The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Andy Richter - HoneyRichter

Episode Date: November 4, 2024

My Honeydew this week is actor Andy Richter! Check out Andy’s podcast, Three Questions. Andy joins me to Highlight the Lowlights of parenting! We discuss Andy’s father coming out to him as a kid, watching his parents divorce, and how it shaped his upbringing. Andy shares his experiences being raised by mostly women and the influence it’s had on his parenting. SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE and watch full episodes of The Dew every toozdee! https://youtube.com/@rsickler SUBSCRIBE TO MY PATREON, The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I Highlight the Lowlights with Y’all! You now get audio and video of The HoneyDew a day early, ad-free at no additional cost! It’s only $5/month! Sign up for a year and get a month free! https://www.patreon.com/TheHoneyDew What’s your story?? Submit at [e-mail] CATCH ME ON TOUR https://www.ryansickler.com/tour Detroit, MI - Nov. 8th Minneapolis, MN - Nov. 9th Madison, WI - Nov. 15th & 16th Portland, OR - Nov. 23rd Ft. Lauderdale, FL - Dec. 6th Tampa, FL - Dec. 7th Tempe, AZ - Dec. 20th and 21st Get Your HoneyDew Gear Today! https://shop.ryansickler.com/ Ringtones Are Available Now! https://www.apple.com/itunes/ http://ryansickler.com/ https://thehoneydewpodcast.com/ SUBSCRIBE TO THE CRABFEAST PODCAST https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-crabfeast-with-ryan-sickler-and-jay-larson/id1452403187 Liquid I.V. -Get 20% off your order when you shop better hydration at https://www.LiquidIV.com   and use code HONEYDEW BetterHelp -The HoneyDew is sponsored by BetterHelp, get 10% off your first month at https://www.Betterhelp.com/HONEYDEW

Detroit, Michigan. I'll be there Friday, November 8th at the Magic Bag. Minneapolis, Minnesota. I'll be there Saturday, November 9th at the Parkway Theater. Madison, Wisconsin. I'll be there Friday and Saturday, November 15th and 16th at Comedy On State. And Portland, Oregon. I'll be at the Aladdin Theater Saturday, November 23rd.

Get your tickets to those shows and all shows on my website at RyanSickler.com. The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler. ["The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler"] Welcome back to The Honeydew, y'all. We're over here doing it in the Night Pants Studios. I'm Ryan Sickler, RyanSickler.com, Ryan Sickler on all your social media. I'm going to start this episode like I start them all by saying thank you.

Thank you for real, for whatever you do and any way you support anything I do. I genuinely appreciate it. You guys are great. If you got to have more than I'm telling you, I've. I genuinely appreciate it. You guys are great. Um, if you gotta have more than I'm telling you, I've been talking about it forever. You've got to have the Patreon. It's called the honeydew with y'all. And is this show with you guys and it is, it's the best $5 you'll spend. It's only five bucks. We've had it that way for years and it's your show.

And I promise you, no one has stories like you guys, nobody. And The Way Back, it's been, listen, I really love doing that show. It's so nice to sit and laugh and listen to people's childhoods in a fun, funny way. It's one of those shows you have to watch. We dig through people's social media. We bring, you know, there are photos and stuff

to life in the story. It's really well done. Come see me on tour if I'm in town and you're around. Tickets are on my website at RyanSickler.com. All right. That's it. That's the biz. You guys know we do here. We highlight the low lights. I always say that these are the stories behind the storytellers.

And I am very excited to have this guest on, ladies and gentlemen. First time here on the honeydew andy richter welcome thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you yeah all right yeah like you've never been on tv well you know i want to thank you thank you um please promote before we get into it, promote anything you'd like, please. Okay. Well, I have a podcast of my own, The Three Questions, that's been on for five years now. And it's like this, it's our interview. It's kind of specifically about people talking about where they're from and where they're going and sort of what life has taught them.

It's basic, I have, I don't have a vacation home because all that money was spent on therapy. Therapy and private school for my children. So I've been in therapy for a long time and I really believe in it. And I kind of want it to have a podcast that I'm not a therapist, but that kind of was in that sort of vein, you know, conversation. I'm in no way qualified.

Yeah, no, but I don't, and I don't like tell people what to do with their lives, but I do think it's interesting because there are people that they do not do a lot of self-examination. There's a lot of people that don't seem to give a shit about like figuring out, like, why do you keep running into the same brick wall? And they're like, I don't know. I just like it. So I think I just find people that. Our self-reflective and are sort of like curious as to, how do I get better at being alive? I like those conversations. So that's what that is. But

then I also, and that's been through Conan, Team Coco, Conan's podcast company. Like I say, it's been five years now. And then SiriusXM bought his company and he has a channel, channel 104 on SiriusXM is the Conan O'Brien channel. And they wanted to start doing more, and by they, I mean SiriusXM, wanted to start doing more radio programming because the channel kind of started out as podcasts and clips from the old shows. And they wanted to, you know, make it a real radio station. So I've been doing a call-in

show. Oh, great. Which sounds a lot like your Patreon. Oh, yeah. It's me. It's an hour. It's on Wednesdays, 1 p.m. Pacific time. And it's called the Andy Richter Call-In Show. And I have a guest host. And we solicit calls on a topic, which is like dating disasters or ghost stories.

So you pick a topic, throw it out there to them. We throw it out there. We put it out on social media. And then people, there's a Google form or a number that they can call. And they leave a message and then we do that for an hour. And it is about, it's one of the most fun hours

of my week now and I love doing it. And it's like, it's also, I'm going to a radio studio, you get to feel like a grownup radio guy. And it's just really fun. And it was really weird when I first started doing it because I would think, Oh, I got to show, I got to, I got a recording. And, and I think like, like what homework am I not, am I forgetting? What homework am I forgetting?

I was like, Oh, nothing. I don't, I just got to go there and show up and answer the phone. Yeah. I just got to go there and show up and answer the phone. Yeah. So it's been really, really fun. And it's just gotten better and better and better. And I'm sure that you've found, like as I have found with the three questions especially,

like you just get, the more you do this, you know, like the better interviewer you get to be. And the, you know, sort of with the call-in show, just kind of, I'm learning how to keep it moving, you know, like the better interviewer you get to be. And the, you know, sort of with the call-in show, just kind of, I'm learning how to keep it moving, you know, and keep it funny and move on. I mean, that's also wrangling feral cats too. You've got to be good at that part of it. Because some people can really tell a story

and some people cannot tell a fucking story. They really can't, yeah. And there are people that, yeah, you can tell the difference. And we try to say, you know, just stick to the real important, because people will be like, well, it was rainy that day. And it's like, nobody cares. Or you'll get the, so your mom died. Yeah.

Yeah. Right. Exactly. And it just sit there like, and yeah. Yeah. Oh, those. Yeah. No, those I haven't had. I haven't had a lot of those lately, but I have, right. Yeah. Oh, those are the ones I struggle with.

I haven't had a lot of those lately, but I have had those where it's like, where it is sort of like, so did your parents' divorce bother you? Yeah. Yeah. And? You know, yeah, yeah.

I can see your genuine enthusiasm for it. I'm the same way. The show, like, I'm stoked to sit here and talk to you. Oh, thank you. But these people have stories. Oh, yeah. Unlike any. I mean, we had a guy and I could go on and on, but I'm the guy now

at a place like the paramedic, like we had this one guy, you know, and we had a guy that tried to take his own life, laid down on train tracks to have the train cut his head off, laid on the wrong set of tracks, cuts his legs off. He wakes up in the hospital and he's like, fuck, I mean, shit like that. And he's laughing about it. Yeah. And it's like, so that's, you know, specifically, this show is laughing at those moments because what you know, you can't cry all the time. No, you can't.

You got to, you know, I mean, I just, it is a known statistic that, I think it's like 80 to 90% of the time that somebody screws up killing themselves, they never try it again. Is that right? Yeah. That's interesting. I wondered if they never try it again. Is that right? Yeah. That's interesting. I wondered if they don't go again for it. Like a true attempt, not the cry for help stuff.

Right, no, like if they really, really try it and something doesn't happen, then they, I think it is like 85 to 90% never try it again. Which is, that's, you know, I'm, one of the things that I have advocated in public about is common sense gun control. I don't do it so much anymore because there's like crazy people

and I got a lot of other stuff going on. But you know, one of the things that people used to say when you talk about gun deaths, they'd be like, well, a lot of those are suicides. As if that doesn't count. Yeah. But the thing is, is that guns are so good at killing people that a lot of people that might screw up hanging themselves

or might screw up jumping off the roof, you know, or getting their legs cut off instead of their head. A gun's really good at killing people. I would say so. And so they don't get that opportunity to screw it up and then have a second thought and go like, wait, what was I thinking about?, there's all kinds of reasons like why people in mental health crisis shouldn't be, you know, like somebody should go in and take the guns away. I have a paranoid schizophrenic cousin.

Yeah. Definitely shouldn't have a gun. Yeah. Definitely should not have a gun. And does. No, no, no. No, okay. He doesn't and he definitely shouldn't.

Yeah. Right. No, we are sure. Yeah. Like you're definitely shouldn't. Yeah, no, we are sure. Yeah. Like you're not, you know, he's in a facility now and everything these days, so he's not gonna. I grew up in a house with guns. We lived in the country and it was, I don't even think,

we had like one old pistol that literally was my great grandparents, my great grandfathers, that I don't think shot. It didn't even work anymore. But everything else was shotguns and rifles for hunting. And so I grew up around guns. So people, you know, when I would talk about guns, they'd be like, you want to take all our guns? But no, I don't. I just think you should leave them at home. You know, you don't need to, you don't need to wear it to the Wendy's, you know. You know, for Christ's sake, you don't need an AR 15.

And Baskin Robbins, you know. But you know what? One time it's and here's the thing, too. You travel this country. Yeah. You've got to remember what state you're in. Yes. When I was in Kansas City, my feature, her name's Hannah. She's like, do you know our opener has a gun on him right now? And I was like, huh? And he did. And then I thought, well, hold on a second before we judge this guy,

if he's got one on him, how many people in that crowd have it on? Right. Right. So you know what? We at least have one back here on our side. We can run. Right. Right. But then I remembered like, oh, yeah, we got to remember where we are in the country. Absolutely. And I remember driving us in high school. I drove to we went we drove from Baltimore to Atlanta to see the 49ers and Falcons play. Yeah. And we stopped at a McDonald's in North Carolina. And I'm pretty sure it was North Carolina.

And these this kid came in with like a Jordan tank top on and the big baggy Carolina shorts and a foot like he was in the Wild West with a holster and two guns and I was like, what the fuck? And I was like, we're just leave. We're just leaving. Were they like old timey revolvers or they're like, yeah, Glock. They were like, oh, I don't really. They were modern guns. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. In these holsters. And I was like, oh, yeah, got to remember sometimes where you are. And also you've got to look that law up because there's concealed carry. There's open carry. There's all that shit out there. You just don't know. It's unnerving.

And it's that's why I just try to be a good person. Don't get out of your car. Absolutely. And you ain't doing that shit anymore. Yeah. All right. So let's get into your story. All right. Tell me, in the vein of your podcast, first of all, where are you from originally? Tell me about your parents or siblings or your only child.

I am a midwesterner. I am very much a midwesterner. I was born in Michigan because my dad, who is from Illinois, my mom and dad are both from Illinois. But he was getting his degree. He teaches the Russian language because he started college in the 50s and he was a music major because he was very big into classical music and he was also a singer in like a- Your dad? Chorus. Yeah.

Oh, wow. Okay. And so he thought he was going to be a choral director, but then got into music. He went to a little private college in Indiana and he just didn't like it. So he knew it was kind of Korean war. I think it might've been just after the Korean War, but there was still a draft and he was afraid he was going to get drafted. So he signed up, tested very high for language proficiency, went to the Army Language School in Monterey, which he was from Springfield, Illinois.

And he's like Monterey was the prettiest place he'd ever been in his life. And he was like, they give him a choice of which languages do you want to choose? And he's like, which one keeps me here longest? And they're like, all the other ones, most of them are six months, but Chinese and Russian are a year. You could stay here for a year. And he's like, well, all right, I'll take Russian. And that became his vocation. He ended up in the northern Japan. Translating. Literally, the beauty of Monterey had him choose between Chinese and Russian.

Absolutely. And he was like, I'm going to go Russian. He had no Russian background, no family, no nothing. Just because that. From zero. Yeah. That's great. And probably, I bet you like if French had kept him there for, he'd probably be like,

all right, French. But Russian became his thing. And it was Cold War. And for a long time in his career, the Cold War made his area of expertise important. And he had a lot, they had a lot of like government people. He taught at Indiana University and he had a lot, they had a lot of government people come through because they needed to have people that were proficient in Russian.

And then as soon as the wall fell, it was like, it's another third world language and nobody gives a shit anymore. Um, but so yeah, that was his job and he, and he had, he was at Grand Valley state and Grand Rapids, Michigan. And, uh, they had me, I had an old, I have an older brother who's two years older. And, uh, in about a year and a half, they moved, uh, to Bloomington, Indiana, uh, where my dad settled at Indiana University, and he taught there his whole career.

Russian? Did he teach Russian? He taught Russian, yeah. And then when I was four, he came out of the closet and got a divorce, and my mom took my brother and me back to Illinois to live with her parents, my grandparents. So I was raised very much by my grandmother too. Well, we were in her house for- Is this your mom's mom?

Yeah, my mom's mom. We were in her house for probably about five years. All right. And then- So you got extended family helping out. Yeah. And then my mom got remarried, had two more kids. So I have a half brother and sister who are twins who are nine years younger than me. And we moved out when she got remarried. But then when my grandpa died, we moved back into that house. So I lived in the house that

my great grandfather built. Whoa. Built. Wow. What year did he build it in? Do you remember? I want to say 1890s. 18, dude.

I'm pretty sure it was done. That's awesome. Because my grandfather was born on the dining room table. Like our dining room table, he was born on that table. They tell you. Yeah, yeah. So, and you know, my grandpa died, he was- Built the house, he couldn't build a new fucking table

for crazy. Look, you gotta- Make just a picnic table out back for God's sake. Well, this table too was, it was an amazing old table that it, More of those Game of Thrones type tables. Well, it expands, I forget what you call it. And then there's leaves that you put in it. And it had been, you could see 20 people around it.

You could see either like six or 20. And there were like supports that you had to put up. And we had, you know, when I was younger and my grandparents' siblings were still alive, you know, we would have big thanksgivings and big Christmases. And we would, you know, have a lot of big family around, a lot of old depressed Swedes.

You know, there's pictures of like, especially like my grandma Grace, my mom's family, or all these old Swedes. And it's like, here they are at a big family reunion. And you know, like, I don't know, in Minnesota or somewhere. And it's this big table and it's like beautiful sort of like woodsy area and everyone just looks like this. Minnesota or somewhere. And it's this big table and it's like beautiful sort of like Woodsy area and everyone just looks like this.

Like, yeah, just like just miserable. Like they're just like, they're waiting to get a tooth pulled or something, just miserable. So yeah, so depression was a constant, you know, in our life. Your dad comes out of the closet when you're four. Yeah. Now, do you remember this?

No, I don't. When are you told that? Huh? When are you informed about this? My dad told me and my brother, I don't exactly remember, but I bet I was probably... I bet I was eight, probably. Oh, still young. Yeah, still young. But he told you, Mom didn't tell you. I bet I was eight, probably eight or nine.

Yeah, still young. But he told you mom didn't tell you. He told us and my mom apparently, it was a conflict between them that he wanted to tell us and, you know, and I mean, he also, it was also like weirdly wrapped in two to the birds and bees talk. And it all started, it started, I just, it was, you know, it's all this kind of shit that you hear as a kid. And for years and years, you're like, yeah, that happened. That was how that happened. And then later you're like, oh, that's fucking weird. You know, he had bought my brother and me a pop-up book about how babies are

born and sent it to us. And my mom felt that we were too young to see it. And which was, I mean, I'm kind of surprised because my mom was really permissive, like she was not uptight or conservative. I don't know why. She just decided we were too young to see it. So the next time we went down to Springfield, Illinois to visit my grandparents, my dad's parents, it was Christmas time or one of the holidays. And he was like, come on, we got to go to the mall. And we're like, oh, OK. Get in the car and go to the mall.

And he said, he drove us to a park, like this big park in Springfield, and then just pulled in, parked the car, and said, I want to talk to you guys about something. Turned around and told it. And he told us the birds and bees part of it. First? First, and then said,

but there are some people who like- Who are just bees and bees. Yeah, exactly, exactly. There are some people who are attracted to other, you know, to other people. Wow, so hold on man. And he's like- That's a lot.

You're getting the birds and bees and also the talk about, hey, there's also this thing called homosexuality basically. Damn, that's a lot. And me, yeah. And my, uh. My daughter's mom won't let her get her ears pissed till she's 13.

Really? Yeah, she thinks that's too young. Wow. And I think it's a, it's heavy, but it's a lot. Okay. Yeah. You know what? I want to say I was nine or 10

because I'm putting it together because I just was remembering like the birds and the bees, my brother and I already kind of knew because we live next door to like these older brothers. That's all you need. Yeah, older kids told us everything. So we already kind of knew, you know, the basics, the basic mechanics of the whole process. But he told us that and I was kind of like, okay, you know, the basics, the basic mechanics of the whole process. But he told us

that and I was kind of like, okay, you know, you're gay. And I don't know if I was young enough that it didn't matter too much. Yeah, that it just was kind of like, you know, it was just information. And I mean, you know, my kids, like kids get the way people are like, what do I tell my children? You just tell them, you're like, there's a couple at church that are two men that are married, what do I tell my kids? Tell them there's two men at church that are fucking married. That's it. It's like, because my older kids, I have a 23 year old and an 18 year old and they

grew up, you know, they grew up in LA. So they grew up in a very open environment. My son is gay. My son came out to me when he was 11. Came out to me and my ex-wife when he was 11. They have lived in a very open environment. All of this sort of what is confusing to old people like me about the they, thems and the gender fluidity.

It's not at all confusing to them. A young person comes to them and says, I'm not a he or a she, I'm a they. And they go, okay, there's no like, well, how does that work? Yeah. Well, what team are you gonna play on? It's just, okay.

Yeah, our age was like, we're gonna go with the homosexuality. Yeah. And that's it, okay. They just fucking rolled it. Yeah, our age was like, all right, we're gonna go with the homosexuality. Yeah. And that's it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I don't know if my mind can get past anything else. Well, it is funny too, because there have been,

there have been like kids that, you know, like later it turns out like, you know what? She was just a lesbian. Like it's almost like, kind of like, they thought for a while that they were something, but yeah, that's just her. Turns out. That's just a lesbian. It's almost like kind of like, it was, they thought for a while that they were something, but yeah, that's just, that's just a lesbian. But yeah, so, uh, okay. So wait, can I ask you a few questions? You stayed close with your dad and your mom, but you're living with mom. Yes. Are you close with your dad or is this like a weekend thing? Where is he staying in Bloomington?

He stayed in Bloomington, Indiana. And how far is that ride? That's about four hours. OK, so that's a ride. That's about four hours by car. And but we used to take the train and stuff and and it was. Did you ever meet any of his partners? No, because he never really had any long term partners. I see. He had sort of, I think, hookups. And Bloomington is a very,

it's in Southern Indiana and it's a college town. And so it's like, it is a bastion of kind of liberal weirdness and especially in Indiana, like that's where all the gay people in Indiana are. I got you. Is at Bloomington. But you go outside of the college and it's, there's people that talk like this.

Oh yeah, yeah. I've spent time there. Yeah. And so I think my dad had some like kind of townies that he, you know, just had kind of a regular thing with, but I just, I don't know how good he would be at a long-term relationship. He's a very combative guy, and we haven't spoken in years. Really?

Yeah, we had a falling out just kind of, basically because I'm trying to say it, because I don't want to get too much into it because I'm sure he doesn't appreciate me talking about it, but it is my life too and he is my dad. And one of the things that I don't think he understood was what it means to be a parent is to mean that you give and give and give and that it's not a quid pro quo. When you give to your child, it's not an investment that you expect to eventually have a payoff. You do it because that's what you do. That's right. And I just don't, I would,

once I had kids, there's a lot of things that when I had kids that I, as I said, this started the same thing, stuff that you just got used to as a kid that when you get to be an adult, you're like, no, that was weird. Same thing with parenting. There was stuff like, that was actually kind of hurtful to me, like the fact that, I mean, I saw my dad probably two weeks out of the year and he was four hours away. And when he would come, like he would sort of, when he would drive to get us, like somebody would have to meet him halfway to get us. And I just cannot conceive, because I got divorced, I cannot conceive of, even if I was four hours away. That's San Francisco.

That's, I would see my kids more than two weeks a year. Oh God. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like it would destroy me not to. It'd be every other weekend or something like that. And, you know, and, you know, come stay with me for the summer kind of stuff. And they're just, I just don't know that

for whatever reason he did not do that. And I honestly, that is kind of frustrating and hurtful to me. Yeah. And so, you know, but that's like, he, you know, so yeah, we haven't talked because also too, there's problems with between him and my ex-wife and just, and basically he did not like that I didn't just do as he said and didn't just support him and whatever he felt. And if he felt, if there was a conflict between him and my ex-wife that I should take his side.

And I told him numerous times, check with anybody. Ask them, if I have a child and they're married to somebody and there's a conflict between me and their spouse, should they take my side or the spouse's side? Everyone will tell you, no, no, this is their spouse. Yeah. They have to take the spouse's side. That's like, I mean, unless the spouse is smoking crack, you know, and, and abusing children, they're going to, that's how it works, you know?

And I don't think he could really handle that. So, um, can I ask you this? Yeah. You're close with your mom? Yeah, I am. I am. Do you know if your mom had a hunch that your dad might be gay back then? No. Or was it a shock to her? She told me it blindsided her, which, but these are 50, you know, she was born in 1940. I think my dad was born in 1937. They were, I mean, truly a different age. Because if you meet my dad, you're like, what a distinguished old homosexual. You know?

You know? It's like, it is not, it is not. You know, he's got 5,000 classical music albums. Yeah. You know, he's a huge opera fan. There's just all these things that we now just process as, oh, that's a gay person. But no, she didn't.

She said that there was a flood of, oh, things that happened. Hindsight, sure. Yeah, that in hindsight she saw. But no, she was very floored by it. Did he ever tell her or did she catch him? Like how did that come about? I do not know exactly, but I think he came out to her. And I found out years later that he wanted to stay married.

He's like, let's see if we can work this out because I do believe he really did love my mother. And they had my mother's older sister, Pat, was, she was like the star of my life. And probably, probably the main reason why I'm in show business. Because she, and I said this, I didn't write, I said this while I was kind of

eulogizing her at a family memorial thing. I said, she insisted on having fun like all the time. Like she just, she'd come to town and it was like the circus was in town. She was a star in my life. And when she would come visit, it was exciting. Aunt Patty's coming. And you didn't have that when dad was coming.

Not that loud. Well, no, I was very excited't have that when dad was coming. Not that long. No, I was very excited. I love my dad very much. And I missed him tremendously. And it was very hurtful to be separate from him, which is one of the reasons why it's hurtful in retrospect, that I did not see him as much as I did. But Patty was some electricity.

She was the superstar of my life. Yeah, she was my favorite person, and I was her favorite person. Okay. And my dad and Pat went to high school together and they were best friends. And they both were fucking funny people. Both, I mean, my dad's one of the sharpest, wittiest, you know, funniest people you'll ever meet. Just an amazingly big brain and very witty and likes to laugh and stuff.

But also, numerous times I saw him make clerks cry because he felt like he was not getting the service he should. But they were best friends. And my mom was kind of the little sister tag along while she was in junior high and they were in high school. And then it just kind of developed into a romance between my mom and dad. And I really do think that there was a real romance there and I do think they really did love each other. But it's just kind of the tragedy of a world where people can't be who they want to be.

I was just about to say, imagine being stuck in a prison where you're in the military back then, you better not fucking be gay. You better not let anybody know. I mean, so many just prisons and traps all along that way. Yeah. That is doomed for failure that way. Yeah, and it's one of the things too, like from having a gay son, having a gay child, when I hear about parents that are shitty to their kids when they come out, it doesn't bother me

as much as it used to, but there was a time when it was so upsetting to me and it would make me so angry and so furious that how someone could do that, how their child feeling safe enough or just in some cases desperate enough to say, Hey, I got some unpopular news you're not going to like. Yeah, I'm struggling with this shit too. Here it is. And to not go, who cares going to like. Yeah, I'm struggling with this shit too. Here it is. And to not go.

Who cares? Thank you. Yeah. Thank you for telling me that, you know, like go be yourself and go love whoever the fuck you want to love, you know, it's, it's still, it still upsets me, but not like there was just a while, you know, and as me, you know, as my son was going through school. Can I stop you for one second to ask you,

so you said he came out to you at 11. Yeah. Did you already have talks with him about your father being gay? Like, did you make it known or anything so he was comfortable enough or you just? I don't have any recollection of doing that. I mean, we had gay friends and he,

Okay, so. We were friends with gay couples. All right. So he was, he, he wasn't an outsider necessarily. Okay. No, no. And, and, and it was funny too, because I, when he was little, he really seemed to be drawn to the gay men in our life.

Like, so I think he was, I, you know, just, there's just that natural identification that, you know, you read about people having. Science. Yeah. And so, that was kind of like, and I was not expecting, I didn't like look at him and think, you know, I think my son might be gay. But then that's also too, like, I don't, I try not to lay things on people until they tell me what they are, you know?

Well, that's the other thing I'm sitting here laughing about our generation is like, I don't think about if my kid's gay. Yeah. You know what I mean? And then this generation's like, I don't think about if my son's a girl or not. I'm like, what? Yeah. I'm a little, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm trying to keep up everybody. It's changing.

It's advancing quickly. It's changing, but honestly, it all ends up being like, it's not that big a deal. And it's not anything that we can't handle. It's not anything we can't understand because there have been certainly, I mean, there's societies that we think of as primitive that handled all this shit a lot better than we do, you know. Good point. Yeah. Good point. Okay, so now you're living with mom and your grandmom's involved. So what's it like having just a primary and Pat, is it Pat or Patty? Pat. Yeah, she was Pat now, but Aunt Patty when she was younger. Yeah. You've got three very prominent ladies in your life now.

Absolutely. What's that like? I was very, I was. Did you look for a male influence? Did they bring one in or were these teachers, coaches, that sort of thing? Like. No, I didn't. I didn't.

I didn't seem to. I had my my uncle Bill. I love my uncle Bill, my mom's older brother, and he was local, and I loved him very much, and he was fun, and I liked having him around. But honestly, I didn't feel like I was missing anything. But I definitely was raised by women. I was in a matriarchy and, and I still probably, like if you invite me to your house and it's Thanksgiving or it's the Superbowl or whatever, and all the women are in, you know, the, the, the Dan and all the men are watching TV and I'm going where the women are.

Me too. Cause that's where the fun is. That's from my grandmom and her sisters and everything. To this day, I love old ladies that play cards, talk shit and watch sports. And if there's a gathering of ladies, it's all, I always find it's easier to talk to them. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. I'm with you on that.

And they're just, I mean, guys talk about boring shit, like stuff I'm not that interested in, you know, because women talk more about like feelings and relationships and men want to talk about, you know, sports and pussy and, you know, I like baseball and I like pussy, but I don't want to talk to anybody about either one that much, you know, not the whole Super Bowl. But, uh, but yeah, but no, I lie. I mean, I was raised by women and I'm glad, I'm glad.

And I identify, you know, it's made it. So I do identify with women and I, you know, like online, like I have referred to myself as a feminist, which people loved to shit on, but it's like, you come up with a better word for acknowledging that women get the shit end of the stick, just in our society from the get-go. And sure, there's some ways that they might have their own levers of power over men and stuff, but no. It's like nobody ever, especially white men, nobody ever was like questioning whether or

not white men should be able to vote. Like the fact that 50% of the population that they thought they shouldn't have a voice in government is mind blowing to me. And it makes me fucking angry. I've always said too that there's two things that if you told me that say because of whatever, because of my name starts with an A, that I only get to make 75 cents on the dollar and that other people get to make a dollar, but I only get 75 cents because my name starts with an A, I would be fucking furious around the clock. If you told me too, if I also lived in a world where I can't walk to my car at night by myself, because someone might forcibly fuck me or kill me or beat the shit out of me, and I have to do that everywhere I am and every single day. forcibly fuck me or kill me or beat the shit out of me. And I have to do that everywhere I am.

And every time I want to go to my car by myself or walk two blocks by myself, I would be constantly furious. I would be constantly angry. And I don't understand, you know, that. So I don't understand, you know, that so I don't understand like why that's a problem. Why to feel like that is a problem and makes me like a buzzkill. It's like, it just does not seem fair. It's a really, and I, you know, I think just being around mom and grandma and aunts and you know, that's why. My best friends are still women.

My sister and my wife and you know, and other friends. You know, I have good male friends too, but like the ones that I really lean on are women. Yeah, well they shaped your whole view of the world. You saw, you actually saw what they went through. Absolutely. And especially women they went through. Absolutely. And especially women back then too. Yeah.

The Honeydew is sponsored by BetterHelp. I want to take a moment out to thank my producer Kirsten sitting out there, who is the best. I mean, this lady's a rock. She's come here and worked from day one, just crushed it. Absolutely crushes it. She's the reason you see a lot of this stuff. And I want to say thank you very much, Kirsten.

And this month is all about gratitude. And along with the person I just shouted out, there's another person we don't get to thank enough, ourselves. It's sometimes hard to remind ourselves that we are trying our best to make sense of everything, and in this crazy world, that isn't easy. So here's a reminder to send some thanks to the people in your life including yourself. If you're thinking of starting therapy give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online. It's designed to be convenient, flexible and suited to your schedule. You know we talk about mental

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that's 20 percent off your first order when you shop better hydration today using promo code honeydew at liquid IV dot com. Now let's get back to the do. I mean, so if you're you say you lived in a house, your grandfather built or great grandfather. So, yeah, your great grandmoms not voting. No. And neither are the probably their kids.

No. Yeah. When was it for women? When, what year was it? 19 what? It's in the twenties, I think. Oh, maybe their kids were the first. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I think it was the twenties. Yeah. I, it's so funny. I'm so ignorant sometimes I had a friend say to me, and this was just like in the last two years, like, um, Ryan, do you get scared about any woman that passes you on the sidewalk? And I was like, no, no, not once. And also most men I'm not scared of

pass me on the side. Right. Right. Even a muscular dude walking by, I don't think he's going to come at me. Right. But they do. Yeah. Because they have. Yeah. And I'm like, yeah. And it hit me then to like, imagine every male that walks by you got to worry about, like, can, because also biologically, he's going to fucking out muscle you. Yeah. And he can take you just because he wants to. Right. That's a fucked up world.

Yeah. Yeah. You know, and I, I'll be honest, there's a few people at night when I'm walking in my car and I see those sketchy people. I don't know. I kind of hope one of them wants to do something every now and then, and I'll be honest, there's a few people at night when I'm walking in my car and I see those sketchy people. I don't know. I kind of hope one of them wants to do something every now and then. But I bet you a lady doesn't because you got to work something out. You got some old, old issues.

You want to work out on some family shit. I want to take it out. Yeah, legally. Yeah. All right. So growing up through, are you playing sports and what are you doing? I'm playing sports. I have an older brother who's three years older than me, who's a big in sports, as basketball too. He's I'm six one.

He's like six five. OK, so he was he played basketball. I played sports too. I played little league, you know, but I wasn't really like. And my mom is a tomboy. Like my mom taught me to, like, she did what her, the way her brother taught her, which is stand us up against the barn, which was, had been at that point converted into a garage. There was no animals in it. Stood me up against the garage door and threw a baseball at me as hard as she could. And she could throw it really fucking hard. You mean with a glove.

So yeah, yeah. No, that was playing catch. And it was like, I'm going to throw this at you hard and you have to catch it. And so it wasn't like I didn't have, I would, you know, you know, I didn't, I definitely didn't have a male influence that was like, let's sit down and watch the ball game. My grandpa watched the Cubs all the time, but he was so old, like we didn't, he was really old. And so it was like, grandpa's watching the baseball game. And when I was a little kid, baseball was boring.

I didn't have anybody kind of explain it to me. And then when I got into high school, I played football for a while and I played tennis. And I did play baseball a year, played basketball a couple of years. But towards the end of high school too, I got a job. I stopped playing sports. What did you do? I worked at a grocery store. Okay. I mean, I've a job. I stopped playing sports. What did you do? I worked at a grocery store. Okay. I mean, I've had jobs. I've been working since I was 13,

because I had paper routes. I started with paper routes, a couple different ones. And also too, my stepfather had a plumbing business. In the summertime, I'd go to work with him. There was most days throughout the summer, I'd go to work with him. Most days throughout the summer, I would go to the... I would either be in the shop selling parts or I would go out with the plumber to help, crawling under houses and stuff. There was a time last summer, my daughter and I went to a place to get a breakfast burrito and I saw like a dad, like a tradesman, like he's a carpenter or something.

And like his like eight-year-old son sitting with him. And I got like a contact like, oh my God, poor fucking kid. Like got to go to different job sites and it just was, it was not fun. I didn't, you know, and it was probably very formative to me on like the work a day world where I was just like, this is not fun. Not for me. Yeah.

Yeah. And how do you feel like growing up with your dad and distance and, you know, being that way and your mom and the ladies in your life, how do you feel that has affected you as a parent? They're shaped the way you parent. Well, people, you know, and I had kids early for like my group of friends. Like I was one of the first people

in my group of friends to have kids. How old were you when you were your first kid? my group of friends. Like I was one of the first people in my group of friends to have kids. How old were you when you were your first kid? 27. Okay. Yeah, 27. No, wait. No, shit, 34.

What am I talking about? No, cause I was born in 66 and he was born in 2000. So yeah. Yeah. 34. What am I talking about? No, because I was born in 66 and he was born in 2000. So yeah, 34. So I was a little... And my ex-wife and I had been married for seven years before we had kids. Wow. Okay. We... There was a miscarriage and so we were together for a while. And then, but you know, it's like I didn't... We would have had kids earlier, but there was, like I say, there was a miscarriage and then work things that came up for her that was just like, she's like I didn't, we would have had kids earlier, but there was, like I say, there was a miscarriage and then work things that came up for her

that was just like, she's like, well, I got this job that I don't wanna get pregnant right now. So it took us a little bit more, but we, so it was, we'd been together for seven years, nine if you married for seven years. So it was a little bit late, but it was still kind of early for most of my, you know, I mean, showbiz people tend to have kids

a little bit later, you know? I don't. I think these days a lot of people are having them later. Absolutely, yeah. No, I mean, I think it's still very common to be like, to think back to people having kids at at or 20 and man. What? Seeing what our parents went through

and how expensive it is now too. Like it's yeah. Yeah. It makes sense to me. I know, uh, mother nature wants us to have them younger, but yeah, good luck for that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um, but a lot of people, you know, ask me about like fathering and what is my philosophy of fathering? And it's like, I don't really, I kind of feel like I just mother, cause that's what I, you know,

like I'm just mothering. That's well said. I'm just mothering, cause that's what I know, like I don't know. What's your secret to fatherhood is mothering. Yeah, just be a mother, you know? And I mean, I can't be a mother. I can't because I just can't.

And there definitely is gender differences in terms of ways that I can care for the child that I, you know, that not, I'd say there's more ways that my wife can care for the child than I can't. Then there's not a lot of ways that I can care for the child that she can't. I mean, it's just, she's mommy and mommy is the queen of the kid's life. And that you just, you to roll with that. So I just try to be supportive and kind of, you know, go with my gut. And early on when I had kids, and also be honest to them and respect them.

And a big thing that I found is having the ability to apologize to them if you fuck up. Because I don't feel like anybody ever did that. Like I don't feel like anybody ever said, Hey, I yelled at you too much just then. Oh. You know, like, no, there was nothing like that. Or like, I have been yelling at you for the last seven years. And I'm sorry, because I'm very upset about a lot of other stuff, but it comes out on you.

Yeah. So, but I also too, now that I have older kids, there is one aspect of parenting that I don't exactly know what to do with, and that is in terms of inspiring them to be ambitious. Because I know so many people that wanting to prove something to usually their father, but it's often to both parents, but like, I want to prove to them that I am, and then you fill in the blank. I never had that. I didn't feel I didn't have anything to prove to anybody. I just had my own desire to do fun stuff for a living and to, you know, like, I like movies and TV,

so maybe I'll go work over there. And, you know, when I'm, you know, I make people laugh, so maybe I'll figure out a way to do that. And I like to do it with people, I'll do improv, you know? But never, like,, but never like I was never trying to show my dad like I'll show you I'm gonna get into long form improv. So I wonder like, was I supposed to do more of that? Was I supposed to do more like, you've got to get good grades and you've got it. Cause you know, more of it to as a parent, to your kids.

Yeah. To like, did your kids get good grades? They got, they did get good grades, but they, but I, you know, I don't know. Okay. Looking back now that you've got their adults, your two grown, their adults, what would you have done differently? Probably nothing. I mean-

Probably nothing. And I also probably am, the main thing that I'm also like, cause they are going out into the world and they're turning into adults. And that gives me anxiety. And I'm probably just projecting the shit that I don't like about myself.

My own sort of like, I should have worked harder, I should have tried harder, I should have taken the world by the balls more. Rather than just kind of being passive in my work life and just sort of going with the flow, I should have written more and pushed more. And now I'm old enough that I'm kind of like, eh, you didn't. Maybe that wasn't you. Maybe you did exactly what you were supposed to do and just spent a lot of time feeling shitty about it.

And now, I mean, and it has been in the last few, I just kind of decided to stop feeling shitty about it. To stop going to bed feeling like I didn't do enough today. How? Is that a mental thing you're doing yourself? Yeah, just like, yeah. Just trying to really change the mind? That I'm not working hard enough.

That I, that, yeah, I got this thing going. And I mean, and people hear this too, and they're like, I've had a really nice career. And I, and I, and I. That amazing career. A really've had a really nice career. That amazing career. A really nice life. And people are like, what the fuck are you talking about? It's been really nice.

And I'm like, yes, I know it's nice, but that doesn't matter in here. Because I'm still the same fucking asshole that I always was picking on myself about. Which I'm not any, I don't do that anymore. Like a huge thing that I came to in my life was realizing that the people that talk nice to me, I'll do anything for them. Like if I'm in a job situation, like I used to work freelance

in film production in Chicago, bosses that were nice to me and treated me well and were happy to see me and I'd do anything for them. The ones that treated me shitty and they looked down their nose at me and were kind of assholes to me, I'd fucking steal money from them. I'd make up petty cash receipts and take money from them.

And I started to think, well, the way that you talk to yourself, if you tell yourself you're a piece of shit and, oh, there you go, lazy fucking asshole, not doing what he's supposed to doing, that voice is just going to make you go, well, fuck that guy. I'm not going to listen to that guy. I'm not going to do what that guy wants. Whereas if I tell myself you're good at stuff and try a little harder and you can do it and think about how much better you feel when you are productive

as opposed to when you're not productive and you know, and, and when you exercise and when you get out and do, you know, talk to myself with kindness and it's gonna, and it's like, Oh yeah. But what made you hit that wall? What made you finally go enough of this fucking shit? Cause I do, I look in the mirror and I don't say kind things. Oh, I, I'm not looking at things and going, your nose looks great. Yeah.

Great. And I'm like, look at your fucking skin. Yeah. The physical stuff, I just, I'm like, I just push up that in a drawer because I, I never am going to like, I never am going to enjoy the sound of my own voice. I'm never going to like the way I look. I just think. I, you know, I can look at some pictures, go, hey, I look pretty good there.

But most of the time, I'm going to be like, oh, my God, what a fucking pile of pudding you are, you know. But what did you hit where you're like, no more, I'm going to bed, feeling good about time. Damn it. Well. I'm not exactly sure, like there no shaft of heavenly light that hit me. Yeah. But it's a combination of lots of therapy, medication.

I do think that at some point, just my brain aged into not being so sad all the time. I don't, I might be wrong about that, but I just kind of feel like, you know, like the way, you know, people late in life develop a shellfish allergy. You know, I mean, it's like, my brain just like, it just evolved in a way it's like, hey, we don't have to be saddled. Like the serotonin got fixed or whatever.

been aware, it's like, hey, we don't have to be saddled. Like the serotonin got fixed or whatever. Um, and I also started to, I also started to, uh, be a little more honest, be a lot more honest with myself about situations that were making me unhappy and stopping those situations. And feeling like my eyes kind of being open to, well, A, yes, I definitely do realize that I, and this is like towards the end of my marriage, there was a day when I was sitting towards the end of my marriage, there was a day when I, I can, I was sitting on the side of my bed looking out the window and I just thought

the rest of my life cannot be this. Like this is like, like what was like just like the best I could expect was kind of a detente, you know, like kind of like just tolerating each other. And I just was like, I don't, I can't do that. Cause I'm, you know, I mean, when you think about your life in chunks, you know, it's like there's your childhood and there's your adult life. And now I'm going into like the later adult life into, you know, Hello Grave. And, and I do think like, it's into, you know, hello grave. And I do think like,

it's like, you know, this is, I'm reaching a two thirds point here and I don't want to, I can't do this anymore. And you know, and there were lots of attempts to reverse that. And it was fucking awful, the worst thing I've ever been through. But it was necessary, and it was painful and awful. I think I was so in reaction to my mom's two divorces, because I lived through her second divorce, which involves some alcoholism and some abuse and the sheriff coming to our house kind of stuff. And I think I was so affected by that. Well, A, when I was a kid, like, it made me, I, it was like I was never going to get laid

because I couldn't just fucking relax. Every time I'd meet somebody, I'd be, it'd be like, they'd do, you know, they'd say something that I was like, well, we're not getting married, you know? And not that I had any moral hang up about you got to be getting married to have sex with somebody, but just I was, everything was so dire. Like I just couldn't relax and have fun

when it came to having, you know, a woman in my life. And, you know, and eventually I just had to kind of, eventually it's like, you got to relax. And I was able to kind of relax and learn how to, how to like enjoy dating and enjoy having a girlfriend. But I, a lot of it, I did do a lot of lopsided giving versus taking with all of my relationships. And I sort of started to… Like I said, I didn't tweet it because I'm not on Twitter very much anymore.

But but I said like, you know, the thing nobody tells you about life that it takes like about 50, 40 or 50 years to get the fucking hang of it. Yeah. You know, being alive, it takes that long. Well, also, I'm sitting here thinking, too, like as children, we're just pushed and pulled in these places and directions with these people that we're we forced to go. Yeah. Once your children are now adults, it's like, okay, at least we get some say in this shit now and I can try to figure out what the fuck I'm doing. But that's a 20. You still another 30 motherfucking years before you finally go the same. I think about parenting all the time and what a long-term game it is.

It's not until your kids are probably in their thirties. And if you live long enough for them to come back and be like, man, how'd you do it? How'd you do this and that? And, you know, it's like, yeah, you know, it's not that that instant hit like stand up is with a joke and a laugh right away. It's an investment. It's an investment. It's again, stand up or any kind of,

it's a transaction. I give you this and you give me something back. Hopefully. Yeah, and with kids, like, all you're really home for is love. And there are, there's whole swaths of their development where they're not even gonna give you love. They're part of their development

is going to be hating your fucking guts. And they have to, like it's natural and good for them to be like, you don't know anything, you fucking old idiot. That's like how they become healthy adults is to say, fuck you, you know? That's like, you know, baby, baby, something that was fascinating to me is that, and I read this somewhere, you know, there's that when babies are born,

like there's that those early, early developmental stages where they don't even understand that they're separate from mommy, that they and mommy are the same thing and it's, and there, there reaches a particular point. I don't remember what point it is, where they are like, no, I am a different person. Mommy is their own person. I'm my own person. And usually the first verbal expression of that selfness is saying no. It's saying because is saying no. It's saying, because go here, lay down here, come over here, eat, you know, change your diaper. Like everything is yes until it's like, wait a minute, I have a personality, I'm my own thing and I'm going to say no. You know, I'm going to stop the flow of things. And it's, you know, that's, it's, it's just, it's interesting to me that like,

like, no, but like a big part of, of taking care of yourself and being a healthy grownup is when you're saying no, and when you like go, nah, I am going to speak up and I am going to do something. Yeah. Yeah. Setting them early. Yeah. I wish I learned that earlier.

So I'm still shitty with boundaries. Yeah. I try, I try to get better and I try, you know, and I, I have any moves I went on just cause I wasn't comfortable with, you know, helping people move just cause I'm uncomfortable with boundaries. Like, yeah, I'll come help you. I don't want to fucking help you. I know I had a fucking pickup truck. Oh dude, forget it. But it got to the point where I was like, you, I'll come help you. I don't want to fucking help you. I know. I had a fucking pickup truck.

Oh, dude, forget it. But it got to the point where I was like, you can have my truck, but I'm not going to fucking help. Oh, yeah, yeah. It'd still help. I got other things. I can't. I got something else, but you can have my truck.

And then people bring it back on empty with an ashtray full of cigarette butts. Just my fucking friends, you know. Dude, thank you for doing this. Oh, you're welcome. It was a great episode. It was great to talk to you. Before we wrap up, advice you would give to 16-year-old Andy Richter.

You know, I did a live version of my podcast in San Francisco with Rachel Dratch and somebody asked that question and I said it and it's, you know, I knew it would probably get you. Do you remember what you said? Yeah, I said, learn to love cardio. And, you know, I mean, it got, I knew it would get a laugh, but it was, I was also kind of like, I'm not really kidding. Yeah. And, but I would expand that a little bit more to myself.

But I mean, that's like one aspect of it, but it would just be sort of like, push a little harder on the sort of drudgery of making yourself better. Like push a little harder on exercising and push a little harder on saying goodbye to people that treat you shitty. Push a little harder on working on things, on expressing yourself. Push a little harder and get used to get into the habit of pushing because I do feel like I went with the flow a lot where I could have, if I had had a little bit more discipline and a little bit more practice and pushing against the flow of things and saying, nope, I'm going to go another way, I think I'd be a little better off just sort of, you know.

Like I said, it's always weird to say these kind of things because I'm very happy. I like my life a lot, you know, and I don't really have a lot of regrets. I think if I would have moved to a place where they had good public schools to raise my first two kids. That I think I could have done because I spent a lot of money on private schools. But other than that, I'm like, no, everything that's happened to me had to happen in the

way that it did and had to unfold in the way that it did. But I do think that I would be in a better place and I would like myself better and I would, I would have gotten to where I am quicker if I had been more practiced in having discipline, in pushing myself to be better at stuff. Great answer. Thank you. Again, thank you and promote whatever you'd like one more time. Well, there's the Andy Richter Collins show

on SiriusXM channel 104, and then which is on Wednesdays. And then the three questions, which is also on that channel, it plays there, but you can get it wherever you get podcasts. And the three questions with Andy Richter. And that's it. Thank you, Andy Richter.

You're welcome. This was great. You're welcome. As always, Ryan Sickler on all your social media. Thank you guys very much. We'll talk to you all next week.