The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Carlotta Wood - Voice of The Dew

Episode Date: November 16, 2020

My HoneyDew this week is Carlotta Wood! Carlotta is the voice of The HoneyDew and one of my oldest friends. Carlotta’s first episode was audio only but this time she joins me on camera to highlight the lowlights about unhealthy relationships, possessive partners and being stalked. I can always count on Carlotta to make me laugh about the craziness! SUBSCRIBE to my YouTube and watch full episodes of The HoneyDew every toozdee! https://www.youtube.com/rsickler SUBSCRIBE to my Patreon show, The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I highlight the lowlights with y’all! What’s your story? https://www.patreon.com/TheHoneyDew SPONSORS: EXPRESS VPN Use my exclusive link, EXPRESSVPN.COM/HONEYDEW and you can get an extra three months FREE! UPSTART Hurry to UPSTART.COM/HONEYDEW to find out HOW LOW your Upstart rate can be. Checking your rate only takes a few minutes! RAYCON Go to BUYRAYCON.COM/HONEYDEW today to unlock exclusive deals up to 20% off your Raycon order! But hurry—this offer is available for a limited time only, and you don’t want to miss it! HELIX Helix is offering up to $200 dollars off ALL mattress orders AND two free pillows for my listeners at HELIXSLEEP.COM/HONEYDEW!

This episode of The Honeydew is brought to you by Helix, Raycon, Upstart, and ExpressVPN. More on that later. Let's get into the do. The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler. Welcome back to The Honeydew, y'all. We're over here doing it at Studio Night Pants. I'm Ryan Sickler, ryansickler.com, Ryan Sickler on all social media. Please make sure you're subscribed to the YouTube channel. Go over there right now, subscribe, youtube.com, rsickler. Make sure you're on the Patreon page right now.

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Make sure you're over there on the Facebook fan page. And the website for the show is thehoneydewpodcast.com make sure you're over there on the facebook fan page and the website for the show is the honeydewpodcast.com and again as always i cannot thank you enough night pants nation y'all out there lounging looking good out there damn it get over to merch store get your night pants get your night shorts y'all were hot so we we catered to that occasion called the summer. And we got mugs, charcoal hoodies, all that stuff over there. Also, I record here at the Santa Monica Music Center. And if you want some online classes right now for you or your kids, go to santamonicamusic.com. Use the code HONEYDOO, and they'll waive the registration fee and give you a free lesson uh when you sign up for a package now that that is out of the way you know what we do over here we highlight the low

lights uh we root for the underdogs we support the overlooked and uh these are the stories behind the storytellers now i am very excited to have this guest on because she is officially a returning guest but we didn't have video at the time when she was on and you only hear not only did you hear you hear every week on all the promos she is the voice of the honeydew ladies and gentlemen please welcome back to the honeydew carlotta wood, y'all. Good to have you on camera, Carlotta. Hey, y'all. Good to have you on camera. Hi, baby.

How are you doing? I'm good. I'm hanging in there. First of all, thank you for being here. Of course. Second of all, let's touch it up. We've come a long way from my kitchen table. Oh, my God.

So when we started this, when we started this, the craft feast had just ended. I was like, Carlotta, we won't even be in the studio for a few months but i want i so go back and listen to her first episode uh you'll know our history from that but it only took me what two decades to come full circle to bring your voice on the project yeah yeah that's all got there. Give or take a year or two. And now listen. And now, yeah. Now listen. Awesome. So I've got you on the honeydew. I've got you on the honeydew with y'all.

I put you on a sizzle reel project. Yes. I did. I did that. And if that thing goes, I would love to get you to be the voice of that show. Absolutely. You know I'm there. And yeah, so we've been able to work together.

But when we started this, you literally came to my place and sat at my kitchen table. With the stove behind me. With a stove. Beautiful. That light coming off that stove light. I know that stove light. I love the stove lights. I'm a stove light.

I keep that shit on. I can't. I believe you should never walk into a dark home and the stove light's a nice one to keep on. You know? If that stove light's off when I creep in i'm like something's up um so thank you for coming back on absolutely we now have video like i said this is quite a a jump from where we were yeah um but the last time that i saw you and we hung out i scooped you up and we went to.

No, you met me. We went to the goddamn comedy jam. Yes. Josh Adam Meyer show at the Roxy. Yes. We hung out all night there together. And then you left. And before I could hang out with you again for your birthday, which just also recently.

I've had two birthdays. You officially had two birthdays. And we didn't get to hang out and then as time does gets away from people but okay you were like i'm moving to buffalo but i only thought you were going to visit or or like an extended stay i wasn't sure what was really going on but you moved to Buffalo I did um and I guess part of the reason or a reason um I'm inadvertently involved in with you recording so I have told you politely to shut up and please tell me this story here because I don't know this one no so you know yes there were several reasons why I went to Buffalo. But the biggest reason I went was to gather myself, not running away, but I just needed to leave because I was in a situation with a gentleman and he just would not let me break up with him. would not let me break up with him.

So, listen, I'm not... And so... Wait, hold on. I have to make it clear that I am not laughing at someone that won't let you break up with them. I just... The sentence makes me...

It's just absurd. I was... You said to me on the phone, what'd you say? Say how you said it. Have you ever been in a situation where you've not... No, you said, have you ever been in a situation no that you said i've never been i've never been able or not ever i've never been able to not break up with somebody

to not break up tonight and i know and i was asking the question i was like have you ever been in a situation where you have not been able to break up with somebody where they just refuse to let you not break up with them never and i never experienced that and we have children with people and they gladly were like people and they were like and it's been okay you know you know a little stop here and there but this was just over the top this was just way too much and it was you know it was it was weighing on my my household for me and my kid. It was just weighing on me.

And, you know, and I went through some things with him. Yeah. So take us take us back a little bit to when it started, because I remember you telling me later, like he the distance he would travel to sit outside. How you say take it back. Oh, you and I were at your place doing some voiceover i think or just hanging out and you remember i had to leave i had to step out because it was like in the beginning of me trying to figure out what was going on with the situation was i going to be in it was i you know if i wasn't but i'm always ready to have a you know hangout time with you and i did but he was on me so well you made me

laugh because it's like i saw you were like something was on your phone like and i was i uh and i'm like is everything all right like yeah i gotta step outside i gotta run to the end of the block i'm gonna go up a couple of blocks really quickly just you know i'm like is everything all right you're like yeah everything's fine i'll be back i was like i remember how it was fine when at the bever Beverly Prescott when the guy called me and threatened me at the front desk. So now here we are years later and it's the same thing. It's like, I mean, relational issues. It seems to have been like this cloud over me. So I packed it all up.

You know, I had to move out of my place. But wait, why? So let's can you are you comfortable telling some of the stories? Yeah, like he set the trash can on fire at the apartment building. Wait, wait. You asked. Jump right in. Walk us through chronologically how it started. So that night at my place, we're recording, hanging out.

So that's like two years. That's like November, December. Let's say 2018. It was January 2019 right there yeah okay so what what did you started seeing at that point like why were you already like man what the fuck because of that situation you know like just being controlling or trying to figure out where i was all the time when i didn't have that you know know, that know of, or, you know, wherewithal about where he was or what he was doing. Um, and just, you know, controlling me, where are you going? What are you

doing? And then saying we're done. I go, okay, fine. I can live with that. I really can. But then when I'm doing my thing, then it's a pop-up or a phone call. It was just really difficult to break away from. So you would get surprised drop-ins i would get surprised like for instance i would come home i came home with my kids one day and then my phone rings and he goes there's a box outside your front door i'm like there was a box outside my front door but how will you know that he's on the second floor of the apartment building because he put the box there so just you know he's in the building up on the second floor of the apartment building because he put the box there so just you know he's in the building up on the next floor the building was open there was like no security gates at the

property i was staying at this time so it was just i know la apartments yeah you know so i'm like wait why would he you know how would he know that and so when i go outside and i look up he's like hanging over the balcony he's looking down at me and i'm just trying not to let my kids know there is the but did he send the package i think he took it from someone else what'd you get what'd you get i don't know it was no really no no and then by the end of it like the box stayed there for so long i went oh i did open it up it was like somebody's fender like someone i love you, girl. Where the fuck is my bumper? I ordered that four days ago.

So, yeah, so that happened. You told me he sent you a creepy picture one time. Oh, I'm staying in San Bernardino with my sister and my brother-in-law and we're which is an hour plus without traffic i was working in living in in san bernardino that's 66 miles up and back in la traffic yeah that that's crazy so i'm staying with them shortly this is before i even moved to my new spot that I left last year. And it's like two in the morning. I'm asleep. We're in that place again. It's over.

We're not doing this. And my phone goes off. So I look at it and I'm, you know, I'm in a haze. So I'm looking at the phone and I, you know, I take it and I opened it up. And it's the front of the house. My car is in the driveway and it's from him. Because he's out there right now. Because he's outside in the front.

That's how he let you know I'm out here. You're going to come outside now or I'm coming to the front door. What? And I did not want my family involved in this. And again, the back and forth of I'm done. No, you're not.

I'm done. No, you're not. I'm done. How many, how long did that go on? Oh, forever. Up until the time I left, which was January 23rd of this year. So what was the final thing that made you go, all right, fucking, I'm going to get out of here?

Did something happen specific or just like the culmination of all of it? I moved to my new place last year in April, March, April. And from the time, maybe a month after I got there, let's say so May. So you have May, June, July, August. I'm forgiving. So I'm talking to him again. But just on the basis of, okay, you know what? I don't want to harbor this ill will and this hate in my heart.

So we can be cool. But he always makes that to be something else. He just grabs on me and just won't let go like a pit bull. So when I'm telling him I'm'm done i'm not in this thing with you i don't want to be in this relationship with you he does start doing certain things showing up to the house showing up to my apartment unannounced because he just really did not care he had no filter but he wouldn't necessarily know you were there so that mean he was potentially driving to several locations and he admits and he admits that he did that

he admits that he stalked me he stalked me he stalked me damn yeah or he would tell me that he had other people watching me as well so that was that's yeah fuck that I never thought of that so I always thought a stalker did their own work I didn't know they subcontract

no no no no they have people that will help them I got Gary on the no, no, no. They have people that will help them. I got Gary on the night shift tonight, girl. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They have people that will help them. And that's what I was like, what? So somebody is doing this to me. That was crazy.

So he threw a boulder, a plank through my window, through my kitchen window one day because I would not answer my door. I was there the whole time, but I was not trying to see him. He's knocking or ringing. He's calling my phone, but I have my phone on silent so he won't hear it. And I see him outside

downstairs in the parking, the subterranean parking, and I'm watching him and he became so infuriated for the fact that I would not answer him. But he didn't know if I was there or not. And I'm in the bedroom and all of a sudden

this long four by four was flying through my kitchen window what the fuck and what did you do then i called my home girl on the phone i was like girl this dude so did he come in at that point did he enter he just threw it he just threw. He gets in his car and then he finally leaves. And I'm just like, what is going on? Because why won't he take no for an answer? And you figure I met him at the end of like 2017. This is a year, two years now. Yeah.

Yeah. And it just went on and on. So I had to almost, it was like I almost had to leave because there was a lot of things that happened. He did eventually break into the, find his way into my home on his own. He took, I don't know what he took. I had a, you know, those black screen doors, the bars right in front of you, right? Somehow. He got through that?

Yeah, he got through that to get the lock. That's got the bars and the metal mesh the and the metal mesh on it damn like i mean it was it was deep because i just figured if you take that kind of time and there's somebody who lives across from me and the two people that live upstairs right so people are walking by and you don't care he was just it was just continuous obsessed i suppose i don't really i don't know what to call it like i'm you know but i was always told he would always tell me do you know i could walk away do you know i could really just leave you alone would you please please do that show me take your lumber take everything with you and get the fuck on show me show me show me show me prove it my

father used to say i can show you better than i can tell you show me and he would not he just would not do it so so the plea how many times the police involved did you get the police involved i got the police involved that's how you know by the end of it it was the it was the end of it it was it was the end of the year um he had went through some tragic moments you know losing you know both of his parents back to back i understand that you know i you know i have a heart for that i have empathy i you know i i don't understand it because i didn't lose both my parents at the same time but i know what what a heart loss feels like right um and he just used that as an excuse to just to be with stay around to be mean yeah because you know i wanted you there's a part of me that wanted to help i wanted

to be there and support you know when his father passed he called me up my father just collapsed come and go with me if you will i did i got up and that now mind you when that happened i again i wasn't i wasn't even with him. I wasn't seeing him. Right? So this was like August of last year. But when he calls me on the phone, like, can you please go with me to this hospital? I don't know what to expect.

I don't know what's going on. I'm like, okay, come get me. I'll roll with you. But then I end up being with him. Just knock on the door, please. Don't throw nothing to the door. Come on. Just, you know, blow your horn.

I don't know. Call me from downstairs. I'll meet you in the parking lot. You on. Just, you know, blow your horn. I don't know. Call me from downstairs. I'll meet you in the parking lot. You know, but, you know, don't set the trash can on fire. Don't do any of that. I'll go with you, you know. So he picked me up. I go with him.

And now I'm with him, like, almost every day because his mother is getting sick, too. And you're helping. And I'm helping. And I'm there. And I'm trying to be supportive. And we're at the hospital a lot, you know. And that's just, I mean, it's just in me. I'm a nurturer that way.

I will do that for anybody. But, so then that turns into, you know, grab of the arm, hold of the hand. Now we're in the same space so much. You know, he's taking it back to we're back together or we're together. Then his mom gets sick and then she passes. So, you know, and that was between August, September, October to November. So now four months has gone by. And I'm like, even in the midst of all this, I'm going, I'm going home.

I don't want to be bothered with any of this. I'm I'm going home I don't want to be bothered with any of this I'm you know I don't want to do this with you I keep telling you this and then that's when it actually got a little worse and he became a little bit more violent in what way I'm putting his hands on me he did yeah yeah but I wasn't gonna you know I'm gonna share that with you but yeah he did and that's when the police got involved okay you know so I get the police involved on that um I guess they handle it the way that they're gonna handle it it was just it was it was a mess it was and it was all by my apartment at the end of the morning and they take him and now I'm done. I'm like, I have to move, you know, rent's not being paid correctly anyway. You know, there was a lot of things going on. I knew my son could go back to

his father's. Um, so I called my sister and it was just about that time anyway, because my father's from Buffalo, New York. I hadn't been there since I was five years old. I have nephews and three other sisters who were there and they hadn't seen me as a grown woman. So it was like almost the best place to go for me. So I got it all together. I bought a one way ticket, sent Ricardo back to his dad's house. You know, that was somewhat disconcerting. You know, it was finishing, you was finishing the rest of his junior year. Ended up sitting down with old dude.

He just wouldn't leave me alone. I'm like, I'm moving anyway. I'm about to move out of state. I don't know what this is. You can't follow me there. He was like, you want to bet? He said that? Yeah. I'll find you wherever you go that's scary shit yeah you know i don't like to let things like that scare me because then then i live in

fear and i won't move forward and i won't do what i have to do so um by january you know so the end of the year happens you know i'm packing it all. Everything's back in storage. I go stay with my aunt. I remember we're talking as you're texting saying you're going. Yeah, I go stay with my aunt before I left. I stayed with her from the top of the year to the time that I left. And then I jump on that plane and I just head 3,000 miles away to Buffalo. Let's take a quick break and tell you about our first sponsor, ExpressVPN. Now, when you use the bathroom, you always close the door behind you, right?

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In the winter. Man, in the dead of it. And they're like, my nephew would come in the house and go, it's a little warmer today. I'd be like, I mean, dude. It says 38 degrees in there. Snow, snow flurries, snow flurries. I've never heard that. Well, we have snow flurries. What the heck is a flurry?

What's going on? 38 degrees and it's warmer today. I would literally be in the house and just open up the curtains, the blinds, and stare out of the window and look at the snow and go, this is okay. My sister and my niece would get up on Saturday mornings

like, we're about to go do our runs and where? This is okay. My sister and my niece would get up on Saturday mornings. Like, we're about to go do our runs. And where? I mean, up 6 o'clock in the morning for work. It's a storm happening out there. You're going where? Oh, I got to go to work. I said, well, you know what?

I might not ever go back to work if I have to stay here. I'll work in the summer. Yeah, I'll seasonal work. I'll seasonal work and be off in the winter. I wasn't doing it. But I went back. I needed to go back to my roots and to my bloodline. You know, it's where my dad is from.

Again, that's where he's buried. And I needed to become grounded because I was about to lose it. It was really that intense. Like, he was really that overpowering. Once you got there, were you hearing from him? Was he still hitting you up? He tried. I mean, these days, texting, you're a touch of phone away from everybody. He tried that.

I thought that perhaps I could really, I could still maybe have a conversation. But he has this way of bringing out this arguments and anger, you know, and I knew that I wasn't there for that. And I was happy to be 3000 miles away. So I just blocked him for that moment. And even my sister, like sat me down and was like, look,

half of what you're not going to do is be out here and deal with that madness. You just left, you know, came out here to get some peace to get loved on you know you need to relax and take it easy and so i did that you know for about seven weeks seven weeks yeah seven weeks and then my son was on the Bring Mommy Home campaign. And also, wasn't Corona just like just starting to happen, right?

Like started hearing all the crazy news? Well, I got there January 23rd. February, March, you know, we started. By the end of February, I started hearing more about the coronavirus. And my ear was pinned to it because for me, you know, everyone knows when I, everyone, but I'm not religious. I'm very spiritual. You know that. And I used to pray and meditate that if something so drastic would ever happen in this world, if something was just, you know, whether it was a bad earthquake, possibly a pandemic, just something that was going to shut the place down.

I wanted to be at home with my kids. I did not want to be across the other side of the world, you know, the other side of this country. I wanted to be at home with my kids. So I was, you know, keeping my ear to the, you know, to the news and what was going on. And, um, it was picking up, buzz was picking up, picking up, picking up. And Ashton was in um france actually playing ball and we were talking every day and he was you know what's happening and doing videos

with me every day and he kept and what was it like over there at the time for him yeah he was feeling the same way like he just wanted to get home too but he was out there to play ball you know and he was on on his you know contract so he had to finish that but um he did get back to california before i did so when he got home he was like we found a place i want you to come home mom you know we don't really want you out there and once everything was kicking up with with this covid i didn't want to be out there either so i told my sister i'm cutting this trip short that didn't you know it went over okay not too well you know she cried and she was like I hate you guys you just got here you know she's like you just got here and I hate you guys so much I was like but I love you and I feel like I really got you

know some of what I really needed to get some of the good stories some pictures you know and I needed that that that's there for almost two months close to two months that's really big for me so i yeah i did you know i went through some stuff she showed me pictures of my dad before he passed and how he was living you know those those years when he was there and um then breaking out pictures of me when i was a little girl and you know just had you seen any of those photos? Never. And that was really good for me. I have one that I that I really just look at and it's right. It's at 12 before this. That shift happened that we talked about in the last episode. And I look at her and I go, that's me.

Like, that's me all day. That's my energy. And I'm glad I still can. You know, you have that picture. I do. That's great. Yeah, I do have that picture. So I go ahead and I find me a rental car.

I'm like, I'm driving back. And everybody's like, you're doing what? For those who knew Ashton, my sister, I said, I'm getting this rental car. I'm going to pack it up to a T. It was strategic. Me and my OCD. I'm going to pack it up to a T. strategic. Me and my OCD was... I'm going to pack

it up to a T and I'm going to hit the highway and I'm driving from Buffalo, New York to Compton, California. From Buffalo to Compton, y'all. I love it. From Buffalo to Compton, California.

I was headed there. Now, mind you, so I pack it up and I hit the road and I'm out. I'm thinking everything's good. I'm rolling. I'm rolling. What did you rent? I'm in a 2019 Kia Soul. Okay. Nipsey Blue.

You are. You are. You really are. I'm rolling. I'm happy. And then I packed up everything the way that I envisioned it. I'm gone. So I'm just, I'm happy. And then I packed up everything the way that I envisioned it. I'm gone. So I'm just, I'm doing me. I have everything I need. Are you nervous?

Are you excited? A little of everything? I'm just. Because you still got a lunatic. I know. You're driving back too. I am. But I'm okay.

Because I feel like I'm different. Spending that time with my sister, really, and just, like she said, being loved on the way that she loved on me and reminding me what does run through my veins, what blood runs through it, where I come from, who my father was. He was a beast, and I was okay like i something shifted something happened in me and i was and i was very happy about that and i was okay with that and it was quiet you know i kept it to myself it wasn't for me to go and tell everybody like i'm you know i'm different no you don't yeah when you're different you're different yeah so when i got in the car and i hit the 33 i just is that the highway yeah that's the highway out of buffalo i hit it i was i was out of there because i was really over it and a little

kia soul rental car it was good it was good what the license plate on it now here's the thing so i get on the 33 after when i first pick it up i look at the license plate i go okay i'm going this that seems familiar like why do i know this place but once i'm on the highway and When I first pick it up, I look at the license plate and I go, okay. I'm going, that seems familiar. Why do I know this place? But once I'm on the highway and I'm rolling, it starts it's not until I'm like headed out a little bit more that I figure and I go Maryland license plates. Ryan

did this. Ryan did that. I knew shit. I say Ryan did this. Ryan rolled on that trip three times in that same Honda Civic you rode in with original rims up to San Francisco. I got Maryland license plates. My guy drove from Maryland to Cali. I'm driving from Buffalo to Cali. I went from Baltimore to Compton.

Come on. I came to get you in Compton. Come on. That Civic was in Compton, California. It was in Baltimore to Compton. Come on. I came to get you in Compton. Come on. That Civic was in Compton, California. It was in Compton, California. It was. So I was on the road and I was with it. I got stopped by the cops.

You did? You got pulled over? Oh, I got pulled over because I was rolling. I was hitting it. So wait. All right. Let me ask you because I've driven this. Where was your first stop?

In Ohio. Okay. Did you spend the night? Did you just pull over? I never spent the night anywhere. I kind of like pull over, sleep in the car, and then jump out. It's dangerous, though. It's time to go.

You know what? Where did you stop? Like truck stops? I was so comfortable, though. Yeah. Those rest stops or truck stops. Yeah, rest stops. Or like by a hotel somewhere.

Hotel parking lots. Yeah, stuff like that. Because, I mean, I didn't want to like get the room and do that. Yeah, no. I really just wanted to rest if I needed to. Go use the bathroom, whatever. Wash my hands. I mean, I didn't want to get the room and do that. I really just wanted to rest if I needed to. Go use the bathroom, whatever. Wash my hands. I mean, I already have OCD.

So when this first started, Ricardo was like, Mom, you know what? This is right up your alley. You're going to do just fine with this because you're always social distancing. You always are about personal space, washing your hands. I mean, he was intrigued that his kids at school weren't washing their hands. Like, this is making you wash your hands i mean he was he was intrigued that his kids at school weren't washing their hands like this is making you wash your hands right this is what finally did so you know washing my hands you know have my hand sanitizer i have the pure real and the big bottle hot commodity right now can't find that anywhere sitting on cases no you know so you need some of that no i'm just playing but hitting the road was

fine and i was okay with that and i felt peaceful and i felt calm and i felt covered where'd you get pulled over i am in missouri in missouri for speeding originally no what happened was the big rig was behind me there was one on the right of me and i'm just rolling but he kept flashing his lights on me so i sped up right past the big rig up to my right jumped in front of him this dude flew past me and then i jumped back over because i didn't know what this dude wanted to do so but i saw them roll up on the side of me maybe some time like a while back one of the cars did and they looked in you know i don't know headscarf yeah yeah you know i'm rolling you know like this and i'm going through these cities these cities and states they're wondering where is she going and then eventually i passed these two treks

to the left of me and i knew it then and they rolled up past me real quick, flipped those lights on, pulled me over. Now, mind you, it's windy as heck on the highway and cold. Is it daytime or nighttime? It's nighttime. Okay. Dead of night. Like, a little after midnight. And you're out on the highway.

I'm out on the highway rolling. These dudes took my license. There was two of them? There was two of them. And they come back to the car and he's like are you really going to compton he looks at my license he goes are you really going to to this address on here and so i give him the whole story about how my father was from buffalo i flew out to buffalo i was really gonna stay for a while decided that i't. The kids wanted me to come back.

You know, they live in Compton. Well, my son does with, you know, his grandmother's house. And we just lost his nanny right before I left. So I'm like, I'm going back to Compton. And he goes, you do know how far that is, right? And I go, yeah. He's like, I'm from San Diego. So now we start, you know, we start having that common commonality because the other guy was ready for him

to tear my car apart he's like you gonna do your thing you gonna do your thing he was like just hold on so I give him the permission like if you wanna go

through the car just make sure you put everything back the way it was because I got OCD like it took me three hours to pack they

you normally they'll wait for you to finish and to pull off first they were so tired of waiting for me to reorganize and get settled that they just pulled off and was just like oh you mean after

you were like putting your shit back there like have a good day yeah they sat there for a minute but I was back there like I was like this box goes here also when you're box was. I was like, this box goes here. Also, when you're driving like that, you need to have whatever you need around you so you don't have to be pulling over. You grab whatever you need. They asked me to get out the car. He was like, well, can you get out the car for a second?

This is before they let me go. And I go, okay. So I have on my sweater. You know, I'm taking my bra off and flung it to the back seat. Like, I'm on a road trip by myself i flip flops so i get out the car on the side of the road and i'm just like this like okay he looks down at my feet and then he looks back up at me and then that's when he was just like you know what just you know be careful if you get sleepy pull over that's all right so they gave you

no tickets no nothing all right there was nothing that they wanted from me but just to find out why i was rolling through these cities in these states and i was by myself and they were watching and it seemed kind of odd because it seems like every time i went through another like stop to get gas the people inside were like a little friendlier one lady was like uh you're traveling huh i'm like i am i ended up only paying like a dollar for my gas twice. Why? They just hooked you up? I don't know. I figured maybe they, you know, they know. They're like letting each other know people are coming maybe.

I don't know. They were giving the heads up. I have no idea what happened. But that was a good thing. Two times somebody paid for your gas? Two times. Ah, dang. Only a dollar showed up.

You should travel more. I mean, we got to get gas on the way back to. Just don't, you know, that denver once i hit denver i was i was over the trip i was like i hated here like denver you still got a ways to go colorado is the worst denver colorado i hated driving through there all driving through it i love it there because i'm coming down yeah you're going up through the rockies and it's you know snow still falling off of the sides i didn't even know people lived in the mountains like they do like they live literally in the mountains so

i made my way home you see so much of this country and then also you say it was wonderful it always hits me too like don't fucking tell me there's no fucking land in this goddamn country we're all packed on the coast and like this yeah i'm driving through kansas there ain't a damn thing for so long i'm driving through kansas there's houses built on the side of the road and no one else is there but them i mean massive houses too they're living the life in the middle of away from everybody away from maybe they figured it out yeah it was fun driving through kansas i really enjoyed that on the 70 i was on the 70s you know so once i did that that's what i just did that's that begins or ends however you look at it in maryland that's just

what i wrote and i'm telling you and i just kept thinking i'm like sickler did this this is far as fudge but that's nice yeah yeah you're welcome but i did it i did it and i made it how many how many days um one day 22 hours wait what one day 22 hours you did it in a basically just under two days holy fuck you really did go for it man when i tell you i was i didn't do it like that i didn't do it like that i didn't stop and stay at hotels yeah i stopped I stopped and took my time and stayed at truck stops and all that shit. No, I don't know. If something was in me, I was just like, I got to get home. I just wanted to get home.

I wanted to get home. Isn't it crazy to see that sun go down, come up, and everything? It's pretty, though. Well, you know, when me and the boys took the trip to Louisiana, you know, I had that experience. You know, and that was for a vacation. So when me, Daniel, and Ricardo did the trip to Louisiana, but at least Daniel was there to help drive that sun going down and coming up. It's the most beautiful thing. It is.

It was invigorating and uplifting and transformational for me. So when I did get back here, I was no holds barred and I wasn't taking anybody's BS. So you've only been back for a few months then. So have you had, I know we talked about some other relationships like the pastor jumping out of the bushes and things like that. Good God. Which is one of my all time favorites.

You know, it's something about this relational life of mine. I don't know what happens. I really don't know. I don't know what other kind of things have you seen? Cause I look, I know, it's something about this relational life of mine. I don't know what happens. I really don't know. I don't know what it is. What other kind of things have you seen? Because look, I know there are guys out there who've certainly been stalked by women. And it's real.

It's real. And I'm not making a mockery of it at all. But as a man, most of the time, you know if you have to defend yourself physically, I'm going to be all right. Right. As a woman, I can't imagine constantly being worried about someone who can overpower me right at around literally every corner who's popping up when i don't know where i'm trying to do voiceover for ryan's new show and i gotta duck out real quick and run down and run down the block because he's circling like what it's just it's like it becomes

a fear tactic you know and that's what it that's what it became it became a fear tactic. That's what it became. It became a fear tactic. Have you gone through anything like that before? Not to that degree. I have experience where someone just won't take no for an answer. It's over. No. No, I said it's over. No, no. It's over. I'm going to need you to jump on board board with me I'm not doing this with you anymore no I need you to jump on board with jumping off board

come on could you please get on board with getting off board can you please get on board with getting off board I love that that is so real I'm gonna need you to get on board with jumping off board let's go let's go come on and and i don't know why that has why that was my experience and why i've had that experience

or experiences um you know some time ago or like mid millennium i was dating someone and we had dated when we were teenagers 18 and you know 17 18 we went to church together sang in the choir together things like that um he decided to be with somebody else and I was okay with that you know for I was I was hurt for a second like oh my god like why but then it was like next so we got back together around 2007 2008 and the same thing when you know when something's something's running its course, I want to be honest about that. I don't want to play the games. Yeah. So being honest about that.

But he would not let it go. He got a tattoo of me on his arm. Face or name? Both. For real? I mean, a whole mural. What do you mean? No, I'm serious.

I'm not lying. I can't make this up. up what do you mean he got your face on his arm he has my face on his arm where like like this he has my face here he has my name here and he has a mural of me here a mural yeah carla that's a mural but this was after i told him it was that's what i'm saying listen even if you were in love with this guy that's a lot it was a lot that's a lot and so that's still on his body i was supposed i don't know i haven't seen his body unless he got it sliced off i'm getting a tattoo it is so hard i would take i would say that it probably is still there i don't know but i mean that would be rough for me he could tell anybody it's you know he'd be like oh that's my aunt she died and i wanted to i don't know

look at that jazz look at it it looked just like it all from from under here to the bottom of the rib cage it's fucking crazy so you know you tell i'm telling them i'm telling him no So one night I'm in there frying chicken for Ashton at home. I'm living in Koreatown at the time. And my phone rings and it's him. I'm like, hey, what's going on? He's like, I need you. No, first he's like, I'm on my way to your house. And I'm like, why are you coming here though?

He was like, I have something for you. I'm like, okay, what is it? He's like, no, I'm going to come over. And I go, you know what? Cool, whatever. So now I'm frying my, no, I'm going to come over. And I go, you know what? Cool, whatever. So now I'm frying my chicken. You know, the phone rings again. I need you to come to the 110 freeway.

I flip my truck over. What? And the jury box and everything that I have for you is stuck in the truck or it's on the highway. And I'm like, say what? So I cut off everything. I tell the boys I'll be back. I hightail it to the 110.

And sure enough, there's a traffic jam. I jump off at Vernon off of the 110 freeway. I go back around so I can come back on going north because I'm going south at this point. And he has flipped his truck over on the highway he's climbed out the window they have him at the police car now I'm coming on the

freeway and they're like your hair and bones right there by the exit car right there I got you some CDs do you know him and I said yes he called me to come and he's and he's like you know get the jury box

spend a lot of money on that shit find the jury box and I'm like okay and so me and the traffic is shut down traffic is shut down my ass is on the highway walking down the middle of the 110 with a police

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He's like, yeah, I know him. Look at his ribs. Oh, that's her. Yeah, I know him. All right. You look like the lady on his ribs. Yeah, that's me. Look at his ribs.

I'm telling you. I could talk to you all goddamn night. It was a mess. It was a mess. I mean, I'm there the whole process they flip the truck oh they get the people out there the tow truck they get the truck flipped over we find and so the lady this is the lady cop once she's out there with me like she's all in she's where she's looking she goes i think i found something it's a jewelry box it has a rolex

necklace in it with the heart so he has some good shit in there. Yeah. So she's like, here. She gives me that. So she's like, I don't know where the ring is, girl. I can't find the ring. So I'm like, well, whatever. I just want to go home at this point and eat some chicken.

And just fried some. I got some fresh fried chicken. That I need to, you know, I'm hungry.'m hungry so no for real that's all i can think about so they pull the truck off of the highway they put it over you know they get it over on the side traffic is ready to flow again people are cursing me out you're a dump you know like it's just it was just crazy so now we go up to the top and she's like, we have to find the ring. The windshield collapsed on the dash. And between the dash and the windshield is a little tiny box.

Squished in there? No, it's just sitting there. We see it. She gets it out. They get it out and open it up. She's like, I think he has something to tell you she's clowning this whole thing i think he wanted to say something to you i'm like what are you talking about and she takes the box she opens it up herself she's proposing to you

the moment he's supposed to have we're behind the car. Every kiss begins with K. No. You know. This dude was coming to propose Carlotta. After you said no. After he got tapped. Man, the universe was like,

bitch, she said no. What else can we do with that? So she showed. So I take the jury and I just go home. Oh, my God. He was coming to propose. I got something for you. That's right, because he said, I got something for you.

I'm coming over. I got something for him coming over. And I'm like, that's not going to help. Was he fucked up? Or how did he wreck the? I think, yeah, I smell alcohol. I smell beer and stuff in the car. I think he had to get to that place to do what he did, actually come over there because he knew I was like, I'm done.

And I was happy to I was just in the house. Music's playing. Hair's all over my head. Right. Frying chicken. The boys are, you know, watching something. I mean, it was just my days. I just feel like they call me out of the house.

Just like when, you know, old dudes, you know, when his father. I can't believe he was fucking coming over. He was. I'm minding my business and they called me. Hey, can you. Hey, guess what? So, that happened. So, we got past it.

He kept trying to put the ring back in my car and my console, you know, a few times after I picked him up, you know, just to, you know, be of service and help out as a friend. You always do. You always overextend. I do. And I think that's what I've learned. But so, you know what, for me, I don't want to, I don't want. I'm not judging you. I just, that's just your nature.

No, I don't want any of that. I don't. And I don't want any of that to, you know, make me, you know, into a different person. But you're one of those people that gives when you don't have anything left to give. You just will. I know. I know who you are. And you know you're one of those people that gives when you don't have anything left to give you just will i know i know and you know what and and the thing is i almost didn't have any of me left to give and that's how i ended up moving like if this really was breaking me down because now i had to move again and not just because of him again because of finances right so i'm in

that position again i just got ricardo back in april which i really wasn't supposed to have him back he was supposed to always just stay with his dad, but he was having issues, you know, his wife. And I was just running back for my kid. And so now here we are in a place again, it's right up the street from his school. And then, you know, things just started happening on top of the relationship. Things started happening and me being like, I'm done. Okay, fine. Okay, I'm done.

Okay, fine. things started happening and me being like, I'm done. Okay, fine. Okay. I'm done. Okay, fine. And it just turned into this really heavy, ugly place, you know, and I chose to do what I did. And even after leaving for seven weeks and thinking, you know, I always like to think people will change or, you know, but I've also learned that they have to want to do that man that's a hard lesson to learn it's a hard lesson to learn that you can't make someone love you it's a hard lesson no matter who that is or what that relationship is parent friend significant other it's a hard lesson to learn that some people don't want help because i'm one of those people i will i you know i'll save you you know they always say

you know captain save a hoe like all that i want to save people i want to help people that's right but some people it's very hard to understand and to really um accept that some people really don't want to be helped they're all right people act like they have and they'll they'll lay it on thick i mean i've been watched you know my this previous relationship that i'm that that i've gotten out of i watched him do that time and time again you know even up into this these recent like i said since i've been home and my heart just you know broke for him because of what he went through but now i realize that's being used always as a justification to be an ass. And I don't like that. And to stay in contact with you as well.

You know, apologizes for something and then goes, you know, I went through so much. People just have forgotten that I've been through. I'm like, but you can't keep using that. You know, because that's how I'm going to push people away. And nowadays, too, with stalking and and all it's so easy to do right on the internet you know it's so easy back in the day you had to get in your car drive over that person's house sit out you know right you have to be in the bushes you have to get out go sit in the bushes for a second but now i mean but he pretty much was doing this now like look outside that's

my drone flying right outside your window look at everything you're doing yeah you know I almost I set the trash can on fire you know to make you come out and Ricardo's like so you're gonna set something on fire to see her like what like what are we doing here you know and he i mean he wasn't there for when it happened but i shared that with him of course because i wanted him to know like this is what's happening this is how you don't behave this is how you thank you this is how you don't behave don't you ever run behind a female in your life ever don't set their trash cans on fire don't intimidate through their windows don't cut holes in their gates you know their drive safely if you're gonna propose 10 and 2 you know if you got jewelry in the car you know you know i mean

come on for real come on sick. I can't stand you. But that is so true. It's so true. And that's just, I don't know. It just seemed to be a pattern in things that happened. And like you said earlier, it was amazing to me because here we have no children. You know, we were never married. Nothing.

No ties. Nothing. All we did was get together. And I think there's a part of a game. That's the other thing you brought. I just think it was a part of him that just, cause he used to be like, no,

you know, no woman's ever said this to me or talk to me this way. Well, I'm not no woman. I'm not another woman. I am me. I am who I am. And this is how I handle things.

So with that, what are you going to do about it? You know, like I don't, you know, don't't don't compare me to everybody else i'm verbal very verbal and i know that i can you know i gotta have a mouth on me and what you know if necessary otherwise i'm very sweet yes very yeah no really i am i'm very sweet and i can say that because i know that to be true. But, you know, run me the wrong way or push me up against the wall.

Compton's coming out. Man. And New York. And Buffalo, New York. Upstate where it's cold as shit. And Buffalo, New York. You know, my dad, my sisters. I had five sisters when he and my mother met.

And they grew up in the projects. You know, my sister that I had five sisters when he and my mother met. And they grew up in the projects. My sister that I was staying with, Debbie, the stories that she told me about how they lived. She's like, let me tell you about our father. Yeah, what did you learn while you were in Buffalo that you didn't know? That my father was a part of a mob, mafia. That he was a killer. N mob mafia that he was um a killer no yeah you learned that yeah that he was a killer and um he when when he used to tell me when i was younger he would rob peter to pay paul he was like literal even though i thought it was like oh he's he's funny. I got Peter and I paid Paul. No, he was a hustler and he did, I guess, what he had to do.

He was born in 1928. Wow, yeah. Oh, man. He came up in a time where he really went through some stuff. How old was he when he had you then? 42. That's my age when I had Stella. Okay.

42. My mom was 23 holy shit okay there is a big difference he was 19 years older than her so yeah you know

so she was just showing me the crew Boots and Turner those are his homies and he used to talk about them when I was growing up and so when he went

back home right before he passed they all got together and so she had they're still alive? yeah wow they were at the time but you figured my dad went my dad passed in 1999 so he's been gone for you know for

a very long time but when he went back at that point they were so um if they are now i don't know but she was just showing me pictures from that point and then just sharing with me how she grew up and how he had another family in boston and he did yeah you know and this is all before you right all before me all before you all before me so wait you didn't know about the family in boston no so then you i have a brother and a sister that i don't know yeah and you just found out about that within the last few months yeah i have a brother and a sister that i don't know have you tried to reach out, because the story is for my sister Debbie that their mother on her deathbed told them, if you ever run into a wood, go the other way.

On her deathbed. You got anything you want to say? Yeah, I got something to say. Y'all ever run into a wood, go the other way. So my sister said. Are you serious? Yeah, because she worked with our'all ever run into a wood? So my sister says, yeah, because she worked with our sister. She worked with her. Yvette, my sister's name is Yvette

that I don't know. She said her and Yvette worked at the convalescent home together because I'm nurses. So wait, I'm sorry. Who and Yvette did? My sister Debbie. She's the one that I'm saying. So Debbie knows Yvette. Yes, she met her. She didn't know her, but she met her. Because they worked together?

Yeah. Like a crazy small world story? Wait, tell me. Being in Buffalo. Come on. Yeah, no. So this woman from Boston gets a job in Buffalo? Yvette.

Because they were from there. My father actually moved them to Boston. Oh, okay. So they were coming back. As time was going by, the mother brought them back because that's where she was from. Okay. And she didn't want to be in Boston. That's just where he put her.

So Yvette and the brother, they get older. And so now they're all in Buffalo. And then Debbie says, and she felt it was ironic too. Like, oh my God, I met her sister. She says, we were working in the same place. She goes, and then like a week later yvette was gone what happened if you ever run into a wood go the other way wow so because she was a wood it didn't mean a male wood it just meant don't trust them't trust them. So she disappeared.

No, just not. Don't be involved with the family. Wow. Don't be involved with that family. I don't know what my father did to that woman, but whatever it was, it was a lot. And so when my sister's telling me that,

I kind of already knew that backdrop when I turned 40. Remember when you and I sat on the phone? So when I turned 40, my sister actually came to California for my 40th. And she shared some stuff with me that morning. Like, okay, now that you're 40, I think there's some things you should know.

And she just went over, you know, just how she grew up. So when I was there in Buffalo, I was able to see it. You know, just how my father was, you know, Papa was a rolling stone. And he, you know, he did his thing. I mean, he was on the police force and never went to the academy.

What? Yeah. That's some shady shit going on up in Buffalo. So could you imagine I'm going, for instance, when I dated the pastor, right? And we had an altercation. And one day I had a flash. And I used to say, I'll kill you. You know, I can say it now because it is what it is.

Cut that out, Ash. No, leave that there. Cut that out. No, leave that there. I told him. But I had this way of saying that to people sometimes, you know, and, and it would be not like I would, but I wondered why I felt or why, why I felt like that was in me somewhere. Like, what was that? Cause my sister, you know, my sister, Debbie.

Yeah. She, she's been to jail. Has she? Yeah. Run the other way. No, one of these should run. You all got knives. But I realized that I worked.

Zigzag when you run. They might have guns. Yeah, I realized that I worked at not being that. You know, I recognized that that was a work for me. And that's why I had to get away from certain people. And that's why I had to get away from certain people. And this last little thing that I just experienced was really, like, bringing me down. It was wearing me low.

And I did not, because I don't want to be that person. And I just felt like he was being used somehow, you know, spirits and principalities, the wickedness, you know, to try to bring me to that place. But he was actually, it was like, the more he was trying to get me to that place, I wasn't, the more he was becoming. Right. That.

Unraveled. Unraveled. I'm being angry too. How are you angry? You just yelled at me and called me every name in the book and told me about all the other women that you could possibly have,

but you're angry with me because i'm the one that goes okay hey i don't you know i'd rather be at home in my space you know burning sage frying chicken frying chicken minding my business minding my business know, meditating and praying and doing whatever it is Carlotta does to make my day go by. And then talking with people that I love and that love me. And so my sister really wanted me to come home for me to realize that I'm loved. I mean, that's nice. What kind of relationship did you have with her growing up? We were really close.

You were, okay. Because she moved out here when we first came back to cali um she was 17 so we were always really close when she went to cosmetology school she used me as a little guinea pig and do my hair do my nails and i was really close to her and so even when she's gone we've always been on the phone together we've always talked to one another so we have a relationship but the two siblings you have in Boston or wherever they are now she only met one she met the sister that was it and is there a brother brother we don't know but I have two other sisters too that's you know that it's Rhonda Debbie and Jackie I saw Jackie when I was there I never saw Rhonda she never came by

but I did see my sister Jackie um when I was there as I never saw Rhonda. She never came by, but I did see my sister Jackie when I was there as well. I have nephews that are older than me, because I have two sisters that are deceased. They're no longer with us, so they're kids. But no one's met the son from... No one knows them at all. No one's tried to reach out, and they've never tried

to reach out. No. But are they aware of you guys? Or do you think? I know they're aware of you know at least her yeah jackie that you know that end because they're about their age they may know of me you know because when they had me here in california first debbie was telling me stories like you know when you were born you know daddy called home and sent pictures of you and she goes and we everybody was so happy that you were here that's nice so she was really a big help in getting me to this place and i don't know why

i wasn't you know i think when you deal with someone who just you know is toxic and i'm you know and i'm not saying that i i didn't have any't have any toxicity coming up from the things that I've been through in life. I think we all do. All the things we've all been. Fuck yes. We all have toxic behavior. Yeah, but the thing is, are you happy there in that toxic situation or that life? Some people are, like you said earlier, they don't want to change.

They want to be in that. They want to use that. They want to be in that. They want to use that. They want to pull every time. Also, you learn that some people actually do well and thrive. In toxic situations. They could do so much more better. But for them, chaos, drama, whatever their situation was back in the day, they figured out how to work within the eye of that storm.

And they stay in it. And they stay in it. And that's what I've seen. And that's what i felt like was going on because i'd be wanting to have this you know the peace and it's like you ever been around someone it's just too quiet for them it's just too peaceful for them like they have to find something to cause some type of uproar like you said or chaos things are going good right now let's fuck it up yeah so i can function yeah and then blame you for it and then say well you shouldn't have said this well first of all you

know i used to see that a lot like when we right before we go on a vacation or take a trip where everything's good it's all going i'm like why why are we why are we doing this right before we get on a plane like nobody wants and then i sit next to you right yeah so that's you know what was going on with that so now i'm i cut my hair off for my 49th birthday i love it you look beautiful you don't i cut my hair off at 49 and you definitely don't look like what you've been through i don't think you come on i did right and i still don't look like what you've been through. I don't look. Thank you. Come on. I did. Right. And I still don't look like what I've been through. And I'm so happy and grateful for that. You look amazing.

And you know, you're beautiful. I just have to be smarter now when it comes to, you know, telling someone I'm done and just keep, you know, keeping my foot down. And I realized, I mean, I can't be their friends afterwards. Like I can't, you know, cause I'm that person that's like, I don't want to hold animosity and I don't want, I don't want to hold animosity and I don't want I don't want to you know hold this anger I don't want to you know keep this ill will inside me but I realized I don't I don't have to hold any of that just to be okay you know whether they are okay with it or not you know if I know for sure that I'm not holding ill

will and I can still keep you blocked I don't't have to answer you. You know, I think for me with this one was he just would come around and I just didn't want that kind of drama for my kid. There's nothing you can do when they're showing up. Yeah. You know, so that's hard when someone just is showing up, popping up. You got to be done. Yeah. You have to.

Yeah. Yeah. Definitely. If somebody puts their hands on you. Yeah. That was. It's done. You got to stop.

Yeah. You have to stop. Yeah, you have to stop. And that's why when I came back, I was like, look, I'm not coming back to do anything. I'm back now. A lot's changed for me. I'm different. I'm changed. So just know that. But yeah, that was the end of last year when that happened.

Well, you're in such a better place now. I'm in such a better place right now. happen well you're in such a better place now i'm in such a better place right now you know i'm just focusing on on me because i'm coming to a place now where i don't have any more babies my kids are grown as heck they're 34 27 17 next month ricky's always you know proclaimed that he's not a baby when he was four so yeah and i I really, and he, and he's in such a good space and then his family that's around him. Um, you know, my nephew is, you know, was took to him and now he's, you know, doing major things. Uh, you know, my nephew, Daniel, he smokes, so he's with him all the time.

And I, I'm learning how to just focus on me. I've been a mom since I was 14 and that was all I knew. And now I'm really trying to, you know, just know me. Yeah, I know. You're amazing. Yeah, yeah.

Because I was really having a moment where I realized that Ricky was, I was dependent on Ricardo because I always had motherhood. And not that you're not a mom after they're older, but once they get older and they're doing their own thing, they're doing their thing.

And so I was actually still needing to hold on to him, but that's not fair. So I'm learning how to figure me out and find out who I am. So now is a really good time just to woosah it on and be single, have friends, not deal with that whole thing. Even at 49. Yeah. It's crazy.

You know, which clearly shows that age really, it's just. It's a number. What it is. It's nothing. Yeah. I don't feel like I'm running out of time anymore. We're still here though. We're still here.

I'm still here. I'm still here. And I'm happy about it. And I'm happy about it. So I'm just trying to learn how to be me again. I love you. Yeah. I do.

Thank you. I love you to death. You know I love you. You're the best. Thank you for doing this. You know, sickler. Thank you for coming on. Thank you for voicing the honeydew.

Yes, y'all. Thank you for voicing the honeydew with y'all. With y'all. Thank you for any other voiceover work I'm going to make you do i'll be there like come on let's go you know you know i'm doing it you know i'm doing it so well you look amazing i'm so glad you're healthy thank you for coming on i love you too um ryan sickler on all social media ryan sickler.com we'll talk to y'all next week.