The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - 360: Brandon Novak - Skating with Bucky Lasek and Bam Margera

Starting point is 00:00:00 What's up, guys? I just want to say thank you very much for all the support on the special. Right now, it's over 200,000 views, and that includes being almost killed for a day by YouTube. All right. So please, if you haven't watched it, go watch it. Go like it. Go comment on it. And if you have watched it, watch it again and share it. I'd love for everybody to share it with three to five people you love. Do that for the holidays. Give them the gift of comedy. Share it, like it, comment, all that good stuff. go watch it live and alive streaming now on my YouTube. What's up, guys? The holidays are coming and I'm going to be straight up with you.

Starting point is 00:00:36 I'm just trying to get rid of the merch I have. We got quite a bit of merch left, and I just want to get rid of it, and I want to get rid of it for you guys. All right, so here's what we got going on. There's a huge, talking about fire sale, y'all, huge fire sale in the merch store on my website at ryancicler.com. We've got $10 T's and hats, $20 hoodies and pants, You got stickers in there.

Starting point is 00:01:00 But listen, here's the thing. Just order because trust me, every order comes with a free gift and any apparel purchase comes with two free gifts. All right, that's a chance to get a lot of gifts, y'all. All right. So go over to the merch shop right now. Get your $10 hoodies, nightpants. I don't think there's anything more than $20 over there, honestly,

Starting point is 00:01:20 and the whole entire store. So go get your stuff now. Ryan Sickler.com. The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler. Welcome back to the honeydew, y'all. We're over here doing it in the Nightpan Studios. I am Ryan Sickler, Ryan Sickler, on all your social media, Ryan Sickler.com.

Starting point is 00:01:49 Starting this one like I start them all by saying thank you. Thank you. Thank you for all your love and support on my new special. If you haven't watched it yet, go watch it. Thank you so much. And thank you for supporting anything I do. I don't care what it is. Thank you.

Starting point is 00:02:02 I love my job, and it's because of y'all. I appreciate you guys. You know what we do here? We highlight the low lights. I always say that these are the stories behind the storytellers. I'm very excited to have this guest here with us. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Brandon Novak. Welcome to the honey-new Brandon Novak.

Starting point is 00:02:19 You're far too kind. I've been anticipating and you might think I'm really fucked up, but dreaming of this day for a while. I know you're from Baltimore and that is like, that's my, that's my heart. My heart is there. Same. Thank you, brother. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:02:34 I mean, anybody that's a Baltimore guy, like the turnstile guys, any of them, I love, I just got a, you know what I mean? It's an extra love. And today's a Saturday. I can't tell you, I think Kirsten's out there. Maybe we've done three episodes and all our years on a Saturday. So if you weren't from Baltimore, I ain't doing this today. I swear to God.

Starting point is 00:02:52 I was like, where, Jersey? We're good. Yeah, yeah, I'll pass. I'll do it. Well, welcome here. Thank you. And before we get into anything, right there, promote everything and anything you'd like. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:03:04 I mean, the easiest way to find me is my website, brandonovac.com. If you're out there and you need help, you're struggling with addiction. Call me 610-314-67. That's Redemption Addiction Treatment Center in Delaware and New Jersey as of last week. My Instagram brand in double underscore Novak. Or you can pick up some of my works, dream seller, the newest to the family, the streets of Baltimore. And the first ever graphic novel, addiction graphic novel, that is. A lot of Lexington Market stories in here.

Starting point is 00:03:36 Is that right? It's the first ever. Say it again. Addiction graphic novel. Open it up. So it's never been done before. No one's ever done that. No.

Starting point is 00:03:44 Look at a history right here. Amazing artists. Good for you, dude. Yeah. Damn. In Germany. You know, just crazy stories that didn't fit in the timeline of the book, but we couldn't throw them away. So we're like, let's get it.

Starting point is 00:03:57 Well done. And, uh, you know, that's a handful of things. Where are you on social and all that? Brandon double underscore Novak Instagram. Fuck. The other ones just type my name in. You'll find it. Well, yeah, man.

Starting point is 00:04:07 It's been wanting to do this for a while. We know a lot of same people. We've ran in a lot of the same circles. That's really interesting. It's wild. To come here and be, actually, you're doing one on Saturday and I stayed an extra day for this. Thank you, brother. Well, I want to get into all your stories.

Starting point is 00:04:23 I have family who work at the addiction treatment of Maryland and Dundalk. For sure. I also have some family to have been in those treatments. In and out of those treatment centers. I may have been one of those that frequent in this time. But tell me, where are you from originally? and let's get into mom and dad and siblings real quick. Just a little backstory.

Starting point is 00:04:41 No doubt. I was born in Kingsville, Maryland. Okay. And then we migrated to Parkville. I love that it's migraine. It felt that way. It felt like I was going on a pilgrimage to God knows where. We had an aunt that moved from Highlandtown to Rosdale.

Starting point is 00:04:57 I mean, it was this far away. That's literally going across the country for us, dude. Fuck you. And I came from a pretty, wild background. My father never had a job a day in his life. He ran with the Hells Angels. Oh, okay. And he just kind of... Out of Maryland? Is there like, there was a Maryland chapter of Hells Angels? I didn't know that. And he taught me one thing. And that was if and when I went to prison, how to conduct myself. And what was that? What do you learn in that we're not? Yeah, right? Well, this is the kind of

Starting point is 00:05:29 mentality he had for my sixth birthday. I'll never forget. He gave me a pair of chaps and a machete. that I was to keep in the freezer. Why? Fuck it if I know. He never saw why. But he's also the guy where I came home from school one day and him and all his biker buddies were on the back porch. And he said, Brandon, come here.

Starting point is 00:05:51 And I walk over. And he has this document signed up. My name is Brandon to this point, Brandon Novak. And now I'm around nine-ish years old. And I walk out in the back, has me about to sign this document. My mother walks out, literally. literally and says, Rome, what are you doing? His name. Her name was, his name was Jerome. And, uh, and he was about to have me sign to have my name changed from Brandon to Jerome at eight years old.

Starting point is 00:06:19 He just felt like it was the right time to change my name. But also, does Jerome not realize that an eight year old signature doesn't mean shit on any legal fucking talking about that? That's literally, yeah, with, with, like, recourse. Of course the kid's going to do that. And also, wait, is, is your dad a white, dude? He's a white guy. Name Jerome. So our claim to fame. There's not many.

Starting point is 00:06:41 There's not many white Jerome's, bro. So if my mother would have walked out a few minutes later, you'd be talking to fucking Jerome. Which I'm not, that'd be a pretty sharp. It's an attention getter for a white guy. Hell yeah, it is. Hell yeah, it is. My claim to fame with that is my grandfather owned the first open-air produce market back in day in East Baltimore.

Starting point is 00:07:09 Is that right? Started out with A-Rabs, had the horses, had the fruit, watermelon, oranges, apples. And then they had this little, it transcended to this little shop to later on, it was called Novax. And the very last episode of The Wire, remember when the little kid killed Omar? Yep. That was in what used to be my grandparents' produce market. No. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:07:32 Listen, man, that scene still resonates with me. not only because he killed Omar, but that kid, like, stepping outside of it, he, he should have won a fucking Emmy or something. That, the little kid shaking and, like, I believed every bit that that child took him out. And also, what a fucking way to go. God. That's Baltimore through and through. It is.

Starting point is 00:07:56 You think the biggest, baddest motherfucker's going to get you in this little, what, nine-year-old does you in in a corner store. Wow. Hence the nickname, be more careful. Yep. You know, and that's kind of body more. Yeah, body more than. So that store that they shot in is your grandfather?

Starting point is 00:08:11 It was Novak's produce. Oh, wow. Okay. Then my father who became a fucking insane crackhead who kind of got power of attorney of my grandparents deal when they were getting older and acted as a caretaker, ultimately ended up burning their house down. They also owned a house on Harford Road where they sold Christmas trees and produce after they transitioned out of the city.

Starting point is 00:08:34 Yeah, they go out of a carter house. can. Yeah. Things got better on the greener pastures. You don't leave this thing. It's always funny to me when you go back and do Asa, Miami, where they're from, they just look at it. They don't say it. They just go here. Yeah. You know what I mean? They don't say like Lutherville or somebody. Yeah. They just go here. You know, out here it's all zip code. Yeah. Yeah. There is. Oh, God, we could talk forever. So real quick, how does your father and your mom and dad together at the time? Yes. How does he get to be a hell's angel? What, what? That's just, so he was, so he was into cars. He was into cars. He was into racing. He was into that whole just kind of, and that's why I said

Starting point is 00:09:10 my father would understand that. He's total gearheads. Racing cars as a kid, terrible accident. He had to be cut out and they had to do a skin graph off his back to fix his leg. Just that kind of guy. My mother at the time, she got her first job at Mercy Hospital in Baltimore City. And she was drawing blood for $5 a pop. So I was raised on $5 increments because my, my, my, my, my father whose behavior was like erratic at best and he was around enough to like let us know he wasn't around what's he doing to make a couple bucks though he's growing tons of herb in the basement of that house in kingsville we had an acre ranch and ranch style and uh running coke a little bit of meth action um so no he ain't paying taxes literally never had a job not even exaggerating never had one job

Starting point is 00:09:58 in his life um got a little sue happy throughout his career so he would sue places and people successfully would he get enough to just get him by just to get by and then he slip and fall over here yeah he uh his favorite uh person in life was jerry sukup who was a lawyer over on harford road to you and i this makes sense so the viewers are like these fucking nut jobs but um and my mother would take me on these blood runs every morning she would go to house to house to draw blood oh not at the hot no and then she would take those vials to the hospital hospital get five bucks then she got a job with mercy and then ultimately worked her way up the last to become a nuclear physicist on the board of Mercy Hospital.

Starting point is 00:10:37 Dude, Mercy Hospital, first of all, that's amazing. Yeah. I mean, a nuclear physicist is paid to a hell angel as a lot. Don't tell me love won't make you be fucking anything. I can't find somebody. God damn. I can't find somebody. There's a reason why I'm a 46-year-old...

Starting point is 00:10:53 It's like a NASA engineer with a fucking ditch dinger. It's crazy. There's a reason why I'm a 46-year-old single man that lives with three cats in the middle of the woods. Thanks, Dad. So Mercy also was one, it might be the first hospital ever, and at least in our country where they did underwater birthing too. Oh, wow. It's supposed to be more natural for a baby to come out because basically I guess it's going.

Starting point is 00:11:20 And look, I'm an ignorant man, but going from, I guess, you know, fluid to fluid or sack to sack. And so underwater, and they would do that Mercy Hospital. So you can go sit in like a tub and they'll deliver your baby underwater. Which people pay big money for to have that done in-home birthing or in-house birthing. or in-house birthing or whatever. You see the way they teach kids how to swim? They throw a baby into the fucking deep bed. When I had a kid, I was watching these videos.

Starting point is 00:11:40 I'm like, it's insane. It's so inhumane. I could do that to your kid. You know what I mean? If I'm on a flight and there's a kid crying, I take it fucking personal. I'm like, your fucking kids crying at me. People are like, how could you do that to a baby?

Starting point is 00:11:54 How could you do that to your baby? If I'm the teacher, that ain't my baby. I'm throwing them all on this motherfucker pool. You'll see. Everyone's going to learn a lesson today. Yeah. Take you back to my father's way. Okay, so mom goes all the way.

Starting point is 00:12:07 Okay, that's bad it is. And do you have siblings? Yeah, so that gets a little fucking crazy. I have a brother who's an attorney in the White House. No, come on. He does like pensions and benefits and shit. Wow. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:12:19 So he took mom's route. He did. And do you have any other siblings? And I have a sister, and she works in the house, Mercy, as well. Okay. Doing kind of adjustments and claims and all that. And the scariest thing about this, and you'll agree. after this interview is done,

Starting point is 00:12:33 is that my mother says that I'm the most sane of all the family for a little bit of context of what we're doing here today. And so we went from Kingsville. And when I say we went, it wasn't voluntarily. It was one night in Kingsville. My mother woke me up. And she had her gay friend come over and we were packing up our belongings to run

Starting point is 00:13:02 from my father in the middle of the night. And then he got word that it was happening. And he came to the house in Kingsvone. And he sat in a chair next to the door with a baseball bat while we carried our belongings out. And we ran to a house on Hartford Road. And you hear dad coming. I'm guessing that.

Starting point is 00:13:17 You hear him coming. Right? Like my. That's not a quiet entrance. No. And no, he made an entrance. And he was an impressionable guy. Not really, but he ran with those guys.

Starting point is 00:13:30 And he was the life of the party. everybody loved him except his family straight up not even exaggerate he walked in the bar rooms and he'd buy the round the house of shots that's the saddest shit

Starting point is 00:13:42 I've ever heard in my life to me it was the most normal thing I ever said yeah yeah yeah and everyone loved him except his father except his family so you know and he was a great cook

Starting point is 00:13:54 so I mean you better be he had nothing else to do he had nothing but I yeah and nobody loved it You better fucking cook. No, yeah. So he would, my mother's out busting her ass.

Starting point is 00:14:05 You know, everyone's doing stuff. So he had time. And he also had to like, um, write his wrongs. So he would get caught cheating. He would run out on bar bills. He would fucking break the house up. He'd have to make a lot of meals to hopefully get my mother to forgive him. Right.

Starting point is 00:14:20 So it's kind of a. So mom, did mom stay married or did she finally hit a wall where she's like, I got to go? So that was the annoying thing about it. And that's where skateboarding really came into play with me that raised me is, is we'd run from that house in Kingsville and we'd move to a little house on Hartford Road then to Parkville and I'd come home from skating

Starting point is 00:14:39 like I'd be out with Bucky Lasek and all these other Baltimore legends. Yeah, yeah, legends. And I'd come home and he'd be in the kitchen making dinner as if nothing happened. And, you know, it would infuriate me only to kind of, and then he took a permanent residency basically at the Pappas

Starting point is 00:14:58 right there on Taylor Avenue. Pappas bar and restaurant. Oh, yeah, that's a, they have a great crab cake, bro. They got a great crab cake. So he, you know, basically got a residency gig there. That's hilarious. Yeah. Oh, man.

Starting point is 00:15:16 Listen, if there's anything I've heard out of the story, I agree with so far of that one right there, I'm like, I'm going to move over here too. And, you know, I remember one night my mother waking me up and saying we have to go get the car because he would go to Pappas and he wouldn't come home. And we walk down, because we lived right off Taylor Avenue, Dalesford, to be exact. And we'd walk and we walk up to the parking lot and we see the car. And the car is like moving, right? And it's rocking.

Starting point is 00:15:42 And we walk up to the car and it's my father with another woman. And that. Your mom's walking up on that with you guys. And she needs the car to go to work in the morning. Yeah. You know, and that was kind of a. He needs it to go to work at night. The bills have to be paid.

Starting point is 00:15:59 I guess breakfast is going to be delicious tomorrow. And that was a reoccurring theme. So you actually are seeing that. You're not hearing about that. No, I'm seeing it. So for lack of better words, I'm being groomed into what I'll later become. And it'll work to my advantage and disadvantage. Because throughout that, I created a lot of animosity and resentment towards a man that I thought I couldn't fucking stand.

Starting point is 00:16:27 to ultimately at the end of my story, make him look like a walk in the park, right? And then we'd run from that. My mother sold that house, ran from him, and then we moved into Highlandtown. Okay. And we lived right off Eastern Avenue, right in Patterson Park. And my addiction.

Starting point is 00:16:47 Outside, like my aunt Marguerite, like my city education is Highlandtown. It's 308 South Macon Street, right by the train tracks, right off Eastern Avenue. Yeah. And I'll tell you this later, but I said my aunt moved. They were the ones that moved from Rosdale to, or Highland Town to Rosdale, because my aunt Marguerite worked at that right aid on Eastern Avenue. Yeah. And she and like three or four ladies were accused of stealing. Their money

Starting point is 00:17:13 had been missing and all. They're accused of embezzling. And she's like, I'm not stealing anything. And they got an attorney. And she and these three ladies, the attorney's like, listen, I mean, off the record before we even start, I don't give it shit if you are. Yeah. But if If you're not, then you really have a case. And she's like, they're forcing us to take a lie detector test. And she said, okay, well, if they're forcing you to do it to keep your job and you're definitely innocent, that's illegal. They can't force you to take it to keep your job. So take it.

Starting point is 00:17:43 And when you pass, we got it. Now we really have it. And all four of the ladies passed. They fucking sued, bro. My aunt was the ringleader. This is 80, like 788. Okay. my aunt marguerite 308 south megan highlandtown gets 1.4 million

Starting point is 00:18:00 That's like $20 million. That's like $20 million. And the other ladies all get like a 1.1. They all get a money. And it turns out the execs were the high execs were the ones in Bezling, trying to blame it on these ladies and get them out. And my aunt figured out something, talked to an attorney,

Starting point is 00:18:18 they got them. Boom. So that's when they were like, they kept the house, though. They were like, we're going to keep the house and rent it. Because she always said to me,

Starting point is 00:18:25 Ryan, I'm going to die at 308 South Macon. And she actually did. Huh. When all the kids, because she had her, it's the same shit, man. She had her grandkids living with her because her son's an addict. They all get out there for the better school. You know, we're only going this far away to overly.

Starting point is 00:18:41 And then when they were finally out of the house, she's like, I don't need this house. I'm going back there. And then she, yeah, she died there. Wow. So that's my, like, all running around there is my city education. I love that. And the Macon Avenue, Queens become millionaires. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:18:57 I love that. So here, I want to ask you to, you talk about skateboard. and I'm sorry to jump around. And we probably will throughout this. We go to... I grew up skating 215. This is what I want to ask you, Sue. I, it was, we were huge soccer players.

Starting point is 00:19:11 And there was a place called sports elite. That I was going to say that when you said how on Conglut Avenue, right across from the pawn shop. Yes. That's where I met Bucking. Right by little town. Pat Albion, the side, they sold soccer equipment and skating shit. They sold the best soccer shit. The Albanian guy, my guy.

Starting point is 00:19:28 So my cousin would tell me. me all the time. Ryan, there's this fucking skater from Baltimore. He's talking about Bucky. Yeah. Who's like sick. I'm like, the guy. Shut the fuck up. I'm like denied it. I'm like, where's a Baltimore City kid going vert, you know? And then we go into Sports Elite one day. And I'm like, y'all got this out back. That mini ramp at the back, which only the skaters who wrote for the shop could ride. That's right. Yeah. Did you ever get to ride it? So that's how I got. Bucky is I was sponsored. So we were skating. I was skating. I was skating for reach for the beach. Yeah, reach for the beach. Yeah, well, that's where we go get our Tony Hawk board in White Marsh.

Starting point is 00:20:05 Yeah, white marsh mom. Yeah. So I was out there. Before that, I wrote for Clearlight, which was in Parkville area, but then reach for the beach. And then they got word that there was this young kid who was fucking had a promising career possibly. So then Bucky saw me. And Bucky was like, hey, Pat, you got to let this kid skate the ramp. Pat allowed me to skate it.

Starting point is 00:20:27 And they put me on sports that day. And then Bucky took me under his wing. So I grew up. As a matter of fact, when we were living in Parkville, my mother, busting her ass at Mercy Hospital, she put an ad in the paper to find someone to drive me every day after school, after I finished middle school, from my house in Parkville to Sports Elite. And I would skate there all day until she got off at Mercy. He would pick me up and take me back home.

Starting point is 00:20:55 You know, you had to put an ad in the paper to find someone to drive. me to do that. Well, that's what I couldn't believe. I'm like, so let me ask you this then. If it's not for sports elite, where are you guys doing for? I get street skating. Where are you doing vert in Baltimore City? You're not. That's crazy. You're not. So there were other parks. There were. People did have ramps back. For sure. Yeah. It's just, you know, backyard ramps. And that's so Bucky, I'm skating with

Starting point is 00:21:19 Bucky. Bucky gets me sponsored by Pau. Right. Through skating with him. Pao Pauper Alta. And then correct. And then we, um, start going up to Pennsylvania to the skate park called Sheepskates where we meet Bam from Jackass, who ultimately plays the part of getting me on Viva, Lamb, and Jackass, and ultimately out of Baltimore City. And if I would have stayed there, I surely would have died. My mother bought me a plot later on in my story. People were expecting me to die for my addiction. All right. Let's rewind here for a second. So you got Dad Hell's Angel, Mom's Ballin over here. We're always trying to get away from Brothers in the White House.

Starting point is 00:22:00 Sisters at Mercy. We're trying to get away from dad, but dad's always coming. Mom's always letting them back. For sure. A little hardcore troubadour shit. Growing up skateboarding, hanging with Bucky, hanging in Holland Town.

Starting point is 00:22:12 That's your upbringing there. Escape, yeah. This sounds like a kid who's got the right, you know what I mean? For sure. For a Baltimore City kid, all the shit you could be doing out there to be skating all day long and shit sounds like a good path.

Starting point is 00:22:27 I'm on point. Where does it, what happens where you get deviated, for drugs? So for me, or is it alcohol first? What was it for you? Well, I believe that I was genetically predisposed.

Starting point is 00:22:38 My father was an addict and his father was an addict. And are your mom or siblings? My mother and my brother and sister, who are by a different man, have no issues. Oh, they are? Yeah. So my mother has a thing with guys. Got it.

Starting point is 00:22:51 So they're not that they are your brother and sister, but they're half. Different last name. So you got different genetics. Yes, correct. That's important. Gene. My father's father's gene. And I got that bad boy. So, so and then paired with the fact that as a kid, my mother's working. There were days where no one could watch me. So my father would take

Starting point is 00:23:10 me with him. And we would go over to the strip joint. And I don't even remember which what it is, but on Bel Air Road way back in the day. And he would be in the back conducting his business. And they would sit me at the bar and the dancing girls were poor shots of ginger owl and Coca-Cola, right? And I'm doing the shots. The girls are, you know. And you're little just seeing girls and they're like, six, seven, eight years old. And my father's like, that's my boy. You know, you're riding around. My father's making his drops and they're smoking herb in the car. And you have to remember people that this is like years before where you go to jail for a joint. It's not legal. It's, it's not like it is today. And I'm like, be quiet, keep it down.

Starting point is 00:23:50 Don't tell anyone. We used to grow, my father grew tons of weed in that Kingsville house. back then he would get into the meter where they would use to read the electric and he'd pay them to put this piece of copper in there that would bring like the readings down so it didn't look like he was blowing tons of money on all this lighting yeah and and he had this secret room built in the in the basement and i remember him as a kid saying do not because we were trying to sell the house do not tell the real estate agent about you know so i was groomed into that to where it it did not make sense to me, but when it got to the point where my mind started to shift in a negative direction, it made complete. The abnormal was becoming the normal and vice versa. And you never

Starting point is 00:24:32 have problems with like home invasions or any of that shit with people knowing what your dad's doing and they're coming for his shit. No, no, no, at least not that I was aware of. And my father would move around a lot too, right? But always Maryland though. Yeah, Rose Dow. He took it, he took residency in Rosedale for a little bit. I lived in all the white trash pockets. I know all those hotels, you know, the pay by the hour joints. We'd frequent those offers to go find him on Pulaski Highway. Yep, Pulaski Highway. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:24:59 So throughout that time, life couldn't be better for me. And I'm actually using how much of a fuck up my father is to my advantage, right? I'm kind of possessing this mentality where, like, I will never be him, right? Because I'm the biggest mama's boy who ever meet and there's nothing I won't do for her. and the pain that I watched her endure as a result of how the fuck he acted under the influence. Because again, Jerome was the nicest guy in the world. But when he would not come home at 5 p.m. to make dinner and we heard those motorcycles pull in at three or 3.30 in the morning.

Starting point is 00:25:34 And the key hit the lock, we shook like leaves because we didn't know who we were going to get, but we knew we weren't going to get that guy who made dinner for us. And he was the kind of guy that like when him and his biker buddies were party and the whole fucking house was awake. So he would like wake us up, me, my brother and my mom. mother and sister and make us like sit on the sofa while they're partying, which to me looking back seems like a fucking nightmare. I went to party without my family like interrupting that. So I use that to my advantage to be like, I'll not only will I never be him, I won't

Starting point is 00:26:04 fucking be an addict because I see, I could, I was young enough to recognize the psychic change that takes place in an individual upon ingesting a drink or a drug. So I used that. And I was never like a fool. I could, I could read the, room well. But I just didn't understand this disease that I was already pre-diagnosed with genetically. So I didn't see it coming. And what happened was I'm skating, things are going great. And the better they're going. I'm touring with Bucky. He's opening up this world for me that I never know existed. I'm getting video parts in Powell videos. I'm in thrashers and trans worlds. Are you sponsoring? Are you making money doing this now? I'm not making money. But I, you know, but you're not

Starting point is 00:26:48 losing money. No, I'm sponsored by shoes. I'm getting free clothes. They're paying for travel and all of that. And I'm amateur at this point. And it gets to the point where they're sending me prototype shapes to design what could potentially be my pro model. Bored? Yeah. Oh, hell. Yeah. So it's getting to that point where like my dreams have come true, but like the end result. And with that came more responsibilities, right? And with more responsibilities, paired with my upbringing, I kind of got in with a crew of what happened was I'm going to Parkville High School. I'm that weird little skate rat. This is before skating is cool. What year did you graduate? I should have graduated in 96. Should have been one of her two different stories here. Two different years. I mean,

Starting point is 00:27:41 ultimately, I got my GED in the penitentiary. Oh, shit. Later on. Oh, God, damn. Okay, so you should have been 96. I should have been your year. Okay. And if you opened up my yearbook, my picture's in there as if I graduated. They kicked me out two weeks before I was to walk across stage.

Starting point is 00:27:58 Why? Because I had smoked a joint before gym class and they came and they searched me and they didn't find drugs, but they said I smelled of marijuana. So they expelled me just simply because of that. And I mean, if you looked at me to that point, I was not a, a, a, uh, a, uh, a, uh, a, uh, a, uh, a, a, uh, a, a, a, uh, a an A student who was like an asset to the fucking universe. You know, I was like, I was that kid that was high and doing drugs and smoking and cutting.

Starting point is 00:28:24 So, they were just cutting their losses. All right. Let's jump back. Sorry. Yeah, please. You're, wait, where are we, we were talking about your first, you're, you're getting sponsor. So yeah.

Starting point is 00:28:36 So with that, yeah, there's more responsibilities that are coming, but I'm now kind of associating, I'm not cool at this point, right? No one knows who I am. I'm this weird little skate rap in school. And all of a sudden, I wanted to, there was this girl that I always fucking dug and her name was Natasha. And she was so fucking hot. But she was always with like the varsity football and baseball players.

Starting point is 00:29:05 And wouldn't look my way to fucking save my life. But I get a picture in a trans world magazine once. And I take it in the next day to school and to start. Spanish class there. She was in and I dropped it to one of her friends and I saw her and her friend looking through the magazine door in class and they're up front and they see me in there and they turn around immediately. I fucked Natasha that night.

Starting point is 00:29:30 That night. That night. But the reason why I tell that story is because prior to that, prior to that, I was not the cool kid. No one was fucking with me. Did you lose your virginity to Natasha? Yeah. Oh, wow. So, but I wasn't, the football players fucked with me, throw my skateboard. But that night, I was invited to a fucking party. Changed everything. And at that party, I didn't understand where that like red cup from the keg that seemed to make everybody have a better time would take somebody who already was predisposed to a disease that I didn't even know I had. And that drink, ultimately, that first drink took me.

Starting point is 00:30:13 to a place that I could have never seen coming. It was just beer, a keg beer. But it created that progression, you know? And, you know, I heard it never had anything. Nothing. Dad never gave you a sip of beer, anything as a kid. I would take his fucking herb. I would, you know, and just hit it here and there

Starting point is 00:30:30 just because he sold it and had it. But it was like, I didn't give a fuck. And ironically, skateboarding did for me at a young age what drugs and alcohol did for me later, right? Like, you give me that skateboard at the age of, seven. You put me in a room with the world's prettiest models. I'll not only believe that they've been waiting for me, but that they're like dying to marry me, right? Like drugs and alcohol produced that same delusional narrative later on that I believed was real. So, so what happens is,

Starting point is 00:30:59 and I heard this woman say this one. She said, when I take a drink, I become prettier, whittier and tidier. And that's what alcohol produced for me. It produced this feeling of no longer being that skate rat that got picked on by the fucking cool kids in school. I'm, getting attention from women that like wouldn't look my way otherwise and it came as a result of them seeing me in a magazine but now i'm drinking more and i'm skating less and i'm losing interest in healthy activities and now i'm disassociating and disconnecting with bucky and and the rest of my crew matt martin eric brim all these guys from hollandown that i grew up skating with because like it gets in the way of my partying but i don't see this it continues to go and it progress and uh until

Starting point is 00:31:43 ultimately and my my story is really weird it goes from skateboarding and this really positive future to like in the blink of an eye heroin homeless in fucking baltimore yeah tell me how do you go from beer to heroin just how quickly is that happening for you well it went from the beer to the xanax and then the blow and then just getting totally nothing ever scared you oh i don't know if you could tell by me yet but i'm not really a kind of easy does it kind of guy i'm i'm either you have all my fucking attention or don't bother me. Like I don't really understand the word moderate or moderation. Listen, I've sat across, I say this all the time.

Starting point is 00:32:21 Like I've sat here across from plenty of people who are still addicts clean, but they're like, I'm an addict. Sure. And I can, thank God, drink half a beer and leave. God bless you. And they're like, listen, I can't. And not only, and I say this every time, they'll say, if I have one, I'm having 20. And then they all say, and that's not an exaggeration.

Starting point is 00:32:41 You know, it's not me just saying 20. Oh, yeah. I will continue to drink, drink, drink. And I'm like, yeah, thank, I'm lucky. Doing, having one glass of wine will do nothing but piss me the fuck off. It will infuriate me. Because that's, you know, just the taste of the tongue is all right. We're going somewhere.

Starting point is 00:32:58 One of anything, fuck you. Like I started ordering bottles of wine because there's four glasses to a bottle. So when I go to the fucking pub, she gives me a glass and it's busy, she might not come back for, you know, I'm like 10 steps ahead of the game. I can't wait on you right now. Yeah. Yeah. But that's what I'm going to say, nothing.

Starting point is 00:33:16 See, I'm also just slightly older than you. And Lembius, you remember Lenny bias? Yes. He was our, like, just say no to drugs.

Starting point is 00:33:24 Yeah. Like that guy was built like a Greek God. And I just remember thinking if, if that thing can do that to that, what would it do to this? For sure. So I was all, I've never done Coke,

Starting point is 00:33:38 uh, ever in my life. I'm so lucky, though, because now, my friend's kids. I have, you know, a friend of mine whose daughter passed from fentanyl in Baltimore. It's in everything. It's a, it's, I'm saying that you yourself, you say it. I have so many friends that have gotten clean and sober and they all say, but this day and age, I mean, you ain't making it out.

Starting point is 00:33:59 No. It's true different. It's totally different. You're not making it out. It's not alive. Not alive. And the thing with me, again, going back to the genetically predisposed deal that I got from my God bless him father who passed is, unfortunately, logic does not stand a chance against my addiction. So that's what creates a separation or difference between you and I. You're the kind that says, hey, if I have this drink and it might make me want to do Coke, maybe I don't want to do this drink. Yeah, I'm like, well, before I have this drink, I need to order an ape off because what if a dealer doesn't answer?

Starting point is 00:34:30 Or what if he goes to bed? Or what if the world ends? And then we might as well order some dope because I like... That's called producing. That's called producing. I'm in the evidence-based kind of lifestyle here. I need substance to know why like this is worth it. And my mind just goes.

Starting point is 00:34:45 But that's what I was asking. You weren't scared anything. So when it came your way, Coke, you're like, now do the Xanax, but I'm not going to do that. You were a yes to all. Yeah, yeah. And thank God I got out before the fentanyl hit the scene. Because I mean, I literally spent every day coming up with as much money as I could to shoot speedballs of heroin and cocaine into my arm. Yeah, let's talk about this.

Starting point is 00:35:06 How does it like transition? Yeah, spiral so. I mean, you're a how old when you're just getting in this? High 14, 15, 16. Okay, so skating goes up until that. I kind of prolong the inevitable and moonlight with skating to make my people think that, like, I'm still that guy until end of 16 and 17 is where I just fucking threw the towel. And I said, we're just going to run this.

Starting point is 00:35:30 So in between that timeline, we, Bucky and I would go up to that skate park called Cheap Skates. That's where we met BAM. Bam was not sponsored yet. Butkey was, I was both for Powell, and we would stay at Bam's house. We met Phil and Ape and it just kind of became a unit up there. Do you have something to do with the Bloodhound gang too? Yeah. Those guys are they that pocket.

Starting point is 00:35:55 They're from that area too? Oh, they're Pennsylvania guys? Oh, yeah, yeah. I thought so. I thought you did. Yeah. So it's that whole corner. Okay.

Starting point is 00:36:01 So you all sort of knew each other that like those worlds, what was it? CKY, Jackass, Bloodhound Gang, all you guys ran. That's all connected. CK.Y. Jackass. Vivares, Vibla Bam. Jimmy Pop was done a lot of stuff with us. He lives in the King of Precia area in Pennsylvania.

Starting point is 00:36:17 But my introduction to that world was Bam, right? And Bam and I were fucking doppelgangers. We skated alike, we dressed the like. We were good contest skaters, consistent outside the box thinkers when it came to putting tricks together. And every year we would practice for this one particular contest that happened in Bricktown, New Jersey. And we'd show up and either he'd win or I'd win.

Starting point is 00:36:39 This particular year, Bucky's there as usual. I'm not. Bam goes to Bucky. Yo, where's Novak? And Bucky's like, I think he's on heroin. And Bamb's like, what's that? Such a young age you does not know what that is.

Starting point is 00:36:50 Needless to say, he continues to follow his pursuit and love of skateboarding. I choose to pursue heroin and our lives going completely different directions. Fast forward to, I always looked at skateboarding at that point as like the love of my life that got away. I avoided it all costs. I don't even want to know it exists. I don't want to hear about it. And I'm on the streets. I'm homeless at this point.

Starting point is 00:37:13 I'm shooting heroin. And one day I can't come up with money to save my life. So I go into Select Skate Shop, which was in Fell's Point back in the day, something I had never done. And I went in there and I was trying to get some money from them. And they said, we're not going to give you money. But Bam was here yesterday with the toy machine team doing a demo. And he asked if we ever saw you. We said, no.

Starting point is 00:37:36 And he said, well, if you do, give him my phone number and tell him if he wants to get off heroin. and start skating again to call me. And that's ultimately what happened. I called him a little while later from a payphone on Broadway, that's 7-Eleven on Broadway right up there. And I'm sleeping in a garage, an abandoned garage underneath a house up there. It's that bad for you that quick. That quick.

Starting point is 00:37:57 How would you at this point? Well, that time went on at that point. So I'm about 21. But this five years, you're going to homeless. Yeah. You're homeless. Yeah. Where's mom?

Starting point is 00:38:07 Where's dad at this point? Dad somehow, finagled his way into uh he got a new residency where's he had now jimmy's famous even back with mom fucking on uh on exeter street right of uh eastern avenue my mother bought a house there okay i come home in the thick of my addiction and find him shacked up on the sofa and i'm like here we go and now the tables have turned now we're both doing the same thing to my mother we're both stealing her car we're both stealing money from her We sit around the house all day and get high while she's working at mercy.

Starting point is 00:38:42 Total fucking delinquents. And ultimately, one day I come home that night and I find my father like crawling through the window in the back. He's an older guy. And I like push him out of the window. I'm going to be the protector of my mother because I love her while I steal all her belongings. And we get no fight outside of the house and he says, you're never to call yourself a Novak again. And then at that point, my mother felt it was best to, like, tell both of us to leave.

Starting point is 00:39:13 And then I would use that to my benefit to prolong my addiction. Because I'd be like, mom, I need 50 bucks. No. Well, if you didn't have me by a fucking crack addict father and make me see these things that you let him continue to do, I wouldn't be this way. So give, you know what I mean? And it went that way until finally. But let me ask you. So during this time, you're not working.

Starting point is 00:39:37 You're not. I would get jobs at like at restaurants. And my hustle was all through the harbor. You name it. I worked at it. Uno pizzeria, the CPKs, all those hooters. No, I worked at Phillips, which was next to Hooters. And I was banging a chick that worked at Hooters.

Starting point is 00:39:56 So I would use her car during the day and go shoot dope. Yeah, yeah. She also liked to shoot dope. I'm bad. So we'd run con on like the rich business. jobs, no nothing, and you don't have a place to live. I'm washing dishes, I'm washing dishes or busing tables at all those restaurants in the harbor place.

Starting point is 00:40:14 And what I would do is I would go in there and I would get a shower in the bathroom, like a bird bath. I would eat. I would like make money because you get cash every day. And I was like my father. I had the gift to gab. And I would tell these waitresses that like my house is under renovations. Is it okay if I stay with you?

Starting point is 00:40:34 And they'd let me move same as my father. moving with them. I'd use their car while they're at work. I'd fucking run their life to the ground. They'd end up fucking wanting to kill me and wash, rinse, repeat. But, and that, but I take Bam up on that offer and he brings me up to Pennsylvania, which is then how I ultimately got out of Baltimore. But I would still come back, I would lie to Bam and say, I have to go back to Baltimore to get my favorite pair of jeans. And I would disappear into East Baltimore for like three weeks. And I'd get arrested and I'd overdose. And you've, how many times you've overdosed?

Starting point is 00:41:09 Well, a common reoccurrence in my life is that I loved heroin, but what I really liked was going down to Lexington Market and I'd buy 180 milligrams of methadone and like four or five Xanax bars. And that was a guaranteed overdose, which is not what one would think they were striving to do. I mean, Lexington markets, it's no place to be for anybody. No. Like that's, listen, no joke.

Starting point is 00:41:35 Yeah. The Chappelle stand-up special. he talks about how he saw a baby in a diaper outside on the corner at three in the morning. Listen to me. It's that. I've seen that at Lexington Market. I have a story in here. I took Tom Zagora through there at like 2.30 in the morning when we were working in Baltimore.

Starting point is 00:41:49 And I'm telling you, there are kids in diapers on those fucking corners at that time. It's not bullshit. It's, and you're going there. So I'm going down there. And you're a white kid. You're a little kid too. Are you getting fucked? Are you getting jumped a lot?

Starting point is 00:42:01 Robbed. I'm getting robbed regularly. Regular. Like, oh, you know, most people get called. in the morning, I go overdosed on methadone and get beat up and robbed. I'll never forget one time Bam and I went to the VMAs and we went to a party before and the swag stuff and they give us these, they give him this really nice diamond and crusted watch.

Starting point is 00:42:23 And I thought that it would make sense for me to wear it down to Lexington Market one day while I go and I got fucking robbed. And not only I get beat up and robbed by them, Bam then fucking beats the fuck out of me all All because I wanted to wear this watch down to Lexington Market. You ain't wearing nothing down. Yeah. Listen, that same Aunt Marguerite while you look for that picture. My same Aunt Marguer worked at Lexington Market before she worked at the right aid.

Starting point is 00:42:48 And she worked at the little liquor store in there. And I would go say hello to her once in a while just to get a lottery ticket if I was down by the Civic Center. Just the only reason I'm going anywhere near Lexington Market with the Civic Center. You don't belong there. Man, you're going down there as a little scrawny kid. What was the picture? It's a story that takes place in Lexington Market, so it's a whole drawl up of Lexington Market. I don't want to keep, like, going through this.

Starting point is 00:43:12 But it's in there. That's the best crab. Well, one of the best crab cakes in Lexington Market. So the reoccurring theme is that I would go down there on overdose, and then they And what are you just laying on the streets and shit? And the ambulance would pick me up and they'd take me to Mercy. Who's called? No.

Starting point is 00:43:30 They take me to Mercy. So a reoccurring. Not Hopkins. Right there. And without fail, they take me to the emergency room. And then they would go over and they call. They call third floor nuclear. Pat, your boy's back.

Starting point is 00:43:48 Oh, fuck. Pat, your boy's back. So now you're embarrassing her at her job, too. She got to a point where she had to tell the security guards at that big hospital to not let me in. Ultimately, at the end, she served me with a restraining order. Right. Like, things got really twisted. in dark at the hospital.

Starting point is 00:44:06 Like you can't come here. Almost like my father at my at her house. We're at little Italy. So then she and I know we're jumping around. But okay. She now lives. So let me still hold on. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:44:18 I can't get over. And I got to. You're overdosing and being taken to her fucking hospital. Regularly. Oh, man. Your mom. Is your sister working there yet? Not yet.

Starting point is 00:44:28 That comes later. Okay. That comes later. So they, she tells them don't let them in anymore. So then where do you have to go? So I'm just like roaming the streets, man. I'm sleeping in abandoned houses. I'm, you'll remember this.

Starting point is 00:44:40 You slept in some of those Baltimore abandoned houses. I fucking lived in those houses. Are there other people in there too? Yeah. One of the stories in this is me falling through the floor of one of those shooting galleries. And there's just all this water in a basement of an abandoned house and fucking, the stairs had fell through. So I'm stuck down there. And these other dope fiends come in to shoot up.

Starting point is 00:45:02 And I scream up to them. and they fucking save me. They fucking make a makeshift rope out of some blankets they had in their car in their pickup truck. You picture at the pickup truck. And it's a guy, the story, I'm looking at the story right here. And they fucking hoist down this makeshift rope. I have a scar on my shin from falling through that roof. It's like super fucking crackheads over here.

Starting point is 00:45:23 You ever heard of naked and afraid? Fuck you. Go to Lexington Market. I'll show you naked and afraid. Lexington Market. That is wild, dude. So my days are like that. Well, my...

Starting point is 00:45:35 What's your day then? Just hustle to get high. My day is, and you'll remember this, my days at the end end up with me hanging on the corner of Eastern Avenue in Patterson Park with all the other young boys. So I can sell on my ass. Letting men blow me. No.

Starting point is 00:45:50 You were. That's where it took me ultimately. So wait, I didn't know about that. So Patterson Park. This book starts out with that. Okay, let's hold on a second. Because my buddy, Shannon, who also owns a junkyard there in auto recycling of Baltimore. LLC off of

Starting point is 00:46:03 North Haven Street or South Haven. He's on Ohio Southern. But either way, he used to live right across Patterson Park. And that's where I watch. I would sit on the stupid night. And that's when the 12 o'clock boys would ride the motorcycles through. And I would watch these drug dealers. It was fascinating.

Starting point is 00:46:20 They would stand at the bus stop. And the cops would roll by. And you can't press somebody for standing at the bus stop. As soon as the cop would leave, they'd stay at the bus. The bus start coming. they step away from the bus stop. Yeah. And they get back up and then I start seeing people pull up.

Starting point is 00:46:37 Like, oh, this motherfucker's just slinging all night long and doing it at the bus stop. Look at this. Look at this. Legit. I mean, it's not awesome. But it's awesome. They saved you. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:46:54 Dude, this is crazy. And then there's stories in there like me at Tony Hawk's house with Bucky as a kid. And then ironically enough, Tony Hawk wrote the. the forward for my book. You know, so it's all full circles. Now, let's get back to the do. Dude, hold on. You're telling me that you get addicted so bad and you can't get money anymore that you're,

Starting point is 00:47:13 you turn to just men. Yeah. Yeah. Not by choice. And Baltimore is one of those weird places. That was a. So what happened was here's, and I like this because you'll recognize the story. So there was.

Starting point is 00:47:26 I like, you said you'll know this. And I'm like, I don't know what either. I didn't know that. I've never even done coke. So hold on. Wait. What part of Patterson? Eastern and Patterson, right on that corner. Across from where there's the pharmacy now. It's right like on the corner of the park. I know exactly we're talking about. You would hang. The young boys would hang there.

Starting point is 00:47:42 And so if you were a gay guy, you would know that's where I go to get you. Mm-hmm. This is kind of like the open air market, right? And what? You just point at them or whatever? Yeah. It's, you spot it. You got it. And then what did it take you around in the car? Where are you going? Yeah. So, so what happened was that was, I used to make fun of those. those boys, right? And that's just life, man. You get right-sized a lot. And I did. And we would make fun of those boys growing up. And one day I go down to Fell's Point and there's this store that's no longer there, but they sell all this like intricate, unique rod iron furniture, like handmade, heavy steel. And it's expensive. And I go there one day and they have it outside and I steal it. And I

Starting point is 00:48:26 steal it and I have these grandiose plans that like my fence is going to give me good money for this. And now my fence isn't answering. No one's buying this humongous fucking table I have and I'm lugging it around and it is not light. It's heavy as fuck. And I start out that morning at like 8 a.m. with plans to have a great day of doing a lot of heroin. And it's now like nine at night and I have no money. I'm ill as a research monkey. I'm detoxing and I have no options.

Starting point is 00:48:55 and I'm walking up by there and Patterson and Eastern and I hear a horn beep and the guy's like, kid, what are you doing with the table? I'm like, fuck it. I'm like, it's for sale. And he goes, well, I have 100 bucks but I don't want the table. And again, logic and addiction

Starting point is 00:49:15 do not compute with me. And I'm sick. And the dope boys, because I'm buying up across Patterson Park over there like Orleans and Baltimore Street. And they usually stop serving at 10 p.m. So I'm up against the clock here, pal.

Starting point is 00:49:32 What are you talking about? There's a kind of the last call. Lacket heroin in Paris and Park. 100%. That is hilarious, dude. That's the most insider shit I've ever heard in my life. We've got to get over there by 10 or it won't be here. The shop's closed.

Starting point is 00:49:51 Get the fuck out. Pitchens closed. You can take your chances. But usually anyone out past then is burning. They're selling fake shit. It's a known thing. Ah, okay. So hold on.

Starting point is 00:50:03 Tell me about this guy. Is this guy a normal looking dudes? Is this a scum? You know what I'm saying? Is this a teacher? You know what I'm saying? Yeah, I go into grave detail on this book about it. If anyone wants to check it out, Dreamseller.

Starting point is 00:50:15 He's driving this Burgundy Cadillac and he's got a wedding ring on and he's very well put together. White dude? Yeah. White dude. Not fat. not skinny. What time of night? It's around 940-ish. And no, not that I had to watch or cared about time, but I had to make it by 10 o'clock, you know, closing time. And I'm like, and I had swore. And I had done a lot of shit in my life, but that was the thing that I would never do. And I have

Starting point is 00:50:43 nothing against homosexuality or gays. I fucking love all that stuff. But that's just not where I'm at. But on that night, things were bad and there was no hope in the horizon. So I said, fuck it. And I get in his car and he takes me you'll know this he takes me down off of boston street right where the bay cafe used to be on the water where that parking lot you can park yeah we sit right there and i'm just watching the clock and now they will like a lot of those guys they'll pay you to blow you right so i didn't so i'm getting blown i'm not oh looie there's have you ever seen pecker the movie pecker Who the fuck hasn't in my mind? There's a scene in that movie.

Starting point is 00:51:27 Shut out, John Waters. Yeah, hell yeah, where the male stripper goes, I'm not gay. You blew me. I didn't blow him. And he's got a ball of our accent. That's what he said. I was on tour. So wait, you're not, he, wow.

Starting point is 00:51:40 Yeah. He's paying you on. They pay. Okay, let's pause the first. Because also, like, that's wild. No offense to you. Sure. But you're paying a junkie to suck his dick.

Starting point is 00:51:52 Yeah. And it's kind of... I would never think it would be that way. Did you think that was going to happen? Or I knew. I was hip to it. Because I, you know, I'm kind of in that world with, you know, most of those kids on that corner get high, you know, that are selling their deal.

Starting point is 00:52:06 You're getting your... So, and there's, and there's just, that's just their thing. You know, we all have our kings, I guess. He's like, give me a hundred bucks to blow you. Yeah. So he is a hundred bucks. So we go down to the, the Boston where the water is, where you park publicly. And, uh, and he starts blowing me.

Starting point is 00:52:20 And I, I want no part of this. right and and i totally disassociate and i teleport myself to in my mind i'm already over a copping right i'm already i'm like i got what i'm doing with this hundred who's spending your lottery money i'm already spent i've already spent yeah i got two houses i like the annal making street i already got the one point seven bitch we're going to reders damn mother we're going to greener pastures mommy has a yard now okay i see so i'm there and that's the only thing that's like saving my fucking humanity at this point. And, uh, and of course, I'm up against the clock.

Starting point is 00:52:57 So the longer this act goes until I finish. You're not going to get anything anyway. No, which really proves that mind over matter. And you had to finish. That's the thing, you know? Like, they, they don't just want to do it for like, that's what they get off on. You know, I don't want to stick just the head in if that's what I'm going in for. Like, I want to, that's wild that these guys are doing that to just random.

Starting point is 00:53:20 Yeah. Oh, that's a thing. It's a thing. That's why when I ever, we always laugh on women say, you know, sometimes we're just as horny as you guys. I'm like, are you? Are you willing to go to the extent that we'll be asked you this. How many women pulled up on that corner and asked y'all? How many? Did you ever get one? God, no. Anytime ever get one? Yeah. No, men are fucking animals. Yeah. Animal. I don't get it. I don't get it. Animals. So here, the story gets better. Believe it or not. So watching the clock, totally disassociating, but also kind of remaining in reality because I'm on a timeline and I got to finish and I finish, right? And he's now driving me up to where I need to be. And we're fucking just barely getting there.

Starting point is 00:54:07 And we get up there, I have $100. In my mind, I'm going to buy eight pills of heroin, eight pills of dope and two vows of Coke. Are you needles at all at this point? Yeah, full-blown fucking. and doing the deal. And my favorite when I'm in that place. Now, for context, I've been sober for over 10 years now. So these are stories of the past.

Starting point is 00:54:30 And I'm a total sober guy. I don't do anything. But at the time, I love shooting speedballs. You know, heroin and cocaine mix. And that's like, that's hitting a lottery. So I'm about to like really blast off to forget this ungodly thing I just did that I swore would never be done.

Starting point is 00:54:49 And it's not. now it's like five after 10 it's five after 10 and i get up there and the block this is the long block is pretty fucking quiet and that's a terrible sign you're not seeing people rushing in the alley to get served there's no guys on the bus stop saying what you just explained none of that and i i refuse to accept reality i'm like i i got to just be not seeing them and i'm running around and as i'm running and scurrying literally like a rat it's getting later and finally the reality sets in the dope shops have closed and i'm getting sicker and the later it gets the harder it is for a deal to go down and is that the only place to get it well that i'm aware of so i could then take my chances

Starting point is 00:55:33 and go over to west baltimore south baltimore but the odds of me getting burned are much more likely because i have no idea anything about that area got it this is your yeah yeah this is this is where i i i fucking reside and uh as time goes on i'm getting sicker and reality's setting in and I got to get something. And I impulsively make this decision. And I see this guy who just served another white person. So I'm like, it's got to be. And I buy the eight doves from him.

Starting point is 00:56:02 And I said, who's got Coke? And he said, she does. And then I buy two things. I buy one thing of Coke, right? I buy one thing of Coke. Because I'm going to save the other $10. I'm going to go to the bodega and I'm going to buy a pack of Marlboro Reds. Right?

Starting point is 00:56:15 We're going to have a good time. We're spending all hundred. We're going to go all in. I get that and I rush to the bodega. And I'm in line to get the cigarettes. And I said, I'm looking at it. It looks real. I'm like, dude, let me just taste it.

Starting point is 00:56:31 And I pull one of the gel caps apart and I put a little bit right here. And I don't get that bitter taste. And I'm like, no, it can't be. And I dump more. And I get this very dry kind of sand. And I know exactly what the fuck it is. I just bought $80 worth of dry. drywall.

Starting point is 00:56:52 Drywall. Dry wall. Dry wall. How the fuck do you know? Because that's just, because I've sold drywall in the past. I've been known to deal in drywall. Dry wall.

Starting point is 00:57:06 Man, in my motherfucking life I had ever heard that one. Dry wall. It's prevalent. I mean, you get it from any abandoned house and most of the walls are broken. And they're just fucking crushing it up and filling caps. And a gel cap, yeah?

Starting point is 00:57:19 Oh, Man. So one's down. That was supposed to be the Coke or that was the heroin? That was the dope. So one's down, but I'm like, fuck it. I got seven more. Maybe just may.

Starting point is 00:57:28 And I'm still in line. I'm about to spend my last 10. The next one. Same. He was eating dry. Try well back to back to back. I look like a special needs kid at this point. I'm lying.

Starting point is 00:57:39 I have a bodega at like 10.30 at night. Oh my God. All right. So that's the dope. What about the coat? What's the fucking coat? Concrete. Give the people what they want.

Starting point is 00:57:50 I get to the Coke And I'm like Alright the Coke It's got to be I refuse to accept the feet Fuck I've came way too far I let a man blow me I've came in a stranger's mouth

Starting point is 00:58:00 A lot of unsanitary things Happened in the last 20 minutes I've swallowed a quarter of drywall It's Fuck me So So the Coke The Coke

Starting point is 00:58:14 The Coke's got to be It's got to be I put the fucking Coke on my same spot to my tongue and I do not get that numbing feeling and I get a taste that I'm familiar with. It's fucking sugar. I just bought sugar.

Starting point is 00:58:30 I just bought sugar. So right when I'm up to get the pack of cigarettes, I just gave her the 10. She's getting me my marble reds. I said, no, no. And I get the 10 back. And what are you getting for 10? If you can, even if that mark gets open, what does a 10 get you? So now what I do?

Starting point is 00:58:47 Enough to not make you sick, though? One would hope I'm walking. back to I'm sleeping a block up from the 7-Eleven on Broadway. There's an alley. And if you go down the alley to your right, you lift this garage door up. And it's above a house that someone lives in, but we're sneaking into their abandoned garage. And I'm sleeping in there at night. It's cold.

Starting point is 00:59:05 It's wet. Who's we? How many people are in there? Me and two other people that I'm running the streets with. And I don't know where they're at. I've part of ways with them. And we just kind of meet back. And on my way home, the thing that is always, it's like it's out like McDonald's, but it's

Starting point is 00:59:18 garbage and no one ever wants it they sell these three dollar pills and and i buy three three dollars and i inject it and and i was as good as sick as i was when i woke up nothing worked nothing worked and uh yeah to when do you start to say i'm not i got to get away from this shit what wait you said something to you went to a penitentiary you didn't just say jail you said penitentiary that's a big difference what happened so i so this is funny so throughout all this stuff that i'm telling you about it's like peaks and valleys right like bam's letting me come back um and he's kind of made me he's allowed me to be a a guest on vivola bam i was gonna say so when we're seeing you on these shows you're battling addiction at the time and it it's too it's utmost are you

Starting point is 01:00:10 are you fucked are you fucked up and high during that are you having bouts of sobriety like a month two weeks or you just. And this book explains the psychology of everything you just asked going through Jackass Viva, LeBam. This really goes into that. So although I have this amazing opportunity, one would say the keys to the castle. I'm becoming a household name. I'm on a Viacom show. I'm getting paid. Life couldn't be better. My alternative is like being homeless in Baltimore shooting heroin. I've never been more depressed and sad because I know that it's only a matter. time before I am going to burn this bridge to the ground. And go right back.

Starting point is 01:00:48 I'm not capable of making logical decisions. And I, although, so I'm living with Bam and them and, and, uh, we're filming. We've wrapped for the day, the set, the cast, the crew, we all go out. And, and I'm telling these stories of, of all these crazy things that I've done. And, uh, and he said, now he said, to this point, I could live at his house. I could be on the show. I could drive a car. I could get paid.

Starting point is 01:01:13 But I was not allowed to do. opiates. I could do like alcohol and blow because no one really understood addiction at that point. And it was socially acceptable. And if I'm doing blow, I'm not like stealing your wallet or totaling your car or falling asleep in mid-conversation. But it's dangerous for you also because this is skateboarding. You fucking break your arm, whatever. They're going to give you opiates. So that's that's kind of what I'm guessing they're around everywhere. And now Bama's made it very clear to everyone that I am not to have opiates. So everyone knows, even if I try, it's not happening. But, and I then become the guy that will do any stunt asked of.

Starting point is 01:01:49 Why? Because it gets me screen time, right? It gets me, the ratings go higher, the more in demand, the more money, the more dope. But worst case scenario, I get hurt. They take me to the hospital. They give me a script of pills, which then they all allow. So it's like a justify. So I'm down to fucking break my bones.

Starting point is 01:02:10 I'm actually looking forward to it, hopefully. So if it's doctor prescribed. to all out, but nobody give Brandon anything. Yeah, because that's what I want. I don't want the Coke. I don't want the wine. I want the dope and the pills. So even though you're shooting at this point and stuff, the pills still are enough.

Starting point is 01:02:26 Are they power? You know what I mean? Like, explain to me that obviously I know the in, but boom, boom, what is on a level of one to ten, if we're putting it right in our veins, what are pills doing for us? I mean, it's just kind of killing time. Okay. You know, it's, it's not this. No, it doesn't compare. But it gives me that warm feeling.

Starting point is 01:02:48 It gets you enough. And some hope to like just fucking stick just the head in, right? And now all I want is to get back there and do that. And so I'm trying to get fucked up on the show. That's all I want. And that's kind of the character that I play. And, you know, I'm like, Ben would introduce me as like the heroin addict Novak. You know, and so the bar was never set high for me to be this guy who kept it together.

Starting point is 01:03:12 I was the guy that did whatever. whenever with whoever. And it really did me well for a long time until it didn't. And it turned on me. I had some of the best times of my life getting high that I wouldn't take back and I would go do again. But unfortunately, my party that I couldn't wait to get to at the end turned into like a full-blown hostage negotiation where I wasn't allowed to leave and I didn't want to be at anymore. Like it got, obviously the stories, it ends there. And it ends with me burning all those bridges to the ground and everyone in my life, including my mother, who I love more than anything, saying that it's best to love me from a distance. And like my mother's serving the restraining order.

Starting point is 01:03:54 Yeah. You know, like people had to remove themselves from my life. Why are you going to prison? Oh, so I'm sorry, I got diverted. So one of the days I'm waking up were filming Jackass at Bams and I'm ill and I don't have anything. And I must have had something before enough to get this habit to get ill and I didn't have anything and I have a leather jacket with all these zippers and I go into one of the pockets and one of my buddies from Baltimore stole a dentist script from a dentist office and he wrote on there he wrote not even the dentist he wrote like eight oxycodone 30s and just signed it and now I find that in my jacket so I go to a CVS and I go in with the hopes to catch this script we're filming jackass right but I wait I'm sorry so I

Starting point is 01:04:42 back, rewind, I go to cache the script. Jackass hasn't started filming yet. This is the ending to it though. And when I go in to cache the script, I have a black leather jacket on. I'm wearing a black fedore and I'm driving BAM's black Mercedes. And I go in that I cash script. The pharmacist takes it and I'm thinking that she's cashing it.

Starting point is 01:05:00 And I hear on the phone saying he's driving a black Mercedes, he's wearing a black leather jacket and a black fedore. I know that she's talking to the authorities. I run out of there. Never to fucking go back. one year later, we're filming jackass at Bam's house. I do a stunt called Do Do Do Falls, where I drop in on like a 13 foot over inverted ramp on a toilet with my pants down while reading the paper. And I smash.

Starting point is 01:05:29 I break the majority of my ribs, a concussion. And they put me in an ambulance. And they're taking me to the emergency room. And there's a state trooper following. And they said, Novak, there's a state trooper. And I'm like, yeah, it's just an escort. I'm sure to get us there quicker. And we get there.

Starting point is 01:05:46 And I'm up in the bed. And they're working on me. And the state trooper walks. And he said, are you Mr. Novak? He said, yeah. He said, we've been looking for you for and over about a year now. How? You're only fucking like 30 miles away.

Starting point is 01:05:59 You have a felony warrant out for your arrest. In Pennsylvania. Trying to pass that script a year ago. So from there, now they got you. I go directly to jail. I mean, they're holding me, right? Like, I have to go through the process.

Starting point is 01:06:15 But you're not getting out. You're going from hospital to jail? Yeah, from hospital to jail, which really fucked me because they were still filming jackass. So I missed out on a few scenes that I had, right? So really fucked me. So I'm in jail. I post the bail. I get out.

Starting point is 01:06:31 And then ultimately they sentenced me to 11 and a half weekends. and 30, whatever it was, house arrest. 11 and a half, 30 weekends and so whatever house arrest. So I'm doing the weekends, right? And at this time, we have a radio show on Sirius Satellite radio. And any piss testing you and everything too? They don't piss test us, but they search us as we're going in. Okay.

Starting point is 01:06:58 We have a radio show that we do a BAM's house, Sirius Satellite Radio. And it goes live. And it's just like this. And we're in there, we're partying, and someone's working the boards, and we forget that it's like a live thing that goes out to the nation. And I do my, the radio show we do on Monday nights. I turn myself in Friday, and I'm always released Sunday, right? And on this Monday night, I talk about how the SEALs couldn't be any more incompetent, how I'm sneaking my drugs in for my weekend in my ass. And my dead grandmother could do a better job.

Starting point is 01:07:35 I do the Raiders for that Monday. That Friday I go to turn myself in and they separate me from the rest and they put me in the intake. I'm in there. I'm a day and a half in the intake. All the drugs I've now pulled out of my ass and I've done. So I'm high as they get and I hear a bang at the door. And it's a white shirt. It's a sergeant.

Starting point is 01:07:55 Real quick. You pull these drugs out. How are you getting the dome? How are you getting away with it? I'm taking a cigarette cell ofane and I'm just loading it with Xanax and Valiums and I just wrap it up and just shove it up your butt oh so it's just a pill you're pulling out yeah multiples no powder oh you do yeah okay all right um and i do that in here the knock of the door so i get i'm woken up and and it's a sergeant a white shirt and he said no back come with and i'm like yes

Starting point is 01:08:19 they've got my shit figured out i'm going back to the weekend block they take me into a room maybe a half a size bigger than this and there's this this one ginger sergeant on the computer in the corner who will not stop looking at the computer and there's a whole group of sergeants in a circle. They put me in the middle of the circle and the guy who won't break eyes

Starting point is 01:08:45 with his laptop, he said, so you think it's funny making fun of us on live air? No. And he starts repeating the radio show verbatim. And as he does it, verbatim. Oh, dude, my dead girl. As he does that,

Starting point is 01:09:02 They start to fucking have their way with me. So I'm like a pinata in the middle of these fucking, they're fucking me up. So at the time, this is a privately ran facility, right? Which are like the worst because it's just its own world, right? It's like they could do anything they want to you in there. And so, so right there, they take away my 11 and a half to 20, or my 30 weekends and six months.

Starting point is 01:09:31 That's what it was. 30 weekend six months house arrest and they hit me with the 11 and a half to 23 right there. I never go fucking back home and they would make my stay hell. They put me in SMU, special management unit for the first 90 days. So I'm in where because you're going to detox in there. Well, it's just they're just fucking with me because I made them look real bad. So in this, it's 23 and one. You come out, you're your handcuffed and shackled.

Starting point is 01:10:01 you can shower. You can have a Bible if you have one. You can't have books. There's no TV. You're by yourself? I have a cellie with me. A cellie. So it's me.

Starting point is 01:10:11 And it says young black kid named Streets from Chester County. And now I'm withdrawing off of Xanax, off a heroin, and off of methadone. All at the same time locked in this cell, 23. So I do that for 90 days. I'm fucking, I'm thinking that the, the warden is, fucking my girlfriend. I'm starting to hallucinate, right? I'm having these like,

Starting point is 01:10:35 just these hallucinations because I'm withdrawing from Benzos, which is one of the only withdrawals you could die from. That now costs the two most dangerous withdrawals. I think that I'm on the prices right. I'm like playing these games. You did? You're on the prices. My cell is like, one time he catches me fucking jerk.

Starting point is 01:10:55 He's like, I'm on the top bunk. He's like, you jerking off up there? I'm playing Placo, mother. He's like, you jerk. He's working off up there. I'm like, yeah, I am. He's like, yo, I feel some kind of way about that. Not like a bad way or a good way. He just felt a way. And streets and I became really good friends. And then from there, they just kept moving me from all these different cell blocks. And in every cell block I would go to, as soon as I would get on the block, they would come through and they would raid the whole block. So the blocks would get really angry when they'd see me coming on the unit. Right. They were just fucking my life. life up. They'd come in and search my cell and I'd have to research it because I thought they were

Starting point is 01:11:35 going to plant something in there. Because one time my ex-fiancee came to visit me and they're like, when does he get home? When does he get released? And she said it. And they're like, you think he's coming home? Like they had it out for me, man. And then I found out the lawyer that I had to represent me was best friends with the warden that I didn't know at the time. So like it was a lot of a lot of issues. And that's, so in there is when, um, is that the beginning of you getting clean? Like, just having to go through it. No. No.

Starting point is 01:12:06 This is the first time you haven't done drugs on a while, though, right? The longest, yes. Because usually I go to rehab for 30, 60 days. And I'd get out and I'd start drinking again. And then Coke and Xana, you know, this is the first time that, um, and then, uh, and I stay in there a whole year. And they release me. And, but while I'm in there, they offer these G. GED classes.

Starting point is 01:12:30 And I don't give a fuck about being the scholarly guy and I went a high school diploma. What it was is if you, if you received your GED and you pass the test, you got a pizza party supplied by dominoes. And I fucking love pizza. So I'm like, and it's the same thing with recovery, right? As soon as it became my idea, I killed it. But like we were talking before we started this, you tell me what I need to do. I tell you I need to fuck off, right? It's all deliverance.

Starting point is 01:12:57 And so I ace that SATs like a Yale valedictorian. And that's how I got my GED in the joint. Which ironically, and none of this was like, I'm not clever enough to create this outcome. It's all God. I'm a big, I'm not religious, but I'm really spiritual. Same. And God is everything to me.

Starting point is 01:13:15 And what I didn't know then that I know now is looking back and recognizing the synchronicity at every one of those life's events that were going to lead me to the here and now, had to prove to me that God had been doing for me so much bigger and broader than my feeble fucking dumb mind could ever conceive of. And those stories like that,

Starting point is 01:13:38 those defects were going to become my biggest assets to where, like, ultimately I then become a published author. This book does insanely well. It was recently revised in its 12th edition, new epilogue, new ending, new chapters. Most books don't make it past their first. first edition, 98% don't. And today I get paid to speak in universities.

Starting point is 01:14:00 You know, so you can't tell me that you can't fucking achieve. Mentality will create our reality. And I had to go to a place where I had to change my perception to change my world. Because I looked at things as I was a product of or like if you had my father, you'd be a dope fiend too. And until I then was willing to accept responsibility and accountability for my actions, I didn't send a chance because I was like the victim in every scenario. Not to laugh, but I, I've, you know, I've known a lot of addicts through my life. And I can tell you, I've dated a few, too.

Starting point is 01:14:32 A few years later, I'll get to, hey, I'm sorry, Texas. I'm like, somebody's in recovery. The old ninth step. I've had so many fucking of these. I'm like, good for you, girl. That's amazing. Four years later, good for you, girl. It's always, I'm like, oh, you're hitting all the people that you did.

Starting point is 01:14:50 You know, so that's what I want to ask you because I know we got to get you out here. You got to talk to you forever. Same, man. This is so good. So what I want to know two things. What point do you decide I got to get myself cleaned up? Because also, and you're running with the jackass guys, you know, Ryan's gone. Yeah. And really got to, like, you're in a circle of like, how do you get away from that and, and keep yourself clean? And at what point do you make amends with mom? So the way I ended up getting

Starting point is 01:15:18 away from that is, and it's a common theme of my life, is that my addiction becomes so overly bearing that You know, anything that tries to get between me and a bag of heroin or whatever drug I'm in search of must and will go. And it's never personal. It's just business, right? So in doing that, I ruin a lot of relationships. And people then have to create a distance. So it wasn't easy for, it wasn't hard for people to be like, dude, just don't come back. Don't.

Starting point is 01:15:48 So, you know, bam, everyone felt that it was best to just stay the fuck away. And I'd burn those bridges. and what happened that played a big part in my life is one day and all those attempts right 13 treatment centers later i lost count of outpatients and detoxes my mother bought me a plot people took life insurance she really did yeah i have where she went right over right off eastern avenue um right right let's the uh what's the um it's it's out on eastern avenue going by like east point mall but before you get to east point mall on that right right right let's see uh what's the um it's it's out on mall on that right hand side it's that big one the cemetery there yeah yeah so we have two plots

Starting point is 01:16:28 there which i've decided i'm going to be cremated so if anyone out there wants to buy a plot i will sell you i'm not even that's not even a joke i swear to god you can buy my plot if you like and i'll donate the money to to a charity mark my words you've had to people plug some shit but i don't have to be Nobody ever plugged a goddamn cemetery plot before. I will sell you mine. Hit them up if you all need a forever rest in place. For 50 cent on the dollar, because I'm not going to use it. I'm not even going to use it.

Starting point is 01:17:02 Fuck, give it to someone, man. Save a life. I'll donate that money to a scholarship fund for someone to get recovery. But anyways, you know, at the end of my addiction, I'm like this 38-year-old homeless heroin addicts who wants to kill himself on a daily basis, but I'm fucking terrified to hurt myself in the process. I'm in this weird purgatory state where I'm terrible suicide because I just keep waking up, right? And I just don't know what direction I'm going in. I continue to try to get sober. And I think that it's not working. But life for

Starting point is 01:17:36 me today is live forward and learn backwards. And it's all in retrospect. And what happened was on May 25th, 2015, I was divinely inconvenienced in a way that like my higher power showed up and created a big enough gap between me and the last speedball that I stuck into my arm. Please share this because this is what I always want to know. Because when you hear about addiction, I mean, you're prostituting now. Yeah. You've gotten to the lowest of the fucking lows. And you would think that this only leads to death. And there's no way this guy, Brandon Novak, is going to turn it around.

Starting point is 01:18:11 And it generally does lead to. death. Right. Oh, yeah. Like if you if you look at the statistics, the studies given the analytics collected of doing this data all over the world, like the cold hard numbers, statistics state that any addict or a person in recovery should be high or dead, right? The fact that I'm not is is miraculous. Also, living off the Baltimore City streets like that's insane. So what is the divine inconvenience? So what happens is you'll appreciate this. So at the end of my run, My mother serves me with a restraining order, and I'm leaving her house in Little Italy, and I'm walking up towards Perkins projects.

Starting point is 01:18:49 And in my hand, I have everything that I own. A 38 male old man had already written this book, insanely successful. Viva Labam, jackass, skateboarding career. Now I'm a 38 old man, and all I own is eight scarfs, two jackets, three socks, a stick of deodorant. Three socks. Three socks. A knee. A needle, a spoon, and a restraining order, and a passport.

Starting point is 01:19:17 And it all fits into this bag that was my pillow. And I'm walking up the street and I have nowhere to go. No one to call. No one looking for me. No one waiting for me. You're going to buy Sabatinos or Vicaros over there. Yeah. Well, I'm going up towards Perkins.

Starting point is 01:19:28 So the opposite way, the projects right there. Like towards Eastern Avenue. And my phone goes off and it's this woman. And she said, I read your book and it saved my life. Nah. Right at this time. Yeah. Well, it's a DM, but it gets better.

Starting point is 01:19:42 And she says, what do you say about an all-exclusive pay trip to Fort Lauderdale? And I'm like, that's great. I need some heroin, some cocaine, some Xanax and wine. She says, no problem. Red flag number one. My book saved her life, but she's going to give me substances that kill mine. But I don't give a fuck because I don't even want my life. And I do a little research and I find out she lives in a hotel, not a good luck.

Starting point is 01:20:06 A little bit more research prevails. She's like a lady of the night or a dance. cancer. Two things I have no problem with. I've seen me become both up. Shit, you hung out when you were kids. You hung out when you were kids. Yeah. That's a full circle. Dad's finally proud. So, but she has two requirements that I must fulfill. She's flying me to Fort Lauderdale. She's buying my drugs. She's paying for everything. When I get there, she wants to, she wants to party and she wants to fuck. And now when I do hair, when I do neither, right? I just sleep. And I know I'm going to wear my welcome out really quick.

Starting point is 01:20:41 But nonetheless, she has what I need. I don't want to go to Fort Lauderdale, but my disease doesn't give a fuck. It's like, fuck you. I'll ask you when I want to know something. Until then, you go, act accordingly. So before I go to hop on this flight, I go cop from the boys. Now, at this time, I have a pair of, like, dress slacks on that were nice if you overlook the cigarette hole burns.

Starting point is 01:21:06 But I'm homeless. I don't have underwear on, right? And I have this button up shirt and I have this pair of shoes on with one shoe string because I lost the other string along the way while shooting up. Right. So to just to give you a visual of what I'm looking like. So I go to cop before I get on this flight to Fort Lauderdoc because I don't want to get sick. And when I go to cop from the boys, they robbed me instead of serve me.

Starting point is 01:21:31 And when they rob me, they rip my front and my back pockets completely out. Now my dick and my ass are completely exposed. They ripped my shirt open And the only button that stays button Is this very top button And I got these shoes on one shoe string And I'm now roaming the streets of East Baltimore Looking like a gay

Starting point is 01:21:48 Like a gay East L.A. Cholo gangbanger And all I own is eight scarves, Two jackets, Three socks, deodorant, needle, spooner shillers I can't change. And I'm on again, a timeline, These fucking timelines. No.

Starting point is 01:22:03 And I got to get to the airport. You're going to BWI like this? BWI. No. to fly to Fort Lauderd out to get the dope from the stripper that lives in the hotel. Right. And, and I'm glad you find my device so fucking funny here. You're dicking your ass around.

Starting point is 01:22:21 You're still considering I'm getting all of the flight. Let's wrap a jacket around all the waist. I don't have eight scars. I do have the two jackets. I do have the two jackets, but I wasn't there. I have two jackets, but that's, yeah. So I rushed to BWI Airport. You still go.

Starting point is 01:22:40 Fucking right, I go. I don't have that. See, at this point, my addiction, I've lost the luxury to have a say-so in my life anymore. Right? Like, I can't weigh out like, this is not a safe decision that might be good for me to make. I might want to sit this one out. That's not what the, like, and that's why I keep my story very honest. Because the moment I forget the pain that brought me in to that last treatment center

Starting point is 01:23:04 begging for one more chance, it's not a matter of if. but when history repeats itself. And I've seen it happen throughout my 22-year addiction. So this is just like I understand me really well now. So I get to the airport and two things I've learned in my career prior to this point.

Starting point is 01:23:20 I will never win an argument with a judge or a TSA airport security agent. I get up to the counter and the woman takes one look at me and she said, Mr. Novak, are you under the influence of anything? And I said, absolutely not. She said, I believe you are

Starting point is 01:23:34 and you will not fly for three days. Not like the next flight or tomorrow morning. Three fucking days. I did not want to get on that flight. My heart was beating 50 miles an hour. Like I shot 20 kilos of coast. Like I knew that if I got on that flight, I'd probably end up in that plot that my mother bought.

Starting point is 01:23:54 I knew it. Like I could predict my future. I had become a psychic. I did not want to get on it, but I couldn't not because I can't control my behaviors at that point. And I get out of that line because they refuse me access to the flight. and I go to the corner and I call one of the sponsors I acquired at one of my many, what I thought were failed attempts at treatment.

Starting point is 01:24:15 And I said, Lex, I'm stranded at BWI Airport and I want to kill myself. And he said, no, what you're going to do is you're going to get on a train. I'm going to buy you a ticket. You're going to get on the next train and you're going to come to Philadelphia. And some people are going to come pick you up. And now what I didn't know then that I know now is that God showed up in the form of a TSA airport security agent and did for me what I was incapable of doing for myself, which was deny me access to my demise. And I got on that train. I went to Philly. And in the beginning,

Starting point is 01:24:51 in the beginning when I would go to those rehabs, they were like a house full of my, a building full of my fathers. So I'm like, fuck you. Fuck all of you. I went, fuck you. And now at the end, those people are going to leave their cookouts, they're going to leave their loved ones, their families, Memorial Day, 2015, and come pick up this hopeless, helpless alcoholic who's been deemed unhelpable and unfixable. And you let me stay with you.

Starting point is 01:25:20 You take me, I had to see another story I just have time to get into, I had to see my parole officer the following morning, the following morning, which is in my mind, I thought I was going to be able to make this flight to Fort Lauderdale, get the shit, come back and produce a clean urine

Starting point is 01:25:32 for my parole officer. Yeah, no, that shit's happening. But I believe that that was the reality, which is why I was dressed like that, right? That's why I had the button up shirt on and the slacks and like a nice pair of dress shoes. And my sponsor refused to allow any of those people to give me a change of clothes. Because he's cut from that cloth. You never get between an alcoholic in their bottom. You allow them to feel the repercussions from their actions.

Starting point is 01:25:59 Because I don't change when shit's unmanageable. Unmanageability to me is a Monday morning cup of tea. you will only get my attention when the pain becomes unbearable. And I had been placed in this position where the pain had finally become unbearable. And I go to the same treatment center. I've been to four previous times out of my 13 attempts. And previously I'd sit in the same chair with the same intake coordinator. And she'd say, okay, Mr. Novak, your insurance will cover you for 90 days.

Starting point is 01:26:24 And every time without fail, my counteroffer to her offer was, in theory, 90 days sounds great. But in reality, I'm more of like a 45-day-ish kind of guy. I have women to do places to go, people to see. Memorial Day 2015, I had finally been beaten into a state of reasonableness. I had been demoralized in just such a fashion as a direct result of my addiction, that space that had been created for me to see what my life really looked like was. At 38 years old, I look back at every one of my attempts and recognize that I am the common denominator in every one of my problems. And maybe if I just get the fuck out of my way, I might stand a

Starting point is 01:27:09 chance. And it all hit me like a ton of bricks. And I'm not even like in the detox yet. And she's trying, and she says same offer. Notice from Mr. Novak, 90 days. For the first time of my life, I couldn't come back with a counteroffer. I had literally been beaten speechless by my disease. And thank God, all I could do was shake my head, yes. Because if I said no, it entailed an explanation and I couldn't talk. I was so just beaten. And she said, sweetheart, you're in no condition. Let's get you up to detox. We'll finish this in about a week or so. And I take my eight scarves, two jackets, three socks, gay East L.A. Cholo Gangbanger outfit. And I'm walking up to the detox. And there's this 22 year old tech who's always there. And he said, Mr. Novak,

Starting point is 01:27:52 you're back. And I said, aren't you a fucking genius? Boy, you don't miss a beep, do you? And now this is a treatment center that costs me $2 to get into. Right? Like I'm at the bottom of the barrel. I'm at the place in life where people are like, no one can get sober there. Right. Like I am burnt every resource known to man. And I walk in and he said, Mr. Novak, I regret to inform you, but your clothes are not rehab oriented. You need some sweatpants. You need some underwear. You need some slides. And I had heard those fucking caught like sober people say shit like a grateful alcoholic will never drink again. Grateful addict won't use again. And it didn't make sense until it made sense. And the day that

Starting point is 01:28:31 made sense is when I have this 22-year-old boy take me to the basement of this Catholic Charities rehab that I just spent $2 to get into and there's no electricity in this basement and I'm detoxing and he makes me hold his phone and the lights on and he's digging through this cardboard box that's like splitting at the seams from like the air and just wet kind of dampness and he's looking for used underwear and in my mind I'm praying to God that he finds that for me underwear right despite all this successful shit he's looking for used underwear and I'm praying to God that he finds him that grateful all of a sudden grateful alcohol used underwear we're going to be stuck for fucking donated you I'm praying to God and he doesn't find him but what he does find is a pair of size 40 women's sweatpants

Starting point is 01:29:24 There's no drawstring, a woman's tank top, and a pair of size 13 Jesus sandals. I don't know for anyone out there paying attention, but I am not a woman and I do not wear a size 13. And at that moment in my life, where I never believed that my life could have ever gotten any worse, two things were taking place that were forever going to change my life as I fucking knew it. Prior to this date, the one thing I consistently kept throughout my life was one job. And this job consisted of knowing everything, right? It always placed me in positions I didn't like to be in and it allowed me to feel feelings I didn't like to feel.

Starting point is 01:30:05 You know, you tell me what I need to do. I tell you I need to fuck off because I know. You suggest to me what I need to do to save my life. I suggest why you fuck off. And I'm standing in the basement of this Catholic Charities rehab. There's no electricity. This kid, this boy is handing me used, fucking women's clothing and shoes that were not meant for my feet.

Starting point is 01:30:24 And right there at that moment, I came to the realization that you know what I do know is that I don't have a fucking clue. Despite all the shit that I've done in my life, my very best thinking has me in a fucking weird basement with some weird boy as he's giving me clothes and I'm fucking grateful. And the second thing that happened,

Starting point is 01:30:44 and I didn't know this that it happened at the time, but again, life has lived forward and learn backwards. At that time when he handed me the clothes that were not meant for me, I was overcome with a sense of willingness, unlike anything a human has ever or will ever produce. And what I know to be true today is that at that exact moment, I met the God of my understanding face to face as a direct result of that gift of desperation.

Starting point is 01:31:11 And my pain became my purpose. And I was fucking took the women's clothes. I was going to say, did you ever think you meet that guy dressed like a lady? Dude. Dress like a woman And I paid $2 for it Who's the real fucking whore here? Fuck!

Starting point is 01:31:30 Dude! I go upstairs and I'd never been so excited To get that Baltimore City smell off me I get a shower and I fucking put these women's clothing on with pride. Hell you. And I stayed in there and I stayed in there for 90 days And I started to acquire some information to understand the reality of the disease that I suffer with

Starting point is 01:31:49 in the severity of my situation. I stopped deflecting it. I stopped minimizing it. I stopped justifying it. I became completely aware of the part that I played in it. A lot of those people got those calls that you received from those exes and said, look, this is what I did wrong. How can I write that?

Starting point is 01:32:06 I paid off a lot of debts. I had a lot of financial amends. I had people in Baltimore looking to like kill me. And I've paid that off and become very close friends with these people. And I'm like... That was day one. Yeah, no, no, that is a whole like first year. That's the beginning of you finally saying, all right, you're going to.

Starting point is 01:32:28 And I stay in that sober living house for nine. I mean, I stay in that treatment for 90 days. And from there, I go live in a sober living house. And nine months into my process of sobriety, my mother, the woman who I love more than anything in this world, who serve me with the restraining order, who would go to church and little Italy across the street from her house and pray to God for him to cure me or kill me. kill me because she couldn't take anymore. The one who bought me a plot. The woman who sold three homes to pay for me to go to two different treatment centers.

Starting point is 01:32:58 When all the cost was $2. And some women's clothes. And she called me and she said, Brandon, I hate when you come back to visit me. And I said, why? And she said, because I get so sad when you leave. That's nice.

Starting point is 01:33:15 You know. Got a good mom. She's the MVP of my story. I mean, come on. She's put up with your dad, you, All of it. I mean, that's a lot. I live for my mother now.

Starting point is 01:33:24 Every Saturday, the highlight of my week is. She go to the church right there by the botchy courts? Right there. And I go every Saturday. I go in the... Great a time festival. I just bought a house in Greenville, Delaware. Okay.

Starting point is 01:33:37 So I'm closer to Baltimore. So I go down. I skate in the morning. You still skate? Yeah. For my mental health to quiet this down. I skate. I take her to the 5 o'clock service.

Starting point is 01:33:48 We carry the communion down the aisle. the same place she used to pray for my death we now like take the communion down um and then i take her to dinner last week i took her to the captain james the boat right there yeah the boat that's we get cheese steaks and it's the highlight of my week you know um from there by the sipping bite i love i love baltimore dude i'm such a homer yeah so we could talk for 10 hours we could man we got to get you out of here this is an hour and a half already you got to go i love this yeah um but my life has gotten exponentially better, way better than I could have ever imagined. And today I devote my life literally to helping people who are where I was. I own seven sober living houses that I provide scholarships for

Starting point is 01:34:31 and raise a lot of money to pay for people because I refuse to let price be a deteriorer as to why someone can't receive adequate care. Those are Novak's houses in Wilmington, Delaware. And then two treatment centers, redemption addiction treatment centers, Wilmington, Delaware, New Jersey. So if anyone out there is struggling, call me directly. 610 314-6747. Dude, what a great fucking story. I know it's still going. You're still writing it. Yeah. Before we wrap up, advice you'd give to 16-year-old Brandon Nova. You know, the truth of the matter is, I don't believe I'd give them any because I believe I went through what I went through to become the man that I am today, which is the child of God I've

Starting point is 01:35:21 always been in search of. Therefore, my objective from when I wake up to when I go to bed, is how can I make my brothers or sisters who are all God's children and humanity as a whole a better place to be in? And I wouldn't have got to this place if I didn't go to the depths of hell. So for me, I wouldn't have changed my narrative or my script to this point. in the least bit because I believe that I'm blessed. And I just want to make today a little better yesterday, not for me, for someone else, because that's recovery, thinking a little less about me

Starting point is 01:35:58 and a little more about you. Oh, yeah, dude, great episode, man. Thank you so much. I love you, brother. I've been so looking forward to coming here. It's been great. Before we wrap up, one more time, promote whatever you want, right there, all of it. Streets of Baltimore, more importantly, redemption addiction treatment center.

Starting point is 01:36:12 I'm there every day. I run the 9 a.m. group in Delaware. I run the 1 PM group in New Jersey. If you want to come be a part of my experience, reach out to us directly. 610-314-67 Redemption Addiction Treatment Center. Boom, there it is. Thank you so much, brother. Great to have you on.

Starting point is 01:36:28 Thank you. As always, Ryan Sickler on all your social media. We'll talk to y'all next week.

The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - 360: Brandon Novak - Skating with Bucky Lasek and Bam Margera

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