The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Brooks Wheelan - Crushed Dreams

Episode Date: January 11, 2021

My HoneyDew this week is Brooks Wheelan! Brooks had it all going for him - he landed his dream job at SNL, he was engaged to his dream girl and then the dream became a nightmare. We talk about how Brooks lost it all, including his best friend who passed away. SUBSCRIBE to my YouTube and watch full episodes of The HoneyDew every toozdee! https://www.youtube.com/rsickler SUBSCRIBE to my Patreon show, The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I highlight the lowlights with y’all! What’s your story? https://www.patreon.com/TheHoneyDew SPONSORS: UPSTART Find out how upstart can lower your monthly payments today when you go to upstart.com/HONEYDEW. That’s upstart.com/HONEYDEW. Don’t forget to use my URL to let them know I sent you!

This episode of The Honeydew is brought to you by Upstart. More on that later, let's get into the do. The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler. Welcome back to The Honeydew, y'all! We're over here doing it in the Nightpant Studios. I am Ryan Sick sickler you know me as ryan sickler.com ryan sickler on all social media uh thank you guys for uh all your support man the the community continues to grow please subscribe to the youtube page that's a really great way to help the show uh there's a lot of free ways to help the show you know subscribing to the youtube page a five-star review stuff like that don't just watch subscribe um and the patreon show the honey do with y'all is it's absolutely one of my favorite things to do is sit and talk to you guys about your

your life stories and i'm blown away by the younger crowd that's coming around and emailing you were saying right before we started how much you hate your patient you're like i have to do this bullshit i fucking hate it but okay i guess i guess you're different on air on air he said we're on air live from the honeydew studio i mean i just it was just caught me off guard from what you said moments ago all right don't fuck with my income during a pandemic bro I mean, it just caught me off guard from what you said moments ago. All right, don't fuck with my income during a pandemic, bro. All right. The Patreon show.

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Alright, that's everything going on. Now, if you're new to the show welcome, thank you for coming on. If you're not, subscribe to the

damn YouTube channel and what we do over here is we highlight the lowlights. I always say these are the stories behind the storytellers. Today's storyteller very excited to have here

first time this time on The Honeydew. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Brooks Will, y'all. Yay, me. That's me, yeah. Welcome to The Honeydew, Brooks. Thanks, I'm stoked to do it. Thank you for being here. Yeah.

I know it's a wild time right now, and I know you've been wanting to do it. I did your podcast, too. Yeah, fuck yeah. Which I had a great time doing. So before, we have some good stuff to talk about, some terribly wonderful stuff. And please promote everything you'd like. I mean, I just have – I've got a podcast that you did called Entry Level. It's about all the jobs that you had before that you were a professional comedian.

And your episode is fucking incredible. You were a full junkyard boy. Yeah. You're like a junkyard dog and a junkyard boy. Yeah. But yeah, it's great. You go check out Entry Level with Brooks Whelan.

I've had, if you like comedy, I've interviewed somebody you really like. Like, it's a huge spectrum. Yeah, no doubt. It's a great show. Yeah, it's fun as hell.

So that's all I'm doing. You can check out my stand-up comedy if you just, you know, type my name into the internet. All right. Yeah. All right.

You can find it that way. So I, as always, I ask every guest to go through trauma. You and I have been talking here. And there's a few things. You mentioned a broken engagement, which resonates with me. But prior to that, you got one of the greatest jobs. Right. Well, I didn't know how to deal with trauma because, honestly, things worked pretty well for the first 27 years.

Is that right? Yeah. It just all went according to plan. Okay. And then it stopped. So here's the funny thing. It's not funny, but it is. It's more like the reverse for me. The first 30 was like shit, and then it's sort of level. I wouldn't – it's leveled off and gotten better.

Right. Yeah. Well, it wasn't like – it wasn't – you know, I just grew up in the woods in Iowa, and I wanted to do stand-up comedy in order to get on Saturday Night Live. And my family – you know, the rural parts of Iowa are, you know, the idea of like, hey, I want to be on TV. Shut the fuck up. Yeah, I'd like to go to the moon. So I was like, OK, I'll go to college.

I'll get a biomedical engineering degree. Really? Yeah. That's why I went and got a biomedical engineering degree in cardiovascular biomechanics at the University of Iowa. It was really cheap to go and stay. I was like, OK, I'm going to use this degree to move to New York or L.A. to pursue comedy, to get on SNL. And then I did it. And it all happened.

Exactly according to plan. Yes. So did you use that degree for a job while trying to get SNL? What were you doing with that degree? I worked at Edwards Life Sciences. You're really intelligent, huh? Yeah, I was making artificial heart valves. Edwards Life Sciences is a great company, top heart valve company in the world.

So can I ask you a question? We had a guest on, Andrew Rose is a comedian, a local LA comedian. He was on the Patreon episode, and he told us about this. He has a pacemaker that has a defibrillator in it. Yeah. You know those? I mean, I'm mostly, I like super laser focused on heart valves. Specifically the valves.

Specifically valves. And there's three companies that manufacture them. But I mean, I'm familiar of your arrhythmia and shit like that. What made you go into that major? Were you always fascinated with the heart or the body? No, it was just like... At first, I was like, well, comedy seems like... I knew I wanted to do it as a kid, but I was like, that seems impossible. So I'll be a doctor because that's what you do.

Which also to me seems impossible. Right. Well, that one is actually more impossible. It's very hard if you're dumb like me or like to party like me. So I was like, okay, I'll get a biomedical engineering is a great pre-med degree. So I was like doing that. But then halfway through my freshman year of college, I tried stand-up. I was like, no, no, no, I'm going to do

this forever. But I was like, I'm just going to finish this degree. So I just picked cardiovascular biomechanics because I was like, oh, I just was interested in the heart and the heart valve. And I wrote this big paper on it. And I was like, okay, this would be an easy way to get a

job. So I just did that. It was just kind of like, well, what do you want to do? I was like, okay, this would be an easy way to get a job. So I just did that. It was just kind of like, well, what do you want to do? I was like, I don't know. I want to leave. That's all I want to do. So then I picked this elective focus area and then applied for these three places, St. Jude, Medtronic, and Edwards, where these are the three heart valve places. They're all out here in Southern California, down in Irvine. And I got one of them.

And so I moved to Huntington Beach. And I was like, cool, I'm in LA. Okay. No, I wasn't. And then, you know, worked at Edwards Life Sciences for two years, doing R&D for this new transcatheter heart valve that's out now. That's fucking incredible. And like, if I... So you still follow it?

You're still up on the tech and stuff? Dude, they're a great company. Like great company like i really respect them they fired me and it was one of those firings where it was like no yeah i absolutely i can't believe it took you i can't believe i got this yeah they were like we have a guy here to escort you for my vacation right yeah they're like we have someone to escort you out and i was like you don't need to i'm not mad at you this is nuts you're doing the right thing yeah it was it takes me two years at a job before they're like here's the worst thing that can happen at your job is your boss brings you into their office and they go walk us through your day like what do you do yeah and i'm like well let me go let me go think about it because i'm gonna have to lie a lot. Anytime I've ever been fired, I've laughed out loud because it's like, do you need a box for your things?

I'm like, no. I've never made this a personal fucking space. I'm like, there's pictures of my family around here. I am also not embarrassed. You have no idea. Yeah, I'm high-fiving people. I think I threw out, fuck her. So I got booted from there because I was doing comedy so much.

I was driving from Irvine to Hollywood every day. That's like three hours in traffic. Yeah, it was brutal. So then I was getting home at like two in the morning, waking up at six to go to work so I could leave by two, which also you can't do from an engineering job. Just I'm out. It's like two, man. You don't get to leave now. Well, I do.

Well, you're fired. So I got fired from there. Still respect that company, though. And then I worked for a small startup at Caltech on interocular lenses for two years. And then the day I was getting demoted from full-time to – he was like – well, also, okay, so everything good starts happening comedy-wise. Like I go to Montreal, then I go audition for SNL. I meet with Lorne Michaels.

So you came to California first. You came west first and then – Yeah, I moved – so, yeah, I spent some time. I started in Iowa and then I would drive to Chicago every weekend to do stand-up. So I was like three years of commuting to Chicago back and forth. So when I moved out here, all my friends were the guys from Chicago, which turned out to be really great comics. Yeah, powerhouses.

Yeah, I was kind of like. No doubt. Like the Kumails and Pete Holmes and Kyle Kinane were. And I had like done open mics with them in Chicago. So they're like, oh, yeah, I remember this guy from Chicago. But then so I then I go and I'm like 26. Yeah, 26. And I thought I got SNL because things had gone so well. And then so I stopped going to my job because I was like, well, I'm going to go be on SNL.

And but I didn't tell my job because I'm still I'm like, well, I still don't have any fucking money. So I'm still getting paid. I didn't go in for a week. Sat at home just like, well, I think I'm going to – what am I going to do? And then they released four new hires at SNL and I wasn't one of them. And I was like, oh, no. Oh, no. So I just walked back into work like you hadn't been going yeah no my boss is like where have you been you weren't calling or collecting a paycheck you uh you called out a

no call no show yeah so i walked back in and sat down he was like what like what are you doing i was like i i was you know i was working. And he's like, you run the lab. You can't work from home. You are in charge of this lab. This is not an at-home project. He was really nice. I really like him a lot. His name is Charles. He's fucking rad. And he was very cool

to me always. And he was like, look, man, we're just going to have to put you on part-time. Because I was leaving a lot to go to New York and Montreal and now touring a little bit. And I was like, I get that. And then at lunch I got called to, I was going to go write at SNL. They hired me to be a writer.

So I was like, hey, Charles, good news for everybody. Everybody. Yeah. He was really happy for me. It was great. Yeah. So it just like all had gone according to plan, you know, like everything I tried.

So from your audition, your first thing was a writer. Your first job at SNL was a writer. Yeah, and then I fucking talked Lorne into putting me in the cast, which was not hard. It was like, dude, I got to be in this cast. I was just way too confident. I had never failed at anything. And then I did the show, and it was a big failure. It sucked.

And I was like, I never thought. I was like, oh, oh i want to be an engineer i can learn how to be an engineer i was like oh i'm gonna do stand-up comic and learn how to be a stand-up comic oh now i'm gonna be on snl i'm gonna learn how to be on snl and then uh that was the first time i didn't i couldn't i just couldn't do it what was it you couldn't do because i know the schedules grew uh you know grueling and well no it was just competition i just had no idea I didn't know anybody and I thought you know I'm gonna show them how good I am by not asking for help and writing all sketches myself and just by myself you know being friends with people but like only having my name on sketches which I thought was a good idea it's not a good idea because it's a huge hierarchy there of like, you know,

the head writers have been there 10 years. Like their sketches are, if there's like any doubt, like which one's funnier, we're going to go with the person who's senior. So I didn't realize I should be pairing up asking fucking the head writers, like, hey, do you want to write with me? Who were the heads when you were there? It was Brian Tucker, Colin Jost, Seth Meyers.

But not even necessarily those guys, just other writers. And then I figured that out. And it was just tough. It was just a real, like, I cried a lot, man. Because it was like four times it happened where you work like 90 to 100 hours. And then I have my sketch that I'm working on that I'm the main guy in that I get to be very funny in. I would always have the final sketch of the night. Not always.

It just happened four times. So I have the final sketch of the night. Incredible. I can't wait. There's so many fucking hurdles to get this far. And it's really funny and I love it and it's crazy and i cannot wait for the world to see it it's so cool you know and i've spent 80 hours in the last three days working on this i don't even know if that's many hours in three days i don't think so 72 uh either

way so i am so excited so excited so excited it's having four fucking times then like I'm in my dumb wig or whatever, and they come over. They go, hey, we ran long. Your sketch is cut. So four times I'm, like, adrenaline, can't wait to do live SNL. My only time I'm going to be on the show. I'm like, I don't care. It's my sketch. I'm funny in it.

I never give a fuck about playing the janitor or whatever who just walked through. I always thought that she was lame, even though that's what you need to do. And so then I would just be like, what the fuck? Like, it was just a big gut punch. And that was really hard. All right. So let's go back to, obviously, elation of getting the writing gig. You come in.

Now you've talked them into putting you in the cast, which wasn't the original plan. And at least you talked them into giving you the chance to be part of it. Yeah. The original plan, Lauren told me, because he was right. I was wrong. He was like, you're very green. You're too green. I'd never been on TV.

I'd never done stand-up on TV. Oh, this was your first television credit, too? Yeah. Okay. There was never any, like, Comedy Central stand-up? I did, like, Adam Devine's House Party, but it hadn't aired yet, you know? And that's very different. So what year is this by the way 2013 and

he was just like you're very green how old were you 20 oh this is also a sign i got called to be a writer on my 27th birthday and they called like hey you're gonna be on snl you know hey you're gonna come we don't know what you're gonna do here yet but at least you're gonna be a writer i go the least that's the fucking greatest job i've ever heard of uh and then i was like it's my birthday and that's what I told this woman who hired me, and this is just foreshadowing. She goes, I don't care. No!

She's like, I don't care, just get to New York. I was like, oh, okay, that's maybe a little sign that they're a little mean there. Not like, cool, you can do this. I don't care! Yeah, I don't care. Alright. Oh, that is great. Right. So, either Yeah, I don't care. All right. Okay, well. Oh, that is great. Right.

So either way, I go there. And then Lauren told me, he's like, hey, you're too green to be on the show this year. We're going to have you write this year, and we're going to put you in the cast next year. Which I was like, dude, I'm ready right now. Looking back, that was a great plan. Because it's a very scary, intimidating show. The first time you ever see it, you're on it in the cold open. It's just fucking terrifying.

And I was like, oh, if I was here for a year making friends and, you know, it helps a lot if you go from writer to cast because the writers like you. You know, you're already ingratiated, you know. So, yeah, it was just tough. And then, you know, I wasn't sure if I was going to get fired or not. Like, I was very much 50-50. It could go either way. And then when it happened, it was like the first ever failure, like a giant failure I've ever had.

It was fucking very devastating. What was your first sketch that you actually got on camera? The first one that I got on was me doing a weekend update uh about my tattoos so you like slid in in the chair slid in did a stand-up bit about bad tattoos i mean how great was that that was that's the coolest moment i've ever had real quick how many shows how many shows do they do a season 24 okay so what show is this that you make it on third wow okay so third of the season who's the host fuck i don't even know a lot of them because the season. Who's the host? Fuck, I don't even know. There's a lot of them. Because I wasn't interacting with the host.

And who are your, is it Tina and Jimmy then? No, this was Seth. Oh, yeah, Seth. And it was great. It was the coolest. Because until then, I'd been in some sketches, but I hadn't written them. And so this was the first time I was like, okay, I've contributed and changed and put at least some sort of stamp time I was like, okay, I've contributed and changed and made,

put at least some sort of stamp that I was here on this show. And I wrote a thing myself and I did it. And you know, the whole reason I wanted to do SNL is because Adam Sandler rolled on and was Adam Sandler. I was like, I get to roll on and be me. Like this was the fucking goal in Iowa. So you came on as Brooks Whelan, not some character. Right.

Yeah. I got to do two of those, which were by far my favorite thing. Come on. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, no, no it was the season started off okay because i got i did that on the third show and then on the fourth show i did my only good sketch which was me and edward norton these critter control guys uh who get pulled into a wall and murdered by possums it's really funny and i was really like so by the fourth show i'm'm like, I fucking got it. Like, this is great.

I get how this works. And then I was blanked for 10 shows, which is like four months. Blanked meaning no sketches, no roles. Like no funny roles. No funny roles. Didn't get to be funny once for like 10 episodes. That's so long to just be blank yeah and that i was spun out and it was really sad and then i got over that and in the last like six episodes i got like

a sketch to dress each time and i was like okay cool i'm figuring out like the last half of the season's super fun uh but then fired and just like really how did that go down well it was wild uh i mean did lauren call you in and say oh fuck no walk us through your day no no no i would have told him i'd be like i'm in there at eight i'm working i'm sleeping in the i'm sleeping in jay farrell's dressing room because he has no i hope you didn't talk to my references yeah no man it was just i was walking how's it happen well i was just walking with my there's a day you get renewed also the the fucking contract is you can't quit for seven years but we can fire you

every six months oh really they get you for a minimum of seven but they can they can renew you you can get out of it you know i mean there's one thing and i i feel weird talking about it but i guess i do know a little like more than because me, my friends are guys who have done the show 10 years. I'm like – so I don't really know as much as they know. But I did do it for one year and I know that Lauren is reasonable. If you want out and need out, he will definitely let you out. But the contract is seven. So there's like a date you get renewed on.

It was July 15th. And I remember I was like walking with my girlfriend or whatever on Houston on Avenue A. We were in the grocery store. And, you know, his phone rings or whatever. It's my reps. And, you know, and they're like, hey, what's up? And I was like, well, that's not a you're coming back tone. And I go, nothing.

Did I get fired? And they go, yeah. No way to say back. Yeah. Tone. And I go, nothing. Did I get fired? And they go, yeah. No way to say it. Yeah. And I was like, okey doke. You know, and there's just kind of just like a real it was a real blur. You know, it's just like, fuck, you know, and it's kind of my girlfriend is really nice.

And we just kind of sat outside. It was this grocery store on a and in-house and really. And uh yeah just kind of real blurry you know and then just walked home uh and then tweeted fired from new york at saturday night and then yeah which i'd all which my friend tim robinson he called me he like, you had that one in the hopper, didn't you? I go, yeah. I thought of that one. I thought of that one. I thought that one up in December. Ah, shit. Yeah.

And then they had the balls to like reach out and they'd be like, look, you weren't fired. You were just not renewed. I go, you're not my boss anymore. Yeah. Come on. Yeah. We're just not bringing you back as a firing. Yeah. Yeah. my boss anymore. Yeah. Come on. Yeah. We're just not bringing you back. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then I just, you know, and then it like lit a real fire in my ass to go back to stand up. I'm like, I'm not a fucking sketch comic. I'm a fucking stand up.

Cause that's the other thing. And I'm sure you get it. Like I was like, I want to be an SNL. And then when I turned 21, I'm like, I don't need to be on SNL. I just love standup comedy. And then, so it wasn't like my I don't need to be on SNL. I just love stand-up comedy. And then, so it wasn't like my goal. It wasn't trying to get on SNL. I was just trying to be the best stand-up comedian in the world, working on my own TV shows and shit.

And then by virtue of trying to do that, I got the show. So it's not like I was trying to get on the show. It just, like, happened, which is fucking wild. Yeah, then I was just really kind of bummed and then I did I feel like the biggest mistake I ever made in my life was not moving back to LA right away okay that's what I was gonna ask you stayed there in New York to do stand-up well just kind of just to say fuck you I moved my whole life here like you know I'm not gonna do what at whatever it was just out of spite I lived in New York for like another year out of spite.

And why would you say it's the biggest mistake? Because I was miserable. Okay. I didn't. All of my friends, every one of them worked at the show that had fired me. So like when the show's on, they have an on week. I don't have anybody to hang out with. And then one time I went up there to write with him on a writing night.

And I was like – I came home and just cried. My girl was like, you cannot go back to that building. I go, yeah, that was a huge mistake. I remember like Bill Hader was hosting. And I was really good friends with like Tim Robinson, Zach Cannon, and Michael Che. And I was sitting in their office just kind of fucking around. And then Bill Hader came and I never met him or whatever. And he was like, hey, what's up?

And he's really nice. But I could I could like tell that he saw that I was there and he was like, isn't he fired? And he was just I could tell that he was like, oh, this is not a good idea, buddy. Really? Well, he wasn't. He didn't say that. He felt it.

Yeah. And he was right. You don't need to go hang out. It was just they were my only pals in New York that, you know, that I really hung out with all the time so so that was just kind of a fuck up and then it just made me really kind of bitter towards new york and i did get way better at stand-up because you know new york rules for stand-up but but then i would come out to fucking la to do shit and then getting on that plane to go back to new york was so hard i was like, what am I doing? I love it here. This is where good things happen. And then

I finally convinced my ex-girlfriend to move to LA with me. And then we came back here. So, yeah, just that year in New York was real, was really hard. That's what I'm saying. I can't the high of getting your dream show and then being

let go and the up and down in between. And then being surrounded by it after. It's got to be a hell. Yeah, yeah. So that was very unfun. It's like if you're – it's a huge breakup, but it's like they broke up with me. I didn't break up with them. They break up with everybody eventually, but I hear you.

I know. with me i didn't break up with them oh it's like they break up with everybody eventually but i hear you i know it's like if your ex-girlfriend dumped you and then all of your friends hung out with and tweeted about your ex-girlfriend constantly and you're like she's a bitch yeah yeah yeah uh yeah it's just like you know i i'm i did like i did a big unfollow like really kind of cleared everything and now i'm like hey you know like I watched it this year and I was like hey that's fun you know I'm like really happy for Beck and Kyle uh but I don't need to is this the first year you've watched yeah I watched the season premiere this is the first seven years yeah I watched it and didn't like fuck me up like I you know like it would have a little bit ago yeah yeah so that was wild it was

just like a wild but like an exciting year you know what i mean like i thought i was gonna be a movie star for like a year well maybe three months before i got blanked for 10 weeks yeah but you know what you have to believe that you have to believe that what the fuck are we doing it for if you don't if you're just going in going i'm not gonna make anything of this then you're failing already you have to believe you can do that you're not delusional to believe it because we've seen it happen so many times i mean tons of of famous comedic actors have come from snl roots yeah and also like what i will say that really happened there was my confidence got sucked out like the first four episodes were so great because I was like, I'm the fucking man.

Like, I fucking am good at comedy. This is great. And then, you know, you get told no so much there that I was like, what? Am I bad? Like, it was really just a mindfuck to, you know, to get a job thinking that you're great and then them being like, you're not great.

And it was just like, oh, but you hired what? It was a real mindfuck. It took a bit to dig out of it. Let me ask you this. What was your audition that got you? What did you do? Because I've seen a lot of the auditions. Straight stand-up, man, because I just wanted to do.

Yeah, I mean, I got it. It was my JFL. And how old were you? 26. It was my JFL set that Seth Meyers had seen or whatever. He was there and he's like, hey, we should have this guy. And I'd submitted a tape earlier and I'm not good at impressions. And they were like, we actually saw that guy before.

He's weird. Because you tried impressions? No, I was doing impressions that I could do, which was like Hitler if he was into troll dolls. That's the kind of shit. Yeah, I was just like, okay, let's just get out. You know, before we get into my i was just like okay let's just get out you know before we get into my speech just gotta comb the hair got the jewel for the belly but don't let the juice yeah so and they're used to like you know fucking whatever vin diesel and they're like this guy's

doing hitler and troll shit yeah uh jake the snake roberts like these are my celebrity impressions and then you got to do characters. So my celebrity impressions were characters. I was like, Jake the Snake. Robert's was a celebrity impression of mine where the government had taken his snakes. And he was just lamenting it. The government's got his snakes. Yeah, the government took my snakes. But he was there to...

It was actually pretty funny stuff. He was at a children's party. He'd been hired to be a... Oh, okay. Jake the Snake guy. And he's like, sorry, I don't have the snakes. The government is repossessed with snakes.

Telling the kids. Yeah. Yeah. What was the other celebrity one I did? I don't even fucking remember. Oh, so that you had submitted. It was Gallagher. Okay, then it was a combo of Gallagher.

And Gallagher's claim to fame was he had gotten Jake the Snake back into Coke. It was terrible. But they were like, it was weird. And then they saw I could do actual stand-up. And they're like, okay, maybe this is a combo. And then, so then Lauren came out and I did it at IOS. And everyone was so nervous and so fucking... Out here you did it?

Yeah. And then in New York. It's a bunch of shit. And then... How many? Three. Three. Yeah.

And then... First one was here, iOS? Well, actually three. I just count JFL as one. JFL is what... They're like, do what you did at JFL out here at iOS. And iOS, they're like... After iOS, I'd gotten it.

I killed so hard. I killed... Have you ever been funnier than you really are yeah you know what I mean you're like I'm not that funny or you could say anything and they're laughing like man yeah and it only worked because uh I didn't take the audition serious at all which I think that's what they dig um and uh yeah I walked out or whatever And like everyone's so tight and their characters are so tight. And the mic broke when I grabbed it. And they were like very adamant. Like if you do, you do five minutes and we cut your mic. We fucking cut it.

And there's like 25 people on this showcase. And I was like, oh, okay. And I walked out and I grabbed the mic. The mic fell apart. Like it just like I've never seen a mic fall completely apart. So I like took like a minute and a half putting it back together and then uh the first thing i said was uh that was a gross misuse of my time yeah and it just like boom like oh whatever this guy says we're in uh

and it worked yeah i tricked him and then when i got there, they're like, oh, we were tricked. You got to get out of here. For a year you got out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, just that. Everything had gone a little too. When I got it, I remember my best friend from high school, he's like, seems a little too easy. And he was right. It was just I hadn't really dealt with failure until that. And now I'm a pro at it.

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Loan amounts will be determined based on your credit, income, and certain other information provided in your loan application. Go to upstart.com slash honeydew. Now, let's get back to the do. So you said also coming off the heels of losing SNL, you had another situation. So I convinced this girl to move with me to New York. And she's another reason why we stayed.

She was just like, fuck you. I moved to New York. And I was like, okay, I'll stay with you or whatever. And then we go through this intense experience together. She had some other issues or whatever. And it was just really intense. I've gone to therapy about it. They called it trauma bond. She had a really rough year whatever. And it was just like really intense. I've gone to therapy about it. They called it trauma bond.

You know, like we she had a really rough year and I had a really like we were I loved her very, very, very much, you know. And then we got engaged like after SNL because, you know, I was like, look, we went through fucking hell. Like, this is great. Like, let's get married. And then that went to shit. Like a month before our wedding. Pretty. Let's get married. And then that went to shit. Really? How fast? Like a month before our wedding.

Pretty, I mean. How long were you engaged? Just like four months. Oh, okay. Oh, wow. So you were going to get married in that quick? Yeah. You know, we were both the same.

Just kind of like, let's just do it. It wasn't like a big wedding. We were like, we'll just go get fucking married and Josh and she will come back. You know, like it was just very, I don't know, like whatever. Hipster bullshit. We'll just go get fucking married and joshua will come back you know like it was just very um i don't know like whatever hipster bullshit just like we'll just go get married no we don't we're gonna have a party or anything you know we were gonna get married then have a party that sort of shit and then i was too like the snl thing fucked up my me thinking i was funny right so i went so deep into touring to put out my first album to like as a way to prove I was funny. You know, I needed that.

So I toured hard for about a year, you know, like gone every weekend. And then doing even solo little music venue tours where I would be gone for a month. And I fucked up, you know, and I was I didn't. Well, not cheating wise, but I love my girlfriend so much. But I was gone so much that she got pissed. And then I found out about some other shit, and then it was just like I thought everything was great. And then one day it was just all gone forever. Like it was just she's gone, and that's like my wife in my head.

What happened? I feel – You don't have to get into the specifics, but how did you end it? I like – Who called off the engagement? Her? Well, no. No.

I guess – I don't fault this girl for, like, bailing because I was a grouch, you know. I was just, like, kind of not – I was just always kind of just, you know, like, I don't know. I didn't know how to deal with it. I should have gone to therapy. I should have fucking gone. Well, I had a friend who did one year and left. And when he came, I saw him. I was like, go to therapy.

Just go right now. Go there. You got to go to therapy because that really helps. It does. I mean, there's a lot of people that don't know it's an option because they don't know anyone in their family that's ever gone. Their circle of friends don't go. And also, there's still – I know when I go, especially the therapists have told me that men just – that machismo bullshit that still we're a small percentage of the people that go to therapy are male.

And it's because we're taught not to cry, hold it in, push it down, all that bullshit. But it definitely fucking helps. I had a therapist fire me. Did she say, Brooks, walk me through your day? She did not. What do you mean fired you? What did she say? I was like, I think I'm going to, like, my ex had hit me up.

And I was like, I think I'm going to like my ex had hit me up and I was like, I think I'm going to go on a date with her. And my therapist is like, Brooks, if you go on a date with this woman that you have been talking about for a year, I can't help you anymore. And I was like, I'm going to do it. And she's like, I'm done. You're done. So then she like transferred me to like an addiction specialist. She was like, you're like addicted to this thing or whatever, you know. And then the addiction one was like, I was like, I don't like this. This is, and then I stopped

going. So, cause I was fixed. Fixed. Yeah. We're all fixed. Yeah, exactly. I'm fixed too. Right. Yeah. But it was like, uh, I just, it was, you know, life was pretty good. And then within a year, like the two things I like really cared about the most were just gone. Literally back to back, like so close. Yeah. Yeah. And it's almost, I have, I've had a best friend die and that's way worse, but mentally easier to deal with than having your best friend who was my fiance just gone, but like a few

blocks away. You're're like it was like she's dead but she's not which you ever see in the neighborhood and cross paths or no no that's good nope which is incredible yeah yeah uh but it was i just was like it was terrible and then fucking the worst thing of all time is goddamn Instagram. You know what I mean? With an ex, like, oof. I would go like six months, and then I'd be like, well, let's cut ourselves. You always hope they're posting like, I'm sad. Yeah, yeah, right.

They're ruined without you. I live in a dirt pile. That's what you get. You're on an island? Yeah, so I was just dealing with that. I don't think I dealt with it well. Did you go to therapy after that? No, I haven't been back.

But it's fine. I don't know. But it affected my stand-up. I was a bummer on stage. I used to be like, well, now I feel like I'm back to being happy and excited and cool and fun on stage. But for that year, oof. I've been there. I mean, excuse me, a few breakups. I was dark.

Just my physical presence was different. Yeah, I was just like doom and gloom. Yeah, doom and gloom. Very well said. You embody it. I would bum out a different. Yeah, it was just like doom and gloom. Yeah, doom and gloom. Very well said. You embody it. I would bum out a party just by being there. Like, ugh, what a bummer. Dude.

Yeah. No, thanks. So I had to like kind of just reckon with that and, you know, really. Like, it's so dumb in how true it is, but it's like, oh, time heals. I was just like, no, it won't. I'm going to be sad forever. And now I'm like, what? You were that sad?

Dude, it's going to be fine. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There are moments within the moment that you think that there's no way you're getting out of this. Yeah. That it's not ever going to get better.

It's not. And then you pick yourself up and you move forward and then you look back and you're like, what the fuck was I thinking? Because you know why? Life throws more shit at you. And you're like, oh, man, this is some brand new shit that's way worse than the other shit I thought was the worst shit that's ever happened to me. And you realize you're not sad. There's so much worse things.

Like my best friend is this guy, Kevin Barnett, who you heard of. I know. Yeah. He was a New York guy. Yeah. And I never got to know him. But everyone that I know that knew him in our world just loved the dude. Yes.

He was that one of those guys. He's like the best dude ever. Like, I went to Hawaii with him because I was all bumming. And he was like, let's just fucking go to Hawaii. Let's get over this chick. You know, like, that's the guy. So me and him went to Hawaii and had the best time ever. And it was really fun and great.

And then I was dating this new girl. This is only – this is not even two years ago that this happened. And things were good. Things were awesome. Can I ask you a quick question? Because there was a night where it was you, me, and Emily LaFord, who books the show for me and works with us and also manages at the Comedy Store, was because I had just lost an engagement. You were seeing someone and just broke up with somebody,

and she was just seeing. Do you remember that night? We're all in that little landing in the belly room, and we were all talking. We're like, are we all three freshly dumped right now for real? Was that the engagement? I don't know. It was just such a. No, because that would have been New York. Well, no. I was mean was that the engagement i i don't i don't it was just such a

no because that would have been new york well no i was out here when the engagement ended and i that's the only person who's i've had two relationships since then and i stopped those that would have been 2015 yeah that's exactly when it was yeah and we were all i'm remembering it just hit me right now where i'm like all three of us connected to this show right now, too, were freshly fucking dumped. Just like, ugh. That was the worst energy to be a ref. People were like, we'll just slide by.

Excuse me. Yes, yes. Oh, I don't want any of this on me, actually. Yeah. Yeah, that's right. Yes. That's right. So that was her.

That was that. You know, that was the. Because I thought like, oh, SNL, it doesn't get worse than SNL. I was like, oh thought like oh snl it doesn't get worse than snl i was like oh it's engagement and it doesn't get worse than this and then kevin fucking died i was like this is kevin died kevin died he had like sleep apnea and he had fucking um pancreatitis oh man he died in his sleep in fucking mexico's fucking nuts what he's on vacation yes i had been i had gone down to tijuana with my new girlfriend the week before. And I was like, do Tijuana rules.

It's great. Like, it's cheap. You fucking tacos and mezcal flights. And it's so fun. And then Kevin and his friends went the next week and he just didn't come back. Like, I was like, you got to go to this taco spot, this taco spot, this taco spot. And yeah. come back like i was like you got to go to this taco spot this taco spot this taco spot and um yeah and i have it still comes up where i uh have meltdowns about it because it's only a year

and a year like last january two januaries ago who was he with brooks he was with his high school friends and so they wake up in the morning and he's gone. He's just dead. Yes. Yeah. In Mexico. In Mexico. And then the craziest shit was like, we have to like get his body back from Mexico. And then there's like a person I wasn't doing it. His other friends, Joshua Benamits and Jermaine Fowler, were like really helping his dad to get all this stuff. And there's like a fucking person whose job it is like, oh, yeah, no, we do the bodies back to the United States. We're like, oh, Jesus, this is a business.

So I didn't know how to deal with that at all. How did you find out? I was in. Dude, it was so bad. Like, it was just the worst. I was in. The joke I had was I was in a Wendy's drive-thru and it was 7.30 in the morning. I'm in a Wendy's drive-thru at 7.30 in the morning because I'd taken my new, the girl

I dated for a while, back to her house. She had to work that day. And so I'm just like in Wendy's, like, I got my new, got a new girlfriend. Things rock. And then get a call at 7.30 from Nick Turner, who's our other best friend, and I just answer. I'm like, what's up? And he's screaming.

He's yelling. He just yells, Kevin Barnett's dead. And I was like, no, he's not. I talked to him yesterday. He's not dead. And he's like, he's dead. And I was like, what do you mean? What do you mean? And he's like, there's no other way to tell you. he's not dead and he's like he's dead and i was like what do you mean like what do you mean and he's like there's no other way to tell you he's dead uh and so then i just like i was like i'm gonna come over to your house and so we were calling people so

the worst part was i hung up and you're just in shock and he didn't even tell you how or anything so you probably got a million things running through your head i knew kevin was i knew he's in mexico yeah i don't know what's going on. You didn't know if he was murdered or what? Yeah. So I'm like, and he wouldn't even know. He was called by our other friend, Ed Larson. It was just like a friend group calling real quick. And then the weird part was then I just still waited in line and got my Wendy's, you know,

because he's just like in a fog. And then went over to Nick's and we just called a bunch of people to tell them, you know, just, hey, this happened. Hey, this happened. You know, like a little let's tell people before it's fucking everywhere. And then The Stand in New York tweeted, like, we will miss you, Kevin. We're like, you fucking psychopaths. Like, some of his family doesn't even know yet. You know, like we're trying to tell people. And then my friend Turner tweeted, Kevin hated the stand because he did.

Yeah. And then it was just, you know, a real just you know what death is like. It's just like waves of, oh, I've been not thinking about that for a minute. And I told you I had a meltdown during election night. thinking about that for a minute and i told you i had a meltdown during election night this is past like election or whatever when joe biden won i was at her other friend eric andres and only a few people few not a lot of people went to i mean a lot of people went to kevin's funeral but he was he died in um uh he died in i mean he died in mexico but he's from palm beach so we go to florida and talk about funny man like so i stayed at this motel six in Mexico, but he was from Palm Beach. So we had to go to Florida and talk about funny, man. Like, so I stayed at this Motel 6 in Florida.

And I was, like, broke at this time. Well, like, too – not broke, but, like, I can't be flying to Palm Beach. You know, it was just, like, around – like, I was there, like, 20 hours back. And I stayed at this Motel 6, and it's expensive, but it sucks because it's right on the beach. And I'm wearing a suit, and I go to my friend's funeral and sobbing and then come back and I'm in my suit. I like the Motel 6 like walking in and like they tried to make fun of me. They're like, look at this bitch. He's wearing a suit in a Motel 6.

I go, my friend died. Oh, no. Yeah. So but then you just had to get it out. Yeah. Fuck you. Fuck you. Yeah. And then but then I was at had to get it out. Yeah, I was like, fuck you! Fuck you! And then – but then I was at Eric Andre's the other day.

I was real drunk because Joe Biden won and I was – there was like an amount of stress that had melted off of me because I couldn't have dealt with – I just couldn't have dealt with the pandemic and then also Donald Trump is still president. I just couldn't. It was – the stress was so deep, so deep that whole week because I was like, I don't know. And then Joe Biden won. I don't even like Joe Biden, but I just hate donald trump and i'm wasted at eric honge is just so happy and so stoked and then our other friend came in who i hadn't seen since kevin's funeral alana glazer and she's so nice and great but i don't run into her that often and it just like just seeing her did it seeing her drunk she has like a bird luger tattoo which is kevin uh and i just melted down i like sobbing like everyone's like what the fuck you know and i yeah that's when i was like oh i gotta

go to therapy like yeah so just like hit me like i hadn't dealt with it, you know, in like a while. And it was, it was, it was, I was a blubbering. Did you leave? Did you stay? Oh, I stayed. I stayed. How much longer? Till like three in the morning. It was a terrible decision to stay.

Yeah. Eric's really nice. He called me the next day. He's like, you all right? I was like, yeah, I think. Sorry. He's like, it's okay, but I'm scared some people. Yes, you did. Yes. He's like,

you were pretty wild. I was like, yeah, no, I gotta go therapy. But yeah, so that, and then I cried about Kevin a few days ago. It's just because like, this is the time where you like the time where you're like, this is what I would be hanging out with Kevin. You know, this lockdown. I'm like, this is where I would be with Kevin playing video games.

You know, like this is where. Yeah. He would be showing me some new music video and it would just be us talking about how fucked everything was. Like that was that he was that you know so it's like oh the guy uh that i would be spending the most time with right now is gone during the weirdest time ever i was talking about how kevin did it right he bounced at the right time how old was he he was 32 he was 32 we were like a few days apart in age so was there ever an autopsy done? It was definitely from the pancreatitis. Yeah, man.

We were, I mean, like. Did he know he had that? I don't know. He had sleep apnea. We shared so many hotel rooms and he would just like. Yeah. So it was like he needed like a sleep apnea machine or something. I don't know.

I just know it's pancreatitis and I was really like stoked that it was pancreatitis. You know what I mean? It's just like. Yeah, it doesn't matter. He's dead. But I remember, like, somebody was like, well, was it drugs? I'm like, who gives a fuck? Like, fuck you for even saying that shit. Like, who cares?

He's gone. And it wasn't. It's incredible. Which, you know, like, not that he did them, but I would have been bummed if it was, you know? Because I was like, oh, damn it. damn it you know but i know what you mean because i had a friend who died in a car crash and i just i was like please don't let alcohol come back yeah toxicology and it didn't and i was like you know he's still going he's she's gone yeah and i don't know why but it does make me feel better that it it was tragic and not some foolish fucking mistake.

And look, man. Yeah, it's like I just want whenever I die, people to be like, well, that's why you don't do that. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. That's why you don't do that. Let Brooks be a lesson. Yeah. Look at this.

And this is why we don't. Like, that's my whole goal. Just not to be a fucking. Not to be an example of a fucking dumb death. Yeah, exactly. That's why people are like, it'd suck to go down in a plane crash. I'm like, that's the way to go. Not my fault, baby.

You know what? You just changed my thought on that. Because I'm paranoid about that. All I worry about is like, is this guy in good health up there? This lady up there fucking paying attention? What the fuck are they doing up there? Yeah. But you're right.

It's not my fault. Yeah, I just don't want it to be my fault. That's not my fault. I'm not responsible. That's tragic. Yeah, exactly. That's a really good point. Oh, man, so much life to live.

Yeah, damn plain. That's fun. I mean, it's a rare thing. Yeah. So how has that changed your view on life? What did it do to you? Other than make you sad, obviously. Does it make you appreciate comedy more, friends more?

Did it make you have – It made me way closer with Kevin's group of friends. Okay. You know what I mean? Like everybody was at that funeral because Kevin was a New York dude and just had lived in L.A. a few years. And I was mostly friends with those guys through Kevin

because we met when we were 25 hosting Comedy Central had a hot tub time machine thing or whatever and then me and Kevin hosted it was the first thing we ever did on TV we hosted the interstitials for you're watching hot tub time machine

and then we became best friends because we were sitting in this hot tub all day and it was just like a perfect way to meet a pal and then we became best friends because we were sitting in this hot tub all day uh and it was just like you know a perfect way to meet a pal and then you know we go to montreal together and then everything starts happening together he makes his show friends of the people when i get snl and like we're just having fun success together and it was great um and but i really just mostly hung with kev and then through all this i became way better friends closer friends with everybody else who has the exact same amount of great things and great stories about Kevin. Because I didn't meet him until we were 25.

He'd been in New York hustling for five years before that. But I would just say of anything, I don't even know. I mean, I think I really haven't dealt with it. I've just been like, yeah. And I don't know know. I mean, I think I really haven't dealt with it. I've just been like, yeah. And I don't know. It just sucks. I don't see any positivity in it. There's no positivity in it.

I can't. I can see. You know what I mean? So there's no like I learned lessons from, you know, being fired off SNL and an engagement ending of like, oh, you know, you can grow on these. This one, I don't see any growth. That's where therapy comes in yeah yeah because i'm just like there's no positive about that that's there's no well that happened because it's nothing all bad so yeah it just sucks but you haven't seen the positive sense of anything

from kevin dying no no i can't it hasn't made you change your life in a positive way? I don't mean specifically he died this. I mean, what has the collateral damage? Have you turned any of that into positivity yet? Is there anything that that made you go, you know what? Fuck it. I'm going to do this or I'm going to think that or whatever. I always connect with anyone.

Yeah, I don't know man it was just i don't think so i was already doing all that stuff like kevin was the guy who would go with me on the trips i go on by myself now like yeah the camping your solo stuff yeah so i go solo like kevin was the dude who would be down because you know we're all like hey i'd love to do that i love to do that i love to do that we all say Nobody does it. He was my friend who would come with, you know, or we would go do this. Like, so maybe if anything, he's, it's let me be a lot more okay by myself, I guess. Cause you know, I would, I wasn't camping alone before Kevin passed and now I do it all the time.

And so like slightly more at peace with myself, I guess. I don't know. Cause I just can't imagine anything worse happening. So I'm just like, well, whatever. Might as well go look at some stuff. I don't know. It's a bummer. I can't think of a positive.

I'm just like spinning, trying to be like, no, this is bad. No, I hear you. No, if you haven't, you haven't. It's still only, you said, a year and a half. Yeah, a year. That's not a long time at all. At all. Especially when we're talking about forever

like that's the thing i always think about like that person's gone for you know doesn't matter how long you fucking live nothing ever again and it's like brutal i remember thinking that about my dad when when i was 16 like wait i don't even ever get to say hi again or a wave down. There's nothing. It's, yeah, it couldn't be more permanent. No, it's wild. I mean, yeah. Yeah.

And I guess meeting, I've met Kevin's brothers and they're cool and they came out to LA and we hung out and that was nice. But like, I already knew him before that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But, I mean, it's just like – it's kind of like anytime where I'm with our old group of friends, we just tell Kevin stories all the time, which is, I guess, you know. Man, I was telling my friend a Kevin joke yesterday. Like, I was like, man, this guy had this best joke. And it was so funny. Kevin was a big black dude but had this also just weird subversive comedy style and he was so

nice and sensitive even he's like one day i want to um he's like one day i want to wake up early this is in new york he's like put on a suit and get a briefcase and go to uh and go to wall street and go into a busy building and have my briefcase pop open and just have a bunch of photos of dragons that I've drawn fall out. And I go, oh, no, my documents. And it was just like he would tell in a way better way, but just like that was a Kevin joke. Like, you want to take dragon drawings to Wall Street and call them your documents?

And, dude, the funniest thing, the hardest I ever laughed, too, was probably Kevin.vin we were doing montreal another year kevin hart's lol or whatever and you had to sign this paper that was like you can't do these jokes again on television and i was like whatever i'm going to no one's going to chase this you know what i mean and kevin was pissed uh uh he was like no i'm just gonna bomb i'm just gonna bomb and it's taped he's like i'm just gonna bomb just going to bomb. I'm just going to bomb. And it's taped. He's like, I'm just going to bomb. And so he goes out and he starts bombing on purpose. He's like, blah, blah, blah. Like, not doing

anything. And people start, like, booing him. This is in Montreal. Nobody gets booed at Montreal. They're like, ah! And then he was like, he goes, okay. He tried to stop. He's like, all right, stop, stop, stop. Okay, I was bombing on purpose. Now I'm going to try. Now I'm going to try.

Now I'm going to do my real jokes. Because he didn't like it. He didn't like being booed. And then so he goes into his real jokes. And they're like, no. And they're still booed. And then he goes, now y'all just being disrespectful. And that's like the funniest thing I've ever seen.

Wait, I'm going to get you back, actually. No, I don't like this. This hurts. He goes goes this is hurting my feelings yeah and it was so funny yeah he's like that dude he's like i guess that's what it's nice you get to tell the stories and you feel good about that's it i mean that's all you have that's all we have what else can you fucking do there's nothing you can look at maybe photos which hurts a lot too um you know it's funny someone sent me recently a video of my grandmother who I just she could still be here. I miss the shit out of that lady.

She was like a mom to me, did so much for us. And I heard her voice. And in my head, it sounded a little higher pitched than I remembered. And I thought, God damn, it's been that long since I've heard your voice that I didn't even know. And I started thinking about, like, my father's voice and anybody. I'm like, I don't know if I really remember. I can hear what I think they sound like, but obviously my memory was not reality. And I was like, man, she sounds different there.

Whoa. And I was blown away by that shit. Have you gone back and watched any of his clips or any of that stuff yeah i mean he was also the other annoying part about kevin was not annoying he was really busy but he never he wasn't he never did a late night set because he never tried to he was like busy making the sketch show friends of the people and busy making rel's show and being really successful but he never did like a late night set but uh i'll watch like sketches he did and he's so funny in it um he made a comedy central

pilot called kevin versus josh that with josh rabinowitz that josh sent me and i watched that only recently and that was he's fully acting and it's really funny and he's being kevin and it was really yeah it was just it just spins me out for a little bit. It's not fun. Yeah. Yeah. I know it. I'm trying to think.

Oh, okay. And here's one other Kevin story that was really good. This is the last night I saw Kevin. We were at some party like in Hollywood or whatever and I like mushrooms and I just took mushrooms by myself. I was just tripping on mushrooms and I was just enjoying it. And I was standing in the lawn. Like when I'm on mushrooms and everybody else is just like drinking and partying and stuff. At this moment, I was just like, look at these fucking assholes.

Like they need to party and whatever, you know, like a bunch of weirdos, you know. And then Kevin came over to me he's like what's up man i was like everyone here's being nuts he goes no only you you guys you're standing in the lawn alone buddy he's like let's get you around a group of people because over there they're talking about you yeah so he's you know he would look out for me. Hey, man, come on. You got to go.

Yeah, I know. That is somebody you miss. That's a real friend right there. Like, nah, nah, nah, nah. No, no. You're being weird. To be fair, you're standing alone in the lawn staring at strangers. Oh, man.

Yeah. So, yeah. Just that stuff but i guess really uh all i learned was um what i really learned i guess is to enjoy things when they're good you know what i mean yeah i didn't know that i didn't enjoy a second of snl i should have it was cool it was really neat and i was too busy worrying about getting back versus enjoying it in the moment so like now i kind of try to let myself enjoy things in the moment a little bit you know like i used to be like oh hey you you booked to do like uh the half hour or whatever like all right well how do i get the hour you

know like now i would have been like cool let's have fun at this half hour yeah that's a great that's great advice actually it really is because you know you look back on all these cool things because it doesn't feel they i i hear this a lot from like professional athletes when they win a super bowl or whatever they're like you don't you're you're living it so it's not like it's when you look back on it where you're like oh man that was fucking awesome like that was awesome it is very hard to be present, what you're talking about, instead of – but the hustle mentality is that, like – because as soon as that half hour is done and recorded and it airs,

the next morning you wake up, and that is, okay, what's next? Yeah. And if you're not being proactive on what's next, then you're starting from zero right there when you could have a head jump. But you're right. You have to be uh mentally present and really try to enjoy that yeah just like allowing allowing a pat on the back from yourself every once in a while that's right and not because i'm very like it could have been better

it could have been better i could be doing this it could be doing this i could be instead of being like look man you tried real hard and you did all right you came from here you went all the way to snl you were only supposed to write but you gotta you know it's it's so much harder to do that for yourself you other people can do that for you and you can listen to be like yeah but it's it is uh hard to look in that mirror and and go positive instead of negative it's so easy to go yeah oh man nick kroll has one of my that guy's so fucking funny he is one of my favorite jokes i heard and maybe maybe i shouldn't well it's fine. Basically, he was just talking about, can you imagine looking in the mirror and being like, yep, I like it.

He tells it much better, but it was just like, God, it was so funny. It's just such a good joke. He's like, God, that'd be nuts just to look at yourself and like it. I was like, oh, this is so good. He's great. All right. So this is your first time on the show. So I'm going to ask you a question I ask everybody. Advice you would give to your 16-year-old self.

Because yours is kind of interesting. Most people have sort of had some trauma around then, and it shapes and affects their way moving forward. But yours didn't really hit until later, you were saying. So I'm curious what you would say to yourself. I mean, I had two really mean older brothers. So it wasn't like I had – it wasn't like the shit was great. They're cool now, but they were not cool. But they're great now.

I love them now. And I have a joke about it, how it would be weird to go about, when I was eight, I promised I would kill them as an adult, but it'd be weird to do it now. It'd be really weird to be like, hey, Merry Christmas, I gotta kill you. When I was eight, I decided. I swore to God that my hands weren't big enough at the time,

but now they're pretty big. I don't know, man. I would just say, I don't know how you can, when I'm in relationships, I get too attached, I guess. So I would say, hey, psycho, maybe take a week off before you date new people every once in a while. That's a solid advice. Maybe you do a year where you learn how to go to bed alone.

Not – just like – like right now I'm living in my apartment alone and it's like nice, but it took me to get to 34 to be able to do that. And a pandemic. Yeah. Well, I just said, I went from girlfriend to roommates to girlfriend to, you know, then to girlfriend to roommates.

And now I'm like, you know, let's fucking chill for a sec. Maybe this is, you know, figure this out. So maybe that's advice I'm just giving me as a 34 year old. Applies. Yeah. Hey, psycho.

Maybe read a book tonight. Dude, thank you for coming on and sharing all this stuff. Yeah, it was good. I hope I didn't over talk. No, you're the guest. You're supposed to talk. Right. I know I have a podcast where sometimes the guest doesn't talk. I'm like, what are you doing? Yeah.

Come on. It's your turn. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Will you please promote everything again? Just my podcast entry level. It's good. And yeah, Ryan's on it. And any comics you...

There's comic you would like on it. I guarantee it. For sure. Yeah, like Bill Burr did it not that long ago. People seem to think he's funny. Yeah, a little bit bit I remember he did it and then like hosted SNL the next week

I was like oh alright that's pretty I guess it's a pretty good bit yeah I'd say so yeah yeah just listen to that

check out my stand up watch Friends of the People Kevin's show yeah that's no longer it was a true TV thing if you want to see how funny that dude was yeah just that shit alright Watch Friends of the People, Kevin's show. Yeah. That's no longer. It was a true TV thing. If you want to see how funny that dude was.

Yeah, just that shit. All right. Well, thank you for coming on, man. Oh, wait. Time out. Here we go. Go ahead. One last thing. Please.

This is another great – this ties it all together a little bit. This is how good of a friend Kevin is. Kevin, one time, he was over at our place in New York a lot, and he saw my ex-fiance or whatever, and she was like, hey, Kevin. And he just goes, nah. That's a buddy. That's a real friend right there. Respectful, but nah. Oh, that shit's great man good dude

yeah good dude man well thank you you're a good dude too thank you this was really fun this was fun thank you for sitting down that's alright

that's tough stuff to talk about man yeah but it's also like so you know like I'm always like everybody's had it way worse because people have

but it's cathartic. You really say it is. It totally is. For sure. Thank you, man. And thank you all. As always, Ryan Sickler on all social media. Ryan Sickler dot com.

We'll talk to you all next week. I'm out.