The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Ari Shaffir - AriDew

Episode Date: January 20, 2025

My HoneyDew this week is comedian Ari Shaffir! Check out Ari’s newest special, Ari Shaffir: America’s Sweetheart, now streaming on Netflix! Ari joins me to Highlight the Lowlights of watching his parents grow older and how his relationship with each of them has evolved over time. He shares a story about a history-making secret trip his father recently took, and we dive into how we’d like to be remembered when our time comes. SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE and watch full episodes of The Dew every toozdee! https://youtube.com/@rsickler SUBSCRIBE TO MY PATREON - The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I Highlight the Lowlights with Y’all! Get audio and video of The HoneyDew a day early, ad-free at no additional cost! It’s only $5/month! AND we just added a second tier. For a total of $8/month, you get everything from the first tier, PLUS The Wayback a day early, ad-free AND censor free AND extra bonus content you won't see anywhere else! https://www.patreon.com/TheHoneyDew What’s your story?? Submit at [e-mail] Get Your HoneyDew Gear Today! https://shop.ryansickler.com/ Ringtones Are Available Now! https://www.apple.com/itunes/ http://ryansickler.com/ https://thehoneydewpodcast.com/ SUBSCRIBE TO THE CRABFEAST PODCAST https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-crabfeast-with-ryan-sickler-and-jay-larson/id1452403187

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We're over here doing it in the Nightpan Studios. You know who I am, RyanSickler.com. Ryan Sickler on all your social media. Starting this episode, like I start them all by saying thank you. Thank you for whatever you do that supports anything I do. I don't care if it's just telling someone about the shows, whatever it is. Thank you very much. If you got to have more, you know, you got to check out our Patreon.

The honeydew with you all. Best show on Patreon for five bucks. And we got that new tier now where you get the way back a day early. Ad-free, all sensor free and exclusive bonus content. It's only three bucks more. Go check it out. All right. You know what we do here. We highlight the low lights and I always say these are the stories behind the storytellers and I'm very excited to have this guest back here on the honey. Do ladies and gentlemen, I should fear. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Happy new year. Promote everything you want. You got a new special out right now. Special just came out, America's Sweetheart. Yeah, I'm stoked. People are finally to see it. You've been working on these things for a while. But you also have, Jew is also available on Netflix. Now or not yet?

No, not yet. Not until like April or May. They're gonna figure out how long the hype for this one lasts and then put out the last one. Dude, you really are, you're impressive, man. You have taken Comedy Central, the first digital platform to network. That's right. This is not happening.

That's right. Yeah, you did that. Now you're the first comedian to get an already existing, and for how long? How long has that special been out now? Is it a year and a half, two years? Two and a half years, yeah, by the time it hits, it'll be two and a half years. You're almost three. I mean,

think about that. And they're like, no, we don't do second runs, but something three years old, not, not just six months ago or yeah. But also it's like the references are 2000 years old. So it's not like it's timely. But like, yeah, exactly. Their boss was like, why didn't we get that one? And they were like, I don't know. So there was like pressure from their boss. It was great, I'll take it.

New life into it, you know? All we want is people to see our stuff. That's it. That's same as painters, just like if it's gotta be a coffee shop, just someone see it. I can't just have it in my own studio. Yes, yeah. So stoked. All right, so something I can't just have it in my own studio. Yes. Yeah. So stoked. Um,

all right. So something I wanted to talk to you about because you're 50 now you said, and your parents are both alive, both healthy, both in their eighties. Yeah. How was dad? That's 89 maybe 88. It's tough to remember exactly. She's right around 83, 84. Oh yeah, he got, he robbed that crate a little bit. You know?

What year, what year? It was like probably the sixties. Like, yeah, he was probably like 31. She was probably like 25. It was something like, whoa. Yeah. Is your dad, are they both still driving? Yeah. They are.

Oh yeah. They're still getting around physically, walking, no problems or anything. It's problems. So we went to Zion or Walker problems or okay. Just my dad is a, was a hiker and only recently had a couple of these surgeries. We're on a bridge in Maryland, like when we were in the, um, some potato gardens, he slipped and he just like cracked. So then it was like, we went to Zion, but he's hiking around the flat hikes,

you know, still doing that. Mom's still doing that. Some surgeries and stuff. But do my dad, I don't actually, I don't know if I told you that one time my dad, so I called to get a pickle recipe. My dad's old Romanian pre pre war. And then during war post war, they left Romania, but I called to get a pickle recipe. How do you put whatever? I call my mom, where's dad home? She goes, he's not here. I can't tell you where he is. I'm like, okay, you could, I mean, what? That's like now my interest has peaked for sure. And I was like, where is he? She goes, I'm like, is he getting home later? She goes, no, I can't tell you anymore. I'm like, I mean, you're begging me to ask questions now. So I'm like, I knew he was like doing a bunch of hiking with like his hike group. You know,

I was like, are they hiking the Appalachian trail? Like I, I, I remember him sort of saying he was going to maybe do that. She goes, stop asking me. I can't tell you, which is like, then of course call my siblings. What's up with that? I don't know. He won't tell me. It's four days later. I was like, anyway, where's dad? She goes, he's not home. And I'm like, what is this? Nothing, nothing, nothing. Then I get a, uh, taking this out for a reason. Then one day they're like, oh, I just got a message from them.

Where's albums? Here we go, here we go. I just got a message and it is, sorry, I gotta see this right. I gotta get this right. Boom, this message came through from my dad. After how many days? 12 days. 12 days?

Yeah. You have no contact having her mom's like, just shut up about this. No idea where he is. Mount Kilimajaro. Congratulations. You're now at, how do you say it? Uhuru peak? Yeah. I don't know. Africa's highest point. 83 fucking years old.

83 year old Holocaust survivor conquers Mount Kilimanjaro. Will you send us this picture? That's amazing. It was, I was like, what? Wow. He, and it's not like it easy hiking poles. Hell no. The last day is 12 hours cause you got to get there at noon. So you're going to start hiking at night cause it's so fucking cold up there. And he just didn't tell anybody that he was even training for it.

He was the whole time putting rocks in his bags. Really? Yeah. I thought he had a sandwich. He just filled up with rocks trying to like do his own Rocky style version of like a, like, were they ever smokers or drinkers or did they live healthy? My dad lives healthy. Also Holocaust survivors. I don't know what it is. No one knows what it is. Shockingly high percentage lived to see a hundred. Is that right? Yeah.

I think it just shows the value of a, even a temporary diet with lower trans fats, but even a temporary diet with lower trans fats. But he almost didn't tell my mom. He said the last minute goes, you know, it's something happens. You have to tell your mom. So he was like, all right. Okay, hold on. Let's pause for a second.

What happens if you get a call that your dad died while hiking to the top of Mount Kilimanjaro? Great, great. Good thought. There's gonna be some wrapping your head around stuff. A lot. But any of that, you know, if someone died, like when Brody went, they're like,

could I have done anything? What did it, and they're, yeah, we could have. Like I saw clues. I could have. If my dad was like, they're like, could I have done anything? What did it, and they're, yeah, we could have. I saw clues, I could have. If my dad was like, if they were, my mom was like, yeah, you know, dad went up there and just like, when I was like, what? I didn't know that. And he died, he'd be like, no,

there's nothing I could have done. I didn't know. Also, it rules as a way to, if you're gonna die in your 80s, that's the way to go. Falling off a cliff. You're freezing and starving. Yours is way more heroic. Mine is just like, we're out of food. Look at each other. Your thigh looks pretty big. The hammock thigh. Yeah. Yeah. The hammock thigh.

Yeah. Yeah. You started to hiking it. It was like a hundred degrees for the first couple of days. And then as you get higher and higher, it gets colder and colder. Yeah. He's fucking bundled there. Yeah.

They had the Sherpas. They called him, I forget what his name was, they called him Grandpa. That's the other thing. There's people that just take you up there. They've done it a bunch. A couple of people had to be taken down. Yeah. Got the altitude poisoning. They had to be carried down. And the Sherpa's canoes. We'll meet you.

Keep going. We'll meet you. What's your dad doing to train for the altitude? Nothing. That's what I'm saying. It wasn't even the right training. Rocks in your bag doesn't help you with the oxygen. It doesn't help thin air. No, it does not. It's just his, I'm desire, like I'm gonna do this. At 65 he ran his first marathon. Did he? Out of the blue, out of nowhere. He was just like, I'm doing it. I'm doing it.

And we were, yeah, but he, the last mile or so he was just like, I was like dead, but he's like, there's just no quitting that guy. So yeah, it was like, what? I mean, I met, they asked me like, would you have gone with him? Like, I mean, I wouldn't have hiked it, but I would have hung out in Africa, hang out in Tanzania, eat some food, waiting for him for sure. But yeah, I can't imagine. Yeah. Your mom active like that? I mean, obviously not like that. That's fucking extreme.

They walk around the neighborhood, you know, your mom, is she swim? Does she have a little walk? She's too jazzercise, which is like, which is the most underrated form of self-defense. I remember that shit. Jazzercise was big, bro. Tybo after that. Jazzercise was for old people, Marv Tots and teens was for young people. Did they have that in Baltimore? What was it? Marv Tots.

Marv Tots? Marv Tots and Marv Tens. I don't know about that. It was like gymnastics. That must be Maryland, Virginia. Marva. Yep. Just realized. Yep. Yeah. Yeah.

You're down on that part of Maryland. Yeah. Marva. Tots. You ever have somebody you realize decades later, we're like, oh, of course, never thought of it that way. Yeah. Well not, I'll tell you something that was more of a not thought of it that

way and I'm embarrassed to admit it too, but as a huge baseball fan, a huge sports fan, one day I'm staring at the Milwaukee Brewers hat and I don't, I always saw it as a glove with a ball. And then one day I stared and I'm like, Oh my God, you saw it on your own. Yeah. I didn't hear about it or anything. I just looked at it. I was like, Oh my God, that's an M and a B.

I was like, that might be the greatest sports logo. Kevin Chris is talking about it, but he's an illustrator. Yeah. that's an M and a B. I was like, that might be the greatest fucking sports logo. Kevin Chris is talking about it, but he's an illustrator. Yeah. With a glove. It's fucking amazing. I would've just done an M and B, but not, I wouldn't have made it into a glove. I never even saw the M and B for, I'll bet you I was like 20 or something by the time.

I was like, Oh my God. You know what FedEx? Yep, the arrow. The arrow. I was walking with Rogan into the Tempe improv and he said something about the Doobie brothers were like a big pot band. I'm like, really?

And he's like, Doobie? I'm like, yep. Yep. Yeah. When I first heard that band name, I didn't know what a doob was. So I was just like, Doobie, Doobie, do. He's like, dube was. Sure. So I was just like doobie doobie doo. He's like no dork. Yeah.

So have you thought about your parents passing and? No, they're not gonna, but like, uh, but are yours? My dad died when I was 16. My mom's now 77, 70. How's she doing? She's fucking great. My mom's out there living her life. She's a groupie or yeah, she's a groupie for a fucking you ready for this.

My mom's a group. For, I'll say this for an age appropriate. She's 77. It's an age appropriate. They're all old dudes, but like a cover band and they do songs like Mustang Sally and purple rain and shit like that. In Delaware, she comes and throws rain and shit like that in Delaware. She comes to throw his fucking panties this big at them.

I don't know if she throws panties, but she's, she's at every show. You can't really throw grandma panties up. You got to go, you got to sling this forward. Hey, excuse me. Can you pass this to the next guy and let them know this panties. Nobody that age is throwing anything. Like,

she goes to all their shows. And, but I mean, listen, bro, I don't know who's booking them, but they got, man, they perform sometimes on the lawn at the library. Oh really? But then they perform at all these other places too. Tons of them. They're just out there gigging.

And my mom is a groupie for this band with like a few of her other old lady friends and they go to every show. Everyone held the, held the band like all probably in their seventies too. I'm saying it's age. She's not running around like 20, but I think maybe 55 year olds were like, Oh, you boys are cute. No, she's in her seventies with these old dudes and just that's what my mom does. And I was like, my mom is my mom still acts like she never had kids.

You look at someone's Facebook page, you're like, that lady looks like she didn't have kids. I'm like, cause she didn't. She didn't. I got to connect with my parents more recently. Cause I mean like- About what? Just in, just as a adult in life.

Cause I always saw them as the parents who never did anything wrong. And then, you know, you get to that age where you're like, I'm 31. I'm like, Oh, I remember my mom was 31 teaching me something. And I'm like, I thought she knew everything. And I'm like, I'm that age and I don't know shit. You know, I try, it's like, you know, all the mistakes you make there. I'm trying to take a week off alcohol.

That lasted two days, five times in a row. You know, it's like that. My mom was that age, you know, the fucking dumb, when I told her like, you ever read like catcher in the rush? She goes, yeah. I'm like, what happened with this character? Cause I don't remember. I'm like, what do you mean you don't remember you read it or you didn't. Cause I had read six books back then, you know, but like, so like those moments

that you get where you're like, oh, I'm starting to understand who you are, but I still see them as on this pedestal thing. It's interesting you say that because I'm nine years older than my father ever was and I still don't feel, I still feel like that man's son. Right. Right. If that makes any sense. It's not about a number that's tag attached to me.

I just feel younger than that man, even though I'm outlived his ass. Right. Cause like he gets old to it's the way you can still have a crush on somebody from ninth grade, but that's a 15-year-old. But you're looking at, in your brand, you're looking at them as an even playing field. So they're kind of gotten older in your head. But if you actually look at an old yearbook,

you're like, they were all children. But you're still like, oh, she was so hot. And you think about what you did at like 20, 31. I'm four years into comedy. I you think about what you did at like 2031. I'm I'm four years in the comedy. I know I know nothing about anything. Well, yeah. And there's people have. So here's the thing that's interesting for you.

You don't have kids. No. And a lot of people who do have almost made a boy, almost made a boy. A lot of people who do hit that point where it comes to them like, man, how did you do this, mom and dad? How'd you do that? How'd you, so what, what hits you if it's not a child or being in their shoes, literally a role that they've had, what, you know, as a, as a, a man

with no kids and non-parent, what hits you to reflect on, wow, my parents were such good at their work, great at their job or weren't great at their job. I guess what I think too is like what they gave up because like I'm now at the age where I see guys like you, everybody, uh, uh, Segura, every Duncan have kids and their lives shifted irrevocably.

And I get the love, but I'm also pretty happy. I'm like, oh, no, it's a trap. And so I'm like, oh man, you gave up a lot for us. You could have been doing fun stuff. That ended just to wipe my fucking ass. Just to have to deal with my fucking acting up in school. And then you realize like, Oh, you were a 36 year old. You had to go into PTA meetings instead of going on dates,

going to see this new movie. You had to go deal with this shit. And I'm like, Oh, that's sucked. So it's almost like empathy. Instead of relating, it's like, damn. And it's almost like thanks. But also I wouldn't ask you to do that again. So I got in COVID was the cool thing. I try to see the positives and all of that. It's my specials about and like everything. There's something positive.

Yeah, there is. Yeah. Segura moves to Austin. Hey, you can't be part of my network anymore. Oh, fuck. Well, I got to grow and become this bigger thing now. You know, it was a blessing. Maybe in disguise,. Oh fuck, no, I got to grow and become this bigger thing now. You know, it's a blessing.

Maybe in disguise, maybe not. That's what I'm talking about you. Oh, oh. Yeah. I know it's a Sam. Ha ha ha ha ha ha similar things in that thing you're saying about me. Yeah, yeah, that doesn't happen without all that, yeah. So COVID hit and it's like, fuck. My dad's like, hey, you don't wanna be,

you don't wanna be, I mean, that's when lockdown was happening, you know? Can you even go to the supermarket maybe in shifts? New York apartment, the only thing that was like, oh, this place sucks. Like we're not in our apartments. And then suddenly everybody was like, we're in our apartments. So he's like, come to the burps, come over, go quarantine because we're old, you know, for two weeks and then just come right, right from that to us.

Okay. Got an Airbnb with a dog. And then I went there and it was like, it was like three or four months of like, we don't really have to do anything. So I go on walks with them around the neighborhood. We'd start getting into talks. It wasn't like, it wasn't like, uh, you didn't come over like, what can I make for you cooked surface stuff. It was after a while, it was like deeper than that.

You know, I remember one time I took some, some, I peeled some garlic and my dad was like, okay, can I talk to upstairs, please? He goes, what do you, what do you see here? And it's all, you know, he's ex military, ex Holocaust and it's like, and I'm like, what? It's sink. He goes, what's in it? I'm like, some garlic peels.

And he goes, right, you think I would do that to your apartment, to your place? I'm like, oh, I mean, I do that to my place. It's in the sink. And he goes, just clean it. I'm like, oh dude I mean, I do that to my place. It's in the sink. And he goes, just clean it. I'm like, oh dude, we just have a different level of cleanliness. I thought I did.

I moved it off the counter. He wanted you to rinse it down the sink. Yeah, get it like garbage. Yeah, I'm like, oh, I wasn't even thinking I was taking the easy way out. And so like, oh, we're different people. You just get to know them as their adult selves. And it was like, what a, I hate using the Simone term,

but like, what a blessing to get to do that. Yeah. I mean, you know, you know, it is, but it was like cool to get to know them as that. And then like, my mom likes a glass of Rose watching the sunset through the trees in the backyard that they earned. Um, they're just seeing them enjoy the simpler things. My dad built a sauna and is downstairs downstairs. So that's a Jewish dream. That's our Mercedes Benz home sauna.

That's our Mercedes Benz. Yeah, so we'd swap off, swap off using it. Oh, it was just so cool. But I never knew them as humans like that before. Yeah. Deep into my 40s. Man, it was kind of nice. So I'm just enjoying that kind of stuff.

Like what else are you into? How are your friends? I completely understand. I, so after my father dies, we're, we move in with our grandmother, his mom. She drops dead literally in front of us. Now we're homeless. Her sister, my great aunt. Okay.

of us now we're homeless. Her sister, my great aunt, okay. My aunt Marguerite is raising her three grandkids, but she says, if you're working and you're going to college, you can absolutely sleep on the couch. To your mom. Huh? To your mom? No, to me. Okay.

Yeah. My mom's long gone. She's not even an option. It's so crazy to have a parent like. In the world and is not an option for anything. I can't wrap my head around it. A hug, nothing. It's so wild.

Zero, a phone call that says, hey, I know you're going through, so I know you just lost your dad and your grandma. You want to come over for some meatballs? Nothing. We had just to show, we had two families from our community that were divorced of 600.

Of all the kids in school? Yeah. Two. Yeah. Damn. So it's like this idea that I don't even talk to my mom is like, I, it's like, I can't even wrap my head around it. 25 years of zero contact till my daughter was born.

Um, but yeah, so it's not even an option. So my Aunt Marguerite's like, I'm going to Towson at the time. I'm working at UPS, shout out to UPS, Baltimore, Ohio, primary one, Joe Avenue. I'm doing 4 p.m. to 2 to 3 a.m. there. Was Towson Charles Street? Towson was on Charles Street. Long term, still attacked, short term gone.

What's your last name again? Loyola was there too. Remember Loyola, um, Towson on the way into the city, just straight out Charles street. So, um, she's like, you can live here and sit on the couch if you want. And until you find a place, cause she knows I'm going to be fucking looking for an apartment, you know, I'm hustling. I'm not a bum. And we were close. So I stayed there from like December to February.

We had another cousin who died during that time. And I got so fucking close with my aunt and my cousins. And we would play cards every night. And I got to know them as people on a daily basis and not just I'm coming to hang out with you for a weekend. I won't see you for a couple of months or you're coming to our place. Let me be nice. I'm watching how they, bathroom habits and this and that eating habits and my

aunt Marguerite's like, watch it. She would always cuss. She was the sister that cussed. She's like, watch this motherfucker, Ryan. He cheats and he would, he'd have cards under his legs. She's like, I told you son of a bitch cheats. You got to watch it. You see their humor. Yep. All of it told you, son of a bitch, jeet. You got to watch their humor. Yeah, all of it. And then also, she's my grandmom's sister. So there's now a family historian.

Everybody's gone already. So I'm like, what was dad like when he was a kid? What was you know what I mean? I've got someone that can tell me that she his mom's gone. He's gone. So I don't even know. I should give you the real shit that you wouldn't even have gotten from him. And I did. You know your grandmother, like your cousin,

some of your dads, I said, nah, ah, you know, oh yeah, oh yeah, they're gone now, you know what I mean? I'm like, motherfucker. Yeah, little things like your dad was really bad in school. He was like a real troublemaker. I know, right around college, he came into his own and became the guy you know now. It's like shit like that.

We're like. Like your mom was head over heels for your dad. We can't even believe she would come over crying when he was in the military for Vietnam and blah, blah, blah, you know, that kind of shit. You don't know anything. I just found out the story. I don't know if I'm getting all the details right, but my mom would not go out. She was on a business trip to New York, Atlanta, Georgia.

And my dad was like, Whoa, this chick. Back then you were just like, you just pretty much harass someone. And it was romantic. But, uh, asked her out. She was like, just like, you just pretty much harassed someone. And it was romantic. But asked her out, she was like, no, no. He kept asking her out, no, I can't, I can't. He's like, why, just tell her, like why? She goes, you know, he's an immigrant from Israel. And she's like, what, what, come on.

She goes, I can't, I'm Jewish and I can't date a Puerto Rican. He goes, oh, you should never heard this accent before. Is that what it was? From his room. I got the credentials. Here's my tattoo. It is fucking hilarious. You seem nice.

It's just my parents would be mad. So you're all right. Your parents are healthy, so you're not worried so much about having to take care of them. We just went through this on, on my daughter's mom's side, her mom passed. So they were in the whole process of, you know, hospice and long-term, you know, cares and all that. And I, so many people sit there and tell me about these things, but what about you?

You know what, you know what, uh, they, what do you worry about? Do you ever think about your death? Me dying, yeah, sometimes. I wonder what would go on. Like if they had to, I was listening to Simmons about this. If they had to take up a, you know when a comedian dies and they go, oh shit, first we all meet,

and then it's like fundraiser becomes the next thing. So it's usually for like the family or the funeral cost to make sure it's done right. Mattel, whatever, whatever. And then sometimes just for like a thing they would believe in and you meet every year and you just raise money for something. And I wonder if the comic would be like,

I don't give a shit about that. I would just care about that that year, you know? Like if someone misunderstood you, they'd be like, I guess we should give money to the Maryland government. Like no, no, no. I like Maryland. Not the cap, like they someone misunderstood you, they'd be like, I guess we should give money to the Maryland government. Like, no, no, no. I like Maryland. Not the cat. Like, you're getting it wrong.

No. So like, what would you want them to? How to memorialize you in a way. If they're going to do a fundraiser, let's say. I see. I wouldn't even want, I mean, I know. Okay. So that's great.

That's fine too. I wouldn't want a fundraiser. You'd want, what do you, what'd you want? I would want a 50 50 raffle. Everybody come have a fucking party and somebody bounces out at a half goes to the party funds. The other half goes to somebody gets a walk home. That would be sick. I would love that. 50 50 raffle. Guys, use your memory of sickler to come have a good time. 50 buck 50 50. You got a chance. Somebody's going, yeah. There's going to be a lot of people there. So you guys, somebody's got a real good chance of walking with some money, man. Be like one in 20 odds, man.

That would be nice. That would have wanted us to meet up and have fucking hang and smoke and drink and talk, catch up with everybody. It's the only time we ever look at also as a person who grew up that way, we did you have family reunions no we never did yeah we accidentally went to one one time which is a story i'll tell you quick but we would see each other at funerals we had we had a big italian family and we had so many people dropping that the get-togethers were all based on that yeah so then when you're seeing your cousins you want to laugh and you want to fucking do it because you're not getting, these are brothers and sisters from a different parents. You want to hang and play so you can't help busting balls.

Then you're developing these dark senses of humor because we're laughing at that. It's built around that. It's that it's not like you didn't meet up for a wedding, right? For a funeral. So it's all the darkest shit possible. Wow. And everyone's upset because everybody loved this person and we're all going to do that. But we're just kids. We made a family death pool. We had that going for a while. Oh really? That's fun. We had so many people. We had a family death pool we had, and now we're that age. You know,

it's our turn now for people to be like, I think uncle Ryan's. I mean it would, it'd be too early if you went, if I went, but it wouldn't be like, like there is no God what's going on here. You know, like taking a six year old. Well, what would you, what would you want people to do? What would you want? That sounds fun, man. If I get all my friends to meet up at a club, I'm pretty much only friends with

comedians minus like four or five, six other people. I don't even give a fuck where you all meet. Pick it. Yeah. Just get it. It doesn't need to be the comedy. I don't care. Just get together, have fucking fun and drink smoke and hang out. Yeah, exactly. Like if I, let's just say this happened 12 years from now, let's say I got married, had a kid. I want my wife and kid to fucking beat it

for the fucking night, let all my friends trash the place. You'll want, you're gonna wash the dishes later, you know? And just like, have fun guys, drink and smoke. Yeah, I don't think. Tell stories, some about me, but then let it remind you about other people. That's right. This one time. Hey, we never hang.

Sorry, I met this guy that was this. Yeah. We always, I always liked to hang. Joe Liston and I, it's, it's shifted away as we go on the road more. We're like, we were like the, um, what's it called committee that you have in frats, the, um, people hang out. You make people hang out the activities chair for New York comedy. Joe would plan stuff in the park, meetups in the park.

Sick. Great. I, I plan ski trips or whatever. And it's like, we're just like, we're the only ones were anyway, it's going away some, but like he's got a kid now it's like, let's get together. Let's meet up. Let's let's with DeRosa. It's like the spots are done. Let's go drink. We just, who was I just talking to about this? The other day, it was, there is one day in your life that you don't know, but it's the last day you ever play with your friends outside.

Oh, that day comes. Let's play. And that just, and you don't even know what, no one says, Hey guys, you're about to go to college. You're having a kid early, whatever your parents are dying. Like shit's about to change. Nobody ever says this is the last time we get. I haven't played. When's the last time you played says this is the last one. We don't play. We get. I haven't played. When's the last time you played? When's the last time you ran at full speed?

Exactly. Yeah. We don't do that shit anymore, man. Yeah. I worry about it at this age. If I can't, I can't just bust out into a full speed right now. I'll do a job to catch a flight. If there's an emergency or something

and we got to go full speed, that's a young man's game. We're all, it's shit's tearing. You ever do this? I'm late for spots and I'm like, Oh fuck, I'm late. I'm running. And then I run out of speed. I burn out of energy. I have to stop and just walk in the same block. I started running. Like the block's not even done yet. I just had to run for flight recently. I'm running with my shit on it. I pull my bag. It's embarrassing, but you're past that.

The fucking esc, or uh, you know, the conveyor belt's broken. I'm like, it's broken. I'm like, motherfucker. Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me. Yeah. And if people like, excuse me, like you move, I don't have time for this. So I, um, yeah, I wonder if he died. I don't know.

I feel like I would leave everybody first because of the drug use, but maybe I'd be last. Who knows? Less stress than everybody. More drug use, less stress. Yeah. I was just told today, I still have to go to an oncologist because of my blood disease and shit. And he's like, you know, listen, you fly a lot. If you get off and both your legs are swollen, it's not a big deal. That's normal.

That's why you wear – I have to wear compression pants whenever I fly. I go, am I overdoing it wearing those with blood thinners? He's like, no, wear those for sure. He goes, now if you get off and one leg's bigger than the other, that's when you call me and we're getting you to an ER because that's a circulation problem for sure. He goes, look man, I got to tell you, I got to be honest with you. Your veins aren't virgins anymore. You've clotted twice. They don't have the last test. They don't have the bounce back. You're going to have a stroke.

No, it just means that if I don't stay on these meds and do things properly, then yet then yes, or clot and die or whatever. Cause I think that's what happened to I've had, I'm lucky to have had two and still be alive. I think I was having to Keith where he was like, I'm doing good. I don't have to take it today. Like, cause you don't think, cause because you're taking it, you're doing good. Yeah. And then like, right. And then that's why you're doing good.

Right. Red band tell me that once he goes, he was like, I was like at my thinnest was like one 75, probably one 90 now. And he goes, man, if I was your height, if I was your size, I would just binge all the time. And I was like 175, probably 190 now. He goes, man, if I was your height, if I was your size, I would just binge all the time. And I was like, Ben, you were my size and you did binge all the time. That's why you're not my size. I binge once in a while, buddy. All right, so you're a Maryland guy, so here we go.

So, this is what- How would you honor? Like the- This is what I have this written in my, I have, I've done the proper shit. Okay. I have not, I have with any money I have made, I have not bought cars and houses and whatever crypto and bunch of shit. I door dash and some hoodies. That's what I fucking buy. But I have the living

will and trust, life insurance, got all of it set right because these are all things also that my 42-year-old father wasn't preparing to die at 42. He didn't have any of that shit. And also, we're minors. So whatever happens with his... He worked at Pan Am at National Airport, which is now Reagan. Remember when the plane crashed? Do you remember that? No, what? You don't remember when the plane crashed into the river right there out of

national airport in the river. Yeah. He was working there that day and he's like, bad day at work. Bad day. He's like, guys, we couldn't do that much worse than this. So, um, whatever happened with his policy through work was given to an uncle who oversaw it and, and then we never saw it. How about that?

He oversaw it, we never saw it bro. We undersaw it. He oversaw it, we undersaw it. That's funny. I talked to my brother today. He goes, you know, I'm still not over that. I go, you gotta, dude, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's,

it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it saw it. Yeah. That's funny. I talked to my brother today. He goes, you know, I'm still not over that. I go, you got to, dude, it's 30 years ago. They got us. They got us. You got to let it go, bro.

We made that money back. He's like, I don't care. I can't wait till that motherfucker dies. I was like, you got to let it go. He's like, that was our shit from our, I was like, I know, dude, you got to let it go. It's not healthy. But anyway, so this time I go do it all.

And I'm like, you know what? I'm gonna make my daughter do something. I'm gonna get cremated. I want you to put my ashes in a little can. I don't give a, don't even spend money on an urn. And I want you to take me. She's right here. No, I'm saying doing one of those.

Yeah, oh, I don't know, old mate tin. Change of will. Bro, and third, I need to get. You can sprinkle it way easier. You can sprinkle or scoop either way. I've already told her. I've already told her. So I will update that to old man. It's a great idea. Just sprinkle. It's a big one. Yeah. And that's what I told her to do. I really wanted to go to the Y river, the WYE, which we just talked about because that's where it's a channel off the Chesapeake where we used to crab. But I was like, it's just going to be easier if you go to the Chesapeake. And don't go to the Key Bridge. That doesn't exist anymore. That thing fucking golf.

Damn. Chesapeake's still good. And sprinkle my ashes. And then I think about that, right? And you think, you romanticize this whole moment for my child. Maybe she's with her husband and her kid, whatever. Yeah. And then it's going to be a Maryland fucking rainy ass night. They're going to get stuck in mud. They're going to be like, sorry, dad,

just dump it out the window while they're going on. So you know what? That's fine. That's fine too. The thing is, so here's what it's for. It's not for you. You're dead and gone. I won't even know what you do. So it's, it's their way of saying this would have made him happy. And so then it's also the circle of life. I've eaten literally in so many fucking crab from those waters. It's, it's time I go back to cool fitting. Some people do the tree. You know, the tree thing I do know about that would be cool.

That's kind of cool. That's plant me in a forest that I loved. Yeah. Try to get me to grow there, so I'll just be there for a hundred years. Something about me will end and that tree dies and then I'll get maggots will come, birds will eat the maggots, it'll go back into that.

That's nice. I'd like to split it up. Like everybody gets a finger, different groups, you know? Spread that everywhere. Cause everybody wants a little thing. My 10 favorite, my 10 chosen people. different groups, you know? You spread that everywhere, because everybody wants a little thing. My 10 favorite, my 10 chosen people. Yeah.

You know about Grand Parsons? What? So he died. Uh-huh. They love, he's a Joshua Tree guy. And 29 palms. And his parents come and get him from Georgia. He's a rock star and a psychedelic country guy.

They're like, time to get you home, do whatever. And his friends are like, we knew Grand Parsons. He had only been buried in Georgia. So they dug him up. No. Yeah. And try to bring him back to 29 Palms. His buddies just like dug his body up, not like excavated.

Look at me. Just how wrong I am. I might be way, way wrong, but yeah. That's crazy. try to bring them back to 29 palms. His buddies just like dug his body up, not like excavated. Just how wrong I am. I might be way, way wrong, but yeah. So dug him up. I wouldn't do that for a child. They're like, grandmothers don't want to be buried in Georgia. Yeah. And then, they're going to drive across country. So they're like, we got to put him in Joshua tree. That's where he would have left. Look at, I do want to see how much of this is right and how much is way,

way wrong. My memory sometimes brings me to play things like that didn't ever exist. I thought James Bond was gay. The new one. I was positive. And like, no, he's not Daniel Craig. He sure seems gay with his shirt off. Yeah. Okay. Okay. So hold on gay with his shirt off. Definitely on purpose. Yeah. Okay. Okay. So hold on. Don't read that. Let me go to the rest of my brain. Turn it off. Turn it off. You got it all. So I'm right. So anyway, so like, let's figure out how to cremate him or whatever.

They don't know how to cremate. I don't know how to cremate. These are just fucking rock star hillbillies that are into mushrooms. I don't know how to cremate. So the heat's on them now. the parents like, what the fuck? They stole her kids body. They didn't even run this by the family. You know, in a drug haze like let's get and then drove cross country back with a dead

body in your back, tried to key rate him, but really just like charred him a bunch. So he was like half burned and like there was a few ashes. The parents are fucking trying to find them. Then they eventually get the body back and move it back there. I think they kept a few ashes and put them out near the Joshua trees. Also like wild, but I was like, what a way to go. What a way to go. You're still part of drama. Do whatever you want with my carcass.

I don't feel it. I'm not there. I go, don't, don't annoy my parents. Like, yeah, sure. Sure. It's going to be tragic. If they're gone guys, do whatever you think should be done with it. I want you to prop me up at one of my mom's band shows. You know what I mean? Just dead in the chair while she's over there. Just, you know, groupie in it with this band. That would be great. It'd also be great. Spread it all over them. Spread it in the punch, spike the punch. How about fucking slingshot me into the Grand Canyon?

You know what I mean? That would be sick. And it would just explode like out of. Or yeah, tie a bomb to me and just let me out in the air. Oh, full body, don't even cremate. Oh hell no. Oh wow. No, I'm flying my body out over the Grand Canyon,

just let it die down there and let the animals have at it. That'd be nice. Or drop it out of an airplane. That'd be fun too. You don't even know. I thought they threw him overboard in the water. It was out of a plane. Oh, I guess it was. I thought they said they wrapped them in a shroud and dumped them over. So overboard, whatever. Still fishy about that one. Whatever lie they told. Yeah. Something's still fishy about that one.

Somebody said he might've been dead 10 years already. Somebody said like he had been a captive for a while and then he finally said, okay, it's time. But I'm like, not even a picture. Also, exactly. Cause we gotta honor their religion today. You get old. Yeah. You know what I mean?

What was this all? You just probably just get too tired. He was already old. Hating for a while. You're just like, I don't care anymore. Let me go apologize to those Americas. I'm really sorry. Just shoot the fuck out of me, please. Yeah. Bring it. Come on. I'm tired. Yeah.

But dealing with these fucking locked inside my wife for this 10 years. Okay. So you've never thought about what you would want for your finale. I think I'd want to, there's a few spots on earth that I love. Top of veil, you know, maybe a spring termile veil. Yeah. And let it like soak in and whatever it's like in some woods out there, you know, you really got me thinking about half of now going into a tree. I liked the tree idea. Live on throw into a redwood,

just get up there in the woods and be up there for a couple of hundred more years too. Yeah. And then it's like, I had this like, it's kind of hokey, but like, I think like as long as somebody remembers you, you kind of live. So what is that, two generations? We've got two to three tops. Yeah. And then we're gone. What I do is if I pass a cemetery,

I'll go in there and I'll look at people's names, I'll read them out loud, and I think about what they might have been, bring it back to life for a minute. You've done that? Yeah, it's kind of fun. And then you see, then you look like, oh, child died before the parent,

and then you like, I zone in, I'm like, what they must have felt the parent and like, seeing how then you like ties zone in and like, what they must've felt like in 1870 to lose their kid. And like, this is the third one they lost. You know, this is what, um, Adrian just told us you do this with her. You walk in the daytime. Cause I had asked her if she ever did any like, that makes it true. We go, we used to do this at night. We like to be scared at night. So we would go walk through, well, you know, Baltimore, that's an old city.

Yeah. So you're seeing tombstones from the 1800s and shit in there. And it's just a little marker, you know, a little cross, a little, uh, uh. Couldn't afford much. Nothing. Just, and then you'd see a big one, you know, and you're like, who is this? It had this money. He must have been respected.

The Mason that did this and shit. Yeah. It's a horse on top of that thing. It's still here, you know? And then there'd like, there'd be a family of four in that like area and shit. You're like, yeah. It's like which of the kids had to be buried with their parents. Like, if you had a daughter, she got married, are you got to go in that one's grave? And that means you got to buy a grave for like, Hey, save a spot for my chick. That's what my grandma had to do. So my, when my grandfather died, it was boom. And then they carved my grandmother's name in with birth date, just wait and etch that

number in. And I'm like, that doesn't fuck with you. She's locked in there. And she's like, that's where I'm going to be buried. But then my dad dies before she does. So they bury what they do is they bury my, they stack them. My, my dad is buried. I want to say it's maybe 10 feet down and then she's six. So they stack them like that. As fucking run it out. They're running out of fucking room, bro. That's all. Seven, 10. Yeah. Yeah. They're running out. That'd be bro. That's a whole cemetery. Yeah. There'll be a little mound, like there's a lot.

A lot of mausoleum shit these days. Lost twins. Yeah. But just sitting there, every time you go to that headstone, you're just looking at your name and waiting for that fucking number to be put on the end there. Yeah, you're visiting your husband. Every time you want to visit your husband, there's your name. Ari Shafir.

That's where I'm going to be. What year were you born? 74 1974 TBD bro. Wow. Yeah. And then you go back and now your son's in there with a birth and death date. Your husband's in there with a birth and death. You're still right there. Just waiting. It must be tough when you're like more that day, you're morning your son. Then you're like, I'll also you Greg. As long as I'm here, here's one flower.

I was just missing the sun today. That's interesting. I never thought of that. I never thought about when my grandmother went to that grave, if she ever had any internal conversations or anything to her husband about their child. I never thought of that. I would just assumed it's like, Hey babe, my dad, my dad, you know, my kid, my kid, my kid, my kid. Interesting. Maybe you must miss the dad.

Still see that. That's been, I don't know how many years now, 35 years, my dad's been dead and you still don't think of it. So you don't think you can get over it. You don't ever get over that, especially when, when the way it went down, it wasn't like stabbed't think of it. So you don't think you can get over it. You don't ever get over that. Especially when the way it went down, it wasn't like. Stabbed in front of you. Stabbed in front of us by pigeons, bro.

Baltimore pigeons, man. They're fucking aggressive, bro. Louis Stabbed was dead. Had little hats on back. Louis Stabbed was stabbed in here. I think it was inside playing. Should have been defending. Is that what happened?

Yeah, he was stabbed to death. Oh shit. Yeah. I mean, I think he was stabbed to death. Oh, shit. Yeah. I mean, I love Puerto Ricans, but- No, ours is, you know, we wake up and find my dad dead in his bed, but fresh. This is why I was so freaked out about coming out of the hospital. It was the same thing that I'm finding out my dad had. They misdiagnosed it back then as heart attack, but it really was blood clots and a disease. So I, when he gets out of that hospital, he comes home to our house

and the second night he dies. So I can't tell you how terrified I was to go to bed the night I got home from the hospital. I stayed up. I just let my body fall asleep at like noon the next day. I was like, I'm not sleeping tonight. I don't think I'll wake up. Freddie Krueger. Bro.

Yeah. It's going to get me. So now I'm just like, you know what, if we're going to, we're all going to go. I'm thinking though, so yeah, what I want to try to do sometimes it's, it's tough to tap into like what, cause sometimes you make a decision that you forget about it, but like I'm thinking now what I've tried to do is I had a moment where I'm like, it's coming. Who knows? Have you had near death experiences? And I don't just mean,

yeah, like too close to a cliff. Yeah. I don't have a branch there. I'm gone. Yeah. No, I mean, yeah, not where like I got to rethink shit, no injury or anything like that car crash or not going to help scare that ever was like, holy shit, I could have gone. No, no, there's just been some almost falls. Yeah. But like awful, like a high cliff. Yeah. And then go to remote fucking places. Whoa. And then I'm like, just think, do not tell my mom I was that close. Cause it's, it's, it's death,

but it didn't like sit in where I'm like, just get real quick to ask your dad if there are any moments like that when he was hiking Mount Kilimanjaro that he doesn't want to tell your mom? Oh, no, I didn't. No close calls. I got to do a, you'd be tripping podcast with him about that. You should a hundred percent. That's a trip of a lifetime. Yeah. No, I did not. I should. I have one in Mexico, dude. This would have been brutal. This would have been a brutal way to go. What you ate a second burrito

yourself to death Tree stuff this guy looked at me. He's like this he said this isn't for white people I was like put that shit on that. I shit myself in San Diego But let me go, sir. I got a couple. I got about an hour. Anyway, we were all over Mexico. It was me and two friends of mine. And we go down, we took his Jeep and we're just camping on the beaches.

It was fucking amazing. It was amazing. It was Baja? Yep. Nice. We did Ros. Yep. We did Rosarito. We did Ensenada. We just kept driving around. We got the insurance from AAA. You got to have Mexican auto insurance to come across. We did it all right. We had an old CJ7 Jeep turning the hubs. We had a blast. And the last night we're staying, we're like, fuck it. We're

getting a hotel tonight. We're going to pitch in. We're just going to get a nice hotel. We're tired of sleeping on these beaches. A couple of them were shit. Like we pulled up to this one Ari. They had an orangutan in a fucking cage out front and it was a hundred, 200 yards from there that where the beach was the camp. We get there. It's you're on top of each other.

Little kids are looking at our tent in the morning and shit. We're like, what are you doing? Yeah. It was like that. So we're like, fuck this. Then kids are looking at our tent in the morning and shit. We're like, what are you doing? Yeah, it was like that. So we're like, fuck this. Then we would just four wheel. It's not so romantic that way. Off into the remote. That's when it got good.

I'm like, you got a fucking Jeep, bro. He had never, I was like, you don't know how to do this? He's like, no. I'm like, you fucking pussy. So we turned his hubs. Yeah, we four wheeled out onto the beach and that's when it was awesome. Fires, the whole thing.

So the last night we decide we're gonna stay stay, we get in, uh, we're in Rosarito and we're going into town and the guy tells us, and thank God he said, listen to me, it's a $15 cab ride. Give them 20. You're good. If they ask you for any more than 15, they're trying to rob you. Don't pay it. We were like, thanks.

So a guy, a guy in a station wagon picks us up. It's me on the left behind the driver, my buddy Dylan is in the middle, my buddy John on the right. He's got some other guy up front with him too. We don't know if this is another ride, a buddy of his or whatever. Or trouble. I'm telling you, I can go back to this moment. He's got that rear view mirror that goes from the left

all the way across, you know that one? Yeah, panels all the way, not this, all the way across. In the back here, the way back, he's got a boom box and it is blaring, pump up the volume, pump up the volume, you remember that? Dance, dance, and he's like, he's just driving, he's like, you like? We're like, yeah, we're good, We're good. So it's bumper to bumper.

I think it's Memorial Day weekend, some holiday weekend. And he decides he's jumping onto this dirt shoulder. And this motherfucker punches it. We're going like 50 next to parked bumper to bumper car. And there's cars still over here. And we're like, dude, you know, it's fine. He's like, that's OK, traffic. It like, dude, you know, it's fine. He's like, that's okay.

Traffic is okay. I'm like, it's fine. He's hauling ass for a while. We're thinking we're going to kill somebody, run somebody over a car, whatever. Yeah. We stop. He goes, it's right here on your left. It was Carlos and Charlie's back in the day.

That CNC that was what Dublin's was. By the way, you're just singing CNC music factory. Is that what that song was by the way, you're just saying a CNC music factory This was pop up the volumes like Mars or some shit like that, okay So I now remember we're no longer in a lane We're now on the shoulder where we've driven the entire time well we're now on the shoulder where we've driven the entire time. Well, when you see one person do it, a lot of sheep start doing the same fucking thing. And I forget. And I open that door. Oh, no. And I step out and here comes an F1 fucking 50 pickup truck. And I mean, listen, it hit here right here. I felt it go by my face. It hit my buddy grabs my

shirt a little bit because I was like I lean in he grabs my shirt It fucking hits the door of the cab and it bends it up against the driver's door Okay, like this way watch and it's sheet metal and it just beats down the side of this dude's truck I mean it fucked his truck up as it's trying to naturally force its way back rips the fucking door off Oh, this guy makes a right right in front of us It goes up here. The driver turns on looks at me. I go that's your fucking problem, dude I got out I was like, come on we cross the street and traffic. It's melee We get over there and then I'm like and I promise you this is a story wait before we get out my

Problem, bro. I look at the moon and I go it's a full moon It's some weird shits about to go down tonight. Open the door. But but but but but but like that. And he's like, what about my car? I go, that's your fucking problem, bro. I'm not getting arrested in Mexico. That dude took off.

We're taking off. We ran and got into the crowd and he couldn't find us. And that was it. And I was like, fuck. And I kept thinking like it didn't hit me till later that I would have been. How close were you? I would have been pinned in that sheet metal and just being your top stage, your bottom switches around.

So then you're like, as soon as we unwind you, you're dead. So you gotta make a phone call done in Mexico. That's not where you want to die. No. And then you should have your shoulder. And that would have been the song I heard last too. Pop up the volume. That's the one I go out to. Nah Now you're stuck in your head in heaven forever.

Everywhere you go like, I'm like, what is that? Like it's a song, it's the last song. Try to think of all the places I would have liked to. Have you dealt with death in your life? So did you change your life at all? Once that came close to happening? Or do you just get a little sense of like gratitude? I started, I have considerably drank less and less after all of my.

There's that's jumped. I got jumped. I started drinking a lot less, a lot less. Um, and I haven't had drank in two years now. I mean, look, I'm not, again, I say it like, I'm not trying to say I'm better than anybody, I've smoked a fucking small forest, okay, but I have not, it just doesn't work for me. And now I'm on blood thinners.

So alcohol makes your blood thin. If I get into a car crash or something, I'm bleeding out, especially if I'm fucking in a passenger seat and I'm somebody's drunk, fucking idiot riding around, I'm done. I'm just going to leak. Weed works for me. Alcohol does not work for me. That's good to know. My dad doesn't drink either anymore.

Yeah. But like, yeah, once you know it doesn't work, it's like a different, a tell doesn't drink. That's it. If a tell quit. He quit. Yeah, like seven, eight, 10 years ago. For health? I don't know.

At some point you have to, nobody's body's tolerating that. Yeah. And the idea is like, well, I always, I was always high before. I was like, yeah, you were 23 before you're not. A friend of mine had called me up his younger brother. I just saw like he had passed on Facebook. I'm like, what the fuck happened to your brother? And he's like, who posted that? Um, it was like a family post or whatever, you know? And I was like, what happened to your brother?

And he's like, and it's funny, but it's not funny to say this. He's like, he never stopped drinking. Like we were in high school and like, we weren't supposed to be drinking at night, you know what I mean? But yes. And I go, I know what you mean. He's like, he never stopped. He just kept drinking like that.

And then one day literally went from eyes white, went to bed, woke up yellow, went to the doctor and they were like, you're, you're, you're so far advanced. Like it's, there is no, we're not even recommending chemo or anything. Like it's going to have to enjoy your time. And it, and it was boom, like a month later, I think a couple of weeks and he was gone. And it's all from that alcohol. Kathleen McGee, just I remember her. Kathleen, she's a comedian. No, really. She's got cancer. and it's all from that alcohol. Kathleen McGee just died, remember her? Kathleen?

She's a- The comedian? No, really? She just got cancer. She lost a bunch of weight first. Like, I mean like- Like for intentionally, for health reasons, just to give that-

She was thinner than you are. But she was like a fat chick, always. And then got cancer. She handled it so well. It's almost like enviable. The way you heard Norm didn't even tell anybody, and then got cancer. She handled it so well. It's almost like enviable. The way you heard Norm didn't even tell anybody and it was just gone. I love that.

I want to do that. Just don't even tell them. Also, why do you even have to make a press release saying they die? The Black Panther, I was like, just, just, why would you tell the world? Just have your family know and just, that's it. Just don't tell anybody.

How come he's on the new Black Panther? I don't know, weird, I haven't heard from him lately. It should be that, be involving fans for it. Yeah, just don't even know. But yeah, she would tell people, she's like, I have cancer, you know, it's inoperable. And they're like, oh no, she goes, no, no, don't do that. I've already done that, I'm past that, I'm totally fine.

She was like, be happy, think of good thoughts. And she really was at peace with it. And then she went to hospice and died inside like a week. So a few days I got a text like she's in hospice and I texted her. I waited two days and then I texted her just I love you. And then I don't know if she got it. Should have done it right away. Have you dealt with death in your life? Brody, Freddie. I mean outside of, I mean family, grandparents or were they gone before you were born?

No, they died. I remember that. But I remember telling my dad when my, when my, I guess grandmother died, she said it lasted longer. I was just like, you know, heard about it and I was like, he was about to go back to Israel for the funeral. How old were you? High school or college. Okay.

But yeah, I definitely have pubes. You know, I wasn't like a child child. That's middle school. But I mean, at some point I was a bit of an adult. It might've been 25. It might've been, I don't know. But I was just like, sorry, man It might've been 25, it might've been, I don't know. It might've been 16. It might've been 12, I don't know. But I was just like, sorry, man. And he was like, thank you.

It was just like, that sucks. But I didn't understand why it sucked. It was just like someone you really cared about and I kinda cared about died. Yeah. But yeah, I don't know. I don't know. I mean, I wonder if I could,

I would love to go out like Norm or even further. Really, never tell anyone. I've got this- to go out like Norm or even further, really, never tell anyone. I've got this- I guess he's just traveling. That's wild, yeah. I've got this feed going on my damn Instagram now where it talks about the difference between men and women and they play Madonna's Like a Prayer, but sung by a chorus.

And it is so beautiful and powerful and moving. It's amazing. Yeah. The performance of the song. And it's, it says women, I just want to die in my bed with all my loved ones around me. And then it says men and it's like us running at one another and civil war band that's just happening. And I would so much rather go out that way.

I would so much rather go out with a bunch of jump five times, some point three through five. Don't tie it. Don't tell me which one I don't want to know which one. Yeah. Would you rush him roulette? If you knew you were terminal, would you, would you play that game? I still wouldn't play that game. There is that, there's gotta be that last fear of is heaven real, that last, you know, like,

and also what is it is what if it is real, is it the shit we've been hearing about all this time or is we've been way wrong? Yeah. Way wrong. If it's all a mega death concert, I'm like, Oh, send me to hell. What's hell? What if it's all a Megadeth concert, I'm like, go send me to hell, what's hell? What if it's just a drone noise, a mmm, the whole fucking time, we're like, fuck, this is it? Yeah. This is it?

But, yeah, but if there is a heaven, it's pretty much, pretty much everybody say you can't kill yourself, you just won't go, right? That's like the ultimate, you have to be killed or die. So Rush of Roulette is like, you're doing it. It's a good point, but if we can do it each other side, I'll be okay No, I don't think you get into heaven if you're murdering people right if you murder you don't get in yeah Yeah, but if you get murdered you get it. Yeah If you're a victim, it's fine, yeah

But maybe yeah, maybe they're like a squid games kind of thing, but you don't ever talk to your parents about it. They're getting older now. They don't talk to you about it. Like, Hey, do they have, do you know if they have a living will and trust the will, all that shit? I don't, I intentionally don't keep up with that stuff. I actually don't know how much I pay in taxes. I don't keep track of any of that. I just think it'd make me happier not to. I'm like, I, I guess my business manager honest, I I'm not the money guy enough to fuck up your whole business over my stuff.

Cause I'm like, if you, if I, if you find out you're taking 20% for me when you, you know, extra, you're going to lose the major accounts. So I'm safe in that. And if you take a little extra, I'd rather just not know. So I don't, I don't really think they've never said, look, these are our plans. We'd like no, we'd like to, for, you don't know if your parents want to be cremated or buried or definitely not cremated. It's Jewish. Yeah. You're Jewish. Yeah. That's extra money.

Yeah. Yeah. Just two people. You can put two people in one hour. No, you know what I mean? Yeah. You go to our international cemetery, you see one of those decks, you know, dug up and you're like, you using that? You're like, well, somebody's coming, like it's too late, it's in here now. Re-carve, re-carve. Well, brother, I hope you live long and prosper.

I wonder though, would you want to be here past all your friends? Me? Assume health. No, I don't want to outlive. Assume your health. No, you're outliving everyone, no. That sucks.

And see the future, see flying cars, not understand any of it. None of it makes sense. This is how every older person uses their phone. Like everyone over like 70, this is how they use their phone. Yeah. And then you'll see this shot sometimes, you call your parents, something like that,

or like the grandparent, whatever, and you see this FaceTime, but it's like from here out and just ceiling and you're like, no, move, move it. No, move it over. I'm on, see the screen thing, put yourself on the screen thing. And then they're just going, I don't know how I got this. Yeah. I don't want to have that for whatever the new version of that is. No, I don't want to live kids. I don't want to outlive friends. I'm good. Yeah.

What if you could become like a vampire and live forever? At that, at some point you lose your first friends. Do you make new ones knowing you're not going to age? I watched a true blood on HBO. It was a great show. And I never considered that you're, I mean, everyone you're meeting is dying. Everyone. And that includes even your family. Cause you're like, Hey, I'm your great,

great, great, great, great. And every all of them come and go. The longer you live, the more snaps go. I think that'd be terrible. I'm going to go like 250 years. I just want the flying part of it. God, that'd be sick. I wanted to step into a tree real quick. I would love to drink blood though. That'd be bad ass. Come in and how do they suck it? They try and they f*****g fang it and pull right in like snakes. It's just like they fang you first.

That's pretty cool. Bro, I love you. I love you too, right? Thank you for doing this. We're going to wrap up our talk about death, but I like going deep with you about this. You should take your action. Put it in a honeydew melon. Smash that in the white oak.

You know, the old sport, old it in a honeydew melon. Smash that in the Y-Oak. You know the old, uh, that's interesting. You know the old Keith Richards one where he says he joked about smoking his father's ashes. You know about that? Yeah. So he says he rolled a little of them up and he smoked them and then people went off on them like, that's fucking crazy. So he had to be like, I didn't.

Well, he did, who knows, but he had his head. Why not? Why not? Who cares? It's not cannibalism. That's also, we're talking about becoming a tree. Smoke me, it's okay. Smoke me. The right person.

There's only a few people that get that. That's right. The rest you get to visit. That's right, the tree. You can get the roach. Don't be carving shit in me. Don't be carving shit. Here's what else I think too.

If you've eaten crabs from the Baltimore metropolitan waters, you've probably had some hundred percent. You've had gone, they're like, they don't care. A hundred percent. You've had a little human in your system. Maybe a discarded gun. No doubt. I believe that like, oh no, those things live forever too. You're eating, sometimes you're eating crabs. It's like a hundred years old. So like you're getting some fucking, you know, whitey bullshit. So I would have to say I probably had some, do you know about the guy,

the cannibal that sold hamburgers in Baltimore? No. We brought this up on the way back. Wait, I'm kind of remembering. Look back here here Kirsten I'll show you this the guy the picture is horrifying like he leans into the role of this So this guy was he's a serial killer in Baltimore murdering these people and serving him up Yeah, and he sold roadside hamburgers meat human burger and he put them the he put human grade Show that that one right there. Look at that guy has been eating too much.

Look at that guy. That's him. Oh, and he sold roadside burgers. You know how Maryland you can get, pull over and get silver queen corn and pit beef and he sold these burgers with people. So that's him. Sarah. That's him. Damn.

He gained a lot of weight in prison. That nuts. Oh, he died 2017. Was an American serial killer. I like how they have to say that. I'm an American serial killer. Not just, yeah. We should, they should make like a,

do you ever do year end episodes? I've only done one when I was with YMH, we did one like a recap, a highlight episode. Yeah, I wonder if there's a way to do like a, just like an all time underrated greats of Maryland and then be like guys like that. People you haven't heard of just notables. Yeah. You know, you ever hear about this guy?

That'd be hilarious. Yeah. Baltimore. Okay. Yeah. Maryland's got a lot of weird shit going on. You got all the people coming in from DC. You got the Philly, you got the Boston's everybody coming down this little

fucking weird spot. They don't like narrow down the list of States to who has pride. Who doesn't Iowa pride, whatever. I'm sure you have a little, it's not a California pride. Yes. Texas pride. Yes. New York pride. No, it's the city of the state, but you're not proud of that. You're probably your California. Yeah. But because it's also three quarters of the fucking coast, right? Hawaii has Hawaiian pride for sure. Um, Florida has like they're shamed, but Maryland has a real pride.

Oh, you're from Maryland. Nice. It's a different thing. Yeah. Where it's big enough and small enough that you know where they are. I don't think Delaware has that pride or Rhode Island. Definitely Massachusetts does not. It's only Boston or greater Boston or just the sticks and Chicago or Illinois is Chicago. It's not Maryland. Colorado might have some pride. Yeah. But like, so you narrow that down to who has pride and then you go, who has the most? There's some pride. Yeah. A lot of white pride.

Dude, congrats again on the special. Promote it. Get you out of here. Yeah. It's called America's Sweetheart. It's on, buddy. Dude, congrats again on the special. Promote it and we'll get you out of here. Yeah, it's called America's Sweetheart. It's on, just, it's been out for one week on Netflix. If you want to help any Netflix algorithm, it's different from YouTube algorithm. YouTube algorithm, like for this episode, leave a comment, it'll help us out there. Quick little comment, quick like, that helps this out.

On Netflix, let it run. Let it run to the end. You gotta go to work, press play, leave. Is that right? How long the retention? Yeah, let it go out, and then that, then the algorithm means then now with people go, oh, I guess they're watching this all the way through,

I should suggest to other people. And then so somebody else like, oh right, RE special. Watch it all the way through, there it is. That's a great tip. Press play and leave, yeah. Leave a comment here, press play and leave over there. Dude, thank you. Buddy, I love you. I. Leave a comment here. Press play and leave over there. Dude, thank you. Buddy. I love you. I love you as always.

Yeah. Ryan Sickler on all your social media, RyanSickler.com. We'll talk to y'all next week. You