The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - 386: Brent Weinbach Grew Up in Hollywood & Got Bullied for Years | The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler #386

Episode Date: May 18, 2026

SPONSOR ProtonVPN - Right now, Proton VPN is offering our listeners 70% off a two year plan when you go to ProtonVPN.com/HONEYDEW My HoneyDew this week is comedian Brent Weinbach! Brent joins me to Highlight the Lowlights of growing up as a Hollywood kid, dealing with bullying since second grade, learning about pimps at the bus stop in middle school, pulling a prank on his pregnant teacher, and why he still checks under the bed for roaches to this day. Check out Brent’s special Popular Culture, his weekly live show The Chicken Coop, and The Brent Weinbach Podcast. 🎟️See me live. All tickets at www.ryansickler.com/tour 🎤Check out my new standup special “Live & Alive” streaming on my YouTube now! youtu.be/PMGWVyM2NJo?si=SrhXjgzR1pe6CyYE 👉 Subscribe for more standup and new episodes of The HoneyDew, The Wayback, and more! youtube.com/@rsickler ✅ Subscribe to my Patreon “The HoneyDew with Y’all”! Get The HoneyDew audio and video a day early, ad-free, for just $5/month! Want more? Upgrade to the $8/month premium tier and get everything above plus The Wayback a day early, ad-free, censor-free, and exclusive bonus content you won’t find anywhere else! patreon.com/RyanSickler 📧What’s your story?? Submit at [e-mail] 👕Get Your Merch👕 www.bonfire.com/store/ryansickler/ 🎧 Listen to my Podcasts 🎧 The HoneyDew - podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-honeydew-with-ryan-sickler/id527446250 The Wayback - podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-wayback-with-ryan-sickler/id1721601479 Patreon - www.patreon.com/ryansickler 📣 Follow Me📣 ▪ Instagram: www.instagram.com/ryansickler/ ▪ TikTok: www.tiktok.com/@ryan.sickler ▪ Facebook: www.facebook.com/RyanSicklerOfficial 🕸️ryansickler.com/ 🍈thehoneydewpodcast.com/ 🦀Subscribe to The CrabFeast Podcast🦀 podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-crabfeast-with-ryan-sickler-and-jay-larson/id1452403187 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Albuquerque, New Mexico. I'll be there Friday, June 5th and Saturday, June 6th. Tulsa, Oklahoma. I'll be there Friday, June 19th, and Saturday, June 20th. All tickets on my website at Ryan Sickler.com. The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler. Welcome back to the honeydew, y'all. We're over here doing it in the Nightpan Studios. I am Ryan Sickler. Ryan Sickler.com. Ryan Sickler on all your social media. Thank you guys for supporting this show. Thank you for supporting anything I do. I genuinely appreciate it.

And like I say, if you got to have more, you've got to check out the Patreon. If you haven't signed up for our Patreon yet, I promise you. We had some big drops at the beginning of the year. There's a lot of exciting new content over there. Get over there. Check it out now. And if you were someone you know has a story that has to be heard, please submit it to the Honeydewpodcast at gmail.com.

All right. Nowhere else. Honeydew Podcast at gmail.com. All right, that's the biz. You guys know what we do here. We highlight the low lights. Always say that these are the stories behind the storytellers. I am very excited to have this guest with us here today, ladies and gentlemen.

First time on the honeydew. Brent Weinbaum. Welcome to the honeydew, Brent Winebott. Thank you. Thank you for having me. And this is a fitting podcast for me because I eat honeydew every night. Almost without fail. No.

Are you fucking with me right now? It's a nightly tradition. You're a comedian. I'm totally serious. I love, first of all, I love melon in general, and honeydew right now is my focus. And I do it every night. How long have you been doing that? Well, melon?

Yeah. At least 10 years. Nightly? Melody. Every night. That's like your ice cream before bed? Kind of a thing, yeah. It puts me to sleep.

God. Okay, no, 10 years is actually, probably six years, I think. I mean, that's still, and it works for you. That's a sleep. I love, I just, I love, and I, honeydew right now is my favorite. How did you figure that? How did you figure out melon was the sleep trick for you, though? Well, okay, it's because I started eating lighter at night at a certain point, and so I didn't

want to eat too much sugar, but I'm okay with a natural sort of sugar. So it's kind of like a dessert to me, you know, and it's basically my nightly dessert, but it's not something that's going to wire me or something, you know what I mean? You're our people, dude. I don't know. I'm going to say we've been doing this podcast seven years and probably less than three people have said they like Honeydew maybe. Oh, really? Yeah.

The whole reason this show is called to Honeydew is because most people discarded. It's a perfectly good fruit that most people just toss away. Oh, it's top five for me. Top five. Top five fruits, honeydew. My man. I love the stuff. Okay.

And I just, it's like candy to me almost. But it's, you know, candy that's not bad for you. So that's why I eat it in. night. Well, I love hearing it, dude. Before we get into your stories, please right there, plug everything and anything you'd like. All of it, buddy. All right. Look, first and foremost, and I'm glad we have this opportunity at the top of the show to do this, is I have a new stand-up special. It's pretty new. It came out in May of this year. It's called Popular Culture, and it's on YouTube, and it's also now on Veeps. But look, I say this on other podcasts, but before you, you probably

don't know who I am and before you decide that you think I'm boring or whatever, just watch the special first, okay? Even pause this episode right now, this podcast, watch the special, then come back and do the victory lap and watch the stories behind the stories. So check that out. That's number one. But I also do this live stream chat show with my sister on YouTube called the chicken coop. And that's every Monday at 6 p.m. Pacific time. It's on my YouTube channel, which is YouTube.com slash Brent Weinbach. And I have a separate podcast that I do that's not live called the Brent Weinbach podcast. And my Instagram is Brent Weinbach comedy. And I have some dates too. Sorry. May 7th in Boston at the comedy studio. And Hollywood Improv on February 25th in Los Angeles,

not Hollywood, you know, Florida or wherever. Yeah. The Hollywood Improv. They should do that. They should say, they should have a Hollywood improv for Florida, too, you know, or anywhere where there's Hollywoods, you know. And then, oh, there's a Hollywood in Oregon, too, or in Portland. In Portland, there's a Hollywood district. They should do a Hollywood improv there.

I was going to say, how do you have a Hollywood in a city? But it's a district. It's some sort of district, yeah. Well, actually, Hollywood here is kind of Hollywood. I guess you're right. It's in Los Angeles. It's in Los Angeles. Yeah. I'm saying L.A. Yeah, you're right. West Hollywood. Yeah. So, yeah, and then I don't know when this comes out, but maybe it's already passed, but January 24th, I'm doing a thing with my friend Moshekashar called Smug Shift at Cobbs Comedy Club in San Francisco.

All right. And sorry for all that. Don't be sorry. That's what you're here for. Let's get into your story. Where are you from originally? I grew up here in Los Angeles. You are. You're an L.A. guy. Yeah, the sleazy streets of Hollywood. Okay. Where? Where? Hollywood. You're on the Hollywood side. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I grew up, you know, right near Hollywood Boulevard and, you know, Laurel Canyon, you know. What's that like? You got, let me just say, let me get to the beginning. Our mom and dad together, how many, you said you have a sister.

They're divorced, but I have a sister. I have two brothers who just moved back to Los Angeles. What about when you guys are kids, though, are they together at least to be start? We say what? Oh, yeah, no, no. Yeah, they're together to start. Yeah, my parents divorced when I was an adult. Yeah. Okay. And yeah, I was the oldest of four kids. Four, okay. I was the king, yeah. And your, and mom and dad, how'd they meet? They met at a bar, I think, in Los Angeles somewhere. So are they from here as well? Well, my mom grew up in Torrance. Okay. And her family's from the Philippines. They came from the Philippines. And then they grew up to say, when you said Torrance, I was curious. Yeah, yeah. Well, they moved after World War II. And then she, she was the only one her family born here in California, in Torrance. And what? And what? And what? And what? And what? And What's your dad do?

Different things. Let's just say entrepreneur. Wasn't here for entertainment, though. He did a little bit of that. Yeah, he was, I mean, he kind of mainly did that kind of stuff. He did stuff in Europe and then he always tried to get stuff going here, but it never really, you know, took up. So was he like a jack of all trades kind of guy? He didn't have really a career.

He's just like a hustler. He did different things. He would get, he distributed videos, you know, the kind of like, he'd find the rights to certain video rights of certain things and distribute them, you know, like movies like, trying to think of, I don't know, choppy and the princess, you probably never heard of that. I've never heard of. You know, or he'd do these kind of compilations of student films and have them out on video, yeah. And what did mom do?

Well, mainly did stay-at-home stuff, but she taught, she substituted taught later on when we were older and stuff, yeah. And what kind of home are you growing up? You have four kids. Are you in a three, are you sharing a room? I shared a room with my sister, and then eventually my brothers were, I was sharing a room with my brothers. So, yeah. So it goes you, sister, and then two brothers? Yeah, she eventually got her own room. And then, especially if there's three of you. Then it was the three boys in the room. In one room? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. I was the, I mean, I was kind of a lot older than my brothers. So it was kind of a different sort of dynamic, you know. What's the age gap between you guys? Eight years. Eight years from my brothers, they're twins. And then my- Oh, they're twins. Yeah, yeah. All right. My sister is two years younger than me. I hear this a lot and it's weird to me because I'm a twin, but hearing. Oh, you are?

Yeah, but hearing it was just recently on this podcast where someone has said, my brothers are twins. And I was like, ew, that's a sentence my younger brother says. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. My brothers aren't twins. I'm a twin, but he said my brothers are twins. I was like, ew, he says that. We're all three of you in the same room? After everything went to hell.

Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, from 10th, 11th, and 12th grade, we were all in the same room together. Those were the toughest years for me when I was sharing a room of my brothers because I was trying to study. I was just trying to study and stuff and they were just whistling, you know? You know, they learned how to whistle and they were just really strong whistlers. And that was tough for me trying to do my studies, you know? We just learned how to snack.

Because I was in my room and I would just kind of do my homework on my bed, you know. because um how old are you now oh well i don't really like to say exactly how old i'm in my mid 40s but yeah so we're not yeah okay yeah um oh we're not what too far apart i was gonna say we're young so you're doing homework like you know there's no computer or anything probably right yeah for you yeah i mean i'm not using a computer no i mean sometimes i used a word processor to do certain essays and stuff but no i'm doing my math and stuff on my bed and i'm just my brothers are just whistling up a storm and I can't it's just it was really hard to concentrate and then my sister was in the next room and she was you know blasting I'm not gonna I won't embarrass her and tell you what

music she was listening to but she was blasting it and that would get on my nerves too and are you all still close oh yeah we're really close yeah yeah yeah yeah we're married now after all four of us you gotta like each other to do a fucking podcast with somebody yeah yeah no my siblings are great I mean they're my closest friends friends, you know. My sister's my best friend. Hell yeah. Okay. So growing up, where's your elementary school? Where are you going? I went to Wonderland. You ever hear of it? It's in Hollywood. Yeah, I have heard of Wonderland. It's in the canyon. Yeah, I was going to say, it's near the whole Manson shit is off of Wonderland, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right. Yeah, that's

right. Yeah, Sharon Tate, they lived up there, yeah. So you're going there in elementary school? Yeah, yeah, it was fresh off of the Manson murders, you know. Where are you living? Yeah, and kind of Hollywood, you know, near Laurel Canyon and Holly Boulevard. Those are kind of the nearest cross streets, yeah. And yeah, it was, you know, yeah, it was a kind of a brustic area, but, you know, there's a lot of centipedes and stuff, you know. I used to be someone who didn't put much thought into my outfit ahead of time, but lately, I've caught myself trying to be more intentional in the way I dress. I used to think looking professional meant uncomfortable, stiff clothes that you can't get out of quick enough by the end of the day. But thanks to the pieces I've gotten from Quince, I know that's not the only way. If your wardrobe needs it, Quince has it. Everything from blazers and cashmere sweaters to lightweight linens. They even have pants that hit the same balance of relax and comfortable,

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That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com slash honeydew for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com slash honeydew. Do you have a yard? Are you an apartment? What are you in a house? It was in a house, yeah. We kind of lived in, it was kind of a, there was some outdoor, it was, there was no yard, but there was some outdoor areas and stuff and kind of woods nearby and stuff, you know,

going to the woods. And we're kind of, you know, I kind of look for snails. Yeah, I love, I mean, it's nice. Even if it's just a patch of woods, it's something to go do when you're a kid. There's shit in those woods. Yeah, it's weird. I was a pretty dirty boy, you know, but I would never, I wouldn't want to do that stuff. now. I'm so not an outdoors person now.

But you were as a kid? You loved it? Yeah, I was going, I was, I bathed in the dirt. You know, I washed my hands in dirt. I would, if I had dirty hands, I would put it in dirt, and then it would seem clean to me, you know? And what happened? What switched? I think puberty. Why do you, why do you say?

I don't know. I started to stink, you know? Is that really when you stop? I think that I started to, once I started to, I don't know, secrete more, more things, oils and smells and things, I wanted to just be cleaner more often. And so I just got into the habit of being clean and I got into being clean. And then I just, after that, I didn't want to, I watched, then I started bathing in water. That's when you switched to water. I switched from dirt

to water. Yeah. What's elementary school like for you? So elementary school was, I think, probably my darkest time. You know, people talk about bullies in high school or junior high. Junior high is usually kind of prime time, bully time. But for me, it was really junior, it was elementary school. The little kids came after you, huh? Yeah. I mean, they weren't so little. I mean, they were bigger kids. I mean, I was a small kid and I'm still a small kid. They're elementary school kids, not middle or high school kids. These are early on. They're coming after you. You know what, though? Even, okay, when I was fifth and sixth, gradeers seem like college kids to me when I was in first grade or whatever, you know, or second

grade. I don't know if you, you remember that, but when you look at the sixth graders, I was thinking, these are adult. They're adults. It didn't seem like they were kids. I mean, if you look at a sixth grader now, they look, you know, they look pretty young, you know, for the most part. I mean, sometimes you get maybe a Russian exchange student who's, you know, fully buffed out, you know, and he has puberty. Actually, I had my friend in sixth grade who was from Russia, he had a full Bush, you know, and he showed it to everybody at a birthday party once, but that's not a low light. That's not a low light. That's a high light. That was a highlight. He was proud of that shit, huh? Oh, absolutely.

Who wants to see my bush? It's hilarious. Oh, no, it was, I remember we watched a video and then we, and then I heard everyone kind of yelling my name, Brett, get in here, quick. Get in here. Yeah, because he was showing it to people in this other room. And no one had pubes yet, or at least no one was willing to show him anybody. I'm pretty sure no one had it except for him, you know? And I remember that my one friend, Dustin, said, whoa, it's a jungle in there. That's how strong his pubics were.

You know, they were like trees. They were like trees. In sixth grade. No, those are wild times. But again, like I said, that was a highlight, you know. That was to see, you know, the progression of the body. Well, why are you being bullied? What's going on?

Was it a certain group of kids that would do this? There was one guy when I was, in first grade, I think. Oh yeah, first grade. He must have been in fourth grade, I think, or something. I don't know. He had this big afro. He, I don't know why he,

I was just in the bathroom doing my thing. And for some reason, he had a little gang with him and he, for some reason, just honed in on me and it became a regular thing, you know? Or they follow you in or something? Just, I was scared to go into the bathroom anytime because I thought if that guy's in there, I'm going to, it's going to be trouble, you know?

maybe he saw me, maybe it was before I realized that you don't have to pull your pants all the way down to go pee, you know? And maybe he, you know, kind of thought that was lame that I didn't just do the, you know what I mean? You know, there's a moment in your life, you know, when you're younger, when you realize you don't have to have your pants around your ankles to go pee. And you start to go pee like an adult, which is just, you know, you want to do the fly and you kind of put your penis out or whatever. And so probably, he probably saw me with the whole pants down and thought, that's a target. right there. And we're going to fuck with this kid. Yeah, that guy's bottomless. That's a, that's, this guy's going to get it. You're going to be, it is hard to fight when your pants are around your eye. Yeah. Oh yeah, yeah, he's, he's, look, he's disabled right now. He's got, he's got,

he's got, he's got, his ankles a lot. Are they physically fucking with you at all? Yeah, so, okay, well, yes. I mean, they, he would pick me up, and I'm trying to, I think he would say that, he would say, you want to have a pizza party? And he called it, he called it. pizza party or something and he would and they lifted me up and maybe with the help of the other kids and they put my head in the toilet and there was i remember this one time there was that really happened to you yeah yeah it was just i mean you think this what happens in movies that's what i'm saying i've never met anyone that actually that somebody did a lot of classic stuff that you see in cartoons and stuff it happened i actually really had which is kind of fitting because when i was a kid i wanted to be a

cartoon too anyway so it kind of fit in a way you're you're what a first or second grader and they're dunking your head the toilet. Fortunately, he did not actually make contact with what was in there but got really close. And there was a big log in there this one time.

I don't think this was produced by any child. I think the janitor was in there earlier because I saw the janitor come out there at one point. Why didn't he flushed it that lazy piece of shit? You know, I never thought of that. I never thought of that.

Maybe it wasn't the janitor. He saw, was like, fuck that, and he left. Maybe he felt like he didn't have enough work to do and wanted to, you know, I don't know, you know. It's just, I mean, a janitor leaving a big piece of poo doesn't quite make sense because his job is to clean, not to, you know. But it could have been his last day, too. He's like, I'll tell you what. Maybe so, yeah. But this thing was, I don't know if you've heard of the legendary white poo, you know.

The old dog poo? Do you know, but, well, I guess dog poo can get white, right? Back in the day, it did. I don't feel like I see white dog poo anymore. This is a white human poo. No, dude. All right, this was a log. It was a white log.

Albino human poop? Yeah. I've never in my life. It wasn't even, it was kind of more frosted, you know? It was kind of like a frosted tip, you know? It had a frosted tip. It was a frosted top. It was a frosted top.

What was it now? I don't know. It looked like there was, it was poo that was, it was like an elder poo, you know? That's why I thought that. Senior Citizen poo. It was an elder's. It was an elder poo, yeah. I've never in my life even heard of it.

It was crazy. It sounds like I'm making it up. You asked me if ever. I swear, this is totally true. You asked me, though, you said, have you ever heard of the white, has anyone else ever heard of this? Or, yes. I hadn't, someone else, I was talking to somebody about this years ago.

And they said, yeah, I saw a white poo once too. Once. And then I saw this movie, you know, many, many years later called Step Brothers. Yeah, of course. When did that come out? 2008 or something, and there was white poo in that movie. And I said, whoa, they know about the white poo. I said, oh, I think it might have been white dog poo for that one, but I just thought,

oh, whoa, white poo is not just, it's not just my own thing or something some other guy saw, too. Oh, and I think Sarah Silverman talked about white poo at one point. Dog poo, yeah. Oh, dog poo, okay. Well, this was in the toilet, and who knows me? I mean, it was big. It didn't seem like it was a dog, but whoever left it was a bit of a dog to do that, right? Dude.

Anyway, that thing was right there, and it was this close from my nose, from my face, you know? I got real intimate with a, I mean, I guess it could have been worse, you know what I mean? I could have. Do you go to the principal way after this, or do you just shut the fuck up? No, I kind of just cried and just did that. I did tell my dad about it eventually, and he did actually come to the school and talk to the kid at one point. He was really cool. Were you there with him?

Yeah. Do you remember how was your dad with the kid? He was actually really, he was really respectful to the kid, and I think that kind of got through to him. Oh, the kid listened? Yeah, he kind of treated him with a lot of respect and kind of treated him like an adult kind of, you know, and he introduced himself and, you know, and he kind of just, I don't know, he kind of just, I don't know, he didn't reprimand him or anything like that. You know, he just kind of talked to him about, you know, why, you know, I don't know, just about why this could be hurtful or whatever or something like that. I kind of don't remember the details exactly, but I just remember him being really just respectful to the kid, not kind of talking down to him at all. And the kid left me alone after that.

Okay. Yeah. It was he actually, it actually worked. I know it sounds like kind of a wussy move to have your dad come. I didn't, I just kind of told my parents that there was this kid who was kept on bullying me and then they, so my dad just, you know, came and talked to him and stuff. I mean, did that goal? He somehow found him during recess or something. He came. He came. in during recess and I said, oh, that's, it's that kid there. And then, yeah, you know, we sat down at a table and talked, you know, yeah. So then after that, he left me alone, yeah. But, but the, the white poo was sort of the, the highlight of that low, that relationship, you know. Guys, I recently used TaskRabbit for two things. I got an invert chair where I hang upside down

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I mean, in different ways, you know. because when I was in fourth grade, I got into this kind of gifted program. I was just about to say, were you gifted and talented? Well, no, I mean, I don't know. I don't think I was. I kind of, I think I kind of snuck through somehow. I don't know, because I didn't get terribly great grades in elementary school. I got really studious in high school, but, you know, when my brothers were whistling.

But when I was, in a matter. Yeah, when it mattered, yeah. But in elementary school, I wasn't. that great of a student. No, I was good in the regular school, you know. And so when I got into this gifted program, you know, I was in fourth grade and it was kind of like I became the new kid again, even though I'd been at that school since kindergarten, you know. And so I don't know. It was a new environment and these kids were different than the kids I was used to. And I don't know. I remember there was this one day when I had about 15 boys chasing after me and not

chasing after me for a good reason. They weren't vying for my love or anything. That's a lot of kids coming after you. Why are they coming to after you? Well, it all started in the cafeteria. There was this kid named Joseph. I don't know. He said, no, this is what it was.

We were in class, actually. It wasn't in the cafeteria. We were in class, and he said, I'm going to fight you. And he was a bigger kid. Joseph forgot his last name, but he's a bigger kid. And he had this little psychic named Roy, I remember. I guess he was kind of a bully, I guess. And he said, I'm going to fight you.

And then he said, I'm going to fight you at lunch. And I said, I don't know. I don't want to do that, you know. And he says, it's too bad. It's going to happen. And so then lunch came and I said, all right, look, can we just eat lunch first before the fight? You know, and he said, all right, fine. So we ate lunch together.

You together? Yeah, yeah. He's not going over there. You're like, so, uh, and, yeah, Roy, his psychic was there. And, um, yeah, we had lunch. And then, um, and then he said, all right, time for the fight after we finished lunch. And I said, all right, can we just go to the bathroom? Can we go to the bathroom first?

He said, all right, fine, we'll go to the bathroom. So I go to the bathroom and, um, you know, I pee without pulling my pants all the way down, you You know, like a real man. And at this point, a lot of other boys had kind of caught wind of the fight, you know, that was going to happen that I wasn't really going to even try to participate in. But so they had kind of joined into the bathroom. It was kind of a – so basically there was a bit of an audience there, you know. Now you're going to fight in the bathroom.

Well, that's what it – Not intentionally. Yeah, not intentionally. That's what it turned into. Yeah. So I finished peeing, but I was really not ready to fight. But he just started to get into it at that. point and socked me in the stomach. I went down, hit the floor. There was some pee on the floor

a little bit, so that kind of sucked. And then I kind of just got out of there and all the, the whole audience of boys got in on it and they all were chasing me throughout the school the rest of that lunch. And then, yeah, they just chased me all over school and it was crazy. It felt like a movie or something. I was hiding out. It was like a zombie movie. It's like a zombie movie. You know, I felt like the teachers got in on it too. They were chasing after me too. They all hated me in the fourth grade.

No, but there was one kid named Samuel who did help me. He said, here, hiding here, and he did help me. But later on in fifth grade, he would do some weird things too. He'd stick his finger in his butt and make me smell it and stuff. What? In class? In class, yeah. Get the fuck out of here.

Yeah, he'd be like, hey, smell this. and I smelled it and I said, oh, it smelled like a butt or whatever, smell like poo and stuff. He got my butt. In class. Yeah, in class, yeah, yeah. He would also do other stuff because we'd have sleepovers where I remember there's one birthday we had. It was a bunch of us.

I don't think he did this to me, but he was grabbing people's balls too, like while we were trying to sleep and stuff. Sleep? Yeah. He was like grabbing on him and trying to like rip them off or something. Just honking them and stuff? Yeah, something like that, yeah. Did you ever get in trouble in school?

Were you a good kid or did you ever cause any person? cause any problems. I did get in trouble a bit. Yeah. Well, there was, okay, there was one time in first grade. This was kind of, this is definitely a low light for me because it was an accident, actually. But we had this, all right, it was, I guess kind of a nice day or something. And the teacher asked us to take our, or to, said, let's go outside to do this next thing or whatever.

I don't know what she was going to do. Maybe she was going to read to us or something. And she was pregnant. And there was, I don't know, there wasn't enough chairs outside, and I was looking for a chair to get, I don't know, I saw this chair and I said, okay, well, there's a chair. I'll just take that. And I took this chair and somehow it just didn't click for me

that that was her chair that she was going to sit in. Oh, you know why? Because it was smaller, like one of the kids, a smaller chair for like for one of the kids, you know? So I didn't think... Somehow I did know she was going to sit in it, but somehow I thought, oh, maybe she's not going to sit down. I don't know what I was thinking at six years old,

but I took the chair away, and then she came to start standing there, and I guess she thought the chair was going to be there, and she sat down and kind of just fell on her butt, you know? And she's pregnant and pregnant, and she was, you know, really about to pop pregnant, you know? and so she was really upset with me because she thought maybe I did that intentionally or something. I mean, she also probably went down kind of harder if she thinks of the chairs there.

She's going down with a pregnant wait for the chair. She was shocked, you know, because she thought, I think she thought there was something more malicious happening there. Did she see you do it, though? How'd she know you did that? Because I think she said, who took my chair? And I said, oh, I think I did. Right, I guess I did, you know.

or something. I think I admitted to it. And she just was thought, why did you do that? Why would you do that? I mean, she was really upset with me, and I didn't know how to explain it. I didn't know how to articulate, and I still don't, that I saw the chair and I thought, and there weren't, there weren't any other chairs, and I thought that I could use that chair, and I just didn't put it together that she would be sitting down on it or something. I don't know, but, you know, I was really sorry. I got her flowers and- Did you? Yeah. Well, my mom said, my mom helped. helped me get me. My mom gave me flowers to give to her, you know. And I wrote a note, you know. Was it well received? I think it was as well received as it could. I mean, I'm sure she probably

thought this kid is a psycho or something. That he, I'm pregnant and he pulled the chair out from under me. It wasn't that immediate, by the way. It wasn't like she was sitting down and I pulled it out, you know? That's what I wanted to ask. Yeah, it was, I pulled it out and she thought the chair was there. So she's tall and then she goes to sit down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She wasn't even there when I took the chair, by the way. She just didn't notice that the chair was missing. Anyway, but maybe she thought I did it more closer to when she was going to talk. Anyway, so that was kind of, that was pretty bad, you know, but I did apologize. I mean, I tried to apologize as much as I could as a six-year-old, but it's hard to, I recognize that it was bad, you know, but it's also sort of hard to,

it's stuck with you. I think it's worse to me now when I think about it, that she was, you know, pregnant and just hit the floor pretty hard. So that was kind of bad, you know. What was middle school like? Did it get any better? And where are you going? Where are you going out here to middle school? I went to middle school.

Well, it was junior high back in my day, but it was we went to, I went to out in the valley. I went to, in Northridge. I went all the way out. We took the bus all the way to Northridge. Damn. It was actually crazy. We used to take the bus.

What's that? Like 45 maybe longer? Yeah, something like. Or it was maybe, yeah, half an hour or 45 minutes, but we used to pick up the bus from Sunset and Gardner, and there were prostitutes that were still there from the night before, and pimps sometimes were on the street yelling at them. Are your parents riding with you, or are you just rolling solo?

Oh, yeah, solo, yeah, yeah. But they, I mean, well, other kids. I mean, there was other kids. And, yeah, there was a, it's kind of crazy, because I remember learning about pimps that pimps were not what they look like on TV, you know, or in movies, you know what I mean? They didn't, they weren't wearing fur coats and hats and all that stuff. They just look like normal guys, you know, I mean, fairly normal guys. When did you realize what was going on? When did you put it all together? Well, I just, I put it

together when I saw a man chasing a woman down the street saying, where's my money? That sounds like a P. That sounds like a Pimp. The way around sounds like a Broston. But he wasn't dressed, he wasn't dressed, you know, all crazy. It wasn't like a seven. It wasn't like a 70s pimp, you know, he was, you know, he's just wearing a Dodgers, I remember he was just wearing a Dodgers jacket. That was it, you know. But the woman, the women were dressed up, you know, kind of like classic prostitutes, you know, like classic 80 style prostitutes, you know. Short skirts and stuff and, you know, like. And they're on the bus with you guys? No, they weren't taking the bus. They were just standing, they were standing at the corner where we picked up the

bus. Jesus Christ, that's a wow bus stop. Yeah, I know. Crazy. A wild bust up. Isn't that crazy? Yeah. So, but no, junior high was, no, I mean, junior high was better. That was, school just got, I mean, as far as Boeing goes.

Why did you go all the way out there? Was it a good school? Supposedly it was a good school. And a lot of kids from my elementary school went there. Oh, they did. Well, there's two schools they went to. They went to that one and they went to this other one. The one I went to was called Porter.

I don't know if you heard of it. It's in Northridge. And then the other one was Sepulveda. People went to Sepulvita or Porter. And was your high school Hollywood High then? No, I was supposed to go to Fairfax. Oh, Fairfax. That was the school I was supposed to go to.

But there was, I don't know, there was open enrollment at this other school in Van Nuys called Grant. I know Grant. Oh, you know, Grant. Yeah, so I went there. You know, in the footsteps of Tom Selleck. He went there. Did he? Yeah.

And Ricky Rackman from the Headbangers Ball. I remember Ricky Rackman from Headbangers Ball. And Lovelin. He actually, and he hosts the Loveline, too. Yeah, that was when it was not as big. It was more of a local. show here. And then I guess later on, Gilbert Arenas went there, but I didn't, it was a different time to me, I think. But yeah, Grant High School, you know, it was a pretty classic school.

You know, there's 4,000 kids in that school, you know, pretty classic 4,000 kids school, big Armenian contingent there, you know. You ever notice how the second you Google something suddenly every ad you see is about it or you're traveling and you go to watch your comfort show only to find it's blocked? Yeah, The internet isn't as open as we think. That's why I started using Proton VPN. Proton VPN is a secure VPN service design for people who want to prioritize their digital privacy and security. It keeps what you do online private and lets you access the internet like it should work, open, secure, and on your terms.

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Really? Yeah. And how are you getting along in high school? Oh, pretty well. I like to be friends with, I try to be friends with everybody and stuff. I mean, different, I wanted to, what do you call it, infiltrate every scene, you know? And did you? I did, yeah.

You were friends with like the Mexicans, the Armenians, the athletes, all, Everything. I was trying to, I wanted to just sort of be, I wanted to just get a taste of it all, you know? You did. Yeah. So I got in with all the clicks, kind of, I mean, I also spent a lot time by myself, too, you know, but, um, I mean, high school was, I mean, I was like a lot of teenagers. I mean, I was kind of depressed in high school and stuff, you know, and I mean, I had crushes on girls that I, I, you know, didn't, if I knew what I know now, I could have, I could made a better effort to, you know, connect with them and stuff. But, but yeah, I was, you know, so it was different. It was more of an internal low light, I guess, you know, high school, you know.

But there wasn't any, you know, antagonism happening from students and stuff so much, you know. And you said your parents divorced when you were an adult, but what about your brothers? How are they still? My brothers must have been, yeah, there must have been kids, I guess, when they divorced, yeah. Were they just sort of staying together for a little while for the family and stuff? I think they definitely stayed together for me because I think when I was a kid, I kind of wanted them to stay together. And I think they stayed together because I kind of urge it. Even though nowadays I probably tell, I probably say, ah, that's all right. You guys can probably do your own things if you want. If I could go back, I'd go, I'd say, you know what, mom and dad? You guys do your, explore your individuality. Do you get it? Was the divorce makes sense now that you look back at it? Definitely. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, by the way, you know what? You know what? You know what? Kindergarten, there was not to take it back. Yeah, go ahead. But kindergarten, there was some stuff going on there, too. I forgot the bullying started even then, you know.

Not to go out of order here, but there was this one time when these kids were trying to get me to suck somebody's ass. That's what they said. They said, hey, do you want to suck? Yeah, kindergarten. They were saying, hey, you want to go suck Brian's ass? Ass. Yeah, that's what they said. Those are the words.

I wouldn't even use it. I'm just quoting, you know, I wouldn't even use those words. but they said, yeah, I sucked Brian's ass last week. You should suck his ass or whatever. And I thought I kind of was getting tricked into it. I thought, oh, is this a thing that we do? You know what? You know why I got bullied, by the way?

I started late. I started a month later than the year started, you know, because I moved. Because we moved from North Hollywood. You were the new kid. Yeah, I was the new kid. We moved from North Hollywood to Hollywood. And so, and I remember one of the first days I went to school, I was wearing

really high shorts and a really long shirt and really high socks so it almost looked like I was wearing a dress with stockings I don't know what my mom was thinking but the dress

yeah it looked like I was wearing kind of like a hot girl's outfit in a way you know kid yeah and I remember this one kind of dirty looking sleazy kid I mean he was he I remember him saying you wearing any underwear underneath that

he actually said that. I'm not kidding. And he was like a dirty kind of kid. He's like one of those pig pen kind of kids, you know? He's at smudges on his face and stuff. He said, you're wearing underwear underneath that? Anyway, so this one day, these kids were trying to get me to suck this guy's ass or whatever. And I was considering it. I was thinking, oh, okay, maybe I'm supposed to do that. And they were saying, yeah, and they were as about to go with him in the bathroom and do it. But something in me told me, I shouldn't do this. This is the wrong thing. There was a kid named Brian. He was about to get his butt sucked by me, right?

And it's already been sucked by some of the other guys, according to them. Supposedly, you know? And I just told myself, no, there was three kids that were the ones telling me to suck Brian's butt. And I said, I just something said, don't do it. And I, instead, I went to the teacher. Something said, don't suck. Yeah. I don't know. Something said, don't suck this kid's butt. There's something inside of me that knew that wasn't the right movie, you know? So you went to a teacher?

I went to the teacher, Miss Takeda, her name was, and she, I said, this was during some sort of recess or something like that. And I, she happened to be showing some parents around who were thinking about having their kids go to school there. And I said, oh, Mr. Cata, um,

these guys are telling me to suck, suck Brian's ass, you know, that's not cool, right? Or something like that. I don't know what I said. I said, that's not,

I shouldn't do that, right? I'm not trying to suck someone's ass, right? You don't want me to do that, right? I shouldn't suck somebody's ass. Or something like that. And she, I got in trouble. What you?

I got in trouble because she's, and she was saying, I was showing those parents around and you said the thing about the sucking the ass and stuff. And I said, yeah, but I was just... Not to be sexually molested in the bathroom.

These kids were trying to get me to suck his ass and stuff. And then... So I got in trouble, but I did tell, you know, kind of telling the other kids and I said, but they were telling me to do it. So I don't know why or how this happened, but one, the least active kid in that group,

for some reason, I called, like, for some reason she got, he got in trouble too for some reason. and the main culprits were not getting in trouble for some. I don't know what the politics were involved in that, but they didn't get in trouble, you know. But yeah, so even back in elementary school, I mean, even back in kindergarten is what I mean.

That's early. Yeah, those same kids actually, they squirted a chocolate milk on me also. In elementary school? Yeah, I was just sitting minding my own business and they just had the chocolate milk and then they had the straw and they just went, and they just spit it out on me,

stained my shirt, you know. stained my, you know. Did you ever fight back? Did you ever get in a fight? I did fight in elementary school, yeah. Fist fight, or at least defend yourself physically? Yeah, I fought in... And did, what, did they start it, or were you, like, finally fed up and you...

I'm trying to think. Uh, I think it might have been both... No, I think it was probably both, me... No, actually, no, I don't, I think it's probably... Usually, I don't want to pick a fight with somebody, you know? I don't want to get physical with somebody. But there might have been a fight where somebody just, it got to a point where I did hit them, you know, or something like that.

And I think in fifth grade I did fight. Well, I did fight a guy who was my best friend in fifth grade at one point. I think I fought him in sixth grade because he got kind of popular. And I don't know, he kind of ditched me or whatever, you know. And then there was another kid I did fight. And a junior high I did actually almost get a, into a fight with somebody, but he backed off because he knew I took martial arts.

And even though I wouldn't have been able to beat him in the fight, I think he thought that I had some special moves or something like that. When you first hear about Bruce Lee and martial arts when you're a kid, you definitely think if you even know that shit, you're some kind of a wizard that's going to whoop my ass. Yeah, I never even thought. And to me, what got me into martial arts originally was a karate kid, right? the movie karate kid.

You're not taking it because you're getting bullied and you want to defend yourself. No, no, but it was, that was something that kind of, that was part of it in a way where you see the karate kid

and you think, oh, he's getting bullied and then you, you know, take martial arts and you can defend yourself, right? And I also, I don't mean interrupt, but no shit.

Well, also, karate kid is here. It's in Reseda. Like, it must have been even bigger and more real here. Yeah, you know.

I didn't even consider that. You're right there, the valley. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you ever heard the Scalar Brothers joke about, oh, God, it's one of my favorite things is the All Valley karate tournament and Karate Kid. And they're talking about like how everyone was going and all they're saying all this. And they do a bit where they're going to be late because they're sitting in karate traffic.

And I like, God, everybody must be coming to this, man. It's like karate traffic. It kept calling it karate traffic. traffic. That's funny. Yeah. Yeah, no, we had, we had tournaments and stuff in our martial arts. How far did you advance in martial arts? I became black. Did you? I was black, yeah. And I never went back. You just got it and then you were like, I'm done now? Or did I was a black belt for, so I did martial arts for about nine years, I think. Damn, okay. And then, and, and, uh,

yeah, I was a black belt for a little, you know, maybe a couple years. And then I just, I got, I just, I didn't never, I didn't really want to do it at a certain point. And, um, I just, my dad wanted me to do it. He wanted me to stay active in some kind of way or something. So, I mean, I was still active in other ways anyway. Could when you were a black belt at your best, could you have taken your dad? No, no. No.

I'm not, I mean, I don't know. Yeah, but you're smaller frame. I'm probably quick. I'm, well. You probably strike quick. No, I don't. Probably hard to get a hold of. I wrestled.

I'm looking at you. You got a little, you got a little weasley, like you look like, you look like, You look like you could do like cat shit where you can fucking... I'm easily breakable, I think. I feel like you get out of it. Actually, when the black belt initiation was so hardcore at my... Yeah, what do they do? Well, you have to do a lot of things to become a black belt.

You have to take a test. Well, there's a pre-test, then you have to take a test. You got to write an essay at one point. You have to write an essay, yeah. But one of the things... So there's a test, there's a pre-test, or some sort of evaluation. there's the essay, there's also the initiation. And I guess this is some sort of tradition

or something like that, but all of the other black belts put you through this crazy, hours long, intensive, kind of just pain enduring thing, you know? Yeah, it is like that, basically. And they just have you do all these really rigorous kind of exercises and stuff.

It's this endurance test thing, you know? And the whole idea behind the martial arts was mind over matter. So the whole idea is that it's not about physical strength. It's about mental strength or whatever, you know. And probably did give me a lot of focus in my life, you know. But one of the things that we had to do in this part of the initiation is I was initiating with all these Russian, these four Russian.

So Hollywood's really Russian. I don't know if you know. That's why there was a Russian guy in my elementary school. But there was these four big Russian teens, okay? And I was a pretty small guy. And they, we had it, the five of us had to go into this circle of black belts. And it was a really small circle. And we had to fight each other.

And this is after, I want to say, you know, maybe three hours of just, we're all pretty worn out at this point. Now the five of you are fighting one another in this little circle. In this little circle. And what's the goal here to be the last one in? I don't know what the goal is, but it seems like. I think the goal was to maybe kill us or something like that, but it was... I'm sorry, is there, I mean, is there a winner out of you guys? No, I think we're supposed to, they just told us the spar or something like that, but if we got

too close to the edge of the circle, they push us in really hard. Oh. And anyway, that was bound to happen. It happened. And it just became ping pong, you know? Not ping pong, I mean, pinball, you know? It was just a pinball machine. Boom, boom, boom.

We were just getting pushed and hit. And, you know, I got punched into the throat on accident at one point. And then this one guy, Eugene, just went crazy and all of a sudden, and he went, oh, he started yelling, and he just started kicking everywhere. And I got kicked in the balls and everything. And it was just so hardcore. That was the most hardcore part of that whole initiation

was that crazy circle that, and I was in, there were these guys that were totally in a different weight class than me. And getting punched in the throat, I was gagging at one point. That was, what was the point where I almost couldn't go on anymore? you know, I almost said, I can't do this.

But I did, I carried on. And it was nuts, though, man. Then after that, we had to do another thing, too. It's actually, it's going to sound like this is child abuse, actually, or, you know, or teen abuse or something like that, you know. I mean, listen, I'm all for, I think everybody kind of needs it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not the bullying that you received, but I feel like every person needs to know what it's like to be struck by someone they don't know, have to defend themselves. It's a frightening thing to be out in the world and a person who doesn't know you or your family or anything doesn't give a fuck whether you live or die is coming to put hands on you.

Yeah. And the more you actually have dealt with it in life, at least you're familiar with how to grab someone, how to defend your, that first time ever is terrifying. You don't know what the hell you're doing. You're running on adrenaline, pure adrenaline. Yeah. I mean, getting physical is something I don't. I only done it once as an adult. And it was when I'm sorry.

But you through karate, though, you're learning, you're learning mentally how to be able to handle this too. Someone that's not is, you know, they're. Oh, I'll say this. I definitely feel at this point that I don't have the, those kind of, I don't have the skills of that anymore. I think that maybe my black belt should be revoked or something. No, it's to walk away these days. I'm talking my daughter all the time. I'm just going to walk away.

That is absolutely the best thing. It's when you're in your 20s and you're young and dumb and your ego's telling you to go fight this guy or whatever. That happened once for me in my early 20s and I regretted it. What happened? Well, it was with another comedian actually, but... Do I know him? You can tell me later. Louis Katz.

Okay. But, I mean, it's a longer story, but the gist of it is, and I initiated it, but I just thought it just felt really stupid to be an adult and be getting... and fighting. Yeah. I mean, it's just, and I just thought, you know what?

Violence is not the answer. And I never got physical ever again, you know, and I never will. What happened when you got physical? Were you fist fighting and stuff? Well, were you just pull out of your karate moves out?

Did you try one? It's kind of... I feel like if I kick now, I'm tearing a hamstring right away. You know what I mean? Like, well, this is in my 20.

I mean, uh, it was, uh, no, it was, I don't know, it was,

how the fight started, you know, basically I slapped him, okay? And I know that is wrong, it's wrong of me. He said it's complicated how it's sorry. It's wrong to me, but. And then you said basically I slap it was wrong. It was wrong. Well, he was being a jerk to me. And there was a buildup.

But the physical part started when you. That was wrong of me and I should never have got, I should never taken it to a physical level like that. Is that the first time you've ever been physical in your adult life? Yep. First and last, yeah. And it got you to a point where you actually smack on it. Well, it was a, for a year he had been just being really antagonistic towards me, you know?

And, and then he just kept doing it, and it was a buildup of that. And then so I did that. Yeah, that flashback of that white motherfucking turd. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just like, every time I looked at him, I saw the white poo, you know? Actually, he's the one friend of mine who knows who. You guys are friends now?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely, yeah. And we were friends then, actually. We were friends then. But no, it was stupid. The fight didn't actually happen from that time, though. What happened was, is I called him and I apologized. And then he didn't really want to hear the apology because he wanted to get me back. And the next time we saw each other, well, we knew we were going to see each other this other day.

And then he tried to, he wanted to fight me, but I didn't really want to fight him at that point, you know? And so he punched me a couple times. Yeah. And then we got into kind of a fight. I mean, I wasn't, we had glasses on. I said, well, look, I want you to take a. off your glasses first before we do anything. You're always about the

lunch before, the banter before. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Then I told him, can we just go pee real quick? Can we get lunch? All right, how about dinner? Dinner, moving? Did you smack the shit out of them? Did you get a good one at least?

No, I didn't, during the fight, most of it was he had me in a headlock. No, I mean the initial slap when you said the way it started. His glasses did come off. But it was. You wanted them off, man. I wanted him off. Yeah, I was just trying to get him off.

Yeah, you wouldn't hurry enough? Yeah, I didn't want, yeah. No, I don't know. It was bad. That is a low light. Where were you at a club? Yeah, both things happened at a club. In a club.

Yeah, it was in a club, yeah. No. And then we, but yeah, I mean, anyways, that was that. I mean, during the actual fight, I mean, I punched him in his torso a lot, but I don't know. It was stupid. I felt so stupid. I felt this is so ridiculous. It feels so, um,

kind of barbaric and kind of just, you know, it just seems like this is just a really immature. This is something that kids should do. Oh, it's also, you're lucky that you guys knew each other because these days, it's not fists anymore. These days, everybody wants to shoot you right away. And even back then, it was every now and then you'd hear someone had a knife. Every now and then. These days, I just feel like everyone, look, you travel a country.

Everywhere I go, I always look up the carry laws, and I want to make sure, like, when I'm in Kansas City, I know that people are allowed to have a gun on them in the crowd. Oh, yeah. And you forget where you are sometimes. Somebody could have a gun. They're not supposed to bring it in, but we're in comedy clubs. They're not fucking scanning anybody. Yeah, sometimes, yeah. When I was in Kansas City, I had my, the last time, my opener had a gun on him.

He had in his back. Jeez. While he was doing his set? Yeah. And he came back and the feature told me. It was Hannah Dickinson. She told me. And she goes, he has a gun on him.

And I go, hey, you got a gun on? He goes, yeah, man. So I tweeted it that my opener's got a gun on me. And then several people replied to that tweet. I was in the crowd tonight and so did I. And I was like, oh, shit. Wow. Oh, shit.

I forget. Wow. So if you say the wrong thing, if you get the wrong kind of, you get the wrong sensitivity there. Watch out that crowd work, bro. Yeah. Watch out that crowd work. That's kind of, that's actually really kind of scary. Mm-hmm.

That. You know, you could say the wrong thing, or, you know, saying the wrong thing, the wrong person or whatever, and then they could maybe shoot you or something, you know? That can happen outside of a comedy club. That's what I'm saying. That's why I don't engage.

Maybe shoot your glasses off. Maybe they're a real sharp shooter. No, no, I, it was so stupid. That was one of the dumbest things I ever did. I mean, that was so stupid. I wish I never did that. I wish I had a clean record. But you know what?

I needed maybe to do that to learn that this fighting is not for adults or shouldn't be, you know, physical fighting. Not unless you're paid and that's your job, period. That is it. I just think this is so stupid, you know, I just, I want to talk things out from now on, you know, or just walk away, like you said, you know. I want to ask you this because we were talking outside before and you told me you had something happen in an apartment you were in.

But now listening, hearing that and then listening to you talk about how you used to bathe and dirt and then you switch gears to really being clean. Now I'm a germaphobe now. Right. Right. So you're a germaphobe and you get an apartment and it had roaches. Yeah, well, this happened not even that long ago. It was several years ago.

I had this apartment and it was great. I never had any issues with this sort of thing for, and I'm so clean, by the way. I keep stuff. I keep dry stuff. You said you were talking about how you dry, dry pretzels. I would do that too. I'd keep dry stuff in. the refrigerator just to be on the safe side. Okay. And there was never any issues, but the building,

somebody in the, I don't know how it happened, but something happened where the, everybody in the building was starting to get roaches. And it started, at first it started, I just saw one, and then I saw another one two weeks later, and then I saw another one a week later, and then another one a few days later. And then once I knew there was, it was getting really disturbing as I saw two at one time. I saw, when you see two roaches, just hanging out, then I, I, I, I saw, when you see two roaches, just hanging out. I'm thinking, oh, this is... There's 200 more somewhere else. There's a lot. This is a big

problem. And I get, I'm still, it was traumatizing. I'm still, I have goosebumps right now when I think about this. This happened several years ago and I still, I mean, after, once I left that situation, it took me three years

to really start to not be as on edge about this kind of stuff. But I think what I don't like about it is that it's just, it shows you how little control you have over your environment, you know, or something. Or I like to have... Cockroaches have been around since the dinosaurs.

They're not going anywhere. They're going to be here long after we're going on. I mean, they're ancient beings, right? They are literally ancient beings. So they're... I don't know why... It seems like it's ingrained into our psyche or something like that, that to be disturbed by roaches, even though some people are not, I guess, but they've been around so...

It's weird. It's weird that they've been around so long. and yet they still are so disturbing. And yet we are still disturbed by them. Because, I don't know, I think I'm a control freak or something. And I don't, I like to be in control of my environment. And then when these roaches are showing up, I don't have control. And that's that invasion, you know, like that, I don't know, it's invasions, right.

When someone invades your space, you know, that's a disturbing feeling, you know. I mean, you feel it, you know, even when you go into a haunted house or something and someone's up in your face, you know, trying to scare you and stuff, you know, you know, they're not really a ghost or something, but it's still just there's a chemical reaction in your body that doesn't like something in your space that's, you know, foreign like that, you know? So something crawling around in your home, that just disturbs me. Did you get out of there? I did, eventually, yeah. Did you have to break a lease or anything? No, no. So you had a place that was great for a while, somebody moved in or something happened. Here come Roaches. Yep. Yeah. I told you outside, we had this place. My brother and I got this place in Baltimore County and we went through it.

It was fine. We move in. I'm telling you, he kept cigarettes in the fridge. It was so, Brent. It was so fucking bad. I'd come home from working late at night. I'd flip the switch on. Hundreds.

Yeah. Hundreds. That's great. See, that's not even what I experienced. I'd open a drawer. there'd be 50 just shells in there where they molded

and they're getting bigger It's like creep show Dude yes We've got them coming To spray and all this shit But what you learn Which is what you learned Is it doesn't matter

If what you do If your neighbors have roaches You have roaches If you're an apartment building If someone's got them We all fucking got them They're coming And then you can't do any fucking thing about it

Well I heard that There was somebody underneath me, someone had said they saw them in the window of that person's place. So if you're seeing them in the windows, they're everywhere. Then, and by the way, I didn't have it like that. I didn't see hundreds of them. But it just, you know, even just seeing two at a time or even just seeing one, it's just, oh man, it makes me, it's traumatized. It really traumatized me. We, I mean, ended up, we would get sprayed so often. I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown or something like that. We were sprayed so often that we just finally kept all our dishes and everything on the table covered with sheets.

Uh-huh. We were so sick of it. Yeah. And it was, God, I hated even going to the bathroom, you know, because I would sit on, I remember one time I was going poo on the toilet and I just saw this roach creeping up. And I just, what am I supposed to do? You know? So I think I might have got up mid-log, you know? I think, maybe.

Or maybe I sucked it back in. or something and I just thought, what do I do? You know? It's like, I can't even go poo, you know? Man, it was, that was just sucked, you know, the bathroom. Oh my God, yeah. Is your place is good now? Yeah, yeah. I mean, although I'm so scared of it.

So now what I do, just to monitor it because I'm so paranoid about it from what I had before, I have, I mean, maybe the whole people don't think this is inhumane or whatever, but I have these sticky traps, you know, that are in certain corners of the room. Just to monitor, you know. But they do pick up other things like spiders and stuff. But do you ever see any roaches in there? I haven't yet. But I don't know what it was.

I used to have this landlord. This guy, he called it Chinese chalk. I don't, that's what he called it. Boreg acid. It was a little piece of white, whatever. And he would come. And it was just something he said he'd get it down in Chinatown. And he would just run it along the baseboard.

Just trace. I don't know what. I also don't know if it poisoned me and I'll be dead in my 60s. but it could have been boric acid. Is that work? Well, that's something I try when I have a problem. Is it dry? Is it a chalk stick?

Well, borg acid that I used was a powder, but it was a white, is a white powder. And that kills roaches supposedly is supposed to do good on them. Also kept them out. It was more of a deterrent that I think killed. No, no, but that's the thing. I think they don't even want to go over it. So maybe it might have been a chalk or might have been a stick of boric acid or something like that. Maybe, yeah.

I guess when you think of boric acid, when you hear the word acid, it sounds like something that's going to melt or something or whatever. But no, this stuff is powder or it's a dry substance, you know. But, yeah, well, I mean, you had it, it sounds like you had it worse. That was horrible. But wait, you had roommates, right? Just me and my brother. Well, at least you had each other in a way.

Because being alone in the apartment was so, I hated it. I just, I didn't want to be, you know, you think of your home as a safe haven, you know. And it wasn't. I didn't want to be home anymore, you know. I hated it. I was by myself and it just sucked. I told you, we'd have buddies that would drink too much and sleep, over and they'd be laying on the couch and a roach will be crawling across their face and we'll be

fucking die it that's truly disturbing let's get brent sleeping over there with that roach on the but these days it'd be cell phoned and everywhere else that's that's truly i mean that that makes me just that makes me scared that makes me so scared i'm such a parent i'm so paranoid about that's kind of stuff now and i i'd look under my bed every night every night still i before i go to bed i look underneath. How long you've been in a new place? About four years. Fuck you. Have you really? Brett, four years, you're still looking.

I'm still looking. I look behind the... You get down, look under the bed and have your honey-due and go to bed. And also, well, I'm so paranoid about so, even, or anytime I stay at a hotel, listen, I don't blame you. I'm way. This is for bedbugs more so, you know, but I, God, any of that. I lift up the mattress of, first of all, this is what I do. When I book a hotel, I go, I search for the hotel name and bugs and quotes. And I see what comes up, you know.

You get, oh, okay. And or I'll type, you know, type in Roach or something like that to see if there's any reports from people. And if there's anything within a year, I'm just, I don't stay there, you know. And, yeah, I lift up the mattress. I lift, you know, I, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, heavy too, you know. Lift up the mattress and do all four corners of the mattress. Have you ever seen them? I saw one bedbug once, and there was a room I was sharing with my friend Doug,

Lusenhop, who's a comedian. We were doing a tour and we shared a room and he had some clothes on the floor and I noticed it in the bathroom, actually. It must have gotten in through a vent in the bathroom or something, but I saw it. It looked like a bedbug was flat and round. And, you know, I called him over. We took a picture of it and verified it was definitely a bedbug. We did get the room for free, you know. Did it move you? Well, I saw it in the morning after I took a shower, and I saw it in the bathroom.

We were already going to leave, you know. We were doing kind of a road tour, you know? And, yeah, anyway, it was, so I did see one once, but that's enough for me to be paranoid. But I had roaches, actually. I mean, I had roaches in the hotels, you know. I remember one of the first time I was in Austin, or did the club in Austin.

Actually, Tom Seguer, he did the shows with me. It was September in Austin, and it was really, this is in 2007. It was really humid. And I don't know, there was a couple roaches in my room, but the craziest thing was I was using the computer in the lobby, and I saw something fly into the, I don't know, I saw something dark fly.

I thought it was a bird or something. Something flew out of the corner of my eye. I saw something. I don't know, it flown somewhere. And then I looked down on the keyboard in front of me. There was this giant roach. It was a flying roach that it had flown down. I don't know if it'd come from the ceiling and went onto the keyboard, but it was crazy.

And I was just trying to use the internet. But I thought, you know, maybe the roach wants to use the internet, you know. I let him have it. I let him have it. He's trying to go on some porn sites and stuff. Thank you for doing this episode. Before we wrap it up here, I want to hear advice that you would give to 16. year old Brent Weinbach.

All right. 16 year old, Brent Weinbach, I would tell, because, you know, that was, yeah, I was kind of depressed

back then, you know, in high school, I would say, my advice would say, switch to coconut milk instead of real milk. Or,

you know, use, yeah, because, man, I, that's 16 is really when my bowel movements

got real bad. Really? Yeah, I think that's when I started to just, the dairy and all that stuff. I don't know what it was. Something kicked in there at that time when I was, I had difficult times on the toilet.

So. I think coconut milk will be the answer. Well, I think coconut milk is just a nectar of the gods or something, you know. It's like drinking a cloud to me, you know? It's a great alternative. We're talking plain coconut milk. Okay. No, no, not any sweet. No added sugar or anything like that. Get coconut milk. That's one advice I'd give. And I would also say, I mean, just stop being a pussy and just start, you know, just talk to the girl. That's what I say, you know what I mean? Or just ask her out. No. I mean, yeah, yes.

That is great advice, actually. But I mean, yeah, no, but stop worrying about it and just, it's so easy, actually. You know what I mean? It could have been so easy. I don't know why it was so hard in my mind. It's almost like in my mind back then I wanted it to be hard or something, you know? It's like I wanted it to be a challenge. Anyway, I would say it's not a challenge.

Just do it, you know? I'd also say, hey, don't worry. If you're depressed now, don't worry about it. When you get to college, it's going to be really fun. You're going to meet some really fun friends, you know? That's what I'd say. That goes for any 16-year-old.

Just wait, you think that you're depressed in high school, man, you're going to have some laughs. You're going to have some serious laughs coming up. Also, you know, I feel like stuff becomes more and more fun as you get older, I think, you know? Just college is more fun than high school, I think. And then, I don't know, 20s is more fun than that. The 30s is the best. And then 40s, it starts to suck a little bit, but, and it kind of just goes downhill from there.

But it is going to be fun going, you know, after high school. You're going to be, there is a fun part. The 30s is fun, you know. But in your 40s, you start. to have a midlife crisis and stuff and you start to kind of like not know where you're doing and stuff but um no i'm just kidding no there's it all gets better it's all it just becomes more and more fun you know and the honeydew gets more sweet fuck yeah um thank you for doing this and before we wrap up right there one more time plug everything you'd like please all right once again

please check out the stand-up special popular culture it's on youtube and heck if you want to see my first special, you could see that on my Vimeo account, vimeo.com slash Brent Weinbach. It's called appealing to the mainstream. And May 7th at the comedy studio in Boston and Hollywood Improv, February 25th, and also, well, Cobb's Comedy Club, January 24th. And the chicken coop is the live stream I do with my sister, who's really funny. She's the fun. She's the funniest person I know. And that's every Monday at 6 p.m. Pacific time. It's on YouTube on my YouTube channel. And Brent Wybock comedy on Instagram and the Brent Wybock podcast. And if you're into video game music, the legacy music hour.

Check that out. Awesome, dude. Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you for having me. Of course. Appreciate it. I appreciate it.

Ryan. As always, Ryan Sickler on all your social media. We'll talk to you all next week.