The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Dan Mancina & Anthony Ferraro - Two Blind Dews

Episode Date: April 4, 2022

My HoneyDew this week is Dan Mancina and Anthony Ferraro! (Four Bad Eyes Podcast) Dan and Anthony Highlight the Lowlights of living life with no vision! SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE and watch full episodes of The Dew every toozdee! https://www.youtube.com/rsickler  SUBSCRIBE TO MY PATREON, The HoneyDew with Y’all, where I Highlight the Lowlights with Y’all! You now get audio and video of The HoneyDew a day early, ad-free at no additional cost! It’s only $5/month! Sign up for a year and get a month free! https://www.patreon.com/TheHoneyDew  SPONSORS: Babbel -Go to https://www.Babbel.com and use promo code HONEYDEW to get an additional 3 months FREE when you purchase a 3-month Babbel subscription Dad Grass -Go to https://www.DadGrass.com/HONEYDEW to get 20% off your first order

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You know what we do over here? What do we do? We highlight the lowlights, y'all. These are the stories behind the storytellers. And today I'm very excited to have two storytellers here. One is a repeat guest and one is new to the do, y'all. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Dan Mancina and Anthony Ferraro. Welcome to the do y'all ladies and gentlemen please welcome dan mancina and anthony ferraro welcome to the honeydew gentlemen all right

we're i don't know if we're making podcast history at least in comedy i don't know if there's ever been two blind guys on a podcast two blind guys in the same room guys in the same motherfucking room that's right pleasure. Pleasure to be here again, man. Thank you. Pleasure for you to come back. Anthony, pleasure to have you here. I'm honored to be here. Before we get into what we're going to get into, feel free to plug anything you guys would like, please.

Yeah, I would say we have like a collab page of me and him. It's four bad eyes across the board. F-O-U-R. And it's like, it's just us messing around doing funny videos. Super fun to watch. And then podcast to YouTube,

everything for bad eyes. Yes. All right. Anything separately for you, Anthony, or? No, just that. And then I'm ASF Vision across the board.

Dan the Man Seen across the board. Well, it's really good to have you guys here. I was excited when you had this idea to do this. So I was asking you guys outside. I know, Dan, you've been on here and we talked about you. You went blind. You lost your sight.

Anthony, you said you were born. So can I ask you a question? Yeah. You're born blind, and does it get worse as you get older or if you're born blind, is it a set level and it just maintains through life? Does it ever get better? Does it ever get worse? It depends on the condition, I guess. So like some diseases, some eye conditions, they get worse over time, like in in my case and then some just stay at the level they were born at but mine is uh leber's congenital amaurosis and it's lca it's called for short and

it i was born with like a little bit of sight you know where i could see like people like the outlines of people and no detail or anything i could see like i could read really really big print like huge and then uh as i got older it just slowly kept deteriorating and now now it's just like light perception and like uh sometimes like shadows and perfect daylight explain light perception so like i could see um i have a really small sphere so like it's like tighter than like looking through two straws and then like one eye i can't really see there's nothing at all it's just like it's basically a blur where i can just see if it's light or dark and the other eye i can make out like colors and stuff and then uh like i could see that the sky is blue i could see that the grass is green but i can't make out

anything of it what colors do you see most prominent what's definitely the blue skies um i'd say just lighter colors in general because like once it gets to a darker tone like red and like red and brown would look the same blue Blue, black, none of those I could tell apart, unless they're neon. What about you, Dan? What do you see prominently? Nothing. I'm total blind now.

Really? Yeah. Were you last time you were here? Uh-huh. You were all the way at that point? Yeah. I didn't think you were. I thought you said something about day and night.

You could see some kind of light perception. No. Back, I think, right around four years ago is when I went total blind, said something about like day and night you could see you could see yeah no back like i think four right around four years ago is when i went like total blind so i can't tell light anything like that like i used to be able to see like like like you're out in the parking lot if you shine goddamn skate tricks with a fucking cane man if you like i used to be able to see like you shine the flashlight in your eye you know but now none of that

so but I see like weird like flashes and stuff like that so when you're saying uh huh and stuff

to what he's saying you're saying it from you remember that that is that sort of you had the same same yeah going through that

experience yeah yes it must be similar but like Anthony could never even like to read to read anything he would have to blow like one single letter at a time up on like a television screen like a whole full-on

to see you to sit there because i was so determined to not be blind like i used to fake it and just pretend i wasn't blind any way i could i would have the the the book under like on this tray and it was it was called a cctv and it was this big screen on top and you would put the book under the tray and it would blow it up on the screen I'd have like two letters at a time on this screen reading so slow and it was just miserable but I was like nah I could see can you read braille either of you that's what I read yeah yeah I suck at it so do you okay let me ask it this way when you learn the alphabet are you learning first in braille or are you learning by blowing up the letters on the monitor and reading a b c like that how are you learning to read i learned the visual

stuff just at first because it was a better so so my parents wanted me to have that reference point too, like a visual, like images of this stuff for when I went blind. So I knew what everything looked like. So then once I hit, like at the time it was like I went to the first grade in a school for the blind and then I just started learning Braille like fully. Like print was out of my life right now with memory of letters can you sit down and from memory draw an a a b a c all the way through the alphabet absolutely and it's actually funny because it's like my handwriting's like a five-year-old from the last time I could like see. It's all capitals. It's all capitals.

Oh, it's all capitals? It's all capitals. Why is he screaming? It's all capitals. But you can do it, huh? Can you do it, Dan? Yeah, I wrote all the way through. I think Dan has pretty good handwriting. I can be alright.

And what about numbers yeah you can write numbers I can I can't write like the only thing you do in cursive is my name

I mean fuck cursive nobody even does cursive anymore it's a lost art I swear but you still sign your name yeah you still sign my name yeah

what about my mom told me you could just do like an X at the grocery store so I was like oh shit I'm just doing that. What about like images? Are there any images you can draw a flower, a car? Is there anything that sticks out that you remember so vividly that you could at least

make it out for me? Yeah. But the problem is like, I never was able to see fully. So my memory of that is just what I was able to see at that time what would it be i have no nothing to compare it to otherwise like seeing it better but to me like a car it's a fucking car you know i don't know it's hard to explain like you gotta have you draw something i know i gotta like draw it dude we're gonna have you draw it a car is that what you'd go for is a car

he said a car so no I'm saying what if you had to draw anything from memory right now there was a contest like a sunset

probably a sunset you won an award for a piece of art oh there was this one night how the fuck you forget you won an award

so my mom don't think you're here my mom's an artist and she like she you know she started an art program for the blind when i was young in uh in the school for the blind and i'll never forget this one night we were driving home from somewhere and we i grew up at the beach so we're driving along ocean avenue and the moon is like huge, right? And it has this like green hue to it because the clouds and everything and it's like foggy.

And my mom was like, Anthony, look at that over there. Like take a mental note of that. Like take a picture of that in your brain and go home and draw that. And like I went home and made this pastel drawing of like the dark night sky with this like greenish moon coming through and then like the clouds rolling through it just from like my vision of it and then that and she put in a contest and ended up like winning national and like getting like i got like 300 bucks for it yeah i was like oh shit um how do you two know each other we met we met uh is it a year ago, right?

Yeah. It'll be a year ago in June. We had a little skate thing where we got a bunch of blind people and other adaptive skaters together in Michigan. You told me about those. Yeah, and we all were just hanging out, and then that's when we first met, and I was just kind of skating with Anthony and teaching him some stuff I knew of how to skate blind.

Is there like a newbie area of that so that these people aren't fucking running over each other all the time and hitting each other and then like a pro level area or something? What was cool about that, the owner of the park, it's an indoor, this huge indoor park and he shut it down. I mean, can I ask y'all a question for a second? Yeah. What's the insurance

policy on something like it? I used to get comments like, you should not let that dude skate. You should not let that dude skate. It's skating your own risk, but the signs aren't in braille. That's the problem. Didn't see the sign. Didn't see the sign, man. I didn't see that shit, man. That's scary.

Poor George, man. So you two just clicked, huh? Yeah. Yeah, definitely. Did you know who Dan was before you became friends with him? Yeah, Dan. He's a pretty big deal in your world. He's like the big blind skate guy, you know?

He's like the GOAT in the skate world. Yeah, he is. I know. Tony Hawk blind skating over here. I didn't know how big he was I didn't know Anthony very much okay

and like his TikTok is huge oh yeah is that right and now it's like YouTube's yeah he just got his creator award for 100k hell yeah YouTube and all that

they sent me four different they sent me four listen to this shit what so YouTube I got like 100,000 subscribers a couple months ago

they sent me an award I was pumped it wasn't in braille or anything but I didn't really care that much but all these people online were like yo they should send you a braille one that's kind of messed up like billion dollar corporation you know and then all of a sudden I got an email saying we're so sorry we'll send you one in braille so I'm real pumped right this this award's coming get in the mail open it on camera like doing a live unboxing like video for it and i open it i feel the braille it's micro braille like you can't make braille this small i don't know how they did it was like white out print like just on the uh

thing and i go to read the braille and as I read it the braille wipes off with my fingers now and I'm on camera I'm like oh shit and like this video ends up getting like 14 million views right so I'm like I'm like oh man like demonetize it they can't even braille off the bar

it gets better wiped it off there's some grease on it they're like we are so sorry like we're overnighting you a new one they sent a brand new one overnight i get the big box this time i'm pumped dude this box i go i'm doing i'm like oh they sent a new one like making the video and then open it the braille is perfect except there's one space in my last name so like f-e-r-r-a space r-o but i was like whatever that's sick you know like the braille is on there i can read it it's perfect and then my girl is like my wife

kelly she's like oh shit and i'm like what and she's like they left out the last n in your uh name in your first name and i was like anthoy no i couldn't believe i was like i'm gonna hang this thing up in my office and i they i I would have noticed either if no one like read it my house buddy and then I said another way to be able to read it for the print print said and the way that and you're always ahead print and brand and I would never know and I'm like the rails finder like it'd be like who's anthony so now i like that went viral too so everyone's calling me anthony and shit oh man i'll tell you if it ain't bad enough they got it right but they got it right and i was pumped it was like

all right so you guys meet a year ago and and now you buddy up. You're going around doing shit together. All right. Yeah, I was getting sick of doing stuff solo. I was getting burnt out on it. I was like, I just want to partner with somebody, and this would be more fun. Yeah, you guys seem like you connect well. That's perfect. All right, so you both sent some stories.

I'm going to just bounce back and forth off your list so i do want to do this because dan we we touched on last time your thumb and then we never got to it you're right yeah fans were well you never got to the fucking thumb cut my thumb let's do your fucking thumb all right when i was this is i lived in uh can i see it warren yeah so my there's like it's like half right so it's right above the nail. He's a blind amputee. I was going to say, man. A blind guy would cut his thumb off. I was sighted this time when I was little.

I was seven years old. I'm sorry. Me and Anthony always joke because we do the adaptive skate contest, and I say I'm blind and amputee, too. Yeah, you should. Is that technically an amputee? Yeah. It's an arm, dude. blind and amputee yeah you should I mean is that technically an amputee yeah it's an arm dude

yeah man some motherfucking guy with one leg on crutches is running over like bullshit bullshit

like I can't throw a football man yeah oh man I can't throw a football, man. Yeah. Oh, man. I can't throw a football. But yeah, when I was seven, I used to live on the border of Warren, East Detroit. And my ma used to run at the high school there. Okay.

And in the middle of the track, there was like some football stuff. So I think it's called a fumble drill. It's like two arches. And on the arms of the arches there's like rubber arms that stick out so you like run through it i guess i don't know i never played football does that make sense you know yeah i never knew that's what it's called supposed to cover the ball and run through it yeah it's like a turn style but there's a bunch of them on there yeah exactly exactly and uh i was there with one two of my brothers and one of their friends and uh we're just like

climbing on i was seven years old so we're just playing on this thing and my buddy's laying across my brother's buddy's laying across the top row of them and i'm climbing up the side so when he was laying on the top one of the arms was pushed down and open so the spring didn't have a cap on it and it was like exposed right so my thumb went in that little spring and right at the same time he slipped down so it just came up and like literally squished my thumb and i didn't i didn't even know like i didn't feel it at first right he's just laying on the ground and blood drops on his chest and he's like looked up he's like dude and then we realized my thumb's in here so they got to grab it pull it open and i pull my

thumb out and it's hanging by like a little piece of skin just like mashed and they're like oh shit i go to i run to my first brother and he's fucking freaks out he starts screaming dan cut his thumb off dan cut his thumb off just like like a chicken with his head cut off i'm like all right he's useless so you're seven yeah so i'm going to my next brother it's my daughter's age right now my mom was probably like on the other half of the track or something like that go to my next brother and he's like squinting he's like what the fuck he's like oh shit and he took me to my mom and i don't remember much after this i know there was a dude in the parking lot who just was like fucking pale faced and looked and was like do you have a car my mom's like yeah and he just bounced he was

okay yeah he's like i'm on him i got on to help these and then i remember driving he's an old aerostar van i was sitting in the front with like a my mom had like a birthday card or something I had under my hand. It's just like dripping. And drive down the street was a, what is it? Like a fire station. Are you crying? Are you fucking screaming? No, I'm in shock at this point. I'm in complete shock.

I don't remember feeling any pain at all when I think back. So I go knock on the door and they come out and they're like, oh shit. And I just remember them wrapping it with gauze and it was like a beehive on my hand it's a giant ball of gauze and they put me in an ambulance and then what else do I remember being in the ambulance is coming like in and out of consciousness and I guess like I guess I was like in really bad shock where I was like passing out and losing all this blood where like i almost died and shit like that and then they took me to the hospital and i don't remember much after that just being laid up in the hospital and i know i missed the rest of the school year did school from home the only time i got straight a's i got straight a's i remember that and then all kinds

of like toys aladdin on vhs and shit like. That's what sticks out. Yeah, that little dumb crap. Aladdin on VHS. Let me see that thumb. They tried to sew it back on. Is that part nail right there? No, that's just where the bone would be. That's where the bone would be.

That's a what? That's where the bone would be. It's kind of like this weird... Is it toughened up now? Can you use it as a weapon can you yeah it's really sensitive because last time i was out here he was skating and he got like he fell and next time i saw him he had a band-aid on his um and he's like i hate when i hurt my um dude it's so annoying because half a thumb because i go to fall i go to put my thumb down and it just gouges the top what's the thing you miss most with that little piece of thumb that what what what do you what annoys you the

most nothing really i don't remember you don't need that you don't i really don't need that i can do everything because it was right above that joint if it would have been below that joint we had to take the whole thing off oh is that right that right? And I would have looked real goofy. But a lot of people don't notice it until I'm actually doing something right up to them. Okay, Anthony, we have Smashing My Penis over here. This is my favorite story. I was four years old. And I'll never forget this. We had a bathroom in the living room, right?

So everyone's chilling in the living room. We're having people over at my parents' house. And I go to the bathroom. It's one of those times where you have to, like, you know, you're short, so you're really little. And I would, like, rest my dick on the toilet seat, on, like, the. The rim? The rim.

That's what I was like. It's nasty. It's what i was like it's nasty i'll never leave home without those now squattyatty potty. The best. They need to make a travel one. They do have one. It's called a port-a-squatty. It folds up. It comes in a bag and it folds up. Hell yeah.

I'm going to get that for my trip. It's nice. So my parents just got this nice new, like, one of those heavy, like, ceramic toilet seats. They just bought it. And the lady that sold it to them, they bought it brand new from the store and it had a crack in it. No one knew and i had both seats up while i'm peeing and all of a sudden both seats just smashed down on my dick and i've never heard my dick right now i started screaming so loud like bloody murder i was so little and run out of the door there's literally blood squirting out of the like top of my dick

and i'm screaming everyone's like freaking out like what the hell is happening and the next thing i know is like waking up in the hospital and like just taking that gross medicine that tastes like bubble gum like the liquid shit and i had to do that for like a couple weeks and then i did i remember i could barely pee without it i couldn't pee without it hurting at all it burnt so bad because it got a separate hole like it made a second hole it like it's pierced it pierced it yeah new hole and then that had to heal but every time i pee it would like it would burn so bad i remember sitting out of that hole i don't remember like a purpose like a purpose is blown now i pee crooked like a little crooked just the tiniest bit like not even a lot at all you notice like your reason is the tip the shit's fucking and then uh it's like when i bite on

straws and floss with them and squeeze them down a little bit so bad i remember just having a piss in the bathtub did it just figure your dick or, thank God. It just makes you piss a little to the left or right. Yeah, just piss a little left. Piss a little left. And then it was like we had this huge lawsuit with the company. Yeah, dude. It was bad because they sold us a broken toilet seat and it smashed my dick. And what?

So did you win? We won. What'd you win? I think it was like some, it wasn't even that much money but i remember toilet seats for life yeah no and i remember i remember i was like at the time after all this was like getting sudden done i was like probably seven once the law said shit takes forever or whatever and sitting in the courtroom i'll never forget the judge says my dad like you know once he's 18 i can't tell him what to, like,

he can do whatever he wants with this money. Like, if he wants to buy a car, he could buy a car. And I remember sitting there like, oh, shit. Don't think he's going to be able to draw one. I could buy a car. And then my dad goes, with all due respect, Your Honor, I don't think my kid's buying a car. He slept up. Ended up buying my wife's engagement ring.

He saved it. I saved it my whole life. I was like, I'm either buying a house. Your dick money? Yeah, my dick money. That's what I called it too. I got my dick money.

I was like, I'm either buying an engagement ring with this or buying a down payment on a house and I got the engagement ring. It's his dick. I had his wife

in more than one way. Your dick money bought your fucking future, bro. How about that? that no i just remember saving that i was like can't spend it can't spend it you're fucking your hurt dick just paid for forever that's beautiful that's beautiful dude i had a i had a kidney stone one time oh i have no man i'm with you on that that's my biggest fear oh they pulver. They put a stint in me. Oh, no. God forbid.

And every time I peed, it would be like someone twisted my fucking kidney. And then I go through, like, they pulverized it, do all this stuff. And to take the stint out, I'm, like, wide awake. Just, like, in a regular, like, hospital. Or not a hospital, like an office. Lays me down on this table, like a barber chair, lean back. And he goes with this scope and he goes right through

my dick hole like right in front of me and I'm just sitting there like dude what is happening didn't hurt that much but it was just like the most awkward thing

is that a capill what's that called a capillator is that what they put in your pee hole after you get like surgery or something oh a catheter

a catheter yeah dude I'll never I got hemorrhoid surgery. You did? What the hell happened to you back there? I threw... So I do judo training for the Paralympics and shit.

Yeah, tell us about that as well, please. It's just other blind people from all around the world fighting in judo. And you go around the world world competing in different like competitions to get points to make it to the paralympics where are you ranked uh i was ranked top 20 all right and then in the world and then i like was so close to making it to 2021 in tokyo and then i tore my groin like right before it happened yeah it sucked but you think you can get a gold no no i'm wrong you think you could medal i think i can medal this time silver bronze i'm gonna get gold this time all right

then you do think you can how do you wear your hair when you judo i get it braided tight like all right but i threw someone in judo like in germany i'll never forget it like deadlifted this guy off the ground and and I threw my back out. And then I was having all this problem, constipation and shit, because it was the time difference and traveling. And then for months, I ignored it. I didn't even know what hemorrhoids were. And then one day, it got so bad.

I just thought I was wiping too aggressive or something. My ass was just itchy. And one day, it got so bad where I couldn't like walk and i was like this is really bad i went to all these different doctors who just kept telling me i had hemorrhoids so gave me the cream and then finally i went to a specialist and he's like did like a whole exam like examination everything got my first digital and i was like worst thing ever and uh the guy is like i don't know how you're walking you have like a fissure and like multiple hemorrhoids and like immediately put me into surgery and then uh where was i going oh right when i got out of surgery yeah no right right right when i got out

of surgery i'll never forget this i no one said anything about this, but I was like so scared they were going to put something in my pee hole. And I'm like so delusional from the fentanyl and everything, whatever they give you for the anesthesia. I wake up out of surgery where they're rolling you out and you're still in and out.

And I'm like, they're like, you're out, like everything's good. And I'm like, do not put a catheter in me. Like I woke up like real quick and like said that to her.

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was never pride i had i just had like like i had pretty like really good vision yeah you know like my central vision was still good like i used to work at a deli and slice meat you know i mean one of those like fucking slices of shit yeah as like a legally blind person because like central vision's still good but my peripheral is all gone so like i could always navigate at that point i can navigate fine right you kill her on them center cuts man i can shave it i do whatever you need i got you yeah we'll see probably wrong with that but um okay yeah so yeah it's like but i had trouble reading like signs and stuff i couldn't see i couldn't see any signs in the airport but i had it like mapped out pretty good because i'd been there a million times i'm going to the bathroom and at this point like the men's and

the ladies were right next to it's like right where you can go into the delta lounge right there you see two bathrooms side by side. And I go and I look at the sign and in my head, I saw the men's logo. So I go in there and I go in the stall and I'm taking a shit

and I'm sitting there and then I hear like ladies' voices. I'm like, oh shit. And I started thinking back like, yeah, I didn't see any stall or any urinals in here. Like, oh my God, I'm in the fucking woman's bathroom right now.

And no cane. You could at least put that underneath or something. Exactly. And this is pre-fucking anyone could use the bathroom. Yeah, yeah. You're right. You're right. This is pre-identification.

I was like, shit, how am I going to go? I just fucking finished. I opened the door and I beeline it straight to the exit and there's two ladies looking they're both just staring at the mirror

like doing their makeup didn't even look at me or glance walked right past them and left and went to the men's and washed my fucking hands dude

but that feeling of like I was like damn I fucked up you know what I mean like have you ever fucked up like that in any other situation

oh yeah this is before you're asking me, not yet. I'll do the river story. The what? The river story is out there. This is when I wasn't using a cane, too. And I'm up north Michigan. And this is like end of April.

So snow has just thawed. And we're staying on this nice campsite right next to this river. And on the river has a big bank that's about like above head. So it's got to be like seven, eight feet tall. And we're sitting by the fire, like getting just like hammered. All I do is drink up there. So I'm like fucking three sheets to the wind. I leave the fire.

I got to go piss. Start walking in the woods. Walking, walking, right step, left step. And then fucking nothing. drop straight to the river and like in the fucking river can you swim yeah i can swim but it was like i fucking i barely remember like how i how i fell i just remember no earth underneath me and then popping out of the water oh shit and then by that all the homies all my friends heard it so they come running over

and like I look up there's like headlamps just staring down at me gotta reach up and they pulled me out but that was the first time where I was actually really pissed after that

because I was like dude you can really like get hurt if you're not paying attention and not having a cane. And it really fucked with me mentally of having to start using a fucking cane and really think about how you're walking and navigating and stuff like that. Because, yeah, hit your head and fucking float away. Gone or something.

Gone, yeah. Cold water is like freezing water. Holy shit. Just boom into a river. You just got baptized, bro. Baptized, dude. I had one where I thought I was falling in the Mississippi River. That's a bigger river.

That's a bigger river than my river. I swam to Mississippi in Minnesota. I was so scared. I'd never been more pleased. I was so happy to hit the ground. I was like, oh, thank God. But I was riding a scooter in New Orleans on this path with my girl.

My girl was right behind me. Riding a scooter? Electric one? No, just a freaking razor scooter. She's filming behind me. I'm just whipping down this path. And I know that the river is like a 30-foot drop-off on my right, but I don't know anything else between that. And next thing I know, I'm riding, riding, and all of a sudden I hear,

oh, shit, and I'm going over the front handlebars of the scooter, and I'm going through the air, and in the air, I think I'm falling into the air and in air i think i'm falling into the mississippi river the thought process through my head i'm like dude i'm fucked i'm not gonna be able to make it out because it's like a 30 foot like to get up and it's this current is so strong and this is disgusting right here like i was and then i hit the ground and i was just the biggest smile on my face, like, in the video. I thought you were going to get truly baptized in the muddy water.

Let me ask you this. What's the most frustrating thing about not having vision? It's, like, some of the little things, like. What annoys you? What's a daily, like, fuck that shit? Yeah, like sometimes if you're looking for something and you know it's like in this general area and you've looked like all around this area feeling like hands and knees and then someone comes in with sight

and they're like, oh, it's right here. And you were just like an inch away from finding it. You're spending five minutes of your life. Yeah, and it's so these little things they build up so much time in your day and then me I'm like so over it sometimes where I'm just like trying to run through it everything so I'm like

fuck it I'm just like running through my house and shit and then something's moved or I'll like misjudge where something was like from my memory and just nail my head or my shin and I'm like this is such bullshit you know like i'll freak out sometimes where i'm like i could ride a skateboard i could like you know do judo like grappling i could do all these things and like can't fucking see a damn wall in front of

my face you know and that shit really frustrates speaking of which watch your heads on the way down the stairs here at the studio there's a metal bar across the top you know you will crack that motherfucker if you stand up too straight um all right let me ask you this is there a silver lining it would what would you say is if you had to find a positive about it what would you say is is something that's good about it i think and maybe i'm asking it the wrong way but do you know what i'm saying it's kind of a double-edged sword for me because at some points people are overly helpful for you, like trying to help you with every little thing. But then at the same time, it's like people really are nice. And you realize like there's a lot of good people who like are generally, they're just looking out for you. You know what I mean?

Walking down the street, you have random people come up to you like hey man you need help or anything like that and like i think that's super positive because people are like not everybody's mean you know what i mean right not everybody's like fucking trying to get you you know what i mean not coming out for you which seems like that's how the world's painted more and more lately so that i'm not waiting in airport lines not waiting in there just get the skip line from me like too when because i was born blind so like i was never really able to see people and like what everyone looked like and i think that really helped me in terms of not judging people off at first glance and like i actually had to get to know someone for their personality

and judge them off that and that like helped me really get to connect with people a lot more growing up i like that let me ask you this uh without sight not being able to see people within the blind community is there racism is there oh that's interesting uh there's gotta be yeah i'm sure there's definitely amongst you know it's like in any community okay so yeah i haven't witnessed you haven't firsthand i mean i don't we don't know that there's some really proud blind people that are like anti-sighted people if that's what you mean too but no the the blind people that can't see at all and then the people that could see a little i oh okay that's the next thing i want to ask you among the blind people then if not racism what is the where's the the disconnect yeah there's some people who are super proud to be blind and like they don't want braille on money they don't want anything changed in this world because they're they're confident in their abilities

and we don't need any assistance okay and then there's just other people who are just like yeah put fucking braille on money yeah that'd be chill like that we need like more equality how the fuck do you know if you're holding a five or a 10 or a 20 how do you down there's little scanners there's an app on the phone you can scandal tell you but what about before that um you can get a free uh reader from the government they came out with yeah you just apply and they send it to you and you just like put the corner of the bill in it and it'll tell you what currency it is i see but and then you just fold it a certain way you know 20 is like a hot dog fives like this five so you

can have it organized i see but now I just use the app on the phone if I ever need to know it tells you in real time what it is so now how dependent are you guys on technology these days oh super the phone especially once touch screens

came out I had a flip phone for the longest time it wouldn't change there's a lot of people with sight to do that shit too, by the way. Yeah. I would have the whole phone memorized. Like every menu, how many clicks down in that menu to get to the next one. Like even my content.

So change is really what it was. It was change, yeah. And then learning that whole new thing. But once you do, it's like, all right. You're flying. Yeah, you're flying. And most of the time, technology is there to help you know it's huge getting rides uber and all that stuff yeah especially uber that opened like a whole new world um tell me some time that

some of you knew you caught someone trying to rip you off go first uh dan oh someone trying to rip me off i don't think i've had it con you none of that you haven't had that not that i know of yeah how about you i recognize i was at a glass shop uh like a smoke shop thing i was looking at like something and i was asking the guy the price and he was like this is actually in la like last month and i was asking the guy the price and he's like oh it's 180 and i was like oh that's like the best you can do and i was like you know it looked like i was about to turn around and i had my cane and everything i'm in there by myself and uh the guy's like you know what i could do 140 plus tax for you man for like for you i could do that and i'm like oh sick like the guy's

kind of hooking it up you know so i So I'm like, all right, whatever. And I got it. Go out to the car. I'm like, yeah, he hooked it up. Like, he brought it down to 140. My wife looks at it. She's like, the sticker price is 140. I thought she was going to say 799.

Yeah, dude. But still, it was so, that fucked me up so bad. Anthony was pissed. I was, dude, I called him crying. Like, I was so, that fucked me up so bad. Anthony was pissed. I was, dude, I called him crying. Like, I was so mad. And I was like, I couldn't believe it. I was like, how many fucking times has this happened to me in my life that I don't even know about? I just went in there trying to be independent.

This fucking guy is scamming me. You can say fucking on this show. I know, I know. But I was just so pissed. I was like, I can't believe it. And it made me, like, for, like, ten minutes, lose all hope in humanity. Like, I just gave up for a minute, you know. And I was like, get over yourself.

So then what brings it back for you then? He went back in, though, and fucking told the dude. Did you? Yeah. Good for you. I was like, yo, it's real messed up. You're lying to blind people, like, acting like you're hooking them up and not doing, like, and doing that. And he had nothing to say. He didn't say anything. You take that cane, you knock all that. it's real messed up you're lying to blind people like acting like you're hooking them up and not doing like

and doing that and he had nothing to say he didn't say anything you take that can you knock all that glass off the show I was just thinking about that I was doing it

for months you know that rage in your mind you could see yourself doing something like no don't do that like you'd love to

sorry yeah but it's just a matter of like you gotta keep going like can't give up though it's like you can't just sit in to keep going like can't give up though it's like you can't let that sit in your house how old are you anthony 27 uh about yeah 27 what about you dan 34 okay um anthony tell me about your mom's brain injury oh yeah um so i was living in california at

the time but i was home for Christmas and all that. And my brother had just passed away. What happened to your brother? He was 27. He died in his sleep. Jeez. Yeah. It was like one night of partying went wrong, but not even serious partying or anything like that.

It was like some shit in the shit know like stuff was messed with or something gotcha but uh that happened and then i was home for christmas and i'm at my buddy's house like after new year's and stuff about to go out to the bar and i was gonna go to the bar with all my buddies and not come home for a while something was like you gotta get home like in me i was it was so strong and i've never felt this before in my entire life but it was like get the fuck home now and i was like what is going on you know and it was so strong that i looked at my one friend i was like dude you gotta give me a ride home right now so my buddy only lives like five minutes from my parents house and we get in the car start driving to my parents house and all

of a sudden we get pulled over by a cop yeah a cop pulls us over calls back up two cops are there two cop cars for two just two we're like 20 years old at this point and sitting there the cops like asked us all these questions you know do you have anything in the car ended up making us get out of the car searching us and all this stuff we had nothing like nothing we weren't lying about anything get to my house go downstairs like we have a jam room in the basement where we play music and stuff and we go downstairs and at the bottom of the stairs i run into a body and my mom i i like hear like this breathing and my body's like oh my god oh my god and i reached down and it's my mom like unconscious in a pool of blood did you know it was your mom right away yeah the only person yeah he because he said your mom oh and i like picked picked her i went on

autopilot like if i was thinking straight i would have freaked out i literally picked her up ran upstairs like in a like cradle you like, cradling her. And then put her on the chair, started, like, dabbing her face with a towel because she hit her head and split it open when she fell down the stairs. And my buddy's, like, doing everything I ask, like, getting me all the stuff. And then. Are you just feeling blood and everything? I have blood on my face, like, all over me. It was so. it was really scary.

Like if I was thinking about what was going on, I literally would have lost it. I wouldn't have been able to control myself. And I call the ambulance. I tell them what's going on. They come. And while I'm waiting for the ambulance, all of a sudden my mom, I hear like, you know,

she's making this sound where she's like like barely breathing and i'm like at this point i'm almost yelling and i'm like come on mom like why like why did this happen like why like so confused and then all of a sudden i hear her stop breathing and i like freaked out and then like gave her this little shake and hear like like breath go back into her and then my buddy's there the freaked out and then like gave her this little shake and hear like, like breath go back into her. And then my buddy's there the whole time. And then the ambulance gets there and she gets in the ambulance and I'm still at my house with my buddy. And all of a sudden like reality hits me and I just start like throwing up and like losing my shit. And then my like, my buddy's dad had to come over.

He's an EMT to like clean up the pool of blood in my basement and then my mom was in a coma for like two months like i couldn't even go to the hospital for the first like couple week or like week or so because i was so terrified and when i got there i like my mom was hooked up to all these machines and she was like her hands were super swollen and i remember just like my knees buckled and i fainted like i was yeah i was so sure you walk in the in the room and all you hear are just like machines and my mom's on this machine and i can't i can't see what's going on either so i'm like making all these things up in my mind and it's like and then like the doctor told us, like, doctor sat me down and said it would take her, like, years and years before she'd be able to do anything again.

Like, you know, whatever. And within, like, a couple, like, so, like, a month later, my mom's, like, she's awake and stuff. She can't talk because, like, her whole, like, all this, like, all the throw and everything. like her whole like all this like all the throw and everything for some reason the way she was hit and like how everything happened and she was in the coma she couldn't talk and she was just trying to rip the things off her and they had to put those like those like glove things on her hands and shit and like i was like oh man and it was just like it was a lot and then like by the time she was coming to like starting, starting to talk and stuff. And then in the rehab and stuff, my mom was like, that's when I knew she was coming back.

My mom was like, they're, like, feeding her food. And she's like, is this organic? And then my uncle would be, like, visiting. Like, we're all there. And my mom's brother, she's one of 13 kids. So, like, they're all there you know and like uh my my uncle's there she goes leo let's let's go get everyone chinese food real quick and she would like try anything she could do to like get everyone to get her out of there and

she would like would bribe the nurses she'd be like i'll give you 150 bucks to drive me home right now and then she just like made him like it was literally a miracle the recovery she made and how long was she in the coma for i want to say a month and a half man you ever talked to her about it like anything she remembers or this is a crazy part kid this is intense this is really intense when my mom was in the coma she said that she was like on this cliff like on the side of it like climbing it and she just kept climbing up and climbing up and wanted to get to the top so bad and multiple times she would feel something grab her from the back and like pull her away from the top and like pull her back down and it was my

brother saying he literally she heard his voice and he'd be like mom it's not your time you got to stay and literally have multiple times that she said one time she got her hand to the top and like could like feel this amazing thing she was about to get to and then pulled back and then finally like woke up wow and it was your brother's voice specifically on yeah how's he feel about that no it was a brother that passed away oh whoa he was already gone yeah she's like it's not way it's not your time get the fuck out of here it's like it gives me goosebumps talking about holy shit it's wild oh so he i thought of it the other way when you first heard some of that story she was like climbing to like to the pearly to x yeah to like nirvana and your brother was pulling her back to stay yeah wow damn that is nuts and my mom's here still and like they said like you know

if i missed it like 10 minutes later 20 minutes later she could have died and those cops could have stopped could have stopped all of that. That's a great story. Tell me, what's mental hospital, Anthony? What is that? It was when I was 18 years old. And I was like, I'd like, so I got a bad concussion in college. This was a separate concussion just wrestling i got like

slammed on my head and then sophomore year college and then i was like well i'm not here wrestling and that's kind of what i came here for and then started being like college uh tcn the college in new jersey and used to be trend state and then uh i was stopped going to school after my like one semester like my grades were good and everything I just like didn't know what I wanted to do and I was so lost and confused you know that point in your life it's like when everyone is but uh I just like was lashing out so pissed at everything and like you know angry at like I get angry at my parents for nothing. Just so, this angry kid. I don't know what was wrong with me.

And then I finally lashed out so much. I think I did it as almost thinking I was getting at my parents in a way. But really, it was just fucking me up. I was like, I'm just going to go to the mental hospital. One of those things. Check yourself in. Check myself in. You checked myself in how old are you i was 18 okay so you can do that yeah okay and i checked myself in i think i'm thinking like oh i'm just gonna chill here for a couple days everything's gonna blow over you know like fucking they start pumping you with all these drugs and shit and like giving you like all

these medications hold up let's let's let's not jump over enrollment and everything else here you you checked yourself in and what do they say to you when you get there i was mad willfully take you right away so they put me in the the uh like room where they start questioning you right and it was going on for like hours how many people were talking to you? I think it was like 3 different people really? and it's going on for hours? yeah this was going on for a long time

and they're asking me all these things and I'm just like no I just want to be here like this angry ass kid do you remember any questions you were answering honestly? were you trying to get in? I think I was just trying to get in. And I was just like, I need to be here.

I don't feel safe for myself because I'm losing my shit right now type of thing. And my parents were trying everything they could do to not let this happen. Are they showing you spot charts? You're like, I can't see that. I don't know. It's just like all this shit. And remember finally like getting checked in right and like going up there and it was like almost this feeling of like what the fuck did i just do it's like reality did they say you could leave that's what i want to know too are you now like

a ward of the state you can't fucking leave yeah so i'm locked in there for like for real they have to examine you they have to um just like you just cleared the lead yeah clear to leave and i was like okay and i i remember my stipulation i was like i'm not fucking going in there unless i can bring my guitar though and i made them let me bring my guitar like an acoustic guitar that they had locked in the closet and like I had to ask to be able to play and would they let you sometimes I'll never forget so it was like dude in there was such a it was like you're I feel like you're a zombie and around a bunch of zombies because you're in this room there's no fresh air it's like you have separate bedrooms off to the side and it's just like a living room type area where everyone hangs

out there's like little games or something they might let you play and then you get like an hour of tv time or something and you go to all these like meetings to like talk about it like therapy which therapy was good because that helped me talk shit out but then finally i'm like i gotta get the fuck out of here you know it was like two days later days i'm stuck i was i had doctors coming and like talking to me and i was like what did i do man and then finally um i'll never forget i had it was like everyone's like real down in there you know it's like this vibe dude it's like real down in there you know it's like this vibe dude it's like

they make it that way almost it's like supposed to be like nothing's happy calm I'm trying to keep everybody just calm and steady

very stoic you know uneventful uneventful and I started playing my guitar one day I had

the person that wouldn't even talk to you like shit face like not like shit angry grin in the corner you know like mad at the world I had everybody dancing and like singing wouldn't even talk to you like shit face like not like shit angry grin in the corner you know like

mad at the world i had everybody dancing and like singing in the mental hospital i had the nurses i had the nurses dancing dude it got to the point where i was like the nurses were almost like why are you here because like the nurse one nurse was from jamaica she would do my hair every morning like we would just sit and talk about life. At one point, I started losing. I was like, I really got to get out of here. And then finally... How many months are you in at this point now? No, it was just three days.

Oh, days. Yeah, three days. And then finally, it's over. And I get out and have to go to outpatient, where you go to just therapy groups or whatever, like once a week or twice a week. you know, where you go to like just therapy groups or whatever, like once a week or twice a week. And then I started like, I took the medication, like an antidepressant and it started like, it started like really messing with me. I think like I started getting these like electric shocks through my body and all this stuff. And then they started giving me different ones to try.

And then one day I passed out in the shower. I'll never forget it. never pass out i was just taking a shower next thing i'm waking up on the ground and it freaked me the fuck out like i was so terrified and i went to the doctor and i was like this happened and he's like oh you have panic disorder let me give you another pill for us and i remember standing up and being like is that what you do like i was so i like i was like this is so bad man you're giving i fired a doctor too before for that shit i literally had a moment of clarity i like went off on him saying all this stuff but in a very calm manner like very um respect not respectful actually but like very not like yelling not raising my voice yeah professional yeah exactly and uh i told him off and he's, get the fuck out of my office.

He said that? Yeah. Because I was like, and you're doing all that just so you can drive that BMW outside. That was my final statement. I was like, get the fuck out of my office. And that day, I don't recommend this, but I cold turkey'd from everything. And I, through holistic ways and stuff got off that stuff and like thankfully through that journey i learned so much about myself and like you know really like

therapy helps and talking to people helps and shit like that's all i needed to do i was like denying therapy for so long that i just needed to like talk my shit out of like dude i grew up never had sight like real sight so like i was angry about this shit you know and like not being a normal kid like growing up and just wanting to be normal so bad and you know finding all that out through that shit it really it was a shitty way to get there but i got there you know good for you man yeah yeah i couldn't imagine being it was born blind having it yeah having just that division between you and just everyone. As a kid in school, it's such a big part of who you are and who you become.

And then feeling divided from everybody. It would be like a shitty way to grow up. When you're among your students and peers at the school for the blind and you're not the blind kid what is life like then so that was pretty chill but the thing is i was always going back home like so i went to school in philly is it i'm sorry to interrupt but is that a place you can live no okay so you commute yeah so i commute every day from philadelphia from new jersey to philadelphia and back so it was like a two-hour commute i go to school all day their fucking place to another ball buster place. Yeah, exactly.

Isn't that the one you had to fight to? Yeah, there was a whole court case to get like- Litigation to get him into the school. Well, to get me transportation to the school because the state didn't want to provide that. So me and my mom lived in an apartment in Philly. I'm the youngest of five, and she literally got this apartment in Philly.

We stayed there during the week so I can go to school and then went back home on the weekends for like two years while that went on and then uh where was I going with this uh being in school with other blind oh yeah it's just so when you're when you go once I made that transfer to from like so seventh grade I went from the blind school to the regular like public school in my town in new jersey so i like knew some people but i was also the only blind person that that school's really ever seen and i would like put my braille books on my lap under the desk to like act like you know like i'm not reading braille like i'm not blind i would get handouts and i'd be scribbling on the handouts with a pen like acting like I'm not reading braille like this I would get handouts and I'd be scribbling on the handouts

with a pen like acting like I'm filling shit out like just so I can look normal like I would go so the anxiety that that created was insane yeah one time dude one time they were like it's upside down I was like oh no I was just that anxiety as a kid just it's like crippling and then one time I went to a dance finally I'm in seventh grade I'm in the public school in my town like I could go to the dance all the girls are there like you know it's everyone goes it's this huge thing because all the district like five different towns go to this dance and I'm like oh I can't wait I get I'm in line for the dance I don't have my cane cause I hate being blind. I'm trying not to be blind and all my friends go in and then I get pulled to the side in a classroom with a police officer and a teacher saying,

your eyes are fucked up. What's wrong with you? What drugs are you on? Asking me all this shit. And I was so scarred from that. I was like, I'm blind. And they were like,

yeah, right. And like had to call my parents and confirm and then let me into the dance. And then the, for all through high school, after that, even like seventh, eighth grade high school, right and like had to call my parents and confirm no way and then let me into the dance and then then for all through high school after that even like seventh eighth grade high school i hated school dances i was like terrified to go just because of that and like it ruined it for you it ruined it but you also struggle like when you're born blind i've i've related to like when you lose someone you have you ever lost someone yeah that's why we

got a show here bro have I lost yeah whole life has been lost exactly no but um so like you know that feeling though where like you would have you ever driven yourself crazy about someone really close that all you want to do is bring them back yeah and like it's you could sit there and that feeling alone could probably drive you insane if you let it like take over. That is like the feeling of wanting to see perfectly. Like just one day, like two minutes, what does that look like? And it could drive you insane. And it's like you just have to like live, keep living.

Let me ask you this. This is a weird feeling. First of all, two questions, I guess. Let me ask you this. This is a weird feeling. First of all, two questions, I guess. Do you feel that there will be a technology before we're gone where you'll be able to see the way, you know, 2020? Is that in your world right now?

Do you know of technology? Is there something coming? Is there anything that's beneficial? And also, what about VR? Have you guys dabbled in VR at all? Is there anything for the blind that you could see or anything like that? Yeah, nothing like that. Because you would have to have something that would be linked directly to your brain. Because your eyes aren't processing anything.

Good point. You know? I mean, there's something called the Argus 2 chip now it's like the Argus 2 chip now, which is an implant, which does signal to the brain. And you can see things like, if you put like a strand of lights around a doorframe or something like that, you could tell where that doorframe is. I see.

But I don't even think that would, I don't think that would work for me. Cause I think you still need like your retina attached or something like that. And there's no like I think there is in the future. I don't know shit about shit

but is there there's no cadaver surgery where they could reattach your retinas or even put eyes into somebody? Is that possible? If the nerve is dead it's over.

It's over, yeah. Like the retina's detached. Yeah, that retina super like just we don't have the technology to know how to connect that retina and signal to the brain there's crazy breakthroughs now though with different like eye conditions that they're getting like gene therapy like injecting need like the needle in your eye and then you're able to read a couple more lines on the chart but with that like even my eye condition alone it has like a thousand different types of genes and each each lever's eye condition

like my eye condition each one could be a different gene so you have to have that specific gene for that specific gene therapy so they need like thousands of cures for one eye condition i'm gonna ask you each the same question i I'll go with you first, Dan. You get 24 hours of perfect sight. What do you do with it? Man, I go to the mountains. I love the mountains. Mountains with my son.

Rockies or whatever. It doesn't matter. I miss that. That's like the one thing I loved seeing was like snowy mountains. And getting to see your son. Just that natural beauty of the earth, you know? Yeah. And being able to see my kid.

I would like to see my kid old, you know, like 30, 40. I'd like to see him growing up. It would be cool. That's great. What about you, Anthony? Oh, man. I would like first thing go to the sunrise with my wife. And then I'd rent like a really fast car i cruise around like

top speed at different places for a little go see like you know different landscapes and stuff and then i told dan it's like even though like i never able to see perfect i still had some sight when i was younger where i could like get around in the day a little bit and I never could see anything at night once the lights off. I don't there's nothing at all and I Always wanted to like run around the world at like nighttime like see what it's like like being able to see while the lights are kind of off, you know like that feeling and just like Field of fireflies at night like looking at the stars like a winter what does that call a telescope like to the to the moon and shit like that oh man like i look at the

sky at night when there's a full moon and i could see a speck of light and i just like wonder what the fuck that looks like yeah um let me ask this question i know it's going to sound stupid at first i'll preface that but what do you think besides having vision people with vision take most for granted when it comes to sight their sight does that does my question make sense yeah i mean obviously the answer is just the ability to see, but. Yeah. The amount of independence I think that you have. That's a good answer. To be able to like, we're always having to wait on somebody or something, even if it's Uber, right?

Like, yes, I'm more independent with it, but I still have to wait for somebody. I still have to order that ride on somebody else's time. So to be on just your own time and grab your car keys and walk out the door and leave when you want to leave just say that would be the thing that i definitely took the most granted for and missed the most of that independence yeah i'd say freedom like and like i know everyone has anxiety and stuff, but like the lack of anxiety that you'll have from being able to see if you were blind, like the extra anxiety you have to deal with on a day to day basis just to get some things done. It's like, because you'll have a task and you're like, okay, for me, like I got to get my guitar, like pick my guitar up from the store or something. It's like, shit, now I got to figure out how I'm gonna get there how i'm gonna get back well you know what's

like how is this all gonna look and like figure everything out where am i gonna get dropped off at where's the door gonna be at exactly how am i gonna find my ride and get back home and all that little shit man dude and look at looking at beautiful women too man i miss that uh thank you both for coming on this has been an enlightening and uh really interesting and fun episode uh dan i asked you the question when you were on here last time so anthony i'm gonna ask you this time advice you'd give to your 16 year old self chill the fuck out yeah that's i was like so also just being comfortable with myself like trying like dude don't worry about what everyone else thinks because everyone else is so concerned about themselves just the way you are like worrying about like fitting in all that stuff it's like

just be more comfortable with who you are like be comfortable in your own skin because it's not like it's not going anywhere you know you're i remember wise guy once told me he's like dude you're blind and the world's not waiting for you so just figure it out yeah well guys thank you both will you please plug promote uh anything you'd like again yeah four bad eyes across the board f-o-U-R um and then Dan the Man seen his personal account yeah uh just ASF vision

across the board personal four bad eyes baby honey do y'all thank you man you got it guys thank you so much for having us you got it man

thank you for being here as always Ryan Sickler on all social media ryansickler.com we'll talk to y'all next week.