The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Adam Ray - Life After Death

Episode Date: August 3, 2020

My HoneyDew this week is Adam Ray! Adam returns to talk about the recent death of his stepmother, the toll it’s taking on his family, especially his father, and what life after death is about. SUBSCRIBE to my YouTube channel & watch The Dew there every toozdee! https://www.youtube.com/rsickler SUBSCRIBE to my Patreon show, The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I highlight the lowlights with y’all! What’s your story?? https://www.patreon.com/TheHoneyDew Sponsor: Go to Talkspace.com or download the app and use code HONEYDEW to get $100 off your first month and show support for the show

This episode of The Honeydew is brought to you by Talkspace. More on that later. Let's get into the do. The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler. Welcome back to The Honeydew, y'all. We're over here doing it at Studio Nightpants. I'm Ryan Sickler, ryyan sickler.com ryan sickler all social media uh make sure you are subscribed to the youtube page let's go and subscribe there watch video there every tuesday uh and if you or someone you know you think have a

great story you'd like to hear or be told or whatever, heard, listened to, uh, please email me at honeydewpodcast at gmail.com and submit for the honeydew with y'all where I highlight the lowlights with y'all. Um, social media, all that stuff you can find on the honeydewpodcast.com. I want to say thank you. Night pants nation.

We are strong and growing. Got a little shorter with the night shorts. So hit up that merch store. Got coffee mugs there now. The charcoal hoodies in there. All of it. It's all there. Go there. Thehoneydoopodcast.com Also, Santa Monica

Music Center offering online classes from Los Angeles musicians. Go to santamonicamusic.com Use code Hdew. They'll waive the registration fee and give you a free first lesson. Uh, when you sign up for a package, now that that is all out of the way, uh, as I always say, we're over here highlighting the low lights and these are the stories behind the storytellers.

And it's wonderful to have this storyteller back. Uh, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Adam Ray, y'all. Welcome back to the do, Adam Ray. Bing. We'll add in a sound effect. That's ours. Okay, good. Okay, good.

I love it. Good to see you. Yeah, you too, man. Impressive upgrade. Thank you, brother. The studio, the space. If you're fortunate enough to get to tour the Honeydew Studios. Tour it. I don't know if you're doing any sort of those tour the uh honeydew studios i don't know i don't know

if you're doing any sort of those like giveaways you know like ben and jerry's tour yeah or after like the wheel fortune they're like if you want a tour of the fortune studios or to see what pat sajak's jacket smells like post show you know uh p.o box so you at some point i feel like you're building towards you know the fans wanting to you know win a trip or if they're out here. I'm sure that happens anyway, right? Where they're like, yo, can I see where the magic happens? Can I get a mug? I mean, everyone knows where we are.

I don't keep it quiet because San Monica Music Center is pretty public. But also, after everything that happened during the riots um uh the riots that hit and everything then everybody knows the story yeah so well here we are impressive and thank you very much thanks for the mug i'm glad you're here you hit me up before hold on before we get there please promote whatever you want uh so you know where things uh you can find me at um cut, cut take two. I'm on, uh, Adam Ray comedy on Instagram and Twitter, Adam Ray comedy.com. And for, uh,

for tour dates, which, you know, there's a few there, but they'll, you know, stay tuned for changes at Adam Ray comedy.com. Um,

there's a cartoon I'm a voice on right now at Hulu called crossing swords. It's like a filthy medieval time show from the robot chicken guys. So it's all the stop motion with little peg people. That's great. Tony Hale's on it and Seth Green and really killer cast. Real fun.

And then a couple albums out, Read the Room and Songs for the People on Spotify and iTunes. About Last Night, the podcast, which you've crushed many a times. It's a great time. We'll crush. It's now Sands Dwarf,

so just a a jew but uh probably should change it to just a jew i'm now realizing the missed opportunity out there also at some point lean into your audience and when i see like seinfeld or or um what's his name avi lieberman right like does he shows in israel and it's always just jew city and uh, uh, yeah, I'm like, God, do I just, but I don't, I've got maybe two jokes about being that are even, you know, soaked in anything religious.

And, uh, so, uh, to really, but I've done a lot of like, I was about to say synagogues, but I've done a lot of like Jewish,

uh, uh, centered shows or at, um, you know, uh, community centers uh community centers or fraternities that were all jewish and you'll make a couple jokes that are catered towards it um but i always see i guess what i'm saying is like look at fluffy his audience or a fucking uh you know kathy griffin's got uh um you know uh the gays uh, you know, she's got,

she's got, that's a, makes up a big part of her audience. It does. I just want to say, this is officially the worst plugging I've ever heard

someone do for their self. I've heard 20 other comedians. You haven't said shit about it. And we're only 2.30 in. And you're like, look, my outdoor studio voice and I got a website.

If I can recommend the air up there with Kevin Bacon, it's a great movie. I saw it just recently. It holds up. Billy Ocean's Greatest Hits, my favorite album from the 80s. Saw Billy Ocean live. Put a pin in that story. That's a good one. With my pops.

He got me into Billy Ocean. Okay, so the cartoons, the podcast, the Twittered Adam Ray comedy. Kathy Griffin, I'm coming after the gays. Don't stop me. Jesus Christ. Hey, man, it's Friday. It is. It is.

20 years ago, I'd be watching Patrick Duffy and Bob Saget try to corral a family of five. You know? I do know. TGIF. Did you ever fuck with that i you know what no i watched i was a big thursday night guy always which was like fall guy night rider then it was like cheers right uh night court shit like that i remember the thursdays i don't really remember i wasn't a big uh what was that full house all right yeah i'm a little older than you bro are you yeah i'm 47 i got you bro i always feel like you're younger than me so take care of yourself you know i still i'll still run a 464 you know what i'm saying that's why that's why i let everybody know that dude i, I worked out with some NFL quarterbacks for this podcast with Mark Sanchez called Fourth and Forever.

The short time sports was doing and we got to go down and work out with, you know, like Josh Allen and Sam Darnold and Mark jumped in the mix. And it was a true test of like, oh, man, I feel like I'm in decent shape. But then, you know, you get out on the field. I'm stretching as much as I think is necessary. And then just trying to run routes. And that was fine because I can do that and know how to turn enough and get to a spot quick enough to where they. But at one point they go, Josh, they go, it's fucking as hard as you possibly can.

And I saw a little bit of like, and I go, what are you guys talking about? You guys talking about how you can't believe the athleticism that I'm displaying right now? And they're like, two, which is my lane. So I just take off and I run and then I just turn and stop. And dude, you can tell when someone's just like trying to end your life right in the sternum. There's a look in the eyes of like, I'm going to fucking toss a ball to this kid who wants to live out some dreams versus like, there's no way this isn't going to cause some internal bleeding.

And so I get to the sideline and caught it and I was mic'd up and everything too and it knocked me to the ground. And I go, was that game speed? And he's like, I tried to throw it as hard as I could. I go, as hard as you could? He goes, pretty hard. I go, that's what I'm saying.

As hard as you could, because I need to know for retelling the story, if I caught and i was just like did i take your best shot yeah yeah or did i take your left no yeah but he's like no i put some uh some serious uh gas on it and it fucking and he also like i'm wearing a gopro and then a mic dude he hit me literally right i mean crazy i've heard stories of old receivers of Elway. They said through their shoulder pads and everything, they would get the cross of the ball right there. And so for you to have that.

I had something interesting happen to me recently I wanted to actually talk about. So this is pretty cool. Was it the sports-related thing? So I've been touting all Juco since back in the day, I was all Juco. I played soccer. I made, you know,

the all Juco, whatever. And wait, now what is Juco? Juco is junior college. Great. For people that, you know,

as I say, the 13th and 14th grade, I thought it was like all Jewish community center sports. You don't know about me. I'm on all your flyers. Because we had Wesco for all those sports. So JUCO, I'm like, okay. JUCO is an acronym for junior college.

Great. Yeah. So, and I always fuck around, but the truth is I always say, be the best wherever you are. And I didn't have the financial means to go to a four-year institution. My grades weren't – they were okay. I got a 3.0, but it wasn't good enough to go to pay. I had no parents.

I had no support. I had no nothing. Community college was my only option. It's great that it was even an option, right? Yep. And I lived with my grandmother at the time, and she lived like a mile it so i went and i would go i would get up i would go to school and then we would do soccer right after and then i would go to um deliver the new york times all around yeah but a driving one all the way down to annapolis i worked till four in the morning and i

was doing this every night. Still playing soccer. Still making the all-star, all Juco shit. How many years did you do the paper route? Just one. Okay. I couldn't keep up. I filled in for a buddy four times and was like contemplating ending my life. Yeah.

I mean, no appreciation. It was like doing an open mic. You're throwing the paper. You're like, here you go. And they're like, oh, no one's up. It's 5 a.m. Yeah. Yeah. All right. So you're still doing that and crushing all the sports so i

recently have uh orlando brown jr on the podcast from the ravens amazing sky hits me up and um he says you know i graduated a couple years after him and i happen to be a coach at your your alma mater junior college holy i'm like no way and he's like we got a spot for you so he sends me a shirt and i hit him up and i just thank him man and he sent the nicest letter to me well i wasn't expecting he's like look you know you're you know you always are proud of junior i go look i know i joke about it but i am proud of like my beginnings i'm proud of where i come from i'm proud of how it started i'm proud of everything i've done to get to sit right in this chair across from you all contributes to it so um he sends me the nicest letter and and he says we've got a spot for you if you can pass the conditioning test so i was like huh so i call him and i'm like first of all i want to thank you

for what a great letter and um i go what's your fucking conditioning test so he starts to tell me one of them and i'm like i don't know about that that he sent me another one i was like look i was thinking about bringing a crew with me to shoot a little fun video but i saw this conditioning test i was like yeah what did it open from you for the fucking stance yeah well it's gassers but all in a certain amount of time you're doing 100 and 200 yards or whatever and then there was another one that i mean it was just like i think he said you had to run two miles and 12 and even my best i was a i could do i could creep out one at six one i ain't i ain't hitting that again around four laps not happening not at 47 not with these knees yeah but i want to go practice with them oh yeah i'm lacing my copas up i'll still i could go still

kick a ball around i can't you know but anyway that's amazing it was awesome and he he told me he's like you know there's a couple kids on the team there's one in particular that's got a trouble with the law and typical baltimore upbringing um and he's like and i told him about you and i told him you came here and i told him you played here and he's like i want you to know it made a difference he really couldn't believe you started here and where you are and it made a difference i was like whoa so they sent me a jersey and a post i'm gonna or a a nice letter i'm gonna make a post about it but that's amazing um yeah fucking hell yeah come all the way back around it feels good to you know reflect every now and then and go oh cool because you know everyone suffers from this from just straight up

looking this way not even checking the rearview mirror for a heartbeat. And to like when people like that recognize it and bring it up to you. Which also is big. Yeah. So here's the other thing. And Christian Kershaw is his name. And I hope I didn't fuck that up. Not related to Clayton.

I did it. I think he said he's 25 you know what I mean like this guy's not even he wasn't even born when I started or right when I finished you know what I mean and my one of my coaches his dad

is friends with and knows so it's awesome to have these younger guys even know who the fuck you are and then throw some love your way so appreciate y'all Catonsville community college i think you called i don't know what you're called now ccbc or some shit but you all was y'all was ccc all juco and i went there um all right so you called yeah texted me yeah and you said i really have something i'd like to talk about yeah and can we talk about it of course i just was like you know what actually i thought about a little bit more on the drive over and uh nah let's keep talking soccer so my coach that

really influenced my life was greg to cone no uh uh yeah so you know i think you've done a great job of really making the focus uh you know um with the low lights and so which is great because you know we talked about on the pod and right after the last time i was here sorry if you haven't watched adam's first episode that's the whole i heard in your throat clear dude it's my one man show if i ever want to do one i really want to work on it at a chunk of time because we basically just opened by reflecting on my mom and dad talking for the first time in maybe 10 years on FaceTime when my dad's in the hospital, potentially on his deathbed. Him apologizing to her, just very, having all these mortal thoughts and morbid thoughts

and thinking about Mortal Kombat. And I don't know. I was looking for a third and uh he's playing mortal combat asking her for the cheat codes she's like cheating you know everything about that you know anyway so too soon all right no that added up actually pretty well but so uh so that was real emotional and then we went through my mom's dating history which was fucking i hadn't done and to do it with one of the best to listen and and tag and observe dude it was i appreciate you let me be a part of it so much fun it made me i was surprised

at how much i could remember and and you just bring that out of people but so so in in sticking with the theme of just uh you know mom and dad and and folks and and you made uh that experience comfortable to talk about all that stuff and i remember getting you know uh emotional about some of it but it you you uh you're just good at making people want to talk about stuff that they normally wouldn't so this falls right into that so i was um in oregon once this pandemic hit my my stepmom who passed was dealing with stage four cancer. Probably she was about – when she passed, it had been about two years since the diagnosis. And she was okay and starting to not feel well in a lot of treatments and a lot of just pains and clots here and there and urinary, just a lot of other complications. My dad's, you know, still working it at 75, you know, an internist at a

VA clinic in Oregon and trying to stay focused, but just his, you know, wife is just, you know, fading away and a lot of mixed feelings because, you know, and as I said in a Facebook post trying to like sum up my feelings, it's like it's the woman that is dying is his wife and who I've gotten to know for, I guess, since now. Ninety one is when I think he left my mom for her. OK, so can I stop you there for a sec? So, yeah, 91. We talk about how good the Bulls were. No, you just completely graduated high school. Let me tell you about my graduation.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm in the S's, okay? And now they start with the A's. So this is the woman your dad left your mom for. Correct. And did your – And started a new family with. Right.

And my mom, my dad even told me, thought they were going to get back together. And my dad – and then once we i think even when my dad had my stepmom had a kid and then my pops and stepmom had two kids together who were my brothers half brothers i just call them brothers but you're close to them oh very very close was there ever any resentment i don't remember with your stepmom at first because she's the other woman or no uh for me yeah more so my sister i i just went into it very i was just a very glass half full also i could see and i i think i don't think i was a bad kid innately but i became a better kid uh as a default from seeing this the the trouble my sister was getting into and the

pain it was causing my my mom as a single mom so i try to be on my shit even more and help her clean the house when my mom was on before she got home from work and just do things to try to do my part to make things a little easier and so i kind of adapted that when my dad started this new family to be like oh just act like literally walk in and be pumped to see this woman and to be like because i'm thinking of my dad i'm like i don't want to make it weird for him at fucking eight i'm thinking that i don't want to make it weird for him. At fucking eight, I'm thinking that. That's very mature at eight. For any age.

Well, a lot of pills. Headache. No, no, no. And a lot of Flintstones vitamins, baby. All that calcium gets you thinking straight. So he was, it was weird, though. Because, yeah, you're over at his new place with this woman and her kid. And then they had my brother, Logan, and my mom didn't know about it.

And then they, we were, we were told to like, not let her know about it. And then she found out. And that's when my, that I think is when she filed for divorce. Cause then it was like,

you know, there's no, you don't hear about your, you don't hear about your, your, your husband's having a kid with another person being like, well, I'm going to get booked. I'm going to wait wait if there's one more kid then i'm out you know that's then it's official

two more if it's the twins you're all thin ice yeah so that was checkmate and then uh and so that she uh so that was just me sister and uh mom. And then now you're just dealing with this back and forth of going over to my dad's new place. Was your sister having the same problems going over as well? She was two years older than me and way more locked into, fuck this, fuck this woman. She's also a girl, so she knows better. And my pops left on her birthday, which my dad just told me, too. He was like, I think it was. On her birthday?

Yeah. Damn. And yeah. which my dad just told me too he was like i think it was on her birthday yeah damn and yeah and uh and and so that was she's a little more sensitive to all that obviously and uh and i was like and i even asked him i was like do you remember like was it during cake or like he's like i don't fucking do you think i want to go back there like listen i know i fucked up I'll tell you when it was. It was right after to you. And I was like, I didn't say to you. I even held the ooh as I walked out the back. I fucking walked ooh. So they thought I was just trying to harmonize in the car.

I heard some people singing in the back. I want to make sure they could. Bounce for her birthday, man. Hardcore. And they've since made up and and you know dealt with that but so again i wonder what she wished for next year oh man yeah yeah it's yeah man dad i wish you were never here well guess what shit's about to happen yeah yeah yeah man so now you just she's very uh just not cool with the change and so i think it affected and never was or did she come around no not only i had that flag and held it on dude on both of

them respect for people like me too man like what who am i to say like uh and even you know she ended up going to a um girl school uh when she uh i was just eighth grade through high school my mom and i because my sister uh stole my mom's van and her boyfriend uh and got a van yeah my mom's van and her and her boyfriend took all my clothes all my money all my mom's shit and drove to arizona to like work at a fucking gym or something i don't remember what the plan was but they're gonna open a cold stone i don't know dude yeah it was that was the most surprising part i get back my piggy banks open all my fucking albertson's checks were gone and i'm like what's gonna you know did i i'm like fuck did i sign them over already and then

all my clothes are gone i'm like fuck it's like i had some key items in there like some michael jordan t-shirts some sean camp hoodies some fucking the original patrick ewing shoes that nobody had and uh and so uh they got stopped on the way to arizona my mom's like i can't i have no control i sent her off to this girl's school my grandparents like yeah she's gonna end up dead you have no control i thought she was helping and you know a lot of resentment from my sis towards my mom this whole time from that which again i get but then at some point you go mom's been crushing it for you ever since creating so many opportunities helping with you as you had twins by yourself and then just struggled struggled struggled has been nothing but there for you so at some point the resentment's got to fucking come to a halt and you got to be grateful and you got to stop being ungrateful and uh and

you know my brother-in-law uh when they got married has helped with that because he comes from very little and seeing my mom and and me and the help you get and go, hey, fucking, it could be worse. I know it can be. I've dealt with it. I wished I had family that was as supportive as. So dealing with that resentment and resentment towards my dad. And she's kind of leveled out on it finally. And with my stepmom, probably in this past year year once she got sick, really kind of

just, you know, things get way more real when someone's on their fucking deathbed. I mean, it doesn't get any more real than that. So did they become friendly? Or did she reach out? Just nicer. Yeah, reached out and just was nicer and more concerned and really more concerned

and worried about my dad's emotional state. And so that actually kind of helped repair their relationship and she because again just couldn't and he finally kind of apologized to her which i think allowed her to just drop it finally and live your life and holding on to hate is such a an overlooked piece of um emotional wear and tear i think it causes i think it can cause cancer i think that that just manifests that yeah blackness in you just oh yeah you know can grow into something that kills you yeah yeah you go all of it dude my uh you know jess lacasse uh uh stole aaron domingo for me in the eighth grade and you know am i over it we'll see at the end of this podcast but you know if i pick up the phone and call but i think think if she picks up. But there's been things that I've held on to that I'm like,

man, this is just not doing me any good. But you are so just you've kind of given up on trying to reason and you kind of like feeling that enraged, which I think everyone at some point you know whether it's being the victim or just being so jacked up about like this is i'm i'm so i'm getting so fucked on this uh you know you want to kind of like lean into that and and go yeah i'm allowed to feel this pissed but at the end of the day you know cancer yeah so good night everybody uh your stepmom so so so she's yeah so she's kind of cancer what it was a stage four liver and that's a fucking yeah you know that's game set match

so then it's just keep you happy keep you comfy um and she was doing all right and what came to my shows up in portland and when i was up there with Dane, brought them up, and we went out to Lake Chelan, which is eastern Washington, to renew their vows. My dad was like, it's really important. I think, I don't know how much time we got left. It could be a year. It could be five years. She's feeling good.

We'll do it now when we're feeling good. So I got a big R&B and got some shows up there to kind of balance it out and brought all their kids. And my girl came with me and my nieces and my sister drove out. And it was great. It was a good time. And she was able to partake in some stuff and then was kind of sick so kind of chilled a little bit but got all these pictures and video from that and it was real special and important to both them and especially my dad and that's what the focus has been which is uh make it easier for him somehow and be a part and really kind of quickly

didn't even think about all right i'm gonna go up there for a month and be a part and really kind of quickly didn't even think about all right i'm gonna go up there for a month and change at least and then however long after uh to kind of be there with them to distract them and keep them somewhat normal and and happy and and keep make sure that he knows that he still has a life right to live during and then after because how old is he 70 just turned 76 and so uh that's a real thing too which i didn't totally understand is the heartbreak that can go down after your spouse or a close person dies where you're you know by yourself and i know it was a thing with dogs because i saw it happen with my sheep dogs but i didn't know that i don't know that people possessed the uh

you know that that same trait sheep though yeah man when george lost gracie that was fucking that was a wrap in 1998 for his uh his stay on planet earth speaking of 98 the bulls were great that year too that one smash mouth dropped drop all-star. Yeah. So she got real bad real quick. And then it was like, all right, how do we, I'm going to get up there. My brother Logan came down. So wait, they gave her from a year to five? No.

No, actually, I think it was maybe even, God, was it two years maybe? Two, max. Or maybe six months. She outlived it, I know that. And actually was fine. How old was she? She was maybe 68. No, maybe? Two, max. Or maybe six months. She outlived it, I know that. And actually was fine. How old was she? She was maybe 68. No, 66? 68.

I think 68. Maybe 66. But in good health otherwise. Smoked a lot, though, man. My first taste of cigarettes was when I would be in her van and she'd be driving my sister and I and her son somewhere. You ain't stealing this. I dare you to steal this one. Dude, the voice is spot on.

Also, the space work is phenomenal. But, dude, it was my first taste of maybe secondhand smoke. As a kid. First taste of secondhand smoke? Dude, I'd never been. That sounds ridiculous. That was my first taste. Wait, was that my third taste of smoke?

Dude, I'm in this man. My first taste of secondhand smoke is great. Just trapped. And the windows are like all closed. She's hot boxing the car with fucking Joe Camel. And I'm just like in the back. And I remember the first time she yelled at me, I cracked the window and opened. And it was one of those windows that just did like, it just opened like just a little crack.

Yeah, that little. So you're like, no, this is such a small mess base. Dude, I was doing that. I cracked open a little thing and I was like like I'm smoking the oxygen that's free outside and she sees me in the rear view mirror and she goes, oh, you can't stand the smoke? And I was just like,

get out the kitchen. That's how you make sense. What is it, Vladi Divac's driving us? So I'm just trying to get some clean H2O or fucking whatever oxygen is what is the what is the oxygen just oh two just oh two i'm trying to get some oh two and i'm and and she's she was annoyed she was just like oh sorry i you know sorry i smoke it

just really and that was my first taste of not only secondhand smoke but also oh this is this is a weird dynamic what is what is role? And I'm in her car. We're staying at her house. It's also my dad's. But like I quickly kind of also saw that it was weird for my dad too. I didn't really – because now he's – we never talked about it. So it's just like, hey, yeah. He'd pick us up and bring back.

And I'm going to bring back. This is my new house. And he was kind of like – and again, I'd just be like, cool be like cool that couch rules and again i kind of was also like i've got two houses now i got two it's kind of fun but just again trying to make the best of it and but you did you hated it or you or you didn't yeah no i mean at the end of the day i saw how upset my mom was and how i but anytime i would start to get a clean grasp and really feel like what was happening i just would try to distract myself move on go play a sport made friends in the neighborhood where they lived and go kick it with them or what was your stepmom's name

renee renee yeah and then you would see what it's doing to your mom. Oh, yeah. Like, you know what, Mom? Renee says have a cigarette. On her, actually. Chill out a little bit. Yeah, take it easy. Yeah, yeah. I mean, how bad would that become?

You know, Mom, I know you're stressed. What works for Renee, you know, my other mom? Yeah, my other mom. Yeah, I mean, think about that. That's a dagger. That's a two-star to the heart. That's just fucking a mom. I that'll kill any mom right there like oh yeah knowing that there's i mean and i remember they would just fight my dad would drop us off and they would just there'd be some fight about something money something and also just contentious my mom i

mean i didn't know this my dad told me like thought they were going to get back together and then he because i think she just was like, let's try to make it work. Wait, your mom? My mom did. Said she was going to try to work it? That's what my dad says. He's like, I think your mom thought we were going to get back together. Oh, I see.

Because divorce didn't happen right away when he left. Yeah. Yeah. The kidnapping? What'd you say? Wait, what did you say? I was like, wait, is there a plot twist in my own life that I'm not aware of? Once the kid happened.

Oh, kid happened. It was a wrap on Elgin. Once the kid happened happened. what kidnap and happen is a fucking it's my new album the kidnap and have oh my god that is some kid and play vanilla ice they have the same manager maybe let's take a quick break to tell you about our sponsor talk space change is always a constant but these days it feels like there's something new to grapple with every day we may be adjusting to this new normal but it's still stressful and it's important to talk about it and seek support talk space online therapy is here to give you that support because we all need it right now match

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And Talkspace wants to give the licensed support we deserve at a price we can afford. As a listener of this podcast, you can get $100 off your first month on Talkspace. To match with your perfect therapist, go to Talkspace.com or download the app and make sure you use the code HONEYDOO to get $100 off your first month and show your support for the show. That's HONEYDOO at talkspace.com now let's get back to the do so so now she's given this short time frame and again your emotions just go through the roof want dad to be okay and also again not having someone this close to me be on uh death's door again like with brody and and other friends that had uh passed in this last year or so which is the most probably i've had in a year uh but somebody in hospice or at home yes

so she got real sick then she went to the hospital and i'm now uh i've been in la then went to arizona with my girl's family and we're like let's just you know it's there things hadn't really taken off uh like they are now in az as far as people just being like you know you ain't stopping me from going to quiznos and so uh so now that's you know a place where we can chill so then my dad's like i don't know man i'm thinking that there are people out there that have said that sentence all i remember is some soundbite of someone with a gun on the courthouse in michigan being like all i want is a haircut and a ding dong and not in that order we'll be right back and the news guy is like you can't throw the commercial it's my my program and so we go up to oregon because my dad's

in the hospital but now the pandemic has hit and now it's like what the fuck we can't even know for certain if we're going to be able to go to the hospital and you couldn't at one point and then my dad's like wow it's just gonna be like this then and now now i'm like all right i gotta get up there and be with him and my brother and i uh were there together for a while and then traded off uh weeks and uh trying to keep motivated and so and distracting the set and then finally they were able to get her and it was uh the consensus get on hospice so now that's crazy hospice which by the way texted a buddy of mine that i'm like day three i'm like hey can i hit you back my stepmom's on hospice 10 minutes later he hits me up he goes dude i feel like such an asshole i thought you

said your stepmom was on ho spice i thought that was some new dating app i'm like well she isn't even my dad um swear to god ho spice i'm like and so now i'm laughing i'm like i didn't show my dad that but uh but he'll hear about it on this but um but uh so now she's home and now we can at least control the environment keep her comfy and that's the whole goal is make sure that she yeah i mean what else and i kept telling my dad this because as bad as it would get with you know you have good days where she's eating she's responsive we could get her up in the wheelchair bring her out to the the living room and she could hang and see us and play with her dogs and and and be somewhat uh it just didn't feel as bad as it was. And my dad was doing okay. And still having her just in the other room was great, you know, and he could work and go check on her.

And so when he would get down, though, I'd have to remind him, like I feel like I've always done with the glass half full approach. I was like, Dad, she could be in the hospital and you couldn't be able to see her at all. She's home. She's comfy. And you can talk to her. And he's accepted what it is and but he couldn't

go in there for too long he'd sometimes just lay with her and just sob and then he's like i can't be in there couldn't even be in there for one night he's like i think i'm gonna sleep on the couch it makes me too sad to be in there but then i then go in there because you want to be with her and you don't know and and some days was real bad and a lot of pain and and just real up and down and then she'd be good and she had a week a week where she was probably three weeks in the hospice, just eating more and feeling good and responsive and talking to people and sitting up and coming out. And then it just kind of took a turn, and she just wasn't wanting to eat.

And, you know, my brother's now about to go into medical school, and my dad, you know, being a doctor, and they're really – school and and my dad you know being a doctor and they're really and then but even as a doctor my dad not wanting to give it he's still feeding her when she's like i don't want he's like still off you know and the hospice nurse is like at some point they're they just don't they know that if they don't eat or drink anything they're then that's it but they she knows that and just seeing the whole progression uh you know or the decline of her health and and just going downwards it's just a a really crazy i'm just to like watch it for about a you know i was there for about a little over a month and so being with her and and two months before that where she was you know fine and good and coming to my shows. And so to see her just in her bed and losing all the hair and then just to get real thin.

And then I go in there and talk to her for a while. And she'd be real responsive one day and ask questions. And I'm just trying to make jokes and this and that and then anything you need and all that. And then you also – sometimes she just wants to sleep or be alone. But then I feel bad because we're in the other room watching you know uh you know shanghai nights or whatever's on tnt and um i don't know and uh that's a good that's a great pool that is a great and so uh we're in the other room trying to live a life but there's one in there that's ending so you're you're feeling guilty by so you're kind of going in check but then you got

to keep dad busy and happy and We're bitching about it. Papa John's got the butter sauce again. You know, you got to watch. Dude, a thousand percent. Make sure that you pick your complaints while there's hospice two doors down. Make sure you don't go, God, there is nothing on Netflix. Who the fuck put the batteries in the controller wrong? God damn it.

Dad, are you sure the Wi-Fi password is your name? Yeah, so that's... It's hard to forget dumb shit like that sometimes. You really have to remember that. Perspective becomes a big component of what you really latch on to during a hospice. Wow, I can't believe I was about to say showdown. A hospice situation. Sometimes your brain knows the word but picks a different one,

and you're like, yeah, that doesn't not make sense. But in the context of what you're saying uh in the hospice uh situation you know you uh you don't have a lot of control because she's just like you're kind of going off of how she's wanting to feel and how she does feel she's in a lot of pain then there's always a point where the morphine's gonna have to come out and to kind of subdue her and take everything away. And, and then, uh, and would a person come by or did they stay? No,

no, no hospice. Uh, so my brother would stay there and then I got a hotel and then we kind of swap out. And, um, like how do they do that during the virus?

The person came in a mask. Yeah. Yeah. All that stuff. Yeah. And, uh, and then my brother would,

you know, take care of bathing her and cleaning and all that stuff. Yeah, he's a fucking saint and just crushed it. And it was weird because my other brother not so much because they, you know, it was just a weird. That's right, they had two kids. Yeah, and they, you know, it was, again, my pops had to, you know, bounce around working in different hospitals for 10, 12 years. And stepmom and brothers were back in eastern Washington. And there was some disconnect there for sure.

And then when my brother Logan went to college, my younger brother Mark got a little neglected. And so that relationship gets weakened a little. And I think, you know, so there was just emotions at every stage and at every level. But at the core of it, like everyone just wants, you feel for the person who's losing their wife at the end. I say it all the time. Like you do, you know, we selfishly will lose this one person but that one person is losing everyone every single person they're losing you know here are my kids here's

my husband here's everybody i'm losing my dog you're losing it all and we we feel for or if we feel awful like oh i lost my my dad or my mom my whatever your dad or mom, they lost everybody. Yeah, and it was, again, what was crazy is trying to sum up, like we talked about at the beginning, this is a woman who my dad left my mom for. So that's, but you push that aside. It's not like there's, I'm not hovering over her bed at any point being like, you made me feel so bad about hiding chips under your couch. I was a fat kid.

And you know what? Karma's a bit, like there was no part of me that was you know you know still holding on to yeah what you know but there's a little bit of you trying to process like your emotions towards because i was very sad but i i got choked up a few times pretty substantially. But again, you're like, all of my concern is for my dad and emotions, I think, are living there. And again, I don't want her to be going through this. You're seeing it on her eyes. If you're a human with any beating heart and peace of a soul, you get very –

it's just a very raw thing to watch and to take in. And you can't not feel like you so helpless because you're like fuck i wish i could make you not feel like this and i wish you could come out and laugh with us and hang um but again like you can't i can't stop any thoughts of like it's you know well i know why i'm not like like, on the ground sobbing because, you know, and so I can't, you know, ignore that, that, like, oh, this, like, and not, and look, there's two sides to it. My dad chose, like, they decided together to start this life, and my dad also left. It's not like she pulled my dad away. But, but still

right like uh trying to decide how you feel about it and then i think what i learned is you know you just gotta kind of feel how you feel like don't try to get in the way of all right like just be a fucking rock it's like no you need to fucking to fucking, if it hit me for some reason, like with my sister, obviously, stone cold. And your pancakes suck, too. Never liked your breakfast. Always cooked me that lumpia. I wanted fucking McGriddles. McGriddles.

You saw me gasping for air back there. So, you know, that's why air back there so you know that's why and I gave you that post that you can either you know share or not but that was my attempt I put on Facebook and trying to again it was such a and I've been trying to do

this in more facets of my comedy and just my voice in general be a little bit more introspective with things like this and a little more connected to experiences like this and and and sharing your feelings and point of view uh as you're going through it so i i posted this thing on facebook because i was like well this is where i'll be able to just not censor myself and kind of and i really didn't i went back because i had a couple little

um typo things but i just that's what was crazy too i just was i got so moved by uh you know her passing and i was in there with my dad for her final breaths we'd gone back and forth he was like she's having a bad night i was at the hotel i had to get up early to do some voiceover stuff and i was like you know what i'll just uh stay over the night and i and if i i'll push it back a little then i'll go there later but i don't want you to be by yourself with her tonight something happened over the night so i stayed and she woke up and i walked out and dad's sitting on the uh on the couch and and uh and he goes well she's renee's still with us and i was like awesome you know fucking he's just kind of said it a little you know somewhat somber but just kind of like you know today's not you know it's monday it's not gonna be that bad but you know hey we'll see

here we go start of the week and then went in there and then he uh said oh man she's just she's doing those those deep heavy breaths uh and so going in there and and checking and just kind of talking to her not responsive obviously and you know a little bit kind of you know and then uh my dad went back in and then i went back in and then and then we're just uh there and then i walked out and then he walked out right after and was just crying and was like oh and then he so he sits down he immediately starts to try to call people i'm like dad dad Dad, Dad, just chill. Like, live in this moment for a second. And you don't have to do anything. But also, I understand you're just like, I got to start telling people.

I also need to stop. And then he's just losing it. And then we sit down on the couch. I'm like, let's come sit down. And I'm trying to keep my distance from him, too. He's 76. We're not touching each other this whole time. Was masking it for a good chunk of

it and then just stopped because i hadn't gone anywhere but i'm trying to keep my distance still and sitting on the couch and just kind of you know uh holding his his hand and and uh and i'm like let's turn on the tv we turn the tv and and trump was on or whatever and you know like you know you know you maybe put sunlight in your in your. And my dad was like, I can't watch this right now. Sunlight in your pee hole. Whatever it was. Wait, no. No, no, no.

What if that's the thing? What if that's what it was? Everybody holds pee holes over the place. Put some sunlight up in your pee hole. Listen, as crazy as everything's been, why not? That might be the fucking thing. You're not a doctor. How do you know that a doctor how do you

know that's not how it fixes it don't burn yourself but if anybody tries it out there please let us know if it works oh shit oh shit people were sunning their assholes why not? Why not? Look, America is based on trying to see what goes where. And I think that there's something about sitting down

and TV was like a great distraction. I changed the channel. It's Jerry Springer. And my dad's like, this is fine. And he's just crying and just,

and I'm sitting there and silent and kind of turn up a little bit. And then we look down and one of his dogs is just pumping away at the stuffed animal like it's a me too moment for sure like this dog is just going their little poodle on this little stuffed gnome and even then it was like i was telling my buddy i go like this toy it was i've never i've seen dogs hump toys before but the the little like gnome thing even like kind of like got was getting

humped so that his body was moving towards me like almost like you're not gonna say anything yeah yeah and so uh and so i'm looking down and it's it reminded me of this time where three months prior when i was visiting them that same poodle doing on the gnome and my stepmom was like this real she's a real kooky character and real real fun real quick too and and that was the one thing that once i got older and started to let more of my guard down that was up even though it was always cordial and nice but started to really kind of just get to know her just be accepted more and saw how funny and quick and sweet she was and and and just you know the the the good times between my dad and and she and and and she did this thing that i think a lot of non

comics will do and especially relatives will say shit out of character because they're like oh you're a comic you can spin any sort of bullshit i might throw your way and make it into some sort of you know hilarious moment that we can all enjoy and i don't i i feel safe that i can just say things but also she was getting sick and this i don't think things were lining up right so she'd just say like my pussy hurts sometimes and you're just like fucking cool yeah i just asked what time it was but you know and uh you know listen i'll be out back getting some sunshine in my dick hole. Okay. She would just say like funny. It wasn't like Tourette's.

It was just like she just would. And it was fun. It was fun. Funny. And so. So we're seeing this. I see the dog going to town. It reminds me of a time where that's happening. Three months prior to my stepmom.

We all look down where I was kind of like, oh, man, you know, and then my stepmom looks up at me and goes, well, at least someone's going to come tonight. Swear to God. Swear to God. At least somebody's going to come tonight, which is basically just being like, you know, that in that like, hey, like shots fired, like, you know. And so she says, at least somebody's going to come tonight, which I say, oh, what? And then we're looking down at the poodle still just going to town. And so I think of that as I'm watching this.

And here my dad and I are again watching Jerry Springer. And it's a real intense. By the way, my dad laughed at that, too, because he thought she was funny. The sense of humor, the sensibilities were on point, which was great, which I always, laughed at that too because he just he thought she was the sense of humor the sensibilities were on point which was great which i always which i i know he was felt guilty when we'd be out there having a good time laughing because they did that a lot so i think he was just it was tough for him he'd laugh really hard this was the saddest thing that i saw from my dad was laughing really hard and having an honest and he's got a great like you a great laugh infectious makes you feel good

whole face lights up. You want to make the person laugh, right? Now it's just like a goal of mine when I call him to get him to get that just really deep guttural belly laugh. And he would have those and immediately followed by just like laughing really hard and then just like just why can't she? how come she doesn't get to do this? Right. And I like it's or I feel guilty having this much fun or or just all that is packaged into that immediately after.

And that's so sad and crazy to see such a contrast of this emotional roller coaster of just. And so he was just. And that's what you're constantly battling while she's over there. My grandmother is Italian. Both of them were. But my dad's mom was an artist. My friends still do it.

We still make fun of her, tease her a little bit because, you know, it was always my dad died. I never looked at it as a parent until I had a daughter. And then I wanted to call my grandmother and hug her. She had long died. But I was like, oh, my God. I'd be devastated if my daughter died at 42 years old. And I had to live through that.

But my grandmother would cry first and then come out. She'd do the opposite. She'd be like, oh, my son's never going to come home again. Have y'all had some cheese? I mean, she would fucking drop it like that. I'd be like, grandma, is that cry even real? Like, don't you tell me I'm not crying for real. Oh, my God.

All the time. Would you like a sandwich? All the time. They're saying that we might have to stay indoors for another two months. Did you know when I put the sporks? That's exactly what was... But it was always to take care of you. Do you need something?

Because as soon as she feels too much, she's like, whoa, I'm being greedy with these moments. What do you need right now? That's a classic mom, grandma thing. Yeah, man. So we're sitting on the couch watching Jerry Springer

turn up the volume. Jerry Springer. This is why this matters. It's just what was so crazy is finding what do you do in that moment after she passes. There's no rule book for that. It's just you're truly,

what do you go on a walk? Do you go sit in there in the room with her? He couldn't go in there. Even when they were taking her body out, he couldn't go in there even when they were taking her body out he's like he had to go in another room and and lock the door he just he's like i can't watch them take her out he dreaded that that was a very sad thing that he said he said a lot of sad things i had to cap him at one point i go because they have two little poodles one of them is blind and deaf mindy she'd be just bouncing into fucking walls like a pinball machine

she couldn't tell if that was a toe or a wheat then she's just like she fucking was not it was it was cruel to keep her around and so at one point we and she had this giant growth fucking something dr pimple popper could not even fix and she's just clawing and chewing at it and walking around with this fucking just fucking a couple of nut sacks spooning each other and she's just like is everything cool hey do you guys see where that toe was like that was a cracker you are fucked up and so my dad's like we just got to put her down so we did two days before my stepmom passed so stepmom passes the other dogs walking around you know very meloly, knowing that something's wrong, is in the room, sitting on the bed, laying where my stepmom would lay because she would stay by her side. The dog that was still with us.

My dad at one point when Sophie, the dog that's still with us, comes up, sits with my dad and he's petting her and he goes, oh, Sophie goes, yeah. He's like, boy, you've had a rough week. You've lost two moms in the last two days. I go, dad, I got to go dad I gotta stop you this is like this is I'm hey feel all the feelings but that's six depressing statements in 24 hours and I'm here

I will be out back with Mindy getting some sun up my dick hole no Mindy way to put Mindy down that's right two days ago I'm correcting you on that fucking Sophie's the one that's still alive I'm taking Sophie. We're getting outside, getting some sun up my dick hole. We're watching Jerry Springer, and we turn it up, and it's a classic.

Dante, you have something you want to say to Chantrelle? He's like, yeah. He's like, I've been fucking your friends. And everyone's like, oh, Jerry. And then Jerry's like, that's a lot of information. Chantrelle, anything you want to say to Dante? She's like, yeah. What did she say? Oh, she goes, that's a lot of information. Chantrelle, anything you want to say to Dante? She's like, yeah. What did she say?

Oh, she goes, I got a surprise too. It was just one of those classic, I'm not what you think I am. She's like, I'm a man. Everyone goes crazy. They zoom in on this guy, Dante, I think it was his face, and Jerry's like, Dante, that is a lot of information. She's not, Chantrelle is a guy? And he's like, I'm good with that.

I start laughing. My dad starts laughing. As he's crying, I'm like, all right, maybe turn it up a little bit. I think this is just what the doctor ordered, a little bit of Jay Spring to kind of take us back to reality and kind of escape the darkness for a minute. And he's kind of laughing. it and uh and he's kind of laughing and then uh i think it's one of those things where just the comic brain comes in where you know uh you know we've been seeing the poodle hump the gnome when renee said at least someone's gonna come tonight so we're sitting there the guy's like i'm good with that to this girl that is a dude and i look at my dad i go at least somebody's

gonna come tonight and he chuckles a little bit and fucking cries a little bit more and then i was like and i and he's such an asshole too i was like i was kind of like waiting for a little bit more like yeah that's pretty good that's that should fucking i think we're out of the darkness i thought it was fucking that's the joke that's gonna turn things around and uh ships right yeah yeah and it was uh but but we watched a couple more episodes of jerry springer and then just sat in silence for a little bit. And then they come and take her body out. And then it was just weird. And it was just weird.

Were you there for that? Yeah, I stayed for another maybe 10 days. And my brother came down. I mean, literally, did you stay in the house? Oh, yeah. I watched them take her out. I mean, I walked in, too, after my dad couldn't go back in, but I walked in and just kind of said some things to her.

They had done a whole church prayer with her over a Zoom thing at one point. Actually, my brother Logan tells me a story that my stepmom's, I think, cousin, at one point on the sermon Zoom thing with a bunch of people, and she's still cognizant at this point. And still, I mean, sick, but still able to respond more than she could in weeks before she passed. And my cousin's just distraught and emotional, her cousin. And my brother says, she just goes, God, just Lord, please. Renee's just sick.

And we're going to miss her so much. But don't let her suffer anymore. Just take her, God. Just take her now. Just take her, God. Just take her now. Just take her, God. And my brother goes, my mom, my stepmom literally just goes, what the fuck is she talking about right now? I'm still very much. I can hear you, bitch.

She's like, just take her, God. Just take her. She's like, I'm still fine. I've got a vitamin water right there. I am fucking not going anywhere is that a fucking i don't take her now yeah dude i'm so glad i remember that detail because my brother told me that i was like you can't write that shit and the fact that and he said and he said too because he laughed and he he he was mentioning how these were one of the moments that he was wanting to remember.

And because it was so, at that stage, you have your memories pre-everything that you're going through, pre-hospice. But obviously, during that time, there's going to be other things you think about. So you want to try to find some of those positive gems to hold on to. And that was one that was so funny. Tell that bitch not to pray out loud anymore can you pray in your head please all of a sudden you say you gotta say it out loud because you're on zoom that shit you share with the neighbor yes not with the person no it's losing their fucking type it in the chat to the pastor sorry miss bill can you tell god to take her now i feel like this is something i should not say out loud in front of everybody especially her send god so uh so that moment after was just crazy man

and then and then we're i'm there for 10 days after just to get my dad back into a routine and get some rhythm back to his life because you're just like – How long were they together? What was it? 20 years? 28 years. From 91 to whatever. Yeah.

And so he's done the thing where go through photos and pics. And a lot of people reached out, and his birthday was about a week after, and I made him some really fun birthday video with some friends of his and friends of mine and some cool people that I've got to come buzz with that he's really keen on. Angela Johnson was like one of their favorite comics and she sent a really heartfelt message, which was incredible. It was all for wishing him a happy birthday. And I told people what was happening just to be like you know not saying they needed to mention it and angela did because we watched her special that day too and they had gone to see her together and she had a really like

i know she's a sweet uh girl but this was like a very touching thing and my dad was just sobbing about renee and just all these nice things and just about what he she'd heard about her dude he said he's watched the birthday video like 30 times because he fucking makes him feel good and so uh did dante call in you should find that guy you should find that real guy no shit happy birthday for your no shit first gotta make him smile post pass i'm saying man that's powerful that is powerful You should find that real guy. No shit. Happy birthday for your dad. No shit. First got to make him smile. Post pass. I'm saying, man, that's powerful.

That is powerful. That's so funny. But so, you know, now he's flipping through albums. You're going through this up and down situation of like, I want to move on and be happy, but then I don't want to move on too quick. And so you just let him go at his own speed and be there distract i felt like i was my brother as well like crushing it as far as like i mean as soon as i would feel my dad start to sulk and go down and say another like you know but a good thing we didn't have birds because i probably would have fucking killed it it's like dude again yeah let's stay on the positive train so i was anytime you would sulk i would just jump in with conversation about

sports has bonded us big time we're just you know and or something funny that happened to me or something that I was working on remember the Sonics they're gone too oh my god that was a big thing that held us together too that's fucked dude I know

and then sport yeah but then like sports getting yanked away it's all gone more i mean it's also a bad time to lose anyone because everything's getting peeled everything's getting taken away and then so now you're like fuck i can't leave you know and um and so we got him back into a good situation talked to him today just had a cataract surgery so now he's seeing a lot better, which helps. But, you know, it took him and my nieces and brothers down to the Oregon coast with him. I thought we were going to do an ashes shake drop.

What do you do with it? What do you pour it? Sprinkle. Sprinkle? Sure. Well, you're not taking it out. Yeah. It's not like a pepper shaker.

Dump. Dump. You dump them dump you dump them you dump them spread dump is not spreads probably the sweetest better of uh but you are you're dumping you're dumping them yeah because you're yeah i think it's a spread what movie was it was it mcgoober spread spread them out was it mcgoober were they no big lebowski's the one where it blows in his face yes okay right yeah is that what you're thinking yes yeah also due date had a really funny one where he put it in the coffee can and zach galifianakis i think drank it um uh so yeah so so man be you know so what did you end up did you do that did you go spreader ash haven't done that yet that's uh

that's uh tbd but um you know i think he wants to do it uh at a place they in lake chelan eastern washington got some gigs up there in the fall we'll see if that holds up but uh but yeah man i i hit you up because i was like this is a very heavy and um i'm sorry man i know that's heavy where was your sorry two months ago dude I was like, this is a very heavy. I'm sorry, man. I know that's heavy. Where was your sorry two months ago, dude? What if I really meant that? I would love it. I would love it. And that's how it ends.

And I would hold this episode even longer. We recorded in July, but it's just going to drop for the fall moon, okay? The autumn moon episode with Adam Ray. Is there, are you, that Facebook post I did, do you even want to pull that up or is that not necessary? What do you think? Why don't you post it? I did. I mean, post it when i post the episode add it to

these posts repost it yeah why not yeah it's worthy of a repost is it isn't it about how you really feel about someone passing yeah oh wait wait post it with yeah with all the stuff i'll post for your oh yeah include yeah i guess let people read it isn't there though a little bit of people being like dude what are you trying to milk some more likes right now like what's going on like what are you reposting uh no my fans are great they're there but i do hope they say that now since you brought it up and if they do it's only because you brought it up you put that idea in their head yeah i don't know so what yeah yeah trying to put uh the uh what you're feeling through that whole time into words is what i was trying to do with this post uh i mean i because again it's like mom that is you know a

woman i care about i don't want to to see suffer go through this dad love your brother's mom yes uh trying to gauge everyone's emotions and take everything into consideration and just be a rock for everybody not uh suppress my own emotions but also not i was also like it's not i'm not here i don't know dude i still and then and then talking to even my mom about stuff. She'd check in and ask how he was doing and how she was doing and very concerned. I wanted to ask. Oh, yeah, they've been around each other. I asked my mom one time.

No, no, I mean, have your mom and dad, I know they reconnected, but have they talked since? If anyone that should have said, take her now, God, it should have been the cousin. It should be my mom. If you're going to really break it down, if she was on the Zoom prayer. Your mom's like, I co-s-signed that like who the hell's that lady she's ready yeah uh no my mom was so sweet and and but have your mom and dad talked since your stepmom passed away no but i think uh texted her or they've communicated no actually my mom was my dad couldn't be on the prayer but i think my mom and stepdad were actually on the zoom prayer thing because my brother reached out um and so and he told me last time i talked to him for me to thank her because he thought that was he didn't

know that and he thought that was incredibly sweet and it was um so uh so yeah dude death being that close to it is and and being in the room with someone as they leave is, I don't, it's, you can't, yeah, I mean, I. At least you went peacefully. I was numb for a few days. Silently. Totally. And also, it's big volumes to be a, that's right, to be a good enough person that the

way you got to go out was with loved ones around you in your own home. Yes. I mean, what else could you ask for when you're gone? A thousand percent. I had to again continue to remind my dad of like the alternative here is so depressing. What a bummer if you're having to look at her on an iPad

while she's taking her last breaths. And she's scared. And you miss Dante. You know say fucking you know. You're missing that. Yeah. Yeah. Well brother I love you. I love you too man. Thank you for coming here and know, you're missing that. Yeah. Yeah. Well, brother, I love you. I love you too, man. Thank you for coming here and opening up and sharing all that.

Yeah. And laughing about it. I appreciate you letting me take shots at it. Man. And laughing along. It's you kind of. And that's the thing, too, that that going through something like this and and having a courtside seat to a hospice, that doesn't sound good. Being this close to...

Fuck, dude. I gotta pick my words better. I see what I want to say and I just don't say it. I got a skybox right outside the funeral home, okay? Like, what? Are these scalper hospice tickets?

Floor seats to the hospice show. No, so going through that, it gives you so much perspective. Because again, how comedians, friends from high school, these things shake you up in their own way. And Brody was devastating on a myriad of levels. And personal connections. And then just also the tragicness of a death like Brody. And then with something like this,

the tragicness of, man like not yeah it's got plenty of juice left in the tank and and healthy otherwise and just not you just want at this age to have more and more uh awareness of like wanting your parents to like right off into the sunset truly as as lame as that uh or overused as that saying maybe like you you definitely want that that's why trying to ease my dad into back into a routine that he goes fucking being around is still pretty cool you know and getting bummed is gonna happen but i've got a lot of things to be grateful for and and i'm still taking and and helping out these veterans that i'm uh you know uh being a doctor for and still got family that's doing everything and i I had to tell my dad too. I was like, look, we're fucking not doing all this because,

you know, we, we were getting paid to like, uh, you know, we, we, we want you to,

you know, stick around and, and, and not fall into a depression to where you're like, you know, I got a fucking, you know, get out there and get some sunshine.

I'd be a goal. You know, ain't nothing gonna make you feel better than a good, take a cue from Sophie, dry hump a gnome, get some sunshine up your dick hole. Ain't nothing going to make you feel better than a good fight with a D. Take a cue from Sophie, dry hump a gnome, get some sun on your B-hole, and fucking put on some Jerry Springer. That's it. Yeah. Dude, one more time, please promote whatever you'd like.

Yeah, baby. Adam Ray Comedy on Instagram and Twitter. Adamraycomedy.com. It's got tour dates and just all my video content. And About Last Night Podcast is the podcast on Spotify, iTunes, YouTube. adamraycomedy.com it's got tour dates and just all my video content and about last night podcast is the podcast on Spotify iTunes

YouTube and crossing swords on Hulu right now and the bellman is a movie I'm in with Thomas Lennon that's out on Amazon so go check that out

all right brother I love you I love you too man Ryan Sickler dot com Ryan Sickler on all social media. Talk to you all next week.