The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - 396: Che Durena: Growing Up on a Serial Killer’s Land | The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler #396

Episode Date: July 27, 2026

SPONSORS: NOCD -If you're struggling with OCD or unrelenting intrusive thoughts, NOCD can help. Book a free 15 minute call to get started ZocDoc -Taking care of your health just got easier – start here with Zocdoc: https://zocdoc.com/HONEYDEW #sponsored Che Durena joins me this week on The HoneyDew to Highlight the Lowlights of a childhood that sounds too unbelievable to be true. Che talks about growing up on property that was once owned by notorious Canadian serial killer Willie Pickton!  He also shares what it was like growing up with one testicle, spending six months living in a shelter, watching his father’s battle with Alzheimer’s, and saying goodbye to the family dog that was there through it all. Check out Che’s special, How to Make Your Balls Bigger, and his podcast Two Goons. SUBSCRIBE for new episodes of The HoneyDew every week. 🎟️See me live. All tickets at www.ryansickler.com/tour 🎤Check out my new standup special “Live & Alive” streaming on my YouTube now! http://youtu.be/PMGWVyM2NJo?si=SrhXjgzR1pe6CyYE 👉 Subscribe for more standup and new episodes of The HoneyDew, The Wayback, and more! http://youtube.com/@rsickler ✅ Subscribe to my Patreon “The HoneyDew with Y’all”! Get The HoneyDew audio and video a day early, ad-free, for just $5/month! Want more? Upgrade to the $8/month premium tier and get everything above plus The Wayback a day early, ad-free, censor-free, and exclusive bonus content you won’t find anywhere else! http://patreon.com/RyanSickler 📧What’s your story?? Submit at [e-mail] 👕Get Your Merch👕 http://www.bonfire.com/store/ryansickler/ 🎧 Listen to my Podcasts 🎧 The HoneyDew - http://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-honeydew-with-ryan-sickler/id527446250 The Wayback - http://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-wayback-with-ryan-sickler/id1721601479 Patreon - http://www.patreon.com/ryansickler 📣 Follow Me📣 ▪ Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/ryansickler/ ▪ TikTok: http://www.tiktok.com/@ryan.sickler ▪ Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/RyanSicklerOfficial 🕸️ryansickler.com/ 🍈thehoneydewpodcast.com/ 🦀Subscribe to The CrabFeast Podcast🦀 http://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-crabfeast-with-ryan-sickler-and-jay-larson/id1452403187 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Always earn high regular interest rates that grow the more you save and invest. Conditions apply. Visit scotiabank.com slash h-I-S-A to learn more. Scotia Bank. You're richer than you think. The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler. Welcome back to the honeydew, y'all. We're over here doing it in the Nightpan Studios.

I am Ryan Sickler, Ryan Sickler.com and Ryan Sickle on all your social media. Listen, I know you love this show. We've been doing it for years and we've been doing the Patreon for years. If you've got to have more of this show, the best place to go is the honeydue with you all. It's this show with you all and it is the craziest shit you're going to hear anywhere on the internet. You all got wild lives and wild stories. It is five bucks. That's it.

It's been that way since day one and we're not going to, we're not. on fucking raise it. All right. So if you or someone you know has a story that has to be heard, submit it to Honeydew Podcast at gmail.com. Don't send it anywhere else. Just there.

If you send it in before, please send it again, bump it to the top. We get a lot. We would love to do your story. All right, that's it. That's the biz. You know what we're doing here.

We highlight low lights. These are the stories behind the storytellers. I am very excited to have this guest with us here today. First time on the Honeydewewew. Ladies and gentlemen, Chadena Raina. Welcome to the Honeydewood,

thank you, man. I appreciate it. Bring you in strong. The big intro. I love it. Thank you for being here. Before we get into your stories, right there, plug it all. You can check out my special, How to Make Your Balls Bigger.

It's on YouTube now. You can check out my podcast, Two Goons. If you like, Only Fan Stars, Porn Stars, anything adult entertainment, you'll love it. And I'm on all platforms at Chaderena. I've got a charity gig in Canada, Barry Ontario on July 11th. And then I'm also going to be in Plain and, Texas, August 14th and 15th. All right. So let's get into your background. You're Canadian. Yes, I am. Born where? I was born in New Westminster, Canada. Okay. In British Columbia. I grew up in

Portland for most of life. You know what? That's where the comedy club is. Yeah, how's comedy? That everybody would tell me is Vancouver. I'm like, how to hell we in Vancouver and an hour outside of Vancouver? Yeah. Yeah, it's not Vancouver at all. That's why I'm, that's it. I've done that club. I remember. New Westminster. Yeah. Yeah. New West has the House of Comedy there. It's two rooms, I'm pretty sure.

I've never done it, actually. I've never done like a weekend there or anything, but I should get on that. So we were talking before and we're going to start at the beginning. You're born and you're born with one testicle for a guy who has a special called How to Make a Balls Bigger. So it should have been how to make your ball bigger. So what happens? So what happened with me?

I still have like a little scar. when I was born, I guess your testicles are supposed to not drop, but it's supposed to move. It's so hard to talk about this shit. Go ahead. I'm listening. It was supposed to, it was stuck in a weird spot in my body. And the concern was that if it doesn't move, that it could get infected, get sepsis turned to a cyst or something like that. And I would die as a young infinite. So they had to go in very early and remove it. And so my entire, like, life. I've only had one testicle. So they did this in the womb? No, no, no, no. They did this like right after I was born. As soon as you're born. They knew this was an issue and they're like,

we got to get that ball out. Yeah, exactly. And it's never been, that's one thing sometimes people ask me. Don't mess with your balance? No, it doesn't. If anything, I'm more streamlined. Which, yeah. You know what not? Think about it. Just one nice centered one. Exactly. Wait, which ball was that they took? On the left one. So there is a difference. So your balls do pick a side. That's one thing. My one thing. my ball is a right ball. And so he like stays up on the right side. And I'm like, dude, the sack is yours.

Put your feet up. He never fucking rules. Never moves over. But sometimes they'll go up inside us. Yeah, yeah. But he'll never jump over that left one just to see how the other side could live. Exactly. Yeah.

A vacant lot like there next door. He doesn't jump over there, dude. Yeah, he just lets it be. Can you squeeze force it over there? I could, but why, dude? Why would I do that? That just seems like crazy. He's happy where he is, you know?

force him into the other lot is nuts, man. Just shoving him out of his house. Dude, kick him out. You got to spread your wings, kid. Can't wait. So can you still have babies? Oh, yeah, yeah. Everything is normal.

I've never had my, like, sperm count tested, but I'm pretty sure it's all, like, accurate. Even a low sperm count out of life is still in the mill. You know what I mean? It's still in the millions. But I think, yeah, everything down there is fully functioning totally fine. I've never, when I was younger, like probably like 11, 12 when you start to be like interested in girls and stuff like that. Then I was concerned about it.

Because it's normal to you. Yeah. It's your whole life. What's the big deal? But it's somebody else it's like. I would thought I thought it would be weird or something like that. But I remember I wanted to maybe get like an implant when I. I was around that age.

I was going to ask you this too. But the nexticle. What's the call? The next to call. Dude. What do they call it? I don't know it's got a name, bro. You know it's.

Some sort of phone testy or something. And do they like how to, we'll get back in that for a second. But I never looked into it because once, for one, throughout my entire life, I would say a less than five women have noticed or have brought it up at least, have brought it up. And there's even one girl when I was, this is one. So you don't get my heads up? No, I don't give my heads up. I was going to ask, like, by the way. By the way, there's one.

One girl when I was 16, my girlfriend at 16, I remember her like checking. And she was a very expressive person. And it was very funny watching her like feel around my balls. It was like a dog looking in a hole. And he's like, where's my ball? Look, the tree stuck on her to count. Yeah. she was feeling and then she would look,

she like pop up and look up at me and then go back and look at me and then go back and looking and she goes, there's one. And I think she was concerned because she's like, did I do something? Right. Did I shoot it up inside? And I went, no,

there's one. She went, oh, okay. Like she was relieved. But I have even had women who I've been hooking up with a few times and then be like, yeah, you know, because I have one testicle. And they're like, no, you don't.

And I'm like, yeah, I do. And they're like, I've been down there. I'm like, what, you didn't care. You didn't fucking do your job. Yeah, exactly. If you don't know that half of that bag is empty. You're a selfish lover is what it is. And also it is balls.

Like they're not integral to the process, you know, other than getting pregnant, which there's no problem there. But they're not like, I don't know, they're not going in anywhere. They're just hanging there. Yeah, they're not. If one's missing doesn't fuck up the pleasure center a lot, you know? Yeah. So it's never been an issue for me.

Have you ever fucked around a little bit and acted like it was something they did? Oh, no. And you need to get to the hospital. No, I've never done anything like that. That would be crazy, dude. You fucked it up. Dude, one's missing. What do you mean?

There's only one. You be terror. They were terrorized. That's honestly, maybe that's something I can pull off. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's always, it's never been a big deal for me. I've always been kind of like, yeah, whatever about it.

Yeah. Yeah. And then when they figure out that they're like, no, I've been down there. Then when they go down and again, they start like, oh, yeah, yeah. But it's, yeah, like I said, it's not, I don't know, it's not. I don't think women like miss it. They're not like, oh, I guess if a chick was like a ball fanatic. I was going to say, what if she's like, look, man. And some chicks are, I bet. Two balls. There's something for every single one. There's a lady out there who loves balls. And that might be the only thing. I don't care about this dick right here. Yeah. She wants to get in on the ball. And I could see that if you're like a true ball lover, that this would be disappointing for you. But I haven't encountered that person. And it didn't affect you, like, during puberty or anything like that.

No, no, nothing like that. No, I didn't have any like problems with like gross spurts or I don't know, nothing. Yeah. Do you give, as you're getting older, do you give primary care physicians a heads up or do you just let them see if they know what the fuck they're doing? I think I have them had them be like, is there, is this, they're normally one? Or like, how long has there been one or something? There is that question that happens. Like, what's going on here?

You ever have a doctor not ask? No. I was going to say, you're like, hey, bro, you missed that whole one nothing? Yeah, dude. No, no. They're all like, coughing for the hernia and all that kind of stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But, yeah, it's never been a huge deal in my life.

I don't think chicks really give a shit about nuts. Yeah. Not yours at least. Not mine. No, maybe that's just like the people I'm attracting cosmically. Or also, maybe if you had none, it would be a problem. Yeah. one is enough.

Just some elbow skin. Just loose elbow skin hanging down there. Like there was this chick I dated who was missing half of one of her thumbs and it never came up. Dude. I remember. What do you mean it never came up? Never one time did you look at it like, all right. No.

For a year. What the fuck out of year? I knew why. But it didn't like, I never, it wasn't something I was constantly thinking about like I just got one thumb. The only thing was I love playing video. Doing this shit around your dick and stuff. Yeah. But she, I wanted to teach her how to play video games because I love video games.

And she's like, well, I can't. Like, I can't reach the buttons. So that was kind of a button. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everyone on this show has highlighted a low light, but there's a different kind of low light. One, most people never talk about, a thought that just shows up, something dark, disturbing, completely out of character. And no matter what you do to try to shake it, it just keeps coming back.

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So let's go back to your born, but you, I know we record our actually out of order than we normally do. We did a way back with you yesterday. So you're one of how many kids again? I'm one of four. But you're the only one from both your parents. Everyone else is a big blended family. Exactly. So my mom was married before, I had a daughter.

My dad was married before. I had a son and a daughter. And then they met and had me. And all my siblings are about 10 years older than me. And yeah. And so I grew up mostly with my sister on my mom's side. And then my brother came over when I was about six. then my sister on my dad's side came over when I was like 12 or 13. Like I was older.

I might even been like 16. But by that point, my sister and brother had moved out. Like it was everyone got introduced at different times. And no one was all living in the house at the same time altogether. Never once. Never once. No, no, no, no. Okay.

Yeah. So that's why you have room for people to come over, things like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And go ahead. No, no, please go. How'd your parents meet? I honestly, oh, no, I do know this. So they were my dad was at a party and he saw my mom and my mom was with my sister.

And I think what he said is he liked the way that she parented how she was like how she wrangled her. Oh yeah. She's already as kids. Yeah. And I think she might have even been watching her my cousins. So it appeared that she had three kids but she only had one kid. And I think he liked the way that she like wrangled these kids.

And he went up and he asked her to dance and he was like hitting on her. And I think she turned him down like multiple. times and he just was persistent. And then he said, yeah, they started dating. Yeah. Isn't that interesting? Yeah. Back when you had to be somewhere.

Yeah. And that lady had to be in vicinity, not across the world on the internet. You had to be. And then you had to walk up to a woman with kids too, by the way. And try to fucking shoot your shot. It's a different world these days. It's a different world and people don't approach in public as much. I think it's the, it's the best way.

Not because I think it's better like, oh, you're going to get a better connection or something. It's just more exhilarating. It is. It's fun. Yeah. Like it is. There's something exciting about going up to a person and risking yourself and like risking the, I don't know if you would call it humiliation, but there is like. Yeah, but that is what I think more men or younger boys need that shit today.

Like when we would all be at a bar and we were like, that girl's so cute and go go get her number. Go get her number. Yeah. And you know damn well. Not only you risk being shot down by her and all her friends. This whole group here's not sympathetic. Oh yeah. They want you to fail.

They want you to fail. Yeah. It's a lose, lose. Yeah. No matter what. And it does build character. Sooner or later, you get to the point we're like, listen, I don't give a shit if you turbaned out or not. They're all going to make fun.

You, maybe it's when it hits. What's your, if you're shooting from the hip, you're trying to pick up a check back in the day, what's your move? Are you? You never had a move. Never had a move. The only thing I would do is if it was a one-on-one thing. Yeah. I would, I don't really have a move. I guess if we're one-on-one, I would just honestly just

introduce myself and then say something flattering or, you know, whatever. But if we're in a group, just being funny, stood out enough that they would be safe enough to come an approach and I could just start talking. I never had to have like a line. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? I've never had that. I'm okay, I have no line or anything. But yeah, I just, I'm always just ultra direct. Go up, be like, hey, like if she's in a group, be like, hey, I'm so sorry to interrupt. I think you're so beautiful. Could I buy you a drink? I would love to grab your number if you're not seeing anyone. If not, totally fine. Like just shoot straight at them. It's a human being. The only thing I can do, dude, I saw this video of a guy walking past this girl in the street and he goes like,

he goes, oh, fine. I'll give it to you. And she's like, what? He's like, I'll give you my number. It's totally fine. Like he, I was like, oh, that's like a play. Like he had this play down his head and it worked. But I don't have any plays like that. No, but I find just shooting directly is your best. That's the best move. Yeah, yeah, 100%. Also, you've got to remember, like, if you find that woman attractive, hundreds of men do as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hundreds and the shit she must have heard already. Yeah. That probably a direct, real conversation. Enough to, even if it doesn't become something, it's enough to go, you know what? I'll go have a coffee with you or something. This is much nicer than, hey, your tits look great in that fucking top. You and your girlfriend want to come over or whatever, you know. Or some dudes being an asshole.

They try to nag. they try to put you down or whatever like scheme they're trying to pull. It's like, I just want to be direct with you and tell you what's up. And like that's all I go. That's all I have, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. So growing up in a household like that, what's it like? Are you, um, I mean, our house was okay. Like my parents, we, we were like lower middle class when I was younger. And are they more hands off now that you're the baby and they've already had their kids? Yeah, I think they were, I think they were just exhausted. At this point, like, I say up until it was about five, it was good. And then after that, they really started to hate each other. They really

just did not like each other. There was a whole thing where they lost a ton of money. So they had put like $60,000 down on a house. And then the contractor ran away with the money. And he did this to like multiple people. And he was being sued by like 80 people or something like that. And my parents said, I don't ever going to get their money back. Exactly. I think my parents didn't even I proceed with suing him because they're like, what the fuck's the point? He like ran off to like another part of the country or something like that. And so they really got fucked. And they were really in a whole financially.

And we were renting this place. And this is where I think the rift happened. And me and my sister have talked about this, where I think this is where my parents really started to resent each other. My dad wanted to stay in the place. He was like, let's just rent this place. It's totally fine. we'll just build up from here or we'll just run this place forever.

Who cares? We don't need to own a home. And my mom was like, I want to own a home. And so they took out more money and they bought this home and then they were under like a huge amount of financial pressure. And after being 60 grand and a hole. Yes. Yeah.

And then they did get a house. And to be fair, the house was in, it ended up being a great area. Oh, this is, okay, we can, well, let's table this. We can sidetrack this. because if you want just like a crazy story about where I grew up. I grew up on this area that was recently purchased farmland. And if anyone who knows BC and Porkwood, they might know where this story's going.

But it was just my street. And it was all under construction. Oh, you guys are like the first people. Everyone on the streets, the first people on this new land. Yeah. Yeah. And there was like if you drove like five minutes away, there's some more houses and stuff. But it was like all under development.

And it ended up being a big suburban area. but the land was recently purchased from a farmer whose name is Willie Pichton. Do you know what Willie Picton is? Willie Picton ended up getting arrested because someone came to inspect his farm and they found human teeth in pig shit. Okay, I was going to say, is this the pig guy? Yeah, yeah. Why do I know that name? There might be a Netflix thing on it, but it's like our most famous serial killer.

So his, we, I grew up. So wait, they just simply come to do it. an inspection for him to sell this land. Yeah. And they find human teeth and the pig. I don't know if it was to sell the land or if it was to inspect like the quality of the farm because he's selling meat and all this kind of stuff. And so then a big investigation happens.

And apparently this had been going on for years and years and years. A lot of the sex workers in downtown Vancouver had been complaining to the cops or not complaining, telling them. Some guy keeps coming down here, girls get in his car and they don't come back. But because they're prostitutes, they're like, we don't give a fuck. And I guess he had been killing them and then feeding them to the pigs. And there's also some connections between him and the Hell's Angels. The Hells Angels could have been using his farm as a body dump to dump these bodies.

Holy shit. And so. And you guys are moving on this guy's land. Yes. Poltergeist type shit. Exactly, dude. And so my parents were mortified when this happened. How long had you been living there when they find out?

I think maybe like a year or six months. Months, not long. This is fresh off the heels of losing $60,000. Exactly. And so they're like, this is going to fuck the whole area. No one's going to fucking want to buy something that is like in fucking walking distance from the biggest serial killer in the fucking country. Country.

Yeah. But it actually did the opposite. Everyone came and saw this. Yeah. All these people came to look in this area. They saw this new developed land and the whole area blew up. And so by the time they sold their house, they ended up tripling and value. Okay.

But they sacrificed a lot to make that work. They were working two jobs for a long time. Yeah, what were they? What's dad and mom doing? So my parents would deliver newspapers in the morning and then they would. I did that. Yeah, you did the newspapers for a long time. I would go to school.

I'd do soccer. I'd get out of soccer around 8 p.m. This is college. Yeah. And then I would go and deliver papers overnight. Yeah. And I delivered the New York Times in Maryland. But I had to drive.

It was a big chunk of land that had to cover all the way down from the city to Annapolis. Yeah. And at first I got so sick from all the ink. Yeah. Like you don't realize the smelling at fresh ink and you're just, I was so nause. It took me a long time. I had a fucking carload of these New York Times.

But yeah, man, that's not an easy job. And you're up with with the donut people. Oh, yeah. And the fucking, you know. The bakers and the bakers and the police. and the people, the gym rats. Like there's not a lot of people to mail. There's not a lot of people.

I'm not even the mail these days. I did it a few times with them just to earn a few bucks. Like when I was young, when I was, I must have been like eight or nine. And I would get up and I would get in the car with them and then just be like, okay, we'd hit a cul-de-sac. They'd be like, you drop at these houses and we drop at these houses and they would pay me a little bit of money. And that was actually one of my first job was a paper route.

But that's their side hustle. Yeah, that's their side hustle. What are they doing? And then my mom, she worked at, in sales, she sold corrugated packaging. I told you this. Like, yeah, cardboard boxes. That's the fancy.

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Why are you all going to the grocery store? I got corolling it back to my blaze. I got it here. Every time I moved, that's where I went to the grocery store. Oh, you went to the grocery store. I got boxes. Yeah. Oh.

I mean, again, I'm moving forever in the 80s and the 90s and shit. So someone told us, we had friends at work there. Hey, we just throw all our boxes. If you just go to the grocery store and you ask them, can I take the banana, the banana owns are the sturdy one. Yeah, yeah. Just like, can I get some of those banana boxes? They're like, yeah, meet me around back.

And I'll just fucking give them to you. That's, I mean, up until, I mean, shit, I was doing that in my fucking 30s and 40s. I'd go get boxes at the grocery store. The banana boxes. That was also before, what are the box companies? What are those stores now you can go to, you know? Oh, I don't even, well, I go like FedEx, yeah. Yeah.

But there used to be like a box is. and something more or something where you could go buy shit. That kind of shit. And then my dad, he worked for the railroad. He was an electrician. And that was Amtrak? No, I work Canada. So the CP rail.

This is like more, this isn't commercial. This isn't for public use. This is like transporting like goods kind of railroad shit. So he was a union guy. Worked there for years and years and years. there's overnights, tons of stuff. And yeah, they just grinded for a long time. And then there was just like riffs.

They would fight a lot in the house. The house was like, I didn't realize a lot of shit, like a lot of tendencies I had until I got older. Like one thing I'm still, I'm always very conscious of is when I eat, I eat very fast and my shoulders are up. Me too. Because that's when you would get, you get ambushed at the dinner table. You're sitting there and then you get your report card brought out or you get something you

get screamed at. That was where you were always under five. fire. And so there's a ton of attention in the house. And yeah, my dad, his schedule, that was the worst thing that happened because my dad has Alzheimer's now. And so it was what we found out was it wasn't genetic. It was all like lifestyle. So he worked overnights for years and years and years and years. And he just never slept well. He'd sleep like four hours here, three hours there, very broken sleep. And he ended up getting this like plaque built up in the back of his head. From lack of sleep.

Yeah. And it's a type of way you can get Alzheimer's. If anyone's concerned of this, you can take like a glutathione or glutathione. I can't remember how to say it. Or there's multiple different supplements, fish oil and stuff, are really good to help prevent this. And just getting good sleep. Does he have a CPAP now? No, no.

He's pretty far now. He's like uncommunicative. Oh, man. But the worst part about it was he, him and my mom, I feel like they never, like there was a time where for sure they loved each other, for sure. I was going to ask you, did you ever see affection between them and the hugs or anything kind? I think when I was younger, when I was much younger. Yeah.

But I was so young. And then, yeah, they just kind of drifted apart. And they talked about getting divorced when I remember when I was like, 11 or 12 or something like that. I talked about it. He just yelling around you. No, they brought it up. They had like a sit down.

And I remember I was like, my mom was like on crutches at the time or something like that because she had broken her ankle and I was just fucking around with her crutches. And they're like, he's not paying attention. And they went like he's, I think they said, oh, he's coping or something like that.

And I remember this conversation. I remember this. Yeah. And I remember being like, I was like, no, I just don't care. Because you guys don't like there's,

it's not like there's some, oh, if you guys split, it's going to ruin my world or something. I'm like, you guys don't like each other. I think I even knew that at that age. I don't think I could vocalize it. How would you feel it?

Yeah, you feel it. Like, I remember going over to one of my buddies' house. This is when I'm older and probably my 20s. One of my buddies, he has like a really good family home. And his parents, like, watching them interact with each other and they, like, love each other. And I was being like, what the fuck is that? I'm like, what the fuck is going on here? Yeah, right?

They like, 20 years later. You're all still hugging and laughing. Yeah, I'm like, whoa, whoa. I'm like, this is a, you're lying. There's no way you guys. Ren is like, no, they're just healthy. That's all it is. With you, dude.

Like when I saw that, I was like, this is fake. Yeah, yeah. And that's how fucked up we are watching this shit every day. You can't even fathom that that could be real. As Disney. They exactly did. That's Disney bullshit. That was one thing when I was growing up that I knew something was off because that was a big

that would happen in our house was if you couldn't be honest because there was a lot of manipulation that would go on in the house and shit would be get you would get turned and used against you very quickly so you learned to like lie and hold everything close to your chest and I would watch TV and I would see how a family would interact like one of these sitcom families or something had that they all can trust each other and count on each other and I was like I knew I was like well something's wrong with what's going on in my house because I'm like you guys all trust you I was like we're supposed to have each other's back and I was like and I don't trust any folks in this way no this is what I'm thinking my head is like a 14 year old um but uh yeah my dad

he uh I feel like when him and my mom got divorced he really started living his life because they wanted in what ways like what's he doing he he did a bunch of stuff I mean he retired he you start traveling a ton. My mom's very scared of the world. And so she, like, there's a memory I have from much, I'm probably like 60 and my parents coming back from a concert. And my dad would like really try to, he tried to get my mom to do different things. Uh, like, you'd be like, let's go out and like, let's do this, let's do that. And she was like, no, she wanted to be in her comfort zone. So they went out to do a concert and then they came back with some like, uh, reggae concert. And my mom's just complaining. She's like, you know, just because it's,

reggae. They don't have to, you don't have to smoke weed. And she's just, it's like she had the worst time. And I know that was the whole conversation on the ride there, the whole time there, and the whole conversation on the way back. Um, but, uh, but yeah, that, so they should have just split up way earlier. And then when they got divorced, my dad was doing all these things that he wasn't doing before. He, he went back to Haiti. He, uh, he went to Cuba. He was traveling all over. He was on like a radio show for a little bit. What? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There was like some radio show about like people from different like black people with different backgrounds living in Canada that he was like guesting on frequently. Like coming on regular.

Yeah. It was like some AM radio show. I didn't know idea, dude. And so he's just doing all this different stuff. He met a new lady. And then I feel like, he remarry. He didn't remarry. No, they never got married again.

Did your mom? Your mom didn't either. She did. She did eventually. Yeah. Yeah. And I feel like he was. finally doing what he wanted to do.

He went to Bali and stuff. And then he got about like four years of that. And then he got sick. Oh, four fucking years. Yeah. And I. Nothing. Yeah.

What are the first signs of him like not being well? He got lost at one point. And I remember my, my, because I was, I was living in Mexico, then I moved to Toronto and then I moved to New York. And so I wasn't, I was barely back. And even when I went back, I'd be like, I'm going to go hang with my friends and stuff. I wasn't super excited to like chill with my dad or something, which I wish I kind of had that time a little bit more now.

But he got lost where? He got lost not far from his house. Was he walking, driving somewhere? I think he was walking and then the police brought him home. And that was the first sign. Did he confess to you guys at that point, like for a while this shit's been happening? No, he was never open about that kind of stuff. That's another thing too.

It's like, I imagine that's not just day one of it. No, it's not day one of it. He's probably been going through shit for a minute if he's. He's always been like a, oh, it's fine. You know, it's so whatever. He never was super open about what he was feeling, how he was feeling, any of that kind of stuff. He would be open about like his past if he had like fucked a bunch of chicks or something. That's what he would be open about.

But personal stuff, struggling, anything like that, nothing. And not in a way of like you've got to be strong and hold together. He was just like, oh, I don't want to bother anyone kind of person. And so we never really got the details on that. And that's something that I think about a lot too is that I had a lot of questions for him. I really thought there'd be a point where me and my dad would connect as adults because I didn't get to know him super well as a kid. Right. Summer heats up in FX's The Shards.

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And now he can't communicate or remember. So I'm going to ask you that. How quickly from the diagnosis to this point where you don't have a lot of time to even sit and talk with them? Not long. Not long. It was about three years before he couldn't take care of himself anymore. And they're able to tell him, look, this is. is what's going on, this plaque, and this is why.

Yeah. But your mom wasn't sleeping either, I guess then, huh? Well, she, or she's out with the car doing the papers and stuff too. But this, but they stopped doing the papers probably when I was about 10 or 11. And he kept going like this. Well, yeah, he started working overnights and shift work at the railroad. And I think part of it was because he just wanted to avoid my mom. And, uh, and then she was on a different schedule.

And so, yeah, I think that was, that was a huge, huge part of it was the lack of sleep, the lifestyle. Yeah, and I just, I really, I mean, there's so many things. You want to be able to ask a ton of questions. I wish I got to know them better. There was a time. There's one time. So when I moved to Toronto, I had nothing. So I moved to Toronto.

I was homeless. Yeah. I was living in Mexico, started doing standup, loved stand up. loved stand up. I was living in Mexico. Yeah. That's where you started doing stand-up. Yeah.

No shit. Yeah. You did. So I- What's the scene like down there? It was just a few guys who had like one room and they do shows once a week. I don't know if there's like, there's for sure a bigger scene in like Mexico City and stuff, but we were in play at El Carmen. And I, uh, I started doing comedy there.

I just like, I wanted to start doing stand-up. My brother told me he had started doing stand-up. And that made me realize, I was like, how'd you start? He's like, oh, you'd just go to open mics. I didn't know. I thought you had to be famous. Yeah. Oh, okay.

And so that was a huge inspiration to start stand-up. And I remember I wrote jokes with the intention of sending him the jokes. And then I was like, oh, I'll just, if I can write him, I can just do it. And so that I just started doing it, loved it, decided it was going to move to Toronto. I had nothing saved, sold my scuba gear, got ripped off. I made like $450 on like thousands of dollars of gear. Bought a plane ticket, went to Toronto. One of the wildest things that happened was where they dropped.

me off. They were like, oh, there's a hostel around the corner. I thought I had enough money for one night at the hostel. I didn't even have enough for that. I had like 20 something bucks in my account at this point. And the hostel had a comedy show in the basement. And there was two comics I knew about in Toronto. One of them is tricks. He's a big comic. Now he's in, he's in Vegas. And another guy was this guy marked a bonus. Very funny guy. He's still in Canada. He does more like editing and directing stuff now. I go into this hostel to get a room

in the basement of the hostel there's a show both these comics are standing outside front. And I go, oh my God, your tricks, you're marked a bonus.

Oh, what the fuck? They're like, I'm like, I just moved here to do comedy. And tricks was like, yeah, you know,

like, you let me know if you need any help or anything like that. It was just got crazy happenstance. Then I had no cash. So I went to a Starbucks and I had this little shitty laptop.

I googled Toronto homeless shelters and then I found a youth shelter close by. I was like walking up and down the street trying to find a way in. Someone comes out and is like, hey, are you looking for this place? And I was like, yeah, they let me in. They let me know. They go, uh, well, you can't stay here tonight. We have no beds, but we can give you an address for a men's shelter, which a men's shelter compared

to a youth shelter, much rougher environment. I'm getting diarrhea here in this. Oh, dude, bed bugs. I would risk, what year time of year is this, but this is summertime? Because I remember I was like, If I knew the one of the things. I'm risking it to park. That's the thing.

I was like, I could sleep in the streets if I have to. Toronto is cold, but it's the summer. It's the summer. I would have been fine. But when I'm sitting there, they gave me something to eat,

which was great. This, this kid comes back. He's probably like maybe 20 something. He's drunk. They have a zero tolerance policy on any alcohol use or any substance use at all. So they're like,

hey, he can't stay here tonight. You get a bet. And so then I got to stay here. Timings everything. Timings everything. dude and I stayed there for like six months months yeah you're living at this place I lived that place for what is it like describe is it a big open room with cots or it was like a big um I guess like facility it was like a refurbished like school almost so there's like a big common

area where they had a TV and we would have like PlayStation on the weekends there was a whole cafeteria area where we could go eat so I got three squares a day there was a what kind of food are we talking is someone in the back there cooking it or is it just Oh yeah. It was like cafeteria style, but it was good. Some days you're not getting pre-packaged shit from wherever. Someone's back there making you a burger or whatever. Yeah. And some days they were like, ah, this one kind of sucks. Some days you're like, oh, this is this rips. But it was free. And that was one thing. Three a day. Three a day. You're not starving. That's the big one. Not starving, dude. I knew I was like, I had no money in Mexico and I was getting by. I was like, I'll be fine in Canada. I was

like, they don't let you die in Canada. I was like, I'll be fine. And I happenedstance found this place. And I was staying in a room. The room I stayed in for the first little bit, I had a roommate. And then I moved into a solo. Just one. And then I moved into a solo room. And it opened my eyes a lot about homelessness and people on the streets because a lot of these, this was, it's a youth shelter.

So it was 24. I think it was 16 to 24. You had to be in that age range to be in there. And there was one guy. Co-ed? Co-ed, yeah. But you wouldn't, you wouldn't. You wouldn't room co-ed.

One, my first roommate was this guy who's like, yeah, I'm just happy to be in here. I've been on the street since I was 12. And I was like, what? He's like, yeah, my parents are drug addicts. You know, I've just been bouncing around different places. I sleep on the streets a lot. A huge thing I noticed was like a lot of these people just like, it's from an early age. You didn't have a chance.

One girl in there, she was super bright. Her name was Mimi. I think she did really well. because I ran into her later. She was working at this barbershop at the front desk, and she was really, really smart. Her mom was like an alcoholic and abusive. And she just was like, I don't have anywhere to go.

And she was, she just be in the main area every day studying, working. She was a super smart girl. There was some really, really, really, like, just good kids in there. That just, their home life was fucked and they had nowhere else to go. And so that's where I stayed for a while. Six months. Are you seeing mental illness in there, too? Are these all people just down on their luck and had a bad.

I think some. A little bit of mental illness and stuff in there. There was one time I remember there's this kid in there who seemed kind of violent. And I don't know what happened, but I saw all the people talking to other, all the people run the place and be there being like, we got to fucking do something. He was gone the next day and I don't know where he went. But he was like, I remember him like, we're all sitting in the main area and he's like standing in the back like shadow boxing.

And just they were like, we got to do something about this guy. Yeah. Yeah, like that, this one's a problem. And I got my certificate to be a security guard that was how I was like, I was like, I just need to get a job. I need a job that allows me to do stand up. Another thing, I told them that was like, I moved here to do stand up. And they were like, okay. And they would let me go out and break curfew because there was a curfew had to be back by.

And I would break curfew and to do open mics and then I would come back. And they would let me drink in at the show. shows. You're not drinking. I was sober the entire time. So you're doing stand up and getting a what, a security guard license? Yeah, I got my security guard license. While you're homeless.

While I'm homeless. Yeah. And after about six months, I moved to this other place. It was called Phoenix Rising, I think. The first place was Covenant House. Then I went to Phoenix Rising. Phoenix Rising was like intermediate housing. I can stop you for a second?

Are they clean? What are the toilets like in these places? They're not disgusting. No, the places were clean. Do you have your own toilet in your room or we're all sharing? There was like a communal space that had like multiple showers, multiple stalls, multiple toilets and stuff like that. And they kept it clean. It was clean.

It was everything was put together. Beds clean. Beds clean. Yeah. They would come in. They would change your sheets. There was like someone who would come in. Yeah.

Yeah. And fucking Canada, bro. Yeah. It was, it was great. It was great to see like our social programs working really, really well. You weren't scared to sleep there. No, never. Never.

Never was scared to sleep there. Fear for your safety. Nothing like that, dude. They kept it really safe. There was like a counselor and stuff you would meet with who would like ask you how your progress and everything is going. They would make sure you help you're getting back up on your feet. And you had to be out during the day.

If you like during the day you had to be at work or looking for a job handing out resumes. You had to be out doing stuff. And so that was what we were like. Everyone was on the hustle doing something. So like I'd be gone during the day doing this like program to get my security guard license. So at the six months.

point do you what save enough money to get out of there or what what happens i had enough saved up where i could go to this intermediate housing place where still still could wasn't they were giving me a room wasn't paying rent or anything but now i had i could there's no curfew you come and go when you want it was like more freedoms and uh you have your own room you have like you get stuff in your room so i couldn't like set up a tv and stuff in those people aren't stealing your shit nothing wow uh it was really This is unheard of, I feel like. It was, I mean, I'm sure other people had weird shit happen, but my experience was incredible. Covenant House treated me incredibly, and I wouldn't have been able to get back up on my feet as quickly without it.

And I stayed at this intermediate housing place for two months, and then I moved into a comic house where it was myself, two other comics and a musician. I see. And that was this like run down shit. I was going to say, the fuck. in homeless shelters. Yeah. Homeless shelters nicer than the comic.

Way nicer, dude. I want to go back to be a homeless motherfucker. Dude, this place. Of course it is. The crazy part about it.

Oh, shit. It was in one of the like nicer areas of Toronto. It was right for people who know Toronto was it right at King at Bathurst, which is like downtown central core. King Street, King West, that's where like all the nightclubs and shit are.

That's where like people from out of town come to go party. We're like around the corner from that. Our area was like nice, but these houses, there were all these kind of run down shitty homes that these, they were all owned by this one old Portuguese dude. His name was Armando. Armando was death and he would come to the house. And the guy who was like the elder comic in the house was this guy, Dan Gehry, he

would pay the rent. So we give the money, Dan, he would pay Armando. So Armando would show up and he would just yell, they'd go, Daniel, he would just yell, and then Dan would come down, pay the rent. Sometimes if he was your job, I never did this, but two other comics had done it, you would go to his house to pay the rent, and then he would give you this wine that he made in the basement. And it would

like, fuck you up. I'll bet. He's got moonshine going on down there. He's got moonshaping in his basement, just this old Portuguese dude. And he owned multiple properties. They were all full of comics. He never raised the rent. It was like $1,200 bucks, $1,200 something. And there's four of us living there. So to like live in downtown Toronto, 400 something bucks a month was like nothing, dude. And so we lived there for a while. And okay, I'll finish that story. I want to get back to the one thing I wanted to say before

was when I was homeless, my dad came to visit me. And I didn't really think much of it. Because in my head, I'm like, I'm actually, I'm chasing my dream. I have a focus probably for the first time my life, a goal. Is he coming to see you to visit you or is he know you're homeless and he's coming to check on you as well? I think it was a little both. But this, he, this is, he had divorced my mom and we were like, it was like, he's probably got to lay over on the way to Bali and Tijuana. He's taken off somewhere else after this, dude. I'm here for about a day. But that was the first time, I think, ever, me and my dad, like, really connected and we're really honest with each other.

And we really grew closer there. And then not long after that, he got sick. And so that moment where we got that little bit of time together was actually really nice. And my uncle told me that when he came home, he had, like, dinner with my dad. And my dad cried because he's like, you know, he's going through his struggle. I went through my struggle when I moved to Canada. And I didn't see it that way. I was like, I'm fucking chasing for this is great.

I was like, I got a place to give me three squares, dude. I get to do comedy every night. If he'd have seen that comic house, he'd have been like, we gotta get this motherfucker out of here. We gotta go say my son. Yeah. Oh, man, so where is that now? Is he homes? He's in a facility now.

He was staying with his partner for a long time, but the stress of taking care of him. He started getting up multiple times a night, and he wasn't able to. he like he was he needed more like constant surveillance or I know surveillance is the right term constant care yeah uh and and now he's at a point where like he can't walk uh he doesn't talk he last time I visited him he said I think he said yes or okay or something like that and that was the only really thing we got out of does he understand what you're saying even if he can't verbally communicate back I need give you cues or there's sometimes where you're like oh he's he is listening he's he he's he's here he He's here, but it comes and goes.

And it's, yeah, there's not a, it's very hard to tell. I just hope that he's not suffering or anything right now. But it is sporadic, his, like, communication and his ability to, like, pay attention. I don't want to get super dark, but have they, when someone's in this type of situation, is there a timeline on this? And do you feel like you need to get back there and at least be there, see him? I do. Every time I go back, I go see him. He's in Toronto.

No, he's in Vancouver. Oh, back, right. But I, we don't know. That's the thing. It's like, we're supposed to actually have more time before it progressed this far. They tell you that. And it progressed much quicker. And, yeah, now it's, it's gotten so far that they took him off of his Alzheimer's medication.

And yeah, you just don't know. Now it's just kind of waiting. And he can't even physically get up and walk around or do anything like that. No, nothing like that. And it is kind of like, like there, it was a few visits ago where like I had to change his diaper and stuff. And having that experience, honestly, it was at least. nice to be like I can at least contribute something here because we can't really talk right now. It's really hard for us to communicate.

I want to spend time with you when I'm here. But I don't know if you're if you can hear me clearly. If you can understand me clearly, I don't say in these things don't. No, you're not. No. I think he can recognize me, I think. But that at least felt nice to be able to like do that and like cut his fingernail. and like

moisturize his hands and his feet and just like at least I can do something for you and there was one thing that was kind of funny was one time when I went to visit him Arsenal was really far in the UAFa company's big soccer fan. Me too, bro. And we watched the Arsenal highlights

from when I think Arsenal played like Barcelona or one team and they won like three nothing or something and then my brother came to visit him not long after and I was talking. talking to him about visiting and he's like oh yeah we're watching the highlights i was like i watched the highlights with them too yeah um but uh yeah you we the thing is you don't know you don't know you don't know how much longer it is you don't know how much time's left um is your mom in good health she's in good health as far no i don't talk to her anymore i haven't

talked to her in years um oh you don't speak with your mom no i don't talk to my mom uh we had a uh falling out a long time ago it's been a quite quite a while uh um but uh but as far as far as I know, she still talks to my sister and stuff, so she's in good health as far as I know, yeah. Do you want to tell us why you don't talk to mom? It's, it, the, we never, there was always like a struggle in the house, a lot of lying, a lot of manipulating. And then so once I was able to kind of go and do my own thing, I really cut off communication. And then I just made a decision to like never open up that door again. And she doesn't want to either. Oh, no, she wants to. But I would, I wouldn't. I hear you. Yeah. Um, um, um, But I'm like, I don't think it would benefit either of us if we did. But yeah, that's where now you do, yeah, you just kind of wait. It is weird because I'm like, I don't want him to suffer anymore. You don't want your parent to die, but you also don't want them to live like that, you know? And so you're like, I hope that it's just seamless and painless and that he just.

Swift and painless. Yeah. It is, it's a, yeah, it's hard to watch someone go through that. Is his partner, does she come over there and help out and stuff? Okay, all the time. All the time. All right. So he's got some love in the room at least for him. And your siblings up there as well. Yeah. Then they come visit as well. I ask people before they come on about any of the things. And I asked you outside. You said you had never really dealt with a significant death. Yeah. But you did lose a dog. Yeah. Yeah. And I know people would be, Whatever, no. That's a thing that it's also, like a lot of times our pets are the gateway to what the hell's coming next.

You know what I mean? So what happened with your dog? So my dog, he didn't live, I mean, he lived pretty long. He was nine or ten, but he was a pit bull, staffy kind of cross. It's kind of as long as they go. He was kind of a chunk, chunky dude. He had a big fat bulge on his side when he passed. He just out of nowhere one day.

He just started having seizures, just like clusters. That's what they called them. And was this your personal, like you're living on your own at this point? Is this a family dog? I'm about, I think I'm maybe like 14. Okay. 50 or homes. Yeah.

Okay. And yeah, he was, yeah, he was just having seizure after seizure. And this was, and it was where he started acting strange. Like, he's obviously in like, we don't know what to do really. We're trying to help him. I think that we brought him to the, vet, the vet give him some medication. He keeps having these clusters of seizures.

And then you would go into the room and he would like start growling at you and like, or like, and because I, he's probably confused. And then it seemed like it died down. And I remember I had to work. I worked at McDonald's. I had to work the next morning. And so I'm at McDonald's. And then my sister comes to McDonald's and is like, hey, we got to go.

Hey, we got to put him down. Like he's not, it's not stopping. And the vets are like he's just. was affecting his brain or something. It's just not who he was anymore. It was not who he was anymore. And it's like he's just going to keep, basically he's going to keep having seizures until he dies.

Or we can put him down and they kind of put him out of his suffering. He's not growling and ready to attack someone. It's just not stopped. Yeah. And so, yeah. So then we went to the vet and we put him down. And yeah, it's like the first time I saw my dad cry. He did.

Yeah. Everyone was really broken by the, that. And yeah, it was it's it's fucking awful having your dog die. And it, it was just, it was so quick too. We didn't get the like a lot of people when they put their dog down, they get like that, oh, you know, your dog has cancer. He has something like it's not going to live very long. Okay, let's do the, you know, and take them out, get him a McDonald's. Like it was like one day he was doing pretty good. He had seizures a couple times before, but it wasn't, it didn't seem like it was going to be out of control. It's like he's just getting older, you know, things happen. And then it was

just like, one day, just like, this is happening over and over and over again. And then I even, yeah, I went to work the next morning being like, we kind of solved this. We got some medication for him. It's working. And it's like it wasn't working. Yeah. And you're in the room there. Yeah. It's fast. Yeah. It's fast. What, um, did they tell you what it ultimately was? Um, I, they just, all I remember from what them telling us was he's having clusters. That's what I remember them saying. And it was like, it's not going to stop. And it could be, medication's going to fix this. No, and it's potentially going to get worse. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's just cruel at that point. Yeah. And so, yeah, I think about her out there now, too, she's about to be five. And I'm like, yeah, dude, it is something my sister said. So my sister's, her, like, her dog that was her base. lived till about 14, I think. Yeah, she was a beagle pug chihuahua mix. I can't even see what that looks like.

What was the face mostly? It looks like picture of pug but has like more snout. Okay. And she's this little like yappy little potato. Her name was Fiona. And she got like a doggy Alzheimer's. And she was same thing. She was good.

And then she wasn't. And then she was like lost. and walking around and bumping into stuff and barking at people and scared. And then it just was getting worse and worse and worse. And eventually it's like, you've got to put your dog down. And it really hit my sister really, really hard. And I was there. I was visiting at the time.

So it was nice that I was able to be with her. But something my sister told me after was that, you know, the part about, sorry, barba loving something is you love in spite of. love is you everything you love is you love it knowing that there's going to be this suffering coming and you love something in spite of the suffering it doesn't matter if it's a relationship if it's your parents if it's a dog or whatever uh you love things knowing that that that that suffering is part of it that you are going to feel that yeah yeah that's the deal that's true love yeah yeah and it's not about avoiding it it's about that that that is part of it yeah yeah

None of us get out alive, right? No. No, let's get out alive. No, everyone dies. Thank you for doing this. I know it's not easy to talk about and you're going through this right now. Yeah. I genuinely appreciate you opening up as much as you even did.

Yeah. Well, I think it's good that we did them in the opposite order because yesterday was like fun and goofy. Well, usually we go heavy. Then we go out there and it's like a therapy session. Yeah. You're feeling good. Not like you're going to leave feeling the day. Before we wrap up, though, I would like to hear advice you'd give the 16-year-old Jay.

Okay, yeah, one thing, one advice, I think I would say get into fights, getting to more fights. Really? Yeah, I never got into, like, street fights when I was young. But you could have? I think I could have. The opportunity was there, and I never took it. I boxed, but I should have, I think it's good for, like, your confidence. And also, now I'm at, I can't fight in street.

No, like, from like, yeah, from the time you're, like, 16 to, like, I don't know, 22, it's like acceptable. And I'm 33. If you're still fist fighting in the street, your 30s and 40s, you got to check your shit, right? Like, what the fuck are you doing?

And now there's MMA motherfuckers. That wouldn't around. You might have had a guy knew some karate back then. Maybe. Yeah. Now these motherfuckers will kick your leg out. You break it in half.

Exactly. Exactly. But I think it would have been, definitely a struggle for me for a long time was like every stage that I've gone through something big in my life, I've learned to be more confident in myself. And I think that's normal for a lot of people.

But I think I would have been able to embrace that earlier if I had let go a lot of that stress of like worrying what other people think, being afraid, worrying about conflict. And I think that getting just into some scraps would have mitigated a lot of that. There's no doubt. I think for at least most men in this world, being punched in the fucking face early and young is one of the best fucking things for you. Oh, yeah, yeah. And I don't just mean by a family member. I mean by a person out there that doesn't give a fuck. Whether you live, doesn't know, you don't like, oh, you all are you?

Yeah. There's nothing like that to be like, all right, there's some resistance out here. Yeah, exactly. There's resistance, but you also learn like, I'm not made a glass. That's right. I can take that beating and get up. I can give one too if I need to. Exactly.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's great advice. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you for doing this one more time. Plug it all, please. You can check out my new special, how to make your balls bigger. it's on YouTube,

two goons podcast. If you like anything adult, it's over there. You can find everything at chaterana.com tour dates. I'm going to be in Barry, Ontario for a charity gig on July 11th.

And I'm also going to be in Plano, Texas, August 14th and 15th. You can go check it out. Hell yeah. Thank you. Thank you very much. Yeah, yeah.

As always, Ryan Sickler, on all your social media. We'll talk to y'all next week.