The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Anthony Ferraro - FerraroDew

Episode Date: May 15, 2023

My HoneyDew this week is Anthony Ferraro! (Four Blind Eyes Podcast) Anthony Highlights the Lowlights of being blind, competing in the Paralympics, and preparing to be a new father. SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE and watch full episodes of The Dew every toozdee! https://youtube.com/@rsickler SUBSCRIBE TO MY PATREON, The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I Highlight the Lowlights with Y’all! You now get audio and video of The HoneyDew a day early, ad-free at no additional cost! It’s only $5/month! Sign up for a year and get a month free! https://www.patreon.com/TheHoneyDew What’s your story?? Submit at [e-mail] CATCH ME ON TOUR https://www.ryansickler.com/tour May 26 & 27: Fort Wayne, IN June 23 & 24: Tacoma, WA July 7 & 8: Appleton, WI SUBSCRIBE to The HoneyDew Clips Channel http://bit.ly/ryansicklerclips SUBSCRIBE TO THE CRABFEAST PODCAST https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-crabfeast-with-ryan-sickler-and-jay-larson/id1452403187 SPONSORS: Mindbloom -Get $100 off your first six sessions when you go to https://www.Mindbloom.com/podcast/honeydew

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over here. We're highlighting the low lights and I'm very excited to have this guest back on the honeydew. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome anthony ferraro welcome back to the honeydew what's going on it's a pleasure to have you back young man it's good to hear your voice in person that's that's nice of you to say thank you i can't tell you're the only guy i could tell how good looking i am you know what i mean i'm look. I'm telling you, don't listen to what anybody says. You are a great looking black man. You know what? You just said,

even before we started recording, when you first heard me, you thought I was a black guy. I said, you know, I've gotten that a lot. And that's how Tom Segura and I met. And Tom Segura has sight.

It's your cadence, man. I don't know what it is. You should see. I got nice. I'm an Italian-American. I got nice olive skin. I don't have that white shit. I got nice olive skin, man.

I've been told I have darker skin in the summertime. Yeah, for sure. Then I get pasty. I look nicer with a little sun kissed on my face. All right. Before we get into everything we're going to talk about today please plug promote everything yeah i got um everything's on asfvision.com asf vision across the board for social medias i got my uh document or the four bad eyes podcast with dan mancina everywhere you

stream podcasts and then then my wrestling documentary. Even if you don't know wrestling, it's a great film to watch because it's a lot more than that. It's about overcoming obstacles and pushing through adversity. It's called A Shot in the Dark on Amazon Prime, Vimeo. The great title. Yeah, Vimeo and Apple TV and Google Play. Now, you were telling me outside that your brother and someone else,

who else was it that did a documentary about that did actually produce this? Yeah, so this guy, my brother made a little teaser about me talking about what it's like to be a blind wrestler wrestling sighted kids and dealing with, like, I used to- That's what you all call us, sighted? Yeah, you fucking able-bodied pieces of shit. Sorry, demonetizing already. You struck a nerve.

If YouTube demonetizes you, it's a hate crime, goddammit. That's it. Ableist. Sighted. Hold up. This motherfucker. You sighties. Sighties.

But no. I've already learned it so much. People used to say, because when I wrestle, you start from the line in the middle. And I would have to start, it's two hand touch. So my hands would be touching yours. And then the second referee blows the whistle, we start wrestling. You have to stay in contact. And the second we break away, they got to blow the whistle so no one gets hurt okay brings back to the center so people would say

i had an unfair advantage or that i was faking my blindness to uh get an unfair advantage in wrestling this is it's actually this i don't mean to interrupt you but this is what i call it's actually it's an unfair disadvantage you don't have sight it's like those guys with those fucking legs in the olympics that are like the spring legs and they're hauling ass past everybody they're like that's an unfair advantage i'm like so you have no way disadvantage it's an unfair disadvantage that's what i'm saying i remember one time someone was saying to my dad like you know it's messed up you're having your kid fake blindness to get a unfair advantage and at the time when he was doing that i was tripping over the bleachers having no idea where i was trying to get after him like listen you the first time

it happened was my eighth so seventh grade is my first year wrestling and i was awful like i was like i'm gonna go out there and beat everyone i went 2 and 12 and one of the wins was a forfeit where you just get your hand raised yeah the kid didn't make weight yeah and then i like started training every day at a club four nights a week going to tournaments every weekend and uh eighth grade i end up going undefeated and in the track are you wrestling sighted kids yes able bodies able bodies and youble bodies, and you're 8-0 in that motherfucker. I'm 24-0. Damn!

Yeah. And then I was doing really well, and then the last match, the last tournament. What weight class? 160, my whole life. Still fighting 160. Are you really? Yeah. So I was losing 13-0, and the kid, we're on our feet, and my dad's like, don't give up.

You know, you got to throw him. I threw him to his back and pinned him. Everyone goes crazy, and the dad, the kid. You hit him with like a lateral drop? Yeah, lateral drop. Exactly. That's exactly what I did. He was leaning.

That's the grand slam of fucking wrestling. He's leaning. And then someone's like, you're out of bounds. I pulled the kid inside. I was like, yeah, and freaking prayed that that ref was going to slap him out. I was like, hey, dear life. Oh, my God. Thank God.

I'm not even happy. I'm relieved. Exactly. I didn't even, like, jump up. I was like, that really happened. And the kid shook my hand, no problem. The dad came over to my dad was like your son has an unfair advantage in this sport it's not fair to my kid he needs to go in the special olympics what's the

unfair advantage that i have to stay in contact he's like it throws my kid's game off i see and then my dad's like get out of here this kid just worked his ass off like you know whatever and my brother saw me dealing with all this stuff like in high school because he was a great wrestler i forget i apologize no were you born blind or or did you lose your sight at a certain age no i was born with a degenerative eye condition and it was sort of like it was still terrible sight but i used to be able to see like pretty decent for me and then seventh grade junior year of high school and like a couple years ago lost like huge chunks you just wake up and you're like oh shit and you know i'm not seeing today and uh yeah so that was brutal but you just life keeps going all right so your brother i'm sorry

your brother's seeing you deal with all this stuff yeah and he took fifth in the state of new jersey for wrestling so he was really good and uh he was like dude it's just amazing you're getting up and not letting these people stop you and you're working your butt off and he uh he took a teaser like two minute trailer teaser thing of me just talking about what it's like to be a blind wrestler and growing up and i was also accepted to a high school that both my brothers went to and then when the president died they sent a letter saying you're no longer accepted we don't want to have to provide any accommodations for you or anything like that who sent this this was a high school that i was supposed to go to it was a private high school and they were like you're never mind yeah they rescinded my if that's the right word they rescinded

my uh acceptance after the president who gave me the handwritten letter of acceptance died and that was eighth grade year jeez yeah i'll never forget that and that was brutal because i was like i can't go somewhere because it's something i can't even control with my life you know so acceptance was wait can you read braille yeah that's what i read did that letter come in braille no well okay which is cruel as fuck but also but here's the thing someone else is sharing that news with you in your life there's two people that are being like fuck that sucks yeah who's reading that to you my mom oh and i'll never forget i've got a mom she was at this school at the meeting they wouldn't let me go to the meeting because they didn't want me to have to experience that my parents wanted me to be there but the school wouldn't let me

and my mom was like crying like crazy i went to this school in philadelphia when i was younger i used to go from jersey to philly every day to learn it was a school for the blind to learn how to read and write and braille and all that stuff and the principal was there it was a catholic school and she was there sister meg i'll never forget and my mom's like crying in the meeting like any like mom would be you know just so upset and my sister meg looks at my mom she's like and the school is called there's christian in the name i'm not gonna shout at the school but um the sister looks at my mom she's like sue what are you crying for this is this school ain't christian and they walked out and it was like yeah so it was like real powerful

and so there was all that that i dealt with my brother was just like inspired by me like just not letting any of that stop me i talked about what it's like to be a blind wrestler in my junior year when i won districts my brother posted it saying this is my little brother i want to make a film about him i don't have all the resources if you're a camera operator producer whatever like please reach out and chris sikorski who's an independent filmmaker who was my high school teammate my high school coach's college teammate no shit yeah he reached out and to my brother and said what are you doing with this this story's amazing my brother wanted to make like a short film like you know 10 20 minutes and chris and him sat down decided to make a full feature length

of my senior year and like follow me around everywhere uh get all this like raw footage and put it together at the end and people were like how was it having all those cameras i'm like i didn't see a thing so it didn't bother me so that was one thing but it definitely added some pressure because the whole story is like trying to become the first blind state champion okay that's never happened no to this day well so you know what happened i mean unless you got one more in you got one more every time i watch that film i it gives me freaking ptsd because i lost by a point to go to states it was brutal and uh so they just they followed me around like thousands of hours of footage and then after senior year kind of got put on the shelf because life happened for everyone

and then i graduated 2013 so in 2015 chris takes it off the shelf he's like there's an amazing story here i gotta put it together he puts together the first 15 minutes and the he calls my brother all excited they're both pumped and the day or two before that my brother was supposed to meet with him and see it he didn't wake up from his sleep at the age of 27 and it was like what it just bad bash like yeah he wasn't like that at all but it's just one time could be the wrong yeah of like it wasn't i don't even know man it was just it was really tough and i remember i was living in california at the time i came home and to add insult to injury two months or a couple months after that happened i'm at my buddy's house, and something's like, you got to go home, you got to go home. And, like, just pulling me home.

Like, this voice in my head was so loud. And I get home. I was like, I got to go home. They were all going out, and I made my buddy drive me home. And I found my mom at the bottom of the stairs in a coma. She had fallen down the stairs and, like, hit her head. And it was, like, a traumatic brain injury. She was in a coma for, fallen down the stairs and like hit her head and it was like a traumatic brain injury she was in a coma for like two months and it was like the scariest thing ever

is she okay now yeah she's doing amazing like miraculous recovery um she just and that's within two months of your brother passing away uh not two it was august to january so it was pretty close enough yeah and you know when life happens this is what you were telling me outside like to add insult to injury your brother dies right before the documentary comes out doesn't get to see it you can't fucking see it that's what i'm saying nobody in the family here's another thing I'm realizing too and I hate to say this

but I have to because it's what this show is all about but your brother wanted to make a short film if they would have gone with the short cut

he might have made it out he just needed oh shit oh man they had to go feature length god damn it they had to go feature length you motherfuckers oh man i had to go feature like you mother oh man i never thought about it like that i figured you had i figured oh god that's terrible oh you had to do was a fucking long one.

I'm telling you. I feel it. It's in my bones. I feel like you need to do this short one here, man. He didn't even see the trailer, damn it. Oh, God. And after he died, Chris came to the funeral and, like, vowed, like, to us and my family, like, no matter what it takes, I'm finishing this thing. It's a great story, like, in his memory for everyone.

Hell, yeah. it takes i'm finishing this thing it's a great story like in his memory for everyone hell and i gotta give a lot of credit to chris because he had all these different cameras that were taking footage the whole time and like people helping him is all out of pocket like funded independently and he went through like tens of thousands of hours of footage getting the right angles to line things up just to make this a story and he did an incredible job like it you wouldn't think you're watching a documentary it's like a movie almost and great there's some really special scenes and they were my brother surprises me there's an interview with my brother at the end that i didn't even know about yeah so it's like my brother lives on forever through that film which is great and we raised money on kickstarter we had to raise money after

so we had the trailer that chris made and like told the backstory and we had to raise 36 000 by the end of the month or else it all goes back and in four days and six hours we raised 36 grand and then wow yeah it was incredible like all these people coming to bat and like just people we had no idea who they were all over the country and world like just giving money to the film and wanted to see it finish and we raised like 87k at the end of the month fuck yeah but we actually needed that much we were just scared to put that yeah so it was it was amazing to see that happen well and then when the trailer the trailer went viral across like a bunch of platforms,

it had a couple million views, and I'm sitting at home feeling sorry for myself. Wrestling didn't go as planned, basically. I did really well. I won 122 matches in high school. Holy shit, dude. Yeah, and won districts twice. That's a lot of fucking...

Yeah, I thought i sucked at the end of it but when i look back i'm like i actually did pretty good you know it's hard to see that in the moment and that's a one-on-one sport i was just talking to a friend about this yesterday of all the sports i played and i played soccer uh basketball baseball football lacrosse basketball baseball football lacrosse fuck you name it we played it and wrestling was the one sport where if you truly cheated yourself you you literally paid for it you knew you knew there wasn't a guy behind you that could pick up the fumble or or you know miss the follow or follow you up on a missed ground ball it It's just like the kid you hit. He was leaning.

Yeah, he was leaning. There was nobody in there that could push him back up and help him. It's just him. There's only one person you could blame. That's it. The referee. That's it. The ref.

It's always the ref. It's always the ref. But that was, yeah. So I'm sitting home watching all this stuff happen with the film, and I'm like, damn, I want to get back after something, like a goal, you know? Like, I need to really strive for something because I'm feeling, like, very stagnant at the moment and don't feel like I'm moving forward. I'm still grieving my brother, like, always grieving him. But that time is so fresh.

And I'm sitting home. I get a phone call. And they're like, is this Anthony Ferraro? I'm like, yeah, who the hell is this? And they're like, it's it's how you always answer them they're like it's the United States Olympic Committee I'm like you got the wrong number yeah yeah who the fuck is this oh I'm sorry um I think I have the wrong number so who is it calling the The United States Olympic Committee.

Okay. And they're like, we saw your documentary. If you have any of that talent left. If you still got it. How old is it? How old is that documentary, bro? So it came out like 2018, but it was from high school. So they're like, if you got anything left in you

would you consider training judo to try and compete in the paralympics and i was like shit i guess this was that call i was looking for and like when these opportunities come in life you gotta take listen that's opportunity calling yeah exactly you try to be like who the fuck is this who the fuck are you so wait you never had taken or studied judo before no but they're asking like hey we got this slot we need to fill yeah well they're trying to get so with paralympic judo the only disability is visual impairment so what do you mean oh that's the only one you're allowed to have yeah in judo i see yeah so it was now it's like why why couldn't you be missing like part of your arm i think it's just Why couldn't you be missing part of your arm?

I think it's just... Why couldn't you? I don't know, man, because you can't grab. You can't, but you can still get in there. Look, you know damn well like I do. Strength has got nothing to do with your senses. This motherfucker will figure out a way to chicken wing your neck off. That's the truth.

It could be a disadvantage. It could be another unfair disadvantage. It's a a great point i don't know why they don't why why couldn't you do judo with just missing a hand that's a great question i you would think they would now would that be acceptable is missing a hand acceptable for the paralympics what is the actual definition? Do you know? Do they have a written definition? There's all different disabilities for different sports, which is kind of crazy.

Like there's wheelchair basketball. Right, okay. So they kind of, I don't know. But are you allowed to play that? I don't know. That's a good question. I don't think so. You're like, I don't know where the fuck I am out there,

but man, line me up, but I'm hitting threes all day, motherfucker. I don't think so. You're like, I don't know where the fuck I am out there, but man, line me up, but I'm hitting threes all day, motherfucker. I don't think you want me playing that. What if you're Steph Curry from the fucking wheelchair? Dude, I had, you know Marshawn Lynch? Yeah. I was at an event, a cannabis and basketball event in Arizona, and I was trying to make a layup, and I had Kelly, my wife,

tapping on the backboard with my cane. Oh, yeah. I've seen people do this for a foul shot. So I went up to do a layup, and I had no idea that Marshawn was trying to block me the whole time, and I jumped over him. Like, yeah, I made it. People were like, Marshawn is really trying to get you. Because we were playing this joke.

Is that somewhere on video? Yeah, yeah. It's on our social media. You got to share that one. I threw a football to Gronk. I've done a few things. Oh, yeah. But he was the whole time.

He's like, you ain't fucking blind. And like just messing with me. And we had a great time. And then Derek Fisher taught me how to shoot a free throw. Okay. So that was fun. But yeah, the Paralympics called and I just started training like non-stop how old were you when you started training for that 2018 so what's the 23 five years ago 23 so you're 28 now yeah and at 20 so five years out

of high school you start training for the Paralympics yeah and a sport you've never never done okay they sent me it's all self-funded so I had to get myself places what yeah that's there's no money in the parallel it's bullshit that everything's self-funded getting all these competitions and you got to get to the competition what's the what's the reward a medal i guess so what about your cash back like it cost me fifteen thousand dollars to get here now they're starting like third the key is to try to get sponsors but now they're starting to pay for if you get a medal like at world championships and stuff they'll like pay you a couple thousand dollars which isn't that much in the grand scheme

of things so it's really just oh man self it's i don't know man yeah what actually is it see i struggle with that thought all the time because it sounds to me like let's strip away what who's involved and all that like let's get all our feelings out of it it sounds like a company based off of people funding themselves to get to these places to do these events so that the said big company can get the sponsors and stuff and make the money and they pay them nothing and you're like the show for them that's it yeah it's it's crazy and sounds a lot like comedy sounds a lot like great parallel and uh but they do for like people that have placed in the olympics before they'll fund their journey moving forward okay so they're like this person's worth my time type of thing so then you head out on this journey do you go out and do

it dude i went to england i went to tokyo I went to Brazil. I went to Germany. How much money? Hold on. Before we talk about how well you did, how much money do you think you've spent on the Paralympics? $50,000. Jesus Christ. How much do you think you've got back from them? Three concussions. That's a great answer

oh man all right so how many years are you doing this man you're making me not want to do this anymore you just you're telling me you said to do this anymore. You're telling me. You said you question it all the time. I do. I feel like you're asking the right questions. I don't blame you for questioning it.

I guess it's more like staying in shape, the mental, having something to challenge yourself. Because you always got to be out of your comfort zone in life. And how are you doing out there? I'm doing all right. Are you whipping these Brazil kids' ass kids ass i took third place in brazil fuck yeah well i beat a brazilian while the whole fucking arena's going brazil who's got the best crowds who shows up brazil for sure they show up hard they do huh and then like these like central asian countries like i went to azerbaijan never even heard of it i didn't

hear of it before i went there i had to learn how to pronounce that shit and like they were those people are nuts because all they do is wrestle and do judo and so that the whole whole people of yeah people doing that yeah it's like yeah yeah and then uh so i stuffed like five years of judo in like two years and like like 15 almost so i got like my brown belt pretty quick just from competitions like i won the black belt division a few times in like local sighted tournaments and are you wrestling any sighted kids during this at or at all not in the qualifying tournaments so when you're doing judo um go ahead sorry no you're good just i just want to know is it only sight you said the only missing sight yes okay some have deaf but they have to be blind i was gonna ask you that yeah yeah helen keller's out you got you listen i know you can't hear but unless you can't see

i don't know i don't know if somebody's translating this to you right now but unless you can't see man you ain't getting it getting in this. Can you sign that, please? No, and the crazy thing is there's people that cheat, that countries will cheat to get people that can actually see in the Paralympics. How do they do it? They just lie on the vision tests. And now they have really strict optometrists and stuff when you go to classify your vision. I was going to say, these people, how do they act blind? How blind how do you act blind i don't know how do you act you just run into shit uh

hold on to people i've been doing my whole life they wear glasses and shit yeah yeah that stuff but like for example like a country like i'm trying to think like maybe ukraine like they get treated like royalty when they are like medalists really some of them have gotten sports cars as rewards in the past get the how the hell are you gonna give a blind person a sports car they're driving around so this what do the americans give nothing they get a medal a medal here's some mcdonald's bucks yeah because we're sponsored by mcdonald's thank you for getting us sponsored free refills for life hey can you only wear nike because we're sponsored by nike i'm not sponsored by nike that's what i'm saying that's what i'm saying

there it is and it's like listen to the corporations too listen man they didn't even like me in the beginning because i had long hair. That's how freaking cookie cutter they are, too. They want you to be a certain way, and they did not like me. I am. I'm blind, motherfucker. Yeah, I'm blind. Show me the circle. Get the hell out of here.

Jesus Christ. There's a lot of rules in this motherfucking Paralympics. I need sponsors. my god all right so let's shift gears for a second because uh congratulations you and your wife are about to have a baby your first baby right yeah it's fucking awesome due in august yeah um do you know if you're having a boy you don't have to say no we're not finding out great i love it did you find out yeah i found out yeah i thought we would but we decided not to because you don't know if you're ever gonna have another one so it's like

why not have the surprise it's true and i'm gonna have a nurse yeah whisper in my ear when the baby comes out so i could be the one to yell it's a boy it's a girl it has a penis um i feel like a girl all right so i feel like let's talk about this because i was saying outside and you can ask your wife like sight has nothing to do with it being a new parent is fucking terrifying oh yeah with all your senses i can't imagine doing it without sight so the terrifying part is terrifying for everybody. And you're throwing in no sight on top of this. So I have a couple questions first, because I'm already having anxiety for you. But do you or can you tell if your child is predisposed to blindness? Are there

tests or anything like that? Are you worried about that? There are, but some of them are invasive. And I'm not worried about it. If the baby's baby's blind it's gonna have the best damn teacher in the world no doubt that's one thing and then second it's like why put that fear in you the whole time and uh oh my condition is so rare like for in order for my baby to be blind i have something called leber's congenital amaurosis. And it's all genetics. So there's probably thousands of different types of genes of Leber's congenital amaurosis. And within that, in order for the kid to have Leber's, my gene, Kelly has to be a carrier of the same exact gene as my condition inside the genes. And my parents didn't know they were carriers and we have i'm the last of five and they all had one in four chance of being

blind and i was the only motherfucker that got it yeah either win the lottery or be blind there's no quick fix for anxiety and depression. It's not finding a new therapist or starting an exercise routine. It's not more regular meditation or a better diet. Sometimes you need something to unlock your brain, a new way of thinking about

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Mindbloom.com slash honeydew and use promo code honeydew. Now, let's get back to the do. Oh, man. All right. So talk to me about being a new, like, what are your concerns? Because I, every, look, every, forget even being a new dad, because that's a separate thing than being a mom, of course. But being a new parent is terrifying, especially today. I'm not trying to talk you out of this like I'm trying to talk you out of that Paralympics.

No, no, no. But. I'll tell you everything. Yeah, tell me, what are you going through right now? Like, what are your biggest fears? How are you prepping? What are you prepping what are you doing so we got like all the little things like the bassinet and the carriers and the stroller all that stuff diapers but i'm worried like

one if it's a girl i'm worried about changing diapers like sanitary reasons like if i get you know poop in the wrong spot yeah you can't see yeah like that i'm worried about too this is more like usually shit on a boy's dick yeah you're not worried about that at all fuck his little nuts it's fine you're the baby got some shit on the baby's nuts yeah exactly he's not gonna get an infection he's gonna look like everyone else just hose them off a little spray put them in the sink but that like i'm thinking i'll use the sink man oh you should 100 use the sink yeah don't listen do it however you do it yeah just do it well for your child so your child fucking loves you and respects you and you know looks up to you that That's all it is. That's it. Just listen.

Listen to nobody and everybody and then do whatever the fuck works the best for you. That's it. I did the sink. They even make those little tubs to put in the sink and stuff too. Yeah, exactly. Hell yeah. That's what I'm thinking. As long as your sink's clean.

I mean, don't be putting it in there with all the garbage disposal. Raw chicken and shit. Yeah. You better make sure. Yeah. You're not on the garbage disposal side you better make sure thank god we don't have one of those ceiling fans watch out for ceiling fans you lift the fucking yeah for real for real ceiling fans think about that there you go and then uh the this is like more as a parent i guess, because I've lost a brother, and you've seen your family go through heartbreak.

I'm worried about the first time my kid has to experience adversity or heartbreak, because I know that I've been through adversity, and it sucks. But it does make you stronger. But watching that happen to your child is like, that's got to be rough. Them going through something emotionally or mentally. Like I'm worried about stuff like that too. It's going to start fucking with you a little bit. But here's the good news for you.

You have a mom. Are you close with your mom? Yeah. I have 60 cousins that all live in the area. Jesus Christ. My mom's the second oldest to 13. Holy shit. Yeah, she's got a lot of babysitters.

So, but the thing is, unfortunately, here's another unfair disadvantage. You have your mom to talk to about the fears of losing a child. Yeah. You know what I mean? That's true. That's going to shift for you in life, seeing your mom now as a parent and a person, and now she's got to raise a son who doesn't have sight, and she just buried a kid. Like, man.

Yeah, they went above and beyond. Especially with my blindness, they made sure I had the right tools, and I'm forever grateful for that. I remember being in a store, and my mom would be like, I'd be like five years old, can I get this toy? She'd be like, here's five bucks, go find the counter and pay for it. And I'd be like, what? I don't want this toy anymore.

So funny. So was it just the two of you you and your brother no so i'm one of five so i have two older brothers two older sisters and uh yeah we all grew up together in the same house my dad's like my best friend in the whole world um so you know my dad's like your mom was tough it was up for me, I'd be coddling you everywhere, holding your hand through life. But I'm thankful that, you know, they let me make my mistakes and go out and like be independent. Like I used to I grew up like skateboarding, surfing, and then I used to ride bikes until I started hitting park cars. My mom was like, no more bikes. Yeah.

I'll never forget that day i went ass over teacup i went to the windshield people used to call my mom like anthony's out on a bike he's out here wrecking bikes okay oh man i can't believe i'm having a baby we only had sex one time what no i'm just kidding oh my god dude don't fucking say that i was like you're a that's a miracle baby no i'm joking but it's crazy like how because some people they say it takes years you know of trying or like yeah you don't know it happened quick good after trying so good because

yeah it could take people some people can't. They have to have help with it. It could take a while. Yeah. All right, what other fears? You said you worried about your child's first time dealing with adversity. What else? Is your dad still alive, by the way?

And so you've got him as a person to talk to as a father for advice as well so that's really good for you yeah okay and i'm glad that we both kelly and i both work from home so we will be able to be around the kid like all the time which i think is important like a lot of people going you know after like three four months they're back to work and there's a babysitter now and you're spending like valuable like key moments away from your kid so i'm happy with that i'm scared like because once they start walking they start like trying to run away from you and shit dude that's why i'm putting i'm putting ankle bracelets that's when it changes dude it does as soon as they can walk and i'm telling you there's something i don't know what it is genetically

weird about toddlers but they were they can run like a motherfucker yeah but their legs are all weird like they shouldn't it scientifically it looks like they shouldn't be able to run like that but they can haul ass and you're like oh and when you get my age and you have a kid like everything's tight you can't just i can't just break out into a full sprint anymore right away i gotta stretch for 30 fucking minutes you know like hold up for 20 yeah yeah damn yeah so that like just it doesn't bother me so much but i know there's gonna be people's opinions about like oh he's blind and had a baby like that's messed up really yeah you you've dealt with that kind of yeah like on the internet like some people be like also like it's

they could be like it's uh irresponsible to have a kid if he could like they could have your disease so it's like i don't know things like that kind of bother me i didn't know you were getting that kind of hate not much which i'm grateful for because I get hate every day on the internet. For what? People say I'm not blind. Why? Because they think I'm just using it to get followers. I'm like, I'll trade you all my followers right now for your two good eyes.

Yeah. It's crazy. People always trying to like, you know, break down that i'm not blind they're like well he looked at the camera i'm like yeah because my wife's yelling at me where the camera is i also know where sound is motherfucker um but what else the the diaper changing definitely just that's one me and dan so dan's a blind dad and he. So Dan's a blind dad. And he taught me. We did a video together to promo the podcast. We do like little TikToks and stuff like that, reels.

And he had me changing this. We got a baby doll that you could feed the food to and it poops it out. For real? Yeah. It's like this little thing. And he was showing me how to change the diaper and he was in the video he was like laying on the bed while i was changing the diaper with a mouthful of water spitting it in my face so i get ready for the pee in the face yeah yeah that was funny you're not even gonna

see it coming dude you won't even see it coming and then like another thing is like since i'm blind like i kind of move i move fast for a blind person and sometimes it's to my like fault like it's to my demise you know i'll be running through my apartment and a door will be half open and i just smack that thing with my head so i'm worried like i need to really slow down when i have the kid so i can make sure the baby's safe when i'm carrying them all right do you um do you use your cane around your home or are you fully used to your home where you don't need it fully used to my except for shit like that where a door might be halfway open yeah yeah but i'm constantly like you know i'm a train wreck i'll like bump into shit all the time my shins

have permanent dents in them from like just running into stuff um is there anywhere else you are comfortable not using your cane outside of your home like my parents house but my mom's always moving shit around yeah so that's another one uh just like places i frequent often like if we're just hanging out but not like grocery stores or anywhere like in the public and especially like i used to live in new york with kelly and i i was so anti-cain like i wouldn't use it because i was afraid how people looked at you and how the people will talk to you slower and louder and do they really yeah it's insane i'm not deaf. Is that right? I can actually hear better.

They're doing that shit to you. Like, I hear you fine. Anthony, so blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, oh, really? Like, it's so demeaning. Like, it's just, it's like, really? You got to talk to me like that? And so I was living in New York and I wouldn't use my cane and kelly used to be like like the first

time we ever met we went to the outlets and i'm walking around trying to be cool guy like not using a cane and i'm walking with my feet using my feet to feel we're in the timberland store i'll never forget that she's like do you need help and i'm like no i got this two minutes later i run straight into the pole in the middle of the store and she grabs me she's like get over here so things like that just freaking i i send it way too fast a lot and then in the city i kept shoulder checking people and people be like what the fuck's wrong with you and like get all pissed off so then i started using the cane and it started parting people like the red sea is that right yeah people get out of your way or they look out for you more like when i lived there i used to have like you know my homeless friends that would walk me down the street yeah we used to get all get along it was just i used

to have guys read me the menu at the food trucks like it's great that's nice so that opened a whole new world of freedom and independence my My mom's a freaking orientation and mobility instructor, which is like teaching kids how to use the cane. So I always tried to like rebel. Wait. Did that come after? Okay. I was going to say, what are the fucking odds?

I know. I know. So after you were born blind, she took up this occupation? Yes. She went back to school and got her master's. She actually got gifted scholarship because we were in this huge court case because the public school in New Jersey wanted me to go there, but they were only going to give me two hours of Braille training a week,

which was like you're learning print every day. So it just wasn't enough and my mom researched and found the best school in philly and they sent me there but the the state didn't want to provide any transportation and they said you don't need that training like this is plenty type of thing which sets you up to fail in the future and then all these people from like different organizations came to like fight for me wow and the pennsylvania college of optometry gifted my mom a scholarship to get her master's after that fuck yeah it was awesome so she learned a lot and then my sister became an optometrist no shit all right so that was pretty cool one thing thing I'm worried about, I actually am a little worried.

Like, not worried, but if the kid is blind, like, I know what I've gone through being blind and, like, the depression and stuff. Like, that would suck, but at least having a good role model raising it. Yeah. Right. All right, let me ask you some questions and you tell me how you deal with it. All right? Let's talk about buckling the baby in the car seat. You me once i got that down you can do that all the clicks and make sure it's in there tight and everything improper it's one time well they go backwards at first oh shit

they're rear facing first right yeah and then you got to switch them around they get big enough then eventually they're big enough and you're like buckle your own motherfucking seat belt man you know they'll get there that's the thing i'm gonna teach this kid to do a lot like that's that's what i want to ask are you going to teach them to be as independent as possible oh yeah i'm going to teach them how to hold a camera and edit too yeah put them to work no but thankfully like my partner is incredible like kelly yeah she's amazing and i just know she's gonna be the best mom and i can learn from her too and she's really good at find like something i've never done before and then showing me a method to do it like she's really good with that and then she'll make

things accessible like i'm curious to see how, like, what baby things we're going to make accessible. Because, like, in our home, like, she'll put, like, these bump dots on the washing machine so I know where everything is. Like, the buttons because it's touchscreen. And then, like, the spices in the kitchen, like, that type of stuff. So she's really thoughtful in putting herself in my shoes. We even went to, like, a dining in the dark. You trying to say she's pretty cool for a sighty? Yeah, she's all cool for a sighty yeah she's all right for an able body listen man i could never marry a blind person i'd be screwed

you would be i would be screwed my uber bill would be out the window dude i always tried to get an uber driver job but it never worked what about um when how when do you think you'll feel comfortable enough to stay at home with the baby for and and for how long that's a good question i've thought about this too like i don't know if we're gonna so she's gonna breastfeed but i don't know if we're gonna do like the bottles too if we have the bottles that'll be helpful but i'm scared because when the baby cries i'll'll start, like, freaking out. Like, I don't know what the baby's crying for. But I guess you just learn those things as it goes.

You're going to learn what the difference between hunger and pain and all those things are for sure. And that, like, so maybe, like. But no offense, just looking at your baby also doesn't mean you got the answer either for that you know what i mean i i am worried like not worried i am bummed i'm not gonna be able to see like the baby smile and like when it laughs like the little faces it makes and stuff like that's kind of a bummer but i'm sure that because like when you raise your kid that's all they know at that time so like they're gonna be used to having a blind dad like that's the other thing i'm waiting for the day that my kid

comes home and be like daddy how come no other daddies are blind yeah and i'm like oh shit but you can have that conversation also because your dad wasn't yeah you know what i mean but you don't understand like mine wasn't so i'm i'm i'm the one blazing the fucking trail yeah yeah exactly and uh just making it normal like i feel like the kid will learn like that you know dad can't see a wave you gotta hug him or something like that um interesting yeah things like that yeah so like more like contact so i'm really excited to wear like the baby carrier so i could always have the baby against me yeah things like that you should be able to just tilt your head down and kiss the

top of your head exactly that's where you sit and my buddy like my one blind buddy nick he uses like bells on his daughter's feet like in a bracelet so i'm definitely gonna use stuff like that smart and i'm wondering like when i'm home alone I don't know man like it just scares me but I'm thinking it's gonna have to be like when we train Delta my dog like 10 minutes at a time when you leave them so like Kelly go leave for 10 minutes and I'll see if I can do this you know like all right and then kind of taking increments so that's a big thing it's scary it's terrifying it's terrifying it It's terrifying. It's exciting, though, too.

Listen, this is what I'm saying. This is what I love about this show. It's such a perspective check because I am a parent. I have sight. Now, I've lost my smell. I'm still without 90% of my smell since December of 2020. And there have been times where the smoke detector went off. I couldn't smell smoke.

and there have been times where the smoke detector went off i couldn't smell smoke there was an alert that hit our phones like a um amber alert that said there was a natural gas leak in the neighborhood and people had to get out i couldn't smell it i couldn't smell the um uh heaters in the house nothing and i was like holy shit this is actually fucking dangerous not to have and then here you are coming into here talking about parenting without sight and that's where i'm like ryan shut the fuck up bro shut up with your little smell shit yeah if you took my smell i don't know what i'd do though i'd be screwed well you definitely could get a different fucking um sport and apparel you gotta be missing your smell and you can only have no

smell for this one we have to sign you up oh man um okay here's another question how do you i don't want to use the word train at all but how do you teach is the word. Someone who has sight to live with someone who doesn't. What are the things you've had to teach Kelly and that you know you're going to have to teach your child? Kelly learns as we go. She is a forward thinker, so she's kind of always thinking ahead. I kept running into my – we have a bed bed frame and the edge is pretty sharp i kept running into it cutting my shin and she taped a pillow to it so i wouldn't start keep doing that so it's more like a learn as you go but i think the kid will learn like just because it's that's its life

like learning like just knowing the dad's blind and that he can't see. But then I'm worried the kid's going to think everyone else can't see and start seeing people like that too. That's interesting too, yeah. But Dan's kid, for example, he's really thoughtful about different things like helping his dad around if he needs it. So I'm just going to have to teach a lot through feel, like if I'm trying to teach my teach a lot through, like, feel, like, showing, like, if I'm trying to teach my kid how to, like, shoot a basketball.

That's one thing. I hate that I can't play catch with my kid. You know what I mean? I was going to ask you about sports and catch and things like that. I mean, you could play. Yeah. It's going to hurt. But you could play.

Because when I was younger, I used to even have enough sight to where if you threw a football up high enough i could see it in the sky like that you could make out the shape yeah and like and then follow it to your hands but it's gonna be interesting like my kid's gonna know uh balls with bells in it and stuff yeah you know things like that like i'm definitely not gonna let it stop me from doing that stuff but also like i'm gonna teach my kids so many other things that like they might not even worry about playing catch with me and stuff that was my next question is what are the things you're you those are your worries what are you excited what about escape like skateboarding uh music

because i play guitar and sing like professionally and doing stuff like that. I jam with my dad, and that's a really cool bonding experience that we have. I mean, I'm bummed I can't take my kid for a drive because I remember so many moments driving with my dad. You could. You didn't get pulled over. What are you going to do, take my license? You got to make sure he's in that baby seat

buckled up right now oh man yeah I hear you on that that does cause I spent a lot of time with my dad in the car and that was where a lot of like

conversations happened yeah yeah for sure things like that music you learn about music listen to this listen to that

do you think you'll ever just go sit in the car and just be like listen to this and listen to that yeah I'm well now you got like the echoes and stuff too so i'd play that um i've been i don't know i just i'm really gonna bring this baby like try and mold it to our lifestyle because we travel so much i know people are like good luck but like i'm really gonna try just if you raise it and that's all it knows then it should be all right i mean there's gonna be pumps yeah yeah of course but that's the other thing like schedules i'm i know i'm not gonna be able to train and then lay

down all day like you know like have really hard workout sessions and then just kind of lay around. I'm going to have to be dad mode. So like changing my life like that. I said the dumbest, I've said the dumbest things during these pregnancy, this pregnancy, like Kelly will be like, Oh, I'm feeling so fat.

And I'll be like, yeah, no, me too. And she's like, can you shut the fuck up for nine months? And I, I don't know what made me say this.

I regretted it right after I said it, but I was going through like one of those panic modes like my life's about to change like we were in Italy and we were like having dinner and just like date nights and stuff and I looked at her and I was like you better not be one of these moms that puts the baby first

she looked at me like I don't know what made me say that fear I'm like I still need to be first in your life I mean, like, I don't know what made me say that. Fear. Yeah, fear. Exactly. I'm like, I still need to be first in your life.

But just things like that. It's freaking, it's a, I felt so, I felt every single emotion through this pregnancy. Like, fear, excitement, almost regret, but, like, not, you know? Like, shit, what did I do? I mean, I can understand having Kelly as your partner who helps you through everything, who now has to take care of a baby and you feeling like I'm going to be neglected or looked after less or taken care of less. And I'm here to tell you that's definitely going to happen. Yeah, no doubt.

It has to happen. Yeah. And the other thing is like we do everything together with the social media content she and the podcasting she like films edits produces everything damn she and has a full-time job after that like doing web development it's time to hire that's the thing i'm hoping that things can take care of themselves where we could hire someone else to to there's an old saying with babies comes money so yeah yeah i'm hoping more like people see i'm having a kid so they'll like hire

me for more stuff too because i do motivational speaking is like my main money gig and been trying to just stack up as many jobs as i can before the baby comes and just getting ready um it sucks when you do your taxes. You're like, I had that much money that I spent? You know, like I shouldn't have spent that much. But you're like you have to reinvest all back in your business. That's it. Yeah, so everything we make basically goes right back in.

And I'm nervous about how that's going to look, like with trusting someone else to do certain things you know kind of give it because it's your baby like the stuff you've created well you got two of them yeah literal one and yeah listen i look you get it as a person yeah as a person with sight who is a fucking control freak when it comes to my shit too, man, it's not easy to let go and trust other people. And unfortunately, you are going to go through growing pains with that too because you're going to find people who are, they don't have your work ethic.

They don't have your hustle. They don't care as much because it's not necessarily theirs. And they need to be told every little detail. Everything. You want someone, especially, too, in your life, you need a proactive person who is like, already did this. I did this. This is handled. This is done.

This is checked off. We got this. Still dealing with this. Waiting on a call back from this. Thank you. Exactly. Thank you. Exactly.

That's exactly it. And I just have to trust that it's going to be all right. Put faith in it. And I just, I pray a lot. So I'm like, you know, put it all up there too. And just, I know everything. You don't get, in life, I really truly believe this, that you don't get anything handed to you that you can't handle.

Like no matter the situation situation there's people that have been through the craziest stuff but they get through on the other side you know what i mean it's i'm having anxiety i'll let you have it too i know but and kelly's so proactive about all that stuff. We do everything from seed to sale. It's just all the emails, the getting jobs, the outreach, the marketing, everything. So just trying to hope that it's still good. I could trust her with a camera, with a phone, that she's getting the right angles. Because she has all the visual creativity.

Now she's got to get the right angle to breastfeed the baby. Somebody else has got to shoot that content. I know, and then I'm going to be like, I can't film right now because the baby's crying, stuff like that. And it's just going to be a whole learning experience on top of everything else. You'll handle it. Yeah.

You'll handle it. I know I will. It's change. Change is always – I say it all the the time it's a pain in the ass but honestly it's the best fucking thing for you yeah it always makes things better i truly believe that and i think like it gives like the second she got pregnant i felt like i was a dad already and i i started thinking differently i started feeling differently about things and it gives you a whole nother reason to live and not let your bullshit be so loud yeah like your little depressions and things like i felt like my

depressions like things that would keep me down like none of that shit matters anymore and it's really powerful too because i'm like it's not that bad like i'm about to have a kid that i have to keep alive and take care of and love and and teach right from wrong and different things like that so there's there's way too much stuff my i remember my dad like he's like one day i was a little bummed out like depressed he's like anthony you don't have time to be depressed anymore you better pick this up you know that's what i wanted to ask you are there things you've already asked your dad about just like i used to cry to my dad in college that i was like i don't know if anyone's ever gonna love me um like because i'm blind no one i'll never be able to have a family no one will

ever want to have a kid with me like that was some of my biggest fears in life because when i was in high school then he's like son yeah you're a fetish let me show you this website over here he's like type this in google oh man that's great the crazy thing is kelly had love tattooed in braille no on her wrist seven years before we ever met how about that she didn't know any blind people yeah yeah that was crazy but because when i was in high school i had a girlfriend that i was like very serious with and i was in high school i had a girlfriend that i was like very serious with and i was in love you know you think it's like you think you're gonna marry this

person whatever which everyone kind of feels in their first real love and i'll never forget we broke up because her parents were like he's never gonna be able to drive you around he's not gonna be able to take care of you he's not gonna be able to do this and that messed up my psyche like so bad like my confidence and self-worth and self-esteem all that stuff like i just felt like who could ever love me then so that was a tough one and now look at you yeah i'm i can't believe it it's you know like things have grown past my wildest, like, imagination and, like, what I ever thought. Like, I used to be on Social Security. And I used to take that as, like, you know, because they set you up to fail. It's like you can't have a certain amount of money in your bank account.

You can't have an income. All this stuff. And the day I was able to say, like, get out of my life to them, it was the most, like, freeing, growing, independent experience. Like, I felt like I finally made it, you know? But there's so many other struggles that come with that, but I'll gladly take those to be independent from that stuff. Good for you, dude. I'm happy for you, man.

Thank you. This is a great episode, and you're going to be a great dad. You are. You know, the fact that you care already happy for you man thank you uh this is a great episode and you're gonna be a great dad you are you know you can the fact that you care already and that you're already worried about it is a step ahead of most people yeah it really is so good for you dude um please plug and promote everything you'd like again yeah asfvision.com you can find everything on there like the link to the documentary uh shot in the dark and then also like the four bad eyes podcast please go listen to that we're trying to grow it and um follow kelly

keller for 24 on instagram too she does all the edits and everything you see me doing so and reach out if you want us to come try anything in life. I'm trying to go skydive and do anything. Are you? Yeah, I'll do anything once. All right, brother. Well, thank you very much. Thanks so much, man. And thank you guys out there as well.

Please go watch the special Lefty Son. Come see me on the road. Tickets available at ryansickler.com. And as always, Ryan Sickler on all social media. We'll talk to you all next week.