The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - 364: Mike Lawrence | The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler #364 | Full Episode

Episode Date: December 15, 2025

SPONSORS: Function Health -Visit http://www.functionhealth.com/HONEYDEW  or use gift code HONEYDEW100 at sign up to own your health My HoneyDew this week is comedian Mike Lawrence! Check out Mike on his podcast, Nerd of Mouth. Mike joins me to Highlight the Lowlights of his fathers alcoholism, adopting his son, and his late in life autism diagnosis. Mike shares his villain origin story starting at birth, memories of being a kid at his dad’s AA meetings, and what it was like finding out everyone knew he was autistic before he did! Plus we get into how Mike decided he wanted to be a dad, what the adoption process was like, and the challenges and joy that come with being a father. Check out my new standup special “Live and Alive” streaming on my YouTube now! https://youtu.be/PMGWVyM2NJo?si=SrhXjgzR1pe6CyYE SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE and watch full episodes of The Dew every toozdee! https://youtube.com/@rsickler SUBSCRIBE TO MY PATREON - The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I Highlight the Lowlights with Y’all! Get audio and video of The HoneyDew a day early, ad-free at no additional cost! It’s only $5/month! AND we just added a second tier. For a total of $8/month, you get everything from the first tier, PLUS The Wayback a day early, ad-free AND censor free AND extra bonus content you won't see anywhere else! https://www.patreon.com/TheHoneyDew What’s your story?? Submit at [e-mail] Get Your HoneyDew Gear Today! https://shop.ryansickler.com/ Ringtones Are Available Now! https://www.apple.com/itunes/ http://ryansickler.com/ https://thehoneydewpodcast.com/ SUBSCRIBE TO THE CRABFEAST PODCAST https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-crabfeast-with-ryan-sickler-and-jay-larson/id1452403187

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The Honeydew with Brian Sickler. Welcome back to the Honeydew, y'all. We're over here doing it in the Nightpans. studios. I am Ryan Sickler. Ryan Sickler.com, Ryan Sickler on all your social media. And listen, guys, thank you. Thank you for supporting this show. If you watched this far and you haven't subscribed, hit subscribe, help the channel out. And if you've got to have more, then you've got to have the Patreon. It's called The Honeydue with y'all. We've been doing it now for years. There are hundreds of episodes. It's still five bucks a month. All right. And it is this show with y'all.

It's the wildest show on Patreon. And if you or someone, you know has a story that has to be heard. Please submit it to us at honeydew podcast at gmail.com. Hopefully we get to do an episode together. If you send it before, bump it again to the top. We get a lot. We go through them. We want to do your story. All right. That's the biz. You guys know what we do here. We highlight the low lights. And I always say that these are the stories behind the storytellers. I am very excited to have this guest on with us here. First time on the honeydew. Ladies and gentlemen, Mike Lawrence. Welcome to the honeydew, Mike Lawrence. Thanks, man. How are you? I'm great. It's good to see.

see it's been too long yeah uh before we get into what we're going to talk about today please promote everything you'd like yeah i mean just uh i have a podcast called nerd of mouth that i co-host with two other guys and we go deep into nerd culture um we uh did an episode about how the looney tunes basically got killed uh you know uh the i mean i think that that acme you know a Wiley Coyote movie is now going to finally get released. But, you know, Warner Brothers, which owns HBO, you know, Warner Brothers is Looney Tunes to a generation of us. They got rid of all the cartoons. So we talked about that.

I know. I try to look them all up. I have to watch a lot of stuff on YouTube with my daughter. Yeah. We did an episode about the trial of Stanley that people hate him and why and does he deserve it. and we did an episode that that is near and dear to my heart and I think it's something we'll talk about, but I was diagnosed with autism, and I go into all of the specifics of being autistic, the symptoms, my diagnosis, all that stuff,

which I'm happy to do some of that today, but that was an episode. So we're using nerd as a verb, and we're just go and die hard on these subjects, basically. Well, nerd is like just Dungeons and Dragons. or typical things you think of, you know, nerd, so to speak. But basically just about everyone we- Sports nerd. Everyone's a nerd of something. But just about everyone we called a nerd growing up was an undiagnosed autistic person.

For the most part, you know. You watch family matters now, and it's like, it's just a cop being mean to a nerd who doesn't know how to communicate to his daughter. My math teacher that wore the pocket fucking protect her and all that. Yeah, because he was afraid. He couldn't protect himself from his own feelings. feelings.

Yeah. I wish I could go back and say that to him leaving a class one day. Yeah, he's probably dead now. Oh, no, he's alive. Oh, nice. I was going to say nicely folded news. He's a lot. Let me ask you this before you get into your story about your podcast.

Great, great title. Thanks, man. What's something that you guys nerded out on that you had no idea and you're like, yeah. And now you're, you know, really interested or maybe just surprised. to find out about. We did an episode about how to get into anime because I've never watched anime. I didn't get it.

The other two guys are massive experts on anime. And I was like, I just don't understand it. And it has taken over a lot of popular culture. And I have, you know, a young, very young kid who's probably going to get into anime. And I want to be able to, you know, love the stuff that he does. And so it was cool. like they recommended me stuff and then our audience recommended me stuff and some people told me that I was racist towards Japanese people and just because I am doesn't mean ignorance and racism are two different things everybody it was funny at the beginning of the episode like one of the guys was like how can we never got in the anime and I was like my great you know my grandpa fought in World War II and he came back with shrapnel and his kidney and that's why it's not like I was going to be able to put it on in front of them Right.

Yeah. What are you growing up with? Looney Tunes and things like that. I don't know, but Looney Tunes. You know, I'm 1983. So He-Man is slowly fading, you know. Voltron in there? No, Voltron.

Not for me. That is anime. He-Man is fading, you know. My brother is three years older than me. Ninja Turtles was like the first thing that felt like it was mine because that the cartoon and everything came out in 87. I'm four years old. and you know ninja turtles is brilliant because they got all these kids to buy the same action figure four times

you're not wrong about the bandanas are just different yeah yeah yeah that's it it's the laziest but it worked it worked on me it worked on a lot of people as funny in the original comic book that came out in 84 they all have red bandanas and it was also because it was only the covers they would have colors everything the comics themselves were black and white but when they did the cartoon they're like we need purple we need orange and they gave the turtles like their own personalities and stuff which they did not have as much in the comic books so let's just dive into your background you're up here where are you from originally i am from south florida i was born in miami mostly raised in the fort lauderdale area my parents divorced when i was very young and um i'm sorry i'm a pause

you there because you said you have an older brother. Yeah. From same parents? Same parents. Okay. So you're the young. Is there any other siblings? I have a younger sister that is from my mom and my stepdad.

Gotcha. Yeah. And so when you say very young. Okay. How old are you when your parents actually do split? Like three and a half? Like I don't have any memories of them together. When I was born, my dad was such an alcoholic that he was on a different floor of the

hospital because he got pneumonia. No. Yeah. He's not there to support. He's there. I'm such a comic book nerd that Eve and my birth is an origin story. Yeah. He's upstairs.

Oh, is he getting something from my mom while she's having to be? Did it pop out of her pussy yet? He's getting true. Yeah. Yeah. That's crazy, dude. Yeah. So, you know, they're like, would you like, would you like to see your...

Is he called down on the phone? Is he there yet? Yeah. Would you like to see your son? Does he have a beer? Oh man. Yeah. So and then my,

I found this out the last time I saw my dad. My dad passed away in February 2020. My dad passed away three months after my son was born. And it's like, just tell me you don't want to be a grandfather. Like, I'm out of here. Don't be such a divo about it. I'm so dramatic. But it was crazy because.

Did you have a close or good relationship? We did growing up. Tell me about growing up. Are you going over to moms and dads? Is dad in a picture who we living with? I was going to get there. So, you know, my dad was an abusive alcoholic to my mom. And then he told me this before.

This is the perfect thing. If you're a dad and you've got to tell your son one more thing before you die, make sure it's something like this. my dad's holding my son who is two weeks old at the time and I don't know if you felt this when you had a kid but the things that people will say when they're holding a baby

because of the dopamine they're just so honest about everything and my dad goes you know your mom was supposed to have he was proud of that no he goes you know your mom was supposed to have full custody of you but she didn't

be good at uh because he goes he is because she was doing a show at coconuts comedy club my mom was a comedian in the 80s yeah is that right is that right yeah yeah yeah it's like so perfect 80s and he's like coconuts comedy club this is what he's saying to you holding his grandson yeah he never told me that before is your mom still alive yeah did you go ask her about that then no and she'll probably find out about it here and not be happy. I've never talked to her about it. I find it hilarious, you know. And she was, she's in my life.

So yeah, it was 50, 50 until high school. And then I was like, I would be with my dad. I mean, the thing was, you know,

my mom remarried. If anything, my mom probably cheated on him and rightfully so, he was a jerk to her. Yeah, sure. So, you know,

I have a very vivid memory of their, my mom marrying my stepdad and then walking across the street to a Denny's parking lot where I have, our dad pick me and my brother up. What?

Yeah. Yeah. You just went from that to that. Yeah. Yeah, moons over my daddy. They're going on their honeymoon. Yeah. Honeymoons over my hand.

Honeymoons over my hammy. This is literally what every writer's room is. People doing puns and talking about their parents divorcing. Yeah. Yeah, so. Now does your brother go as well with that? Yeah, my brother goes as well. And my dad, you know, I've never really drank.

I've had like two beers in my life. When I was five, I would go to AA meetings with him because he had to go every week. And so that he's got custody of us. And if you don't want someone to drink, take him to AA meetings when they're five. A kid. I'm holding the hands. I accept the things I cannot change. Are you the only kid in there?

The boy brother's there too. Dude, that's it. I was going to say I've never heard of children. And just, it was amazing because, you know, these people are so sad. They're like, it's like, you know, they felt like they were, and they were, they were being punished for having too much fun. I remember one time someone was like, we brought cake tonight and it was carrot cake. It's like, oh, punishment cake.

Yeah. And, you know, and Kool-Aid. And, yeah, and these are often at churches or, you know, basements and stuff. And I remember my dad one time taking me over to his sponsor's house and he had a kiss pinball machine. He's like, that was the last fun night I got to have. And I took it home with me. Yeah. It was always, yeah, I just, I just grew up listening to adults tell me how great their lives used to be, which my dad would often do too. My dad was, I mean, that's really an interesting sort of scared straight program. Oh, it works. I can't. The shit that I've heard people come in who was like, hey, I'm an adult. I had to go to AA. Those stories I heard there are crazy. The stuff that it must be mind blowing at five to hear this. Yeah. Do you remember any of the craziness? Do you remember,

Like I said, I remember, I stood out, though. We would sit in the back and then when it came to the amends and, you know, saying the thing at the end of the night, yeah, we would be a part of it and hold hands and stuff. And then, what your dad ever get up and speak? Yeah, once or twice. He quit it pretty early.

He didn't like the God stuff. And, um, but I remember we would go and then he'd be like, I'm sorry about that guy's. And then we'd go to Krispy Kreme. So he'd be like, here's my old addiction. I'm going to take you to my new one. Because he just got fatter and fatter. And I'm addicted. That's my addiction.

I have a sweet tooth. I eat too much candy and donuts and stuff. So it was like, it was amazing that he passed that on to me. You know, but like mom gave you comedy. Dad gave you the sweet tooth. Yeah. Yeah, that's the thing too. It's like, if I'm going to be a comic like my mom, I can't be an alcoholic like my dad.

then I have no identity of my own. Did your, I want to come back to this in a second. Did your mom ever have any TV credits or anything? Not really. She had a show on NPR for a few months, a local NPR affiliate. And me and my brother would just call in to say hi.

She's like, mom's working. Where are the Doritos? We just loved hearing our voices on the radio. Yeah. So let's go here. What jobs are you getting? high school. Are you working? Are you like getting out of the house and stuff? Or what are you doing?

Yeah. So I'm 16 and you know, my dad's like, you got to, you got to work. And I think, you know, rich kids should work. I think every child should work. It is important, uh, the younger you are to know that you don't matter and nothing is beneath you. Get that. Get that pride. When my stepson first got his job, he was like 17. He's working at Little Caesars. And he came home one day. He's like, Ryan, this guy came in today screaming and I was like, yeah, over $5 pizza. I go, welcome to the real word, buddy. Welcome to the real world. The one political thing I'll say on this show, that's what's happening now is the country

is now being run by people who didn't work in high school. And it shows. That's a good point, dude. Why are the food stamps disappearing? Because they don't know what they are, you know? It's like, well, I worked at a McDonald's. and in high school yeah and when i was well i was in seventh grade my dad moved from um the more proper like fort lauderdale and we moved to a place called davy uh davy florida and uh we were in a

trailer park called paradise village and um i still don't drive i i didn't drive then and i don't drive now and there was a McDonald's 10 minute walk and I worked there I worked there from 16 until I graduated high school I went to college for one year in Virginia just got massive debt and and depression and moved back and I stayed working there until almost I was 24 years old at the McDonald's yeah I worked there for a long time were you manager Never. Oh, no, because then that meant you were going to stay. The important thing was to tell yourself, you could leave it at any time. I got it. Yeah, yeah. I got. Do you remember what you ended making an hour when you finally wrapped?

Oh, I'll tell you. Yeah, you remember. So, yeah, so May 16th, 1990, I start and 525, which was 10 cents above the minimum wage. What year again? What time? It was 1990. 1999, and it's five and a quarter. We got the Tarzan Happy Meals coming out. I was going to ask. Yeah, yeah, of course, yeah. That's how we lived through high school. They had the $2.99 meal and a $3.99 meal. Like, we could afford that in high school.

Dude, well, we, I mean, this was a trailer park. So this was all some of these people ate, you know, because, you know, a hamburger can go easy in a blender if you've lost most of your teeth. I never thought. Oh, yeah. Everything's a shake for, you know, meth head. and uh but um at the end uh december 28th 2006 i don't remember the happy meal toy i'm sorry uh i was leaving i of course why would i remember i was happy i was leaving and i moved to new

york the next week you know with comedy and stuff but uh six dollars and 45 cents what eight years later yeah yeah yeah five what five and a quarter yeah to six 45 a buck 20 no promotions nothing that's fucking and three of those were like government mandated yeah they finally came in and said you have to pay these people I just saw

this new thing about this article about they're raising it it's $20 an hour in California yeah and I was reading this is the funniest thing I was read this article and a guy who's like a

franchisee he owns like seven or eight McDonald's he's He's like, you know, we used to be able to do fun things like pizza parties for everybody, but now we can't because we have to give them $20 an hour. I was like, oh, so now they get to have them with their families? I was like, you're the only person upset about this. Yeah, no one's complaining about getting 20 an hour. So that was your money.

That was your bread and butter until you bounced. Yeah, yeah, it was. I paid for college. I bought books with that money. And then I started getting credit cards and I didn't know how they worked, which is the whole point. That's why they're always in college campuses. That's 100% right. And I racked up like 15,000 in debt and comic books and action figures, all the stuff that I always wanted to buy.

Let's talk about that. So you discover credit cards when in New York or in McDonald's days? In Florida, McDonald's days. And with credit cards, you know, this is the early 2000s. I discover eBay. and you could type it anything you want. I tell my therapist that sometimes because, you know, they'll say like you're supposed to move forward,

don't be stuck in the past. But we are the first generation that can buy our past. Here's the other interesting thing I've learned through therapy too is men, we will buy our past. Yes. Women won't. They're not buying strawberry short cakes. Well,

they have things to look forward to. I know what I'm saying. It's different. We go back to our time when we were the happiest and hopefully the safest. Yeah, maybe. And you buy that. Listen, that looks like them coming up. We've had 40 and it doesn't make us any happier.

So I look like rougher BAs, yeah. So you're buying your childhood. Yeah, we love living in our past. It's amazing. I used to love Mighty Mouse cartoons. You saw all the action figures out there and stuff. Oh, and I know each one of them. Yeah.

So, yeah, let's get into that. So you develop, so you find credit cards and now you're like, oh, my God. Here's eBay also. I can get unlimited shit. Yeah. And you dive into what? Action figures and what else? Yeah, I mean, I've always collected action figures. But then I moved to New York.

And by the time I'm moving to New York, I've got $2,000 in my pocket. And nothing but a dream. And I'd been doing comedy a year and two months in Florida. And I knew I had to leave because I was doing too well. Okay. It's like, you know, it's like I knew the joke sucked and I should be bombing harder. And then I moved to New York. I was like this feels right and I didn't get an action figure or anything for years.

I'm going to pause you there for a second. Jump back to the beginning. What's your first ever action figure? What's the heroin that got you started? Uh, or early one if you can't remember. It was humans. I'll tell you an important one was,

you know, my grandma was, was rather racist as, as grandmas are want to be, but she knew I wanted to clamp champ and he was the black he man figure. I don't know him. I don't know for him. Yeah, he's, yeah.

He has like just a big clamp that he uses to like grab stuff. And she had to push down her prejudices for her grandson. And she did. And she did. That's great, grandma. It's one time at McDonald's, a white woman wouldn't leave the drive-through because we gave her a black Barbie. Nah, uh, yeah.

She's like, take this shit back and give me a white one. Yeah. Man. Yeah. That's fucking bold. Yeah. You ain't doing that. Well, you would do that today.

People still don't give a shit. Oh, she would do that today and get 500,000 on you'll fund me. You're right. You're right. We're going to make you a doll. We're sorry about these DEI policies. They're like, we're even going to have a white person make the doll for you. And then it falls apart because it's poorly manufactured. So then what do you dive into hard then? Once you get in, what are you going after? I mean, you had everything or okay. No, it was always you had to have a line, you know. Star Wars. I'm a big comic book guys.

I'm not a Star Wars guy. Marvel was like my big thing and there was a Marvel superhero's group of toys that came out in 1990. So I'm with it. At a company called Toy Biz, they start making X-Men action figures and they start making all of the different, the Silver Surfer has his own line of toys. And I'm getting all of these.

And as you get older, the toys get better. I'm not one of those people now. who I don't buy retro stuff. I like the new stuff. The McFarlane, you fuck around to McFarland figures. I have a ton of McFarland figures. Oh, he's phenomenal. And I remember the shirt I'm wearing is McFarlane art.

Is that right? You can't see, just Google. Look at me knowing some shit. Oh, yeah. Amazing Spider-Man 318. Yeah, McFarlane. Well, you want to know why I know McFarland, you can probably guess the sports figures. He does phenomenal sports action figures.

That was the thing with, you know, he was a comic artist. And then, I mean, Spawn was that? Spawn. Yeah, Spawn. Right. He still does it sometimes, but he created this toy empire, and now he has half a billion dollars. Whoa, the empire is bigger than Spawn and all his money. Oh, yeah, he's got the DC license.

He makes Batman and Superman toys. He makes, you know, this MLB and NFL. I mean, those are huge licenses. Yeah. Yeah. And they look better than all the other stuff on the shelf. They're incredible. Yeah.

Yeah. And they, you know, like the football ones move about as well as. as the football players in real life. Yeah, they do. The only difference is the toys always know where they are. And don't murder their wives. Yeah. So when you say, because you sent us a list,

crippling action figure addiction, how much money are we talking at your most are you dropping on these things? Oh, thousands. I mean, it's... In like one shopping spree, you'll drop a thousand? No, no, just after years. Like, I'll get one now and...

sometimes I won't feel anything. And it's very depressing. And now, but now I've transferred to my son. And, you know, he's like, he likes Paw Patrol. So we got all the Paw Patrol toys. And watching him, you know, share an addiction. Don't keep it to yourself. Yeah, why keep it to yourself?

I wish my dad did drink with me. He did give me the donuts. So that was nice. But, uh, do you still have all your toys? And are you passing them down? all my current ones like or these collectibles that you're not going to open or are you going to let your son live everything's out of the box it's the dopamine rush of opening yeah okay good there are been times because you can order a lot of stuff online and they'll send it to you loose for cheaper or you know the shipping is

cheaper i'm like i won't i'll spend the three dollars for that box smell okay that's what you're into it's not it's not about the the keeping and saving the collectible money and the eBay uh flipping Why would I leave my son a feasible inheritance? So what does he like? Does he not like any of the stuff you like? I mean, well, you're like, oh, it hurts the soul. He's two and a half. So like he loves Spider-Man.

He loves, he hasn't really gotten to Batman yet. But the stuff he's into, he's really into. And so am I. I'm really into my stuff. But he also has his own things. And if he's not like, I think I think that he's going to be amazing at athletics. And I'm going to have to learn to like that stuff.

Okay. Are you going to? Oh, of course. Because if he becomes a football player, likes to play football or baseball, maybe football's not safe these days. Yeah,

we're not going to do football. Let's just say baseball. That's the one. Yeah, you're going to dive into the stats and all that for. Oh, you're going to go hard on that stuff, huh? Oh,

yeah. For you, dad. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You know, someone got me, you know, cameo. Someone got me, a buddy of mine got me at Jesse Ventura Cameo. And he gave the best advice.

He's like, you better like what they like and love what they love. It's not about you. It's about them. Amen. It's like, good on you, Jesse. I chose function because it's the only health platform that gives me data most people never get. And you're getting the insights to start doing something about it. Inside function, you get access to test over 100 biomarkers from hormones to toxins to markers to markers of

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Yeah, I was just telling the story to my cousin today because my daughter, she said, is your daughter still really in the cheer? And I said, yeah, she is. And she was playing soccer. And I grew up playing soccer. I was soccer, I was soccer, everything. I'm good at soccer, love soccer, soccer.

She's playing soccer. And then I'm driving her home from school one day and she's like, did mom tell you that we're not doing soccer this year? And I said, no,

why aren't we doing soccer? She's like, well, mom wants to put me in cheer in gymnastics. She thinks that'll be better for me. And I go,

okay. And she goes, what? I go, okay. And she goes, you're okay with that? I go, yeah.

And she goes, mom thought we were going to have to have a family meeting. I said, Like, we've never had a family meeting. We're definitely not having one over fucking soccer. You know what kind of person? And I said, Stella, this is when I said to her, like, look, I don't care what you do.

Yeah. All I do care about is that you take it seriously. Yeah. And you're your best, not the best, your best. Yeah. You're a good teammate. You're a good loser. I want you to learn how to lose.

Yeah. And win with, you know, humility. Yeah. And be a good person and a good teammate. I don't care where that comes from, but you are going to do something. And I support it 100%. Did she want to switch to cheer herself? Yeah.

And then I watched her slowly start to learn how to flip in Cartwood. And you see the confidence builder. And I'm like, this is no different than if I had a son who would want to skate and do the trick over again and again. How any different than us in comedy telling the same joke over it gets to get that word right and the difference between a uh and a the things like that, you know. So good for you. Yeah, that's, I think that's what matters.

But you never grew up sports or anything. You were more comics. No, I mean, you know, my brother and my dad loved sports. My dad was a big Raiders fan. Mainly when they were,

he was from like the Bay Area. So, you know, he loved them when they were in Oakland and then tolerated them when they were in L.A. But, uh, that was something they bonded,

him and my brother bonded on. I mean, and someone told me, hey man your dad's gonna die before 70 I would have watched more football Is that right? You would have huh? I think so I mean but it was also I was being You know I was finding who I was I was playing with my action figures in the corner

And making up stories and I was reading comic books in the other room So and my dad you know he would take me to comic shops Like he would he would embrace the stuff that I loved And I mean the truth is I really do love my mom but I have a special affinity for my dad I mean, he was a single dad and he spent the time with us. And when he passed, it's like the thing I thought about with parenting, my son was only three months old when he went. And the big thing I thought of was like, all that matters is time, like, that they're there, you know.

I mean, they know that they know that you were there for them and that you were able to push aside all this stuff. And so for me, you said, listen, man, half of parenting is being there and genuinely being in. invested in what they're interested in. Yeah. That's it. These backpack trips to Europe, I would hear about all this. I'm like, you're probably the most miserable fucking family out there. Why do you get a passports?

That was 28. Yeah. You know, but if we went to Jucky G's, it went together, that's all that matters. That's it. Memories. Yeah. And I think it's this thing, too, of, it's important to show, like, to me, I think about it every day.

Like, my main job is to keep my son safe. And one of those things is to keep him from being cynical for as long as possible. Because that's its own state. Once you're cynical, you are damaged and you're broken and you are no longer. They can't sell you as a new car. Once you're cynical, you're used. Yeah. And every day that he wakes up happy, you know, he'll wake me up at six in the morning.

He'll put my glasses on me. And be like, come on, daddy. You know. And he's happy. And it's like, it makes you happy. and that's a beautiful feeling like that if I look there are people who don't want kids and I get that and I respect that but not until I had a kid was I ever happy before 10 a.m. Yeah. And that's the thing is like, you know, I never got up earlier.

I'm a comedian. Yeah. I'm out late and I'm getting up early now. And but you know, another thing I pay attention to, Mike is like the ability of a child to get angry at something and. how quickly they just forget it and don't hold a grudge and don't bring it up later and shit. And I'm like, when, when as adults do we lose that? Like, what happens to that little poor us? That's when we have nothing else. That when you finally, you get so mad, you can't let it go and you don't go away for five minutes and come back. Like, can we play Uno? And I look at that and I go, fuck, I wish I still had that.

Well, it's like gambling. Like, you're so in the hole, right? And so hatred is like that. You're so, you know, you despise someone so much that you now are invested in their failure. Yeah. And you're hoping it happens and all that's happening is you're failing. That's what they say. It's like drinking poison. Yeah. That person's not affected in one bit.

And you're just guzzling poison. Yeah. Tell me about being diagnosed with autism and like, why did you look into that? You said at 38? Yeah. This is just a few years ago. Yeah, because everyone knew but me. that's why

because I would always say but tell me you went and really did this and you didn't get some TikTok bullshit all these people I can't tell how many people I see going oh my God turns out I'm autistic because I saw something on TikTok

it's it's yeah that's its own you know sorry RFK that's the real epidemic yeah your money in the waters everybody with your I took a quiz online so did I I have AIDS

cancer. I have diabetes. Yeah. Here's the thing. Listen to this episode of the honeydew. And if you related to me more than two times, you got it. I might have it then. Yeah.

But for me, it was, you know, we got into the adoption process in 2020. That was one of the good things about the pandemic, besides the thinning of the herd. All those weak people with frail lungs. No. No, in 20, and a cough, yeah. My dad survived the entire pandemic and then died in 2023. Like, I'm going to let you have suspense. Oh, I'm gone.

No, so I, for me it was like, I always felt it, you know, and I was watching that show Love on the spectrum. And yeah, really connecting to some of the people. on there and um and it was a i always figured but but for me it was like i never cared in the point in the sense of like i figured enough things out in life i don't know everything but i'm doing all right you know i've overachieved for brain damage alumics and uh but it was when we were talking about having kids and i was like i need to be the best version of myself for him i don't know how to socialize well i don't know how to make eye contact well and i want to be able to do that

for his teachers. Good for you. Yeah. The parent fucking teacher. Oh, yeah. Listen, I struggle with it.

I hate it. Yeah. And also, you know, you've got a little bit of notoriety and now people may know you and they're going to want to come over and talk to you. It's like, oh my gosh.

Mike Lawrence over there. You're like, fuck. Oh, it's all. Small talk's the worst. Oh, it's the worst. But you got to get good at it because you're non.

Like, I never thought of that too. Like, oh, man, I got to go meet this dad now. And I'm like, oh, you're going to have to talk.

talk to an admissions officer. Yeah. And they're going to judge you check in at the front desk with your ID. Yeah. And I was with the adoption process, you know, there were interviews. There's home studies and all of that. And you have to be a person and everything. And so it was when we were in the middle of that, you know, I tell people I took an autism test and I passed.

But I did like the thorough, you know, diagnosis. I was, it was during the pandemic. You go to a doctor or? Yeah, psychological group. And this is one of my favorite stories is that. So I have, you know, it was over Zoom because this was, yeah, this was like 2021. And I have a big Spider-Man poster behind me of an issue, issue 137. And this woman, she's like, you know what my last name is?

I'm like, yeah, Dr. Conway, she's like, do you know, do you know? know who my ex-husband is and I was like is it Gary Conway who was a renowned Spider-Man writer if there was such thing I'm glad you're going to say Tim Conway I'm like Dorf on dog

yeah Carol for net Dorf on divorce we we did Dorff for me she left him for Harvey Corman so this guy's a prominent

Spider-Man The time I was wiggling my ears, it's because he was smacking me there. Yeah, the over 50 crowd love that one. Yeah, so it was prominent Spinebra, and he had ridden the issue that that poster was of. And I'm like, Gary Conway, your ex-husband was Gary Conway? Okay, it's official now. Yeah, so, yes, exactly. So I get, but I get the diagnosis back.

It's like, you know. Let me ask you real quick before you say this, because I'm an ignorant man about a lot of things. That's okay. What, when it comes to an autism, What do they, because I hear a lot of people say eye contact, but just not having eye contact doesn't mean you have autism. So what are they really testing for? What is the actual test? I think they're testing for, you know, how you think.

Is it brain waves or is it just a written test? It's a lot of things, right? So I'll talk you through it if you want. Yeah, I want to know. Yeah, okay, yeah. So that two hours. I won't do the same jokes I did on my other. No, but yeah.

So the two hours with her, she's asking me all these questions about my past and things like that. And then I get, you know, when I get the diagnosis, like one of the things was, subject found out who my ex was, would not stop focusing on. No. That's in the right up. She knew I was. She baited you, dude.

She didn't have to fucking say who her ex was. This lady, not. This lady knew I was fidgeting with my action figures and I never had them on the camera. She could just tell by the way my elbows were moving. My shoulders were shrugging. I mean, it's like... Look like he had a McFarland figure in his lap, damn. No, these had more articulation.

But these posed. Is that right? It said that. It said, yeah, fissioning, yeah. What I, I think I held one up once or something like, I would say my accident. I just couldn't let it go and I'd like scratch my head or something. And I think she's, but then, then, so that's the first part as you talk to a psychologist. Normally that would happen in person, right?

Then they tell you, this was the roughest part. You got to talk to your parents. You got to talk to, or anyone who. who raised you or anyone who was in the early development stages of your life. And ask them what? And ask them if they noticed anything. What were you like growing up? You're supposed to write it down.

And then you get like a survey. And the survey has a ton of questions. And some of these questions are the ones that you'll often see on these autism tests and everything. Like, you know, do you pretend a lot? Are you in your own world? You know, how often do you feel lonely and isolated? You know, yeah, do you hate small talk? Things like that.

And but yeah, I had to talk to my parents. And that was that was a lot, man. Because it's weird, you know? I mean, that word was so loaded back then. And I think that, you know, we are trying to make up for the mistakes of our past. So our parents had parents who dealt with a lot of trauma that they didn't deal with. And they put it on our folks. And our folks put it on us.

And we're trying to stop all of it. If we can, we won't. But we'll try. We say this a lot on this show. You know, I'm 50. I'm got 10 years on you. My grandfather fought in World War II. Yeah.

My dad's Vietnam. And I'm like, I want to be a clown. And these are men, they're like, what the fuck are you talking about? You know what I mean? Like we're not also the first generation who buys our. past. I also feel like we're the first real I love you to our kids generation. Like I got that from my dad for sure. But back then in the 70s and 80s, it was more of a walk it off mentality. Oh, yeah. And you don't divorce and you know. Stay. Yeah. You're committed. Yeah. Yeah. I mean,

they were unhappy on the hip side. Yeah. Yeah. That's why we were a fucking way we are. Yeah. Yeah. We probably the pendulum swung the other way too far maybe. But, um, but, um, but it's going into a toy store. So that's okay. And so, yeah, so I'm talking to my mom and my mom, it's like, she felt like, I think, you know, she's kind of better about it, but like that I was accusing her or something. Oh, she's not even thinking you're just, I'm just trying to get some research here. She just felt.

Yeah, well, she was like, I mean, you, you, you turned out fine. You know, it was like, yeah, it's okay, you know. And I remember talking to my. dad and my dad was like yeah i was probably you know i was weird too we just didn't say it back then because they'd throw a rocks at you that's the other thing the weird kid oh yeah and now i look back you know like i think that he definitely was because you know growing up he didn't have any friends no one ever came over the place um and he you know was very nervous and neurotic in a way that i i have some of those tendencies.

And then, so you do the survey, you talk to your parents. And the last thing is, yeah, I did go in person. Sorry, can I ask you? Is also talking to your parents, not just for information? Is it hereditary? Is it a genetic thing? I don't think it's, you're not doing it for that. You're doing it to get their observations.

To know how early things were being shown. I see. So then you go take a test in person. And it's amazing because it's a waiting room of just kids and me. Is that right? Yeah. Yeah. Because it's mostly that's, you know, that's when it's detected.

Yeah. And their parents are all on top of shit these days. It was funny. I remember asking my mom, I was like, I want to watch Love on the Spectrum so you could see, like, understand, like, what autistic people are like and everything. thing and she watches and she goes, I got to say those parents are so amazing. Like the bravery of those moms and dads to deal with those. No.

But yeah, she was like, those parents are amazing. Oh, man. Yeah. Yeah. So did it affect you when you found out? Or was it more of it just okay? I know what this is. Well, the last test, the amount that I go on tangents and stuff is a sign too.

No, I'm saying it is an autistic trait. I see. It's hard to follow a linear conversation. So now I'm doing it to you here. Yeah, yeah. I want to know, was school a problem for you? Was the systematic eight to three? These classes had to be a fucking.

Yeah. But were you still a good student? Did you still get good grades? I did okay. I was always media. Joker, you know, but it was like I was hyper-focused on the things I loved. So I didn't understand math at all. I know I wish I was the profitable autistic.

Business savvy. I wish I was the Zuckerberg. Not the guy who quotes Zoidberg from Futurama. That's the kind I am. The cart. And, but yeah, oh, yeah, this is the third test. I just want to appreciate. Yes, please.

So it's it's like pattern recognition stuff. It's they repeat numbers to you and you repeat them back. I got to the end of that. I think I did like 16 digits. Oh, so they'll keep going like 21 and 21, 4, 5 and you got up to 16. Yeah, Jesus. 21, 214. I don't think I'm sitting here in my eye.

I get that. Yeah. Yeah. So they're doing that. But my memory has always been insane. Are you like that with names? too. Can you remember people's names? See, that's my problem in comedy.

I often don't remember your name, but I will remember your joke or something. I'm like, you got the such and such bit. Which is also offensive. Here's what's worse is that they know I know all this useless shit. Yeah, like this guy can tell me who made these action figures. Yeah. Can't remember my name's John. Yeah.

He remembers how many seasons Shirley Eiffel was on what's happening. And what's happening now? How many wasn't, by the way? I could be wrong, actually, but I would say five. If I'm wrong, then I'm wrong, and I picked a bad thing. Rob's Place, man. She worked down at Rob's Place. Yeah, how did they not have what was happening then as a prequel?

That's good. That should be now. She was a stand-up, though. Yeah, she was amazing. So was Fred Berry. rerun was as well. He was a, no, he yeah, but he was also a break dancer. Yeah. But he would do

like I would see him back in the day at the bowling alley. He's out here in Canogan. He would have pictures on the wall. No, that was just one of the balls. That wasn't fair. It's just someone put a beret on a ball ball. We just talked about it on the way back about watching what's happening growing up. Oh man, but if you see him

dance, it's like mesmerizing. Watching a guy that big do the moves that he did pop and locking. He was good. He popped and lock all over the place. He was. Yeah, I love those old shows. Yeah, so it was a pattern recognition and all this stuff. And then I got the result like a few weeks later.

And it is, there's definitely an overdiagnosis problem. Part of the problem, though, is. There's a self-diagnosis problem as well going on. I was going to say part of the, yeah, but part of the reason that happens is that test costs money, you know, and my insurance didn't cover it. It's funny. I have Writers Guild insurance. Can I ask you how much? It costs.

3,000. Yeah. Woo. That is. I just took a cancer one, a pre-screening to find, you know, just a heads up. And it was 900 because insurance wasn't covered. I'm like, why wouldn't insurance cover this for everybody? Yeah. And it's 3,000, man.

But yeah, the Writers Guild won't cover it. I'm like, if we had to cover it, we had to spend it. Baby Brooke, Rob. Well, I would say on stage sometimes, like, I'm not saying I'm the only one. I'm the only one diagnosed. But yeah, I mean, and it sucks because so much of poverty is connected to mental health and people not be able to understand their own problems. And there's no way that we're even helping people fix it. It's a bummer.

So it is like when I'm talking about my autism test, it's my version of a sports car. 3,000. But yeah. Now, what does that do for you after when you find out, is it a peace of mind? a bit bummed out? Are you, how are you feeling about that? It's good and it's bad.

I mean, it's good in that, like... Yeah, tell me the positive. You know, I was able to, like, you know,

communicate with my wife more. And she always knew. She was like, yeah, duh. She's just like, let's go use that $3,000. I was going to pop spray.

Yeah, let's take a vacation. Trust me what I'm telling you. Yeah. I mean, I need one just from living with you. Thanks, honey.

Oh, man. Yeah. Yeah. She, Yeah, she's amazing. But I was able to communicate more because I get overwhelmed and I do have panic attacks. And so now if I have like sensory, if I'm feeling overloaded with noises, I, you know, I'm one of those people. Even if the music's really low at a bar, I can hear it during a conversation.

And I'll start talking about the song, but nobody else could hear the song and stuff like that. But now, yeah, when I have panic attacks or I'm feeling overwhelmed, I'll say, I've created a communication system. I'm like, I'm at a two out of five, so I'm okay. But if I'm like, look, I can't handle this thing. It's making me too uncomfortable. I'm at like a five. I'm at a four.

I have to leave. Because that's the thing. If you do get the diagnosis, it's your responsibility now to be a better person. And if you know who you are, you have to, that's the hard part of it. But would you not leave before prior to that? Would you just stay?

I would stay or not even go. You know, so now I make more of an effort and stuff. And I've been able to, like, create a system in my head that makes sense, which is that unnecessary things bother me. Necessary things do not bother me. Things that have to be happening are okay because they have to be happening. And this makes parenting so easy. Babies will cry. They will shit themselves.

they will do baby things so none of the things that a lot of people complain about with babies i'm like no but that's who they are and what they do it doesn't bother me um it's people who know better and do things they don't need to be doing or shouldn't be doing that drive me crazy people that blast loud music at a beach or something that bothers me because you know that doesn't mean you have autism either by the way assholes just bother everybody you know But enough people play that it seems socially acceptable. Yeah. You know.

And, you know, but certain things, you know, yeah, things that will bother somebody else, like, drive me insane. You're the click of a pan. How about somebody chewing? Chewing, yeah. Loudly. Complaining about the temperature in a room. Drives you not. Drives me insane.

Who's doing that? Every writer's room. Oh, someone will always be bitching about the temperature. Yeah. And if someone does it this way, just, yeah, like you said, small, like the smallest talk, like, why are we spending 10 minutes on talking about lunch? Let's just put our orders in and work. I would rather, like, get stuff done, go home earlier than be in the culture of an office. If I can help it.

Have you always been that way? Yeah, but I didn't know. Okay. Did you ever homeschool or did you always just go to regular school? Always went to regular school. I mean, my parents couldn't do or afford otherwise. And I don't blame them for that, you know, but my high school was massive. We had a class of graduating class of 860. Damn, yeah, you have Florida high schools.

Yeah. Yeah. And we don't learn anything. And the only way they lower the class sizes is by pushing. the guns my school could have used a few of those but i always remember this moment when i was in drama class

i i wrote a monologue we all had to do a monologue for the class and i got in trouble for writing my own what do you mean that you wrote your story i wrote i wrote my own speech to give you know people are doing shakespeare oh oh oh i see you know and you just did your own. Why would you get in trouble for that? Because you're not supposed to. You're supposed to follow the curriculum and do this thing and that thing. And it's just what I'll always remember that like and getting scolded for it. And now

I get paid to be a writer. How about that? But that's the problem with those large schools. They don't have the time or resources to focus on what a kid is good at. What makes them happy. You know, so that everything has to be uniform. It sucks. So tell me, because I'm leading up to meeting your wife and stuff, was dating, did you date? Did you go? Yeah. Yeah. What was it like for you? Especially someone who's uncomfortable with this. How are you meeting girls? This is before internet, I'm assuming, right? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I met. I was in a four-year relationship and I didn't realize how insufferable I was in it. But I was just, you know, I was, that is a thing that people will say about autism. And I know it's not just true to autism, but the one. one track mind getting hyper focused on something and this girl became my focus and I would write letters to her and mail them even though we live 50 that it's a part you're sending snail mail letters and you're 15 minutes apart you loved her uh I did but you know and I look back and I was like what it really was was I loved the concept of being in love and and I wasn't ready to love another

person and that took years and yeah when i moved to new york i treated dating like i treated comedy which was just do it as much as possible um open mic open mic open mic date date open mic bring the date to the open mic and um you know my first date with my wife was yeah how did me uh okay cupid oh is that right okay yeah and uh last uh a week from yes uh a week ago that's it a week ago uh was our 15 year first date anniversary. Damn, congrats, guys. I met your wife. She's super sweet.

Yeah. Yeah. So, I mean, you know, how long have you been married? We've been married for 10 years. 10 years. We'll be 11 this September. And so when do you guys start to think about kids?

We always had. And then, you know, there were like fertility issues. And, you know, it's very generous because she, she was having like fibroids. but then I had low sperm count and it's so much sweeter when you're both broken. You know, and it's funny, I have Crohn's too. My wife would always be like, you've got a bum-tum and bum-cum.

It's beautiful. Yeah. Yeah. And I am, so we were always thinking about it. And then you have a pandemic. happens we just called an adoption agency we didn't want to go through IVF and all of that for us it was just like um it may work it may not let's just go through a process that that we feel as comfortable for us and you look bad the adoption process is brutal um i'm sure we went through two um matches where they decided

to keep the kid um that's when they when you think you're going to get the child then they They give, never mind. Yeah, they give birth and. Oh, I see. Yeah. The person was like, no, now I want to. Yeah. It was amazing.

I'm sure that happens a lot where they see their child and they're like, I can't do that. Yeah. Yeah. There's so many different, you know, and a lot of, you know, most of the people that put their kids up for adoption are in a crisis situation. And there was, yeah, there was one woman who had four. And she was like, eh, let's round up. if I could do four, I could do five and you're like, yeah, you know, and I don't, at the time, you know, it was rough.

I remember being at the comedy store and telling some, I just felt so like alone and angry in that moment just because I was like, I shouldn't be here now. I should be at home with my hypothetical child. Yeah. And I remember a comedian who just telling me, maybe you weren't meant to have kids. just give up and Jesus and I was like you remember who that was I'm not gonna say but I'm saying you remember though I'll all I'll say is they had to live with being them and that's punishment enough fair enough um and uh you know it was brutal at the time to hear just anyone say because I just felt like the universe was already telling me that but we stuck it through and and it was a it was a beautiful story um it was a baby that was a born in florida and i was thinking of myself you know the main goal of a parent is you know one of the most important things to make sure they have a better life than you and at two weeks into my son being alive he's already out of florida that's what i said my daughter all right i did

i already won yeah i did i'm here you know what i mean you're not having my childhood so so i did it and um And it was, yeah, he's just like, he's just like the most amazing little dude. He's funny. Like, he'll do this thing where I have shirts with a bunch of superheroes on them. And the thing from the Fantastic Four is my favorite superhero. And any time I'll point to the shirt and go, look, it's the thing. He goes, it's Hulk. It's Hulk.

I'm like, no, it's the thing. He's like, Hulk. And he's trolling me. Yeah, for sure. It's beautiful. But yeah, I mean, when we got him and we took him home, it was like the most amazing thing. And it's so interesting because I had this imposter syndrome for a while of like, am I good dad? Am I not?

And I also don't look like him. He's, you know, half white, half black. And it's amazing because my wife is white. And whenever we go out in public together, people often think that. I don't know. Like somebody's got to tell this poor bastard. Somebody's got to tell this poor bastard. Or that you're babysitting or some shit.

And so funny like and and when I'm with them alone, I mean, I don't drive so I'll have to Uber with him and put the car seat in the back. And one, you know,

sometimes people will be like, so whose kid is it really? And stuff like that. Like that was that was really rough like the first year and a half but now he can say daddy and he treats me like a father. And so it's a lot more like the other day I got, is that your first grandson? I'm like, yeah.

I'm like, call me old. Yeah. And because, yeah, I mean, you know, people can be mean about stuff like that. Everything. And I don't, I remember there was a woman at the playground that screamed like, that's not your kid and, you know, blah, blah, blah. Really?

Oh, yeah. Like you were, like, trying to steal them or something? Yeah. Yeah. So what do you do in that situation? There is no way to prove that kid, your kid, if it's, no. If they're small enough where they're not saying, no, he was like, you know, 14 months. Yeah. No, I mean, you know how I proved he was my kid to myself? I left because that's what a good parent would do. Yeah, exactly. Right. And he comes with me. Yeah, yeah. And I pulled our pants down.

I'm like, look, we have the same dick size. That's how you know. Twins. Nice. Why would I pull down the pants of a child that is not mine? It's not mine. How absurd, ma'am or mad dumb. And, you know, people bring their own, you know, baggage into things.

And, but now. I feel like self assured of like no I'm I'm I'm Logan's dad that's that's my kid and I love him and um you know and he's not going to be in Florida uh they they they told us um and it might change but they're like he he has not tested uh you know for autism um you know I don't know I tested positive but yeah they're like we don't think he's autistic uh and I mean so yeah That's like, that's why, you know, he doesn't have my jeans. He doesn't have my quirks. He is going to be an amazing athlete.

I got like one more year. I can catch him. Yeah. He's fast as he's so fast. And he loves sports. Yeah. And, you know, but he loves, you know, nerd stuff too. But, yeah, as you, like you said, anyone can take sports and make it nerd stuff.

Yeah. For sure. I mean, listen, the quote unquote nerds, they're the, people that came up with all the now you can stat everything yeah you get on google stats and all this stuff and now and it's how many uh base hits against lefties right i mean it's every stat broken down to the you know minute detail it's pretty amazing they found a way to make it unfun for everyone but them and then and that's what a real fan does yeah real fan a real fan finds a way to suck all the joy and put it just for them right here

you best. This is what adults did with Halloween. You're right. And Christmas. Oh, kids are having fun. Mine. Dude,

thank you for coming on and doing this episode. Absolutely, man. Before we wrap up, I want to know advice you would give to 16-year-old Mike Lawrence. Work at Burger King. They pay 10 cents more.

10 cents back. No, I think I would, I would, I think I would say, um, You know, you're going to have good days and you're going to have bad days and you don't know who you are, but the people that love you know who you are and they accept you for who you are.

And that's what matters. And also make sure that in the early 2020s, just bet on the Kansas City Chiefs. I know you don't know anything about football, but just, you know, just put aside some money. and bet on because your action figures are worthless. But sports can save your life. Great episode, dude. Thanks, buddy. Promote right there one more time, please.

Yeah, nerd a mouth on the last podcast network is my podcast. Yeah, we did a whole episode on autism. I talked about stuff that we didn't talk about here, portrayals of autism in the media, all that kind of stuff. And it was amazing. people reached out to me about their kids, about themselves. A guy was like, I understand my daughter more because of your episode. Good.

Yeah. Yeah. Now you know she hates you. And I did that. No. But yeah, it's a really fun podcast. We get really deep into stuff. And I'm really proud of it.

I don't do as much stand up as I used to. But this is a really fun creative outlet for me. And yeah, I'm always writing on different stuff. And, you know, I love my favorite thing is when people tell me they're not funny, but their favorite comedian is someone I write for. That is the best, like, oh, no way. Thank you, buddy. Thanks a lot. As always, Ryan Sickler on all your social media, Ryan Sickler.com.

We'll talk to you all next week.