The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Chris Porter - Brain Dew

Episode Date: August 16, 2021

My HoneyDew this week is Chris Porter! Chris Highlights the Lowlights of emergency brain surgery after he was struck in the head by a golf ball! SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE and watch full episodes of The Dew every toozdee! https://www.youtube.com/rsickler SUBSCRIBE TO MY PATREON, The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I Highlight the Lowlights with Y’all! You now get audio and video of The HoneyDew a day early, ad-free at no additional cost! It’s only $5/month! Sign up for a year and get a month free! https://www.patreon.com/TheHoneyDew SPONSORS: EXPRESS VPN Secure your online data TODAY by visiting EXPRESSVPN.COM/HONEYDEW. That’s EXPRESSVPN.COM/HONEYDEW and you can get an extra three months FREE. EXPRESSVPN.COM/HONEYDEW FRESHLY Right now, Freshly is offering my listeners $40 off your first two orders when you go to FRESHLY.COM/HONEYDEW. Stop stressing about dinner. Go to FRESHLY.COM/HONEYDEW for $40 off your first two orders. That’s FRESHLY.COM/HONEYDEW for $40 off your first two orders. SHEATH Go to https://thld.co/SHEATH_honeydew for 20% off your order today! That's https://thld.co/SHEATH_honeydew and make sure to use promo code HONEYDEW at checkout. That's https://thld.co/SHEATH_honeydew for 20% off.

Hey guys, just want to let you know all merch is restocked. We've got the Night Pants, we've got the Night Pants Nation joggers, hoodies, tees, night shorts. All of it is back in stock. Head over to the Honeydew merch store and get your Honeydew gear today. with Brian Sickley hey guys just want to tell you the Night Pants Nation tour kicks off next month I can't tell you how excited I am to get out there

this is more a gratitude tour than anything honestly I've sat here for the last year and a half in this room, and we built the fucking army, and I'm coming out to see y'all. I can't thank you enough for your support, so let's have some fun together. Here are the dates. September 16th through 18th, I'm in Phoenix, Arizona. September 30th to October 2nd, Indianapolis, Indiana. October 23rd, Baltimore, Maryland. October 28th, Brea, California, November 12th

through the 13th, Arlington, Virginia, December 9th through the 11th, Cleveland, Ohio, December 17th through the 20th, La Jolla, California, January 6th to the 8th, Austin, Texas, January 20th to the 22nd, Kansas City, Missouri, February 17th to the 19th, we're in Vancouver. March 17th to the 19th, Edmonton. All right. And there are a bunch of dates I'm jumping out to do with Tom Segura as well. Go to RyanSickler.com. Click on that Night Pants Nation tour info and get your tickets.

This episode of The Honeydew is brought to you by ExpressVPN, Freshly, and Sheath. More on that later. Let's get into the do. The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler. Welcome back to the Honeydew, y'all. We're over here doing it in the Nightpan Studios. I'm Ryan Sickler, ryansickler.com. You heard the announcement.

Go to ryansickler.com. Get your Night Pants Nation tour tickets today. I mean, Tom's coming everywhere. I'm coming everywhere behind him. You know what I'm saying? And I will be doing some dates with Tom. So come out and see us. Come out and see me.

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They're right there. Okay. Honey, new athletes. We got four in the stable right now. All right. We got four in the stable. First guy here, Marcus Everett. This dude is a bow fisherman. stable first guy here marcus everett this dude is a bow fisherman he's a beast this kid here caden wood d2 pitcher for seaton hill went to the college uh world series all right beck adler so my boy you might have seen him on uh the honeydew with y'all also gary adler's son kid's a killer big wave surfer and then we got Maverick Reed, professional cowboy over here. He's a bull rider, y'all. So those are our athletes right now. We're adding to our little stable.

I did get some D1 requests, so let me look at them. If you're a walk-on, then hell yeah. All right? Hell yeah. If you got a full ride, hell no. Hell no. All right, y'all. You know what we do over here?

We highlight the lowlights. These are the stories behind the storytellers. It's easy to show your highlights in life on your little social media and stuff. It's not so easy to highlight your lowlights. All right? So we're going to sit down today and listen to this storyteller who's got an incredible story. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome for the first time here on the Honeydew, Chris Borey, y'all. Welcome to the Honeydew. Thanks for having me, brother welcome to the honeydew thanks for having me brother thank you for having uh thank you for being here and for

having me i guess having me at your tape i wouldn't have had anybody else thank you bro it's nice to be here uh before we get into what we're going to talk about today will you please plug promote everything uh yeah you can find me on twitter and Instagram at I am Chris Porter. Uh, I have a website. Chris Porter comedy.com has all my tour dates coming up. I'll be in Toledo, uh, fucking other places.

Uh, there's a San Jose date that we're holding on to, but let's be honest, probably not going to happen. Uh, but yeah, that's Chris Porter comedy.com. And that's, uh, that's pretty

much and also i'm on spotify and pandora and i've got four specials on amazon yeah that's all four specials on amazon yeah go watch all of that um all right so this is like this is some the story i heard about a little while ago i've known you for a while now in comedy, going back to your long curly hair days. And I heard about this tumor or this injury you had. Excuse me. I say tumor because I know it's brain, but I misspoke. And I heard it was golf related. And you and I have never – like you had full-on brain surgery,

like the whole deal. Can we talk about – because you said that afterwards you went into a depression that you've never really talked about and i'd like to talk about what happened yeah take us to that day okay so the day of uh me and my mom went to play golf it was a i think it was a monday how old are you i'm 17 and your mom's golfing with you so are you like a golf family because i know you're still into it especially that time like my mom was starting to get into it a lot and so was i i think i was three years in four years in so i remember i'd been out at the lake with my friend buddies all weekend just being just uh it was table rock okay but you're from kansas city well yeah so good guess but we went to the mr pib lake not the dr pepper lake you know what i'm saying so yeah i

know what you're saying uh so you know and we were doing the dumbest shit in the world we were jumping out of boats doing 30 miles an hour just being 17 year old idiots and then monday rolls around mom's like i got free golf you want to go play golf i go fuck yeah second hole um you know mom was very much about the rules so while she hit i stood off the fairway parallel with her and then this ball just whack uh right about an inch above the temple and i went down i can tell you this the the moment i got hit the moment i got hit i i had a vision of a ball being hit off a tee. And I went down and I would, if I was out at all, it was for a split second.

And I get up and my head fucking hurt. Are you bleeding? I'm not bleeding. Is there a fucking lump there? I mean, immediately, no. And we're fucking, but it fucking hurt and did you the person come over so the person comes over well first my mom i had just gotten contacts for the first time so i'm like rubbing my head and my mom thinks i'm just fucking with my contact she goes what's wrong

she didn't see it no she didn't see it i got hit and so she comes screaming over and this old man comes around it's a dog leg. He didn't see me. And he should have been trying to hit around my mom in the first place. But you know old white men. So he comes around. Fucking I rolled that woman's car and I've still never seen her yell at a man the way she. I mean, she went full gorilla. Just, it wasn't even words.

It was just emotion. And this dude was frightened. And I thought I was fine. How old do you think this guy was? 60s, 70s. And like, my mom looks at me and she goes, are you okay? I was like, yeah, I'm fine. And pardon the whole.

I was talking all mad shit about that. I was like, look at that. Bob got hit. Still parted. You're not seeing double. It's just this point. This is all you're getting is pain. But about five holes deep shit changes.

Headache gets worse. I start seeing double. I line up to the T marker instead of my ball. Mom's like, yeah, we're going to get out of here. So we leave, and now there's a bump. And then all of a sudden, the bump's gone. And my head hurt. So I go home.

Mom's on the phone in the hospital. I'm calling my buddy, and he's like, you don't sound right, man. And I'm like, what? I sound fine. He's like,'s like you don't sound right man and i'm like what i sound fine he's like no you don't really he could hear it yeah he was like you need to like slurring your words or i don't i don't know he's like buddy you don't sound right and this was a 17 year old kid and i was like all right and then then it got real bad. Like the headache was just, it, I mean, I've never felt pain like it since. And, uh,

I started seeing double and I was like, yeah, I think we need to go. Are you vomiting or anything? Not at this point. Soon as we get to the hospital, we get to triage and they're like, what's wrong?

I just threw up all over the desk. Let's take a man. No wait for that guy. John Doe coming back. We'll get his info later. We got a hot one. So just FYI, if you want to get through the line, just fire one out. So I get back there.

They run CAT scan. They're like, okay, there's a blood. What has happened is the blood is, it cracked your skull. The blood is seeped back through the crack. It is now clotting between your brain and your skull. Whoa. Okay. So that's why the headache is so much worse now.

And so doctor comes in. I got real lucky that the number one neurosurgeon in Kansas city happened to be on call that night. And this dude walks in and this dude was fucking ice, man. Just comes in. He's like, this is what we need to do. I need to cut open your head. We just need to go in there and get the brain thing out and then you'll be good as new.

And I was like, but he said it. So he didn't come in like ER. Like, he was just like, this is what happened. So he said it it so low key. I was just like, so, well, anyway, football starts in two weeks. And I started my junior year, so I had a starting spot guarantee. I'm like, I'm not. What position?

Split end. Okay. Because we ran an offense from fucking 1947. Yeah. A lot of option. You'd be a pro bowler every year if you were a split end in the NFL. The only mother. So I go, hey, man, football starts in two weeks.

And let's just do it at the end of the season. And he's like, no, buddy, you don't understand. If you don't do this tonight, you won't be here tomorrow. Tonight. And I go. You're not even getting a week to prepare. You're going in that night. He's like, if you don't do this tonight you won't be here tomorrow tonight and i go you're not even getting a week to prepare you're going in that night he's like if you don't do this tonight you won't be here tomorrow and i'm out of it tomorrow i go of course i won't be here tomorrow i'm gonna leave why would i stay here and he's like and he puts his head he's like buddy

here's what's gonna happen the blood will continue to clot around your brain and you will die one of the most horrifyingly painful deaths that anyone's ever died ever and then the doctor said that that was the gist of it you know yeah and uh and he goes and i go well then why why are we even quite why'd you even give me the option and he was like yeah we need to get in there and do this so So went in there, did it. I was in intensive care for two days. Wait, how long did the surgery take? I mean, I would say I went in in the afternoon. I mean, he's basically what now? He's resealing the, he's preparing your skull.

They basically took a hole saw, drilled out a piece. That's what we did over here in the corners to have cable run through. For real. For real. Took a hole saw. Fucking drilled out. It's this side. Took out a piece of my skull. Took out the clot. Put the piece of skull

back in and then put three wires in that and then they fuse to the bone as the bone begins to fuse to itself. And then that heals itself. It all heals itself. And I told this story on another podcast but one of the wires was a little loose, and it would make a clicking sound. Swear to God.

What do you mean? You mean walking and you'd hear a clicking sound? Swear to God. You've got a fucking blinker, bro. Well, no, I could do it. It wouldn't do it on its own, but it was like a nervous tick. I'd just click it. Listen, I know you're nervous, but I can hear your head clicking.

Dude, during a test in high school the next year, I'm sitting here. I'm clicking away, not thinking anyone can hear it, and the girl next to me goes, can anyone else hear this fucking clicking sound? I was like, oh, okay. I'm sorry. It's my wires. Sorry. It's my wires wires got a little slack

that's ridiculous so she's mad so i remember i went back to get my stitches out wait so hold on hold on you're in for quite a while i'm in intensive care for two days do you remember coming out of this i do remember coming out remember because i had knee surgery and i remember coming out of it not not being i remember they were talking about my teeth like oh you have nice teeth in it nothing yeah no i woke up and i remember like trying to put the pieces together in my head it really went from we need to have like the story i just told you like and then it's like this weird like star wipe to it's for you for me but what is is your mom a mess the whole family shows up apparently everybody you know a lot of people are crying people are freaking out how about the old dude

nowhere to be found like because again it's got your mom's here he's at the bar having beers going, I fucking hit this kid. It was crazy. I might have killed a kid. Give me a double. You're a minor too. Yeah. You're a minor. So I wake up at about, all I know is that the clock on the wall says four something. And my old man is fucking reading a paper.

And I go, I was just like, is it? So I get choked up when I remember that. And I was like, yo, what's up? And he's like, what's up? I go, what? I was at 4 a.m. or 4 p.m. He goes, a.m. I go, what the fuck are you doing?

And he goes, I'm making sure you're all right. I'm your dad. I'm your dad. You just went through brains. Brains are well. just went through brain surgery. Well, skull surgery. So, yeah, two days. So this is all two weeks before high school starts. So can I ask you a question?

Because I keep saying, is it considered brain surgery? I mean, to me it is. Yeah, I think once they crack the skull open. Anything on the head, to me, is brain surgery. At least fucking brain adjacent. Brain adjacent? Brain adjacent. But, yeah, so two days in intensive care.

You know, everyone shows up. You know, then two days in a regular hospital, everyone shows up and visits. All your friends come. And is your head, like, swollen crazy? It's just in a big turban. Okay. And then they come in day four and take all the bandages off and they're like give me like a piece of underwear to wear over my head so two days icu two days regular hospital and then you're out then i'm out your

fucking head just got a hole cut in it and four days later you're back into the wild well not like out like go have fun see it oh yeah but i mean out of that building yeah yeah they're like get the fuck out of here not much more we can do and so then it was like two weeks of like bed rest and not being able to do anything and being on a shit and are you in crazy pain yeah no i don't remember a lot of pain being involved i i don't there might have been i just don't remember that part of it and then you know and then high school starts and I went to a rural high school and you're a senior that year senior that year so football's gone they are they told me they're like your split ends jobs they're like you're

done and so I tried to be like a manager for like two weeks I was like this sucks this suck because I couldn't really hang out with the players. And then you couldn't, and the coaches, when they wanted to talk, they wouldn't, you wanted, they didn't want you around.

So I was just like, fuck this. So, uh, and then, and then, yeah, man,

like I'd say, how long are you like when you start school? Are you, do you still have a head wrap or I got a head wrap? I got, I don't have stitches anymore, but there got a head wrap i got i don't have stitches anymore but there's a pretty man i was the only kid in high school to wear that was able to wear a hat okay so that you wear a hat over like yeah because i went to again it was

1996 so it was a long time ago yeah it was and they wouldn't let you we didn't we weren't allowed to wear hats at school and so yeah we couldn't either. We couldn't in our high school. So they were like, yeah, you can wear a hat because no one wants to fucking stare at that all day. Not for you. Not for you. Not for you. Literally for all of us. So we don't have to look at that shit. Your fucking Frankenstein face.

Because you have to realize this shit went from here to here. Yeah, can I see it? Yeah, you can. So they cut you from there to there from here all the way to here and then what do they pull your face down yeah it's fucking nuts my buddy came they do pictures of it do you have any pictures of it pictures well i have a picture i posted on instagram of me with the stitches yeah and that's what made me say okay i got it he's got to come tell this yeah so that happens and then how long are you in this headdress?

I don't know. I would say a month or two. Damn, really? Yeah. Just because, I mean, it was a pretty heavy gash. Can you sleep at night comfortably? Yeah, I was on so many drugs. I was sleeping during the day, sleeping at night.

How were your grades during then? Just shit? No, they were. i only had to do half a year that year because my parents thought i was moving my parents thought we were moving to new york so i i elevator i accelerated my high school program so like my junior year i took like senior classes so i could graduate a little bit early and we never ended up moving but so my senior year i came in like i got half a year and i'm fucking just walking so i did that um i had already done my senior paper my junior year so i was like fucking this is gonna be a cakewalk and it was and uh was out, I think I was out my senior year by like 1130. And so that was fun. And then once the depression really started to kick in, uh, about seven months in and

I moved and it was when I left home to go to KU and, you know, I just, I was in this place, like it was really starting i just thought i was 18 and going through it and also like we came up in that kurt cobain era we did and so like kurt's when he killed himself like i had a buddy kill himself like a year later and you know he idolized that dude and all his high school girlfriend broke up with him right and he goes and fucks and offs himself. That's why. Yeah, man.

And it fucking. Yeah. That doesn't have. He doesn't have that idea. If Kurt doesn't and not Kurt had serious demons and probably had every reason in his brain to do what he did. But there were repercussions to his actions. Yeah. And for a lot of people in our generation and so and i saw that and so when i went through this heavy depression and you do

wake up every day what's going on when what do you notice first when you realize man this this is different i don't things are different i would wake up and say fuck that's the first first field dread like fuck man like i woke up is it because you oh i woke up not fuck another day of this shit no i was like fuck i woke up oh you really wanted to die yeah but i didn't know why like life was good like i have a great family well the drugs i'm sure were part of it i mean i'm off the drugs by this point. No, I mean the prescription. That shit fucks with you for sure.

But also, you lost your football that year. Yeah. Your senior year of high school, you're losing. Like a lot of these kids now with COVID, their senior year is gone. So that's tough. And then not – I get it, man. Trying to stay around the guys and be the manager on the football team. I'm like, fuck this.

Yeah. And then like – Yeah, that to me would really fuck with me. So I would start to like – obviously, I hadn't found comedy yet. I mean I'm six months from finding comedy at this point. But like I've always been into music. So I start writing songs and just trying to find a way to like get out of it. But all my high school – like I grew up with a bunch of jocks in the country and there

it was all machismo. And like, I was like the black sheep that had feelings and fucking, you know, like listening to like good music and cause like I felt it, you know? And so I remember I wrote this song called I hate myself and the, which like in the nineties, there were a lot of songs that were very close to basically that same thing so i wasn't really going out on a limb but i was like hey you guys i wrote this song and i sang in for him and they're like you fucking hate yourself like what the fuck's wrong like it was that like yeah like your trainer it was like david goggins being like you fucking hate

yourself you gotta get your inner bitch and i wrote uh one in seventh grade about my mom called cloven hoof bitch that's true dude yeah and the lunch lady read it she goes can i see that she handed it to me she goes okay and he handed it back dude in my high school my or my college roommate was super like fucking really bad bipolar and so like i'd tell him about it's like yeah no i feel the same way and i'm just like well this isn't helping you're not the guy i wanted you know you're just like no you're just we're starting to outline our letters no this isn't good and so like it there were dark nights and you know – yeah, there was one night in particular you searched the house for a way to do it. What would you have done?

I would have used a shotgun. Are you serious? Yeah, yeah. And it got to a point where I knew the gun and I just didn't have the ammunition. Did you talk to your parents about this at all? Not until years after. Years? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So you just suffered internally and did you go to therapy? about this at all? Not until years after. Years? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you just suffered internally? Did you go to therapy? No therapy? No therapy. And they didn't send it to you to therapy after a brain surgery or anything like that? No. And as a matter of fact, I didn't find out that the depression was related to the brain surgery until years later when I was talking to a neurosurgeon at a bar. Really?

And I was like, oh. And I told him the story. He's like, do you go through a big depression after that i go he just asked on his own yeah and i go i go yeah but i was 18 and in college my first year who doesn't he's like no man that was major brain trauma will fuck you up i'll bet and so you know and i didn't have any answers and i didn't i knew in my mind that i had no reason to do it. Life was great. A lot of comics, their crux comes from a bad relationship with their parents or whatever their internal struggle is. My internal struggle has always just been a lack of confidence that is ingrained in me.

From where? Where does that come from? I don't know. But it's not for my family because my family's very supportive and loving and your mom was out there driving the shit out but like me and my mom and dad talk every fucking day so you know like we my family is amazing and so it's just always been and i see it a lot on some of my dad's side of the family and they they all are medicated i just josh wolf and i talk about this all the time i have what is how do we say this all the time i say it all the time and i got this brain fog but it's like i wish my um self-confidence

matched my belief in myself. You know what I'm saying? Because you're obviously a doer. You're out there getting it done. You're successful. Like, I believe I can do something. I believe in myself. But my self-confidence about my appearance, who I am, talking, all that,

that is always lacked. It's always lacked, which is why I try to be funny to make up for it somebody the other day this shit made me i don't know who you are but i want you to know i saw it and i laughed my ass off but they said if an afternoon nap had a face it would be ryan's is that not the greatest if an afternoon nap had a face it would be ryan sickless you nailed it and they're in the comic we work with that could do better than that dude i'll tell you nailed it i'll tell you what i'm proud of that i'll not be able to take an afternoon nap anymore without thinking of your dumb face. When you're sleeping, my face will just be floating above you. Fucking, yeah, man.

So, like, and I knew that going, so, like, self-confidence has always been an issue. And I think that maybe is a lot of the reason I am such a doer. And I am, it's because I don't, if I don't do things, I don't, I already don't think I'm great. So, if I don't do things to, like, let other people. I'm worse. Yeah, it does not help the situation at all. So it's – so I knew that – so I just thought maybe being at 18, even – I had the self-awareness to be like, you know, you're kind of a bitch anyway. Like you have a major – Good for you, yeah.

Like you have a major inner bitch. And like you wear it well. I didn't wear it well at fucking 17. I wear it much better now. Don't you wish you could look back now and be like, listen, motherfucker, you just survived a traumatic brain injury. Yeah. You could have died. But even today, I've done a lot of shit that a lot of comics haven't been able to do.

Whether it's because of my talent or because of luck or whatever it is. But even last night, I did a show at the improv and the girl in front of me did well and I was immediately like, I'm fucking, I'm going to eat shit. I'm going to eat a giant dick up there. And that happens every time. And you've been doing comedy how long?

22 fucking years. Yeah, for people that want to hear that's right 22 years every time i write a new joke i'm like that's not funny that's not funny enough and then i go up on stage i was like well i guess i was wrong but also that's what makes you good you know you're you don't go to your first thought our job isn't to write our first thought our job is to dive way deeper than that and still somehow take something that you've heard talked about before in a way or style that hasn't been done. And that's relatable. And that only happens if you are your true self about that.

It's taken me, I mean, I once read Richard Pryor say like, I don't know, it was 10 or 15 years to find your real self on stage and that's when i read that i was like good god but man podcasting has changed my stand up my everything you know once you start talking about your real life shit it's like are you talking about that on stage where you should yeah you know so well fuck yeah and then that has helped me become myself more than anything i don't know if i stay with just stand up if i would have got to my true self as quick as i would i have through the addition of podcasting yeah does that make sense a hundred percent i uh well what's weird is stand up ended up saving me from well that's

all i was going to get at because i meant you mentioned six months after the depression, you find stand-up. So how does that happen? So I found a creative outlet that, look, I was 19. I wasn't still not the smoothest guy with the ladies. I mean, I was a professional comic before I wasn't a virgin. Wait, what? I had been paid to do comedy. Before you lost your virginity? Before I lost my virginity. It wasn't much.

It was like 50 bucks. But I mean, that gives you a timeline as like my life. Like high school was not. The only reason I was cool in high school was because I played sports and I was decent at them. And I don't know if that's why I still fucking work out and play sports all the time. It probably is but um yeah i the only reason i didn't get my ass whooped in high school was because i had all i had so much protection just the older jocks but i remember walking into high school football games or like away basketball games

and like the seniors coming up and be like hey if anyone fucks with you you just let us know all right yeah but even then i didn But even then, I had zero confidence. You'd think I'd be like, what up? Fuck you. I got carte blanche. But I was still like, no, I'm still. So yeah, I just, I forgot where I was going with this. It's just, I've never really talked about a lot of this.

So it's weird. You were talking about how you first found comedy yeah so saved you so my buddy calls and he goes i'm gonna do stand-up comedy this isn't is this in kansas city kansas city and this dude was like the dude he just watched movies and he'd want to be that movie like and he was just crazy enough to do that shit like swingers came out had suits also knew how to ballroom dance fucking everybody was money uh so he saw the punch line or something like that and it was 97 he fucking pulls out a phone book and opens up to comedy clubs there's one and he calls me because i want to be a stand-up comic. How do I do it? And they fucking told him. And so I show up and I watch him do open mic night.

How old are you now? I'm 18 at this point. 19? I'm 19. Because it was the summer of 98. And I watched him do it. And I just happened to be, just happenstance, they sent me front row center. So I had like the view.

And I watched 24 comics go up. Damn! Yeah. Remember those days? Remember those days? Three minutes apiece. Yeah. Holy shit.

And a host in between that would do way too much time. Yeah, for no reason. For no reason. Just riffing on whatever shitty joke you just heard. And I just remember going, i'm funnier than half these people and my mom at all i i come from a line of musicians and so like and at that time their success was nominal uh now come to now like my uncles had a great band and made very good money and but at that at that time my mom always warned me like you don't want to be a musician

it's it's a hard road and very few people get in i was like well this is comedy i don't have to get a band together i it's just me and uh and i fucking it was the greatest the moment i stepped on stage and got that first laugh it was now the greatest thing ever physically healed i'm physically healed at that fully What did you have, staples out here? Stitches. And they're removed? They're removed, and my hair isn't quite as receded at the time, so a lot of hair is covering it by this point. And you feel you're comfortable about getting up in front of people with that, too?

Yeah, you couldn't see it. You couldn't see it at that point. It's very visible now, but this was 22 years and probably about an inch of hairline ago. And that just was the greatest feeling in the world. It was. And also when you're – Especially coming out of that to be – just to receive that. Yeah, and just to have that – but that rush and that energy.

That's that heroin, man. That's it. And it was like this is the – and it was – before sex, it was the greatest thing that had ever occurred to me and even when it was and then i went up the next time and fucking bomb yeah but even in the moment of bombing i was like this is still amazing and i have to do this and uh and i was man when you get a chance to scream into a microphone for three minutes every once in a while you you stop being as depressed as you were i'll bet and also you just do you remember do you remember what you were talking about then would you talk any did you do any stuff being a virgin okay uh did you do anything about your

no i still have not been able to make that really you still don't do anything on it i still have not been able to like i've tried a couple of times to ride it out and it's just um i don't i i think you just need to share it as a story and find spots in the story to to bring humor i maybe that's it i don't you know maybe i've become over the years i have become more of a storytelling comic so maybe it's time to maybe revisit it i mean it's the time i almost died it is but uh the doctor's over here eating a sandwich he's like listen you gotta get this shit done like in 30 minutes but i would like to say this it's the greatest thing to have ever happened to me that's that's really because it's great to hear that you have that outlook on it why because it put you into comedy? Put me into comedy.

I was going into the Navy. Oh, so you had – okay. I was already talking to recruiters. I was going into ROTC. I almost went, too. Yeah, me, too. I still have my letters of recommendation, all that shit. And I was – it was set.

I was going to go to college, go to officer school – or go to boot camp, go to officer school, be in the Navy for five years and then fucking walk out with like some weird – some degree. And then the sky was the limit at that point and it was set. And then I – some of the depression may come from having a plan and then that plan just being ripped away from you. Yeah, you had this whole thing but also i would have left officer school may of 2001 so just in time for granted i would have been in the navy i would have been fucking on a boat watching it happen but still i would have gone straight to straight to war yeah you would have. And instead, I went and had sex with a bunch of girls I would never have had sex with had I not been funny. Let's take a quick break and tell you about our first sponsor, ExpressVPN.

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And so. Did your parents come see you at all? As a comedian when you started out? When I first started, the first time I did it, I won the contest. And the contest was that you got to open or you got to do a guest spot on that Sunday. And who was the headline? The Amazing Wid or the Incredible Wid. I don't know that.

So he was one of my favorites. He was a prop comic that was always on Make Me Laugh when Comedy Central was like a baby. Okay. And he was just fucking devastating and so to like show up and like immediately be opening for like one of your favorites in front but then you realize immediately the reason they have you do the sunday show is because you're gonna bring the audience because they're not they're all coming to see you it's a sunday show yeah so they think if we put them up here then he'll and i i did

i brought like eight of my because it was father's day oh man so i'm at father's day like yeah i want a contest i'm super fucking funny you all know it and i'm confident around my family and uh and so my aunts and uncles come out your dad there on father Father's Day? I'm sure he was. I don't remember. Maybe not. I remember there being a lot of people there and just me eating a giant dick in front of aunts and uncles.

They didn't come back for years. Years. You get one shot. You get one shot you get one shot also that was like the non-artistic side of the that was the very athletic side of the family so they just show up and like

oh well that's as good as you are you'll never be better you're peaking right now bro you're second time up they never took that into consideration you do you get one chance so comedy pulls you out of this depression and how are things at home like there's your mom

like who were you closest to throughout that at least your mom uh my dad your mom and i always my mom and i my mom again is one of my best friends but she was always very much concerned with me being the best person i can be rather than us being friends all right and so a mom that led to us being the best of friends when i got old enough to recognize that um but so like my dad was always the guy we'd have beers and I'd fucking tell him what was up. And, you know, comedy for the first year was just a hobby. Like I only did it on Mondays.

And so still went to school. Everything was great. And then after the first six months, seven months, and then I start getting like weekends and stuff like that and it starts becoming a little more serious and now i'm like you know there was definitely a period i was a house mc at stanford's i'd go to college from 7 to 11 in the morning go straight from college to work at the mall from 11 to 6 what store at the mall i was security for the entire mall you were secure you were mall security for the whole ball we i was at the rich mall so we just drove bmws around a fucking parking lot oh you didn't even

have a golf cart i was driving an x5 swear to god yeah and so i would just park that bitch in the parking lot what's the craziest shit you see go down door mall security so this poor bastard uh they had just had a credit card fraud seminar the night before okay right the police department came in and said here's how you find credit card fraud this motherfucker walks in that morning and is like throws down this fake ass credit card to the point where like the guest attendant kind of thought it was a test like they're like yeah oh this so they call security and it's like it's the mall just opened i'm still eating breakfast like i just sit there and i'd eat my omelet because there wasn't shit to do it's just mall walkers and shit next time you're gonna

call they're like we have possible credit card fraud at the guest store. And so we post up outside. Post it up. Y'all post it up. We post up outside and just wait for him to walk out. Now, you have to realize that I am, again, the black sheep. I'm just working this gig because it's easy and all my friends who want to be cops work there. I don't want to bust anybody.

I just want to go back to my car and fucking continue to write jokes. So this guy comes out and we're like, hey, you need to stop. And this motherfucker takes off running. And I'm the cop that's like, shit. So we take off running. We're bolting through a Dillard's. This dude takes out a woman. To the point we were going to tackle

him, but we were afraid we were going to hurt her. He picks the one day it snows, so we chase him outside. We all tackle him. How many of you guys? There were three of us. Three of you pounce on this guy? We fight him, and I'm just like, we're getting eight bucks an hour.

I'm not fighting anybody. Literally, the other two dudes went down i was like i'll cover next to no one else uh but yeah that was some of that was like the craziest moment where i was like what the fuck is going on and um but yeah so i worked most security from 11 to 7 and then would go i remember or 11 to 6, go home, eat dinner, watch Law & Order, and then fucking go do the shows. And what, at Stanford's? At Stanford's in Westport. And that was the only club at the time in KC?

At the time, yeah. And I was the house – so it was every week. Oh, you were the house? Okay, good. All right. Yeah. So you're really getting up a lot. I'm really getting up a lot.

And so then I start getting – so then I start doing like feature weeks and stuff like that. And then it just kind of got to a point where I was like, I can go to college anytime, but this comedy shit's really taken off and I need to take advantage of it. And there, it, hell broke loose. Like mom cried, fucking, there was a lot of screaming. They were not supportive. No, not at all. Screaming, you said. Screaming.

Why? Just because. Did they want you to go inreaming. Why? Screaming, just because. Did they want you to go into the Navy or they wanted you to do anything but comedy? The Navy was out. Sounds like you have good parents. No, they were just like, but they were like, you can also do comedy at any time. I'm like, no. No, no, no, no.

No. You got to take advantage of this shit when you're young because you never know. And who knows what happens if I go to college, I meet some chick, I get her pregnant. I need to focus on this. College will always be there. And they're like, we fought it. And it wasn't- Who fought more, mom or dad?

Mom. Mom. Screaming. Screaming. Yeah. What did she really want you to do? Go to college. Just have a degree in my pocket so that I had something to fall back on.

Okay. To her credit, even as successful as I've been in my career, there have definitely been moments where I wish I had done one. You do? Why? There were just moments, especially in 2011 and shit, when career wasn't going so well, right after Last Comic Standing. I was just

in the middle of this weird career desert. I just had enough. The road wasn't so i had the last comic standing thing which was which led to another huge depression because as you grow up to be as you come up as a stand-up comic and you're fighting and your head's down and you're in the trenches of being a feature act on the road all you're thinking is as soon as i get money i will be happy because i have

everything else and then i got money and i was still a miserable piece of shit and i still had no confidence and that led to like well what the fuck now like i basically achieved most of my goals at 27 and i still don't think i'm worth a shit and so that so in the middle of all of that there was definitely a time where i was contemplating walking away from everything you were yeah and just and doing what what would you have done that was the thing i went to type up a resume i had no employable skills the last job i had i was 19 security yeah and you try to dress up being a stand-up comic as being an employable skill like i can handle crowds like the fuck can they see right all they see is some guy that drank for fucking 12 hours a day and then worked for an hour so i just and i remember uh we i come from a very heavily catholic family same and uh

we're at a we're at a family function father our family priest showed up and he's a great guy and he someone asked him a question and he had a great like story to tell that like was kind of a parable and i was like i need to fucking sit down with this dude and i i go father don can can i buy you a beer and we just kind of sit and talk one time he's like you're speaking my language and it was so uninspiring we go and have beer and i was like i go listen i've been a comic for this many years it's not it went well and now it's not going so well and i you know i would like i'm not gonna find a wife this way and blah blah blah and uh he just went i don't know you have money in savings and i was like a little bit he's like yeah i can move back see what happens and i

was just like that is not now i'm definitely not moving back yeah i wanted a story where's fucking noah in this shit don't you have something about some footprints or something? Yeah, come on. Isn't there like a successory scene here somewhere? Did Jesus ever do an open mic? When Jesus was thinking about becoming a feature. A feature. He's the meddler jesus so there there was definitely that moment in where i thought

about leaving everything and just moving back to kansas city and i don't know it would have been it would have been bad if i'd done it but then i got and then i got to do ugly and angry and that went on you know i was like the first generation of specials to get on netflix and it fucking changed i mean that special uh more than any have changed everything like i think it really solidified me as an actual comedian because last comic standing there have been a lot of great comics on that show absolutely yeah that show did not make them though like they that show is kind of like this like prop yeah that show showcased them it didn't make them exactly like amy schumer eliza like the biggest ones that was like a stepping stone to get to the thing that blew them the fuck yes and um

you know i the thing about last comic standing is it's a really great run, especially we got in our season. Our agents put on our tour, so we made a shit ton of money. And then NBC got wind of how much money we made. And they're like, oh, we're going to make that money. Oh, is that right? Dude, the people that were in the seasons behind me, they called and see what they were making. And I felt sorry. Like, it was a fifth of what we were making.

A fifth? A fifth. Yeah. I mean a fifth of what we were making. A fifth? A fifth. Yeah. I mean, I'm not surprised at all. That's why I'm trying to do all this shit myself now. I'm trying to do all of it myself. So, yeah. So then Ugly and Angry came around and really started, like, that's when my fans started to generate.

That's when these people were coming to see me and knew my jokes. I got one question for you. Yeah. Did those relatives come back at this point? when i shot this because that's why i was like i'm shooting this special in kansas city because i'm gonna let these motherfuckers yeah and i think that comes back to what you were saying like i don't i know what i deserve but i at the same time i don't think i deserve it like that weird thing and i was like this is my channel i'm coming home and you know in my mind this place was going to be sold out and it was going to be great in reality it was a fifth full and we made it look good but um it was definitely

last comic standing solidified everything for me because they they had watch parties and shit so after that my family was once you're on tv they can't argue with you anymore no especially in kansas right where they think it's all real and so once once i got on tv you know mom and dad stopped and also i was i rarely needed money i was always making pretty good money so uh they couldn't really bitch about that but again um yeah so the depression comes and it goes like still still now do you have any kind of cte or any of that long term anything if i do i'm not aware of it yeah um do you get headaches do you have any kind of side effects from it? Not from that. Like I had a headache.

Nothing. That's amazing. It really is. I got jumped years ago and they kicked my jaw and broke it. And I have a TMJ from it now. Like it'll click when I open too far. Oh, yeah. And any time, I'm not a big drinker, but if I do have a drink, the next morning, the hangover for me is never in my head.

It's all in my fucking jaw. Really? I don't even fuck with it hardly. Yeah, no. That's why I smoke weed. Physically, I have no. Well, one of the reasons. It's one of the reasons.

Oh, no. I think weed is what. I mean, it is my Klonopin or whatever it is. Did they tell you to use that when you were going through your no i guess a lot of my relatives are on it yeah and they kind of seem to be of the same especially i have a cousin who's got his shit to get like i didn't know he was on it till he told me and uh like because he's straight as an arrow uh is an engineer, actually does work for the Navy, and is like, you know, tried and true, like Mr. America.

And he was like, yeah, I'm Uncle Onipin. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, in your email, you said a cousin, you found out something else about another cousin. Oh, so I had a cousin. Is this not the same cousin? Not the same cousin. This cousin, my other cousin, was like – he and I were best friends.

I mean not that me and the other cousin weren't either. So I'm like eight years older than any of my cousins. Like they had me way early. And so my youngest cousin is – or my oldest cousin is still eight years younger than I am. But we were always very close when we were kids growing up. And like he had like a lawn service and I'd go – when I'd go home and didn't have shit to do, I'd fucking hop in his truck and go mow yards with him. Like I just loved hanging out with him. And then shit got weird.

Like he would come and get me and we'd work one day and then the next he'd like i'll pick you up at like 10 tomorrow and we'll go work and he wouldn't show up like at all and then he'd call at like four and be like oh sorry bro and my dad my dad kept going like man i think he's on something i think he's on something i was like but eric's also been weird always right that's when it's tough to tell. This is the same kid that completely sober pulled his braces off with needle nose pliers because he was tight. Yeah. He's that. Yeah.

Yeah. He's that guy. So you don't know if he's on some shit. That's Eric, bro. So, and yeah, he had some like played rookie ball for the royals fucking got his jaw crushed by a 98 mile an hour fastball and still got up and tried to charge the mound damn really he goes i got up and he goes i could feel my jaw was in two pieces and i knew something was wrong and then i he goes and i spit out like three teeth and I just said,

I'll fucking let him go. And you know, I don't know if that led to where he is now, but, and it was just like, and I'd be like, dad fucking now he's just weird. Like of all.

And I'm, I'm pretty hip, man. Like I can tell when people are fucked up and I can usually tell you which drugs they're on. Now, to be fair, I know nothing about meth. I've never been around man. Like, I can tell when people are fucked up, and I can usually tell you which drugs they're on. Now, to be fair, I know nothing about meth. I've never been around it. I guess I don't hang out at fucking Walmarts enough or whatever.

But it was just, I've seen a lot of drugs, and meth is one of the few drugs that I've never seen in my entire life. And then, yeah, he got popped for it he got he did he got popped with a bunch of it how much is a bunch i'd like enough to where it was an issue really yeah yeah like a federal issue uh federal prison issue no but enough to where he was looking at some time and and this was post like the baseball and all that stuff baseball and he still got the lawn service but again shit's getting weird and and then you know my dad's screaming he's like dude he's on something he's on and then and is this your dad's brother or sister's kid sisters my mom's sister's kid mom's okay and i'm just like he's just not i mean this

is a kid that i got high and he fucking freaked out on weed. Yeah. So I'm like, there's no way he's getting into up. Like fucking that's zero to a thousand. Yeah. I was wrong. And it was just, I mean, it was just the weirdest. Because if I would have bet on the 15 cousins, which ones were going to get addicted to that shit, he would have been fucking 14.

Really? Yeah. Just because he was – all he ever did was work out and figure out how to get bigger and stronger, and he loved to work out. When I first started going back to the gym, he wrote my workouts for me and like he was just nothing but how do I get healthier and better? And for him to then go, also, I'm going to do this shit that rots my face from the inside out. Teeth. Yeah. It just made no sense.

And also, he was asleep most of the time. I thought if you're on meth, you're supposed to be out doing shit. Yeah, heroin's the one you're on meth you're supposed to be out yeah heroin's the one you're asleep yeah no this guy he never you know it just never made sense to me and to have it was just such a kick in the balls to have a guy that you think you know so well and then also you're like well could i have what what else did i miss and then when you look back on it there's nothing you ever really – There was one time, and again, Eric was weird as fuck, still is.

But, like, we stopped at a gas station to get gas, and then he was gone for, like, 45 minutes. And then, you know, I lost track of time because I think I was on my phone. So did he, probably. And I just figured – I was like, this guy – I just figured he was dropping this guy i just figured he's dropping one and it was taking a while maybe there's a backup on the poop train i don't know and but then he just showed up and he just kind of like and like didn't really tell me what the fuck was going on and that was the only time where i was like okay this is fucking weird like where where the fuck were you while i was at i was literally

just parked at a gas pump for 45 minutes. Just sitting. In the passenger seat with no keys. Couldn't pull it in. Couldn't go anywhere. If they would have come out and said, move your fucking truck, I'd have been like, I don't. Pop it in neutral and we'll push this bitch. And it was just.

So, yeah, it was so weird just to be fucking. You know, in such a fucking dark. And to me, it's always been such like a white trash drug. It's like a shitty. You would think so, but it's not. No. But it does. It reeks of white trash because you can make it at home in a fucking soda bottle and shit.

You know what I mean? That's what you're seeing. But also, it's like I've never been to a party where it was like fucking gary's got meth never ever yeah nor would i hang out at that party at all yeah that shit you shut up about and you know who does it and that's it yeah dude i get freaked out when i go into like head shops and they you go to the shitty ghetto ones and then they have like the meth accessories and you're just like, I get the willies. And, yeah, so it was just, yeah, it was a giant kick in the balls just to fucking, you know, and he's in jail now. He is.

Yeah, he got popped from that. No, excuse me. He was always trying to get the easy way out, trying to one-up people. I remember I'd meet him at a movie and he'd buy a child's ticket and just see if they'd catch him. And if not, he saved three bucks. He had no shame. And so he's always that kid. And so he got popped for online gambling fraud.

He's just taking people's money i don't know i remember back in the day he'd be like well if you you can sign up for this site they give you five hundred dollars and you pull out and you can do this and it was like then i'm like that already sounds like first off i don't need to be gambling firstly you lost me when you said sign up yeah i only gamble one site i'm good yeah yeah, I'm not leaving my credit card on that site. I only gamble in Vegas, and that's rarely. Yeah. That's when I get drunk and go put 30 bucks on the Royals to win it all.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. But yeah, it's just weird. And so he's in jail now? He's in jail now. As far as I know. For how long? They're working. It's not for too long, i don't know they're they're working it's not

for too long i don't think you you in touch prior to that no it was you know he he would disappear and he would come back and then i remember he was at like christmas like two years ago and he was just fucking jacked he is and he had been home and working out and then and then he disappeared and then he was like and he was all very much like, you know, I'm so glad I'm through this and like my family is what got me out of it. And then as soon as Christmas was over, boom, gone. And I think what a lot of it is, is for him especially, is just boredom. Like he doesn't – he's never really had a job that he could keep for too long because he likes to run his mouth and also tries to find the easy way around shit. And he's also the guy that bad luck also tends to find him usually.

So – but then he gets bored and then he starts fiending and then he leaves and then he's gone for days and days and days sometimes months and then they they had heard from him like at thanksgiving like his mom texted him and he texted back and then does anybody know where he goes no not really and then they got a call from the authorities that he was in nebraska and that's where he's locked up right now? That's where he's locked up, yeah. Fuck. I don't want to be locked up out there. Yeah. I'll bet you that prison's cold. I'll bet you that.

I've been to Nebraska. You've been there. And it's just a bunch of corn-eating. Yeah, man. Those big boys in there, too, will fuck you up. Yeah. And not in a fun way. No. Those are the dudes that, like, they, like, take it from you while they're staring at you yeah

whatever they want yeah kind of guy i'm gonna look at you while i'm calling everybody sir so what are you in for cow rape oh shit all right i'm gonna shut the fuck yeah yeah no you win you want my pillow and all my biscuits? Sorry, everything I know about prison I learned from 60 days in. So right now with your health and everything going on, there's nothing from the brain surgery. Not that I'm acutely aware. What do they tell you? Obviously you can't play football, but what else? Well, I think now I could.

Really? Yeah, I think the brain's healed. I remember I went in for my, you know, you're 17 and you have these Disney dreams of like, oh, you healed magically. And I walked in and the doctor and I go, so can I play football? And he just laughed. He's like, no, man. He's like, you can play golf. I was like, go fuck yourself.

I think I just told him to go fuck himself. For real. And then they were going to clear me to play but i had i hadn't played since my eighth grade year just because by the time football was over my body was needed a break from all that shit and so um i so i was like i'll go play basketball and i went in and talked to the coach and he was like look man you haven't played for three years he was like you're'll go play basketball. And I went in and talked to the coach. And he was like, look, man, you haven't played for three years. He was like, you're going to have to be really fucking good to make the team. And he was like, are you really fucking good?

And I was like, no. He was like, yeah, then fucking enjoy your senior year. Yeah. Kind of thanks, but no thanks. And so, yeah, I was out of sports. I might have played golf my senior year. I don't remember. So music was always in your family. Wait, I want to ask this of sports. I might have played golf my senior year. I don't remember. So music was always in your family.

Wait, I want to ask this real quick. The wires. Yeah. Did they have to be taken out? No, they're in there and they don't click anymore. But they're there. They're there. Do you have any trouble going through metal detectors or anything like that?

No, not at all. I think they may pop up on an x-ray. On an x-ray. But that's about it. Yeah, no, I've never had any issue. And, you know, my depression that comes around every once in a while may be from that. I don't know. But it also just, like I said, might be just from my inner bitch.

Conquer your inner bitch. Yeah, conquer your inner bitch. What music for you? So you have a musical family? Yeah. And not like, you know know it's not like the gaither family where like everyone plays like everyone does play you mentioned your uncle made money who is your uncle so my uncle norm was in a band called the elders and they were

a huge i mean for that scene celtic rock band that traveled. They basically played every Irish festival in the country, and they did very well for themselves. And they're in, like, Music Hall of Fames and places. Oh, wow. All right. And what's he play? He plays bass. Okay.

And then my other uncle, Jeff, was just an incredibly talented man that just never took a risk and left town and tried to be the next thing. They were on Star Search in like 1983, I think. But yeah, I don't think he has any. But eventually started playing guitar for this guy named Bob Walkenhorst, who was in a band called the Rainmakers in the 80s that were big in Norway, of all places. So he went out there and got to finally live that rock star life where playing a theater and really light show and really rocking out. So he definitely got to live his dream eventually. I don't know if it was in the facet that he had hoped. But yeah we it wasn't

like a thing where we all sit around during the holidays and play guitar as a matter of fact if you it was if you weren't very good they didn't let you play at all oh really there wasn't like the make-a-wish moment where they just let make a wish it was like okay let the let chris play a little bit it was like wrong note give me that me that fucking shit. And now they come over and hang out, and me and my cousins will start playing a little bit. But you're really passionate about it. Josh Adam Myers told me a story about you, and he and I quote you all the time. You don't even know this. This is so great.

It's a quote that we throw back and forth, and it's a Chris Porter quote. And I wasn't even there he told me it was back when um angelo was still here and you guys used to jam after the comedy show and you guys are all sitting around and you take it so seriously and or maybe it was at the comedy store one night because i think you guys did there too and everyone's farting around trying to figure out what to play and everything and he said you just spoke up and said you're wasting time and then you went right into soul shine which i fucking love soul shine i lied he and i now back and forth rip on we just i tell him if we're doing i'm like you're wasting time i was like i love that yeah man i just love the music so i just i was like what let's just play something uh music's a great like everything i am

as a stand-up comedian is in my failure to be a rock star i feel like and it helped the music help you through your depression do you turn to music at all i play guitar every morning i wake up every day yeah wow um well when i'm home yeah when i'm home i don't take it with me but and what do you play your own stuff no i mean i have i wrote a couple of songs last year trying to get over somebody and that was the first time i had written anything uh but i just i felt the need to and i wrote a couple and that led to me writing like five or six songs that are okay i guess but no mainly it's just songs that i like i'm always trying to learn a new song and maybe a new chord just to make myself better have you ever released

any of your music i put stuff on instagram but to be honest with you the stuff i put on and the stuff i've recorded it's like 10 because it's like i'm always like oh this sounds good and as soon as i start recording i'll watch it back And then that's when the inner bitch comes in. And you're just like, no, no, no, we're not showing that. And as a matter of fact, even the stuff that I put up, I can't. I have to just put it up and pretend it's not even there. It's a shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I did fuck up that one note. Just let it go. Do you ever get inspired for comedy from your music? From your music? Like the music that I write? Yeah. Like for me, like I'll explain what I mean better here. Like when I hear music, I – in my mind, I will create funny scenes.

Oh, okay. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? I'll put that song I'm hearing right now to some sort of funny scene that I think I could shoot or a promo or a moment in a movie or a show that I could use somehow. And I love the lyrics. I'm big, big, big on lyrics, but the feel of the music and what I do with it visually is, I don't know if you ever do that. The way what music does for me is it just helps in the writing process, especially because like comedy, especially my comedy. You can only draw from really like three or four emotions, anger, confusion. You know, there's not a lot of happy jokes, you know, not a lot of jokes. So it's such a great day today. And then like sometimes, you know, especially like I've been trying to get over somebody, you write jokes that you think are jokes and then you go back

and it's a fucking journal entry is all it is. You just read it. You're like, fuck, none of this is funny. You were just laughing because it hurt a little bit. It's like stubbing your toe or something. And so if I have trouble getting through it or bit it's like stubbing your toe or something and so if if i have trouble getting through it or if it's a an emotion that i'm trying to deal with that isn't anger or confusion then i'll start to write music which allows me to kind of get through that to get on

to writing and so in that facet it helps uh but yeah and i and i do think of my bits more like songs and the fact that interesting they're usually put a special together an album together do you think like that yeah it's like okay well this you know everything's got to kind of move and and flow into each other and it's like so i mean i do that also but mostly i mean i like an a to Z flow and I like a build and a start and an end and an arc and all that. But having, you know, putting it in a certain place for me naturally makes me just flow right into that thing next without having to be like, what am I going to talk? What am I talking about next? Yeah. I'm going from my dad shit to this, you know, and I try to put it together like that too. In some ways, it's also like I don't even think about the bit itself because most of the bits that I do, especially lately, it's about who they're about.

And so I just remember, oh, this is – that's so-and-so's bit and then it's for that. But I also feel like if I'm working from that angle, then it allows me to get back into the emotions that got me there in the first place so that the joke has a little more authenticity because I'm genuinely thinking the same thing I thought when I wrote it. Right. Yeah. This has been a great episode, man. Thank you for coming on and being so open and honest about all that stuff. Oh, thanks for having me. It was kind of – like I said, I hadn't said a lot of this shit out loud.

I appreciate you doing that. I know that wasn't easy. Yeah. So it's so thank you. Yeah. Thank you, man. So here's the question I ask all my first time guests. Now, after everything we've talked about, knowing everything we know about you now, what advice would you give to your 16 year old self?

Try to fuck those chicks i'm dead serious fuck bitches get money pretty much because like you look back at high school and you're like like four of those chicks totally would have fucked me if i would have shown any effort whatsoever but here's what i love about that you got hit by a golf ball a year later. It didn't, hey, stand on the right side of your mom. Dude, if I'm talking to the kid that's going golfing, I'm like, lean left. Try to get that, you know.

That golf ball is the best thing that ever happened to me. Not getting laid during high school. Could you imagine? I mean, I can't. Just a... All right. Just... I was lucky.

I got laid in high school. I lost my virginity at 15. God bless you. Yeah, I got lucky. God bless her. Right? I can't even imagine. Because you know that shit wasn't good.

I mean, acne, the whole... Everything. Everything. None of it was good. Like, God bless you, young lady. Thank you. For real, thank you. Thank whole, everything. Everything. None of it was good. Like, God bless you, young lady. Thank you. For real, thank you. Thank you, Sarah.

Dude, my first was named Sarah. Up top. Put it up top. Please, plug, promote anything you'd like. Go to chrisportercomedy.com and fill in the blanks. There it is. All right. As always, Ryan Sickler on all social media, ryansickler.com.

We'll talk to you all next week. There it is. All right. As always, Ryan Sickler on all social media, ryansickler.com. We'll talk to you all next week.