The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Andrew Santino - Whiskey Ginger

Episode Date: September 14, 2020

My HoneyDew this week is Andrew Santino! Mr. Whiskey Ginger himself returns to share lowlights about getting older & being humbled. Let’s just say fighting and basketball are a young man’s game! SUBSCRIBE to my YouTube channel & watch full episodes of The HoneyDew every toozdee! https://www.youtube.com/rsickler SUBSCRIBE to my Patreon show, The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I highlight the lowlights with y’all! What’s your story?? https://www.patreon.com/TheHoneyDew Sponsors: Raycon - For a limited time get 15% off your order at BUY RAYCON.COM/HONEYDEW! Make sure to check it out now while the deal’s running. Upstart - See why Upstart has a 4.9 out of 5 rating on Trustpilot and hurry to UPSTART.COM/HONEYDEW to find out HOW LOW your Upstart rate can be. Talkspace - Match with your perfect therapist at TALKSPACE.COM or by downloading the app Use promo code HONEYDEW at checkout for $100 off your first month. OMAX CryoFreeze - Go to http://OMAXHEALTH.COM and enter code HONEYDEW to get 20% off CryoFreeze and sitewide

This episode of The Honeydew is brought to you by Upstart, Raycon, Talkspace, and Omax Cryo Freeze. More on that later, let's get into the do. The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler. Welcome back to The Honeydew, y'all. We're over here doing it at Studio Night Pants. I'm Ryan Sickler, ryansickler.com. Ryan Sickler on all social media. Night Pants Nation, I can't say thank you all enough. You got your shorts on.

You got your night pants on, y'all. Comfortable during the virus, and I appreciate all that you do. Make sure you're subscribed to my YouTube channel. You're going to be getting video every Tuesday over there. Audio on Monday. Make sure you're subscribed to the Patreon. I say it's five bucks a month. I'm not doing any tears, no merch and shit like that. It's five motherfucking dollars. It's $60 a year. I listen. I know that's a lot of money to some people. I know that's a cell phone bill, a utility bill.

I get it. But if you're looking for more of the Honeydew weekly, it's two shows now, one on Patreon, 60 bucks a year. You can opt out whenever you want. Five bucks, you're going to get four or five shows. Look for a five-week month. Maximize your money. You know what I'm saying?

Then it's a buck an episode, and then you can bounce out if you want to. I hope you don't because we've been some really good episodes. We taught somebody died. OK, and I'm going to keep saying it, this poor girl, but two pussies. All right. Facebook fan page, all of it. Sign up the honeydewpodcast.com. That's where you get the merch. Everything is all there for you. All right. And, you know, I record here at the Santa Monica Music Center. Whether you live here in L.A. or wherever you live in the world. Thank you know, I record here at the Santa Monica Music Center. Whether you live here in L.A. or wherever you live in the world. Thank you, by the way. Some of you have reached out from Canada, Great Britain to take your lessons. Thank you very much. They offer online

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the storytellers. Today's storyteller returns and I've been super excited. We've been trying to make this happen for a minute. There's a lot of shit going on out there, y'all. Ladies and gentlemen, Andrew Santino is back, y'all. I want him to be clapping to the wall. Come on. Are you clapping, Ash?

He's clapping and laughing. What's up, baby? How are you? I'm good, man. I'm good. I'm good mid-pandemic. I'm feeling okay. You feel like we're mid?

You feel like we're... Yeah, midway through. I'm hoping. Midway through. Midway through. This is the halfway point. This is the second lap. I hope so. I think we're midway.

I think we'll be done by this next March. That's my guess. That's the Groundhog's guess. That's a full year. I think it's full year. I think we're just through midway point right now. I mean, you do look back. I just want to say this i look at these old pictures of everybody

had masks on black and white cats and shit and everything and you're like oh well for so long we have eventually we're gonna get there yeah when we don't know but it's good to see you i'm glad you're healthy same ditto you you had a little health scare we're gonna talk about here in a minute but before we we do, please plug everything. All of it. You know, what I'm doing right now is because of no touring and no TV right now. So go check out the Whiskey Ginger podcast, which you've been a guest on. You will be coming back.

I love it. Anytime. And then also Bad Friends with me and Bobby Lee. Both of those shows. Go check them out on the YouTubes and then wherever you can download audio podcasts, andrewsantino.com links you to all that stuff anyway. So go check it out, man. That's fun. That's been fun for me to continue to do that stuff

because that's what we got going on right now. If we can't tour and I can't shoot anything, although I know Bobby did a commercial. I was mad. And Brendan, Neil called me and did a commercial too. Him and Kevin Hart were doing like a Chase Bank commercial. Oh, really? Yeah, I was like, what's going on? What are you shooting now? Let me come by. called me and did a commercial too. Him and Kevin Hart were doing like a Chase Bank commercial. Oh, really? Yeah, I was like,

what's going on? What are you shooting now? Let me come by. Let me walk around in the background. Cash a check. Trying to get a little check from Chase. Cash a whole camera check.

Can I get this on Chase? Can I get this on Chase? No, he, yeah, two people I know were doing productions, commercials, stuff like that,

but. But nobody's got Dave. Nobody got, no, Dave's not coming back. Dave on FX isn't coming back until next year. Can you stream that, like binge that right now? Hulu, baby. On Hulu.

Hulu, baby. They made a big deal with Hulu. It's so good, dude. It really is. I appreciate it. And you're great in it, dude. Grazie, grazie. It's a fun show.

I hope, I hope, no, we are coming back 100%, but we, I'll tell you this. I'm probably not supposed to, but it's fine. But we, you know, the show did so well that they bragged about it. FX bragged about it. They put out a press release that was like highest rated comedy they've ever had in history. In history, wow.

In the network's history. Yeah. And because they bragged about it, of course, everybody was like, oh, so it did well? Like, yeah, and we're like, well, aren't you? Yeah, right. And they were like, oh, I mean, we didn't know. We don't know if it did that well.

It's fan appreciated. It's fan. Particularly acclaimed. Yeah. Yeah, of course. We were begging them. We're like, we're not going to be able to shoot. We're not going to be able to shoot.

So help us out. Give us a little gift, you know? Because I think they know everyone is waiting. We can't work. I can't work. I can't work. Nobody can work. I'm already on a contract with them. So even if I wanted to do something else,

which doesn't even exist, I would have to ask them to let me out to do something else. So they got me, baby. Got me, FX got me. I got you right now. Yeah. So look, I wanna talk about this because you were like, I don't know, you had a-

Papa had a fall. You had a fall recently. Papa had a fall. Let's talk about it. And Bobby made fun of me for like an hour and a half on the phone. What happened? Because you went to the hospital, right? I did. The next morning. I should have gone at night. Yeah, I had to sleep it off. Well, what happened was, I can say I got a little scar here by the eye. We had that earthquake two weeks ago. Yeah. I had been out during the day, all day in the sun.

And then that night I went to my neighbor's house who I never, we've never really hung out. He was like, come over, have a drink with this other neighbor. Nice guy. I said, yeah, I'll come over. I'll have a drink. So we had a couple of drinks and nothing unusual for me though. You know, I like to have a couple of nothing big.

I wasn't, we weren't, We were just drinking, casually talking for like three or four hours. So I go home. I get in bed. Everything is normal. The earthquake is like 3.30 or something like that at four in the morning. Dude, I popped up so fast. I mean, because I hear stuff breaking. My office used to be where we shot the show. Now we shoot it at a different... So my office is. Where I came. I was at your place. That's right.

You came to the house. And now there's stuff everywhere in that room because it's a dead room now. It's not. I moved everything out. So there's pictures on the floor. There's stuff leaning. That's not put up all the way. So stuff was falling and breaking.

And that's I'm panicking because I'm like, oh, my God. In my mind, even though this isn't real, the dog had been in our room. I thought the dog was in my office. In my mind, I had this, you know when you have like a dream and you wake up and you're like, that's what's happening. It wasn't. I think the dog is in the office. So I run into the office. And as I'm running in there, the earthquake and my dizziness and getting up so fast, and I'm sure liquor in the blood is not good, right? so fast and I'm sure liquor in the blood is not good. Right?

The trifecta. One, two, three. I start getting dizzy and I grab onto the wall and there's the hallway bathroom. It's right outside of our room. And I sit down on the toilet to catch my balance because my head was spinning. You know? And as I sat on the toilet, I knew it. I yelled

out to her. I go, I'm not feeling good! And she's what out like a light wait you were sitting and just tip forward passed out and i smacked my face against the corner of my sink yo i'm so lucky shit that it wasn't my eyeball yeah i missed my eye by an inch so i smacked my face and i hit my head on the floor i was out i got passed out and the so i fainted but all But let me ask you a question because I've knocked on wood. I've never fainted. What do you are you seeing the circle close? Like what are you feeling? It feels really when you faint, it feels really warm, like it feels really

warm. And then you yeah, you slowly it slowly is like if you put a blanket over your head like that, it's like it's like almost instantaneous, though. It feels like you could stop it. Your mind is going your mind is going, I'm going to pass out. I'm going to pass out. But it's like almost instantaneous though. It feels like you could stop it. Your mind is going, I'm going to pass out. I'm going to pass out. But it's like you're not working fast enough. You're not working faster than your brain is thinking. And I must have hit my head on the sink. So would you go like this?

I went forward and then it fell flat on the floor. Did you hit your head there too? She's shaking me, waking me up. Are you bleeding? Not as bad. The cut was pronounced. It was pretty deep, but blood wasn't coming out, waking me up. Are you bleeding? Not as bad. The cut was pronounced. It was pretty deep, but blood wasn't coming out, which was weird. So I wiped it down.

We covered it up. I cleaned up. How long were you out? Oh, a second. I mean, three seconds, four seconds. What did it feel like? I've been out a few times. We're going to talk about that.

I've been out a few times. How about this time? But time when you when you wake up you always don't know like you know when you see a fight if you ever see an mma fight and you know when when when the moment they wake up and they do this thing where they're like nothing's wrong why are you you know yeah you think it's annoying that they're you're like well i'm fine leave me alone immediately i was like what what what why are you freaking out? Because she was yelling and screaming and shaking me. And of course, then I get up and I look in the mirror and I saw that's what happened.

Because in my mind, I thought I went from the toilet to the ground. But I didn't know I hit my head. My face was warm, was real hot, super, super hot. And that's when I looked in the mirror and I saw this gash on the side of my head and cleaned it up. And we sat awake for a while talking about it you

know like are you okay is everything okay i was okay and the next morning went to the it went to the uh urgent care why to get my skull let me get my head checked out you did what you were what was something happening that you were worried or just like no not at all no headache nope nothing in fact because i and that was the other thing. The doctor was like, you didn't drink that much. I mean, because I told her. She was like, three drinks for a guy your size? I mean, I'm 6'1", 200 pounds.

Yeah. And I had a couple of waters. So it's not like the liquor. She was like, it was a combination of you getting up too fast. I'm not an alcoholic or anything. I got a podcast called Whiskey Ginger. I record two, three episodes a week. I drink a bottle a night.

This ain't nothing, lady. No, of i i all right so wait how old are you now 36 so is anything starting to are you worried that maybe you had a seizure or nothing no because they checked me all out okay she said it was a combo of the alcohol and the blood and being the sun all day probably wasn't helping she was she's like it wasn't but you got up so fast that your blood transfer, right? In fact, I read an article that my dad had sent me that men in their sixties have the most strokes and heart attacks in the middle of the night from getting up too fast to go to piss. So getting up so fast. If you get up too fast, your blood shifts. There's a big blood shift from when you're,

when you're laying at resting position and you're resting heart rate to when you're active. And so that's what happens to older dudes. They have strokes and heart attacks in the middle of the night when they get up to piss because the blood shift. Well, that's not my beef, but I got up too fast, had the blood shift in the middle of the earthquake, which you lose in your equilibrium. In the dark.

In the dark. And I'm running through the hallway, so I'm not paying attention. I'm a little out of it. And when I sit down on the toilet, I must have just lost all my i got up and down and up and down too fast so she did all my blood work and this is my this is you know this is like this she does she does all my blood work i went to a good hospital does all my blood work and then she said well you should take a cat scan if you want she goes i you seem perfectly fine i said my neck is so sore and my neck felt like when you used to get into a fist fight you know the

next day when you're like i I feel like a car accident. And I said, well, can I get a CAT scan? She goes, here, we're imaging center is packed for some reason. We can't get you in, but I don't want you to wait. So we're going to send you to Panorama City. Oh. I'm like, no.

I know, man. Let me tell you. Bro, no. No. I was like, no. And she's like, you got it. That's the only one that was available. Let me tell you

about panorama city this is a very quick one i remember when i first moved here yeah okay uh and this was god we're talking about you know i got here in the second time in 97 so this is honest to god this is 2000 2001 we're talking 20 years ago okay panorama city right i had never i didn't know what the fuck was that. Panoramic views. That sounds nice. Beautiful. Someone gave me a Walmart gift card. There are no Walmarts out here in LA.

There's one up there, but there's one in panorama city. And let me tell you something. I pulled into that fucking park. I was like, I walked through the street. Shit. Just on the floor.

No one giving a fuck. And I was like, I had never to this day I've never seen anything like that and that was absolute chaos that's what the hospital looked like bro I was like if that hospital is anything like that Walmart they made me put the cat sand machine together

I had to put it together before I got in that thing I was so nervous I was so freaked out man it was tripping I was like this is so shady so you went right from there to panorama city like the wreck drive got in the imaging machine panicking the whole time and they called you within two hours to let you know results and she said blood came back perfect she's like you're you're you take care of your body you're juan gonzalez right like nah man i'm Gonzalez, right? Like, nah, man. I'm Andrew Santino. Is this Alejandro Santiago?

It is. Okay. By the way, nobody, there was no English. No English. Nobody. I know, I know. She was annoyed I didn't speak Spanish when I checked in. I was like, they sent me up here, bro.

I didn't. Pano, pano. I was out of commission. So then they called me and she said, blood work was great. She's like, you're healthy. You're in shape. All your blood is good. And she's like, you just got to be careful. Something like that, you know. She's like, it's a freak accident, but you're lucky.

And the brain was all good too. But like we said, look, I got some lumps up there. I'm sure. Because I've been out five times maybe. I worry about it. I got knocked out in a fight. But I got jumped. But I was out for hours.

So that's dangerous. I worry about. The longer you're out. Yeah. The worse it is. Yeah. And literally it's knocked out. Yeah.

Woke up in a hospital. I woke up in a hospital. And that's when you're like, what's going on? And my eyes were closed and the nurse was right here. I never, never knew what this lady looked like, but all she said was, here's some ginger ale.

You have a major concussion. Just sip it. And I just, I gulped. I was so thirsty. I gulped it. And then from the concussion, everything just puked.

She's like, okay, that's what, you know, it's bad when you throw up. They say, if you throw up, then you're in trouble. Yeah.

So you went to sleep after that. Yeah, I did go to sleep. I know. Me too, but they may have told me not to, but again, I was concussed. I don't remember. So I did concussion protocol because of this, and she said I did not have a concussion.

So you could have played next Sunday? I could have played. All right. I could have played that next morning. Okay, all right. You know I would have showed up. I know you could have played next sunday i could have played all right i could have i could have played that next morning okay all right i would have showed up i know you like santino's here his eyes he got a wonky eye i'm looking the other way like let's go let's go he's got a pronounced cut but he's good it's pronounced but it's good i was ready to rock no but they but she said it was fine but i had been concussed before so i knew it wasn't a concussion what's the first time you went out out? Was it knocked out, passed out? What happened to you

the first time? You said you've been out a few times. Yeah, probably four or five. Really? Oh, yeah. What's the first one? I fell out of a tree. So knocked out. Knocked out. Fell on my head.

How old were you? 12. Where? Are you in Chicago? 11 or 12. Yeah. Yeah. In the park. Is it a neighborhood? where are you 11 or 12 yeah yeah in the neighborhood in the park uh um climbing not so high of a tree maybe six feet seven feet off the ground the limb was but i fell backwards on my head but we were i was getting a uh i was getting a wiffle ball that got stuck in the tree wiffle

balls are bound to get stuck in the tree i get up there i'm look i'm reaching for it and i slipped how many times did you climb this tree or climb trees prior to this? So that's why I was being careless. And even if you did fall, you used to fall out of a tree. You'd land, you'd be fine. You know, maybe land on your side. Yeah, you're fine. But I landed on the side of my neck, and I was out, out.

And I was out, I don't really remember. Now, you've touched that spot twice now, so how do you know that? That it was over here yeah that's where you touched when you said you hurt your neck you said my neck's hurt that's why they sent you to panorama city this side they won't get it you know what's so funny i think she did that just because she didn't really like me that much she's like the image imaging center's full we gotta get you up to pan or they were all going out for drinks and shit and she didn't want them being late to something she goes you know what i think it's full i think that yeah i think we've

got to go i see them at jalapeno jacks or whatever slamming margaritas yeah sure that's mine yeah i fell out of a tree when i was 12 and conked myself cold but do you remember fault do you remember the missing a brand what happened no i remember like i remember i remember the the event but i don't remember the specifics of when it happened i think i told you on the other last time i was here i told you about when i got knocked out in basketball i think i remember i told you that story you just made me remember a time i got knocked out that i forgot fell on my neck i got my leg taken out from your neck again fell on my head on basketball hard i got my legs taken out so i fell backwards but I remember that I remember getting up and I weighed for a sub that's

how that's how committed I was bro I wait for a sub I go sub in sub in and they were like sit down sit down bro my stepson uh it's this one scared me he did the same thing in high school a couple years ago he's he's in that gross part he like every time i see him he's taller now was he a big boy he's skinny as shit but he's six two or three already at 17 like whoa he's built like he's got that randy moss build right now he's got to put like he's got a swimmer's build he needs to put some meat on him right uh but he went up when he was just starting to learn his height you know he's starting to realize oh i might be able to dunk so he went up he dunked and he wasn't used to you know you're used to coming down at a certain you know speed yeah he held on and then

slipped and his hands let go because he swung under. The momentum, yeah. Boom, right on his head. And you're at school. They wouldn't let his ass up. They put him in the fucking crazy stretcher. You know, the thing. It scares the fuck out of you. It's just protocol. Right.

But they're wheeling him out. So now we joke about it. But, you know, that shit was scary. When it happens, it's scary. Yeah, when it happens, it's scary. When I fell on my neck, my mom was panicked. But of all the times I got knocked out, I think I told you that other story too. I thought only once. i think i told you when i got knocked out in junior high football i got i got murdered i think i told that on the show that i don't remember it i look but i've been

knocked out twice i forgot one of them you got some fatty tissue i'm gonna tell you i was um first time we went roller skating ever to rink there was the main yeah i don't know how old i'm under 10 but there's the main rink and then there was a practice rink and the practice rink was just a smaller version but it had for whatever reason metal rails oh guard rails

in the middle that you could grab on and I just fucking ate it and I woke up crushed and then I woke up my dad's taking me to the ER to get you know same shit concussion and all he's like yeah you got knocked out i'm like from rollerskating how long were you out probably longer than i thought i just you know that's i think exactly what i did i hit

like that tempo area where you just go down you're just down for a second you're like what sleeping yeah yeah but i wasn't i had never roller skated so it wasn't like I was like, get off me. I'm fine. I knew I was not fine. Help me. Help. I was like, nah. Help me out.

Some shit just happened. I got smoked junior high football. I got knocked out helmet to helmet. Oof. That was bad. And then I took a nap in college. I got knocked out in college. In a fight?

Yeah. Did you really? I took a nap. I want to hear all about this fight. We got worked. We got worked. We got worked. Where were you?

We were in an apartment complex in Arizona, in Arizona State. And a dude was, had, there was a dude that stormed out of this party and got in this car and almost hit one of the people that we were with. And then it was like, got out of his car and was talking shit, because somebody smacked on his hood or something. Like, yo, you know, this is a busy complex at night, college. And he gets out of this car

and he's yelling and talking shit. And someone from where he just came from heard, and it was like 15 of them and like four of us. And it escalated within seconds. Yeah. It wasn't even like, college was like, oh, what the, what the? You get older and you're like,

you're taking your time, you're like, I don't wanna fight, you're like, I don't wanna fight either, man. Man, let me just, I don't even stretch. You know, you better, I'm gonna walk away, I'm gonna come back. I'm gonna be the bigger man. Yeah, no, uh-uh.

We just started swinging and it was inevitably like two on one, almost every one of us. My friend Colin got it way worse. I mean, he's a big boy, he's a swinger. He was going after everybody. He didn't care. He was tough, but he got it bad. I mean, he got his face scuffed up

because the concrete, he went down to the concrete. Not the same for me. I'm with my friend Travis and we're running around and I see one and i don't see another one and i got swooped on the back and i got hit in the back of the head that'll knock you cold out anytime yeah not the front the front you can take a couple but i got hit in the back of the head and i woke up on rocks if you watch the nfl anytime they hit the dude right here on that side temple area good night you just see him you see him just well you see

the body going yeah i woke up on the rocks. The rocks? Arizona, bro. There's no yard out there. It's a bad place to fight. So was the fight over when you woke up or was it still happening? For me, it was. Dude, I woke up. I was gone. Bye. I'm out of here. I started walking.

I started walking the other way. Innocent, innocent, innocent. I started walking. I started walking the other way. Walking away. Innocent, innocent, innocent. I'm walking. We got bad. And the next morning, we had gone back to the dorms, and we probably had gotten high or drank our way through the night and were bummed. I mean, everyone was really upset. Yeah, that's a tough L.

Well, we got whopped. We got whopped bad. Yeah, that's a tough L. And the next morning, we were out eating breakfast or whatever, looking around at everybody. I mean, it was just so sad, man. I mean, just loose skin, busted lip, dried blood on the neck. Overeasy eggs are running down your face. Meanwhile, those guys are out there having burritos.

They're saying, we fucked those guys up. Oh, man. I'm hungry. They smoked us. We fought so hard. I'm hungry. Let's take a quick break and tell you about our first sponsor, Omax Cryo Freeze.

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Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm a little some. No, so we got so we yeah, that was probably my fourth or fifth time that I had been put to bed. Sports mostly were the things that put me to bed. Almost always I got hurt in sports doing something stupid. I knocked a guy out. Oh, my God. I knocked a guy out for so long. I actually got emotional about it because I didn't know if I really hurt him. Yeah.

This pothead that used to come around freshman year who wasn't even in our school, he was dropping off weed. And you're like, hey, man, what classes are you in? He's like, I'm 38. You know, like he wouldn't it's like i'm like oh i thought you were in school he was like uh he said um i saw you guys hooping the other day at the gym i should uh outside he's like i should have um i should have said i should have said what's up i wanted to play he goes you he's like you can jump can you play um have you ever played uh uh ultimate frisbee and i said nah that's not really for my shit you know he's like come try one night

so of course one night i was bored and i was like i'll go over there it's monday or whatever it was i go over there is that the shit i see on uh sports center stuff where those dudes are crazy diving like on a football field right yes and we've used to practice on asu's men's practice field they used to let them play out there. So we would go out there and it was bright lights. It was great. In the middle of the night,

they'd leave those lights on until like midnight because it was by the rec center, which is not there anymore. But I'm learning the game and as I'm learning, I'm loving this shit because I was a little bit more athletic

than most of these dudes. What are the rules? Is it like any other sport out there? Once you catch it, you can only take like one one two step well you can take two steps on the catch and you can't move then you have to stay in your spot and pass it right but you throw it and as you catch it you can take two steps as you land and then you have to throw it again you know does it like basketball but without advancing with a dribble you get it you're allowed two steps and then it's kind of like it's kind of like but but but football in mindset right because you have to get into an end zone right yeah so

i'm learning it and i'm loving it and then i'm learning i can jump pretty i can jump pretty fucking high i've always been able to jump and i've always been able to like kind of leap out of my shoes well there's a toot he's much shorter than me and there's a there's a frisbee going way towards the end zone and i'm like oh i'm picking this off for sure like there's no doubt i jump at the same time he jumps and as i'm grabbing it my elbow hits him cold in the face i mean i don't know if i hit him in the eye what i don't know where but i went like this to grab it out of the air and poof like that dude i knocked him out in midair i mean it i almost heard him snore he was in the air as he went down and he smoked his head yeah that's what's it's that the bounce

yeah that bounce and that snap and that's right so he he bounced and everyone was screaming at me and i'm just thinking hey man i just went for the thing because they said i was being reckless i don't they were playing a little bit softer. It's ultimate Frisbee, man. It ain't just some regular Frisbee. Yeah, this ain't regular B, bro.

Ulti B. All right, I didn't sign up for this shit. It's a bitch ass shit. Yeah, so of course, I felt bad

but then dude, he was out, I don't know, two minutes, three minutes. I mean, it was bad. That's a long time.

We were standing there the whole time and I started to have a little bit of a panic because I was like, holy shit. Is he breathing though? Yeah, he was breathing. But he kept like, uh, and was mumbling and shit. It was bad. I don't care.

You see pieces of his brain trying to put it back together. There's definitely some brain damage. Oh, bad. Yeah. And of course, then they call an ambulance. They get an ambulance come. And I felt so guilty, dude. I felt so guilty.

I was like, I fucked this guy up. All right. next man up. Let's go. Sup. This is why we keep 15 on the roster, yo. Let's go, get a sup. Get him out, get him out, get him in, let's go. Did he wave somebody in for him?

Hell no. Fuck no. No, yeah, no, he wasn't an athlete. Get up. I felt so bad for knocking this little dude out. I smoked him with my elbow. Frisbee. and look at these things i mean this is a pickaxe i mean i got bony elbows nailed him in the that was bad that i regret

i regret i feel bad i shouldn't have gone well i because i you know when you know in sports when you're going up against somebody that you're gonna you know you've got the advantage i knew i could have played it a little bit safer. I probably was trying to show off because I didn't need to jump as early as I jumped. I didn't need to backflip. You know what I'm saying? I'm going to be honest. I didn't.

I tried to knock him out. I'm breakdancing on top of him. Hey, hey, hey. I didn't need to do the worm next to him while he was doing it. In sports, though, you know when you have the upper hand, you got to. It's like you just you want you want to show up a little bit when you're like oh i know i can beat this guy

whatever that is i i'm 100 with you if it was a man on the field it didn't matter to me i was always like you play in a co-ed softball league you'd see that one dickhead dude like we had a guy yeah in a co-ed softball league one time he was pitching and this girl's round in third it's a co-ed softball let it go bro bro did not let it go and he fucking charged home with that ball and he held it in the mitt so that he could lower his shoulder and not drop and he he fucking broke that girl's collarbone sure and man we piled on that motherfucker. Yeah, what a fucking asshole.

But he was one of those, it's sports. Like, it's co-ed softball. Like, if this was a bunch of dudes and you did that, first of all, you wouldn't have done that if that was a dude. No. Yeah, no. You wouldn't have done that. That's what's so funny, though.

You're that guy. I played in a league. I played in a men's league. Anybody who plays softball, I don't know what it is about softball, but men's softball, they're all stretching for something. They want the old days back. So it got so competitive. We ended up quitting. Our team, we won. I think we won the championship. You quit the league? Yeah, we quit. I think we won the championship.

Well, because we got, it was so tumultuous by the end of it. We didn't want to do it anymore. We got in arguments, fights, people would leave. I mean, it was endlessly fighting. They didn't like it. We were good. We had a bunch of young, good guys, but we would bring wooden bats and they all hit aluminum. And they were like, no, you can't use wood. And I was like, wood's going to go less. That's right. It's to your advantage. They didn't like us using wood, but we all loved, I loved hitting a wood bat. So we all brought wood and they complained endlessly. I was like, this goes less for the aluminum goes way further when you, and it was 16 inch, no glove. So the ball, you know, you, they're huge. You hitting that far with a wooden bat is tough, but we liked wood just because I like the feel of wood. I just,

it's to me, I feel like you can have more control with wood. Well, they hated us for that. And so that every time we would get into some kind of fight or argument and there was only an ump, a one rotating ump because it was a cheap league. So you had to make your own calls half of the time. Oh God, this just sounds like fist fights at every base. Yeah, of course. Of course. It was happening. He's out. He's out. He's out. We would fight all the time. I had to quit. I couldn't do it anymore. I was like, this was too much, but it was 16 inch, no gloves, Chicago softball. He's out. He's out. We fight all the time. I had to quit. I couldn't do it anymore. I was like, this was too much. But it was 16-inch no-glove Chicago softball.

That's what they play back home. No gloves. You know, jamming fingers all day. And it's nothing but arguments over, you know, who's out and who's in. And the pitches was always a debate over whether that was a strike. Right. I had to quit. I got so over it.

I was like, mm-mm. I don't want. There's no men's sport I want to play anymore in an organized league i'll play pickup basketball i'm not playing an organized game ever again no i'm done i'm done i got no need also you want to get hurt you want to get hurt at your age yeah and be that guy because it's not necessarily that there's anything wrong it's that it's that asshole out there that wants to hit you with the blind side or do some bullshit. Yeah. And then you end up.

What's up, bro? We're just playing, bro. You were playing. You were there. I didn't see you there. I didn't know. My bad. That asshole.

That's your ankle. Yeah. I got over the idea of feeling good. I don't know if I told you. I keep thinking and saying I think I told you, but I was in Charlotte and I wanted to go play YMCA. I want to go play pickup basketball just for some exercise. I actually went to go shoot by myself. You're on the road and just wanted to get out. Yeah. I just want to go shoot. Cause I usually, I run, I run every day and it was so hot. I was like, damn,

I gotta go. I'm going to go in the gym and I'm gonna go shoot and just kind of run around the track. There's a game going on and all these kids are, you know, young, 15, 16, 17 year old, athletic, black kids. I mean,

just un-fucking-real. Jumping out of the gym and shit. And one dude sees me and he's like, hey yo, you want a hoop? And I was like, nah, I'm good man.

I have tennis shoes on. I didn't even have, he goes, oh come on man, we need one. And I was like, alright. You ain't wearing those

bike shorts for nothing, but. I go, one and i was like all right you ain't wearing those bike shorts for nothing i go these got underwear inside of them so i should be good yeah these have a mesh lining i think i should be all right i get over there i'm feeling it i'm feeling it i'm feeling right away i'm feeling it i'm having a good time just in the huddle and shit just i'm feeling good they're letting me in their circle. I'm dishing a little bit. You know, I drop a couple of shots. I was like, oh shit.

All right. I'm feeling okay. Well, we come around the next break. Sure enough, this young 15-year-old fucking just athlete takes off from like the third hash mark. This LeBron James is right on my fucking face. I mean, I'm not even defending him. He James is right on my fucking face. I mean, I'm not even,

I'm not even defending him. He puts his nuts right around your head. I'm not even defending him. I turn to just get up in the air a little bit and it's just like, his dick and my arm

just fuse to my face. Think I was a charge guy so I called a charge on that. But the gym went nuts. You know, oh, you don't got that old ass redhead. Oh shit.

You dunked on Opie Taylor. Look what he got. He got. How'd he do it? He got his ass dunked on. I got shit on for like 25 minutes. Yeah. Trying to regain some fucking.

I'm sitting on the side. I'm like good game man good game and nobody not one kid wanted to say good game to me nobody i don't need to play that shit i was like i'm done hey fuck your show tonight too man it's unfunny motherfucker trying to give us free tickets they got me bad yeah i was the joke i was the joke of the night yeah they were all waiting but i'm glad i could give that to him i was like okay that's for your igs everybody that's for your ig story yeah yeah i made this i'm sure i made a story definitely wrong because you know he because you know he was he was dribbling up court turn to his

turn to his friend he was like yes watch this turn it on i'm a hot sauce right here turn to his friend he was like film this watch this turn it on i'm a hot salsa right here yeah that was the end of my uh public uh pickup game that's it right it's done yeah i'll play horse i'll play some i love like some horse yeah some driveway horse yeah i'm not even going to the gym i'm doing driveway horse that's it i'm about off the fucking garage roof yeah and yeah yeah yeah oh speaking of roofs you i want to jump to that because you had to fix it. What's something happened with fixing your roof? Yeah, bro. I'm up there.

My roof. I had to fix my roof because we had a leak. We got the house. And of course, as you know, everybody jokes, you know, it's like, oh, it's a never ends a money pit. Yeah. Yeah. The first rainstorm we had in our living room, just the ceiling fucking came through.

Yeah, real bad. Didn't damage anything in the house, but it ruined everything, ruined that up. So we thought we got a side patch job done. This guy, you know, tarps up there. He said, you gotta let it dry out, then we'll look at it. Well, the rain kept coming.

The rain rains here for like three weeks and then never again. Yeah, you're right. This is like window gone. So when it's all said and done, we're trying to get the roof fixed. And of course this dude is up there fixing the roof. And I'm thinking, okay, all should be good now.

We're all good. He said, well, give me the hose. I gotta put the hose up here to show it's a no leak on the unit. You know? He's Japanese. Yeah, I can tell, yeah. He said, give me the hose.

I throw up the hose. I throw me the hose i throw the hose i throw up the hose and he goes okay you should be good go inside and look he's got the hose turned on high i mean it's as if it's just it's coming into the house i'm like bro no way yes dude yes he he thought so the problem was the air conditioning unit guys didn't communicate with the roofing guys. They needed to fix the shell at the exact same time. Because here in LA, some people wherever you're watching this might not know. We put, a lot of them, old houses put HVACs on the roof. You don't do that where I'm from.

Swamp coolers, yeah. Yeah, you don't do that shit where I'm from. It's on the floor. It's outside of the house. Outside the big fan unit next to the house. This is on our roofs. A lot of these old houses have them on the HVACsacs on the roof and our old ass roof supporting a 10 ton unit you know and so pieces had collapsed around well what they fixed didn't fix the shell of the unit so it had just cracked

more because they were up there fucking with it i mean they put a crane up there lifted it up they must not have put the pressure right so i gotta i i fixed a hole in my fucking ceiling in my living room three times now i mean it's i feel like i'm gonna what did the dude do when he did did he come back he didn't come back and fix no no he goes oh mom you gotta talk to the guy them do the air conditioning he just drew didn't give a fuck yeah i don't know man it's gotta be the unit we fix our part you know okay i'm playing this juggling game of whose fault it is you know he says it's you guys. No, I mean, we fixed our thing. His lack of concern was almost beautiful. When I showed him, I said,

I told him- That's an art, isn't it? No, he came down. He came down and I showed him the damage from inside. He's like, yeah, you know, he's going to dry. He's okay. He's going to dry. I'm like, I have to live through all this shit. He's like, yeah, you know, what are you gonna do? Gotta call the AC guy, you know, he gonna fix it. So they pass the buck and so now I'm living with, I have another hole in my roof now. Dry, because no rain, but I have to live with that every day.

So I- Until when? Whenever I can get a guy to come out and fucking get up in the attic. During the corona. Yeah, during corona. You wanna come out during rona and get in my fucking attic, get asbestos and get corona? And a virus man i'm fucked because i'm gonna live with a

hole in the middle of my fucking ceiling but the beauty of it is the beauty of it is uh i've come at peace with my house stuff i swear to god i've finally been like okay i can't help it i was arguing about stuff with the old lady all the time about like well we got it and this is fucked up and this is and now i'm like it's okay i get why parents at some point uh they just like relinquish this anger that they're like it is what it is i'm not gonna fix all that shit all that you can't fix all the things all no and you're gonna have a piece you can't listen yeah let me tell you i'm gonna tell you what my friend that had a kid young told me you can can't have nice shit when you have kids. Don't.

Don't bother going and buying a $5,000 couch because your kids are going to piss on it, shit on it, color on it, crawl on it, walk on it, cut it. Right. Yeah, just get the $200 one. Just get the fucking cheapest, comfortable thing. I know now that I'm, well, I mean, I don't really like fancy shit anyway, but it just like, I stopped caring as much about particulars, about being like, because I'm a really nitpicky OCD guy.

Me too, dude. The anxiety of like, oh, I got to get this done in this room and this room. Not at the house anymore. I've learned to go, oh, this is out of control. I can't control all this. That's crazy to think I'm going to be able to like fix this, fix that, fix that. Even I can fix stuff with my own hands. But at some point you're like, I don't even want to waste the time and the money

getting a guy because it's manageable without it. You know what I'm saying? It's not like, it's not like the electrical is broken or the, it's just, there's a small shit that I can't help at some point. Cosmetic something. It's bullshit. Yeah. Even if it's not, even if it's like certain functionality, you know what I mean? Like one of the doors doesn't lock all the way. It's like, we figured it out. You know, like we've got another secondary lock in there i was like oh yeah the jam doesn't fit because this changes i'm like all right man well then put a fucking board underneath that or something i don't know like fix it just temporary fixes you learn why people do that with houses that they just temp fix stuff because it's a pain in the ass dude at some point i've let it go so in my heart the hole

is staring me down when i'm watching tv at night but i'm like it's okay i just gotta let that shit go so i've learned to like let it go because put into perspective you know what i mean like it's not that big of a deal no especially with everything going on right now yeah that's what i mean it's not that big it used to drive me bananas this thing before the pandemic was like you know i'd be calling i'd be on the road was like, you know, I'd be on the road and be like, did you get the roof guy to come? Yeah. Well, why isn't he there? I'd be losing it.

No need. I was like, let it go, let it go, let it go. I might yell at her for an hour, you know? I'd let it go. I've learned to let it go. Tell me about Tampa. What's this Tampa story? That's why I don't know how many stories I've shared with you about,

because we did a lot of, we did so much talking about sports and injuries. That's why I thought maybe it how many stories I've shared with you about. Cause we did a lot of, we did so much talking about sports and injuries. That's why I thought maybe it was the same one. I have a scar on my leg. That's about two inches long from Tampa. Um, and if this is a repeat from the first time we did this, uh,

uh, then that's okay. We'll just, I don't remember it. I don't remember it either, but I tell so many stories and so many podcasts, but with you, it's sports or injury related for some reason.

We did, you know, trauma, bro. Well, I came out of the i came out of the tampa improv and uh oh this wasn't even a sports thing no well to me life is a sport my friend so i never give up fair enough i come out of the tampa improv and there's a fight that breaks out and long elongated story short i grab a woman who's falling pretty much into me and i grab her and what's the after your show like bouncer is in an argument with a guy who's falling pretty much into me. And I grab her. What's the, after your show? The bouncer is in an argument with a guy who's leaving. I'm outside saying hi to people.

Yes. And a guy is in an argument with the bouncer because I'm sure he's too fucked up. And my guess is he's trying to take a drink out of the room, which we've seen before. Yeah. Hey, man, put it, you know, and they're trying to sneak out.

Just take a hurricane glass out, bro. Come on, man. Come on, man. That's a $14 drink. $14.85. I'm fucking out, bro. Come on, man. Come on, man. It's $14 drink. $14.85. I'm fucking paid, bitch. I'll take.

They say, bitch. They call him bitch once in the security. I was like, what's up, dude? You know, they're waiting to fight. They want to fight. These bouncers want to fight. Yeah, they're paid to fight. They're paid to fight.

They're just sitting there most times not able to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's why they're always crossing their arms. Right. Like, so, man, I want to just fucking hit somebody. God, yeah. So they're shuffling him out and they're scrapping with him and they call security and people are getting pushed out of one door. You could exit

out of that side door because the second show was coming to the front. Well, I'm on the patio and it's pitch black. I can't see a goddamn thing and a woman is being pushed into me and I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa. I grab this lady and as I'm stumbling, I stumble to not cause myself to fall and I smack my leg on

something I can't see and it hurts like a motherfucker but I kind of just let it go it was an umbrella stand without an umbrella those metal like a commercial umbrella stand you know it's only a foot and a half off the ground I can't see that it's pitch dark well the night's going on and I think nothing of it but it's it's throbbing i'm painful about an hour goes by and i feel that my sock is wet because there's no cut in my jeans i lift up my jeans well it had gone it had cut my skin yeah it punctured my skin i was bleeding into my fucking socks and i don't know if you know about tampa but you know you know tampa's hospital uh panorama city all over panorama city 2.0 bro i go in i'm bleep i'm i'm profusely bleeding and the woman is like nah i can't do nothing

about it nothing she goes it's on the shin they didn't give a fuck she goes wrap it just wrap it up i can't butterfly it it's right on the shoe it's literally right on my shin the scars like this big and i go back to the hotel and i've wrapped it up so tight can't butterfly it. It's right on the shoe. It's literally right on my shit and the scar's like this big. And I go back to the hotel and I've wrapped it up so tight and in the middle of the night, I'm shuffling around. I must have moved around so much the wrap came undone.

I soaked a hotel bed in blood. For real? Dude, so much, more blood than I've ever seen in my entire life. Holy shit. It was like, there was a fucking murder scene.

I'm trying, I was checking out that day so I'm sure the woman was like, oh boy, you know what she comes in. You want to turn down? I'm like, yeah was a fucking murder scene. I'm trying, I was checking out that day. So I'm sure the woman was like, oh boy. You want to turn down? I'm like, yeah, you gotta fucking. I bled out that, I mean, it bled out of the mattress so much. It had gone, I mean, it had gone through to the mattress. I bled so much through the sheets.

And I had this, then I went and got it checked out when I got here. Same thing, they couldn't stitch it. And it kept opening up. It's on my fucking shin. It would be like something small. Oh my god there's nothing to it and finally a week or two later finally started to really like heal up itself but i have a permanent scar now because of tampa that's and then when i look at it i always that's tampa in my mind was that for the rest of my life was like that would happen in fucking tampa i don't hate tampa it's just that would happen in tampa some dumb shit

you know i like i remember like i don't have a bad taste about tampa but it was such a weird world that city ebor is so strange it's like you can still smoke inside at bars which blew my fucking yeah and this was how many years ago four or five i mean they could still they could still smoke chickens are in the street roosters are all in the fucking streets scientology's uh uh what's it called for uh is their headquarters yeah but what's the one the c org that's where it is yeah it's right around the corner and it's cigar avenue because of all the all the cubans that used to be there in eborn it's this beautiful mix of complete chaos and misunderstanding of what it is and this injury sums up tampa to me a fucking shin split on an umbrella stand in this confusing land you know

what i mean that's what tampa that was my that was my last cut up i think that's my that's my last like major injury from something stupid let's take a quick break and tell you about our next sponsor raycon i've been using my raycons all the time now, especially during quarantine. I've been listening to Tommy Lee singles. I've been listening to your mom's house podcast. I've been listening to a lot of stuff right now. And the best way to listen is using a pair of premium wireless earbuds, especially if you can get them at less than half the price of the other guys.

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And you want to make sure to use the code HONEYDOO to get $100 off your first month and show your support for the show that's honeydew and talkspace.com now let's get back to the do you know i want to ask you this because you obviously were angry growing up we've talked about still what was your the first fight that you ever really got into who was it what do you remember well i fought when i fought when i was a kid a bunch i would just fight people that would make fun of i fought when i fought when i was a kid a bunch i would just fight people that would make fun of me but no i mean when i was like you remember like

one that i remember junior high fight the youngest fight was probably like uh yeah i mean i don't know i would punch kids that said i was that made fun of the redheaded thing that i would just fight kids punch when i was in uh kindergarten or first grade my mom remembers i a kid was teasing me and pushed me and i took a toy like a fucking train like a wooden train and i smoked him in the face with it and i cut his face open he's got a pronounced cut right here for the toy train man i took his ass to panorama city i put him in the cte machine he was fine but it was all no it was always i was always ready to i was always ready to even when i knew i was way skinny i was so skinny when i was a kid i was lanky and i just i love just defending myself because i

thought well i'm not they're not gonna make fun of me because i'm definitely gonna fight back and so it ended that streak of people. Then I learned to make fun of them back and I was always clever or funnier than them or quicker than them. So people ended up, that stopped at some point, teasing me because I would just shit on them. And I realized that was better than fighting them

because fighting them never got, I mean, that never worked. Yeah, we had an older kid across the way, but I'm so glad. I'm so glad I got my ass. It teaches you so much about life like there's this person who doesn't know you and is ready to take you the fuck out like it does something to you when you see someone charging you're like there's a million thoughts going

through your head like oh fuck it changes your and changes the dynamic of humanity do you you you think about humans differently yes you do you start to like scale yourself a little and then you get older and you're like wonder what the fuck was going on in that kid's house that he beat me up every motherfucking day yeah well i remember like i lost but i always fought you know when i was younger i always fought but also it got to the point where there some people were like well he's i know he's gonna fight you know bullies don't want to fight never and i know he's gonna fight back and even know, bullies don't want to fight. Never. And I know he's going to fight back. And even if I'm older and stronger, this motherfucker, it's going to be 30 minutes. You know what I mean?

It's going to take me a lot. I'm just not going to fuck with him. I want the easy pushover kid. That's what bullies want. They want to be, you know, bullies. I don't think bullies ever want to fight. It's funny. The kids that were the best at fighting were.

The ones that sat there and took it for so long and then just go for it yeah i've seen some of those videos on youtube where there's this kid getting bullied he just takes he finally loses it he just picks this kid up like by the throat you know what i mean and that kid goes down like just lifeless and he just walks away i'm like that's what i'm talking about that kid right there it's someone that's got something harbored inside of them that they don't want to fight. The more people that are like, I don't want to fight, they're probably pretty good at fighting.

Yeah. Because they just said like, I don't want, I don't need this, but then their defense mechanism kicks in. I think bullies, people who like pick fights, there was always guys that like picked fights. I think they just love the attention and they wanted the negativity and the chaos

because that's obviously a reflection of whatever else is going on in life, like like you said what's going on at home something bad yeah if you got if you're if you we all knew we were friends with kids that had shitty shitty shitty things at home and they always were so fucked up so troubled so dangerous so like they're reckless you know like they just didn't give a fuck anymore because what's this can't be worse than my dad smacking my mom around. Or me around. That's right.

That's usually how that goes. When you see that, you're like, man, this poor motherfucker. He'll never make it out alive. Yeah, we had a friend that would just, he was that guy in college that would just, you know, if you were sleeping on the couch at the beach, he'd just burn your feet with a cigarette. You know what I mean? Like, literally.

You're asleep, just put it right on your feet. And it would make, it was on your feet and it would make it was fucked up it would make me laugh because it's not me but they would be screaming at him but they would know like what am i gonna do to this kid that's not happening at all you know what i mean he's already damaged yeah this dude's already broken burning you with cigarettes but that's really funny by the way cigarette on the feet is hilarious don't fall asleep around me babe you'd be laying on the couch with your bare feet up at the beach and he'd just be sitting there

playing a video game with a cigarette. He'd be like, ah, what the fuck, man? Did you ever know people that did that shit? They put a cigarette out on them to prove how tough they were? On their tongue. I've seen the tongue thing.

Yeah, that was so fucking stupid. How dumb is that? I saw kids do that all the time. I just knew guys that would do it on their hand and they thought that was fucking hardcore. There's something I saw at a party one time that I just knew guys that would do it on their hand And they thought that was fucking hardcore There's something I saw at a party one time That I just It bothers me to this day

It's probably a reason it didn't happen But it bothers me to this day that it didn't happen And I wasn't the one given the opportunity But there was this fucking dick Just running his mouth to everyone Talking shit to the women You know just being a real fucking piece of shit to everybody And one guy

said something to him and he was like oh is that right and he gets on his knees and he puts his hands behind his back and he's like i'll give you the first motherfucking shot and i was like like oh you oh gets on his knees and it intimidated that guy that he didn't do anything he's like that's what i thought you fucking pussy and he And he stood up, and I just thought, God, I would have punted your fucking head. I would have punted that motherfucker across the goddamn room. You know what I mean? I'm like, you're going to meet me. And he put his chin up, put his hands behind his back, closed his eyes,

and got on his knees, and I was like, oh, please, can I? Tie her up. Back up. Let me get up. Get a running start you gotta stop i would have punted that motherfucker he would have been it probably would have killed him he called that dude's bluff huh he did hard jesus christ embarrassing front i've never forgotten that and i've also simultaneously been mad at that guy for not doing it because i really wanted to see that guy shut the fuck up but also like man how come that one didn't swing my way yeah i know because you would have done it that's why i would have kicked you're right i would have kicked him right up under that motherfucking chin busted all his teeth out and everything yeah yeah i uh and i've got a lot of

chipped i've chipped teeth from sports and fights and stuff i This is my newest, Chip. What happened with that? This is New Orleans. It's New Orleans. I went to a bachelor party in January. Yeah. Probably the last one I'll ever go to. I went to a bachelor party in January with a good friend.

We had such a great time. We're doing mushrooms. We're drinking. We're smoking. we're smoking, we're having a great time, we went to a Pelicans game. We had so much fun, we were taking boats on the bayou. I mean, it's like one of the best weekends I've had in a long time. Then we're having a crawfish boil, and I'm fucking ripped.

I'm lit up, I'm on everything, I'm fucking lit up. I'm on everything. I'm on everything. We're pouring the crawfish on the table. Potatoes, sausage, you know. I'm watching, I'm watching, it wasn't the Super Bowl yet. No, it was. It was the Super Bowl.

Yeah, it was the Super Bowl because we went inside. The afternoon, we watched from the inside. So I'm outside. We're on this patio. And I'm watching TV. And as I'm taking off, I'm de-shelling and I'm eating. And i'm watching tv and as i'm taking i'm you know taking off the shumty shelling and i'm eating and i'm not really watching i'm just doing it it's like second nature you know well i hadn't taken a shell off all the way and i had put it

in my mouth and i bit down on a shell and it chipped my fucking front i mean how the fuck did the shell do that i don't know did you feel it come out right away oh yeah right away i was like my buddy's like well i was like chip my tooth i was also lit up so but i must have bit down hard on it and i cracked right through it right in my front tooth and i did that thing i looked in the mirror and i was like oh no dude i did the same thing like that i'm never how am i gonna get this fix i called my old lady drunk i'm like i took my tooth on a crawfish shell. She's like, oh my God. Oh my God. But no shit, we went to get shrimp po' boys the next day.

I said this on stage. The next day we go to get shrimp po' boys. And if you ever chip a tooth, you play with it a little bit. Cause it, you can't stop feeling it. All you can do. And I'm in line, I'm doing this, you know, I'm like, oh, it's driving me nuts.

And the guy behind the counter, I get up to, I get up and he's ready to take my order. And he goes, what's up with your mouth? Because he sees me, I'm doing it kind of like a radical. Like he probably think I'm a fucking crackhead. You know, I'm like. I love that he's asking you. What's up with your mouth?

That's New Orleans. Yeah, that's literally, I said, I chipped my tooth. He goes, for real? I said, I chipped my tooth. Like I chipped my tooth. I was fucked up, you know'm drinking and and smoking weed and eating crawfish i chipped in on a crawfish show he goes oh yeah that's new orleans just like that real real casual yeah that's new orleans like it was no like i heard that i feel that it gave me

some silence i was like oh okay cool because in his mind he was like yeah that's some dumb shit that does happen when you're fucked up in new orleans chewing on crawfish for no i mean for some reason too i remember the moment it was happening i i feel like i knew it was going to happen do you know what i mean when i was like oh my god i could have stopped it if i just looked down and what was it wasn't my i was just putting shit in my mouth not paying attention and i just bit down too hard got caught in my front tooth and then fell right off i called my dentist he was like oh that's gonna be tough to bond it's right on the cut too so that's exactly what happened to me but like a bigger moron i had a fucking key chain and it had come just a little

bit apart so i put it in my mouth and like i had a bunch before and perfectly balanced it and to gently bite it down and it slipped and it carved out the front just like that but here's what was funny if you looked at it straight on you couldn't see it sure if i tilted my head just just you could see a fucking cut like a motherfucker you know i mean like if i if i if i level-headed you though yeah you'd never see it i couldn't even i couldn't even give you a what's up nothing i just had to stay still oh you smile you a what's up no but i just had to stay still oh you smile when you what's up oh it was a cut that hit so it dug into the front and cut under you know what i mean like carved out a piece so same thing i go to the dentist

he's like this is gonna be tough he bonded this motherfucker it's still there this is why i even when i wipe my teeth this one gets a little it's still a touch yellower yeah but it's a real tooth though it's still my real tooth okay good Yeah, but it's a real tooth though. It's still my real tooth. Okay, good. But he put a bigger, because of where it is, he had to cover more of the tooth with it.

So that really all I have is a cut like that in there, but it looked, it just looked so fucking, all I could think was hillbilly. It looks so fucking hillbilly. And I couldn't stand looking. I would just go, I'm like,

God, what the fuck? you're biting keys you have good teeth you dumb mother at this point i don't give i think i'm gonna leave it honestly it's so small i wouldn't even notice it if you didn't say something now you did yeah i think at a point in my life when i'm just i'm leaving it i'm leaving it yeah i don't give a fuck it's the sunscreen on the nose i'm not rubbing that shit in. It's zinc. It's zinc from my white ass. I used to be embarrassed about that.

Rub it in. Now I'm like, leave it on. Fuck it. Leave it on. God damn it. I gotta get protection. But yeah, no, I, that was,

this was a reminder that as I get older, I'm caring less and less about, like I would have panicked about that 10 years ago and that would have been on my i had to get to a dentist now i don't think i give a fuck i'll say that the of the silver lining of this virus and it's shoving us all into our homes and literally turning a mirror on society and showing us what fucking pieces of shit we are on planet earth and outer space from the the racism the riots the murders the politics the religion everything we are just not doing a great job as

human beings on this planet it has really been like wow we we're this bad like collectively when you look at it you're like god damn y'all we got to do a better job yeah i think we don't i think we just don't uh i think we've proven that we, that a lot of people don't care about anybody but themself. Which by the way, your prerogative, it's a sad existence, but it's a bummer. It's a bummer that a lot of people are like, it's about me, man. It's like, all right.

I'm not saying give up your whole life for strangers. I'm not saying that. I'm just saying like small sacrifices and small thoughts about other people to me this seems like this would be a no brainer like oh come on man this is we can knock something like this out that's why I'm excited to do these

scholarships we're going to do here at the music center and stuff with these kids I want to help kids out you know I want to help people look man we were talking about this before all I've wanted to do since I was a kid I've never said this I've never told this to anyone. I'm about to say it on this show. Like all I've ever wanted to do was be a comedian.

I had Eddie Murphy's headshot in my locker in the seventh grade. People had fucking Chachi and shit. When you open my locker up, it was Eddie Murphy in a black leather jacket or the Adidas with the, you know, smiling that Eddie Murphy smile in my locker i've wanted to be a comedian forever be involved in comedy do comedy and just like you and everyone else in here we have thrown our lives into this art form that might this might be gone you know

i mean it might be gone this might be it so at this point be nice to people yeah and do but do whatever the fuck you want because it doesn't matter in the end it we talked about all these jobs like these athletes these these photographers anything in the arts is that that involves people dj you think of it whatever involves a crowd is in jeopardy at this point it's in limbo right and there's going to be a lot of shift to different things and you're either going to thrive or you're going to fucking fall but in the meantime you want that fucking tattoo on your face get it get it get it get two of them get it get it fuck that job interview you think you want need so bad get the tattoo on your you know what i'm saying like whatever you want

as long as you're not hurting anyone then do whatever the fuck you want because life doesn't give it ain't 2020 that doesn't give a fuck about anything yeah it is life that doesn't give a fuck about what you want to do yeah it's true well there's no like you know this put a pause on on what we love doing the most is stand up i mean i love doing podcasts so fucking much but i missed the thing that fueled kind of my nighttime fire you know it's the heroin there's it doesn't matter whether it's your your your wonderful series or a podcast or whatever all that shit you know it's it we're recording ahead now to do other shit so it could be weeks before you listen to this or hear it and there's there's no and but there's no live audience

there's nothing like the yeah there's nothing good or bad yeah there's nothing like the immediate feedback of stand-up comedy even if you're in i'm in the number one blockbuster film of the year when's it come out it's gonna be another eight months you know what i mean that's that that doesn't feel the fucking i know i was thinking about that when i was having a uh i was having one of those reflective sessions i talked to rogan for a while you know the other day because he was talking about you know saying goodbye and all that stuff before he takes off and i was like man it's so crazy that not too long ago we were in a fucking arena filled with people an arena i mean just months ago it's crazy and he was he was like man isn't that fucked up we were supposed to go to vancouver for 420 and all these plans that had

kind of gone by the wayside that i had had so much excitement for all i want to say to myself and to the public is when it does come back we can't fucking wait to come like i can't wait to go back like i want i am so excited for when it comes back because i still have hope it's going to be the best i'm going to have the most fun on tour that i've ever had in my fucking life because that's exactly you realize how fleeting it is i'm gonna have so much more fun man i cannot fucking wait like like something i started that i i kind of got away from because i it just didn't work but i was doing this fridays with a fan where i just had fans email from whatever city.

And it was like, I'm going to pick somebody and we're going to kick it during the day. Because I was doing weekends. I changed because I was doing small theater. So that was harder because it was on a Tuesday or what people have to work, you know. But I was doing Fridays with a fan, making people take off work and kicking it with them.

And it was so much fun. And I know when the tour comes back, regardless of when, I want to do that again. Just because it was just much fun and i know when when the tour comes back regardless uh of when i want to do that again just because it was just so like it just made me feel how important it was in terms of what i was doing socially it was like having fun with a fan also enjoying a city and then going to have a good show at night i mean it was just like the trifecta it was so fucking oh it made me soak up what i was doing a little bit more and i want to get back to that so i hope when we do get back it'll be that kind of vibe of like yeah just eat it up dude you know i never sat in my hotel room i never i never ever sat you

know no guys that sit and they just jerk off and watch tv until the show never dude i always was out always out trying to find some shit do some shit because you because it's your life you forget you're like bro this is it's not another week in another city this is your you're still alive yeah it's my job i'm alive this is my life i can't just do this and then go well i just can't wait to get home it's like that's not it you have to live while you're living because otherwise look at what happens they take it gets taken away from you i'm saying like i never thought i would say anything like this to my kids but hey if you don't want to go to college fuck college college just be happy i'm telling because right now nobody's going to fucking college right we're i was literally on a zoom call this morning

with a bunch of other fucking parents for kindergartners uh my stepson's gonna be a senior i can't imagine you know i don't blame him one bit that he feels like school's over. Yeah, it feels like that because you don't have to go to that fucking building. And guess what? I would, too, if I was 17. I'd be like, fuck that. Yeah, I'd be like, fuck that. This isn't what I was signed up for.

It's what we have to do now. So for a lot of people like us, like, oh, you're not missing anything. It's like, yeah, well, with hindsight, I don't really give a fuck about graduating. I mean, I guess. Yes. with hindsight i don't really give a fuck about graduating i mean i can't yes yes i would i put all the nerves and anxiety and the pomp and circumstance of literally walking down the aisle and graduating from high school no no no but a kid that has been busting their ass there's valedictorians out there that aren't going to be able to get up and speak and you know so many things going on zoom speeches zoom yeah that's what i was on today a fucking zoom call so you know i don't know how the fuck i'm gonna this this country is about to

get a whole lot dumber with these parents us parents we we were told we had to do this shit once i gotta i don't even know how to do the math y'all you change math bro i can't this country's about to be it's already dumb it's about to get real fucking i would say i would just say put them to work you know put them to work even Even the kindergartner, put them to work. It might be a shift like that. I'm going to bring all the kids in here and be like, let's go. Yeah, let them teach each other and shit. Find the smartest kid and I'll just talk to him for a couple hours.

Because I don't know how I would deal with that. I have a friend. Could you imagine right now, though, being 16 and told, you just got to stay in the house with your parents every fucking day and take class on a computer you'd be like fuck that fuck that yeah that'd be too hard man way too hard yeah i don't get it i don't know i don't know man i don't know what the future of that even means especially because we live in a city so i'm saying who knows what the future of anything is do whatever the fuck you want that's it have some fun have fun that's it like

if this doesn't help you with stress and anxiety then you haven't been that stressed out this is a this is telling you right now that hey all that shit that you thought mattered it doesn't know it can be taken away we we always think about you know don't want to take tomorrow for granted it could be taken away usually when we all mean that i mean at least for me especially i'm talking about death yeah it can be it's gone that's what i usually think right yeah it could be gone you don't think like yeah but uh you're gonna have to sit in your fucking house while there's a goddamn virus out there like wait what yeah you're like is it gonna kill me no no not right now i can watch tv the air the air won't be deadly water all the food i need shit yeah so i can't do stand-up no what what can't go to work i mean that that that's that's

my only hope is this is to it is time to do what the fuck you want out there and go for it whatever it is yeah and and and And face tattoo it up. Get a face tattoo. Get that motorcycle. Yeah. Don't wear the helmet. Ah, fuck that. It's increasing the death rate.

Yeah. Fuck it, dude. Put it out. Your seatbelt's gone. Fuck the rules. At this point, why the fuck not? Yeah, I think have some fun. I think have some fun. Try your best.

That's all. I always say that to people. Try your best. I don't know. Fuck it. your best i don't know fuck it you know what are you gonna do this thing is this thing is gonna be what it is for a while and then we'll come out on the other side and we'll look back and go god damn that was fucking wild but who knows what the other side looks like so in the meantime i'm just gonna keep plugging away having fun and then uh maybe we'll make it out and be okay on the other side. Maybe not. And if not, whatever. Whatever.

It was all right. All right. It's been a great, you know what? Yeah, it's been all right. If you'd have told 16-year-old me that I would have had any of the experiences I've been fortunate enough to have in this crazy business, I would have been jumping through the roof. Wait, what?

I get to go do Joe Rogan's podcast? Yeah, and it's going to be one of the biggest shows in the world what you know i get to have fucking tommy lee on my 60 what yeah it's wild get the it would you'd be jumping up 100 fucking down yeah 100 i think about that stuff and they're like yeah it's gonna go great for you you're gonna be doing so good oh yes but wait what but then there's this virus like wait what are you talking about i get aids or something no no the whole world's gonna get it what what are you talking about it's global it's lung aids and uh things are gonna just get shut down you're not gonna be able to do anything shit's gonna suck for a while all right okay but i would have taken it i would have taken the hit yeah that's what i'm saying yeah fine i would take the hit our Yeah. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, fine. I would take the hit. Our water's not poison.

Our air's not poison. Like, this fucking sucks. We all, there ain't a person out there that's like, I'm thriving. Maybe there is. I do want to meet the motherfucker. There's some people that you know that are doing well. Yeah, there's some billionaires out there. There's some billionaires being like, I've made more money this quarter.

I want to meet the power walker out there that's like, what? 2020's my year. You know what I mean? Like, I want to, that's what, we should do a podcast called 2020 was my year. And talk to people to thrive. My fourth yacht is doing very well. Thank you. I diversify my portfolio more than I ever have in 2020.

You know that when you're making big money, big, big money. But God bless the people that are out of work that are trying to fucking make it work and trying to get back to functioning. Yeah. Because that's tough. I get that. That's tough. It's fucking scary for everybody. if you have money even if you have money at some point most people didn't have money

a lot of people born into and you remember when 20 dollars meant a lot oh yeah i remember when 20 dollars was a weekend yeah 40 was scary to get out of the ats remember that when you're like yes 40 bucks what the fuck am i gonna do this is two weeks this is half the month right here guys two weeks out of the fucking atm yeah that was scary i remember taking out 40 bucks being like got a budget my knees don't use it yeah don't use it that was like the first time we went to vegas we were sober i had a hundred dollars and i was like i can't lose all this i can't lose this hundred dollars in vegas and i spent it within the first like six hours and i was panicking i was like i lost all my fucking money i knew my mind i knew when our neighborhood was not great in baltimore when i could go to the provident bank it was called provident bank

and a minimum withdrawal was five bucks i swear to god you could get a five out five bucks yes just give me five bro you could in that baltimore neighborhood and people got it too they needed it i got it i would get i'm over there slipping a five out just to go to mcdonald's and shit you know like just five just five just five can you give me four is four good it's only 3.99 i did just hit me with four and i'll walk five bucks before the debit card and all the bang bang you know all that shit five. And now cash is out. No one's going to use cash anymore. No one's touching it.

Coins are gone. Yeah, but you know what? I'm okay with coins. Get the fuck out of here with the coin thing. They got to go. We don't need them. No, we don't need them. I think they got to go.

I'm ready for a cashless society. I know it sounds terrible. All right, let me ask you this question. I haven't asked anybody this. Yeah. Let's say, hypothetically, live entertainment. You could still podcast, whatever. Stand-up.

Stand-up's gone, though. Forever. They come out and they say, no, it banned it's never gonna happen again good what are you gonna do what would you do we're too old to go for it sports are gone still doing all my other shit you could do pocket yeah all that shit what would you do though to fill the void of stand up i'd probably i'd probably pack well of all, I'd keep podcasting and I try to do the TV show if I could still act, but I would, I'd honestly focus more of my time

on creating different shit, which is kind of what we're trying to do right now. Like I would just keep trying to create different new shit. I would secretly, my secret, I want to make music so bad, more than anything, but I don't really want to give it to anybody. I don't want put it out anymore i'm not trying to be a singer you're talking about no producing yeah i want to just make music you're gonna rap no i want to make music with people okay i don't know i don't care what it is i just want i would love to be i'd love to be a producer i

would love to produce with people give my influence give my opinions i can play a couple instruments here and there what do you play name it what do you play guitar i play drums when i play drums when i was young really that was like my foray into music yeah i learned on drums when i was a kid and then my mother took them away too yeah yeah right school slipped a little bit she was like you're not gonna get to bang on fucking drums if you can't get a C, you know? I was like, I'll find what, you know. It ain't gonna matter in 2020, mom. Bitch, when the pandy hits. The pandy. When the pandy hits, this ain't gonna matter, mama. Yeah, music, music.

I would love to learn, and I would love to learn, I would love to learn more of the digital space of music because I'm fascinated with it. I'm fascinated by digital. I think it's crazy. I know it's not people's favorite you know people still love you know physically making music with instruments but there's something about digital that's so that's mind-bending to me i think it's the future of of everything i think

at some point we'll just only use instruments are fucking are tough it's hard to lug around all that big-ass drum set and i know it's the sound is better i know it feels better for those that play but i'm fascinated by digital music there's something about it that all that sound is captured and created right in a thing and I can just I can manipulate it a billion different ways you can do more with it than an instrument actually can at some point right I mean it's because it's because it's it's generated all the sounds it could possibly generate but nothing sounds better than that but I just think there's something about... I've always had a kin to music. I've always had an obsession with ingesting it and wanting to make it, but I just don't...

If I had the time, that's what I would do. I would spend all my nights making music. Duncan Trussell tried to get me into some shit. He wanted me to order one of those fucking... Oh, what do they call it? It's like a board with all those plugs, and he's like... I watch Shaq. Shaq loves that shit.

It is wild. Yeah, it's wild. I don't know why I can't know the name, but I'm stupid. But Duncan and I were messing with that for hours. I was fascinated with how cool it was. It was just so intricate and also simple. He's like, you can make it whatever you want.

There doesn't have to have any kind of rhythm or movement to it. He's like, it is what you want it to be. And I don't know i like that i like that a lot i was that i think is my little secret that one day maybe i'll get into if i can ever get the ball so like go buy the shit and just sit down and do it for hours and hours that's i'm just gonna keep like i was telling you before this creating shows different shows leave with comedy you're already making mostly yeah but you know we've got some other really

cool shit coming up but uh and then just help kids yeah i want to help i want to help people that you know this show definitely does which i never even set out to do that i just i love comedians and i've always loved talking to someone who can tell you the worst fucking story and still make you fucking laugh so hard about something in there right where you're like who is this person that can fuck so i've been fortunate with this show that i've gotten to fall in love with comedians all over again and just re-appreciate how fucking not only fucked up they are but how they can take that fucked up and make it and make it funny yeah you know yeah no that no it is that is a it is a blessing for sure to like uh there's no i say that all the time to my old lady i would say because we're sick something's wrong

with us we see things really weird and it's not like i'm saying we're not special i just know that when i speak to other people the way we see things is just like an it's an inch off center it's like a little bit like because i say stuff and someone will go oh yeah i didn't know and it's in my mind i'm like it's very normal i can't believe you don't think about it like that me too for the longest time like why why is that yeah well it's because we just have a little bit we just view it a little bit differently if you if you have comedy in your blood there's something about it that was my whole family was that way certainly none of them were stand-up comedians but they would make light of this tragedy and always drop a joke in there always switch a gear always something and you're

like i'd rather run with that pack of people than the the woe is me uh you know pity party people over here like fuck that we same problems we're just doing a lot differently totally dealing with yeah well that's that's i think it comes from, comedy has almost uniquely in its history always come from not just tragedy, but from hardship, right? Like most of the funniest people you know came from tough places. I'm not saying you need to come from a tough world

to be funny, I've said that before, but it helps, I guess, I don't know. I think something about it helps because it shapes the way you view the world. If everything is hunky dory, it's kind of like, you know, what do you have to, your perspective is not that harsh because you didn't really have to live the harsh.

Right? It's like, if you never rode a bus, you wouldn't know how to write a joke about riding the bus. That's right. But even if you never rode a bus, if I've written a joke funny enough about that bus, you'll get it.

Even if you never rode the bus.'s right so something about that there's something about that the things that bind us i'm watching a good show by the way called connected on netflix you should watch okay it's fucking brilliant for people that are listening if you if you were looking for a new documentary series it's all about how we are inherently completely interconnected as cliche as it sounds we are this show breaks it down to the simple the dust in the saharan desert is affecting the way you eat and the way things grow and the way it's just something so minute always translates into a million other things it's fascinating dude how it affects the amazon and how it rains there and and the patterns of which affect the way food grows that gets to you the way the ocean eats, the way it blocks.

It's just like, it's the most fascinating shit. Connected. Connected on Netflix. So I'm gonna watch Connected and Dave on Hulu. Watch Dave on Hulu. Yeah, if you have Hulu. I love you, dude.

Watch it. I love you too. Please, plug everything again. Yeah, no, watch Dave on Hulu. We're coming out with another season next year, but in the meantime, watch Bad Friends, me and Bobby Lee's podcast on YouTube and everywhere you can listen to it,

and Whiskey Ginger, which is my solo show with a guest. Sick Dog was on it. You're gonna come back and do it now that we're in the new studio. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And hang out. And other than that, dude,

keep supporting this community because this is what keeps us going right now because we can't be out there seeing you, so this helps. So appreciate you. Appreciate helps so appreciate you appreciate appreciate you appreciate you brother uh as always ryan sickler on all social media ryan sickler.com uh we'll talk to y'all next week I'll see you next time.