The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - 363: Phil Hanley Doesn’t Like Having Things Thrown at Him | HoneyDew Podcast #363

Episode Date: December 8, 2025

SPONSORS: BetterHelp -The HoneyDew is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit https://www.Betterhelp.com/HONEYDEW   to get 10% off your first month Tempo -For a limited time, get 60% off your first box at https://www.TempoMeals.com/HONEYDEW Aura Frames -Visit https://www.AuraFrames.com and get $45 off Aura's Carver Mat frame using promo code HONEYDEW My Honeydew this week is comedian Phil Hanley! Check out Phil’s latest book, Spellbound: My Life as a Dyslexic Wordsmith. Phil joins me this week to Highlight the Lowlights of his experience with Dyslexia. From experimental needles in his head, multiple medication trials, to being enrolled in special education classes, Phil shares how he made it to senior year of Highschool before getting a proper diagnosis. We discuss some of the specific ways Dyslexia affects Phil’s everyday life, how ADHD and OCD also play into the picture, and how despite it all he was still able to write and publish his own book. Check out my new standup special “Live and Alive” streaming on my YouTube now! https://youtu.be/PMGWVyM2NJo?si=SrhXjgzR1pe6CyYE SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE and watch full episodes of The Dew every toozdee! https://youtube.com/@rsickler SUBSCRIBE TO MY PATREON - The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I Highlight the Lowlights with Y’all! Get audio and video of The HoneyDew a day early, ad-free at no additional cost! It’s only $5/month! AND we just added a second tier. For a total of $8/month, you get everything from the first tier, PLUS The Wayback a day early, ad-free AND censor free AND extra bonus content you won't see anywhere else! http://patreon.com/RyanSickler What’s your story?? Submit at [e-mail] Get Your HoneyDew Gear Today! https://shop.ryansickler.com/ Ringtones Are Available Now! https://www.apple.com/itunes/ http://ryansickler.com/ https://thehoneydewpodcast.com/ SUBSCRIBE TO THE CRABFEAST PODCAST https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-crabfeast-with-ryan-sickler-and-jay-larson/id1452403187

Guys, I want to say thank you very much. We hit over a million views on Live and Alive. Thank you for supporting it. Thank you for watching it. If you haven't yet, go watch it. Share it with your friends, comment, like, all that stuff. Live and Alive streaming now on my YouTube. Thank you guys so much for your support.

The Honeydew with Brian Sickler. Welcome back to the Honeydew, y'all. We're over here doing it in the Nightpan Studio. I'm Ryan Sickler, Brian Sickler.com, Ryan Sickler on all your social media. Starting this episode, the way we start them all by saying thank you. Thank you for watching this show. Thank you for supporting this show. You guys have been here for years.

I always say whether you're new here or whether you've been here, thank you for supporting anything I do. And if you've got to have more, you have to check out the Patreon. It's called The Honeydew with y'all. And it is this show with y'all. And you all have the craziest fucking stories on the internet. All right. It's, I promise you, for five bucks, you're getting 200 and some episodes. Over 250 episodes are out, all right? And if you or someone you know has a story that has to be heard, then please submit it to Honeydewpodcast at gmail.com. We would love to do your story. If you've sent it before, send it again, bump it up to the top. We get a lot of submissions, all right? That's the biz. You guys know what we do here. We highlight low lights. I always say that these are the stories behind the storytellers. I'm very excited to have this guest on here. First time on the HoneyDDD do. Ladies and gentlemen, Phil Hanley, welcome to the honeydew, Phil. Thanks, Ryan. I'm stoked to be here.

Thank you for being here. Before we dive in your story, please promote everything and anything you'd like right there. All right. Thank you. Philhandley.com. Philhandley.com, which are socials. Phil Hanley on everything. YouTube. I post. No guy got you before you got it. No, oh, no. There was and then I got it. All right. Yeah. Good, good. Yeah. And you have a book. I do. Yeah. Spell Bound. Spell bound. So what is spellbound about? Well, wait.

Before I lead you into that, you had said before you recorded, there was something you wanted to bring up. This, because this is the first time we've met in person. But years ago, this is how long ago it was. Really? I thought we met in person before. No. Okay.

You remember it better than me, obviously. So this is so long ago that there was a comedy club in Vancouver called the comedy mix. Did you play the comedy mix? No. Great club. It's not there. anymore. Seguro was there. This is so long ago that Seguer was there talking about trying to get into the improv. That's how long, this is that long ago. And Seguer was doing the weekend. And I was getting

ready. I was doing guest spots on his weekend because I was getting ready to do my first TV set on Craig Ferguson. Okay. And Segar goes, my buddy Ryan just did Craig Ferguson. You should call him and just talk to him and see what his experience was like. So I just phoned you out of the blue. And you gave me great advice and it helped my set. It's so nerve-wracking to do your first TV set in the state, especially if you're from Canada, but it's so big. You're like, you know what I mean? I had to get a visa.

I'm like flying in to do this. Anyways, we talked and you were so gracious. It gave me great advice. And I remember being on, you know, the stage doing it and thinking of the shit that you, you know, you just told me kind of the lay of the land. So that's how long. It must have been 15 years ago. I don't even remember that.

And I'm glad that I did that. Yeah, it was really cool. I'm a good person, God damn. Yeah, it was really nice. I was when you said that out there, I was like, was I a dick? You're like, no. No. And then so when you started doing the pot, I've wanted to do this one because certain

podcasts you do and you're like, oh boy. But this one, I was like, oh, fuck, I just can't wait to sit down and chat with you because that meant, I mean, it's such a huge deal to do your first TV set. That's awesome. Thank you for, thank you for remembering that. Yeah. And telling me that. Yeah.

I made my day, dude. I'm glad. Yeah, because it was so cool. And it was so long ago. This is what I do remember. You know, and we're not going to get into this week in baseball for comedy, but they're very specific. At least back then they were like, you have to write out every word, the hands, the thuds.

And I remember they told me that I couldn't say Jesus. Even though I wasn't talking about the person, I was using it as an exclamation. Either way, I wasn't allowed to say it. Okay. I couldn't talk about death or dying. And I was like, a lot of my sets going away here. Fuck. And then I remember when I did it, they did the intro, but he wasn't there that time. We did back to back committee. A guy went first and I went second. Okay. Yeah. That's how they shot him. And then, and it's funny because he promoted Cutman on, I didn't have anything at that time. And I was like, Tom, I'm giving him the Cutman DVD. They don't check shit. You know they don't check shit. And he's like, do it. And he said, my next guy, you can see his Cutman. He put the DVD on.

I was like, that's hilarious. But then the writer strike hits. Oh, shit. So they hold mine. I want to say I shot in September or November and the strike lasted until like February. And they're like, we're probably not going to air yours. And I was like, oh, my God. And then they said that they liked it enough that they shot the intro anyway and they're going to.

So it, it appeared months later. I was like, my first TV set ever is not even going to make it. And then it made it. Yeah, because it's such a big deal. because back then this is before people were posting clips and online like this was your shot to get more club work more anything anything these TV sets and they yeah because they they had his desk the old Craig Ferguson set and then they kind of like wheeled that away and that's where you did stand it so the whole thing was like so discombobulating but you would give me a heads up he wasn't even he left yeah he's gone yeah I didn't meet him either he was gone he he walked by me and said don't fuck up and then it was awesome so So your book. Tell us about your book and why you wrote this book. Well, it's a memoir about my life and but primarily the fact that I'm dyslexic and that, yeah, that's kind of been the through line throughout my whole life. And starts, my book starts

quite dark because you're a kid, kindergarten, you know what I mean, did really well. And then first grade, you're just like, oh, my God. All of a sudden because it's like a dickets in play. The first, you know, grade because it's just black and white. You're just, there's like, yeah, you can't read. And they're not really interested in investigating it. So before we get into dyslexia, I believe it was, I'm wrong a lot. We've had a lot of guests. I want to say maybe Joel McHale was dyslexic. I want to say it was him off the look. Was it? Yeah. So what is dyslexia for you? I can't identify a symbol with a sound. Give me an example of that. A symbol with a sound. So any word I read, anywhere that I read, I. What's a symbol? Like a letter. Okay. So I, I, I, I, and I, I, Any word that I read is a word that I have memorized.

So as I get older, my vocabulary gets better. Oh. But, like, say, your last name, I've never seen that. I've never seen sick. Yeah, like a last name or a street name or a word I've never seen before. It might as well be like a Japanese symbol. So if I just wrote the letters, S-I-C-L-E-R out, my last name, and you're looking at it on paper for the first time. Because I know the word sick.

So I can probably ballpark it. But I would, like, cough the end part. I'd be like sickler. Really? Yeah. Because I wouldn't. Or a street name. Did you ever open and have to bring comedians up or remember their fucking names and credits?

Dude. I'm not dyslexic and I fucked that up. I did a, it was like, uh, with that festival in Austin and it was like, South by Southwest or Moon Tower. Oh, you know what I did? I did at Carolines when I first moved to New York. And again, performing at Carolines was such a big deal. And they're like, we want, Comedy Central wanted me to emcee the diversity showcase. So the diversity showcase.

So it's not Todd Smith. It's names and no disrespect. I couldn't read any, you know, the names were from all over the world. And it wasn't words that I memorized. It was the most hellish night because I wanted to show these people that respect they deserve.

They got on this showcase. And I'm just like, oh my God. It was just sweating. Because of course I'm not going to be able to say that. No. Names. Because names are a problem, especially last.

names, but like, you know, the dudes from like Sri Lanka. Like, I didn't know. I had really trouble, you know, doing a name that wasn't just like an Irish name or something shit. Hurley, you know, so, uh, yeah, so when do you realize or who realizes, hey, Phil's got a problem? Well, first grade, my first grade teacher just thought I was done. Like they investigated it for about seven seconds and there's like, this guy's an idiot. And they just treated me terribly and we're like, he's slow and tried to fail me. My mom knew that I was smart and shouldn't be failed. So my mom, you know, just advocated for me every single year. But it breaks my heart because a lot of kids don't have that. You know, and a lot of kids, the parents are just like, just read, you know, but my mom, like,

if someone has a kid who's struggling reading, but, and I'm like, are they, what are their social skills like? They're like, oh, they're amazing socially. They're really charming and they're funny. And they have struggle reading, then I can diagnose people with dyslexia like that because it's, you're to be dyslexic, you have to be average intelligence or above average intelligence. You just struggle with, you know, reading, basically, reading and writing. You're not just a mouth breather, drooling. Well, yeah, like you have all these different skills and, you know, dyslexic excel in all these different areas. But just the regular with the school system is not that. And so I guess, too,

it's got to be difficult because what I've learned about dyslexia is like some people have it with numbers. Yeah. Do you? No, I'm really, I was really good at math. That's the other thing. It's not like,

he's got this thing and here's how you fix it. It's like, well, he's got this thing and now we've got to figure out what kind of thing he has and then how to help with that. But they weren't like, but teachers weren't doing that. No. And they would,

your mom is. My mom. Yeah. My mom. Is she taking you places to get test on? Yeah, we go to tutors. And I remember when I was a little kid, they put like all these needles in my head to like on like a polygraph thing to try to

figure out what was going down with my brain, you know. Yeah. And I'm just like, what? I'm like, how old are you at the time? Seven. That's terrifying. It's terrifying.

Dude, it was like that. It was all like, it was just, that is horrific. Dude, it was completely like that. The second grade. You're putting needles in your head to figure out. Like in a horror movie.

And my sweet mom is just like, oh, no, dear, this is, you know, children get this done all the time. Um, yeah.

So, yeah, it was, uh, it was brutal all through school. but um but then socially i you know i was fine i was well socially but yeah they put me in special ed they did all these things were and i understood the stigma special ed a lot of the kids didn't really fully grasp what people thought of us but i got it you know um yeah it was tough

and so when do you start realizing that you're figuring it out what happens what's the what's the final shift. I never really did. Like I just, I just, I just grew, like, just got through school. But like, they would do things to me. They would like, have me read a page of text and then try to answer questions and I'd get zero. And then they would read it to me and I'd get 100%. And I would be like, there. We got it. Yeah. Don't make me read. And they'd be like, nah, we're still baffled, you know. So when it's, um, when it's time for the kids in class to read aloud, are you just shitting yourself? Oh, God. Ryan, I would say. I would try to do the math because I'd be like say like I'd be the paragraphs and I would count to.

Oh, you go way ahead. Yeah. I go. I get to my paragraph and sometimes you'd get there and it would just be this and I'd be like, thank God. This is only going to be like probably 25 seconds of hell. But sometimes I would just land on the fucking. And are you skimming it real quick to try to learn it? I'm trying to look.

Before it gets to you. I mean. Yes. I'm trying to teach myself to read in the moment even though there's been. been a precedent that I can't learn how to, you know what I mean? They've been trying for years. It would just be hell. Hell. Yeah. It makes me wonder now here, I'm thinking back to some of the kids in my class, it would be like, and then he, but then they'd go outside and play and be fine. So now I'm wondering if they were dyslexic. Yeah, like there's, like, but the thing that

breaks my heart is it's like the statistics of people that are like incarcerated that are dyslexic is just off the charts because it makes sense because you're told you're dumb. You're forced to read, like I have a joke about, or I go like, the teacher would be like, like, sounded out. And I'm like, yeah, I can't do that. It's like telling it. It's like someone saying, hey, I have a peanut allergy. And they're like, oh, chew slowly. You're like, it just wasn't happening for me. And they were relentless. And, yeah, it was a bad buzz. What grade does it sort of finally get figured out? The last, my last year in high school. High school. Yeah. the last year. I thought you were to say fifth or six great. No, no, it was hell all the way through. I was great in math. They put me in all the like remedial math classes because I couldn't read because they started going like X represents and I'm like, I can't fucking spell represent. I didn't even think about letters. Oh, yeah. Jesus Christ. Are you kidding me? So, yeah, like my math was. I had the gym teacher was teaching me math. Like that was how slow my math class was. Some moron teaching me. And then, yeah. So, yeah. So the. Yeah. So. Yeah. So. Yeah. So. So. Yeah. So. So. Yeah. So. So. Yeah. So. So. So. So. Yeah. So. So. So. So. So. So. Yeah. Yeah. So. So. So. Yeah. Yeah. So. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And. Yeah. Yeah.

in my last year in high school, I just fluke, just a chance, luck. They had a program where I do a class of school and then I would go and had a one-on-one teacher, the special ed teacher, super cool dude, Mr. Armstrong. And he actually was kind of, yeah, he was like kind of like a little like glasses and sweater, kind of like the Flanders from. He looked like Flanders, yeah. But he was so cool. And so, and we would say.

And he would help me with what I just learned. And I got great grades after that. So I was like, you motherfuckers tortured me all this time. And it was just because you, you know what I mean? Didn't try. You're telling me to try. Meanwhile, you're just like not trying yourself, you know. So yeah, it was the last year of school.

And then I just left school and never looked back. So you were like, fuck college. You're not even trying that. I, yeah. Or did you? No. I qualified to go to college. And all my friends had gone to college, but my friends were older than me.

And I would go and party with them on weekend. So I felt like I had, I kind of got the good part of college. Yeah. And then. Did you take the SATs? No, we didn't have those in Canada. Oh, no. No.

But would you have an equivalent? Do you have an ACT sort of SAT type test so schools can say this number and above will take these students? I don't know if they do now. But at the time, it was just like your grades in the final year. Your GPA coming out of high school. Yeah. And then. also could fucking suck because you could you could be shit in school but test well yeah opposite

absolutely yeah so and then so all my friends went to to college and I had one friend who who's a model and was like well you should model so I left and went to Europe and lived in Europe as a model yeah you shouldn't you shouldn't look me in the eyes and be so surprised right now yeah but it was a weird it was a time a model and you doing what's that what kind of you doing underwear or what are you doing? No, it was like a time there was like a heroin chic thing many, many years ago and I was skinny with long hair. You don't have to justify. You're going to look a man, bro. I'm just curious that you went from dyslexia to modeling to comedy. Well, yeah, well, yeah, because it was, it was weird though because it was like I was fine about my appearance

until I started modeling and I realized I'm like, oh shit, I'm like really skinny. But yeah, there was like a heroin chic thing. They wanted guys with like long hair and skinny. So I did that for like four years and then started coming. What was that like? It was cool. I was a little, I grew up like a deadhead and I, the whole time thinking to myself like the my heroes would not be wearing dockers and getting me a picture ticket. Like I thought it was kind of uncool and silly and was surrounded by people that took it very seriously. So I was a little bit, I never had friends that were models per se, but I had lots of friends that were like outside of the thing. So in a way, it was a I didn't really fit in models.

I didn't fit in in school. And then I went to modeling and felt uncomfortable for different reasons. And then, you know, started comedy and felt quite comfortable. So what are your coping mechanisms with this disability as your, how do you learn to learn? Do you know what I'm asking? Like,

what are the hacks you have to figure out going through life of a, let's say, pulling into a drive-thru or a menu at a restaurant? Yeah. Well, these days you know all those words, but what was it like when you didn't? Just today for me to put in your address of the studio into like the Uber is a huge deal. Like I'm I take the email from my publicist. I write it down on a piece of paper. Then I take that into the Uber thing. Then I screenshot the address to double check it twice. Like everything is a fucking pain in the ass. Yeah. It's hard, man. But so and it's like, we're. When I go to the airport, it's like my girlfriend cracks up that it's like a Navy SEAL operation because I have everything by the door ready to go. Like I wake up, put on my watch, put on my shoes and I'm like, out the door.

You know, I'm the same way with that shit. I got to plan everything out. I got to plan everything out. I got a whole list in my phone that I keep and I just cross it off when I throw it in the bag. Yeah. I know what I need at this point now. There's nothing I don't know I need on the road. Yeah.

And I haven't packed the bag or checked the bag. When I do stand up, I just recently. did one check the bag to go to Baltimore for we took cameras and stuff but I haven't checked a bag in years no yes same years I put it all even in the winter I'm sitting on that bitch oh yeah we're gonna make it yeah totally I do the same thing yeah so it's still like dyslexia effects organization and effects like depth perception like when you were saying going through a drive through it was like I haven't driven it so long you don't drive I like I can but uh it's pretty death defying at first and then I kind of get to the group

Is it the street signs? Yeah. Well, that you don't really help me. It's a GPS because before. Talks to you. Yeah. Well, just you can see it on the road. But before GPS, you'd be driving and it's like you're reading sign.

Like it's like, it's like, like a. I hadn't thought of that. That sport where they're like skiing and then shooting and then like, yeah. I mean, I'm like driving. I'm like driving and there's a spelling bee. And I'm like, crossing the lane. Like it was some of my maneuvers driving. And I do drive.

I just haven't driven in years, but I'm going to start driving. Are you why? Because I want to get a cool car someday. All right. Yeah. And just get out on the road. Yeah. And I want to drive around like,

I live in New York. So like to go upstate or something like that. But yeah, I've never bought a car. I've never had a car. Never. Okay. But the GPS, it is a game changer.

It is an absolute game changer. I hadn't thought about it like that for people. Oh, dude. It's crazy. It's nuts. Do you have siblings? You have his sister, yeah. And is she dyslexic?

No, she was like, is it a genetic thing? It is genetic, yeah. But no one in my family is. That's funny to say, it's genetically. Yeah. Yeah. It's a little suspicious, actually. But my dad has some, he can read and stuff like that, but I think he has some dyslexic

qualities. And then he's got like a crazy memory, like insane. Like I could be like, dad, when did I first move to New York? And he'd be like, he'd know the exact. exact date. He knows the dates of everything like that. And that's kind of a dyslexic. Some people, that's kind of a coping mechanism where you, you develop things. You know, like, I have a good memory. When I'm on stage, I can remember people. I was like, how did you remember that dude's name? You know, if I'm like riffing with the crowd. And I think that's a dyslexic thing where you're

just like, you try to make up for your, you know, shortcomings in different ways. All right. Yeah. So then did you play sports? Were sports ever a problem? No. No. Yeah, I wasn't, yeah, that was the thing in school. You say depth perceptions. I'm wondering, can you?

No. Basketball, baseball, hitting a ball. No, no, I don't like people throwing shit at me. I, I, I, uh, baseball. Even if they're on your team. Yeah, I don't care for that. I don't trust anyone.

Um, no, I was, no, I, that was another thing. That was what, why I was so destined. I feel like to do comedy was because I, anything that you could measure like grades scoreboard anything that could be measured i did not do well at but i could you know recess would come and i felt so uh oppressed in school and then recess would come and i'd be like bebop and it's scat like you know what i mean it would be like a sat basically and um yeah so and then the same with like hanging out my friends i'm from like a small town in Canada and it was like the two people that were celebrated were smart asses and then people that

were good at fighting so I was a smart ass and and my friends were really supportive and really recognized you know if I was funny or whatever same with my family like it was more important for me to be funny at the dinner table than my grades for sure like Friday nights fucking bring it so what's your just when you figure out you like comedy I know we all have a process. What's yours? Do you write things down or do you keep it up here? I should because I know a lot of comics just keep it in their head. I know I have like this weird and it's the most disorganized system but I like write out ideas. Then I type them into my computer like misspell the shit out of them and then and then we'll write them down again and then bring like

a list on stage to memorize shit. Are you using chat TPT now for no to your advantage? Dude, I'm just using Google Maps, man. I've just got into Google Maps. I'm so many years from chat, GBT. I mean, it's just right there and you talk to it. Yeah, maybe someone could show it to me. Hey, chat, GBT, how do you spell this? Oh, really?

Bing. Oh, yeah, I don't. I'm so, uh, so easy. Really? It's not, it sounds so much. It's literally like having a built-in Siri or Alexa. Oh, really? Yeah, but, but way smarter.

Oh, really? Okay. ask Alexa shit and it's like I don't have the answer for that I'm like chat you do those bit yeah I never yeah I haven't even tried it but I hear I mean it's quite I might change your life oh really yeah I just Google I'll try to Google the spelling word but then sometimes I can't decipher if uh if it you know Google's not that helpful so how does a dyslexic man write a book dude very slowly it took me eight years did it yeah I worked on the proposal for like four and I just just lock down the proposal.

Because the whole book was so daunting. So I got the proposal almost like a mission statement. And I referred to that throughout the writing process. But yeah, it took me a long time. I can write. And I like learned to write as I did it. Like I remember when I started, the first chapter took me four and a half months. And my editor was like, this is, you're going to be writing this.

Like you probably won't finish before you die. Like, you know. And then by the end of the book, I could do it in about two and a half weeks. I can do a chapter. So I just, I just kept going kind of. And it was so for me, what happened was,

uh, an agent, like a literary agent approached me. It was like, do you want to write a book? Which I thought, you know, it sounded like a fucking prank.

And, um, I was like, I read a book about dyslexia. And it blew my mind because I thought I was the only one that had experienced that stuff. Hmm. Like,

I couldn't, I was like, because you're the only person in the class. You know what I mean? You might be the only person in the school that it was had my level of dyslexia. And you don't really talk about it, you know? So yeah, it would freak me out. So when I read it, then I was like, okay, I got to write this because I want other people to see that it's, you know, normal and different things.

You know, throughout my life, like, you know, like doing, like, I started parting a lot when I was like young. And I was like, I was kind of like, I felt a little dirty about it or whatever. And I talked to my therapist. So like you were going through hell every day. You needed a outlet. Yeah, a cocktail. You know, what about the asset? They're like, well, you needed to.

You know. Well, that too. But yeah. Could you fucking read in another dimension? Are you dyslexic in another dimension? Oh, are you dyslexic in your dreams? I don't know. That's a great question.

I mean, I certainly am not navigating a roadmap in my dreams. You never have a thing where you're actually reading flogging. flawlessly and fluently in your dreams. Maybe I will tonight. That's interesting though. Yeah, because I ask people who speak different languages if they dream in that language. Well, apparently when you learn a language,

that's when you really cross to the other side of knowing a language is when you start dreaming in the other language. So when you, I mean, this is quite a daunting task for a, a, God, what am I? What's the word I'm looking for?

dyslexic person to write a book. I feel like that's like a blind dude trying to take a drive cross country. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like I just feel like that's such an undertaking. Yeah. It was it was it was while. It's funny. I kind of miss it. Yeah, I just worked on it like, my friends, you know, comics in New York, we're just like, oh my God, you're still on the book. Because eight years, dude. It took so long. Yeah. Chapter. Yeah. Chapter three. Yeah. It was, yeah, It was wild, but it really gave me such appreciation for, I mean, the book starts dark, but by the end, I realized it's like, if it wasn't for dyslexia, all the things that I cherish in my life are attached to the fact that I'm dyslexic, the fact that I, you know, live in New York

City, the fact that I get to be here today and chat with you, the fact that, you know, I'm getting good tickets to the dead this weekend, the fact that, you know, I do comedy, the fact that, like everything that I cherish, you know, all my relationships, my friendships and everything. It's because if I wasn't dyslexic, I would have just kind of stayed, got a job and went to college, got a job and stayed in Canada. And because I'm dyslexic, I got to do all this shit, live in Europe, do all this stuff. So through the book, it really made me really grateful for what I thought for most of my life was a curse. Is it something that you think will get better? As it, the more I read, or if I'm in a groove where I'm reading a lot,

I do memorize more words, but no, it'll be, it'll be me forever. You have it for, you know, forever. You kind of develop, I mean, I'm still developing coping devices. You all give me, give me one. Well, you just said, chat, yeah, GBT. That maybe that'll be like a new coping device. When life gets busy, meal prep usually falls off the list. And even when we do it, it's the same boring chicken and rice on repeat.

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Was he supportive of this? I got so lucky. First off, if a kid, if someone's child has this like, say, I'm like, all you have to do is maintain their self-sacist. which is no easy task. I was going to say for a kid without dyslexia, it's hard to maintain self-esteem. But you,

with a kid, it's so important for a kid, because you go through school, you're nine, and it's like you have the grid of someone that's been through two divorces. Like you've been through shit. You know what I mean?

You have grit. So if you can maintain their self-esteem, when they get out of school, they will excel at whatever they do because they've, they're not, that's why I was so equipped, because it's so, you know,

when you start comedy, it's brutal, it's tough. But I had tenacity and determination because I, you know, learn to spell Wednesday when I was 17. So, you know, I always say just maintain the self-esteem. But my dad, I had the perfect combination of my mom would advocate and my mom's really mellow and would go in and just get it done and get me from the second grade to the third grade. And then my dad would be like, those sons of bitches, you're smarter than them. They're, you know, my tax dollars, they got to treat you this way or whatever.

So my dad was, you know, aggressively supportive. And my mom was really quiet and, you know, would help me with my cop, bad cop. Yeah, but they were both good cops to me. But my dad was bad cop to, you know, society who was, you know, mistreating me. And my mom was, you know, really just calm and would help me with my homework every night type thing. Do you have kids? No, but I'd like to. Are you worried about passing on dyslexia?

I mean, I ask a two-part question. Sure. Are you worried about passing it on? And are you worried about passing on a different kind that you don't fucking have or know about? And you can't help them the way you could help yourself. Well, that's a great question. One, I think likely that my, because I'm so dyslexic that I think that, you know, I think there's like a 50, 50% chance.

Is it that much? Yeah. And, yeah, I used to have this old joke where I go, there's a 50% chance that my kids would be dyslexic. and that's just so much them to deal with, you know, being dyslexic and being raised by a single mom. I was not going to do it anymore. Just an old one. But anyway, so, yeah, well, that's the thing. I mean, depending how spiritual you are, I could have a child with a different challenge.

And I feel like I would be equipped to, I mean, I certainly would have the compassion to do it. So maybe that would be the case because they would. What if they're a number dyslexic? And you have to learn that. Discalcula. Is that what it's called? Yeah, discalcula. I could handle that for sure.

So is dyslexia? What other kinds are there, actually? There's, uh, you just words and numbers. That's it. Words and numbers. As far as I know. Yeah. But there's also, there's like everyone that's like dyslexic also has ADHD.

Like there's a huge crossover. And I didn't realize it. And I had to do a talk for kids with ADHD. And I was like, why they get, they got me because I had done those talks for kids with dyslexia. And I was like, I don't even know any about this. I watched a YouTube video within 30 seconds. I'm like, oh, I have ADHD. And I told my mom that. She goes, well, dear, your dyslexia was so bad. We never wanted to bring up the ADHD. Oh, so she knew. Yeah. And then there's no science behind this, but I, there's a big cross-section between ADHD and OCD. And I have OCD.

And I think there's a cross-section, like crossover between dyslexia and OCD too. What's your OCD? What do you do? What are your rituals? I've got them pretty much under control. I talk a lot about it in the book. Like it got pretty dark and grim at one point. Well, it got real bad at one point because I didn't know so much of these problems. If you identify them, you get like once you because you think you're crazy with OCD. You're like, why is everyone else not spending the afternoon checking the burners on the stove? Like why? How do people have like lives outside of the kitchen checking the taps? I fucking bump the burner switch on the oven when I was checking the tap. Like, you know, like checking locks, all that stuff. And I didn't know what it was. How many times you check in locks at night? Oh, do, I mean, now I don't.

Now I check it once. Dude, I still check it at least three or four times at night. And I walk over and I say to myself, you've locked it. You don't need to come back and check this thing again. No one's coming in. No one's going out. And I will still go over and do it. I kind of got it under control.

But it was so bad at one. point at one point i was living in the chelsea hotel and i'm like i am going to either flood or burn down this landmark and i was going crazy checking stoves and and and stuff but i didn't know what it was and it just the pendulum swings with like depression the pendulum swings with oCD and it just hit me and uh it was really bad but you know after i was diagnosed and i kind of worked on it and stuff like that I kind of got it down. If it's like a stressful situation, my OCD will get, like if I'm like rushing to the airport or something,

I'll like, fuck did I lock the door or whatever? But I've learned that, and the thing with OCD, it seems like the most important thing in the world that the door, but if you give it like a minute, you're like, it'll be, it's fine. Yeah. You know,

but in that moment, it seems so crucial. Take us through some of the darker times in your book. Well, I mean, the whole schooling process was really dark. And then I got out and I started, yeah, then the pendulum swung with OCD. And it got really dark again because I didn't know what was going on. And then they prescribed, what did they prescribe like? They started prescribing like Paxil and Wellbutrin and all this stuff.

And it was. Isn't Welbutrin the one that was a problem? Was that one? They were all. They were all a problem for me. And it just didn't sit right. And then you're on it and they make you stand up for six weeks. And again, those medications work really well for some people.

It just didn't agree with me. And so then I was like depressed, OCD. And then they're throwing this stuff in it that just made me more depressed and more. So I had to move back home. And none of it's helping you read better or solve the problem. It's not helping anything. It's just adding like worse. thoughts, you know. And you're how old at this point you moved back home? I would have been in in my,

I would have been in my 20s, like say like late 20s. And I, you know, I, when I lived in, so I lived in England to be a model. And I felt I had a girlfriend and she had a little girl and I adored the little girl. And I felt like I'd kind of become a man. And then I, uh, then OCD hit and then I had to move back home and I'm like living with, you know, my parents are retired. That's why you move back was the OCD. Yeah. It got really bad. I had moved to the States. And yeah, and then my OCD hit me really bad. And I had such a great setup in the States. My friend lived in the Chelsea Hotel in New York and I was there and I was taking improv classes and everything was great. And then just, bam, I got hit with OCD and I didn't know what the hell it was. I really thought I was going crazy. And then I moved back home and they started giving me all these like prescription drugs and all that stuff. And it just didn't agree with me. And then. And the final, what happened was I was going to a therapist and he was supposed to be this top guy. And he would sit, he looked so disinterested.

And I was like, this motherfucker, you know, he was supposed to be the top guy. And he had, he were in his office and I'm up and off and on and starting medication and taking out. And it's just, everything's making me feel worse. And I'm sitting with my mom and he goes, we've, you know, done all these tests of that. We think you're bipolar. And it just hit me. These fucking guys know about as much about mental health as the teachers knew about teaching me reading.

Like it was just this eureka moment. And even my mom, so I'm like, my mom's grabbing my leg because I was like, she could tell I was like about to go off in this dude. And then I remember we left the, the session. And my mom's like, I was like, and I don't swear in front of my mom, but I was like, fucking bipolar. And my mom's like, that doesn't seem right to me, dear. And at that point, it.

It was right when I was starting stand up. And I was like, fuck it. I'm getting off all the medication. Because these people don't, there's, I don't have, I certainly don't have high highs. And I really don't have low lows. Like I'm a pretty even kill, dude. I'm not bipolar. I just don't have that.

And I got off everything. And it was right when I was starting comedy. And I was coming off this medication. And you feel really, like I've done narcotics, the hallucinogenic stuff like that. You really want a trip. Come off fucking well buterin. And. And all those like you're going off all in that.

Yeah. So I would be walking to open mics in Vancouver and being like, I can feel my feet on the ground. And my, but I can't feel my leg. Like, it's just weird. But stand up totally saved me because I just, I was just dedicated to doing five shows a week in Vancouver. And that was a hard task. That meant doing music open mics. That meant doing, you know, anywhere where there was like a microphone and stuff like that.

Yeah. And it totally saved me. But it was really dark to be depressed and to be misdiagnosed or missed, like, given those prescription drugs. Understood. Miss everything. Yeah. But those drugs.

And again, they totally work for people. I'm not like denouncing. Yeah. I know you mean for your dyslexia. But for me, yes. But just for my brain, it just didn't agree. So I mean, now I just. And I also found meditation at that time.

And that helped me too. Now, so there's no learn a new language for you. you. No. But you still would go to Europe and things like that. Did you ever branch out when you were over in England and go to Spain? Anything like that? Or do you? Does that give you anxiety to be in a country where you're like, I can't even figure out what the fuck that is? Oh, dude. Yeah. Like I, so when I modeled, I would be in Milan, Paris and I was based in London. And you're generally based in Milan or Paris. But like if I look at a street sign in Italy, I can't tell which is the street and which is, excuse me, the piazza or that they start, they start getting real creative with the word street.

You know what I mean? So I couldn't even tell what was going down. So much to my dismay, I kind of had to like, you know, find a reader model and just hang in with them. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I would, I would, people would help me get to like, because for when you model, you go to, you'd go to like maybe 10 appointments or 12 appointments in a day. Damn. Yeah, you'd go to, to get shows. You'd go to a designer. You go to John Paul Goce you show him your book. If you're lucky, he'll tell you to like take off your shirt or like trying a blazer walk and then passes your book back and says, you know, what do they say? Grassy. And then you go to the next thing. But yeah, you're running around town. Yeah, it was,

it was tough. It was tough for me to get around town. Yeah. With dyslexia. Yeah. In another country. Yeah. Yeah. But I would love to, I would love to learn language. I mean, how long you think it would take good and learns. Well, I don't know. The book took eight years. So yeah, what about listening, though? How are you with just listening when you do these, like babble or something like that? Yeah, I've never done it, but do you speak another language? Okay. No, I just said that in Spanish. I know words in Spanish. Like, I could listen and I could really ear hustle and be like, I think he said something about a dog and outside. You know what I mean? Like, that's where I'm at. All right. Yeah. Yeah. So maybe I could get to that point. Yeah. So tell me more.

about some low lights here with dyslexia i mean school was the real i mean school was the real low light but now it's so funny how you can as you as you distance yourself from you know traumatic things how they become you can really appreciate them like again i'm so grateful that i was dyslexic as much as a nightmare as it was at the time um Yeah. Now I'm now I'm like grateful for kind of all that stuff. OCDs are really kind of a weird one to be grateful for because it does just cause it so much anxiety. Do you have OCD? I used to have it. I definitely have it. I used to have it to a point where, especially when all this trauma was going on in my life and I look back on it now. But I would I would count steps when I walked. I would run up and down my grandmother's steps and I would count. I'd do it by two. I tried to do it by threes. She had a remote control and all the numbers were three, six, nine, they were later.

I just would rub my finger over it all day long and just count by threes to, I mean, until I got tired of it. I got so good at counting by fucking threes. Oh, really? Yeah. And then I would do. And then another thing I used to do too. So you would say, we'd just be talking.

You'd say, I don't know, anywhere. You'd say dyslexic. I would then take whatever word it was that stood out in that sentence for me. I would say it would be dyslexic. And quietly, I would count the syllables on my finger. I go dyslexic, dyslexic, dyslexic, dyslexic, dyslexic, until it landed on my thumb. No way, really?

And did you have something in your head? If you didn't do that, what would happen? No, I was going to ask you, did anything, did you have anything like where mom will die? I never had any impending doom. It was just something I felt like I needed a task I needed to complete. And even if I didn't, it didn't bother my. day. Like I'd come down the stairs with, oh, I didn't count them going up that time. It wasn't to a point where it would ruin my day or I'd have to run back up them because I didn't.

It wasn't that. But it was constant repeated patterns of different little things. And I don't know where it came from, why, but it's gone now. I don't do it anymore. Yeah. Well, that's something that and if people who are listening that are have OCD from my experience, it does, it burns out. Is that right? Yeah. I've seen basketball players that'll be on the court. after practice they have to shoot 10 it not just make them 10 swish in a row okay got a swish and then they say well actually ended up making me a better player and I can get that yeah but I never had it like that where it had to be that specific well sometimes it's um I can't believe I forgot that word what's the word where like you can't have a black cat walk in front of you or you can't

walk under a superstition some I think some people have superstitions and then some people have OCD and maybe there can be some overlap. But I don't I didn't really have pending do I guess the pending doom was the amount of anxiety I felt if I didn't go back and check to see if I lock the door and stuff like that. But I did cognitive behavioral therapy and that really helped. And I meditate a lot and that really helped. How? How does that help? I think it it calms you. You learn that you have some control over your mind. But that that that, okay, that was a dark say. That was a dark time at the peak of my OCD. How are you blocking that out to meditate?

Well, before I even knew that I was, before I knew it was OCD, I just knew that all of a sudden I was feeling kind of crazy. My girlfriend at the time, he was such a cool woman. She had been, I was doing TM. I had done TM for years. And then I had this episode where like OCD just hit my life. And she had gone to this Vapascia meditation. What is that?

Well, it's a, it's a, how do you say it? Vapachina. Never heard. TM is the trans. It'd be mean if you said how to spell it. But yeah, but, uh, TM is transcendentine meditation. That you do for, Seinfeld talk quite a bit about.

Yeah, and it's great. And you do it 20 minutes in the morning, 20 minutes at night. And you have, um, a mantra. So you're saying something. So it's, it's maybe a little, well, I don't want to tell people how it is. But yeah. So that, that, that, so you just repeat a mantra for 20 minutes. Vapashna is.

is a sensation-based meditation. And to learn it, you need to go. And this is the peak of my OCD. I didn't know what it was. I just thought suddenly I'm a lunatic. You go, Vapasha meditation is a 10-day silent retreat. And you sit for, I forget that you start at like five in the morning till nine and you have a little break. You're basically meditating all day. It's like 12 hours a day or something like that, silently. and you're just focusing on your breath. And I was already, my mind was just going. It was bad timing. But I was so desperate, I thought it would cure my OCD.

And it didn't. It's very, it's, I've done, I do Vopasana now. But at the time, it was just to be biased, to be in a room full of people not being able to talk, having these thoughts that are just out of control. And then in the meditation situation, there was nothing to distract me. It was just there. thoughts. It was, yeah, that was intense. That was a pretty dark time. And none of this ever drove you to alcohol or drugs or anything like that? No, like, I mean, I've done, uh, I've actually

recently stopped drinking, but I, I had, I partied in high school. And then by the time I finished high school, I didn't really, I mean, I certainly part took in things certain evenings, but no, I never, you know, I, I'm certainly in high school got, you know, blackout drunk or whatever. But then what I, after that, you know, I'd have a couple of drinks. but no, it never really, I never got relief. And what it did do, if I was hungover, everything was a million times worse. OCD was worse.

I felt depressed. I was like tripped out. Speaking of tripped out, you never, no clarity ever came to you on an acid trip. I never had a bad trip. And I think clarity did. It never solved any. I didn't have, I mean, when I took hallucinetics,

I was in high school and stuff and it wasn't um I didn't have these problems and I was just depressed probably because school was so grueling but I didn't have I didn't everything was really minor then um and then now I feel like I've kind of done all that stuff you know that's what I want to ask you at what age are you like all right I know what I have I know what this is I've got a grasp on it I can move forward now armed with this knowledge and function as a normal person at least what you feel in society. I don't know if I ever, I mean, it definitely, when I finished the book,

I felt some closure, but I still, it's still something that I manage. Like, I, say, if I got like really party tonight, or, I'm going to see the dead this weekend. Yeah,

how's that going to be this weekend? Oh, it'd be great. It'd be great. But if I, if I, like, really partied hard, then Monday,

I would be a wreck. But if I like, if I like meditate, sleep, eat properly and I can cope with anything, I feel like I feel like I cope with things so much better, you know, but it never, it's still, I feel like I'm just learning how to deal with all that stuff, you know. Are you on any medication now for it? No, no, no. Yeah. How long have you been med free then?

Well, there was only, like, many, many years. There was just like a stage. There was probably like a year and a half where they kept giving me. different combination. And once I came off that, I never took medication again. But I'm like, I don't even have, I don't have any resentment for dyslexia. I don't, I've like the, I feel like OCDs kind of past. There let me like a few little things. But I recognize I'm like, oh, you have anxiety about this. And that's why you check the stove twice, you know, but it's nothing like it was. But so, it's so important to identify the thing. And then again, if people have OCD, it seems in the moment,

it's like, I'm never going to get over this. But it does. pass and you can you know cognitive behavioral therapy you know does help or you know people do exposure therapy i never did that but that's supposed to really help like if you're scared of heights someone will take you and you're like slowly you know get close to the edge or whatever that happened to me my daughter almost got hit by a car and i became unhinged and i got terrified of heights and flying from that's our whole job from that incident whoa and i always say it was like this anxiety had been laying in a hammock inside me from for decades.

And then this happened, it was like, we're up, let's go. And man, terror. I mean, any little bump on a plane. It's about 20,

probably about 2020, 2020, 2021 somewhere in there. And I had a fortune of Dr. Drew being at YMH. And I was telling him about it. And he told me about EMDR therapy, which I've preached about on this.

I still have people hit me up nonstop about it. And that, worked for me. I live on the top floor in my building now and I sleep on my flights. And I mean no meds. I've never taken meds on a flight or anything. I just was like, no, we're going to beat this. And but that therapy did it. Oh, that's great. And understand where that fear, that false fear came from and control, et cetera, et cetera. But it, fuck that exposure therapy. No, hell no. That would not have worked from out of it. Like, no, we ain't even going near the edge. We don't need to go near that. But it's so amazing. So the first thing you tried worked.

that therapy works because that's like sometimes it's different than talk therapy and that's what he said talk therapy is great but you're just talking yeah and you're figuring things out and you're working things through and you're understanding more and then you can go out in the world with that knowledge and that's great this was very different this was uh buzzers in alternate hands and it's um god i always forget It's like, I forget. I'm gonna, I can't remember what it stands for, but it's something I can't remember. People are going to get mad at me, but it's EMDR. Oh, that's good.

But you're so lucky that the first one worked because so often you have to try like a few different things. And I'm lucky that it worked. It took me about three, four months. I think I went to therapy and I was done. Oh, that's great. And that's what they told you. There's an end to this.

Oh, that's great. It could take you years. It could take you months. Some people were even quicker than that. Yeah. Just you didn't know what it happened. Now you got it. And it took me a few months.

And then I started good to go, bro. Wow. 6 a.m. flight, pop that eye mask on. I tell the lady, don't even worry about me. Oh, cool. Yeah, I'm the same, man. It's funny. I had an incident.

My mom was in the hospital, had a surgery, was getting out of the surgery. And I heard the doctor say to her, oh, you're all fine. You're okay to go. And I fainted in the hospital. my sister and my dad caught me before I like hit my head or whatever and then my mom had a major surgery was home and they kept me I was still I was yeah I was there I was there just put him in his mother's bed yeah yeah and but since that incident I was never squeamish now I'm a since that incident I'm a little squeamish like if someone was like like if you like that like really

cut your finger or something like that. It would like affect me. I never had that till that incident. So it's kind of similar to that. It's interesting. You say that. So I can't remember what it's called. It's like vaso vagal or something like that. We've had guests on the Patreon and my stepson has it and his mom has it. And my daughter just the other day. So they get squeamish around blood or any medical procedures or whatever. And my daughter's mother, like, you give her a needle. She's got to sit in a chair. She's the one that'll slide out, whatever. And I remember when she was pregnant with my daughter, I had to do blood work and stuff.

And she was so weak, they wheeled her out in a wheelchair. And I'm taking pictures laughing at her because it was just a couple needles. And I'm like, you look like you just went through hell. Like, you look like you're ridiculous. And then her son starts passing out, but not until like his 20s. Okay. He passes out. My daughter the other day, I had to take her for an ultrasound.

She's fine through the ultrasound. We get outside and she's like, I don't feel good. I feel like I'm going to throw up. Like, what's going on? She's like, I don't know. And her mom's there. And I said, well, you just take her to the ladies' restroom? She's like, yep.

So they go in. I'm waiting outside. And they're in there and there a while. And I'm like, is everything okay? And I think she's throwing up and whatever. And she's like, no, she had it. She got sweaty and flush and felt like she was going to pass out. Just from thinking about it.

I'm like, Jesus. Whoa. So it's got to be hereditary. Yeah. That's got to come. Those three have it. I'm not like that at all. I sit and watch it, whatever.

I'm fine with stuff to me. But if you, since that moment, if like someone, like my nephew, I'm really close with my nephew. And he skate. He's a amazing skateboarder. And I don't like, like, seeing him bail or something like that is like a little like or hearing about him injuring himself or something like that. It like freaks me out since that incident. Yeah. But I'm not, I'm like fine with myself or whatever.

But it's similar to that where something can just like bring up some weird thing. Let me ask you this. As dyslexia, have you been able to use it to your advantage in any way? Is there any time it's helped you? Yeah. I mean, I think, yeah, I mean, it helps me all the time. Like, it helps me. I mean, it's who I am.

You know what I mean? And I think it helps me with comedy. It certainly helps me with understanding people that are going through shit. I've gotten a lot of material from it, which is, you know, what we need. So, yeah, I think it, I think it helps me in a lot of ways. And I think because I struggle with, with words and stuff like that, I think, and this is just natural for any dyslexic. Dyslexics, we struggle with writing and reading, but then we excel in other areas that, you know, like a lot of dyslexics are great artists, great. people do stuff with their hands and and for me i think yeah it's helped me with comedy and it helps me

with just um just the way my brain works is yeah i'm like grateful that i have it now you ever think about who you would be if you didn't uh yeah like how much different of a person you'd be it would be wild because i would have stayed again i'm from a small town in canada called Oshoa. Maybe I would have moved to Toronto. Some of my friends friends moved to Toronto. But I mean, it's just dyslexia has just given me this a life that I'm so grateful to live, you know, doing comedy and just doing fun stuff. And right now you're not on meds for it or anything. No. I mean, I don't know if there are meds for dyslexia, but no, I don't, I don't take, OCD. No, I take vitamins. That's great. Yeah. But again, medication is good for people.

It just didn't work for me. God, it was, it made everything so. so much worse. But I just think that's the case. No doubt. You know, you can even look at things, excuse me, like alcohol. Some people just turn into monsters when they have it. Like, some shit just doesn't work for your system. That's such a great. Period. Period. Example. Like, I also have friends who drink beer all day. Fine. The minute it's liquor or whiskey or whatever, asshole, aggressive, violent. Like, we're like, God damn it, Joe's going to fight tonight now. Yeah. With us. Not what anybody else. We'll go come out there. I have friends like that. They'll fight.

Yeah, our friends will just find the biggest, like we were growing up, we'd just find the biggest person in the bar. And that would be, and you're just like, oh, this can be such a nightmare. You're going home. Fuck. Yeah. Yeah. I want to wrap this up with not only, I've never asked this before.

I want to know advice you'd give to 16 year old Phil Hanley. But before we do, yeah. Advice you'd give to a parent or anyone who's dealing with dyslexia. Because as you said, there's so many, there are different kinds. Yeah. And, you know, just figuring it out first and then what it is is a thing. What would you say to someone? My big advice to people, and I'm glad you asked me like because this is something that I love to say because I feel like I just say like just maintain your kid's self-esteem.

And which, and I know I've mentioned that like nine times in this podcast, but it's so important. And no. And they'll love trouble. You'll have trouble convincing your kid of this. but they will excel at something soon as they're out of school. The school is just not designed for us, simply not designed for us the same way that a Snickers. The first 18 years of your life is being just like feeling like you're a loser or

or dumb or all of it. It's not only feeling that. You're told that. Yeah. Like a failing report card is not subtle. There's no like. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Yeah. And it's it's maintaining. a kid, maintaining a kid's self-esteem and knowing, I mean, what dyslexia gives you, if you've made a list of the qualities you want your kids to have, resilience, tenacity. Like, it does, if you maintain their self-esteem, dyslexia gives you all those things. Like, and that's the most important thing. And in people with OCD, I just say, like, it does pass. And there's ways, like, that therapy, you had that problem. some people would have just accepted this is a huge problem i'm not going to be able to go here i'm not

going to be able to go there and i'm just going to live like fly scared to death to fly or i'm going to drink or i'm going to drink six beers before i got on a flight no offense to bert but i but i also know people to take kalan a pin and just knock themselves out yeah i don't even take adville no well i i i'll take i'll take an adville for sure but i um yeah, I just think that you were proactive. And so often people are like, well, I did this therapy and it didn't work. It's like the next one will work or the one after just, I think being proactive really helps. And I know when you're suffering from mental illness, it's like hard to get motivated to do that stuff.

But there are there are ways. And you just if you can prove it a little bit, then, you know, things are more, uh, manageable. That's great. Um, now advice you to give to 16 year old Phil Hanley. I would say, and this is just something that I'm learning. now is I would I would say to to me at 16 just like hold tight and all this shit it will pay off all the life experience that you think at the time where you're like there's no upside to this there is miraculously there is and I would just say hold tight and take it all in because I mean

my whole act and my book like my whole life is all those experiences and everything so much of my humor comes from growing up in a town where I thought oh this place is shit and there's you know it's all this stuff but it was like no it's a great place it was filled with great people some of my favorite people to this day I've ever met um yeah really just being positive and having faith that you know you do get you get mighty from those experiences Talk to someone who hasn't gone through shit. First of, it's a boring-ass conversation. Secondly, they're thrown because of the smallest thing in the world.

But if you've been through stuff, like, that pays off. It's, it's, you really have to be grateful for that stuff. I love it. Thank you, man. Thank you for doing this. Thank you for coming on and sharing all this. Dude, thank you so much for having me. This is a podcast.

I don't love doing podcasts, to be honest. And this is one that was on the list. I was like, I can't wait to sit down with Ryan. because your introduction to me was so you were so cool and so gracious all those years ago. Thank you for doing it, dude. Thanks, brother. And how did you do on the set, by the way? Did you crush?

Yeah, I did well. I did well. It was a good set. Yours aired right away. Didn't hold it for months like the hell of life. Yeah, that's a bad sign when I do that. Yeah, it aired and then yeah, yeah, it was good. It was great.

Thank you, brother. Phil Hanley on all social media. Yeah. Phil Hanley on Instagram and YouTube and everything. Yeah. All right, brother. Thank you. As always, Ryan Sickler, on all your social media.

We'll talk to you all next week.