The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - 404: Sam Tallent | Spy Grandpa, Dial Up Days & Moving to Denver | The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler #404

Episode Date: September 21, 2026

SPONSORS: Talkiatry -Head to talkiatry.com/honeydew to complete the short assessment and get matched with an in‑network psychiatrist in just a few minutes. This week on The HoneyDew, comedian Sam Tallent Highlights the Lowlights of growing up in a tiny Colorado town, being the biggest kid in school, and the unforgettable family stories that helped shape him and his comedy career. Sam talks about growing up in the first house in town to have the internet and immediately using it to print color p@rn. We also get into why a collection of passports led him to suspect that his grandfather may have been a spy, what it was like going to school with the same small group of kids, and how he remained confident and comfortable with who he was despite always being the biggest kid in class. Plus, Sam shares how his mother, Betsy, spearheaded his move to Denver, finding him an apartment, helping him begin a new chapter, and even getting him a tattoo. Check out Sam’s latest novel, Brut available now, and catch him on the road at a show near you. SUBSCRIBE for new episodes of The HoneyDew every week. 🎟️See me live. All tickets at www.ryansickler.com/tour 🎤Check out my new standup special “Live & Alive” streaming on my YouTube now! http://youtu.be/PMGWVyM2NJo?si=SrhXjgzR1pe6CyYE 👉 Subscribe for more standup and new episodes of The HoneyDew, The Wayback, and more! http://youtube.com/@rsickler ✅ Subscribe to my Patreon “The HoneyDew with Y’all”! Get The HoneyDew audio and video a day early, ad-free, for just $5/month! Want more? Upgrade to the $8/month premium tier and get everything above plus The Wayback a day early, ad-free, censor-free, and exclusive bonus content you won’t find anywhere else! http://patreon.com/RyanSickler 📧What’s your story?? Submit at [e-mail] 👕Get Your Merch👕 http://www.bonfire.com/store/ryansickler/ 🎧 Listen to my Podcasts 🎧 The HoneyDew - http://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-honeydew-with-ryan-sickler/id527446250 The Wayback - http://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-wayback-with-ryan-sickler/id1721601479 Patreon - http://www.patreon.com/ryansickler 📣 Follow Me📣 ▪ Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/ryansickler/ ▪ TikTok: http://www.tiktok.com/@ryan.sickler ▪ Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/RyanSicklerOfficial 🕸️ryansickler.com/ 🍈thehoneydewpodcast.com/ 🦀Subscribe to The CrabFeast Podcast🦀 http://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-crabfeast-with-ryan-sickler-and-jay-larson/id1452403187 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

La Jolla Comedy Store, one of my favorite clubs in the country. I'm headed back there September 25th and 26th. Get your tickets now at Ryan Sickler.com. The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler. Welcome back to the honeydew, y'all. We're over here doing it in the Nightpan Studios. I am Ryan Sickler. Thank you for watching the show.

Thank you for supporting anything I do. And we're over 400 episodes, which is, it's crazy to me. It's crazy to me. So I'm excited to get into 400 more. You know what we do here. We highlight low lights. I always say these are the stories behind the storytellers. I'm very excited to have this guest back on the honeydew. Ladies and gentlemen, Sam Talent. Welcome back to the honeydew, Sam Talent. What a joy to be back. This is the last episode we did of Honeydew was one of the most beloved appearances I've made in my, uh, my, my, uh, my joy to be back. This is, uh, the last episode we did of Honeydew was one of the most beloved appearances I've made in my, uh, my, uh, long, long, strange trip through show business. I appreciate you repeating that because you said that shit off mic. And then you said, why don't you say that for you? You didn't say why don't. You said, you need to say that again.

And then you showed me your six shooter. And you said, let's do business. Do it. Yeah, no, people with the merch line, a lot of like great, like long, thoughtful emails from people. Just talking about like, what a nice thing to listen to. We have to. You are the best fans. It's like, I say all the time, it's like when your kids go over to sleep or when they

come back and they're like, your child, was so well-mannered and so well-behaved. It was very helpful. Yeah. Thoughtful. I'm like, thank you. You guys aren't blowing it, honey-do fans. You guys aren't at the show screaming and leaving your zins in the urinal.

So I appreciate that. Well, before we get into more of what we're going to talk about today, please promote everything you'd like, including your new book right there. My new novel, Brute, is available right now from Random House. It's about a hitman in Paris doing one last job. It's a sexual violent thriller. I'm very proud of it. If you like knife fights, if you like intrigue, if you like hot, dude action, this one's for you.

A female beach read with the man in mind, boys, a lot of knife fights. Okay. What made you want to write this one? You know what? It's funny. I'm sorry, it's your second book? Third. This is my, so I've, like, I've finished like four novels.

This is the second one anyone's read. And then there's a novella that people have read. So, yeah, the other two were not the, they weren't the commercial offering that Random House wanted to offer on my first big hardcover publishing. And I said, I'll play ball. And this is, I had 30 pages on a hitman who was killing a guy with his gun failing. So he had to like smash him with like the barrel of the gun.

And I had this line about it was like a spoon through mango. and I was like, all right, I want to explore that more. So then I wrote this, man, and I'm really proud of it. Congrats. It's out today. It's out today. It's out today that's the 22nd. Anywhere you can get books?

Anywhere you can get books. Did you do an audiobook for it? I read it. You did. It's your voice? Yeah, and I also don't. There's a lot of French and Italian in this book, and I don't speak either. So, have you ever read an audio book?

No. Oh my God. Don't do it. It's the worst thing I've ever done. I've done stand up in Gillette, Wyoming. Gillette Wyoming. This was worse. How many pages are in this book?

386. How long did it take you to read, to finish the audiobook of 386 babies? Guess. I mean, it's a lot of repeating and a lot of, I mean, I produced so much, even did supervise VO for, for, I mean, a 30 second promo would take us a couple hours sometimes. God, two months. Four days. Fuck you, dude. Blasted it, bro.

Yeah. And you know, wow. So I had a director. I'm thinking you did it with like a day or two here. and there over time or whatever. Right there in Detroit, man, my man, Science was on the ones and twos through the glass. And then I had the director in headphones. And as I'm reading it, the director would be like, oh, my God, great tank.

But actually, it's Gemma Pel. And I'd be like, got it, no problem. Gemma Pel. And he'd say, oh, so close. It's Gemapel. And I'd say, okay, sorry. Gemapel. And he'd say, oh, we're right there.

And it was that back and forth. As Science, my producer just was laughing in the other room, dying at my frustration. But the guy who directed it was like, I wasn't worried and I knew we were going to bang this out quick because you're a comedian. And you guys are the foot soldiers or show business. And whatever the job is, you guys always rise and figure it out because you guys are always thrown in shit that you're not good at and that you have no like want or expertise in doing. And you guys always do it. And I was like, well, thank you for saying that. And he was right, man.

I mean, just plowed through. Also, I read a bunch of David Sedaris before. So it kind of sounds like David Sedaris reading a book about a gay hitman annihilating world okay yeah um well let's talk about your world because last time we here we talked about your dad we talked about your mom let's go back and talk about you from okay sure um who are you what do you like what do you who are you as a kid are you getting in trouble or you know what are you doing as a youth i am uh i'll tell you there was a time as i get older the more i understand there was like this real like weird pivotal moment where like my dad was the first person to like have the

internet in our small town from elizabeth colorado real small town and with the internet and me being 12 13 6 7th grade 8th grade i was like the first kid to have like color printed pornography like in all of elber county brother i had a whole operation what do you mean i'll tell you uh we had a color printer because my mom was like, you know, getting her degree in landscape architecture. So she had to print off all these insane things. And then my dad, like, you know, worked in loan care. So that's a lot of different things to a lot of different people. We had this printer. And I would like download porno and then print it off. But like if you were into redheads, I had this like boutique operation where I would sell printed pornography at school, whatever you need.

Okay, hold on. Let's go back to that. Sure. You're talking about photos. Photos. Okay, so if I say, hey, I want a big booty black girl with a blonde wig, you're Googling and finding that back then. Oh, yeah. And then you would print it out. Print it out.

On what? Like just a regular notebook piece of paper or am I getting glossy? What does that cost me? No, I would have loved to have glossy. Glossy, I would have bought a boat. If I had glossy, if the sheets could have, if they could have been jockey. is free. If kids could have traded these, like, Pokemon cars, if I was laminating them, if I had like a library, see, if I had more time to think about the actual business of it,

yeah, 100%. Wait, how much are you charging for per photo or what are your packages? I can't remember. I think that there was a lot of trade in Pokemon cards too involved. Because you can remember, I was also a boy. Of course. I was high school, right? No, I was in middle school. And I know that it was sixth grade specifically because I went to a different, we moved middle schools later on. So I know I was in sixth grade. And it was this like operation where I, this was, I'm 39. So this is right around like 98, 99. So you remember the kind of pants that the kids were wearing. A lot of pockets. A lot of big, deep, complicated pockets. Think orgy music video. Think underworld. The, you know, what if vampires and werewolves were in the matrix, that kind of gear. And I had this pair of shorts.

And it had all these zipper pockets. And in one pocket, it would be the busty black women with wigs that you might have like. Over here I had redheads. Back here I had girl on girl. There was like Asian pockets, you know. Asian pockets. Yeah. Yeah.

Asian pockets. Okay. So hold on. Are you coming? Oh, yeah. Sort of a bunch. Yeah. Everyone was.

And I was at the wheel, man. Yeah. Yeah. The Jiz Express was off the rails. Let me say it this way. Are you show arriving? Oh, yeah. Are you sort of proactive or are this pants full of personal requests?

No, no, no. So I'm coming and I'm providing. Okay. You don't take... Hey, if you like this, I got this. To be fair, I did take a couple of Christina Aguilera requests. That was huge at the time. Was there naked photos of her?

No. What you had was the very early Photoshop of like Britney Spears head. And then as soon as it hit her clavicle, it's a different skin tone. And now there's like seven dicks. inserted in it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, well,

what did Brittany get up to this? When did you find the time? So there was a couple requests for like Britney Spears, Christina, Trish Stratis, I remember. Trish Stratis was a, was a WWE divo.

Oh, okay. And she was classically beautiful. And I had a lot of her. Yeah, and I would like trade it for like, you know, if we were at lunch, it'd be like,

hey, uh, I got a power aid. Can I get a porno for a power aid type thing? So it's kind of like a jail operation, really. And just a regular eight and a half by 11 sheeted up?

Yeah, Just like what you would print any tax documentations on. How much ink are you rolling through back then too? My God, those things were hundreds of dollars. I know. And not just ink, but also hard drives. Because like, this is lime wire. Oh, man.

So you're cooking through your parents computer. Because you got to have that smash mouth track, you know? But in that smash mouth track, for the listeners who don't know about lime wire, it was like this weird flea market that was on the internet. You had Kazaw, you had all these different file sharing platforms. And you would type in like aquabats, fury of, hoping to get an album of ska music. But for whatever reason, as you're trying to download that real album that your little boy ears want, you would also get like violent pornography, beheading videos.

They would just be also in there. And also there'd be viruses. So you're just hooking your parents' personal computer all the time. And then you have to come up with elaborate lies as to, oh, no, I was trying to play Magic the gathering on this like bit torrent site but like it i got infected i'm sorry all right so hold on let me take you back to the beginning please what i've thought about this in a while even think to do this are you just personally watching for your own pleasure at first what the when do the the capitalism come in you know what's weird news i wasn't even masturbating yet that's what was weird so i said the

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For Rupert Murdoch, then I was Larry Flint. I saw a gap in the market, and I had the means to create and meet that need with my parents' personal, you know, computer and internet service, and I provided it to a voracious clientele. Some would say dangerous and need it like drugs at that age. Yeah. And it was quite the enterprise, and it was fruitful for a long time. How long?

I think I had a great rain. Probably six weeks, something around that. It wasn't two months, but there was definitely a time when I, like, had a bunch of cool trading cards. And I know what it was from. It was from this endeavor. And when did it end when someone else got the internet in the neighborhood? No, no. You got to call it.

It ended. See, this is what I was about to ask you. Kids are sloppy. They're messy. Somebody's mom or dad is finding something somewhere. And then they're also pussies. And they're going to point every finger at you because they don't want any blame. So who was it?

In this endeavor, it was my own mother who found it. Really? Oh, yeah, old Betsy right there. Hi, P. Yeah. Hey, Mom, I'll never forget what you said and what I said in return because it was so fucked, man. I came home from football practice. And it was that thing where you just get home and then you strip all your clothes off and you hop in the shower.

Mom picks up my clothes that I wore to school that day. On this day, it was that huge pair. khaki short. She's hit an Asian pocket. She hit every pocket there was. She hit pockets that science hasn't got to these trenches yet. I mean, the lust that's in a little boy's penis, it's the horniest

time of a person's life. I can't imagine being a mom picking my kid's pants up. There's 12 naked foot or whatever is in his pants. Well, well curated. There's troves and iterations and offerings of pornography. This is a very well thought

out collection. I mean, it was like a museum quality. It's curate, yes. I could have worked at the broad. If they did, if they did like an installation of like what was getting teenagers hard in 1999, I could go and sit on the board of that and like nail it. I mean, that pair of pants just displayed and then removing the contents would speak volumes. It was a time capsule.

If you would have buried those in the Smithsonian. Beginning internet time, beginning Photoshop. It's a lot going on in there. A lot of history. I mean, what was driving the car to once? How'd you even know to fucking learn Photoshop and stuff? Oh, I didn't do that. That was available.

Oh, what you were downloading was doctor already. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I did not at all. You weren't that extent. No, no, no, no. It wasn't the Zapruder film. And so, mom, what, waits to you come out of the shower and then hit you with it? Oh, not waits.

Comes in there, screams, what the fuck is this? Like the worst, it could have gone. What the fuck is this? And I'm like, what? And she rips back the curtain, holds it up. I'm like, mom, you know, I'm covering. up the three pubs I have. And she's like, get out of the fucking shower.

She's upstairs in my room waiting. I have to, like, get dressed as my mom's, like, berating me. And her big thing was, obviously, now I understand that she was afraid that, like, she had a lot of disdain for the place where we grew up. She was, like, trapped there. She met my dad on the road examining banks. And then he's like, let's move back to this, like, small town that I'm from. My mom's a hippie from Cleveland in the 60s.

she's at Kent State. Like she is an activated individual. Is she there during the shootings? Dude, and that's the weird thing. It's like, I don't know anymore. When I was a kid, she was there. Yeah, in the 60s, that would have been it. And now I initially I told the story that she was there.

And then my dad hit me up and was like, she wasn't there. But now I've heard my dad tell people that she was there. So like, I'm not sure, dude. Like, I honestly don't know. But I don't think now that I'm older, I don't think she was there. But she went to Kent either right before or right after. and she was activated by this. Certainly during that time period for sure.

And she wouldn't have been the kind of person to talk about being at something like that because she was a very quiet person. And the song wouldn't come on and she'd tell you about it then. Yeah, yeah. No, that song was on a bunch. Would she tell you then? No, no.

But like, as I got older and I started reading more Howard's Inn. And her relationship with the police was always complicated because she was a real like comeback with a warrant, like fuck you. Oh, really? Betsy won't play it. Betsy was like, don't answer their questions. They're always lying. Like they're only trying to.

Where's that come from? From Cleveland living with like black people in Cleveland, which was a black city in the 60s. Her own class rebellion against her like, you know, father who had an insane job that my sister is like pretty sure that he was a spy because we found all of his passports. And like he had this job where he never talked about it, but he got paid by like all these different holding companies from all the steel companies of the day in Cleveland. So he was like an accountant for steel companies who literally in one of his passports, One morning he was in London, he woke up, he flew to Beijing, he flew back to London.

Like same day, he was on the same like 18 hour flight. Weird stuff had like a, had like a bunch of like strange memorabilia that not like Nazi stuff, but like shit you don't get unless you're like kind of implanted. Weird, weird guy, very quiet. You never got to know him well? He wasn't a big talk to his male grandson. All right, we're going to come back to that for a second. He's cool.

He just didn't know how to deal with dude. What about mom? So mom grows up in Cleveland. So she's really worried that now that I'm going to knock up some girl in this small town and get trapped there because her whole thing is, are you having sex? Are your friends having sex? How's a little fat boy? Like I was already at this time like going to nutritionists like trying to figure out like why I maintained the weight I was at despite like the eating plans I was on and like playing sports year round and like being outdoors. you know, a small town shit. So I know now that she was just so scared that I was going to wind up stuck.

And she didn't want that for her son or her daughter later on. So she was like, are you having sex? And I literally was like, no, mom, I'm still your little boy. That was my response. Word for word. No, mommy, I'm still your little boy. I'm still a good boy. And it was this insane death of innocence in real time that is the crux of like why this is always stuck out to me as this like,

real and fucked up thing that happened. Because, like, I was seeing my mom's entire perspective on me, her son, her beloved baby bear, like, immediately die. Like, oh, he's a little disgusting boy, like they all are. He's going to knock up one of these small town girls and wind up, you know, stuck in this town that she did everything to remind us was not how the world worked. Like this town's small-minded ideals were not reflective of the bigger thing. there. So that's what it was, man. And that's why I was so heavy because like she just her,

my entire esteem in her eyes was ruined. Well, also in Betsy's defense, if you don't mind, she's going from my innocent little virgin boy to a, not a condom rap or anything, a pants, pockets full. Okay. Not one picture. Yeah. Uh-huh. So for her, it's zero to Jesus fucking Christ. I didn't know this much pornography exists. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. In the world. Where's he getting it? I mean, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-all of it. Oh, my God, is that Britney Spear? All of it.

Why did he have it at school? Yes. And how long has this been going on? Right. I mean, just, just, why are only the black lady's kissing? Yeah. There was a lot to decode.

A lot. She got, it was like the whole dude. That's not for me. That's for Gary. It's cool. It's fine about it. No, no. That was for Andy.

Andy loves it. And is that when it dies? Oh, yeah. Oh, I bet it. It's a lot of it. The whole middle school was devastated. It was devastated. Hold on to those photos, guys.

The flag was at half-mast. Yeah, for sure. A lot was at half-mast after I was locked up. Yeah, for sure. Okay, so tell me about, is Betsy still with us? No, no, my mom passed. When did she pass? Oh, we talked about this.

That's right. Your dad was actually there for her. Oh, he was the best. In the end, after all of it. And you know what, a fun thing? I think I told the thing about how. And she allowed it. Allowed my dad there?

Yeah. Oh, I mean, I'm sure. I'm sure that he. had bruises on his wrist from how hard and ardently she clung to life. Like, yeah, no, I don't, I hope. I honestly, now that I say that, I think that there was probably a bit of relief in her because, like, her situation was, she was reduced so much from, like, the powerhouse that she was, you know?

I bet it would be tough to, like, go from being the sun in the sky to, like, only being the moon, you know? Like, that was my mom. So, uh, you tell me about dad, though. Dad rocks. We talked about dad last time a lot. He was completely there for her. But he told me a fun thing because I...

But wait, were they married the whole time? Oh, yeah, yeah. Okay, they were. Yeah, they were together 43 years. Because his joke was when he came up to tell me, like he drove right up from her dying to my house in Fort Collins and was like, you know, your mom's dead. And then I like, me only went to go make coffee. And he said, you know, it's just a shame.

You know, we made it 43 years. We were supposed to make it 50 and then bang, double suicide. And that was like the second thing my dad said. So I always loved that. And then I told him that recently. I was like, dude, that was such a generous thing for you to do for me in that moment, like, to be funny and to be so funny and so wicked and so like mom funny. And he was like, well, you know, I actually ran that on your mom.

And I was like, what? And he was like, yeah, yeah, like, as she was dying, like, I tried it out on her and she laughed. And I was like, what? You psycho, you did that for your dying wife? And he was like, yeah. And I was like, God, I love you. That's so great. That is awesome.

That is so awesome, you psycho. because I like hope that I can be able to provide that like all to to anyone in that moment you know there's this book called angels by Dennis Johnson and there's a line in there that's like this guy's on death row and he says something along the lines of like even now in this moment there was still a time to say a prayer for his fellow man and it's like to do that like when your world's collapsing and you still like put a little bit of joy out like fuck that's that's beautiful and heavy I agree yeah man I agree I'm getting all tear is all right yeah yeah I love it.

I wanted to ask you, you had sort of passed along. Your mom met your dad on the road. What did you say? Examining banks. Examining banks. Yeah. What the fuck is at me? So they both worked for the Federal Reserve of...

And you're saying that your grandfather might have been a spy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dad's dad? No, no, my mom's dad. Okay. So they both work for Federal Reserve. I mean, that's, you know... Well, so the Federal Reserve is going to trigger a whole bunch of different YouTube algorithms right now.

because there's a lot of different ideas about what the Federal Reserve does and who it serves and if it's a private bank. And anyway, not a rabbit hole I'm going to go on on here. But my mom and dad worked for, they were both bank examiners. And my mom kept working for the Fed for a long time. But their whole thing was they would go on the road and they would audit small town banks in Colorado to like make sure that like, you know, there wasn't any malfeasance, any kind of like creative financial stuff. and so they would be on the road and they'd be in like fruit of colorado or they'd be in benet colorado or they'd be in like you know grand prairie like weird places where no one goes

and it'd just be like these weird people with degrees because they have a job for the fed like in these small towns and yeah they met like on the road I think in Pueblo and uh yeah they were they were quickly in love and they were until you know she died screaming yeah man I know um Okay, so you, let's go back to you growing up a bigger kid, you know, overweight kid? Yeah, big fat kid. Like 99 percentile in height and weight, like for sure. Immediately were you a big baby and everything? Were you bigger than all the elementary school kids too?

Yeah, yeah, I was, I gaped to my mom. I was like, you know. What age do you remember being taller than mom and dad? Oh, I mean, there's photos where it looks like my dad's holding a three-year-old and I'm like eight months old. It's insane. Like the gear my mom had to like augment my pants. She would buy me like adult male pants and then cut off like 10 inches off the bottom because I was quickly out of the husky operation.

And like no one in my family was big besides like these weird kind of like Missouri like kind of mutant kin that we have. Like there was a guy named. Missouri mutant. Yeah. Like like sorry. Like I usually usually. usually I'm funnier, but now we're talking seriously. But yeah, they were, yeah, they were, you know, I don't want to say deliverance, but very much like, of the hills and like overalls or what they wore to funeral type people.

And there was this motherfucker named Clarence Jr. Who was like my grandpa's something. Like every, sometimes he was a cousin. Sometimes he was an uncle. Sometimes he was a nephew. But he'd just show up and chew red man and like be the biggest hulking freak I've ever seen. So like, as I was getting bigger and big. bigger. My dad would always be like, well, there's Clarence Jr., you know? And I was like,

the grossest guy there is? That's my comparison. We're hoping that those are how my genes are going to progress as I get older. Is old bibbs Clarence? So yeah, it was a complete anomaly and strange. Got into sports very early. That was pivotal. And were you good at it, though? Or was it hard to because your body's so big you don't really know how to use it yet no i mean yeah there's an awkwardness to any kind of like you know progression through age but like no i mean there was weird there was things to figure out like dude i had a teacher it was either miss Travis or miss storage either way i love you both they're still tight with the family one of them had to get me a chair did i talk about this on this last time i don't know i've talked about on something but she

had to like find me a chair because like i broke a chair in like second grade. When you sat on it, it broke? Yeah, like exploded, which you want to talk about tough ones? Yeah. You know, hard to get happy after that one. The second graders are so kind when shit like that happened. Right, but like the beauty of where I grew up is that as we got older, like, we were all

together from kindergarten on pretty much. Like new kids would come, but no one ever left, really. So like, as you got older, it was really tough to like be too cool for school when you were the kid who passed out at the hall of life when they showed you a woman's vagina for the first time. Is that you? No, I was this kid Joe Rosetta. Shout out Joe.

Great guy. Like, I remember all these guys. Wait, he passed out. Oh, yeah. It was like this thing at the Natural History Museum where it's like, this is your body changing. And it was a thing you could walk through to show you puberty. Uh-huh. We get in there, dude, and Joe Rosetta made a noise like this.

It was too much. Dropped. And then this kid's dad, like, had like PTSD flashbacks from the war and was like, don't worry, buddy. I got you. I got you. I scooped him up and ran out of the room. Yeah, dude.

Yeah, yeah, sweet Joe. I was thinking it's in a class. No, it was at a museum. It was a field trip. So now Joe has to ride back on the bus having just whimpered to the point of passing out because he saw like what female vagina looked like. And just couldn't take it. Yeah.

And then this man who was in like Grenada was like, I got you. No one dies on my watch. I'm like ran him out of the room. I forgot about that. That ruled. Yeah. Just an adult stranger manhandling this child. Yeah, the student aide, like the, you know, the chaperone or whatever.

Yeah. So, no, there was, there was weird. So you couldn't be too cool, you know? Yeah. Because we all knew each other too well. Just passing out. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Right. And it's public. There's not just everybody you know. There's other people to this day. Yeah. I was in a fucking museum one.

He's ready to kid just dropped. Yeah. Yeah. Just dropped. Yeah. Sorry. Sorry, Joe. I don't want to.

I know you're living a successful life, but I was there, man. So does sports help you sort of acclimate into being the bigger? Are you are the only one? Um, yeah. They're not a big kid or no, I was. You know, my town had maybe 800 people at the time. I was the biggest kid. for sure, besides my neighbor who was fatter than me.

And at one point they sat us down. He was a year younger than me. And they like sat us down. And they were like, hey, so, you know, you're having a tough time because you're bigger. But like, everyone loves Sam. Like, maybe you could copy some of his patented moves. And they, like, tried to have me, like, two or this. This was, like, a guidance counselor.

Yeah. It was really early. I was, like, second grade. Like just in life? Yeah. Oh, I thought this was like high school coaches being like, no, no. Like, Sam's acclimated to his weird body. Like, why can't you?

Isn't that strange? Yeah. You're the before they're trying to get to him to fucking be. 100%. Just watch how he does this big weird kid does shit. And you do that. It's like the only way that I can give him any tips is if we're getting into a swimming pool. Like I can show him some cool cannon balls, but you can't bottle what I got tuts.

You know, it's kind of. That's crazy. for someone who's supposed to understand humans to say, don't be an individual. Just do what that big guy does. I think it speaks to empathy and fear of how tough this kid's life could be. And like you're a teacher and you're trying to help and you're like, there's a crazy idea, but like let's try it. I think that's more.

Fair enough. It's like prairie medicine. That's nice of you. I was trying to look for the empathetic. What's prairie medicine? What's that? It was a real small town. So it's a bunch of people who are like trying to figure out problems that.

Is that your term? I've never heard Prairie Medicine I think Prairie Medicine is from Oh Pioneers by Willa Cather It's a novel about the prairie I think that's where I heard it It could be from It could be from another novel

Called Plain Song Sorry This thing about reading is then you get to like steal All this cool shit that other smarter people have said And then you say it and people are like Whoa, is that yours? And then initially you say yes That's mine

But then as you get older you're like No someone better than me said that first. No, I mean, instead of saying me, let me say someone's smarter better than me, so it makes me also look smarter. Well, just like, I don't want to be busted online being like, Sam Talent didn't come up with pre-medicine.

No, someone will AI chat that shit or whatever. Here comes right up, yeah. It's been used 4,000 times. Sam Allen said it eight times. When do you, or do you ever fucking go, yeah, this is who I am and I feel comfortable physically in this body? I never feel weird about it, dude. You did?

I know, like, I always had friends. people were making you for sure no shit that really is the other way that weird yeah you were always comfortable with who you were in your size or whatever I'm good with it but it was the other outside people making you question things I'm not saying that I was stoked to be no 325 pounds in ninth grade wait 325 6 4 325 as measured in weight bigger than your fucking teachers and everything oh dude that was the biggest were people terrified of you no not at all because they knew me forever so like as got bigger and bigger. There was no looming threat of me suddenly becoming a master of violence and chaos. I was always the funny goofball that like played t-ball with these kids. That's the thing I'm

saying is like you couldn't ever pivot from like who you were. No matter what they said to you, it's always like, whatever, want you to go look at another pussy and pass out. Yeah, yeah. That kind of thing. Yeah. Or it's like, okay, look, I know that you're a goth right now, but like no one's scared of you shooting up the school because you were a cowboy last year. And before that, you were like trying to be a painter. And there was a white rapper phase in there too. God, dude. Shout out to the trailer park lotus.

Shout out to the Elbert County Cruisers, the Elizabeth Cronick Cruisers, the rival set. The ECC, there was rival set. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. For sure, dude. The trailer park was like. So it's so small.

You're all growing up together. There's no hiding from the truth. And where's the trailer park? How close is that? In town. That was in town. And did you have friends that live there and stuff? I had, I wouldn't say friends.

because it was such a transient community. So a lot of people never, like, stayed there. But as people got out of high school, that was like a first stop for the kids that were seniors and now they're just 19 year olds in town. So I spent some time there. That was a heavy duty place. There was a lot of like crystal meth, like a lot of like juggalo adjacent behavior. Not even adjacent.

I don't want to besmirch the juggalo's. They're great people. But the people that happened to be smoking a lot of crystal meth and selling it also happened to be juggalo's where I grew up. How about that? And are they dressed? Are they in their juggalo gear? Oh, yeah.

All day long? Yeah. I mean, juggalo gear, to be fair, is just giant blue shorts. I guess I'm meaning the face. No, no, no. That was only battle paint. That was only battle pain. I have seen a kid show up to a organized fight painted, like jugged out.

I've only ever heard, honestly, good things about their community. Couldn't agree more. I've only ever, I know people want to clown them, whatever, because it, whatever. But the truth is, as it comes out, I've only ever heard good things about their community. And also, apparently they do like a killer festival. And I want to say Ice Cube and these people have gone and done it. They offered me this year. They didn't work it out. But you know who they had was Sarah Sherman from S&L. They had Sarah Squirm who is like, when I saw that, I regretted passing because I would have loved to have seen her.

I think that would be such a fun fucking show to do. Their community, man. Yeah. And they're there to have a good fucking time. They're not going to be uptight about bullshit. I'll tell you, I bet you they're a lot fucking more, you know, looser than a regular comedy club. Oh my. For sure. Oh, they're not mad at anything except for you being a hack who sucks. Like, that's the only big fear there. Or coming at them for their way of life, you know what I mean?

Dude. They're just minding their fucking business. And you know, they're just Americans. And the thing is that it's a big class. It was an easy way to kind of class shame the kind of like, you know, like it was punching down. Anyone who was ever like juggalo's are weird. It's like you never spend time with a juggalo. And also you've probably never been to Omaha.

Like you've never been anywhere outside of your bubble, like, you know, your ivory tower where you get to look down on like the majority of people. That's the gathering. It's like that's such an interesting thing because they save up all this money that they earn through blue collar labor through being teachers, through having, you know, actual jobs. And then they save it up and it's their burning man. But I kind of like that. Fuck, yeah.

Save your money. Christmas. Whatever. You go be with your job. a community. Something to look forward to that you enjoy. You see the homies once a year. You're with your squad.

Your kids are chilling. They're growing up together. It's pretty sick. How's that any different than people who go fucking do whatever it is they do once a year? It's just more sincere. That's the issue. It's easy to shit on stuff when it's sincere. But it's not just, I mean, it's called together.

But there's musical acts, comedy act. Like there's a lot going on. A great nudity. It's big names. Big natties too. That come that perform. You know what I mean? they're very well respected and within the industry.

It's also like one of those things when you find out as you get older, too, like MC Hammer apparently was a badass. Yeah, yeah. You know about that? Yeah, yeah. Like from Oakland. He was legit. Yeah.

Oakland bat boy. M. C. Hammer. Dumbified. Dumbed. Dump C. whatever.

They said, Mm-mm. Yeah. All the rappers are like, you do not fuck with MC Hammer. The first time I heard, I laughed. And then I kept hearing it. Yeah. I kept.

And I was like, oh, you don't fuck with. They're like, you don't fuck with him. Yeah. Like you could, that little uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh, he could a hold as it is uh-oh, motherfucker. He's a badass. Also, if you're in a position in your life where you have beef with MC Hammer, you need to reassess you. That's not on hammer. The man wanted to bring big pants to America.

Yeah, and he's fucking told you can't touch this. Don't fucking even try. Yeah, yeah. Don't even try. Yeah, I mean, there's also vanilla ice was available at the time. True, true. You could have, do you want an easier target? So then growing up, uh, after you get out of high school where you,

going. Do you go to college? Yeah, yeah. I went to Metropolitan State College of Denver. It was a commuter school. I had insane scores. I regret not going to Dartmouth. That's one thing. You had an opportunity? I could have explored it more. There was like offers from schools for football. That's what I wanted to. Did you play football at this school that you went to? No, no, no. I was going to play at CU, but I did not get the, I had to pivot late. And then, could you have played there? I could have played it. Yeah. Yeah. And what position? Offensive line. Yeah.

Yeah. What do you guard? The issue was I didn't take the program seriously enough. I was all state, but I was not beloved by the head coach. Yeah, and you're all state. It was all state. That's a big deal. Colorado.

Left tackle. I was right tackle for a blind. That's blind side. I was the right tackle for a left-handed quarterback. So yeah, like, I was very good, but I wasn't like a big, you know, yes man, follow all the rules. Like I found this out later, but like I was always in. in a class that a teacher or that a coach had. A coach would be teaching a class every morning that I had.

Not because I wouldn't show up because it was a good student, but to smell my letter jacket to see if I was smoking cigarettes on the way to school. It's that kind of thing. And what, you get immediate dismissal if you're smoking cigarettes? No, but it was like you couldn't smell like SIGS if Coach Blackham was your first class. So like I would self-police enough to know that like, okay, I can't wreak like SIGs. I can't smoke on the way to school. You were smoking at that age?

Oh, yeah. What age? High school. I started smoking when I was, I actually started smoking New Year's Day, uh, 20, 23. That was our New Year's resolution. Me and my friend Zach, we're going to start smoking. Wait, three years ago? Sorry, 2003.

I was like, you just started. I'm only 22 years old. I should have framed this correctly. I'm sorry. Okay, 2003. Yeah, 2003. And you start smoking. Yeah.

Chesterfields. Oh my God, dude. My friend's dad who did construction smoke chest. Chesterfield. Well, you know what? The only time I ever fucking heard of Chesterfield. They were buy one, get one free. Is that what it was?

Yeah. So we get like two, we get 40 Chesterfield cigarettes for $3. It's like you had what you needed. Yeah, we started smoking. And like I smoked weed very early. Because the issue was, is like there was this like big, I, my mom was there to tell me, you know, don't listen to them. They're lying.

Fuck them. Don't do what they tell you. Like that kind of like shit, you know. And, uh, you're smarter than these people. She was very condescending in her appraisal of everyone we lived with, but she's like, look, you're going to get the fuck out of here when you're 18. And none of this shit's going to matter. So like, she's building this in you. Put your head down, do the job. You're going to escape. It wasn't that clear, but that was everything. Now I understand like why school was so important. I took the SAT. I was an SAT prep from like fifth grade on. Damn. Yeah. Like I was in like every gifted and talented program. Like I was in. What did you get on the SAT? I ended, that's what's funny is I ended up taking the ACT because I was going in state. So I was like, I didn't, but if I went to Dartmouth, like my SAT T scores could have applied. Anyway, long story short, I forgot what we're talking about.

Sorry, I just started kind of. Your bomb instilled in you, you're getting to fuck out. You're getting the fuck out of here. You will not be here. Keep your head down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, but a part of that was is also I was allowed to hang out with like the bad kids. But you were in the gifted and talented.

college preparatory shit from elementary on, but you're still. But I'm still smoking weed with the Barry brothers, you know? The Barry brothers. Yeah. And like the cool thing about my dad was my dad was from this town. So like all the old Hesher's that were like there, like my dad did their taxes. Literally there was a guy named fucking lizard, bro, who was like, I think sons of silence. He was straight up, look like Zizi top.

You'd hear him coming down the driveway. And his daughter's name was Bunny. And me and Bunny used to go on little dates in like kindergarten. But this guy was like full patch of something. And my dad did his taxes. So like all these freaks would be around a lot because my dad was cool. And the Barry's, you know, Reed got in trouble. But I was in his band despite him already going to Juvie at this time.

Because I was the only drum. Oh yeah. Reed would get he would the thing Reed Barry would disappear. Come back. He'd have even more defined abs. And you know, he'd be able to do now 45 chin up. So just like Reed would go away and then come back more chiseled. And he could do more.

pushups. Yeah. But Reed also got in trouble for like a gun in middle school. Like like that kind of. It was like heavy. There was heavy shit going on where I grew up. Like it was. Well now I'm fucking starting to think about it.

It's Colorado too. What is it with you guys and guns and your schools early on? Oh, so it's the, it's the birthplace of the American Libertarian Party. You have the purple and you, it's so purple. You have red and blue. And you have all these people who specifically in Albert County, which was part of the brush fire rebellion where all these hippies move there. in the 70s and 80s to try and take over city council

and like create this kind of utopia on the lanes. I don't know any of this. No one does. It's very hyper specific. Okay. But I'm trying to give more of a micro versus macro of where I grew up. So like you had all these like far out rebels kind of and then you had like now where I grow up there's a straight up white supremacist gym like in the same building where the library

was when I was a kid. No. In Colorado? In Elizabeth Colorado. What do you mean in a building? like the old they built the gym there now yeah yeah now they repurposed the space and and it's just the fucking it's like straight up like how do you get away with flags it's at flags yeah yeah it's not underground no not at all underground like well reported on white supremacist gym you know and they're not getting

bombed every night or anything like that bom by who the people who are proud to have them as neighbors like that's the issue is that what you were asking about i don't know about welcome but there's so much like stay off my land and don't tell me what to do that is inherent to specifically Eastern Colorado. I see. Which is not the hippie-dippy Boulder. God. This is, this is Kansas. Okay. So like, and not to besmirch Kansas, but. It's like two different states. It's like four different states. Okay. Yeah. So this part, you're saying the mentality is if it's going to be, hey, stay off my land. Don't tread on me. Leave your fucking. Then I can set up shop as a racist motherfucker over here. And you got to let that go too. It's kind of like he pays his taxes.

Like that's the kind of logic. It's like really like I'm. I'm the. so pro my own freedom that I need to be so independent from the government that the sense of community dies. And in that lack of light of community and fraternity, you have all these like ugly mushrooms that grow, you know? So like in the spaces that used to be occupied by people doing things at the same time and hey, how are you doing? Oh, you know, the grocery store now is like the only thing where you might bump into someone that you know. Now there's a lot of bad stuff that grows. So Colorado is very, very specific where it's like, yeah, you can grow weed and like be, we'll have a gay governor. And also like, you know, I'm going to have all the guns I want over here.

And I'm going to educate my kids in an apocalypse cult. And you're not going to be able to step in and intercede because you guys can smoke weed and you guys can have mushrooms. And as long as we're all doing our thing under our own roofs and it's all consenting adults, well, then hell, who are we just, who are we to judge? It's a weird. It's a weird place. Um, And I think that it was like that growing up, any of that white nationalists or any of that when you grew up in that area? I mean, if you grew up in rural America in the year 2000 to 2005, I mean, I think that you were, there was a glut of, it comes from lack of understanding of what you're saying.

So it's like when you blast the N word because it's funny. You know what I mean? Like if you say it only when it's the funniest, it's like, okay. But like ultimately that word represents like a lot of pain and anguish. strife. So it's like, is it worth the punchline? No, my opinion. But hey, you know, maybe I'm not a true comedian. I don't say slurs in my act. But I grew up with all these people who said, I mean, I heard the F slur a million times by the time I graduated. You know what I mean? And that was, and dude, there was this thing. I was on student council and they wanted to have, we had this week. And in, it was like a pride week, not like the traditional sense of gay pride that we have now. And, and that was, and it was like a pride that we have now. And, but just like school pride. Yeah, school pride. And in that day, we wanted to have a day where it was ally day or an early version of ally.

I can't remember the terminology. It was like 2004. And immediately there was a school board meeting that was open to the public about our wanting to include one day that was like, hey, it's not great to be gay. But like if you are, that's cool. It wasn't like we were coming out and being like, it rocks to be gay under the umbrella versus a list. this. We're not saying it's high. That's not the message here. But Wednesday. But hey, we all know Lyle. We'll take Monday Tuesday. Lyle goes to this school too. He's your cousin, Anne. Look, exactly that. We all know this kid's gay. Why not?

Call out sick Wednesday if you want. It's school pride. While getting his death. Work is optional for the county. All right. But let's just make this one boy not living fear for 24 hours, not even eight hours, you know? Just the school session. You aren't even going to be here. Dude. No one else is even going to be here. Oh my God.

All the people in that meeting aren't even attending the school. No, they're adults and their kids go there. Of course. But I remember going to this meeting and the people who are on school board are people who I grew up playing sports with your kids. I've been at sleepovers at your houses. This is so disappointing to me. And there was one woman in particular whose son was probably the smartest kid that came out of my school system. He was years older than my friend, but I went over, slept over because he had a brother in my grade.

And this kid went to Brown. And I remember, and he also turned me on to Mitch Headberg. That guy. Yeah. Love this guy. Yeah. All right. So like, you want to talk about smart people?

And I, I just that meeting being like, dude, like, how disappointed would your son be to know that you? Oh, he was in there? No, no, no, but like talking to his mother because like I was a representative of, you know, so it's like, how bummed out would he be knowing that you're allowing this to happen? Like what? It's kind of like a what the fuck. And it totally devalued any sense of like maybe my mom's not, maybe my mom is completely right. Like this place is short-sighted.

This place is based on hate. And look, I'm sounding like real bad, but like if you were a person who. had more progressive politics where I grew up. My mom had to register as a Republican to be able to vote in the primary because there was never like a Democratic candidate. Is that right? Yeah. There was a guy named Tom Tan Kredo who was the first dude to ever say build the wall.

He ran for president as our like guy. He was from where like we voted him to his first rise to power from Elbert County from that zone in Colorado. So yeah, there's a lot of like lack of. of wanting to progress there. And it was cool that my mom was like, that's not what life is. Yeah.

Yeah. So I got the fuck out and moved to Denver and went to school. All right. I grew up in Maryland and I remember we had a teacher. She was awesome. Her name was Miss Eckert. And she grew up in the area herself and an area called Gambre, Maryland. And there would be, this would be the 80s,

there are nights we would drive and you'd see way off in the distance across burning or whatever. Covered on the news, you know. And they would especially do it in Frederick County because Frederick County's named after Frederick Douglass. It was an extra big fuck you. And it was the whole thing like, hey, if we're all doing this, then we're all doing this.

Sure. So they would do these things. But she said there was one night where she was at a like a friend's house or something and there was a clan meeting out back in like the woods. And so her and her friend were like laying down just like watching. And I guess they had turned around over here to go. get something when he turn around they're right underneath them and she said the guy said get down here and she said the scariest part of that was she recognized that guy's voice whoa she was like

i know that is yeah and so there was uh this one's actually uh that's scary but this one's scary and funny this one so a friend of mine this is would have been like probably like our first year of college right out of high school she calls me one night she's like freaking out she goes on a date with this guy and they are going to go they they meet at his house you meets him outside yeah and they get in his truck they're going to go to blockbuster video they're going to get a little whatever movie go home watch hang out and as they're driving out of his long driveway in the county at night he sees a deer and he grabs you know you got your gun right here in the pickup he grabs it tells her to roll the window down points the gun across her body out the window and

kills this deer oh yeah Totally illegal to do at night, though. You're not supposed to spot him. Did he spot him? He spot him with his eye right over there, but he didn't have the floodlight all. Okay, okay, okay. But he shoots him. Didn't freeze him.

Blockbuster night's over. Yeah, yeah. He's dragging his fucking deer back. He's cleaning it. Throwing it on the truck, taking it back. He and his dad are cleaning it. She has to use the restroom. She goes down.

He goes, yeah, just go downstairs and use the restroom. She goes in the basement. Grand Wizard shit everywhere. Grand Wizard, the dad. Yeah. That's out there gutting that day. Yeah. She is shitting herself.

Yeah. And she just makes up some, I don't know what it was. And she got the fuck out of there. She called me. She's like, holy fucking shit. She's like proudly displayed, Ryan. Yeah, yeah. Proudly.

Like this wasn't something they pulled out of the bag. It was. Right. It wasn't dusty. No. Yeah. This was well kept. Yeah.

This is in the basement display. This is their logo. It's well maintained. What? Fuck. It's crazy. You know what's weird now? Because like that whole thing.

Like, I hate, like, hate it's bigotry all that shit obviously what the fuck totally pointless it's all class for but i have such a weird relationship with free speech and freedom they like even like that white supremacist jim this grand wizard like it is their rights as an american to like be right and be stupid and be proud to be dumb and that so i still like bear this like weird curse from growing up there where i'm like i hate that shit but like it's their right it's in the Constitution. If you believe in the all 10 of them,

if you believe in freedom of speech, freedom of speech goes both ways. That's what I'm saying is comedians also. There's a lot of shit I hear out there that I don't, not only do I not like it. I don't agree with it or whatever, but also like, what,

do we not have fucking free speech? And I'm also always on the side of comedy. So like, yes, I don't use slurs, but like I have blindly defended any comedian for making the worst joke you've ever heard because, yeah, that's the job.

Like, if you like all the shit that does actually navigate the line between obscene and hilarious, if you like those guys, this is the Pokemon evolution. These are the worms. These are the butterflies. You know, there's a cocoon period. So it's like, I'm always on the side of comedy.

And it's just... Colorado. I'm just thinking about Colorado, I don't know, specifically, and how did he, like, has created me. Well, it started me asking you, too. with, it seems like, you know, you had Columbine is the, I don't remember a school shooting before that. Maybe there certainly were, but also, I'm sure it wasn't the first time a gun was in a school that they just took out. It's the first time something like that happened. But it's because the

Columbine shooters were the hottest ones. Is that what? Yeah. Yeah, they had blue eyes and blonde hair, and they were very easy to put on TV. Eyes. Yeah. And also, like, they wore the Marilyn Manson gear. Like, you were trying to vilify like music. They looked scary. They looked, they looked very 90s. But why is it, so is it also a big pro gun like everywhere out there? Oh, 100%. You grew up just like that where those people would have a gun rack right in the truck. That's the story you told. I've been in that truck.

I've definitely been like, I'm not holding the spotlight, motherfucker. You do what you want. It's BLM land. They can't arrest us all. But I'm not going to hold the spotlight. Like in my high school, I graduated 91 though. You could still have your fucking rifle in the car when you pulled in the senior lot. It was right in there.

was people who had... You could never now. No, no, no. There was gun... There was occupied gun racks and the trucks and my... Yeah, yeah, all the time. Yeah, I definitely handled a gun in a, like, someone definitely, like, showed me a gun in class and I held it and was like, well, yeah, for sure. Like, out of a hoodie pocket, like a little, like revolver, like, check this out. Like, oh my God, you know, like, that definitely happened. But it wasn't at all with menace. It was more like, look at this cool firearm that I took from my dad's safe or whatever. Like the same way you would... What am I saying? a dad safe in Colorado shit

so that's my dad's glove compartment. Oh, that'd be great. It was probably in the key tray by the door. Yeah, just like tossed there. Yeah. So that shit was not at all like beyond the pale. And there was,

I had a kid I grew up with his brother like did time for poaching. Like that was probably the biggest conviction. What were he poaching up there? He just ended up doing exactly what you described, but it happened to be on federal land. Oh, so it was a thing they'd done a million times,

but there was a border that they didn't know they crossed a boundary. And yeah. So that was like a thing that happened. And so when do you move to Denver? I moved to Denver in 2005. Like immediately upon graduation, me and my friends go on a road trip to Tijuana, have this big blast across America.

And then it's just, I get back and it's countdown to Denver. And I moved to Denver. And my mom got me improv classes for my 18th birthday. And like- So Betsy was like, fuck you had Denver. We liked Denver. Oh, Betsy took me to Denver, found me an apartment, paid for the first six months of that apartment.

She really wanted you to get the fuck out of that area. And also took me to get a tattoo from a band called Against Me, which was all anti-capitalism, like, you know, anarchist lyrics right here on my leg. That was our one that we went to Denver as soon as we could. And she was like, you're going to live here. It's a great place. It wasn't, but it was perfect for me, you know, and got me a tattoo and signed the least. When did you get Betsy on your chest?

After she died, I got it like probably 18 months ago. Oh, so you were already married. Oh, yeah. You'd have to explain that to ladies or anything like that. No, and I married my mom for sure. Like, my wife is very reminiscent of all the things that made my mom like such a tough bitch. You know, my mom didn't like any of my friends. She didn't waste time with people.

There was a few, you know, she did definitely, like, take people into her heart, but it was really hard to get in there. And you weren't allowed to blow it. Who were some of the, like, give me a one that she really liked. Clay, Clay, DeHon. And why what was going on in his life that your mom was like, I got a soft. spot for this. Honestly, I think it was because Clay was so funny. And like, I think that me and Clay found a language of comedy like immediately. And whenever we were together, remember Phil Hendry? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The legend who just followed me on Instagram. And it was the same as if like,

you know, Roger Daltrey followed my dad. It's like if Frank Zappa followed my dad. Yeah, yeah. Because like me and Clay, we had it, we had a tape recorder and we would just do fake Phil Hendry, like improvising fake radio call in and it was just me riffing doing multiple characters. Clay trying to straight man but laughing. So any time that my dad told me this later, anytime that he would walk by the room when Clay was over, we were just laughing. So I think that that's probably why. I mean, there's nothing like two kids laugh and you're safe, you're home. Oh yeah. So you could make your mom laugh, huh? Oh yeah. That's what it was. I mean to the point where I was like, I was the only one who could save it. my mom had these like huge sweeping depressions that were like clinical it turned out.

So she got on medicine as I got older. But like when she would get like super bummed, she would like lock herself in the bedroom. And then my dad would be like, all right, buddy. Hopefully you got some new stuff. You know, it's a tough crowd. I'm like, I go in. You got a new five. Yeah.

Like straight up. I'd be like, hey, mom, what if what if a man ate a pickle while falling down the stairs? Like bits. Like just trying to. Do you actually remember a moment where you went in. and you saw it work on your mom. Oh, yeah, all the time. You do tell me what.

Yeah, well, there was a time where I was, uh, I was doing this, um, it was like a funny dance type thing. And how old are you doing when, when you're doing this? Oh, shit. High school, middle school. Uh, Murphy Brown was still on here. Oh, shit. That's what.

So, yeah, like pretty early on. And I remember my mom and I watched Murphy Brown and we'd make green jello. And then one night she was like so pissed at my dad or whatever, whatever it was. I can't imagine the problem she had. But like. we weren't watching Murphy Brown. And I was like, hey, mom, like, I get it kind of. But we're going to be watching Murphy Brown.

And she was like, we're not watching. I was like, mom. Like I was like kind of like an old man. I was like, come on. Can be that bad. We're watching Murphy Brown. And she was like, all right. And we like went and made green jelly.

And she's like crying while making jello. But like, you know, it's like she's like happy crying now. And I'm like, oh, women are crazy. You know. Yeah. There was a lot of that shit. And yeah, so I was able to, like, bring her out of these, like, huge depressions. And it's a lot of pressure on a boy, obviously.

A lot. You know, but. But fucking seasons you right up for comedy, though, doesn't it? And guess what, bro? I love providing joy. Like, I love my job. You know, I have never now, I'm ashamed to myself in all the shows I've done, excuse me, over the decades. Yeah.

I've never once thought about if there was someone in that show that was suffering. suffering severe depression right now that was just drug out for whatever reason. Oh, yeah. And if they turned around. Oh, dude. I've never thought about, I just always assume everyone's coming, you know, to have a good time or doing it for their partner or whatever. I never considered someone being brought because maybe a room of laughter, not even that person

or what they're saying, but the sound and Ruben vibe of energy would bring you out of all. The physicality of a vibration of joy, like just the unified sound of all these soul singing. It has to be restorative. Bro, I mean, our job, literally, you go up there. And if you're good at it, like, people just hose you down with adoration. It's like a t-shirt canon of love. Like, do you sell your own merch? Do you go out and sell merch?

That's where I, that's where people tell me all those stories, whether like, thank God, like, oh, this guy, this book, Brute, available now. It's about these two, like, it's a love story at the core of it. It's two Marines, you know, because like, I met this dude who was wearing like a slip-not shirt at the merch line he's with two women he's all like teary out he's like me and my partner like loved your we loved your special toad's morale we like fell asleep to it all the time like we really loved it and I was like what do you mean loved it and he's one of the women is like he killed himself very untactfully and I was like what and he's like yeah yeah he killed himself but we

loved your stuff and I was like hold on you're a gay guy and you like slip knot and he would like laugh they all laughed really hard and he was like yeah we actually met at a mudvane show and I was like, what is the world? What the fuck are, first of all, you're gay guys at a mud van show. Like, I'm pretty open-minded, but still, I was like, what? That's impossible. So I ended up wanting to write about, like, a dude. How do you love a man who loves, like, monster energy drink, white cans, like, call

of duty, you know, like loves professional wrestling? Two UFC bros. Exactly. Yeah. How do you? And that's. Literally that fan interaction went very, very much into this. Let's wrap up here.

Tell them where they can get that on. I'm not trying to put a bone. I'm just saying, I'm putting it on there. Okay. Get it from your local books, though, if you can. That's really helpful. There's an audio book that I read. There's the Kindle version. Is this intentional because of the men and the penis?

Is that a subliminal? Yeah. It is. So it's that. And then also, maybe he's bad at his job. Like, if he's a hitman holding a gun that way, people like have been online, flaming it. I do see the, now that I pay. attention the splatter the red that carries over so we could be also called brute so little fucking

raleo to going across the street talking to that neighbor a little bit but totally a wean though right right man no one's pointed that out yet respect respect yeah my buddy jack did this um yeah get it's really good i'm so proud of it uh it's i think it's the best thing i've done you know hell yeah yeah for you um social media where to find you on the road uh you know what why don't you come see me in Cleveland this weekend. I'll be at hilarities and then, you know, I'm such a great club. Oh, it's the best. My book comes out the 22nd and then hilarities all weekend. Man. Also, if you want to go to the book event in Chicago on the 22nd, I'll be at Barnes & Noble on State Street and then just samtalent.com for all my tour dates. I'm on the road every weekend.

Podcast, Shelby Behemoth, my YouTube, Wide World, you know, see me live. I'm a good live comic still. Yeah, man. Thank you for coming back. I appreciate you. I was going to say this. You were the only person who showed me any love in LA initially. I'll say that. Last time I came here, I didn't do any other pods besides you and Lemon Party. Is that because they told you no? Yeah.

They're not even answered. Not even answered. Oh, really? Yeah, for sure. So I just want to say that I never forget, like, people who are nice, I try to remember people who were nice and not all the motherfuckers who've wronged me.

Yeah. And we have Kaz also to thank for that. Caz, yeah. Bentonville, Arkansas. If you're in Arkansas, coming to the festival, me and Kaz to you with Raj. It's good. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. and thank you as well. We'll talk to y'all next week.