The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - 403: John Ross Bowie: How Matthew Perry Inspired His Sobriety | The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler #403

Episode Date: September 14, 2026

SPONSORS: Hims -Sponsored by Hims. Visit hims.com/honeydew to get a personalized, affordable plan that gets you. Quo -Make this the season where no opportunity — and no customer — slips away. Try QUO for free PLUS get 20% off your first 6 months when you go to Quo.com/HoneyDew Monarch -Thanks to Monarch for partnering with this show. Go to https://monarch.com and use code HONEYDEW to get 50% off your first year of Monarch Core. John Ross Bowie Highlights the Lowlights of growing up in New York City’s theater district, battling depression and anxiety, and struggling with alcohol on this week’s episode of The HoneyDew? John, known for playing Barry Kripke on The Big Bang Theory and Jimmy DiMeo on Speechless, looks back at becoming an English teacher before rebooting his life and taking a chance on acting. John also opens up about his journey to sobriety and how an unexpected interaction with Matthew Perry gave him the push he needed to finally stop drinking. Check out John on the show, “Stuart Fails to Save the Universe” or grab his memoir “No Job for a Man” SUBSCRIBE for new episodes of The HoneyDew every week. 🎟️See me live. All tickets at www.ryansickler.com/tour 🎤Check out my new standup special “Live & Alive” streaming on my YouTube now! http://youtu.be/PMGWVyM2NJo?si=SrhXjgzR1pe6CyYE 👉 Subscribe for more standup and new episodes of The HoneyDew, The Wayback, and more! http://youtube.com/@rsickler ✅ Subscribe to my Patreon “The HoneyDew with Y’all”! Get The HoneyDew audio and video a day early, ad-free, for just $5/month! Want more? Upgrade to the $8/month premium tier and get everything above plus The Wayback a day early, ad-free, censor-free, and exclusive bonus content you won’t find anywhere else! http://patreon.com/RyanSickler 📧What’s your story?? Submit at [e-mail] 👕Get Your Merch👕 http://www.bonfire.com/store/ryansickler/ 🎧 Listen to my Podcasts 🎧 The HoneyDew - http://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-honeydew-with-ryan-sickler/id527446250 The Wayback - http://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-wayback-with-ryan-sickler/id1721601479 Patreon - http://www.patreon.com/ryansickler 📣 Follow Me📣 ▪ Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/ryansickler/ ▪ TikTok: http://www.tiktok.com/@ryan.sickler ▪ Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/RyanSicklerOfficial 🕸️ryansickler.com/ 🍈thehoneydewpodcast.com/ 🦀Subscribe to The CrabFeast Podcast🦀 http://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-crabfeast-with-ryan-sickler-and-jay-larson/id1452403187 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Spotify Ads Manager makes it easy to create your first audio ad in minutes for free. Sign up today, launch a campaign, and start reaching your audience. La Jolla Comedy Store, one of my favorite clubs in the country. I'm headed back there September 25th and 26th. Get your tickets now at Ryan Sickler.com. The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler. Welcome back to the honeydew, y'all. We're over here doing it.

Nightpass Studios. I am Ryan Sickler. Genuinely, thank you guys for supporting not only this show, but anything I do. This is one of my favorite things to do. You know what we do here. We highlight the low lights. I always say these are the stories behind the storytellers. And I am very excited to have this guest here with us. First time on the Honeydew, ladies and gentlemen, John Ross Bowie. Welcome to the Honeydew, John Ross Bowie. Hi. I did not expect a round of applause. Giving you some fucking energy and love, buddy. I'll take it, man. I'll take it. The caffeine's wearing off.

We've just met each other moments ago. I'm very excited to sit down and talk to. It's going well. It's going pretty good, I would say. I feel very, my dog loves you. Dog, the dog's fantastic. That dog is great. Before we get into whatever we're going to talk about right there,

plug everything and anything you'd like, please. You plug at the top. That's right. I was warned about this, yes. I am on the HBO Mac streaming series. Stewart fails to save the universe. It is a spinoff of the Big Bang theory. I am repreasing my character.

of Barry Cripke. We got picked up for a second season. We'll probably start shooting that in the new year. Oh, hell yeah. Already. Yeah, I'm really excited about that. And it's out now? It's out now.

Okay. When this episode streams, we'll be nearing the end of our first season. Okay. We did 10 episodes for HBO Max. I published a memoir called No Job for a Man a couple years ago. I can explain that title. Please. And that came out.

on Pegasus Books in 2023 and is still in its first pressing. So we have yet to sell that out. So it's available wherever you, not necessarily in stores, but there's options beyond brick and mortar these days. No Job for a Man was a phrase that my father said about the acting profession. Wait, when you told him you were going to do this? Sorry. He quoted.

So you finally go to tell your dad and that was his response. Yeah. And it's more complicated than, it's more complicated than that. But because he would, it was interesting because he himself was a massive fan of movies and TV and theater. And he was one of the reasons I wanted to pursue this because he would, you know, I would stay up late and watch John Ford movies with him. He introduced me to so much great TV. We would watch all like that really golden era of 70s.

70s sitcoms, 70s and 80s sitcoms, taxi, cheers. All in the family, you should say how they're. All that stuff was stuff with my father, WKRP. Yeah. All that stuff was stuff that I would watch with my dad. And it really formed me. But for my dad, it was very much just a spectator sport. Yeah, that's not real.

That's to watch, not to actually live. Right. And when I decided I was going to go ahead and it was like 27, which is a little, not super late. But there's a lot of people who come out of the gate at like 18 and go to drama school and we're like, this is my life and I'm doing it. And I was, I'd always thought about it, but I didn't quite have the courage for it, et cetera. When I finally decided to do it, my father said, well, you know what Spencer Tracy used to say.

It's no job for a man. I'm like, okay, well, Spencer Tracy also died a bitter old drunk, but whatever. And but then it also must be noted that when I desperately needed money to join the Screen Actors Guild, he loaned me that money and was very pleasantly surprised when I paid him back inside of two months. Okay. Me too, to be honest with you. Yeah.

How hard is to get gigs out here and shit. This was back in New York. And it was during what it was hard to explain to him at the time was that I had booked a couple of dot-com commercials because this was the dot-com. Tom boom. Hell yeah. Which was a very exciting time to be a scrawny nerd and going out for commercials because all of these companies that were flush with VC money and were going to go under in like eight

months. But right now they had massive ad campaigns. So I did a bunch of, they all needed nerds for their commercials and I did a bunch of those. Can we rewind a little bit and tell me a little bit about your dad and your mom and family? So what's your dad all about? Both are no longer with us, but my dad was a, both my parents were silent generation. They're not boomers.

They were 1937 and 1942, respectively. And that's an interesting generation for a couple of reasons, because they're too young for greatest generation. You know, they have very fog, foggy memories of World War II. But then my father was too old for Vietnam. He served between Korea and Vietnam in Thailand, but during peacetime. He got drafted, was there. And my mom was, you know, my mom's already in the workforce by the time the Beatles

are on Ed Sullivan. So she's not like that kind of teeny bopper necessarily. You know, so they didn't have. Oh, and then my father famously turned 30 in 1967, the year that everyone said, you really cannot trust anybody over 30. Oh, okay. So they were not hippies. But nor were they like the really old kind of conservative thing.

And they were sort of in this liminal space between like, hi, we rescued the world from fascism and, you know, peace now, freedom now. And I think that really affected their worldview. What did he do for a living? He was in the paper industry. He was straight up Dunder Mifflin. He was a customer service rep for the, uh, the corrugated cardboard division of a large paper company in Midtown Manhattan.

Okay. Where I grew up. And what about mom? You said she was already in the workforce. What's she doing? She was all over the place, but mostly secretarial work. Okay. And near her last, like, steady career, she was running a, I guess what you would call a book design firm.

They basically did typesetting before, before, yeah, basically what the printed people. would look like was my mom's job for a while. And that company went under and it might have been her fault, but she never really talked about it. It might have been her. I really don't know. She never really talked about money, you know. She was very, they were very, very, very white Anglo-Saxon Protestant about money and very much like, like, you know, we simply, no, discuss these things. I was never entirely sure what they, how much they made. I was an only child, so it wasn't like I could go to an older brother and be like, what's, what did they, what is how? happening. Are you nodding? Were you an only child? No, no, two brothers. Two brothers. Okay,

older or younger. Well, officially older, I'm a fraternal twin. So my fraternal brother is four minutes older. Okay. And then my younger brother's just, just a little under four years. We say four years, but it's like three years of eight months. Right, right. That's shit. Yeah, see, that's fascinating to me. I don't, I, I, my wife is also an only child. That's interesting. And we, and we have, we have two kids. So when the, when our, when our, when our children who are siblings fight, my wife and I are just like, I don't know what's going on here.

I don't know. I don't know how to mediate this. I have no, I have no frame of reference. I've never had to share. I've never had to slap. Why don't you stand over there and maybe you, go for a walk? I don't work this out.

We're both pretty baffled by that. My parents, yeah. So, but it was weird because they were, they were, here's another thing in my parents' defense, because I don't want anyone to think that they were like, you know, no, no son of mine is going to be one of them artishtes. It was not as simple as that.

I grew up literally in the theater district in New York City. Do you know New York? I don't know. You live there? Okay. So, West 40s. Okay. Off the Times Square subway stop.

Two blocks to Broadway. So. That's where you're growing up. Growing up. You're in the- literally across the street from the actors studio. Yeah, you're in it. And the reason that matters is that,

yes, we would go to the theater and we would go to the movies a lot and we would, you know, we didn't have a ton of money, but they would prioritize these things. These were things that were worth spending money on. You know, we didn't go on a lot of vacations or anything, but we would go, you know, we would save up and we would go see this play or we would, you know, make sure we could see these movies or whatever. And but, but when you're living in that neighborhood, you don't just see the actors on the screen and on stage. You see the actors between jobs. And you, you your friends' parents who are struggling and who are, you know, crying because they didn't get a gig on Kate and Alley, which is the only sitcom.

It's the only sitcom shooting in New York at the time until Cosby Show comes along, right? And so there was a bunch of, you get a very realistic view of the dangers and pitfalls of the acting profession. So you grew up in this and seeing this positives and negatives and negatives. And it scared me off, too, frankly. It scared me. I was like, well, that looks fun when you get. to do it, but it really looks like a lot of these people don't get to do it very often.

And they're right. And they're right, you know. And so there was a real, there was a real sense of that's just simply too risky, too dangerous, too unstable. So I went to school to be an English teacher. I studied to be a high school English teacher. I went back to my old high school, did that for one year. You did? Yep. What was that like? Broke me like a twig. How old were you when you went back? 22. Shit, man. And by the way, fucking baby-faced.

But also, are any of the seniors were they freshmen when you were a senior four years? They shouldn't have been. We had a couple what we politely called

super seniors. I've never heard no. We call it 13th grade. 13th grade is great. Super seniors is a little less derogatory. But the super seniors, there was this one kid

who was like, oh, Mr. I remember you. Mr. B, we were in gym together. I'm like, don't tell people that. Don't tell people that. Why would you share that information? This is all in the book. Anyway, so I did that for a year and I was just like, I liked the actual teaching, but, you know, I'm five foot eight. I looked like a senior in a tie. You know, nobody respected me. That sounds about the answer or not. It was just, and I don't blame them anymore. I wouldn't have respected me either. I, you know, it was, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I,

looked like doogiehouser. It was a mess. Um, and then I temped for a while and I was in a band for a while and that didn't make any money. And the temping was kind of like kept me stable, but Manhattan's really expensive. But during that, are you also over here exploring entertainment? Are you doing any plays? No, none of this. No, no. I'm going to see a bunch of theater. And I'm, uh, I'm watching what works and what doesn't and kind of filing it away without admitting that I would love to be trying it myself, but it's still, Stand up? Did you ever do any of that?

Eventually. I mean, you're in, yeah, you're there. Eventually. Eventually. Eventually, someone grabs a mic once or twice at least. Eventually, yes. But it was so like, it was, it just seemed like such, such a chancey thing to do. But something kind of interesting happened.

I was, I was in this band for a few years and we never really, you know, we didn't get signed or anything. We released our own records. What was it called? We were called Egghead. Egghead, okay. You can find us on the streamers. Can you really?

Spotify's on there? Yeah, a little garaggy punk band. We're fun. We're absolutely, I look back extremely fondly, and we still reunite. Who were you in it? Base and occasional vocals. Okay. And I'm not, you know, no one's going to mistake me for Getty Lee.

We were a punk band, and I am a punk bassist. And I, you know, it's dund, dun dun dun dun dun, dun, dund, very straightforward, nothing fancy. but incredibly fun. Toured a little bit. Had a weirdly, had a weirdly small but faithful following in your home city of Baltimore. Listen, Baltimore has and always has had an underground punk fucking following. These days, turn style, trapped under ice. Like, they are all out of Baltimore.

And it's such a scene now. Even back in the day, we would go to Pigtown. That's what they called. It's probably where you put. Do you remember where you played? We played. There was a place. in the 90s called Fletchers.

I wonder if I ever fucking saw you, dude. I would go to it. It was a sketchy part of town for sure. No, no, it was real homicide. Pre-wire. No doubt. It is. Baltimore.

Played a place called, we didn't insert Reptillion Records, if that rings a bell. That one doesn't. Fletcher's for sure. But Reptillion was like on those form stone blocks. You know, it was like often the,

don't really quiz me on the geography. That's why you know about Baltimore. And then there were these, there were these great, great house parties at a converted funeral home called The Mansion. And we would play there in Baltimore, a bunch of great local bands like the Beltways and the Jennifer's and Berserk and all these really great, great bands.

So that was the thing about Baltimore. So we'd always end up on bills with very like-minded bands, you know. So it wasn't like us with like three ska bands and everyone hates us. We were on there with like, if you liked these bands, you will also enjoy A-CAD, right? But anyway, when that band broke up, and all I was was, at that point, I was writing marketing copy for a consulting firm about whom I have talked so much shit that I'm not going to name them. Fair enough. But it's a consulting firm you've heard of.

But I, when your team's communication is messy, customers feel it. The other night, I was trying to make dinner reservations with an old friend called to spot. we love rang and rang no answer we end up deciding go to a different place you aren't losing clients because of bad luck you're losing them because when they rang no one was there to answer at some point you have to stop letting money walk out the door and say let's freaking quo which is why today's episode is brought to you by quo spelled q uo the business phone system built so you never miss a call Quo is the number one rated business phone system on G2, trusted by over 90,000 businesses who rely on it to stay reachable and look professional every day.

Set up in minutes on any device, you can keep your existing number, and you can add teammates as you grow. Plus, Quo's built-in AI agent handles after-hours calls, the answers questions, and even books appointments, so you never miss a lead even when your team is offline. Money is on the line. Always say hello with Quo. Quo for free. Plus, get 20% off your first six months when you go to Quo.com slash honeydew.

That's QUO.com slash honeydew. Something just kind of snapped in me. I was 26 going on, 27, and I had my first like capital D clinical depression that felt like it was weird. It was it was half really incredible. depression, but it was also sort of led on by these incredible panic attacks, like these really lengthy panic attacks. So two things. Tell me, describe your panic attack first, and then I'd like to know about when you were like, hey, something's fucking going on here.

What is this? The panic attacks. And mind you, my band is broken up. I'm in this job I don't love. I'm in a relationship that's falling apart too. And I feel like I'm just very like, I'm in a very. I'm very stuck, you know, and the panic attacks felt like hours and hours of leaning too far back in your chair. Oh, that moment, yeah.

But like stuck, like there. Stuck there. Yeah. And it's funny because, like, as much as I love the show The Sopranos, he would have these things. He'd pass out. He'd wake up. He'd feel better. I'd be like, why can't I have that version of a panic attack?

That seems like that's short. Yeah, you know. But I would have, they would last. I would and I started to I would yeah it would I lost my appetite I was I was I was having trouble keeping food down it was really physical really intensely intensely physical no no history of that prior to this I had like dizzy spells when I was a kid but I'm also you know again my parents silent generation and and middle class in New York walk it off bro walk it off and therapy is a bubble for rich people yeah what am I fucking Woody Allen?

you are not going to therapy. No one in our family is going to therapy. My dad eventually started to go see a shrink and for his own shit. And even that was like my mom made fun of him for it. It was, he was kind of, they were divorced by this point, obviously. But still for a man in these days to still fucking go. But from that generation to say, it is impressive. That's why he's not like, I can't just put him into this box of, like,

like intolerant right wing dad. There's so much more going on there. I hear that. But also in his defense as well, because I've talked about this on the show too. My dad died when I was 16. He was 42, but he served during the Vietnam era and all that shit. And then we've got those men who were, as you said, fighting fascism and saving the world and going to war and stuff.

And we're like, I want to act. And you're like, what the fuck are you talking? Like for them to even try to comprehend. you want to go sing and dance or whatever the fuck it is be a show pony. Like it, it, how can they even compute that? I don't blame him.

Exactly. I don't blame him. Did I for a brief while? Sure. What you're supposed to be resentful of a dad not supporting it and you don't understand, but he's just like, by the way, I don't understand.

Yeah. Yeah. And nor should he, but the, but I, I was incredibly lucky for a couple of things. So I'm, I'm,

I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm melting the fuck down. I'm crying in my cubicle at work, which is a great look. I am... While you're writing marketing copies. Yeah, yeah.

While I'm writing like... Trying to give them good happy. What can the firm do for your utilities practice? Oh, God, nothing matters. I've been there. Oh, my God, nothing matters. Yeah, yeah. And so, but I had a couple friends who were like,

yeah, there's this group in town called the upright citizens brigade and they teach improv class. And I was like, that sounds terrifying. And then my friend Andrew Secunda, who I shout out all the time because I owe him a great deal, was like, I think you'd be good at it. Like improv terrifies me. He goes, this isn't like short form. Whose line is it anyway?

It's different. You're a little more patient in this kind of improv. Give it a try. I went to go see a show. And I was like, oh, yeah, this does actually scratch an itch in me. And I remember waking up one morning. I had a Saturday 9 a.m. class pouring rain in New York City. My heart's in my throat.

My heart rate is like I can hear it in my ears. I'm so fucking nervous about this. But tale as old as time, got up, did a scene, got laughs. Off to the races. I had headshots within about three months. And within about three months I had headshots. When about three months, I had left that relationship, moved back in with my mom, which was right in hell's kitchen. So, you know, not like, oh, I've got to move back into my mom and she's in Tulsa.

You know, I'm right back in the theater district. And I quit my job and just kind of, you know, moved back into my old room and sort of rebooted my life at about 27, went on antidepressants, which I felt at the time like, It felt like a defeat. Bro. It felt like a massive defeat to be, because I'd been the sort of person who was like, oh, yeah, Prozax for people who like can't deal with life. And, you know, so, and I wouldn't,

no one's going to consider me like a big, tough alpha male guy by any stretch, but there was still this stereotype I had in my head of people who need that because they just don't have anybody to talk to. I'm like, no, it's a chemical imbalance. John, you have a chemical imbalance. and you come by it honestly. During the pandemic, when 2020 is when I finally went on it.

Yeah. I mean, I had, my daughter was four. I was trapped in my home and had to homeschool her and all. I was losing my fucking mind. I can't even go to a local show to at least get out. Nothing works gone. This was the only thing that I was allowed to do was podcast at that time here in Los Angeles. We were very strict as you remember.

No, sure, sure. Man, I was the same way. I'm like, shit. I had a podcast. This is cheating. This is cheating. This is a shortcut. This is what weak people do.

Just keep doing your therapy. Even with the EMDR and everything I did, which totally helped. EMDR is great. EMDR is great. EMDR has a lot of value. I'll preach it nonstop. I still needed that help. Well, here is the thing.

And the popular misconception that people have and then I think from the sound of it, you and I had, was that this was some sort of brave new world soma drug. that sedated you and numbed you and was a happy pill, and it's not. It brings you to a baseline of like... I may cry more on Lexa Prime. I might cry more on Axel because I'm feeling shit. I absolutely might cry more. And what it just...

The line I've used before is that it doesn't stop the voices, but it lines them up and makes them speak one at a time in measured tones. I think that's a fair way to describe the experience of being on SSRIs. Would yours over here next? Okay. Would you like to? Okay. Now that's a very good point, ego.

Self-destruction. Would you like to add something? Yeah. Yeah. So I rebooted my life fucking radically. And when I quit my job, I kind of quietly said to myself, I wasn't big on like public proclamations or anything, but I quietly said to myself, like, okay. I'm going to try this acting thing.

There are agents and casting directors who are coming to the UCB theater now. I am getting stage time there. It is kind of the, you know, I haven't been on the ground floor of anything, but I was kind of on the ground floor of UCB at the time. And this is before like Amy Poehler is on SNL. This is early days. You know, this is there, they... Before they had one out here or anything.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Quite some time. And, but I told myself, like, I'm going to see if I can at least book a commercial in the next year, which is not going to be easy, but I feel like things are pointed in that direction. And they were. And I had this crazy streak where I booked three in very close, so quickly together that by the time I booked the third one, I had not been paid for the first one, but I was now a must join for the union, which is why I had to borrow money from my dad.

Okay. And my father- And then boom, that first check comes in and dad gets his payment. back quickly. I see. Well done. Yeah. It felt pretty good. And it felt good on, you know, it felt good in a very positive, like, I am being held accountable. I am responsible. And there was also a certain fucking told you so, dad, you know, that came with that. But we, my dad, my dad passed when I was in my 30s, long goodbye from

emphysema, you know, really a rough way to go. You basically. Smoking or asbestos or all the above probably then. Well, yeah. I mean, God knows how much asbestos was in his school. God forbid how much we know how much asbestos was in his school that was made in like 1920 or whatever. There was asbestos in my school, for God's sake. Me too. The smoking is what did it. He was a full on like two and a half pack a day guy. Yeah. And he, but because we knew he had a limited amount of time, we got to say pretty much everything. And he ended up being, I think, pretty proud of me at the end of the day. And, you know, impressed. And even, and he admitted this too, even a little jealous. So I think there was a part of

him that maybe always did want to be in what that was like. Yeah, you know, and his father, I mean, Christ, if you consider how. Yeah, what his dad did. Well, his father worked in a department store, but it was a Scottish immigrant born in 1905. He is not, he's not here for the, the, nothing but to survive. Fucking explain, explain improv to a Scottish immigrant. Yeah. Yeah. Yes, him. Who comes through Ellis Island in 1920. think of jazz in there and get to work.

Fucking explain the herald to the original John Bowie. Yeah. You mean, mime, son. No, it's different from mime.

It's space work. I can't blame anybody. How quickly two generations could divert up. Oh my God. They're here to strictly survive. Yeah. They really.

I want to dance. Yeah. Like, what the fuck are you talking about? And so around that time. Yeah, so yeah, I was just in this place of like, oh, I can try everything. So I did a little.

stand up. Can I answer a quick question? Sure. Your father really loved watching everything on that monitor, that TV there. Did he ever get to watch you? And did you ever ask him what that was like? What was it like to see me in there? He did.

He didn't leave, he didn't quite live to see me like really develop stability in this town. But he'd say a commercial or? No, he got, I got a short, I got a sitcom gig right after I moved here, just straight up beginner's luck. on like a legal sitcom that lasted for like eight episodes. But he got to watch that. He got to see me in a short, have a short role in a movie called Road Trip with Tom Green.

Yeah, yeah, of course. I play a waiter in Road Trip. Okay. And he was, again, he was, you know, he's not going to, you know, lavish me with praise. He said a couple very, very funny telling things about Road Trip. He was like, well, it's no Citizen Kane, but you and the kids were cute.

Like, okay. All right. I don't know that anyone there thought they were making Citizen Kane. Dad, I don't think that there's anything resembling the elegantly framed shots that you're going to get from... I don't think Citizen Kane had tits, did it? No, it did not. So we have that going for us. Oh, yes.

So that's a false equivalency, Dad. You got something they didn't. You know what I mean? You got something. Did we have a topless Amy Smart in Orson Well's masterpiece? No, we did. not. Also, I'll have you know that neither film won best picture. That's right. Neither film. But, and the other thing that was really interesting,

this was really fucking interesting, was I remember him talking to my grandmother, who was still alive at the time too, and she had seen the film, which is hilarious, that my grandmother went to go see road trip. God bless her. But he, I remember him very specifically saying, like, yeah, it was great watching John on the screen, but at the end, watching the name go up like that. That's awesome. Because it's the family name, you know? And so he, but that was the sort of thing that he wouldn't say to me.

You know, I was in the room, but he would say it to his mother. And again, I sound like I'm being like bitter and petty, and I get it. I absolutely, I really understand this child of immigrants who busted his ass, by the way. and a lot of jobs he did not like. Actually, you know what? He liked one job in his life. This is really interesting. My father enjoyed one job.

He was a page for Jack Parr's original Tonight Show. Wait, so he did have a little bit of taste of it. And he apparently looked at it and goes, It is huge, but he didn't stick with it. And there's people who like, I can, off the top of my head, I can name three or four people who have built careers starting as pages, John Cresensky, Aubrey Plaza, Um, uh, um, Ellie Kemper was a page at NBC. Um, and, you know, there are people who transition from

that into writing or acting or even like executive positions. Well, you kind of picked up a torch where he left off in a way. Very much. That's interesting. I'm so very surprised to hear there was any of that entertainment world. Well, he was drawing. He probably just trying to get a job. He was just trying to get a job, you know. And he, um, and, but I think he, he really enjoyed it. But I think there was a part of him that scared and and you know you you see the instability of the business no you probably see uh jack par um who is the tonight show host you know this but the tonight show host between uh steve allen and johnny carson who was a notoriously temperamental guy and had his own demons to work through probably sees you know you see him yell at people you know who the fuck knows what his

experience was but it scared him off of the business and to see his son not necessarily excel but make a living. And there were, there were moments after I moved to L.A., after I had been on a sitcom, after I had booked a couple of pilots where he was still like, do you need any money? Are you okay? And I'd be like, I'm really okay, Dad. Thank you. But I'm really okay. And it was like half compassion, half, you know, I still can help, you know. Yeah, it was a fascinating guy. He, you know what? He, not only would he have been a decent actor, he would have been a phenomenal podcast guest. Yeah. I'll bet. I'll bet. He would have been a great podcast guess. He had Army stories. He had fraternity stories. He had... Where did he go to college? Colgate University of upstate New York. What year? They're doing frats back then and shit, too. It's an all-male college. You bet your ass they're doing frats. They're not, that's not a co-ed institution. He would have been class of 59. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm thinking earlier in that. But yeah. Okay, so sorry, I made you jump in there.

No, it's right. You start dabbling in a little bit of everything. And we spoke before we recorded, and you mentioned not only depression, but alcoholism. Is that already in play? Yeah, or is this a new thing that happens? No, no, that's, that, I was because my dad was an alcoholic, because his father was an alcoholic, I had such negative connotations with booze for years. What was his drink? He was a big beer guy, but.

Beer and cigarettes. Beer, cigarettes, but Cuddy Sark, too. Okay. He liked, he didn't have the, he would have loved really good scotch whiskey, certainly, but he didn't quite have the budget for it. You know, that's a guy who would have absolutely loved, like a belt of Oban or something, but he, yeah, so I would see him come home with what I called his Friday night face and be like, and it was also, it wasn't like, he was on random, he was on random shuffle when he came home.

He would come home and he would be, you would get really fun dad who's, you know, going to put on some records and sing along. Fun dad might put on an old movie that just happens to be on TV. I predate the VCR, obviously. But you also could get the dad who comes home and lost money at poker and is now mad at the world, including his wife, and they're going to scream and yell. And that's going to be a whole thing. So I didn't drink for years until I was until the year I taught. 22? Yeah.

Okay. So you weren't. I was straight edge. Yeah, you really were. No high school drinking or even though it was in the house. Even though it was in the house. Did mom drink a little every now and then? Not really.

Big smoker, but not a big drinker. So what's when do you? So I'm literally teaching for me to drink and not just any, any, not and I can tell you exactly fucking the first time I got drunk, it was the night of the. my first parent teacher conference where I'm on the other side of the desk. Yeah, dude, that is a lot of stuff. And I, I, because I would go every, my parents would take me to my parent teacher conferences. Yeah, yeah.

And they would make me sit there while my, my teachers said good things or bad things, but I would sit there. And that's what I thought was done. Like your parents took you to the parent teacher conference. God love them. They went together, even post-divorce. This was like, we agree on our son. This is a thing we're going to work on, you know.

And so I was like, okay, you know, and I braced myself. And I was, it was early on in my, in like, my one year of teaching. And I remember there had been a blood drive that morning. So I'm down a pint. Okay. I've given a pint of blood. I stick around at great papers. Parent teacher conference time rolls around.

I have about a relatively light load of about 70 students, about five parents show up. No. That's it. And I got super fucking depressed. depressed. Super fucking depressed. I mean, even if one person represented everybody, we're looking for 70 minimum here, not a 140 number. Yeah. Five. Yeah. Were any of them together? Like, hey, you know what I'm saying? I don't remember. That could be three people. Five parents. It was not a lot. It was not a lot of people at all. I don't remember if anyone, if there were any couples. I mean, it was a lot of moms. This is high school. This is high school. And I was like, people just don't come. And the other teachers were like, oh, yeah, no, you were a total anomaly. Because these were these teachers, had been my teachers, you know. But I was another colleague, so they invited me out drinking. So you're finding out from them that when you would come, your parents and you were a rare thing.

Oh, I'm assuming every, yeah, we haven't a meeting these days. Like you get an appointment now. Nowadays it's a little where my kids go to school. It's a little more. There's a back to school night where we go in and we meet the teachers. And if something's up, we can talk to them. But mostly it's just sort of an over like a curriculum overview. And but also nowadays I get my son's grades emailed directly to me.

You know, there's a lot of, you know, there's a lot of different ways the surveillance state is working. So that night, they're like, come on, bro. And I get, I get shit-faced at the corniest fucking theme bar in New York. Do you remember Jekyll and Hyde? Yeah. He was being the West Village. And there was one up in Midtown. So the West Village one, we go up to the upstairs room, which was called the Lowe.

Laugh all you fucking want Because it's hilarious Hey bro, Vail's fucking pulled man Let's go get loaded Former English teacher Former science teacher Wow He's to see him sitting there

And we're just like And I'm cranberry vodka And I was like This feels great I am no longer depressed This is amazing And a phrase you hear a lot In

You've got weight loss goals And now it's time To actually hit them Weight Loss by him is designed to support you every step of the way. Hymns offers access to an affordable range of FDA-approved GLP-1 medications, including the Wagovi-P-Pil and the Wago v. Pen, so you can lose the weight and keep it off.

Through HIMS, everything happens online. You'll connect with a licensed provider who will determine if treatment is right for you. If prescribed, your medication is delivered right to your door. There's no insurance necessary. And it doesn't stop there. Hems makes hitting your goals seamless by offering access. the 24-7 messaging with your care team and in-app lifestyle and nutrition support, like recipes, meal plans, fitness videos, sleep content, and more.

Ready to reach your goals, visit hymns.com slash honeydew to get a personalized, affordable plan that gets you. That's h-imms.com slash honeydew. Hems.com slash honeydew. Weight loss by Hems is not available in all 50 states. Will go via the registered trademark of Novo, Nord. disc a slash s to get started and learn more including important safety information will go be clinical study information and restrictions visit hymns.com in certain church basements is uh my shoulders

dropped yeah that's got my shoulders dropped look at all the weight i'm carrying on my shoulders man and that's the tricky thing about booze is that they're you know it's a foreign substance you're taking into your body that, you know, in moderation is not terrible, you know, it, you know, it can, it can calm you down. It can, you know, let's say you threw your back out, you know, sometimes it's nice to chase a couple Advil with some scotch to really make sure your back feels better. But, you know, the same way like penicillian, penicillin, penicillin helps you, you know, fight an infection. but if you keep taking penicillin after the infection's gone, you're in trouble. And I was taking booze long after the parent teacher conference was in the rear window.

Tell me, where does it go from there? Do you start drinking at home? Like how long before that, though? Not long after that I started drinking at home. And then by my 30s, I was. Was it always vodka for you, too? You like the cranberry boggs? I liked vodka because you could cut it with fruit juice.

and I had a, you kids in the hall fan by chance? Yeah. Okay. Just talking about Scott Thompson the other day. Oh, Scott's a genius. You remember the Girl Drink drunk sketch? One of their short films, because they would do like the live in front of the studio audience ones, and then they would do the sort of short films called, and this one was called Girl Drink, and it's about a guy who gets fucked up on chocolate margaritas, and like, who cares?

It's a chocolate margarita, you know? There's no shame? Yeah. That's not drinking. You're basically having a milkshake, but I was into that. I was into, like, the girl drinks that came with umbrellas. And I would tell myself, like, oh, but I'm, you know, there's fruit juice in here. I am technically hydrating while I'm drinking.

I'm in my fruit. I'm hydrating, yeah. Yeah, well, this is essentially a salad. I am essentially having a salad here. Come on. I've never heard that lie. So I was a girl drink drunk. I want to use it.

Don't. I don't recommend it. I don't. Slippery fucking slope, Ryan. I really, I can't recommend it at all. But yeah, so I was a girl drink drunk and I would do it at home. And then I move out to L.A. And, well, first things first, you know, grew up in New York City, whole time.

At age 30, I moved to Los Angeles and guess what I have to do? Learn to drive. Oh, yeah. Duh. Did not know how to drive. My high school did not offer driver's ed. My parents didn't. My parents had licenses and were fucking.

terrible drivers. Absolutely, either incompetent or angry, and then they would switch, and they were just fucking terrible drivers. No good driving was modeled for me, possible exception. I'll shout out my friend Ben Posnack, who was the only one of my friends who got his license because his parents actually had a car, which, you know, unicorn in New York City. But Ben turned into a very, very good responsible driver, and I will shout him out. But so I learned to drive in, and I, LA and it's that great year where I, you know, I book a pilot and it goes to series and I pay off my student loans and I buy a used Honda and it's great. And, um, uh, but I also am stopped taking public transportation, but I'm still drinking. And so, and I never got busted, but, but for the

grace of God. I absolutely. No DUI. No DUI, but I mean, but no, no official DUI. Yeah. Yeah, there was some reckless dumb shit. And that's, you know, that's, you know, that's, the only thing that keeps me from being like a straight up low bottom alcoholic because I absolutely, you know, if I had been pulled over and I would have failed a breathalizer, various degrees of fucked up in this. But it got to a point where the hangovers were lasting longer and longer. By this point, I had a couple kids and I was like, I can't keep doing this. And I was also, it was daily? You're drinking daily? like that or I was drinking I'm gonna say yeah I was drinking daily I wasn't getting drunk daily

but I was drinking daily and I was getting drunk a couple times a week and also this is so funny because you know people always look at stuff like the just say no campaign or the dare campaign and they make fun of it and there's reasons to make fun of just say no and all of that but you know what ad worked on me the bus stop ad you would drive paths that said buzzed driving is drunk driving Okay, that one. That resonated. That resonated with me. And it's funny, because I was like, listen, from one marketing copywriter to another, I salute you.

I salute you, stranger. The poor pastor came up that's crying in his cubicle and shit. Yeah. I'm like, listen, I hope you had a good night. And I hope someone gave you a raise because that is working. And so I quit. Can I ask you this question? During your heaviest drinking, give me a day.

Walk me through a day of how you're consuming. and how you're doing it. I'll tell you my last. Because I know we all create patterns about, so we can continue how I can get that drink and that. Well, exactly. Well, there was, it started, um, this is, it's,

there's a phrase you hear in, in the rooms, uh, terminally unique where you think that you're, your drinking is, is absolutely just your personal thing. And it's not like anybody else is. And it can eventually fucking kill you, you know. My terminal uniqueness is the incredibly common story of like, okay, I had a really rough day.

I'm going to have a couple drinks, take the edge off. That goes on for a while. Then it's, hey, I had a fucking great day. Let's celebrate. This is me with food. Yeah. This is, you know, I'm going to, you know, had an absolutely great day. Yeah.

Let's fucking top it off with a little, you know, liquid joy. Then your third and final stop on the road to a hot mess is nothing much happened today. Perhaps if I drink something will. And that, my friends, is, that's the red flag, which I ignored for years. But I remember the last time I got drunk, I was, I had the good sense. Remember, my wife and kids were out of town. I knew I was going to get fucked up. I took a cab.

This would have been before ride shares. I took a cab to the King King in Hollywood, which was right on Hollywood Boulevard. I remember the King King. Yeah, yeah. Right by the. What's the theater over there? It was a cross. It's crossed from Hollywood Toying Costume, if that means anything.

It's crossed from where Second City had a theater for a while. And a lot of those theaters are, they're like churches now anyway. They're not really theaters anymore. But it was a... Pantages. Is it near the Pantages? Yeah, it's a few blocks. A few blocks west of the Pantages, yeah.

I've been to the King King. Not the Frolick Room, which is right next door. That's next door. The Follick Room was also a really fun place to get. The King was, wasn't also Hollywood King? Was it King Street? It might have been. Yeah. Yeah. Um, okay. Don't ask me. I couldn't read the fucking signs. But, um, so I go there and I'm with some friends and I had pre-gamed a little bit because fuck it, I'm not driving tonight. Um, we're at a burlesque show. My wife and kids are out of town.

I just feel myself getting sicker and, and I'm drinking. And like, I'm, I feel like it's starting to wear off. So I'm like trying to like keep it going. And it was just vodka and cranberry that night. But eventually it got to a point where like, I am going to be. sick. Go to the bathroom. The King King was not a really nice restaurant. It was a fucking bar on Hollywood Boulevard. So you need to be very sick if you're going to go to the effort of kneeling on the floor at the King King. Yeah. And like when I'm done, like my knees made that crack sound as you're as they're unsticking themselves from the floor. So that's fun. And I remember staggering back to the bar and the bartender looks at me, grabs a bottle of water, puts it in

front of me. I go to pay and he's like, whoa, no, no, no. You don't, you're fine. You just take that and get it. You've told me everything. I had like a two and a half day hangover. And I had a couple drinks after that, but that was the last time I got drunk. And that was like, God, when was that? Like 17 years ago. Yeah, it'll be about 17 years ago. Good for you. Yeah. I haven't been. But you're lucky, you know, you never got mugged, robbed, jumped. No, I could get mugged sober in New York as a kid. Yeah. Don't worry about that. that. I've been mugged. I'm sorry, do you want to talk about that? No, I've been, I'm New York in the 70s, Ryan. Don't worry about me getting mugged. This guy, I mean,

look at me. You'd mug this. You don't have to worry about, about, I don't need to get, I don't need to get fucked up to get mugged. That's apples and oranges, my friend. So you're telling me that the moment you realize, hey, enough's enough is that bus bench? Um, that was the, um, the final sign. That's one of the, that's one of the, I think all of these things happen, all these things happened within like a month or so of each other was me seeing that bus bench, it really landing with me and then me having the good sense to not drive to the king king and to put myself in caps that night, but still getting absolutely wrecked. And at this point, I'm 39 and a dad and a dad. And, um, You know, you don't like at 39, a hangover is not fixed with like, oh, I'll have a, I'll have a Coke and two Advil and I'll be right as rain, you know, I mean, you really, you have done some stuff to yourself at this point. It takes you a while to bounce back.

And I had like a day and a half, two days of just being. I felt like I had the flu. I had what my father would have called the Irish flu. And it really, really, I'm half. Please don't at me. Don't. I can say that. My mother's name is Eileen, Catherine.

I know it is technically an offensive remark, but come on. Is it? Irish flu. Irish flu is a synonym for hangover. It might be. That's a strong-ass hangover. Yeah. We're not talking about a headache tomorrow.

No, no, no, no, no. We're good to go. This was like, this was, and it's also, and it's the kind of like, yeah, and it's the kind of flu where you've given it to yourself. You know, actually no one to blame but yourself, you know, you didn't catch this from one of your, your kids' friends. This is a fucking flu that you, it was completely avoidable. Yeah.

Completely avoidable. So do you go call? Cold turkey? I went cold turkey. I went cold turkey. I went cold turkey. And I should have gone. I started going to meetings and then stopped going to meetings.

Can I ask you real quick, your cold turkey, did you have any physical response to that? Like just cutting it off? I lost a ton of weight. But I mean any shakes or withdrawal. No, because I wasn't, you know, it was not like a getting fucked up every night. So I wouldn't have given myself like a full on lost weekend delirium tremens. I'm drinking a handle of shit a night. Yeah.

Right. Yeah. I'm a couple glasses of wine to go to sleep and then once or twice a week go deep and really get fucked up. And that is not good, but it isn't the sort of thing that puts you in like full train spotting withdrawal. What happened to me was it actually went pretty well. I had a lot more energy. I ended up sleeping better without any need for anything else. And again, because I'm drinking these fucking vodka-laced milkshakes, I lost like 10, 12 pounds.

Yeah. Forget about the calories and something like that, too. You forget about the calories of something like that. It's not like LaCroy and cranberry or some bullshit. No. No shit. I didn't think of that. Yeah.

So I. And the sugar. You get diabetic? You get down in a really good, healthy way. My eyes felt clearer. And because of that, and I also had like, and I've told this story before, and I don't think he'd mind me telling this. But about two or three months after I quit, I go to a party.

Our friend is having a dinner party in the Hollywood Hills. And I go there and it's going to be my first party after I've quit drinking. So I'm a little antsy and I get there and, you know, it's Hollywood Hills. There's a fucking great bar. There is a great bar at this place. It looks awesome. And I'm kind of white knuckling it. And I sit down for dinner and there's a Diet Coke in front of me and then a guy comes

and sits right where you are sitting with the Diet Coke, and it's Matthew Perry. Wow. And by this point, everyone knew that he had his demons, and, you know, he was, friends was already off the air. You know, he was very publicly sober. And he was, I think, the kind of sober who could spot it in somebody else. I see.

And so every 20 minutes or so, he's like, hey, man, you want another Diet Coke? And I was like, yes, Matthew Perry, I do. And I get, I got choked up about this even before. he died honestly because it was a real it was a real godshot it was a real like somebody is looking out for me it just happens right now that god is manifested as Chandler Bing American's favorite smartest but I fucking Chandler Bing is baby sitting you from alcohol I don't know man but he just kept he would like come back with two fucking frosty diet coach one for you one for him yeah and I was like all right and I didn't sleep that night because I was capped out of my fucking skull

But I was just like, oh my God, what a fucking godsend that was. You would you have drank if you don't have that. I don't know. I would not have relaxed. You struggled less. I would have not. I would not have relaxed. I would not have relaxed had it not been for that moment of him coming in and bringing in these Diet Cokes and being like, hey, this is what we are drinking tonight.

Never mind what anyone else is doing. You and I, we're having Diet Cokes. That's what we're having. So let me ask you this. Have you drank since at all? anything. And can you? Are you? Because I sit across some people that say the same. Like, Ryan, if I have one, I'll have 20 and I'm not exaggerating when I say 20. I'm like, I hear you. I can have half a beer and leave it on the bar. And they're like, I could never do that. But they're just going to throw it out.

Why would you do such a thing? Okay. So wait. It's wasteful. Okay, let's go to that. And that's how I know, by the way. That's how I know. But I hear you. But also, that's a mentality that's put into us from other areas as well with eat all the food on your plate. There are people that are starving and there's that. There is some of that like, you know, don't take this for granted. There are children starving elsewhere. You know, there are children out there. Why spend $8 on a drink if you're only drinking $4 of it?

I hear you. Yes, there is perhaps a certain alcohol math. Economic reasoning behind it. But really, that's happy juice that you're throwing away. Are you crazy? That's, that's numb in a jar that you could be having so you would have more of that feeling you're chasing. And so yeah, just to back up real quick,

you have a way of pulling shit out of people. Thank you. So I would go to AA meetings initially and I told myself I didn't fit in because a lot of AA in Los Angeles, there's a lot of overlap with heavier drugs. There's a lot of people who were like, yes, booze was the starter kit,

but I had a problem with cocaine. And I had a massive pill problem. And I had a pills are risky for me as well. I got to be careful with the pills as well. Any sort of relaxy pill. That's a slippery slope for Johnny. I've got to steer clear of that unless I am prescribed and supervised. But so I'd go to these meetings.

I'd be like, yeah, I mean, I can't hang with these guys. I can't hang with people who were, you know, were literal crackheads. I feel like a poser. I feel like an imposter. I'm, you know, I'm this sort of like white wino who, you know, came in and, you know, I like a Mai Tai or four. And so my imposter syndrome kicked in. I felt like I don't understand any of this stuff. And one of the things they say is the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking.

And I was like, well, I have stopped drinking. So that has been accomplished. Good day. I hope you guys get better. but you're all clearly much sicker than me. Then the pandemic happens. Oh, fuck. That fucked a lot of people.

Fucked a lot of people up. Fucked a lot of people up. And the way it fucked me up and slash kind of saved my marriage and my relationship with my kids and everything is that, you know, six months in the pandemic, I am homeschooling my kid, you know, who would have been end of elementary school. And my daughter, my daughter needed a little less supervision because she was eighth grade and was a little more. of a self-starter. And then when I'm not doing that, I'm up late playing video games. I am fighting with strangers on the internet, very healthy, very excellent use of time because that's how you shift the dialogue and move the needle of history.

Incredible, I recommend it highly. And my therapist was like, you need to get your ass back into AA. And I was like, but how? Like Zoom. They're meetings, John. Don't pretend like you don't know this in your heart. Were you drinking again, though? No, I wasn't drinking again.

But here's the thing. Why, A.A. That's what I wanted to ask. This is the thing I want to talk about. And this is what took me a very, very long time to grasp is you don't go to A.A. Because, or you don't stay in A.A. rather, because you're drinking all the time or you even want to be drinking all the time. You go to A.A. and keep going to A.A. to deal with all the stuff that had you drinking

in the first place. I see. to deal with the anxiety and the fear and the insecurities and all the other things that had you, that made you need, that put your shoulders up so then the first time you had a drink, they dropped. And, you know, I come by it honestly, you know, drunk dad. New York City in the 70s is like living inside a drunk dad. Yeah, great. You know?

Great fucking analogy. Just a mad ass busy All kinds of shit going on all And the news is on always By the way, the news is on always Oh my God Bow way lights all of it No, stop.

You don't shut down. You don't shut down, yeah. Good and that's the other thing is it yeah It's also, it's just incredibly overstimulating And also son of Sam is on the fucking TV Every every Yeah, not a documentary The fucking news about this guy doing.

Yeah. News. And I remember, you know, I remember there was a daily news in the house. I remember reading a horrible article about the Jonestown massacre, you know, just all this really heavy shit that created a very anxious child and then a very anxious adult and then a very angry, resentful adult. And that's the stuff you have to deal with in AA. Very few people come into AA, like, you know, or stay in AA, white knuckling it.

like, oh, man, if I don't have this meeting, I'm going to fucking drink. It's not that. It's going in. I've completely tossed that second A out the window. I apologize to my fellows. But you go in to get a sense of community and common ground with all these other people who drank because they just couldn't deal with day-to-day life or did other stuff because they just couldn't deal with day-to-day life. it's not about the cravings they pass it's about dealing with the person that felt like he had to numb himself so quickly and so harshly and so unhealthfully um so that was the big thing i had to understand about a and now i go once or twice a week oh you still do no fuck okay good oh fuck yeah can i ask you a question we can cut this out if you'd like um you're married at the time is your wife saying hey this is a

fucking problem. Not. Is this, are you coming to a point where you may lose your marriage and you're home? I think I would have eventually. Yeah. I think I would. And not through any like actual like, oh, I'm going to hurt the kids or I'm going to, you know, I'm going to.

But you have an addiction that's a problem. I have an addiction that is, um, that is taking a toll. The rest is, you know, have her on the show sometimes. She'll, she can tell you her side of it. I don't want to speak for her. But no, it doesn't. No. that kind of heavy drinking, which again, you know, not blackout drinking, but that kind of heavy

drinking is going to take a toll on the people you live with, full stop. It just has to. My kids don't remember me. They were three and one when I quit, so they don't remember me, they don't remember me getting fucked up. But they do remember me losing my temper at dumb shit. And that's also kind of embarrassing because I was a dry drunk who wasn't going to meetings, but also wasn't like numbing himself with booze, but hadn't like moved over.

to like, I'm going to be the guy who exercises all the time or whatever. Yes. It's moving the addiction elsewhere. Yeah, exactly. So there was. Or CrossFit now. Yes, exactly. I know.

My God, CrossFit's, yeah, there's a lot of. I know. That's like a mini AA CrossFit. Dude, sometimes I will go to meetings in West Hollywood. If you live outside of Los Angeles, you know that's a predominantly gay city. And there is nothing that will make you feel more. slovenly than like a fucking gym rat sober guy who is just gay and jacked and could beat the shit out of you without even think of it.

And could like absolutely crush me like this and can pull off a tank top. No doubt, dude. Oh, man. My tank top days are over, bro. Yeah. I have one more question because this is interesting to me now with AA. Do you ever find it difficult or falsely, uh, God, what's the word I'm looking for?

A false flag or a false positive in the sense that you're going in there and you're hearing like these other stories. Do you ever find yourself going, I'm not that. I'm not this guy. I got it under control. You know what I'm saying? Not anymore. But at first you did. Oh, absolutely.

That's why I stopped going. I see. You're like, all these people have real problems. I'm just a. Yeah. Yeah. And I had, I even had like a joke about it that I would tell myself and the people around me to kind of like couch it in humor, which is you'll be shocked to learn something of a defense. mechanism.

Something like, okay, I get that it's a disease. You guys have cancer, I have pneumonia. There are degrees with this sort of thing, you know, and, you know, yes, obviously, I am, you know, I don't have like a Charlie Sheen level of this disease, but I've got a fucking ego I've got to deal with. I have a quick temper. I have, and I'm working on these things, and they're better than they used to be. thanks to the meetings, thanks to the program.

Okay. But it is not for me to say what I don't have in common with Charlie Sheen. It is for me to hear the similarities and get from there. And then what I don't need, I can leave, you know? Like, no, as a matter of fact, sir, I do not know what it feels like to shoot heroin into your dick because it's your only remaining vein. I salute you. We've probably had that guy on the show.

Yeah, I was just more of a Paul Jamadi and sideways, right? Yeah, I just like, yeah. But also now the other way around, too, it's like you're seeing where you could head if you don't stop this as well. It is a progressive illness. You're seeing these people like they didn't just jump right into shooting needles in their dick. No. It progressed. No.

It absolutely did. And I, and there were enough, there were enough bad ideas in this period of me like, oh, this ecstasy is wearing off. I'll switch to tequila, you know, which is a really fucking bad idea. Mm-hmm. And where, you know, if that sort of thing happens too much, you're in a really, you're in a really dangerous place, you know. Incredibly reckless, incredibly, incredibly reckless stuff like that. So, you know, again, it wasn't just booze and I did see it getting worse. It is, it's a progressive illness.

Yeah. If not addressed, it absolutely gets worse. And again, there are people who just do not have the bug. My wife is one of those people who will have half a glass of wine and I will breathe deeply into my nose and out of my mouth when the waiter takes that half a glass of wine and throws it out. But she just doesn't have the bug. She doesn't have it. But you've got the willpower, not to slip that sip it real quick, huh? You ever heard the phrase think through the drink?

Yeah. So it's that. You know, like, yes, you'll have that. That won't be it. You know, that won't be it. Once you have that feeling, you're going to be chasing it all fucking. night. You're going to want that cozy weighted blanket that is, that is booze. And you're going to want to, you're going to want, and if you don't get it, you're going to be a fucking asshole. And so

best to just not stop. It's so much easier to just stop than to try to moderate. This is great, man. Thank you for doing this. I genuinely appreciate it. Before we totally wrap up here, I know you're a dad, and I'd like to hear advice you'd give to 16-year-old John Ross Bowie. Well, it's funny, I have a 16-year-old son, to whom I am often called upon to give advice. Does he hear it? I don't know. But I do feel like I'm, I feel like I'm connecting with him more than my father was able to connect with me. Hell, yes.

You know, for a couple of reasons. Not, and that's a whole other hour of the podcast, really. But the big thing I tell him most of the time is to not take the. things quite so seriously. Not take things quite so seriously. You saying this to your 16 year old self as well. Would you go back and say that to him too? Oh, God, yes. Oh, 100% I would. And achieve them on them yourself. Don't take yourself quite so goddamn seriously. Right? When you think everything is the biggest thing in the world or oh my God. And it's very, very hard to convince somebody who is going through it, who is in, who is in up to his neck in adolescence to be like, I swear to God, you will get out of here.

You, I was there. I swear to God. I swear to God I was there and I remember it. But it's, it not only are you going to get through it, you will look back on it with a great deal of amusement. Yeah. You really will. And the other thing I say, and I actually would say this to 55 year old John as well, uh, don't wait to talk, try to listen.

That's great advice right there. Don't just wait to talk. Really, really try to listen. Great, man. Thank you for doing this. I'm so glad this was a delight.

I loved it. One more time, please tell them all of it. Your show, you got HBO Max right now. Stewart fails to save the universe is wrapping up its first season on HBO Max. So that means you can probably,

if you haven't watched it yet, you can probably binge like the first eight or nine before 10 streams. And season two pick up already. Season two pick up already. Oh, yes. Go for you. That's very difficult to get these days.

Very difficult to get these days. Very difficult to get these days. Very, very grateful to get these days. Very, very grateful. Yeah. Really, really nice to, very nice surprise. You have a book. My book, no job for a man.

You can get the hardcover. I also did the audiobook. So if you're not sick of this voice, you could try that. I did the audiobook, which was fascinating. That was much harder than I thought it was going to be. Really? Yeah. It's a different kind of acting.

Because you're yourself, but you're also reading. But you shouldn't sound like you're reading. You should sound like you're just talking to someone, but you are also reading. So there's a lot of variables in that. It's much hard. I have friends who do audiobooks for a living, and I give them mad props because it is very, very challenging field. And, oh, I've got a film called The Brink of War that is probably streaming by the time you're seeing this. that is a completely different from the last two things.

It's literally about the, the 1986 nuclear arms summit in Reykjavik. I play one of Reagan's advisors. Jeff Daniels is Reagan. This sounds like I'm making it up. I don't know why Johnny Sitcom ended up in this docutrama, but there I am. There I am.

I'm as surprised as the next guy. I know, it's very much like, you know, Why is, why is, why is, why is, why is, why is, why is, why is, why is why is, why is, why is, it's very, it's, it's very disconcerting. I get that, but I am in this movie called the brink of war and you can look it up. But yeah, so that's what I have to plug. All right.

Thank you very much. This is a pleasure, brother. Thank you, John. Thank you. Thank you. As always, Ryan Sickler and all your social media, we'll talk to you all next week.