The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Chris Gethard - HoneyGethard

Episode Date: May 8, 2023

My HoneyDew this week is comedian, Chris Gethard! Chris Highlights the Lowlights of growing up being severely bullied. SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE and watch full episodes of The Dew every toozdee! https://youtube.com/@rsickler SUBSCRIBE TO MY PATREON, The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I Highlight the Lowlights with Y’all! You now get audio and video of The HoneyDew a day early, ad-free at no additional cost! It’s only $5/month! Sign up for a year and get a month free! https://www.patreon.com/TheHoneyDew What’s your story?? Submit at [e-mail] CATCH ME ON TOUR https://www.ryansickler.com/tour May 26 & 27: Fort Wayne, IN June 23 & 24: Tacoma, WA July 7 & 8: Appleton, WI SUBSCRIBE to The HoneyDew Clips Channel http://bit.ly/ryansicklerclips SUBSCRIBE TO THE CRABFEAST PODCAST https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-crabfeast-with-ryan-sickler-and-jay-larson/id1452403187 SPONSORS: Athletic Greens -Go to https://www.athleticgreens.com/HONEYDEW to get a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D AND 5 free travel packs with your first purchase Game Time -Download the Gametime app, create an account, and use code HONEYDEW for $20 off your first purchase Betterhelp -The HoneyDew is sponsored by BetterHelp, get 10% off your first month at https://www.Betterhelp.com/HONEYDEW

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You guys know what we're doing over here. We highlight the lowlights. I always say that these are the stories behind the storytellers. And today I'm very excited to have this guest here. First time on The Honeydew, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Chris Gethard. Welcome to The Honeydew, Chris. Thank you so much, Rami. Now you said four assholes. Four assholes. It was four. If that doesn't get people to sign up for the Patreon, you at least drop your five bucks to listen to that and then cancel, right? It's like a buck 25 an asshole. You know what I mean?

Yeah, it's a deal. It's a deal. That's a real deal. You buy in bulk. You buy in bulk. It's the Costco system. Costco for assholes. Well, it's a pleasure to have you here.

Oh, it's a joy. Thanks for having me. I've known about you for a while because I really did enjoy your show that you used to have on, was it True? True TV, Fusion, and then Public Access for many years before that. But now you've got a lot going on, of course, as always. I just met you in New York for the first time. Yeah, cross paths at the salad.

Yeah, and I'm glad to have you here. So before we get into whatever we're going to talk about, please plug in, promote everything. Sure. Chrisgeth.com, that's where all my tour dates go i know i'm keeping it slow this summer i just i just taped a special so i'm slowing down but toronto's coming up i know that and then chris geth on instagram and chris gethard on twitter and i've got the beautiful anonymous podcast which i think is a kindred spirit to this show in a lot of ways because we just take phone calls from random people and they just talk for an

hour and I can't hang up and it gets very intense. And I have a feeling there's some crossover there. For sure. And is it one guest each time? One guest. Or do you have. One guest. They don't tell me their name.

I can't hang up. Some of them are super funny. And then some of them are like, you know, I lost a kid or I found out my husband was into kiddie porn, you know, like you get the one calls like that. And then you get the calls from like this last week, guy was like, I'm really into yo-yos. Can I just tell you like why I think yo-yos are cool and like who the best yo-yoers are in the yo-yo scene? And I was like, yeah. So we get both.

We get the light ones, we get the funny ones, the weird ones, the dark ones and yeah, beautiful anonymous. And I also have a much smaller labor of love called New Jersey is the world about my home state and my love for it. So you're from New Jersey? Yeah. It's funny. I feel like Jersey has a pride that I feel Maryland, where I'm from, carries the same sort of pride. I think so. I think so. But I mean, Jersey, my neighbor, Jen, is a big Jersey girl, drives her Jeep and it's all

Jersey girl, Jersey girl. So where did you grow up and what was it like? Grew up in a town called West Orange. It's a suburb of Newark, New Jersey. I think kind of overshadowed by New York. I think Maryland probably has some of that, right? Like Baltimore is known for like, everybody thinks of it as one thing and it's a little overshadowed by DC and then the suburbs.

And Phillips. Yeah, exactly. It's just a stop in between those two cities. There you go. Like Jersey has that similar thing. And West Orange was a great town to grow up. It was a very diverse town. Even when I was growing up there in the 80s and 90s,

you know, racially, economically, and there was a lot of beautiful things about it if we're talking low lights I will say I also grew up in a way where there was a lot of a lot of my friends when I see them, we do still talk about that it also was a town that was just

unnecessarily obsessed with toughness and I mean I have family in Trenton and I still remember the sign Trenton makes the world takes and that's the Jersey attitude right there like we make stuff everybody else takes it not we're giving it to you or selling it

it's such a specific word and it's on the side of a bridge and it's sort of like half dead industrial town the whole thing so yeah there was a lot of definitely bullying, definitely saw some things growing up that made me not trust people.

Definitely had a very arm's length relationship with authority and teachers because there was a lot of just growing up, especially I have a brother, he's two and a half years older than me. And he really took it hard from the bullies. Is it just the two of you? Yeah. So then I grew up and was kind of like, all right, I got to learn how to fight. And I was tiny and not really a fighter's personality.

And where are you interacting with these people in school, sports? School mostly. All of it. Yeah, yeah. And also grew up in a neighborhood where almost every family, including mine, was Irish Catholic. There's a lot of Irish Catholic kids and there was a Catholic school too.

We used to hang out in the parking lot at that school. I went to public school, but those kids were, some of those kids still. It's a couple, I was, some of my earliest acting gigs was I used to do bits on Conan O'Brien's show. I'm talking 20 years ago, 25 years ago at this point when we had the late night, the Seth Meyers slot now. Someone told me they were in a bar in my hometown

and they had the TVs running after, there must've been some game on NBC. And all of a sudden I pop up and this dude's like, quiet, everybody quiet down. That kid's from my neighborhood. Show some respect. Turn the volume up. And my friend who related the story to me goes, he's telling me, I go, who was it? And he tells me the name.

I was like, that's crazy. Because if that guy was crossing the street in front of me, I'd hit the gas, not the brake. I fantasize about that motherfucker's death and he's the one showing hometown pride all right so just grew up in a way where i just really learned not to trust were your parents together parents were together and my household was pretty great okay um my parents both grew up in the neighborhood. How old are you? I'm about to turn 43. Okay. Born in 1980.

What's your parents' mentality to this bullying? Is it a sticks and stones sort of thing? Or are they like, you need to defend yourself? Like, where are they at? You need to defend yourself. Okay. I remember distinctly one of my formative childhood memories was my dad. Once my brother,

once was dealing with some bully, my dad came home and he was like, well, then, you know, if they hit you, you hit a martyr. If you see him coming,

you get the first shot. And then he goes, if you have to, you pick up a rock, you bash in their skull. If you have to. And my brother, my brother to his credit was like,

dad, chill. You know, my brother was like an artsy weird kid who was like i don't think that's me i on the other hand was like yeah rock got it and to this day i'm still unwrapping something i mean my dad i got multiple stories about my dad tracking down some of these kids really and telling them you know going to their parents or the kids one bully in particular who uh yeah tell me he went to their parents first because it was it was it because look it's also i feel some sympathy for these kids because there was also houses in my neighborhood where it's like you knew okay that those kids are they never go home yeah and you start to learn oh because their parents are drinkers or their parents hit them home and you start to learn, oh, cause their parents are drinkers

or their parents hit them. And you learn, oh, that's why they're out all night. They don't want to go home. It's not safe at home, but now they're out getting into, and they're taking out that anger on the smaller kids and the kids whose last name spell the words get hard. You know, the kids with glasses,

like it was what it was. So this is one kid in particular, I remember my dad went to his father a couple of times and was like, the bullshit needs to stop. And the dad was like, I tried to talk to him. And then it kept getting worse and worse. And one day my dad found him hanging out in a parking lot. How old was the kid at the time?

He was 17 at the time. That's the core of the story. Because my dad goes, you're 17, huh? And he's like, so what? My dad goes, okay, well, if I wait a year, I'll get in a lot less trouble. The kid just stared at him and my dad goes, you know, long story short, my dad basically said to him,

someday I have this bad feeling. I'm gonna be driving home and there's gonna be an accident. And if there is, I just have this terrible feeling that if I ever hit you with a car I'm going to hit you so fucking hard it takes them weeks to find your body in the woods he told that to like a teenager like threatened

my dad my dad's a great guy never laid a hand on me but like also it's funny I've been telling some of these stories on stage and I've had a couple buddies who I'm still tight with from growing up come and see that. And I told that story, I just taped a special for Audible that'll come out later this year. And that story's in it, a longer version of it.

And I had a buddy, my friend Bonaduce, he co-hosts that New Jersey podcast. And he was like, dude, I never forgot the first time I met your dad. Because this kid grew up on the other side of town, so he was in high school. He was actually my brother's friend first. And he came over and he's like, your dad was sitting in his arm chair. And he was like, your Nick, right? And he's like, yes, sir.

He's like, I've heard about you. Which is already an ominous thing to say, you know? And he said, he's like, your dad got up, gave me a handshake. That was like a man handshake. Like I was a kid and he made sure he gave me the man handshake. And he was like, the second your dad shook my hand,

he's like, I always remember thinking like, this guy seems like a good man and I never ever want him mad at me. That was his initial impression. I mean, my dad had a story from when I was a baby. My mom tells this one of, we lived in a part of town that was just, you know, for a suburban town that was just, you know,

for a suburban town that is generally a good town, it was the sketchiest pocket. And there's some, he had just bought his first house and there were some kids, they were vandalizing the house. They kept kicking in the aluminum door. My dad put up this brand new door and these kids kicked it in and he'd hammered out. He's like, you know, my dad didn't have any money. He's like, you know, it represents so much any money he's like it's you know it represents

so much this door he put on his house and he started sleeping on the porch at night he under a pile of blankets and it for like because they did it more than one night it happened two or three times he's like fuck this and my mom eventually sleeping out there a couple nights my mom's like this is crazy like you're sleeping on the porch he's like you're right so if he finally he goes back to bed that night they show up kick it and he's like, this is crazy. You're sleeping on the porch. He's like, you're right. So finally he goes back to bed that night. They show up, kick it. And he's like, fuck this. So he goes back out into this nest of blankets that he's built.

And next night he hears them coming. He wakes up. He's like, oh shit, I think it's them. And boom, they kick in the door. He comes flying out. And my dad is 6'2", 220. I look like my mom's side of the family. He's bigger.

And he chased these kids into a park and there was a chain across the parking lot to keep cars out at night, he didn't know that. And he hit it and he went face down in all this mud. So he's like this huge guy. And he cornered them in the park, up this wall. And a few of them, he managed to get them where he was in front of them

and there was no place for them to go. And like I said, a lot of the families in this neighborhood, two, three generations, my parents met at the Catholic school. A lot of the, you know,

you start to realize everybody's parents have crossed paths. Larry Johnson's kids. Exactly. A lot of that. So my dad's like, which one of you kicked the door? Which one of you kicked the door? And nobody's answering him.

Like nobody wants to rat. And my dad points at one kid and he's like, well know which family you're from and he drops the kid's last name he's like i know i know your folks your dad's about dennis it's like that type of thing you know like your dad probably towed my car at some point or something and he's like so if you don't want to tell me i know which one you are so i can track you down and he goes you either tell me which one did kick my door or i'm assuming you did it and I'm coming back here with a pipe and I'm bashing in your fucking head. My dad said that to a kid, you know? And at that point, the cops showed up.

Yeah. And my dad, of course, my dad is also like, he put himself through school in three years. He eventually went and got a PhD later in life. He's a smart, reasonable guy. I'm a little older than 50 yeah i'm seven years older than you we're a weird pocket of men in time right now our dads and grandfathers fought in world wars and vietnam and things korea and and we're like i want to make people laugh you know or i want to dance and we're like what the fuck are you talking about i have a four-year-old

son now too and i'm sitting here going like, I don't want him to be, like I remember seeing kids where it's like, this kid who was like a sports star in my town and he missed a foul shot at the end of a game. And as we all left, we saw his dad had him cornered and was like lacing it. How could you miss that fucking shot?

You embarrassed me. I'm like, I can't even imagine. Dads right now, I think most of us i'm sure that still happens but by and large you'd see that today you go whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa like oh yeah you don't know how we want to raise our son you'd intervene you'd step in yeah like at the very least you'd be like step away and take a breath dude so it's like then you're like what the fuck did you do but like you said our dads were like vietnam world war ii yeah and we're trying to raise sons but it's like how do we become this new type of

dad when we're the ones who the example was set very different we're the hinge yeah so anyway the cops showed up in this park and my dad immediately just turns around and of course it's like oh officer so good to see you like it was and the are like, we're not worried about the kids. We're worried about the mud covered lunatic ranting about hitting people with pipes. And then, but the cops knew these kids. This park, historically in my town, Colgate Park in West Orange was like,

that delinquents hung out there. So they quickly realized what was happening. And my dad got home. He found out my mom called the cops on him. No. Yeah, because my brother was two and a half. I was a newborn. My mom's like, he's going to kill a kid and go to jail.

Like he's going to kill a kid. So there was some chaos in the neighborhood. And like I said, though, I'm also completely obsessed with where I grew up and represent it to this day. But there was a lot of that. And I remember like, as far as the bullying goes too, like stuff like we started here and there were kids. So we lived right on the border of West Orange and Orange,

and Orange is a tougher town. We started hearing in middle school, there's some kids from Orange coming up and they're like jumping people and taking stuff. So my buddy and his older brother, one day they go to walk home from school and there's these kids standing just on the other side of the fence by these billboards on main street in our town. My buddies and his brother are like, oh shit, it's those kids from orange. So they go back to the school and they're like, so there's these rumors that people keep getting jumped and we're pretty sure the kids doing it are right there. And they're like, oh, where are they? Like, oh, they're out in front of the billboards. And the people they talk to in

the office just go, oh, well that's not on school property. And they're like, it's on the other side of a chain link. Like we can see them from the front steps of the school. It's right there. And they're like, it's not school property. It's not, it's not our problem. And my friends are like, so what do we do? And they're like, it's not school. And then my friends step off school property. These kids beat the shit out of them, take their Walkman and go back to orange. And that's the type of thing that I just saw too much of. Like stuff like that, where it was just like, I don't trust anybody and I don't trust adults.

And that was- And what age does that start for you? Elementary school or middle school? A lot of it started like elementary school and also having my brother's three grades ahead of me and i remember him coming home and dealing with it so even as i was entering school i was vaguely aware of like okay bad things can happen at school and then especially when he hit junior high it was always like i I always feel so awful because my brother, he would walk in with it untested,

but, and then I'd be aware of how to navigate it a little better. So it was kind of like, by the time I was in like fourth, fifth grade, I was seeing what was happening to him in the junior high. And I was like, I'm gonna have to fucking go there. He's the Marines and you're the Navy.

He's the Canary. He's the Canary who gets sent into the coal mine. also i go back to thinking about your father too this is his name this is he he's certainly has heard this kind of bullshit growing up so it makes sense to me that he's like listen you little motherfuckers dude like i'm sure it's a trigger for him there's no way you have the last name that's spelled get hard and you don't have guys from the 60s busting your balls. Dude, you want to get it even better? His first name is Ken. He's Kenneth.

His name is Ken Gethard. No. Swear to God. His older brother, my Uncle Bill, Will Gethard. My grandfather was Les. Les Gethard. No! I don't know why.

Stop! Will Gethard? I'm C. Paul Gethard. My brother is Greg Ken Gethard. Like, we just keep picking names that make it worse. It's not Greg Ken Gethard. It is not, dude. It's like, why do we keep making it worse?

So dude, you'll love this because you're liking these stories about my dad. So dude, I had a point and I feel so bad because it was like my mid-20s, all of a sudden I started to realize I could talk to my dad. Okay, yeah, yeah. And I feel awful. Cause he read at one point he and I were talking about that. And I was like, cause he used to ask me to help him move whenever they moved.

And I was like, that's when I felt like you and I finally could like let our guards down. And he was like, you're like 27, 28. When we, and I was like, he's like,

you couldn't let your guard down around me until I was like, yeah, man. Like if I'm being honest, yeah. Like I just, you were a hardworking guy. I never wanted to piss you off. You were a great dad. Like, and I told him, you're a great dad, but you were an enforcer too, you know?

And I said to him once, once I was in that stretch in my late twenties, I go to him, I was like, you know, we took some shit for the get hard thing. Like, did anybody, did people ever fuck with you with the Ken Get Hard thing? And he gave me the ultimate my dad answer. He goes, yeah, it happened once. I was like, oh shit. I was like, oh shit. He told me it happened once.

And I grew up in the same neighborhood. You know what I mean? I grew up in the same neighborhood. And all the kids fucking with us were the kids of the kids people he grew up with right those dads should have been like there was a core group of families where he knew who they were they all went to the there were like five or six catholic schools in essex county new jersey everybody went and knew who my mom went to the valley my dad went to essex catholic oh that person went to East Orange Catholic. That person went here. Everybody knew each other's families and histories.

And all your grandparents were Irish Catholics. See you at bingo, motherfucker. Well, I went to church, same church on Sunday. The same, every, the Irish American club, blah, blah, blah. So my dad knew these kids and I'm like, man, that's an amazing answer. It happened once. And then he told me, he said, because my dad's a gentle guy

and he was always a shy, he was like a bigger shy, he was kind of a shy, nerdy guy growing up, but bigger. And he said it happened once and he set an example and it never happened again.

And I was like, God damn. What's the worst bullying you ever had? For me personally. Did people ever put hands on you? For me personally. Did people ever put hands on you? Oh, regularly. Regularly? In school and shit too?

When I tell you that sixth, seventh, eighth grade, if you ask anybody I went to junior high school with, they will verify. My town has a section called up the hill and down the hill. And it's exactly what you assume. Up the hill, it's a lot nicer. So the high school had some rough edges,

but the middle school- All this shit flows downhill. Exactly. That's the way it works. So the junior high school was rougher because that was the split. The junior high was all the downhill. The little kids concentrated in one place. The high school, it kind of diluted a little bit and you could find some friends from some more stable areas of town. You know, you could spread out a little bit. When I tell you that there was a physical fight in my junior high school, almost every single day.

For you. No, not for me, but in general. Sure. You were, you were going to at least see a fight every day. It was more often than not true. every day. It was more often than not true. And for me, I remember probably, I mean, I saw a lot of bad stuff.

For me, probably the worst. I remember once, a kid once in my gym class picked me up and threw me across the gym. What? Yeah, and I landed in a, they had had the badminton net set up and I landed on a bunch of badminton equipment and I picked up a racket

and hit him so hard that the thing broke. Fuck yeah. Where'd you get them? I think across like his shoulder and chest and they got broken up. And I remember my dad picking me up and he walked in and he was so pissed. And then when we were driving home, I realized he wasn't necessarily pissed that I stood up for myself because me and the other kid were both sitting in the office. He's like, that kid was a fucking foot taller than you. He's like, are you crazy? I'm like, well, I got to let them know at least that, you know, at least it's going to stop. But I remember once for me, and like I said, my brother took it worse.

But I remember once being in the parking lot of the Our Lady of the Lord's Church and this one kid was there and just walked up to me and he was probably five, six years older than me, this Puerto Rican kid in our neighborhood. And he didn't say a word to me and he just walked up and I saw that all the other guys from his crew, like all the other kids his age were watching. And I was like, what the heck?

And he walked up six years older and he punched me in the face. Damn. Not a word. We'd never had a problem. He just decided, and I got up and he was laughing and I tried to swing back and he just hit me again a couple of times.

And I got out of there, but I mean like that, like unprovoked, just like, hey guys, watch this. Pow, like that was happening. Dude, to put it in perspective, I got a Instagram DM maybe 18 months ago. Okay. So I was in my forties. Yeah, I would say that's recent.

Yeah. Considering. It's this dude, he goes, hey man, I grew up in your neighborhood. I don't know if you remember me. And I did, he grew up down near Colgate Park, but he was a really good kid. I remember him.

He was like a little rough around the edges, but fundamentally a good kid. I remember like as soon as I saw his name, I was like, I remember this dude. And he's like, I wanted to thank you because you became a comedian. And he's like, it's made it really easy to keep tabs on you.

And because I'm able to follow you, he's like, I was just really psyched. I looked you up and I was just psyched to see you and your brother are both still alive. Alive. That's all he wanted for you. He didn't even want well. He's like, you and your brother.

He just wanted to know you. Dude, I got a DM in my forties and he straight up was like, dude, great job being alive still. Great job breathing still, bro. And I've had a couple of that. Wow. I've had a couple people who I've run into them.

You know, you lose touch with people from your neighborhood and then you wind up crossing paths. And I've had a couple people who have said to me like, you know, the stuff that went down with you guys was unforgivable. And like, I'm sorry I didn't step in more, you know. with you guys was unforgivable. And like, I'm sorry I didn't step in more, you know? Dude, the one guy, the guy who I referenced who I said,

if he crossed the street in front of me, I'd probably hit the gas. I finally, a couple of years ago, I was writing a lot about this stuff. And like I said, I put a couple of these stories in an hour that's coming out later this year. And I messaged the guy. And at first I was kind of like- This is the same guy you would run over.

The dude who I have said out loud, I would run him over with a car. And I'm like sitting here and I'm like nervous. Like, should I mess with this guy? I'm like, I'm in my forties. This guy was an asshole. And I'm feeling this childhood fear, you know? So I just messaged him and I was like,

hey dude, I was like, I'm not hung up on this. I'm not sitting around mad at you. I was like, I think you've heard, I'm a comedian now. And I'm, I'm, I'm working on some bits about my childhood. And I was like, I'm not going to name your name, but I was just kind of wondering, like, it might help me get some perspective on how to write these bits. I was like, why did you bully all the smaller kids so much? You fucked with us so much. Why'd you do it? And he was like, because when I was little, the bigger kids fucked with me, bro. It's the way of the neighborhood.

Hope you're well, dude. Good job on everything. I was like, he doesn't even, like it doesn't, they still, these kids don't blink. And some of these kids were like targeting us. I have memories of getting punched in the fucking face by these people for no reason. Wasn't even talking, wasn't even talking shit. Just sometimes it happened, you know? I actually just had, you want to talk about the worst it ever got for me?

I actually just had, you want to talk about the worst it ever got for me? I remember one time that gang with that kid and that Puerto Rican kid, a few of the other Irish Catholic kids. We were once at this park in our neighborhood and they surrounded me and my brother and made us fight each other for their amusement. Get the fuck out of here.

Like that's dark, right? That is really dark. Yeah. And I remember we were like, no, stop. Cause me and my brother, we were Irish Catholic brothers. Like it wasn't hard, we would fight all the time. Of course. Be like my turn for the game boy.

Like, no, it's not motherfucker. Pow, my brother punches me. You know, like that wasn't, we were brothers, Irish Catholic brothers, we fit that cliche. Closest person in the world to me. And also we would battle and they would think it was funny. And they're like, you guys fight, come on, fight. And we're like, no, stop. This is gross. And I remember they started, they picked us up. We were so much smaller, picked us up,

started swinging our legs into each other, like smashing our bodies into each other to try to get us mad enough and worked up enough to fight. And we did to get out of there. We were like, we have to fight to get out of a circle of bigger kids forcing us to have like a fucking kumite for their amusement it's fucked up that is fucked up it's fucked up do you i mean how much do you attribute it to the last name versus also just being in a neighborhood full of bullies and your smaller kids like if your name was williams are you getting as much i can tell you that the get hard thing was actually not the biggest that's what i'm feeling it was not the biggest thing

it was it was it was being smaller and nerdier being smart yeah being uh i think these kids sense that me and him probably had a path out. Our family was like middle-class. Like our family started, I remember being very young and I look back now and I go, oh, that's when we were working class. Oh, that's when we were lower middle class. Oh, we moved a few blocks away to a neighborhood

where it was still the same neighborhood, but now we were over Harrison Avenue and we got sent to a better, we got to take the bus up the hill to that school. Okay, that's when we were solidly middle-class and I could track that, you know? And some of these kids, like I said, I do feel great empathy for,

because I go, if you're a kid and your dad drinks too much and hits you, you're going to want to hit somebody else. And unfortunately that happened to be the smaller, smarter kids who it was maybe, maybe they were sensing, oh, these guys are probably gonna go to college. These guys are probably gonna find a way out, you know?

And that was at the core of it, I think. I think that was at the core of it. They actually made fun of me for having a giant forehead. They used to call me mega head and it would piss me off. That was my childhood nickname, mega head. And that was far more than the get hard thing. Cause the get hard thing was like, what are we going to do? You know what I mean?

Like, what are we going to do? I think also there was some subconscious element looking back on it of them being like, that's their dad's name too. You know, like there was some element of which you have to defend yourself. And there was some element of my parents did in a way that I think was sometimes justified and maybe sometimes not. More often than not though justified of like, guys, at some point, you got to go back out there and you got to solve it yourselves.

You got to. I mean, look, man, unfortunately some point, you got to go back out there and you got to solve it yourselves. You got to. I mean, look, man, unfortunately, your name comes with some, you're going to have to defend yourself. Now you say your son's four? My son's four, yeah. So. He's got the last name. You know, it's coming at some point.

There's going to be at least, maybe not the way it was back then, but there's, kids are dicks. They are. There's going to be a kid or two or whatever that's going to get on them as soon as they learn what getting hard even is yeah but you're right it's about middle school when you start figuring all that stupid shit out it's gonna be a fucking problem yeah he already maybe six months ago i was in the car with him and he said daddy what's a bully and it hit this you can imagine for me. And I was like, you know, it's like,

it's somebody who likes to pick on other people. And I was like, why are you asking me? And he, there's another kid in our neighborhood. He goes, is blank, I'm not gonna say a kid's name. You know, he's like, is blank a bully? And I know the kid he's talking about in our neighborhood. And he's a, he's a good, his family's a good kid, but he is like, I'm like, anytime you see kids in an argument in our neighborhood, he's at least there.

You know what I mean? He's that kid. And I got a lot of love for this kid, but he's a shitster. And he'll grow out of it because he's from a good family, but he is a shitster. And I'm like, my son is not wrong. I'm like, yeah, I think that kid is. I was like, you're pretty smart, Cal. Because I think that you're like, you're wondering what a bully is.

And yeah, you're right. He is. And I go, why do you ask? And he told me long story where the kid said some, some harsh stuff to a kid younger than him, closer to my son's age. This kid's probably five or six years older than my son. And, uh, he got mad at one of the little kids in the neighborhood and said some real, some mean stuff to try to scare the kid. And I pulled the car over and I was like, Cal, if he ever says anything like that to you, you can tell me. I was like, if you need to say something mean back to him, you can. And I was like, and if, if you ever, if he ever pushes you or he ever makes you feel unsafe and you have to hit him, I was like, I don't know if you'll understand this yet. You're going to have to get in trouble for it, but I'm never going to be mad at you. That's the same thing I told my daughter.

The same thing. Yeah. Don't you hit first. If you have to, though. You have to defend yourself. You can hit. Teacher said we can't. I said, I'll have a conversation with the teacher.

You let me get in trouble with the teacher. I might take you out for ice cream. Yeah, we're going to celebrate. We might have a harsh conversation over ice cream. That's right. Because there's something also to be said for that of like, your last name spells get hard. You are going to take some shit along the way.

You're going to take your lumps. Now look, I hope I don't have to threaten to kill kids with a pipe. That's good. But I'll tell you what, a lot of those things that my dad did back then, I looked back and I would laugh at those stories. I'd be like, man, my dad could go crazy. Now that I have a kid, I'm like, he wasn't crazy at all.

He was like pissed and felt backed into a corner and scared. And defending his family too. Scared. Defending a family, yeah. And when like calling the other parents and it's not changing, calling the school, we started to, we all talk about,

the kids I all grew up with, dude, to this day, we all are like, man, I don't think this stuff was even getting written down because I think that school, I think it was all a property value game. I think a lot of us are like the worst, the more the reputation got out that that school was bad, the more that it would have affected house sale prices in that neighborhood. And they weren't going to let that happen. I don't think that stuff was even getting run up the chain.

I think there were incident reports that they probably weren't even clicking the pen when the parents were reporting it. They weren't even writing it down. A lot of that stuff got swept under the rug. And my son's not growing up in a place like that. So I hope it will be better, though he will have to deal with it. And I'm hoping I can teach him how to handle it in a way that's like,

you need to know where the boundaries are. And when they are crossed, you need to know when it's time to act. You need to understand that there will be consequences And when they are crossed, you need to know when it's time to act. You need to understand that there will be consequences that when you do have to act on them, it's gonna, you might have to get suspended or you might have to get yelled at a little bit. But if you ever sit me down and explain to me,

here's why, what happened happened. And I sit here and I go, you needed to defend yourself because sometimes in life, nobody else is defending you. I'm not going to be mad. I didn't tell him I'd be proud. There might be some elements of that along the way, but at the very least, I'm not going to be mad at him. I saw too much along the way. Buying tickets to your favorite events shouldn't be stressful. You ever try to get good tickets somewhere and you're like, oh, I got this seat, but

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Visit betterhelp.com slash honeydew today to get 10% off your first month. That's better H-E-L-P, betterhelp.com slash honeydew. Now, let's get back to the do. Well, let's flip the script because your mom took the last name, obviously, right? She did. My wife has not, very smartly. mom took the last name, obviously, right? She did. My wife has not very smartly. My wife's last name is bullet. Like the bourbon dude.

It was the quickest conversation ever. She's like, uh, bullet to get hard. She's like, you think I should take your name? I was like, fuck.

No, but you have the coolest last name. Bullet. Like the bourbon spelled like the bourbon. Hi, I'm Chris Gethard. You know, like you're not signing up for that. I tried to convince her to let our son have a hyphenated name.

She wouldn't do it. She was like, I don't know. I'm like, then he can use your name in school. She was like, I don't think so. She's like, she feels a little, she's like, maybe I should have taken your name or partnership. I'm like, I don't care. I don't really believe in it. Some old archaic bullshit. That's when you used to sell women for sheep you know what i mean like

we're getting some cattle here but i was like let's get it on his birth certificate and then he can use that name in school who cares she was like i feel weird about it but what about your mom did she encounter any of that she took the name i mean my mom is quietly one of the funniest people i've ever met so I think she always was able to laugh you know she was always able to make a comment

under her breath and my brother and I learned that too that was another defense mechanism I think I learned my father's if you push me too far

you're gonna like with me I was small my dad only had to set the example once he was big for me I think I had a reputation

of like you can fuck with that kid but amongst the small kids he's gonna make it to tasmania he's gonna make it and like you're probably gonna win the fight but guess what like it's gonna be a fight you're gonna be surprised you're not leaving the same way you came in you might be holding your ear when this motherfucker yeah like you're gonna win but like he's gonna be bleeding more but you're gonna be bleeding a little bit too you know like that was my reputation i'm like that and i also used to have a thing it was so i think back dude and it was so warped whenever i would get in a fight as a kid i would get so emotionally worked up that

i'd start crying yeah adrenaline you knowrenaline. You don't even know how to process it. I remember getting in fights with kids and, and I'd be like, and I feel the story when he's just, and I feel the tears coming down my face. And I remember a few distinct times where that happened, where the bullies, I could see in their face that they were like, what the fuck is going?

And they, and it was the last fight with that bully. Cause they were like, this is weird. There was one, one in middle school that I pulled off that kind of stopped a lot of the bullying for me. There's one kid who kept, he lived in my neighborhood and we'd walk to middle school and he'd walk on the other side of the street. And I'll remember, he always used to pretend he was pushing up his glasses.

Because I always used to, you know, I was that kid where like, you're in middle school, your glasses are in your book bag and they get bent. And I'd always be pushing up my glasses and he'd stand across the street and be like, hey, get hard. You're a really cool little man. And he'd pretend he was pushing up his glasses. And it went on for a couple of days. And I was like, what's the deal, John? And I tried to ignore it.

And he was like, he was like one of these little like spine. He was not big. He was like, he was a shit talker to try to show off, you know? And then I notice, oh, now he's got a guy with him from the neighborhood. Cause he said, check this out. And now it's two of them across the street. And then it's three. And I'm like, I gotta stop it.

You know, I could feel it. I gotta stop it. And I was starting to get scared. And then he was a year older than me. And then we were walking home one day and we used to, like I said, you would walk past this chain link fence and then you were off school property and you generally cut across this church parking lot

and all the fights would happen there because the teachers wouldn't stop it. And like, but like I said, if you looked at the window, they were watching, they could see the fights. It was a chain link fence, see-through. Right, you could spit through the dance. So I mean, here's the gap in the fence. You step through it, fights there after school all the time.

And this kid was following me and he's behind me. And now there's like three kids with him. And I got like my three buddies with me and we're all like, we're sixth graders. He's their seventh graders. He's behind me going, you're so cool, Gerhard. You're so cool. And I could hear the other seventh grade kids laughing.

I was like, I got to stop it. And I took my book bag off and put it on the ground. And my back was to him. He's like, what are you going to do, man? And I turned around and I was just crying. And I saw in his face, he was like, and I was like, and the tears were coming. Because once I knew I was going to get in a fight, because I want to be clear with all these stories, there's not 1% of me that thinks this is cool.

You're scared as fuck. I used to tell some of these stories in my 20s, right? Be on stage when I was coming up in comedy, 27, 20, be like, I used to actually, I know I'm nerdy, but I used to get in fucking fights. But I'm past the point of pretending that I ever thought there was anything interesting or commendable about having to do this.

It's twisted. I wish none of this happened. But I'm like, and I saw in the kid's face, he was just like, oh, no. And I didn't say a thing. And I walked up. And I can tell you, honestly, it was the best punch I've ever landed on a human. I put it on his chin and he hit the floor. That's lights out on the

other seventh graders were like oh and then it was just a crowd because people used to go to that parking lot to see the fight and everybody was like like you know one of those kid fights where there's no adults around and there's kids like actually dancing enjoy it like the little kid the little sixth grade kid put him on his fucking ass and i turned around and i walked away and then he came after me the next day and he found me uh a little bit further away and he got me down on the ground and he was kicking me kicking me and i was trying to block him and an adult came out of a house and broke it up damn and he never said another word to me after that he tried to get his receipt and then got out of there and even that one i

would argue was a bit of a draw he got me down but he was trying to kick at me and i was trying to find my way back up and an adult came and was like whoa this is fucked up guys walk different threads some you know when it's an adult nobody knows yeah everybody scatters yeah and that was like uh i got one fight in high school and it was a similar thing of some kid from the other side of town who didn't know my reputation threw something at me in the lunchroom. And I turned around and took a, like one of those, you know, remember they used to sell like the iced tea and the, we had like an ice, an orange drink they sold in like a milk carton.

It was like 50 cents back in the day. And I just took a full one. And they had been throwing some food at my friends, these kids. And finally it hit me and I just picked it up one and they had been throwing some food at my friends, these kids, and finally it hit me and I just picked it up and turned around and was like, and threw this full milk carton into the, and he was big. I remember as he stood up,

I was a freshman. He was a sophomore, junior. As he stood up, I was like, oh, he just keeps going. He's like six one. I didn't hit puberty until junior year of high school I'm like oh my god

so I remember like I remember trying to like grab his clothes and hold him down as he was getting up to try to get some shots in and then I was like no man but I remember my hands I'm like it's going past my eyeline oh no and I remember dude I remember like thinking like someone break this up

someone break this up and like the teachers finally got there and I was like oh thank god oh thank god and that was the last fight i got into in school it's the last fight i ever got into in school yeah and that was it after that no more i got one fight at a concert at a weezer concert of all places but that was just some idiot he was just completely idiotic drunk jersey shore kid just some Jersey Shore fucking mook who he was cross-eyed drunk and tried to fight me. And he like bumped into me. So I sort of like brushed him away, not aggressive. And then all of a sudden he turned around.

I saw him. I was like, what? He's coming. And he swung at me and he missed and he hit a girl. Oh, shit. And the girl's boyfriend obviously jumped in and we just threw him on the ground and security got there. That was the last actual, that was probably like 22 when that happened,

21 when that happened. So that was an outlier. But as far as having to feel like I had to kind of fight to survive, which I guess is a melodramatic way to put it, but it's at the very least accurate to how I felt back then. And this is not just me.

It's very sad for me to realize every time I catch up with people I grew up with, it's like, we just, even on the days where there weren't fights, we walked around as kids scared that it was about to happen. And it's not a good way to grow up. And it went on for years and uh yeah it definitely affected

my personality to this day it did yeah oh i've had to unwrap so much of it so much of it uh but yeah that's that's a lot of the low lights of the childhood i haven't thought about the time they forced us to fight that's a long time yeah that really that's probably the lowlights of the childhood. I haven't thought about the time they forced us to fight. That's crazy. For a long time, yeah. That really is crazy. That's probably the lowlight. We probably got to the lowlight on that one.

Yeah. Yeah. Fight your brother for our amusement. I got it. Who won, though? Who won? Draw. Well, you're like, I'm going to kill you.

I would say. Dude, my brother, though, it was crazy because he never wanted to. Listen, no offense. If it's a draw, I got to give you the W. You you're three years younger and smaller but we also were just looking for our way out yeah of course yeah but i mean dude this guy i was much more of a fighter than he was but i've always told him i'm like it's nuts that you weren't a fighter because he he was like a real nerdy guy like i was nerdy he also had braces and stuff like like there was we're all at our worst yeah yeah but he also i was like it's crazy You weren't a fighter. Cause I knew he and I would fight sometimes.

And there's been a couple of times where he hit me and like, put me on my ass. I'm like, you got a straight, right. That, you know, they say like, you're born with the ability to punch or you're born with the ability to throw a baseball. Like those are two things that they say, like, you're just kind of born with it in you. I'm like, cause you had a punch. He's like, I know. It just wasn't, I just didn't want it. I look back, I go, man, it bums me out. But there's also something kind of beautiful about it.

Cause he was like, I didn't want to participate in that as like the baseline. Yeah, just cause I can doesn't mean I want to. Like this shouldn't be happening. Whereas I have a lot of regret because I did opt into it. Why do you regret that? Why can't they both be independently true of one another? Your brothers this way or this way.

You know, it brings to mind, like, so I did the Jersey thing. I went to public school and then I went to Rutgers University, the state school. And, you know, a lot of places, the state school, it's like a third of your graduating class winds up at Rutgers in New Jersey. Especially, we came from like a, like not great high school, not awful high school. Everybody winds up at Rutgers, you know? And I wound up two years of college living with a buddy who i went from kindergarten through ruckers with damn grew up a couple blocks away from me we walked to school he was there a lot of the stories i've told you this was a kid who was present for my buddy butch

and we had this moment i'll never you don't mean a butch anymore no it was his last name that was his last name yeah but of course you're gonna use that you don't need a butch anymore no no no but i remember you know you'd be sitting around in the dorm, in the lounge. And there's all these kids from different towns. Pretty much everybody's from New Jersey. Everybody's telling stories, trying to make each other laugh. And this person tells a story about this crazy thing that happened in their high school. And then this person who grew up in South Jersey tells a story about, oh, here's the senior prank day and what we did.

And then me or Butch would be like, ah, we got one. And we'd tell one of our stories from West Orange and everybody would just go fucking silent every time. And we'd be sitting at each other and they'd be like, that's not funny. And like,

I'd be telling a story and Butch would be laughing like you just did. He'd be like, ah, or he'd be telling a story. And I'd be like, ah, yeah, I was there. I was there for that part. Like the other part, I can't, he might be like ah or he'd be telling a story and i'd be like ah yeah i was

there i was there for that part like the other part i can't he might be exactly that shit i saw and people would be looking at us like what the fuck are you two talking about and i remember one night he and i were back in our room after one of those days and i remember him just being like dude we just kind of assumed that's what high school was like and junior high school. We thought everybody at every high school was dealing with this shit. Was dealing with the same shit, yeah. People fighting in the church parking lot. Teachers telling you it's off school property, so go deal with it on your own.

We won't help. You know, we thought everybody had the kids where their parents were abusive, so they got a pass to just behave like maniacs sometimes. And then I remember us being in our room and him just being like, dude, it didn't have to be like that. It wasn't like that for the rest of these people. We're coming off like psychos. It wasn't like that. And I remember he and I both got pretty mad. And I tell you, I've always dealt

with a lot of mental illness stuff. Are you talking about personally or in your family? Personally, I mean both, but personally. And I think back, it's a chicken and an egg thing. Was I really depressed because of this stuff? Was this stuff exasperating this existing thing and making it worse? But I actually think back to it and I go, my freshman year of college,

when Butch and I realized that, that was when the depression for the first time got really, really out of control. Really? Yeah. In what way? Because I, I can verbalize this now.

Back then I wouldn't have been able to verbalize it. But to realize like there's this, like I have all this anger and I have a lot of fear. You grow up like that. And then you get to, like to this day, I'm still somebody like, you know, my wife will be like, I'm just running to the store. Let's not lock the doors. I'm like, no, you lock the fucking doors. Like, I'm just someone who's just like, assume the worst is going to happen.

You know, assume the worst is going to happen. Always. And you can imagine how pronounced it was when I'm out 18, 19 years old at college, living on my own for the first time, not in that town. And I think because a lot of the kids in the neighborhood also had parents who grew up there and grandparents who still lived there. Like I could see into my grandfather's backyard from my bedroom window.

My dad's sister lived right around the block. My other grandparents lived three blocks away. My mom's sister lived two blocks away. But what starts to happen is you grew up that way. Your parents grew up that way. Your grandparents raised them that way. So this is normal. And then you get to a town that maybe wasn't that tight knit with all these very idiosyncratic

things and you realize, oh, it wasn't normal. And that realization of like, I have this cynicism, this feeling that people have bad intentions, this feeling that you better get your own back because nobody else is going to get your back. The, you know, these feelings that you got to be able to, you got to be ready to cut and run from situations because if it starts to get wild, you might need to just get out of a situation. Those were things that were so inherent to me. And to realize that that wasn't just how it was, that it could have been different, that those fucking teachers could have been doing more protectors.

Yeah. Yeah. It filled me with like so much regret and anger and it really flared up bad. And then the depression really set in, you know? Yeah. and then the depression really set in, you know? I remember, you know, there were times where, and I remember a specific thing with my brother where my mom went to the school to pick him up

because some bad stuff had happened. And he actually had a bone broken. He had a broken shoulder from the thing that happened in school. And my mom was like, okay, this is, you know, not the first thing that's happened, but this is, I'm going to have to take the kid to the hospital. She goes, so what's going to happen to the kid? And they go, well, you know, his family life is really bad. And we have been made aware that their father is physically abusive with this family.

This family had a lot of kids. Like we've been made aware that their father is physically abusive with this family. This family had a lot of kids. Like we've been made aware it's physically abusive. So with this family, we've learned that we can't suspend or expel the kids because it's leading to physical abuse in their home. Because they go home, they're stuck. And their dad. And my mom's going, that's awful.

I feel so bad for that kid. But my son has a broken bone. And like, you think of that. And then to get to college and realize like, oh, not everybody else had shit like that swept under the rug. Like, I think back now as an adult and a father, and I'm like, all right, suspend that kid and call in,

in Jersey it was DIPHAS, Division of Youth and Family Services. Get those kids out of that house with that dad. You weren't helping us. You weren't helping my brother. You weren't helping- Get the fucking dad out. You weren't, get him arrested.

You weren't helping anybody. You weren't helping that family by sweeping it under the rug. Okay, like we don't want to exacerbate the abuse at home. I agree. So you're basically just turning a blind eye to it instead. And we're living in this consequence-free environment when there's actual,

and now I'm also old enough and smart enough to know, that kid who's 12, 13 years old doing that, that's a cry for help from the kid the kid doesn't want to get away with breaking somebody else's bone the kid's living if you're a 12 year old kid fighting to the point where a bone gets you're living in a horror show in your own head you know so shit like that i just look back god i'm like it's'm like, it's unforgivable. It's unforgivable. And I have this very layered relationship with my old neighborhood where I'm like, I still, still am like, I don't care anything I've done in entertainment, anything that, anything that seems fancy. I'm like, at the end of the day, I'm like, like, I think of myself as like a down the hill kid. I'm like down the hill.

And that's like a piece of my identity too. But I also have so much actual like hatred of what that meant 30 years ago, you know? Is there anything positive that's come out of this negative that you actually do appreciate? I mean- Or maybe it's made you someone that you might not have been had you not been- I'm glad you asked because I can say a million. Like, I look back now and I'm like, man, almost all of the failings of my hometown and my childhood experience come down to teachers and administrators

and that bullshit where they were looking the other way. Because actually so many kids I grew up with are like, when I tell you like, I just recently found my junior high school yearbook. I'm going through it. And I'm like about a third of the class is black. There's Asian kids, Hispanic kids, probably like 65% white kids.

I'm like, I grew up with everybody. I also want to be clear too. I hope it's been made clear in case anyone wants to read between the lines. I think I've said a million times, the kids who gave it to me hardest, who I still resent the most, were other Irish Catholic kids,

mostly the Catholic school kids. The public school kids. I'm like, I've talked to other people I grew up with, but I'm like, man, like people have this dream of diversity being a good thing today. And we had that in the nineties in high school, in a middle school and a high school in New Jersey. When I got to my high school, they told us there were 40 different languages spoken amongst the student

body. I got there in 1995. You know, people today would be trying to like move to a school system to have their kids raised around that. Grew up with everybody. And I think a lot of people who I grew up with will agree. Like put us in a room with people who look different than us, grew up a different way than us, different background. We'll fight, we'll figure out a way to talk to each other. Cause we all figured that out.

And that, that is a thing that I look back on and I'm like, I mean, learning how to fight for myself, I think absolutely helped a career in entertainment, you know, figuring out how to take a knock and get back up. And yeah, yes, absolutely. Get knocked down, get up and also not, and let some shit roll off you too. Like what you're saying to me right now is nothing compared to what I've dealt with in life. Letting stuff roll off you for sure.

But then also the other thing too, of like having your ego fucked with and still knowing how to finish the day, even when it's not rolling off you. Yeah. Just like, man, I got fucking embarrassed right there. But there's three hours left in the day and i better put my game face back on and get through it even though it's

gonna be sitting inside i'm gonna be pissed all day you know um learning how to have both those things coexist is really good in entertainment i'm like hey here's something that makes you feel awful or something that makes you feel pissed or make you question yourself, but also you can still function while that's happening. That's a skill. So I've learned some of that, but I think that's the, I think back to it. I go, man, growing up in the environment I did, where there's so many different people, you know, black kids, white kids, Hispanic kids, Catholic kids, Jewish kids, everybody all mixing together i'm like man that in many ways was a real source of strength that a lot of us when we see each

other still like that's fucking cool imagine how much even better it could have been if those teachers and administrators were doing things the right way. Like it could have been, it could have been like a success factory, that school system. But they were worried about the wrong things, you know? But even in spite of that, I think a lot of us grew up where it's like,

you know, certain parts of North Jersey are like that because it's so dense. It's like you put a North, even me, I'm like an introverted guy, but you put me in an environment and I'm generally going to figure out. I had a friend of mine recently, I tour with the Beautiful Anonymous podcast and my producer tours with me, comes on the road to record them. And she's like, there's a very weird thing about you where she's like, I've now spent enough time on the road with you.

Car rides, plane rides, sitting in airport terminals, eating at restaurants, doing the shows. She's like, you are undoubtedly an introvert. I see it. I've also never met someone who can get into a conversation with an Uber driver quicker than you can. I feel the same. I'll small talk the shit out of everybody. But I do feel at heart I'm an introvert. I feel like I'm an extroverted introvert.

If that makes any sense. I know I get up in front of hundreds, thousands of people, whatever, and do this thing. But I also just want to go the fuck home and be by myself. Absolutely. And I thought about it after she said it. I was like, that's funny. But I'm like, first of all, you grow up in the most densely populated state. Everyone's around each other all the time.

And I think also just growing up the way I did, I quickly learned like, all right, I'm in a room with you. Let's figure out something we have in common. Let's figure out something to talk about. Oh, that? I'm smart. I have a question about that. Oh, you grew up where?

Oh, I actually went, you're from that country? I've never been there, but I've been in the country next door to it. It was beautiful. And I think some of that has served me really well. And some of that was probably born as a defense mechanism when I was young of like, I got to find the common ground with everybody really quick. Because when you grow up scared,

you better walk into a room and be like, okay, there's six of you guys and you're starting to laugh. Well, if I've made one of you laugh, or if I realized that if we've had a conversation about how your mom and my mom went to elementary school together, or we've had a conversation about how like, oh, you actually grew up in Newark. Oh, my dad went to high school in Newark a few blocks from there. Now I've been humanized. So maybe out of that group of six that's laughing when I walk into the room, there's one of them that goes, he's cool, guys. And I learned that young. I learned that young and that has served me well.

And you know, now that it's in a context where it's not about safety, it can be used pretty well in a room where you walk into a comedy club and there's a whole bunch of comedians that know each other and you don't know each other. I can generally sit down and figure a way in, you know? I'm on the road and there's a venue and maybe things aren't set up the right way and the sound isn't working and we got, okay, I can figure out a way to make a joke where this isn't going to be tense. We're all just going to get through it, you know? And a lot of that was the defense mechanisms of my youth. So let me ask you this then, after talking about everything we've talked about, I asked my first

time guest advice they would give to their 16-year-old self. So I am actually very curious because this is during that pocket of high school for you. So what advice would you give 16-year-old Chris? There's a couple things I would say, which is one that directly applies to all of this. And it's a piece of advice that was given to me. And I am bummed because I don't remember who said this to me, but one of the big things that helped me unwrap a lot of stuff was,

I remember someone when I was like college, post-college, and I was still very much like on guard and had that thing of like, oh, you want to be my friend? Prove to me why I should allow it, you know? And I had somebody say to me like, you know, man, like, oh, you want to be my friend? Prove to me why I should allow it, you know? And I had somebody say to me, like, you know, man, like people will surprise you all the time, but you got to let them. And that changed a lot of things for me.

So I would pass that advice on. Because if I got that when I was 16, it's made so much inherent sense to me that it would have made sense at 16 and it would have diffused a lot of the tension. I'm just like, people, most people aren't bad. Most people are good to neutral. And most people want to find a reason to laugh with you or have something in common with you. Allow that in.

Life will be easier. And that helped. And then another one, which has absolutely nothing to do with what we've talked about. I would tell my 16-year-old self, like, hey, in two years, you're going to go to Rutgers. Don't fall in love with that girl who lives on your floor freshman year. It's going to fuck up your whole college experience. But you and her are gonna remain lifelong friends keep it friendly because when you dabbled with romance holy shit did it fuck with both your heads don't fall in love with her don't fall in love with her you'll you'll you'll

be able to have a lot more fun in college if you're not worried about that one girl you met freshman year go have more fun in college let your guard down hell yeah thank you very much dude thank you we got we got dark we got intense i guess i should have expected it but it went to Go have more fun in college. Let your guard down. Hell yeah. Thank you very much for coming on. Dude, thank you. We got dark. We got intense. I guess I should have expected it, but it went to some places I didn't expect.

Will you please promote everything again as well one more time? Sure, yeah. If people like, you know, honest conversations and feel like I've shown you that I can navigate one of the beautiful anonymous podcasts, go subscribe today. Chrisgeth.com to keep tabs on my ticket sales.

And Chris Geth on Instagram, Chris Gethard on Twitter. Those are all the usual places. All right. Thank you very much again. Thank you, dude. As always, Ryan Sickler on all social media, ryansickler.com. Go watch the special. Come see me on tour.

We'll talk to you all next week.