The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Bret Ernst - Cobra Kai

Episode Date: September 28, 2020

My HoneyDew this week is Bret Ernst! Bret drops by The Dew fresh off of the set of Cobra Kai and shares lowlights about his brother who died from AIDS and his father who committed suicide. It’s a powerful episode! Check it out! SUBSCRIBE to my YouTube channel & watch full episodes of The HoneyDew every toozdee! https://www.youtube.com/rsickler SUBSCRIBE to my Patreon show, The HoneyDew with y’all, where I highlight the lowlights with y’all! What’s your story??https://www.patreon.com/TheHoneyDew Sponsors: Hello Fresh Go to HelloFresh.com/honeydew80 and use code HONEYDEW80 to get a total of $80 off your first month, including free shipping on your first box. Additional restrictions apply, please visit HelloFresh.com for more details Stamps.com Right now, my listeners get a special offer that includes a 4-week trial PLUS free postage AND a digital scale without any long-term commitment. Just go to Stamps.com, click on the Microphone at the TOP of the homepage and type in HONEYDEW. Talkspace We all need someone to talk to. Talkspace wants to give you the support you deserve at a price you can afford. Match with your perfect therapist at Talkspace.com or by downloading the Talkspace app. And don’t forget to use promo code HONEYDEW at checkout for $100 off your first month.

This episode of The Honeydew is brought to you by Manscaped, Talkspace, HelloFresh, and Stamps.com. More on that later. Let's get into the do. The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler. Welcome back to The Honeydew, y'all. We're over here doing it in the Night Pants studio. I am Ryan Sickler, ryansickler.com, Ryan Sickler on all social media. I can't thank you all enough, for real. Moving into this space, we're a couple months in now,

and I appreciate every single one of you for your support. It means the world. So if you're new here or even if you just haven't yet make sure you subscribe to the youtube channel you get the audio on mondays you get the video on tuesdays all right make sure you're subscribed to the patreon as well the honeydew with y'all that's where i'm highlighting the low lights with y'all okay so if you think you have a story that needs to be heard or, you know, someone just got that fucking story. Email me at Honeydew podcast at Gmail dot com.

And look, we've got a lot of emails, but we're getting through them and we'll get you on and do an episode with you all. Also, make sure you subscribe to the Facebook fan page, all the social media stuff. The website is the Honeydew podcast dot com. That is where you get the merch and night pants nation. I can't thank you all enough for cutting the legs off andopodcast.com. That is where you get the merch and Night Pants Nation. I can't thank you all enough for cutting the legs off and making them night shorts. You guys are buying the shit out of the night.

It is hot this year. It's like extra hot. So stay comfy, stay cool. Get your hoodies for the fall. Whatever you want. It's all over there. And as you know, I say all the time where I record,

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use the code honeydew they'll waive the registration fee they'll give you a free lesson when you sign up for a package all right that's all the biz right there now as you know what we do here every week we highlight the low lights i always say these are the stories behind the storytellers i am very excited to have our guest here today. First time here on the honeydew. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Brett Ernst, y'all. All right. What's up, kid?

It's so weird how we got to be, not formal, but it's like we've known each other so long. I know. Then you got a third of cash. What's up, kid? How you doing? I got to say, man, this is phenomenal, bro. Thank you, dude bro i'm very proud of you man i appreciate it really i really am and this is uh how'd you come up with honeydew you probably explained that already yeah a bunch but at long story short is google it or no long story short i'm sitting at

the diner having dinner one night they bring the fruit cup i eat everything in it but the honeydew and not because i don't i hate honeydew i just don't fuck but the honeydew. And not because I don't. I hate honeydew. I just don't fuck with the honeydew. And as I walk out, I see honeydew scattered on all these tables. And I was like, huh, it's a perfectly good fruit that a lot of people just throw away. And then it hit me that I am a fucking, I'm a honeydew. I'm a human honeydew. And so are you.

And so are all these people that come on here and share their stories. I feel that way about Old Bay seasoning i can't stay in old bay i think that's the worst shit proud sponsor hey guys that's my time i know you guys fucking love that shit in baltimore bro that's a it's a flagship sponsor here is it really i was gonna say I wish. Dude, every time I'm in Baltimore, man. I put it on everything. I know you do. Tuna, eggs, everything. All seafood, all fish, chicken, all of it. I just always obey and shit.

Always, bro. That's our hot sauce. You know what I mean? Yeah. That's why they made a hot sauce. I just bought a 64-ounce gallon of hot sauce. Look, anyway, it is great to have you here. We're going to talk about some shit today.

But before we do, please promote everything you want to promote. Well, first, August 28th, Cobra Kai is going to go to Netflix. So we were on YouTube Premium for like the first two seasons. Oh, it was exclusive to the YouTube Premium? Yeah, it was like their first flagship show. And then so I'm going around just, you know, trying to push that. It's going to Netflix. Both seasons?

Yeah, and then they're going to release season three once everybody's caught up. Because we already shot season three. On Netflix? On Netflix. Okay. Well, no, it was still with YouTube premium, but they just bought all three. They're going to stream it now. Got it.

And then hopefully, you know, season four comes. That's great and then also uh yeah uh check out my uh my special we're at i'm at to like 2.6 million views now um but i i put it on youtube man and uh you're one of the earliest guys to do that yeah dude you here's what i love they say no to everybody we're talking about this you schultz joe list is mark norman all you guys are putting it out um hold on sam moral all these guys putting it out there right now uh go check all these specials out that's the one of the funniest just let me say it the funniest goddamn bits you will ever see is the roller skating bit I know you probably sick of it whatever it is the funniest fucking bit and I

take my daughter roller skating now and there's no way well not right now but prior to this we go we go to the old school rink we go to Moonlight Rollerway I still got it I'm still out there doing the shuffle I'm stepping over and shit I never could backwards skate but I'm stepping over and shit I'm still throwing it up to the weird

DJ you know give him some love but I'm stepping over and shit. I'm still throwing it up to the weird DJ, you know, give him some love. But I can't not think about that guy because I would always would always be a bigger guy would pick you up and shit and move you. And even, you know what I mean? Remember that guy? And even as a 10 year old, I felt like as a man, I'm like, motherfucker, don't move. But I couldn't do shit about it. He's like my hands around my waist and move. I'm 10, man.

I'm still a dude no uh we um no but here's the thing man is what i was saying is that now you know what here's my i think the silver lining and you know look there's that dirty little secret in hollywood with the white guys you know that there's no more white males we're not doing that you know which by the way i wasn't white enough when white dudes were in. And I'm not brown enough when white guys aren't in. Personally, my problem was I was never good with social media. You know what I mean?

That was just my thing. But what's beautiful now is that all the comedy is back where it belongs, and that's underground. And also in the hands of the comedians. And the fans. Absolutely. That's where it belongs and that's underground i always thought and also i always thought hands of the comedians it's not but i was and the fans absolutely that's where it should be one and two like comedy's punk rock dude it's you know it's it is it is it's it's underground man it's underground hip-hop it's it's things that that we're supposed to be saying or or you know you're not afraid to say you know depending on which it it doesn't matter. We're contrarians by nature.

But anyways, we got a little pop for a minute. For all the time on our end, we feel like that industry or the whatever keeps us from the fans that we know would love this shit if they got it. Say what you said earlier about the group that used to be the wall. Yeah, so there's always been, and then we're going to get into your low lights but there's always been this this wall you know this huge wall of of managers agents bookers whatever saying well i'm not saying you're not funny but we're gonna let this one over and this one and this one and this one and this one and this one but you just stay right there well what these people men and women women that were put here did was build fucking armies

and went right through that goddamn wall. It was like, fuck you. And then proved not only to everyone else but themselves that they were right all along. These gatekeepers, they've never set foot on a floor. Why am I listening to anything you have to fucking say? Until you get up on that stage for an hour and fucking rock a mic for 2500 fucking people don't even tell me anything stand in line for 15 years that's right you know uh but hold on let me say this because this is

important because i just i recently thought of this too like we always see it as man i i want to get to the fans i want to get to the fans and these people i have the best fucking fans i have the greatest fucking fans and you don't ever look at it like their side like well this is all you're gonna give us you know what i mean like this is it i know there's got to be a million other things but this is all we get you know so i've never looked at it like that side of they're happy that we did what we did and got figured a way around but you know listen man don't listen to anybody hear me don't listen to anybody do what the fuck you want to do i would say you don't need permission to exist

nope but um yeah it just seemed that like we look i came out here just to entertain you know i you know and then they start asking you about your politics and what the fuck's that matter you know i you know and then they start asking you about your politics and what fuck's that matter you know and then it's almost like they're checking the wrong boxes you know the boxes that should be checked are they talented are they funny you know do the fans love it yeah are they good are they charismatic i mean you know what what actors used to be now it's just you know it's what gender what what you know. And they just check in the wrong boxes sometimes. And it just doesn't make any sense. And by the way, I'm okay with the equality thing. But at the same time, they get the good equality in.

Yes. You know what I mean? Like, there's some comics out there that, like, you know, like Corey Holcomb, dude. Like, that guy's fucking unbelievable. He is. You know what I mean? I'm not saying he hasn't's fucking unbelievable. He is. You know what I mean? I'm not saying he hasn't created his own niche, too. You know what I mean?

Yeah, he sure has. But, I mean, there's comics that comics know that, like, when that dude's on stage, you're like, yo, this motherfucker is just a beast, man. You know? But thank God for the internet. I mean, because let's just say we didn't have one. Would we? I mean, I know Joe Diaz was uh in move but would we have had uncle joey the way we have uncle would all of us have anything this show they would have they would

have fucking canceled us uh to eight years ago yes they said you know what we're going another way but look it is a business and we know that so you know i'm not mad at it i'm just saying i think this is a good thing and. And that's my original statement is that now comedy is where it needs to be. It's a consumer-based thing. And, you know, good is good. And it's punk rock. And it's not pop comedy anymore. And, you know, you can go get some real shit now.

Yeah, you can. You can enjoy whatever the fuck you want. Porn and comedy is the best it's ever been. Porn is killing it. Porn is always a blade. But I'm saying it's accessibility is better. You don't need a videotape that we have to hand around and rewind. At this point now, if you have an idea, then you got to figure out how to do it yourself.

Because if I had pitched this show to any network like I told you, they'd have said no. If Tom Segura would have pitched your mom's house to a network, they'd have told them, fuck no. But look where they are. So anyway so anyway yeah there's no excuses let's talk about you now let's we go back a long ways you you originally are florida no jersey original okay jersey originally but florida was your okay so give me a brief background on family and let let's talk about it, because I really want to talk about your brother. I love that you include him in your stand-up. I love that you don't shy away from any of that stuff, because just go ahead.

Start with your upbringing. Well, I was born in New Jersey. Well, I went to 15 different schools, one high school. Fifteen? Yeah, I was always moving. Were you, was it, why? You know, single mom bullshit. Okay, it wasn't military or anything like that. No, no? You know, single mom bullshit. Okay.

It wasn't military or anything like that. No, no, no, man. Fuck no. Nothing productive. I mean, look, man, you know, there's periods in my life, like six is when everything goes south, but you know, we were always moving. And then, and sometimes like they'd switch zones on you and you had to get busted and you know, that type of shit.

And then my, but my, my, my spent my four years in plantation high school and, and Fort Lauderdale. So that was, uh, where I spent my,

I had, I was fortunate to go to one high school. My older brother went to three and that sucked, but I went to three middle schools and then the rest elementary, but something like what was different in Florida elementary was six, seventh, but then we moved back to jersey then i was back i mean middle school was six seventh and eighth then we moved back to jersey and then i went back to elementary because middle school was seventh and eighth so it was always moving and stuff you know but uh i mean how many brothers do you have two i have two. I also have a step older brother and a step older sister.

I've never heard anybody drop the older after the step. It's usually an older step brother or an older step. You said step older brother and step older sister. I'm also stupid. I'm not that bright. Never claimed to be. Your mom raised three kids on her own? Yeah.

Then I had a stepfather later on. All right. So what age are you when your dad splits? Or do you never meet your dad? I knew my father. I mean, I remember him at six. That's the worst because I'm the middle. Like, I don't know if it's worse not knowing him.

Right. Or just remembering everything. How much younger is your younger brother? Keith was three when my parents split. And then my brother was 10, my older brother. But my older brother was more like my father figure. Because my older brother, you know, he took the burden of everything. So he raised everybody, you know. My mom was always working, so he was always there, you know.

In what ways? Like, was he looking after you after school? Yeah, like, I mean, there was, he would, like, he taught me how to ride a bike shit like that you're older but you're 10 year old wow yeah he put me on and just pushed the motherfucker but he taught me how to swim the same way too you know what i mean so you guys got really close because your mom was always working yeah you latchkey kids and bouncing around just like everybody in our era yeah that was a big thing in the 70s and 80s i don't think that exists now maybe it does but not like it did latchkey kids i think social services come pick your ass up well you know i

have a theory man is that like our parents were raised where you know they always talked about the lights came on you came home and that's how we were raised. But the difference was when they were outside in the 50s and then being outside in the 80s are two different outsides. So they raised us the same way they were raised, but our outsides were way different. And that's why we don't let our kids go outside. That's what I was saying. That's like right now you have parents that are like,

hell nah, man, I don't want to. My kid's going to come across a crack addict that's jerking off in front of him. Exactly. No, like our shit was crazy, man. 2020 kids are not outside kids, man. Dude, I used to tell my ex-wife, man, because she was younger than me. Yeah. You know what I'm saying?

They are not. I'm like, why aren't you outside riding your bike? Oh, yeah, because 12 people would try to kidnap you on the way to the park. Yeah, absolutely, man. Yeah. Dude, we had this dude, man, and Matty Fontana talked about this, but there was a guy that used to jerk off in front of kids, but everybody would be like, you know, you'd get in trouble. He'd be like, why the fuck did you go over there?

You know that's what he does. You know that's what he does. You know what I mean? He'd just go over that way. It's your fault. You know what I mean? It's your fault. But also, too, man, I used to tell my ex-wife this because she was younger than me by almost 15 years.

I said, when we were kids, no bullshit. We could go to the corner store and I could buy cigarettes and wine for my mom. And then you just walk in. They weren't even behind the counter. They were right out here by the candy bars and shit bars that's how we used to steal all the time my buddy had the best method i i say it all the time he would walk up he grabbed two walk around a store slip one in his pocket like i'm not gonna buy that put one back buy a big golf bounce every listen a thou he batted a thousand on that and then when they moved him behind the

register that was all she wrote but yeah we could my ninth grade year in high school we had a smoking lounge we had a fucking smoking lounge if you were under 18 you had to get your parents permission to smoke they used to bring guns man they had like a sharpshooters club but motherfuckers like kids in high school were bringing guns and shit they literally had those clubs man but um no it was it was just a different you're right so we were always outside man always something man always oh and what else I like about our generation, too, is that video games came during then. And we weren't just sucked into them. We were, at least we had a good balance. We were like, let's go out.

Well, the graphics kind of sucked. Yeah, they did. But still, it was new. It was new. When Double Dribble had their, oh, I was like, what the? I remember when Tech Ball Ball came out. Yeah, but now they're making fucking money, making careers out of these games.

See, now, there's an interesting study on this. The gap, like, okay, my grandparents' music and my mom's music were totally different. My mom's music and our music were totally different. We're still in the motherfucking hip-hop era. Yeah. We're listening to the same music dude you know what i'm saying that our kids are i still listen to run dmc i still listen but

we have an older taste but we're also listening to kendrick lamar and stuff the kids are listening and we're also still the video game generation like i just was getting my ass kicked by my niece and uh she's still playing mario kart yeah it's fucking awful it's annoying she's 10 and i'm literally like i won like four four i got four races i won but um yeah no anyway so uh also what's interesting about our generation is that we're the first generation that's getting older online you know what i mean like these kids we, it started when we were in 96. Right. And then you can literally look back at us and go, like, you ever get your Facebook memories? You're like, that looks nothing like me. Who is that guy? I literally had the thought the other

day, I saw somebody updated their profile picture and I was like, he looks good, man. He's getting older. He looks good as he's getting older. And I'm thinking as he's getting, cause we're watching it unfold, you know, we're the first people that didn't have this shit. Like you got to go back prior to what at 96 on 23 prior to like, let's just say 2000 before social media got big or whatever. You got to go look at hard copy photos to see what I look like before that.

You can't just scroll your thumb up and look back at my baby pictures. You know what I mean? Now, do you think, too, like, I don't know, man, are people printing these photos out? Are they just going to live in cyberspace? Because we used to have albums. Yeah. You know, which you had.

But I don't know if kids, people do that nowadays. No, they just look on their phone or drop it to you, you know? Yeah. But I'm saying, if it's not on your phone, does anybody ever see them again? I mean... It goes on social media. If they don't follow you, that's it. But let's just say it all fucking goes away.

The last 25 years are gone. It's a fire. It's a fire. It's like our fire. Yeah, when you had a house fire, everything was fucking gone. All those memories gone. All the pictures. We lost all the albums, everybody.

You know what I mean? Like, your shit your shit collapses that's it you got 25 years you're just a grown man now they don't see anything middle school none of that shit your trophies aren't proof nothing nothing uh let's take a quick break and tell you about our first sponsor manscaped do you have a moose near the caboose that needs to be tamed i'm talking hairy big and need some support thankfully our sponsor sponsor manscaped do you have a moose near the caboose that needs to be tamed i'm talking hairy big and need some support thankfully our sponsor today manscaped has you covered to keep the hair looking nice and trimmed and feeling fully supported manscaped offers precision engineered tools for your family jewels i don't know about you guys but i've been down there before trying to work it you know what i I mean? Like it's basically, it looked like I had a weed whacker down there.

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a hundred dollars off your first month and show your support for the show that's honeydew and talkspace.com now let's get back to the dude all right let's talk more about your brother raising you because well it was more like he we were very close you know it wasn't until like you know puberty hits that people go the different ways a little bit you know because that's the other thing when you're the see i love being the middle a lot of people don't like that but i did because i was both a younger brother and an older brother now me personally i like being an older brother you know um but you know there's that time when like you're interested in girls and then your little brother still wants to go play

you know football you're like yo man i'm wearing cologne i'm 12 i'm trying to get laid here now the difference is when my older brother was hitting puberty he was liking dudes uh-huh so he was gay but you know that when did you realize that fuck we always knew you did yeah i mean i always knew i didn't know you know you know you know it's funny too man is that like whenever you look at them and again i have a tendency to and i think everybody does this but i have a tendency to to say things based on like the way i was raised and and the people i was around a lot like for instance yeah but but when i hear like those the white kids that they're always like you know racism starts

at home and you need my mother i didn't have the i'm sorry you had a fucking shitty family my mother wasn't like that i wasn't raised around that even with the gay thing nobody fucking cared that's what i wanted to ask you because you're you're definitely a a dude's dude and there's a lot of stereotypes that go into that so had you known anybody else that was gay or anyone else in the family you know what's funny is like when when he came out he was more afraid of me to know but because i was always saying he didn't think you'd accept it no i was always saying faggot as a kid but when you're a young kid faggot doesn't mean faggot it just means yay stop being a fag it meant more like

stop crying or whatever being a bitch but you know you don't know that as a little boy i'm saying it all the time and he's thinking you know he's feeling weird he said come on man stop being gay but it doesn't mean gay yeah you know what i'm saying so he was always around that and the way kids would talk and the way i would talk but you know it's there's no ill intentions right it's just how you talk back then but now i understand you know but um did your mom have any conversations with you guys about that at all we just fucking waited it was more for him like you know he never really so you guys were just waiting for him to be comfortable enough to come out yeah yeah you know it's just like all right well yeah we had no idea you had the whole family full you know none of us figured that out bro those pictures of marilyn monroe on your wall really fucking

what do you remember how he did it? How old was he? He was like 18 or 19. Okay, so he did wait a little bit. He was finally waiting. But, you know, it just came to the point to where if he didn't do it, I was going to say, bro, come on, man. But was he dating? Was he happy? Yeah.

Well, see, he got AIDS pretty young. He did? Yeah. How old was he? I think he had to have been, let's see 23 yeah 23 but through just going back a little bit before that through high school did he ever how did he date well here's the crazy part like when we were kids he he always hit on my girlfriends you know what i mean but then there was a kid this is hilarious too man There is this kid that was on our block that my brother,

that they used to fucking fool around. Oh, your brother and him. Yeah. But this guy was like, you know, he was like the big dick, you know,

like, you know, like he was a jerk, like a bully and everything. But he was really the guy that, uh, that, you know,

um, then he, my brother said, yeah, man, I used to fucking, you know, as we got older, you know, he would tell me yeah, man, I used to fucking, you know, as we got older,

you know, he would tell me stuff, but a big bad bully. Yeah. That guy could suck a dick. Your brother's like, that guy sucks a good dick. Do you know how that would change the game of bullying? If you could have that inside information. Hey, you remember so-and-so? Yeah, man. You mean that guy that used to

beat the shit out of everybody? That guy's asshole whistles. Remember the dude that stole your bike? Yeah, man. Yeah, I didn't beat him up. I just fucking... I made him pay, though. No, um... You you know there was like he would always tell me shit too like later on like you know so-and-so's gay this celebrity's gay because so we're fast forward a little bit so you know he he eventually you know we we figured it out but then when he

started dating it's just like anything like he was with girls before so when he told you guys do you remember where you were? Yeah. Did he do a family thing or just talk to each of you? I think we were in the kitchen. I don't remember. It was so nothing to you because you all had known. I was like, yeah, dude.

But now that's when the fun starts. But also, yes, of course now when our types of family no but yeah yeah that's the ball busting is like my stepfather was like old school guido right and he would have conversations with him about uh you know like he couldn't fat he couldn't figure out like if they he like he would say shit like okay say say you because he had he had a couple boyfriends that that you know they would come over for family dinner. I got a great story. Yeah, I want to hear about the guys.

He would be like, hey, so if you two go out, like, who pays? Like, you know, he couldn't fathom. Yeah, he can't even get the dynamic. He'd be like, so if he gets in a fight, do you run? Yeah, run. You know what I mean? Like, that type of shit. Yeah, you get in the car, what are you doing?

So he was dating this one guy that was a doctor, man. And he came over. He would come over every Sunday. And then he came over one day and he wasn't there. So he's like, yeah, you know, we broke up, whatever. And you just hear him go, oh, me. The guy's a doctor. What are you doing?

Now he's all about it. Now he's all about it. We got a doctor here. Now he's all about it. What are you. We had a talk here. No, he's all about it. But we would, you know, there was. What are you doing? I got to say something, man. And all of, you know, the shit that happens in life,

I'm very, very, very, very blessed to have one of the funniest and most loving families, man. Even my grandmother, everybody, man. My grandfather didn't give a fuck. My mom wanted to be a nun, man, you know? know and it's just always we never had none of that you know everybody was fucking really cool man i'm not gonna lie i had the same like my upbringing was just shit but god the family members were the ones that good ones were awesome and and funny as fuck just naturally funny.

Just the way they, you know, you remind me a lot of my cousins and shit. It's why I laugh so hard when listening to you. You're so much like them. So, all right. But my older brother was very stoic. So, like, you know, he took a brunt of the family. Now, there was a time when me and him did not get along at all. At all.

Like, he was mad at me. And he told me later on i said dude what the fuck's your problem man yeah why why did i make fun of him one time outside in front of people yeah and then that's when i explained him then you forget oh yeah dude you're gay it wasn't even about being gay it was about being overweight because my brother gained pounds when he was like 12 i took his shirt off i called him like dolly partner or something meanwhile by pounds when he was like 12. He took his shirt off. I called him like Dolly Parton or something. Meanwhile, by the time he was 18, he was fucking shredded. My older brother was stunning.

Was he? Yeah, every girl that came over, like put you like this, man. When you have a gay older brother, and I used to talk about this on stage, it's like having a big sister whose clothes you can wear, right? Because he knew how to dress, but then all his friends would be hot girls. And they always would ask, do you have a brother or you know like i had a shit ton of first dates because they'd be like uh they'd be like yeah my and scott would be like yeah i do but you know we're not the same because you know my brother was very he wasn't rough around the edges like me and my little brother were but me and my little brother were always out there bro always hustling always

my older brother was more the you know he took the role of like a parent almost for us so it was like he was like a father figure to me and my little brother was my best friend my partner in crime me and my brother little brother did everything but my older brother we would but it was i always say he's a fourth he was like a fourth quarter guy. All the little shit, he'd lose his mind. But when shit hit the fan, dude, stoked. That was the guy? That was the guy.

Like when my father died and my brother had to come get me and let me know how they found him and everything, he didn't cry. How old was he when you told me this? Geez. No, wait. I'm sorry. Scotty was 14. was 14 i was 10 still that's a ninth grader but he was standing there and you know he didn't and i would hear him cry at night because we all we all shared the same room right it was me my little brother and him in one room but you know most of my life so that's another reason why we were always fighting yeah i mean you have you're on top of each other, going through puberty, going through all this shit.

But me and my little brother were never like that. We both loved football. We both, it was, Scott had, you know, there was a difference, obviously, man. I mean, which again, man, he just, once you get a certain age, you don't care. But, you know, there are those times. But then, like, he would, he took the,

but I would hear him crying at night. But he would never cry in front of us, you know? So what, what happened when he got sick? My brother? Well, he, he was pretty healthy for a while, man. And, um, it's, it's like when he got, uh, what was fucked up is you ever see the Dallas buyers club? Yeah.

Yeah. So I used to have to take him. We used to, there was a dude in Miami. We used to get his shit from. And then, then that helped for a while. Yeah, man. Cause those used to have to take him. There was a dude in Miami we used to get his shit from. And then- And that helped for a while? Yeah, man. Because those AIDS cocktails, they were like $10,000 a month at one point.

A month? Yeah. Yeah, I know that that's crazy. But here's what else is fucked up, is that at the time, this is why I would- It's not that I have political affiliations, but it's why I'm independent. The Republicans at that time, they cut they cut the money. So basically, it was like if you were healthy and you're doing well, then they said, OK, you're fine. But the only reason why you're healthy is because of that shit.

Right. So. So you would take him to go. I would take him to go get those fucking cocktails, man. But here's the fucked up part. I used to blame the political parties and the government, but the reality is

if they allocated a trillion dollars, those fucking medical companies will find a way to spend that whole trillion. Of course. So now all of a sudden it'll double. It was an endless amount of money that eventually it runs out. So I had a little animosity

towards that shit for a while. But when did you find out he was sick? Did he tell that was i'll tell you i could tell you exactly yeah because i came in i fucking knew man how old are you 21 22 all right right i don't know man i don't know it's weird it's like i it's like uh it's weird i was in that I was working in the nightclubs at the time so I had to have been over 21 maybe 20 1920 maybe I don't know and where were you Scotty was 24 so I'd have been 20

I was in Florida but I knew something was wrong man and the dude the dude gave it to him on purpose he gave it to like six guys on purpose no yeah and then and my brother's the only one that went to his deathbed and forgave him really yeah and if he didn't die before my brother i would have fucking he would have died that guy died too yeah he died for your brother but what was fucked up is my brother saw

the strain because there's like different strains so the way that guy went out scott knew that's the way he was going to go out but if that guy wouldn't have died, he'd be dead. Yeah. I would have fucked killed that motherfucker, bro. I was angry at him for a while. Cause he pretty much murdered him, man.

I mean, if you're killing six people, I mean, I got over it, you know, I mean now at the time I was angry and you look at it as an adult and my brother forgave him. And it's like, you know,

people go through things. How was your brother when he died? Scotty was 33, age of Jesus, 33. So he lived with it for a minute, man. I was going to say, yeah. And he was pretty healthy, but when it hit, it hit hard. Because my father was 38 when he killed himself, and my brother was 33. All right, so hold on.

Well, go ahead. Did this cocktail is what kept him healthy up until the end? Was that a big part of it? Yeah, pretty much. Huge, man. But see, again, I'm Catholic, man. I believe in God, Jesus, you know. My brother did too.

And there was a little kid that got hit by a car, right, in front of Scott. This was in Miami. So he ran over and he's holding the little kid. And he just said to God, he said, listen, I'm going to switch with him, but you know, take me and not him. And then he started getting sick.

Right. That right after that. Yeah. Now my brother, did that kid live? Yeah. But here, here's the funny part.

I'm waiting for it here. See, like my brother had the, had the ultimate sense of humor, man. You know, like he had a dark sense of humor. Then,

then he's like, after he found out the kid was alive, he's like, God. You know, like he had a dark sense of humor. Then he's like, after he found out the kid was alive, he's like, God, you know, I wish. Yeah. Fuck. Maybe I shouldn't have signed that contract. Dude, nah, my brother was a dude. When I tell you, that motherfucker was funny, man.

I'm glad he saw me do comedy, though. I wanted to ask. He got to. Yeah, he got to see me do it, man. I was doing it about three or four years because he died in 01. I had to come all the way home, man. What was that like? Fucking awful, bro.

But I went up that night. Did you get to say goodbye? Oh, fuck yeah, man. I never left his side, bro. I lost everything. All my money. So you came home. You didn't get the call that he's gone.

You came back. No, no, no. Okay. No, my mom. See, this is the... We're all over the place again. He was fucking healthy, and then it hit hard. Then he went in.

I will say this, man. By the way, if I get choked up, you edit that motherfucker out. No, we're not doing that. No, you got to. What? I don't... No. I'll not doing that. No, you got to. No, I'll laugh at you.

I'll tell you what's fucked up about it, man. So the first time he was in, I'll tell you what fucked me, because you got to deal with your mom. So you say in. The hospital. But does he, okay, go there first. So he's dying like we thought he was out. Because this motherfucker,

my brother was strong, dude. Look up this, our cousin, like, my family, my dad's family is extremely strong. Like, I was strong when I played ball. I was a strong kid. Yeah, I've seen your old pictures, though. You look like a goddamn Chippendale. My older brother was stronger than me. Now, if you look up, Google a guy named Greg Ernst.

He's the world's strongest man. Like, this is my father's side. My grandfather was just a, just a freakishly strong guy. My brother was just a fucking strong all the way around strong jawline, just strong. So he wasn't going right. So the first time we thought he was gone, Right? And the nurses were there. And then my mom was freaking out. So this fucked me up. I had to get his suit to get clean. The one we were going to bury the motherfucker in. So that pisses you off.

Yeah. But then he came back. Right? Wait, he made a comeback? Yeah. He didn't die. And then he was getting better. Now, he had gotten sick before when then he he got better but the when he came out he's like

i want to talk to you and i said what he said look man if this if i can't i can't if i go back in i can't i can't beat it and the motherfucker went back in like a week later then he actually said that to you yeah then i was like all right but like i had to talk him over he wouldn't go he was in the room he wouldn't go so i had to talk him over well you taught him through it yeah i told him to die i said bro you can leave man i got mom oh you know so that part kind of you know and you were there on his last breath yeah well i went downstairs but yeah i i you know i gotta tell you something, man. And I know people don't understand this.

When you're in these situations, that's how you know there's a God. And it's not that you want to believe it. Shit starts to happen. So I was downstairs with my grandmother. And then I knew right away. I said, we got to get upstairs. Swear. Walked in the room and my grandmother and then um i knew right away i said we gotta get upstairs swear walked in the room and my mom was crying and then i mean i don't want to get into details with it but there's a death rattle there's like a final breath but but then there's a tear he cried

he did yeah but you there's a term for that in italian you know the guineas are we fucking have all that uh all that you know superstitious shit or whatever but there's a word for that in Italian. You know how the guineas are. We fucking have all that, all that, you know, superstitious shit or whatever. But there's a word for that. So there's any Italian people. Anyways, so then I spent time with him, you know, alone. We got we got to talk a little,

but I kind of knew. So here's the crazy part, man. I was in La Jolla at the comedy store that night. I got on stage, by the way, that night. Yeah, that fucking night. Didn't even talk about it. I just went stage man i just had to and then you know my little brother was home and everybody was there the room was comfortable man it was fucking

comfortable we had music playing for him gloria estefan came came yeah because my brother was so gay he was a backup dancer for her yes howuh-uh. How do you leave that? Wait, you want to hear a great story? Hold on. Yeah. Hold on. How the fuck do you leave out? Well, she was doing what she should.

He's part of the rhythm that got me. Because my brother was in Miami in South Beach, which was like the gay heaven in the 90s and early 2000s. From mid-90s to early 2000s, it was like shit. So she came there to visit him. But here's a great story. So you know I'm a huge Cowboy fan, my little brother. I'm a diehard Dallas Cowboy fan. So one of the Super Bowl between the Niners and the Cincinnati Bengals.

My brother was a dancer at the Super Bowl halftftime show yeah yeah so he had on like this fucking headdress and shit right and and he's with his friends and he goes he goes oh my god there's tom landry right and they're like who so he goes over and he wants to go to tom landry's like hi he's like can can you give me my brothers would die if i could get an autograph from you i got another you guys you and your brother are so different than him yet he's at the super bowl i know wish you could fucking be but he's there doing that dude that is fucking hilarious another time tom landry that goddamn hat had to be looking at me like, who the fuck is? Dude, another time. This is even funny.

I got two of these. So, you know, listen, man. My friends didn't give a fuck. Nobody gave a fuck. And if they did give a fuck, it would be like nobody was ever like you see in the movies. And my friends were fucking, you know, had a rough rough crew of guys i used to run with back in the day remember this is during the beeper days yeah yeah so i'm out with my crew whatever i get the page and you remember you had your own code so it was a number and

scotty had his code then it was a 9-1-1 i'm like oh fuck so i run to the pay phone right i used to have a dialer that yeah we used to sell like dialers where like you would put if you put it to the to the bottom of the phone it would make a noise like a coin dropping oh i didn't know yeah so like the phone would read yeah yeah and it was so loud i couldn't fucking get it so now i gotta run and get changed you know remember when you would call somebody collect? Or when you would tell the operator that you were disconnected? Can you get your change back? Remember that shit?

It's a long story for him. I said, listen, man, because I was in Sunrise. He was all the way down on Broward Boulevard. He said, yo, bro, there's some dudes in a parking lot that are waiting to fuck, you know, to beat people up.

You know, like they were gay bashing or whatever because that was a thing you know people beat the fuck out of them for fun they thought it was fun unfortunately it's still a thing and my brother goes uh i need you uh you know he said look because my brother could fight he wasn't a bitch yeah he's like man i can't he goes yo i can't these dudes can't back me like his friends the rest of the fucking sound machine ain't going to be helping my ass out. The rest of the sound machine? That's fucking genius. That's fucking hilarious.

The rest of the sound machine isn't going to. So I said to my boys, I said, yo, man, let's go. I said, yo, man, let's go. I said, yo, you know, my brother's hemmed up. So we fucking get in the car. We pull up. Pull in the parking lot. We get out like, yo, what's up, man?

You know, them dudes had left already. They had left. So my brother's sitting there. He's like, yeah, no, they left. Everything's fine. But that's when he said, he said, yeah, you know, and all his friends were behind him. And I'm like, you know, he's like, who's that? You know, like, well, we showed up. But he's like, yeah.

He goes, look, man, look what the fuck I'm working with. He just had to sit there. They would have been slaughtered. They would have been slaughtered. Look what I'm working with. He had the whole sound machine behind him. That's hilarious, dude. They were all just sitting there, like, you know.

But then, like, I used to go out a lot because my brother my brother's type was more masculine i talk about that in in principal's office my special but he was more masculine so my brother dated some dudes like that were you know he had this one guy this guy could throw hands man but you know i wish more like i wish there'd be some badass dudes in the n or the NFL that came out gay. You know what I mean? I do wish there was a beast that came out to change that stereotype of what was behind your brother for support.

I mean, that shit. Hey, man, there's some dudes that are probably. Fuck yeah. I used to see gay dudes at the gym all the time. I mean, yoked, stacked i where i would never never you know when i worked at the cheesecake factory this brother came in look like fucking wesley snipes right and he was like and and he was looking at me like yo man and he had his his dude was like this little little gay asian dude yeah but he's like hey man he's like yo like he was kicking it to me like i like you know he's like yo what's to do around here man and he's staring at me i'm like i don't

know man i'm trying to figure it out like what like you know because this is hollywood that could be his agent you know what i mean that could be it right he's like hey man give me your phone number and i'm like no dude then i'm like fucking at least ask me for it at least. Yeah, right. I mean, don't fucking demand it. But yeah, man, I was like, you can tell this dude's been through some shit. You know what I mean? I'll tell you one time it tripped me out. I saw it was two gangbanger looking dudes.

I mean, hard looking dudes. And then we're sitting at the bar. They're just drinking whatever. And they just start making out. I couldn't. It throws you for a loop. That threw me me for a loop two men kissing not a problem but they were you know teardrop tattoos and neck tat and i was like what the and it that blew a stereotype too you know what i mean like but i gotta be honest with you man most people i mean

look people make comments and you know but on a I mean, like every time I was out with my brother, there was one other time we were at a bar because my stepsister worked at Hooters. So we went over there to drink. And then my brother had his boyfriend with him. No, it was just some dude he was clipping. And then I came with my boy, Boff, who he played at Central Florida. He's an offensive tackle. He's a big kid. But Boff was a tough kid, but he's a very level-headed guy.

He's an offensive lineman. Yeah, they are. They're the smarter guys. And then my brother's friend was, but as we pulled up to the bar, I could feel something was uncomfortable. And then I could tell my brother was like oh fuck right because when i showed up because i i was a hothead when i was younger and and and then i hear him laughing behind me and i could tell and i said what the fuck's going on he said those guys behind us

are being assholes but brett don't start anything and that and as they're talking to me i put my arm over him like this like we're dating oh yeah you know what i, I put my arm over him like this, like we're dating. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? And I put my head on his shoulder, and he's going, Brett, stop. Brett, stop. Then the dude made another comment, and then I turned around, and I had a couple words with him.

And then my brother was pissed about it, but that's probably the only time. Maybe two or three times. But other than that, it was more fun, dude. Yeah. He sounds like a really good big brother, actually. Yeah, dude. He was fucking.

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any long-term commitment just go to stamps.com click on the microphone at the top of the home page and type in honeydew that stamps.com click on the microphone and enter honeydew now let's get back to the dude when did you clear the air on making fun of him for being overweight like and this is what the world trying to tell you, man. And this is what the world needs to know. Straight guys, we bond through insulting each other. We bond through arguing with each other. You know what I mean?

We bond through all that shit. Like, you know people are really close, men are close, when they're fucking shitting on each other. And that's what we do. We shit on each other in each other's face, but when your boy's not around is when you talk him up. That's what this show is, kicking you when you're at your lowest. That's what we do. We shit on each other in each other's face. But when your boy's not around is when you talk him up. That's what this show is kicking you when you're at your lowest. That's what this show is.

Look, my cousin got married, right? This one still makes me laugh. He was a cop. He's on the force, brand new on the force. He's in a high speed chase like his second day in the car with his partner. Some lady cuts him off. Car rolls. They flip.

He's got his leg shattered. He's got to get pins in it or whatever. He's got his legs shattered. He's got to get pins in it or whatever. He's got this walking boot. He's about to get married, right? So he's at the altar or whatever. He gets emotional, and he cries a little bit. And then later that night at the reception, there's this fucking... There's this...

In his defense, it should have been marked. There was just a step down that you couldn't see you could not fucking see it this motherfucker hits it with that foot he goes down he's on the ground screaming he's got that tear whatever that fucking shit is coming out of his eye and i'm just like i just go over to him like hey you quite you cried twice at your wedding day you fucking bitch and we all were just nobody helped him up but like you help with your bet you said i do you help his ass up it was shit on you immediately even with scott timmy cried twice at his wedding like my my step father they used to break his balls but like my he called him like liberace he ain't liberace

that's how italians insult people they just call you famous people from your group hey richard simmons dance the fuck over here really quick and get me the fucking get me a glass out of the counter you know that's exactly what it is but no uh i was gonna say though uh but after that man you, you know, ascension of fucking after that, man, because we were very close. I mean, and that's the other thing, too, man. It's like I just love hearing that you're, you know, it's important. It's your brother.

Like, you're accepting of it. You're not fighting. It's not even a fucking question. But so many people sit across here and talk about how they weren't accepting, you know, or what, you know, their brothers weren't. I mean, I'm saying, no, man, like I said, my everybody I was raised with every crew. I mean, look, man, would I prefer them to be straight? Fuck yeah.

Because then he'd be alive. You know what I mean? That's interesting. You know, he would be he would be probably well, he'd be 50 something years old. So, you know what I mean? I would have had my mom. We probably I probably would have been a grandma. He could have been a grandfather.

You know what I'm saying? But that's not who he was. And you know, that's, I never thought of it any other way. That's just how I know him. But then again, he may not have been alive.

He could have been a fucking, he could have been worse than me. You know, you don't know, man, but anybody that that's your family and not only that man that's the way see look man people are born that way and if that's the way they're born that's the way god intended them to be and god don't make fucking mistakes you know what i

mean but getting back to the other thing now when when when when the other thing i almost did one night this was this was bad man i was gonna break him out of the funeral and i was all fucked up man what do you mean like go in and fuck the viewing you were gonna get no no before when i knew he was on on the slab before they fucking uh they did that i was hammered bro before they embalmed them and everything yeah what were you what was what i don't know man i don't know what i was gonna do like a weekend at bernie's or some shit i was fucking out of my car were you driving bro i wasn't man if you have a pickup truck i wouldn't here's the worst part here's the fucking worst part my buddy was driving

and and i convinced and he's he's like all right let's do it i don't know if that's a good friend i don't know you convinced him to do it i wanted to get him out of there, man. It just bothered me, dude. That fucking bothered me. Yeah. But see, again, my family deals with humor. So getting back to when my father passed.

I wanted to ask you. I want to talk about this. This is where comedy comes from, man. So the night he died, my mom, we found out. And my mom had to tell us. She was fucking, you know, bawling. She's like, let's go see a movie. All right?

And, you know, there was a comedy. I can't wait to hear it. So we get to the movies. Give me four tickets for Porky's. No, it's even worse. So we get to the theater. And this is typical my mom, right? Because my mom was very naive so we get to the theater and this is typical my mom right because my mom was very naive we get to the theater we're sitting in the theater it's me scotty keith keith

is too young and it was a comedy it was like the number one comedy and it was called kiss me goodbye and it's with jimmy kahn and sally field and the whole movie starts off with the guy's dead like he's dying and he comes back from the dead. And it's just about a guy who's dead. And my mom just starts crying. She's like, I didn't know. They fucking just started laughing. We're like, really, man?

This is the movie you picked? And we, you know, we were not poor. I used the term poor. We were not that well off, but we were never poor. There was always food on the table, you know, but we weren't well off. So we had all of our shit in the theater. You know, your mom would come in. Like, my mother would bring, like, a two-liter bottle of soda.

You know, you bring your own candy. Like, people, it would be quiet. You just hear, like, tsss. You know, like. We had, like, all the shitty, the wax candy that like you know like we had like all the shitty the wax candy that you know remember those that were coming to thin they were like a dollar you know so and we were just sitting there and and you know i just i just remember like just laughing and and but we always joked around man so your brother is 14 at the time he tells you your dad passes he was there he came and got us and i fucking knew too man that's the other thing so where was your dad i know he was he was in new

jersey he was up in jersey and you had no real contact with him throughout that or you would see him a little bit we did we did you know we weren't um you know we we were kept away from him because he had mental issues okay he started uh had schizophrenia, but he got in some trouble. What did he do? How did your parents meet? My real father was just a regular guy, and then they met on a blind date, I think. Oh, yeah. But they're all from the same area in Jersey.

My mom was from Teaneck Ridgefield Park. My dad was from Leone at the time, right near Fort Lee. So they all knew each other. My mother originally was from Jersey City and that area as well. So, you know, 1950s shit. You know, he wore a leather jacket, drove a bike, you know. He was a rough guy, man. My father was a rough dude.

But he was a smart man, very smart man. So what happened? He, you know, he was a rough guy, man. My father was a rough dude. But he was a smart man, very smart man. So what happened? He, you know, he had schizophrenia. But it's an interesting story about him, though, man. I mean, he became very successful. My dad became a lobbyist. He lied. He said he went to college.

And he became a lobbyist. I mean, you know, it's like, I don't know how, I don't know if you don't know your father or not, but it's like. I did. He died when I don't know if you don't know your father or not, but it's like, I did for six. He died when I was 16. Okay. Cause I was going to say, if you don't wait when you're younger, it's almost like a legend of somebody. Like you don't really know him, but you always hear stories about him.

It's like the legend of your father, even though, you know, he fucked everything. And yeah, dude, I'm working on a story now, um, about when the cops came to arrest him he was hiding in the basement but um so but he you know he was mentally ill man he was a sick dude and you know you don't realize that you watch it in front of you i talk about that in my last special um but you know he had he would hear voices and shit he would ramble it was almost like charlie sheen you know when charlie Sheen would get that crazy look? Yeah. And my dad smoked a shit ton of weed, and I think he did other.

He had to have. But that was later on, which is why I never tried weed in my life. I never smoked anything. But he jumped off the George Washington Bridge. What? Yeah. It's like it connects Fort Lee to Manhattan. Yeah. So it's right there. So, Yeah, and it's like, it connects Fort Lee to Manhattan.

Yeah. So it's right there. So yeah, that's how he killed himself. Holy shit. He jumped off that fucking bridge? Yeah, he just took a leap. What the fuck? He just walked out there and jumped off?

See, that fucked with me too, man. Because like the psychology behind it, I was watching this thing on the Golden Gate Bridge and all those people that jumped. Yes. They said their first thought was that live, that what the fuck was I doing? So, you know, that bothered me. So what happens then?

What happens after your dad passed? I mean, you know, he did it with the intent that we were going to get money, the insurance money. And then again, man, funds were cut off when we were 18. And, you know, my mom still had, when my brother turned 18, she lost his money. And then again, man, funds were cut off when we were 18. And you know, my mom still had, when my brother turned 18, she lost his money, right. You know, from social security. And then, so, you know, things were tough, man. Things were tough, but you know, you just, you get, you get through it. But yeah, no, I, I, uh, he was a really smart guy. My father really smart. Like everybody that said that, that knew him. I mean he lied he said he went to college and he worked his way up and became one of the top lobbyists in the state

of west virginia that's where we were living at the time okay where uh charleston okay i've been there yeah i know and then uh you know he went downhill after that but nobody knew he was going crazy we i knew i kind of what did you start seeing staring at you all cockeyed and shit you're like fucks his dude what you just catch him yeah i have a cousin who's a paranoid schizophrenic and i've talked about it here on rogan and everything and it's it's different man it's you do see it like there are times when I knew he was on his meds and he'd start telling family secrets. And everybody would be like, don't listen to him.

I'm like, no, no, no, no. I see it. I can see it. He's clear. He's right there. I know he's with it right now. And then there are other times where it's that just lost look that you're just like, man, there's nothing.

There's no one in there right now. And I would see that from time to time. And I'd be like, ah. So I know that look you're just like man there's nothing there's no one in there right now and i would see that from time to time and i'm like ah so i know that look you're talking about but yeah it um you know you you feel bad for him but you don't realize that as a kid i just remember being frustrated that i couldn't see him how old was he when he passed uh 38 oh he's young yeah oh that's young dude yeah he's mad young and but like I remember being frustrated that I can't go see him, and then you get resentful. But, you know, I don't know. I'm like, why can't I see dad?

And then my mom's like, just, you know, and you get mad at her. You think she's keeping him from you. But, yeah, I don't know the guy's fucking nuts. You sound like you had a great mom. My mom's the best. And I say all the time. Carol's the best. What's up, Carol?

Parenting is a long-term game, man. You're resenting your mom at that time, and now you look back that she's protecting you. Well, it's not like I hate her. It's like I resent her like she won't give me ice cream. Right, yeah. You know what I mean? But it doesn't pay dividends until, you know, hopefully you've done the right job with your kid and they see it all. I'll tell you right now, if it wasn't for my grandparents, oh, done. mean my nanny and poppy man they they took us in they raised us they did my

mom would have to work so we would stay with them and what were they like oh god bro my grandma that's your mom's parents yes because you know that's what happens you split you go with the minor all the time i had my grandma raised us you know what i mean so you're sleeping you know where we we would sleep wherever we had room in that place but my grandmother man they they always made sure like i remember my grandfather very proud sicilian man you know he's like it's easter and those kids have to wear easter suits you know and he would always get us the easter we used to have to dress up in easter suits and easter sunday mass was like, that's where I was instilled with that pride. And my grandmother was just such a wise woman, loving.

I mean, church, went to church during the week. Yeah, right. I was like, why are you on a Wednesday? I was just about to say, Grandma, why are you going Wednesday night? What's going on? It's like some saint day. You don't even know. Every night you pray for everybody.

You pray for all the people in the world. She would do the rosary every night. Yeah, the novena when something was going on. But, you know, it was just very, look, dude, at the end of the day, man, I'll take my childhood over anything. Isn't that, I love hearing that. Over anything. Me too.

If I had to go back and do all that shit again, I would absolutely do it again. The loss, all of it. It was worth it. Those people were worth it. I look now and think, man, 16 years of my father was worth every second of that. All right, so now I want to ask you, because this is your first time here, especially after all the stuff we've talked about and all the stuff. I will say really quick, though. Go ahead.

after all the stuff we've talked about and all the stuff i will say really quick though go ahead that all like right now when as an adult it helped me through everything like oh that that whole childhood of of you know you just all your trials and tribulations eventually make sense my all of my shit made sense the minute i stepped on stage the The lowest, lowest point after my brother died, I mean, I was a grown man. I had zero on my account. I stopped working. I got fired. I had to be home. I had to be with my mom.

And I remember I went out to L.A. already. I was already doing comedy, dude. Like, I was at the store, everything, you know? And I was still, I got fired from the Cheesecake Factory. And I was standing there, and, you know, you go to your friends, your boys, so they know I needed cash. So they're like, look, man, you know, you can go one of two ways.

So I says, you know, look, man, I just work security at the club for, you know, one of my buddies on the club. So I'm bouncing at the club and people are coming up to me going, you know, I thought you were doing comedy. And, you know, it's funny. And it never bothered me. Cause I observe the look of satisfaction in some people's faces when, when they think you're failing. And that's the other thing, man.

And yeah, I recently just went through a divorce and you know, you, people don't realize what we put into this. So I've been doing it 23 years. And in that 23 years from from the night I got on stage after my brother passed to I mean, dude, I was delivering pizzas at fucking 31. I'm a grown man. You know what I mean? Literally, it's like I tell like there's a quick story. First time I was on national TV doing comedy.

I had to deliver pizzas. So, you know, you shoot during the day. I couldn't get off of work. It was when the Lakers were winning everything. Oh, man, nothing, nothing kills comedy shows like the Lakers in the playoffs. So I'm delivering pizzas, and I had this 97 Ford Escort that if you made lefts, it would fucking stall out.

So like, by the way, I'm in my 30s. I'm not a kid. So I had to go here. I have to make a right and then a right and then another right. Overshoot that motherfucker to make a right. So I'm waiting. My boss is like, Brett, you know, we're slammed. And I'm like, all right, fine, whatever.

My brother Keith was going to record it anyways with the VCR. I'll watch it later. Dude, I get to the dude's house. I open the fucking door and I'm on fucking tv i swear to god i'm standing there with a fucking large pie and the dude's staring at me the look with the look on his face was like oh my god how cool this is the most depressing fucking thing i've ever seen in my life also the most la shit you can have happen to you open the door to and the pizza guy is on your TV. I remember going to him. I made

a joke. I'm like, I guess I'm fast, right? So I said, you mind? And we sat there and I watched. That's how you watched. I watched like the last three minutes. Dude didn't laugh once. I was embarrassed. I got the fuck out, dude. I made like

18 rights and got the fuck out of it. Dude, another time I'm on the plane and my half hour on Comedy Central was on and I'm sitting, you know, and you know, sometimes when I don't like to talk to the people because if they ask you what you do, I'm like, I'm a teacher. I don't take a meeting either. I do not. And they ask you, well, how come I don't know who you are? Why are you in coach? What have you you are? Why are you in coach? What have you been on? Why are you in coach?

Do you write your own material? Why are you sitting next to me? You know, I did stand up once. I'm like, here we go. Do you know when they list whoever the fuck your friends are? You're like, yeah, I know them. They're in first class right now. I'm opening for him.

He's up there. Yeah, he's right up there. But now the dude's watching my special. So I'm like this, and I'm trying to see and he has he put two and two together yeah no because i'm like oh fuck it then he just goes you just fucking change that motherfucker i'm like, motherfucker. I want to go to A, man. What are the odds? No, but the shit that we go through and when you finally get your break, you know what I mean?

And you're finally on something. How awful is that that somebody pulls up a tweet from 20 years ago or whatever the fuck and they just take it all away just like that you know that's why you when you build that foundation like you you know yeah because there's an evolution i'm not the same dude at 20 that i was no i mean look and now i'm pushing i'm middle-aged dude i'm 40 you know i'm in my mid to late 40s i'm 47 47. If I was the same person I was at 18, what a piece of shit. I mean, people, here's the other thing, man, and I'm with you on this. You have to make mistakes. A lot of people need to make a mistake to understand their ignorance

or understand that something's wrong. And then the apology is the change in behavior moving forward. You don't always have to be like, I'm sorry. Like, hey, I'm sorry is you called out the behavior. You're right. I corrected it, and it's never happening again. That's how you move forward. You don't, everything is, please allow people to be imperfect.

How else do you learn? But when you go through life, when you go through some shit early on, it helps you later on. Comedy has cost me a lot. It's cost me everything. Even my wife. It's a selfish job. It had nothing to do with anything other than you're on the road 30 weeks. Drift apart.

Things happen. People disconnect. you're on the road 30 weeks and and you know drift apart things happen you know i mean you know people disconnect yeah and you know you care about each other but you just give up a lot for it and uh and i wouldn't change one fucking thing dude that's my high point is stand up all right so now all of it advice to your 16-year-old self. Relax. You're going to get pussy. You're going to get a lot of pussy. Just chill.

Don't fucking chase it. Yeah, I would honestly say pay attention in films, man, for football. Dude, I was just such a reactatory player on the field that if I would have really studied films, I would have fucking think I could have went a little further. Yeah. I don't know, man. I don't know what I'd tell him. I'd just say buckle in, man.

It's fucking, dude, like I said, man, I've been reading, there's a philosophy called stoicism. And it's something that I didn't, you know, some things change the way you think. And then some things confirm the way you think. I've always viewed the failures and the, you know, the sad points in your life as you're supposed to embrace them. You're supposed to love them. And, you know, a lot of my friends, as you're supposed to embrace them. You're supposed to love them. And, you know, a lot of my friends, I was always surrounded by drugs, man. And, you know, I'm not going to lie.

I've had seven of my closest friends have been in prison for a while. And two are left. Damn. Yeah. I still, it's so funny too, man. Like when you get around normal people, you know what I mean? And, you know, like there's people I know that don't know anybody that's ever been to jail people you know what i mean and and you know like there's people i know that don't know anybody that's ever been to jail you know what i mean and but when

you're and i talk about that in the principal's office when you grow up in dysfunction you just you think everybody does until you meet normal people you know you're like you know really this is a skirt uh absurd to you but there's a scene in Braveheart where he spits the morphine out. And people used to say, you know, even at my lowest times, I stayed away from all that shit. One, I was afraid I'd be addicted to it because I had that crazy gene in my family. Two, the smell of marijuana, because my dad smoked it all the fucking time. I never wanted to try it. I don't think it's wrong at all. Like now I actually like the smell, but back then it just turned me off to it. But when he spits that morphine out and he's like, I want to have my wits about me. People like that, that start to self-medicate to get away

from the pain. Take that motherfucker in and take it all in, absorb it, make it work for you. Enjoy it. Love it. Respect it with make it work for you. Enjoy it. Love it. Respect it with the same respect that you do the good. That's right. You know what I mean? Cause it's all you signed up for this. You need it.

You need those. You need, you signed up for it before you came down from heaven and you're up there. And they said, Hey, listen, kid, this is what's going to happen.

You want in? And you're like, fucking buckle me in. Let's go. That's what I believe. I know. That's what you know. I mean, so like, you know like fucking buckle me in let's go that's what i believe i know that's what you know i mean so like you know i'm in let's do it i'm in it to win it man and if if this has happened this is what happens because at the end of the day everybody has the same fate bro we're all gone we're all fucking gonna die and we are all gonna die you know what i mean so and then i just you know you just do what you love, man. Everybody always say, too, is it the destination or the journey?

It's the people that you're on the journey with, man. I agree with that. Our crew is fucking great, man. I've met some wonderful fucking people. Hell yeah. For real. Well, thank you, dude. Thank you for opening up.

Thank you for being honest. I'll go to brettcomedy.com. Brett with one T. Comedy.com if you want to watch Principal's Office. I actually, when I self-distributed it, I just set it up where people can watch it for free. If you want to leave an email, leave an email. If you want to buy it, you can buy it for five bucks.

Cobra Kai again? September 28th. Oh, no, wait. I'm sorry, August 28th. August 28th on Netflix. On Netflix. Great. Anything else?

No, that's about it, Netflix. On Netflix. Great. Anything else? No. That's about it, man. All right, brother. And keep supporting live comedy. You know? All right, man. Thank you for doing this for real. You got it, brother. Ryan Sickler on all social media.

RyanSickler.com. We'll talk to you all next week. Bye.