. You haven't been like, I'm so funny and none of that. No.

But yeah, I think it's hard because I'm like, yeah, it's weird to talk about. something that affected so many people. I'm so sorry. I'm just also like if somebody told me about my mom and A&O, I'd be like, shut the fuck up. And I did. I said it's fucking disgusting. And then I got it from the table and went to the bathroom.

Like I'm never getting that out of my head. You know that. You back brace, mashed potato bit. I know. Also, thank goodness for my aunt's significant others because we were driving home together. I dropped them off. Did anyone be like, hey. Oh my God.

My aunt's boyfriend was so, her husband was so funny. He's like, you know, people who talk like that, especially the family. family dinner and have to brag or regale you with their sex stories are usually not having that actually happening. He was like, and then he goes, I wonder if the back brace has lace. Lace. Like lingerie, you can attach to it. But yeah, I'm like, it's just not something you need to brag about if it's actually happening.

And I find it weird. One time I will say my day. And also, like to infantile, what am I trying to say? infantilize me so much right like even as an adult sitting there um and in talking about when i was a kid and stuff and then to also say the anal stuff to me i'm like if we if you want me to be very dramatic right now that's totally child abuse and incesty to be doing that to super incesty yeah but i'm just saying i'm a grown woman someone says to her like your dad likes to go to pound town up to fucking poop shoot like shut the fuck i don't want nobody wants to know that about their parents and

And if you do, definitely something fucking wrong way. Exactly. And I even think I said, I was like, oh, it's important. Like, those things are healthy and part of life. I don't need to hear about them. If there's a filter in you that doesn't exist where you're like, this is this man's daughter. I know. I think they like being shocking.

That's another thing that we talked about on the drive home. Attention, attention, attention. I think they like that shock. My dad has obviously always like that with the overtop Oakley's walking around and smashed football jerseys, no shirt underneath. Still? Yeah. I forget what he was wearing that day.

But it was definitely these. I love you so much. I love you. I appreciate you sharing all of this. I had no idea. Beth Stelling. The one of you're so sweet and fucking funny. Thank you.

Promote one more time right here. Bethstelling.com. You're special. I'm always out here trying to make dark stuff funny. There's usually a story behind some of the stuff that's much darker. But yeah, Bethstelling.com. I'm on tour. The landlord special is on Beeps.com and maybe elsewhere after August 2nd.

Other specials on Netflix and HBO. And if you didn't want me then, and the standups are on Netflix. You're the best. Thank you so much. Thank you for having me. Always. And as always, Ryan Sickler on all your social media. We'll talk to you all next week.

Thank you.