The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Craig Conant - ConantDew

Episode Date: August 5, 2024

My HoneyDew this week is Craig Conant! Check out his podcast, “Community Service with Craig Conant.” Craig joins me in the studio to Highlight the Lowlights of his struggle with substances at an early age, the time his house got raided, and a fart that had major consequences! We delve into some of Craig’s childhood experiences, like the time his sisters superglued his mouth shut—twice. He also shares a wild story from his time caring for his grandma. We talk about Craig’s 11 years of service at Trader Joe’s and how a small toot made a big ripple—one that would lead to a nationwide policy change from corporate! CATCH ME ON TOUR https://www.ryansickler.com/tour Austin, TX - Sep. 13th Dallas, TX - Sep. 14th La Jolla, CA - Sep. 20th & 21st Salt Lake City, UT - Sep. 27th Denver, CO - Sep. 28th Chicago, IL - Oct. 11th & 12th Detroit, MI - Nov. 8th Minneapolis, MN - Nov. 9th Madison, WI - Nov. 15th & 16th Portland, OR - Nov. 23rd Ft. Lauderdale, FL - Dec. 6th Tampa, FL - Dec. 7th Tempe, AZ - Dec. 20th and 21st SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE and watch full episodes of The Dew every toozdee! https://youtube.com/@rsickler SUBSCRIBE TO MY PATREON, The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I Highlight the Lowlights with Y’all! You now get audio and video of The HoneyDew a day early, ad-free at no additional cost! It’s only $5/month! Sign up for a year and get a month free! https://www.patreon.com/TheHoneyDew What’s your story?? Submit at [e-mail] Get Your HoneyDew Gear Today! https://shop.ryansickler.com/ Ringtones Are Available Now! https://www.apple.com/itunes/ http://ryansickler.com/ https://thehoneydewpodcast.com/ SUBSCRIBE TO THE CRABFEAST PODCAST https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-crabfeast-with-ryan-sickler-and-jay-larson/id1452403187 SPONSORS: Liquid I.V. -Get 20% off your order when you shop better hydration at https://www.LiquidIV.com and use code HONEYDEW BetterHelp -The HoneyDew is sponsored by BetterHelp, get 10% off your first month at https://www.Betterhelp.com/HONEYDEW

What's up, everybody? Ryan Sickler here. And I just wanted to let you know that tickets to my fall dates of the Live and Alive tour are on sale now. Go to RyanSickler.com. Get your tickets to all shows. I'm coming to Austin, Dallas, La Jolla, Salt Lake City, Denver, Chicago, Detroit, Minneapolis, Madison, Portland, Fort Lauderdale, Tampa, and Tempe. Tickets for all shows are available right now

on my website at RyanSickler.com. The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler. ["The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler"] ["The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler"] Welcome back to the honeydew, y'all. We're over here doing it in the night pan studios. I am Ryan Sickler, RyanSickler.com and Ryan Sickler on all your social media. And I'm going to start this episode like I start them all by saying thank you. Thank you for whatever you do to support anything I do.

If you've been here or if you're new here, thank you. I appreciate it. And look, if you got to have more, I say it every week and I've been saying it for years, you got to have the Patreon. It's called the Honeydew with y'all. And it is this show with y'all. And it's my favorite thing to do. It is no one's got stories like y'all. Nobody. The library is absurd. It's five bucks a month. It's been five bucks a month since

day one and it hasn't changed. You get the honeydew a day early. You're getting it ad free at no additional cost. All right. And I want to say thank you for your support of the way back. It's been really fun to start a new show.

You know, you never know how it's going to go or be received. And you guys, you're loving it and I'm loving it. So thank you. All right. If I am in town, when you're around, come see me on tour. All tickets are on my website at RyanSickler.com. All right, that's the biz. You know what we do here.

We highlight the low lights. And as I always say, these are the stories behind the storytellers. I'm very excited to have this guest on today. First time on the honeydew, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Craig Coney. Howdy, brother. I want to give you some love. Thank you for having me. Thank you for being here.

You're allowed to clap for yourself. You should clap for yourself. Yeah. You can clap louder. Not enough happens, you know, I mean, I went like this. I say all the time, Todd Glass one time, check out his episode, a very powerful episode. He had me on his podcast years ago and we start pod first and then like 15 minutes in, he's like, all right, now we're going to introduce you. And I was like, what? Yeah. I go, we weren't recording. It goes, I don't know. We were recording the whole time. I'm like, you start just raw. He's 15 minutes in

and then you're going to introduce me. He goes, yup. He's softening them up. And you have two options. You can sit right here and we'll just announce you. Cause he had like a three or four person band. Yeah. He goes, or you can just go over there and hide down the stairs a little bit. And then we'll play you in. And I was like, if I'm getting to be playing in, I'm playing. He had a three or four person man for his podcast. Yeah. And they play you in and you're like, yeah. You've been there for 20 minutes already.

You know, it's so funny. I was doing actually Philly and he was there the day after me. I was doing a one-niner before his weekend, he had his shit everywhere bro, he had his whole drum kit on the stage, changed the lights, put candles in, I'm like it's not even your night yet bro, I could barely move- Where he did that on your night? Yeah!

I could barely move on stage, I kept backing up into his drum set. And in my head I'm like, bro, you couldn't have done this tomorrow? You couldn't have done this tomorrow? But of course I'm a fan and I ran into him in the lobby. And yeah, I don't think- I'm sorry, I was here. Was it in your way? I could have moved and I could have, I don't know.

You could have waited. Yeah. Look, before we get into whatever we're gonna talk about, plug everything you like, please. CrateConant.com, I'm on the road like a son of a bitch. Come get at me. I got jokes. I got stories.

All tickets at Craigconant.com. I do about 50, 60 cities a year and I'm tired. That's a lot. Yeah. And Lucy Goosy, dog. Get my merch. You don't have kids? I have one son.

You do? How old? Yeah, four months. Oh, hell, brand new dad. Hell yeah, congrats. You have 50, 60 weeks about to slow down. You ain't never paper that guy. That's why I was like, you must not have kids. You're like, just got one. It's like a double or it's gonna slow down, depends. It's very serendipitous.

God bless me. Cause the moment he came out, the moment all my shows started selling out. Isn't that funny? Listen, I had a friend a while ago tell me that there's an old saying that I didn't know. He passed on to me and said, with kids comes money. Yeah. And I had never I know there's a lot of people out there right now like

bullshit. Yeah. If my dad was alive, he'd be like bullshit. Where do you drain my ass? Yeah. There are other people that say takes money. Yeah. But we have a different mindset. So I know you're originally from L.A. I watch your videos. I sit there and money. Yeah. But we have a different mindset. So I know you're originally from LA. I watch your videos. I sit there and laugh at you. I know a lot of comedians tell you that

and you don't even know probably that they're doing that. Thank you. No, I appreciate it. And yeah, I'm a fan too. And I'm very happy to have, to be on here. I said to have you on. Thank you. Thank you for having me.

I'm born and raised in Los Angeles. I was born in Harbor City. Where's Harbor City? Is that by Long Beach? Yeah. Okay. Harbor City, Lomita, San Pedro, Carson. And I was raised in Torrance and Lomita.

I'm half Mexican, half white. Heavy Asian. Heavy Asian. That's Torrance, bro. That's what I know about Torrance is heavy Asian down in Torrance. It is. Yeah. I had a friend that lived there when I pulled up and she was a white girl. That's what I know about Taurus, is heavy Asian down in Taurus. I had a friend that lived there when I pulled up and she was a white girl.

And when we dropped her off one night, we were all out hanging out and we were like, your house looks very Asian. She's like, yeah, this neighborhood is very Asian. This is where I grew up and I was like, I didn't know that. My high school was Asians and whites. Is that right?

Yeah. And you're, so you're the minority there? Kinda, yeah. That's the only time a Latino is a minority in Los Angeles. I know, right? Yeah. And you're so you're the minority there? Kind of, yeah. That's the only time a Latino is the minority in Los Angeles. I know, right? I'm like, why they all doing math? What the fuck? Dude, they went to school on Saturday for like funsies.

No. I swear to God. I was there for detention and they were there for extracurricular activities. I'm like, what are you guys doing? Go to the beach, smoke some weed. They're like, I mean, no, but they're hardworking culture people, it's good. So are you like big family or are you small family?

Are you split family or extended family? What are you, all of it? Split, all messed up, all love. When do your parents split? How old are you at that point? I was in fifth or sixth grade? Okay, ten or eleven and how many brothers and sisters? I have two older sisters older Okay, they're five or seven years older and they played pranks on me my entire life

They super glued my lips together twice. Nah two times two times two times then they were making the listers How do you get that undone oh Like seriously. Wait, hold on. We're not gonna just pass up. How do you get that undone? Oh, fucking, cause I gorilla glued one night. I was doing a project with my daughter when she was like three.

She still remembers this. And I was like, oh shit. Like they were so together that when I started the pool, it was tearing. You don't? And I'm like, oh fuck. You, my Nana put. Olive oil and salt is what we got

after about 30 minutes though. I mean your lips bro, your lips. This was the 90s, this was no internet bro. Did no one knew a cure for super glue on the lip, sensitive thin skin. One was at my grandma's house, Nana Whiteside, and she put my face under hot water and I was just screaming, crying, because I'm and she put my face under hot water and I was just screaming crying because I'm a five-year-old going hmm. And then my mom, I was panicking and couldn't breathe because the stuff that I know so she just cut me with a knife. Oh, she had bloody lips and I was thinking

that I'm in my mind I'm like would I razor blade gently? Oh no, it was like, I was like, hee hee hee hee. I was like, oh damn. I was just screaming. I was tortured, yeah. But that's why I do ayahuasca. He he he. He he he. He he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he Yeah. So I know just from your comedy and stuff, you definitely got in trouble quite a bit growing up. What is that when your parents split? Do you stay with mom? You go with dad? Are you back and forth?

I was with mom and dad on the weekends. Okay. And then, yeah, I was just a Kool-Aid kid, top ramen Kool-Aid latchkey kid, firecrackers, BB guns, just sugar, just trouble. Always into it. Just sugar, just trouble, always into it. Just into it. Just hiding in the clothes racks at Macy's, scaring old ladies. Just bah! We used to do it. Yeah, it's a good time.

Same thing. Yeah, and it was innocent forever until drugs had a later date. Yeah. Tell me, so when drugs get involved, you start getting, are you selling? What are you doing? Just using, what are you doing?

Well, it was in a sit, I started smoking weed at 12 in middle school. And then that was just like fun. And weed was fine. It wasn't till alcohol got introduced about 15, high school, you start drinking, partying. And then it went downhill from there, but it was still like just weed, mushrooms, and beer.

And then the 21 hit, the bar scene, and then girls like cocaine, and then I was like, I like girls, and then you get cocaine, but I was mainly a pill head. I liked Vicodin, Norcos, Oxycontin. And you could function on that stuff? Oh yeah. Really? I was a mad man.

See, I'm the opposite. Those stuff, they make me, they give me hives. They make me sick. I could take like 12 Norcs a day. I hear that stuff. And drink like a fish and smoke. And be fine. And be the life of the party.

Not wanna sleep. No. One of those makes me sleep. I know, it's crazy. You know how the hyper kids take speed to calm down I would take opioids and turn up Shit I took I had they gave they would give me the painkillers and One of them would fucking make me so tired and then when I'd wake up the next day

It'd be a good two three hours before I get going again. I'm like, how do people take more than one? I sit here and listen to people like, I'll take 20 a day. I'm like, how? And be functioning. I can get 20 a day just laying around and doing nothing, but life of the party, man. Dude, I don't know what it was, but you get itchy.

You itch your nose and your nuts. And it's like a bit, but it's not a bit. I would literally just scratch my nuts raw with a bristle brush and just be like, kakakaka, and then, yeah, it was my sister's brush. You were just putting it back. You were just putting it back, good. Good, after sealing your lips shut twice, I would too.

But you just itch, bro. That's the other thing. It made me itch like a crack all the time. Yeah. Blowing my hippie and I like pain too. So I'll put Dr. Bronner's peppermint hemp oil on soap with my nuts and just burn in the shower. And be like, ah.

But I liked it. I liked that dirty shit. This is fucked up, but my grandma Kiki on the Mexican side, she was on hospice, but she, uh, yeah. And we take, took, took care of her. Helped her. My mom, my mom. Okay.

But you're helping. You guys are helping. Pick her up. She's a larger Mexican woman and I got stories about that. I don't know if we want to go there, but my mom would wipe her booty and shit. And I'd pick her up WWE style and she didn't speak English. Yeah. And he'd be face to face.

She'd be like, they have me. No, you can't do it like that. Dude. My wife and her booty. And my mom had to give her an anti-nauseous suppository, bro. We're going there. We're going there. You're holding her face to face. And'm holding her and my mom closes her eyes

and she goes boop and then the, this is crazy bro. The hospice nurse came the next day and she's giving my grandmother a sponge bath. She kept going, uh-uh, uh-uh, who did this? Cause my mom put the anti-nausea suppository when she closed her eyes. She put it in the wrong spot.

It was supposed to go in the booty and went in in the other one no and so my grandma's things bubbling and the nurse is like who did this who did this then my mom was like los yento and it was yeah and I held her for that but I would take just hold her bro no face to face but the reason I brought no man you wanted stories I told her bro, you were right there with her. Face to face, face to face. But the reason I brought all of the, I know man, you wanted stories, I told you, I got stories. I tell that story on stage, it was 100% true. What the big punchline is, I feel bad. So I go, so my mom fingered her own mom.

And then the audience goes, ah, and I just laugh bro. It's not even for them, my grossed them out. But grandma was on hospice and she had all the drugs. Cause she, so I would just help take care of her. Like one for you, two for me. And she had liquid Vicodin, Vicodin, liquid morphine, Dilaudid. So I was just taking bong hits of Oxycontin and puking.

And how old are you at this point? Are you in like high school? No, like that was like 22. I got kicked out of my house. So I was a bad boy. I was partying. What was the final one? I fought my friend in the kitchen.

Of your own house? Yeah. And your mom kicked you out? No, my sister. We were paying, we rented a house. And then they're like, I live with them one or two years. And then it just went, dooo. and they're like, you gotta go. And they'd just come home and I would just have girls over

and we'd be fighting and partying and not fighting the girl, but like my buddies, we'd be, we were just knuckleheads. We'd drink and they all knew how to wrestle and do jujitsu and I didn't. And then we'd fight and stuff. But not like that, just like drunk and- You just gotta get the fuck out. Yeah, just not like real fights, just drunk and debauchery.

And what's your dad like? He's a alky, he drinks at the Moose, the VFW, the Legion. And he's a gambling man, he's a bookie. Oh, he's a bookie? Yeah, for like 40 years. He's a gambling man. He's a bookie. Oh, he's a bookie. Yeah for like 40 years He's still doing that. Yeah Friends the best. No, I don't Know your dad's been sweat me bro Now I'm doing shows with them. Craig, your dad's been sweatin' me, bro.

I owe him 60 bucks. Could you imagine every time you see someone at the college going, hey, Craig, man, your dad's buggin', bro. You fuckin' owe him $20. Well, pay the man. Pay him. Pay the piper. But that was my childhood. That's some crazy shit. We go hang out at like machine shops

and naked ladies on the wall. I'm five. The guys got slot machines, functioning slot machines that spit out coins. Oh, for real? In Carson, like yeah. And me and my sister just sit there and play. Just play active live slot machines at five, seven, eight. And they would actually pay if you hit.

Oh yeah, I hit the jackpot once and all the old drunks, cause I have good energy, cause I'm five. And they were like, eight. And they would actually pay if you hit. Oh yeah, I hit the jackpot once and all the old drunks, cause I have good energy, cause I'm five. And they were like, oh. I remember winning like 120 bucks as a eight year old. Just feeling the heat of the old drunks. Those guys were like, that was mine. That was my jackpot.

You know what I mean? They were like, I'm eight, celebrate me. I fucking win, Doc. That's funny, back in the day, my aunt lived in a part of Baltimore called Highland town. And, um, there was a bar right across the street called Tracy's. Remember had a dartboard on it. And one day we're just sitting out front, hanging out on the

student playing on the sidewalk and shit. And just vans, cop van coming in hard. And we're like, what's going on? She's like, Oh, they're getting raided. And I never heard of what raid. I didn't know anything. Yeah. Like, what is that?

She's like the only raid I knew at that point was River Raid. Yeah. You know what I mean? I didn't know what that meant. They're all running in. So that was what they were doing. They were taking those old, uh, the gambling machines and they would pay out on us. They didn't have, didn't spit out right there. But if you hit, they would pay out.

Yeah. And people were coming in, I guess they were making way too much. Yeah. And here comes a lot of that. I don't even gamble. And I love it. It's like, who cares? So you're rolling with your dad doing that kind of stuff. Yeah. Yeah. It was fun, but dark for sure.

A lot of low vibe. What's mom like? What's mom? She's a square Mexican lady. It's funny, never smoked. I've seen her drunk once in my life. You say dad was white? White, from Boston. Okay. Blonde hair, blue eyes from Boston.

German English descent. Oh wow, real white. My mom's first generation Mexican. Her parents, my grandparents were from Chihuahua, Mexico City. My grandma was illegal until like 82, cause she knew a judge. She like made him good food and he like gave her,

you know, and uh yeah it's just what I just it's just weird because I know I got whitewashed you know but my grandma literally was illegal immigrant didn't speak English and then America and here we are. Do you speak Spanish? Poquito bro not enough. Your mom probably does though right? Of course gotta be. Yeah just does your dad No hilarious if he did though. No, I know hilarious. They both speak it and I don't yeah He's white. Yeah, germanish But back in the day they try to hide it because the racism. Yeah, it was like no we're american now So it was just different people don't understand that it's way different now when you come here in the 30s and 40s

You were spit on and shit, yeah. So then when do you start getting in real trouble with like the law and stuff like that? When does that happen? The bar scene in narcotics, when narcotics crept in and it was just like a movie, like I say this like- The mob, bro. It's like a movie.

We brought the mob down, yeah. Me and my buddies would get tooth pulled and then you get Vicodin and we'd share, here's one for you, And then like a year later we drop one and then don't move. You know, that's mine. It was crazy. That shit is addictive. And we all change. It went from fun and sharing and this and that to like mine. And then we just drinking and drugging. And then with that, I just was always wild. I like I liked I didn't do comedy yet.

So I seeked validation in laughter, but through partying. I got go on the roof. I would fall. I was the jackass, the, you know, the the class clown. Yeah. And then. Yeah, I got raided. That's a story. Yeah. How did that how does that? Holy shit.

So this, I'll go into full detail because I have a stage version. It also, you know how a stage version feels weird to do on a podcast. But it's also, I know it's low. Yeah, but it's true. It's all true. So I was working at Trader Joe's

and I got a story about that too. I got fired for farting on my manager. We'll get there. We'll get there later. I got, oh my goodness. Okay. So, I was working at Trader Joe's and I was there a while and I was actually a good employee because I was sober at this point.

First of all, my managers that saw the whole transition of Craig of drug addict, pill, cokehead, alcoholic to sober, making produce look perfect. You know, the contrast of that. So now I'm training an employee and this fool's a knucklehead from East Lowe's on speed. But those are my, you know, I'm, I, anyways, we took a lunch break together and he said, I want to smoke a bowl.

And I'm like, yeah. And I pull out a weed pipe, OG Kush. This motherfucker pulls out tweaker pipe, Pookie pipe, speed. And he said, wanna hit? And like, I was like, my mind, body, soul, it was like, no. But of course I said, fuck yeah, dog.

And then I smoked meth for the first time on my lunch break at Trader Joe's. So hold up, that you, prior to, fuck yeah, dog. And then I smoked meth for the first time on my lunch break at Trader Joe's. So hold up that you prior to using never, never. This is your first hit. First hit. Wow. Just one. Did you smoke coke or only snort coke? Only was we put cocoa puffs. Yes, but not that often.

But that's also not anywhere near the same thing as smoking fucking meth. No. So then your first hit of meth is in a park, a lot of Trader Joe's with a trainee. With a trainee. With a trainee. A new hire. You got a new hire out there. He gave it to me.

I brought out weed, like a civilized man. Civilized human. I thought we were gonna match bowls, you know match bowls? We fucking, he did it the wrong way. And it had been around through friends and family, it's not my first rodeo, but I never had done it. I think I sniffed it once. I never was into speed, but it is stronger

and better than Coke, I'm sorry, don't do drugs kids, as I promote it. No, it's the devil, don't do drugs kids. As I promote it. No, it's the devil, it's the fucking devil. So I hit it and then the bits come, like I was the best employee that day, I was just on one. But then I bring that up because two or three days later I get raided.

I get raided by the police and it's very early in the morning and all I hear is noise, which was a battering ram breaking down a gate. Now where are you set to see? I'm in Culver City. I live in a house, an apartment. In a back house.

A back house. So the landlord, the owner of the property, there's a house and then he split it and he made the back. With like your own separate entrance and all. Yeah, separate entrance, separate mailboxes, families. Is it just you in there only? It's me and two hippies. Okay.

And her daughter sometimes stayed in the VW bus. We called it the Culver Compound. It was two hippies, they're dope. They have a IG, I'll plug them, Swagstone. They dig up rocks and flint them. He's too mash Indian and he makes turquoise, obsidian. He's dope, he's dope people. They make shit, they do very well

and they just, you know, off the grid, make their own way. But in the actual unit, they're in there as well or is it just you? So we're the back unit. The front house is King Mike, a drug lord, gun runner, I don't know. He had two strikes. He had two lord, gun runner, I don't know, he had two strikes. He had two strikes. Gun runner, I don't know. A bad man, two strikes.

Well, the two things you just said are definitely big strikes. Drug lord and gun runner are definitely two strikes. So they were trying to strike him out and send him to prison for life. I lived in the back house. We didn't know. You're Kato, bro. You're just Kato back there.

Kato can't live in the- Yeah, man. I don't know, man. So I think I'm wearing glasses at the time. I got Lasik done, I make money now. He is a silly joke. And so I'm, and I think it's my roommate, Leo Swackstone, my rock buddy playing a prank on me.

So I'm reaching for my glasses and I hear hands in the air motherfucker. And then I'm like, who is this? And then I put them on and it comes into focus. It was like a movies, I had a bunch of windows and then just bulletproof vest, helmet, machine guns, shotguns. How many do you know?

Oh, 30, 40. Helicopters, these helicopters bro. This is a helicopter. Oh my God. Helicopters, these helicopters bro. This is a helicopter. SWAT team. It was LA Impact Task Force. It was like gang unit. For him, not me. Right. So all I'm thinking,

cause I don't know, it's weird to have two different stories. Anyways, I think it's my roommate Leo, and it's not, and they go open your door, and I go to open my door, and it's a Culver go open your door and I go to open my door and it's a Culver City cop pointing a shotgun at my chest like a foot away and I know him and I go Chris and he goes like this where guy goes Craig I'm not gonna name him anymore but he I've known little league bro since 10 always name him. But I've known him since Little League, bro. Since 10, 11, Little League.

And yeah, we went down different paths and I'm smoking meth on my lunch break and he's a detective and he, yeah, I just go help me and he handcuffs me, but he did put them on loose because they, you know, they crank them on. And I'm paranoid, but all I'm thinking of is, I'm like, man, because like, how are they here? How are they raiding my home?

I don't do real crime. I have like a quarter pound of weed and an ounce of mushrooms and firecrackers. Like in LA, I'm a saint, I'm a scholar. LA does murders and criminals. So I'm like, how are they here? I'm a baby criminal. And all I can think of is smoking meth

with my buddy in the truck. Why? Because I'm like, I'm like meth. Cause I wasn't really into that. And all I kept thinking of was like, wow, they're quick. They're good. Like I got somehow caught up with that guy's shit. And all I kept thinking of was like, wow, they're quick. They're good. Like I got somehow caught up with that guy's shit. And then they raided my home.

That's what I'm thinking. Okay, okay. I didn't know about King Mike. I didn't know about two strikes and they're trying to send them away for life. And they didn't get him that day. He's good at his job, bro. By the way, they're tearing up.

They're opening his wall up, searching for dope. And they raided his mom's house too. His mom lived across the way. They raided him, me, him and his mom. He got away with it. They got him at a later date. I heard they got him like a year or two later and he's in prison. A year or two? It's exam. Crime pays. And anyways, hang on, stay on it. So, I'm on probation for fireworks, for the firecracker incident. At Hermosa Beach, I threw firecrackers at police officers on horses, on accident.

Everyone thinks I was fucked up, I didn't even see them. And then, so I'm in my head like, dude, I'm on probation for fireworks, I have fireworks. And I was going to school at the second city in UCB and all I kept thinking, I swear on my life, is like, I can't go to jail. I just paid like $700 for comedy school. I gotta go to school. I gotta go to school. And then they handcuffed me and I'm in the alley and I swear on my life, I swear, I farted on the police as they're questioning me. He asked my roommate. And then I went to UCB.

And you know, UCB is usually like theater nerds from out of state. I'm the only kid from LA and I'm in an intensive. It was Monday through Friday. So like two days before and I'm an open book. I'm a fucking rock, whatever. I was like, I smoke meth on my lunch break. They're like, what? You know, I'm scaring them. And then two days later, I'm like, I got raided.

My buddy almost shot me. You see by. Yeah. And they were all scared of me. I remember the teachers were like, what, like, what are you? And then, and then after class, they go, hey, we're going to the moth, the storytelling show. They're like, you wanna come with us? And I had barely done standup. I maybe done standup two, three times. And I was like, yeah.

And then I told that story of the raid and then I posted it and it went viral. At the moth? Yeah, it's cause they film it. You just got up and did it? Just got up and did it. Wow. And that's the, I have two versions of it.

Later, standup, refined recently, Craig. And then early on, baby face, no voice, but it like hit. And then I posted it. And that's actually, Bill Burr saw that. And then he followed me and it was, it's just crazy. It's just crazy that all that, it's like God was like, here, here, here, get out of there. But I listen, I listen, listen takes a while takes a while

So wait in in the moment at the time when do they figure out? All right, you're just this innocent person and I'll order you go to jail and all that shit first of they figure it out Yeah, there's sweat me in the alley. I'm handcuffed. Are you your buddy still there? He had to get away from it the guy you knew Little e kid. Oh, he's he's consoling me. He's cool. Okay. He was cool. Are you like dude? I'm telling you I was panicking. I was like bro. I'm on probation. I got firecrackers It's so kindergarten for what they deal with. You're not lying. I know.

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for no additional charge. Never skip therapy day with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash honeydew today to get 10% off your first month. That's better help. H E L P dot com slash honeydew better help.com slash honeydew. Now let's get back to the do. And he just consoling me, but he was giggling. He's like, bro, he kept saying, stop telling me.

Shut up. You're a good man. I was 10, dude. Little league, all star teams. Hilarious. Good man. Good dude. Family guy. Good guy.

Christian. So they figured out there or do you, you don't have to go anywhere? They figured out like, oh, this is, this is separate. They got the rock guy, the firecracker guy, a broke down VW boss. It's not the right house. And then, but he said I did fart on them and he I ran into the police, Chris, at a later date, just street patrolling. So I live right by the police station.

By the way, I had to call with the cops on my buddy who was methed out and got naked and peed on everybody at my birthday party and went for a knife. We hog tied him up. I called the cops. They took like 25, 30 minutes. They're next door. That's another story.

You had a friend that got fucked up and started peeing on people? Just my buddy. Just a couple of people. And then got a knife? Well, he went for it and then we had to tie him up. We had to tie him up. What was he gonna do with it?

He was cracked out, bro. And you all tied him naked? That was my last birthday party. Where? In the living room? Where is he? In the courtyard in front of everybody. All the girls were scared. This is this fucking guy.

Like, ah! We didn't know what to do. You got him all tied and naked outside, dude. Toby, yeah, he was crazy. But yeah, that was my last birthday party till this year. I didn't go birthday party for 15 years. We were drinking pro-Methoxenia, it was wild times. I don't know what that is, what is it?

Cough syrup. Oh, okay. Yeah. Sippin' on some scissor. Sippin'. Okay, that's hot now. We put it in the punch and didn't tell Toby. Now he's naked pissing on people. Poor guy.

Anyways, we told them. Wait, where were we going with this? Well, you've told two stories that you're like, we'll come back to that. You talked about firecrackers and cops, and you talked about farting on a man for a trade or Joe. But did we wrap up the raid?

I think so. I don't know, you tell me. Oh no. So at a later date, I ran into Chris, police detective, just on the street and he told me the priest think talked about me for like two months. Cause you farted on him.

Yeah, and they would make fun of me. I remember that retarded hippie that farted on us. And I was like, that was me, Dong. No offense people, special. And yeah, that was wild. We're still friends. I got his number and shit. And-

Does he know you tell the story? Yeah, yeah. One day I want him to tell his side of the story on my part. Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. But he was like working his way up in the ranks. It'd be great to hear like how much time and effort they were investing in the making that. They knew weeks before they were coming to get your right. You know what I mean? I just love the comment junkie in me where I was like, I gotta go to comedy school.

You're not messing with this. I gotta go to UCB. Give me back my firecrackers. They're coming for weapons and shit. Black cat black cat fire crackers and wind snap-its. Yeah. What a day. Oh, that is such a waste of time and money for a sit. I still went to improv school when I was a little jittery. I would be too, yeah. I would be too.

And then I told the story, like that day. And it was wild. And it kind of helped launch me into this world of standup. And it's when I switched from improv sketch to standup. Is that right? Yeah. Oh wow. That's really weird. How about that?

Isn't that crazy? Yeah. And it got the goat to know who I was. That's also funny too, cause he, I had done, I host a lot, I not anymore, but I used to MC the main room at the comic store, like a lot. So I work with all my heroes,

but you know, when you host, they come later, they don't see your set. So I've maybe done six to eight shows with them and he knew my face, but then he saw me on the internet, which is just so funny, you know? Yeah. That's how. And then he's a fan.

That's wild. And he did my pod and he's the nicest kindest dude I ever met. The best. He's the real deal. I fucking love that dude. Wilbur's the best. He's the goddamn goat. And I mean, also to take time, that's what I ever met. He's the real deal. Yeah. I fucking love that dude. Bill Burr's the best. He's the goddamn goat.

And I mean, also to take time. That's what I'm saying. That's what I mean. Dude's flying on Boba Fett shit, bro. He did my body. Yeah. Yeah, no, it's still surreal. It's surreal.

I posted a clip yesterday about my cousin. That's another story. Anyway. Tell me about Trader Joe's. Trader Joe's. A lot going on at Trader Joe's. You got Joe's. Lock on on a Trader Joe's. You got meth in the parking lot. One time, one time Ryan.

You smoke meth on your lunch break. One time. I got hired there and I was on four or five drugs. Okay, this is what you're saying. They saw you go from addict to clean and sober at this place. Okay. Seven.

And how many months? Oh no, I was on drugs there for eight years. Oh, you worked there that long? I was there 11 years. Oh my God, okay. Yeah, yeah, I was a company man. Oh, you were? 11 years is a long time.

I missed work twice because I was in jail and they didn't fire me for that. That's a company. Shout out the trader. I came in with a scab on my forehead, bro. With the fucking blood. And I'm ringing people up. How are you?

Did you find everything all right? She's like drugged out. Just chubby from cocaine. How you, you know, anyways, dark days. So I got hired there. My dear friend Nikita got me hired. They regretted it quickly, quickly. But how'd you stay for 11 years then?

They didn't fire people. It really took a lot. I was calling late, I am late, my car broke down. I would be doing coke, whacking it, you know. Anyways, just joking. And wait, wait, where we going with this? 11 year company, man, you're working there. I should have been fired every single day,

every single day. I would be eating snacks while stalking them and mustache, I have my beard growing out a little more. I'll never forget this, this is what manager caught me, I had a crumb on my lip and I have open food right there. He's like, you eating the food? I'm like, uh-uh, no sir. And he's like, you are, you are.

He's like, I should fire him. I'm like, come on, man, come on. And he didn't fire me. That happened all the time. I'd steal burritos and champagne and drink them. Drink warm vuv on my lunch break. Oh, really? I'd just fire myself, just sad, bro.

Hot meth and vuv. Smoking weed, hot boxing joints. Hot boxing joints. Where? Inside Trader Joe's? My car, my car. Okay, I was gonna say, man. But on a tan, on a 10 minute break, go back. Come back in with the clouds still around.

My manager was like, go outside, go outside. I mean, why just the doofus, bro? Fucking doofus. Anyways, so I had antics and it was. But that was just drug, Craig. Go party all night, binger, eat mushrooms, go to work. I'd be bugged out. On register, ringing people up, putting in skews,

say, hang on, I go to the bathroom, throw up, and then come back and ring people up. It was crazy. I was a functioning drug addict. And I backed, oh, I shouldn't tell that one. I hit an old guy in a motor cycle, like the end of the mopeds. Yeah.

In the motorized car. Yeah. He had like a helmet in the store. No, I was high on my truck and I put in a back though. I knocked them over. No, I swear to God. He had a leg brace. Yeah. I knocked him over.

It was the worst thing he did. He was fractured and injured. I said, he's fractured. He was fractured. Oh bro, he had a helmet. I Said He's like how'd you knock it soon I was high man No, I just bumped them just a little bump and I you know Oh, and then I picked him up and I was like, what do you want? my I was like, what do you want? He picked him up like he didn't. He's like, grandma, I face the face. He's like, who's got their finger up my ass? Just trying to set you down. That's my mom.

Just trying to set you down, man. I picked him up, I was like, what do you want? You want police, ambulance, hospital, money? I was like, I felt so bad. He's like, just pick me up, you asshole. And then he scooted away. And I was like, all right, dude, I'm so sorry. Anyways, yeah, don't do that guys.

These are accidents. And then, oh yeah, so then I got- I'm wondering, cause I'm surprised that you said it took a lot. You're there for 11 years, you could have been fired at any moment, you say daily. So what is it that finally they were like, look man, we gotta let you if I can go.

Yeah. Was there an HR? Yeah. Would you get called in a lot? Like they had to talk? They had store, after I got fired, they had a company store ride meeting and had to change policy.

Because I was filming my antics. So this is later, Sober Craig, but this is for standup. So there was two eras of Craig at Trader Joe's. There was drinking, drugging Craig, and then Sober Craig where I was an excellent employee. But then I started doing standup and filming everything, antics for comedy. Got it.

So then I would shake old people's sodas up and sell it to them. But like people, see this sounds bad on paper. On paper? Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha see this sounds bad on paper. Sounds fine. Right here. What do you mean you're shaking? No, because they were out giving free stuff for it because I

was like, hey you want and then, you know, I think they're poor or maybe yeah, they were but I give them free bread or chicken. I'd be like, hey, let me just put you on camera and I'd flip you off and say, you know, it's just silly, silly shit. But I'd give them free bags and stuff. And then I would, yeah, I would film everything and then I would fart on people. I farted on my manager.

I posted it on Instagram and it went viral. And so then- How viral, how viral is that dude? Back then extremely viral for me because I only had like maybe 10K followers. Forget you bro. How about the guy that got farted on? The poor guy, I blurred him out.

I'm not a monster. Okay, all right, all right. I pixelated his face. Okay, you did. And I bleeped his name. Okay. And then I farted on him and went viral and maybe like 250K.

But at a time where I had maybe 5,000 followers, that's viral. Yeah, that's massive. That's massive. And then, yeah, someone up north, a customer ratted me out to a manager and then manager told- In a different store? Yeah, up north. They told me- You see what they're doing down in LA?

And then the manager ratted me out to corporate and then corporate told my manager that I farted on the fire me Well, people don't know the behind the scenes is we were friends like he went to my show Saturday and he fired me Tuesday No, I swear on my life, bro. And like we were crying. I was our 11 years. I was beloved I mean the analogy like of my some men when Lenny snuffs out his brother, you know, he's like look at the rabbit But he read me the corporate script and he he's reading the script the corporate script and he's like it's been brought to my attention you can post it on social media we're

crying you know my head like the bit I, fool, you're in the video, I tagged you. You shared it, you got followers, bro. Brought to my attention. And we were weeping. I was there 11 years, dude, 11 years. They got me birthday cakes. I was there so long that they would make me clean the homeless poop off the toilet.

There was two of us, cause no one else do it and we were maxed out and they're like, give it to the maxed out guys. I clean up caca, it's in my act. I literally went from hosting comedy store main room with Dave Chappelle, Joe Rogan, Sarah Silverman. The next day they're like, we need to clean the toilets. It's a bit, but it's not a bit. I'm literally went from the gold Chappelle to dookie

in six hours. From Chappelle to shit in six hours. So it was a good time to get fired. And, but yeah, he still is a friend. He texts me like, I'll show you. He's like, I'm so proud of you. Firing you is the best thing that's happened to you. And it was, because I was scared to quit.

When you're maxed out and have health benefits. Yeah, when you got a steady money, yeah. And then first year after getting fired from Trader Joe's, I only made 13 Gs the year, the year in Hollywood. Yeah, that's nothing. In Hollywood. That's nothing anywhere. There's nothing, no, that's nothing in Arkansas.

Yeah. And I made it, I made it. That's just over a brand month. And here we are, baby, got gold on my neck. Yeah. Oh, I got copper water bottles. Tell me about. There's more Trader Joe's stories, bro.

Tell me more Trader Joe's. The one where I missed work because I was in jail was pretty funny. Yes, here. Me and my buddy were partying in Hermosa and we were on liquor and narcotta. And we met these girls and we went back to their house, like a house party.

And my buddy was kind of a tweaker and he almost fought some dudes, so he had to go. And he came to me and he's like, I need the keys of your truck. And I'm chilling with hot women. So I was like, here, go away. And then like maybe two minutes go by. I'm like, wait, that's my tweaker buddy.

He's shitfaced. And I just give him the keys of my truck. I better go outside. So we go outside and and he he so I had a white Ford Ranger. And the neighbor to that house had a white Ford Ranger. So he got in the neighbor's truck and tried to take it. And the neighbor caught him. And the neighbor was like,

hey, you're trying to steal my truck. He goes, fuck you, this is my buddy's truck. He's like, I'm calling the cops. He's like, call the cops. This is my friend's truck. We were so hammered. My truck was in a different city. We were in a different city but we're, you know, we're on drugs. And then the cops come. So, in that brief

minute where I was chilled, I didn't know any of this shit went down. So, I run out and then I just see cops come but I have narcotics on me and I'm so hammered, I go to run back in the house I just came out of but I don't remember which one it was because I'm like it wasn't my house and I'm but I'm street smart enough to where I'm like I can't just pick a house then I'm gonna get breaking and entering so I book it down the street and they corner me they draw guns on me I'm in my Trader Joe's uniform we saw him a name tag bro we got off work we went straight to the bar we have fucking Trader Joe's Hawaiian Hulu name tag.

They get gunshots, they start laughing. Like, why are you running? I mean, I don't know. I know because I was hiding, I was hiding pills. I was hiding pills. They were laughing too. Yeah, they were laughing, bro. And then I resisted a little and they beat me up a little

and that's how I got the bloody forehead. And they take me to jail. I just got the drunk tank. My homie caught the charge of trying to steal They really stuck them with that. Oh, yeah, because your trucks not right next to it. It's in another city. Yeah, right Um, and so we both go to jail and now I'm in jail with the bloody forehead And I I was running when I was running I put a little bag of pills in my boxer briefs and they searched me they don't find them so I smuggled them into jail and then I pulled them out.

I'm on the cot and then I'm just looking at them and then I see a camera and I go, ah, and I go, hoonk. And I eat all of them and I flush the baggie down the toilet and then they let me out, cause it was just a drunk tank. But I ended up leaving jail more fucked up than when I went in cause I'm just pilled out. I bought a 32 ounce of Gatorade at like a Ralph's on PCH

and I chug it, so I'm hung over. And then I just started puking on PCH and I'm like, I'm gonna go right back in. I'm like 800 feet away from the police station. You understand me? And we're puking outside the police station. I can lean out the window and just see. There he is, he's still at it.

And then, yeah, it was right before my birthday party, buddy head, anyways, I go back to work. They go to ride us up, because we did no call no shows, we were in jail, both of us. We were doing a turnaround. So you work late and then you come back 5 a.m. So we were just partying and go back.

That was the plan. And just stay up all night. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Party through their sleep. Yeah, yeah. And was the plan. And just stay up all night. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Party through their sleep. Yeah. Yeah. And just be high. And then- Now I'm gonna look at all the Trader Joe's employees.

They're gonna be looking at all of like, wonder which one of these motherfuckers. It's changed a little bit. Yeah. They cleaned it up. But, so we go back to get- Oh wait, we didn't talk about that, but go ahead, go ahead.

Yeah, so then they go to write us a no call no show separate. And then I have all these elaborate excuses like I got hit by a car. I'm in the hospital. I got this. And then I just break. I always tell the truth. Usually I got arrested and I'm sorry. And then they just ripped me up and my homie lied. And then they fired him. And that's how. Yeah. What he said.

I don't know. Not the truth. And then they just like, because it's public, they just Google your name in the public records and just stand on business. Yeah. The truth is, so you said you said before real quick, and I just thought of it that after you got fired, they had to change policy. Oh, yeah. What the hell they do. No filming in the store. No more social media, because I would tag them in it.

I'd hashtag them. I was poking the bear, but I wanted it. I would joke, they're gonna fire me. And then they did. And I was climbing on the roof, riding a scooter in there. What? Yeah, just.

You got up on top of the flat roof and just rode a scooter? No, I'm sorry, separate stories. Oh, separate things. I would climb on the roof of the fridge and jump off parkour. I would ride scooters in there. Operating hours.

And yeah, just fun. Just fun. Just having to, I was, it was just antics for standup. Cause I was going viral so I was leaning in. I remember, forget this, Tia and Tia, sister, sister, Tia and Tamara. They were sharing my shit.

You know how they send it to you on accident? Like, look at this guy, he's funny. And I was like, Tia, I Sister, Tia and Tamara. They were sharing my shit. You know how they send it to you on accident? Like, look at this guy, he's funny. And I was like, Tia, I grew up watching you. Now I'm at Trader Joe's. Do you know my daughter watches? I'm like, Stella. Sister Sister? That's a great show.

Robert Talon, the fuck did, yep. That's what I tell her all the time. I'm like, how'd you find this? Yeah. It was on Netflix or something. I'm like. It's a good show. And I hear it all the time.

Sister, sister. Sister, sister. I hear it all the time. Sister, sister. Sister, sister. I hear it all the time around my house. Yeah. I'm like, pay those girls, though. I'm a big Robert Townsend fan, yeah. And company nationwide policy, no filming, official stance. Nationwide.

Nationwide. All because of you, dude. Put signs up. You're welcome. There's signs. I love it. I love this shit. You made a difference before you left, bro.

How about that, man? Crank code it, implement and change at Trader Joe's. I was crazy. That is hilarious. I just eat food right off the trash can in front of my manager. Oh my God. I'd be like, hey, watch this, just grab a pair.

I can't, I know for a fact that I've never worked anywhere where after I left, they had to change their fucking corporate policy Nationwide yeah, that's impressive dude all because of a fart, and then you guys are crying about it's so good. It's so good The the driving on mushroom yeah, that's up there. Oh, yeah, we're on point look at this the well Sure, I'm taking notes, bro. I gotta do mine better Driving on mushrooms is my most viral video. I'm forever grateful to my fan base because it literally, other accounts,

it's like 30, 40, 50 million views by now, but separate. You know how Bert Kreischer has the machine? Yeah. I'm the little junior version of Lucy Goosie where I like almost have to do this at my shows or they'll be mad because and it's all it's my merch and I'm grateful I love it I love it and it's a story of me and my buddies were camping in Malibu at Leo Carrillo and and then yeah we would just eat mushrooms and we're in nature where the beach fires going we got coronas, mushrooms, firecrackers, all of it.

My buddy makes bongs, Hoob's Glass, shout out to Hoob's Glass. He makes bongs, like this, like, he sells them for 200 grand to techie nerds. No, like, like world renowned glassblower, bro. Like crazy, like crazy. He made a pendant for me, I should have brought it. Anyways, so it's me and a couple bong makers

and we are bugged out. And then I see the park ranger, the police come up and he kicks us out because you're not supposed to have open containers and firecrackers and stuff. And then I saw him coming. It feels weird to do a story I do on stage on a podcast. I know you've heard that before, but I, I'm in my head. I put my beer down because I see the park ranger coming. So I am the only one not holding a beer. So he goes, young man, you're sober.

You drive out of here. And I'm like, bro, I just ate it. Ate the mushrooms. You tell him that? No, like the joke is like, there's worms coming out of your face. Yeah, yeah. But I don't say that.

I say, okay, dokey, yes sir. And then I get in the backseat, buckle up. I'm like, like, no, I get that the bit is like, maybe he forgot. And then he's like, hey, so you're driving. I'm like, oh. You know, my deranged hallucinogenic brain like this will solve it surely. And then I go up to the driver's seat.

It's a manual. I've never drove a manual in my life. What is it? Do you remember the car? Yeah, a white Honda Accord, maybe like, maybe like 98 02 max that era. And my buddy, that's the whole bit. My claim to fame right here, Lucy Goosey. My buddy's coaching me.

It's cops watching, bro. I'm bugged out. I'm bugged out. And he's coaching me. He's like, dog, it's like a pendulum. What goes up must come down. And then he goes, Lucy Goosey, bro. I go, Lucy Goosey.

And then of course I st Goosey, bro. I go, Lucy Goosey. And then, of course, I stalled it like four times. It's such a violent buck. It's an aggressive buck. It is. Oh my God. They got the park cop comes back up, rent a cop, I called him. And he gets on a speaker and he's in cahoots with the other guys, highway patrol. And he goes, highway patrol, keep a lookout for a white Honda Accord. They're coming out on a PCH.

And the whole joke is I'm like, hey man, I'm in that car. Like, you can't. Yeah, I'm dead. Dead man driving now, bro. I'm a mucking mushroom. You did this. We were in heaven. We were being safe. We were being sane. We were camping in nature tripping and you kicked us out. That's right. He did it. We were chilling. That was the biggest crime we were doing.

Giggling at the fire and the beach. Like dumb, dumbs do. And then I finally get the car going but I'm going like 35, 40 in first gear because I can't shift. Yeah, it's a... Yeah. Yeah, my buddy's like my car and I'm like,

Lucy, Goosy, bro. And then I pull out on a PCH. I pull over immediately a little dirt road and I take the keys out of the ignition because my daddy taught me that. Even if you're not driving, your vehicle is turned off. If you leave the keys in the ignition, you will still get a DUI. He did.

Daddy's got four. You. My uncle's got six. And then, you call. Six DUI. Don't do that. You're going to die. You still get them.

Oh, geez, bro. They don't give a fuck. I remember him driving drunk on a suspended license for a DUI, driving me around as a kid, right by the police station. Geez. Just not giving a fuck, bro. Fucking, you know, I respect that part. I like that shit. Anyways, cops roll up and then they start questioning us

and like, what are you doing here? And then I said, changing the tire and we were not. Four full tires, no spare, no jack, no anything. And then my buddy said my car broke down. And then my other buddy said, I needed to shit. I shit my pants. And we all said something different. The cop starts laughing in our faces.

He's like, oh, this is gonna be good. And then finally I came forward with honesty. Some of the honesty, I didn't tell him about the mushy's and the firecrackers, the probation and whatnot, but I said, I said we were drinking in the campsite. We got kicked out for open containers and now we do not want to drive home. And then he says to us, he says, you all right. Well, you boys can't be here and you can't drive home and we're on mushrooms and we're like,

What the fuck do you mean? And then he left and then we were little knuckleheads we end up smoking more hash and driving home and in the story I tell everybody my buddy crashed into a parked highway patrol car because I used to just say and then we got we made it home and there was no finish. So now you got the truth everybody. He did? Yeah we made it home safe and sound. Oh okay okay. The punchline because this left it open. Yeah. To where I said he crashed into the back of a parked highway patrol car to also spread the message don't do what we did but we made it. Dude uh thank you for doing this. This is great. I love you bro. Thank you for doing this.

This was great. I love you, bro. Thank you for having me. By the way, I'm sober from narcotics and alcohol and I'm not promoting any drug use or alcohol use. Go to a meeting, get sober, change your fucking life. I did it. I know I still take micro doses of mushrooms

and a little weed, but I haven't had one drop of alcohol or one narcotic in 11 years. Wow, 11 years. 11 years in August, approaching 11 years, 10 and a half years, sorry, I rounded it up. Good for you. But yeah, yeah, I'm not trying to preach this because this is a dark, it goes dark and it goes bad

and you hurt people and hurt yourself and can die. So that's my message, like if I could do it, you could do it. Now I- So let me ask you this then, after saying that, what advice would you give to 16 year old Craig then? Oh, God, just don't do narcotics. Don't do narcotic. Alcohol I think is the worst drug on this fucking planet,

bro. I mean agreed, yeah. Now I preach if God didn't make it, don't take it. Amen. I preach, because I'm a knucklehead. I got my micro dose and this and that. I realize there's pressure and the world can be a little rough and we need to take something sometimes. So now what I preach is take the better yourself drugs,

which in my opinion is mushrooms and weed. That's it. Natural baby of the earth. Cause yeah, that darkness of alcohol and pills and powders just, like I was, you know, it just, you're like going like this and that shit just goes, and then you're here. And it is bad.

I didn't open my mail for two years, expired tags, didn't change my sheets, wine bottles everywhere. I used to have to drink a bottle of wine to pass out. Now I'm fine, bro. A whole bottle? Oh yeah. Just to sleep? Sometimes two, yeah. Yeah, now I'm fucking fine now.

Good for you, Craig. It's a little magnesium on my feet. My, we have changed. Ha ha ha! Please promote whatever you'd like again. Yeah, CraigConant.com, I'm on the road. I got stories, come catch these jokes. My podcast is community service podcast. It's actually very similar.

Just stories about bettering yourself and getting out of the dark to the light. And yeah, CraigConant.com. I love you all. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah. You got it, brother. As always, Ryan Sickler on all your social media. Come see me on tour. Tickets are on my website at RyanSickler.com. We'll talk to y'all next week. You