The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Brian Simpson - HoneySimpson

Episode Date: January 31, 2022

My HoneyDew this week is Comedian, Brian Simpson! (Netflix, Comedy Central) Brian Simpson Highlights the Lowlights of life in and out of foster care, accidentally shooting someone, and living in Los Angeles as a homeless veteran. SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE and watch full episodes of The Dew every toozdee! https://www.youtube.com/rsickler  SUBSCRIBE TO MY PATREON, The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I Highlight the Lowlights with Y’all! You now get audio and video of The HoneyDew a day early, ad-free at no additional cost! It’s only $5/month! Sign up for a year and get a month free! https://www.patreon.com/TheHoneyDew  SPONSORS: Noom Mood -Worry less and feel happier. Sign up for your trial at https://www.NoomMood.com/HONEYDEW 

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please submit it to Honeydewpodcast at gmail.com, and hopefully we'll get to do an episode together. All right. That's the news right there, and you guys know what we do over here. We highlight the lowlights. These are the stories behind the storytellers. I'm very excited to have this guest on today. First time here on the Dew.

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Brian Sips, and welcome to the Honeydew Brack. It's me. Thank you for being here, my friend friend we've been trying to make this happen for a while yeah yeah man yeah it's kind of you know you like ships in the night and shit yeah well before we get into anything please promote plug everything please the special all that stuff get your phone get it all check me out uh netflix uh season three the the stand ups episode 1 that's me I'm also gonna be in Vancouver

daggone oh actually that just got moved right you was a JFL you was on me no this is just for stand up

so nevermind so check that out I'm being the Irvine Improv on February 9th Ontario Improv on February 10th, Madison, Wisconsin, February 24th through the 26th,

Bakersfield on the 5th, and Philly Punchline, April 8th through the 10th. And then the Netflix Festival is the end of April. It's all on my, I'm BS Comedian on all social platforms. BS Comedian. Yeah, BS Comedian. My link tree is right, I'm BS comedian on all social platforms. BS comedian. Yeah, BS comedian. My link tree is right there

for the tickets. So go do that. All right. Yeah, congrats on everything. I was saying earlier, like I met you this years ago now in San Diego.

Seven, eight years ago. And we were backstage in that tiny little ass green room and I just saw, I sat and watched you and I was like, dude, what'd I tell you?

I was like, you got it. Get your ass up to LA you got it look at you good for you dude yeah man it's coming well i'm glad to have you here um i wanted to get into talking about your life story because um you told me you're a foster kid twice yeah so let's go back to the beginning here you're originally from dc is that right i was born in dc all right take us through a little bit of brian simpson's early years yeah born in dc uh live with my mom and you know so actually what's so funny is i recently found out that my mom was also a foster kid oh is that right and her mom was a foster kid oh so it runs in the family. Something. You know? And so it was like, you know, it's weird shit where, like, your parents will just drop a nugget on you, you know, when they're 60. And you'll be like, what the fuck?

You ain't never said nothing about that. No, but no, I was living with my mom and her mom in D.C. And my grandmother liked to date uh abusive men you know my mom just couldn't take the shit no more she ended up burning one of the motherfuckers with her arm really your mom did how old was she like a teenager or something yeah she was well i think she was 18 at the time and she just got because the dudes the dudes would never do nothing to her because that's the her, because that's the line right there from my grandma. Like, don't fuck with my kids. But she just got tired of, you know, waking up and seeing swollen eyes and swollen jaws, you know.

She was like, yo, you touch my mother one more fucking time. And dude thought she was playing. My mother ain't for play, you know. And she did it. She burned that motherfucker. And it was that. She just got tired of it,

and she couldn't, I think she couldn't afford to take us with her. So she left us there. Okay. So you're with your grandma. So I'm with my grandma. And who's us? You say us. Me and my older brother.

Okay. And so then we had an aunt that lived upstairs. That's your mom's sister? My mom's sister in the same building. And she had kids of her own you know and we um and i don't know who what it is because another thing too is like my grandmother would get into it with people you know i'm saying like the slightest sign of disrespect and give me an example what do you remember like like what sticks out you seeing like grandma to fuck around like what's the one where you're

like okay like you know like one time my uh my grandfather you know who you know she told him hey motherfucker you come by this house one more time and it's gonna be some shit you know and he thought she was playing and she went and put some daggone uh oatmeal the stove. He did it up real nice. Yep, as soon as he walked in the door, put through that shit on his ass. No, hot oatmeal? Yeah. You know what I mean?

Like, she's on that kind of, like, she's one of those people where it's like, if she tell you she gonna do something, it's happening. That took prep work. Yeah, yeah. So it's one of those type of deals.

Holy shit. Okay. So I don one of those type of deals. Holy shit. Okay. So I don't know if she got into it with a neighbor or what it was, but somebody called the authorities and said that me and my brother was home by ourselves, which we were. Because everybody was latchkey kids back then. This is the 80s, right? So our school was- Yeah, what year were you born? I was born in 82.

Okay. So our school was right across the street. It went to Martin Luther King Elementary. And, you know, so we would walk home, and we would be home for maybe three hours by ourselves. And it was nothing. All the kids in the neighborhood did that. So I don't know who was the snitch. But they called the cops.

And my dumb ass, because I got to talk all the time, don't open the door. You know, even for me, don't open the door you know even for me don't open the door for nobody you know but they had just started this thing in the schools where the cops would come to the school with like candy and shit and it would be like officer friendly officer friendly dude that's creepy as shit right there that's the whole message is don't take candy from strangers yeah but not but didn't apply to cops, I guess. And they was officer friendly, so every officer was officer friendly, which is something else I didn't put together at that time. But they all said their names was officer friendly, you know, and it was that kind of shit. And the cop knocked on the door, and I remember my brother standing right here, like, looking at me like, don't you fucking open.

You know, but it was like, it's officer friendly. And I'm like, looking at me like, don't fucking open. You know, but it was like, it's officer friendly. And I'm like, well. So I opened the door, and they took us down to the police station, and all I remember is we sitting there eating pizza at the police station, and all I remember is my grandmother coming in that motherfucker on 10, just like going off. Because it was one of them things where it was like everybody, at home be home by themselves we were yeah it's like we poor everybody was so she was just like why

y'all fucking with my family you know and it was that kind of thing and they it got to the point where like they were like ma'am we gonna we're gonna have to sit you back in the cell back there you know and i and she calmed down she took us home but that was a whole other thing and then maybe like. Did you ever find out who did that? Did she ever find out? No. Who did she suspect?

I don't know who she suspected. I think maybe she suspected it was our aunt. Oh, really? Family? I'm thinking neighbor. You're thinking family member, huh? Well, because that's who we ended up with. Because she was upstairs.

Yeah, like two weeks later, we ended up upstairs, living upstairs. And where's grandma? Still downstairs. But she just had to go up there and be supervised upstairs now? Nah, she was just like, you know, I don't know. She just wasn't around. I think she felt betrayed or whatever. I don't know what it was.

But then, you know, obviously, it's hard to go from having two kids to having four kids overnight. You know what I mean? So our auntie was like, well, I can't afford to do this and this and that. And so my older brother and I, we have different dads. So his dad's mom was already a foster parent. And the state is like licking their chops at that shit because they want to put you with family. They try to put you with family first before they even put you in a home. But a family that's already at home, they went for that.

But I did not know this. You know what I'm saying? You didn't know which part? Did they want to put you in a home or did his mom I didn't know we was going to a home I see so this is

how old are you right at this moment at this point I'm six oh yeah maybe going on seven you know what I mean but

but I remember I remember going I remember them going y'all going to Pye's house for Christmas so you know it was that's dope because I remember going, I remember them going, y'all going to Pie's house for Christmas. So, you know, it was, that's dope because even though Pie could be a bit much around the holidays, she was cheery.

Everybody getting gifts. She could cook like a motherfucker. She lived in the suburbs. So it's like, oh, we're going, we're leaving the hood. We're going to the suburbs. We're going to have a good ass Christmas, good ass meal. You know, it's mad kids. Is it suburbs of Maryland or Virginia?

Suburbs of Maryland. Okay. And this was Temple Hills. Maybe it's not even a good neighborhood no more. You know, shit change up so fast now. But we go over there, and then it got to the point where, you know, we were there for maybe a week. You know, we had got a little gifts and shit.

Everybody had Nintendos. Everybody had Nintendo's. They had cable. Look at your eyes. Yeah, bro. Cause we ain't had no damn cable. I was like, they got cable over there.

But after about a week, the simplest shit after about a week, it's like, it was like, all right, now this, you know, the holiday cheer starting to wear the fuck off.

Everybody's starting to be themselves and I'm ready to go the fuck home. You know what I mean? And, and then I got into it with one of the other kids, you know, and I was like,

well, fuck you then bitch because I'm going home so you ain't got to worry about it. You know what I mean? She was like, what you talking about?

Y'all live here. I'm like, what? You got moved in and you didn't even know? I didn't know. I didn't know. You're the only one? I didn't know. I didn't know. You're the only one.

I was the only one that didn't know. And that. Man. That feeling. You tell me about it. That is, that activated something in me. Just hearing it gives me anxiety. Because when you're that young, you don't have the words, right, for your.

The vocabulary. For your emotions, right. To communicate that. But it was betrayal. I felt betrayed. And I didn't know how to say it. By who? You know, I think at the time I didn't identify the person, but as I got older, I realized it was my aunt.

Your aunt. Yeah. I felt betrayed because I'm like, how come you didn't trust me with the knowledge that this is what was going to happen? You know what I mean? Because a lot of times as adults, you tell yourself that you're not saying shit to your kids for them. You're saying, you're telling yourself that you're protecting them. But in reality, you're protecting yourself. Now, did your older brother know?

I don't think he, I think he knew before i did okay but but everybody at that house knew y'all were coming to live there yeah everybody at that house knew i was gonna live here and a week slips by without it coming out and my aunt kids knew we was going you know i mean i was the last one to know and i was pissed about it you know what i mean and it informed it just it just painted it just i stopped trusting adults right then you know i'm just like fuck all y'all maybe it wasn't right at the exact moment but it just put me it was like i went from trusting all the adults in my family completely to like questioning them i mean look it makes sense when you can't trust the adults in the

family you sure as hell gonna have a can't trust the adults in the family, you sure as hell going to have a difficult time trusting the ones outside the family. Yeah. What I couldn't wrap my head around is like, why don't they trust me? Why didn't they, you know what I mean? Right. And it takes a while to unlock all of that. Brian, I can't tell you how many relatives, my grandma, my everybody will tell you when you get older. Guess what? all dead do i gotta hold a candle up to a wall they all said that yeah and um and so anyway so then i think that lasted i think i was there the longest that's so in is that technically that was the foster home you were talking about? Yeah.

Okay. That was the first foster home. That's the first one. All right. Yeah, and there were maybe a lot of kids there. There were maybe nine kids there. All right. So from doing this show and talking to people who've been in foster care,

I understand it's a system, and these parents also get a check, and sometimes the kid is just a check they don't really look after you are you being cared for are you really being oh yeah oh yeah the thing is to be honest with you most of the homes i were in were you know very few of them that i feel like were like warehousing kids because here's the truth of the matter is it ain't that big of a check. I never thought so either. Because I have a child. I'm like, that ain't shit.

No, no. It's not that big of a check. And so for you to be on that, you'd have to be literally stuffing kids on top of each other. You'd have to have six kids in a room and multiple rooms for you to be just doing it for money. I don't think most most parents were doing that um no but then what tell me this what is the goal of foster care is it the hopes i know i know but is it the hopes that the their parent gets right and then they can go back to their families or is it um let's educate them on life here in this home so that when they go off,

they're okay? Or is it both? Does it depend on the parent? You know, like you said you were in twice and eventually you got out. Is that because you were 18 and got out or because you went back home to a parent? Because I was 18. Okay. So your mom never came back at like 12 or 15 and got you.

Well, she couldn't. Because why? Because when she came back, because, because, so I stayed in that home for, till I was 11. Okay. And, and then my father came back and got me out. All right. So now you're with dad. Now I'm with dad, but I'm separated from my brother because we have different dads.

Right. And it was something to do with the fact that, like, in order for him to take sole custody, they had to take her parental rights in absentia, you know, because they didn't know where she was. Right. And so when she came— So she was gone. No one knew where she was right and so when she came so she was gone no one knew where she was no oh okay so she came back like a year after that but she don't have the

parental rights so she can't take you okay you know what i mean so now you're with dad for how long for two years and what's that like because you're 11 you're old enough to remember shit like that now like what's he like as a parent like what was it like um well see me and my dad always had a weird relationship because you know i think it was more my stepmother that was like you gotta go get your son and he was more like i got my life because again it's like having an extra kid it's like somebody because you have somebody dropping the extra kid on you right now you know and it's like we got a puppy and i can't take it and that motherfucker's 11 right so he don't got no respect for you he ain't got you know what i mean it's that kind of thing it was like so me and him always had that weird relationship it was

always like this it was like you know i love i recognize that your dad and you recognize the son but also fuck you you know it was that kind of energy um but i got into it mostly with my stepmom like and when one time the shit came to a head and they're like yeah you got to you got to get the fuck up over what what are you fighting over i don't even remember i don't remember i don't remember what the exact fight was over. Oh, you know, actually, I do remember. I remember because we bought a house. And my room was in the basement. And my brother and sister, so they already had two kids, my brother and sister. And they had bedrooms.

And my room was in the basement, which I thought was cool at first. But the fucking bugs and shit would come out. You know what I mean? And it was like, and I just, I just, I can't do it. I can't,

I can't deal with it. And so I used to, I used to drag my mattress upstairs and sleep in the living room. Every night you'd be dragging it. And I will wake up early before everybody and drag it back down in the basement. No, they didn't even... Yeah, and so shit came to a head. She caught me one time, and she was like, don't do that shit.

And then fast forward, this was around Christmas time. It was over Christmas break, and my dad had asked us all what we wanted for christmas and my uh my brother and sister were like we want tvs and i was like i don't want a tv i want a computer you know and he got them both like two 19 inch tvs and i'm sitting here opening up my computer and it's a daggone um it's like a child's computer like a speaking spell nogone it's like a child's computer. It's like a speaking spell. Yeah. It was like a and I thought, oh, this is a prank.

Right? No, it was not a prank. It was not a prank. This Texas history. And I was so pissed. I went down. I ain't come back out the basement for the whole Christmas break. I had my own bathroom. Yeah, I was so mad

and then it was time to go back to school and I remember it was time to go back to school and I and I

and I had dragged my mattress back up the room and I got caught again and it would turn into this big old fight and blah blah blah and I was like

fuck you bitch blah blah blah and then that was a wrap and you, bitch, blah, blah, blah. And that was a wrap. And I ended up going down the street to live with my cousin, and I got into a fight with her. And I ended up going back and living with my brother's grandmother again. Okay. But this time not as a foster kid.

This time it was like. You're an adult now. No, I'm not an adult. You're not 18 at this point? No, no, no. This is all in the. That's when you got out. Gotcha, gotcha. No, this is like, I'm like 12. Okay You're not 18 at this point? No, no, no. This is all in the- That's when you got out. Gotcha, gotcha.

No, this is like, I'm like 12 at this time. Well, 13. So you're bouncing around everywhere. Yeah. How are your grades? Fuck grades. I wasn't thinking about that shit at all. I did not give a fuck.

Was any adult giving a shit either? Oh, yeah. They would try to hit me with the, oh, you need to apply yourself and all that. And I'm like, bitch, you don't got no idea what you're talking about. You know what I mean? Because I remember. But wait, you said bitch, which makes me laugh because it's a woman at least that took the time to say it. There ain't no dude telling you that at all.

Well, the thing is, I didn't say bitch. No, I know. But I'm saying the reason you responded was because there were women that at least stepped up and saying guys aren't saying shit like that no like you need to buy it some lady at least it was always it was always women begging me to try and i was just like fuck you that was that's how i felt you know and um and i remember i got into it again with my. Stepmom? No, with my brother. So I'm back living with my brother.

And then I got into it with one of the other kids there. Why? What are you fighting about? Does it go back to that fire that got lit when you were betrayed? Man, no. It was just I had this tremendous feeling of like unfairness and when i felt like something was unfair like you just couldn't tell me shit you know i mean it was like i demand that's right i was like i demand that some that somebody listened to my

my concerns you know what i mean it's like i just i wasn't a kid that you could just be like because i said so that wasn't enough for me. Me either. Never. It had to make sense to me. And a lot of adults back then, they weren't taking the time to do that. I don't got time to be explaining this shit to no children. So that's really what it all stemmed from. And then by that time, my stepmother and my father had gotten divorced or at least separated. And I went back and lived with my dad by myself.

And all of this happened in like a year and a half. That's a lot. Yeah. And then I'll never forget, man. My dad had this wild shit where like, because again, me and him always had this distance, you know what I mean? And so, and my dad, he wasn't no lazy motherfucker, you know what I mean? He always worked two, three jobs, this and this and that. And so he would always be gone.

Like he would get up at, you know, he would get up at like eight, leave the, and not come back until like 6 in the morning. You know, sleep for a couple hours, get up, and go back. You know what I mean? And the thing is, I wasn't allowed to leave the house if he wasn't home because he knew I'm mischievous. You know, I'm going to do what I want. Yeah. So I was just always in the fucking house. I remember he had these, he started doing this little thing where he would put a piece of paper up in his door so he could tell if I went in there.

And I cracked that system real quick. How'd you crack that one? I would just do it back. Take it out and put it back? I was like, well, however he doing it, I can do it, right? Because he's leaving the room. So then he just straight up started locking the door. Like he bought a lock and put it on the door. What's in there that he's worried about you fucking with?

I don't even know. But the thing is, I wouldn't have gave a fuck if he hadn't locked the door, right? That's what I'm saying. He's making you want to get in there. So I learned how to break in there with a credit card. Me too. I was good with a credit card. Yeah, yeah.

I slide on him. I got that bit. And then I remember he had this big ass jar of chocolates. I don't know if it was for his holes or what. That chocolate.

Hey, that chocolate's for my hole. It was for a specific hole. But it was like... But he kept that shit locked up behind the locked door too. Right, it was like it was the orsifor specific oh but but it was like it was like um but he kept that shit locked up behind the locked door too right it was on top of his dresser but but it had um it was like you know those jars that like the uh like where you would get the assorted popcorn in and shit yeah and it had the it had the shrink wrap seal around but just around the top third of the jar so i learned top yeah so i learned i yeah i learned how to i learned how to twist the plastic

and the top at the same time and and i would and i was disciplined with it you know i would eat i would eat one of the motherfuckers i would just eat one and but but you know but you know how when you're that old even that's your most clever you're not as clever as you think yeah no you're leaving fucking right right and so one day it just got to the point where even though i had taken my time after a couple of months it was apparent that somebody was eating these chocolates you know what i'm saying yeah and my father came home one day he was like what the fuck he came home he's like yo what and i'm i'll never forget i'm sitting there watching tv and the thing is we it was it wasn't it wasn't uncommon for us to not speak at all you know because that's the thing his schedule was he would leave in the morning

right after i left for school and he and he went i wouldn't see him again till the morning and you latchkey you come home let yourself yeah you wouldn't see him again but every once in a blue moon he would come home at some random fucking time you know it's like it ain't like he told me his schedule you know i'm saying so this is one of those times he came home at a random fucking time and i'm sitting there at night i'm watching tv because i was obsessed with star trek because that's all i was on you know because when you have cable and and uh and he goes you you've been in these fucking chocolates? And I was like, nah. And he was like, then what the fuck happened to him then?

And I don't know what came over me, but I could have just been like, I don't know, which would have still been a lie. But I said, I don't know, nigga. Like, I said it like, what you trying to do about it? You know what I'm saying? Which was a mistake. Like, the moment the words came on my lips, I was like, why did you say it like that? Right? Like, where did that come from?

Bruh. And I'll never, like, within a second, he had yoked me up off the couch. Like, here's the other side to it, too, is you got to understand, he's back here behind me. Yeah, yeah. You just threw it over Adam. Yeah, I just threw it over my shoulder, Adam, and went back to watching TV like I had bodyguards or something. You know what I mean? And I never forget.

I went to go to... I was eating like a TV dinner or something. And that bite never made it in my mouth. It was like... I got yoked up from behind the couch. And like I said... And that was the second time I went into foster care. Exactly.

Oh, yeah. That night was the last night that I was not in foster care. I was making a joke out there. No, yeah. That night was the last night that I was lying in the house. I was making a joke out there. No, that was it. But the police, because he yoked me up against the wall, and I could tell. Holy shit. You are crazy for saying that. Even if you have a good parent, they're going to snap.

Oh, man. And I could tell he didn't want to hurt me, but he wanted me to know that he could. You know what I mean? It was that kind of thing. It was hurting him to, like, hold me up against the wall. Like, man, you about to make me fucking fuck you up. You know what I mean? And I was like, and then.

Man. But, man, I just had a spirit in me that day, man. And I was like, well, I can't beat you, but you got to go to sleep. I said that to him. You said that? Yeah. Man, you doubled down. Yeah, because I'm telling you, man.

No wonder he got rid of you. He was like, I do need to sleep. It just felt so unfair, man. Because I was like, you don't give a fuck what I do no other time of the day, motherfucker. You don't never talk to me. You don't see me never. You know what I mean? And it's like now you get to come home and disciplinary?

Like, fuck you. That's what I was feeling. I ain't understand what it was like to be a parent and be working three jobs and have to worry about your kid. I ain't understand all that. I ain't give a fuck either. Even if I understood, I probably wouldn't have cared. But I was just like, yeah, you don't get to come home and boss me up. It's like

yeah go to sleep i dare you it was that kind of thing and so he called the cops the cops how old are you i'm 15 like i'm probably 13 and he called the cops on you his 13 year old son yeah because what else could he have did so what happens to a 13 year old when his dad calls the cops on him for threatening them well well okay well i fact i jumped i jumped ahead of schedule first he called my first he called his my cousin from up from down the street and she showed up like first he called family and they showed up and i was like fuck all y'all too you know what i mean it was that kind of thing and it was like, fuck all y'all too. You know what I mean? It was that kind of thing. And it was like, well,

you know, and by then the cops, the cops are on the way and the cops show up and I'm like, fuck y'all too. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah.

I had, I was, and I remember, I'll never forget, it was two, it was two cops, it was a male and a female and the female was trying to tell me like,

hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. You need to stop talking to my partner like that. Always the women wanting to be nice. Because this could go real bad for you. Like, stop talking to him like that. And I'm like, fuck you, bitch. Fuck you. But this time I was saying, bitch.

Fuck you, bitch. You know what I mean? Yeah. And anyway, they dropped me off at a. Dropped you off. Yeah, yeah. Where? Where did they take you?

Did they cuff you? They did not cuff me. Okay. Well, maybe they did. I don't actually remember. You went peacefully at the end of that? I did. Okay. Yeah, I did.

I did. So you what? You sit in the back of the car and they drop you where? They drop me at the, it was like the juvenile detention center. Oh, so you're going to it. Now, have you ever been there before? I was there. No, that was your first time? That was my first time.

Are you scared? Do you even know where you're going when you're in this car? I don't even know. Nope. I have no idea. Are you so angry or are you scared? I mean, 13 years old being put into a detention center away from everybody you know does it sound good because everyone that you should love and trust has been

betrayed you or is it fucking terrifying i don't know because i don't i don't remember being scared. I just remember just being like, whatever. You know, I didn't care, you know. How much of that do you remember going in that place? I don't. Because it wasn't for that long. Are you in a cell, a room? No, I'm in a big ass, I don't know, almost like a squad bay. Like a hall, like a military barracks?

Okay. And there's like, I don't know, maybe 20 beds and 20 dudes in there. And I remember the social worker telling me like, this is just temporary, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, because you haven't committed a crime. So this is just temporary because there's no way else to put you right okay and i and i think i was dead for maybe like a week or two damn okay and i was just trying not to get into no fights while i was there um and uh and then they found me then they found me a for a um like a dope home and i remember, the lady pulling up to this house. Who was this lady?

The social worker lady. And she wasn't my, she wasn't. No, I mean the place you're going, the family. Oh yeah. Well, that's what I'm saying. I pull up to this family

and I was like, whoa. So these motherfuckers lived in the burbs. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, like where? Rockville, Montgomery County? No, this was Suitland. Okay.

I don't know that. Oh, nah. So they lived in Suitland, and they'd pull up, and man, and these motherfuckers got Christmas decorations. Like, I never seen, like, Rudolph and shit blinking in black. And I was like, holy shit, like, this is the house? And she was like, no, no, no, no. It's the house right next to it.

And there was shit on that house. I was like, okay. No, no, this is right here. We were just turning around in this driveway, but it's this one right here yeah this lady but we're just turning around in this driveway but it's this exactly but it was cool though that lady so this she was probably the best foster mother mental health has definitely become a part of the global conversation especially recently uh after what a worldwide pandemic We've got fentanyl.

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Again, that's N-O-O-M dot com slash honeydew. Now, let's get back to the do. Okay, now what kind of lady is this? Why is this lady looking for a 13-year-old boy? How does she find you? Why does she pick you? I mean, I think, you know, they call them and they go, hey, this is the thing. This is what's wrong with this kid.

Do you got room? Do you know what they classify you as? Just anger? I don't know what they classify me at at that point. But I do know that if you keep moving, you get classified as a problem child. And then you can only go to homes. You're like the Antonio Brown on a foster home. Exactly. Exactly. So I wasn't a problem child yet. Okay. Yeah. All right. and then you can only go to you're like the Antonio Brown on a foster exactly

so I wasn't a problem child yet okay yeah alright no but this lady she was big on like young black men and taking them and turning them into men and like you know teaching you how to make your bed was she a black lady yeah big time make your bed iron your clothes

you know go to church this kind of thing and uh and uh she's still alive man she still look young i was gonna ask you do you keep in touch with her or let her know how you're doing yeah i still know you have your netflix special i haven't talked to her since that but i will want to i'm gonna call her soon you should but uh i don't even man i don't know what i don't know what she's gonna to say about it. What can she say? She helped you. She was all the profanity.

No, but I remember she was the most disciplined lady I ever knew. She would fast every month. Really? Every month for a week she would fast. Was it just a health thing or was it religious? I think it was just a discipline thing. Wow. Yeah, she's still a little young.

Maybe it's something to that. You know, and she. So how many guys were in the house when you were there at a time, would you say? There were four of us. Four, okay. Yeah, all from various issues. And are you guys working to help her in her home, or does everybody have their own thing going on outside the home?

Like, are you upkeeping the place, or is this just a lady taking you guys in? Oh, you mean like are there chores? Yeah. yeah there's chores and there's like you said suburbs there a yard you got to take care of leaves you have to rake shit like that you gotta do all that in fact not only do you matter of fact you gotta put up the christmas decorations for no it wasn't no christmas decorations it was not for the neighbors oh no but it was like you gotta go you gotta go shovel the neighbor's driveway you gotta go do all, no. But it was like, you got to go shovel a neighbor's driveway. You got to go do all that, too. And it was like, but it was cool for a minute.

And I remember I got into it with one of the other kids again. Why? Because I was the youngest one, man. And he was just such a bully, dog. And I couldn't. And I remember I was so, at this point, I remember I was sitting on the stairs crying one time. And she was like, what's wrong with you? And I was like, he won't stop fucking with me.

And she was like, then punch his ass in the mouth. She said that. Yeah. She was like, what you want me to do? I can't show up every time somebody messing with you. And I was like, I ain't bet that. And I kicked him down the stairs. That's way different.

Yeah, because I'm like, if I punch him in the mouth. I'm paralyzed. It was only like five stairs. But I was just like, because he was bigger than me. And I'm like, he's going to whoop my ass. But if he's going to whoop my ass, I'm going to make it worth it. So I kicked him down the stairs. And that turned into you know

a whole thing where they they were like you know he need to be somewhere where he ain't gotta fight you know so they moved me and they moved me to another home that but these two women were friends i see okay you know and and in this home this was probably like one of the lowest points because this next home was in another nice couple this is the only home this was probably like one of the lowest point because this next home was in another nice couple this is the only home this is the first home i was in where there was a father all these homes so far this is the first yeah and and what was that like it was cool man you like it did you like having a male role model around was he a positive male role he was a positive model you know i'm saying he was like uh

tell me about him what he did you remember what he did for a living or um i think he was a real estate guy okay was it funny was he what was he like he was funny he was very but he was very like no nonsense you know he's one of those dudes where you where like he ain't have to hit you or threaten you. Just him being disappointed would be like, oh, fuck. Make you feel it. You know what I'm saying? It was that kind of thing. And he ended up passing away from some kind of cancer.

While you lived with him? Yeah. Oh, man. Yeah, that was awesome. So you saw that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I saw it when it was like everything was fine right and then hospital and then gone you know man and um

i mean what's that like that's the first male positive male role model and he just dies in front of you i don't know man you know i was i guess at the time I was trying to act like it didn't bother me. And that bothered some people in the family. You know, and then I was getting into it with them. You know, it was a whole thing. But I remember the, this was the same place where there was a, so one of the older kids, one of the former kids that had lived there came and like left a pistol there for

the one of the older other kids to watch okay you know and he used to come he used to he was to fuck with me with it all the time like he would be like boom and he um and i woke up one time and he was like he's like don't fucking move don't move and i thought somebody had broken the house because i could feel the gun on me and then they turn on the light on your head oh yeah and i was like, don't fucking move. Don't fucking move. And I thought somebody had broken the house because I could feel the gun on me. And then they turned on the lights. You had it on your head? Oh, yeah. And they turned on the lights and it was them laughing, everybody laughing and shit.

I was like, all right, I got you. And then one day he was in the shower getting ready for a date or whatever. And I fucking got the pistol. And I racked it one time. No, no, no. No, I got the pistol and I dropped the clip out. Because that's what I saw him do. But I didn't know it was one of the chamber.

Yeah, and I fucking was playing. Bang, that motherfucker went off. What do you mean it went off? You pulled the trigger. Yeah, yeah, I pulled the trigger for sure. And it went off. Did it hit anybody? Yeah, it hit him in the stomach.

What? You shot him in the stomach while he was in the shower? No, it was after he got out of the shower. Oh, my God got out the shower oh my god but it was a 22 you know and that shit 20 it won't like break bone it'll bounce around yeah yeah man and it was a it man that shit was that was one of the worst nights of my life what the fuck are you thinking right away i i panicked you know i'm saying and he told me to call his friend not 911 no right right

he was like call my friend and I called his friend and his friend was like what the fuck don't listen to him call 911 you know

but by then the neighbors had called 911 you know it was like all of that it was loud they heard it huh yeah they heard it

and is he screaming is he yelling or is he holding it together? No, he's just going. Is it bleeding out in front of you? You seeing it? It's bile.

It's like green. No. Yeah. And I don't. At the time, I didn't know. I didn't know that that was bad, but I knew. Yeah. I mean, if it ain't red.

I mean, red is bad, but what the fuck is green? Right? There you go. Yeah, right, exactly. And so I remember going, I remember them. And who's home with you? Just you two? It's just us.

And I remember when the ambulance finally showed up. By the time the ambulance got there, moms was back already, too, with all the kids. I don't forget where they had gone. got there moms was back already too with all the kids there i don't forget where they had gone and uh and i remember her like looking at me like like what the fuck is going on and i ain't had no answers for her you know yeah and this lady was so sweet man it was like i ain't wish nothing like this on her man because i not like looking like it hurts more now looking back on it because because as an adult, I know how hard it is to raise children and all the little emergencies that can pop up.

You know what I mean? And sometimes it should just be too much, you know? Yeah. And no offense, she's got four difficult children. Yeah. Well, this is a new lady. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Well, at this time, how many kids does she have? She's got three kids. Three, okay. Yeah, but she just lost her husband lady. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, well, at this time, how many kids is her? She's got three kids. Three, okay. Yeah, but she just lost her husband. Right, he's dead now. Like, shit's gone wrong for her. It's that kind of shit. And I remember...

Well, what happens to this kid? They come take him. So they come take him. Well, they take him to the hospital. Are you freaking out that this kid could die and now you're going to be going away for murder? Like, what's going through your fucking mind? I'm freaking out because the ambulance is there. The paramedics are there.

And they can't go in the house. They can't go in the house until the house is clear. Until the cops clear the house. Oh, because of the gun. Because I didn't tell them the truth. What did you tell them? I told them somebody ran in and shot them. Somebody.

Yeah. Okay. So they know that something's weird yeah no well that was no they took me at my word it was like oh let's make sure they're not still in the house i see the person okay yeah and so but i'm sitting there like i know i've lied because he told me to lie like i'm trying not to get the wrong people in trouble or the wrong people names involved and but they can't go in until they know ain't nobody in there. You know what I mean? But he's sitting right over, right over,

right through the window. You know, it's that kind of shit. So I was freaking out from that. And they take me to the police station and they're like, and at the time,

I thought this dude had just like, you know the dude from, from, what's the journey with the Irish dudes? The classic movie with the Irish brothers. And they like pray before they kill you and shit.

You know what I'm talking about? Is it Boondock Saints? Boondock Saints. Yes. You know Willem Dafoe in the joint? I'm thinking he just Willem Dafoe me. Because he basically, this cop sat down he was like look so this is what i think happened and he was like he was like i think there was a gun in the house

you were playing with the gun it went off and you panicked and this and that and i'm like and i'm in my mind i'm like shit he's right But I still try to log in. I'm like, blah, blah. He's like, listen, listen. You called somebody else when everybody else was calling the police. So either it was an accident and you panicked or it was on purpose and you tried to cover it up. So which one is it going to be? It was that kind of shit. I was like, oh, okay. Anyway, they took me out of that home.

And I actually ended up going back to the previous one. What happened to the kid? I don't know at this point. Okay. I don't know. All right, all right. I'm not allowed to contact them or him. Okay.

So, in fact, I remember, remember i mean i skipped ahead a lot but i as i was sitting in the hospital with you know with them it was like shit didn't add up and and people in the family was slowly starting to like figure it out figure out that like i wasn't telling the truth and it started getting kind of hostile you know yeah what I mean? Yeah, yeah, I'll bet. Yeah. So who takes you in knowing that you just shot somebody? Who's that parent? I went back to the previous house. Nah, they took you back?

Yeah, I was just there temporarily until they found somewhere else. Okay, okay. And then I forget where the fuck ended up happening after that, but I ended ended up now i'm a problem child okay now officially you're yeah yeah you got a weapon right so now i'm now i end up going to this house way over in um in uh where the fuck is it like like over there on riggs road you know what i'm talking about it's like a giant over there what is that is that is that hyattville i love hearing giant yeah yeah but but anyway I end up going to another house

and this house is like everybody fucked up up in here it's probably like six kids and all of them are way worse off than me you know what I'm saying there's people that have been through some shit

you know what I mean people that have been sold and kidnapped and some more shit you know and but this house was all it was crazy you know and without this house was all, it was crazy, you know?

And without getting too much into it, I just, I think I stayed here for the longest time, though. Do you have your own room, or are you always sharing a room? Always sharing. Always. Always sharing. Never have privacy.

Never had my own room. And I ended up getting into it with the father at this house because we used to wake up and do this paper route with him. We would wake up at four in the morning, go sort these papers, toss them, blah, blah, blah. And I didn't know. I was like, oh, these are our chores, blah, blah, blah. And then I found out how much money he was making off of it.

And so one day I was like, hey, I need this or that for school. And he was like, get the fuck out of here. I'm like, what? Like, all this work we do for you you don't give us nothing I'm asking you for something I need fuck you then so the next day he did the call and tried to wake everybody up to come help me and I didn't come and it turned into another thing

where I was like defiant and I ended up going to this group home that was way out in, I want to say Anne Arundel County. And I got caught. This was the first school I went to where like you could leave school for lunch.

And I got caught smoking weed in the woods. These motherfuckers had cameras in the woods. Nuh-uh. Yeah. That's early to be having cameras in the woods. Nuh-uh. Yeah. That's early to be having cameras in the woods. Yeah, this is high school. They were ready. Yeah, they had cameras in the woods, and they daggone.

How'd they catch you? What, they called you in? Well, they were watching us. They were watching us smoke, but I was the only one that they had pictures of with the blunt to my mouth. And for whatever reason, just by chance, we were done smoking. And when we came out the other side of the woods, they were waiting for us. Right? And it just so happened that they couldn't find the blunt and they couldn't find the weed.

And it was in my pocket. Okay. But they patted us down a whole bunch of times and they couldn't find the weed. But they had pictures of me smoking. And they were trying to get me to snitch on everybody else. And I didn't. And I'll never forget the lady being like, because the kid, because the bad-ass kid who was the bad influence, and he was the bad influence, but she was like, why are you protecting

this motherfucker, this and that. And that's when I got on the principle because i was like so i skipped this part when i first got to the school i had i had like made up my mind like okay this is my last chance by this time i'm like 16 or 17 and i'm telling her like look i get into this this math class and i'm like hey i don't know how to use this fucking calculator you know i mean i don't even know what this curriculum is but like can you give me some extra worksheets or some shit? And she's like, nah. I'm like, no, I don't think you understand. Like, I'm here through no fault of my own. Like, I'm a foster kid and this is a new curriculum. This is a whole other school district. I don't know what's going on. She was like, I don't care. And so, and I complained and nobody did anything. And so now I'm sitting in the principal's office and she talking about the future blah, blah, blah, blah, and stop protecting this man. I was like, why are you protecting that teacher that won't fucking teach me? You know what I mean? Good for you, yeah. Yeah, and then that was

a wrap there. And I ended up going back to that same to the previous house. And then I ended up going back to live with my stepmother. God damn, dude, you're just bouncing. Yeah. And then I, and then I, that's when i joined the marine corps because i was like man fuck all of this so even then you're asleep with a bunch of people too

what what age did you finally have your own room for the first and only time were you able to shut a door where just you went to bed in it how old were you i was I was 26. Damn. Yeah, I'm 39 now. I'm 26. And I've never had my own place. Ever? No.

So I was 36. Well, it's about to change this year, obviously. But yeah, never had my own room before I was 26, I think. The closest you really got to peace and quiet was probably the time you lived with your dad when you wouldn't see him up until he whooped your ass. Oh, okay. You know what? Yeah, I had my own room then.

I was going to say, what I'm saying, you spent a lot of time alone, so you probably had peace and quiet at least for a little bit there. Yeah. So I hear all this anger and this rage and everything. Have you done therapy? Have you really looked at where it comes from? Is it that that moment is it the fucking moment they told you you live here that's is that really it yeah that's where that's where it all began yeah it was that moment it just uh it was like that moment of like this is unjust this is unjust you know so how do you keep it in check now?

I just stay away from things that stress me out. You know, I mean, I've done a lot of like meditating and cognitive behavioral therapy and that sort of thing. So I don't just go off no more. You know, it's still a lot of anger in me, but I keep it, you know. Plus, I think it has something to do too like you know once you start pushing 40 you know you got to have other problem solving skills other than i'll fuck you up sooner or later you're gonna lose a lot of those right if you're still fighting in your 40s the last thing i want to be is like that old ass drunk ass uncle that's always getting knocked out at the function yeah yeah so i just So I just learned, once I learned, once I learned like, oh, you got the gift of gab, you know, you should be able to talk your way in and out of things. All right.

So look, I go back to my father died at 16. So I haven't had parents since 16 on. And you obviously. What about your mom? My mom left our family before that. We reconnected just a few years ago. Oh, wow. But yeah.

My mom left our family before that. We reconnected just a few years ago. Oh, wow. But yeah, so I've been on my own with my grandmother for a minute before she dropped dead in front of us. But on my own since. So you seem to I mean, I know there were people in your life. We didn't have parents really that were there. What about your mom through all this? Are you are you seeing her at all during any of this?

Are you getting to spend time with her? Get to know her? Yeah. I mean, I'm I'm I'm contacting her to some degree, but at this point, you know, it's all really depending on the foster parents and whether they will allow. Oh, so that's a permission thing? They don't have to let your biological parents contact you? No, because she's lost her right. Ah, I didn't know that.

Yeah, once you're gone for so long. So they legally are your, what do they say, your legal guardian? The state is, yeah. Right, okay. Yeah, for sure. So are your parents still alive today? Yeah. They are, and do you have a relationship with them now?

Yeah, I have a good relationship with both of them now. Tell me about your relationship with your dad. Does he come to see you do stand-up? Where does he live now? My dad has never seen me do stand-up live. Has he seen the Netflix special? Yeah. Did he like it? Oh special yeah did he like it oh yeah okay good but not live where is he is he in this still in the maryland dc area yeah i think so yeah my mom formed there have you done dc or anything i haven't no okay but my um but my mom did because we filmed in new york my mom did

come down was that her first time seeing you go up that's the first time seeing me live yeah how was it for her oh it was great she loved it oh yeah we cried we do you know that's all she brought her friends you know that you know they were like oh i do you really got a son you know teasing her and shit like that because i because i left because me and her we i mean because we didn't just start being close we've been close for like you know 12 13 years now. How did you reconnect and sort of start solidifying that bond? We just did. Like, we just, I mean, we never really lost contact like that

because I was always in contact with my brother and my aunts and aunties and all of that. But I think as we got older, the more I realized that I'm like her. Are you like her? Oh, yeah. In what ways? Just our attitude, the way we think.

I mean, she did beat that motherfucker on iron. Yeah. Just the way that we think for ourselves. You know what I mean? That kind of thing. Because I always get that from other family members well didn't you also see that parallel or did you possibly in your grandmother i mean maybe that's a survival thing through the foster care system you said it was you your mom and your grandmom right right so i'm mad listen i there's

a chip on your shoulder and there's one on mine too there's one a lot of people but i honestly i don't ever want it to go away it's the It's the thing that's put me right here. And it's allowed me to still survive on this fucking rock in outer space, you know. Yeah. And I don't mind chiseling it a little bit. But I don't want that motherfucker ever to go away. Yeah, because honestly, it's not. It isn't the issue.

That's right. It's all the other things. You know, it's um because you never want to fall into the trap of going because i know plenty of people that do this where they go well now i have a name for what's wrong with me and so the work's done right you know now it's classified right yeah it's like no man it's like it's like it's like the doctor going you have cancer it's like what that's now what yeah right that's not the end you still got treatment so you know it's that's the diagnosis yeah that's not the the treatment and that's what it is man it's just it's just constantly working i mean it's just like it's just like comedy it's

like you know you just got to keep doing that repetition repetition what about your dad when did you guys decide to connect or how did you reconnect um i mean we never really lost contact either even after that argument yeah i mean we didn really lost contact either even after that argument yeah i mean we didn't speak for a while after that but it was still like it's because it's something about it's something about your dad where you was like you still want them to be proud of you somehow you know what i mean and it was that it was like once he said i'm proud of you that that and and that so happened to be at the around the age so i happened to be the age that he was when he had you well no when we fell out okay so when did he said i'm proud of you to you

about what um just that i wasn't just that i wasn't quitting. That was like, um, I'm, uh, I'm doing this, you know, this is standup. And I was like, I'm doing this pop. Like I ain't,

this is what I'm doing. You know what I mean? He was like, all right, well, I got you. Like, I'm proud of you.

You know, don't, don't quit. Those four words that meant everything. Yeah. Because I'm all, because I always quit everything. You know what I mean?

Like when, matter of fact, when he dropped me off, cause he's the one dropped me off to the MEPs to join the Marine Corps. MEPs, yeah. And he was like, I'll see you in a couple weeks. He knew? He thought I was going to quit.

Or hoped. But he was right, too. If he hadn't said that to me, I would have quit. You would have. Oh, yeah. But it was just, I was like, but I'm stubborn. Like, I've accomplished a lot of things out of spite. So how many years did you serve in the Marines?

I want to go back to that. Five. Good. First of all, thank you for your service. And what do you think, did that help you? The military, did the military system put structure and stuff in your life? Did it help you find guidance or how did it help you? I think I needed it for at least a couple years.

I needed it every time. And how does a guy like you that's big on principle getting yelled at by dudes like that and not popping off? You've had a problem with every person of a figure of authority all the way through up to here. That seems to be a challenge. the way through up to here that seems to be a challenge um it kind of was but i was in a unique situation where you know even though there is still a tremendous amount of unfairness in the marine corps but at the same time it's it's evenly distributed it's like it's like oh you fucked up

everybody paying the price i see it was that you know and so you're not being picked on or singled out no you're not being picked on you're not well some people do but that's a whole other thing some people get picked on a single doubt but i wasn't and and there's a you never got in trouble with your mouth in the marine corps oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah yeah i definitely did but but at the same, it was like I was in a situation where I was the only, there was a racial thing in my unit before I got there. And so when I first got there, everybody was kind of like walking on eggshells, you know. And finally I was like, hey, everybody just chill. Like say whatever you want to say and I'm going to say whatever the fuck I want to say.

You know? And I'm better at you. Better than you at that. You know what I mean? And so it was, I had a little more leeway than everybody else when it came to, like, speaking my mind. Or speaking our mind. And that's when I started getting laughed. That's kind of when I became funny.

Is that right? Yeah, yeah. And so I did, every now and then I would get in trouble for a little shit but i never got in no official trouble okay i would get you weren't a problem child in the military i was not i was not good at my job what was your job in the military i was i was a attack a tactical air operations module repairman what is that we i just I fixed the box with a bunch of computers in it. But you weren't good at it? I mean, I was good at that part,

but I wasn't good at the marine part. Oh, I see. You know, the being on time. And like following all the rules. That's what I'm talking about. You haven't had any.

I was just barely holding it together schools and all that because that's what i'm talking about yeah yeah i wasn't i mean i was i was barely i was just barely holding it together when in in there it wasn't for me which was weird because everyone thought i would be a lifer i was like ain't no fucking way i'm out but you did five that's one extra why did why'd you do five it was just the job like because the job because the job if you have a job that makes you go to school for longer than six months you got to do an extra year and where were you san diego where were you based i school for longer than six months, you got to do an extra year. And where were you? San Diego? Where were you based? I was stationed in San Diego.

Yeah. Yeah. Dream place. And the thing is, every place outside of that is a shithole. So it's all downhill from there. There's no way I was going to sign up again. Yeah. Nah.

Nah. Yeah. Then I started doing stand. I mean, I left there. I worked at Intel for a little while. And then I got fired from that. And then I worked at the Pentagon for a year or some change. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I worked for Lockheed. I was a subcontractor for Lockheed for the Pentagon. And that was a year or some change. And then got laid off from that, moved back to San Diego, started growing weed. Did you really? Yeah. Was not good at that either. You quit that too?

I quit that. Good, good. Yeah. And I started going to school and doing standup at the same time. And then I became like, just real quickly, like I started, I was the first employee at the Madhouse. That's where we met. I became like, just real quickly, like I started, I was the first employee at the Madhouse.

That's where we met. And I got so much fucking stage time there, you know, and I got good fast. Yeah. And then I went, and then, you know, everybody kept telling me to move to LA, move to LA, move to LA. One day I just did it, you know, and it was a mistake. Was it? Why?

Well, it was just the way I did it. I didn't have a plan, you know. I was just like, because down there I had set my life up in such a way that all I could do was stand up. And it was the way to save money or none of that. And I just moved up here. And my plan, this was my plan. My plan was I'm just going to crash on people's couches until I find a place. And that's not a plan. No.

No. And at the not a plan. No. And at the time, I had severe sleep apnea. And so, it's like you just burning bridges because no matter how much people love you or fuck with you, it's like that ain't gonna fly.

Yeah, it's not. And I remember the first couch I stayed on, I remember I was there for like a week or two and somebody was like yeah man we got a we got family

coming to visit so you know you're gonna have to find some way to crash for you know the duration I was like

oh so when are they leaving they're like we're not sure you know it was that kind of thing and so I was

I was literally on the street for like two days. And I, and I remember walking to the VA and here's the, here's the wild shit about the biggest burden. One of the biggest burdens of being homeless besides the obvious shit. It's just having all your stuff,

just wherever you go, you got to have all your shit. Yeah. You ain't leaving it anywhere. It's just, it's right. And you, and you got to carry all your shit or you got to get a cart for all your shit. Yeah, you ain't leaving it anywhere. It's getting stolen. And you got to carry all your shit

or you got to get a cart for all your shit. And then most of the places you need to go inside of, you got to leave your shit outside. You know, that was just, it was just something that I never had thought about.

But I walked to the VA and was like, yo, I don't got nowhere to stay. And they were like, okay, well, you can go stay over here. I was in like three different shelters, but the last one i ended up in was like the the nicest one which isn't wasn't really saying much but it was out it was over here in hollywood on sunset and i lived there for two years did you really yeah you lived in a va shelter for two years while you were doing stand-up? Yep. Holy shit, dude. Yep. And I, and, and, and.

Didn't any of them come see you? Nope. Oh, well, yeah, one or two. You should have done a show at the shelter, man. No, see, that was the thing, too, is I didn't want comics knowing. Why? I don't know why. At the time, I don't know why I gave a fuck so much. Were you embarrassed?

I think I was. I think I was a little embarrassed, but it was more like, I don't want nobody I gave a fuck so much. Were you embarrassed? I think I was. I think I was a little embarrassed, but it was more like I don't want nobody to see my weakness. I hear you on that. You know what I mean? Man, that's a strength to me. You got these fucking guys bitching about their Ubers and their condos and everything else in the rain, and you're in a fucking shelter getting out there hustling. Good for you. My big challenge was that.

And now you're on Netflix. Now I'm on Netflix. And the Honey're on Netflix and the honeydew. And the honeydew. I mean, come on, good for you. No, my big challenge was getting them to damn. Because you got it because it's levels of privilege in the shelter. You know, level one, two, three. And to get the next level from level.

Because level one is just after you've been there for so long. Level two is like you have a job. And to get them to respect stand-up as a job, I had to do all this extra shit. Like I had to take extra tests, extra like breathalyzers and urinalysis. Oh, I see. All this other shit.

So for the whole term, I wasn't smoking or drinking. And then I got the job at the comedy store as a door guy. And so they completely got off my back about it. And then six months later, I got fired. From the store? From the store. So then what, they got back on you? Well, they kind of got back on me.

But then a bunch of shit happened in the interim where the guy that was running the place, he ended up relapsing. So the guy that was running the place ended up doing some of the drugs he had confiscated from somebody. I guess maybe he confiscated something from somebody and he was like, oh, this is my drug. You know what I mean? And it wasn't like an investigation or nothing. Like, this motherfucker came to work one day. And if you've ever been an addict, because that's the thing, some of the people in there are addicts, you know. And if you ever been an addict, you know when you see a motherfucker on your shit, you know.

And he just came to work just obviously just like a whole different person, bro. Just a whole different person, like all disheveled and shit. And then, and then they, and then they found out that like a whole bunch of the money that was supposed to be being spent wasn't actually... Because that's what I was trying to tell you before we started. A lot of the times, these programs that's for the homeless people, it's just a prop

for profit. And millions of dollars are getting funneled to people that they're not spending it on the homeless people. They're just taking that shit. And that's what was happening. Because all of a sudden, out of the blue, after this motherfucker got caught, all of a sudden, out of the blue, we got new beds, new mattresses.

They brought in the daggone, what you call the people that kill bugs? Exterminator. Yeah, all of a sudden. You should have had that back in the day, man. Yeah, all of a sudden, the daggone food improved. Man, what a fucking story, dude. Good for you.

All right, so I want to say this because we're wrapping up here, and I thank you for coming on and opening up about all this. But I didn't tell you this. I ask, sometimes I forget, but I ask guests their first time on what advice you would give to your 16-year-old self. And that is a pivotal age for you, obviously. So knowing what everything we just talked about if you can go back and tell 16 year old you something what would you say

fuck them all you're right yeah you're right you were right to hold no no um listen if that's what it is it can be that i don't know man i guess yeah i guess that is would be what it is, it can be that. I don't know, man. I guess that is what would be what it is. Be true to yourself. Stay you. Oh, yeah, that would be it. Be true to yourself. Yeah, because that was a thing that you struggled with. Be true to yourself, yeah.

Well, one more time, please promote everything you'd like to promote. Definitely your Netflix special, all that. Yeah, Netflix special. What's your website again where they can go see your dates? Season three of the stand-ups. You go to my link tree off of any of my socials, BSComedian, or you can go to bryansimpsoncomedy.com and see any of my tour dates or festival dates. All right, man.

Well, thank you again for coming on. As always, Ryan Sickler on all social media, ryansickler.com. We'll talk to you all next week.