The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - 407: Eddie Ifft: The Magic Cookie That Changed Everything | The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler #407

Episode Date: October 12, 2026

Sponsors: Brunt -Get $10 Off at BRUNT with code HONEYDEW at https://www.bruntworkwear.com/HONEYDEW #Bruntpod Talkiatry -Head to talkiatry.com/honeydew to complete the short assessment and get matched with an in‑network psychiatrist in just a few minutes. My HoneyDew this week is Eddie Ifft! Eddie Highlights the Lowlights of eating a weed cookie that opened anxiety doors that never closed and how that anxiety shows up everywhere from airplanes to elevators. We talk about EMDR therapy, health anxiety, and an awkward encounter with Hannah Gadsby. Eddie also shares a near-death experience on a carnival Gravitron and how trying to build confidence in his son’s soccer team ended with another coach quitting. Check out Eddie’s newest special on Youtube, The Audience Special! 🎟️See me live. All tickets at www.ryansickler.com/tour 🎤Check out my new standup special “Live & Alive” streaming on my YouTube now! http://youtu.be/PMGWVyM2NJo?si=SrhXjgzR1pe6CyYE 👉 Subscribe for more standup and new episodes of The HoneyDew, The Wayback, and more! http://youtube.com/@rsickler ✅ Subscribe to my Patreon “The HoneyDew with Y’all”! Get The HoneyDew audio and video a day early, ad-free, for just $5/month! Want more? Upgrade to the $8/month premium tier and get everything above plus The Wayback a day early, ad-free, censor-free, and exclusive bonus content you won’t find anywhere else! http://patreon.com/RyanSickler 📧What’s your story?? Submit at [e-mail] 👕Get Your Merch👕 http://www.bonfire.com/store/ryansickler/ 🎧 Listen to my Podcasts 🎧 The HoneyDew - http://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-honeydew-with-ryan-sickler/id527446250 The Wayback - http://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-wayback-with-ryan-sickler/id1721601479 Patreon - http://www.patreon.com/ryansickler 📣 Follow Me📣 ▪ Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/ryansickler/ ▪ TikTok: http://www.tiktok.com/@ryan.sickler ▪ Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/RyanSicklerOfficial 🕸️ryansickler.com/ 🍈thehoneydewpodcast.com/ 🦀Subscribe to The CrabFeast Podcast🦀 http://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-crabfeast-with-ryan-sickler-and-jay-larson/id1452403187 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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We see the endless funds fueling the AI hype. While others follow the noise, we follow the money. Learn more at Bloomberg.com. Tampa, I'm coming back to side splitters, November 6th and 7th. If you already bought tickets to the October date, they've asked me to move the date. I'm now down there, November 6th and 7th. Phoenix, I'll be back in your city, November 20th and 21st. Denver, I cannot wait to come back to Comedy Works South.

One of the best clubs in the country. Every comedian will tell you the same. I'll be there December 4th and 5th. Get your tickets now to all shows at Ryan Sickler.com. The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler. Welcome back to the honeydew, y'all. We're over here doing it in the Night Pass Studios. I am Ryan Sickler.

Thank you guys. Thanks for supporting this show or anything I do. You know what we do here. We highlight the low lights. I always say that these are the stories behind the storytellers. I'm very excited to have this guest back on the honeydew. Ladies and gentlemen, Eddie! Welcome back to the honeydew, Eddie.

It's like Rocky 2. Two's a, two's a, two's a damn second time. When it comes to sequels, it's, we could sit here and go all day. That's probably one of the best. The best. It could be the best. Rocky One's my favorite film. It's fantastic.

And it's amazing that you love it and he didn't win. Before we get into whatever you're going to talk about, right there, please promote your special. Oh, thank you. Everything you got going on right now, please. Brand new special, hopefully it's a newer idea. There's no such thing as an original idea. But we, because you see everybody have their phones in the crowds, it shows, we gave a QR code and said, go ahead, shoot the show. Record whatever you want.

Just send us your footage. Okay. And so everybody uploaded the footage since we use some website. site that did a really good job of this and quickly. And so we got all the footage of everyone in the audience. And we did a couple main iPhones that had audio attached. Right. And then we edited, we ended up getting 40 different angles. Damn. So you did your setup as well with iPhones also. Yeah. So it's not intercut between like, you know, cameras and then here's the audience. Yeah. Hell yeah. So we had a main one. And then we had a side one and I think like a third one.

How much does your editor fucking hate you? Here's the thing. I can't take credit for this. Listen, editors, I'm just going to call you all out there. I love you guys. They're great. But editors are some of the most, they're arrogant. Oh, well, they're good.

But when you work with them, though, I have to work with them forever. I've been writer-producer for years. And they'd be like, all right, what do you think of this cut? And I'm like, I think it's good, but I think if we do this and this, it'll make it better, not just different. And they'll go, all right, if you won't fuck it up. Like, that's their attitude. every time. You know what I mean? All right. You want to fuck it up. But I can't tell you how many editors have said you're the best producer ever work with because they'll do it. And then they'll look

back and they go, that does work. And I'm like, thank you. Thank you. Now, I'm fucking give and take as well. See, I get the opposite reaction where I work with them. And they go, I don't think you should do and I'm like, okay, you know better than I do. You got to chat. Just go ahead. So what's it called? It's called the audience special. The audience special. And we shot it at Dreamland in Malibu. Okay. Which I think you've done. Haven't you done a show there? I thought you came up and did it.

Oh, you were never available. You're always like, I'm busy. The, it's a really fun venue. You did. Like 15 times I've asked you to do it. Like three. No. But it's a really fun venue up in Malibu.

And I've had everybody. And so for the Netflix is a joke festival. I was like, Netflix is like, you want to do this show? And I was like, I'd rather do it in Malibu. I don't want to leave my neighborhood. And so I was like, let's just do this. And then my wife was the genius behind it. My wife goes, well, if you're going to shoot it, why don't you do something cool and different? And then she took like one of my best friends who's become the guy that directs my specials and he's a big time director now and

does like movies and all kinds of stuff. And he'll like come back to do my special. Nice. He said, dude, I just. What's his name? Colin Pierce. I met him surfing one day. I'm surfing. I see this guy with a Mohawk doing rodeo backflips. It's like basically a. backflip on a wave. And he's land in that shit? Oh, he's amazing. He was like a pro surfer. So I see him and I'm just watching him.

There's like three of us in the water, me, a lifeguard and him. And the lifeguard's like, did you just see that? And I'm like, you better get ready to save it. And I'm like, this is amazing. And so he paddles by me and he looks at me and he goes, are you a comedian? And I'm like, yeah. And he goes, I want to be a comedian. And I was like, I want to do that thing you just did in the air.

Yeah. And he's like, I'll show you how to do that. You show me how to do comedy. And so he helped me start my podcast. I've worked with them over the years. He shot my last special. He's great. So talented, so creative.

And he and my wife, we've been like best friends forever. I was just in Hawaii with his dad. You know, his dad's in bad shape right now with Kauai. What's going on over there? And he, he and he, my wife like did it behind my back kind of and they were like Eddie you mess everything up let us let us do this so I saw it and I'm like wow wow this is so cool and I can't really take any credit for it it's it's gonna where's it going to be so it'll be on YouTube because I want to see all kinds of weird

things with Netflix and dreamland and but yeah it if anything like don't watch it for me like don't watch it for my comedy watch it for how cool, like what a cool job they did. And I think I read somewhere that the Beastie Boys did something like this 20 years ago. And nobody's done anything like it says. What the hell of the audience have? That's what I wonder. But also 20 years ago.

20 years ago is only 2006. You know what I mean? Yeah. To me, I still think like, what in the 80s? Yeah. But like 20 years like what? Like our technology is so much better now. And so.

Yeah. These cameras on our phones are like legit. I, when I just, did my special, I self-produced my second special live and alive. Make sure you go

check that out. When we gave it to the colorist to clean it up and make it look pretty, he was telling us that the like top grade,

like the best looking they use is an iPhone. It's amazing. So they'll adjust it to an iPhone. But then everyone else that monitor's different than a Samsung.

You know, you can only dial it into one. Everyone's monitor or TV could be shit. You're shooting. looks like shit. I'm like, it's your fucking TV fuck face. You know that kind of. Do you still use a laptop? Dude, I haven't touched a laptop unless someone says you got to do this on your laptop.

I work, edit everything. Everything. QC. 99% from my phone. When people say to me, you got to do this on a laptop, I'm like, no, figure out how I can do it on my phone. I feel like laptops now are like landlines. Yeah. I probably, no joke, have not opened mine in over a year. Now, we don't, an editor or all that, I get it. But for me, in my day to day. I added a lot of my phone using like, you know, for internet or like social stuff, but I ever written scripts on my phone, like using software. Now with AI, you don't need, there's, I can't believe people buy laptops.

So you're saying that the audience special is out now on your YouTube. On my YouTube. And that your wife, your buddy and the audience did everything. They did it all. You didn't do shit. I didn't do shit. In fact, in fact. The first special maybe ever.

That might be the first special ever. We're on enough to do shit. I mean, I didn't do a thing. And I even said to them the other day, they're like, okay, we're going to launch a stand.

I go, well, I haven't shot the opening yet. And I'm like, I want to do this opening where I surf in and people were like shooting it with phones. And I ride a wave and then I change my clothes like running up the beach because the venues across the street from a famous surf break called surf rider.

And I was like, it's really funny if I like get at, like, rip my wetsuit off or my board shorts and I, like, throw them on like some chick on the beach. And I put my clothes on and I run in the door. And they're like, no. They're like, I'm with them, by the way. We've done enough. They're like, listen, the special is not about that.

It's about how we use this cool technology and no one needs to see you surfing. You're not that good. And just, and I was like, but it's a good creative part of my brand. That's where you got to be like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And so I was like, it's not about that. It's about this. Because I do a lot of shows at ski resorts. And last year I did a show at Steamboat.

And I was like, where's the venue? They're like, it's up on the mountain. And I go, huh? They're like, yeah, everybody's going to ride the gondola up to the show in the middle of the mountain. And I was like, oh, you know, it would be really fun if I ski into the venue and like go on stage in my ski boots, like show up. And I'm like, we should shoot the whole thing. And my wife's like, just stop. Just do comedy.

Just walk. Yeah. She's like, can you just do your job? Can you just do your jokes and stop trying to like reinvent the wheel? So let's dive into this because EMDR therapy is something that a lot of you guys have asked about as well. It's something I know works, I believe in. And you were going through something you had reached out.

I don't even remember how we connected. I think maybe you reached out. I said, hey, go check this out. And again, I'll give Dr. Drew all the credit as well. I was going through some shit where, you know, I always thought my anxiety was, you know, I bite my nails or just regular nerves. And I think it was for a long time. What I didn't realize is that motherfucking anxiety was just kicking back in a hammock waiting to be called. Visit BetMGM Casino and check out the newest exclusives.

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You know, Bagel Nosh off Wilts are a great place. And when we go out, her mom is picking her up. And her mom's parked there. I'm parked here. Whose mom? My daughter's mom. Okay. Yeah.

And my daughter goes to run to her mom and starts heading for the street. And I mean, I hear fucking, I can hear this car. and it's hauling ass and I mean dude it was way too close for comfort and after that I couldn't stop thinking about what didn't happen

I kept seeing oh how I mean I couldn't and then next thing I know I'm fucking terrified to fly and I'm terrified of heights two things I've never been I love to fly I love hitting that getting up there now

I'm fucking research and plane crashes and every 10 minutes in any turbulence. I'm looking at strangers. It was fucking horrifying. Up on a building, I couldn't even do it. I had a, I'm getting caught mouth.

I went and did, I think it's called the Ocean Casino in Atlantic City with Tom Segora. And if you've ever been in there, this thing's got escalators that like zigzagged. They feel like, oh, they're really high. Yeah.

And about the maybe fifth one up, I looked over the side and my mind just kept saying, you could jump. Yeah. I was like, what the fuck are we? No, we'd die. No, you could do it. And I start panicking. And I sit down on the escalator at a yift facing the people coming up. This guy goes, you all right?

And I go, no. Yeah. No. And I'm just hold my, I don't want to see out the sides. I'm like, just tell me when we're getting close enough to the top so I can get up. I get up. I got to go do it again for two more. I took the elevator the rest of the time.

And I'm like, the fuck going on. I tell Dr. Drew about it because we did an episode. He said, same thing happened to him after he, like, reconnected with his dad or something. He also was, I think it was flying as well. So I go to this therapist that he recommends, have never had this therapy. He says, if you've, you would know if you had it. And I said, well, I've done talk therapy. He's like, nah, this is different.

And this does have an end date. Some people quickly, some people could take a long time. So I went in and met this lady. And I mean, she's the, like, I've recommended her to probably a dozen people. I don't know how many have gone, but it worked. It took me, I want to say it was three or four months of going weekly and sitting down. And so we did a thing. And the one I did was because we're in person.

And we did the little vibe, yeah, vibrating pads in your hands. And, you know, she'd have me just go back to day one of the most horrific, ugliest shit. I'm talking about picking my grandmother's teeth out of the carpet after she died in front of us. Finding my, I mean, like what it was like watching the body bag be carried out. I mean, we're going fucking dark. You warned me. And I mean, but and then she would say, okay, what did you think? about. She'd say, okay, continue. And then I'd let me. She'll allow my mind would go this way now.

Then it would go this way. And then at the end of that little chunk of time, she would say, okay, at the end of the session, here's the things I heard throughout our session. And she'd repeat some words maybe you used or some emotions or feelings. And so what ends up happening, I realize, is number one, it's obviously a control thing. You always want to feel in control. Okay. I can't fly a fucking plane. What am I going to do? Walk up there and be like, guys, move. Jesus Christ. You know, I could do that with a car. I can do that. I can be a better driver than somebody, but I can't do that in a plane. So now you're just at the mercy of whatever's going on up there. I'm like, okay, I got a fucking deal with the control issue, number one. Number two,

and that was the most important thing was I couldn't stop thinking about what didn't happen. I'm future tripping on shit that's not. I'm fine right now. My daughter's right there. But my mind's catastrophizing. Everything. And you realize that that even though the trauma, even for some people, a breakup, whatever it is, that emotion digs up everything from back to the beginning. And once you can understand that and you can realize you start monkey tap and I was monkey tapping the fuck out of myself when these plays. People are looking to be like this motherfucker. I was, oh shit.

I almost did it. the other day. Oh, yeah. It was terrible. I'm like, how? God. I'm good enough. I'm strong enough. You know, you got to say all these self-monetres and stuff. But, you know, if you really get rid of the ego and this is stupid, this is dumb, whatever. Man, man, life-changing. Listen, I've never taken medication to fly. Even at my worst, I wouldn't take the, what a clown up, but nothing. I don't like pills. shit. Today, I sleep on all my flights. Every fucking one of them. I live on the top floor of my building. I would not have been able to do that a few years ago without this therapy. And just going through everything and talking about it, it's like, okay, you're feeling what you're feeling now because this does bring up the feelings that you found your dad dead. You're trying to

give your great. And it's just that whole body keeps the score. Here comes this fear and this anxiety again. And it's already pre-built. But it's not, she's fine. She's right. You're hugging her. Yeah. You're hugging her, bro. You're good.

Yeah. And it took me about three or four months to be like, okay, I understand. And then I would say, I didn't go see her after that, but I'd say another month or so of like, I mean, there was no way around that I'd be coming to her. Like, I flew again, you know, and I'm getting better. I was really bad. Or this, this weather was horrible. Now through bad weather, I'm just like, what are we going to do? What are we going to do?

What am I going to do? Nothing. So it worked so well. And I would say after that, I really started like, okay, we're good. We're good on that. Now, what I'm not dumb enough or ignorant enough to think is that, you know, something else in my 60s might pop this shit off again. Here we fucking go. So I love knowing that we have her or that type of therapy. And that that she said there is an end result to this, not like talk there. You could talk to my forever. This makes a, change. Yeah, she said to me when I came to her, she goes, my goal, I hope that we can get through this and then we never see each other again. And I was like, wow, that's, you know, it's very different than most people, you know, are like, I get this guy on the hook and we got them every week and we got the check every week. I'm giving a pills now too. That was another thing. No medication, nothing. Well, I was never being there. Tell me what happened. What was going on for you to I was never a big therapy guy ever in my whole life. But I had had some.

incidents earlier, which it's all control. And I think I think stand-up comedians are more prone to this. I think we're a certain type of people. And I, this is a lot to unpack here. I, I would go to comedy clubs. And it started probably like 15 years ago. I remember touring with Bert, I was with like Bert Kreischer and Ben Glebe. And we went to hotel. And they, I remember, this is my earliest recollection of like not wanting to get on the elevator. I couldn't ride elevators. Burke goes, come on, let's go. And I go, I'm going to take the stairs. He's like, what? And I'm like, I mean, I don't want to be up. You'd always been that way. No, it just started to get, because I lived in New York City for 10 years. So it's like around 2007. I moved here. Maybe 2009 it started. So New York, you're doing walkups all the time. No, no, no, no. New York, I was riding everything. Oh, you were? It was riding everything. No problem. Oh, so once you moved here, things. Well, I did start having panic attacks when I was in Australia. you, I ate a pot cookie one day that opened doors that never closed. Like,

listen, people don't realize weed will can unlock some motherfucking psychosis if you're, if you're, if you're that person. I was sure I went crazy. Like I thought as soon as it happened and I went, oh, this is not going back. And I went, this is how people go crazy. And no one ever asks them. How'd you go crazy? and I didn't realize this and now I'm crazy.

I'm like now I'm going to be the homeless guy in the street screaming like, who potato, you know, like. And I wanted to call my mom to apologize to be like, I'm sorry, I'm crazy now. I did something that you would have always been against and I did it. And I'm now and I'm sorry. And like now I've lived my life as this crazy person because time was standing still. I wanted to scream. I was with these girls and they were like, they knew.

I knew when the two girls I was partying with and were having fun and I'm drinking and I'm eating Tim Tams in Australia. And I'm eating this pod cookie and then like I'm sitting down and I get up to go get something. And when I stood up, it hit. And I just looked at them and I go, make it stop. Visit BetMGM Casino and check out the newest exclusive. The Price is Right Fortune Pick. BetMGM and GameSense remind you to play responsibly. 19 plus to wager.

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A fad to some, the future of money to others. We see crypto's trillion dollar swings. The end of jobs or the end of human struggle. We see the endless funds fueling the AI hype. While others follow the noise, we follow the money. Learn more at Bloomberg.com. And I see the girls, their reaction is that they look at each other and they go like, and they look at each other like, oh, no, we have one.

Like, like, oh no. And it was like I turned into a zombie or something and they've got to shoot me. And when I see their reaction not like, it's okay or just like, hey, relax, drink this, eat this. When they went like, and their fear and I went like, and I was like, how long is this going to last? And they were like, they were like, calm down. calm down but you're about to get some good therapy I actually went on the internet

and I typed into Yahoo answers I said I just ate a pot cookie That's the wrong fucking thing to do Also Yahoo answers Back then And I said I just ate a pot cookies I got AIDS I got AIDS guys for Christ sake

I said I said I just ate a pot cookies How long is this going to last The very first answer says Probably forever And I just, I've always said, I'd love to go back and find the guy that wrote that and find him and just be like, do you know what you did today? Yeah, dude. It was the worst night of my life. So I started, I said, we have to walk.

We have to walk. So we started walking. We started walking. And then I was like, can I yell? Can I yell? I want to yell. And they're like, if you want the police here. Yeah.

And I was like, okay. And they kept walking me around these like, block. and we would walk by the hospital. And I was like, they're trying to take me to the hospital. They're going to, they're going to, they're going to take, they're going to dump me off. And this is how it happens. And not even in your country. And I'm so alone.

And then I start going, can I run? I need to run. Because I used to do that when I was drunk. That's like manic. I'd go for runs when I was drunk. Drunk? Yeah. Can you run?

Yeah. I would be like shitfaced. And I'd be like, if I go for a 5K, this will be gone. Right. I'd come back just as drunk, but I would run. into like 12 cars on the way. That's what I'm talking about. Idiot.

Just so dumb. So dumb. But this time I go, can I run? And they go, it'll probably speed up your metabolism and it's going to get worse than. So now I'm like, what am I going to do? And then they're like, just don't throw up. Because if you throw up, you're not going to stop throwing them. And I don't know if that's what they meant, but I know.

I've never heard that one before. Well, I started throwing up. Oh, Jesus Christ. And when I say it felt like it was endless, you know, time stands still. So I probably threw up for like, you know, 20 seconds, 30 seconds a minute, whatever it was. It felt like it was an hour of like, and I'm just like, how is there this much fluid in my body? Anything left to me. Like it's just going.

And it's just still coming like, I'm like, is there a hose in my ass right now? Because I'm just going, huh? And we just kept walking and walking. And finally we go back to their apartment. And they're like, why don't you take a nap? You know, and I try to fall asleep and can't sleep. No connection to the world, you know, like in Australia again. And I remember a family guy was on the TV.

And I remember I'm buddies with this guy, John Viner. Do you know John? Really funny stand-up. And for years has been like one of the headwriters over there. I'm watching Family Guy and I see written by John Viner or story consultant or whatever. And I'm like, John. John like I have a connection I have a connection to the world here's my friend and it kind of like put me at ease a little bit and then I closed my eyes and I went to sleep and I'm like thank God I'm falling asleep I wake up stoned as shit like still still there and I'm like it's like it didn't go away I still is it any less intense Maybe.

But the adrenaline and fear of waking up and still feeling it probably heightened the fuck out. Yes. Because I had never woken up drunk again or never. And I was like, oh, I'm still. And this is it. So full on panic. And then I stayed away from weed for a couple of years. And it happened again.

I just smoked a joint. It happened again. Started having panic attacks was on a plane with Hannah Gadsby. Remember Hannah from sitting next to Hannah and we're doing this tour of New Zealand and I'm freaking the fuck out. Like I'm thinking I have to get off this plane. Like I have to open the emergency exit. How long is that flight? Well, we were, no, this was just we were inner New Zealand.

But I'm thinking I'm getting out of this one. I need to open the door and jump. I have to. See, you're also the asshole on the plane I'm worried about too. That's where I'm all their anxiety is. Is anybody here freaking out enough to open that? I'm surprised. I'm surprised that doesn't happen.

Me fucking too, dude, because all they do is make sure we're not carrying weapons or bombs. They don't fucking do a mental check. They'd be like, hey, is that guy or lady all right to be on this fucking plane? I almost want to bring duct tape in my bag to duct tape the guy when he freaks out. And just, did you see the guy they just did that too? To his seat. Yeah. It was kind of funny.

Yeah. Oh, good is right. But they should have a better procedure. They should have them. Yeah, you're right. They should throw a pillowcase over his head after that. and then everybody on the plane gets two shots. But.

Two. C case sometimes, you know, you might miss the firm. Everybody gets two motherfucking shots. You don't know who touched you. Everybody goes back to their seats. We debagged the motherfucker. And that's it. I love how you've thought it out.

It just came to me right now. Put the bag on his head so he doesn't know who hit him. Or when it's coming. Nothing. He's just reeling from the last two. But there is something about that. Like, uh, what's the? that mutual destruction or something where you know that if someone goes, you're going to bring

down, everyone's going to die, including you. So there is that like, that's what keeps you saying. That's what kept me from opening the door. It's like, I don't want to die. I don't want these people to die. So you have to control that horrible panicky feeling. I added on a chairlift once. I'm with my buddy. I'm on a chairlift. It stops. And it's stuck for a while, for a while long, longer than I had ever been and all of a sudden it kicks in and I'm like and I start like freaking out and my friend does the not with the bag over my head he just looks at me and just goes shut the fuck up and just punches me in the face and I'm like you guys wrote a tiny ass ski list that if you're freaking out we're both going to get fucked up yeah because I was like I think I'm going to jump

I think I'm going to jump high was it high like 30 feet or something your mind is a like I could get out of this and ski down or any of that shit. You're just freaking out first. Well, there's no solution coming to you. The panic doesn't allow you to think reasonably. So I'm, I'm like,

there are times when I'm not on a chairlift, I'm like, oh, I'm pretty agile. I could climb up hand over hand, you know, like a like a Navy seal, go to the tower and climb to kick off my ski boots and, you know,

like, like that's my like, I can ride a chairlift because that's my escape. Mm-hmm. So he punches me in the face. And it was the best thing he could ever done because it knocked me right back into like, oh. And I was like, what the fuck? Like, what?

But so this shit has been going on my whole life. And then the other way, we are not recommending punching people in their fucking faces. No, no, no. Although. But if the guy on the plane is going crazy and you have. Yeah, that's fine. And you have a pillow. I'm talking about your own buddy on a ski.

We're not saying that is the solution. He did help me. I mean, it really did help, man. Getting my ass beat by kids in the neighborhood, it helped me so much. It helps me learn how to shut the fuck up. Yeah. Or, hey, if I say something else, this guy's probably going to fucking beat the shit out of me. Or, wow, this is a stranger I've never met who doesn't give a fuck about ripping my fucking face off.

Like, it's helped so much. And I think not that kids should be bullied, but. There's a hell. Ah. One good fucking win and lose growing up. I think each kid should get into a fight and they should win one and lose one. And I think you'd be a better world. I heard a psychiatrist say there's a healthy amount of bullying because the world is not a safe place.

Well, they've also changed the word bullying to even be ball busting is bullying now. We were all ball busting back in the day. Oh, your dad, whatever you're my. Now it's bull. Everything's bullying. Yeah. It's not bullying. bullying back in the day was physically putting hands on somebody or going, you know, retorted

kid or that shit. That was bullying. Now it's like if you say, you're fucking shirt's ugly, it's like, stop bullying. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, no, you're not. Sometimes people are just assholes to. There's a healthy amount. There is an amount.

My wife, my daughter had a little issue. And I go, let them work it out. And my wife is like, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, let her. She needs to learn these skills. And I go, you can give her advice. You can tell her how to deal with it. don't you step in.

Let her deal with this because life is going to be way harder. And if you don't give her the skills to deal with this, she's going to be a victim her whole life. Yes. And also your kids need to understand two things. Like, not every adult is smart. Just because they're bigger than you. You remember that moment when you were a kid, you were like, this is a dumb one of those right here. You know what I mean?

And you're like, I think I was smarter than this motherfucker right here. You knew it as a child. I didn't know. Oh, hell yeah. Well, I worked at a junkyard. I was like, definitely smarter than this polybucket right here. But, you know, sometimes you got to learn. Some people are assholes.

Some people are angry. And also sometimes you're the asshole. Right. And you're wrong. So you got to learn that shit. If we step in and interfere every way, it's like, go make those mistakes and learn from those mistakes. So I tell my daughter about sports all the time.

I'd rather you, my, the thing, I want you to be a good teammate. I want you to commit. But I want you to be a good fucking loser. Yeah. Don't be a bitch. I don't say good loser. I say respectful loser. I don't want to.

them to like to lose or think it's good. No, but what I tell her is that you're going to learn more from losing than you ever will from winning. So I want you to understand and be okay that, hey, look, we took one here, but why? And then go, I don't mind my kids hating losing, though. I go, you can learn from losing and you can hate losing. And I want you to be a respectful losing. That's it. My daughter is amazing. She will be upset. She'll shake hands. Great game. Yes. My son will lose and go, fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. He's the bad. And I go, stop it.

Well, like, I have to yank him off field. I have to tackle him as he's about to chase a kid down and double hammer him, the axe handle over the head. Oh, do you have anxiety, this son of mine, you have no idea. How old is he? This is a funny story. He's seven right now. Last year, I was their soccer coach.

And they were, they were losing every single game. And it was just that all the teams, we just didn't get any of the talent on our team. And my son's pretty good, but he just wasn't stepping up. And I was like, he just like, and he didn't, the losing started to compound. And it started to make them feel like losers. And I had the bad news bears. And so I went, I'm tired of this. I'm tired of this.

And I feel badly for these kits. And I was like, we're trying to have fun, but losing all the time sucks. So I said, you know what, guys? I'm going to have practice not just once a week. I'm going to do it every day. And you can come whenever you want. I'll be with my son down on the field. And you went, the first day I did it like one of the first day.

like one other kid showed up the next day to the next day. And then next thing I know, I had all the kids and they were practicing. And I was like, we're going to beat them. We're going to win. We're going to be the best. And I said, we're going to, like, and I start psyching them up. And I was like, and they start getting better. And I started seeing every.

And my goal was to make even the worst kid better. Like I, this wasn't like, we're going to get our star guy to win and this is how we're going to win. We're going to win. It was like the movie, you know, like we're going to have like our little, you know, kid. Remember the Titans. Yeah, he's going to win the game for us. Like, this is how it's going to work, guys. And we're going to win as a team. And so I said to my wife, my wife, lost every game. I said, get me a speaker. Get me a speaker for the game. I said, they're coming out to, you know, ACDC. Like, Thunder. Yeah. I said, I want a banner. I want them to run through. I want these kids to like want to play sports again. I want. And if they lose every game, they're not. But at least. we're going down with like Rocky. Yeah. Like we're going to.

And you're having fun. You're bringing so much fun to it. And that's another huge thing. That's what like number. When's the last time or any time they've ever run out the music? Right. That's fun. So I was like I always said number one, have fun.

Number two, do your best. Number three, never give up. And then I go number four. Dominate. Just dominate. So funds first. So they, I have these kids so psyched. And our goalie sucked.

You let in every single goal. he didn't want to play goalie he said i don't want to play goalie i said getting the goal one day at practice and i said everybody just line up and just start kicking balls at him just start i said don't get out of there i said stop every ball that's coming in and he was like and he's like and we just kept kicking him at him and kick and he was getting better and better and better i'm going to get tears in my eyes from telling this story we end up playing the game and we play against a really good team and they come out to thunderstruck and they come out my team i was going to say My kids have black streaks under their eyes.

I mean, they are ready to go. They play the game of their life. And they are playing aggressively, like super aggressive. They're slide tackling. And there is no, it's coach, it's coach officiating. So there's not really like yellow card, red. I mean, and my kids are aggressive. Meanwhile, this kid is playing goalie like he's in the World Cup.

I think he let one goal in the whole game and we win the game. You did. We won the game. It was like 3-1 or something. Nice. And my kids were like we carried the goalie off the field. They're going to listen to me. I played soccer growing up too.

They're going to remember that shit forever. I went over to him. And I said to him, I go, I go in front of his parents, I go, you are the V. I go, you are the MVP. you, I go, you won this game for us. And he's like, and he looks at me and he goes, I was so tired of losing. And I was like, fuck. And I was like, I got all these kids. I got them. Like I got. Listen, that you just instilled that in those boys for life. And that's tired of losing. It's okay, but I'm tired of it. And I love that. But then the phone call comes in, the AYSO. You broke all the rules. You guys are disqualified.

I know. I'm bad. I know. I can't stand A. YSO because they got that silent Saturday game. Do you have that one where no one's allowed to cheer? Say, what if that's the day?

I always feel bad for the parents. What if that's the day your kid finally scores? Yeah. You ain't allowed to go, oh, silent fucking Saturday. Never in my fucking life. And every time I bitch about it, the parents are like, what's the matter of this guy?

I'm like, what the fuck's the matter what you all? We can't cheer today? Tell them what Silent Saturday is. It's exactly what it sounds like. One game. AYSO calls and says, We say this was Silent Saturday. The coach of the other team is so upset.

And she's a former professional player. And she coaches in the club soccer too and coaches. And her two kids played on the team that we beat. she is quitting AYSO because she has never seen such an aggressive team in her life. And it was completely unfair. And she said every time her kids received the ball. She could have blew the whistle. Right.

Every time her kids received the ball, these guys were taking her down. And she goes, and one kid gave my son the finger. That little lift ball. When he scored. And I go like this. I go to the AYSO person. I go, does she? know which kid it was. She said it was number four. And I'm like, oh yeah, that's my son.

That's my son. And I, because I didn't see him do it. And so I went home. I go, Chris, did you give a guy the finger? And he's like, yeah, I think so. And he's like, he's like, I was mad. He scored. And I go, you don't give, first of all, you don't give the finger. Second of all, you don't do it in sports. And, and, and he's like, he's lucky you just got the finger, you know, like, because he'll chase a kid down the field. And I'm like, Cruz, you get. My daughter's perfect. My son. It's like just and it's not it's not from parent because it's the same parenting. It's him.

It's him. But so I was about to like stop this. And I was like I got I was like this is getting out of control. But then she sends the video of one of my kids like, you know, knocking her son to the ground. And I've got a bunch of friends. My roommate in college played pro soccer. I start sending in the video. I was all jukego, bro.

Send me that video. I said, is there anything wrong here? They go, no, actually, that kid fouled your player. But if I'm a former professional soccer player like this lady and I'm allowed to officiate, why are you not making the calls? Yeah. And also, according to you, you're more qualified than everybody here, but yet you didn't make any of the calls. Why not?

So I think she was just upset because. They lost. Of course. My kids shut her kids. And her kids are stars. And my kids shut them down. This is we're talking about this lady doesn't sound like a good loser. And now you're teaching your kids not to be.

So I go to the next practice. And the other coach goes, man. And his, his wife is like head of A Y.S. He goes, man, like, we got to stop. He's like, it got out of control. We got to tell the kids to calm down. We got it. And I went, no.

And he goes, no, we have to. And I go, well, you can. I go, but I go, you can make your kid a nail. I'm making my kid the hammer. And I said, life's tough. And I said, I don't want my kid to be a nail. I'm not going to tell him. I'm not going to, you know, turn the throttle.

I'm telling him, go, go, go fast. Yeah, go as hard as you're legally allowed to within the rules and the lines. Don't give the finger after they school. You know what? If you have refs out there giving your kid a red card and you can't play, that finger shit's going to stop. Well, I ended up red card. I would red card him in practice.

I'd be like, go sit in the car. Yeah. Yeah. The car. Yeah. Go sit in the car. Okay. Wait.

So all of this to say, your anxiety or everything that's going on in your life, you finally. You saved me. You helped me because I tried everything. And I don't know. I don't know if you mentioned something on a podcast. Somewhere I saw it and I call you. And I was like, right. And you're like, go see this woman right now.

I'll call her blah, blah, blah. And I'm also friends with Dr. Drew. So I called him. Drew was like, it works. I heard Huberman talk about it on a podcast. And he said, it sounds hokey, but it works. It works.

Who gives a fuck? Yeah. If you told me that I had to sit in a chair and somebody could just throw Halloween candy at me for an hour, but I was being good after that, man, hit me. That's what I wanted. Hit me. I was like, I'll do anything. So for years, I wasn't riding elevators.

And I was back to the birthday. Bert was like, you're not getting on an elevator? And I was like, no, I can't. I was like, and he's like, are you afraid it's going to fall? I'm like, no, I'm afraid it's going to get stuck. And then he's like, so they let you out. I go, no, but I'm out of control. I'm out.

I'm under somebody's can. And what, and then catastrophize? What if we're in there forever? What if they forget about us? What if we never, they, there's an earthquake and what if the, and I can go to like all these levels. And Bert was like, man, you're, you're crazy. Meanwhile, like, five years later, I'm working with Bert. And he's like, I can't ride elevators right now.

And I can't. Well, roller coasters is part of it because the locking bar. And I did get stuck for a little bit on a roller coaster and a ride at Universal. And I'm like, hey, huh, huh, huh, huh, and I'm like, oh. But wait, in your defense, I think if you're stuck on a roller coaster, a lot of people would be not okay with that. Right. So it's started to ruin everything where I'm losing control. That was the hand of Gatsby thing on the plane where all of the.

sudden I'm out of control. I'm not, how do I get off this plane? How do I? And I ended up opening my laptop at the time and like looking at pictures of my family. And it was like making me better. And this is the funny part of the story. Hannah's sitting next to me. And she's like, Hannah's a really sweet person. She's really nice person. And, you know, I don't agree with all her comedy. You know, like the, you know, shitting on men and everything. But I really like her. And so she's sitting next to me and she's like, oh, is that your family? And so it starts. It starts, to bring my panic level down. And I was like, yeah, and that's my sister.

And I don't, I didn't have kids at the time and I wasn't married. I was like, that's my brother. And that's, all these are my nieces and nephews and Hannah's like, oh, where's that? And, you know, we're talking. All of a sudden, my panic level is coming down. And I'm just, you know, scrolling through the pictures. And all of a sudden a picture of my dick comes up. No.

Why do you even have a picture of your dick? You're, for who? Unless you're about to say I had some shit on there and I wanted to show it to the doctors. I took it so he could see what it looked like because my appointment's not for another week. And I wanted to make sure he knew what it looked like on day one. I'm trying to give you

a fucking out here for crazy. Also, what is the fucking legality of exposing your penis on a fucking commercial my family, my family, my family, my dick, this is what started my family. I had to look at Hannah and go, sorry.

And she just looked at me like, oh, you know, and, and, and I, I, I, but you also said her comedy about man. So, so like to this day, when she, when she, when she blew up and everybody's like, hey, you go to Australia a lot. Do you know Hannah Gadsby? I'm like, yeah, I showed her my dick once. Oh my God. And they're like, what? I'm like, well, unintentionally, I didn't mean to do it. But, uh, and then you said that I did one time. I called Dr. Drew. And I was like, hey, uh, I have, I have this thing on my like balls or something. I go, I go, I don't know what it is.

I go, I think it's like a genital ward or something. I go, do I go to a urologist? Do I go to skin doc? Who do I do? And Dr. Drew's like, just take a picture of it. Send it to me and I'll tell you what to do. What do you think that dude's inbox? It's like,

it's got to be. Dr. Drew's got to have an insane fucking text threads of shit in there. So I send him. Oh, you know what he is? I send him the picture. And Dr. Drew goes, that's a nothing.

That's an ingrown hair. And he goes, he goes, but now I have a picture of your dick. Yeah. And I was like, but when he used to work with Psycho Mike and Do Love Line, Mike used to send us all. If I, if I ever send you anything, it's the most horrific thing you've seen on the internet, I got it from Psycho Mike. Mike Catherwood. And so I remember Mike used to send it to like Drew's wife and Drew. So like he's known for it.

Like the worst things that have ever been on the internet. somehow go through his phone. And so Dr. Drew's inbox is it doesn't need any, all it needs is Mike. So he co-signed on his therapy and said, get your ass in there. He said go. I go. And she said to me, you said you go, hey, I just want to let you know. It's going to bring up some stuff. It gets heavy. And I mean, immediately. Immediately. I thought not me. Maybe Ryan. Because like I've heard your And I'm like, you know, I grew up. It wasn't. And I'm thinking nothing happened to me.

Like nothing that was trauma. So she sits down and she's like, do you have any trauma? And I said, you know, I had a good life, family. And I'm telling her, she's like, okay, let's start. And she's like, when's the first feelings of you this you had? And I start going back. And I brought up, you know, like, I'm like, I remember a time my cousin held me under in the pool. And she's like, hmm.

And she's like, well, what did that feel like? I go, well, like, I thought I was drowning. And I go, and I would like gas for air. And he'd throw me back under and hold me under. And I was sure I was dying. And I go. And then every time I was at the pool and I would see my cousins, I would get out of the pool. And I couldn't swim.

Like, all the kids are playing and I couldn't swim. And she's like, hmm, you know, and she's like, tell me more. Tell me more. By the end of this session, she's hugging me going, oh, my God. You have so much trauma and I'm crying. And I'm like, and my mom and my sister. And it wasn't. And I'm like a blubbering mess.

And she is like holding me going, okay, we, we know where we, we know where we got to start now. And so imagine you think going in thinking I don't have any trauma and that she doesn't. Imagine me going and going, I got a fuck little. She goes, you think so? And here's even more. And I'm like, oh my God. Like the in-betweens and shit. You're like, oh, and that's how that affected me to.

Man, man, man. And you don't understand. But I'm like this on my flights now. I don't even take Tylen all my other. So week two, we start going into it. And at the end of it, she goes, you want to go to the elevator? Because she's the funny thing is, the funny thing is. The funny thing is when I signed up with her.

And she, I call her from downstairs. I'm like, I can't come up to your office. She goes, why not? And I'm like, because there's an elevator. She's like, we'll take the stairs. I'm like, they're locked. And she's like, oh. And this is a huge problem in my life.

This happens at a hotel, especially in Vegas. Oh, yeah. Everywhere. I didn't thought of that. I mean, my wife wants to strangle me. And my kids make fun of me. And I mean, my kids are relentless about it. Like, oh, dude.

Dad, you want to get in the elevator? Ooh. And I'm fucking like that. So she goes, well, I'm on like the, I forget, she was on like the fifth floor or something. She's like, I guess I'm going to have to walk down and open the door to let you in. And then we'll walk up. And so she had to do that. And I'm like, I'm so sorry that I have to make you.

She's like, oh, you know, I need the exercise. And so then after we walk, she goes, you want to walk to the elevator. and you want to try to get in it? Because I'm starting. She was like, you know, it was like, where are you now? 100%. Where are you now? 80%.

Where are you? She's like, where are you now? I'm like 20%. She goes, let you want to. And we walk to the elevator and I was about to get in it. And I was like, ha. And she's like, see you next week. And so after I think I went four or five times.

And she walked me the elevator and she goes, I hope I never see you again. Did you use it? I got in it and I went down. And then you were all right. And then I was all right. It was riding it with my wife, kids. Everybody's like, this is awesome. And then I got on a plane one day and a panic attack kicked in and all of a sudden,

and so I need to go back. I need to go back. Or are you really leaning into all the stuff she taught you and thinking about on your own and stuff before you go? Maybe not. I mean, you know, the thing is not that we know have the answers, obviously, but you know, what to do and you really now have control of your mind, like, okay, this isn't happening. I'm worried about something that's not happening right now. Yeah, that's what she taught me. She's like, yeah, I got to tell you this too. Also, I'm going to say this. It was nice the way you had an elevator

in the building to try. Sure. Because you didn't have the plane. I was on tour. I had, I couldn't cancel my, I had to fly. Yeah. So I'm doing that in between sessions. Right. And I'm coming back. And I'm like, I was much better on this one. Oh, yeah. You know what I? mean because she's giving me the monkey taps and the mantras and all that stuff. Yeah, she gave me all that. At the same time, I was suffering from a thing called health, health anxiety, where it's kind of like hypochondria. But it was like there were real symptoms. Like I was getting these fasciculations. What's that? Like basically like twitching in my arms, my legs. And I thought, started to think, I'm getting ALS.

I'm going to leave my kids. I'm going to die the most horrific death. I know. Instead of just like, my money just fucking pinched a nerve. Right. I go straight to ALS, Parkinson's, Parkinson's, MS. I mean, I'm saying to my wife, like, I love you. I said to her at one point, if I have ALS, I'm just going out into the wilderness. I'm not going to let you see this. I go out, just got me to take a backpack. I'll take some food and a rifle and and goodbye. like and I was like just tell the kids that I went on a elk hunting expedition and and the elk gone yeah um because I was like I can't die like that and so I'm thinking my worst nightmare is coming true so I go and get all these tests from all these doctors and they're like no you're not and it's still happening it's

still happening and I call a friend who's a therapist I tell you she goes you have anxiety and I'm like anxiety I go my wife sees the twitching in my arms you can see the She goes, yeah, that's your body. It's happening from anxiety. And I'm like, yeah, there's no. She goes, Eddie I declined and went blind from anxiety. Permanent? No, but he ended up like working through it.

Damn. She goes, it's amazing what the mind can do to the body. So when I went to the EMDR therapy, that was probably worse than the elevator thing. Okay. And she said to me at one point, are you okay right now? I'm like, yeah. She's like, are you here? Are you alive? And I'm like, yeah. She goes, any of us could walk out the door and get hit by a car and we're dead. And so why are you worrying about something that could happen? She's like, because you could dive any possible way. Right now while we're in this session, a fucking plane could hit the building. Yeah, anything. And she goes, so you've made up in your mind this thing. And I'm like, yeah, but I have the symptoms. She's like, the symptoms are coming. And coming from what's happening in your brain. So she taught me this and she taught me.

And I'm gone, gone. The health anxiety is, even when I get, I had a little skin cancer on my neck. And I got to call after the test. I got to call from the doctor after they tested. As soon as it was him, I went, oh, fuck. Like it's not the nurse go, oh, you test this thing. I'm like, I go, I got it, huh? He's like, yeah.

Yeah. he's like we're going to operate on it we're going to did it and I was like okay cool like that one didn't make your future trip it was like but maybe also because here's a you know a doctor

that you trust and you've got a calming voice on the other end I don't trust any of that still I hear you but enough that you're going to let him do this yeah right so you got somebody over there going you got it he's seen this shit before he knows what he's doing at least that's a calming thing there's none of that in an elevator

No. There's nobody. There's no got, don't worry, man. This thing's got fucking 8,000 cables. And if it breaks, there's a guy underneath it just holds it like this and gently says it. It's the stuck shit. And because I focus on one time, my mom is in the hospital. Now we're talking. She passed away years ago. And I had to go. This is well, the elevator thing's going on. I got to go see my mom. My mom's in ICU. The only way to get there is an elevator. And I'm like, I got to do it. So I get in the elevator. The whole way out. And I've got to go in and out every day, a couple times a day. And so I find this one big elevator in the hospital way down this hallway that I liked. That's my elevator. That's my elevator. And I ride. And I'm like looking at the door. Can I pull the doors open?

Like I look for the escape hatch. You look instead of just closing your eyes and breathing, huh? You're looking between the crack and seeing shit go by and stuff. Yeah. Yeah. That makes it worse. So I am. I love this elevator.

So I go in one time, then they go, hey, can you go out and get mom some food? You know, she doesn't want the hospital. So as I'm going out, I look,

my elevator's stuck. Oh, and there's a guy in there banging. No. Oh, I thought it was just out of order. It's stuck. It's stuck.

And I'm like, motherfucker. This. And so. Guess what ate my elevator anymore? Yeah. So I go, I'm going to stay here and watch this for two reasons.

One, I'm now, I'm a bit of an empath and I'm worried about the guy that's in there because I know how I would feel. I'm like, you okay, man? He's like, yeah. And I'm like, how are you okay? I want to know how you're, no, but I'm like, I'm like, we got someone coming to the janitors are showing up or the custodians, you know, maintenance guys.

Then the cops are there. So I said that the cops are, the cops were there before me. Cops were first. I said to the cop, I said, hey, it's going to sound weird. But do you mind if I hang out and watch this? because like this process might help me. I go, I have a fear of it. It's like, yeah, no problem.

So they call the guy. So they fix it. So the guy that maintenance guy is like trying and he's like, yeah, it's stuck. He's like, it's in between the two floors. And I go, he goes, well, we got to call the elevator company. They got to get here. I go, how long is it going to take him?

And I'm like, what do you mean? Like when? When are they? And he doesn't know that I'm crazy. And I'm like, when are they going to be here? What time? How long? Where?

And he's like, I don't know. I go, where's their office? Like, is there traffic? Can you, can you, can we find their iPhones and see what? And I'm like, and I go, hey, can you tell him he's going to be okay? And the guy, I'm from Pittsburgh. The guy, it was in Pittsburgh. The guy looks at me and goes, what?

You fucking fuck. That's exactly what you like. I go, the guy might be scared. And he gets scared. You got to get the fuck out of here, dude. And the maintenance guys look at it. Be like, what do you the fuck you're talking about? Two floors.

here, bro. And I go, well, well, can you just tell them that, that like, that the repair guys are on the way? And he goes, and he's like looking at the cops like, the fuck is this guy. So he goes, sure. So he opens the doors. And you can see the guy's feet. He goes, hey, pizza's on the way. Heats is on the way. And then he shuts the door. And he goes, you happy? So I leave. I leave and I get my mom's food and I come back and I have to ride another elevator. I come back. He's still fucking in there. Come on, dude. He's still in there.

See, here's my worry about those things. I guess the biggest one would be, yeah, if it collapses, drops the shit. But my biggest one is like, what if I have to piss or shit? Yeah, that one. I'm going to be doing that in here. And what if there are, he's just in there by himself. So whatever. If I got a piss or shit, fine.

What if there's six other people in here? I know. And we all have to. If we're in there for three hours or so, what, how long would you say you were gone? How long would you say he's in that thing? Over an hour. Mm-mm. There's got to be some kind of compensation for that shit.

I agree. Like the airplanes, they, so that used to fuck me up on planes when we would sit on the tarmac. Yeah. You know, and they'd say, our gates not available or they're holding us in a weather and pattern. And you're like, so we're just going to sit on this plane. And that's when my panic would start. And it, like, those were a lot of them. that I got in my life. And now I know by law, they can only keep you for two hours. I set the timer

is that right. Yeah, by law, I think it's two hours, it's two hours on a domestic. It might be three or four on an international. It's a long ass time. But what I do is I go, I got my phone. I got a book. I got this. I got that. If I was at home, I would just be sitting on a couch true with my phone. You're also on the ground. Yeah. Yeah. You're safe. I don't mind the sky. I mean, the flight's over. You're good to go. Yeah. But, you know, after you've flown a while and they're like, you're like, I just wanted to get out of here.

And you're next to. But I always, you know, the more you fly, the more comfortable your seats, the more, you know, access to food and drinks. And it is like, what if I have to take a shit? What if I have to? Yeah. Yeah. And so that could. And she told me that.

And that came from a lot of that control that we discovered in the therapy was I had a very controlling dad as we all did if that generation was like, you shut up, you sit down. Why? Because I said so. Done. And that whole I said so, no like lack of control. Lack of information, lack of understanding. What do we do? Power. Right. All of it. All of it. It's great though. Because I like I learned. Because I fucking said so. Every time my kid pushes me and I go and I'll be like no and they'll be like why. And I go, because I said, here's why. Here's the boundary. I told you why.

You understand why. So don't do it or you're going to get punished. But like, you know. My dad wouldn't tell me why. I made a rule too. I told my daughter two rules. One, I'll never say because I said so. I will tell you why.

You're not going to like it. Yeah. You probably sometimes rather me just say because I said so, but I'm going to tell you why. And the other thing is I'm never going to lick my fucking thumb and wipe your goddamn face with it. Or put it through. my hair. That's what you does, bro. Twice.

Twice. So I'm glad you're better. I'm not completely better. I got to work on it. You're better enough to say, hey, I got good and I know I need to go back. I went on the swings at the Malibu chili cookoff, you know, the swings that go up in the air. There's a chili cookoff in Malibu? Oh, you got to go.

It's the best. Oh, I want to go. It just ended, but it's a whole carnival, you know? Oh, okay. It's all the Malibu people. It's fun. Mm-hmm. They got all the rides, but they have the shadiest rides.

Every carnival. Now when you look back, you're like, these people were all like just degenerates, but they all had good teeth. And I'm like, these motherfuckers were meth heads in the 80s putting together the zipper. They put the zipper was there. And we're getting on. And they bring the zipper on a pickup truck on the back of a pickup truck. And they put it together that week.

For children to get on. They put it together that. So my kid is going, getting the zipper with me, dad. And I'm like, I can't ride an elevator. You want me to ride the zipper. And so my kid goes, dad, ride the, and I remember how much I wanted my dad to ride with me. It was the best to have my dad go with me on amusement park rides. So I'm like, Cruz, I'm doing it. I'm doing it. He's like, but you can't do the locking. And I'm like, I'll do the locking. I'm going to do it. Even though it gives me anxiety, I'm going to do it. And so first ride we go on.

we get in it's the swings and you know the swings that go up and then it spins around and i i used to go on those as a kid and we used to hold on to each other yeah grab each other and then as it would go up we would let go and we get far apart and it came down we would smash into each other and like no fear i'm on this thing and i'm just like i can't believe i'm fucking riding this thing and some girl in front of me starts puking. No, puking. She just goes, and oh God,

of course it's coming back towards me. And I'm just like, and I'm like, you can't just have a normal fucking ride. And so I was like, it just felt like endless, like it wasn't stopping. So the next ride,

my son goes, come on, let's get on. I go, hold on. I got to time the one before us. So I know how long I'm going to be on there. And my son's like, are you kidding me? We got to time these. And he's so mad.

He's like, you are ruining my day. There's no lie. He's like, get on. And he's got, you can walk right on it. Yeah. My wife comes back. She's like, he's like, dad's timing the rides. And he's like, he's timing the rides.

And I'm like, just please. Like, I got to get through this. The girl puked on the last one. And they had the Gravatron. Yeah, of course. This is a true story. In college, the Carnegie Mellon used to have the tech fair. And I went to Pitt, which was next door.

Okay. We were like, our campus is touched. One day the band live, remember live? Of course. Lives playing. Some of my fraternity brothers went to school with, hey, we're going to go down. We're going to hang out with the band. We're like, oh, that's cool.

So me and one of my fraternity brothers go down, hang out with the band before, like, setting up and it's like, oh, this first rock stars we've ever met. My buddy goes, let's go ride some of the rides. No one's here. Like during the day, they're all in class. Carnegie Mellon. They're good students. You know, we're all hit.

We're like, uh, art students over there and shit. So we go to the Gravatron, me, him, and I think there was one other guy with us. We get on the Gravitron. If you don't know what the Gravitron is, people listening, it's a, like a, kind of like the road, it spins, it's got a roof on it, plays music, it's dark inside. and there are these padded walls that slide. They're on rollers. And as you start spinning, centripetal force takes you up the wall.

And you stick to the wall. There's no seat belt or anything. You just stick to the wall from the spinning. And then they lower it. And the guy drives it from the middle. The guy's in the middle driving it. Like he's a bar around him and he just controls the thing and it spins around him. So we're the only ones in it.

Three of us. We get in. The only ones. And the guy goes, I'm going to give you guys a good ride. So it's a long ride. And we're turning around and doing push-offs. Yeah, people will spin all the way around on like Spider-Man and shit. Because no one's in it.

We're rolling around. We're trying to crawl to the bar. And he's how he goes like this. At one point he goes, like you can't hear because of the music. He goes, watch this. And he's running the machine. He holds on to the. bar that's around him and lets his feet get pulled so he's like supermanning to the wall and now he's

not controlling it down there he's sucked on the wall of you guys no because he's he's still holding on he's holding on to his booth and we're like that's so cool that's awesome that's so cool and all of a sudden fom no dude he's high as shit he is high as shit there's nobody usually riding it that early this this meth head is now sitting next to me on the wall and this is part of where my fears come from I automatically go. He did go back right now

we're in here forever of course because he's running he's the only guy in here and even knows what that is somebody four hours into it is going to have to like yank the plug out from outside and I'm like but the look he gave us was because there was no

talking he gave us this look like we're fucked Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so we start like pushing him like he's crawling against gravity to get to the middle. It's just like you guys are stuck in space. That's exactly what it felt like. And we're building like a human wall for him to use our bodies to climb back into the spot to turn it off. So we get him back in there.

and like we all work together and we get them back in there and they slows it down and i felt like we were on there for like 20 minutes like it felt like forever and it stops and he he like looks us i forget what he said but it was something like so funny like it's we're like leaving and he's like he said something he's like that was fucked up yeah like we were all like and oh my god i remember i remember we came out and like the band was about to start in a few like you know like 20 me and our friends are like, come home, let's get right. And I was like, I think I got to go home. I'm good, bro.

I just, I just almost died in the Gravatron. That's such a fucking, but that's, listen, of course. Yeah. That's part of it. Yeah. Of course, a fucking meth addict almost killed you into Gravatron. And you watched him come out of it and then helped him get back in. That's like if we're driving down the road right now in 18 wheel or we're all in the back and the driver shoots in the back.

Like, you got to get back up there, motherfucker. Oh, dude. Have you ever seen the video where they rescue that lady in that like cage stretcher in like a mountain rescue? Oh, yeah. And it's spin. Oh, oh, I've seen it. I've seen it. Kill me.

Also, even if you, even if I make it, like the speed, if she's not passed out, there's no way she's not a vegetable after that. There's no way her brain is not fucking scramble. I watch that a thousand times. The speed of it too. And it's going fast. I watch that a thousand times. You could even yell. And here's a woman who like, you know, like tore her ACL or something.

And she's like, this is, this is terrible. This is terrible. And like, you don't know terrible. You're about to be the only person this has ever happened. You're about to be an egg beater. And you're, and. But I used to, I used to be an ocean life garden. I was a ski patrol.

Wait, real quick. I want to ask, if anyone knows, is, Is there a post interview with that lady anywhere? I would love this. If there is, please send it our way. I would dying to see what that lady had to say about that. If she could even talk. She probably has an interpreter in a straw now.

I wouldn't doubt it. That shit had to. How's that not scramble your brains? I always thought about the first responder that kind of fucked up. Like somebody did something wrong. You know, like the helicopter pilot or they had never done this before. Now there's a new like, it's the Linda clamp. Right.

But whoever, when they saw her, when they were like, oh, she's hitting the speed of that fucking propeller, it feels like. That was, I'm so funny you brought that up because I was like, I was like, oh, fuck, dude. Yeah. So. Well, this has been a pleasure. Yeah, it's always so fun to talk to you. Thank you for coming on here. It's like, I like to earn your laugh.

Your laugh is the best laugh in comedy. Thank you, dude. And it's like, when I hear it, I'm like, oh, that's like, as a comedian, it's like, wow, I got the Ryan Sickler laugh. Well, you get it a lot, dude, especially on this episode. And I hope you go back and I hope you work through it. Yeah, I'm going to. And tell them more about your special. Please promote one more time.

The audience special, check it out. Hopefully it's something new and everybody's going to go, wow, your wife and your director are amazing. Your comedy was okay. It's on YouTube. Audience Special out now. All right, brother. Thank you very much. As always, Ryan Sickler, on all your social media. We'll talk to you all next week.

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