The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Alex Hooper - HooperDew

Episode Date: July 31, 2023

My HoneyDew this week is comedian, Alex Hooper! (Dirty Briefs) Alex Highlights the Lowlights of stage 3 Hodgkins Lymphoma. SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE and watch full episodes of The Dew every toozdee! https://youtube.com/@rsickler SUBSCRIBE TO MY PATREON, The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I Highlight the Lowlights with Y’all! You now get audio and video of The HoneyDew a day early, ad-free at no additional cost! It’s only $5/month! Sign up for a year and get a month free! https://www.patreon.com/TheHoneyDew What’s your story?? Submit at [e-mail] CATCH ME ON TOUR https://www.ryansickler.com/tour August 4th & 5th: St. Louis, MO August 11th: Los Angeles, CA August 18th & 19th: Tampa, FL September 1st & 2nd: Springfield, MO September 15th & 16th: Tulsa, OK September 29th & 30th: Pheonix, AZ October 27th & 28th: Salt Lake City, UT November 10th & 11th: Batavia, IL December 8th & 9th: San Francisco, CA SUBSCRIBE to The HoneyDew Clips Channel http://bit.ly/ryansicklerclips SUBSCRIBE TO THE CRABFEAST PODCAST https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-crabfeast-with-ryan-sickler-and-jay-larson/id1452403187 SPONSORS: Nutrafol -For a limited time, US listeners can get ten dollars off your first scalp care order when you go to https://www.nutrafol.com/SCALP and ends promo code HONEYDEW Athletic Greens -Go to https://www.athleticgreens.com/HONEYDEW to get a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D AND 5 free travel packs with your first purchase

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All right? Tickets are on sale for that now. August 18th and 19th, Tampa, Florida. I'm coming. Finally coming to Florida. My boy Steve Simone will be with me. We're going to have a great show down there. Come out and see us.

September 1st and 2nd is Springfield, Missouri. Never been to Springfield, Missouri to do comedy, so I'm fired up to come there. And then September 15th and 16th is the Tulsa that was the one that had to be rescheduled because they weren't open yet so all tickets are live now on my website go get them ryan sickler.com now that's the biz you know what we're doing over here we're highlighting the low lights I always say these are the stories behind the storytellers and i am very excited to have this guest on today for the first time here ladies and gentlemen alex hooper welcome to the honeydew yay i'm here it does feel really good to be here i'm glad listen man i first of all thought you had already been

on here and you're like nah dude that was the crab feast so go check out his crab feast episode because it's a great we're just talking about how you got attacked by a zebra at a zoo on the ground that's the kind of stories we're gonna hear over there um well thank you for being here because uh I didn't want to make a big deal of it but this is our you're gonna be the last guest in this studio so I got burn it to the ground everyone as soon as we walk out of here get the kerosene throw it everywhere um I don't. I don't make big deals of a lot of things, but I am excited. We'll show you guys. We're moving to a new studio, so thank you, Santa Monica Music Center.

We just outgrew the space. We're going to go to a bigger spot because we've got some new exciting things coming your way that we'll get into later. But anyway, you are here. Please plug, promote Alex Hooper everything. Yeah. You can find me on the road, hoopercomedy.com. Got a bunch of tour dates coming up, especially starting in August. I'm hitting it

very hard. Hooper, Hairpuff are on my social media. And then I have a podcast weekly. It's called Dirty Briefs. It's 15 minutes or less of whatever the fuck I feel like doing that week. Sometimes it's positive affirmation. Sometimes it's a list. Sometimes it's just me being a goofy fucking idiot, however I feel like it. But yeah, just something to get myself out there every week. All right. So look, we've known each other for a while now. We did Baltimore together, got to tailgate at the Ravens game. Had a good time. Got our ass to game. I think we all left in the third quarter. We got our hands beat. But some people come on here. They tell a life story.

You actually have something to talk about. So you got married in April of 2022. All right. So April last year. Yep. So you're just in a year. Oh, hey. Just barely over a year.

Yeah. We've been together. Happy anniversary. Yeah. Thank you. We've been together since college. It's been a very long journey for us. We've been together in some form or another for 18, 19 years. So what made you finally say, let's do it now?

You know, I had a very antiquated view on marriage because my parents, my mom and stepdad are both divorce lawyers. So I grew up thinking marriage was the worst thing you could ever do. I never had a positive outlook on it. Really? Were they married? Well, for a little while. They got divorced. They had two divorces and three divorces under their belt simultaneous.

So that's all I knew. And they were divorced lawyers? Yes. So they're just repping themselves in there like, I'm just going to do this. I think the only reason my mom and stepdad never got a divorce is because they were both afraid the other one would take all of their, like the other one's money. Like that they were both so talented at their job. But when you grow up like that, all you hear is like, oh, this dad sucks. And this mom's trying to take her kids and blah, blah, blah. So I was like, this is, I'm never doing it. But my wife got me to the point where she was like, look,

you're looking at the wrong examples. Why are you looking at our parents for like, look at our friends that are married and have perfectly happy lives. Like we should do this. And we knew we wanted to have a family. So I was like, okay, I just need to get over my own bullshit and get there. And something that really got me there is this, there's this Alan Watts quote, that's you have no obligation to be the person you were five minutes ago. And when I heard that, my brain was like, oh, I'm holding on to so much inner turmoil from when I was a child that I don't even believe anymore. I just need to let this shit go. So I proposed and we got married in a beautiful wedding in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. Oh, yeah.

I've been there. It's beautiful now. Yeah. been there. It's beautiful now. Yeah. All right. It's fantastic. Thanks. So that's April 2022. And then shortly after that, you start notice some weird health issues.

Yeah. So then over the next couple of months, I was extremely busy. And so I was just kind of ignoring what was going on inside of me. But I noticed my neck started to really thicken up. People would see me. They'd be like, are you working out a lot? And I'm like, no. And I couldn't stop touching like my, the neck area. Was it sore? It wasn't sore. I could just feel these things in there. You want to touch my neck. I know, it makes you want to, because I'm like, are they in here? Are they in here? So then I'm at a music festival and I'm, I'm on, I'm tripping on acid that, and I suddenly

was like, something is wrong with me. And my brain is like telling me like, I'm in this trip, but I'm going like, you need to figure this out when you get out of this festival. So I get out of the festival. I go to the doctor a week later. My doctor looks at me and is like, I think there's lymphoma. And I was like, what? Just right like that?

That's what she said. She said, I think this is lymphoma. You need to go get tested. I'm going to send you to a specialist. And that started a three-month journey of getting every test you could possibly imagine to test for. Basically, they were like, you have cancer. We just don't know what kind. Wow. They basically, they knew like, you have cancer. We just don't know what kind.

Wow. They basically, they knew pretty much off the bat. Like right away that this is a type of cancer. We got to go figure it out now. So what, what is the, do you know, I don't want to put you on the spot. The difference between, I always hear leukemia and lymphoma linked together. Yeah. At least mentioned together, I should say. Do you know the difference? I believe leukemia is a blood cancer. Blood, okay. And then lymphoma is like when you're a lymphatic nerve, you're a lymphatic you know the difference? I believe leukemia is a blood cancer.

And then lymphoma is like your lymphatic nerve. So the reason I, so when I was, by the time I got all my testing done and I had every, I mean, MRIs, PET scans, blood work, I had a bone marrow aspiration. What is that? Dude. So they basically, to see if it's stage four, they have to extract bone marrow and they take out a needle this big. Now, here's how you know you're about to be in a lot of pain. If there's four people in a room for one procedure. One for each limb? Two of them were there literally just to hold me down. And they do it through your hip. Oh, dude.

In the side? Like in the side? Oh, yeah. and they got to numb you up or something they do but you can't numb bones that's what you learn really so they're numbing the skin to break the skin but the bone is the bone dude when it gets you but you will physically just go like this like and it's the weirdest pain you have ever felt because it's this deep, just like pinching. How long? How long are they in there? It was like six, seven minutes. Minutes?

Holy shit, dude. I thought you were going to say it was like an in and out. No, because the doctor, he even said to me, he's like, you have very hard bones, very hard bones. And I was like, I don't need this right now. I'm getting roasted about my bones. Get out of here. And it turns out I didn't have stage four. So yeah, I had stage three, which means it had spread from my lymph nodes in my neck all the way down to my pelvis, essentially. So they found it everywhere,

but it took three months to get myself to that point. And they were like, it's Hodgkin's lymphoma stage three. What does that mean, Hodgkin's? What is that? Because then I hear non-Hodgkin's as well. All I know is that non-Hodgkin's is apparently less treatable. I don't actually know the difference between Hodgkin's and non-Hodgkin's. But what makes it Hodgkin's? Is there something that makes it that?

Or is it always Hodgkin's lymphoma? No, because there's different kinds of lymphomas. But I don't know why specifically it's Hodgkin's. I don't know this though. I don't either. I mean, I don't know nearly as much as I probably should considering that I've gone through it and I lived in it every day for about 12 months. But there's some things where you're like, part of me was like, it doesn't matter what it is. It's in me and I have it and I just need to get rid of it. And honestly, the testing period, that was the worst. When you don't know what's wrong with you, you just know something.

It's terrifying because you don't know how to tell your family. You don't really know what's going on inside of you. Once they told me, hey, it's stage three Hodgkin's lymphoma. Here's what we're going to do to get rid of it. This 12 rounds of treatment over the next six months, chemo, no radiation. I was like, so you can get it? They were like, oh, this one? Yeah. For someone your age, 95% cure rate. And so you hear that and you're like, great. Okay, then let's go. And I wasn't, you know, this is one of those things where it came into my life

and there's nothing you can do about it. So you just start to figure out like, okay, well, how can I learn from this experience and how can I get through it in a way that doesn't completely deplete me from who I am? And so I started doing chemo and chemotherapy was fine to the point where- Wait, let's pause for a second. Yeah, go for it. How just, I mean, here's what's crazy. How relieved are you, first of all? Because are you thinking the entire time this is a death sentence?

A hundred percent, because my body, I have dealt with health issues my entire life. I have one of the worst cases of eczema you could imagine, where doctors my whole life have just looked at me and said, I'm sorry. Yeah. And I'm like, I don't need your sympathy here, man. Like, I need you to fix me. When I was a kid, I would literally have pus oozing out of my face.

I would wake up in the morning stuck to my own pillow. Like, it was off. I mean, my skin, I looked like a hot dog that was run over my own pillow. Like it was off. I mean, my skin, I looked like a hot dog that was run over by a car. It was just brutal, painful, uncomfortable. So I'm no stranger to health issues. And my body, it always goes to the extreme. It always like if. And so I was like, oh, it's going to be stage four.

There's no way my body wouldn't allow me to get anything less than a stage four. And so part of me was like – You have stage six. Yes. We've never even heard of it. There's not even a five. You skipped right over that into six. You're just hurtling over stages.

I really expect them to say it. And part of me goes, oh, I'm not afraid of death. I'm not afraid of death. What I'm afraid of is complete attrition of my body, deterioration. That's the thing that scares me the most. I think also, too, when I think about it, like, I guess I either assume or naively hope all the time that I'm going to make it in my 80s. Sure. assume or naively hope all the time that I'm going to make it in my 80s. Sure.

Especially in this business. This business is not for longevity. You know what I'm saying? And if I can make it there, then I'm not scared of death. I think the thing about death for me is I'm scared of dying before what I feel is my time. You know what I mean? Certainly. If it's taken.

Yeah. And not to compare in any way, what I mean? If it's taken. Yeah. You know, and, you know, not to compare in any way, but I had a death scare as well. Oh, I know. You know, you start thinking about all those things. I mean, also, you just got married. Yeah. You just got married. And the reason you finally got over all that was to start a family. And this may be the end of your life. Yeah. But the thing about that was it was, if I'm dead, I don't know any better in my opinion. Like I'm not one of the, I don't

know what happens after you die. Like I don't, I don't claim that I don't think about it really. So my thing is I'm not afraid of when it's over because I don't think I'll know any better. I'm afraid of living in a way with no quality of life where everything is painful, everything is a struggle. You're just breathing and alive. You're a heartbeat. That's the scariest thing ever. Painful heartbeat. I'm with you. And that's what I don't want. So death was never, it was like, when they were like, hey, this is pretty serious. I was like, okay. And I kind of just like reconciled with that.

How was your wife with it though? I mean, I think it's worse for her. I think it was, I think the entire experience, everything I went through, which we'll get into in a second of how bad it gets is I think the person next to you is always going to have the harder challenge because they have to watch you go through it. Standing there, they have to answer to every doctor. She's the one taking the notes. Because when they tell you, hey, man, you have stage three Hodgkin's lymphoma, your brain goes, and you disassociate immediately. And you're just sitting there going, uh-huh, uh-huh, okay. And my wife's the one like taking every fucking note, like making sure that we know what's

happening. She's also the one that has to deal with my family, her family, all of our friends. She has to answer all the questions. She's like your cancer concierge. Yeah, this is it. I'll buy some, get that. I checked in and I made sure I was like, top of the line service, please. Please do that for cancer patients and families.

Legit cancer concierge where they just cater to your situation and help your family out and all the answer. I think this is a brilliant idea. Does anyone – Also, take the stress off of your wife or whoever that might be that's helping you, though. Yeah. Because it's so confusing. First of all, just our medical system here is confusing enough.

Then you've got to mix whatever your issue is into that medical world and figure out how to work that. I mean, it's a nightmare. So, man. So, you're lucky you had her there. So lucky. She was there every step of the way. She refused to miss an appointment. She runs her own business. We have two dogs. She has to take care of a household, a business, all that stuff. And now all of a sudden her husband is lethargic. He depressed, scared, like all of the things that basically make me who I am were suddenly stripped away because I became a shell of who I was. I didn't know how to move forward. But when the chemo started, I started to feel a

little bit better. Everyone said like, hey, it's going to really knock you out. It didn't knock me out. In fact, I went to every chemotherapy session, like where people were like, it's going to be scary. I went in going, I'm ready. Give it to me. Give me the medicine that will clear the shit out of me and get me back to my fucking life. Because that's when I found out I had cancer, all tornadoes have to stop. All everything has to stop. Everything. Because if it doesn't, your fucking life's about to stop.

Yeah. And I do think I was going so hard when I first, when I didn't know I had the cancer inside of me, I was going very, I was like attacking life. Like as hard as I could between like doing my own work, partying, traveling, all of the things that wear you down, I was doing to myself. So everything's going great through chemo. I would like literally get chemo and then go play tennis and do a show at night to the point where I looked so healthy that people were questioning whether or not it was real. And I was like, what a terrible fucking bit. Really? People, some people said that to you? Oh yeah. Oh, of course. That's wild to me that anybody questions that.

I remember, I think his name was Quincy that also had cancer. Quincy Jones. And yeah. And they questioned that as well. Yeah. Well, because people have an idea of what cancer should look like. And what it ultimately should do to someone. Yes. And it because people have an idea of what cancer should look like. And what it ultimately should do to someone. Yes. And it's like, if you don't die, did you even really have cancer? Yeah. That's what happened with Quincy. I mean, yeah. And you got some of that? What I got is after shows, people were like, is this real? You don't look like you're sick. They would say this to you. Yeah. And I'd be like, yeah,

I'm not making this up for a bit. It's a wild thing to say to somebody. Yeah. And I'd be like, yeah, I'm not making this up for a bit. It's a wild thing to say to somebody. They just don't understand when someone is attacking cancer, like right in its face, where like, I'm talking about it. I'm making jokes about it. I don't look sickly at all. So to them, if they've known, if they've seen cancer in their own life or like someone, maybe their mom had it or something, and they were like, you don't look like she like she did like there's no way you have what you had and that's what that goes through their mind so they're trying to reconcile in their own brain if he looks this healthy but he has cancer you hadn't lost hair or anything like that at that point nothing nothing and i think what

they were thinking is if he looks this healthy and he has cancer do i have Maybe I got there. Oh, my God. I should stop. I got to get it. Yeah, exactly. Here's where it all falls to shit. As if it was good at all. Because cancer was just such a light in my life. It was just so wonderful. I'm like, oh, I guess you just take a break and have people take care of me. Here's where it starts going downhill. So two months after I've been doing chemo, I'm getting it every two weeks, a couple hours for

an infusion. After my fourth session, I had felt great. And suddenly I started to feel really beaten down. And I got back from a show at the Irvine Improv and I was like shaking violently when I got home. And my wife was like, are you, were you like this the whole time? And I was like, no, I just didn't feel really good. She's like, go to bed. We're seeing your doctor on Monday anyway. This is like a Thursday. I start, I wake up the next day and I'm so out of it. I start canceling all my shows for the week. I'm just like, I've never, and I've never canceled anything. I'm one of those people that's like, I will show up if I'm fucking dead. And I was like, there's no way I can perform.

I just can't do it. So I have to cancel shows, seeing my doctor on Monday. Monday comes and I have to go get a PET scan to figure out where we are in the treatment process. And when I go there, I am completely delirious. I had seen my doctor that morning. They put fluids in me and said, go get the PET scan, go home, take a Vicodin, and just take a nap, and we'll see you very soon. So that night, I go get the PET scan. I don't remember any of this. I go home. I go to sleep. It's 4 p.m. I wake up at 8 p.m. I walk out of the bedroom. My wife is sitting on the couch watching TV.

I walk into our kitchen and just start taking a piss. What? And my wife. If you don't remember this. No. This is being told. Yeah. My wife turns around.

She's like, Alex, no. What are you doing? You can't pee in there. And I was like, oh, I'm sorry. Yeah. Yeah. You're right. And so I walked into her office and pissed all over the wall.

No. Yeah, just all over it. I did my business in the place where she does business. Like, I went in there and just soaked the fucking place. And so she comes in there and she's like, oh, my God. Okay, just, okay, go to the bathroom. You're like, I just did it. She's like, you get in the bathroom, take off your clothes.

Okay, just, you're soaked. And so I don't know what to do. She calls two of our best friends who have known, like I officiated their wedding. These are very, very close friends of ours. They come over immediately. And they find me. Basically, she had put some clothes on me, so I was just clothed enough. But when they came over, I was so out of it.

My friend Mike was like, I need you to sit down. And I looked at him and I was like, how? And he goes, there's a couch behind you. Just put your butt on it. And I'm like, I don't know how to do that. They realize I'm in a very bad state. Take me to the emergency room. At which point, when I get to the emergency room, they're asking me check-in questions.

And they go, what's your name? I don't know. You don't know. I don't know. What year is it? I don't know. Who's the president? I don't know.

Now, to be fair, the president doesn't know who the president is. True. But it was one of those things where they immediately check me in. And I'm out of it. I don't remember any of this part of the process. I have very faint, like, flashes of memories. But essentially, then I get into the hospital. They start running tests on me.

And here's where, here's what I eventually learned a few days later. My porticath, which is the port that they put in to do chemotherapy, they do a surgery to put it under your chest so you don't even think about it. It's just in there. It never has to like, you know, be worried about getting wet or anything. Two months after they did it, it got infected. And I don't know it's infected because it's an internal infection. That infection spread to my heart, causing a one centimeter vegetation. What? So, and I'm going to slowly try to explain what these things are because I didn't even know. I had to research all this. A vegetation is a germ or mass of cells in your heart that is not supposed to be there.

And it blocks or can block arteries. And what it will do is then that can spread and move one of two ways. It can go to your arms or your legs, or it can go to your brain. Mine decided, let's go see what's in Alex's brain and figure that out. So it spread to my brain, which was causing multiple embolisms to happen at the same time. So essentially- This is why you don't know who you are or what's going on. It's already-

I'm having a stroke. Yeah. That's what is happening. It's already happening. I'm having a long-term stroke. Not a a something's wrong here, but a just like, I just kind of feel all right, everybody. Like just not losing my mind, had no idea. And then basically what happened is I had formed, I had gotten sepsis. And sepsis is your body's extreme reaction to an internal affection where it causes tissue damage and your organs start shutting down. So when they took me

to the hospital, I was essentially hours from death. Whoa. Hours. That's what they, they told my wife when I got there and they checked me in and they put me in a room and everything. They told her, you need to brace yourself. This is extremely serious and we don't know what's going to happen. And my wife is terrified, obviously. We had frozen sperm before I started doing the chemo because we knew we wanted to have a family. She had a full-on conversation with one of her sisters of, if Alex dies, i have his child because i have what would you want her to do fuck no really no that's for sure that sounds like the most depressing every time you look at it like

what if what if this kid's a horrible kid you're like're like, yeah, of course it is. Alex was a terrible child. Why did I do this to myself? Like the idea of me living on through a child is like if I'm there for the child's life, I'm going to be a dad. Sure. But like, oh, no. Having to explain that story when they're like nine years old. Like why don't I have a dad? Well, you know. I don't think I would have wanted that.

And I don't know if she, she, I think she did. I think she was all kind of like for it. But so that started the process of me. I was in the hospital for 33 days. You go in completely out of it, having no idea what's going on with you. And I didn't see the sun for 33 days. And how long were you in for? Yours was what? 30? Just about 30. Yeah. Right. I had a window though. After nine days, I had a

window, but it was the first eight to 10 days I didn't. I had a window, but it still was like, and I would sit by it sometimes. But for the first two and a half weeks, I was completely bedridden. Oh yeah. My body swelled up 25 pounds from edema, which is basically just your body's unable to release water. So I didn't go to the bathroom for the first nine days I was in there. I was barely eating anything either, but like all the, I had like a tube that's like a catheter and everything, but I was, my body just filled up to the point where everything hurt all the time. Okay. So can I ask you this then? If now we're having to pivot from lymphoma to take care of this, what's happening to lymphoma while this is happening?

So we have to stop treatments altogether. I'm assuming. Because my body was in such a weakened state, they have to fill it with antibiotics and stuff. And chemo is just getting rid of everything, including all the good, the white cells too. So now how long is the game plan? How long is it before we get you right, before we can go back to attacking lymphoma? This is when I had, at this time, I went from having one oncologist to having seven specialists a day visit me to make sure, okay, let's check his lungs. Let's check his heart. Let's check this. Let's check this. Every single thing. And my doctor,

my oncologist is like, I need to get back in there and like get rid of the rest of this lymphoma. Like we were doing really well. And then I have infectious disease specialists going, you're not fucking going near this guy right now. He's going to die if you get in there. And so everything was like, it paused essentially for treatment because all it was, was we need to save this guy's life and rehab him to the point where he can get back on treatment to save, continue saving his life. It was just, it's baffling to think about because I consider myself a pretty healthy person. I exercise, I eat well, I do self-care things. And so all of a sudden everything in my body is just going, nah, nah, we don't feel like it anymore. Just fuck you. You know, that's how

it felt. It felt like my, everything was turning on me. So then what happens? How long is it to get you cleaned up and back into treatment for lymphoma? So the 33 days in there, they're trying to deal with the sepsis. And that whole time is just the sepsis and the infection, all 33 days? Yes, until they did- So now you're a full month off of chemo. Correct. And when I'm in there, they're doing multiple procedures every day, like MRIs and PET scans and everything else. MRIs, by the way, I've done MRIs in my life. The claustrophobia doesn't bother me. It does with a lot of people because it's so loud. Not the volume.

It's the space. Yeah. When you're right here. Yeah. When you're right here. Yeah. Yeah. Something I was able to relax in there, except when I had the edema, they would twist my leg and they would need to stay in like one position for 45 minutes. There were multiple MRIs. I scream cried through the entire experience because like there was nothing else I could do to release the pain than just cry hard. I just had, this time I wore a dark eye mask and put AirPods in and outside the tunnel. Smart.

So that way I never saw the clothes. You know what I mean? I just listened. I just saw blackness in music and just they slid me in. And I was like, how long is this guy? I was like, I can do it in eight minutes if you stay still. I was like, done. Yeah, I's like, I can do it in eight minutes if you stay still. I was like, done. Nice.

Done. Yeah. I had a few that were very, very long. I had some 20-minuters that I just, I can't. It's brutal. It's terrible. It's, you know, and I'm being pumped up with Dilaudid like every couple hours. And I knew like it got to the point where like they were giving me so much Dilaudid, it was barely even affecting me.

And I was like, like, and that and that's I mean I love my drugs and so I but I couldn't even enjoy the Dilaudid there was like it was basically like I because you were on that too right yeah for me there was a 10 seconds as soon as they injected it and I was like oh is this why people do heroin is this chasing the dragon for this 10 seconds where you go oh there it is there it is okay yeah but see i i didn't get that that's what people loved i didn't get i was terrified on it yeah like what it did do though um two things it's a physical for me it's physical and mental the physical it absolutely took the pain away so i was in so much pain that it took the pain away. So I was in so much pain that it took the pain away. It didn't make me high. It just made me feel better physically. But mentally, I'm telling you, like, I'm looking at you right now,

and just flesh, chunks of your face are falling off and hitting the table, and bloody strings are hanging there. Oh, I wish I had that. I'm seeing the cheekbone. That's what everybody says, and I've made them take it away. I'm like, I'm tripping, get this shit out of here. I don't want this at all. No, that was, yeah, mine was more so just like, it was just maintenance.

It's all it was is like make some of this pain go away. But there was no euphoria from it, which unfortunately. Also, with all the mental anxiety going on, it just wrecks everything. Yeah. You're not having a ball in there. No. The thing is, my brain is so loopy that I can't even read a book. I can't do anything except lay there and watch TV. When I finally started doing physical and occupational therapy in there, I would do three hours a day and it was such a reprieve. But I was so weakened that

the first time I tried to get out of bed, my first physical therapy session, I couldn't even get out. Me too. I could not stand up. I sat up and was so dizzy and weak, I fell back and they're like, you can't do this today. Yeah. And that was my thing too. You forget that you're laying there so long. Your body atrophies very quickly.

Oh, my God. It's wild how fast it happens. Yeah, so fast. i felt like there's old people in cocoon when i got out at first i could touch my hamstring and it would just shake my ass was gone i feel like i got a nice little baseball ass yeah i definitely have a 50 years old i got a nice little baseball ass i could still fill out a pair of baseball pants oh baby but uh it was gone it was gone it's almost back now from physical therapy, but it was gone. Get those squats in there, right? I'm doing my hip hinges and getting my squats.

Yeah. I thought – so they told me – I'd been in there like 27 days or something like that, and they were like, hey, you're going to get out tomorrow. And we just have to do one more MRI. They do an MRI and realize that I have an old injury in my knee from 20 years ago where I had pulled in or I tore an ACL and my meniscus. And they were like, you don't know about that. And I was like, I mean, I remember it happened 20 years ago. And but like, I don't feel it anymore. And the doctor was like, well, your knee's not draining from the edema.

It was like four times the size of my left knee. He's like, we need to get in there and we need to do a surgery tomorrow. And I'm like, you're walking around without that, those tendons and shit for all this time. Yes. And you do. I mean, so, you know, me, I slackline, I tightrope walk for hours at a time. And I think that's the reason why my, I never knew that I never felt knee pain is because I've strengthened and rehabbed myself to this point where I have where I have work on muscles that I don't even know exist. But now they have to do this surgery so it drains proper. Yeah.

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me I would have to be there another five days. And I'm like, my brain just shuts down. I start screaming. I'm just like, my wife comes in like five minutes later. She was just on her way there. She finds me just like, like ugly cry, obviously. And she doesn't know this. She thinks I'm just in pain. And she walks in and she's like, what's wrong? What's wrong? And I'm just like, my dad died. And she's like, what the fuck? What's happening to us right now? And I'm just in pain and she walks in and she's like, what's wrong? What's wrong? And I'm just like, my dad died. And she's like, what the fuck? What's happening to us right now? And I'm just like, it was everything in that moment collapsed in on me because I'm just thinking like- How did he die? He, I mean, he was almost 80. He fell in the bathroom. They think it might've been- God, he falls, man.

They think it might've been like a cardiac or something. My dad didn't treat himself super well over the years. He was, I mean, he was, when he started kind of slowing down, he slowed down pretty hard, you know? But, and he also did a fuck ton of cocaine over the years. A massive amount of cocaine. Oh, hell yeah.

He told me one time, he told me in his life, I asked him, this is like a couple of years ago. I was like, dad, just so I know, look, we're old enough here. How much cocaine do you think

you've done in your life? How much have you spent? And he goes, I don't know, $350,000. And I went, what? Holy hell. And he's like,

he's like, yeah. I mean, I was thinking about, yeah. Yeah, probably about that. And I was just like, you bought one of Pablo Escobar's hippos for him. Like, you spent enough money on cocaine that one of those hippos running around is a Murray Hooper hippo. And he never once did a psychedelic. once and i was like that might have stopped him from doing the cocaine i was like you chose so wrong i hate to tell you that but you chose so wrong but my dad was never the person to be introspective he was never the let me go in there

and think about the way i've like you know existed for the person that might have just saved your life you're on acid acids being like, I know you're having a good time here, but you might want to get this next shit checked out. 100% I attribute the psych. Cocaine would have been like, fuck that. Yeah, more cocaine. What, you want to double drag it?

200s at the same time? I used to call it walrusing when I would take two spoons at the same time and go, but yeah, it's insane. So then I used to call it walrus thing when I would take two spoons at the same time and go. But yeah, it's insane. So then all of a sudden I'm like, oh, so nothing in my life. Everything is crashing on me at the exact same time. Whereas I've been living this joyous, positive life of abundance for the past few years. Now it's all coming.

Like I was like, you start thinking like, did I hit a kid with a car that I don't know about? Like, did I block out some horrible thing that I did to a person? Like the other thing that's frustrating too, and you can relate to this is you're in this hospital, not for lifestyle, not for any of that. You're there because your body's got something going on.

And your dad now dying also has nothing to do with you doing anything wrong either. And now you're there for five more days. So you, do they have to hold the funeral and the viewing and stuff so you can get out the. We didn't even. So my dad, my dad was a very much like when I die, it's over. Okay. Don't do things for me. Like don't, he't. He hated the term

passed away. If you said like, oh, some of my friend passed away, my dad would go, you mean he died? Like, my dad very much, I think he died very quickly, which is exactly what he would have wanted. Yeah, me too. Yeah, agreed. Like, he wasn't all his kids around him in a bed like, dad, you did so good. We we love you i would have liked to have some level of closure obviously because it was just suddenly like what what happened yeah and on the phone my dad do you remember the last conversation you had with him now when you think back in the hospital i mean i know that i know he's in the hospital no he didn't come to see me my mom visited but he was uh we didn't we didn't know we were going to, I was going to

be in there nearly that long. And, you know, he's old enough where traveling is an ordeal. So it wasn't, it wasn't like, dad, you need to come out here. My mom flew out because she thought I was going to die. My dad was like, I, he's, that's not going to happen. And my dad's one of those people who masks how he actually is doing. And my wife says, I very much have this quality too, where people are like, are you okay? And you're like, I'm fine. And meanwhile, it's like, your leg is bleeding like profusely. And you're like, man, whatever. My dad's the same way. The last time I talked to him was three days before he died. He sounded like with all the life in the world. He's laughing. He's, you know, he's like, hey, you'll be out of there soon.

Yeah. So I just didn't know. I didn't know. And when I got out of the hospital, I mean, I remember, I don't know what you were like when you got out, but I was crying so hard when I finally got released that my wife was afraid I wasn't breathing properly because I was like, it was the sunniest fucking day december 17 2022 and i was just like and she's like breathe breathe and i uh i got emotional because i laid like you i laid on my back the entire time flat and the highest i got was 30 degrees so when i was able to go home i asked them i'm like can I roll to my side? And they're like, you can roll to your side. And I was like, oh.

And when I rolled to my side, I cried. I laid there and cried. It's crazy. It's unbelievable. When it's all taken away from you, you don't realize the little intricacies of life that you take for granted on a daily basis. And it's the simple thing of just like, oh, like you're saying, it hurt just to roll over. Doctors would, a team of doctors and nurses would roll me over to do like injections and stuff because I was too weak to do it myself. When I got out, because I had had the surgery

five days before on my knee, I was on a walker and hopping on one foot and unable to like, I was attached to an intravenous IV for the next month. So I had to carry around a fanny pack with me anywhere I went. The tubes kept getting caught on like kitchen drawers. And so like, you know, when you're just walking and I'm like, whoa, that would happen to me around my own house multiple times a day. And you worry because you worry that it's just going to rip the cord right out of you. And I didn't do anything basically for a full month because I didn't – to go anywhere was such – it took so much effort that I was just like, fuck it. I'll just be here doing my rehab,

my physical therapy, all that stuff. And I think the only way I really got through it was the entire time I would just tell myself, like, this is temporary. This is not my life. This is temporary. You know you're going to get through this. You know there will be a day you'll be able to play tennis again. You'll be able to slackline again. You will be on stage again. Like, all of the things that make you a person will come back, but you have to believe they'll come back. I've never – I dealt with horrible depression when I was a kid. And people know me as a very positive, illuminating presence.

And when I was in there, there were multiple times I was like, pay the fucking check, dude. Give me the fuck. Just shoot me up with too much Dilaudid or something like that. Just end it here. I don't give a fuck if this is what it's going to be moving forward. Listen, same. I got really angry. I got really frustrated. I was at the end of my i was like just like what the fuck is going yeah i get i yelled at a nurse me too yeah i raised my

voice i didn't yell i did yell at the people that were supposed to take my blood and and went oh for five on finding a vein after the fifth one i was like get the fuck out of here and then the lady can't hurt their boss came in and it was like you don't have to apologize i was like get the fuck out of here and then the lady can't hurt their boss came in and it was like you don't have to apologize i was like no i shouldn't cuss like that she's like it's fine yeah like this is their job all they have to do i became a hard stick like which is like because i was every time i got blood taken my life i used to go give blood every couple of months like and they would always be like look at those veins like me too me too you don't even

need to tie me off dude and that's all of a sudden i was a hard stick because my body swelled up so much and i had nurses that were literally like those tiny ones on the side all those motherfuckers i called them an excavation team because they would go in there just like no not in there let's check another corner and i was just like i oh i swelled there. Let's check another corner. And I was just like, I, oh, I swelled up so much. They had to cut off my wedding ring. Cut it off. Cut it off. Wow.

So it got to the point when it was going, I was going to lose my finger from circular, from lack of circulation if they didn't get this thing off of me. So I get woken up. I'd been in there maybe two and a half weeks. I get woken up. It's two in the morning. Six nurses are standing around me and I'm like, what's going on here? And they're like, we need to get that ring off. And I was like, how do we do that? And they hold up this like Black & Decker style tool. And they're like, we're cutting it off.

And I'm like, okay. It took 45 minutes to cut the ring. The entire time. How was it was it kryptonite what the fuck was that titanium i think basically it gives me all my superpowers and literally and they're going god this thing is so tough and i was like you will never break our love i'm like cracking them up and they told me at one point you gotta stop to stop making jokes. But that was like, I was able to finally get there again. Because the first week I was in the hospital, there were no jokes. There was no smiling. There was no anything. I was just psychotic.

And so all of a sudden, I'm able to start cracking some jokes again. Part of me starts trickling back in. But yeah, when they had to cut this thing off yeah 45 minutes and it finally snapped and now i just wear the silicon one that yeah yeah they just don't care yeah but man i mean just another one of those things where you're like i never never thought this would be part of my fucking day today everything in there happens and you're just like i didn't even realize this was a possibility in my life yeah and then i had a rule in there like stop telling me things that could happen oh man because they were like

well this could be and could and could i was like stop yeah i could stroke you could you could you could you could you could brain bleed cook i was like stop yeah stop and that's like so you had clots what i had the end what i learned is clots and embolisms, the difference basically is the clot is – the embolism is like a piece of something gets in the way. I had massive pulmonary embolisms. Okay. So it's fancy for clot really. Right. But yes, there's – I've had doctors send me photos and nurses send me photos.

And I had a lady at a meet and greet was like i had the same thing you had you want to see my clots and i was like no she's like can i please show them to you i go is it gonna make you feel that much better she's like yeah i go fine she opens her phone up and they look like long bloody leeches you know they're just clots and strings of fuck and they're just chunks that rip through you you know and you had them in your brain how did it make you feel when you did that though when you saw those pictures did it make you feel better i mean feel better to make me feel any better like i was like that's but also i i had seen them already so like but from a picture of like this is what they look like from a nurse that sent them to me and

holding them up against a ruler so you can see just how big these things really are and how how lucky you really are and how lucky you really are. How lucky you really are that it didn't take you out. Because they said they were covering both my lungs and they were massive. And I was like, oof. I learned that, so one in three hospital deaths are from sepsis. And one in five people that get sepsis die from it still today, which is an insane number. That's an insane number. To think about modern medicine, how far we've come and the things that we can heal instantly.

And yet that one, for some reason, it's still kind of foreign as to what we do with it. And I mean, it's, when I think about, that's the thing is people are like, man, cancer really almost got you. It wasn't cancer that got – like it was a side effect from a surgery to heal the cancer. My back surgery wasn't the problem either. It was the fucking me lay there for so long and clotting that almost killed me. It had nothing to do with the back surgery. The back surgery would put me down, but you know.

Yeah. All right. So let's talk about this now. So you get out of the hospital now. Yeah. And when are you allowed, because now you're a month off of chemo, when are you allowed to go back and start working on attacking this again? So then we basically, first we had to go through the antibiotic treatment. For the first month, I had to be attached to this intravenous antibiotic. It would give me six doses a day. Every four hours, it would shoot another dose into me for like 30 minutes. And they said, while I'm going through that, I cannot possibly start chemo again. And so basically every few days, I'm visiting an infectious disease specialist, getting blood work done, seeing my oncologist to see when we can start up again.

And eventually it got to the point when I could finally get off the antibiotics and take the fanny pack off. And literally, like, the day it came off, my oncologist was like, get me in there. Really? Put me in, coach. I'm ready. And how long was that layoff? Two months? Coach, I'm ready.

And how long was that layoff? Two months? About in total, because it was a month in the hospital. And then a month and a half after that, it was about two and a half months that paused it. But I was responding so well to the chemo that instead of doing 12 treatments total, they said, we're only going to need to do eight. So we can get this out of you in four more treatments. Okay.

And that was the moment. And that's one a month or one a week? One every two weeks. Two weeks, okay. So essentially two months, which meant my last one was going to happen on March 2nd. And I, when my wife and I- Of this year? Yeah.

So this was only a couple months ago. Yeah. My wife and I heard that news and we were like, okay, so if they're, we trust them, we believe them. But I also knew this is going to take a lot of work from me. I can't sit back and just think like, okay, the chemo is gonna get through. Because also I'm not, I'm in pain.

My knee's still blown up. I'm like, everything about me is still not myself yet. I'm hobbling around. And I had to tell myself every day, like you better do the fucking work that they tell you to do. Not just physical, but cognitive exercises too, because obviously, you know, our brains are everything. Like if we, I was so afraid that I would lose my quick wittedness, my retrieval of words is actually still. When they mentioned stroke to me, that's

when I thought like, oh fuck. Cause you know Because my business manager, we talked about it, and he was like, you should look into disability insurance. And I was like, you know how insurance companies are. If I'm in a wheelchair, they're going to say he can roll up to a microphone. He can roll out on a stage. And they wouldn't be wrong. They wouldn't be wrong. But when they said stroke, I was like, I wouldn't be able to do my job then. Dude, I've learned so much about the insurance system. I had not even thought about

that though. I didn't even, that's why I was like, stop saying things that could happen. Oh, see, I guess with you and that's the interesting you and I is I learned that I had had a stroke after it. So I wasn't even thinking stroke as a possibility. I'm just thinking the aftermath of how do I get my brain back now that it's happened? And yeah, how do I get my spirit back? How do I find who I am at my core is, you know, I feel like I've become this beautiful person. I've done so much work on myself to really like who I am. And now so much of what I like about myself has been stripped away and I have to rebuild it piece by piece. Same, dude. It's been a long time to get to this point of being sort of mentally healthy

and trying to be a good person, good dad, good all these things. But I find that it's been coming in waves for me. So getting the special out made me feel a little better. Going physically, being able to go on tour to promote the special and see friends and, you know, made me feel better. My daughter caught her first fish with me down in Austin. That's awesome. Like things started. My daughter caught her first fish with me down in Austin. That's awesome.

Like things started. I got to perform the first time at the mother, my first time this year. And also my first time was at the mothership and then the store and, you know, finally getting back on tour. Like when I got on tour, I got two standing ovations at the end of two of my shows. And I've never had two. It was Fort Wayne. Thank you, Fort Wayne, Indiana. I've never had that at the end of two of my shows and i've never had two is fort wayne thank you fort wayne indiana i've never had that at the end of shows so these things are it wasn't like this turn this light switch so to speak that just i'm back it's been these incremental like man hell yeah hell

yeah hell yeah but you know what else sucks too is like i had been practicing that i had been practicing gratitude. I journaled every day about being grateful for my health and my daughter's health. Like I didn't need this reminder. I didn't. I didn't need it. I was already there. And now it's made me slow down a little bit and sort of take more in for sure.

But I didn't need that like, hey, you should be, you know, health is everything. I know it is. I knew it was before this happened. You know, I didn't need this to prove to me that I was right, you know? I mean, everyone's like, dude, you have like a new perspective and appreciation for life? And I'm not like... I had

this before. I had it. I did too, dude. I don't want to become one of these people that's like, oh my God, have you tasted water? people it's like oh my god have you tasted water i know you drink water but i think this might be h3o have you tasted this like i mean are you really are you like are you smelling the flowers ryan are you just letting them pass your butt like all that shit i am trying i was yeah i was doing that. I take pictures of flowers throughout my day. I was doing that. Yeah.

I was appreciating things. I don't think I was going too hard. Like, I didn't need this as a reminder for me to slow down or any of that. I think I was doing a good pace, but man. I think I was going too fast. You do? I do. I think I spent many, many years running as fast as I could, thinking the faster I run, the faster I will get there.

And I just think that's not true. Whereas I have to tell myself this year, my whole thing this year is that be the tortoise. The tortoise won the race. He was methodical. He was paced. He didn't just run by everything and not look around. Right there the whole time. Not,

and yeah, and that's what I, and I think I was the, so. Slow and steady wins the race, bro. Yep. And that's when you were,

you're forced to slow down all of a sudden and you can't do the things that make you feel like who you are, then you start to really pick up a lot of lessons. And I told myself when I got the cancer, I was like, this isn't going to kill me. Came a lot closer than I ever thought it would, but it's not going to kill me. So how can I use this to my advantage? Because look, I have a decent career, but when I make it through cancer, I might have a great career. Like all of a sudden, I don't know. Maybe I'll get like speaking engagements of like, you know, cancer. I've already gotten cancer benefits and shit like that coming to me. But I think all I did was strengthen my story and become like, people look at me like now, like, oh, you're a survivor. And I'm like, that's a strong, I honestly, I feel like that's a strong word for what I am.

I think I'm just a person, like I'm a person who enjoys living my life and I wasn't ready to go yet. You know, is that a survivor? Maybe. But I don't want to be put on some like pedestal event of health or anything like that. Cause there's still plenty of shit wrong with me. Oh yeah. I mean, there should not be a frame around this picture of health.

I promise you that. You know, you should just move all past this picture. Yeah. It's a crooked picture. It's still on the wall. We got to straighten it up every once in a while. It's, man.

So now tell me about, we get back into attacking lymphoma and how long March 2nd comes and are you clear? So March, yeah, March 2nd came.

They waited two weeks, three weeks to do a PET scan. And when I go, oh, good. I'm so glad you brought this up, actually. Good question, Mr. Interviewer. So, when I went to get my PET scan, my wife was like, hey, I'm going to let you go on your own for this one. And she goes, but this guy is going to remember you if it's the same tech that was there the day you were stroking out. And I was like, oh, okay. She goes, he's a tall black guy and he's like, has an island accent, like Jamaican or something. And I was like, okay. So when I show up there, this guy checks me in and I realized, oh, this

has to be the guy. And I look at him like, and I have no recollection, but I go, hey, do you remember me? And he goes, no. And I was like, I was in here a few months ago and I was in a really bad state. And he goes, and I went, what? And look, I'm going to do the accent because it makes the story better. Okay. But he goes, I feel like I'm looking at a ghost, man. And I went, what do you mean? He goes, you were in here with a young woman, right? Your wife? And I was like, yeah. And he goes, man, that was the saddest day I've had in 20 years doing this job. And I went, why? He goes, because I'm looking at you then, looking at your wife, thinking this woman's

about to be a widow and she has no idea. And that hit me so hard. He's like, I can't even believe I'm looking at you right now. When you were in here, I had to hold you up. I couldn't even take you into the back room. I can't believe you're alive. And suddenly I was like, oh, holy, like that's the moment, right? That's when a stranger looks at you and goes, I thought you were dead.

Oh, why didn't my doctors see that that morning? It was kind of all I could think about because I had seen my oncologist that morning of that first PET scan where I was stroking out. And they were like, yeah, take some fluid, take a Vicodin, and go home, take a nap. But this guy thought I was going to die? What? Where did this, how did this all happen? But that's the moment where I literally got home. My wife was like, he remember you?

And I was like, yeah, he remembers. Cause yeah, apparently I was that close to fucking being gone. And so I found out. Can I share when it hit me was when I had a surgeon come in and cry for me. No. I was like, this ain't good. That's the last thing you want. No.

No surgeons should be crying. I'll tell you, man. I should not be consoling you right now. He's like, oh, my riot. I was like, nah, dude. I'm just so proud of the work I did in you. I don't want you to go and make it look like it was my fault. He cried.

I was like, dude, what is it? Serious. All right. He's crying. Yeah. And then luckily a few days later I get the call. Clean fucking. Yeah.

Clean bill. And honestly, I was already like in a celebratory mood. I had already booked like a Comedy Central set that I was about to film. And like I really was like, I'm using this. I'm going to tell the cancer story. It's your, it's not the cancer story. It's your story. It's my story. Yes. Yeah, for sure. And figuring that out in standup of walking in front of a crowd and essentially saying at the time, I'm dying right now in front of you, and I'm going to try to make this funny and alleviate your concerns as well as my own. It was quite the challenge because I would watch

audiences squirm. Well, there's no way you can't not talk about it. I talk about it now. There's no way you can't not. Have to. And also, I'm very fortunate to have a show with such a great audience where we can come on here and talk about this stuff and hopefully help other people. I'm going to say this now for real. If you are having any kind of health issues, definitely go get that stuff checked. Don't be like, should I? Yes, you should. You 100% should. For real. Well, I thought about when I first got it. You don't need to take acid to tell you that. You got the honeydew for it. You don't need to take acid to tell you that. Yeah, but it might help.

You should anyway. I thought about it because you go, okay, there's two routes I can take this. I can tell people that I have cancer. I can talk about it. I can make jokes about it. Or I can go the Norm MacDonald route and pretend that I don't have it and deal with it myself and not let anybody in on my world. But I'm a very – I'm personable and vulnerable and I'm a person who talks about – I'm not afraid to talk about myself. And so my approach right away was, no, I can't leave it in here. Because I think about – like that's who Norm was, right? Norm

was a gambler. Norm had his own issues. Norm didn't need to talk about himself ever. But I think about how alone he must have felt at times. And maybe that wouldn't matter to him. But to me, I would have felt like I had the secret that I wasn't telling anybody. If anybody was ever like, hey, you seem kind of down. Are you okay? I would have like been destroyed. So that's why I just told everybody when I got cancer. I've made a YouTube video, put it out there. I told myself I need to accept the help. I didn't want to do a GoFundMe. My wife's sister talked me into it. She was like, when a member of a community gets sick, the other people in the community lift that member up. And right now you're that member and you need to take our help. And I'm glad I did because

honestly, letting people in is not something that I've always been good at because I like to just take care of things myself. I don't want to burden other people. But this was a moment I said, no, I need to receive. And I can stop the giving train for a while. And I have to focus on myself. Yeah, I'm terrible at that. I love to help it and I don't like to accept it.

Isn't that crazy? It's wild. I say I want – the whole thing is I say I want love all the time and then people were offering it in so many different ways and I was uncomfortable with almost every one of them. It's – Don't make a fuss of me, please. It's part of our stand-up nature, I think, is that we want to do it ourself. Yeah. Right?

Stand-up is such a solo sport that we just think like, no, no, no, I'll, I'll, I'll get it myself. But I think, think about my best jokes. My friends have helped me tag those things and all the, whenever I do accept help or I collaborate, things get better. Yeah. So with the feeling of, with my health, shouldn't it be the same? If other people, if I take in that level of like, you know, just, there's the word retrieval

thing not coming back to me, but basically just that level of just like, we care about you. We see you. I thought about when I finally opened my phone again, because I didn't look at my phone for three weeks when I was in the hospital. I said, I cannot look at social media. I don't want to. I don't want to know what other people are doing.

And I don't want anybody to know what I'm doing right now. I finally opened it up and I had thousands of messages, as you probably did too, like an overwhelming amount. And what I did is I would lay in the hospital and I would look at the name and I would think about, I would try to remember that person, a memory with them, and I would read it while really trying to focus on them and think about it. And every one was this little shot of dopamine where I'm like, oh, this person that I haven't seen in 10 years is sending me this beautiful message. Like, that's so kind. Okay, cool. Great. You know, let them in, let them in. And I really, I really did. It helped a lot. So now what's the rest of your year? Like how

often do you have to go for checkups to make sure you're good? What, what happens now? Every month I get blood work done through my oncologist office. I actually have an appointment to on Wednesday to go get that done again. Um, but on top of that, I, so I had, that happens for the next three years, I get monthly blood work done. And then it goes to every three months, uh, I believe for like the next five years or something like that. And then if we get it at that point, if there is nothing in there, then they consider me total remission. Is that what it is? What is it? Eight years total and then you're in remission if you got nothing?

Yeah, I think actually five. Oh, five. Maybe it's either five or it's ten. I can't remember which. But it slows down the testing a lot. And now – well, now I'm trying to figure out. So as soon as the cancer went away, my eczema came roaring back. And it was one of those things, I did not just fucking beat cancer.

I swear to God, the eczema was like, ooh, there's a bigger problem. Let's go dormant for a little bit. But then literally as soon as the cancer was out of me, the eczema was like, hey, we gave you a break. But we're ready. Let me get in there. So now I'm doing like allergy – I'm trying to figure out the root of the eczema now because I was really hoping that it would just clear everything out of me and I would have a fresh start. I think chemo would probably kill everything. That's what I thought.

I'm not against the thought on that. Yeah. That's what I was – in meditations, I was going, everything gone, everything gone, fresh start health wise. But so now it's just a matter of like, you know, trying to be as good to myself as I can so that I can keep doing my job as I want to do it and living the life that I want to live. The biggest thing is the time that's taken away from you. That month in

the hospital, it's this, you're never going to get that back. All those appointments that we have to do, all of that stuff, it's just like, it's a massive inconvenience. And I'm lucky that I don't work a regular job, that I make my own schedule. I wouldn't right now with physical therapy three times a week, they make me go for medical massages. They make me, uh, I've got a cancer appointment this week. I have so many doctor appointments. I would, there's no job out there that where I'd be like, I got to go. And they would be like, you, you have to quit. Nope. Yeah. Nope. Not at all. I'm so glad I work for myself. Yeah. And that's been, I mean, it really got me through this period where, especially with like a GoFundMe and stuff like that, everyone was like, you just need to chill. You need to relax and you need to heal.

And I was like, no, I still want to like do stuff. And like Jeff Ross told me something that I've never forgotten this. He goes, Alex, do not let your ambition get in the way of your healing. Yeah. And I had to hear that because I was, yeah, I was that person where I was like, I'm going to walk out of that fucking last chemotherapy session straight onto a stage and do a special.

But let me tell you this. I, yes, but I think that's the right mindset. I was certain I was going to kick this physical therapy's ass. I was certain I was going to get in and out for this three-hour outpatient procedure, back surgery, and then whoop physical therapy's ass. I was certain I was going to get in and out for this three-hour outpatient procedure, back surgery, and then whoop physical therapy's ass and be back in it in no time. Man, I think that's the right mindset. You don't want to go into it being like, oh, this is going to suck. But then you do have to temper real expectations and be like, all right, I'm alive. We made it through this. Now I really am trying my hardest every day to just be like, just focus on these 24 hours.

Yeah. Then when I get up tomorrow, we're going to be the best person we can those 24 hours. Yeah. I'm trying. That's so important. It's hard, though, when you do it like this. Because you've got – and with a kid, you know, and you want to have a family, you're always looking ahead. They're going to camp this week.

And what time does this start and that start? And where are we going here or there? Cancer put a weird pressure on me. Like where now I feel like, okay, but now I have to do more like with my life. And if I don't. There's some bigger meaning or purpose. Yeah. And I don't, and whether that's true or not, my brain is going like, Alex,

don't waste time. Like, don't just, just sit around all day, like reading a book, like don't do this. Like, and I'm like, but I also, I need to be good to myself and I can't rush into the rest of my life because there is still so much more to go. And there's that weird pressure of like, okay, I know I'm going to beat cancer. So what can I do after that to utilize it so I can be a better person and have, you know, in every way. And it kind of puts a weird, surviving puts a weird pressure on you in that, in that state. And that is where I do feel like a survivor where I'm like, oh, I don't know what to do now because I had this, I never had this feeling of fragility before, but I do now. And I'm not exactly sure the best thing to do to move forward. But I think that's just going to come with time and patience.

Dude, thank God. I'm glad you're okay. For real. I know you've got a long road ahead of you, but I'm glad you're okay today. Yeah. Thanks, man. I appreciate it. Thank you. Thank you for coming on and sharing the story, being vulnerable. And you know what we do over here. This is your first time. So advice now, after everything we've talked about today, you would give to 16 year old Alex Hooper. First of all, 16 year old Alex Hooper would have said, shut up old man. Who kind of looks like me. Fuck you. You don't know anything. He would have been a fucking asshole to whoever tried to give advice. I know that for sure. But the main thing is, is focus. What I would have wanted to get

through to my 16 year old self is like, the world is not against you. And if you can just realize that you have a place in it and you can lead with love instead of with this rebellious spirit that is inside of you. There is a way to move forward that will service you. And I think as a 16-year-old, I never would have – I didn't understand that at all. I didn't think there was a future. But just like tell them to calm the fuck down a little bit and just be patient and fight, focus on the things that you truly enjoy. And I think that's what has gotten me to where I am. If I can, like you said, gratitude and just focusing on the things that do make me happy. It really changes every single day I wake up and I'm like, there's opportunity out there. And I don't know when things are going to

change drastically for worse or for better. So I better just appreciate what the fuck's going on right now if I feel good about it. Yeah. Yeah. Well said. Thanks. Please plug and promote everything one more time. Yeah.

So Comedy Central set is dropping on August 9th. My podcast is Dirty Briefs. It's weekly. It's super short. Go listen to it if you like my voice. HooperComedy.com for all those tour dates. Go get it, everybody. Awesome. Thank you very much.

As always, RyanSickler.com. Ryan Sickler on all your social media. Get those tickets. Come out and see me on tour. All tickets at RyanSickler.com. we'll talk to you all next week